.
.
Can't be sure, if I believe bedtime was close enough to 16:00 to just call it that. Waking at 1:30 means extra sleep, and by health probably needed sleep. Something is just off. If I can get ketosis a bit deeper, then add intermittent fasting for three to five full days, I think that will help. I have heard that, artificial or not, sweet flavors will bump ketosis. I haven't seen that, if I have some worries about blood sugar and/or glucose. Though just because blood sugar is up doesn't mean glucose is up, if currently only lab tests can show that... as far as standard labs can be trusted.
A bit rough this morning. Don't want to be awake. If too it feels as if I overslept. Sort of between a rock and a hard place that way. I'll do waking, then the keto juice, then figure things out from there. I don't think I should consume the keto stuff until I am awake, can be on my feet, or it goes to waste, for parts of it's functions.
I recently heard clergy, usually rightfully, lamenting the laxity of the laity. On hearing of one who said forty five minutes was needed to get going. Suggested that if a gunman was at the door, if as a comparative jest, that action would be swifter. Well, if older I can see extra time being needed. If habituated, perhaps as well, if easier to change. In my case, two hours is usually needed. If a gunman was at the door, as a threat, I'd shoot him and call the police... in two hours! Tired!
Monday, January 22, 2018
Sunday, January 21, 2018
Backing down.
.
.
I just can't do much. Food and medicine, rest and drink if less, adding keto stuff, naps, adding fatbombs to help ensure enough fat, generally doing what is right. Simply cannot keep my feet under me. I'll keep at it as possible.
A call to mom. She isn't feeling good. Tired, sore. Her doc wants to check her heart, she doesn't think so. I don't know, but I know my only real symptom is exhaustion and my only real issue at the start was a bad heart. It's not what she wanted to hear. Yes, I know why. Short call.
.
I just can't do much. Food and medicine, rest and drink if less, adding keto stuff, naps, adding fatbombs to help ensure enough fat, generally doing what is right. Simply cannot keep my feet under me. I'll keep at it as possible.
A call to mom. She isn't feeling good. Tired, sore. Her doc wants to check her heart, she doesn't think so. I don't know, but I know my only real symptom is exhaustion and my only real issue at the start was a bad heart. It's not what she wanted to hear. Yes, I know why. Short call.
A double nap.
.
.
Right at four hours? I think so. I thought I woke at 10:00, if it doesn't seem I have been awake for an hour. Could be though. I didn't wake wide or quickly. Still not all that awake if not able to sleep more. Rot! Oh, I am hoping to get some things done. Do you know folk used to patronize hermits, still do. Perhaps online? :p
Dishes and surfaces in the kitchen. Keeping the list small and doable. If/as things are marked off a single replacement will be added. A long list, today, is not going to help. Might fall asleep rereading it. And I won't be starting for another hour. Or more. Trash? Not much to go out unless I start digging into storage. Ugh, don't want to contemplate that now, but maybe.
.
Right at four hours? I think so. I thought I woke at 10:00, if it doesn't seem I have been awake for an hour. Could be though. I didn't wake wide or quickly. Still not all that awake if not able to sleep more. Rot! Oh, I am hoping to get some things done. Do you know folk used to patronize hermits, still do. Perhaps online? :p
Dishes and surfaces in the kitchen. Keeping the list small and doable. If/as things are marked off a single replacement will be added. A long list, today, is not going to help. Might fall asleep rereading it. And I won't be starting for another hour. Or more. Trash? Not much to go out unless I start digging into storage. Ugh, don't want to contemplate that now, but maybe.
Not much happening. A good time for a nap.
.
.
Just can't focus, yet. Don't want to burn the day, more of it, off uselessly. Going down at 5:58.
.
Just can't focus, yet. Don't want to burn the day, more of it, off uselessly. Going down at 5:58.
Heavy lungs. And some get it wrong.
.
.
Coughing water, if I think my plan is paying dividends. Not literally coughing water, of course. Well, externally. There is a pool in the lower lungs though. It might limit my work, the weight of the fluid and slight reduction in lung capacity sort of cause weariness. Then again... time will tell.
Oh, mistakes? I think some people really get things wrong. Your choice. Fear if you wish. Only, if you have become less than nothing, have had many faces, and have seen through many eyes in time and places, the voice or presentation is correct or not based on truths independent of one's personal sense. That in no way mitigates objective reality, mind you. Two plus two only, always, and everywhere equals four and just that.
