Awake a lot later.

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It was around 14:30 when I finally made it out of bed.  Oh, I... worked at it.  From 9:30 on, every half hour to few hours, I would wake and make a stab at getting up.  Only to find myself covered in blankets, tucked in, and sleeping again a while later.  I... kept aiming to wake.  It simply never happened.

When I woke, I got things going.  First a shower.  Then Sassy was fed.  Nothing fancy, but something is better than nothing.

I have been sitting, since, trying to more fully wake.  The Vick's stuff helped.  I was clear and good, until I came downstairs.  Then it all came back.  I don't know if it is because it is cool, or because of pollen?  Whatever the case, I will use more of the stuff.  Rubbing my chest doesnt' do anything.  I think it may have, as a child.  But as an adult, it has no effect.  But rubbing it under my nose, and around my mouth, does have a solid, positive, effect.  So I will continue to do that.

Oh, I did use the diffuser, with the jelly floating in the water.  Not sure that helps, but it didn't hurt.  I think I set it up again when I woke?  If not, I will.

Now to get dressed.  I had hoped to get to church.  And, technically, I still have time.  But, for one thing, I am not sure what it is I have.  If it's a headcold, or some such, I don't wish to share it around.  But, and as well, I feel too miserable to get out and be in company or to church.  Hopefully this week.  We will see.

I will dress in a bit.  I have just been sitting here, in my boxer-briefs trying to wake, or think.  Oh, and I'll turn the furnace up a bit, and ensure the diffuser is going.  Then get on up and dressed.  Sassy has been fed, her water has been cleared and cleaned yesterday, not sure but I think I even cleared her litter.  I'll check those things as I go up to dress more warmly.

It's a difficult day.  I'd love to get to mass, but I can barely stand, or think with this congestive headache.  And... whatever else is wrong.  Hmm... painpills, and waterpills.  Not a lot of either, or the heaviest of painpills.  Just... a little something something.  The waterpills might even help dry up the dripping from the nose?  Not sure.  Just, mostly, keeping up on fluid removal if I am getting close to being good on that again.

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A quick check and... yes.  Pollen, of some sort, is sitting between moderate and very high?  Don't they just have a "high" level?  Whatever.  So, that may well be the problem.  I'm usually not hit by that, but perhaps just certain types?  Well, and as I get older?  I'll be getting better furnace filters soon.  That might help.

Oh, and a funny thing.  The temp given was colder than what I read on my outdoor thermometer.  I think that is the first time I have seen that in... years.  Usually it is five to fifteen degrees warmer... their suggested temp compared to the real local temp.  Only two degrees lower, but still.  The first time since I have been living here and tracking!  What, five, seven, years?  If it had just been a few degrees, that would have been one thing, even if always higher.  But five to fifteen degrees off, an every time?  Hmm... not sure if they are just being lazy about lying, or if... they are beginning to refuse to lie?

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Dressed, food getting warmed, heat up, deffuser going...  temp checked.  Dunno.  It's not a bad start.  Oh, kefir being consumed.  I'll get some waterpills and painpills down, then sort of... figure out my day.  Dishes set up, since I have showered.  The kitchen sorted out.  Freezertop, since it is cleared, washed.  Hopefully I can get the kitchen and bathroom back to ready for hitting this week.

If I am in any kind of shape tomorrow, I will attempt to make it to mass.  But if I still have the sniffles, am still sneezing, and with a headache, I just won't go tomorrow.  Just in case it is a headcold or some such ugly thing.  Some things I just don't wish to share.  

Oh, but I did ask why the knights had changed their meeting night.  It used to be the second.  It now conflicts with another men's meeting I may be attempting to attend.  We'll see.  It would be nice if I could attend both meetings monthly.  We'll see.

I'll get on to... something... after dinner and digesting it.

Headcold?

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The sniffles.  Bad.  I thought, perhaps, it was dust.  Maybe the furnace filter had again broken loose, which might have caused a lot of dust to be released, or stirred up.  The problem?  Sassy is as sensitive to dust as I am, and she hasn't been sneezing or sniffling.  No, that wasn't it.

I suspect I just had the window open, and the air was too cold.  That and having been walking around the cold house nearly unclothed much of the day.  Between the two, and this morning, I think I caught something.  I have been sneezing, snotting, and else all day.  Plus, now, I have a mild congestive feeling headache.

I will take some painpills.  Not sure what to do about the congestion.  Vicks?  I wonder if I still have some around somewhere?  I think I have some.  That is what my mother would do.  When a child, she would rub it on our chests, and under our nose.  Unless she had a vaporizer.  Though, if she had one, she would use that and coat us with the stuff.  She did what she knew to do, and knew... quite a lot.  Having been poor, on a farm.  And having her mother die when she was just a young teen, she had learned how to tend family, animals, and herself even really.

I'll check.  I do regret her upbringing.  I know her dad did what he could do, and they all did what they could do.  But it is tough to do it with a missing parent.  Especially, I should think, a mother for a girl.

Last time I looked, it was 38 out.  While that seems warm, it... was a rather cold spot for that given temperature.  Almost feeling wet out there.  I suppose as snow melts, it is wet.  Though there may be more moisture being brought in on the wind as well.  It feels like it.  Which it what probably got to me.  It isn't the temperature, it's the cold, damp, dark.  Even when the sun is out, it... seems shadowy yet.  At least on cooler days.

Very strange.  I may, even so, open the window a crack tonight.  Just not fully open, as it was yesterday night.  Having showered, and dressed... warmed... today, perhaps I'll be in better shape.  Well, and the Vick's, if I have it.  If I could find the smaller candles, I might try vicks in the difuser.  But, as is, the candles I have availabe require a refilling of the difuser, or the candle to...  Hmm... I could put it up, and slather the stuff on, and just give it some time before going to bed.  Blowing out the candle on my way?  Sure.  Sure.

An odd day.

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I didn't get back on to bed until later in the morning, perhaps ten?  Eleven?  Then I slept until early afternoon, around 13:00 to 15:00.  It was rough.  I was cold.  I had, when I was awake earlier, dressed only in my boxer briefs.  While I had turned the furnace up, I had yet become chilled to the bone.

I used the electric blanket while napping, to very little effect.  When I woke, I took a shower almost immediately.  Even that didn't help a great deal.  After the shower, I added compression thighhighs, warm leggings, socks, sweats, a long sleeve t-shirt, a long sleeve heavy cotton shirt, and boots.  Even then, I really haven't warmed completely.  Even with the furnace up.

Couldn't do much work, but I did make a meal.  Since I have tator tots, I used them.  I also used up the french fries yesterday, the last of them.  I added the remnants of the beef broth, from the baked beef from yesterday.  Then I sliced a piece of the beef off, and put that in for the last half of the finishing of the tator tots.  Not the healthiest, but it worked.

A coffee, as well.  And, through the earlier and later stints awake, several cans of water.  I'll probably have a solid dose of kefir yet tonight.  Perhaps resetting the rest of it yet tonight, or tomorrow morning.

The freezertop is clear.  But I need to wipe it down.  Perhpas set up dishes for the morning as well.  Then set up the reverse osmosis countertop device, stick blender station, and leave the rest ready for clean dishes tomorrow.  I have also emptied a bag of recycling.  While I will put that out shortly, that doesn't go out until next week.  I might have a bag of trash to go out this weekened, but only one so won't bother taking it to the curb.

The shower was good.  Draining slowly, but the tub is clean.  If I can set up a couple of tubs of dishes tonight, I hope to hit them tomorrow, then get another shower.  I love showers.  Especially if I have missed taking one in a while.  Even two or three days, these days, seems like a forever ago.  Need them?  Maybe not.  But I sure like them.  I'd love to get to where I could bath once a week as well.  Two showers, and a bath, would be wonderful.  And, with short hair, washing my hair while bathing won't be such a mess.

I decided not to cook and bake the pork tenderloin today.  But I did dice garlic and add mustard, both of which I realized this morning I had forgotten.  All good.  I'll see about doing it tomorrow.  If it smells okay.  Should, but... I'll definitely give it a sniff test.

No word, call, or text, from anyone.  All good.  I am used to being alone.  And, of course, no... or few... visits.  Still not sure if the few visits which post are somehome my visits getting through, or one of the people who were given access.  I just can't be certain.  But the indicators make me suspect it is from someone, possilby, using a program to hide them... to whatever degree that really works.  Works for me, but I know nothing.  No comments, but that... isn't unusual either.

I think a bit more water, perhaps with electrolyte powder and vinegar.  That really cuts thirst... when it's needed.  Otherwise it's... annoying.

Down late, up early.

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Not sure how long I will be awake.  I woke up right at six.  Too little sleep.  Not sure why.  I did leave the window open up there, and had the furnace set to 68.  I slept comfortably in nothing.  I do that from time to time, just to... do it.  Traffic was heavy, earlier.  But had tapered when I woke.  I think I even heard a train in the distance.  As weather has cleared, sounds carry much more robustly?  Yes.

I probably will go on back to bed.

Still, even when sleeping, I am planning on working today.  Later.  Dishes, a shower, maybe a load of laundry?  Well, and cleaning in the kitchen.  I've let the place fall back down.  I want to at least clear it, cleaning what dishes I can do.  The last week has been a serious fall.

The teasing, of spring, then the lapse back into winter, has been difficult to negotiate.  Not honestly sure I can push through, but that is the goal anyway.  Seems cool again today.  I closed the window beside my bed.  Though it really wasn't cold up there, at 59 or 61?  But will be warmer with the furnace set to 72.

Oh, but a bit of a headache.  I think that is why I am awake.  I'll hit the painpills, then try to sleep a bit while that works.  I never did take painpills for the heart.  It was at the edge of bedtime, and, well, it can get that way these days.  Waking up it is okay, other than the headache.

