A bit done.

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Coffee going.  Food in the oven.  Trash and recycling to the bins, then the bins to the curb.  Gaming while food, coffee, water filtrstion, and the ice machine did there things.  I would have made mom her coffee, set it up anyway.  But she had already done that.

Later than I thought.  Not sure when I really started, though thought it was nearing and just after two?  Being just after five, I suppose that is to be expected.

My breath, air, was fine through the efforts.  But while sitting, gaming, coming down?  My breath seemed to escape me again.  That's actually spooky.  Oh well.  Good night.

Brutal exhaustion.

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The goal of helping mother with the salsa went terribly.  To be fair, two days ago, we ended up on the road, in shops, and else, from ten to seventeen thirty.  Me being exhausted at the start.  Then she wanted to try to work a half bushel of roma tomatoes.

I did what I could do.  Had to call it off.  Especially with her wanting that, this, else, and help on top of it.  Not a happy night.  As well, she has been pushing on this and that even through today.

I hit a point when I couldn't breath well.  Not quite to the point of going to the hospital, but to the point where standing, helping, became questionable.  She had awaken me too many times, I couldn't get back to sleep, or help her.  I had to make sure she understood that more pressure might see me to the hospital... so there would be no help.

I eventually got down, for a bit.  Resting mostly.  Sleeping a bit.  Now awake for a bit again.  I'm planning on getting coffee, perhaps heating leftover roast, drinking water, and taking night meds.  On the good side, bp was 118/68 or so, pulse around 76.  Not sure about blood sugar.  Bleh.  But that is an excellent bp and pulse.

I'll get trash out.  See if that gives rise to breathing issues.  Was it breathing, or simply my body being unable to use oxygen?  Was short of breath, to the point of seeing stars.  Not good.  Well, and feeling as if my body was nearly suffocating.  

Oh... a few vids.  One on essays, one on learning techniques, and one on... relaxing, just a bit.  Living, a bit more in the present.  And a final one on... me, I think.  Though, who ever knows?  Still haven't figured out how to embed vids, so it is what it is.

Anyway... on to food, domestics, and maybe some gaming before I attempt to sleep again.  Brutally tired, painfully exhausted, but I can't sleep.  I'll keep doing what I can, or must, or must not.  Later or good night.

Difficult week.

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.

I am having trouble.  Mother is having trouble.  Exhaustion weighs on both of us.  Mom keeps trying to push through.  I want to help, but have hit a wall of sorts, hit it hard.  Plus, I have so many things I need to do, new and old.  Keeping on top of just my stuff is terribly problematic.  Add in her wants and needs and life gets really rough quickly.

She has various therapists visiting.  As well as medical appointments.  Though, too, wants to work with Jasmine, has a couple half bushels of two types of tomatoes to make into salsa, and is trying to catch up on the house, and keep up.  However, also while very degraded from the hospitallizarion.

Up earlier.

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It has been some time since I woke before even say ten?  So tired.  Sore.  Other problems.  Including body cramps, usually legs, somtimes arms, ribs.  Yesterday night it was, strangely, just the left leg.  More, all of my normal methods failed.

Standing on it only made it worse.  Massaging it didn't help at all.  In desparation, I had to try something novel... laying back down, and completely telaxing the leg, bending it at the knee, tucking it into myself so as to have no muscles in contraction or extension.  It worked very well, oddly.  Took a very long time to figure out though.

Rough.

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I was supposed to be up to see mom Thursday.  Then Friday.  Tomorrow?  Things, exhaustion, an appointment today.

New windows.  Scheduled soon.  A final fitting before long.  Then, in eight weeks, installation.  Most of the downstairs windows to be replaced.  Save the new one recently installed.  Part payment, mostly financed.  The windows really needed replaced.

Up late.

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Up all day as well.  Not doing much.  Just to be awake a whole day is something I haven't been able to do for months.  The last few days have been better that way.  In spite of temps, in the house, being down in the high sixties to low seventies.

Feeding the girls.  Giving them more attention.  Not a lot, but it is something.  With mother planned to be returning Monday, I need to do some cleaning and straightening.  It isn't too bad.  But... there are things to do.

On to bed.  Good night.

Visited mother.

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I stayed overnight as well.  I had meant to be up earlier in the day, then leave near the middle of the next day.  As it turned out, I got there later, so stayed until later in the afternoon.  I got to see how well she was doing, and what she was doing.

Much better, but still somewhat limited.  Able to do many things, but her flexibility is limited, reaching to the floor, her feet.  She'll need the brace until she doesn't.

Problems, plans, a next few starts.

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I finally put out the word, on mother's condition.  Texting a lengthy writ about what is and isn't a problem, what is being done, and a few bits beside.  It took a while.  I was waiting on more complete information, then forgot.

Something else I forgot was medicine.  Checking bp today was back to spooky.  It was 220/110.  *sigh*  I started back on medicine.  What caused me to notice was swelling in the feet.  Ugh.  On the good side, my blood sugar readings are superb.  The weekly average is 95, biweekly is 98, monthly is 104, and three month is 130.

Mom called.

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She sounded healthy, better, much better.  They are doing physical and occupational therapy.  The latter is more cognition, memory, and such like testing.  She is doing exceptionally well.  Which I suspected she would.  Which is why I wanted her in the more intensive program, there at the hospital.

Beside my belief she would do well, I was sure she could handle it.  Which is proving out.  I feared a nursing home.  Much less rigor.  And they want to keep them, don't really want them to improve.

Late, but I made it.

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Traffic was tough.  Construction to stoppages.  But that wasn't the problem.  I was up early enough.  Couldn't get going.  Moving slow.  Did take a shower, trimmed my whiskers, brushed the teeth.  Dressed.  Thought I was moving along well.  No, I was going very slow.

I started in on things around 10:30 to 11:00.  Didn't hit the road until 14:00 or so.  Got up there around 15:00.  My new route should have seen me there a quarter to, but traffic and construction slowed me down.

Oh good!

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An early call.  I have my phone on, charged, near me, and am attempting to be attentive... even if I am still sleeping a lot.  At a bit after five this morning, mom called.  Wasn't absolutely sure it was her, looked to be the number from the hospital.  I figured it was her so answered.

A bit of a talk.  She is coherent.  Sleepy, groggy, a bit rough, but awake and aware.  She didn't know I had visited.  But that didn't surprise me.  They said they were lowering her pain pills, and changing them.  It took a while for that to happen, or take effect.

Snoozing and losing?

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I meant to be to the hospital yesterday.  Barring that, today.  Both days even.  Not possible.

You may not know, but I have a bad feeling about hospitals.  For more reasons than I could easily pen.  Stress levels are teetering on the high end.

Out, finally.

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Later than planned.  But to it, yesterday.  I started my shower at a quarter to noon.  Planned to get to the hospital by 13:00?  For some reason, or several, I didn't make it there until 15:00, or nearly.

It wasn't that long of a drive.  An hour?  Or so.  I really didn't exactly know where I was going, but had a general idea?  I pretty much got it.  Passing the turnoff, but suspecting I had within... five blocks, getting my phone out, and using the map app.

Awake, for a while.

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Late, at waking.  Fed Sassy.  Will check on Jasmine, and her food.  A prong collar arrived today, something the trainer suggested.  As well, other items he recommended are on the way.  Training tools.  Plus the extended leash, and choke lead, he recommended and I purchased after the lesson.

When I can... get to more, I will.  Working with her, walking her, doing some training.  To make her more manageable, socialize her, and things?  We will see.  While only a medium sized dog, she has outsized potential.  She has to be managed, trained.  But will yet always be a dog.

Difficulties.

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Stress.  Down.  Had hoped to visit mother today.  Maybe to bring her home, if hoping she would stay a bit longer.  I won't be able to make it today.  Hoping to get a shower in a bit.  Well, after a nap, or longer sleep.

I woke for a few hours, to now.  But have just been crawling.  My uncertainty regarding mother, her condition, what all to do, and just my continued lethargy, have me pinned.  Blood sugar was 90.  Haven't checked bp.  I have been so off my game that medicine has been forgotten.  If food too.

Again.

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Mother took another, if much worse, tumble.  Again, while trying to handle Jasmine.  This time through a grouping of things.

We invited a trainer, for a free (first), sample.  I wasn't sure what to honestly expect from a single session.  But, to be absolutely honest, I was impressed.  As was mother.  I... am beginning to believe she might just work out.

Spooky.

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.

Well, to some.  Actually to me as well.  Too close.  Haven't figured out how to embed vids.  And rarely watch vids these days.  But, sometimes, something catches... my attention.  Not sure I should share.  Don't always.  But... sometimes.  That, to me, was more than a wee spooky.

Oh, but not hidden for fear, darlings.  While some might understand?  The depth it would require to develop understanding would require volumes, days of discussion, and that for some of the brief considerations.  Even then, many wouldn't, most can't, understand.  If I don't care to be, or that I am or am not, understood.

Yeah, no.

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She is definitely out of the game for a bit.  She did wake, get up.  We had coffee, a bit of a talk.  I helped her with a few things, then got her back to bed, and bundled.  She is in rough shape.  I'll try to get her to take it easy for a bit.  I don't think it will be a hard sell.

