.
.
A cold and rainy day. I woke a bit late, but my days are tilting. I will be trying to recover a regular schedule, and may be able to do it this time. A bland, do-nothing day. Getting out yesterday, in my current condition, is weighing me down. It was worth getting out though.
I have done a bit of research on several topics that are of interest. A few items arrived today, as well. I have been looking for a couple of cooking items and found some, possibly. I like steel cooking utensils, stainless. But I also like think handles on them. I found just what I had been looking for, the only question is if they are too mild of a steel. As soon as I get my shop set up, I will probably grind one of the spatulas, as they aren't really good for flipping, as is... getting under the crunch of some things. If that works, I may do the other, or keep it more solid for less delicate items. I also bought a set of dip-strainers, for pasta, maybe taking the foam out of my beans as they cook and such. I've always wanted a set, now I have them. Yeah... I'm... a believer in the right tools for specific jobs, up to a point. These will mean I can make smaller volumes of noodles with less hassle. Or... to my mind. We will see. As well, a couple of the books I wanted, mostly animal anatomy, arrived, as did sketching supplies. I had hoped to get these in town, or at least review them, compare. I simply haven't been to town, and haven't been able to get there often enough. So... I just went with the best, and quite reasonably priced in some cases, that I could find. Chalks and pencils of many 'calibers', drawing paper that can hold the chalk, and the books should give me a place to start.
I also ordered a few items for my AK. Nothing fancy, nothing I wasn't sure about. A tool for the iron sights, a couple of replacements for the shepherds' hook, a loader for the magazines, and... something else. I've thought about a replacement trigger. But to be honest, I am rather happy with the trigger. What a little sandpaper will do is amazing. I have more work, sanding the carrier rails and a few other parts, and more on some of the parts. Not to automate, I don't need that, or want it at the moment. I simply want to smooth out the action, trigger, and a few other parts, simply to extend the life, reduce some side issues, and keep the thing from bucking, as much as that is possible. Tinker tailor, soldier sailor... I ought to order tracer rounds. Put two as the first to load and you will always know when your magazine needs changed before you fire that last round. Technically, then you are never without at least one round and it's easier to flip a mag in clean, without having to charge a round. Business, you see.
I have been reviewing rifle scopes, for various applications. As well, scope technique. To a degree, that isn't rocket science. But it is detailed and specific. It's not just elevation and windage, but temperature, barometric pressure, and a ton of other little variables that can all come together to invalidate a shot. Yeah, I knew some of this at one time, but that was... a lifetime ago. Me? I prefer mildot and a couple of other things. It's a rangefinder when you learn to use it. While you won't always be able to do as you please, having the variables in mind can allow you to take that, possibly, impossible pot-shot, if need be, and still be in the zone you want. Then again, even accounting for every variable... it's not a science... it's an art. I was once a minor artist in the field. I want that back and maybe a little more.
What else today? Not much. I still want to get the last of the dishes done, then work on a meal or two. But... Yeah... I just don't know.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Dang. I was working on another nothing day when...
.
.
My friend called. I wasn't sure whether to answer. Yea, one of those days. While I am better, I wouldn't say I am in good condition. Just better than the worse and worser conditions. I went ahead and answered. He wanted to buy a computer, so as to be able to go online. The machine I had hoped to give him broke, for no apparent reason. My guess is someone has been in here, and dropped it. That's the only thing that would have caused the particular malfunction. Still, he got a better machine, so... He also has a printer, and I suggested a regular corded mouse. Mickey mousing around with having to keep batteries going in those things is a nuisance, as is wireless interference and the ability to hack through that wireless devices.
It took a bit. I had to shower and dress. Something hinky was going on with my internet until I... fixed it. Oh yes, people have influence. But they should know their places. I am stubborn as steel, and more, if pressed. Never the who. I got my internet stuff done and then finished prep and headed out. It was a bit tough. Just, as I said, not the best of days. I was pleased to be out, to have I hope been helpful, and to get a good meal down. I was barely able to eat, to be honest. But that is a good time to try to put something down.
After shopping and dinner I stopped by his place and talked for a little bit. I told him to go ahead and tinker. Even without the internet. He didn't realize the machine would work without that. Oh noes! The thing is, even starting as a dead to rights noob, as I told him, he has the kind of mind that will glom onto a computer and the internet. He is curious, bright, and detailed. Actually, he has a better mind for it than I do. I just have experience and typing skills that are out of this world. I wrote this, for example, about as fast as I think to write it, almost. Oh, after some of the learning curve, and a fix of his machine, he should be an internet master in six months or less. He really does have that sort of mind, and the time. If he isn't all that healthy, it is mostly the physical that troubles him. With time to burn and the lack of energy required when the internet and machine are up and running, he will... travel far on the superhighway.
I told him about YouTube, about finding those songs and movies he knew and enjoyed, and much else. Oh, he knows. A bit. His friend has a machine, and he has been to the library to use their machines, but there is nothing like having 24/7 access to answer questions, figure some things out, get inspired, or even deal with a rough spell. Yea, he is going to like this... when he doesn't hate it because it doesn't work or becomes frustrating. That, however, even for a master, is part of the deal. You get, but you also lose. The question, always, is if the payout is worth the cost. I think, for him, for me, it is. Mostly.
It's about bedtime. Perhaps a bit of gaming. I forgot medication this morning, in my "rush", so need to take that and want to take actual bedtime medicine so as to keep that up. A bit of a strain, but... I missed yesterday night, don't want to do that twice in a row. Right now, everything is tight. So I need to keep it pretty even of keel or... I could get in trouble.
Good night, probably.
.
My friend called. I wasn't sure whether to answer. Yea, one of those days. While I am better, I wouldn't say I am in good condition. Just better than the worse and worser conditions. I went ahead and answered. He wanted to buy a computer, so as to be able to go online. The machine I had hoped to give him broke, for no apparent reason. My guess is someone has been in here, and dropped it. That's the only thing that would have caused the particular malfunction. Still, he got a better machine, so... He also has a printer, and I suggested a regular corded mouse. Mickey mousing around with having to keep batteries going in those things is a nuisance, as is wireless interference and the ability to hack through that wireless devices.
It took a bit. I had to shower and dress. Something hinky was going on with my internet until I... fixed it. Oh yes, people have influence. But they should know their places. I am stubborn as steel, and more, if pressed. Never the who. I got my internet stuff done and then finished prep and headed out. It was a bit tough. Just, as I said, not the best of days. I was pleased to be out, to have I hope been helpful, and to get a good meal down. I was barely able to eat, to be honest. But that is a good time to try to put something down.
After shopping and dinner I stopped by his place and talked for a little bit. I told him to go ahead and tinker. Even without the internet. He didn't realize the machine would work without that. Oh noes! The thing is, even starting as a dead to rights noob, as I told him, he has the kind of mind that will glom onto a computer and the internet. He is curious, bright, and detailed. Actually, he has a better mind for it than I do. I just have experience and typing skills that are out of this world. I wrote this, for example, about as fast as I think to write it, almost. Oh, after some of the learning curve, and a fix of his machine, he should be an internet master in six months or less. He really does have that sort of mind, and the time. If he isn't all that healthy, it is mostly the physical that troubles him. With time to burn and the lack of energy required when the internet and machine are up and running, he will... travel far on the superhighway.
I told him about YouTube, about finding those songs and movies he knew and enjoyed, and much else. Oh, he knows. A bit. His friend has a machine, and he has been to the library to use their machines, but there is nothing like having 24/7 access to answer questions, figure some things out, get inspired, or even deal with a rough spell. Yea, he is going to like this... when he doesn't hate it because it doesn't work or becomes frustrating. That, however, even for a master, is part of the deal. You get, but you also lose. The question, always, is if the payout is worth the cost. I think, for him, for me, it is. Mostly.
It's about bedtime. Perhaps a bit of gaming. I forgot medication this morning, in my "rush", so need to take that and want to take actual bedtime medicine so as to keep that up. A bit of a strain, but... I missed yesterday night, don't want to do that twice in a row. Right now, everything is tight. So I need to keep it pretty even of keel or... I could get in trouble.
Good night, probably.
Sith apprentice?
.
.
To the secular, perhaps. Vox wrote about how many of us new men are being considered. We see that women aren't equal, that minorities are not equal, that many of, if not almost all, of the modernist "truth" is not only untrue but unworthy of appreciating, supporting, or for many of us even debating. Global warming, evolution, science (as it is being misrepresented these days in any case), modern politics, and many other topics are hit upon, often, even here where I simply don't deign to bother with such nonsense, mostly. Vox, and some of the higher level menfolk in the "order" do spend a great deal of time... massacring those notions and showing how false these things are. Modern day Houdinis, I say. Some of us merely crush such notions and toss them on the pile without bothering, mostly, with explaining why. Even now, science is beginning to catch up with reality, what of science still remains, if much of it is still kept as professional secrets, so as not to... upset politics, business, the feelings of the inferior. Leftist politicians know, and flaunt the falseness of their church of hell, but with cover from their armies of useful idiots, the media, academia, and big crony business. They do so, to this point, with immunity.
Many of the folk, such as Vox, it is said, are Sith Lords. As I said, to untrue ideology, they are just that. But in the realm of the true, real, honest, and fact, they are no such thing. I am quite sure, in the Star Wars paradigm, when the Emperor and Darth Vader took control, the remaining jedi were also considered Sith. The good became evil by proclamation. As it was in fiction, so it is in fact. I have only ever earned the title of Darth Vader. I was almost a little jealous of their media accolades. But then I thought about it. I think being an apprentice, if that is the way of it, is not all that bad. I am unconnected with anyone else, so I am my own, in a way.
Why only an apprentice? I won't say that I am, or not, in a world turned upside down, one thing or another. What I will say, is if I am an apprentice, my Lord is easily known. In one form He Is Who He Is, in another He lived, died, and lives yet, as an example. In another, He breathes the fire of life, forgiveness, sustains purpose, gifts, offers insights, and delivers messages. If I am a dark master, then God is evil. I am gladly a Sith apprentice if that is the case. Take your pick. If that is how the world will tell it, I will gladly accept it.
I just had to square some circles, put this down, and discern. Well, and chuckle. The ankle biters stay away, because I don't entertain them, as Vox often does. I simply kick the mad little dogs to the curb with no more thought than blowing my nose. Still, he enjoys, and probably has more purpose than I, in the world. Sometimes I wonder if he still has some hope for the world is all. Me? I put my hope in God, and those who abide Him. The rest? Not my area, or... not yet. *grins*
.
To the secular, perhaps. Vox wrote about how many of us new men are being considered. We see that women aren't equal, that minorities are not equal, that many of, if not almost all, of the modernist "truth" is not only untrue but unworthy of appreciating, supporting, or for many of us even debating. Global warming, evolution, science (as it is being misrepresented these days in any case), modern politics, and many other topics are hit upon, often, even here where I simply don't deign to bother with such nonsense, mostly. Vox, and some of the higher level menfolk in the "order" do spend a great deal of time... massacring those notions and showing how false these things are. Modern day Houdinis, I say. Some of us merely crush such notions and toss them on the pile without bothering, mostly, with explaining why. Even now, science is beginning to catch up with reality, what of science still remains, if much of it is still kept as professional secrets, so as not to... upset politics, business, the feelings of the inferior. Leftist politicians know, and flaunt the falseness of their church of hell, but with cover from their armies of useful idiots, the media, academia, and big crony business. They do so, to this point, with immunity.
Many of the folk, such as Vox, it is said, are Sith Lords. As I said, to untrue ideology, they are just that. But in the realm of the true, real, honest, and fact, they are no such thing. I am quite sure, in the Star Wars paradigm, when the Emperor and Darth Vader took control, the remaining jedi were also considered Sith. The good became evil by proclamation. As it was in fiction, so it is in fact. I have only ever earned the title of Darth Vader. I was almost a little jealous of their media accolades. But then I thought about it. I think being an apprentice, if that is the way of it, is not all that bad. I am unconnected with anyone else, so I am my own, in a way.
Why only an apprentice? I won't say that I am, or not, in a world turned upside down, one thing or another. What I will say, is if I am an apprentice, my Lord is easily known. In one form He Is Who He Is, in another He lived, died, and lives yet, as an example. In another, He breathes the fire of life, forgiveness, sustains purpose, gifts, offers insights, and delivers messages. If I am a dark master, then God is evil. I am gladly a Sith apprentice if that is the case. Take your pick. If that is how the world will tell it, I will gladly accept it.
I just had to square some circles, put this down, and discern. Well, and chuckle. The ankle biters stay away, because I don't entertain them, as Vox often does. I simply kick the mad little dogs to the curb with no more thought than blowing my nose. Still, he enjoys, and probably has more purpose than I, in the world. Sometimes I wonder if he still has some hope for the world is all. Me? I put my hope in God, and those who abide Him. The rest? Not my area, or... not yet. *grins*
Good thing I am being careful.
.
.
To end the night last night, on a celebratory note, I had a mixed drink. Nothing fancy, not too strong, and truly, just a sip. I really, probably, in some levels of illness and such, should not have a sip. And I sort of knew that. Exuberance can lead to mistakes. It was a slight mistake. I will recover easily enough. And it isn't too awful, just very surprisingly even noticeable given how little I actually sapped upon.
Sassy decided, this morning, to try to hassle poppo for teh foodz(tm). I actually wasn't getting up all that late, so I took umbrage. I gently shooed her off when she was show me how ticklishly sharp her claws were. But I was playing nice. She stopped doing that and decided instead to tickle poppo. I was too awake to just throw her, that can happen if she triggers something dark while I am more asleep than not. However, I had had enough. She was being a bit fast and tenacious for me to pull her into a snuggle with out waking more than I wanted to. Some days she just... she has it on. So... I grabbed her head then sort of didn't let go. I was able to get another half hour sleep in that way. I let go after about five minutes, with her struggling almost not at all, and she behaved after that.
Since she was good for that half hour, maybe hour?, I fed them right when I woke. I noticed one of the packages of turkey "tenderloin" was out. I am baking that in the oven for an half hour, then I will pan fry it. My guess is, turkey, just as chicken and most fowl, should be cooked to death. You can do that and keep some moisture, but it's tricky. I'll see if I can learn how to do these before I run out of them. They aren't going to be all that good. I understand that. It'll just be a blob of protein. But, right now, that should be enough. Of course, if I could mess up a gravy or sauce... that helps even shoeleather if that is what you are down to. If you can do it right. For turkey? I would make a cranberry or some other tart berry, fowl stock, medium-thick brown sauce. Though orange wouldn't be bad either, perhaps with crisped pine nuts. Since it has bacon on it, no side meat is necessary. I thought about a ginger sauce, but prefer that on things like fresh seared tuna. Though... it might be worth a try. Yeah, that's how I think, and cook... when I have backup.
Even with the mussed up mind-hair from the sip, I am still feeling a bit better this morning. Not better than last night, not as good as last night, but not as bad as usual. Why, I almost feel alive and awake, if just barely. I will try to scoot through until 13:00, take a nap, then hit the dishes and some other things. Lord knows, it feels good to not feel so bad, even if this is just a little respite. I'll take what I can get of it, push to do things if I can, or otherwise just smell the flowers until the hammer comes down again.
Last night I did order tickets for the little burn in Arizona. I am not sure about BMan official, I'm leaning against. But when you feel so rough that staying up a whole day is a horror inducing proposition, that is probably not the time to make decisions. I'm thinking on things, that's all. I'll know more soon. Life just doesn't, even yet, and possibly for a few more weeks, make any kind of sense that allows for clearer thinking. Eeyore knew the score!
Later.
.
To end the night last night, on a celebratory note, I had a mixed drink. Nothing fancy, not too strong, and truly, just a sip. I really, probably, in some levels of illness and such, should not have a sip. And I sort of knew that. Exuberance can lead to mistakes. It was a slight mistake. I will recover easily enough. And it isn't too awful, just very surprisingly even noticeable given how little I actually sapped upon.
Sassy decided, this morning, to try to hassle poppo for teh foodz(tm). I actually wasn't getting up all that late, so I took umbrage. I gently shooed her off when she was show me how ticklishly sharp her claws were. But I was playing nice. She stopped doing that and decided instead to tickle poppo. I was too awake to just throw her, that can happen if she triggers something dark while I am more asleep than not. However, I had had enough. She was being a bit fast and tenacious for me to pull her into a snuggle with out waking more than I wanted to. Some days she just... she has it on. So... I grabbed her head then sort of didn't let go. I was able to get another half hour sleep in that way. I let go after about five minutes, with her struggling almost not at all, and she behaved after that.
Since she was good for that half hour, maybe hour?, I fed them right when I woke. I noticed one of the packages of turkey "tenderloin" was out. I am baking that in the oven for an half hour, then I will pan fry it. My guess is, turkey, just as chicken and most fowl, should be cooked to death. You can do that and keep some moisture, but it's tricky. I'll see if I can learn how to do these before I run out of them. They aren't going to be all that good. I understand that. It'll just be a blob of protein. But, right now, that should be enough. Of course, if I could mess up a gravy or sauce... that helps even shoeleather if that is what you are down to. If you can do it right. For turkey? I would make a cranberry or some other tart berry, fowl stock, medium-thick brown sauce. Though orange wouldn't be bad either, perhaps with crisped pine nuts. Since it has bacon on it, no side meat is necessary. I thought about a ginger sauce, but prefer that on things like fresh seared tuna. Though... it might be worth a try. Yeah, that's how I think, and cook... when I have backup.