On back to bed for a while.  I just hope I can dream more of work, then get to it when I wake.  

Awake late.

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It is nearly 1:00... seconds to go.  I just couldn't get to sleep.  I had the furnace to 74, from about 14:00 until 17:00.  Then turned it down.  I had hoped that would get me to bed earlier.  Not so much.  It remains 68 up here, in the front room, though with the curtain open from back to front.  I had hoped it would cool more.

I checked outside, guessing itm ust still be in the 40s or maybe had risen to the 50s.  It is mid April.  But, no.  Last I checked it had dropped to 29?  Or 27.  Freezing temps.  No precip, or yet, or that I could see or tell.  But the world is different this year.  Who knows.

I did get the pork tenderloin marinading.  Forgot to add mustard, but that happens.  I think I got everything else in.  Then, got it wrapped so that the marinade coated and surrounded the roast.  We'll see how it turns out.  Tomorrow?  Or the day after.  It smelled good.

The beef roast was delicious.  I have to admit, it was really good.  Yes, it has been wrapped and put up for tonight as well.  I'm really not eating much these days.  A meal, or two, very light, of late.  It's something.  Well, and kefir and coffee, once or twice a day each.

Rather tired though.  I will take painpills as I go to bed.  The heart is... at it again.  And I'll hit waterpills tomorrow morning.  I didn't use them the last few days, either of the types or kinds.

I won't open both windows upstairs, but I will crack open the window nearest me.  If it gets too cold, I will close it down.  I turned the furnace down to 70, may lower it to 66 tonight?  Sure.

Hoping to hit dishes tomorrow, and get a shower taken.  I put in my order for dairy.  And let them know I am running late, so may not be awake early.  I did use the infuser tonight.  It helps.  Ugh.  It's what I can do, for now.  Works to mollify the bad odors, but doesn't really fix the problem(s).  I'll keep looking at solving that.

Perhaps more work tomorrow.  I can hope.  Goodnight. 

Not much.

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I am just not able to do much.  Today, yesterday, probably tomorrow.  As is, I am just hoping to make it to mass this Saturday.  That is the next thing I am hoping to do.

Tired?  Cold?  I did turn the heat up.  I am making food.  But it's not much.  I can't stand long, or do much when standing.  The nice thing about, say, baking a roast?  I can set it up... salt, pepper, and let it stand for an hour.  Then, turn the oven on, let it warm up.  Sit, maybe read, watch, or write.  Then, when the alarm goes off, go put it in, then check the temp every forty five to twenty minutes.

I did clean the freezertop off yesterday.  And I put some of the forzen meat in there into the smaller freezer, so that I have a better variety of meats more easily available.  I am hoping to hit some dishes this evening, or tomorrow.  No promises though.  I have caught back up on water, or had.  I'll need to get some work on that, maybe tonight.

But, not much is happening.  I just... can't get going.  But, while sitting, I am looking.  Recipes, ideas.

Didn't wake until 11:30.

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In part because it got rather cool.  It was 52 when I first started attempting to wake, say at 9:30?  All I could do was roll back in to the blankets and try to warm.  Now, 52 isn't horrible, if I am used to it.  But, when it has be 61 to 64 for the last week, it sort of took me by surprise, and took me down.

I finally was able to wrestle my way awake.  Then downstairs.  It was in the low 50s downstairs, too.  So I shut the house up and turned the furnace up.  I did leave one window open upstairs.  But shut off the vent and closed the door.  Fresh air up there is nice.  I'll probably shut the window up there, and open the door, a few hours before bedtime.  While I won't shut the furnace off, I will turn it way down.  To, say, 66 or so.

Oh, and it snowed.  It even covered the driveway.  At least initially.  But it seems to have warmed to 32 outdoors, and the driveway has mostly melted off.  It remains overcast, and quite chill.  It could snow more today or tonight.  Very hard to believe it is April 13th.  I suppose, here, there, I have seen snow in April.  But, usually just a bit of snow, that might last a day, two tops.

I have heard, from the oldtimers from hereabouts, that they did get cooler weather back in the day.  Oh, I believe it.  Iowa seemed colder, wetter, snowier, when I was younger.  And, after some review, we were getting hit hard in those years.  Not just Iowa, or Utah, but on to the east coast.  Back when they were suggesting the beginning of a new ice age.

Truth is, they were probably more correct.  It just has nothing to do with people.  The sun is... sputtering.  It does that.  It can create these things.  It's about the only thing with that much energy to do so.  Just a percentage point higher or lower power output and we could be ended.  Or something like that.  And, it... is lowering, again.

But I wouldn't worry.  Do your best, do what you can, and live or die as it has to be.  There are worse things than death.  I... think those are more to be of concern.  We'll see.  I guess.  Still, more snow?  Probably an inch or three?  Strange.

Now, as I have mentioned, I don't think humans can change the weather.  What we can do, possibly, is influence where the jetstreams and such go... both directly and inderectly.  I am guess China has shut down industry, for the most part.  And, Russia and Europe in general, are all... changing what and how they are functioning, for various reasons.

The US stopped manufacturing, for the most part, long ago.  We shipped it overseas.  With that being shut down, and moved around beyond even that, plus Europe at war and shutting down for fuel shortages and else?  Things are... going to change.  However, the real mover is the sun.  And it is on vacation.  The rest is just deciding what will get hit, when, and how hard.  Dealing from a diminished deck.

A few things.

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I did get the refrigerator, mostly, cleared out.  Looked around for the pump sprayer, couldn't find it.  Looked everywhere.  Gone.  May have to order or go out and buy another.  If I can find a similar price locally, calling around, I'll buy locally.  I don't want to wait two or three weeks for delivery.

Then I made eggs and else.  Wasn't nearly as hungry as I thought I might be.  Didn't eat more than a few bites.  I need to toss the fries, and get hashed potatoes to fry.  Eggs are easy enough, no matter how you might want to cook them.  And, I would guess pancakes would be easy out there too.  Especially if you are already used to using carbon steel pans.  Just, griddles are a lot easier.  No curves, wide areas.  Sure, you have to do some spatula work, in order to zone the food.  But that really isn't much work.

As to leveling the griddle, you don't want it flat level.  Or, I don't.  I want it leaning toward the oil trp and catcher.  I want it leaning that way fairly well.  It makes it a lot easier.  I have no problem cleaning the the top, and oiling it lightly for the next run.  Really, it does well with a bit of a lean.

I haven't gotten to work on the freezertop, or not much.  I did a bit.  But, time ticked by while searching for the insecticide spray bottle.  I am hoping to hit it just shortly.  Then set up some of the dishes.  Not perfect, but I think I can get some things done.

It was back down to 46 by the last time I came in.  Not exactly cold, but certainly not warm.  I dress warmly enough that it isn't a problem.  And, as yesterday, will leave the windows open just a crack tonight again.  Fresh air is wonderful.  And, since I can handle the cool, and it doesn't really get all that cool, life is good.  I wonder if the fresh air is helping with the heart pains.  Maybe.

Well, on to a bit of something to sip.  Then to the freezertop and setting up some dishes.  Maybe to it a bit tomorrow.  I really need to do some more work.  There are smells in the house.  Probably a mouse somewhere, or... something like that.  I've been looking, need to take things apart and look more closely, and everywhere.  Frustrating.

Ah.

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After looking around, reading back, and thinking... coming up with nothing, I noticed a bug.  Some sort of beatle, crawling along the wall.  Yes, that is what I was looking for.  I have a pump pressurizing spray bottle, and various sorts of bug spray which are supposed to work on the bugs.

They are at the front door.  As the weather warms, they begin to come out.  They collect where it is warmest.  Which, for me, happens to be the front, south facing, door.  But, if I spray, if the stuff works, they go away.  The stuff, which was successful but can't be found anymore, worked for two to three months.  I am thinking that taking care of this now would get me half through the summer.  Further, the stuff stays in the bottle fairly well.  Though, really, I may clean it out and leave it dry anyway.

Now that I know what I am lookign for, I just need to find it.  Perhaps clean it out.  With the temps being above freezing, and no lower than forty the last few days and up to fifty, the hydrant should be working.  Making cleaning of the the pump sprayer easier.  Though, too, I thought I bought some more, sprayers, because I thought the other one had been lost or tossed.  We'll see.

Now to get to things.  I'll look for the old, or a new, sprayer.  But just find it and get the insecticides ready.  Then I'll do some work in the kitchen.  Hmm, actually I will look through the fridge, first.  Get that sorted.  Then look for the sprayer(s).  Then back to clearing and cleaning the freezertop.

Maybe lunch, after cleaning?  Perhsp an omelet, and fries.  Nothing fancy, just something tasty.  I have non-hydrologized beef fats to use, now, as well as coconut oil.  Both are good.  We'll see.  Yes, potatoes aren't the best.  But, like I said, it helps get me into the practice.  I'll... begin seeing what else I can use.  Though, if they have been cooked, first, then frozen, they... might be useful for keto as well.  Not perfect, but not bad.  May have to look for fries and hashbrowns which have been cooked first, for sure?  I'll... see what I can find.

Well?

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A very minor start.  I reset kefir.  The grains are multiplying well, again.  Almost enough to skim some off.  But, being that I am keeping the house cooler, I'll let them grow a bit longer, see if I can double them again in the next two days.  The milk from last week smelled off.  Would have been good to drink, but not to make kefir with.  I have become particularly picky about that after having to restart several times.

No, I will be careful going forward.  If the milk doesn't smell exceedingly fresh, I will dump it.  If the jars smell off?  I will change them out, big or small.  I will break my balls to make sure I have fresh milk, so as to let them ferment no longer than forty eight hours and more like thirty six hours or even twenty four hours, as it heats up.  May have to put the fermenting jars in the fridge in the hotter days, to keep that from fermenting too fast... part of the days.  Maybe during the hot parts of the days.