I canceled the appointment.  If I need to cancel another and make two others.  Ugh.  But not this morning.  Later.

I did get trash together and out.  Almost chilly out there.  But supposed to get into the 90s the next two days?  It does cool better, and isn't staying hot long.  Very strange year, for heat and cool, this year.

It's time to go on back to bed myself.  My ribs hurt just a bit, have for a while.  Final healing processes from my fall?  Or just... something else?  I never can be sure.  On to rest.  Can't do much else.

Wanted a shower, and last night.  Can't quite pull it off.  Now or then.  Be well.

Up on time.

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Now, down to take a shower.  Checking on mother.  And, probably, canceling a procedure.  It is her ribs of most concern.  Not sure she will be able to get out of bed today.  Hoping her back isn't hurt too, but think it was her ribs.  So delicate, even I at times, in ways.

Dreamed.  Resurrected from the casting of stones in the form of the bowie knife.  It hurt more to heal than the production of the wound.  Now I am sure I can have dreams continue.  I was pretty sure I have, but heard that isn't possible.  Again, so much for experts.

Mother went down hard.

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Took the dog for a walk.  She took off on her.  Mother wouldn't let go of the leash.  Ended up down very hard.  Glad I reminded her to take her phone.

I have learned, sometimes, to ignore what mom thinks, and do things more my way.  In this case, getting her up.  If not until we got her sorted, making sure we should move her.  Still not absolutely convinced, on that account.  May yet need to call an ambulunce.  I will leave that call with her, until or unless I have greater cause to set her wishes aside.

Oh, for selling house?

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I must admit, I missed the bubble.  If I could sell, at this point, it would most likely just clean the slate.  Pay off debts, perhaps walk with a few tens of thousands.  Buyers are not out there, for listed or suggested prices.  Not even steeply discounted prices.  I have been watching for a while.  More locally, regionally.

Some think a drop in interest rates would help.  And it might, for a few who are ready to buy and sell, or on/in the market.  It would be a trick, short term.  Only for a few, and not a great bet even then.  Possibly better than renting?  In some odd markets, maybe.

But, houses seem not only be have prices crashing, without selling even so.  But with very little interest on any front.  As mentioned, I would only sell if I could pay everything and then pay off another house.  The market won't support that, no matter what the state or else says the house is worth.  It's about as good as the used diamond market, currently.  Even with a serious downgrade in house size.

Absolutely couldn't take the hit, only to have to buy into a different house, in the inflated market even with those caveats, at this interest rate.  Stuck.  No way out whatsoever, unless selling and going overseas.

Renting the place is a thought.  But that would be rough.  Assuming the government doesn't stop landlords from collecting again?  They really... killed trust by doing that, in an already rocky industry.  I have to think that was part of why it was done.

Rent is good money, if you can actually get it.

Of course, there is mom.  But if she pushes beyond my ability to recover?  I'll have to figure something else out for her anyway.  I simply won't allow her to drive me into the grave.  Ugh.  My brother and she are better matched, but he'd have none of it.  Too bad.  He could use the help, and oddly could keep up with her.  His wife wouldn't have it either.  Oh well.

I suppose he already has a woman shoving him toward his casket.  Two is at least one too many.  *grins*

Later.

Sleeping in volume.

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Mom is getting lonely.  But I can't do much for it.  Every time I wake to talk, she begins making lists of things to do.  It is, if reports are accurate, back into the high eighties again.  Between her and the heat, medicine, and what has been done this summer in the heat, I am done until I can recover.

I won't let her, or events, kill me.  She just refuses to understand.  So must be left to herself.  She asked that I wake and be present with her this noon, for a few hours.  I said I would, but that I wouldn't work.  Will see.  If it is more attempted pushing, it will be a short visit.

----------

A monster?

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How would you know if you are one?  I can't say for all.  For me?  I couldn't see until I came to the light.  Until I first began discerning virtue from vice.  And, more, seeking virtue.  If virtue, I further came to understand, was truly God writ small.  A terrifying realization, mind you.  As I have written, I initially thought I could obtain virtue, but use it to my ends, and turn it on or off as if it had a power switch, like a light.

But, no.  Virtues aren't toys, tools, or owned items.  I either had them, used them, as on-only systems (to within my limited abilities, mind you), or not.  And, as strongly as I tried, even with sincere practice, to some degree, virtues escape me.  Still learning.

Much sleep.

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Mother calls me, she says.  I don't remember.  Sleeping eighteen, twenty, more hours at a time.  Do I get up, for water, a bite, the facilities?  Not that I recall, though not that I would.

Tired beyond some of your ability to uunderstand.  I won't say sleep is helping?  But it isn't hurting.  Mostly sleeping, now.  Not partly resting as before.

A very long sleep.

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Through the night, day, and afternoon.  Not up until 17:30?  More like 19:30.  Felt better for it.  Muscles didn't burn.

Blood sugar was 86, but I felt good.

She's not happy.

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Wanted Jasmine indoors, without the cage.  I agreed, so long as she was connected to a tether.  Either in an eyebolt, or something secure.  Furious.  Asked why I hated the dog.  I told her that I have an old hobbled up cat.  And a household.  Both need to be protected.

I had a pool I used to use for the ducks.  Mom wanted to use it for her dog.  Okay.  Three days later that was absolutely torn to pieces.  No.  That dog gets no freedom in this house until she is trained, proven, and even then only when we are home.  A lot of ifs.  No exceptions.

Hoped.

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.

Up earlier, I had hoped to do... things.

Blood sugar, bp, and medicine taken.  Coffee made and consumed, as well as kefir.  Love that stuff.  A list made, calls to make.  A shower planned.  Work planned.  Not many things, but some.

Up a bit late.

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Better, or I should say earlier.  But... need to push for even earlier.  I have an early morning appointment coming up.  I am a bit worried.  Have genuinely been trying to wake early.  Setting the alarm clocks, varying bed times, even sleeping through whole days.  Difficulties.

Dying faster?  Maybe, maybe not.  Certainly closer to death than age would indicate.  It's... like a piece of mostly dead near orbit space debris.  If it is falling into the gravity well, but has propulsion, or enough remaining velocity, inertia, it just won't fall.  Inertia, though?  Or some propulsion I simply don't understand... the hand of God?

Hating me?

.

.

Oh, saw it the other day.  A local woman, walking with her child.  Wouldn't wave back.  Hard looks.  She clutched her child and hurried off, looking back in fear?  Sour sentiment?  I was pretty sure why.  I just chuckled.

As I have said before, I don't make the rules.  I don't even enforce them.  From gravity, to biomechanics, to solar forces, laws and principals are not only not my doing, they are beyond my understanding.  This I have known... from before you, or I, were even born, even the first time.  Certainly the next times.  Might not come back whole, from death.  But I didn't come back lessor, save from a worldly view.  Things I realized, I think from... before the big bang.  The beginning.

Some small bits.

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A bit at waking.  Not much.  I am still rough.  A few things.  A bit later?  Very few things.  She has been backing off on attempting to machine-gun orders.  I might or might not do a few things.  But soon or late I just shut down and crash.  I really need rest, sleep.

It is just starting to begin to sort of start cooling.  Days are more in the 80s, if nights, lows, are just getting to the low 60s.  Warm.  Hot really, especially without cooler nights.  Days are supposed to be dipping into the low 80s and mid to lower 70s in the next week or two.  Rain is supposed to be arriving.  Clouds have been passing through, but rain has been scant.  We keep hoping.

A list of things, mostly calls, tomorrow.  But... many calls.  Oh, and dental too.  Ugh.  Something forgotten on the list.  I think there are half a dozen calls already.  Just one run, mom's medicine.  Probably?

As catastrophic?

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.

A regular read suggested that ignoring the laws of social dynamics is, in time, just as disastrous as ignoring the laws of thermodynamics (or, presumably any solid physics or engineering laws or principles).  You can squeak by, for a while.  Taking a few losses over time, which begin to compound as the ignored truths are applied to all else.  Then roads, buildings, electronics, planes, or in this case societies, collapse.  Often, I would go further, one failure inexorably leads to the failure in all the others if pushed by tptb.

I... must debate that.  No, it is true, as far as it goes.  Where it fails is the level of destructiveness.

Never quite sure.

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.

I have talked around the cage, for Jasmine.  Not... certain whether mother is resigned to keeping it, yet.  Or onboard.  I won't have her loose in the house.  But would very much like to have her in the house.

Not just on cold days.  Or hot ones.  If we travel.  When weather is bad.  Or even often just sometimes during the day.  Even if she and Sassy can learn to get along, a dog simply shouldn't be allowed to roam a house without people, or even always with people home.  Sometimes.  Destructive animals.

A bit, earlier.

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Just one wagon unloaded.  Quite a pile out there.  Or group of piles.  Each wagon drops between one and two square yards of material.  I think there are between eight and twelve loads out there.  I would guess five to ten more will end up out there, or so.

I also reset kefir.  Then cleared the freezer top.  Mom wanted to find meat packages to pull to the other freezer, or begin thawing.  I'll reset that, if she hasn't.  Currently it is where I let kefir ferment, make ice and (my french press) coffee, and filter water.  Will, in time, move those to other stations so that pulling packages from the deep freeze isn't such a hastle.

