Doing better.

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Sleep is just whack.  I have been trying to direct it, limit it, push here, shove there, get it to line up with something level and singular of direction.  The alarm, when I hear it, simply complicates things.  I can't go to sleep as I would wish.  I keep waking with my neck and shoulders out of place, and often too hot.  Something is off.  It's not the cold, that is gone.  It is simply getting energy reserves back, I really believe.  I will keep at it.  I am sure it will work out soon.  I would like to contact my friend, and also make an appointment with one of my fellow KoC'ers.  I have business with the latter, though consider him a friend as well.  And I want to try to help my friend get his legs under him, as well, after several rough years for him.  I can't quite do that, not yet, as I can't be sure what tomorrow will be like.  Some days I don't seem able to walk, just too tired.  Some days I sleep crazy long hours.  Bleh.

I am hoping, with a bit of help, to work tomorrow.  Nothing fancy, just a bit of straightening and recycling.  Boxes... cleared, broken down, put in the Xterra, and maybe, if that happens well, a trip to town to get rid of those right away.  As well, perhaps a bit of shopping.  I don't want to call and arrange something, as I can't be sure if or when I will be in.  However, if I am sure I will be in, I may then attempt to contact one or the other, of my friends.  While it is wonderful to share company with women, or a woman, man friends are vital too.  Some sort of balance thing.  They aren't pretty, but they can be handy, honorable, sage, and even good enemies.  Hmm?  Oh, my, yes.  A good friend often makes the best enemy, and a good enemy can be your best friend.  Keeps you on your toes or such.  Now, there is a difference between sparring and warring, sometimes a very slim one.  And, yet, it is how men are built, how we work.  Too old to be punching around, but that had it's place at one time in my life, both for kin and friends, and testing, plus some that were none of those things.

I may just attempt sleep.  I don't know if it will work.  I just took a Doom dose of tylenol.  It seems to be becoming less effective.  I may have to shift back to  anacin.  If I can sleep, and I ache when I wake, I will give that a shot.

Oh, still dreaming in the line of fire.  Love, war, the past, the future...  Being consumed, eating...  Sometimes quite terrible.  Even as hard as I am it still hurts to see some things, more knowing that I must play a dark part, in time, and there is no way for me to alter it.  Just as I have dreamed of putting the first nail in Christ's wrist.  Whether I did that or not, the truth of it remains.  Someone did that.  And what will come is just as terrible in it's own way.  And, someone, again, will have to do that.  Such heavy dreams.

Good night.

Out and about.

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Just a bit.  To the store, through a drive through, then back.  Milk, some fruit, butter, and such.  At this time of night there are only two places that seem to be open, of the fast food sort.  Taco Bell and McDonalds.  I have completely given up on the latter.  Every time I have gone through there, in the central location, the hamburgers have a very off flavor and scent... something rotten this way comes.  As well, the fries, beyond having been made vegan (though not for any reason other than that it is cheaper, the lawsuit was a ruse), have a terrible taste too.  I don't know what else they are cooking in that oil, or maybe they just aren't changing it.  There is another one in the south of town.  It had been their 24/7, then they changed it to midtown and seemed to shut the southern one down, now they are both open?  Haven't tried that one, probably won't.  I think the problem is when they started offering breakfasts at night along with dinner entrees.  Doesn't mix.  Taco Bell is far from my favorite, but at least the meat doesn't smell rancid.  I don't order sides, I've sort of given up on those at most joints, fast food or not.  The meat isn't really beef, not ground beef, and there isn't much of it, but then I'm not sure what I am getting anywhere.  It's buyers surprise and "delight" anywhere these days.

Did they really think we didn't notice?  Seriously?  Some of them are still pretty good, for fast food.  Others, like McDonalds, just seem to have quit even trying.  I guess they are aiming their taste profiles at the poorest of the poor who have no taste?  Or have they just quit trying to grow, and are now just sucking every dollar out of the franchises as they rocket nose first into history?  I really don't know, I just know I won't buy there without absolute, pretty much, necessity.  Don't laugh, it can happen.  It may happen to you tomorrow just because you think you know better.  And, yes, I will laugh and say I told you so... deep in your mind... in a place you can't shut it off or ignore it.  Oh yes I will.

Anyway... made it back.  I see gas prices are probably illegally being forced back up.  They don't even have enough holes to put the stuff, every container and hip available, pretty much, is full, and they are raising prices?  Full featured examples of how intervention derails supply and demand, making it so when there is a glut prices can still be forced up.  Bunk.  The sooner this train derails the better.

Everything is put away.  I've refreshed the kefir in the works.  In a bit I may prepare a pork chop to enjoy with an egg or two.  Sleep is still off, dreams are quite potent, health is back on track if I could just swing days and nights back to some correct position I would be quite happy.

Someone may be coming by tomorrow, to assess the tree situation.  I have had to major tree drops on my home.  Big enough to very possibly have shattered the roof, windows, etc.  I have been quite fortunate.  No power cuts, no damage, so far.  I really don't want to keep hoping.  A downed power line would really be an added major problem.  Though a crushed kitchen wouldn't be better, especially if I happened to be in it at the moment, or one or both of the girls.  Just an assessment, perhaps a direct quote.  I would love to slowly take those trees out while replacing them with something a little more tame yet still good for shade.  Perhaps even a fast growing group of trees, along with some longer lived but slower growing trees, with full intent of removing the faster growing, but less stable, trees as the longer lived trees come into their own.  Bleh.  Assuming I am here.

More irons in more fires, with more potential, this way and that, than an eight armed servant of God ought to consider even with his gifts?  Mayhap.  Now... scoot.  I have things to arrange.  Hmm?  Night you say.  Well... fine.  Enjoy music and thoughts, at your peril and own risk.

*Cheshire Cat grins*

*blink blink poof*

Long nap.

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I had hoped for a few hours.  I got that and more.  I am still tired.  I showered when I woke, and woke with a lark on my mind.  No, not a bird, mostly, a joke of some sort.  It was a wonderful morning for being an afternoon.  Possible?  More than probable, it simply was the way of it.

Millenial, as well as mainstream news, is dying?

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Well, that is the story, as far as the story on it goes.  Is it true?  With trust of media running at 6%, how could it not be true.  Then again, who is polling and who is answering those polls?  I never do polls.  *click*  Why?  It's beyond distrust, it's a sort of fear.  With the media as in bed with the wrong side of politics, as history, ethics, morality, and such go, answer a poll might well end up with misfortune hounding you, possibly to death.  How many Germans, if there had been strong polling, might have ended up in work camps for saying the wrong thing.  How many Russians, Chinese, North Koreans, and Cubans, among many others, end up worked to death or shot for disparaging a government.  The states needed slave labor, those who administered such became addicted to secular power over the life and death of another.

Are these forms of media truly dying?  Is, in other words, pop and propaganda, as news, dying?  No.  It's merely shifting.  Google, for example, is getting... forcing... the advertising hits.  You almost can't find a browser that hasn't been broken, more often by google, though all the techs are involved, all are also involved with government and leftism.  Though, for now, there are a few, if limited at such, means of avoiding propaganda.

As well, I think, after losing the "Hulk" Hogan, the pop media is hiding it's assets, or at least adjusting them so such hits can't hurt them that badly.  They really thought they could get away with anything.  That seems to not be true.  If You say you are worth a billion, guess what?  Lawyers will take that case.  Much more so than if you say you are worth half, or a quarter, of that.  Deep pockets are much more tempting to thieves, even thieves of thieves.  Play gangster long enough, someone will come for your marbles and gold grill.  Whether you survive is not an issue.

I would like to say the crushing of old media was good.  And, on it's own, it is.  As it stands, however, it is out of the pan into the fire.  Now it's faster, slicker, even less honest, government supported, industry bought, and you are it's target.  Not only does your mind and money become the target, but your very soul.  Yeah, the beast wasn't killed, it was simply loosed.  It's much more dangerous outside of it's cage.  Now there is no way to choose whether to be involved with it or not.  Think of that the next time you enter a restaurant or bank and have to face a bank of televisions, or have strange music piped in, or have to cycle through an advertisement, or dozen, just to do some small transaction or contact someone.

I won't miss society.  Society won't notice I am gone.  Deal.

The first business morning of a new week.

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Sleep has been very odd.  It might be lessening in demand.  Though that will take some time to know for sure.  I went to bed around 1:00, maybe 1:30 last night.  I was foggy of mind as I went down, so knowing which time piece, so how precise or off the time was, or even exactly what the time was that I saw, is all murky.  Still, that is close enough.  I ended up waking around 7:30.  I have as much trouble being sure of my waking time as my sleep time.  No real issues, it is simply that my schedule isn't stable, my health is still just a bit under, and some other things.  All will cause some troubles that way.

While I wasn't going to begin consuming kefir quite yet, I had fully intended on shaking the stuff I put in the fridge, to test or examine viscosity.  I like kefir a bit on the thicker side.  When I shook the bottle, the kefir looked good, as I gauge things.  I decided to give it a shot.  I have learned that, per day, only six to eight ounces is advisable.  Definitely when just staring or restarting the stuff as a food.  Once it becomes regular, then, perhaps, sometimes, a bit more can be tolerated.  You push it and you will be toilet bound quickly and for a while.  Yes, I learned my lesson.  Even so, I expect some... freeing of the bowels.  Hopefully not a slave to them though.  Excesses just shorten the brain and body notations of when an inclination begins and when a requirement is at... hand.  It is wonderful!  Just three clearings really got the kefir grains back into function and returned to healthy action.  I was a bit surprised.  All good.

