So many dreams.

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Everything from war, both myself and a brothers in arms.  We didn't get along, for whatever reason.  However, though we fought, we would die to bring the other out, and nearly did.  He may have died back in there, but I was looking for him, last I knew.  I had a psychic connection.  That had been broken, but it just may have been that he was in a coma, or deeply unconscious.  I... was pretty sure I'd get him, wake him or even just haul him out, and that he would be fine.  Still didn't like him, if... that isn't what it is about.  Your people are your people, period.

Oh, and dreams of when I was a child... the girlfriends I had... the innocent ones.  I hated fake teas, but played along.  There were some girls I just... liked.  Had nothing to do with sex, though, in time, may have led to that.  I enjoyed much of what girls were about.  And, even if I thought of sex with an adult woman when I was young, I really generally didn't think of that with girls my age, or even much older... until they were post-puberty.

I explored, in one dream, why I fancied the woman I did.  Ah... she was so very feminine.  She loved having babies.  She was strongly devoted to her man.  She just... effused the feminine.  And, yes, that was a huge draw.  She must have been releasing feminine pheromones at massive levels, almost like being in a drugged air cloud around her.  Yes, I remember, if I didn't understand back then.  Some women are hyper feminine, or for times in their life.  But for the masculine, it's a drawing, limiting, controlling thing.  Which probably ends up being a two-way street.  Even as a child, I... knew what I was looking at, if I didn't understand it.  And, even with my... oddities, I... knew which side of the street I preferred?  I wouldn't even say preferred.  You are either on the right side of the street, or left side.  I was... either on the wrong side of the wrong street, or by common conventions, regardless of oddities, on the left side OF the right side of the road?  Some such.  But I definitely was drawn to some honey bees, or queen bees?  I'd say queens.  Die for them, even back then, if required, even if futilely.  Yes, a dream captured much of this, though it has been on my mind since seeing Northman.  Because, yes, she... Kidman... reminded me of Carol.

Oh, speaking of which, I didn't realize the witch, prophetess, whatever was played by Bjork!  I knew the shaman (jokester, what have you) was played by William Defoe.  Or, just now, learning Ethan Hawke was in it as a major role?  Crazy.  Didn't recognize some of them.  But the cast is among those whose shows (of them I have seen) are among my favored actors and actresses.  Still, not my favored types these days, but, excellent for the type of show it was.  I didn't get every twist, but I knew about mommy dearest, and why though too.  But the final ending... I had hoped for... different, if that was a... possibility.  There were only three possible endings.  It always surprises me that others can't see what is possible, and so be prepared for it.  Most people are led to one type of ending, usually a hollywood ending...  The "good guy" wins, gets the good gal, and go have good babies.  I know there are no good guys, good gals, though babies can make up for some of it.  Amen.

Oh, and other dreams.  On and on.  Streams of open thought, closed speculation, war, love (what's always the difference), and else.  A bit sore, in the ribs, this morning.  But generally much better than the last few days.  And I have been doing well with medicine, if eating a bit too carby even yesterday.

Some meats are thawed.  The bigger cuts need a while longer.  I have whole chicken hindquarter pieces, rather than just thighs or drumsticks (how I prefer it the rare times I can find it in my preferred price level).  But they aren't quite thawed yet either.  Bacon is thawed, and chops.  So, I may even bake some of the bacon, and have bacon and eggs sometime after chia.  I need to cut back on chia, but... until I can, I can't.

Still dark, mostly, today.  It was 52 a few minutes ago.  I'll try to get chores done before long, before it is truly dark.  Then dishes and a shower, maybe a trim and shave.  Medicine, right first thing.  Blood sugar is 217 fasting, so... yeah.  But I have to eat, and have eaten what I have.  But I am getting it down to 136, and even lower, during the day.  Working on it.  Later.