She wanted help.

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Heard her.  Was able to get up for a short bit.  Wanted to get water for up here as well.  So it was a deal.  She offered breakfast, I... didn't really want or need that.  Shd finished her and what was to be my portion.  A quick few things, then I grabbed a twelve pack of water and back to bed. 

I will browse a bit.  Watch the world from my little second story tower.  Polish off a water.  Then tuck and sleep for a day or three, week, two, more?  Who knows.

A few hours awake.

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That will be it for that.  I did have a bit of rice, fruit, and a fatted coffee.  Not much, but something.  Blood sugar was a bit high.  But, to make it home yesterday... or the day before?  I had to drink regular soda.  I was nearly falling asleep.  Still, at 106, I am not terribly worried.

Surprised mother didn't wake, or call out.  Either sleeping well, herself.  Or just not wishing to bother, or speak, with me.  No, I get it, either way.  I prefer quiet, so all good by me in any case.  Not antisocial, I simply don't need socialization.  And, prefer it less from those I cannot trust.  Love isn't a word, thought, but a truth, based on good faith, right deeds, and such.

Awake, for a moment.

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Just a touch of very temporary lucidity before dropping back into the black.  A call, about whether I wanted pork in my beans.  No.  That can be added later, it can't be removed.  I was already... quietly awake.  Not able to get up, or I would have been.  I... like to be up.  When able.  Sometimes I coast, on the underside, or just the inside, of consciousness.  Sometimes without noticing that until an external factor... makes me become aware of the fact?  Something like that. 

If you have ever seen a cat sleeping in a semi upright position?  Then waved a hand before it, to see it then begin to track the hand while beginning to wake, animate?  Like that.  So it was.  The beans question was as the hand movement.

Rice.

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It turned out well.  The way I do it takes a lot of work, since I use about a gallon and a half of water, twice, plus the rice.  Draining the first portion of water as soon as it hits a boil, which takes between thirty and thirty five minutes.  Higher elevation adds time, and that large volume of grain and water is a bit to heat.

Cheese, butter, and soy sauce was added, to taste.  I don't drown it in soy sauce.  Though if you do, no shade on that.  I do it to taste, as you do.  Just variances of taste.  Oh, I cleaned the pot, putting beans to soak.

Awake for a while?

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Not comfortably.  Though when I try to recall the last time I was comfortable for even a whole week I fail.  Years, if not decades since I felt good for long, four decades since feeling good was... normal?  Oh, sometimes, the pains, strains, wrongness, is minor, or even background noise.  If I busy myself or don't think about it, or can concentrate diligently enough, I can believe I am... good.

I don't mind.  Sometimes pain is all I know.  If I have learned to work through, rest through, or sleep through even that.

Brutal.

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I had an appointment today.  Couldn't sleep well last night.  Not out of worry, for causes unknown.  So, when it was time to wake, I had to struggle.  I made it up, through a shower, dressed, and to town in time.  Just, on all accounts.

Mother asked for something.  Plus I wanted some things from the store.  She called and texted about getting milk, so I got that.  Was so terribly, horribly, tired on the drive home.  I did get our lists, to home, everything in, then on to bed.

So tired sleep hasn't arrived.  I thought, perhaps, blogging might relax me, shift something, burden something correctly.  Nope.  So absolutely exhausted, if with no chance to sleep quite yet. 

Later, or good night.  I am desperately hoping for the latter.

Four days in a row.

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Meals, one on each on the last four days.  Probably six or more like seven meals in the last three weeks total, including those.  Half full meals, half rather small meals.  From an egg, potato, and burger scramble to an oyster stew last night.  I went from 217 to 221 in that time.  Though blood sugar went from 106 to about 90 average over that time?  Yes.  Strange, but okay.  Blood sugar had been trending up, but I had only been testing it when trying new, potentially higher carb, foods.  So I decided to do a month steady, daily check, review.  It is steadily coming down, probably averaging about 90, fasting draw.

I had planned to get out yesterday.  While showering my legs nearly gave way.  Showering in the walk-in bath, I had a place to finish while sitting.  Sometimes those... sensations... pass.  Not this time.  So I had to call it off.  Then return to bed.  I was up later, had the stew, tea, and water, before returning to bed.  Couldn't stand, had difficulty breathing, was weak everywhere and completely, all at once.