I am waiting, for a bit, to contact my bank.  I did leave a message, on their servers, so was hoping an email would have been sent.  I will check their online site shortly.  I'm not quite ready for a phone call.  If I don't get something non-verbal, and if I can't quite push through to call, I may take a nap in hopes of being more ready this afternoon.  Bleh.  I know, but I really am a bit of a cripple.  Yes, everything needs to be right.  Why call and speak with someone if I won't remember well what was said, or won't have the strength for four different conversations with different people, all hostile even if they are in the wrong?  And, face it, dealing with businessmen these days is treacherous.  Still, it's on my mind, and I hope to at least begin the process of forcing the bank to do the right, and legally correct, thing today.  I don't expect a full success, or a quick one.  Rarely, even when right, does that happen.  Utah is a bureaucratic type of state, but laws can seem conflicting, and authority based societies doesn't, even so, always apply actual law.  I wonder if Alaska is as bad, or has become as bad as oil prices have collapsed?  I guess I will be finding out, but not until I escape and fix some of the problems at hand.

I am thinking eggs and bacon, but just a few pieces this time... if at all possible.  Gosh that was good after a very long hiatus.  Later.

Update:  There was a message, with a name and phone number, to someone within my bank.  It turns out that the bill was not forced.  Which is odd.  I had stopped payment on that, and checked... twice.  A reboot on their end might have reengaged that?  Don't know.  Still, something that had me suspicious seems to be right.  The finance company which is receiving my bills, the ones I agreed to pay, and the ones that were "automatically" taken out (as per my old payment program) are turning out to be the same company.  How does this all work?  Don't know.  I do know I now have to call and see if I can get that money returned.  Later... again.

Update 2:  Since I was in swing by calling my bank, I went ahead and called the finance company.  As suspected, they had actually taken payments which had been being automatically sent to the "other mortgage company", the one which had "sold my account to this new company" but was no longer accepting payments, which had put me in arrears.  In other words, these "two companies" are one company and this whole thing, start to finish, was a scam.  They have, however, told me that they will refund the extra amount that was sent.  Zero sure knows how to brownout every government agency, over and above as bad as they already were.  While Midas had it bad, Zero has it worse.  At least someone, after, can sell the gold, no one call see shit.  The Zero (and less) touch.

While I am still here I still have to do regular things.

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I really wasn't feeling up to tackling trash and recycling.  I am not sure if recycling is tonight.  Even so, it is out along with the trash.  I also did some work in the kitchen.  I am finally able to see some of the table top!  Oh hush, it wasn't that bad.  Just dry things, like egg cartons, ziplocs that weren't used or returned, plastic shopping bags, medical kit, and such.  A few more sessions in there and I might get enough cleared, and any cleaning needed, to consider sharpening knives.

I couldn't do some of the things I wanted.  Trash and recycling took what little wind I had.  But those two things weren't all.  I mixed another, and the last, batch of orange juice.  I am pretty much better, from the cold, I am simply not recovered.  As well, I mixed and redid the kefir.  I am amazed, for as long as that stuff just sat, that it didn't go bad.  And, yes, my sniffer is good enough to know.  I have never tried it with whole whipping cream.  Tonight, since I had some that will be timing out in a few days, I put that in... filling one quart and half filling another quart, then adding milk to make that more of an half and half.  Then I filled an half gallon jar with enough to get that going.  The kefir drink and grains all smell fresh.  I did cycle through three half gallon mixes to help revivify, which seems to have worked.  I thought I could have started on actual kefir the last time.  I didn't out of an abundance of caution.

The half gallon of kefir won't be sampled tomorrow though.  I want to give it time to set up a bit.  I thought about just adding much of the kefir grains back in, then letting it double steep.  Lots of options.  But between running out of steam on that project, and being curious as things stood, I just let it go as was.  I'll give it, perhaps, three days in the fridge, while double steeping the half gallon that is currently producing kefir.  The quarts?  Dunno, I'll just play those by ear.  On the good side, I think I could take packets of kefir grain with me, using it on the road when I gain access to a few quarts of milk, or such.  Now to practice with sprouts, again, and how to do that in a canteen or something.  Just vitamin C, and some other green foods, possibly produceable in winter, when and where all other such items are gone.  And, if truly starving... some of those green things might lure a deer close enough to eat.  Cicadas, deer... rain or not, green bits, thick milk... food, baby, it's what it takes.

I did write an email to an old friend.  He says he is bored, or not happy with life.  Perhaps a trip, to dump a bum to his fate in the Great White North would cheer him.  It may be the last chance he has to visit with me.  Ought do it just for that, if a friend he ever was.  Not my choice.  Maybe the lad has gotten too old for adventures himself.  If I hear nothing soon, I will know.  Most likely next spring, the the spring after.  Though I might be cutting loose here when required and figuring my way closer to there sooner.

I just took a few Tylenol.  I'll probably have another ogre sized sip of orange juice.  I think, other than that, I am done.  Good night.

I don't think with my stomach.

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Although, my stomach is well established in my mind.  When a friend suggests he has been killing various varmint, from rattle snake to skunk to other such, while I gave him a break on the skunk, not sure I would go there, I was certainly curious about snake.  I have seen it canned, offered fried, and such, on television news broadcasts... at least long ago when I allowed television in, but even since I was a child.  I never had the opportunity, at a fair or festival, to try such.  Now, he did end up trying, but he boiled the meat.  As a lizard, really, I just can't think that flesh would be good to boil.  Still, that is as far as he would go.  I was glad to get that out of him.  Food.  Most people have never been hungry, not really.  Bored with food, perhaps, to the point of not eating.  But food is there, somewhere, easily, and all around us, in America, in these times.

Some aspect of me, both here and then, has gone without food.  Now, because I am ill and not always able to figure out food.  Sometimes I can be a bit testy with food.  If I fear... something.  Though too if illness makes eating impossible, which it does from time to time.  And yet, I hunger to try new foods.  Just to be more able if all falls down.  I do get a bit cross with those who won't even try something new.  Not horribly so, just frustrated.  I'll tease, but not push... not too much... to my way of thinking.

Recently, for example, I heard that cicadas are going to be in full bloom in the North East this summer.  I wondered if they were edible.  I got quite a negative vibe, was accused of being subjected to PETA mind control tricks.  So... I dug in.  The first gen invaders (some of my kin) ate cicadas, and many ethnicities do as well.  Now, while I would prefer beef, pork, and such, money is becoming so tight and prices are rising very fast.  And, if I end up on the road, I may have to simply take what I can get.  A season of cicadas, while even if quite tasty would become dull quickly.  And, yet, that would be free food to fill for winter.  Not much hunting, just a bit of stooping.

Oh, yes.  If life gets hard, you, too, had better buck up.  If you don't have coin, or your coin is good nowhere... being a nobody... best to learn how to live where and how you are.  Later... or... good night?  Yep, the latter.  Good night.

I keep thinking about things.

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Until I can arrange things I am going to have some difficulties.  I realize that without medical approval I will be losing my drivers licence in months.  I'll push it out as long as I can, but on that score I am cornered.  I realize I can't trust my bank, probably either of them, at this point.  And, if my mortgage companies wishes it, it can keep destabilizing my finances.  I am definitely in a war I can't win.  If one I refuse to surrender.

I keep looking at buying and building a van camper.  I realize that is useless, and worse, without a drivers license.  Which means leaving will be on foot.  Which, too, is why spring is as early as it gets.  I will, eventually, have to survive in the cold, at times.  If I can get a bank that doesn't toss my money out, if I can get to a place where I can eke out a living, until I can figure out a more frugal way, if I can survive summers on even less...  Many ifs.  No real options.  At this point I am just beginning to figure things out.  I may pull all I have in the house out.

I don't know how much of it is personal and how much is simply a world that has politically and economically eaten itself and is now having to pay the price.  How many of these companies are truly doing this to everyone, even their mothers if they think they can get away with it?  My friend is a polar opposite, politically, and they are still going after him it seems.  Bogus phone calls, messing with his medical, pushing him.  Is this a prelude to genocide?  First of the ill and elderly, than of various groups, based on wealth, race, seeming worth, political want?

I suppose, if you are healthy and otherwise productive, and don't owe anyone, and keep very close tabs on your income and investments, and you don't get unlucky and have your credit stolen out from under you or handed off by your bank...  I suppose, if you duck well enough, you will do well enough.  I am honestly not sure there is a way out.  For me, there is walking.  I'll have to figure some other things out.  It won't be easier.  But best not be here when they actually come for me.  I can't swear I can be ready by next spring, that is merely the goal.  At this point, it honestly doesn't matter who the problem is, or the main problem source.  It's everywhere.  Best to just get out.

Yeah?  I have no illusion that life on the hoof is going to be good.  It is just better to be on the move before one isn't just traveling, but fleeing.  This is truly going to hurt.  It is only survivable compared to the options.

I rang.

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The questions that remain; exactly where, how, when to go.  It will take some prep time.  Next spring, closer to summer, is the earliest real time I can plan on leaving.

I did find paperwork, from this month, from my mortgage company.  They had several different amounts listed as owed, though all of them were close to what was paid near the first.  Further, the company that "forced" a payment isn't the same company I do business with.  It looks like not only did my bank make an illegal payment, they paid a company with which I do not work.  I am supposed to be working with Freedom Mortgage, the other company is GMAC Mortgage.  I think they have been scammed.

I did want to check, being that last months payments did remove half of the problem, I know that I wasn't being scammed by some other company, probably.  These finance companies seem to be serious snakes these days.  It is my bank's problem, for allowing that.  They will have to get it back and deal with all overcharges and fees attendant to their mistake, which seem to be nearly as "generous" as their rip off.  At least I know, pretty much for sure, that the forced payment isn't even to a company with which I work.  Tracking these things is tricky, when you are emotionally thrown by the thing... then have to start peeling back layers, checking names, dates, and such.  You have to do it though, or you will be at a severe disadvantage.