She remembers what she wants to believe.

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I told her I won't, can't, work for a bit.  On top of last night's painful horror, and general exhaustion from pushing too long, as well as it still staying in the 90 F range?  I'm done until it cools.  That's just the way of it.  I should say, until it cools and then I catch my breath.  A week of cooler weather, then we'll see.  Two?

Well, and still adjusting to medicine.  Which I have been missing, lately.  Ugh.  I'll have to sort that.  Getting three out of four doses, but that isn't enough.  I have to push, especially now that I am taking a break.

A change of plans.

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Mother had wanted me to buy a storage system.  I've been hemming and hawing about it, quite spendy.  She suggested she would pay a certain amount a month on it.  But, if she is looking for a way out, of here, I can't make that deal.

To be honest, I have been looking for a way out of that deal.  Selling it, in the future, might be difficult, and it would be at a bit, or lot, of a loss.  Just getting it off the property might be a trick, potentially an expensive one.

Well, there is that.

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Didn't measure for the dog cage?  Nope.  Measured the dog.  Chose "roomy" based on that.  Didn't want her ears touching the top of the cage.  So had to take the length required.  Didn't measure the room, or doors.

No, it won't, constructed, fit through the doors.  So, has to be built in her room.  BUT,  only after completely reorganizing her room.  Moving her bed, bed stand, and one of her dressers.  Plus rearranging a third of her room, otherwise, in general.

Pain.

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It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Cramps, multiples, in the legs, plus the arms this time.  A new or rare thing.  Toss in a headache.  The type of extreme pain that used to cause me to scream, and emit tears past any resistance.  I have learned to... relax, make no sound, and hold tears.

It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Six months?  A year?  And a while before that time, again, and again, rarities for... some time.  But, about three years ago, and on back, it was a monthly to weekly, rarely even more often clusters of, events.  I keep daring to hope those episodes are gone.  Wasn't sure how well I would hold up.

Not much.

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Too late.  Too slow.  I couldn't get out today, mostly.  I did take Jasmine for a short walk.  I helped mom with a few things.  We had supper.  We talked from time to time.

I made three calls.  To a phone company, about a phone that hasn't showed up.  A line, because of that, that I haven't used.  A bill that is overdue, which needs to be corrected.  There isn't a manager in the office until Monday.  And one of them seems required to do more.

Oh, right?

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When preparing to get to town, deciding what to wear, I saw a stack of jeans.  Wasn't sure what size any of them was.  Picked the solid denim colored ones.  Wranglers.  Looked new.  Dug around for the size a while, before seeing the size tag.

I doubted it would fit, but you never know.  I'm still a fatboi.  Don't doubt it.  I am 6'5" and change, at 234, but yes, still have a belly.  Getting that last fifteen to thirty pounds off is proving impossible.  Still, having the first eighty five to one hundred fifteen pounds off is a good start.  Even if that is it.

A later start.

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Mom called around seven?  Eight?  Offered breakfast.  Bacon and eggs.  Oh, this morning, that sounded good.  I hoped she didn't expect a lot.  As I mentioned, yesterday, while I had things to do, I wouldn't be doing much otherwise, for a while.  I'm mostly pretty done.

I don't mind carrying laundry, or taking out trash and recycling.  Things like that.  Especially if she can have two or three such tasks ready to go at once.  I have strength to do any normal job.  I just don't have stamina, or the ability to start, and stop, then continually start and stop.  No!  But three, even four, hefty even, tasks at once, then a rest.

Out, starting.

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The dog got a short walk today.  I couldn't do a long walk, even based on my property.  Enough that we worked together a bit, she got off the long static line, and was able to check part of her world.  Fed, as well.  Last night we offered her kefir cottage cheese.  Unlike Sassy, she seemed to like that!  Will give her some every few days.

I don't want to feed her or Sassy human food, or modern human food.  Meats?  Fermented dairy?  Sure, in some moderation.  Raw is better for them, if Sassy won't eat raw.  I'll bet Jasmine will.  And, on steak days, and roast days, she may well get a quarter pound of raw.  As well, when doing burger.  Not so much pork of any kind.  Chicken?  Probably cooked, since I do the whole bird?  Or maybe wings raw?  Not sure that is safe for her?

Didn't know.

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I thought certain folk had stopped reading here?  Maybe they have.  Or haven't.  That they still read would explain some things.  Among menfolk, to a degree.  If probably, at least in part, from anger from, and about, their ladyfolk of various relations.  Sisters, wives, aunts, grannies even.

I... did say I have a way with women.  And it's not as they would have it, if it is the only way I can offer.  They were mean, a lot meaner, for most of my life.  Now?  I don't mean to be mean but I refuse to be other than honest.  It isn't even payback.  Just a solid masculine maturity.

Thorns.

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Some of the weeds have them.  Not even thick gloves help.  Try as one might, avoiding contact isn't possible.  So, when barbed, or cut?  It hurts for days.  I can't see anything to remove.  It either heals over time, or the nano-darts are absorbed.  It's been hurting since two mornings ago.  Just the right index finger.  But any physical touch on that finger hurts like a fresh stab... group of them.  Why just one finger?  Would have thought it would have stung all the fingers, even the whole hand.  Nope, just that one finger, and just the tip.

Up around five.  I went down last night, only to need to get back up.  Bathroom issues, though to get trash out as well.  Wasn't sure I would be up early.  While awake, not absolutely certain I am getting out of bed.  Maybe?

Up, doing better.

.

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I woke around 18:00, 19:00, or so.  It was still warm, if slowly beginning to cool.  I was hoping mom wouldn't jump me to do things.  I would have just gone back to bed.  No way I was going to do much.  Feeling better didn't mean feeling at all good.

She did start in about Sassy getting sick.  I just told her that goes with having a cat.  She kept yammering.  I was about to go back to bed, because there is nothing to discuss.  Either leave it, or deal with it.  Sassy was here first.  But she stopped.

Ah, that is the problem.

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Too much medicine.  I have to be careful.  The size of pill was changed.  I was thinking the dose was doubled, for some strange reason.  It wasn't.  It was quadrupled, from 3.125 to 12.5 mg, or thereabouts.  So, when taking one and a half pills, I was taking not my proposed 9.xx, but 18.xx to 19.xx mg.  Way over the 12.5 max, amd well over my comfort zone.

My bp must be absolutely crashing.  So... yea.  I will see if she can get them to go back to 3.125 or even 6.25 mg doses.  Which I can parse more simply.  Because, yes, taking a lower dose when bp is low, or full dose when it is high, really helps.  Can't easily do that accurately with such large dose pills.

Supper was good.

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Beef and gravy, a rare potato, and keto cake with fresh whipped cream.  Medicine?  May have forgotten?

A few final things for the night.  Tired.  Some work in the morning, if possible.

Oops.

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She got away.  I, finally, wrangled her off the long lead and onto the walking leash.  She was secure.  But then she wrapped around my legs.  As I was getting her untangled, she bumped and pulled just right, to get the leash latch undone, then it was off to the races!  Very clever girl.  She knew what she was doing.  Gotta watch this one.

I was not certain she would be found, come back.  Barking, down the way.  Was hoping she had found those dogs she met last night.  By the time I got there, she was long gone.  I walked a bit further, but was finished.  Heading back, I thought I saw flashes of her, in a neighbors yard.

No barking?

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.

I expected barking, or at least whining.  She is still a puppy.  But, no.  Not even when other dogs were barking this morning, at her.  Not a peep.  Amazing.

Mom wanted her in last night, I said no.  That would become every night.  However, on one night a week, starting later next week (once she is adjusted to being outdoors as a usual), I agree she can be in for a day a week.

We were told she is housebroken.  Will find out.  Only allowed in mom's room.  With the door shut.  A cage, starting next month.  Though, with a cage, the room door can be open to see if Sassy can sort her out.  That is the final stress point that has to be arranged, covered.

But, so far, she is proving to be an amazing pick.

As it turns, she is a Shiba Inu, German Shepherd, mix.  The dog that saved me, by running into traffic, stopping traffic, was named Shiba.  A turn of time, a turn in return?  No, we didn't know that when we got her.  Initially told probably all shepherd.  Didn't find this out until reading the paperwork from adoption.

The old lady, driving, didn't see me.  She stopped, breaked hard, for Shiba.  Who bolted to stand over me.  Didn't see me until she got out to shoo the dog.  Who wouldn't let any near me.

My brother, it seems, let me out.  Still not sure if he was trying to help or kill me.  Still not sure about the lad, to this day, at any given time.  *grins*

Still, one more solid for the gal.  I have to think her previous owner died.  You wouldn't spend that kind if time, and possibly money, to simply turn such a dog in, over.  Probably a guy, women just want to own, love, rarely master, befriend, a dog.  Either a young man, learning his first powerful class of dog, or an old man wanting a smaller power class of dog.  But, make no mistake, bitch, snaller, she is a power dog, a working class.  Quite the little lady.  Impresses even me, and that's a reasonable feat.

