The... odd things they.... catch?

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I let out in a conversation, my station as being the son of minister.  Then... this.  And... a collection of others.  It's... almost as if they know something or think they do.  The devil you say?  Aye.  Not... the devil you know.  *wink*

Made it.

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Not barely, but... sort of barely?  What kills me is how long it takes to get there.  Some days it takes two, even closer to three hours.  Some days it takes just a bit over an hour to an hour and a half.  I just can't tell which it will be.  I meant to head out around 4:30 this morning, but didn't get started until 5:30?  Or so.  I... was a bit worried, had an eight appointment.  

But I got there by just at 07:00.  I mean walking in the door at 6:57 type.  Which... was fine.  I decided to go have breakfast... after checking the time.  The open at 7:00, so the long walk would see me just in at the opening.  And there were a few workers there before me.

The newest food trick?

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I have been making soups.  And... leaving them on the cooktop.  Eating from them for days.  I... just... don't like that.  Though, I don't think putting metal pans in the fridge.  Nor do I like plastics, anymore.  I do have glass containers, but not of the right sizes.  Ugh.

So?  So... I bought some glass pots.  So as to cook the soups.  Let cool.  Put in the refrigerator, perhaps with clingwrap over the top as well.  Then, to pull back out in the morning, remove the wrap, let warm.  Then, later in the day, to heat up and redo, over and again.

Brutal?

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Perhaps, but more loosely today.  Just... still so very tired.  Most aches are eased, most pains have subsided.  Not even hungry.  I found some test strips, after looking everywhere.  Who knows how old they are, but they seem to work.  Reading 144, which... is really wrong.  But... oh well.  

I have had three cups of food in the last six days, seven?  Eight maybe?  And one fatted coffee, maybe two?  And I have been careful with any sweeteners, both using them how they work best, so as to limit blood sugar impact.  So it doesn't make sense.  But, as I mentioned, oh well.  The way I do coffees usually lowers blood sugar.  I'll make one of those before I crash again.

I wanted so to go to bed.

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But I really wanted something to eat.  Then I remembered.  I have eggs!  And, a carnivore recipe, for custard.  Really simple, if it took longer than... a simple scrample or such.  But... is much easier sounding, on the weak stomach I have.  So... I... got it all together, set up, in, and finished.

Then I ate.  I did make two types.  One just as plain as Jane.  One with a keto sweetener, vanilla extract, and cinnamon.  I could barely get the plain one down.  But the fancier one went down like a dream.  I made four containers of the stuff.  Two remain, for later.  I'll see if I like the plain one better, then.  If not, I may melt cheddar for on top?

Ah. Still awake.

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Went looking for waist reduction, and hemming, videos... for jeans.  Though I'm sure that will work on slacks.  Not sure about cargo pants, but those are sort of born a bit sloppy... up to a point.  Still, if I can obtain the skills, and get the look and such right on a few practice items?  Then move one to newer pants?  We'll see.  May try even the cargo pants.

I won't do the vids today.  Maybe soon.  Just... but I did find and view them.

Coffee.

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I almost skipped.  But, no.  I wanted something something.  Not... to stay awake.  I doubt I'll finish it tonight.  Might not even finish half?  Close, so... maybe.  Just... everything is heavy right now.  Except water.  Water is... good.

While looking around I bumped into some things that have been on my mind.  As I lose weight, clothes... are... changing.  But, do I want to buy all new?  At most, not yet.  If possible, no.  But, I don't want to walk around looking like a bum.  Or... more like a bum than I already do.

Well, another short uptime?

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Not sure when I woke, last time.  But I went down a bit before 14:00.  Now, am up around 22:30.  Won't be up too long.  Just wanted to feed Sassy.  Though, this time, I'll tend her litter boxes.  All fresh, across the board.  I did get her fresh water earlier.  I... fell behind on that, too.  But... we'll... be doing better, now that I am not frozen in chills and fevers and sleeping for days on end.  I had no choice.