No event today.  That did throw me, but I... didn't think I was welcome, still don't think so.  Will know more in time.  Cute are puppies and kittens, until they aren't cute.  So it goes, so I hid.  One too many potential serious problems as is.  Don't need to be offed and buried in a shallow grave.  I'll avoid that, thank you.  Remember Lucky, the one-eyed, earless, three legged dog?  Yeah...  Go figure.  Later.

Bacon, work, and thoughts.

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I have been doing little bits of work.  I should be able to finish off the last load of dishes shortly, then get a shower taken.  Might take another shower later... if I can do it all it time for a nap.

There is an event today.  I have been asked to attend, and mean to do so.  However, I will call, if I remember and all, to make sure the invitation still holds.  Why would I ask?  Ah, the videos I have been playing lately.  Now, I do believe, and through their eyes I finally realized something, that some local men may have seen something I was missing.  Remember when I suggested that there are powerful coincidences, things that... tied more together than I ever could in words.  Many don't see all of those.  But when they do, and those start to add up even for them...  Believers are created.  Not saying for sure, only that I think so.  And, after adding their two and two together, by looking at what seemed to startle them, yeah...  Another one, one I missed.  It's a spooky world, or... at least the world really can sneak up on you.

I keep telling myself such things don't matter.  And yet I believe they do.  I don't think I am alone in that either.  If I said "heads", and you pulled out a coin and flipped 20 heads, you could call it a quirk.  If, then, you found yourself in a small building, and it was being dedicated to all the busts from all the local public areas... going through a building you had no reason to go through and actually meant to go around... then on and on, until you realize that a word can, at times, mean much.  It can affect or create destiny.  Why, someone might ask?  Ah, sometimes there is no reason.  Sometimes there is.  This is one of those things.  I know many, sometimes even myself, would rather believe it all means nothing.  And, then, it happens again.  At some point surrender or insanity are the two remaining choices.  Am I ready to choose?  I am tiring, and I'll never yield to insanity.  That's the best I can say.  However, that may not be welcome.  So... I will ask.

Bacon?  Yes, bacon.  I thought, perhaps, a small bit or four, not even full or even half slices, would work.  I bought remnants, love those.  While bacon sounded good, I didn't think I was truly all that hungry for it.  I fixed the first little batch, no more than an ounce once done, I suspect.  I had to try one piece to make sure.  Honestly.  However, that one piece about boggled my mind!  Oh, so delicious.  It must have been a very long time since I had bacon.  So, I gobbled that batch of morsels down.  Like the dog in the beggin' bits o' bacon commercial, my stomach was begging indeed.  Begging and praising.  Bacon!  Gimme more.  Bacon?  Bacon!  I ate another batch, barely keeping desire in check so as to not eat it raw.  Wow was that a powerful hunger.  I ended up eating three batches, if only a bit over two, maybe two and an half ounces.  I did well for as terrible as the hunger was... is.  Still remains.  Two eggs over the last bit.  No more bacon for a few days.  But boy am I looking forward to it.

This that and the other thing.  I am better, if not well.  I am digging, small parts at a time, into the kitchen.  I have certainly been cooking lately, and eating... if more moderately.  I have some notions in hand and perhaps more to do here and there.  Troubles to tend, as well.  Time will end up being what it is, producing as it does.  I do think they are honestly dead set on murdering me, one way or another.  Gotta say, I think they are doing it wrong.  Yeah.  The direct approach is about all that will work.  Is it the feds, the V.A. specifically, the state, a combination?  May never know.  Just understand that, if you are ill, weak, old, poor, or even rich but vulnerable, they will be coming for you.  They can't keep their promises, and as any big business with no oversight, your death... if they think it will buy them another day?  All part of the business program they know and love.  Watch yourselves out there.  The pigs are hungry, and some of them honestly think they are better.

Later.

Major troubles.

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In spite of paying up what I was supposed to pay up, and I was told I was caught up this first, some financing company has, somehow, forced another payment... a double payment actually.  They are doing something very wrong.  I'll have to figure it out on Monday.  This is what government workers and their cronies get you.  Oh, laugh it up, until it is your turn.  My bank had better get that money back.  For one thing, they can't force a payment from SS or military disability.  That is illegal.  As far as I am concerned, it will be on my banks back to refund that money.  If I am in debt, even though I was told I was cleared, then the financiers have to figure it out on their own.  Yes, trouble.

I wondered what the problem was.  My debit card wasn't working.  Now I know.  I still have money in another account.  However, this pretty much shuts down all but the basics until this is figured out.  No worries, I wasn't planning or needing to spend.  I will have to look at other things, though, too.  Overdrafts of sorts, no pay, daily fines, things like that.  All of that will be on my bank or I'll start dancing on toes right to bleeding toes all the way up.  And, yes, I am in the right.  Not just a bit, or morally, but legally.

When your government bureaucrats learn that you think they are what they are, they do set out to destroy.  Won't happen.  Later.

Looking closer, it is an e-check, one that I did not sign nor agree to, let alone know about.  As I said, I have paid four months of bills in the last two months, I was told that would catch me up.  So I don't even know why I would be, or how I could be charged this extra double payment.  More?  I don't think the check is to the company I have been paying.  Unless they sold the account, again, but didn't transfer payments or inform me, again?

Honey.

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I keep contemplating figuring out the various holes I find myself in.  Is there a way out?  Hard to tell.  Doesn't matter, in one sense.  Can only attempt to extricate, usually, from one trap at a time.  Though some traps are interconnected, and some solutions solve more than one problem, sometimes even with the same form of application.  Hmm?  Oh, for example, honey solves a number of problems, multiple problems, sometimes even with the same application form.  Though, for sure, all from the same base form of the matter... that matter being raw unprocessed honey.

Here are a number of videos regarding honey.  A very good think for a prepper, survivor, hopeful doubter, or whatever one chooses to be called who is attempting to arrange for a way through an immediate short or long term problem with life as we know it.  Of course most such folk already know about honey.  It is the ones who do not know I am attempting to inform... though if I get others to decide to push the button and buy what they don't have but ought to have, that is good too.  Here is a video.

Much sleep.

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I have been turning the furnace on, in case that might help.  Not so much.  Still, better to be slightly warmer while recovering.  I had turned off the heat a few weeks ago, and still do when I go to sleep.  Tried heating the place, again, a few days ago.  As I suggested, I don't think it's helping me get better, it does feel good.  I'll go with it for a few more days.  Then again these last few days, even week or two(?), the weather has gone from warm and mostly sunny to cool to cold, damp to wet, and much darker.  Now, that is sort of my weather, if, especially certain times of the year, like spring, and even fall if possible, a break and some light from time to time helps ease things.

Something, on another front, I am trying to change?  Food volume.  I am trying to eat more than every few days, or even just irregularly.  As well, I am attempting to cut the volume.  A small pork chop, two eggs, and a glass of milk; a cup of soup and maybe a small grilled cheese sandwich, a few small fillets of fish and just some smidgen of vegetable or even fruit.  More often, smaller amounts, better quality, more precisely cooked.  Even in the doldrums, I seem to be able to keep ahead of the cooking, prep, and dishes... mostly.  I suspect it will help a great deal in the longer run.  I do keep an eye to the paleo diet, I simply won't be an absolutist.  I will strongly lean that way, nothing more.  I suspect, in time, I will lose weight.  If that isn't of great concern so long as I am more functional than not.  And, honestly, I can get out and about fairly well most of the time.  It's more a matter of getting started.

Did I mention I have been sleeping a lot lately?  Yes.  I would say up to eighteen hours on a bad day, twelve to fourteen fairly regularly.  I can't quite keep on my feet, even with the furnace slacking the chill.  Tylenol and Vic's are still being used.  Hmm... I may actually begin using... nah... cough syrup, at this time, just wouldn't help.  All, of the symptoms, that remains is exhaustion, a bit of congestion, and minor aches and pains if I forget Tylenol... if that is really only needed once a day now that my days, wake times anyway, have shrunk.  Bleh.  At least I am not, to my mind, infectious.  No running nose or sneezing, which is how I measure such.

Hmm...  I cooked three chops.  They were on the edge.  I may just heat the remaining two, dish with a serving of apple sauce, procure a glass of milk, and call it a meal.  Cinnamon or allspice, to top the apple sauce, though?  Oh, I'll figure it out.  Later.

Campers, RVs, or diy.

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Have you ever thought about really traveling?  If you have looked at, priced, and considered RV's, you will find many problems.  Start to stop.  There is no lemon law for those.  I haven't bothered pricing them, if I suspect they cost, probably starting, at about $150,000, baseline, give or take.  Yeah, more than my home.  If I wished to make simple home payments I actually could probably "buy" one.  Maybe not, they might require a lot more of a down payment?  The thing is, I wouldn't buy one.  Manufacturers consider such a vehicle to be normal if it is in the shop eleven out of twelve months.  Huh?  Yeah.  Not that they all are, only that if yours is the one, you are just out.  I am not sure about preconfigured camping vans and various sorts of vehicles.  My guess is they are considered the same as RVs, with no real guarantees.  As well, some of the better ones don't cost all that much less, starting in the $100k range and easily going up.  Not to my liking.