The doggie is home.

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Didn't want to get out again today.  But the driver license and dog where issues.  So in we went.  I wanted a shower.  Just couldn't.  Too tired, heating up, running late even for having gotten up early.  Besides I have showered the last two or three days in a row.  Some days one just has to go as is.

First, the driver license.  Oh, I was really beginning to think they just didn't want her to get one.  New and harder rules, requirements, and issues every time we went.  Been through it myself.  Wasn't sure I would get mine, several times.

Laughed, I did.

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After being out with me, especially recently, last night mother said I shouldn't aim for a thirty year old woman.  I just chortled.  It isn't as much a choice as the limits of what I would and could use and tolerate.

Pretty forty year old women?  Pretty youngish women with tattoos, piercings, and else?  Pretty bigger younger women?  Maybe.  Simply isn't going to happen.  I am not interested.  They know it, I know it.

Up early.

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Things to do.  Have to get going earlier today.  As well, have appointments coming up.  Early.

I have been fighting to get up, at all, lately.  Eight to ten hasn't been unusual.  Sleeping a lot, so it isn't as if I am overdoing things, sleeping too little, or not getting rest.  Still trying to tolerate medicine, and it is still high summer.

A few things.

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To the Mexican store.  A look around.  Several things not found at other grocers.  Some items for regular menudo, a store made sauce, and a few odds and ends.

Before that a stop at the pound.  Mom looked at two particular dogs.  One an older yellow mix, the other a younger shepherd.  Both gals.  Still not sure, but I am letting her pick the shepherd.

Awake so late!

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The three alarm was turned off.  Thought about getting up then.  Couldn't.  The five alarm was dragged through to forty after, then reset to six.  Which was dragged through to twenty after six.  Turned off because it wasn't happening.  I woke a bit after seven, then seven thirty four, then eight ten, finally stirring around a quarter after eight.

A ten minute waking time.  Pj's on.  Blood sugar checked.  Then down the stairs.  Outside, to look around.  Then back in.  Windows closed before it heats up.  It is supposed to get into the low 90's today.  Still so warm, and no rain.  A few clouds, from time to time.  But they just linger and melt away, or blow through with any precip it might contain.

A few things.

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One of the lines up and out.  A pair of sprinklers on that one.  The other line half done.  Not enough splitters or compression fittings, so those were ordered.  Supposed to be here tomorrow.  Which is fine, or latter if that happens.  

While I was out, the wind picked up, or really, got hot so I noticed it.  A high desert wind, seriously blowing with gusts to add bite.  The opposite of a cold winter wind, oh, and with handfuls of dirt and dust thrown in the more to satisfy.

A few small things.

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I moved the pull cart over to the other piles.  Emptied it, if separating trash for the garbage.  Only branches and such for those piles.  Then put the lawn tractor back where it is easy for her to use.  Sure was warming up out there.  She loves the heat, sun.  It about kills me.

She showed me, finally, a hole out there.  Probably how mice get in.  One place, to be sure.  I need to dig down, see exactly what is going on.  I am guessing there is a hole through the foundation.  An old conduit, or water pipe, or hole for one of those.  Steel wool and concrete should close that up.

Later and later.

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Heard the three alarm.  I think.  Just turned it off.  Heard the five alarm.  Worked it to five forty?  Reset it for six.  Hit the snooze twice?  Turned it off because I thought I had it, was awake.  Woke up around seven after seven.  Even then it was a struggle.  

Down.  A few morning chores.  I think the last water filtration run is going.  A second and final ice batch is being made.  It is reading 69 F here at nine.  I started mom's coffee, and called her.  She isn't ready to get up.  Which is fine.

As much as I could do.

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Breakfast too.  Three country eggs between us?  Oddly, that was plenty.  Scrambled, with cheese, on keto tortillas, with bacon?  I'm stuffed.

Three sprinklers checked, fixed, and set up.  I will need to pull one of the new ones out, get it aimed and set up, then get hoses on the last two.  Connect the timer box as well.  I did profram the timer, for two zones, each timed independently.  Hope it works.  The front lawn is, mostly, green and going well.

Some of it.

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Mom is having trouble getting one of her medications.  Not a med I approve.  Perhaps something they are pulling back on, not approving locally, or backing away from nationally.  Trulicity.  They pulled her off the brand name in Iowa, it may be going away here sum total.

But, everyone knew it was coming up, dragged their feet about applying out here, then acted surprised when it wasn't approved already.  Playing dodgeball with approval.  I try to guide her, but she is certain they will just 'do it'.  Nope.

I set up for a medical thing.  It's how it will work.  That went very smooth.

Now to call the church, to begin working on confessions.  Then, after that, begin going to weekday mass, solo if need be, a few times a week, for a month... to acclimatize to being back in church, with smaller crowds first.

No travel today.  Tomorrow?  Maybe.  Or the day after.

Lighter work today.  Moved the lawn tractor and trailer to where mother could use it better.  Put tea out.  Am setting up the timer for the sprinklers.  Next, will see if I can fix a few of the old speinklers and then deploy them, in pairs.  To begin sprinkling again before too long.

The front lawn is doing well.  Think we can get the side lawn going before too long.  Then, maybe, the back lawn.  It takes time, effort.  But should work out... with both of us doing what we can for it.

Sometime during or after working on, or setting up, sprinklers, I'll call it a morning.  Then go back in to sleep.  On the good side, medicine didn't cause a major crash.  A bit of a dip, just not a harsh, fast, deep one.  

A bit of sleep.  Then up to finish the sprinklers, and just maybe try CLR on a few windows, then maybe jet-dry.  Will see.  If I start that, and it works, I may then hit another set of windows.  Or save that for tomorrow.

It is supposed to get in the mid 90's today.  So... will see if I can work in that, later.  On to a few efforts with the sprinklers.  Good day.

A start.

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Things going.  Windows shut, for the day.  Curtains open, as the sun finally decides to begin showing.  No light this morning, to start.  Too bright, for me.  Water filtering, a batch of tea, then to fill the carafe, then reservoir.  Ice going, maybe two or three batches today.

I'll wake mom in a bit.  Starting her coffee a bit before calling her.  It's good to have coffee ready first thing.

Ah, that isn't helping.

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Alarms at three and five.  I heard them.  Turned off both, changing the five to six.  Up at six, reading news and blogs.  After a bit, decided to blog, looking outside first.  Something seemed off.  Cloudy, overcast?  No.  The sun, as per season, isn't up yet.  Okay.  I guess summer is slipping quickly at this point.  Best enjoy it.

Fall isn't bad, here, usually, though either.  Winter isn't terrible, here, usually, either.  With some care.  Especially now that I have been dressing more warmly, and tending the house, making repairs and upgrades.  Bit by bit, making the place warmer, less drafty.

Chicken menudo.

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Pretty good.  With dry hominy cooked to wet, aka samp, I probably shouldn't have.  But curious how it would work.  Very well, as it turned out.

I napped after we got home.  Did a few very light chores, then crashed.  No choice.

BP was 161/78?  Tonight.  High enough that I decided to take night medicine.  I won't take it if it is too low and/or I feel like I am in shock.  Will see tomorrow.

Back on to bed.  I am resting, sleeping, becoming closer to being fit.  Still, it will take a while.  Finally able to sleep, and rest.  Still in need of it.  A week, on light duty, or two.  Then back to medium duty.  Won't allow heavy duty.  Too much for me.  That was sort of dangerous.

Oh, yes.  I will enjoy sleep tonight.  Might take painpills tomorrow.  I have been suffering well.  Would like some relief.  And while I keep efforts low-key.  Yes, my muscles still burn harshly with almost no exertion.  So strange.  Used up all and everything.  Still haven't recovered, that part of it.

On to sleep.  Good night.  Prayers, thoughts, and blessings.

Everything is wrong.

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Everything is wrong.  Muscles burn, organs hurt, bones ache.  Headache, tintinitus, exhaustion.  Plus symptoms of physical shock, trauma.

Coffee, kefir, a bite to eat.  But back to bed.  The idea is to be up by eleven, get to a few things by noon.  A to-do list.  See what is possible today.  Not heavy things, but it will take some effort.  Do what I can.

Checking the oil, first.  Then on to, mostly, business.

So rough.  But, okay.  I honestly am surprised, on days like this, when I don't die.  It's been like this for several weeks now.  Who knows.

On to a bit of sleep.  Later.

Up a few snoozes past five.

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Water being filtered, set up coffee, setting up tea.  More water going as we are completely out of tea.  Having to get used to the light.  Very bright.  As you may, or may not know, I prefer it darker, dim, dingy.  Especially when not doing well.  Now, when I am doing things, cooking, cleaning, then I want it fantastically bright.

I think, when I wake at night, or early, I won't turn the main light on, not first thing.  It's... like early rising happy people, to my type.  Annoying.

Mom is up, having coffee.  Trying the dremel on difficult spots on her feet, and working toenails a bit.  Not getting too hot, it seems.  I thought it had a light on it, but she didn't, wouldn't, turn it on.  I did it.  Not sure she cares, but it does make it easier.

Planning on making three jugs of tea.  A lot of water to filter.