Dreamed my house disappeared.  I... woke up in the downstairs bed.  It and a phone, not my original, some odd type, were all that remained.  Clothes, canned foods, all other furnitured... everything... was gone.  No trace there had been a house here.  I didn't, because it was dark, go check to see if there was a hole where the basement had been.

Couldn't get to coffee.

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Just too tired.  And... a bit of a fever came back.  I sat here, hoping... I would be able to get that going.  But, no.  I will brush my teeth then go on to bed.  I may be up before too long, say in three or four hours again, to feed Sassy.  But probably not much more.

Getting queasy again, as well.  Stupid situations.  Still, even as uncomfortable as it is, again, it is far better than it has been.  And, sleep will solve most of this.  Still the 6th?  Ugh.  It seems like a week that I have been down, since last time.  Strange, this time, that the timer seems to be ticking, in the back of my mind, as I sleep.  But on a fast timer.  Hours seems like days.

Yes, I'll feed Sassy, brush my teeth, then go on back to bed.  Good... day and night.

Awake, again.

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Just for a bit.  I wanted to get up and feed Sassy, since I was awake enough, and feeling good enough to get up.  I'll have a fatted coffee, for something... slightly nutritious, or fatty anyway.  It's... been days since I've had anything other than water.  Couldn't even eat much fruit or yogurt.

I'll do a bit of looking, online.  Then, after the coffee, brush my teeth and go on back to bed.  Sleeping as needed, which... will probably be... the next day or two.  At least I am feeling better.  Simply tired, sleepy.  Too much of those latter to escape sleep, for the moment.  But that is far better than it had been.

It's bacK?

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Not... as bad as it was.  But, yes.  It's back.  I tried to eat, but that just didn't work.  I'm finishing off the fruit, for that is slightly edible, and it is something.  But yogurt and fruit just didn't work.  And yogurt alone, as a first shot, didn't work.  And... nothing else could have gone down.  Just... nothing else is able to be eaten.  And, the fruit really... isn't all that good.  Like I said, it is something, and can mostly go down.

Aches, really, are what is back.  And exhaustion.  The painful kind.  I played the game, for a bit.  But was falling, am falling, too hard and too fast to continue.  So, I'll... go on up to bed for a bit.  At this point in life, I need to sleep when I need to sleep.

That water really helped.

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Initially it didn't seem so.  I felt as rotten, initially, as when I forced myself to get up.  Horrible.  Terrible.  Rotten.  So I had to go on back to sleep.

I must admit, when I got up there, and tucked back in, I felt better.  Not great, but sleep was easier to attain.  And more comfortable.  I slept well for a few hours, then began to wake.  I wasn't sure I wanted to wake up though.  So, kept trying to sleep.

Finally, though, I felt good, and comfortable about waking, right at 3:57.  I turned the light on and... thought about it for three minutes.  Finally I realized waking up was a good thing.

There are still some aches.  But not nearly as bad as before.  No fevers, or chills... or at the moment.  That fluid just... did something.  Hoping to get back to some sort of health again, in these next few days.

Not hungry.  I haven't eaten in days, and probably won't for a few more days.  In part due to illness, in part due to going carnivore.  Just... can't eat.  Food doesn't sound good.  Anything.  I'll admit, if fast food sounded good, I might just go that way.  But it doesn't.  Nothing sounds tasty.  I may try some yogurt.  And, if that doesn't work, see if I have some fruit cups around somewhere, and try it with that?

I don't want to eat, but I need to eat, I think.  Food, like water, is sort of... needed.  Or, I suspect.  Oh... but on the scale...  Wasn't sure I should, after drinking so much liquid, and not yet peeing... but... on I went anyway.  At 238.6, it's... still... better.  My last weight was 242 even, on February 2nd, so... yes... all good.

Well, on to... something.  Later.

On back to bed.