There was something else I was going to do.  Some piece or part I meant to look for.  I just can't remember what it was.  I looked around, hoping upons spying it I would remember.  But that didn't work.  I'll look back at my morning post.  I hate forgetting but it happens.

Next I am hoping to do a bit of sorting in the refrigerator and beginning in on some dishes.  Plus clearing and cleaning the freezertop.  It isn't too bad, but needs some clearing, and cleaning, from making guacamole and steak tartare.  Some things just remain, ingredients, whole.  Though some are partial, and may need to be tossed.  But the whole thing needs cleaned too.

I want to do the fridge, first, to see what is in there for cooking.  So I can decide if anything needs to be taken out of the freezer.  I'd really like to get to smash burgers.  But don't want to pull meat to thaw if I have too much good meat already out and thawed.  Trying to order my actions so as to not have to go back, and for example clear, clean, reset the freezertop only to have to remove everything to get back in for needed meats.  Oh, may put frozen meat from that freezer into the fridge freezer, so as to not have to do that in a few days or week too.  Not sure I have burger in the little freezer.  Ugh... orderliness is not a simple thing.

After dealing with that, I would like to get to dishes.  Just set up a couple of dish pans.  But, really, getting near to finishing those.  Nearly caught up.  Fell behind just a bit, with the recent spate of cooking and else this week.  Though the fall has been small, and should be able to be made up quickly.  If... I can make a scramble at various efforts.

Oh, I also want the freezertop open so as to more easily clearn the kitchen table... have a temporary spot for things... but also so that I can blend the dry ingredients for keto breads, rolls, and such.  And get those stored and away.  I would like to be able to just pull a cup or three of that blend, add some eggs, water, cream, or whatnot, then maybe cook it right on the griddle... figure that out.  So that having keto buns for burgers, or bread like slices for blt's, and the like.  Or maybe keto pancakes.  I just need to get space to blend those various things, and begin trying them out.

I best get to it.  Fed Sassy twice.  Should check her litter box.  Her water was refreshed yesterday, so it good.  It was up to 46 last I looked.  The sun is coming out in spits and spats, last I looked.  But didn't seem to be pushing.  Though, who knows.  It may clear off and just shine down at any time.  It's cool in here.  But the air is so clean.  I'll take the trade, for now.  On to it.

Up at 9:30.

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A bit later.  Yesterday was some effort and stress.  So... okay.

I left the house mostly open.  It was 64 near me, when I woke up, 59 in the main of the upstairs, 58 in this front room, 61 in the center of the house, and 66 in the back (north end) of the house)?  Yes, but... strange.  Everything is staying open.  Outdoors it is 40 and overcast.  I sort of expected it to be in the freezing range, with as cool as it is in the house.

Then again, while the furnace was clean off the first time, I think it only went down to 62 last night?  The furnace setting that is.  Not sure if it clicked on or not.  With everything shut, it may have held heat more than it did last night, with the furnace definitely off and windows open.

I am dressed more warmly today.  Not planning on doing too much.  Maybe a shower, and more dishes at least set up.  Perhaps some food items to the basement.  Maybe sweeping in the bathroom and hall.  Today is, mostly, a rest day.  I need it.  I have been to church, or shopping, or working, or to town, for this or that, every other day or so, for the last two weeks.  I... need a breather, a little time with only small tasks.

I don't want to just stop.  And I don't hurt as bad as I had been, no painpills today.  I don't even think I will use water pills today.  But I don't want to push too hard and get back to that place.  That has been difficult.  Though, too, I don't want to lose my place in line.  I want to continue getting ahead in life, on the house.

The thing is, getting to it, sometimes.  I can't work for long stints.  Heck, in my current state, even gaming for very long isn't likely.  I end up drifting around, looking for something, anything, new online.  And, while it seems easy enough to just move on, do something, even just sort things in a corner, that all... from realizing and deciding, to doing, takes a lot of energy.  More than you might suspect.

Still, that is sort of the goal.  Doubt if I can to it all the time, every time.  But to do it more often... every other, or third, time, might work well enough?  It's a goal, a hope, a plan.  It will fail horribly, and be terribly successful at other times.  But, it is a forethought idea I'm trying to keep in my head.

To start, though, and usually in the mornings, I need to drift, surf, float around... while waking.  It's just... sort of like my psychic coffee.  Give it an hour or two.  Then see what else I can be about.  While consuming kefir and my actual coffee.  Yea.  I'll get to some small things today.

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Oh, a dream, and more.  The dream was about a real conversation.  It became known, to another, that I was single.  And, the comment I receieved was... it can be very good to be single, because women are... complicated? messy? trouble?  Something along those lines.  And, by... someone who in saying that surprised me, in a number of ways, from several different angles.

No, I... don't disagree with him.  I didn't disagree with him, to his face, or in my mind, or since.  Women are trouble, and mean to be.  Or... can't help not being trouble.  They cause trouble, they look for trouble, they create trouble when it doesn't exist in nature.  They have to be perpetually unhappy, and try to drag most other people into trouble with them.  And, then, seem surprised they are... in some sort of mess, or three, or ten.  They collect, and juggle, troubles.

And Lord be with you if you begin solving those troubles!  They want their toils, difficulties, exasperations.  They love those more than anything else.  Yes.  Women are, and choose to be in, trouble.  My last woman wanted me to to never say that.  Which... I ignored.  If she wants troubles, I will not deny her, even should she ask it.

Still, even with that?  I enjoy women.  I just... don't care, about their troubles.  I don't take it personally, nor try to correct, I just won't let her bring them into my part of our life.  That is what sex is for.  To some small degree.  I mean, other than a very intimate showing of affection, bonding, having children, and... just mutual or singular pleasure.

So, while I agree, I just don't care.  I think a lot of guys take it personally.  Or get too involved.  While men and women couples need to be a part of each others lives, their partner isn't their whole life.  That's where a lot of guys go wrong.  Trying to fix what ain't, technically, broken.  She wants her misery, leaver her to some of it.  Only if it interferes with your wants and needs.  If so, then clean, clear, lock, load, and deal with it so that either she never brings you a problem, or you fix it good and well enough that it doesn't present again.  Usually she will get the hint, and keep any favored problem out of your areas of operation.  Or passify the presentation with sex, so that you tire before solving it... if she really needs to share it.

Yea, part dream, part thinking about it after, part realizing the actual conversation.  Look, women really are trouble.  From toes to ass to tits to brain, and everywhere inbetween.  But, they are also a gift from God.  Much as any pain, or joy.  Or... mixed bag especially.  Pain teaches, like nothing else.  Pleasure, and potential, and procreation, are terribly wonderful graces.  Yea, I... enjoy women.

As I told him, and others, I just need to find one who isn't married already.  Or doesn't have a hoard of kids for one or several past guys.  Or... such.  And, who can and will have children.

Will it work?  As I am going to suggest to someone who is thinking about all this?  The world is a hard, dark, mean, place.  If you are thinking of going there, finding a lover with whom to have children, and then trying that?  Best go that way with God.  Even then, your faith will be tested.  But going there without God is a harder path still.  No matter how much easier it seems.  What was it Luther told his mother, when she thought of following him?  Ah... living without the church isn't so bad, dying outside of the church is.  Or... some such.  Yea, don't even bother if you go Godless.  You'll regret it, for there are things worse than death, by far.  I've been there.  Live there now, to a degree, but with God, all things are possible.

Bedtime.

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It's 19:08.  The windows have been open since I returned.  Yet, oddly, it is 70 degrees up in the front room.  I did shut the front door, more because the light was so intense.  Not quite used to the sun being out in full, or part really, as of late.  While the sun is unobstructed by clouds, there is... something... in the air.  Like fall or early spring days.  I suppose it could be considered early spring, but that doesn't feel like what it is.  It could be a mild inversion.  That is when smog, dust, and other air pollution gathers along the mountain front, but can't quite escape... so makes the air a bit bad, and obstructs some of the sun... more or less depending on the season.

Anyway.  Even with that, it was a bit bright, for my eyes.  We haven't had much sun, until the last few days.  Now it's like around 7:00 to 19:00?  Well, it might have an half hour or hour longer before technical sundown.  But, in the valley, it depends on where you are.  Being in the middle, I think we get a bit more morning and evening than either edge.

I think I will have to send a card, to the young woman who has been working on my feet.  I just couldn't say a right goodbye.  I... just don't, anymore.  But I don't want to leave it just there.  Not that she really cares, most likely.  But... I do.  Do things, you suspect are right, for your own reasons.  Sometimes it does mean something.  And, to a degree, I think it will for her.  Not... exactly as I sense them, but.  No... not meaning I have a thing for her, other than, say... as a cousin, in all seriousness.  I enjoyed her company, and will miss her.  That's... all.  So, yeah, I'll... look, next time I am in town.  And put a little money in there, for her to start out with a few extra coins in her purse on the next stages of her life.

I think I will only partly close the house up.  It is 45 outdoors, 68 in the main of the house, and 70 up here in the front room?  Crazy.  Yes, the furnace has been off since... 15:00?  At the latest.  And three five windows were open, plus the front door for a while.  And the door to the upstairs, where two of the windows were open, so there was a complete flow through the house.  Hmm...  All good.  I'm curious how cold it will get tonight, leaving everything open, if only part way, save the front door?  I'll find out.  If it gets too cold, I'll sort it out.