There are, possibly, options.  Buying a commercial van, for example.  Perhaps arranging for it to be upkitted to 4x4 drive, then doing a bunch of work on your own.  Adding a water tank, perhaps a pump, a solar system, a bed, shelving, insulation, better flooring, connecting and entertainment center in, and much else.  You could do it for less, over time, and know exactly what is in there and how it is connected.  You could design the systems to work to your specs, to be added, removed, shifted, and such to your tastes and need.  And all for a good deal less than buying even a prebuilt camper van, but with a warranty of a regular vehicle.

Oh, they don't just hand these out.  And costs will add up.  However, after a year or two or even five, of traveling, even part time, some of the van could be deconstructed, and the base system could easily be sold back into the market, having saved a great deal on lodging.  The ten miles per gallon would hit you.  Though if you simply traveled, say, a tank of gas a week, or even every other week, you would be good.  Yeah, watch your p's and q's and you could really have some fun out there.  Not something for everyone, just a thought.

Not much.

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More than I had hoped, so enough and then some.  I have been meaning to go to the post office since Tuesday.  I had something in Monday, but the other thing I believed might be in wasn't in until Tuesday, though maybe Wednesday.  As is, sleep has been off kilter... with the cold and dark cold wet days.  I got out fairly early today.  Even then I had to push.  That was at about my bedtime.  Upon returning, or before I left (?), I did wash the dishes and set them to a rinse.  I haven't finished them, actually just waking a few hours ago.

I have been doing bits and pieces here and there.  Nothing big, just little things.  Kefir is back on the brew, for example... not sure it will work, it was abandoned for quite a bit.  Still, only one way to find out.  I also called my mother.  She was busy cleaning, but sounded hale and cheery.  You have no idea how true that is.  Anyway, all good.  Actually called and she didn't answer once.  Though that is fairly common with us busy folk.  :p  Well, she is actually busy quite often anyway.  I just talk like I am.

I had a visitor as well.  The beef will be in, depending on the chop shop, somewhere toward the end of May, so... depending... should be ready by early June.  Perfect.  I'll stop in and pick up a number of meat process workup sheets.  For myself, I want ribeye roast, chuck roasts, the other roasts cut into thin slices for jerking, and hamburger.  If there is more high end steaks somehow available... like new york strip, I would be happy with such.  I only really like ribeye, ny strip, porterhouse/t-bone and a few of the rare odd steaks, and only care for chuck roast roasts... if I am learning.  Still, I'm trying to keep this first cut simple.  I may speak with them there, though, too.

I told him about the appliances being unplugged.  And went further and suggested it might not just be people.  I seem to be haunted.  I used to think everywhere I moved was haunted until I realized that is very against the odds.  Anyway.  I even offered him the consideration that I might be nephilim.  Though in covering some things, I didn't go on to explain some other potential.  Not all are ready for all, and what I expressed, was probably quite enough and a stretch at that.  Then again, as I suggested, life is a story, little of the absolute truth of such do or can we know.  Through the glass darkly... not a song, but a saying by one of the doctors of my faith from long ago.  Though if even he was the originator of the phrase or idea is dubious.  Nothing new under the sun is a truth that is older than, well... it's older than me even if I am who I may believe.

He offered the notion that perhaps these things could be sent away.  Ah, and that is the part I did not finalize the story regarding.  There may or may not be ghosts.  If the bible is to be believed, there are other sorts of spirits.  Some of those spirits, if my story has a truth, are my kin.  Unbound by flesh but looking for a way back.  The difference between these spirits, and ghosts, is that these spirits have not had a means of a choice between heaven and hell.  Some believe they don't have a choice, and are surely damned.  I have some notion that, through me or through what I see through, there will be a choice offered.  Tall tale indeed.  But that might make chasing them off be the less of choices.  As God told me in a dream, if this about man, that death was not preferred... I have some notion that what was given to me was not just for men.  Tall, very tall, tales.

Crazy?  I can see that.  It's certainly possible.  Though men who do the same thing over and over, expecting a different result... which is most of them... are crazier yet.  Don't even get me started on women.  More, none of us has it fully right.  Wouldn't need Christ, salvation, or the rest otherwise.  How crazy?  Hmm, anyone's guess.  I like to think, aside from emotional outbursts from time to time, what I see fits with what I have experienced.  That most haven't experienced such would necessarily lead to doubt.  Even I have a reasonable sum of doubt about what I have seen, thus conclude.  A healthy skepticism, if more trust than not as well.

Anyway, in spite of my efforts and best intents, I may be heading back to bed after just a few hours awake.  Vic's both day and night, Tylenol once or twice a day, as much tea as I can swallow to keep fluids topped and dropped, and a meal or two a day, plus work when I can get it in.  It's all I can do.  And, yet, I will sleep when that calls.  Putting it off slows my recovery, I feel that in my bones.  Good night.

Hmm... I keep thinking if I should post a... well... why not.  Yeah, good night though.  I'll list to the last set, then this set, of music, then hit the dream factory.  Oh, I've been dreaming in spades... I'll try to remember some of them.  Bang bang, her baby shot her down, and other deeds and misdeeds of the Flying Doom Parade.  *poof*

Three questions.

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I don't think they can be answered.  Not fully.  Though there is a sort of answer, and some suggestions.  Someone asked, accused, announced, suggested... the Doctor?  Or was it just, The Doctor.  A statement, question, or something of a rhetorical natured phrase?  Something or such, so... and with the song of the bird in the bush but on the wind all at once?

He, she, us, them, they, me.

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Well, perhaps there are some things that are simply not akin to the others?

Wow. Good food.

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I really wasn't sure what to expect from the tortillas.  My mother makes them very well.  Others have made them well.  Self-doubt, on some things, seems more ingrained.  While I have made custards, deep enough french toast to have a, and done, internal custard, steaks to my liking, and try new things as often as I am able, some foods, even simple ones like tortillas, give me the jitters.  In this case I even had to adjust on the fly.  I am not sure if I wrote something down wrong, or misheard or misread something.  I had aimed for twice the batch the video suggested, ended up with four times the batch.  Which was fine, it seems that my uptick was consistent... or I simply got lucky?

I heated one of the cooled flank steaks, after all but cooking the tortillas.  I heated a can of beans.  Not my favorite way, but on a spur of the moment thing, store bought canned beans will handily work in a pinch.  Slicing the meat, then adding it to the canned beans to keep each other warm, I began cooking the tortillas.  Okay, it does take a bit.  The suggested time of four minutes, 1 minute then flip by four flips, seems to do quite well.  And, while I have heard that folding the tortillas in a towel will keep them warm, I... had my doubts.  Oh, by the way, that actually does work.

I planned to not sample the tortillas until I was done.  Plans, as I might have mentioned, get you to your duty station.  At that time they fall apart, but you should be able to figure out the rest, survival first (usually), from there.  Anyway, I had to rip into the first one.  It really was amazing.  Just plain it wasn't bad.  Add a few beans in a small torn off bit and... wow.  Steak just amped it more.  I doubt if I spent $2, that is two dollars, on that meal.  Even with milk, less with tea?  Maybe.

I have the remaining dough and last steak packaged and freezing.  I will try this meal in a week, see how it does.  Later, say in two or three weeks, I will try part or all of the dough.  I am not sure it will refreeze well.  Though that might be an experiment on it's own... or perhaps I could try to figure out how to halve the dough while frozen?  Bleh.  So many things to figure out, so little time?  Nah, plenty of time, most likely, if memory would serve.  So... there you go.

Later, perhaps good night.

Something different.

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You all, probably, know I love ribeye.  And I do!  However, with beef prices seemingly about hitting on par with buffalo or ostrich meat... if you can find those... I am having to rethink things.  No, extending my protein sources into other expensive meats is not the way.  I've had to pull back as if my fingers were burned.  That was actually my wallet, if the reaction was the same.  Even when I can find ribeye they have been terrible, as if they were ridden to market.  Tough, poorly fatted, and with a green nature to them that is to be avoided.  Not that I ever purchased truly aged beef.  Though it was common to let beef stand a bit, between this stage of processing and that.  It seems that is no longer the case.  So... I started considering other sources of meat and other cuts of beef.

Just waking.

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I was about to set a pot of tea to brew, use the bathroom, then go on back to bed.  But something was off.  My refrigerator.  It's been on the blink lately.  I just thought, initially, that the light might be going.  It would turn on when the door was a certain portion of the way open, but then would flicker.  I tightened it, which slightly, sometimes, helped the flickering... but not the lateness of turning on.  What gave it away today, I suppose, was that the light did not come on at all.  I was trying to find the cord and where it went.  I was still mighty sleepy.  I ended up getting the utility dolly out of the garage and into operation, to pull the fridge.  It had been unplugged.  Well, now I know that someone is actually doing that.  Cats can't do this kind of unplugging, and then dropping the cord behind the refrigerator.  If the cord had been just pulled, or the cord gnawed through, it might have been the cats.  If the fuse had failed, that would have been an overload.  That just wasn't the case.  Someone is sabotaging my home.  I may have to speak with the sheriff and my insurance company.  I'm not sure how much that will help.  Still, if I have a major problem, they will have paperwork to back things up.

I think I caught it before the anything went bad.  The frozen food seems still solid, the milk seems to still be cool enough.  I think the last time I saw everything on, for sure, was last night at about bedtime.  It was only by a fluke that something... drew my attention to the refrigerator.  To be honest, I can't remember what that was.  It wasn't anything obvious.  Good thing though, another few, four to six, hours and the freezer, at least, would have had to be emptied.  I will also be checking food that I attempt to use out of it.