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I tried to stay up a while.  Did, really.  But that's done.  I am so absolutely crushed.  I have to go on back to bed.  I will take water, five cans.  I won't drink whole cans at a time, perhaps a third, or quarter of a can when thirsty?  Or less.  Just... a sip, really.  I did drink three cans, while up.  But that is because I slept for three days and... was so very thirsty.  Fevers do that, as do chills actually.

I fed Sassy one more time, and refreshed her water.  I'd like to clean her litter box, but I... just... can't.  I hurt so bad that I just have to go on to bed.  Brutal.  I hurt so very terribly bad, in so many ways, that I can't do much else.  Just getting up to go to bed will be a trick.  This time I am taking three pee jugs up.  That should last me... maybe a week?

Oh ouch.

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I have been sleeping for... days?  It sure seems like it.  The fever, and chills, and aches, are impressive.  Collar bone, my stomach, belly?  Kidneys, legs.  Thighs, hips.  Everywhere, pretty much.  Oh,  True agony.  

It took a long time to finally be able to wake, so as to feed Sassy.  She... isn't going to eat well or much.  It's just how it goes.  I can't.

Absolutely freezing.

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The chills, hard.  Going on back to bed.  Oh, I'll feed Sassy first.

Couldn't get trash or else out.  Just... so... terrible.  Shaking, feverish, chills, it's... as bad as it has been in a... few days?  Damn, but life has been uncomfortable lately.

All good.  On to feed the twerp, then sleep.  I'll... turn the electric blanket on as well.  Odd to have chills and a fever at the same time.  Can barely type.  Later.

Or... goodnight, really.  May sleep for... a few days.

A response.

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Shaving that one a little close?  True, if I had to lay odds.  Someone knows... something about which they speak.  They know my name.

Good sleep.

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I... needed sleep.  Wasn't sure I would get it.  Sassy sure wanted me up.  I fought her, my own inclinations, and all else.  And, made it to 1:30?  Giver or take ten.  Even so, I'm... it's... tough.  A bit of a fever.  Just light, under the skin, on the fringes, edges.  But it's there.  It's been there for weeks, months probably.  Not as noticeable when warmer.  Not always noticed, even in the cold.  A slight, permanent, infection?  Or... of late.  Though, I think I have had something in me for... since I became ill nearly forty years ago.  Something that comes and goes, or is more present or less more like.  Fever is always there, just doesn't show as much this time as that.

Which is why, while they found nothing in the biopsy, the antibiotics still did a lot of work, on various parts of my body.  Did... strange things.  There are terrible things living in me.  I suspect doctors knew, just were hoping those things would take me out, if the heart didn't get me.  Or that these things would make life so miserable that I would commit suicide.  Which... actually I did.  Even that didn't work.

Awake, yet.

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Probably just because I became too numb to remember to go on to bed.  It's nearly noon.  So, okay.  I don't mind procrastination, through incident or accident, working toward my providence on some rare occasions.  All good.

Having some more water.  I couldn't have coffee.  And food is way out.  But... a few sips of lightly flavored, totally unsweetened, sparkling water will work.

Good, but very light.

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Life, for the moment, that is.  I... don't hurt.  Yet.  I will, if I can push it.  If... I don't think I can push it today.  But... soon.  Still, that it doesn't hurt most places, or much?  And, I was able to eat, and really enjoyed the burger soup.  Made more... for tomorrow.   Plus, I have... a plan on how to keep soup ready, and a bit safer.  Just... leaving it on the stove isn't the wisest.  But, putting a steal pan in the fridge isn't the best either.  And, I am trying to get away from plastics.  So... a plan.  We'll see if it works.

A coffee, which was fine.  A bit filling, along with the soup, but... It helps me get a few more calories in.  And, yes, I... now have to fight to do that.  There have been times when I got too much in.  But that is no longer the case.  Which... is fine, mostly.  I just don't want to push that too far.  So, I... do try to get that extra dollop of cream in.

Ah, that might have been it.

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The soup I made last night?  I... was thinking it might not have been done right.  Well, and it wasn't.  First, it was far too flat.  Then I oversalted.  And... then, somehow, I made or left it too fat, but the wrong kind of fat.  Burger juice, when it is the main fat, is... too... wrongly fatty.