I had worried I would freeze to death in bad situations, but that just doesn't happen.  Not that it couldn't, only I would be awakened by the dreadful cold before it would kill me. Enough to give me a chance at survival, in a bad situation.  But, the house just doesn't get that cold.  Or, not when it is even in the 20s outside, and things are open, with the furnace off.  I doubt if it will get into the 20s tonight.  This house is true old tech.  I am sure it has limits, but... it is impressive.  I may begin experimenting with how cold I can let it go, without freezing pipes.  And, possibly, what I could use to warm it to a liveable standard, with the minimum of various fuels and heat sources.  Next winter.  If I am still here.

I... got a card, from a house buying consortium.  Always make it sound like a family operation, but... it's not.  Still, I called.  Most likely not going to get what I want, but I placed the call, put out my minimum, on a sliding basis.  We'll see.  I am almost positive they won't come near to my asking.  So...  But, that's not a problem either.  I can stay here for... a very long time.  It's tight.  Utilities, mortgage, saving for a bit more, this, that, the other thing.  Death by a thousand stings, really.

It depends on where in South America or Asia I go.  Having an income would be okay, but not enough.  Would want some serious cash for... any contingency.  Plus, would finish up some local business, pay off any and all outstanding debt, etc.  Being a guy, I can live cheaper than with a family or even with a woman.  Could seek a woman, there.  Probably not from the expat community.  That just doesn't work out.  American and European women are... what they are.  Beside too expensive, just... something wrong with them.

What was it?  Is it that they don't care if they lose, or if they don't want to win?  When having a family equals the true win, definitely American women aren't there.  They want to... have fun, go dancing... maybe drinking, date new guys, have sex with new and exciting and exotic guys.  Anything but be a wife, housewife, lover, mother, cook, dishwasher, or even be in charge of that.  I get it.  But... that's just... not what I'm into anymore.  Probably too late for me, but... you never know.

Not looking for hookers, easy women, booze, and else though.  Legitimately looking for a good woman.  A single, solitary, other side, partner, thing.  Impossible, probably.  But, I keep checking.  If they ever come up, I could go away.  I think it would be a win-win, for all of us, too.

Anyway... it's about bedtime.  I haven't gone through the fridge.  May do so on my way.  Just... check, and chuck.  Prep, idea wise, for tomorrow... for food.  With the bathtub clean, perhaps dishes set up in the morning.  I don't have much else to do this week, out.  I would like to swim, and get to mass, but I... can't... not this week.  So, I will try to do dishes, hit the kitchen floor and table, maybe clear the hallways.  Then make it to mass on Saturday.  Ugh.

At least my brother and mother called today.  I'm not sure what was wrong, if anything, on any end.  It is just that neither had called, and I had tried.  I... just... wore out trying.  So Just stopped.  Had to.  Get so weary, being set aside too often.  Life is hard, sometimes.  Too hard.  So... I rest, back off, hide away.

Some things.

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I got the bath tub cleaned.  A first go at it anyway.  Some just plain elbow grease, some runtime with the drill and brushes for it, and a mix of chemicals and other tools.  It took two or three big runs and a few small ones, plus using the plunger several times.  It still isn't draining all that well, but it is draining.  Drained, now.  Slow to drain, but... for now it is what it is.

My brother called today.  I was... surprised to hear from him.  He is, was about to, received the nubs for new teeth.  But, those won't go in right away.  It will take at least three to six months?  Or so I thought I heard.  They have to make sure the bone grafts to the parts being installed.  Ugh.

We had a good talk.

I think I know why he hadn't called.  Nothing I did, mostly.  But, the items I sent him?  He hadn't used.  Too busy, too ill, to etc.  Fine.  And, yes, I have hidden from such things before.  I get it.  Hopefully he will look these up on y.t.  The installation is easy.  And it really keeps the drains from clogging up, down further in.  It catches hair and other things, making it easy to clear.  But... that's... up to him.

Shortly after he hung up, my mom called.  Didn't talk long, and I had to go.  They are hitting 80 out there.  She didn't want to brag, but I told her how much snow we have still out there, and that an 80 day would spell serious trouble.  So, no need to worry about bragging, just enjoy it, was my idea.  She even got a very light first sun burn while sitting out sunning this morning.

She is going to visit my brother.  I am a bit nervous about here trip, as is my brother.  She turns 81 this year.  Still, okay.  I wouldn't ever want to have to turn her down.  It will be difficult, but I... will just say a little prayer for her, them.  Would rather die living, myself.  So if that is the way it would go, I won't naysay.  Though more hoping it just goes without a hitch.

Then a shower, and on in for the pedicure.  The young woman will be moving on.  Found a guy, a new place to live, considering her future a little more solidly.  I hope she does well.  The pedicure was quite fine.  I didn't say goodbye, rightly.  I was a bit shaken.  I will leave a care, later, before she goes.  I'm not good at goodbyes.  Hopefully I can make her cry, from a distance.  :)

It got to 50 today.  But we still have some fields full of snow.  Not terribly deep, but right down here in the valley.  Lots, in town, and fields, in the country.  It is amazing.  I have the upstairs airing, and opened up the downstairs a bit when I returned.  I even opened the door to the upstairs so the whole place can have air movement throughout.

I had a burger on the way home.  Wasn't really up to cooking.  Won't do much else today.  Maybe not tomorrow either.  But, there is hope to get to some things Thursday and Friday.  Clearing the kitchen table.  Sweeping and mopping where I can.  Clearing the hallways and kitchen floors in prep for sweeping and mopping those.  It's a lot of work.  I will have to push, a few days, to get those things done.  But it is possible, maybe even by Sunday.

I need to check my refrigerator.  To see what is in there, what is still good.  What needs to be cooked, and whether that has gone bad.  And, just... clearing.  Gotta do it.  Maybe I will get to that today.  Maybe.  Hmm, need to get my shoes off, let the feet cool after the treatment then socks and shoes.  At least until they get too cool?  I'll see.

Nope.

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Not feeling well.  The heart is in a bit of trouble.  Just is.  I called the V.A., to see if they still require the mask.  They do.  So... that is that.  I had hoped, but not been reassured, that the end of the "Pandemic Emergency", or whatever they were calling it, would end the mask mandate at the V.A.  Nope.  So, I just... get to live until I die, as is.  On the good side, it... may not be long.

It is rough.  Right now, the littlest things exhaust me.  Even so, I can't sleep.  So I get to be awake, in misery.  It really feels like my heart is being squeezed, nearly to my death.  Just the way it is, and will be from now on.

I did a bit of work in on the bathroom.  The tub.  It needed, still needs, cleaning.  I got a good bit of work on it.  But it needs more.  The problem is it isn't draining well.  With snow still to two foot, at the first of the month, I didn't bother with trying to find the septic tank.  Perhaps, if things continue to melt/thaw, I'll find it this month and be ready to get it emptied this coming month.  I can hope.

Until then, I just... have to deal with a slow draining system.  Though, not all drains are slow.  So, maybe, there is just something in this one line?  Dunno.  I will work on that, too.  To see if I can open it up.  I have some drain stuff, which might work... worked last time.  Ugh.

I'm going to hit it one more time.  Then showering should be easier.  Better.

Awake, at 6:30.

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Went to bed around 22:00?  22:47 I think, exactly.  Lights out then.  Right.  It was still 63 up there?  Strange, but okay.  That is warmer than usual, by far.  It has been 57 up there, unless the furnace isn't on, then it dropped to 52 that one night.  So... why so warm?  The ground must be thawing.

Still, because of that level of warmth, I opened the window.  If it got too chill, I decided, I would notice.  And I could shut the window, and maybe turn the electric blanket on.  But that didn't happen.  The coolest I saw it get was 62, just as I was waking.  The fresh air, however, was splendid.

I got up, got dressed, got down.  I won't feed Sassy for a bit.  Say, at eight.  I need to shower before too long as well.  I checked the temp outside, 27 F.  I came back in, decided to turn the temp up.  Can't remember what I put it to before bedtime, 68, 70?

The furnace had tripped off.  While I set the heat up, I forgot to hit "hold"?  Something.  Because it was off.  The house was sitting at 62 F?  Strange.  But, whatever.  I set the furnace up a bit, then set hold.  I may turn it down later.  This house is... interesting.  With a small family, I am not sure a furnace is required?  It would be chill, but not freezing?  I mean, it IS freezing outside, but even without heat for all of a day, and a window open upstairs, it... was 62 at the coldest?  Quite a... thing.  Not a modern house design, that's for certain.  One might even call it magic.

More painkillers.  Something is still a bit off.  Hoping to get through it in a bit.  But, for now, I'm... babying things a bit with painkillers and waterpills.

I'm trying to think why I woke?  Well, I... am leaving the curtains open, just a bit.  Which did let the morning light in.  And, with the window open, I got not only fresh air, but sound.  At about five, I suspect, traffic begins to shoot by.  By six, it is a steady stream.  And the sun is just beginning to peak over the range.  Not full, blazing, but... sneaking toward the starting line.  Going to bed a bit earlier didn't hurt.  I think it was a combination, of fresh air, sun, traffic sounds, and being to bed earlier.  Well, and not having pushed myself so hard yesterday.

I have been pushing.  Last week, the week before.  I really can't do well hitting that many cylinders with so many problems.  Oil leaks, cylinders not firing in the correct order, a slightly warped drive shaft, bearings with problems.  Just not made for highway speeds.  Even with treatments, it's more just getting the thing home at side-road speeds that is ever intended.  Not running at main road, let alone interstate speeds, that is ever hoped.

On the good side, pain is milder.  And fluids have been evicted, mostly.  Doing better.  But, still, I have things to do.  I need to get the dishes caught back up, get a shower, go through the refrigerator, and sort through this and that here and there in the house.  And that all is before I can even get back to getting ahead!  Ugh.