BP is rough this morning, at 108/76.  I'll skip meds this morning, save vitamins, minerals, and the waterpills.  Could crash bp otherwise, or crash it worse.  I feel terrible for the low reading, I suspect.  Reminds me of when I have been in shock, from wounds.

Chills, sick to my stomach, flushed, pale, feignt as if I could fall.  I feel terrible this morning.  Will take a shower, vitamins and minerals, then decide what to do.  I'm still in trouble.  Maybe try to eat something?  Later.

The last of the bigger things.

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I got the led strip light box installed... working.  Advice was requested and given.  So tired, sore.  Muscles hurt.  Had to figure out how to keep the thing up, while I got screws in.  Duct tape did it.  A lot of it.  Wiring it was easy enough, once I was more secure in what to do, how.

The ladder wasn't too much of a problem.  Standing, holding things, those were.  My muscles burn.  Legs, arms, torso, neck.  Holding myself up, standing, holding a drill, all just make it worse, quickly, and compound the discomfort.

Up around six.

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I started mom's coffee, made mine.  Took my meds, suggested she take hers.  Talked a bit.  Unlocked the door for eggs to arrive more easily.  

She wanted me to dig holes for a few perrenials.  No.  I am done, for a while.  I told her that before she bought those.  Not huge holes, but enough.  I can't, won't.  Told her I was running out of mojo, ran out last week.  Limped by, but not well.

Some days.

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Like today?  Surprised I am still alive.  Rough.  Before work, while resting, even sleeping.  Every muscle burns.  Tired in ways I can't fully understand.  Then, when I do work, it exacerbates the fiery muscles.

Mom kept trying to have me do little things.  I had to refuse, stay focused.  The wood pile had to be parted, cut to size, then piled back for reasonable pickup.  It went from two huge piles to five still pretty huge piles.

But, that's it.  No more work for a while.  If I have to avoid going downstairs, so be it.  If I have to avoid meals, okay.  Done, for a week or two.  Though, honestly, sleep and rest are hollowing me out too?  Yes, somehow.  Hmmm... a recliner would be good.  A massive one, like the arms and bossoms of a viking giantess.  Yes.  A nephilim can dream.

Why so harsh, the muscles.  As if everything has been torn, pulled, burned to their last, and then much more.  Less burned, more just... ashes?  Ashes and pain.

On to bed.  Good night.

On to sleep.

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More trouble?  No ground, only positive and negative wires.  *shrug*  Will sort that in time.  

Had lunch.  Having taken medicine, I want to make sure to eat.  I'll eat again this afternoon.

Mom had me do just a few small chores, before closing shop.  Stubbed three of my biggest toes all at once in the efforts.  I've had worse.

Still mostly cloudy out there, outside.  And a really cool day.  The high is forecast to be 78.  Will find out.

On to bed.  Good night, day, or such.  Be well, blessings, and all.

Far more than anticipated.

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Getting the old fixture down wasn't too bad.  After a lot of hand screwing though, I went looking for the cordless drill I gave mom.  Mine would work, but it weighs a ton more, and I don't need the hammer drill feature.  Finding the right bit took some time.

Finally, to it.  That went well, if the fixture was far heavier than anticipated.  Thankfully not so much, or at a wrong angle.  I thought it would be thin aluminum, not... whatever it is.  The ballasts are probably the weight issue?  I'll find out in time.  Down, set aside.

I decided to get the riding mower hooked to the pull wagon.  So went and did that.  An easy enough task.  In a bit, I may see where she wants it, and move it there.  She... might have problems getting it out.

The new fixture was unboxed.  Mostly easy.  I... think I have installation down?  Idea-wise.  Will find out.  Had to find screws, as the others don't fit.  Then, a new bit that works with the new screws, star bit.  Bleh.

Ah, but positive, negative, and ground.  Thankfully ground is easy... bare copper.  The other two?  Old wiring.  Colors don't work, match.  Off type wiring, faded?  So... to find the multimeter.  I looked, and looked, through boxes, drawers, tool pouches, else.

Mom came out, asked what I was doing.  Wasn't sure if she was, or was about to get, smart.  You know, when a simple task begins to fluster you, you begin to see trouble everywhere?  Still?  I played it straight.

She started looking in a smaller box.  Yoda girl style.  I... didn't want to snap, or sound dismissive, and had some hope she... might know where it was?  I just gently suggested that the box only held mechanical, engineering, pencils.  After a second, she set that box asise, dug deeper into the next box.

I wasn't sure she knew what a multimeter even was.  She did.  And had found it.  So glad I had been... nice.

Of course?  It didn't work?  Batteries?  I had to find a y.t. vid about how to get into the outer case!  Ugh!  Then to actually get in.  A bit of a tug, pull, and shove.  Got it done.  Changed to new batteries.  Nope?  Pulled the fuses.  Putting them back as removed.  Nope.  Then yes?

Ugh!  I may see where she wants the mower and wagon.  Then place it for her.  Then?  Check the wires.  See which is which.  At least I don't have a dimmer to hook up.  But, I am hitting bottom.  Working on the ladder, at odd angels, and learning and else, just wears me down.

Still, like it or not, for me, that was a solid little three hours of work.  Easy work, to most.  Most aren't this close to death.  And having burned themselves out especially this last week, but truly these last three to four months.

No, I think I will rest, after doing a reading.  Then finishing this, plus moving the lawn tractor if needed?  Seems not, good where it is.  Later.

A very long sleep.

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I woke at 22:00(ish), and heard the alarm at 3:00, but shut it off.  Then the five, snoozed it once then turned it off, as I was... awake, mostly?  Not sure when I made it down, a quarter before or after six.  Though I did light morning reading while waking, so I probably was awake, fully, really, by 5:30. 

Still, I think I went down around 15:00?  Or so.

Body is sore.  Bruises, scratches, and whatever else.  Body pains, but a damned lot of them.  Wrists, a palm, torn and ripped legs and arms, main torso on the surround.  Upper back muscles, more upper leg muscles, a heavy bruise on a calf from the fall, fingers and knuckles cut and/or bruised.  Mostly just physical pains, not my organs hurting.  Or... they don't get felt as their priority or pain level is lower?  Or I am more used to them.

The goals today are to put the new fixture up in here, then work on the wood pile.  Get that cut to lifting size.  Mom left a small list, only one of which will be done.  I will hook up the wagon to the mower.  A loan.  What I wanted to buy, she refused.  It is what was needed.  From now on, I will ignore her input and cheapness on some things.  Can't send the others back, without taking a massive haircut on shipping.

If we had purchased locally, would have paid double, and still had reshelving fees of similar amounts.  Can't come out well on some purchases.

I remembered to put in the dairy order today.  And it arrived right away!  But... I forgot to unlock the door!  Always something.  At least I was awake, and down here.  So an easy save.  But, his son is being wed today?  That had somehow slipped through planning, on this side.  I appologized, for various things.  They needed dairy too, and I can get them some cash soon.  Gotta support the young who marry, and get to it, these days.  Seriously.  

I'm letting mom sleep to eight.  Though, if she wants, I'll let her sleep longer.  Got down to the mid 40's last night?  Crazy.  Seems a bit early for that, but it has been an odd year.  Later.

Mare a list.

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I have to begin doing that or she buries me with stupid little things.  For me to do the big things, I can't do the little things, thousands of them, she wants me to do.  I can do some of them, not most of them.  And there is no doing all of them, for there are infinitely more.

This morning, beside the dailies I generally tend, I got the ladder down from full extension, reversed the extension, and folded it up.  Putting it away in the garage.  That was a heck of a chore, but I am more fit for such chores.  Couldn't do three of those in a row well, though.

In to town.  Thought we had everything we needed for her driver license.  Nope.  Physical address has to be on the post.  And wedding license, to explain her last name?  A thing or two more.  Rough.  So... more to do there.

Then on to the hardware store for a small list of things to check, buy, decide.  A car wash.  Wanted to stop at the grocery store, but was done after the hardware store.

A cooler day.  If still warm, and dry.  My preferred weather source suggested it was 81, though in town probably hotter.  Always hotter in town, probably hotter than it reads, even for honest readings.

On back to our home town.  I unloaded the car, had some water, did a few last things for mom but called it quickly or she would have had me working to sundown and then some.  And, that would ne fine... if I could.  And if I didn't havd big things still on my list, and didn't need to crash as well.  No, I... can't tinker with little things.  She either does them, slowing down on other things, or they just don't get done for a while.

A bit of music, and rest.  Then writing this once cool.  Now closing in on sleep.  Need it so badly.  I asked that she not bother me tonight.  I may be up later, much later, or not until three or five.  Will find out... when I find out.  Good night.

The odds and ends.

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Water started, through the filter.  Three jugs?  Or so.  Her coffee set up, mine french pressed.  Some cold cuts and cream cheese, medicine, and water.  I was out of minerals.  Ordered them a bit ago.  They arrived pretty much just on time.  Adding vitamin D and K back.  Hoping it helps with BP and else.  A high dose.