Even with the mussed up mind-hair from the sip, I am still feeling a bit better this morning. Not better than last night, not as good as last night, but not as bad as usual. Why, I almost feel alive and awake, if just barely. I will try to scoot through until 13:00, take a nap, then hit the dishes and some other things. Lord knows, it feels good to not feel so bad, even if this is just a little respite. I'll take what I can get of it, push to do things if I can, or otherwise just smell the flowers until the hammer comes down again.
Last night I did order tickets for the little burn in Arizona. I am not sure about BMan official, I'm leaning against. But when you feel so rough that staying up a whole day is a horror inducing proposition, that is probably not the time to make decisions. I'm thinking on things, that's all. I'll know more soon. Life just doesn't, even yet, and possibly for a few more weeks, make any kind of sense that allows for clearer thinking. Eeyore knew the score!
Later.
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Not bad, for now.
.
.
It's almost like some weight was lifted. I've been able to enjoy gaming. Yeah, it's not much, but it is rather demanding to be honest, at least for sedate function. I can't say if this is permanent, though probably not. I just got a little break and will catch my wind as possible. If tomorrow is this good, I hope to hit the last of the dishes, get out to at least pay a local bill I owe, and... if that works out, perhaps get to town for just a smidgen of shopping. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather, but not so terribly that I can't fight it. It's not a great fight, but that isn't always the whole point. As with gifts, sometimes it really is the thought that counts.
Hungry though! I did forget about that. But I was busy, dang it. Hmm, I bet I have something fast and snazzy around. Whatever else, it does feel good to feel like I want to go toe to toe with something, someone, anyone. Oh, I don't get nasty, mind you. Think of a bull remembering, and wishing, for the rut. Sharpening horns, practicing kicking up dust. It's not quite time, but the... want is there already.
I keep doing research on bush craft. Much like prepping, there is a load of bull out there. I don't mind a guy giving tips on cost strata, but when he shows ten different ways to camp... yeah. First, it gets a bit confusing. Which gear does he think is best? He really never says in the sense that he supports about any kind of camping imaginable. That's fine, but then he should do a round up of the various camping gear set-ups, what would be best for general, for winter, for light and fast, etc. As is, it looks like none is best. There always is a better. Sure, could just trial and error it. And, there really isn't a choice truth be told. But it would be good not to see ten different camp techniques all seeming to be equal. Never mind, I'll keeping digging.
It is about bedtime. See you tomorrow.
.
It's almost like some weight was lifted. I've been able to enjoy gaming. Yeah, it's not much, but it is rather demanding to be honest, at least for sedate function. I can't say if this is permanent, though probably not. I just got a little break and will catch my wind as possible. If tomorrow is this good, I hope to hit the last of the dishes, get out to at least pay a local bill I owe, and... if that works out, perhaps get to town for just a smidgen of shopping. I'm still feeling a bit under the weather, but not so terribly that I can't fight it. It's not a great fight, but that isn't always the whole point. As with gifts, sometimes it really is the thought that counts.
Hungry though! I did forget about that. But I was busy, dang it. Hmm, I bet I have something fast and snazzy around. Whatever else, it does feel good to feel like I want to go toe to toe with something, someone, anyone. Oh, I don't get nasty, mind you. Think of a bull remembering, and wishing, for the rut. Sharpening horns, practicing kicking up dust. It's not quite time, but the... want is there already.
I keep doing research on bush craft. Much like prepping, there is a load of bull out there. I don't mind a guy giving tips on cost strata, but when he shows ten different ways to camp... yeah. First, it gets a bit confusing. Which gear does he think is best? He really never says in the sense that he supports about any kind of camping imaginable. That's fine, but then he should do a round up of the various camping gear set-ups, what would be best for general, for winter, for light and fast, etc. As is, it looks like none is best. There always is a better. Sure, could just trial and error it. And, there really isn't a choice truth be told. But it would be good not to see ten different camp techniques all seeming to be equal. Never mind, I'll keeping digging.
It is about bedtime. See you tomorrow.
Thinking about computers.
.
.
I do need a new machine, badly. I see that Win 7 can still be purchased, but after they have set, or have, dropped support for XP, I am not sure I can trust that they will maintain support for Win 7 much longer. They are like Zero, trying to force stupid on people. Some have no choice. I do. While I am thinking, now that I have a console and don't need a computer for games, of simply going with Linux, the problem there is going with Linux means going with soon to be obsolete tech, so the need to buy extras remains. Well, and you aren't getting much bang for the buck. It isn't even any more reliable or hack free. As with my cellphone, it may be time to just get out of the system whole hog. Save for blogging. This machine will do that, so long as it lives. And I do have an old, unused actually, back up machine if this fails.
I have been more of a tech trendsetter, in my time. But tech has gone downhill and is pretty much Chinese and NSA made crap these days. It's not really worth the hassle. Even the internet, other than shopping and some very careful research, is pretty much dead in the water. Slowed down by spying and killswitches, hacked to pieces, and just as likely to lead you astray as guide you without a great deal of work on your side... Grumbling, to be sure, but not wrong.
I'll figure something out, I always do. How to get the most while giving the least, when dealing with tech, financials, and personal data. Today, tech is more like banking, you really can't win. It's a matter of how much you lose. Bleh. Later.
.
I do need a new machine, badly. I see that Win 7 can still be purchased, but after they have set, or have, dropped support for XP, I am not sure I can trust that they will maintain support for Win 7 much longer. They are like Zero, trying to force stupid on people. Some have no choice. I do. While I am thinking, now that I have a console and don't need a computer for games, of simply going with Linux, the problem there is going with Linux means going with soon to be obsolete tech, so the need to buy extras remains. Well, and you aren't getting much bang for the buck. It isn't even any more reliable or hack free. As with my cellphone, it may be time to just get out of the system whole hog. Save for blogging. This machine will do that, so long as it lives. And I do have an old, unused actually, back up machine if this fails.
I have been more of a tech trendsetter, in my time. But tech has gone downhill and is pretty much Chinese and NSA made crap these days. It's not really worth the hassle. Even the internet, other than shopping and some very careful research, is pretty much dead in the water. Slowed down by spying and killswitches, hacked to pieces, and just as likely to lead you astray as guide you without a great deal of work on your side... Grumbling, to be sure, but not wrong.
I'll figure something out, I always do. How to get the most while giving the least, when dealing with tech, financials, and personal data. Today, tech is more like banking, you really can't win. It's a matter of how much you lose. Bleh. Later.
Ever feel like a floating object in a tornado?
.
.
It could be worse. A non-floaty thing, like a people or a car, in a tornado, is actually worse... for the object. As is, it is more similar to being, say, a feather lost in a storm. Even when I land, I don't stay down for long. When I am airborne, I go up and down, and can't quite get free of the forces in play. I couldn't sleep until midnight. While not a horrible time, it isn't what I had planned or hoped. I set the alarm for 10:00 but woke a bit after 8:00. All good. I will probably need a nap by noon, perhaps a second nap though second naps are actually pretty rare.
I am not feeling up to it, but I am, again, setting some goals. Starting the last of the dishes, figuring out the baskets of unfolded laundry. I am not going to do more laundry until I have some free baskets! Bleh. Oh, and maybe cooking something... anything.
I finally actually received a call about the men's meeting yesterday. But there was no way I could make it. I did nap yesterday, which normally will help. But naps haven't been helping, mostly, for a long time. They are merely stop-gaps to help me maintain a daytime schedule. They don't refresh. Sleeping at night doesn't invigorate either. I have been doing good to move around every few hours. That... is my life, for now. I have been, every third to fifth night, skipping night medicine. While not perfect, like napping, it has eased the strain of medications just a bit. Medicine is simply beating me in the face and leaving me for half-dead. I am keeping the cheating to very limited, controlled, precise, spots, and only when I think I can't take the lash even one more time, for the moment.
Never mind. I have some goals, I have a fallback position. If I have nothing else, and get to nothing but keeping days in line, I will be satisfied. I'll keep trying. I do know that, in not too many weeks, I will be in the clear again. I have been through this before. I don't know if it is winter making it worse, or just having to start medicines up from clean, that is wiping my ticket. I have done well, maintaining consciousness, effort, and even being successful in doing some things. This is honestly the best severe drop I have ever had. It has also hurt the most, because I didn't allow myself to collapse into it. At times, when I am solid on medication, I can drop it for a few days, and that helps. But not in this situation. It is too tenuous. I have to keep going until I am over this mountain... and well past it... before I can tinker that way. Trust me, even now I know what I am doing better than any physician could. I know what is being sought. Much like weight lifting, when I can do it, I know what the burn is and how to get it, and when I have done enough that I can skip a session for better results.
Later.
.
It could be worse. A non-floaty thing, like a people or a car, in a tornado, is actually worse... for the object. As is, it is more similar to being, say, a feather lost in a storm. Even when I land, I don't stay down for long. When I am airborne, I go up and down, and can't quite get free of the forces in play. I couldn't sleep until midnight. While not a horrible time, it isn't what I had planned or hoped. I set the alarm for 10:00 but woke a bit after 8:00. All good. I will probably need a nap by noon, perhaps a second nap though second naps are actually pretty rare.
I am not feeling up to it, but I am, again, setting some goals. Starting the last of the dishes, figuring out the baskets of unfolded laundry. I am not going to do more laundry until I have some free baskets! Bleh. Oh, and maybe cooking something... anything.
I finally actually received a call about the men's meeting yesterday. But there was no way I could make it. I did nap yesterday, which normally will help. But naps haven't been helping, mostly, for a long time. They are merely stop-gaps to help me maintain a daytime schedule. They don't refresh. Sleeping at night doesn't invigorate either. I have been doing good to move around every few hours. That... is my life, for now. I have been, every third to fifth night, skipping night medicine. While not perfect, like napping, it has eased the strain of medications just a bit. Medicine is simply beating me in the face and leaving me for half-dead. I am keeping the cheating to very limited, controlled, precise, spots, and only when I think I can't take the lash even one more time, for the moment.
Never mind. I have some goals, I have a fallback position. If I have nothing else, and get to nothing but keeping days in line, I will be satisfied. I'll keep trying. I do know that, in not too many weeks, I will be in the clear again. I have been through this before. I don't know if it is winter making it worse, or just having to start medicines up from clean, that is wiping my ticket. I have done well, maintaining consciousness, effort, and even being successful in doing some things. This is honestly the best severe drop I have ever had. It has also hurt the most, because I didn't allow myself to collapse into it. At times, when I am solid on medication, I can drop it for a few days, and that helps. But not in this situation. It is too tenuous. I have to keep going until I am over this mountain... and well past it... before I can tinker that way. Trust me, even now I know what I am doing better than any physician could. I know what is being sought. Much like weight lifting, when I can do it, I know what the burn is and how to get it, and when I have done enough that I can skip a session for better results.
Later.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Risks, the impossible, possibilities, prices.
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Browse as you will. I could tell you. I think I'll let you write your own story... or leave you to guess what it all means.
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Browse as you will. I could tell you. I think I'll let you write your own story... or leave you to guess what it all means.
Holy moly.
.
.
It took a bit to get back down. Mostly because I was moving so slowly. The medicines are definitely gearing everything down. I did call in, cancel, and reschedule, but this time for 13:00 on some afternoon in April. It took an hour for me to settle enough to resettle in for the "night". I didn't wake until about noon. Even then, getting up was tough. I pushed it though. I will be awake until supper comes, I think, then I am going to hit it pretty hard again, giving myself ten hours of sleep, if needed, by the alarm. I'll get up then, too, even if I need two naps later in the day to do so. I'm impressed with how well I have kept to days, doing whatever it takes. And, yes, often, it hurts like hell to do it. You have no idea what tricks I have to pull to keep this gig going.
It's beautiful to be showered, though. I am ready, or least look like it. After a year of living more akin to a normal human, showering fairly often and such, my toe nail skin is no longer like shards of broken glass. You should have seen the looks on the faces of the doc and nurse that saw those the last time I was in. My medi-doc, at the time, had seen those and sent me to a specialist. They could literally cut my skin, well... your skin. My skin is... different. Still, it made him nervous, with diabetes and all, so a trip to the specialist. They spent close to 45 minutes with their version of a dremel, mostly just breaking that "ice" on my toes. The calluses on my big toes and 'palm' were pretty fast. Now? My feet look human. One toe, for the first time in over a year, had a blade on it, but that was taken care of easily. I am healthier. Showering more regularly, and eating more regularly, helps.
Lately though, eating hasn't been all that possible. I just can't eat, often, always. When my system slows down this much, it feels like I am always full. My body doesn't want to do the work, perhaps can't, of digesting much food. Grapefruit is okay, though this isn't the best tasting grapefruit, so... Still, it's soft, light, and wet. Most other foods I try, even in small amounts, put me down. I'm trying sunflower seeds, currently. The trick is to do those in small quantities. Easy enough, for the moment.
I called my mom, just to check in. I woke her from a nap, and knew. She is as tired as me, lately. But they have had a long, cold, hard, dark winter. The winters I remember in Iowa, only without breaks. Even on her trip to Texas this time, the cold followed right along. The woman can't catch a break this year. I did try to cheer her though. We are getting warm and sunny days, or got some. It doesn't stop there. She usually gets a taste of our weather a few days after we do. Just the right lat and long to send it, usually. She thought, perhaps, grocery shopping. Then, like here, she decided that another nap, then maybe to the store, was in order. Only, she will probably make it to the store. Or, maybe tomorrow.
Later.
.
It took a bit to get back down. Mostly because I was moving so slowly. The medicines are definitely gearing everything down. I did call in, cancel, and reschedule, but this time for 13:00 on some afternoon in April. It took an hour for me to settle enough to resettle in for the "night". I didn't wake until about noon. Even then, getting up was tough. I pushed it though. I will be awake until supper comes, I think, then I am going to hit it pretty hard again, giving myself ten hours of sleep, if needed, by the alarm. I'll get up then, too, even if I need two naps later in the day to do so. I'm impressed with how well I have kept to days, doing whatever it takes. And, yes, often, it hurts like hell to do it. You have no idea what tricks I have to pull to keep this gig going.
It's beautiful to be showered, though. I am ready, or least look like it. After a year of living more akin to a normal human, showering fairly often and such, my toe nail skin is no longer like shards of broken glass. You should have seen the looks on the faces of the doc and nurse that saw those the last time I was in. My medi-doc, at the time, had seen those and sent me to a specialist. They could literally cut my skin, well... your skin. My skin is... different. Still, it made him nervous, with diabetes and all, so a trip to the specialist. They spent close to 45 minutes with their version of a dremel, mostly just breaking that "ice" on my toes. The calluses on my big toes and 'palm' were pretty fast. Now? My feet look human. One toe, for the first time in over a year, had a blade on it, but that was taken care of easily. I am healthier. Showering more regularly, and eating more regularly, helps.
Lately though, eating hasn't been all that possible. I just can't eat, often, always. When my system slows down this much, it feels like I am always full. My body doesn't want to do the work, perhaps can't, of digesting much food. Grapefruit is okay, though this isn't the best tasting grapefruit, so... Still, it's soft, light, and wet. Most other foods I try, even in small amounts, put me down. I'm trying sunflower seeds, currently. The trick is to do those in small quantities. Easy enough, for the moment.
I called my mom, just to check in. I woke her from a nap, and knew. She is as tired as me, lately. But they have had a long, cold, hard, dark winter. The winters I remember in Iowa, only without breaks. Even on her trip to Texas this time, the cold followed right along. The woman can't catch a break this year. I did try to cheer her though. We are getting warm and sunny days, or got some. It doesn't stop there. She usually gets a taste of our weather a few days after we do. Just the right lat and long to send it, usually. She thought, perhaps, grocery shopping. Then, like here, she decided that another nap, then maybe to the store, was in order. Only, she will probably make it to the store. Or, maybe tomorrow.
Later.
I am actually glad I couldn't make it.
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Tired, in the heart. Sore, in the heart. The medicine is forcing a down-tick in function and it makes everything difficult. Just the effort to get ready, this close to raising my medication, hurts. At least having to do it this fast. Oh, I could have seen it through, and would have, but I would have been toast. Actually, just from what I have done I will be ooc for a bit. I am going to stay awake long enough to call in, then I'm crawling back to bed. I pushed too hard, successful or not.
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Tired, in the heart. Sore, in the heart. The medicine is forcing a down-tick in function and it makes everything difficult. Just the effort to get ready, this close to raising my medication, hurts. At least having to do it this fast. Oh, I could have seen it through, and would have, but I would have been toast. Actually, just from what I have done I will be ooc for a bit. I am going to stay awake long enough to call in, then I'm crawling back to bed. I pushed too hard, successful or not.
I tried.
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Down by 21:00, up by 4:30. The alarm had been going off since 4:00 though. A bit of breakfast, a shower, then I fed the girls. I took my medicine, brushed my teeth for the thing and put the tooth brush and paste in a sack to go, for a refresher there. I then got my phone. But I was moving so slowly. I clipped my fingernails, and looked at the time. Too late. I would not have made it in time. Where did the time go!?! I'll call at 7:30, to reschedule. Hopefully for later in the day. In good weather, leaving at 5:30 would be fine. And, while the roads are, probably, clear, I don't know about fog. Last I heard, fog is a problem. Snow doesn't bug me, if ice does. But fog scares me, especially on a timed circuit. I did what I could.