I haven't seen the sun up all day.  I would still enjoy getting out in this.  It is more than just being tired.  The sickness has not fully left.  I did go last night because it just happened to be a waking time and I didn't think I was infectious.  I doubt if I am now, either.  It's just that I really am running rough, too rough, still, to do much else.  Some of it might be my body going back to the level of sickness from before heart medicine.  The medicines brought me up to 20% refraction ejection.  I had, when they initially found it, been at 15%.  Perhaps I am dropping back down to 15%.  I may try to get back on the otc stuff.  That might help some.  Adjusting it upward even then, trying various other options in that area.  It's what is available that I can afford.  It's a matter of being well enough to focus in order to set up the medicines.  That is always a pain as r.e. drops.  Focus, memory, thought processing... it all tanks, as does energy and drive.  Something for me to push against, though.  We'll see.  I might yet be able to pull some of it off, maybe put it back into shape.  Diabetes... or what passes for it... is the thing that worries me.  Then again, if I am correct, taking better care of the heart should fix that, mostly.

Hmm... breakfast?  Yeah, maybe.  A few over easy, a couple of slices of bacon, milk, and toast if that is still good.  Good day.

Too much sleep, interesting dreams, funny thoughts.

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I set the alarm, pushed to wake, reset it just in case, no chance.  Being cold and wet, dark and raining, I could not push on up and out.  It's not a bad thing.  It didn't make sense, though, until I woke and realized the chips were stacked against my waking in good order.  Although, last night, after putting the Vic's on for several nights in a row, I think something broke.  I thought, at first, I had a bloody nose.  I've had so many of those in life that they wake me in their onset... usually.  But something seemed different.  I cupped a hand and scampered to the bathroom to check.  Nothing actually dripped.  Blowing my nose only expelled white liquid.  I do suspect the stuff has slowly opened things up.  Those cavities are still not open, or closed back over?  Not sure.  I may start wearing the stuff even in the day, since I won't be out.  Though I want to take it off a few hours before attempting to eat.  I can only imagine what that would do for taste buds!?!

I don't know if I will get to much today.  Too tired, or so it seems right of.  I might even go back in to nap a bit longer.  It's a brutal "morning", just from exhaustion.  The rest of the systems seem a go.  Tired.  So, if I can manage the exhaustion... think of it as another sort of pain... then I could be set to cook, clean, do the last of the dishes, attempt to sharpen some knives (I have the stones soaking), and/or other chores.  A bite to eat wouldn't be bad.  Something simple.  A few bits of bacon, an egg, and toast if any of the bread is still good.  Small portions, just two eggs and the equivalent of a few pieces of bacon and just a thin slice or two of toast.  Later, though.  I hope I left some of the bacon out!  Gah!

As dark as it is, I honestly wish I was in better shape.  I would get out, do some hiking, and such.  This is my kind of weather.  Even if it is sprinkling, or even raining, I really dig this weather.  So much better than the beating sun and heat of even mid 70's.  I'll be keeping that in mind if I can link wake time with functional time.  Yeah, the critter saw it's shadow, so back down and another long rest, or so the story goes.  Good day.

So very tired.

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I did fix the dutch baby.  I won't call it my favorite.  It was something new, different.  And, honestly, I would like to work on the recipe.  I get the feeling there was too little egg.  More, I would like to perfect the recipe.  If he was cooking at sea level, which I somehow suspect being from Florida, I need to adjust some things.  It isn't just cooking times that elevation affects.  More so in semi-arid areas.  It's been raining lately, so I don't know if that has been a factor.  Still, everything from how acids affect other food to times on to other factors seem to make baking, frying, and other cooking just a wee different.  Yeah, I will try this again before too long.  More egg for certain, perhaps more moisture of some sort in general.  A full cup instead of 2/3rds cup of milk?  Yes.  Still, it was fun.

I made it to the event tonight.  The father of a local, from here in my town, is a Mormon archaeologist.  He put on a presentation.  Really?  Pretty good.  Much better than I thought, though I did think it would be reasonably good.  I noticed he is running into lots of trouble with mainstream academia.  Then again, everyone is.  And ms academia is proving to be a failure in so many ways.  Some things I have learned, against ms academia, he has found as well.  He has found things, from a different perspective, that support things I have found on my own.  It is amazing how many circles of non-traditional science is finding that mainstream stuff is outright hiding material, lying, and more.  Some of it is political, some is anti-religion, some of it seems to be entrenched beliefs that mainstream refuses to reconsider, but there is more.  I don't know if there is a single overarching reason, though it seems more that academia is refusing to consider anything that isn't to their liking.  Their flaws are becoming all of what they are!  Amazing.  Louts.  White collar union thugs.  Liars, cheats, thieves, and worse.  We have to break those unions and leftist only hiring practices, and tie retention to validity of their works.

Much of what I have found can be comparably, and favorably, applied to many of the notions presented.  Some things, some links, I thought were a bit weak.  Some I didn't see the connection.  And yet, with all the flaws... and I expect some... I think he has done a very good job.  Far better than mainstream academia.  His faith may get ahead of his science here or there.  Though that is better than those who refuse to believe in God, god, gods, or anything else and so excise any piece of information that might confirm what they deny.  I will be checking some data points that were new.  I want to find outside sources, both confirming and denying.  Then compare notes.  It's how I do.

One of the major examples was the notion that a certain group of Americans were using a written language that was either exact, or quite similar, to a form of Egyptian hieroglyphics.  I heard, perhaps a half or full dozen years ago, about a German scientist who, while testing various ages of mummies out of Egypt, for trace elements, discovered that coca matter, tobacco, and a few other biological specimens had been used in mummies across a fairly wide time span.  She was afraid to go public with it, believing she would be terribly derided.  So she tested enough, and double and triple checked, so that she felt she had to go forward with her find, to publish.  Why is that important?  Those biologics are only native to the Americas.  Whether those findings have been proven, or perhaps even disproven, I don't know at this point.  I do know she hit a major snag in her career.  And, even if she might prove correct, that may mean nothing as her career might still be crushed and her data eliminated from availability.  It's just how modern academics works quite often.  Not sure why, on this one.  It's just the way it is.

It is about bedtime.  Perhaps yesterday was just a quirk regarding my sleep patterns.  I am not just tired, but sore, somehow.  Oh... I know... all the dishes.  When I fill, move, drain, move again, a large bin full of water, pots, pans, utensils... and do that wet or dry... I think it has beat me up a bit.  All good.  Good night.

Rather snappy.

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Down late, so of course, up late.  The cold threw my schedule off.  No surprise there.  One load of dishes, first thing.  Washed, dried, put up, replaced.  That load has been washed and set to another soak.  I hope to finish that tonight.  Part of the reason the dutch baby wasn't crafted was because my big cast iron pan was not in order to do so.  That has been remedied.  Though, too, I didn't have enough clarified butter, or at least believe add a bit more to the mix would be good.  That, too, was done.  All the while, pecking at the kitchen.  A bit here, a little there.  Not a race, just a task with an end very possibly in sight.  Sure, I suggested boxes first.  But, really, plans are great until they fall apart.  As I have suggested, plans are just what get the recalcitrant to the job site.  I simply don't have the upfront energy to pound boxes into recycling format, definitely not with all else I am attempting.

Dreams, again.  Gone before I could get a face or name, and yet... quite a generous amorous resultant.  I did sleep well.  I suspect the Vic's helped, though can't swear to it.  I do believe, while at home, and when sleeping, I will use the stuff for a while.  Whether it is the Vic's or simple recovery, that snot ball that was stuck between the two exits/entrances to the navals, does seem to have softened, gotten smaller, and isn't quite so sticky.  I still wouldn't want to try to race talk.  Might end up in a coma.  Or just gummed up a bit.

Well, tonight?  Out, I believe.  I think something was happening, but maybe not.  Showered and ready.  Either way I will go.  Not, exactly, sure where to go.  Could make a jab at it.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  After, or really beside that, I am hoping to finish dishes, clean the bathroom again, keep digging in the kitchen, and making the dutch baby is high on my list.  Oh, while in town, if I get there alone, I will buy several ramekins.  I used to have about eight of several types, each.  Through time I have broken or lost all save... two to three per type.  Beside baking, they come in hand for a lot of things.

Oh, yesterday while out, I picked up bones and stew meat on the bone for beef stock.  Not sure when I will get to that, hopefully this weekend.  That I hope to reduce down to pocket soup.  I was talking to the checkout clerk at one of the stores.  I suggested that, if you had food, you weren't poor.  Got a tone of gold but no food or access to it?  You aren't rich.  I pointed to a carton of whole whipping cream.  I asked if he knew if that could make whipped cream?  Or even that it could make butter.  That rather surprised him.  He, I think initially, thought I was teasing.  I tried to explain that you don't have to have this or that, if you know how to replace, exchange, and make it work.  I don't know if he bothered to check, but I am pretty sure he thought I was teasing.

Oh, I won't jazz him.  It's only been in the last decade that, as I started realizing the future has been gambled away, and the bets covered by government, so that there isn't anything real left.  It seems like it.  Everyone is playing along.  It just isn't real.  So I have started to store some things, arrange items, learn substitutions, and attempt to prepare for lean times.  I am far from a good wife or grand mother.  But I am worlds away from where I began this trip.  Even if I never use it, the trip itself has been splendid, eye-opening, and wonderful.  Learning not a new thing every day, learn a dozen, if you can catch it.  Learning, in a way, snowballs.  The synapses open, expand, begin seeking patterns on their own, and, finally, you become like an informatin vacuum.  Even if you don't get it all, openly, it is surprising how much, built on other learning, comes back easily in it's due.

Oh, well... later.  Jabbering indeed.

Some, more, and a bit more.

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I can't say I got it all.  One load of dishes through, dried, put up.  Another in to soak.  Didn't see enough laundry to fuss with that, though I did get the cat litter tended and trash and recycling out.  I made it to town for shopping and a bit to eat.  That has all been put up, save for what needed washed.  I had hoped to figure out dinner, it just isn't going to happen.  I have been applying the Vic's to my undernose bushes.  Seems to be helping,  I hope a night, or day, of sleeping with it will help out.