If I can get that going, I can get the bathroom and it's hallway swept and finally mopped.  Then begin tearing into the kitchen, clearing the table and floors so as to begin sweeping, then mopping, in there.  And the main hallways.  That is this and next week's projects.  It would only take two or three heavy days, but I don't have that much in me save over a few weeks' time.  It's just how it goes.

Still, I am up.  I am up early.  And I think I know, now, how to get up early.  At least until it gets too hot, and I begin spinning again.  Heck, I may even begin turning the furnace off at night.  With this sort of weather, and what just happened, I think I can live that?  We'll see.  I may even start opening two windows, during the day, up there.  Get more fresh air in and through, and down here on warmer days.

Just need to wake up more fully now.  Get to cleaning the tub a bit, then a shower.  Perhaps set dishes up afterward.  And, try not to push too hard.  My heart just isn't up to shoving and pushing quite yet, right now.  From what I can tell.

Oh, but... I am losing weight.  Quickly.  Strangely.  Not... sure why, or how.  Is it kefir?  My more carnivore based diet?  Something else?  I... don't know.  Very strange.  It's almost like my metabolism reignited.  Of course, that is wearing my heart the fuck out.  But... I'd rather die alive than whimpering in a corner, barely able to stand?  Something.

It stayed relatively warm.

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I had the windows and door open for much of the afternoon.  Finally closing things down around 18:00?  So, probably, open for four to six hours?  Something like that.  It had cooled to 42 outdoors when I decided to shut things down.  Indoors it got to 66.  It was that, at the start, in this front room.  It was 70 in the rest of the house.

By the time I closed things up it had only dropped to 66 everywhere.  And didn't seem to be cooling much beyond that.  So, really, a nice day.  Getting fresh air in is always good.  It's, just, that usually it feels too cold unless it is in the 50s.  It must just be something to do with spring coming so late, and extra sun (when it shines, as it was today).  Dunno, but I was able to enjoy the fresh air.

If this continues to be a doable thing, I will not just open up down here but will open a window or two, to create a crosswind, upstairs.  That should be nice.  But I will close things up before it gets too cold.  The furnace does a good job off getting the place warmed back up, quickly.  It was only down to 66, but still.  It was back up to 72 in less than half an hour?  After closing the house back up.  Nice.

I let a friend know, of a device I would like to see if he could make.  Not a... fantastically creative, or difficult, tool.  Used to put threeded rods into walls, to create floating shelves.  Now, the video had a simple system.  I had some ideas on that.  I want either the six inch handles suggested, but as a base.  Either adding handle extenstions, or creating tools with the six inch, but also with twelve and maybe eighteen inch handles, for when there is room, to make installation easier.  As well, the one suggested in the vid only had one size bolt, for getting a threaded rod, of just one size, into the wall.  Well?  There are times I would want the thicker bar, but there may be times when I would rather have thinner bar.

I am not sure how many sizes of threaded bar there are.  But if there are three common sizes, I would like to have all three bolts on the handles, so that I can make shelves of various sizes and strengths.  Yes, yes, I know.  I take a plan, tear it down, and redo it.  To my liking, given my want of greater capacaities, ease of use, and increased flexibility.  Especially if it doesn't cost much more.  Just... do it well, and right, and... get it done.

To that end, I experimented with sending a y.t. video via text messaging.  A first for me.  I didn't do it from the phone, though I suppose I could have.  I just typed it in manually.  It worked.  Trying to explain the thing would have been... nearly impossible.  Much shorter, and quicker, to just send a vid.

He got it.  Thinks it might be doable.  Will find out probably Thursday, at the earliest.  Hoping to get a rough quote then or Friday.  Plus, find out how much those threaded bars, of various diameters, go for per foot, yard, or whatnot.  Sometimes it is cheaper enough by the ten or twenty to buy that way.  Sometimes a foot or twenty is all the same.

I checked.  I do have an appointment coming up.  Feet.  The last time the gal I have been working with will be here.  Then, on to someone else.  She has a few people she would recommend.  Will see if they work out.  But will probably take a few months off.  Then just go in every other month from now on.  My feet have truly begun to be better.

I feel like I really am dying, or doing bad.  But some things have improved.  I don't understand.  A bit more kefir, more painpills, and waterpills today as well.  I haven't been able to do as much as hoped.  Hardly anything.  But I have had something of a day.  Gotten a few things done, planned.  And I might be crashing anyway.

The sun is starting to fade.  It is cooling?  No, the temp is 67 in here, in the front room.  And 72 everywhere else, save the other front room and the upstairs, where heat doesn't get fed.  I suppose I am just wearing down, so the body is cooling, or feeling like it is cooling.  Yea.  On to bed.

Who this time?

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Man, you just... gotta know your place.

So hot?

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Yes, but it makes no sense.  I have had some carbs, but not really all that much.  A few baked baquette slices.  Sure.  Maybe five, or eight, equalling two slices of toast, at most.  And, some veggies, in the guacamole and beef tartare.  But, not that much.  A quarter to half an onion per, plus half a jalapeno each.  I don't think artichoke hearts or capers have any carbs.  And, more, I haven't been sweetening my kefir or coffee.  One of them, actually, out of the last eight.  I had been sweetening all of them.  Keto sweetenere sometimes will, sometimes won't, kick me out of ketoses, or spike my blood sugar.  So, mostly going without should keep that in balance.

I did go out and cook the bacon.  As well, a few sausages and eggs.  Cleaned the grill, after, and shut it down and put it up, to the point I do that.  Which, on a warm day, might heat me up.  But it is 45 out there.  It's still... relatively cool.  I still have snow on the shady part of my roof!  And, in the back acre and the acre to the side of me.  So...

I really feel warm.  I have been standing more than usual.  That might be it?  Just being on my feet might be heating me up?

I had been waiting until we got into the 50s before opening up.  But, being so warm... feeling so warm... today, I decided to turn off the furnace and open the front door, a side window, a back window, and the bathroom window just a bit.  Let some air in.  I love the fresh air, but the cool is more important today.

I am getting better with the grill.  Low temps, moving things well, learning to test when to flip things, and how to do so.  It'll take some practice but I am slowly improving.  I am thinking about a blt today.  I think I have lettuce in there.  I know I have the rest.

The problem in, three easy over eggs, two sausage patties, and a bit of kefir and I am absolutely stuffed!  I am not sure I will be able to eat more today.  We'll see.  It'll have to be warmed up, if so.  No major problem, just a side note.  I'm having a coffee.  I only have one of those once a day to every other day.  Kefir is only once or twice a day.

I think I have found the right amount to make, try to drink, and the amount of milk to order for it.  Two quarts for fermenting, three half gallon jugs for maturing it, and three gallons of milk a week for making kefir.  Yea.  I wonder if I will drink more in the summer?  To be honest, this stuff is so filling, I am not sure I can eat more.  I have, for bits of time.  But it gets to be too much.  I try to drink about a quart and a half a day.  Sometimes two, sometimes half, but the average is closer to one and a half.

So hot.  I just don't get it.  Not sure I will be able to work today.  If I can, I would like to hit dishes, clear and clean the counters, and take a shower.  I really am in a bit of trouble.  Something just seems off.  Maybe some fresh air will help?  Dunno.  Will see.  It is up to 66 in this front room, though may cool, in time, with the windows and front door open a bit.  

Been awake for a bit.

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I woke up around 11:00.  Fed Sassy pretty much right after tending biologics.  Brought the trash and recycling barrels in.  They had already emptied them.  Then just sort of started looking at the world through the lens of a few blogs and other browsing sources.  The world is what it is, and isn't doing well.  Or, for the worldly.  For those who have backed off, we realized that wasn't going to work.  It amazes me how much corruption floats to the surface when allowed to do as they will.

A package arrived as well.  One of the last for the month.  Sometimes they take a very long time to get here.  Compression hose.  Another style and size to try.  Why?  Because some days some socks, stockings, or hose are too tight, or loose, to do any good.  It seems subjective, but really isn't.  Too tight, and they can hurt my legs.  Too lose and they don't do anything positive.  I have three sizes of those, two of thigh highs, and one size of knee and calf length socks.  The shorter they are, the fewer sizes I need.  It just, mostly, doesn't matter.

But, my work, with those, and the water pills, has gotten my legs back into shape.  Nearly.  Hoping, through the week, to get it all completed.  I have noticed, when I get the fluids out, and keep it out for a while, the feet don't burn, pins and needles sensation abates... or mostly.  Life is easier.  I think the heart even hurts less.

Still, will take another dose of painkillers today, and three waterpills, down from four, and five before that.  Trying to reduce the pills as I reduce intake, while dumping the last of the excess.  It's a bit of a trick, but I'll keep at it.

Hoping to hit dishes before long.  Then take a shower.  I'm not sure if there is laundry to check, but will see.

I am hoping to hit the grill today, but later.  I had thought to make a breakfast.  But, I think, first thing, I will cook off three pounds of bacon, and set some of it aside.  Use some of it for breakfast.  Make some fries while at that.  And finish with an omelet?  Easy over?  Perhaps a few of the later and a three egg of the former?  Egg omelets?  Cheese too?  Maybe with finely diced jalapeno and onion?  I have a chunk of ham, but it's in the freezer.  And, I have other cheeses, "swiss", maybe some other sorts.  Dunno.  I'll think about it.

The thing about griddling outdoors is?  You best be on your ball.  Running in and out, looking for this and that, can get you in trouble.  While there is a lot more time than one might think, looking for something can end up taking way too much time, sometimes.  And what is being cooked can get away from you.

It is far better to have salt, pepper, any spices being considered, ingredients, impletments/utensils, and whatever else right there with you.  Oh, and I think I have a shop stool in the garage?  If so, I may pull that for use.  I found a little side table, for holding things I don't trust not to burn or melt on the sidetables.  Bit by piece by thing by idea... griddling is beginning.  