.
Coughing water, if I think my plan is paying dividends. Not literally coughing water, of course. Well, externally. There is a pool in the lower lungs though. It might limit my work, the weight of the fluid and slight reduction in lung capacity sort of cause weariness. Then again... time will tell.
Oh, mistakes? I think some people really get things wrong. Your choice. Fear if you wish. Only, if you have become less than nothing, have had many faces, and have seen through many eyes in time and places, the voice or presentation is correct or not based on truths independent of one's personal sense. That in no way mitigates objective reality, mind you. Two plus two only, always, and everywhere equals four and just that.
Worn.
.
.
Waking at 22:30 after going to bed at 15:30? Okay, not as bad as first thought. And yet, given health, more sleep would have been good.
Weighing in, up significantly, I was initially upset. Then I realized the problem. While I have been fasting, I have been drinking a lot of fluid, more than the usual high side of three gallons and nearing four and more. As well I am not peeing enough. Why? That is something I'll have to figure. It started before beginning the keto slurry, so it's not that. I am not seeing swelling in the legs or feet, if I have cause to believe the torso, definitely lungs, are wetter than they should be. An extra water pill for a day or three... gotta watch that too. Ugh.
On another note, cheking ketones yesterday, despite bad inputs as recently as Thursday, maybe Friday, the readings showed nearing forty. The slurry seems to work. I have a dose already going down. It tastes like an oversweet (if artificially) lemonade, with very mild grit. No artificial to the goop, so it is easily tolerated. The mix is taurine crystals, ketone crystals, and an electrolyte gunk of either lemon or cherry pomegranate flavor. Yeah, fasting can run you right out of electrolytes, especially if drinking a lot (which usually induces more voiding). Though the water pill and it's mechanics is probably the main culprit? Yeah. That all leads to a potassium loss. So, beside adding lots of potassium I am adding either minerals as supplements or trying this drink additive. The fuss to just do what I can!?!
Today? If able: finish all dishes, check laundry, kitchen surfaces and floor as with bathroom... AND GLASS OUT OF TUB, then the nook... whatever I can do there. No need to cook. One portion of potk heated. As well, when dishes are done, a pot of beans to go on. Some for refried, some to experiment with a (lower carb) baked bean recipe. Gotta have sides, if more severe limits to portions really has to be imposed. Hmm, perhaps rice to? Only a cup or even an half cup of that a day, max. But you can really add fats through butter with rice.
Who knows though. Without shoveling in the way, more may be done than that, by far. Or less. I can never tell until it is done or I am. Later.
.
Waking at 22:30 after going to bed at 15:30? Okay, not as bad as first thought. And yet, given health, more sleep would have been good.
Weighing in, up significantly, I was initially upset. Then I realized the problem. While I have been fasting, I have been drinking a lot of fluid, more than the usual high side of three gallons and nearing four and more. As well I am not peeing enough. Why? That is something I'll have to figure. It started before beginning the keto slurry, so it's not that. I am not seeing swelling in the legs or feet, if I have cause to believe the torso, definitely lungs, are wetter than they should be. An extra water pill for a day or three... gotta watch that too. Ugh.
On another note, cheking ketones yesterday, despite bad inputs as recently as Thursday, maybe Friday, the readings showed nearing forty. The slurry seems to work. I have a dose already going down. It tastes like an oversweet (if artificially) lemonade, with very mild grit. No artificial to the goop, so it is easily tolerated. The mix is taurine crystals, ketone crystals, and an electrolyte gunk of either lemon or cherry pomegranate flavor. Yeah, fasting can run you right out of electrolytes, especially if drinking a lot (which usually induces more voiding). Though the water pill and it's mechanics is probably the main culprit? Yeah. That all leads to a potassium loss. So, beside adding lots of potassium I am adding either minerals as supplements or trying this drink additive. The fuss to just do what I can!?!
Today? If able: finish all dishes, check laundry, kitchen surfaces and floor as with bathroom... AND GLASS OUT OF TUB, then the nook... whatever I can do there. No need to cook. One portion of potk heated. As well, when dishes are done, a pot of beans to go on. Some for refried, some to experiment with a (lower carb) baked bean recipe. Gotta have sides, if more severe limits to portions really has to be imposed. Hmm, perhaps rice to? Only a cup or even an half cup of that a day, max. But you can really add fats through butter with rice.