Dreams. Of my foster family. I remember that well, as with most aspects of my youth. My mother was on the edge between when women were daughters of Eve and when they were becoming daughters of Lilith. She acted as a daughter of Eve but was taking on the spirit of Lilith. She despised me, and loved me, in the ways of both. Hating my hyper masculine nature, even so, both types of women are subject to it. Lilith only maintained her created equality by fleeing, because in man's presence, she too will fall to it. The hate was visceral, almost tangible, but even at that age... manageable for one such as I. She obeyed. Her love and her hate divides her, as does her flesh and spirit.
Most women, today, are Lilithian. It matters not, not in my presence. The ones who bother to hate on me for my nature are crushed and called stupid, even by their own though. I don't fully understand that. I don't worry about it too much either. I once had an opportunity to marry a woman. But it wasn't, truly, her choice. I let her go. I didn't have to. But the only true power a woman ever has in this life is... yes or no. She gets that choice exactly once. Whether it be her hand or just her body, once given, her choice is lost. No matter what else she does after that. I would not take the only thing women ever get. I don't know how things end, always, or the rest of the story. I just know that taking the only choice a woman can ever have is the one thing I have never done, or done wrong.
Dreams. Lots of dreams last night. I did sleep well. Solid.
Since I didn't make it to the appointment, and since I am ready, I may try to make it to town for a bit of shopping today. I won't swear that I will make it. I may have peaked a bit early. Driving myself to this point takes some serious mojo, at least with how I have been doing. I am already collapsing in on that effort, without the impetus of the road pulling me forward. Perhaps some coffee will help.
That post, Uhmhum, was created by my subconscious mind as I was free floating in the nether. The notion has been on my mind lately. I do think there are those who think that is what they may be about. But they don't understand. They are given the notion of the task to see if I am still... active. I almost feel sorry for them. Pawns. Even if they think they created the notion of their own volition, they simply do not understand. It is why... they are allowed to be. I do crawl right into their minds with them. My last doctor was one such case. Her thing, so she thought, was Lilithian-based. I saw her suffer, and hate, and lose. I wonder about this next one. Oh, if I wished, I could be cruel. All I want is professional function and personal detachment. We will see what we will see, shortly. *skips*
Later.
.
Down by 21:00, up by 4:30. The alarm had been going off since 4:00 though. A bit of breakfast, a shower, then I fed the girls. I took my medicine, brushed my teeth for the thing and put the tooth brush and paste in a sack to go, for a refresher there. I then got my phone. But I was moving so slowly. I clipped my fingernails, and looked at the time. Too late. I would not have made it in time. Where did the time go!?! I'll call at 7:30, to reschedule. Hopefully for later in the day. In good weather, leaving at 5:30 would be fine. And, while the roads are, probably, clear, I don't know about fog. Last I heard, fog is a problem. Snow doesn't bug me, if ice does. But fog scares me, especially on a timed circuit. I did what I could.
Dreams. Of my foster family. I remember that well, as with most aspects of my youth. My mother was on the edge between when women were daughters of Eve and when they were becoming daughters of Lilith. She acted as a daughter of Eve but was taking on the spirit of Lilith. She despised me, and loved me, in the ways of both. Hating my hyper masculine nature, even so, both types of women are subject to it. Lilith only maintained her created equality by fleeing, because in man's presence, she too will fall to it. The hate was visceral, almost tangible, but even at that age... manageable for one such as I. She obeyed. Her love and her hate divides her, as does her flesh and spirit.
Most women, today, are Lilithian. It matters not, not in my presence. The ones who bother to hate on me for my nature are crushed and called stupid, even by their own though. I don't fully understand that. I don't worry about it too much either. I once had an opportunity to marry a woman. But it wasn't, truly, her choice. I let her go. I didn't have to. But the only true power a woman ever has in this life is... yes or no. She gets that choice exactly once. Whether it be her hand or just her body, once given, her choice is lost. No matter what else she does after that. I would not take the only thing women ever get. I don't know how things end, always, or the rest of the story. I just know that taking the only choice a woman can ever have is the one thing I have never done, or done wrong.
Dreams. Lots of dreams last night. I did sleep well. Solid.
Since I didn't make it to the appointment, and since I am ready, I may try to make it to town for a bit of shopping today. I won't swear that I will make it. I may have peaked a bit early. Driving myself to this point takes some serious mojo, at least with how I have been doing. I am already collapsing in on that effort, without the impetus of the road pulling me forward. Perhaps some coffee will help.
That post, Uhmhum, was created by my subconscious mind as I was free floating in the nether. The notion has been on my mind lately. I do think there are those who think that is what they may be about. But they don't understand. They are given the notion of the task to see if I am still... active. I almost feel sorry for them. Pawns. Even if they think they created the notion of their own volition, they simply do not understand. It is why... they are allowed to be. I do crawl right into their minds with them. My last doctor was one such case. Her thing, so she thought, was Lilithian-based. I saw her suffer, and hate, and lose. I wonder about this next one. Oh, if I wished, I could be cruel. All I want is professional function and personal detachment. We will see what we will see, shortly. *skips*
Later.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Stretched and down.
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I could get to nothing today. Not even a nap! I have dental early in the morning and a long way away. I received a call this morning, letting me know I had an appointment. I didn't realize my condition, still thinking I would find a way to... something, or I would have asked for a rescheduling. I will try to make it. I need to get to bed shortly in order to get there though. The best I could do was a short bit of gaming, a little sudoku, and changing chairs every few hours. Trust me, that was pushing things.
There is no pain. But the exhaustion is pretty intense. I do wonder if exhaustion causes my mind to... wander. Or if it is the other way around. My post, last night, for example. To be honest, I don't think I am on a list. Well, I am and I am not. I irritate certain people. Not the people I would know, really. There is that, but all writers do that, from time to time. No, I discuss the people... from another time. I am useless to them, in some senses. But, not. I could still have some use.
Well, either that or I am very tired and the story plays it's own chords to it's own beat and I am merely entertaining odd notions? Could be, Sweet Pea, could be.
Time for bed though. Good night.
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I could get to nothing today. Not even a nap! I have dental early in the morning and a long way away. I received a call this morning, letting me know I had an appointment. I didn't realize my condition, still thinking I would find a way to... something, or I would have asked for a rescheduling. I will try to make it. I need to get to bed shortly in order to get there though. The best I could do was a short bit of gaming, a little sudoku, and changing chairs every few hours. Trust me, that was pushing things.
There is no pain. But the exhaustion is pretty intense. I do wonder if exhaustion causes my mind to... wander. Or if it is the other way around. My post, last night, for example. To be honest, I don't think I am on a list. Well, I am and I am not. I irritate certain people. Not the people I would know, really. There is that, but all writers do that, from time to time. No, I discuss the people... from another time. I am useless to them, in some senses. But, not. I could still have some use.
Well, either that or I am very tired and the story plays it's own chords to it's own beat and I am merely entertaining odd notions? Could be, Sweet Pea, could be.
Time for bed though. Good night.
Good sleep.
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No, I didn't get to much else last night. But I am pleased with what I did do earlier. I am hoping to do the rest of the dishes today, and clean up the kitchen as well. I need disposable plates the next time I go to the store. It really does help and I am out. Not sure how that is possible, really. I have an dental appointment, tomorrow I think, so, if I make it, I will be out and about and there is a chance I can stop at the store for plates and a few other things.
This new medicine dose is cooking my goose a bit. It just brings energy levels down a great deal. So far I haven't suffered much pain. Here and there, a creak and a groan, but nothing like what I have gone through before. Up to now, however, the increase in dosage has been 50%, then 50%, while this is only a 25% jump. And it is the final step, plus having gone through several increases, my body might be a little more comfortable with the medicine and changes it brings. I have gone to full speed on dosage in about three months. Given that the first times took over a year, I guess that isn't too bad. I definitely can't do that at the speed I initially tried to do it, but now I know. And, the doctors actually helped. Just having someone sort of directing, and offering allowances but also expectations, helped.
It keeps raining. It's very odd. I don't know what the temps have to be to allow rain, but there it is. A large amount of the snow we got has been flooded away. The roads haven't frozen, so I don't mind. Further, that sends water almost directly into the reservoirs. All good. The mountains continue to get snow. I don't know if we need to worry about flooding, yet, this spring. If it isn't the one it seems to be the other. Such is life. In balance, however, I have to think flooding is less harmful, and more restricted to a small area, than drought. Drought it death for all, flooding is a problem for a few, and in small areas. And, those people often know that the potential is there, every spring.
Hmm? Right... A bit of waking yet to do. Then on to a nap, another shower for shizzles and grins, then putting the remaining few dishes in the bin for a hot soak. After that? I don't know. Just as long as I finish off the dishes before bed time, and get ready for my trip tomorrow, I won't worry about too much else. I just don't have much to give right now. Later.
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No, I didn't get to much else last night. But I am pleased with what I did do earlier. I am hoping to do the rest of the dishes today, and clean up the kitchen as well. I need disposable plates the next time I go to the store. It really does help and I am out. Not sure how that is possible, really. I have an dental appointment, tomorrow I think, so, if I make it, I will be out and about and there is a chance I can stop at the store for plates and a few other things.
This new medicine dose is cooking my goose a bit. It just brings energy levels down a great deal. So far I haven't suffered much pain. Here and there, a creak and a groan, but nothing like what I have gone through before. Up to now, however, the increase in dosage has been 50%, then 50%, while this is only a 25% jump. And it is the final step, plus having gone through several increases, my body might be a little more comfortable with the medicine and changes it brings. I have gone to full speed on dosage in about three months. Given that the first times took over a year, I guess that isn't too bad. I definitely can't do that at the speed I initially tried to do it, but now I know. And, the doctors actually helped. Just having someone sort of directing, and offering allowances but also expectations, helped.
It keeps raining. It's very odd. I don't know what the temps have to be to allow rain, but there it is. A large amount of the snow we got has been flooded away. The roads haven't frozen, so I don't mind. Further, that sends water almost directly into the reservoirs. All good. The mountains continue to get snow. I don't know if we need to worry about flooding, yet, this spring. If it isn't the one it seems to be the other. Such is life. In balance, however, I have to think flooding is less harmful, and more restricted to a small area, than drought. Drought it death for all, flooding is a problem for a few, and in small areas. And, those people often know that the potential is there, every spring.
Hmm? Right... A bit of waking yet to do. Then on to a nap, another shower for shizzles and grins, then putting the remaining few dishes in the bin for a hot soak. After that? I don't know. Just as long as I finish off the dishes before bed time, and get ready for my trip tomorrow, I won't worry about too much else. I just don't have much to give right now. Later.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
That whole plan?
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Actually... it worked. Or, so far. The nap was good. I even let the girls come in. Ever slept with children? Fussy critters, but they actually somehow, sometimes, make sleep better. Cats are like that. Especially two that don't particularly like each other. Well... Sam doesn't like Sassy. Sassy does like Sam. Mostly. I did hit the snooze a couple of times, and woke later than the alarm as well. It must have been going off for about an half hour? Or, maybe I set it wrong. Not sure, I'll check later.
When I woke, I got to the bulk of the dishes. Done and done. Then a shower. I'm... in recovery from all that. But I think there is a decent chance I will kick out the rest of the dishes, clean up the kitchen, and then start on the beef. Even if I just get that cooked and in the fridge, I'll be fine. I'll make a lunch with it tomorrow. And, perhaps, either mess with the dry but unfolded laundry to try to take a shoe showing trip. Dunno, depends on what I have going.
As to snow shoeing? We did get enough snow, but keeping on top of it, or just being literally down, meant I wasn't able to get out. I... had forgotten about shoveling. Yeah, well, there was that. Even the little of it I did, or even could do. Bleh. That little bit kept me hunkered down. Then it rained, and pretty much ruined the snow in the valley for that. But it did clear off the roads, oddly. I hope the mountains didn't get rain, but they usually don't. The good thing about the rain, though, is that should have added to the reservoirs. So... If I can get to the mountains, just a little area off the side of the road, perhaps a campsite that, while not open, they have plowed into for snow removal or for a break-down catch along the highway... might make for a perfect place to test out the snow shoes and my balance. Even if my balance isn't all that great at first, I can handle falls like a strong kid still. You would think... but no... It's like I'm 20, still, regarding many of my biological systems, and a healthy 20 at that. Bones just solid. Often I don't even hurt after a fall, not muscle, not bone, more if I stretch while going down or something. But the fall is cake, even on rock solid ice.
Not a bad plan, that was. Later.
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Actually... it worked. Or, so far. The nap was good. I even let the girls come in. Ever slept with children? Fussy critters, but they actually somehow, sometimes, make sleep better. Cats are like that. Especially two that don't particularly like each other. Well... Sam doesn't like Sassy. Sassy does like Sam. Mostly. I did hit the snooze a couple of times, and woke later than the alarm as well. It must have been going off for about an half hour? Or, maybe I set it wrong. Not sure, I'll check later.
When I woke, I got to the bulk of the dishes. Done and done. Then a shower. I'm... in recovery from all that. But I think there is a decent chance I will kick out the rest of the dishes, clean up the kitchen, and then start on the beef. Even if I just get that cooked and in the fridge, I'll be fine. I'll make a lunch with it tomorrow. And, perhaps, either mess with the dry but unfolded laundry to try to take a shoe showing trip. Dunno, depends on what I have going.
As to snow shoeing? We did get enough snow, but keeping on top of it, or just being literally down, meant I wasn't able to get out. I... had forgotten about shoveling. Yeah, well, there was that. Even the little of it I did, or even could do. Bleh. That little bit kept me hunkered down. Then it rained, and pretty much ruined the snow in the valley for that. But it did clear off the roads, oddly. I hope the mountains didn't get rain, but they usually don't. The good thing about the rain, though, is that should have added to the reservoirs. So... If I can get to the mountains, just a little area off the side of the road, perhaps a campsite that, while not open, they have plowed into for snow removal or for a break-down catch along the highway... might make for a perfect place to test out the snow shoes and my balance. Even if my balance isn't all that great at first, I can handle falls like a strong kid still. You would think... but no... It's like I'm 20, still, regarding many of my biological systems, and a healthy 20 at that. Bones just solid. Often I don't even hurt after a fall, not muscle, not bone, more if I stretch while going down or something. But the fall is cake, even on rock solid ice.
Not a bad plan, that was. Later.
I had just started to enjoy cooking, again, too.
.
.
Cooked, fried, pressure cooked... food is not just good to eat, urhm, when it is good... it is fun to play with in order to enhance edibility. Oh, I can eat raw meat. And like to have some portion of it, excluding fowl, except duck, raw. But really, even I must admit, a little cooking is in order. I have learned to love to cook. Some portion of my cooking is always experimental. I do have a serious amount of simple knowledge, however, when it comes to many foods. Meats are pretty simple, but doing them right for a specific profile does take a trick or two and a watchful eye. Veggies? I actually do like them, as much as I like any other food, it's just that my absolute need is for protein. I don't often have the energy to make two plates. Plus, vegetables have to be fussed with. Sure, there is canned, and frozen, but those each have their issues.
For now, I am sort of broken. Everything is stacking up again. I am behind the eightball and can't seem to get going. I'll keep... pushing, or at least looking for a window of opportunity. You would possibly be amazed at what kind of a spread I can put out, with a little help to make sure the kitchen stays open. I have not only eaten foods most have never heard of, I've probably cooked more various fresh and strange foods than most people thought existed. I used to keep about 45 spices and herbs on hand, and knew well how to blend them, for the tastes of others and for myself. More, I had started creating specific flavor profiles by combining various of those. I suppose you could say, with all that is out there, that I was re-inventing the wheel. Truth is, though, as a cook, you have to do so. While what you are trying to create might be in a book somewhere, reading through all the books and all the possibilities isn't truly possible. Your best bet, should you want to do actual field research, is to try as many different foods, spiced in many different ways, as possible. Even then, you then have to experiment to get things just to your tastes.
I have some of my childhood foods on the menu to learn. There was, of course, normal "American" food, such as <strike>chicken</strike> beef and noodles. Well, and cabbage and beef stew. Fried chicken has become one of my favorites, if I do avoid breast meat. I have learned to make that so it is good to eat fresh... it is moist. But when it sits in the fridge, it dies. I truly despise chicken breast because it does dry so quickly, even when done right. But thighs and drumsticks? Oh yeah. I don't have the Mexican side of my food down, not well, not yet. Fresh flour tortillas, enchiladas, though I can do a few items such as simple tacos and menudo.
Hungry yet? Actually... that is my point. I may need a nap. But then I want to wake up and try to hit the kitchen so I can kick out another meal! I'm still learning, with some things. I am a fast learner though. Beef and vegetables, with homemade chicken noodles, plus a batch of my habanero sauce while the peppers are still... mostly... fresh! I need a little heat that actually tastes good. Yeah, nap time. Oh... supper will be coming in tonight! No problems. I can have that, then cook the other for a late supper and have it for this next week, for lunches and such. It'll work out. Later.
.