I want to do the bacon in order to render the grease from it, as much as just to have bacon at the ready.  Probably too much bacon.  May see if freezing it really is an option.  Thought I froze some before.  Can't remember.  I... try things, then forget, then lose track, then toss because I can't quite be sure.  This time I will date the package, after looking up the idea... see if others do that.  Though I will say, doing them hard crisp, like I like them, other than if I am eating them right away, is not the best plan.  Reheating them will turn them more to cinders than crisp bacon.  No fat left to help crisp the meat.

Ackh!

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Just couldn't get to bed.  Or, yet.

I did get the trash and recycling to the curb.  Nothing extra to take out, so all good.

I checked the kefir, but it's not ready to rotate through.  I think there is enough space to put it in, when it is ready... in the larger holder jars.  Though, maybe another draught from one of them would ensure readiness.  I'll get a sip in the morning, then reset.

Not much.

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I just couldn't get to much.  Just... too tired.

I did make a portion of beef tartare.  The roast was quite frozen.  I had to take it out whole... or what was left.  Then I had to let it thaw a bit.  It never really did thaw well.  But, it did cut better.  While working the big, whole, roast, I cut it into portions.  And, really, should have cut those portions in half.

I have eaten larger portions, yesterday and today.  But think, after I have worn the novelty off, that five to eight ounces of meat should be plenty.  Then with the accoutrements, that should be plenty.  Further, I would keep the added bits to smaller portions as well.  I have quite enjoyed this though.

No work.  I'm just... barely staying awake.  Couldn't focus, to game.  Couldn't read much, online.  Just... drifted through the day.

I am hoping I can do better tomorrow.  This week.  I'll... see.

Haven't heard from my brother or mother.  I think they have definitely just stopped communicating.  Not sure if it was something I said or did.  But, so be it.  I am too close to death to push or pull.  I'll probably keep it to messages.  If they contact me, I will just text them back.  Keep it... distant.

Not feeling too bad, nor great.  Just... alive.  It is about bedtime though.  If I thought I could get to some work, I would stay awake.  But I think I would just ruin my sleep.  A few painkillers as I go to bed.  I took waterpills this morning, and will go so again yesterday.  But that should be about that.  Probably.

Not getting very far.

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Can barely stand.  I tried some of the guac, revisited.  Needs lime.  I did warm limes up, kept them in warm water all afternoon.  Refreshing the water several times.  Didn't help a bit.  I'm hoping, by tomorrow, some of those times will be better, or the day after?  Almost no juice in them.  Lemon just doesn't work.

Feeding Sassy.  Should check her litter box.  I have been changing her water every other day or so.  But it's a big, for her, five cup bowl.  She only drinks, perhaps, a cup?  But it gets sort of icky by then.  So I try to keep up on that.  And do.

Not sure I am going to get to dishes, or anything much tonight.  Steak tartare?  Maybe, but just as likely not.  I'd really like to get a smash burger going tomorrow.  They are very easy.  The more difficult part is getting the grill hot enough, without it becoming too hot.  Always a trick.  I do have buns, though they can go bad fast.  I'll look them over.  May put them in the fridge overnight just in case.  And, rather than using butter to fry them, use my homemade mayo.  I have heard that works.  Perhaps fries again.

What's with all the carbs?  Sort of... a signing bonus.  Not good for my health, but it does get me out there, grilling.  And, that is the only way I am going to learn.  I had some hesitancy, due to the learning curve.  Went overboard looking for advice, tips, tricks to using this griddle.  Almost didn't want to do it.  But... am getting to it.

I am hoping to get to some dishes.  But truly, having trouble standing, and worse trouble staying awake.  Not sure what the deal is.  Perhaps I should turn the heat up a bit.  Maybe it is just too chill, no matter?  Dunno.  Will turn the heat up, see what I can get to.

Breakfast!

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Well, a bit ago.  From the griddle.  The potatoes took a very long time, but I did get them done correctly.  I had meant to buy french fries and hashed potatoes, but got fries and tator tots instead.  Either wasn't thinking clearly, simply grabbed the wrong bag, or changed my mind later?  I... don't remember.  Who does?

Still, I got to it.  As well, I fried two of the sausage patties.  Not big, and only two, which is... plenty.  Along with those, I had three eggs.  It wasn't all that much food.  But I am absolutely stuffed.  Everything was done just right, and warm... at the start.  Eating in the front room, it cooled off a bit too quickly.  But I have turned the furnace down to 68.

With it warming outside, 47 last I checked, I don't need as much heat.  On days that are warmer, like today, I will turn the furnace down.  Which will make some rooms even cooler.  At least until the sun begins turning this front room into a heatbox again.  Still, that will do.  I will just have to begin retreating back into other parts of the house, and putting ac up.  Only one, as it is turning out.  Though both in means I can do the cooling on the cooler side of the house.  It... does make a difference in the upstairs open room.

The patties were finished first, and set off.  But I just put them back on while frying the eggs over easy.  I didn't do a perfect job with the eggs, but didn't break the yokes, and they were cleanly done without being overly done.  It's just that they could have been cleaner.  I ripped some of the whites.

After finishing the food, I put it on a paper plate, inside a smaller shipping box left over.  Closing that up as a minor warming box.  Did well.  Then I cleaned the surface and lightly oiled it... using several paper towels to spread the oil and remove excess.  I plan on buying cloth towels, instead of going through rolls of paper towels.  Especially if I am going to eat off the thing more like on a daily basis.

Couldn't wake in time.

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I set an alarm for six and eight.  Going down at midnight thirty, give or take a quarter, I knew it was pushing things.  But I got caught up in finishing the sauasage packing.  You can only go just so fast.  I am sure, with practice, time can be cut.  But... even then, only so much.

I slept very well.  Smelled of sweat, even having showered earlier.  All good.  Would have showered but it was late and I was finished for the day.  Down.  I fell down into sleep, I didn't just drift off.  I woke, to pee, often.  And voided about two liters.  Still getting rid of excess fluids.  Will hit the waterpills again, today, and the painpills, for my heart.

The painpills won't work on headaches, in sequential multiples.  I get one shot at headaches, for it to have any impact.  But, it seems, for the heart, painkillers work very well.  At least the excedrin migraine and current version of anacin, I haven't tried the generic tylenol on it, yet.  Now, that... doesn't take affect as quickly, or well pronounce.  Takes longer, on any pain, because it isn't accelerated with caffeine.  So I sort of really have to pay attention with that painkiller.

But, yes.  Between the painkillers, waterpills, and such, even with all the running, my heart hasn't hurt as much yesterday and last night while I slept.  Or this morning.  Still, one final dose today.  Then, this week, I will moderate the pain with sleep and rest.

I have been pushing this last week, and it really got to me.  I will still push, but maybe not so hard.  The thing is, when I am on a roll, it's difficult to not push.

And, I would like to get to mass and swimming twice this coming week.  I want to grill probably nearly daily this week.  And I want to work on the house... sweep and mop the bathroom, clear the kitchen table and floors, clear the entry hallways and laundry room, sweep and mop those rooms.  And of course finish catching up on dishes, keep up on laundry, and maybe get the hammock hung, and that all set up, so I can sleep out there a few nights this week.  

Sounds like a lot.  And, for me, it is.  But, too, as things have been going, it... really isn't all that much for over a week.  I have energy, again.  The sun is almost coming out.  It is 40 this morning... got to 45 yesterday, as I high (in my town, read 58 in Logan?).  So it's starting to... spring.  I am feeling it, enjoying it.

Can I do all those things?  I don't know.  They are on the list.  All I will do today, being it is a holy day, is to cook on the grill, do some cleaning up from yesterday, maybe get a shower even if I did miss the events, as a token of the meaning of the day, and set up and possibly finish the last of the dishes.

This evening, I may pull the top sirloin out and slice another round of tartare.  And, the guacamole was a bit salty.  Probably from the milling.  So I will slice the other half of the tomato, another avocado, the remaining parts of the onion and jalapeno, and try that.  Well, and the limes were just not juicy.  At all.  I'll let the mix marry for a day, while soaking the limes in warm water, hoping they will ripen just a bit more, so as to get some real juice out of one.  Ugh.

So it is.  I did dress, while waking today.  I... couldn't make it to church, but I can push.  I woke as soon as I could.  I dressed, if not Sunday go to meeting proper, but still.  I will shower, trim, maybe shave.  I will enter the next week feet and face forward, with teeth if need be.

As soon as possible, I'll get the grill going.  Some fries, sausage, and eggs easy or medium over.  And, prayers through the day.  Happy Easter.

Way more time than anticipated.

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First, there was putting up the guacamole.  Not a real time spender.  But time spent none the less.  Then there was getting the spices, salt, and else, dicing the fennel seed a bit, then mixing.  I had two packs out, but only had a bowl big enough for one package.  Hmm, actually I had a bigger bowl, was just too tired to think by that point.

Still, I got it going.  Dug it, one package at a time.  Then, after each package was mixed, I started making balls of the stuff and setting them in one of the wrapping papers.  That... took a bit.  Then I realized I had to... do something with them all.  Couldn't just freeze them, they would all stick together!  Ugh.

Parchment paper, in strips.  Wide enough to smash the balls into patties, then with a layer between each other, and the outside.  Eneveloped so as to not stick to... anything?  One can hope.  I did two patties per strip of parchment.  Then put each self-contained pounch of two into a small plastic baggy, quart?  No, sandwich sized.  How many?  I can't be sure, now.  I put most of them in the freezer, leaving two packages (of two each) in the refrigerator.

If I make it to church tomorrow, I will have two of them, with eggs, on the griddle, when I return.  If I miss church, then I will just have them when I wake up.