So I worked it again today.  Adding sour cream and whole cream, water, salt in moderation, and put that on heat.  And?  And that turned out wonderfully.  I love it when it works.  And that worked.  And is so very filling.  Though, I did have two bowls.

Then again, yesterday, I feasted on chicken.  So... right.  That, I was full, on top of the soup not tasting good.  From the problems.  So it was a double thing.  Oh, but simple beef soup?  I'm telling you, you really can't beat it.  If I could figure out how to pull the meat off a chicken, that would work well too.  Hmm... may have to make another whole chicken, roasted.  Eat what I can while it is warm.  Then shred all the rest after it cools.  That might do, it's just... it's a bit of work.  Between the prep, baking, and eating.  Having energy over after.  Though... I could put the remnants in a ziplock bag.  That would do, if I didn't have the energy left to pull the meat that night?  Sure.

Because, chicken soup would be better, IF the chicken is good.  And I have been having great luck with whole chickens, but they cost $15  bird, or more.  Ugh.  That's more than I pay for steak!  And... probably per pound of meat, too.  Double ugh!  Still, soup lasts... a week.  A chicken, for a pot, for the week?  Or even three or four days?  Yes... maybe.

I have been looking at grass finished beef.  But boy do those cost.  Not sure I'd go for a quarter or half, or such.  Just... no.  I don't eat too much of what is offered.  Have little interest in tri-tip roasts, or sirloin, definitely not bottom round roasts.  Just... haven't found a good use for them.  Too lean to eat.  Though sliced, could make jerky.  But... that'd... be far too expensive for jerky.  If I make jerky, I'm looking for beef at half that cost, or less.  I also don't piss in silver vessels, let alone gold.  Just saying.

Still, the ribeyes?  If they actually prove out to taste better, and I get the sense there is a better health factor to grass fed and finished?  Maybe.  Especially since a full placket of ribeye, a box of burger, and couple of chuck roasts would last me three to five months.  So... yes, maybe.  Although?  The prices vary from one ranche to the next.  Some are as much as double the price.  I'm suspicious of the cheaper.  But also suspicious of the more expensive.  If... my suspicions are different per.  :p

Hmm, coffee is even good tonight.  It wasn't yesterday.  But, then again, I was full.  Something about being full, or nearly, or having been recently?  It... changes my whole attitude toward food and even drink.  If I've been full withing twelve to eightteen hours?  I... don't like food anymore.  A good thing.  I don't mind that.  Sometimes I even have to push water.  When I know I need water.  Still, all good.

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Walked off and forgot to post.  Its...three hours and change later.

I gamed.  But may be quitting the Arc game.  There are all sorts of troubles with it.  It loses stuff.  Important, big items, that took a very long time to create.  Makes it impossible not to cheat.  The game just... forgets.  Fails.  And, it's so complicated, that... remembering how to make things is nigh on impossible.  Plus, some of what is required is... very difficult to even find, even with some sort of cheat on.  Plus?  Some of the rare items disappear (planned this time) over time.  It's... just... too much.

I like what they thought to do with the game.  But it is asking too much.  More so on consoles.  Which have memory limits/problems and too few of inputs.  I hate spending three days making an item only to have the game just... forget I had it?  Wow.  It kills any incentive to work it.  Then one just uses the cheats to create it, then starts... making other things while at it.  But... that totally kills the game.  My mistake in buying it.

It is an improvement over the previous game.  But, it is broken in ways the old game wasn't, too.  Oh well.  I'll see if the other game has some sort of race going.  Both games, though, try to force you to play online.  Penalize, even cheat against you, if you don't.  Which... is a reason not to play those games.

Either they are fishing for data to steal, or somehow using your system for their uses, at best immorally, probably illegally, to hack other machines or systems.  Or, that's my guess.  No one does anything because all the big players are doing it, or trying to do it.

Well... on to something.  Maybe just back on to bed.  Not sure yet.