Medicine, too.  If I have to eat lunch/dinner/supper too.  And keep at it.  That bit for breakfast isn't enough to handle whatever meds take away.  A steak salad, or more of the heart... the rest of it.  And continuing.   Might have to push.  The world is cooling, a bit.  That may help both with energy, recovery, and the ability to eat.

I opened up the place this morning.  Love fresh air and that, often, cool mountain morning breeze.  It truly is a lovely thing.

It was hitting seven.  So I woke mom.  Chatting.  And, received starting advice on some problems.  Well... to it?

Slept through.

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I think mom called.  Not sure, though suspect she would have tried.  I hit my limits.  Woke up drueling, several times.  Tonight.  I've done that every night this week.  To now, I had much to do.  Trees.  Need to work on that last pile.  But, then, that is it for a while.  I am barely standing.

Mom isn't going to like it, but she is on her own for a week, or two.  I'm still not doing well with medications.  I stopped them, for a day or two, while not eating, but started them back up after eating heart, then a meal the next day.  But fasting and meds, heart meds, extended fasting, don't mix.  That is lethal.

I wasn't absolutely sure if a stick did puncture my right arm pit.  I was pretty sure, but couldn't get a good look and... mom... wasn't looking to be relied on to check.  If something needs a bandaid, she is fine with it.  More?  Not so much.  I'm fine with evisceration, if the subject isn't catterwalling.  Still, I couldn't get an angel on it.

Now I can feel a quarter to fifty cent piece scab like closing.  So... yeah.  I was punctured.  Probably as it felt, say two inches deep.  Surprised that didn't and hasn't hurt.  It isn't, necessarily, pain tolerance?  It is healing, not infected to date, as good as it gets.

A shower when I get up.  Coffee, tea maybe, water, perhaps an ice run.  Can do little things.  Maybe, in a bit, the light fixture up?  Oh, and later still, working on the limb pile.  It has to be cut to smaller sizes.  But that it is out and piled makes that, almost, a snap.  With the chainsaw going.

Perhaps some business too.  Arranging for storage.  Just calls, texts, on that.  But, not even sure about all that.  One thing or the other may short circuit the whole program.  Will find out.

Time to rise and try to shine.  Later.

Awake early, if late too?

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Well, yes.  No late night, early morning forray between midnight and two.  Did wake at the three alarm, deciding that was too early so on back to sleep.  The five alarm just went off.  I snoozed it, but then sat up before the next sounding.  Ugh, I hate alarm clock sounds, if I do appreciate what they can do.

Lights on, blogging, as I get ready to dress and go down.  PJs, really.  Not doing any heavy work.  Oh, but returning amazon things to go back, a trip to the hardware store again (the light fixture in the kitchen, fluorescent, went out... can't find the balast, or such?... not led though).  So I will need to dress properly, before too long.  After a shower.

She ignores me.

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I went on to sleep.  Telling her what I would do, when I woke.  And not to work on my zone.  Logs, big branches needing sawed, heavy work.

So, of course, she was out working on it.  But a neighbor saw her out, with her walker, working on that area!  So be it.  But, before she could do much, that neighbor called his brother, who arrived and finished that for her.

I would have thought that would mean she would go back to working in her areas.  She had two fairly easy zones, if she wanted to work when I couldn't.  No.  Not what she did after.  I did much of the remaining zones.  She... helped, for a bit.  A little.  Then went in.  Which was fine.  She was getting in the way, and of a mood.  If I was too.

Got most branches and some larger stuff piled, from two zones.  Took three old hoses to the trash.  And that was all I could do.  In to rest, hydrate, talk for a bit, then go on to bed.  I was absolutely crushed, and from so little?  It should be vonsiderdd little, and was a bit less than an hour of work, mostly (for me) light work.

After the wood is finished, later today, or tomorrow, I am done for a week.  Bruises in an arm pit of impressive severity, my torso sore if just in (big) spots from a one to two times my height fall, and living in agonizing exhaustion, plus with the shin ripped two thirds it's front, and with scratches and tears all over legs and arms, some more visible, some less... I am done for a bit.  Need to lick my wounds and sleep.

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The other day, while mom was mowing the field, a german shepherd (male, by size?) approached.   Coming at a good clip.  Did he think that was his territory?  I saw him and immediately headed toward him, at pace.

He hesitated, and angled his approach, slowing as well.  I was coming with intent.  I really don't fear dogs.  I will go there without hesitation.  Can't outrun them.  And mom certainly couldn't, and would stand no chance.  Then someone called him off.  He... was... glad to be called off.

Mother suggested the dog wouldn't have  bit her.  I agreed, but just to let her believe what her mind was comfortable with.  Women are often stupidly naive, especially about violence.  Human women.  Most other species, their females... understand.  From cats to dolphins to chimps... violence is real, immediate, and to be expected.  Peace is a rare commodity, not the way of things.  Ugh.

It worked out.  But... I have to keep an eye on her.

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Well, it's early, but I will get up.  A shower, brushing teeth, water filtering, and a few other chores.  Would like to eat, probably can't.  Oddly, my arms are muscling.  Still anemic, compared to my youth.  But... better.  Must not be too low on protein.  Certainly don't look like a vegan.  Later.

Rough morning.

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Not up until six.  I did a few things inside, moved the sprinklers then started them on the remaining dry patches before the sun was too high.  Started my coffee, and mom's.  Then called her.

Checked blood sugar.  High, again, even a bit higher, at 150?  I'm not eating!  Much.  And the cheese and meats are saying zero carbs, so?

We talked over coffee this morning.  Plans for the day.  That limb to cut, branches to move, and cut weeds and trunk suckers.  Mostly just moving wood, into piles.  Cutting them to fit first, sometimes.  Three areas to attempt to be cleared.

Breakfast.  Low carb seed bread, low carb jam and marmelade, plus butter.  Quite good, with coffee, and kefir for me.

Then we both began crashing.  Still, we went out.  I cut the limb, then cut it up into the right sizes to stack.  Saw she was... not doing well.  So checked on her.  Just... tired, as was I.  I moved the piles she had stacked in the wrong place to a single right place, using some evergreen branches as a bed for surer pickup.  But, left the remaining pickups for her.

We took a break.  Both being in rough shape, we decided to check things.  Her blood sugar was 325 to 345?  Never seen it that high.  Tested twice, same result.  Mine was 151, so it wasn't breakfast.  She takes a diabetes medicine, injection, once a week.  Perhaps with her working the stuff is malfunctioning?

With me, the problem seems to be BP.  It was 104/64, with a pulse of 70?  All much lower.  Now, when I fast, I have learned not to take my heart medicines.  While not, to my mind, fasting?  Perhaps metabolically close enough?  That, with meds, craters some or all of my stats.  Oh, and mothers bp was also lower.  

She suggested that I eat more.  I told her I can't.  No appetite, hunger, interest.  Four toasts saw me absolutely stuffed.  Not sure what to do.  Pulling off heart meds as a trial.  At least until I can eat.

She was about to fall asleep at the table, in her seat.  She suggested I wake her by noon, if she fell asleep.  I told her to go on to bed, so she would be more comfortable (and wouldn't fall).  She, surprisingly, agreed.  But asked if I would help her.  So tired myself, but absolutely.

We got her in, and tucked in.  She probably fell asleep before I left the room.  Even if I am up at noon (unlikely) I would only check on her.  When you need sleep like that?  Just sleep.  We can figure the rest out... when, as, we can.

I got out and began moving the branches to the front piles.  I cleared three large groups.  Stacking most in one pile, some for the base of a second pile as needed.  Then, myself, pulled the plug.  I was completely done in before I started, doubly so by then.  Was hoping pushing would bolster bp, so I could keep at it.  No dice.

On to bed, but decided to scribe the morning before crashing.  Now, on to sleep.  Good day, and night.  Hoping to do more, maybe the rest of it, tonight.  And to try to eat.

We both crashed.

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I planned on my crash.  No choice.  She fell asleep in her chair, waking mid afternoon only to go on back to bed herself.  She didn't wake up, or wake me up, until 19:30.  Took me a while after that to wake.  A half hour.

Watering was started.  But that was it.  No food for me.  She ate something.  I ended up taking bitters, with water following that up.  Blood sugar was high.  Not sure I can eat those keto crackers?  Or is it cheese, or cold cuts, causing the variability?  I'll sort it.  Bitters, for nausea, heavy today.

On back to bed without working tonight.  The tree work, to now, was crushing.  More to do.  Hoping to finish tomorrow.  Cutting a final limb, parting that and other limbs already down.  Then moving the branches into piles, to be machine collected.

Hopefully to finish that between an early and late work session, with a tweener nap.  Everything hurts and aches from this last week or so.  All good, if I can push through.

Good night.  Again.

Awake late.

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Early, actually.  The alarms are set for three and five.  I'll turn off the three alarm.

As I was going to bed, mom wanted me to take the trash out?  Was so tired, a bit annoyed.  Didn't do it.  Crashing.  Couldn't figure why.  It didn't smell.  Was relatively recently cleared?  Hmm.  But, waking, I realized tomorrow is trash day.  So, if nothing else, I figured I would walk that out tonight, and get the barrel to the curb.

Up to work.