So tired.  It took a lot longer, and more energy, than anticipated.  Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  This was a definite extension of anticipation.  Still, it is done.  It is hitting 23:14.  Way late, for bedtime.  I did eat well tonight.  And am set to eat well for a while.  I have groups of good stuff.  Frozen, fresh, ready, and waiting.

I didn't get oranges, and just didn't think lemons would work?  Well, they probably would have, for zest.  And I didn't have fresh (or any) cilantro for the guacamole (not from not looking, it just wasn't avaialble).  Still, it is what it is, and isn't, wasn't, and probably won't be, too bad for not having this or that, exactly.  I may add lemon zest to the patties tomorrow.  Curious, now.

Goodnight.

Quite a task.

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As it turns out, getting the shower, dressed, and to town, really did me a job.  Still, glad I got in.  I am set for a goodly while, mostly.

Thirty pounds of ground pork butt, in two pound packages.  Two of those out, ready to be turned into sausage, and maybe right on into patties.  As well, one package of knuckle meat, which turns out was the secondary roast I had selected.  I didn' realize top sirloin was knuckle meat.  Only... I did?  Yes, but I never put the two together.  I knew where it was from, but didn't think of it terms of being on the knuckle of the knee.  Even though I knew it came from there?  :p

So, tonight, I will make about a half a pound of that into beef tartar.  The woman helping me also suggested that the round roast is good for that, perhaps better because it doesn't have seems, and sinue?  Some such.  Which, is good to know.

There was a bit of a mistake.  I had been sure to ask about the price, and been told $4.49 a pound.  I am sure of it.  But, when I got there, the knuckle... top sirloin... was $6.99 a pound?  I... just couldn't do that.  I felt ashamed, but my budget... couldn't do nearly double.

But, first, I had thought I was ordering roasts, but had been about to receive steaks.  Far too chewy for steaks, and already too thin to make thinner.  No good way to cut it, that I could see.

I... was really embarassed.  I was about to just put those three roasts back, after they had been replaced instead of the steaks.  I wasn't going to cry, but my face either went pale or red, or maybe both.  If my expression conveyed embarrassment, not anger.  It happens.

They made it all good.  Got me the roasts, priced them what I had been quoted.  I promise, that is what I was told.  Though... mistakes happen.  I was quite grateful.  And... now... can have both roasts for thin cut, and one for tartar tonight.  I have lemon, lime, jalapeno, capers, gherkins, and a few other things should I choose.  Probably just going with lemon, a bit of jalapeno, capers, and of course extra virgin olive oil.  Mouth is watering.

After that, I would like to get the sausage put together.  Just all, tonight, probably simple italian spice blend, salt, pepper, and fennel seed.  Nothing fancy.  Two pounds of that.  I may fry one small patty, after blending the rest, to do a taste check.  Getting just the right amound of salt and pepper is a trick.  Best to approach from too little than too much, of course.

I don't always like me.  But when I am working with food?  I... like me.  Curious, inquisitive, constructive, creative...  I used to only enjoy cooking, and else, because I liked eating and my options were thin.  Now?  Now I truly enjoy the processes, start to stop, when I am able.

Yes, I bought regular baquettes.  I didn't have time to get the keto flours together, let alone make keto bread yet.  And, I... knew I am pushing it.  So... yes...  I'll make fresh garlic butter, slather that on, and get those going.  Then begin in on the meat part.  It should be much quicker to dice the meat than to roast the bread.

Oh, I did get some ingredients for salsa and/or guacamole.  I won't make that today.  Perhaps tomorrow afternoon.  But I did run a couple of large doses of rock salt through to pulverization, in order to ready the molcajete seasoned, or such.  Either that or rice... I just think rock salt would be better for a flavor imparting standpoint.

So... it might not be rocket science, but engineering can be backbreaking work!  Still, I don't mind.  Now to get some food, then on to bed.  I won't set up dishes, can't get to them before morning.  And, if I am to have a chance to make it to church, and get a shower first, I will need to have that open.  I can only do just so much.

But the next week is coming.  I... can finish the dishes, sweep the bathroom and hall to it, then mop.  Hit the kitchen table.  Clear the kitchen floor and probably at least sweep that.  Then, perhaps, mop.  I am hoping to get caught up, and again ahead by a goodly shot, this coming week.  While learning how to grill on the flattop.  Well, and set up flours, for various keto breads.

Yes, I was able to find affordable xanthan gum, and picked up guar gum to try with things.  Though I think that is more of a cold recipe thickener?  Perhaps they are partially interchangeable?  I'll... figure it out.  Just seemed like not a bad thing else to purchase.  I know both are used in keto recipes.

Ugh...  So tired though.  Another dose of painkiller?  Maybe.  Later, or even goodnight.  If... only to myself?  Who knows.

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I got busy, then forgot to post.  I... guess I'll post and late post.

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Done?  Well, almost.  I got the guacamole finished.  The set about making the beef tartar.  The guacamole was the simple, straightforward version, in the molcajete.  Oh, I... did buy corn chips too.

For the beef tartar, I only did a few things different.  Different from the directions I had, and different from each other.  In both I added nearly invisibly finely sliced yellow onion.  I like the strength.  Just a quarter of an onion between both dishes.  In the other, I added diced jalapeno.  I think I like the jalapeno better.  But both would work on any given day.

I rolled that roast up, and put it in the freezer.  It will be much easier to cut next time.  Still, I did fairly well.  I was happy with the size, chew, and flavor.  As for the baquettes, those were only so so.  Crisp enough.  Perhaps too much garlic?  I minced it, in the butter, with the stick blender.  Maybe too much garlic?  Maybe.  Still, it wasn't horrible, just a bit... much maybe?

Down it went, smoothly and well.  Next time I will add artichoke hearts, but leave all else the same... definitely including about half a jalapeno.  Maybe without bread, or with keto bread by then.  Very pleasant.  Do you have any idea how much that stuff costs, out on the town... assuming you can find it?  It was a small fortune, last time I had it.  And I definitely didn't get as much.  Wonderful.  Now for some guacamole and chips.

Exhausted.  It's about time to try to get to sleep.  Well, after some of the guacamole.  Yeah.  It's been a good day.  Later.

Getting there.

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Not as quickly as hoped, but yes.  A few more recipes considered.  An ingredient list created.  Dishes washed, rinsed, hand dried, now air drying.  Four pee jugs cleared and cleaned.  Yes, I fall behind at times.  Still, doing better today.  The painpills are helping, slightly.  Make take another dose shortly.  Waterpills?  Not sure if they are really helping, but they aren't hurting, yet.

Not sure I will get everything on my list.   Not sure the sirloin tip roasts are still on sale.  Not sure I will be able to find jalapenos.  Not... sure xanthan gum will be available at a reasonable price.  But, I have the list.  And it will go with me.  I'll put it on my coat after finishing this post.

After all that, I need to shower.  Then get dressed.  I'd like to... did... get painkillers down.  Heavier painkillers earlier, lighter if all aspirin (and caffeine) this time.  If the heart is funky, I like to take aspirin, and a bit larger of a dose.  While I am not chewing them, the pain isn't that sort of pain.  Unless I've been having a mild heart attack for the last few weeks?  Nah.

I am also going to see if they have fresh knuckle meat.  I would like to make beef tartar tonight.  Oh, and limes.  I need that for other things.  Ugh.  Should bring home some small be goodly prizes.  Which should last me a reasonable amount of time.

While it may make me later to the store than suggested, I think the meat will be good.  And I can let them know I'll be just a wee later, so they don't worry.  But I would like to get the dishes put up before bringing groceries in.  As well, I would really like to clear off the freezertop.  There weren't that many dishes, so I just left the r.o. countertop device and stick blender kit and stand up there.  But, to get in, those things have to be moved.  It's nice having room before I bring in bags, or have to leave them out there while I tinker.

A good day.  I mean, I am getting to things.  But it is hurting me.  Ugh.  I'll live, probably.  And be set up for a couple of months, on a number of things.  Thanks be to God.  For much.  Even for my pain.  It... sometimes... is all I have.  Plus, when it is lifted, on those rare occasions, I... can truly enjoy the more.

A bit of a start.

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As mentioned, meat was put on order.  Further, if they have sirloin tip roast still on sale, I will order four to six of those.  Hmm, may call in, just to check, have it ready if so.  Medium to small.  Wonderful flavor, if, as mentioned, chewey if cut too thick.

I just hit the dishes.  Then set them to a rinse, as I think they are clean enough.  In an hour, or so, I'll get in and pull them.  Perhaps rinse them hot, again, before hand drying them and putting them out.  By the time I get back, at the lastest, maybe before I go, I will get the dishes put up and the freezertop cleared elsewise, so as to put some of the meats in the deep, drop in, freezer.

With this, the chuck roasts, chicken, and burger from last month, plus maybe the sirloin tip roasts, there is a chance I should be set up for several months.  Possibly five months.  I am eating far less these days.  The only thing to have to keep up on, a bit, is fresh veggies.  But, even those, I don't eat all that much.  It's just a matter of having it be fresh enough when I want to eat it.  That and salad.

The heart hurts, again, deeply.  So I am taking painpills.  As well, I am hitting waterpills.  I seem to be holding onto far too much water these last few days, week?  It goes with the heart pains, I think.  It's just not doing as it should.  We'll see if the painpills work, and the waterpills.  Hoping tomorrow morning will be easier.  Will take more, tomorrow, with some hope, if needed... wanted.  Getting to a full church mass will be... a bit claustrophobic.  I'm not used to crowds.  But, I am getting back to things, or for now.  So... will make all efforts to get there.

Yeah.  I need to get a shower, after dishes.  Then set up the next and nearing last loads, of dishes.  If I can cook outdoors more often, I can really cut down on pots and pans.  Flatware is what it is.  I have tried disposable, but that doesn't work well.  For some things, I may attempt to use chopsticks?  That could really help.  