Cooked, fried, pressure cooked... food is not just good to eat, urhm, when it is good... it is fun to play with in order to enhance edibility. Oh, I can eat raw meat. And like to have some portion of it, excluding fowl, except duck, raw. But really, even I must admit, a little cooking is in order. I have learned to love to cook. Some portion of my cooking is always experimental. I do have a serious amount of simple knowledge, however, when it comes to many foods. Meats are pretty simple, but doing them right for a specific profile does take a trick or two and a watchful eye. Veggies? I actually do like them, as much as I like any other food, it's just that my absolute need is for protein. I don't often have the energy to make two plates. Plus, vegetables have to be fussed with. Sure, there is canned, and frozen, but those each have their issues.
For now, I am sort of broken. Everything is stacking up again. I am behind the eightball and can't seem to get going. I'll keep... pushing, or at least looking for a window of opportunity. You would possibly be amazed at what kind of a spread I can put out, with a little help to make sure the kitchen stays open. I have not only eaten foods most have never heard of, I've probably cooked more various fresh and strange foods than most people thought existed. I used to keep about 45 spices and herbs on hand, and knew well how to blend them, for the tastes of others and for myself. More, I had started creating specific flavor profiles by combining various of those. I suppose you could say, with all that is out there, that I was re-inventing the wheel. Truth is, though, as a cook, you have to do so. While what you are trying to create might be in a book somewhere, reading through all the books and all the possibilities isn't truly possible. Your best bet, should you want to do actual field research, is to try as many different foods, spiced in many different ways, as possible. Even then, you then have to experiment to get things just to your tastes.
I have some of my childhood foods on the menu to learn. There was, of course, normal "American" food, such as <strike>chicken</strike> beef and noodles. Well, and cabbage and beef stew. Fried chicken has become one of my favorites, if I do avoid breast meat. I have learned to make that so it is good to eat fresh... it is moist. But when it sits in the fridge, it dies. I truly despise chicken breast because it does dry so quickly, even when done right. But thighs and drumsticks? Oh yeah. I don't have the Mexican side of my food down, not well, not yet. Fresh flour tortillas, enchiladas, though I can do a few items such as simple tacos and menudo.
Hungry yet? Actually... that is my point. I may need a nap. But then I want to wake up and try to hit the kitchen so I can kick out another meal! I'm still learning, with some things. I am a fast learner though. Beef and vegetables, with homemade chicken noodles, plus a batch of my habanero sauce while the peppers are still... mostly... fresh! I need a little heat that actually tastes good. Yeah, nap time. Oh... supper will be coming in tonight! No problems. I can have that, then cook the other for a late supper and have it for this next week, for lunches and such. It'll work out. Later.
Slept well, woke well.
.
.
Up easily before the sun. The girls were putting in an effort to wake me, but that doesn't matter this morning. Still, I don't feed them for several hours after I wake. I simply will not encourage the behavior by rewarding it. A bite to eat, right away. Processes cereal is not very healthy. It is easy and is reasonable as a rarity. A grapefruit later in the morning will finish breakfast off. I like there to be some room between dairy and grapefruit. They don't fit in my belly, together, all that well.
Oh, for those of you concerned about my stories? Don't be. Just because I follow a line of thinking, using some form of logic, doesn't mean I actually believe, or don't. Such notions are like puzzles, or sudoku games. The question is, if a, b, and c work, how do they work together and what else might work with them? It isn't, a, b, and c are absolutely true, so anything I think about them, including potential other 'letters', are also true. Have you ever solved a murder mystery game? You do realize no one was actually murdered, don't you? Ms. Plum was not murdered in the library with a candlestick. Now, that also isn't to say someone, somewhere, at some time, wasn't, or couldn't be. That, my dear reader, is not the relevance. If you can't keep up, don't play. But... certainly... don't judge.
Now, if you wish to play along, now that you know the rules, you may. Feel free. Unless you think it would make you crazy too? But if playing a game makes you crazy... well... The craziest people are the biggest deniers, and most fearful to be found out, so generally act the most normal. I always wonder when I meet someone who seems stoically logical. There is really something wrong with them. There are some real folk like that, but... even for them, there is something really wrong with them. There is a reason huge portions of the population enjoy everything from stage/television/movies to music, comic books, reading in general, and... playing games. Those things tend... a hunger. I am simply more proactive and bright enough, and educated enough, to roll my own. Though... I should also warn you... take the fictional notion with a grain of salt as well. Usually I do present those truths easily. It's in there, sometimes, often, usually, possibly always. But it isn't meant to be easy to see. Usually. Unless, as with dealing with ghosts, the possibilities are what they are, assuming, of course, that I believe ghosts even exist. Which, isn't for you to know, actually.
I love this game. But, as I said, if you can't keep up, don't play. If you are confident enough to state your notions matter-of-factly, don't step up. You'll be run over. No halvesies, no part way, take the hammer to the bell and ring it. Oh, and don't think that because you don't play my version of the game that you are then safely sane. Most of you are further from sane than I will ever be, in the truer sense of the thing. None of you have spent decades reviewing the notion, with introspection and prayer. You just believe what you believe because no one has asked you, or forced you, to double check. And, most people really are crazy. Only, most aren't worth fixing, or even checking, so long as they keep producing no one will give it a second thought.
Hmm... Now to wake up and... try to get something, anything, done today. I hate it when nothing gets done. My will is good, the way is blocked, shut down, tired, and bedraggled. A few more weeks and perhaps I can get back on my feet. Yum!
Oh, a bit of morning entertainment. May you get your own nut on.
.
Up easily before the sun. The girls were putting in an effort to wake me, but that doesn't matter this morning. Still, I don't feed them for several hours after I wake. I simply will not encourage the behavior by rewarding it. A bite to eat, right away. Processes cereal is not very healthy. It is easy and is reasonable as a rarity. A grapefruit later in the morning will finish breakfast off. I like there to be some room between dairy and grapefruit. They don't fit in my belly, together, all that well.
Oh, for those of you concerned about my stories? Don't be. Just because I follow a line of thinking, using some form of logic, doesn't mean I actually believe, or don't. Such notions are like puzzles, or sudoku games. The question is, if a, b, and c work, how do they work together and what else might work with them? It isn't, a, b, and c are absolutely true, so anything I think about them, including potential other 'letters', are also true. Have you ever solved a murder mystery game? You do realize no one was actually murdered, don't you? Ms. Plum was not murdered in the library with a candlestick. Now, that also isn't to say someone, somewhere, at some time, wasn't, or couldn't be. That, my dear reader, is not the relevance. If you can't keep up, don't play. But... certainly... don't judge.
Now, if you wish to play along, now that you know the rules, you may. Feel free. Unless you think it would make you crazy too? But if playing a game makes you crazy... well... The craziest people are the biggest deniers, and most fearful to be found out, so generally act the most normal. I always wonder when I meet someone who seems stoically logical. There is really something wrong with them. There are some real folk like that, but... even for them, there is something really wrong with them. There is a reason huge portions of the population enjoy everything from stage/television/movies to music, comic books, reading in general, and... playing games. Those things tend... a hunger. I am simply more proactive and bright enough, and educated enough, to roll my own. Though... I should also warn you... take the fictional notion with a grain of salt as well. Usually I do present those truths easily. It's in there, sometimes, often, usually, possibly always. But it isn't meant to be easy to see. Usually. Unless, as with dealing with ghosts, the possibilities are what they are, assuming, of course, that I believe ghosts even exist. Which, isn't for you to know, actually.
I love this game. But, as I said, if you can't keep up, don't play. If you are confident enough to state your notions matter-of-factly, don't step up. You'll be run over. No halvesies, no part way, take the hammer to the bell and ring it. Oh, and don't think that because you don't play my version of the game that you are then safely sane. Most of you are further from sane than I will ever be, in the truer sense of the thing. None of you have spent decades reviewing the notion, with introspection and prayer. You just believe what you believe because no one has asked you, or forced you, to double check. And, most people really are crazy. Only, most aren't worth fixing, or even checking, so long as they keep producing no one will give it a second thought.
Hmm... Now to wake up and... try to get something, anything, done today. I hate it when nothing gets done. My will is good, the way is blocked, shut down, tired, and bedraggled. A few more weeks and perhaps I can get back on my feet. Yum!
Oh, a bit of morning entertainment. May you get your own nut on.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Feeling a bit dizzy.
.
.
I did get over being grumpy and fed the girls before too long. But, as I said, supporting bad behavior just leads to more bad behavior. I'm not sure what was up with the girls last night. Unless it was just ghosts. Some of the sounds could not have been made by the girls. There were sounds right in my room, in the closet beside my bed, for example. Sometimes the sounds were thumps, sometimes it sounded more like someone unwrapping a gift. No, I'm not crazy. You just have to trust me. Though the noises don't disturb the girls, past lady friends have heard the noises. Initially to great consternation, until they got used to "me". I do think the dead have an affinity for me. There is nothing like a linen closet putting out sounds as if dishes or glasses fell and broke only to be opened an see a bunch of well folded sheets and pillow cases in their place.
I am a bit tired, a bit dizzy, but doing pretty good generally speaking. I am hoping to get to some kitchen cleanup, some dishes, and the pot roast tonight. Either that or nothing. Getting nothing isn't, actually, ever a goal. It is merely how things turn out when I realize it is bed time and nothing got done. It's not a plan, even with a plan in place it can and does happen. I simply lose track of time. And, even should I start something, I lose track and find myself right where I had been, not sure how I got there or what I was doing, and then... time passes. At least, these days, I am consciously aware that nothing has happened, roughly for how long, and can keep an eye on the things I want to do if opportunity knocks.
The game I am playing now is called God of War. Strange parallels to my life in there. Memory doesn't allow absolute surety, and what I am sure says some things are different. But the general nature of the thing is on target. I have used the game, coupled with music, before. Now I understand how right that combination was. The music was right, I simply didn't know about the game. It's not my favorite type of game. More button mashing, with some ideas in mind, a few sets of buttons that are favored, but mostly just *mash!*. Bleh. The story is okay, but a bit simple. Then again, most games are written for the younger set. I no more expect them to like, or even understand, complex themes than I expect them to like steak. Their taste buds, and minds, simply haven't matured. At least it there aren't huge inconsistencies or no story at all, really.
Hmm, It's almost seeming like time for a nap. Later.
.
I did get over being grumpy and fed the girls before too long. But, as I said, supporting bad behavior just leads to more bad behavior. I'm not sure what was up with the girls last night. Unless it was just ghosts. Some of the sounds could not have been made by the girls. There were sounds right in my room, in the closet beside my bed, for example. Sometimes the sounds were thumps, sometimes it sounded more like someone unwrapping a gift. No, I'm not crazy. You just have to trust me. Though the noises don't disturb the girls, past lady friends have heard the noises. Initially to great consternation, until they got used to "me". I do think the dead have an affinity for me. There is nothing like a linen closet putting out sounds as if dishes or glasses fell and broke only to be opened an see a bunch of well folded sheets and pillow cases in their place.
I am a bit tired, a bit dizzy, but doing pretty good generally speaking. I am hoping to get to some kitchen cleanup, some dishes, and the pot roast tonight. Either that or nothing. Getting nothing isn't, actually, ever a goal. It is merely how things turn out when I realize it is bed time and nothing got done. It's not a plan, even with a plan in place it can and does happen. I simply lose track of time. And, even should I start something, I lose track and find myself right where I had been, not sure how I got there or what I was doing, and then... time passes. At least, these days, I am consciously aware that nothing has happened, roughly for how long, and can keep an eye on the things I want to do if opportunity knocks.
The game I am playing now is called God of War. Strange parallels to my life in there. Memory doesn't allow absolute surety, and what I am sure says some things are different. But the general nature of the thing is on target. I have used the game, coupled with music, before. Now I understand how right that combination was. The music was right, I simply didn't know about the game. It's not my favorite type of game. More button mashing, with some ideas in mind, a few sets of buttons that are favored, but mostly just *mash!*. Bleh. The story is okay, but a bit simple. Then again, most games are written for the younger set. I no more expect them to like, or even understand, complex themes than I expect them to like steak. Their taste buds, and minds, simply haven't matured. At least it there aren't huge inconsistencies or no story at all, really.
Hmm, It's almost seeming like time for a nap. Later.
Last night was just weird.
.
.
I made it to bed at a reasonable time. But something woke me a bit past midnight. It sounded like someone was in my home. And I distinctly heard a cough, a human cough. This is the first time I have had such an event while living here. I grabbed my glasses, flashlight, and pistol and went out for a lookaround. I didn't put anything warm on, so I wasn't going outside. When I came out of the bedroom, I noticed the girls were comfortably sleeping in their usual places. That alone told me that no one was here. If someone is even in the yard, Sassy will hiss and try to find a place to hide. She doesn't like people at all. She doesn't consider me people, by the way. Sam doesn't mind people, so I can tell little from her. Still, since I was up, I made a sweep. I noticed, looking out the back, that someone has been making a path to my outdoor hydrant.
I'm going to look that over today. I don't know why someone would be borrowing water. And, generally I wouldn't mind IF they had asked. As is, I am going to get a padlock for that, and check it from time to time. There are a lot of problems with having people on one's property doing whatever they want. Can't always tell though, the way I am and how sneaky people can be. As long as my water bill isn't affected, I don't mind sharing. I simply don't like people just taking. There were small child and large child or small adult prints. When you wear a size 13, most prints seem... childlike though. No fuss, just I don't like people just taking.
Of course, the night didn't end there. There were all sorts of noises all night long. After my stir, the girls were like a pair of raiders. I decided to let them come in and sleep with me, but they were more interested in just making noise and disturbing me. I have no idea what was up with last night, and it wasn't just the girls. Lousy sleep was had by all. Even though I am up late, I won't feed the girls for several hours. I don't... offer benefits to troublemakers. As to that cough? With it being snowy, sometimes sound travels long and loud. Either that or something to do with the snow and ice rain that came down, and the way that can slide off the roof, just made a unique sound wave.
Medicines are a little rough, but they haven't spiked anything too much yet. Every morning feels like a hangover, save the day I actually drank come to think of it. Go figure. The ice rain looks to have messed up the drive. There is more of this or that coming, so I don't know if I want to do too much right now. Not sure I can do too much anyway. I'll see in an hour or two if I have anything to put up to any tasks. The ability to work has been pretty slim these last few days. Thankfully, though, this is the last of the medicine increases. I just have to make it through the next couple of weeks to month, and I should begin being able to rebuild life. I hope.
Did someone mention coffee? Oh yes. That would be nice. By the way, when I was at the store, I was freaking about how much I spent on whole whipping cream. Three containers last me two, sometimes into three, weeks. But at $15, it seemed high. Then I laughed. That is three Starbucks coffees! I spend $15 on cream, and perhaps $5 on coffee for two weeks, plus another $2 on sweetener, max, for what some people spend for just four cups of the stuff. I should tip myself better! Later.
.
I made it to bed at a reasonable time. But something woke me a bit past midnight. It sounded like someone was in my home. And I distinctly heard a cough, a human cough. This is the first time I have had such an event while living here. I grabbed my glasses, flashlight, and pistol and went out for a lookaround. I didn't put anything warm on, so I wasn't going outside. When I came out of the bedroom, I noticed the girls were comfortably sleeping in their usual places. That alone told me that no one was here. If someone is even in the yard, Sassy will hiss and try to find a place to hide. She doesn't like people at all. She doesn't consider me people, by the way. Sam doesn't mind people, so I can tell little from her. Still, since I was up, I made a sweep. I noticed, looking out the back, that someone has been making a path to my outdoor hydrant.
I'm going to look that over today. I don't know why someone would be borrowing water. And, generally I wouldn't mind IF they had asked. As is, I am going to get a padlock for that, and check it from time to time. There are a lot of problems with having people on one's property doing whatever they want. Can't always tell though, the way I am and how sneaky people can be. As long as my water bill isn't affected, I don't mind sharing. I simply don't like people just taking. There were small child and large child or small adult prints. When you wear a size 13, most prints seem... childlike though. No fuss, just I don't like people just taking.
Of course, the night didn't end there. There were all sorts of noises all night long. After my stir, the girls were like a pair of raiders. I decided to let them come in and sleep with me, but they were more interested in just making noise and disturbing me. I have no idea what was up with last night, and it wasn't just the girls. Lousy sleep was had by all. Even though I am up late, I won't feed the girls for several hours. I don't... offer benefits to troublemakers. As to that cough? With it being snowy, sometimes sound travels long and loud. Either that or something to do with the snow and ice rain that came down, and the way that can slide off the roof, just made a unique sound wave.
Medicines are a little rough, but they haven't spiked anything too much yet. Every morning feels like a hangover, save the day I actually drank come to think of it. Go figure. The ice rain looks to have messed up the drive. There is more of this or that coming, so I don't know if I want to do too much right now. Not sure I can do too much anyway. I'll see in an hour or two if I have anything to put up to any tasks. The ability to work has been pretty slim these last few days. Thankfully, though, this is the last of the medicine increases. I just have to make it through the next couple of weeks to month, and I should begin being able to rebuild life. I hope.
Did someone mention coffee? Oh yes. That would be nice. By the way, when I was at the store, I was freaking about how much I spent on whole whipping cream. Three containers last me two, sometimes into three, weeks. But at $15, it seemed high. Then I laughed. That is three Starbucks coffees! I spend $15 on cream, and perhaps $5 on coffee for two weeks, plus another $2 on sweetener, max, for what some people spend for just four cups of the stuff. I should tip myself better! Later.
