Dreams.

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I used to be able to find vids, about off-grid living.  Truth is, I didn't want complete off-grid.  Though, the truth beyond that, is there is no such thing.  You bring water up?  Fine, but SOMEBODY had to create the access to the water.  You need to charge your phone, and battery packs?  SOMEBODY has that electricity, and is allowing you to use it.  Nothing is free.

Still, there are homesteaders who either by need, lack of access, or such, have learned to live lean.  A lot of fiction out there too.  But, between the fiction, and the reality, there are people who truly live a... if not quieter... simpler life.  That has always been a goal.  But, a goal which time and possibility where gone before I ever understood the want.

This fellow, in this video, is... like what I had envisioned?  Only... without realizing the depths.  Not all of them.  Though, does anyone realize how hard things are in life, no matter which direction they go?  I don't think so.  If, truth be absolutely told, there are no easy paths.  And, the honest and true paths are the most brutally difficult.  The world... is jealous, hateful, and doesn't... want you to win.  It will help you lose, but not help you win.  Winning costs.  If too, winning isn't... winning?

There is something about a compromise between doing it all yourself, and having some things, even luxuries.  My shower is a luxury, to be honest.  Even indoor plumbing, face it, that is a luxury.  Most of the world lives without that, or has for most of man's time here for certain.

Though, for me?  There is no way I could life as I would.  Even with an outhouse, you have to dig a new one every five to fifteen years.  And the barrel outhouses?  Do you have any idea how much it takes to move a full barrel?  Even half full?  Full would probably be easier, to be honest.  And, hauling water?  Five gallons will last a few days, for one.  Some suggest a gallon a day.  That is absolute bare minimum.

Now, add building your place.  Add in cutting your wood for heating.  Something he didn't cover was dealing with wildlife.  He showed a moose, but one being... momentarily... seemingly... pleasant, at the moments shown.  Even this, in a way, was sugar coated.  

It is 59, after dropping a few more degrees.  And, if I had to cut wood, haul water, cook, and sort out food storage and else?  I'd... fail.  I can't do much work when it cools like this.  I have the furnace set to 62, I think.  It isn't running.  But, if that didn't run, or failed?  I'd have a really rough time.  I don't want some automation, I need it.

But the dream?  I... do dream.  As I lay dying, I dream of working for my freedom.  If, too, even then, I know freedom is nearly at an end.  Even if you could work for it, it will be taken from you, soon or late, violently, gently, or somewhere along that continuum.  It's... all just a dream.

Still, I enjoyed seeing a bit more.  Look, I lived off-grid, in summers, with my foster parents.  Just a month or two a summer.  I loved it, then.  Even hauling wood, water, food.  The outhouse up the hill was the thing.  We did have partial running water, piped from a stream on the property.  But even then, I couldn't have done that solo.  My parents knew what they were doing, and had to push me to do some of the heavier work.  But, too, they were used to having a number of children, so I was a bit overloaded trying to fill in for three to five children.  Ugh.  It's brutal.

Even so.  If I could do more than stand on a given day, I'd really think about figuring it out.  I wouldn't mind dying out there.  But... I wouldn't want to die trying to make it happen.  A year or two after settling in would be fine, but I don't think I would make it.  So... I watch.  But, I look for the real.  And... send a prayer their way, and those like them who aren't seen.  Amen.

I am not jealous.  I could sort something out.  If a far more limited fashion.  I keep getting offers for my home.  But, the offers are too low.  I'm sorting things, to find a way out.  And, who knows.  But, I would only do it with a bit of a safety net, for a way out, in case things don't work... whether traveling, or finding a little spot somewhere.  More grateful.  Pleased to know some people... make it... for the time they have got.  Could go the easy way.  Life has to be brutal, sometimes, often.  Just... glad to know there are still people who do it the old way.