Who knows though. Without shoveling in the way, more may be done than that, by far. Or less. I can never tell until it is done or I am. Later.
Saturday, January 20, 2018
No nap, bedtime?
.
.
I believe so. Could try more keto mix. The truth is I am satisfied with what was done. I am tired from the work done. And while I am not making progress digging further into the day, I will end up being awake fifteen hours, having cooked two roasts, created enough fatbombs to see me through a week or two, done the dishes at least once, started kefir on the raw milk, shoveled the drive and walk, and... yeah, there was a bit more. So, I'm good with sleeping.
A funny thing? There were shards of glass in the tub, shower floor. I was... unwise in my exhaustion... I just kept washing. I can't be sure why the bottoms of my feet weren't shredded. Don't worry, I'll get that out before next time. Weird but true.
Good afternoon and night.
.
I believe so. Could try more keto mix. The truth is I am satisfied with what was done. I am tired from the work done. And while I am not making progress digging further into the day, I will end up being awake fifteen hours, having cooked two roasts, created enough fatbombs to see me through a week or two, done the dishes at least once, started kefir on the raw milk, shoveled the drive and walk, and... yeah, there was a bit more. So, I'm good with sleeping.
A funny thing? There were shards of glass in the tub, shower floor. I was... unwise in my exhaustion... I just kept washing. I can't be sure why the bottoms of my feet weren't shredded. Don't worry, I'll get that out before next time. Weird but true.
Good afternoon and night.
Rather good.
.
.
A call. I suspected wrong. Not my mother even if I called her recently and didn't get a response. *cough* The neighbor? Ah a delivery! What can I say, I like deliveries, some more than others. In an hour I was told. So? Well...
I was at the last batch of fatbombs. The one out of the freezer I wanted to work, the peanut butter blend could handle to cool. Then? Snow removal. There was only four to six inches, covering only two thirds of the drive... so I grabbed the shovel. Then salted. I was just about to hop in the shower when they arrived.
All good. A bit of talk, trying to not talk too much. And yet it is good to converse regarding events and news. I try to listen, more, now. I can talk so fast. All good in their camp, save one with... time and life changing events. To be expected. I think I surprised by shoveling. By the way, I almost thought to pray that this storm be mild, then decided that wasn't best. Not sure if it is over.
After, I poured the peanut butter chocolate mix into the molds, then put it up. The other mixes separate, I'll have to work on that. The last mix seems to stay mixed. Either my ratios are off, people tolerate it for short-term use, or my ingredients are a sliver off. These really are mostly starter foods, then rare treats. Still, if possible, I will seek to improve, possibly perfect. Then a shower. Those are loverly things.
Next? Possibly a nap after I dry and cool off a bit. I lit the interal furnace today. Then the pork roast and dishes. And more. Who knows, especially with that keto mix. Keto is really coming together. With holy fasting taking flank and massages in the rearview mirror, who knows. Who ever knows? Later.
.
A call. I suspected wrong. Not my mother even if I called her recently and didn't get a response. *cough* The neighbor? Ah a delivery! What can I say, I like deliveries, some more than others. In an hour I was told. So? Well...
I was at the last batch of fatbombs. The one out of the freezer I wanted to work, the peanut butter blend could handle to cool. Then? Snow removal. There was only four to six inches, covering only two thirds of the drive... so I grabbed the shovel. Then salted. I was just about to hop in the shower when they arrived.
All good. A bit of talk, trying to not talk too much. And yet it is good to converse regarding events and news. I try to listen, more, now. I can talk so fast. All good in their camp, save one with... time and life changing events. To be expected. I think I surprised by shoveling. By the way, I almost thought to pray that this storm be mild, then decided that wasn't best. Not sure if it is over.
After, I poured the peanut butter chocolate mix into the molds, then put it up. The other mixes separate, I'll have to work on that. The last mix seems to stay mixed. Either my ratios are off, people tolerate it for short-term use, or my ingredients are a sliver off. These really are mostly starter foods, then rare treats. Still, if possible, I will seek to improve, possibly perfect. Then a shower. Those are loverly things.