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Couldn't eat much.  But did some work.  The first part was checking to see if some lights worked.  I was able to do that from ground level.  When the lights worked, I had to get the ladder.   Moving the ladder, then setting it up, is a chore.  Did that and did what I could to reset the lights.

Then a break.  Oh, but I washed a few big windows, inside and out, before that.  The living room plate window and the back kitchen trio... each almost as big as the plate, two thirds?  Really looking better.  Though, in time, will try CLR mineral remover to see if that will finish the last issues.  Even so, quite a bit improved.

Time to get up.

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I woke before the five alarm.  I hate alarms.  I also woke around one.  Sore.  Too sore.  The work from yesterday was a bit much.  Though too, trying to return to days.  Well, it's day.  Now to wake, have coffee, and whatever else.

As soon as the puncture under my arm stopped weeping, the legs, from rash tree and limb cutting, in shorts, wept.  I kept sticking to sheets and blankets.  Pulling free, to a whince or more, only to restart the weeping process.  That will get better, in a day or two.  No more shorts when messing with branches, bushes, or such.

Help arrived.

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Branches.  I mean a lot of them.  Plus, he cut many high level branches I couldn't reach.  I checked my chainsaw.  The sprocket washer seemed okay, just a little loose?  I tightened that on my way out, but didn't finish it.  I showed it to the man, he finished it.  It worked perfectly after.

So I helped cut and stack, to my limit and more.  At a point, all I could do was slowly help stack.  Only did that far for shame at not having these things done already.

Up, almost going.

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Windows shut, upstairs.  Opened down here.  Oh, and thought to open the main doors, allowing screen doors to let more fresh, and cool, air in.  Very nice.  It is 74 in here, would be cooler if I had opened up last night.  And, yes, that helps.

Water going, coffee set up, mine made.  Ice machine going.  No food, other than the fatted coffee.  But I continue to take bitters, right before coffee.  To keep nausea well in check.

Just nearing five.

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I'll set up tea, coffee if that isn't going.  Make my own coffee.  Eat something?  No.  Planning on french toast, using the keto bread, and fried eggs?  I want eggs with them anyway.  Push a batch of water through, and start the ice machine.

Odd, while temperature highs remain in the high eighties to low-mid nineties, mom is going through a lot less ice.  Same insulated tumbler.  Same amount of tea.  Fewer higher heat hours?  Still working outside quite often.  It is still high summer, just not as high?  Other factors definitely at play.

I think I have it.

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The chainsaw problem.  I'll need to check a few things, rounding of the gears, such.  But I am sure.  I was certain I put the chain on correctly.  And that everything was right.  But the chain jumped the track very quickly to immediately after contact.

This y.t. vid may have the problem and possible fix.  I don't have a metal lathe, but with deets, might be able to shop one.  Or just work the one on it with a sledge hammer and anvil.  Will check, soon.

Good night, for sure, this time.

Sleeping.

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I heard, and as much felt, a thud.  A big one.  Woke me, if it took a bit.  Even with lots of sleep, a dying body is always tired.  Had to force my way to consciousness.  Had to get up, to check on mom.  Duty, but more.  Concern, simple compassion, things like that.

It hurt to get up.  It was so difficult to get up.  To dress.  But I was worried.  Have you ever seen a grandparent "hurry"?  Well, that is my current pace, most of the time.  Now, when waking midsleep, double... or half that.  You know what I mean.

Up early.

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Beside waking for just a bit, around midnight, I made it out of bed a bit before six.  Half?  A quarter to?  I had coffee, water, and just tried to wake.  Not well, but I stayed up.

Mom came out around seven.  While she was getting up, I asked if she was ready for me to start her coffee.  Oh, yes.  Very ready.  I set up her chocolate peptide/colagen, for her first cup.  It's helping her, I think.

Unsure.

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Not sure if mother just didn't call me, or if I couldn't hear her.  Kidneys are back down to 15% function.  Doc seems to think that may be why I am so exhausted.  She says it is a very typical association.  Toss in probable liver low function (they don't seem to have tested the liver panel, again? or it didn't show for her).  However, it was between stage two and three failure the last time they checked.

Doctors hate when I sluff off such news, or am happy at stage two.  Even when I inform them that it had been stage three or four... or as with kidneys currently running into stage five failure.  Stage two is good news, for some of us.  They still don't... like it.  It's not a matter of liking.  No one likes it.  Just, comparative levels is all.

Toss in whatever rate the heart failure is currently running, and that I get up a few times a day, for a while?  Let alone set up a forty foot ladder, cut branches, and fall between one and two of my heights, onto my back flank upper torso, and mostly just shake it off?  Meh.

I did make a mistake.  I cut the water pill.  By sounds of all, and from testing, that was probably a mistake.  So, back to one whole pill, and maybe back to two if that doesn't work.

After the doc, to the grocery store.  Then to look at a storage option.  Will probably go that way.  Will see.  Then to Idaho, and the dairy, returning home, and bringing everything in right away.  Then I  crashed.  Just early afternoon.  13:00 to 15:00?  Earlier part of that, I think.  So tired, short term memory couldn't work.

May get up.  Kefir, water, not much else.  Then right back to bed?  Maybe feed Sassy, do a few chores.  Skipping coffee.  I am having bitters with coffee, lately.  Not as needed, or needed at all.  Just... cautionary treatments for potential nausea.  That is a rough thing to go through.  I will get another few bottles of the stuff.  Keep it unopened, in the fridge, for future problems.  Good stuff, if you need it.

Later.

The last of the branches.

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I had four more larger branches to bring down.  While I allowed mom to be out there, if she didn't (and she didn't) try to command the operation.  If she didn't like the pitch or perch of the ladder, before I went up, that was fine.  But, once aloft, other than a warning of a problem, no talking.

She greenlighted the ladder, but I wan't satisfied.  I worked it a bit more, for the second and third cuts.  Went fairly well, if we got out later, and it was beginning to heat up.  I really need to work early, or nearing dark in the evening.  But... got to it.

Up for a bit.

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I woke at 23:30.  Mother was just going to bed, crazy bird.  Driven to sort, arrange, clean, and else.  There is some hope I will be more able to help her as weather cools, unless medicine needs a higher dose.  And it may.  Then it might be another several weeks or even months.  Until I adjust to them, medicines are brutal.

If you didn't read, I spent five years, more?  Working with doctors to find medicines I could even tolerate to this level.  Though, if I don't quit them, and idiot doctors don't cancel them, I do fairly well on them... after that massive if mostly temporary bump.  Though a break, for a few days, from time to time, helps.

Yes, better.

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Still favoring my right "wing".  Not lifting too much, or stretching with the right arm, too much.  Mostly out of caution.  It might yet prove problematic.  It was, I think, the side I used to grab, and break my fall, as well as the side I landed on.

But it isn't hurting.  There is the scratch/puncture, but that isn't bothering me.  Other than just sensing that it exists.

Hmm?

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All better?  I... think so.  The scratch/puncture/hard bruise mix under the arm is... but a scratch.  Will watch and feel for infection.  But... it's fine.  The leg is good.  No pulled arm or chest muscles.  All the other little, medium, and large hurts, wounds, and suspected damages... are gone.  

Broken skin is still broken.  But else evaporated as I slept or simply never materialized.  If it wasn't so blasted hot out there, I'd get back to it.  If it cools, I will reset the ladder to the v, rather than extension form, yet this evening.

And, if that went well, might shimmy up to finish.  At least the front tree cutting.  I won't push beyond.  If, that is, I can do either... when it cools.  So be it.

Quite the fall.

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Tried to get up at seven.  Didn't make it up until eight thirty.  Breakfast, bacon and some eggs.  I did eggs.  Trying to get those right.  Botched one, but due to the spatula cutting, not overdoing.  I took that one.  Made four more just right.  Mom made the bacon.

Talked about what to do.  Trimming, she thought.  Tree branches.  In the drive and over the garage.  I got meds in, the ladder out, and the chainsaw.  Three, four, fuve, maybe six branches down.

Then, up, above my height and a half to two times it, feeling pretty confident, I... took risks I really shouldn't have.  The ladder slid, I slid, then... a long long drop.  Still holding the saw (not running, if expensive), so with only one hand free, I grabbed... something.  The ladder?  A branch?

I hung on, one handed, through the drop.  The first.  It broke that first fall without losing my grip.  But, after doing that, in the next drop, my grip gave.  If the grip slowed that second spin-fall.  At that point I was about my height above the ground.  But swinging so landing on my feet wasn't possible.  I landed on my right side, mostly on my upper torso?

Down.  Hit hard, on my right side.  Between breaking the fall, twice, if with only a one handed grip, and leaves and branches down, that last fall wasn't as bad as first proposed.  Got a pretty good jab under the arm.  Just a scratch, but a bit of a brutal one.  Tore some skin off my other hand.  Bruised my right calf somehow.  Was slightly, but not fully winded.

Not bad, all in all.  Still, I'm calling it for a bit.  I've definitely had worse.  And I did get half the branches cut I want cut.  I'll see if I pulled muscles when I wake.  If not, that is... AWESOME!  One armed double drop stop, and slow?  Even if I pulled something, that's... excellent.