I doubt if I will make it to town earlier today or make the dutch baby.  No problems.  I will put the strawberry topping away, airtight and refrigerated.  Then  I can do that any time in the next day or two.  I should be able to make an evening event.  Always this or that.  I have done bits and pieces in the kitchen on top of that and this elsewhere.  It is bedtime though.  Good night.

You know, though...

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As I have mentioned, travel does not exclude the option at love.  When, but when a woman is younger, or well past childbearing, is travel suitable for and to her?  With one child in tow, that is still possible.  It does become cumbersome and quickly as the child grows.  Each child adds to the complexity and weight of the chore until, usually after one, though certainly after several, travel becomes a luxury.  Depending on the woman, connecting with a man who is both willing and able to travel, right from the start, isn't all that bad.  There might even be a way to keep the cave, and all the pretty home toys I have collected through time.  While any stainless 36 quart pot will do, and All-Clad is definitely finer.  I have both, I know.

Some of what I have I would keep, even if I headed out sans the home.  Water stones to tools.  Some things would be gone, including most family sized cooking ware, bedding, and furniture.  However, if I could figure out even smaller travel events, while maintaining the home, I could really do well.  Oh, I think a woman might well enjoy a tricksy handy man who is too old to run too far alone but still has the roar of the lion and isn't too long in the tooth to tussle, argue, and love.  I'm almost certain of it.  Yes, just... thinking.  Hmm, sometimes she might even want me to head out.  Perhaps to bring back a load of trout while not having to look at my ugly man-face for a bit?  Or maybe to take a handful of youngens out of her hair while she recuperates for round three or enjoys some alone time with the one in the oven.

Oh, well, just thinking out loud.  Which is my want.  While you may prefer to lick snails through glass, so be it.  While I insist that if I will, or must, do something, I want the whole monty.  Oh, yes, chattering like a bird in a bug den twice enlarged!  Yeah, I could have said it too.  Maybe twice if you were paying attention.  Or... not.  Or me?  Life is good today.

Instead of low sugar strawberry jam, I decided, upon finding a package of frozen strawberries, to produce my own strawberry addition.  I thawed it, drained the freeze moisture, added some filtered water, a touch of sugar, and a smidgen of balsamic vinegar.   I have some of the latter that has been aging for ages.  It was perfect for the sauce and the sauce soothes the tongue.  Now, I have much to do.  I have set the dishes to a soak, will gather a load of clothes and put them in, then derive a grocery list from my needs and wants, and... some other things.  Hmm, trash out.  Not enough to put it out Monday, one bag in truth.  Still, I could put it out.  Didn't bother, haven't been... wait.  Yeah, best get it out, and the cat litter needs to be changed whole or part.  Bleh.  If I get those things done, I'll then head to town with my list and when I return... and after some time, perhaps a dutch baby for my questionable but tolerable good deeds.

She knows I think of her.  She knows I pout.  She knows I'd kill or die for her.  I wonder... is faith starting to sink in beyond the foolishness I might seem to present?  *grins*

Tonight.

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Dinner will be arriving soon.  I'm showered, air dry, and will be ready.  I believe the water heater has done it's job, so I can put the washed dishes in for a hot soak, hopefully to be dried and put away within a few hours.  Yeah, well, when you are something between a hound dog and a turtle, you have to learn how to do things a certain way, not do them, or find another resource.  Choices, tick tock.

I have decided, though, if I am a good boy... if I get to town... if I do the dishes... if I set the last of the dishes to a soak... if I do a load of laundry... if I prepare for my outing tomorrow evening and perhaps get my dry cleaning together for a trip to town tomorrow, in which I will stop at the post office and visit with a KoC officer to tend some matters... then...  Then?

Then.

I will do this.  Minus the powdered sugar.  Not that a little bit would be that bad, merely that I would rather add low sugar strawberry jam.  Lemon is fine, butter is super, but sugar, being it is already a carb... Still, it should do fine.

Sticks are good in their place, carrots in theirs.  Tonight I will work with a carrot.  Definitely want milk with that.  Oh, and just so you know?  Most of what I am cooking or baking is not fancy.  This is humble food.  It's just that people have gotten so into instant gratification that if it can't come out of a can and be on the table in 10 minutes, it is considered fancy or hard.  Baffles me.  Simple food.  And I know what is in it.  No gums, or chemical... or pseudo chemical formulas, not flavors that aren't even fully addressed as to their origins... artificial... really...  Just real simple food products, put together into something edible.  Carrots indeed.

I'm just waiting for the call.  I would call my friend but not until after dinner.  Haven't heard back from him, but that's fine.  I'm just as bad, sometimes on purpose if usually not directional, though just as often because I just am not aware.  Vics, milk, butter, a few veggies... kale would go well in the chicken soup... add a nice thickener and something with extra bite plus green, perhaps some meat to mix with hamburger... trying to make sausages that aren't too heavy or with the wrong kinds of fat that I like... say beef and lamb or veal.  Yeah... I'm... starting to enjoy cooking.

I have been keeping up on the bathroom, pushing on the kitchen, and the kitchen might get a real heavy hit soon.  As well as I am doing, I might be able to get more caught up and keep that, until I can move on.  A commercial dumpster would be good, for a bit, just to get rid of some things.  Tick, tock, tick, tock.  Even if I find a way to stay I want some cleaning and clearing.  And yes, the whole world is my oyster.  What happens will happen at least as much due to my choices as any attacks.  Attacking a feather, even if it is a dragon, is quite difficult.  And yet, patience has allowed great comfort from such.  Though some, because of their nature, will only know suffering thusly.  Choices... yours, theirs, mine.  *wink*

There is dreaming and then there was last night.

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I am, though, actually feeling better in any case.  The cold has mostly lifted, I have been sleeping enough, I consumed nearly a full meal, I have some options I am working on for this and that...  Yeah, I am seeing and enjoying the new and potential days.  A lot of problems even so.  For each, a solution, short, medium, and long term... solutions I can live with.

I'll reset the dishes to a hot soak right first thing.  Then, in two hours when I feed the girls, I will hit the dishes and get a shower in.  I still have to rinse them, but can do that after the shower.  Then on to getting clothes set up for getting out.  Maybe work in the kitchen through the evening, as well.  Maybe a quick trip to town.  Back at it.

All good, boys and girls.  I have very rarely experienced such an epoch of happiness.  Viewers would have needed eye protection.  Erotic?  I suppose that is as close as a word could get.  Though that would be like suggesting wet to someone caught in a place the surf lands for a day or two.  Just doesn't quite do it justice.  Why?  No clue.  Put my vow in disarray also.  I don't know if God cheats to keep me from... petering out... or if the game is just rigged that way?  Mysterious ways and among the first of the non-sequential commandments, mind you.  What was it that "dead" guy, who was going to be stone dead in a moment, said?  I feel happy?  Never mind.  I don't think it hurt things.  Still, sore I can't keep my vow as an absolute.  He knows I try, when I can remember to try, and when...  Bleh.

Hmm... I might make a small bite to eat, if any of the bread is still good and the cold cuts smell right.  Tea either way, more if that doesn't work out.  Later.

Possibilities.

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Yes.  Still awake.  It's just the way it goes.  The notion of this and that, and how to do things.  Old friend provide a means of escape, if all else fails.  I have been connecting with some of those.  One suggests life has gotten a little dull.  Well, Doom has a way of fixing that.  An offer.  Oh, sure, he could refuse.  There is plenty of time to plan.  Not all cards have been played.  A simple proposal.  Laid out and offered up, an advance of little with the possibility of payment, excitement, a favor owed, and an adventure.  Some of it vicarious, in time, and leading up to the exploit.  Some of it would be seeing if I can make it in a new land, or more, how well I make it or not.  There might even be a deal in there, if more than just what I am suspecting will fall also fails.  More irons in the fire than any critter should have, but that is the way I do things.  I don't care if an egg or watermelon is lost in the doing.  That had to happen, would have happened, whether I was involved or not.  So... might as well plan big.

I was able to eat a bit.  Good, good.  Didn't enjoy, but I wouldn't have enjoyed anything.  Not ribeye, not lobster, not chicken soup, not something I made... my appetite is simply dysfunctional, my ability to eat is warped.  That I could eat it means it was probably very good.  Imagine how things, if a ghost could eat, would taste to such a being.  Wallpaper paste, saw dust, maybe a touch of salty or sweet... just enough to tease the life that once was without bringing it back.  So it is.  Even the cookies were terrible.  I realize now nothing will taste good for a while.  Tea is good, so long as it is mild enough... a second brewing... so as not to irritate.

All is well enough.  I don't get to die.  Just move on again, I suppose.  Yes, her.  I don't think she... I am pretty sure of it.  Though, perhaps, I could be wrong.  There are always options, variables, possibilities.  More irons than an eight handed critter can juggle, even if he is good, mind you...  I mentioned that, I do believe.  Good night.

Some, though again not all.

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All of the big pots, inner strainer, and lids are done.  They have been soaking since as soon as they were emptied.  As well I hit half or more of the other dishes.  My motivation was food.  I promised, if I did well, I would warm up dinner and eat.  I wasn't sure I even wanted to eat.  Does motivation always have to be factual?  And yet, I did heat up dinner.  I will know shortly if I can even eat.  I know I want to.  I like the looks of dinner.  I have been looking at it for hours.  Chicken?  Even when I make it, that is, well, chicken.  But this looks good.  It does.  Wild rice is something I like, I just never learned to do it right, or this or that.  But I like it, a lot... or the idea of it.  Anyway, I know I need food, and I've wanted to eat.  I just... well...  I will find out shortly.