Next? Possibly a nap after I dry and cool off a bit. I lit the interal furnace today. Then the pork roast and dishes. And more. Who knows, especially with that keto mix. Keto is really coming together. With holy fasting taking flank and massages in the rearview mirror, who knows. Who ever knows? Later.
One never knows.
.
.
I must admit I didn't think, feel, as if anything I did would help. The slurry has more than ketone crystals, another addition is taurine. Anyway, the keto go stuffs were mixed inwith tea. Pretty hard to gulp though not terrible of taste, just... different. As I was sitting, surfing, doubting... somewhere in there... my feet found themselves, then put the hands where the will could deploy them, and... The beef roast was readied. I season then set for an hour... to both better tenderize and spice the meat, salt pepper and an italian blend. The timer is set, first to sear then roast.
Not finished. I then set up some of the dishes, more than half but not so many they would hold me up. Then a short break. Before I realized Iwas back on my feet tinkering with fat bombs. All I have is the better coconut oil. On the good side I love the taste of coconut, if not the harder fiber chunks (which aren't in the oil, just saying). Oh my. Really easy, and quite tasty! Unfortunately I only have one pop mold, which, mostly, takes on batch per shot. Next batch will be blended, then cooled, then blended again. No real complaints, just for appearances, though a bit for taste.
The timer already went of, so g the skillet is being warmed. The dishes were hit once in there too. Beef is now browned and roasting. Who knew this stuff worked. Don't want to use it every day. Actually it is just starter, fast restart, stuff. Other timer just sounded, fat bombs... might be ready or... another sampling either way! I'll give it another twenty? Meh, I'll leave it alone until after supper, have one or two for desert.
Even if that is all that is done, not bad. I suspect dishes, several more batches of fat bombs, and the kitchen surfaces will be done. Oh, and the bathroom plus a shower... already cleaned the bowl, if the lid can get another shot in the shower when I finish in there. Nice, and keto and fasting friendly. Amen? You know? I think so. Again. Amen!
Later.
.
I must admit I didn't think, feel, as if anything I did would help. The slurry has more than ketone crystals, another addition is taurine. Anyway, the keto go stuffs were mixed inwith tea. Pretty hard to gulp though not terrible of taste, just... different. As I was sitting, surfing, doubting... somewhere in there... my feet found themselves, then put the hands where the will could deploy them, and... The beef roast was readied. I season then set for an hour... to both better tenderize and spice the meat, salt pepper and an italian blend. The timer is set, first to sear then roast.
Not finished. I then set up some of the dishes, more than half but not so many they would hold me up. Then a short break. Before I realized Iwas back on my feet tinkering with fat bombs. All I have is the better coconut oil. On the good side I love the taste of coconut, if not the harder fiber chunks (which aren't in the oil, just saying). Oh my. Really easy, and quite tasty! Unfortunately I only have one pop mold, which, mostly, takes on batch per shot. Next batch will be blended, then cooled, then blended again. No real complaints, just for appearances, though a bit for taste.
The timer already went of, so g the skillet is being warmed. The dishes were hit once in there too. Beef is now browned and roasting. Who knew this stuff worked. Don't want to use it every day. Actually it is just starter, fast restart, stuff. Other timer just sounded, fat bombs... might be ready or... another sampling either way! I'll give it another twenty? Meh, I'll leave it alone until after supper, have one or two for desert.
Even if that is all that is done, not bad. I suspect dishes, several more batches of fat bombs, and the kitchen surfaces will be done. Oh, and the bathroom plus a shower... already cleaned the bowl, if the lid can get another shot in the shower when I finish in there. Nice, and keto and fasting friendly. Amen? You know? I think so. Again. Amen!
Later.
Awake with hope.
.
.
The hope is that of the hopeless. There are saints for the impossible, and lost. Not my soul, spirit, but ability to life seems hidden. Still, plans.
The goals haven't changed. I have, mostly, maintained what has been accomplished. A few dishes and pot and pan need washed. A few glasses, utensils, large and table, have to go in. Honestly the rest is staying even. Which means clearing and cleaning of surfaces, clearing the nook, hall, and laundry floors, cleaning the bathroom, a shower, and food. Food needs to be worked first. I realize I am fasting, even now, as much because I can't keep up on food as anything else. I am using keto grains, once so far, in an attempt to source energy.