Will have to process the food more, in prep.  But that will often be for making several meals.  So it will still be easier.  I don't know.  But maybe.  I am truly getting excited about the flattop.  It's not perfect.  It won't do everything (such as roasts, if the egg type grill might do those so even less indoor cooking?).  I just think cooking outdoors almost exclusively would work, at least until I can get a vent hood in the kitchen.  Though, even then... outdoor cooking would be better.

Oh.  I still haven't gotten to mopping the bathroom and bathroom hall.  And I will have to sweep again.  Which reminds me... while I do have mesh door mats, I am thinking of obtaining another sort, a finer mesh sort, so as to scrape bigger bits, then the smaller bits, off at the door.  Once I get my floors up to snuff, especially if I resurface them, some of them, then I want to keep them up.  I may even obtain "bath shoes" in many sizes, for guests.  If I get things cleaned to that level, I will have no difficulty requesting shoes be removed.  Either to wear socks, or the bath shoes... which will be lysol'ed when being put back up.

Hmm?  Well, just thinking out loud, ahead of things.  I have plans.  Not sure they will ever work.  But... so be it.  The plans are good.  Whether solid, and a real future, time only will tell.

Oh, and maybe later today?  I will set up some of the keto flour.  So as to make keto bread, fast or slow.  I have several recipes I'd like to make in slight bulk.  I no longer have xanthan gum, so may look for that at the store.  I looked on amazon, but the price has gone crazy.  If it's that at the store, I'll go without.  Just skip that particular recipe, or find xanthan gum keto alternatives.  Damn.

I have the rest of the ingredients.  From egg protein to oat fiber, maybe wheat fiber.  And, of course, the main types of keto flours, two main... almond and coconut.  And some alternatives even to those, perhaps.  It's just a matter of doing it.  And I have been busing working, cleaning, cooking, getting to town shopping and to mass, so things have... just not been good enough, open enough, clean enough, to get to flour.  But... I think I am getting there.  Tonight, or tomorrow afternoon, I will set up larger batches of the dry mix for various (probably) keto bread/roll/bun/etc flours.  Yes, yes indeed.

Sure, I'll put the recipes up for... some of what is on my mind.  And some alternative recipe types which just include breading of sorts.  Oh... I need to get pork rinds, while at it too.  That can make a decent breading, or even keto panko!  Which... I truly love.  Both of those, really, depending on the meal type.

Oh? Yes.

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I finally, whild unable to do much else, looked up some recipe ideas I have had in the back of my mind for some long time.  One thing at a time.

Up, an early late?

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It is 9:25.  I looked at one clock, then another, finally checking my phone.  Yes, it is.  I haven't been waking until well after ten, sometimes after eleven, lately.  So exhausted.  The cold, the dark, all the running and doing (within my capacity, outside of it lately it seems).  So, this early of a wake is a surprise.  If I had gone to mass last night, I would have been still asleep?  I would have done it if I could have.

It is 34 out there this morning.  One of the first mornings it hasn't been still freezing in... I'm not sure there have been warmer days so far?  Oh, probably.  A few.  But not for a while, when sort of expected to boot.  Still, it's brisk even so.  A bit of a breeze, or it seemed.  And still partly cloudy at least.  It is what it is.

I had a headache most of the night.  Rolling this way, then that.  Adjusting the pillows.  Going to just one.  Moving that from here to there.  It was a rough night, in some ways.  I finally laid flat on my back for an hour?  Then eased over onto one side, then the other.  That seems to have worked.  For the last three or four hours I slept in slightly more comfort.  But the night was sort of shot by then.

Teeth brushed last night and this morning.  Since I am going out more often, I am trying to keep up on my teeth.  Brushing twice a day, morning and night.  I still miss, from time to time.  Sometimes going to bed far too tired, sometimes waking up without actually being yet awake.  But, mostly, I am hitting it.

Trash and recycling out, first thing this morning.  Rebagged the empties, while at it.  Added more oil to the infuser, and lit the candle for that.  Should help.  Taking out the trash can be a smelly business.  Was this morning.

The dishes should just need another quick scrub... for for gits and shiggles than need.  Then a rinse and dry, and then an air dry.  Having cleared and cleaned the freezertop, they will go right to it when I get that far.

Sleep was better last night.  But I have to admit, my heart continues to hurt in a dark way.  I keep honestly wondering if I am dying.  Having a plain kefir this morning.  Pretty tart, but I am getting used to it.  I only sweeten it once or twice a week now.  Much better for me, this way rather than sweetened.

After dishes, a shower I hope.  Then, maybe, the last of the dishes to set up and run through today?  I can hope.  The goal is to get to mass tomorrow morning.  I'm usually not a Sunday type, but this is an important mass.  Trying to step up, keep up.  Obligations don't... aren't... so much an obligation for me.  The dying... not much expected of us, nor can there be.  I can't even work, or I would be working.  God does know.  Given what I believe I have seen, and where I have been, I wouldn't try to pull one over on God.  I do what I can.  He knows.  He knows I push, mostly.  Not past my will, beyond my flesh.  He lends strength to do even what I do.  Including just my next breath often.  All good.

Not sure I can make it, but will be set up to give it a try.  

So weak, tired.

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I can't believe how feeble I have become.  I don't know how it happened.  Is it the heart, or oxygen problems, maybe something else?  I simply don't know.  I keep trying.  And, sometimes I can do some things.  But I am losing ground fast.

I did get to the grill.  Not a lot.  Starting it up.  Doing a bit of seasoning.  And, since it looked good, smelled okay, and seemed right, I did cook, roughly, a plain omelet and some thin cut pork chops.  Then I cleaned it, then lightly oiled it.  I have bacon I may work up tomorrow.  And another batch of eggs.

I bought a lot of eggs when I was at the store last, with this in mind.  Mostly to practice.  No, it isn't as good of eggs as my usual.  But, the bulk buy will allow me much more practice.  I also bought ham, which is in the freezer.  Just a small block of it.  As well, hashed potatoes with which to make hashed browns.  Perhaps combining into a potato, ham, and cheese omelet.  Or... egg fry.

I let it cool, then shut it up, and down, for the night.  It was... interesting.

As well, I hit the freezertop.  While I didn't wash the dishes, I reset them to a hot soak.  Hoping to get that cleared tomorrow.  Then get a shower.  Can't make it to church.  I am really hurting.  Too tired, a bit ill.  Hoping to rest up, do some small bits of work, and be ready for church on Sunday.

Feeling so bad.  The cold may have made things worse, but it wasn't the main problem.  Sleeping cold might have, though, been a part of the problem.  It got down to 52 up there.  Where it has been mostly 57 to 63 upstairs.  So, that... might have messed me up.  Thankfully I did figure out how to start the furnace, and it started easily enough.

Oh, I could slice some of the little remaining of the roast, grill it, with cheese and onion.  Yes.  I would like to get as much practice, as quickly as possible.  Working with veggies, meats, buns/keto breads, and cleaning the various things off while seasoning along the way.  The flattop is much like my carbon steel pans.  Only much more open, easier to flip things, plus it doesn't put grease and oil into my air/kitchen/home.  I am really hoping to cook more outdoors than inside.  My guess is it is cheaper, as well.  Electricity has gone crazy expensive.

Well, on to bed.  Goodnight... to no one, since I don't think anyone actually reads.  Might show up, not sure... I should let them, if so.  If they aren't saying anything, they are just spying.  We'll see.  Later.  Goodnight... whatever.

Can't make it to church today.

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Just too tired.  I needed to wash dishes, take a shower, then get to town.  I... never even got dishes going.  Or yet.  Will still try.  There is hope.  But it is a bit late to make it to town for mass.  While I could still, perhaps, make it to the store, I am not sure I will, or would if I could.  Making it to town would be good, but not sure.  I still have to do dishes, clean the freezertop, get a shower, reset dishes for a rinse (I hope they are clean enough this time), then set them to air dry.

I never quite got over the exhaustion from the cold sleep last night, and cold run this morning.  Oh, and the clouds are back, darkening the world.  Just as soon as I get feeling better, by the world warming or sun shining, it goes dark and cold, and I crash.  So be it.

Still, planning to make a stab at dishes.  And cleaning the freezertop.  Then getting a shower.  But will I be able to finish the dishes?  Dress to get to town?  Maybe cook a meal?  I don't know.

I have also been looking at looking for things to work on the grill.  A water bottle, perhaps.  A container for fat, or bottle for oil.  I could use light olive oil.  It isn't perfect, but it's better than the seed oil options.  As well, I'd just like to get out and tinker on it.  Just... because.  But, if I liked what I saw, I might even grill a meal.  If... things worked out well enough.

I've been eating grapefruit the last few days.  Bought fresh, and quite good.  The first one I ate in the more civil way... slicing it in half, then cutting the tenders.  The other two I simply peeled and ate in sections.  I much prefer the section consumption.  You do have to get your hands dirty, but that's fine by me.  I haven't had one in... years.  Three, four, five?  It's been a while.  I sure enjoyed.

I'll game a bit, turn up the furnace in order to attempt to warm in order to get on the dishes.  Have a bit of kefir.  Love that stuff, perhaps reset it if there is space, or eat another dose later to make room.  Maybe make a french press coffee in a bit, which also warms me, and gives me a little goose to get going.

I will pray, even if I can't make it to church.  I can only do what I can do.

It looks like someone might be visiting.  Can't be certain.  They aren't leaving digital tracks that make sense.  Some of the tracks look like they could be mine.  Though... I have doubts about that.  But some of them aren't... mine, for certain.  Never can tell.  There were some people who were given access, last time I cut out.  Not sure if they would remember, or know how to access.  It's been a while.  I just don't know.