Friday, February 7, 2014
Then again, maybe not.
.
.
I woke in a hurry, because I was waking late. While I don't have work or school to push me, I do have a wish to keep days as my default schedule. It makes me feel like a big boy, but it also makes doing business, when possible, much easier. That initial adrenaline rush got me to some things. It is gone. Not only is it gone, walking has become an issue. I doubt if I will get to the snow. I simply want to crash. Another hour and I will take a nap. Maybe two if I can push it without... causing more of a problem by doing so.
The new higher dose is kicking my nose into the dirt. I am hoping that this will just be two more weeks, maybe a month, and I can begin... living again. For now, for today for sure, I'll just be scrambling for consciousness.
Remember that story about them figuring out how to make people forget traumatic events? A medication that was supposed to erase memories? I warned not to take such a monstrosity, if that ever became available? Well, now they are thinking about making implants that help those of us who have forgotten what happened to regain that memory. Through neural implants? Urhm, no. Again, no way. Neither do I trust them, their real intent, certainly not to get literally inside my head, but I don't trust such a device. My guess is it might just create memories whole cloth. But that isn't even all of it.
I have to be so careful with memory. I have to feather out what I know, spread it out on the table, verify, check, look, feel, touch. I have to compare notes, push around minor blocks, understand bigger blocks can't be tricked out of the data they hold, and try to put things together without that, as best as I can. Anything that did that 'whiz-bang' would screw up my system and make it so I can't trust anything. It would be much worse. You just can't understand unless you have had it. No, they can keep their tech. This is such a delicate process that I would not recommend letting anyone tickle those feathers.
Even if it worked? There is a reason I don't remember it all? Hell yes there is. I can only imagine having that whole can of worms opened at once. Hell, I have trouble with one or two worms at a time, when they pop out of nowhere. The whole can? Damn! And God only knows what they could or would shove into your mind for experimental purposes. Medical is not your friend. From NAZI, to Russian, to Japanese, to Chinese, and don't discount good ol' American medical "researchers", if the world knew what those fuckers have perpetuated on us, they would hang them higher than bankers. All of them. Well paid, highly esteemed, torturers and murderers. Keep them out of your mind.
Go be a guinea pig for them, if you really must. Just understand, whatever they are doing? It has nothing to do with making you better. It is probably just trying to figure out how to make the perfect soldier. One who kills very well then has those memories stolen so he is psychologically fresh every time. Perhaps even making false memories to cover for the scars. They might not even have been officially born, so be completely disposable. The tech is there, or... pretty close. Maybe not all in one basket yet. Still... I chuckle. The masters, if they go their, will become the slaves. And if you build a warrior who needs nothing? There is no interest in slaves. Not males anyway. Oh yeah. If they get their way they will end themselves. Some cats don't stay in bags. *blink blink*
*meow*
.
I woke in a hurry, because I was waking late. While I don't have work or school to push me, I do have a wish to keep days as my default schedule. It makes me feel like a big boy, but it also makes doing business, when possible, much easier. That initial adrenaline rush got me to some things. It is gone. Not only is it gone, walking has become an issue. I doubt if I will get to the snow. I simply want to crash. Another hour and I will take a nap. Maybe two if I can push it without... causing more of a problem by doing so.
The new higher dose is kicking my nose into the dirt. I am hoping that this will just be two more weeks, maybe a month, and I can begin... living again. For now, for today for sure, I'll just be scrambling for consciousness.
Remember that story about them figuring out how to make people forget traumatic events? A medication that was supposed to erase memories? I warned not to take such a monstrosity, if that ever became available? Well, now they are thinking about making implants that help those of us who have forgotten what happened to regain that memory. Through neural implants? Urhm, no. Again, no way. Neither do I trust them, their real intent, certainly not to get literally inside my head, but I don't trust such a device. My guess is it might just create memories whole cloth. But that isn't even all of it.
I have to be so careful with memory. I have to feather out what I know, spread it out on the table, verify, check, look, feel, touch. I have to compare notes, push around minor blocks, understand bigger blocks can't be tricked out of the data they hold, and try to put things together without that, as best as I can. Anything that did that 'whiz-bang' would screw up my system and make it so I can't trust anything. It would be much worse. You just can't understand unless you have had it. No, they can keep their tech. This is such a delicate process that I would not recommend letting anyone tickle those feathers.
Even if it worked? There is a reason I don't remember it all? Hell yes there is. I can only imagine having that whole can of worms opened at once. Hell, I have trouble with one or two worms at a time, when they pop out of nowhere. The whole can? Damn! And God only knows what they could or would shove into your mind for experimental purposes. Medical is not your friend. From NAZI, to Russian, to Japanese, to Chinese, and don't discount good ol' American medical "researchers", if the world knew what those fuckers have perpetuated on us, they would hang them higher than bankers. All of them. Well paid, highly esteemed, torturers and murderers. Keep them out of your mind.
Go be a guinea pig for them, if you really must. Just understand, whatever they are doing? It has nothing to do with making you better. It is probably just trying to figure out how to make the perfect soldier. One who kills very well then has those memories stolen so he is psychologically fresh every time. Perhaps even making false memories to cover for the scars. They might not even have been officially born, so be completely disposable. The tech is there, or... pretty close. Maybe not all in one basket yet. Still... I chuckle. The masters, if they go their, will become the slaves. And if you build a warrior who needs nothing? There is no interest in slaves. Not males anyway. Oh yeah. If they get their way they will end themselves. Some cats don't stay in bags. *blink blink*
*meow*
Some days.
.
.
To bed late but I woke on a good enough time, mostly. I set the alarm for 9:00, as an outlier in case I didn't wake in my, now almost usual, eight hours. I had pushed a bit yesterday so I had some concern. I woke around 6:30, but only to use the facilities. No way was I getting up at that time. Back to bed. Then I woke, looked at the clock, and tried to figure things out. Had I shut the alarm of? Or put it on snooze? No, my covers, they way they were when I woke and tried to reach the alarm to check, cinched my notion that no such thing had happened. So... what did happen? Set the alarm for 21:00. It's part of why I hate standard time. I just wish I could find an alarm clock that offered military time and the other features I prefer. Seeing as it was past 9:00 though, I did get up. I didn't want to, but so what. Shut up. Go. When I can that is how I work. I may need a nap mid-afternoon. The new dose is doing it's thing.
I didn't notice when I went to the bathroom earlier, but this time I did. I bought a couple of family packs of pork chops last night. Everything else had been put away, but these I had meant to package down, two chops to a package, then refreeze. Nope. There they sat. A sniff test. Still good, but that's, what, 12 to 16 chops? WTF!?! I fed the girls, right away, being up late and all. Then I tore into the chops. A flour, egg, and panko dredges were set up. Dip, plunge, crunch. All of them, if only half are cooked so far. On with the skillet, in with the lard, down goes the hammer. I heat my pan in stages, but I do, for end cooking, go up pretty high with the heat, even with cast. once it is warmed you have some leeway. Start out on four, let it warm, then some lard and up to 6 or 7, until it melts, then I generally cook or 7 or 8, depending on mood, finishing (very short times) on 9 if I want more brown/crisp. My cast iron skillet would my my grandmother proud, too, now, by the way. If I can just keep modern women and their soap away from it for a year or two now. Well, and bad cooks who might warp it, or use the wrong ingredients in it. Gah!
Chops? Wow. Those were truly good. I just had two, and a bit of milk. I'll finish the rest before too long. Now, my unhappy morning didn't end there. After chops were tended and then after that quick meal, I decided, for no good reason, to look outside. It has snowed again. Bleh. I am hoping, by about noon or 13:00, to hit some of that snow. Take a nap, and then hit it again. And at least put a dent in it before help arrives. Perhaps even finish it off, if I'm not sure I have that much in me. I do what I can but... yeah... I think that says it all.
That will be my day. The noodles are good and dried, but still have some flexibility to them. I may just bag them for now. I will only be using half tonight, freezing the rest. I think I will cook them separately from the stew, and just ladle the stew on top, so that I can freeze some of the stew minus the noodles. I don't think they freeze well together. Best to cook those noodles separately, every time, to my mind. Tomorrow, if I can, I need to do dishes and clean the kitchen back up. I'll hit the noodle area, and tinker on a few other things, today. But my hands are pretty tied and the new dose of carvedilol is taking it's toll. So...
Later.
.
To bed late but I woke on a good enough time, mostly. I set the alarm for 9:00, as an outlier in case I didn't wake in my, now almost usual, eight hours. I had pushed a bit yesterday so I had some concern. I woke around 6:30, but only to use the facilities. No way was I getting up at that time. Back to bed. Then I woke, looked at the clock, and tried to figure things out. Had I shut the alarm of? Or put it on snooze? No, my covers, they way they were when I woke and tried to reach the alarm to check, cinched my notion that no such thing had happened. So... what did happen? Set the alarm for 21:00. It's part of why I hate standard time. I just wish I could find an alarm clock that offered military time and the other features I prefer. Seeing as it was past 9:00 though, I did get up. I didn't want to, but so what. Shut up. Go. When I can that is how I work. I may need a nap mid-afternoon. The new dose is doing it's thing.
I didn't notice when I went to the bathroom earlier, but this time I did. I bought a couple of family packs of pork chops last night. Everything else had been put away, but these I had meant to package down, two chops to a package, then refreeze. Nope. There they sat. A sniff test. Still good, but that's, what, 12 to 16 chops? WTF!?! I fed the girls, right away, being up late and all. Then I tore into the chops. A flour, egg, and panko dredges were set up. Dip, plunge, crunch. All of them, if only half are cooked so far. On with the skillet, in with the lard, down goes the hammer. I heat my pan in stages, but I do, for end cooking, go up pretty high with the heat, even with cast. once it is warmed you have some leeway. Start out on four, let it warm, then some lard and up to 6 or 7, until it melts, then I generally cook or 7 or 8, depending on mood, finishing (very short times) on 9 if I want more brown/crisp. My cast iron skillet would my my grandmother proud, too, now, by the way. If I can just keep modern women and their soap away from it for a year or two now. Well, and bad cooks who might warp it, or use the wrong ingredients in it. Gah!
Chops? Wow. Those were truly good. I just had two, and a bit of milk. I'll finish the rest before too long. Now, my unhappy morning didn't end there. After chops were tended and then after that quick meal, I decided, for no good reason, to look outside. It has snowed again. Bleh. I am hoping, by about noon or 13:00, to hit some of that snow. Take a nap, and then hit it again. And at least put a dent in it before help arrives. Perhaps even finish it off, if I'm not sure I have that much in me. I do what I can but... yeah... I think that says it all.
That will be my day. The noodles are good and dried, but still have some flexibility to them. I may just bag them for now. I will only be using half tonight, freezing the rest. I think I will cook them separately from the stew, and just ladle the stew on top, so that I can freeze some of the stew minus the noodles. I don't think they freeze well together. Best to cook those noodles separately, every time, to my mind. Tomorrow, if I can, I need to do dishes and clean the kitchen back up. I'll hit the noodle area, and tinker on a few other things, today. But my hands are pretty tied and the new dose of carvedilol is taking it's toll. So...
Later.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Doom has been a very good busy little boy.
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.
I did get to those noodles. Now these look more like what I remember as a lad. They have the right smell, the right feel. Noodles, egg noodles. They are drying. I found, rather than using a knife? Cutting them with a pizza cutter was perfect. I can't cut a straight line to save my life but... that's a good thing. Neither could my mother. These are just right! Did I mention that I helped with shoveling today? Yep. I don't do as much as the lads, but... I did what I could. A little help is better than none.
I did make it into town. I skipped cat groceries, as those are at a store other than my primary grocery store. And I didn't stop for gas, as I had also hoped to do. But I did get the groceries that will lay me in for two weeks and change, perhaps. I bought more than I had planned, but some things were on sale. Some things I know I like, a few things I have never tried... a bit of a risk. Turkey filets wrapped in bacon? Three to a package, five packages of three, for $20. Why not. Each package can offer between one, but more like two or even three meals. That's up to fifteen meals for $20, at least the protein. Not bad. Even if I don't end up liking them I will eat them. Oh, and I saw habaneros, good looking ones. Yes, pricey, but my forty needed were less than a pound. Jalapenos were cheap, and they had Serrano in stock as well. So... I can make my treasured hot sauce shortly. I do have some other habanero sauce, and some ghost pepper sauce, store bought but from "reputable" and popular niche small batch venders. Not quite what I prefer, to be honest. And, yeah, I can handle ghost peppers. My guess is, though, that they used hot "juice". It's got a funky taste to it, off-putting. I like doing it myself. If I could find raw ghost peppers, I would make a batch of that.
I also bought a few side things. I have been meaning to buy dw-40. Maybe I did but I can't find it for the life of me. So, a can of that. A few other such side items. And snacks! Mostly good snacks. Nuts are my thing, though Oreos are quite popular hereabouts. The trick, for me, is to limit my treats. Whether nuts or cookies, I need to look at the labels, decide how much is reasonable given my size, and frequency of use, then sort of plan it in... somehow. I'm finally up to doing a bit more than mere mean survival, I do believe. So... I will start here. And, finally, grapefruit. My apples were $3.50~$4 a pound, this late in the season, so I skipped those.
A dinner at McDonalds, for all my good deeds. Yeah, but it's not like I eat there every day. Delicious, I don't care what you all think. Every dog has his a bone, and sometimes it's just for him. So... hush. I am tired though. I wore myself out quite well. Tomorrow I hope to make beef and noodles, cook up my habanero sauce, and just take it easy. But it is snowing again. I might have to do a bit more of that. If I can get to that early enough, I will do it in stages. If nothing else, if the boys show up, there will be a chunk or two tended. I am sore, but I don't think it is from the activity, or not alone. I raised my dose the final step today. And, yeah, that could be enough to give me some grief. Liquid readjustments don't cause this sort of pain. Medicine, or... doctor prescribed medicine, does or can. Might be a combination of my push and it's shove though too.
Good boys get treats... Nuts! :) Later, or... yeah... good night I do believe.
.
I did get to those noodles. Now these look more like what I remember as a lad. They have the right smell, the right feel. Noodles, egg noodles. They are drying. I found, rather than using a knife? Cutting them with a pizza cutter was perfect. I can't cut a straight line to save my life but... that's a good thing. Neither could my mother. These are just right! Did I mention that I helped with shoveling today? Yep. I don't do as much as the lads, but... I did what I could. A little help is better than none.
I did make it into town. I skipped cat groceries, as those are at a store other than my primary grocery store. And I didn't stop for gas, as I had also hoped to do. But I did get the groceries that will lay me in for two weeks and change, perhaps. I bought more than I had planned, but some things were on sale. Some things I know I like, a few things I have never tried... a bit of a risk. Turkey filets wrapped in bacon? Three to a package, five packages of three, for $20. Why not. Each package can offer between one, but more like two or even three meals. That's up to fifteen meals for $20, at least the protein. Not bad. Even if I don't end up liking them I will eat them. Oh, and I saw habaneros, good looking ones. Yes, pricey, but my forty needed were less than a pound. Jalapenos were cheap, and they had Serrano in stock as well. So... I can make my treasured hot sauce shortly. I do have some other habanero sauce, and some ghost pepper sauce, store bought but from "reputable" and popular niche small batch venders. Not quite what I prefer, to be honest. And, yeah, I can handle ghost peppers. My guess is, though, that they used hot "juice". It's got a funky taste to it, off-putting. I like doing it myself. If I could find raw ghost peppers, I would make a batch of that.
I also bought a few side things. I have been meaning to buy dw-40. Maybe I did but I can't find it for the life of me. So, a can of that. A few other such side items. And snacks! Mostly good snacks. Nuts are my thing, though Oreos are quite popular hereabouts. The trick, for me, is to limit my treats. Whether nuts or cookies, I need to look at the labels, decide how much is reasonable given my size, and frequency of use, then sort of plan it in... somehow. I'm finally up to doing a bit more than mere mean survival, I do believe. So... I will start here. And, finally, grapefruit. My apples were $3.50~$4 a pound, this late in the season, so I skipped those.
A dinner at McDonalds, for all my good deeds. Yeah, but it's not like I eat there every day. Delicious, I don't care what you all think. Every dog has his a bone, and sometimes it's just for him. So... hush. I am tired though. I wore myself out quite well. Tomorrow I hope to make beef and noodles, cook up my habanero sauce, and just take it easy. But it is snowing again. I might have to do a bit more of that. If I can get to that early enough, I will do it in stages. If nothing else, if the boys show up, there will be a chunk or two tended. I am sore, but I don't think it is from the activity, or not alone. I raised my dose the final step today. And, yeah, that could be enough to give me some grief. Liquid readjustments don't cause this sort of pain. Medicine, or... doctor prescribed medicine, does or can. Might be a combination of my push and it's shove though too.
Good boys get treats... Nuts! :) Later, or... yeah... good night I do believe.
Well, maybe a bit.
.
.
I keep tinkering with the dishes. Giving them a fresh soak or rinse. I took the pressure cooker out, though, and washed it, again, and with bar keeper's friend. It actually is back to specs after a couple of washings and soakings from the pork roast that ran dry. The plan is to make noodles, probably let them dry, and be ready for the roast, some onions, cabbage if it is still good, and carrots and celery. I suppose I could bake some potatoes, too, and have those ready to dice into the stew.