I'll hit the grains shortly in hopes of that allowing cooking. After that I'll see what can happen. I am hoping six to eight ounces of beef works from that point, and more keto grains if work continues and extra energy is needed. I won't check bp until tomorrow or the next day, give the stuff a chance to work and besides checking daily is... obsessive. Not absolutely sure anything will be done. For cooking, food prep, two roasts and fat bombs are the wants. Chocolate, peanut butter, and a mix. I'm not so worried about carbs, at least not to that point. Assuming I can get it done in the first place.
Awake at 12:30(ish). Been waking for... an hour and an half already? Bleh! Later.
.
The hope is that of the hopeless. There are saints for the impossible, and lost. Not my soul, spirit, but ability to life seems hidden. Still, plans.
The goals haven't changed. I have, mostly, maintained what has been accomplished. A few dishes and pot and pan need washed. A few glasses, utensils, large and table, have to go in. Honestly the rest is staying even. Which means clearing and cleaning of surfaces, clearing the nook, hall, and laundry floors, cleaning the bathroom, a shower, and food. Food needs to be worked first. I realize I am fasting, even now, as much because I can't keep up on food as anything else. I am using keto grains, once so far, in an attempt to source energy.
I'll hit the grains shortly in hopes of that allowing cooking. After that I'll see what can happen. I am hoping six to eight ounces of beef works from that point, and more keto grains if work continues and extra energy is needed. I won't check bp until tomorrow or the next day, give the stuff a chance to work and besides checking daily is... obsessive. Not absolutely sure anything will be done. For cooking, food prep, two roasts and fat bombs are the wants. Chocolate, peanut butter, and a mix. I'm not so worried about carbs, at least not to that point. Assuming I can get it done in the first place.
Awake at 12:30(ish). Been waking for... an hour and an half already? Bleh! Later.
Friday, January 19, 2018
Ah, that time again.
.
.
Little done. Medicine was reset, plus adding supplements. Hmm, other than eating, taking meds, feeding and watering the girls... Oh, awake to the late hour. That does take it out of me. Hmm, right, will check the cat litter, feed them again, then off to bed. I am guessing by 15:40? Give or take ten.
.
Little done. Medicine was reset, plus adding supplements. Hmm, other than eating, taking meds, feeding and watering the girls... Oh, awake to the late hour. That does take it out of me. Hmm, right, will check the cat litter, feed them again, then off to bed. I am guessing by 15:40? Give or take ten.
Worried or hopeful?
.
.
I never can tell, not always, fully, what is considered. Though I suspect a notion down to a few probabilities. In this case a fear or hope, dealing with reported bp. High? Oppresively. It's only been this high for a week, maybe nearing two... by feel. I have had it average 217/170 for six months. No, one does not make the other good. The worst merely adds perspective. The song pulled from back?
.
I never can tell, not always, fully, what is considered. Though I suspect a notion down to a few probabilities. In this case a fear or hope, dealing with reported bp. High? Oppresively. It's only been this high for a week, maybe nearing two... by feel. I have had it average 217/170 for six months. No, one does not make the other good. The worst merely adds perspective. The song pulled from back?
Nap.
.
.
Hoping to get a short sleep in so as to get a shower and business done, maybe more. Going down at 4:55.
.
Hoping to get a short sleep in so as to get a shower and business done, maybe more. Going down at 4:55.
BP is whack. And a new day.
.
.
Almost literally a new day, awake at 23:26, after ten minutes of contemplating going back to sleep, then realizing it wouldn't happen.
Yes, blood pressure is way out, 207-198/140-138, pulse at 91-78 (right-left arm). They say that has no physical symptoms, I think that is only true of those they over (or wrongly, or both) medicate. Then again, as to cause? I am taking as much medicine as I dare take and hope to maintain. Any more and I begin crashing off the stuff. I have two potential aces. I stopped taking a supplement which seemed to measurably help, to simplify starting meds wholesale. I could try adding those back in... on this dose, with those, was keeping it around 150-140/100-90. Not perfect but much better. The other thing? Massages. Those, after a summer, had my bp into 120/90. Not sure how quickly it improved but believe it was rather quickly... If I can set, then make, appointments. Ugh!