An interesting dream.

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Not from this morning, from yesterday evening... or last night when that was more the afternoon or earlier evening?  Something like that.

My vehicle was stolen.  So one I name as friend helped by lending a vehicle, a large truck.  Some issues with it, just things I needed to sort, understand.  He cleared me on it's operations.

A second coffee, then gaming.

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Mother asked that I speak with her before I return to bed.  I had intended to do so.  I ended staying up what I thought was too late, so went on to bed.  But the food, or coffee, got to me.  Requiring me to return downstairs.  She called me on the way. 

Just wanted to know if, on my next trip to town, if she could tag along.  Sure, with caveats.  I won't wait hours for her, anywhere.  If she wants to shop?  Sure.  I'll drop her while I do whatever I need to do, expecting her to be done pretty much when I am ready to go.  No negotiating.  Or she'll have to find her own way home, again.  Zero tolerance for some things there days.

Up, for a bit.

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Sleep was heavy today.  I had hoped for more.  I had hoped to check on the appointments earlier in the day.  That wasn't done until nearly 15:00.  Only one appointment checked, if I found out later that I couldn't have checked the orher.  The business isn't open on Mondays.

Sleep, mostly.  Waking, reading, vids, from time to time.  The idea of getting up was there, the ability to do so was not.  As I have said, once I familiarized myself with the fundamental limits of my illnesses, I have... become comfortable in them.  I can, sometimes, push beyond the limits.  For short, sometimes long, stretches.

Better late than never.

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I called one of my two upcoming appointments.  I had feared a conflict.  Thankfully I was incorrect.  I now know, with certainty, the day and date of one.  I still need the other.  I just can't wake, to get out of bed, to check the other.  I don't have their number easily available either.  Ugh.

Exhausted.  In spite of sleeping so much.  I feel more like a butterfly on a cork board, pinned with a needle, after having been nearly put out in a killing jar first.  Neither did the job, but neither can I do much to resist.  Perhaps hope I was a rarity in the collection?

Food, coffee, a shower.

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Trimmed, shaved, brushed my teeth, and generally cleaned up.  Remembered meds.  Got in more water.  Have the various water jugs filled, the carafe and reservoir as well.  Reset my bed, if it needs more.  What was done tonight is what I could do.

I checked the trash and recycling, when about to take them to the curb.  They were strangely nearly empty.  So I didn't bother with them.

Fried eggs and canned corned beef hash.

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Not the healthiest.  Satisfying.  It's been a while since I ate a fuller meal, so... okay.   I need to get the trash and recycling to the curb.  Perhaps get a shower taken.  Brush my teeth, but a half hour after I finish the last of my meal, the fatted coffee.  Nearly done.

I tried the trick, with the reverse osmosis machine.  But saw that it was nearly finished, so manually ended the process.  Which was higher of a precipitate number that I prefer, if not beyond the pale.  And, sometimes, it lowers a bit during the process.  I saw it drop one point, as a fact, right before I switched it off.  Still... was slightly annoyed and it was nearly finished.  Still, would have liked to have seen if it would click off on it's own, before the count got into bad territory.

Still sleeping.

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I did wake for a short bit early in the morning.  A fatted coffee and something to eat.  Nothing fancy, not much, just something as opposed to nothing.  Not even honestly hungry, more a sense that eating might be a good thing.  As well, more water.

Only awake for the time it took to prepare the food, make the coffee, clear up a bit after, and run a few batches of water through the reverse osmosis machine.  I did figure a way to prevent overflow, if after purchasing trays to catch that.

Very warm.

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Up to a high of 81 today.  One degree below that, as I write.  While that seems warm, as cool as night, thus the ground, gets and somewhat stays at night, down to at least 47 last night (though I have seen 41, not sure about last night, if not yesterday night), the environment remains cooler than what 81 would usually indicate.