I called my mother, to see what she was doing. She is home from a visit with my brother. Usually the south is much warmer, and I suppose they had some good days. It sounds like the cold went right down there with her, this time, though. Oh... someone is shoveling. I best get out. I can help today. Well, that was still a lot of work, even with two other workers and a helper. My drive is thirty yards and change, not quit double wide but not thin either. I can only guess that we got 3" to 6". It is nice to have it cleared though.
I may just go to town for a dinner and some groceries. I ought to check my produce, to see if that will be good. Milk and whipped cream are always needed. A bit of cat food and another bag of cat litter would be good. Yeah. I think I want to warm up, rest just a bit, and make those noodles first though. This time I will dry them and make my gravy and meat tomorrow. Yeah, that might just work.
I best get going. It looks like my chemical reset did it's job. Later.
.
I keep tinkering with the dishes. Giving them a fresh soak or rinse. I took the pressure cooker out, though, and washed it, again, and with bar keeper's friend. It actually is back to specs after a couple of washings and soakings from the pork roast that ran dry. The plan is to make noodles, probably let them dry, and be ready for the roast, some onions, cabbage if it is still good, and carrots and celery. I suppose I could bake some potatoes, too, and have those ready to dice into the stew.
I called my mother, to see what she was doing. She is home from a visit with my brother. Usually the south is much warmer, and I suppose they had some good days. It sounds like the cold went right down there with her, this time, though. Oh... someone is shoveling. I best get out. I can help today. Well, that was still a lot of work, even with two other workers and a helper. My drive is thirty yards and change, not quit double wide but not thin either. I can only guess that we got 3" to 6". It is nice to have it cleared though.
I may just go to town for a dinner and some groceries. I ought to check my produce, to see if that will be good. Milk and whipped cream are always needed. A bit of cat food and another bag of cat litter would be good. Yeah. I think I want to warm up, rest just a bit, and make those noodles first though. This time I will dry them and make my gravy and meat tomorrow. Yeah, that might just work.
I best get going. It looks like my chemical reset did it's job. Later.
Well, about that comment?
.
.
Now, it doesn't happen too often, these days. And it wasn't a planned exercise either, mind you. I thought a beer, maybe two, would... be tasty. I do that up to three or four times a week, sometimes only once every few months if medicine is trolling me or I personally think it not wise by how I am feeling or doing. And, well... those beers most certainly were tasty. After a six pack in ten minutes, while trying to maintain some... reason, I did have to make a choice. More? I looked at my calendar. I have an appointment around the middle of next week. It's tight, but I work better under pressure, so I went for a night in the fishbowl minus the fish. I hope. At some point, some nights, I am not sure I would notice. I did make the choice, mind you. But that first six-pack sort of jumped in my lap and made it difficult to think. Sa Weet, she was.
Besides, sometimes a night of consumption will break me out of... whatever... It resets, or can, some inner buttons, switches, connections, and such. It's sort of like a chemical overhaul. I won't know if it worked until, well, I know whether it worked. For having gone to bed at 00:30, and full in the cup, and waken at 6:30 as per the queen's and princess's... tomfollery, I'm doing alright. Got in a desperately needed shower, right before I realized the girls deserved their giving me my desserts.
Yeah, well, there isn't but a shot of Vodka left, must have just missed finishing it by >.< that much, just by not paying attention, or the glass was too full? No... usually that goes in right after the coffee. I only have a few beers left. Yeah, it was tasty. The girls usually don't care, but they didn't get their last feed in my condition. Ah, but they woke me by 6:30. I wasn't going to feed them, for their sins, until I realized it was I who sinned. Grumpy, not exactly chipper, even so... fair is fair. They will still get their two normal meals today. Poppa's not such an ogre all the time.
Oh, urhm. The morning after? It depends on if I posted comments or not. I always sweat that part, more than any kind of a hangover. Especially when the blue moon of my habits is out in full force as it was last night. Go ahead, if I did bad, I'll lend you the switch. Even if I might agree with the notions, there are... possibly... better ways of saying things. I can lose all finesse, if... that ain't all bad, either. Sometimes it just has to be said. And yet, there may be a price. That's what... makes me a bit nervous in the morning. Yes it does. Gosh, I best check my own blog for... boldness. Maybe in a bit, when I have steeled my nerves enough to peek.
I don't know how many beers I had to start, but it was pretty close to an eighteen pack. And I can't swear how much of that 1.75 liter of vodka there was, but I thought it was greater than half. White Russians, or a form of it, huge 26 ounce ouncers, interspersed with a beer-fest minus the fest. I do have healthy appetites, more so for a man in my condition. Diabetes? Yeah, well, eating right and insulin were keeping that up around 300, and rising as a trend. I can't do much about it. It's difficult to take to much interest when your best efforts yield poor results. Docs blame me anyway. Although, I am titrating that up slowly because I don't know will happen when my blood sugar suddenly drops, for whatever reason it does, and if I don't happen to notice or do a reading just on time to notice. That stuff is... hmm... time release. Spooky, to me. The thing is, with the non-time release, I would have to do a calorie count, and add in that I don't eat every day or even for days at a time sometimes.
Shower was good. Hopefully I will recover and get to a few things yet today. Or... not. I never know. I did cook the chicken, but just baked it done then crisped it. I want to pressure cook the beef and try another batch of noodles. A little more research into noodles though, this time. They weren't horrible, they just weren't quite (at all) right. Not sure how much was the wrong flower and how much might have been bad technique. While my mother suggested that I don't "have" to dry them overnight, something about the way she said that made me think that... really... you should. So, it would be nice to get all the prep done today and make the meal leisurely tomorrow. Might just cook the beef tomorrow, if so. Fresh au jus is the thing, innit? Oh yeah.
Later.
.
Now, it doesn't happen too often, these days. And it wasn't a planned exercise either, mind you. I thought a beer, maybe two, would... be tasty. I do that up to three or four times a week, sometimes only once every few months if medicine is trolling me or I personally think it not wise by how I am feeling or doing. And, well... those beers most certainly were tasty. After a six pack in ten minutes, while trying to maintain some... reason, I did have to make a choice. More? I looked at my calendar. I have an appointment around the middle of next week. It's tight, but I work better under pressure, so I went for a night in the fishbowl minus the fish. I hope. At some point, some nights, I am not sure I would notice. I did make the choice, mind you. But that first six-pack sort of jumped in my lap and made it difficult to think. Sa Weet, she was.
Besides, sometimes a night of consumption will break me out of... whatever... It resets, or can, some inner buttons, switches, connections, and such. It's sort of like a chemical overhaul. I won't know if it worked until, well, I know whether it worked. For having gone to bed at 00:30, and full in the cup, and waken at 6:30 as per the queen's and princess's... tomfollery, I'm doing alright. Got in a desperately needed shower, right before I realized the girls deserved their giving me my desserts.
Yeah, well, there isn't but a shot of Vodka left, must have just missed finishing it by >.< that much, just by not paying attention, or the glass was too full? No... usually that goes in right after the coffee. I only have a few beers left. Yeah, it was tasty. The girls usually don't care, but they didn't get their last feed in my condition. Ah, but they woke me by 6:30. I wasn't going to feed them, for their sins, until I realized it was I who sinned. Grumpy, not exactly chipper, even so... fair is fair. They will still get their two normal meals today. Poppa's not such an ogre all the time.
Oh, urhm. The morning after? It depends on if I posted comments or not. I always sweat that part, more than any kind of a hangover. Especially when the blue moon of my habits is out in full force as it was last night. Go ahead, if I did bad, I'll lend you the switch. Even if I might agree with the notions, there are... possibly... better ways of saying things. I can lose all finesse, if... that ain't all bad, either. Sometimes it just has to be said. And yet, there may be a price. That's what... makes me a bit nervous in the morning. Yes it does. Gosh, I best check my own blog for... boldness. Maybe in a bit, when I have steeled my nerves enough to peek.
I don't know how many beers I had to start, but it was pretty close to an eighteen pack. And I can't swear how much of that 1.75 liter of vodka there was, but I thought it was greater than half. White Russians, or a form of it, huge 26 ounce ouncers, interspersed with a beer-fest minus the fest. I do have healthy appetites, more so for a man in my condition. Diabetes? Yeah, well, eating right and insulin were keeping that up around 300, and rising as a trend. I can't do much about it. It's difficult to take to much interest when your best efforts yield poor results. Docs blame me anyway. Although, I am titrating that up slowly because I don't know will happen when my blood sugar suddenly drops, for whatever reason it does, and if I don't happen to notice or do a reading just on time to notice. That stuff is... hmm... time release. Spooky, to me. The thing is, with the non-time release, I would have to do a calorie count, and add in that I don't eat every day or even for days at a time sometimes.
Shower was good. Hopefully I will recover and get to a few things yet today. Or... not. I never know. I did cook the chicken, but just baked it done then crisped it. I want to pressure cook the beef and try another batch of noodles. A little more research into noodles though, this time. They weren't horrible, they just weren't quite (at all) right. Not sure how much was the wrong flower and how much might have been bad technique. While my mother suggested that I don't "have" to dry them overnight, something about the way she said that made me think that... really... you should. So, it would be nice to get all the prep done today and make the meal leisurely tomorrow. Might just cook the beef tomorrow, if so. Fresh au jus is the thing, innit? Oh yeah.
Later.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Perhaps I shouldn't...
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.
My time may be near, so I will... discuss some matters. As my father, and his Father, would will it. Fool? Of course. Happily. For my father's Father, and my Father, in sooth.
.
My time may be near, so I will... discuss some matters. As my father, and his Father, would will it. Fool? Of course. Happily. For my father's Father, and my Father, in sooth.
True, but there is the now. And again.
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.
Mix and match, new and old, questionable all. Doubt if you must. I do. But don't doubt who I serve, wrong or right myself, God is never wrong. And, in Him, neither are we... if only in the end.
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Mix and match, new and old, questionable all. Doubt if you must. I do. But don't doubt who I serve, wrong or right myself, God is never wrong. And, in Him, neither are we... if only in the end.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Down late, hard.
.
.
Up early and well enough. No energy, perhaps. But feeling 'gooder'. I doubt if I will get much done today. But that is fine. I know I will get into better shape eventually. I know, when things are doing well, medicine is on track, and everything fits, I can live a little life. I am almost sure, as well, if we get a decent amount of snow, I will figure out how to get out in it this time. Snow shoeing will happen. Yeah, it's a little thing. But it is something.
Breakfast already. Not much, just a bite. I think I will try to go for a couple eggs and three pieces of bacon for lunch. Now that my cast iron skillet is back into play, it is as non-stick as the best artificial non-stick you can buy, and yes... I would know. Hmm... might have to work on getting some dishes done, just so as to cook something for meals to come. Chicken, then later in the week, beef and veggies. Cabbage doesn't go well with chicken, but carrots and onions do. Hmm, potatoes or rice would be nice to cook and have on hand as well. Yeah, food is a small joy, more so when done exactly to perfection.
Later.
.
Up early and well enough. No energy, perhaps. But feeling 'gooder'. I doubt if I will get much done today. But that is fine. I know I will get into better shape eventually. I know, when things are doing well, medicine is on track, and everything fits, I can live a little life. I am almost sure, as well, if we get a decent amount of snow, I will figure out how to get out in it this time. Snow shoeing will happen. Yeah, it's a little thing. But it is something.
Breakfast already. Not much, just a bite. I think I will try to go for a couple eggs and three pieces of bacon for lunch. Now that my cast iron skillet is back into play, it is as non-stick as the best artificial non-stick you can buy, and yes... I would know. Hmm... might have to work on getting some dishes done, just so as to cook something for meals to come. Chicken, then later in the week, beef and veggies. Cabbage doesn't go well with chicken, but carrots and onions do. Hmm, potatoes or rice would be nice to cook and have on hand as well. Yeah, food is a small joy, more so when done exactly to perfection.
Later.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Haiku Monday - Menu
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A cough or two and... Fishy is up with the contest. It sounds like she is hearing a lot of coughing this weekend, none of it having to do with physical ailments, at least there is that. Oh, sure, sympathy, even empathy. With this taken care of, and pb&j as a way to soothe *cough* another cough, perhaps all is good? Never mind me, with distance comes bravery. Though, I should advise, testing that probably isn't wise. Blood pressure and all, if yours, not mine, is something that concerns me.
Menu, eh? That's quite a wide open topic. Let me just... think.
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A cough or two and... Fishy is up with the contest. It sounds like she is hearing a lot of coughing this weekend, none of it having to do with physical ailments, at least there is that. Oh, sure, sympathy, even empathy. With this taken care of, and pb&j as a way to soothe *cough* another cough, perhaps all is good? Never mind me, with distance comes bravery. Though, I should advise, testing that probably isn't wise. Blood pressure and all, if yours, not mine, is something that concerns me.
Menu, eh? That's quite a wide open topic. Let me just... think.
Dinner, She Suggests
what do you desire
roast beef, pork chops, anything
move closer, said I
Eyes And Space
delicate to filling
sweet, savory, meaty - what?
one of each, thank you
Choices
what is wanted, liked
too many choices not enough decision-fu
simply cannot decide
No nap, still up, that's it.
.
.
I did make a plan. I had several goals. The reality of function simply isn't there. For now, I guess, I am just stuck. Think of a tranquilized bear. I can think, I just can't do much else. How well I think? That is always the question, isn't it? I'm becoming a bit sore from sitting. Yeah, I sit quite often. However, I am usually moving around fairly often. That, folks, is as good as it gets, save for a very few special periods that were either extraordinary in length of time or level of function, such as burning man or several three month spans over the last few years. And I still have medication to go up one... more... notch. I am at three quarter dose currently. And, yeah, this stuff junks me out. At least until I get back in the saddle of it. Then I have a much better chance as doing more in life.
Ah well. I will keep looking for opportunity. Even if I do nothing more than make a plan, that IS something. Some days I may not get that done. Either because I won't think of even that, or because it is painfully obvious that nothing is possible. I think I am set to increase dose near the end of this week. I am NOT looking forward to it. I have stalled it twice, now, though. I just have to do it. The medset is geared for it, and when I start it, I will try to fill the second medset right away, in case I crash. Having two medsets, and good ones, helps a great deal. I can't fill those, sometimes, on short notice. Two weeks should be enough time, though.
I have been sleeping well, keeping days going, sleeping only about eight hours, unless I need a nap, or two. I am rather amazed that I am doing these simple things. If things get foggy, I haven't gotten lost in that fog. Short trips in, and then out for most of the rest of the time. I'm taking a beating, I must admit. But I am holding up to it rather well. I almost have a bit of pluck. Looks like we have a good chance at snow, a couple times, in this coming week. Snowshoeing, I am hoping, even if it nearly kills me. Ki Yay.
.
I did make a plan. I had several goals. The reality of function simply isn't there. For now, I guess, I am just stuck. Think of a tranquilized bear. I can think, I just can't do much else. How well I think? That is always the question, isn't it? I'm becoming a bit sore from sitting. Yeah, I sit quite often. However, I am usually moving around fairly often. That, folks, is as good as it gets, save for a very few special periods that were either extraordinary in length of time or level of function, such as burning man or several three month spans over the last few years. And I still have medication to go up one... more... notch. I am at three quarter dose currently. And, yeah, this stuff junks me out. At least until I get back in the saddle of it. Then I have a much better chance as doing more in life.
Ah well. I will keep looking for opportunity. Even if I do nothing more than make a plan, that IS something. Some days I may not get that done. Either because I won't think of even that, or because it is painfully obvious that nothing is possible. I think I am set to increase dose near the end of this week. I am NOT looking forward to it. I have stalled it twice, now, though. I just have to do it. The medset is geared for it, and when I start it, I will try to fill the second medset right away, in case I crash. Having two medsets, and good ones, helps a great deal. I can't fill those, sometimes, on short notice. Two weeks should be enough time, though.
I have been sleeping well, keeping days going, sleeping only about eight hours, unless I need a nap, or two. I am rather amazed that I am doing these simple things. If things get foggy, I haven't gotten lost in that fog. Short trips in, and then out for most of the rest of the time. I'm taking a beating, I must admit. But I am holding up to it rather well. I almost have a bit of pluck. Looks like we have a good chance at snow, a couple times, in this coming week. Snowshoeing, I am hoping, even if it nearly kills me. Ki Yay.
Just a bit better.
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.
If you have ever swum in deeper water, much deeper, and gone through several layers of water temperature starting at warm surface water to cool, to cooler, to cold, and on into downright chilly water, you can have an idea of how I am improving. I was pretty deep into illness, or exhaustion. Yesterday I came right to the layer one level up, but didn't quite cross it. I think I passed through that layer and actually rose to the next layer of "warmth". I'm still a bit down in there. I am starting to see the light though, and my body is feeling a bit more sensation.
It might have something to do with diabetes. Either that, or whatever is causing the diabetes is what is wrong. I have been eating and drinking the right stuff for weeks and my blood sugar has actually jumped in the last bit, now hitting over 300. It simply doesn't make sense. That might be part of the problem, or was affected by whatever, or... Docs don't understand that medicine doesn't always work. They have to see it to believe it. Then, they want me to jump medication, which comes with it's own risks once whatever was causing the levels to rise goes away or gets better. They would, and nearly have, medicated me to death before. I can't fully trust them, or medication. It's a tricky path I walk.