Will look on the net tonight, call tomorrow. Looking for a place which offers that and medical pedicures, at least to teach better foot care. I... am not doing something right. Luxuries? Taking care of the body is not luxury. Pills can't seem to do the trick without 24/7 care, if I doubt then. At the point medicine would control bp and pulse it would at least create medicinal catatonia, maybe death. I wonder if that was their real goal. Wonder? And the feet? I have to get ahead of that before getting in trouble with that again. Ugh.
Not great news but I have a plan and some of the assets. I can start supplements immediately and begin checking into the rest. And tending my soul, arranging a confession and the blessing of sacramentals. I have been waiting for regularity, certainty, in my schedule. That may not arrive so I may just have to arrange things on as short a timeline as possible based on what is probable in hope with faith.
On another subject, the kefir is impressive! The new stuff. The instructions suggested the grains would not start growing, expanding, for six to eight milk changes. Not so, in the good way. After just four changes I am almos at the point of setting whole batches aside before then having to eat or toss the excess excess. There are limits to how much can be stored or used, or even eaten. I wonder if chickens would eat this, cats? I have nearly a gallon second souring, just to see how well that works. A newish experimental process.
Later.
.
Almost literally a new day, awake at 23:26, after ten minutes of contemplating going back to sleep, then realizing it wouldn't happen.
Yes, blood pressure is way out, 207-198/140-138, pulse at 91-78 (right-left arm). They say that has no physical symptoms, I think that is only true of those they over (or wrongly, or both) medicate. Then again, as to cause? I am taking as much medicine as I dare take and hope to maintain. Any more and I begin crashing off the stuff. I have two potential aces. I stopped taking a supplement which seemed to measurably help, to simplify starting meds wholesale. I could try adding those back in... on this dose, with those, was keeping it around 150-140/100-90. Not perfect but much better. The other thing? Massages. Those, after a summer, had my bp into 120/90. Not sure how quickly it improved but believe it was rather quickly... If I can set, then make, appointments. Ugh!
Will look on the net tonight, call tomorrow. Looking for a place which offers that and medical pedicures, at least to teach better foot care. I... am not doing something right. Luxuries? Taking care of the body is not luxury. Pills can't seem to do the trick without 24/7 care, if I doubt then. At the point medicine would control bp and pulse it would at least create medicinal catatonia, maybe death. I wonder if that was their real goal. Wonder? And the feet? I have to get ahead of that before getting in trouble with that again. Ugh.
Not great news but I have a plan and some of the assets. I can start supplements immediately and begin checking into the rest. And tending my soul, arranging a confession and the blessing of sacramentals. I have been waiting for regularity, certainty, in my schedule. That may not arrive so I may just have to arrange things on as short a timeline as possible based on what is probable in hope with faith.
On another subject, the kefir is impressive! The new stuff. The instructions suggested the grains would not start growing, expanding, for six to eight milk changes. Not so, in the good way. After just four changes I am almos at the point of setting whole batches aside before then having to eat or toss the excess excess. There are limits to how much can be stored or used, or even eaten. I wonder if chickens would eat this, cats? I have nearly a gallon second souring, just to see how well that works. A newish experimental process.
Later.
Thursday, January 18, 2018
Not bad.
.
.
Had to go slow to last. I haven't seen 15:00 in quite some time, naturally. The struggle to regain days is far from a fait accompli. This is just a step in the right direction. A few more steps before yanking back on the reins. Better, I don't believe I damaged myself in the effort.
.
Had to go slow to last. I haven't seen 15:00 in quite some time, naturally. The struggle to regain days is far from a fait accompli. This is just a step in the right direction. A few more steps before yanking back on the reins. Better, I don't believe I damaged myself in the effort.
Lead?
.
.
The stuff you don't want in your food, water, or environment. Beside making you batty, insane if chemically induced not natural, before it does any such thing it causes one to weaken physically. How I came about that information was... I was doing a bit of touchup regarding a childhood hobby, the fan-boy hero worship of the early explorers, whom I cheered win, lose, or draw.
This particular venture I studied ended in a total loss. And while it is easy to suggest bad decisions, politics, and false elitist ideals were to fault, it was the same issue whether adventures succeeded or not. The real problem was their then global warming which caused those waters to freeze over several years in a row. Do not even take that as anything but a chuckle at modernist tomfoolery by the way.
While there were a number of problems which didn't help, including lead sealed cans, which adds sweetness, and causes exhaustion, the real problem, only one due to it stopping movement until they were far too low on food and wearied from lead, to escape. Anyway...