Pain pills and back to bed.  I plan on finishing tomorrow if at all possible.  Might let mom watch, if she can keep from chattering.  I even helped her just a bit with several things before going back on to bed.  Writing in bed, if that didn't make sense.  Later.

Just a bit.

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Not much the whole day.  Medicine in.  Chuck roast for supper.  Helped mom by moving a few totes too heavy for her to move.  Talked about my grandfather's and grandmother's family.  Night meds?  I think so.

Up again later, three wakes through the day.  But just to set up her coffee and tea, run water theough the r.o. machine, and reset kefir this last time.  It is maturing much quicker, the kefir.  With four jars there was enough for kefir and cottage cheese.  Still considering adding another jar of room temp fermenting stuff.  Trying to add just enough to sort enough kefir for me, cottage cheese for her, withouting adding another large refrigerated jar.

I got a larger sip tonight.  Should be able to drink one, occassionally two of those a day, as fast as that is maturing.  But it will slow during fall, and especially winter.  Will probably need one or two more jars this winter.

I was telling mother, that in the winter, I keep the house as warm as 75.  She was a bit surprised.  Shocked.  Though I am working on dressing much warmer, better.  And was getting used to a cooler running body, from eating meat rather than carbs.  Still, I don't think she gets how much cooler it seems at elevation.

We will dress her warmly, marino wool layers, and layering of good materials beyond.  But... I'll bet we'll have to keep it warmer.  Even just for her.  And we will.  If I need it cooler, I have the upstairs.

-------

Oh, had a double dream.  Sort of?  Triple?

In the first, or first part?  I was up here, sleeping as... well... my other me.  I sensed someone coming up, so went to check.  It seemed like mom, but turned into just a dream within a dream.  I woke from the secondary dream.  Only to then think... a shorter haired women was coming up.  Or an assassin.  One and the same?

She, it, ended up fighting with me, but it was only a mannequin.  Then it dissappeared.

Then I... woke again?  Another dream?  A third layer dream?  Something.  This time, as through all the dreams, I was my alternate self.  Again, I could sense someone coming up.  This time it was Kathy/Cathy's kids (when they were small).  She a cousin, they my second cousins.

I... tried to not let them see me, as I am.  And talk them into going on back.  The younger ones... couldn't... see me as I was.  But the older girl did, could.  I... did get them to go back down, so I could sleep.  I don't want any to see my various... uhrm... natures.

The dream(s) was shadowy, intense, dark, noir, stressful, without fully being a nightmare, or nightmares.  If right on the fringes of that.

I try, in dreams and real life, to keep some things very private.  Sure, you may know me, and thus... this and that, or have some possible understandings.  But I am anon, for a reason, as much as possible.  As much not to publicly support said notions as for some semblances of privacy.

Later...  Or good night.

A few extras.

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A second load going, a few last details, the reservoir filled, another batch of ice.  Then mom woke up.  Wanted to use the bathroom off the kitchen.  Asked me if that was okay?  Of course, it is your home too.  Strange, but okay.

She had a note for me.  I hadn't seen it.  She let me know about the roast.  And wanted me to move a few plastic tubs of her good dishes to near the china closet we set up today.  So I did that as a final task.

I left a note of my own.  Asking she not do my laundry.  I'll finish that tomorrow.  But, if she will, to run the crockpot on high for four hours, then turn it off.  Will see.

Letting Sassy sleep up here tonight.  No ac on.

Good night.

Pretty good.

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A shower.  Laundry started.  Water fills going, more needed than I thought.  Coffee started.  Set up mom's coffee and set out things for sun tea.  Then checking kefir, burping the jars and jugs, in and out of the fridge.  Sampling a bit.  Not a lot of it, so a small drink.  I've started an extra jar.  May require two extra jars to make my wants of kefir and her wants of cottage cheese.  Not a huge difference of time or effort, but may need more milk.  Two gallons rather than two half gallons.  Easy.

Because I like eight to twelve ounces most days.  I really have started to love the stuff.  And it helps me obtain every last bit of nutrient from my other foods... and stay healthier.

I had ham, but thought we might be out of cheese?  Typical cheese, yes.  But there was cream cheese.  A tablespoon of that, in two slices of ham, was about perfect.  Three of those and life was good, with coffee and kefir.

Now, I have had nausea, on the lighter side (mostly) for the last three months.  Definitely since restarting medicine.  Too busy to remember bitters, save on the periphery, or in passing.  I finally ordered some in.  Check.  I started that tonight.

Better?  A bit.  Not as good as hoped.  Will be using it, whether eating or not, if I feel rough.  So tired of nausea.

She put the roast in.  Not started, just in the broth.  But, I saw the paper towels were out, so refilled the spool.  With two people trying, it is easier.

Nearly bedtime again.

Down at 22:00.

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Up around one?  Deciding if I am getting up.

Water needs filtered.  Ice needs to be made.  Trash and recycling needs to go out.  A shower would be good.  A few bites of something would be good, plus coffee and maybe water.  Hmm, water with electrolytes and vinegar.  Sure manages thirst.

Up for supper.

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And more.  A device for washing the siding didn't work. It seemed advertised to work with garden hoses.  No, you need a pressure sprayer.  Had thought a hydrant out back might work, for regular garden/lawn hoses.  Not so much.  Ugh.

At least the brass hose quick connect fittings work.  I wore myslef out doing other things before adding those to all hoses and functional hydrants, etc, out there.  Save a few trials, to make sure.

Quite a bit done.

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Watering, ice machine started, sun tea out, just the crockot cleaned but then the chuck roast going.  Water jugs filled.  What else?  Can't remember all, but a solid run.

Then I talked with mother, while she had her first coffee.  Plans, but for later.  I need to do my laundry.  Plus trying a cleaning system for the siding, and trimming branches, through later afternoon, when I wake again.

She'll be doing a bit out and indoors through the day.  Quite a bit of good going on, being done.  But, now I need rest, sleep actually, again.  Not bad for odd shifts, and strange sleep cycles.  Doing more, better, faster, if still oddly.  Good... day, and night, again.

Watering the lawn.

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Pushing it.  Doesn't look to be overcast.  Still, started before the sun was up and should be done before it is too well up.  Cold out there!  This feels more like late August, or even on into September some years.  Cool, very cool, very early.  It is 68 in the house!  So I closed up downstairs windows and turned off the fans.

That's why I woke up.  My body likes the cool, especially when ill, or dealing with raising medicine to useful levels, both, and more.  I... crave the cool when all else fails.  Didn't need ac last night, just a fan?  Crazy, but super.

That's odd.

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I woke around five.  Looked over this and that, online.  Getting the shopping cart readied.  I'm going to ask mom to buy one of her favored  perfumes, beyond her current plans.  In return, I will buy another.  Slowly get her a small collection.  She uses them, and while moderately spendy, not luxury.  Look, take care of the little things too.

The rest is a mix of a few last clothes, that fit and she liked, sizes sorted, food items I like to keep on hand, and a few minor inexpensive tools I keep not finding... if I should have?  Needle nose pliers, a few sets.  And a set of crescent wrenches.  Much less this month.  And less through the month.

Up at, not for, supper.

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Mom called.  I knew I wasn't going to eat.  Just woke to talk... perhaps do a few things.  The crazy woman has been working.  Cleaning the section of the livingroom floor which she opened and where she wishes her china cabinet set up.  I... was impressed, when I finally woke enough to take a close enough look.

Stains I thought were permanent are gone.  She used a cleaner I bought, hoping to try.  On the good side it works wonders.  And, my larger steam vacuum really does well.  Amazing.  I chose well, just never implemented.

She asked if I would fry her eggs.  I did.  Tried for easy over, ended more done.  Say just hard.  I offered to do them better, but she was happy with what I offered.  Made sure she knew that doing them correctly wasn't a problem.  It was my first time using the small cast fry pan.  And I had just gotten up.  But, no.  I served her corned beef hash, she had frying, and got the condiments she wanted.

Two things, she wanted.  To store my hammock gear and remove some cat litter catching rugs.  I did those.  She wanted to water, I didn't.  I would have to set them up, and... else.  Plus a bit early?

After a bit, though, I did get them set up.  To hit what really needs it.  And, then, after running it, moving them for next time.  It's been a bit since the rest of the front yard got watered to.  Ready with that when it's right.  It is getting green up there.  Save a bit of the yard that was overlooked initially.

I also got water ready for sun tea, jugs and else filled, and kefir turned.  Her cottage cheese is draining.  Not a bad little go.  Tomorrow?  Will see.  I think my plans are setting her up, helping her get going on her things.  Then my laundry.  If I can get those done, good.  Possibly setting watering systems up for a next run?

Oh, and chuck roast should be thawed.  Back to meat for me.  She can pull from that, for whatever she wants.  I will also pull steaks from the deep freeze, drop-in.  Get several in the fridge freezer and one double pack to thaw.  Meat!  Food!!!  Real food again.  She can eat it or not.  Plenty else otherwise.

Not a bad day.  On to sleep.  It was cooler, which really helps.  Hoping for cooler days as fall begins trying to be born.  Overcast and cooler gave me some small second wind... if after struggling to gain my first.

Good night and God bless.