Monday, May 9, 2022

Death? Life?

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A game?

I don't know that I buy it.  But, I don't know that I don't.  I have beaten Dark Souls I and II.  I didn't play III.  And, the game I am now playing is, pretty much, the next Dark Souls.  As well, I beat the first game, these were roughly based upon.  As well, I am... still... alive?

Am I just refusing to quit?  The game, life?  Odd, because I know, in the end, it is just the beginning.  I have no fear of death.  I... think... from that?  I, thus, do not fear life.  Even when it hurts, even when I have to struggle to stay awake, even when I have to eat canned beans because I don't have anything else I can stomach.  But there was cheese, for it.  Yes indeed.

I don't know.  Some of what he is prattling about is just wordy wordiness.  Some of it, yes, I get.  Even so, I like that he is sorting through it.  Perhaps I have become a bit old to be bothered with literary, thespian, intricacies... if I... ever really did abide those all that much?  Then, again, some might suggest I am very much entertaining those skills, arts, idiocies, as I write and live.  F'em.  Even if they happen to be right?  Mayhap.

There are real things I have gone through.  I... may not know what, exactly.  But it's... back in there.  Not a what if, but certainty.  I have lost people.  I lost family, even to woman and child.  I lost it all.  And, yet, here I am.  Wherever here is, and... whatever I am.

Even so, more so?  I... don't want babysat.  I don't want safeties, checks, bureaucratic implementations.  And, so, when I am bothered by these, I... fix em'.

Just... thinking.  I might not be able to sleep, or wake well, or get to things.  Or even die.  Yet.  But... I'll keep at it.  Do my best.  Take my chances.  Take chances full up.  And, every day, I'll thank God for the opportunity, and whatever else is here, that I have been given, to take advantage of... in order to enjoy whatever this life is, or seems to be.

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