What all that resulted in was a consideration. Could lead be a problem here. Thus digging. The EPA, if it's politicized bureaucracy can be trusted *Flint, Michigan* one way or the other, suggests 15 ppm is their standard... though for disolved, particulate, or both I doubt if even they know or have someone in contact with the public who could tell. Why do they have even those that remain? Literally what good are they? Anyway... If the plumbing is pre-1986, which this may or may not be, lead may be used in the city water connect, pipes, and copper solder. Okay.
Now, so, how does one test? More looking. There are several types of tests. The first is purchased, tubes are filled and mailed in, and in a week one is supposed to be able to check online. You are supposed to sign in first, to facilitate access asap. The problem is signing up doesn't work. Veracity of tests, access to results, everything about that was dubious. The other type was water strips. The problem with those? Only tests dissolved lead. So, how do you know? An expert informed that... you can't know, especially with lead piping or solder or old city connect, as that can add particles at any time.
I checked whether reverse osmosis works on lead. It does, so long as the bladder remains intact. How do you know that? Measure particulate in the r.o. water, then tap. Done recently but something to keep a closer eye on. Paranoid? As tired as I am, no. Bad heart and all, but this has been unusually bad, more so given my exemplary attention to the details of food, medicine, sleep, hygiene of person animals and environment (given the givens, if not bad even so). If I am getting lead... Though I will be removing the one possible source, mostly, shortly.
.
The stuff you don't want in your food, water, or environment. Beside making you batty, insane if chemically induced not natural, before it does any such thing it causes one to weaken physically. How I came about that information was... I was doing a bit of touchup regarding a childhood hobby, the fan-boy hero worship of the early explorers, whom I cheered win, lose, or draw.
This particular venture I studied ended in a total loss. And while it is easy to suggest bad decisions, politics, and false elitist ideals were to fault, it was the same issue whether adventures succeeded or not. The real problem was their then global warming which caused those waters to freeze over several years in a row. Do not even take that as anything but a chuckle at modernist tomfoolery by the way.
While there were a number of problems which didn't help, including lead sealed cans, which adds sweetness, and causes exhaustion, the real problem, only one due to it stopping movement until they were far too low on food and wearied from lead, to escape. Anyway...
What all that resulted in was a consideration. Could lead be a problem here. Thus digging. The EPA, if it's politicized bureaucracy can be trusted *Flint, Michigan* one way or the other, suggests 15 ppm is their standard... though for disolved, particulate, or both I doubt if even they know or have someone in contact with the public who could tell. Why do they have even those that remain? Literally what good are they? Anyway... If the plumbing is pre-1986, which this may or may not be, lead may be used in the city water connect, pipes, and copper solder. Okay.
Now, so, how does one test? More looking. There are several types of tests. The first is purchased, tubes are filled and mailed in, and in a week one is supposed to be able to check online. You are supposed to sign in first, to facilitate access asap. The problem is signing up doesn't work. Veracity of tests, access to results, everything about that was dubious. The other type was water strips. The problem with those? Only tests dissolved lead. So, how do you know? An expert informed that... you can't know, especially with lead piping or solder or old city connect, as that can add particles at any time.
I checked whether reverse osmosis works on lead. It does, so long as the bladder remains intact. How do you know that? Measure particulate in the r.o. water, then tap. Done recently but something to keep a closer eye on. Paranoid? As tired as I am, no. Bad heart and all, but this has been unusually bad, more so given my exemplary attention to the details of food, medicine, sleep, hygiene of person animals and environment (given the givens, if not bad even so). If I am getting lead... Though I will be removing the one possible source, mostly, shortly.
Down for a nap.
.
.
One project started, filling in a form for autopay on mortgage. As it is set, assuming all is correct, they file it right, and else, I should be on autopay in two months. Further, just from the extra, the place should be paid in fifteen years. Assuming, what, that only a third of full mortgage goes against the place, toward the beginning, I can hope for a ten year payoff... or less, especially if I watch my pennies *cough* and add more at the end of the month. *le sighe* I am horrible with money. Still, it will happen from time to time.
