Missed.

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I heard the alarm at 6:00 and reset it for 6:30, the time I could start trying to contact the V.A. Only, I didn't wake at 6:30. I didn't wake until I received a call at 8:00... from them. Oh well. If I do end up needing this procedure I can probably now accept a very long wait. Then again, on a personal level, I really don't mind.

When I go to the V.A., for most of my visits, doctors have accusingly asked if I had started working yet, gotten a job. Given that I can't reliably get up at any time of day or night and suffer from confusion and exhaustion, and have gone over these details umpteen times, I don't know if they are just jerking my chain or if they actually think the dead can walk. However, now that I have seen something out there they can offer that helps, I dump it right back in their laps without a hitch. I'll work up to getting a job as soon as you find the balls to give me Ritalin again. That ends the conversation with them tucking tale and shutting their face. Smirks disappear too. You see, while they are quite willing to 'be brave to disability', they aren't willing to put their precious little asses on the line. All talk. I must admit it does make my sessions there much easier.

It's late, I've not gained focus, and I probably won't. Long days of travel and appointments, added to the stress of some serious decision making, leave me more exhausted than usual. Today is no exception. I would like to find a way to spend that time at least hiking a bit a few times a week. I'm not sure it is possible as concentration must be good enough to figure out where to go that is reasonable in my condition to hike, finding the trail-heads themselves physically, and then having enough umph to actually get there. I had a number of possible hiking trails figured out but I can't find the book or my notes. Simply put, a random hike which might be seven to fourteen miles or more with steep inclines might... not be a good starter. I really need to know what I am getting into. Even some four mile hikes I have seen are beyond me. When you go up seemingly half of what you go out, you really work. Sure, I did that and on skis (which arguably is easier with some balance), it took five to six hours and two weeks to recuperate. And my lady friend, who is supposedly in better shape, took a month to recover. Confusion is as bad as exhaustion. Ritalin clears the air a bit. Further, when that was given I most certainly did begin to work out, get out, and function at a more serious level. Get a job? Grow a pair, I say. You do your job, I will do mine.

Later.