Oh, but I am going to get to a few things today. I should be able to finish dishes. I have a lot of washed laundry that... well... was never folded. I'm not exactly sure what to do with all that. To be honest, some of it may need to be washed again. Some of it, I suppose, could be "dried" again, with a moist towel. Some of it can just be put up. I don't care if my unders have wrinkles! :) And, if those things go according to plan, I might see about vacuuming and sweeping, then steam vacuuming a few of the areas. I am back to it, a bit. It will depend on how much my body can literally handle. But, for sure, if dishes go forward, I will pressure cook chicken and then crisp it as a finishing touch. Chicken is just one of those good meats to have cooked and ready.
Just a tad better. But it is enough to do some work. The hope is that I can maintain this level enough that I can get into town this week, maybe set up a haircut appointment I missed recently and get my friend going, and do more around the cave. Slowly, until I am back on my feet. Napping when needed I suppose. Ugh... My last increase in medication starts this week. *shrug* But I've got to do it. I've... stalled and pussy-footed around with it as much as I dare.
Later.
.
If you have ever swum in deeper water, much deeper, and gone through several layers of water temperature starting at warm surface water to cool, to cooler, to cold, and on into downright chilly water, you can have an idea of how I am improving. I was pretty deep into illness, or exhaustion. Yesterday I came right to the layer one level up, but didn't quite cross it. I think I passed through that layer and actually rose to the next layer of "warmth". I'm still a bit down in there. I am starting to see the light though, and my body is feeling a bit more sensation.
It might have something to do with diabetes. Either that, or whatever is causing the diabetes is what is wrong. I have been eating and drinking the right stuff for weeks and my blood sugar has actually jumped in the last bit, now hitting over 300. It simply doesn't make sense. That might be part of the problem, or was affected by whatever, or... Docs don't understand that medicine doesn't always work. They have to see it to believe it. Then, they want me to jump medication, which comes with it's own risks once whatever was causing the levels to rise goes away or gets better. They would, and nearly have, medicated me to death before. I can't fully trust them, or medication. It's a tricky path I walk.
Oh, but I am going to get to a few things today. I should be able to finish dishes. I have a lot of washed laundry that... well... was never folded. I'm not exactly sure what to do with all that. To be honest, some of it may need to be washed again. Some of it, I suppose, could be "dried" again, with a moist towel. Some of it can just be put up. I don't care if my unders have wrinkles! :) And, if those things go according to plan, I might see about vacuuming and sweeping, then steam vacuuming a few of the areas. I am back to it, a bit. It will depend on how much my body can literally handle. But, for sure, if dishes go forward, I will pressure cook chicken and then crisp it as a finishing touch. Chicken is just one of those good meats to have cooked and ready.
Just a tad better. But it is enough to do some work. The hope is that I can maintain this level enough that I can get into town this week, maybe set up a haircut appointment I missed recently and get my friend going, and do more around the cave. Slowly, until I am back on my feet. Napping when needed I suppose. Ugh... My last increase in medication starts this week. *shrug* But I've got to do it. I've... stalled and pussy-footed around with it as much as I dare.
Later.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
My own woodcraft lore?
.
.
Well, sort of. It isn't anything fancy, it actually isn't mine. My last ladyfriend passed it to me, but as an idea. She never did create it. I did. Back when I still lived in Iowa, but after we parted. And, yeah, I gave her half of my stash. Why? She begged, it was her idea, I wasn't using it, and I was able to get her to beg. Good enough. Anyway.
It's really simple. The supplies you absolutely must have include cardboard egg cartons, lint from the dryer (which I do keep and store), paraffin or some sort of wax, and a means of melting the paraffin. Melting paraffin, at least, is a bit messy. A small pot, water in the base, and a tin can, combine to work the best from my experience. Simple get the water heated, put the paraffin in the tin can, then put the tin can in the water. Oh, and don't dump the paraffin down the drain or toilet. It won't possible stop it, IT WILL STOP IT UP. Just don't do that.
Once it is melted, coat the egg carton really well, both sides if you wish but I just do the inside. From what I have seen, it works it's way through. Then add just a bit of the lint, enough to cover the inside of the egg recess. Then add a bit more paraffin. When it dries, quarter the egg recess area, or more. It doesn't take much. This is waterproof tinder, and it is a little miracle. I plan on making some, possibly even yet this evening. It's been on my mind, I just haven't quite gotten to it. First I didn't have paraffin, then I didn't have time, then I forgot. Tonight would be a great night to do it. Then, as well, I can say I did something.
Good night.
.
Well, sort of. It isn't anything fancy, it actually isn't mine. My last ladyfriend passed it to me, but as an idea. She never did create it. I did. Back when I still lived in Iowa, but after we parted. And, yeah, I gave her half of my stash. Why? She begged, it was her idea, I wasn't using it, and I was able to get her to beg. Good enough. Anyway.
It's really simple. The supplies you absolutely must have include cardboard egg cartons, lint from the dryer (which I do keep and store), paraffin or some sort of wax, and a means of melting the paraffin. Melting paraffin, at least, is a bit messy. A small pot, water in the base, and a tin can, combine to work the best from my experience. Simple get the water heated, put the paraffin in the tin can, then put the tin can in the water. Oh, and don't dump the paraffin down the drain or toilet. It won't possible stop it, IT WILL STOP IT UP. Just don't do that.
Once it is melted, coat the egg carton really well, both sides if you wish but I just do the inside. From what I have seen, it works it's way through. Then add just a bit of the lint, enough to cover the inside of the egg recess. Then add a bit more paraffin. When it dries, quarter the egg recess area, or more. It doesn't take much. This is waterproof tinder, and it is a little miracle. I plan on making some, possibly even yet this evening. It's been on my mind, I just haven't quite gotten to it. First I didn't have paraffin, then I didn't have time, then I forgot. Tonight would be a great night to do it. Then, as well, I can say I did something.
Good night.
I scrubbed the nap.
.
.
I would like to claim that I forgot to nap, got busy, but that isn't really the truth. Although I did get distracted, and before I knew it it was 13:00. A bit late for a mid-day nap. Yes, picky. Yes indeed. Gaming, and a bit of research, is what I was up to. Well, and some planning and, possibly, fantasy planning.
When I discuss going out into the wilds, I really don't mean going out with techy gear. I mean roughing it, if you can call it that. For some people, that isn't so much vacation as... well... almost vocation. I really need to work on getting a conceal carry permit. More to have some options open, but also to make obtaining a hunting license easier. Simply so, when in those wilds, if I happen to see a small game animal, I can bag it. It's just easier and wiser to do it with a permit than to have a mess. And, generally, one of those things goes with the other.
.
I would like to claim that I forgot to nap, got busy, but that isn't really the truth. Although I did get distracted, and before I knew it it was 13:00. A bit late for a mid-day nap. Yes, picky. Yes indeed. Gaming, and a bit of research, is what I was up to. Well, and some planning and, possibly, fantasy planning.
When I discuss going out into the wilds, I really don't mean going out with techy gear. I mean roughing it, if you can call it that. For some people, that isn't so much vacation as... well... almost vocation. I really need to work on getting a conceal carry permit. More to have some options open, but also to make obtaining a hunting license easier. Simply so, when in those wilds, if I happen to see a small game animal, I can bag it. It's just easier and wiser to do it with a permit than to have a mess. And, generally, one of those things goes with the other.
Perhaps no early nap.
.
.
I can't tell you what changed, exactly. I kept trying to think the need for sleep was just in my mind. It wasn't. It is like the difference between driving through heavy rain and then hitting a clear spell. Driving in the rain is simply more exhausting. You have to look more carefully, in case someone slowed down, had an accident, or in case you hit a pothole full of water, or anything in the road. It stresses you, which makes driving much more strenuous. Hmm, now, while I don't need a nap, I may take one anyway. I could use a nap. And that by itself is unusual. Whatever it is or was, I am not through with it.
And yet, even with a nap going ahead, I am feeling much better. Turning up the thermostat to 74 helped a bit. And while I still don't feel warm, any hotter would just be annoying at this point. It has been a while since I got really sick, and being that my medicines, as I increase them, are making me vulnerable, perhaps it's just that time. No other symptoms, though, which seems odd. I had sneezing and nasal overload for a couple of days, and go through a spell of sneezing, for a few minutes, a few times a day every other day. I just don't know. Hmm, I wonder if having my right hand lock up a bit for a couple of days has anything to do with it? Dunno. Then again I doubt if doctors know. If this new doctor works out it would be nice to have a medical source I could trust. But that takes years of working together, trust is earned. I think the V.A. tries to avoid having regular doctors for us. I don't know if that makes it cheaper, or what it does for them. It definitely doesn't help with consistent medical care.
Hmm... Yeah, a nap. I did rinse the dishes, I've put a load through the washer and dryer (yesterday) and need to tend that later. I cleaned up the cat litter, now to keep that clean. The litter lasts much longer and the girls are happier. I also pulled some meat out to thaw. There is a way to do "fried" chicken, cooking it first in the pressure cooker then simply crisping it. That will be next. I also pulled out a roast of beef, and will try egg noodles again, this time with real flour. I might do a bit of troubleshooting regarding noodles, up front. Some research. Just how should the dough feel when it is just right, and such. Hey, it was fun. And I think I might be headed back to doing things again.
A nap. Even if I could do without it, I could use it. And I would simply rather not push, right now, not yet. Later. :)
.
I can't tell you what changed, exactly. I kept trying to think the need for sleep was just in my mind. It wasn't. It is like the difference between driving through heavy rain and then hitting a clear spell. Driving in the rain is simply more exhausting. You have to look more carefully, in case someone slowed down, had an accident, or in case you hit a pothole full of water, or anything in the road. It stresses you, which makes driving much more strenuous. Hmm, now, while I don't need a nap, I may take one anyway. I could use a nap. And that by itself is unusual. Whatever it is or was, I am not through with it.
And yet, even with a nap going ahead, I am feeling much better. Turning up the thermostat to 74 helped a bit. And while I still don't feel warm, any hotter would just be annoying at this point. It has been a while since I got really sick, and being that my medicines, as I increase them, are making me vulnerable, perhaps it's just that time. No other symptoms, though, which seems odd. I had sneezing and nasal overload for a couple of days, and go through a spell of sneezing, for a few minutes, a few times a day every other day. I just don't know. Hmm, I wonder if having my right hand lock up a bit for a couple of days has anything to do with it? Dunno. Then again I doubt if doctors know. If this new doctor works out it would be nice to have a medical source I could trust. But that takes years of working together, trust is earned. I think the V.A. tries to avoid having regular doctors for us. I don't know if that makes it cheaper, or what it does for them. It definitely doesn't help with consistent medical care.
Hmm... Yeah, a nap. I did rinse the dishes, I've put a load through the washer and dryer (yesterday) and need to tend that later. I cleaned up the cat litter, now to keep that clean. The litter lasts much longer and the girls are happier. I also pulled some meat out to thaw. There is a way to do "fried" chicken, cooking it first in the pressure cooker then simply crisping it. That will be next. I also pulled out a roast of beef, and will try egg noodles again, this time with real flour. I might do a bit of troubleshooting regarding noodles, up front. Some research. Just how should the dough feel when it is just right, and such. Hey, it was fun. And I think I might be headed back to doing things again.
A nap. Even if I could do without it, I could use it. And I would simply rather not push, right now, not yet. Later. :)
Another roll of the dice.
.
.
I may be feeling better this morning. Not much, I don't know if it will last, the improvement is very slight. Even as bad as it is, I am quite sure it has been worse for most of my past. I would literally be sleeping for a few months at a time and for long periods between sleep sets. Years have passed with me being mostly unaware. I am aware. I can remember. I can do small things. I can keep my eye on my goals. I am even taking care of a couple of cat burglars.
My need for warmth comes and goes. Yesterday I kept the house at about 68. This morning, though, I think I need to warm things a bit. I will try 74. If that doesn't work, back up to 80, at least for a bit. I will be gaming for a bit this morning. There is a chance gaming can push the mind, and pushing the mind and reflexes can push the body. There is a link in there. It just isn't always possible.
To bed by 23:00, I think. Up at nearly 6:00. Two two hour naps yesterday, and the last few days actually. But they are helping me maintain a day schedule and aren't actually chosen. I am crashing very hard. I can fight it, but as I suggested, I lose that fight much more severely if I don't just tend the need. I will try to make it to 11:00, perhaps noon. But I can see the need for sleep will be hitting fairly soon. A pot of coffee in the morning helps. Strong, five dosers of the heavy good stuff. It's a darker roast, so it isn't as caffeinated as typical coffee. But at the dosage, and being fresh ground, it does have some kick.
Hmm... Later.
.
I may be feeling better this morning. Not much, I don't know if it will last, the improvement is very slight. Even as bad as it is, I am quite sure it has been worse for most of my past. I would literally be sleeping for a few months at a time and for long periods between sleep sets. Years have passed with me being mostly unaware. I am aware. I can remember. I can do small things. I can keep my eye on my goals. I am even taking care of a couple of cat burglars.
My need for warmth comes and goes. Yesterday I kept the house at about 68. This morning, though, I think I need to warm things a bit. I will try 74. If that doesn't work, back up to 80, at least for a bit. I will be gaming for a bit this morning. There is a chance gaming can push the mind, and pushing the mind and reflexes can push the body. There is a link in there. It just isn't always possible.
To bed by 23:00, I think. Up at nearly 6:00. Two two hour naps yesterday, and the last few days actually. But they are helping me maintain a day schedule and aren't actually chosen. I am crashing very hard. I can fight it, but as I suggested, I lose that fight much more severely if I don't just tend the need. I will try to make it to 11:00, perhaps noon. But I can see the need for sleep will be hitting fairly soon. A pot of coffee in the morning helps. Strong, five dosers of the heavy good stuff. It's a darker roast, so it isn't as caffeinated as typical coffee. But at the dosage, and being fresh ground, it does have some kick.
Hmm... Later.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
I simply don't understand.
.
.
I haven't felt this out of touch in a very long time. Even with all the problems since September, this is as bad as it gets. There is no pain, mind you. There is simply nothing. Painkillers, neither my biologically native nor manufactured, can do this. There simply isn't anything to me, as if I had become two dimensional... or less? It is an illusion, however. While it does impact my ability to carry out my will, it doesn't completely stop it. I physically tire pretty quickly, so there is a real limit. But I can do things, even if it doesn't seem like it. The trick is to focus. Need helps. Being hungry is more likely to induce cooking, and cleaning. That isn't a guarantee, though, either.
For some reason, my right hand is quite sore. If I had been shoveling, or doing a lot of fine heavy work, like hand loading a couple dozen magazines or other fine work that also requires strength, I would understand. The palm of my right hand feels as if the muscles were pulled. My right thumb is weakened, as if I had been gripping an item too tightly for too long. None of those things, I assure, have occurred. As is, my right hand is nearly useless. Don't ask, I simply don't know. Well, my useless and your useless are probably two different things. Better if I suggest I can't use that hand up to my specs. My guess is I still have more hand strength in that hand than most men will ever have. I can't crush a coconut, but I can come about as close as one could realistically get to that. My hand strength is great enough that I can hurt the bones, if I am not careful. And my bones are as close to metal as bones get. Annoying, it is. And nothing accounts for it. Clenching it while dreaming, while it is out in the cold? I simply don't know. I am going to begin massaging it, when I remember to do so.
Now, I do have moments where life is better. But those moments are few and far between one and the next.
Medicine is going down as required. I am eating fairly regularly. I am keeping up on the cave, mostly, and rather well actually. I am going to start trying to play computer games. I have no more interest in that than I do in anything else though. Sleep? That just happens when it happens. I have found that it is better to yield to my body's demands than to push it, at this point. If I don't, then either I crash so hard that I sleep way too long, or too short... or I end up not being able to sleep and drift into insomnia. Two naps a day, on top of a full night of sleep. I have been able to maintain a day schedule, but with as much sleeping as I am ending up doing, there isn't much "day" in my day. Four to six hours napping plus six to ten hours a night in bed.
Something is just wrong. I am going to try to take my stats and weigh in a bit more often. Desert Cat has offered a suggestion for a targeted visit. I will be doing correspondence and considering the offer. Urhm... it's not humid down there, is it? :p A short, inexpensive, trip might help cure what ails me. Who knows, I might even, finally, get to meet the Mrs. Not sure she is up to it. If I don't think it will be quite as awful as all that. Mostly. Depends on if I take a liking to her or not. Then again, I enjoy women who hate me, as I may have mentioned.
Oh, right, I keep bumping into why others think the way they do. I forget, from time to time, just exactly how things work. While I am ill, so things aren't exactly in order, I am an ENTJ personality type, drifting into ENTP, or another couple of types, due to my dysfunction. For some, personality types are like horoscopes. For others, like myself, they are absolutes. I entertain a few other types because I can't be who I am. How can I lead from a deathbed? Actually, I still do, just... not in the same ways, necessarily. And while I like systems, when the system has been used to destroy itself, I begin looking at other options. I like to do a lot of work up front, so as to coast. And, I can do that. If the systems are in balance and right. Not fair, but functional. Right now, the American system is more dysfunctional than I am. And it has been for decades.