Mom went... somewhere... earlier today.  While gone, I was able to stumble down, brush my teeth, take a shower, and put on fresh pj's.  More needed than I had thought.  Not always the case, rarely actually.  This was one of those times.  The Lord knows I am terribly grateful for the technologies which allow for showers.  And those times when I can employ them.

Finally, food.

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Mother has seen me go without food for days, weeks.  And, yet, she still doesn't believe.  I must assume this is why she can't be Christian.  She watches, as time passes, while I sleep for days.  Waking for rare needs, mostly water.  Again, she refuses to believe what she senses.  I can't make the blind see.  I can, sometimes, show them.  But they have to want to see, hear, know.

Scrambled eggs, a fatted coffee, and more water.  Plenty, and then some.  How long has it been?  A week, two?  I can never be certain while resting and dreaming so deeply.  I doubt if she knows, with certainty.  Days pass for her in a haze, only slightly less foggy than mine in my travels.

More sleep.

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Lots of sleep.  I never woke last night, or got up anyway.  I had another can or two of water.  Which makes sleeping a bit easier.  My throat isn't constantly feeling like it will seal off from being dry and the fluids in there gumming up.  That is a horrible sensation to have to fight through for days, and nights.

My adopted brother did reply.  I had let him know they were in my prayers.  Suggesting they stay dry as possible, offering good wishes and prayers.  He was waiting to see how it would end before replying.  It seems, from the sounds of things, that his neighborhood only received a lessor amount of rain, with none of the other bad weather events.

Events.

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I see the woman's execution was foiled.  Female executioners?  As satanic as modern women tend to be, I can't be certain if the failure was merely from incompetence or sabotage.  Wouldn't need to be literal satanists, might well be wearing the cloaks of variations of churchianity.  It's a matter of the belief that what they believe is superior to all else.

With the criminal justice system basically developed around average IQ men, I doubt if we will ever know.  I wonder if they have done blood work on her, to see if she was given a countertoxin prior to the toxin.  Or, even whether she had been given the actual poison.  probably too late to tell, by this point.

If they are serious, they need to get her back into some reasonable shape and put her into the gas chamber.  Though... make sure of the executioners.  No women, or other dei's.  Or just admit justice, for some, is no longer available.  Not my problem, in one sense.

Though, if they are going to end justice, they should at least release the last of the remains of the victim, part of her skull taken as a trophy, to the victim's mother.  So at least she can close that part of her daughter's murder.  I... don't count on it.  Too many are actively or passively on the murderer's side.

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Oh, quite a storm down south.  Possibly heading north.  Definitely east, possibly so big as to go a bit west, or... morph onto, up to, us... for a small bit?  Though, who knows.  It really might simply break out into some sort of weather system not seen before.  Well, it already is one.  And it is becoming much more... amazing.  Never can tell with rare events.

I'll just rest.  If the house gets blown away, I'll either go with it or wake without it.  If my real worry is to wake with five to ten feet of snow, no electricity or water, or even a good way out.  And, while generally unlikely this year, it is possible in spots, and in years to come, with what is happening this year.

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I was going to get up for a bit but mother was still awake.  I am not socializing with her.  Have business to tend, but not when I just woke up.  Had hoped to make a bite.  Instead I just grabbed a twelve pack of carbonated water.  Two down the tube.  I'll go on back to sleep, when I can.

Maybe in a few hours I can have a light meal.  Scrambled eggs?  Something.  if she would go to bed.  Later.

Lots of sleep.

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Waking, from time to time.  Reading various sites on the web.  Watching vids, the rare non-dei ones that remain, purging the obvious dei and ai trash.  Then, back to sleep.  It looks like new music is dead, or mostly AI?

I am trying to keep fluids going in, and out.  Not worried about food.  Though, once every day or two I try to get food in.  Nothing fancy, not much, just small satisfying morsels of simple construction.

Oh, right.

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A bit more about prepping.  Something I have probably suggested before?  It isn't for end time events, in a biblical sense.  It isn't for a civil war.  It is for my apocalypse.  My apocalypse has already happened.

My body has failed.  It doesn't work as it should.  Not just organs, but my ability to wake, any particular day, week, month, or sometimes nearly year.  I can't cook, clean, hunt, shop, process food always, or even eat it when available.