Finally?

.

.

Maybe.

I have been trying for two things.  To lower blood sugar, again.  And to wake at four.  Not four.  Five forty.  But, that is... within parameters very roughly.  As start back to it?  I'll just have to see.  My main difficulty is getting to sleep with the sun still partly up.  Trying to get to bed by even twenty hundred, let alone eighteen hundred, is a mess with it being so light outside.  

Still, I did what I could last night.  And this morning.  I went to bed by nineteen thirty, I think.  If I really didn't sleep until after twenty two thirty.  I set my alarm for four, snoozed until... until I didn't.  Then noticed it was five thirty two so started trying to wake up, and did so at about five forty?  Give or take.  Quite a struggle, but, yeah.

As for blood sugar?  That is more positive.  I think this morning is the lowest fasting blood sugar to date.  I think...  At 174, in any case, after messing up with food or tea or both, this is comforting.  Another day, in any case, of little eating... a kefir or two, a fatted coffee, and roasted nuts, then back to eating tomorrow.  I need to pull meat out of the freezer, by the way... note to self.  -  Oh, and now that I am more awake, my lowest fasting was 168.  Two days ago, before it jacked.  So, okay.  But, still, it's... close and closing in.

I'll brush my teeth shortly.  Check the totally refreshed litter pan.  When I wake earlier, I don't feed Sassy right away.  I set a timer, so she has more of a regular food time.  Cats and dogs are like children, they really come to depend on regular meals, at regular times.  But, to some extent, they have to be trained to those times, once they can be trained.  Denial of impulse, the first one, is how humans seem to begin life.  First food, then defecation and other voiding, then sleep.  Deprivation is... how we learn to be civil?  Something like that.  Civilization is the way of the rude?  The more civil, yes, I think so.

I guess I am simply trying to become civil.  If, for no good or honest reason.  I am broken beyond seeming repair, and too old to do much even if they could repair me at this point.  Untrained, old, and out of shape... even if they could fix the heart, or if I could physician myself somehow to health, there isn't many who would even hire me.  Simple truth.  Either way, that is... what I am trying to do.

It is 33 outside.  Probably wasn't cooler, as it obviously rained, but didn't freeze.  So cold this late in spring?  Well, yes.  I suppose.  I have seen this happening, coming, for half a generation.  It's just that... seeing something that is going to happen, and having it happen, are... two different things.  Colder.  Much colder, possibly.  And, for a long time.  Years?  More like decades, generations, centuries.  How much colder?  Eventually no summer(s).  Look to the sun to know.  That, after all, is our grow light.

Shoulder is sore.  Been sleeping too hard, when I do sleep, until last night.  I rolled and rolled last night.  If I don't, as in the two nights prior at least, one shoulder gets almost put out of place.  My right shoulder bears the brunt of that.  Better today.  A mild headache.  Waking earlier, until I get used to that, will do it.  All good.  Painpills, it's been a while since I used those.  Will use them today.

As for else?  I don't know.  Not awake enough, yet, to fully think things through.  I am up four to five hours earlier than the last two or three days?  I'll... just have to work things through.

While today is a success, yesterday was so bad I am considering restarting my schedule, of four to six months.  Though, if I can keep waking at around four to six this week, I may forgive and call it two weeks of that.  I'll see in the near future.  I won't go to work unless I can be certain I can run a bit of a regular schedule.