Never mind. The point is, I am not a feeling type. Not only that, I don't care what you, or even I, feel. There is a time for dealing with that, but it isn't all the time and it isn't at a time when things need to be, or in my case can be done. Feelings are a luxury that I simply do not abide any more than I abide play or softness. Even sex isn't a soft thing, for me. It's about children. The pleasure of it just balances the costs. Yeah, I'm a bastard. But I told you that. And, yes, that plays quite well with women, even the ones who don't believe they have a "place". I just put them there, debate it with her when she feels the need and if I have the time, and then put her back in her place when I have real things to do. Even feminists have functioned quite well, better than they imagined, with a tank who knows and does around them. I don't need to crush women, I simply function in such a way that they function as I wish, and as they should. The payoff is worth it, even if I end up dumping her. Well, so I have heard.
Anyway... La... no... Good night. Again.
.
I haven't felt this out of touch in a very long time. Even with all the problems since September, this is as bad as it gets. There is no pain, mind you. There is simply nothing. Painkillers, neither my biologically native nor manufactured, can do this. There simply isn't anything to me, as if I had become two dimensional... or less? It is an illusion, however. While it does impact my ability to carry out my will, it doesn't completely stop it. I physically tire pretty quickly, so there is a real limit. But I can do things, even if it doesn't seem like it. The trick is to focus. Need helps. Being hungry is more likely to induce cooking, and cleaning. That isn't a guarantee, though, either.
For some reason, my right hand is quite sore. If I had been shoveling, or doing a lot of fine heavy work, like hand loading a couple dozen magazines or other fine work that also requires strength, I would understand. The palm of my right hand feels as if the muscles were pulled. My right thumb is weakened, as if I had been gripping an item too tightly for too long. None of those things, I assure, have occurred. As is, my right hand is nearly useless. Don't ask, I simply don't know. Well, my useless and your useless are probably two different things. Better if I suggest I can't use that hand up to my specs. My guess is I still have more hand strength in that hand than most men will ever have. I can't crush a coconut, but I can come about as close as one could realistically get to that. My hand strength is great enough that I can hurt the bones, if I am not careful. And my bones are as close to metal as bones get. Annoying, it is. And nothing accounts for it. Clenching it while dreaming, while it is out in the cold? I simply don't know. I am going to begin massaging it, when I remember to do so.
Now, I do have moments where life is better. But those moments are few and far between one and the next.
Medicine is going down as required. I am eating fairly regularly. I am keeping up on the cave, mostly, and rather well actually. I am going to start trying to play computer games. I have no more interest in that than I do in anything else though. Sleep? That just happens when it happens. I have found that it is better to yield to my body's demands than to push it, at this point. If I don't, then either I crash so hard that I sleep way too long, or too short... or I end up not being able to sleep and drift into insomnia. Two naps a day, on top of a full night of sleep. I have been able to maintain a day schedule, but with as much sleeping as I am ending up doing, there isn't much "day" in my day. Four to six hours napping plus six to ten hours a night in bed.
Something is just wrong. I am going to try to take my stats and weigh in a bit more often. Desert Cat has offered a suggestion for a targeted visit. I will be doing correspondence and considering the offer. Urhm... it's not humid down there, is it? :p A short, inexpensive, trip might help cure what ails me. Who knows, I might even, finally, get to meet the Mrs. Not sure she is up to it. If I don't think it will be quite as awful as all that. Mostly. Depends on if I take a liking to her or not. Then again, I enjoy women who hate me, as I may have mentioned.
Oh, right, I keep bumping into why others think the way they do. I forget, from time to time, just exactly how things work. While I am ill, so things aren't exactly in order, I am an ENTJ personality type, drifting into ENTP, or another couple of types, due to my dysfunction. For some, personality types are like horoscopes. For others, like myself, they are absolutes. I entertain a few other types because I can't be who I am. How can I lead from a deathbed? Actually, I still do, just... not in the same ways, necessarily. And while I like systems, when the system has been used to destroy itself, I begin looking at other options. I like to do a lot of work up front, so as to coast. And, I can do that. If the systems are in balance and right. Not fair, but functional. Right now, the American system is more dysfunctional than I am. And it has been for decades.
Never mind. The point is, I am not a feeling type. Not only that, I don't care what you, or even I, feel. There is a time for dealing with that, but it isn't all the time and it isn't at a time when things need to be, or in my case can be done. Feelings are a luxury that I simply do not abide any more than I abide play or softness. Even sex isn't a soft thing, for me. It's about children. The pleasure of it just balances the costs. Yeah, I'm a bastard. But I told you that. And, yes, that plays quite well with women, even the ones who don't believe they have a "place". I just put them there, debate it with her when she feels the need and if I have the time, and then put her back in her place when I have real things to do. Even feminists have functioned quite well, better than they imagined, with a tank who knows and does around them. I don't need to crush women, I simply function in such a way that they function as I wish, and as they should. The payoff is worth it, even if I end up dumping her. Well, so I have heard.
Anyway... La... no... Good night. Again.
It almost feels like something broke.
.
.
While I didn't have a fever... no, I didn't test... no, I didn't. Trust me. I know fevers. I do get them from time to time. Ten times a year, give twice that or take half that, depending on the year, I get what I call a micro-fevers. Another little gift from my service, no doubts. Heat flashes that might only be a degree or two above average, and come and go, with some other symptoms. And then, about every six years, I get a serious fever. I've had it run 103 easily. I know my fevers. Anyway, while I had no actual fever, when a fever breaks, there is a special feeling. I did get that. My guess is I was sick from something. It's not over, it's more like getting off work Wednesday afternoon during a hard heavy week. Not over but more than half way done. I think. That is the longest I have been sick in quite a while. Actually I am thinking that was my sixth year thing. Or will be when it is gone. I hope.
With the breaking sensation, I am... thinking, maybe, I can get to some things. The dishes have piled up, just a bit. Those have to be sorted. I just ran a fresh soak. An hour or two and I will get to them. A shower would be awfully nice. A bit of vacuuming and sweeping. Hmm, I'll have to look for cleaning solution. I used up one of, or THE, jug of stuff recently. I'd like to hit the bathroom. That would, most likely, be about all I could do. Oh, and kitty litter. But I might be able to get to that, or some of it. Seriously, these things... I have been drooling to get to them, for a while now actually. There has been nothing left to put forward toward those things. Waking up, tinkering on blogs, news, and staying awake. Well, and eating. The foods I cooked kept me going through my fall, if I am out now. Apples and oranges served me well.
As soon as I can, getting to town for more groceries, and a few items like cleaning chemicals, would be good. I ought to check the mail on the way. Hmm, and figure out how much I owe utilities, pop that in and envelope and in the slot, along with checks to keep me up on that for another six months or year. I do try. Still a bit off, of course. Not moving fast. Sleep is just plain off, now. I couldn't keep the schedule I had. Up for six to eight, down for two naps a day, and... that actually helped me break whatever it was that broke. Rough, but I have definitely had worse.
Later.
.
While I didn't have a fever... no, I didn't test... no, I didn't. Trust me. I know fevers. I do get them from time to time. Ten times a year, give twice that or take half that, depending on the year, I get what I call a micro-fevers. Another little gift from my service, no doubts. Heat flashes that might only be a degree or two above average, and come and go, with some other symptoms. And then, about every six years, I get a serious fever. I've had it run 103 easily. I know my fevers. Anyway, while I had no actual fever, when a fever breaks, there is a special feeling. I did get that. My guess is I was sick from something. It's not over, it's more like getting off work Wednesday afternoon during a hard heavy week. Not over but more than half way done. I think. That is the longest I have been sick in quite a while. Actually I am thinking that was my sixth year thing. Or will be when it is gone. I hope.
With the breaking sensation, I am... thinking, maybe, I can get to some things. The dishes have piled up, just a bit. Those have to be sorted. I just ran a fresh soak. An hour or two and I will get to them. A shower would be awfully nice. A bit of vacuuming and sweeping. Hmm, I'll have to look for cleaning solution. I used up one of, or THE, jug of stuff recently. I'd like to hit the bathroom. That would, most likely, be about all I could do. Oh, and kitty litter. But I might be able to get to that, or some of it. Seriously, these things... I have been drooling to get to them, for a while now actually. There has been nothing left to put forward toward those things. Waking up, tinkering on blogs, news, and staying awake. Well, and eating. The foods I cooked kept me going through my fall, if I am out now. Apples and oranges served me well.
As soon as I can, getting to town for more groceries, and a few items like cleaning chemicals, would be good. I ought to check the mail on the way. Hmm, and figure out how much I owe utilities, pop that in and envelope and in the slot, along with checks to keep me up on that for another six months or year. I do try. Still a bit off, of course. Not moving fast. Sleep is just plain off, now. I couldn't keep the schedule I had. Up for six to eight, down for two naps a day, and... that actually helped me break whatever it was that broke. Rough, but I have definitely had worse.
Later.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Just odd.
.
.
There isn't much I can do one way or the other. I went down at about 18:00 and woke at least once for a bathroom break, which is unusual. I then woke at about 2:00. I thought I would make it back to bed shortly but that simply didn't happen. Exhausted, regardless of how much I do or don't do. Though when I try to do a few things, I can get in more serious trouble, needing a lot more sleep and running even slower when I can be awake. It is simply a rough week. My blood pressure seems to be staying fairly stable in the 120's/80s. I haven't been checking blood sugar, though that seems to have trended down a bit if not where it would be preferred. Weight has been pretty stable as well.
Some days 70 F is good enough, almost too warm. Some days 80 is downright chilly. I have no idea what that is about. Usually I don't change tolerances that fast. Lately it has been almost every day, or every other day, where that flips.
Today? I am going to try to get caught up on the kitchen. Just cleaning the dishes that have been soaking and straightening just a bit. If I can get that done, have a bit of energy left, I may make a grocery run to town. And, if that works, I may actually try to bake those fruit pie pockets. No promises. I am not sure about anything. Zapped, since I woke, all of yesterday, the day before, and for some number of days before that. Simply keeping a day schedule is about all I can do, and I am pressing things to get that done. Still, I am at the point where I would like to try, at least make some goals.
I have been researching some things that would be handy. While an AK is fine, for shorter range shooting, a larger caliber rifle has been on the menu for some time. There are a variety of rifles available, and some number of calibers. My preferred medium sized longer ranged caliber is the .308, or 7.62 x 51. Beside the qualities of the caliber, the plentiful nature of ammunition and potentially parts and rifle configurations, is the notion that I can reload that ammunition. I have been reviewing rifles, and to be honest, the DMPS long range configuration is probably the one that fits cost and function requirements the best. No rifle is perfect, each has their little flaws or drawbacks. But this seems to fit the best. Of course, getting a scope for it would be the next step. And while I can go low on that, to be honest I expect to spend almost as much for a scope as I do for the rifle. Why have a rifle that is good for 600 yards and potentially double that or more, but lack a scope that fully uses that range? Anyway... thought I'd toss that out for ya. And yes, it is a reasonable hunting and target platform.
Later.
.
There isn't much I can do one way or the other. I went down at about 18:00 and woke at least once for a bathroom break, which is unusual. I then woke at about 2:00. I thought I would make it back to bed shortly but that simply didn't happen. Exhausted, regardless of how much I do or don't do. Though when I try to do a few things, I can get in more serious trouble, needing a lot more sleep and running even slower when I can be awake. It is simply a rough week. My blood pressure seems to be staying fairly stable in the 120's/80s. I haven't been checking blood sugar, though that seems to have trended down a bit if not where it would be preferred. Weight has been pretty stable as well.
Some days 70 F is good enough, almost too warm. Some days 80 is downright chilly. I have no idea what that is about. Usually I don't change tolerances that fast. Lately it has been almost every day, or every other day, where that flips.
Today? I am going to try to get caught up on the kitchen. Just cleaning the dishes that have been soaking and straightening just a bit. If I can get that done, have a bit of energy left, I may make a grocery run to town. And, if that works, I may actually try to bake those fruit pie pockets. No promises. I am not sure about anything. Zapped, since I woke, all of yesterday, the day before, and for some number of days before that. Simply keeping a day schedule is about all I can do, and I am pressing things to get that done. Still, I am at the point where I would like to try, at least make some goals.
Later.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Yeah, well, you know what? No nap.
.
.
Screw it. I'm refusing my "medicine", in the form of a nap. I want one. I might even need one. But I'm not going to take one. I have to figure out how to stumble through to early evening. I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to try. I can barely focus. Then again, it's not as if naps have helped in that regard, they just ate some of the time I might otherwise have had to tinker away. Crap but I am tired.
Uhrm? What to do though? I might game some. I have tried to do that lately. It just isn't interesting. There are a few games I haven't played, and some old games I know are good, a little more lively. Perhaps a movie, and maybe popcorn? Sure, why not. Anything to try to stay awake, I suppose. I have been taking my medicine like clockwork. I have been eating fairly well. I need to work on the kitchen, but there is just the stuff from my most recent efforts, so not too rough, yet. I have been keeping up on picking things up. Not bad, really, just not getting ahead.
Well... I'll figure it out. It looks like it did rain, or may have rained. It's spooky looking out there. I just looked again. It's... melting? Weird. Dang weird. Oh well... Hmm, later, I hope.
.
Screw it. I'm refusing my "medicine", in the form of a nap. I want one. I might even need one. But I'm not going to take one. I have to figure out how to stumble through to early evening. I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to try. I can barely focus. Then again, it's not as if naps have helped in that regard, they just ate some of the time I might otherwise have had to tinker away. Crap but I am tired.
Uhrm? What to do though? I might game some. I have tried to do that lately. It just isn't interesting. There are a few games I haven't played, and some old games I know are good, a little more lively. Perhaps a movie, and maybe popcorn? Sure, why not. Anything to try to stay awake, I suppose. I have been taking my medicine like clockwork. I have been eating fairly well. I need to work on the kitchen, but there is just the stuff from my most recent efforts, so not too rough, yet. I have been keeping up on picking things up. Not bad, really, just not getting ahead.
Well... I'll figure it out. It looks like it did rain, or may have rained. It's spooky looking out there. I just looked again. It's... melting? Weird. Dang weird. Oh well... Hmm, later, I hope.
A weird night.
.
.
I made it to 17:00 or 18:00 last night. I went down hard. I don't know if I dreamed, or if the phone really kept going off. I had to turn it on this morning, or last night, if I couldn't make head nor tails of things at that time. So I don't know, and haven't checked yet this morning. I woke at about midnight and was awake for... a while. Then made it back to bed, waking at 7:30 or so. I was doing as much as I could to keep a day schedule. I had to push in a lot of areas, and I'll have to push until I get some juice back. I could almost swear that it rained last night. Is that even possible? I don't, honestly, know if any part of my memory, after going to bed, or to bed that first time, was real. Even when I think I was awake I didn't have the sense of the real. Baked, cooked, fried, take your pick.
I'm doing okay this morning. Oh, I best turn up the heat. I needed the rest. All of it and maybe more. Too much sleep, though, is as confusion inducing as not enough and whatever else is wrong. Something about pushing through to do some minimums. It's just the way it has to be and I am doing what I can. Which, until I get my feet under me, will be very little. I absolutely hate this. Just... hold the breath, push when absolutely needed, look for windows of opportunity, and... hope. This has been a tough winter.
Well... on to a few things, or something... or... most likely... just trying to stay awake, and maybe just until a nap at noon. That is simply what life, lately, has been reduced to. It'll get better. Maybe it is some bug, but I have no real means of getting that treated. A four hour trip is no more in the cards than waiting at a hospital emergency room or doctors' office all day in the hopes of an opening to just as likely be told there is nothing to treat. Risk assessment, or even the potential for treatment even if help is possible, is too slim for the nearly impossible effort that might just put me in the bullseye for some other, harsher, ailment. Hospitals aren't safe for sick people. Some parts less so than others. Yum.
Bleh, later.
.
I made it to 17:00 or 18:00 last night. I went down hard. I don't know if I dreamed, or if the phone really kept going off. I had to turn it on this morning, or last night, if I couldn't make head nor tails of things at that time. So I don't know, and haven't checked yet this morning. I woke at about midnight and was awake for... a while. Then made it back to bed, waking at 7:30 or so. I was doing as much as I could to keep a day schedule. I had to push in a lot of areas, and I'll have to push until I get some juice back. I could almost swear that it rained last night. Is that even possible? I don't, honestly, know if any part of my memory, after going to bed, or to bed that first time, was real. Even when I think I was awake I didn't have the sense of the real. Baked, cooked, fried, take your pick.
I'm doing okay this morning. Oh, I best turn up the heat. I needed the rest. All of it and maybe more. Too much sleep, though, is as confusion inducing as not enough and whatever else is wrong. Something about pushing through to do some minimums. It's just the way it has to be and I am doing what I can. Which, until I get my feet under me, will be very little. I absolutely hate this. Just... hold the breath, push when absolutely needed, look for windows of opportunity, and... hope. This has been a tough winter.
Well... on to a few things, or something... or... most likely... just trying to stay awake, and maybe just until a nap at noon. That is simply what life, lately, has been reduced to. It'll get better. Maybe it is some bug, but I have no real means of getting that treated. A four hour trip is no more in the cards than waiting at a hospital emergency room or doctors' office all day in the hopes of an opening to just as likely be told there is nothing to treat. Risk assessment, or even the potential for treatment even if help is possible, is too slim for the nearly impossible effort that might just put me in the bullseye for some other, harsher, ailment. Hospitals aren't safe for sick people. Some parts less so than others. Yum.
Bleh, later.
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