I was thinking today was Wednesday.  Not so much.  That gives me a little breathing room before I am hoping to get out.  Another good nights rest, if I don't splurge sleep trying to do anything else.  Should have been to bed hours ago.  Oh, I'll take Tylenol before sleep.  I think that is actually working fairly well on what was paining me.  One or two doses a day.  Usually one, but I took the other dose about when I woke, so it's wearing off.  If I had been to bed at a proper time, this wouldn't be needed.  Though I would wake sore, perhaps.

I called my friend.  No answer.  I left a message.  Not sure he gets, or checks, those.  Either way, if I am feeling a bit better, I may hit the stores tomorrow.  Mostly a quick resupply of groceries, plus brown sugar, and some air-tight plastic containers.  Leave the flour in the packaging and then you limit any potential leaching.  Same with any dry goods.  Oh, I probably should source some good vanilla extract too.  The stuff lasts well, it just gets used up around here.  Especially as cooking and baking is back on the menu.  Might have to pick up extra chips, too.  I would like to make some for the neighbors, though probably more like next week.  Hmm... I think they like dark chocolate though.  I bought some of those fresh, just a few days old, and I know I don't like them.  I might buy one of each kind, leave them with the semi-sweet and keep the milk chocolate for myself.  Doing all of us a favor.

The electronic annoyance, for when the microwave finishes, is chirping.  I'll make a stab at eating.  Oh, and an interesting video about Alaskan river camping.  Good night.

I want to sleep.

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I want to eat.  I would like to take a shower.  Actually I really don't want to be a millionaire or billionaire... traps.  I have done some of the dishes.  I need to do the rest before I can shower.  I was hoping to push through, so that I could shower before sleeping.  Following me?  Yeah, no.  I'm not going to make it.  I might hit some of the dishes.  I don't know about getting all of them, I am almost sure no shower will be taken, and food is just off.  I really am hungry, but the hunger feels like it is coming from a different place, maybe even from someone else.  If I can do some of the dishes, though, I may warm up dinner and give it a go.  Or not.  Odd to be hungry and yet have no more interest in eating than what exists.

Tea.  Lots of it lately.  Sometimes warm, when it is cool.  Iced more often than not, sometimes just room temp.  Rarely, anymore, do I add sugar, xylatol, splenda, or such... just tea, thank you.  I don't even add lemon all that often.  I did make orange juice, from unsweetened, pure, concentrate.  I wasn't impressed.  But then orange juice just doesn't seem interesting these days.  I've even tried the, if you believe the label, fresh squeezed, never frozen, full pulp, varieties.  The world has changed.  Nothing, it would seem, is what it seems.  So be it.  Tea seems to be fine, for now, if I avoid the kind that makes me choke.  I am nearly allergic to some things... artificial syrups, some spices, and some teas it seems.  It doesn't choke off the airway completely, just creates a cough, much as with syrups and spices.  I'll figure this out before long.  I love coffee, it's just too thick anymore.  I've tried parsing it, but then it becomes like tea.  If I am going to have tea, I'll pick a real tea.  Reminds me of politics.  No, all of politics is fake, and neither coffee nor tea.

It's been a nice day, give or take.  I haven't work myself out, or been able to do so.  I did remove the stock from the ice trays, then bag and double bag them.  Two big bags of various numbers of smaller bags, tagged with the month and year.  Should be good until October, if I hope to have them gone well before then.  Unsalted, reduced by (after thinking it out more surely last night) a factor of five... so one ice cube should, when thawed and added with water to make a cup, work as a cup of regular strength broth.  We'll see.  I am hoping to make a batch of those beans I mean to use in the casserole, as I finish out the rest of the ingredients.  Some sort of smoked pork... probably just thick cut, or even uncut, bacon... though I will look at options... and then just a good, thick, pork chop.  I want to see if the beans will work.  I could use chicken stock in that just to experiment that way.  Beans definitely could use a little something.  And since you can't use salt without risking making the skins hard and doing odd things to texture, unsalted chicken stock should do well.  Also I have been meaning to cook lentils in chicken stock.  They cook up very quickly, but are rather bland.  Chicken stock might be the trick.  Wouldn't hurt using in a batch of rice, either.

Life may be heading down a different path, sooner or later.  And yet, while I have access to the fiddle and harp, so shall I play.  Well, if I can get my taste for food back.  No need to cook if you can't eat.  Later, or good night.

I won't be able to drive out.

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I would be able to walk out.  Where to go, how to get around, or where to live... each of those is a bit different.  In Alaska, there are possibilities.  Summer and winter would be different.  There just isn't the possibility of living out of a pack in the winter full time.  That just isn't practical.  Going out for a hunt if game animals pass through, or some such, is one thing.  Now, in the summer, living out of a pack is possible.  Dangerous, even if you know what you are doing.  I don't.  I have survived learning curves that are lethal to most.  But I am older and slower.  Though, at times, that is an advantage too.

I sure thought this was interesting.  Not possible, in my case, but interesting.  If I could get away with it, I might have tried it.  Solo would probably be cheaper.  Though I might have more difficulty, being a giant old ogre rather than an unassuming young couple.

Love MREs?

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All one need do is compare this to that, that to those, here with there.  In short order, choices make themselves.  Now, salt pork doesn't sound all that bad.  Unless it really was prepared for a war four years past.  Or, if that is the only meat, or even the best of meat, that one would get for a long time.  Add in not having access to good cooking utensils and you have another form of sacrifice.  Just compared, this to that, MREs are quite fine.  I never minded them, personally.  But then, at the time, food was just a tool, not so much a pleasure.  Even so, MREs aren't all that bad.  Playing with it, mixing this and that, and some guys really could put out a decent spread.  Everyone tried, some weren't all that good.  I just wan't that interested.  As picky as I seem, at times I really didn't care in some ways.  At that time, when I had the option, I pushed for higher protein, then fat, and carbs as a lesser food.  When I didn't have a choice, food was just food.  Calories in for calories out, flavor, portions of this and that, freshness, all optional variable and such.

Sleep!

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Lots of good, cool, gorgeous sleep!  When sick, I suppose, that is not the time to push.  All can understand the frustration with being homebound though.  Even Sassy, a lady cat, needs to escape the confines from time to time.  Still, these last few days, I have been sleeping when tired, like hitting nails that have pulled loose.  It has been very good to me.  I'll worry about a schedule after I stop being sick.  I'll probably stop being sick quicker by not fighting, at least the way I have been.  Oh, and Tylenol first thing.  It just seems to work and I am tired of fussing.  I might not get Vics, this time.  I do hope to put it on a list and have it here for when next I fall ill.  Then again I only get sick like this every five or six years.  As I said, I probably have a run of symptoms over a day or three, but never truly get sick.  Even that is sort of rare.  Dunno.  Still, would be nice to have goop.

I called the doctor.  Out to lunch.  I had to wonder if that is a metaphor for... too much in my life?  Just... laughed.  I left a message.  I have a plan.  Of course, beyond them approving, they have to be approved.  So it's not a shoein.  And the V.A. is broken, in just about every way.  Just approving what is already approved seems impossible.  And they won't pay, usually.  Sometimes, when fighting a fat bully, you simply use their weight and momentum against them.  By the way, don't try that trick on me.  For one, if I am bullying you, you are doing something very wrong... so leave that girl or nerd alone, pick up your ass because you will find yourself floored, quit trying to attack which is also part of your problem, and scoot.  Anyway...  We will see.

I am feeling a bit better.  A bit wet, again, this morning.  But that might be normal.  Some mornings, even when quite well and healthy, my nose will run in the morning.  It live in farm country, it is spring, it is still a bit cool out there... all can motivate a body to drip a bit, to empty the nasals.  My nasals are moving, a bit.  It is between quicksand and cement in there, though, so... until that finally gets worked out... so, yes, Vics could still come in handy.  Maybe, if I think the wet is normal, I might sneak in to town.  Milk and some other things would be good.  A bite to eat, ham potato soup which I put up, might work.  Too much chicken soup is just... too much.  I need variety.  Soup is better, I need fluid.  All good.  If I can keep on top of things I do, if not... well...  Don't take it hard or personal.  I r a ogre.  *blink blink*  *grins*

If I go to town, I would like to buy a few more air-tight containers that will just hold a 5 lb (I think) bag of flour or sugar.  That and brown sugar.  Put the flour in there, and keep it in the freezer, for now.  Perhaps make another batch of chocolate chip cookies, mostly as a hobby and to hand out, though I... well... the chef must check all food, innit?  Yes.  Just say yes.  I still need to do dishes, and I really want them done.  Then a shower, before I can go.  Not great but not bad.  Everything is on edge, a maybe.  Such is life.  Be well.

Less, more? Difficult to say.

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After my falling out, then downgrade, I wasn't sure what would be done.  Stock was finally put in trays, then into the freezer.  In the morning, I hope, smaller bags will be used, then hopefully all of it will be bagged in a bigger ziploc.  One cube for a bit of stock in something simple, a whole sandwich bag of cubes for a full on soup or stew?  It's a plan, which means it will work until my feet hit the ground.  Love me some plan.  Plans only get you there, they don't have any other real purpose.  Much as a wife to a man job.  She just gets you there, then leaves you to die.  *grins*  Hey, don't get me wrong, that's half why I like them.

