Sleep is way off.

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I think I got three hours in the last forty eight hours?  Something like that.  While I couldn't sleep, I did stay in bed, for a stretch.  Attempting to obtain more sleep, or at least rest.  Eyes wide open.  Toes tapping.  Much of the time.  Three hours of sleep just isn't pleasant.

It is warming up around here.  That is getting to me.  Odd.  It is only 70, here, near the computer.  But I am sweating.  It is 40 F outdoors.

I have had food.  Hmm, a kefir, a fatted coffee, two quarter pound patties, four strips of bacon, and about a quarter pound of mushrooms... and a single vinegar tonic.  Oh, but three oranges (they were going bad, wanted to eat them), a can of sardines (in ev olive oil), and two "keto" crackers... 12 carbs for two, I believe.  Blood sugar has been in the low 200s today, until just now.  It is 180.  I just don't get it.

I haven't weighed in.  Won't until I get some sleep.  Hopefully "tonight", as in shortly.  I'll see.

Strange... thoughts... through the sleeplessness.  And vids and music of course.

I'll admit it.  I was never a soldier.  Never was I lined up, arrayed with others against an enemy.  Prepared and trained for battle in formation.  No, that wouldn't be a truth.  If there were times, or moments, where I could have been, was, expected to act in a certain way which included violence as a potential and actual course of action.  Not... the same.

As I have said before, my .mil nickname was Madonna.  Odd things.

While never a soldier, that doesn't mean I wasn't a combatant.

Or... a rough sort of dog of war, of sorts.  Just... not like others.

I can't say I am still good at it.  I didn't depend on strength, or perhaps being younger and far stronger, that didn't seem to be the gig.  As I have written before, it was speed, dexterity, I depended on.  As a child, while I wasn't blind, I always faced bigger older kids, or multiples of them, or both.  In the third grade I was chased down, surrounded by 6 sixth graders.  They beat on me, but hit like girls.  Seriously.  Which is why... they didn't complain, win lose or draw.  Unless they ended up so battered their parent(s) raised a hissy.

A few more fights remain.  Not... my brother, more a... side of myself, and brother types, of another sort.  Yea.  Yes.

It's not to the death, anymore.  Done that, been there.  But... It is final just the same.  Odd how the world works, things work, it all works out.  Struggle your whole life only to, probably, go out possibly without even a whimper?  Who knows.  I'll find out before... you do.  :p

Though, you never can tell.  Maybe, something will happen, or some lone wolf will decide to take me out.  And, they will be up to it.  There was a time a beautiful death was meaningful to me, desired.  Now?  It would be just another way, of a thousand, to die.  Amen.