I did make the cookies.  Bleh.  The chips I used were from Christmas, when I was going to make fudge, maybe even the Christmas before last?  Actually those weren't too bad, though I decided when I understood what I was dealing with, that I couldn't give these out.  Oh, and the one for one turbinado to brown sugar?  Not so much.  I figured I should have added something moist, just wasn't sure what.  As well, I honestly do not like semi-sweet chips.  Even going halvsies with milk chocolate it was just not my thing.  These were a gooder brand too, so it wasn't that.  Just not right.  It was fun to tinker, and do, anyway.  The next time I am in town I will pick up some brown sugar and, perhaps, a container to keep it in for a bit longer life.  I don't use it often, but when it is called for, it really probably is best.

I've been limping through the day.  Headache seems to have met it's match in the Tylenol.  But the fever is ramping up just a bit.  Exhaustion remains.  Everything is just a wee out of kilter.  More sleep might help.  Napping and sleeping and tea and food as needed, I guess.  My next event isn't until mid week.  I got the number, and let him know if I go wet with the cold, dripping and fussing, or just fall, I won't be going.  I want to go, but this cold is a tricky enemy, not so easily lost.  I was sure, last time, that I would be good by now.  No real worries, this isn't the worst, just a little of a sidetrack.  I put dinner up, just couldn't eat.  But it might be nice, and needed, tomorrow.  A bit of potato ham, a bit of chicken rice, whatever it takes.

I am out of milk, though I have tea, coffee, and cream.  Nothing else... wait... I have frozen juice, orange juice!  Yeah, that might be good.  I'll check the instructions.  If they want it thawed, I'll thaw it in the fridge tonight.  I just need something else.  May have to sneak in to town, for a few items, tomorrow.  Vics rub, milk, maybe a few other easy, non-sugary, edibles that might help with easy digestion and nutrition.  Only if I am not too wet or too woozy.  Good night.

Pretty rough.

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Some things are improving.  I thought I was doing good today, heading toward recovery.  I still think I am.  It is simply that for every two to five steps forward, one to three back might be required.  My nasals have dried since a run this morning to mid morning.  Most of the symptoms have gone, save a feverishness that comes and goes.  However my neck, by way of bones, muscle, and tendon, has stiffened up, causing local aches and a headache.  My mother suggested Tylenol.  I... didn't want to.  However, she could be right.  I took some last night, not sure if it helped but it didn't hurt.  I am taking more now, as I remember.  Moms are the first doctors we see.  Right?  What doctor is always right.  But, women seem to be weak to pains, so tend them more than men do.  Men only seem like we are weaker because when a certain woman is around, we will... use pain as a lure.  Nurse, nurse!  I've fallen and I'm about to... never mind.  You either know or you will find out.

The whole right side of my neck is sore, more like a bruise.  Nasal drain poison or just stiffness I can't be sure.  I am about ready to head in to bed.  Tired.  I have been napping, on and off, sort of.  Not really naps, but not really sleep either.  I am definitely hoping I get to feeling better.  I have things to do this week, lots of them.  I am not really thinking I will be able to do much until midweek though, in truth.  It just isn't likely.  I also don't want to push it.  I have enough of this and that to get through.  So it's really just an irritant.  Odd though, that not until the illness is mostly over that it becomes debilitating, even a bit.

Good night.

Have you ever slept in protest, as a pout?

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I had promised to help with a meal today.  And I meant it.  I am not sure if I had the cold when I promised, though usually I am finished with such thing in days.  I actually think I get a cold more often than I remember.  It is just that usually they are so mild, and I go through symptoms one at a time, then am well before I have even succumbed to any symptom, or even all of them.  Rarely combined.  This thing not only slowed me down a bit, the symptoms have piled up enough to be well noticed.  I could have gone in today, and since I was dry yesterday, I thought I would go in.  Nope, about midnight my nose started to tickle and nasal movement made me realize that being around people would be bad... for them.

I didn't call, not at the time right before.  I was too... frustrated.  And it wouldn't have helped.  You have two choices, call before or call after.  Or, at least, that is how I see it.  Both will require braving the guilt.  In the latter, however, the troupe has made it through without you, and isn't jittery due to the upcoming performance.  I did sleep, out of frustration... well and the cold, pushing hours, and such, but really mostly just frustration.  As I woke a bit ago, I went looking for my phone then called.  Keep me on the list, I said.  I will help, more if I can, especially if I can get back on medicines.  That helps, a bit, if I didn't mention that part.  I just wanted to explain why I missed, and that I am interested in helping.

I sure hope this thing ends soon.  Yesterday I had dried up so much I couldn't clear my nasals.  At least today, off and on, I can again.  Vic's, my mother said.  Yeah.  I might have to break down and find some of that stuff, or head into town tomorrow.  Just a quick, pointed, run into a pharmacy.  I'm good for work, just not company.

Oh, my mother said she never used vinegar.  If she used something, she used lemons.  What else did she say?  Oh, pulling the meat after just a few hours of cooking is good enough.  She didn't say it, but I think she was pleased with my effort.  She says we were actually pleased with her food making when we were young.  I had thought we were... embarrassed.  I think, then, we were a bit shy about it.  So many other people ate out of a can that we felt abnormal?  Even if we liked the food.  Some abnormal is better than others.  She was a good housewife and mother type, if the world had been right.

That age was out of it's mind.  While it hasn't, fully, recovered, I think... as with me... after searching for the Argus Apocraphex, ending up merely playing Sisyphus... well... even an ancient dog sort can, actually, left to it's own devices, learn.  Certainly the sons and daughters of man, too, may learn.

Hmm?  Today?  I'd really like to kick out dishes, fold laundry, hit the kitchen.  Don't know if I can honestly do much.  While the cold isn't beating me too harshly, I think it has some negative affect on energy.  A boss, at times, like this time, would be good.  Just noise containing task and direction outside of the fog of my own head helps.  "Yes, fill-in-the-blank*, I'm right on that."

*mother, father, sister, brother, even a youngling should they prove out... remember... it's not who provides direction, only the quality of the direction

Oh, and I have to finish tending the stock.  Not, exactly, sure how to deal with it.  I really don't want to use ice trays, may just not have another practical means.  I certainly don't want it to go to waste.  I have it reduced by at least a fold factor of four, maybe five, just possibly reduced to a sixth.  And, finally, it is cool and has been rightly skimmed.  Later.

More work even now.

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Every time I thought I was about done, there was something else.  I have transferred the remaining half gallon of soup to a jar and stored that.  Even then I have another pretty large bowl to eat.  More, I cooled the liquid stock.  I kept it in the freezer for quite some time thinking a thicker skin of fat would appear.  It did not.  I only ever had, perhaps, an eight of an inch of fat.  Finally I gave up, skimmed that off, then set the pot to heat again.  My goal isn't, this time, to work toward pocket soup.  I aim to reduce by four, so that four quarts, for example, would fit in one quart.  How to freeze it though?  Ice cube trays, I suppose.  But those are so small.  Several ladies and gents out there suggested using silicone cupcake molds.  I concur, if I have none of those... yet.  Yeah, I put them in the basket.  I am thinking those would be just about perfect.  A heavy reduction would make one of those about perfect for, say, a four large-man portion of chicken soup... or as a strong additive to some sort of gravy.  Each "cupcake" would produce four times it's size, plus, when hydrated... or be a very strong flavor for a smaller recipe.  Yeah, it works.

Of course, after it all, are dishes.  Some of those were rinsed, and put in with the regular dishes, the bigger pots and pans, other than what is being used to reduce the stock, are in a hot soak on their own.  Too big to fin with the rest.  I am having trouble keeping up.  And yet I am doing my best.  If you leave meat, stock, or other out too long, it can go bad quickly and be quite a... disappointment.  All that work having to be flushed.  I really don't want that.

While stuffed sole might be next on my entree menu, sometime this week, maybe not until Friday honestly, I have other things on my mind.  One is chocolate chip cookies.  Oh, hush, even diabetic/pre-diabetic ogres get a treat once in a while.  I don't have brown sugar.  I hate brown sugar.  Not because of flavor, or this, or that... because it goes bad too quickly.  I don't care what they say, at some point, and it isn't very long, the stuff goes stiff and that isn't fixable.  However, in doing a bit of research, I found a very pleasant surprise.  Turbinado is a one for one replacement.  I prefer turbinado sugar anyway... slightly less processed.  And, yes, I do have some of that.  The other thing is beef stock and egg noodles.  No, not really soon.  Perhaps within the next few weeks.  I found recipes for all of those things that I am satisfied, on a good day, I might be able to make.

More?  I am thinking that, with things like the noodles, on a "fresh" day, when life is good, if I have my dietary needs met, that would be a great day to make, say, a triple batch of the stuff, dry it, dry it some more, dry it even a bit more, than bag tag and freeze it.  Same with stocks, stews, and such.  Simply make all or parts of this or that, freeze portions for in batch sizes, and... on some not so future day, pull it all out, assemble, right into smooth sailing.  We'll see.

I didn't do what I had hoped to do today.  Busy with the soup, still a bit down from illness, napping from time to time out of need.  I didn't really have too much of a choice.  I am, however, hoping to get things together and be to the breakfast tomorrow, to help out.  If I can stay on into the afternoon, to help them finish up, I will.  If I can only help with cooking, so be it.  I like working with them, I like helping, I like being near church, I like being useful.  Feeling something is one thing, being something is totally different.  I am guessing, as I learn more and do more in the kitchen, I will become more helpful too them.  Just a fringe benefit.  I best figure out something along the way of wardrobe though.  I never did get my proper slacks in, though my cords should be well set.  I may go with just a standard shirt.  I do need to find shoes though.  Bleh.

Oh, I best finish off the dishes so as to get a shower in.  Needed, though mostly from cooking.  Wanted, always, though.  Required for church, either way.  Later, most likely.