Then saving to get a few things I can't do done, the tools to do the things I can, and parts pieces lumber, etc. Well, and a little more money for else. This spring, a new furnace and ac with humidifier, this fall a new fridge and dishwasher as well as perhaps a small secondary reefer for the porch, for specialt items, then, maybe the second spring or fall out a natural gas generater and eleletrical work (if electrical isn't done this year). Yea? *crinkles nose* Sure sounds like money, which means tightening most other belts.
All good in theory. :p Later. Hopefully just a nap. And thoughts of the better side of things followed by a hard truth.
.
One project started, filling in a form for autopay on mortgage. As it is set, assuming all is correct, they file it right, and else, I should be on autopay in two months. Further, just from the extra, the place should be paid in fifteen years. Assuming, what, that only a third of full mortgage goes against the place, toward the beginning, I can hope for a ten year payoff... or less, especially if I watch my pennies *cough* and add more at the end of the month. *le sighe* I am horrible with money. Still, it will happen from time to time.
Then saving to get a few things I can't do done, the tools to do the things I can, and parts pieces lumber, etc. Well, and a little more money for else. This spring, a new furnace and ac with humidifier, this fall a new fridge and dishwasher as well as perhaps a small secondary reefer for the porch, for specialt items, then, maybe the second spring or fall out a natural gas generater and eleletrical work (if electrical isn't done this year). Yea? *crinkles nose* Sure sounds like money, which means tightening most other belts.
All good in theory. :p Later. Hopefully just a nap. And thoughts of the better side of things followed by a hard truth.
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Small post.
.
.
Awake at 22:15 or so. Slept well. Not sure much will be done. As to fasting, that isn't the current problem. I have broken fasting with extra meals lately. That isn't the problem, and shouldn't be a problem anyway. Just not doing well in spite of being on medicine, sleeping as able, staying well hydrated, and eating even closer to feasting the last three days? I'll keep making efforts to regain a real schedule, then adjusting that to days while doing what work in the cave is possible.
Later.
.
Awake at 22:15 or so. Slept well. Not sure much will be done. As to fasting, that isn't the current problem. I have broken fasting with extra meals lately. That isn't the problem, and shouldn't be a problem anyway. Just not doing well in spite of being on medicine, sleeping as able, staying well hydrated, and eating even closer to feasting the last three days? I'll keep making efforts to regain a real schedule, then adjusting that to days while doing what work in the cave is possible.
Later.
Almost folded.
.
.
All plans were falling by the side, one and next. I began exploding into tunnel-vision. I was able, if it took faith and dregs of dregs of vapers and something else? A helping hand. The post. I pushed that, not much choice. Was going to bring the trash bin in, stumbled in, can't focus. Would like to call my priest, can't keep a sure schedule and more, can't talk at volume. Had some other calls, appointments, not yet.
Crashing so hard and fast. Got some things done. Had to break some hard rules, for whatever that means in the ether where I find, or lose, myself. Good night. Right, to bed at 12:47.
.
All plans were falling by the side, one and next. I began exploding into tunnel-vision. I was able, if it took faith and dregs of dregs of vapers and something else? A helping hand. The post. I pushed that, not much choice. Was going to bring the trash bin in, stumbled in, can't focus. Would like to call my priest, can't keep a sure schedule and more, can't talk at volume. Had some other calls, appointments, not yet.
Crashing so hard and fast. Got some things done. Had to break some hard rules, for whatever that means in the ether where I find, or lose, myself. Good night. Right, to bed at 12:47.
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Up. Better again.
.
.
It doesn't take much of a grind to dull my blade, expend all energy, invoke a cloak of fog. If given some time off for good behavior allows for a quicker recharge. Though realizing a few things, tending those, helps. I could not find a comfortable position with regard to pillows. I finally remembered that when that happens, it's not the pillows but the neck. Aspirin is the only thing that might fix it. It did, if taken nearly at waking. Still, I was able to rest comfortably for the last half hour, so as to reset bones and muscles away from the malformations pain had begun to form them.
Awake at 19:30 or so.
I have found that a set of Hail Mary's is quite efficacious for some things. Of course a flustered temptation won't always simply wander off, whimpering back to it's dark source without a fight. Maybe initially, not after being denied too long. That darkness then seeks to defile the source of resistance. Keep pushing through, then invoke others. Some I have known, some I am beginning to investigate more fully... the saints, and a source I am struggling to grasp almost as much as with Mary in the beginning... my guardian angel. The latter, it seems, is not to be named, just accepted? As a prayer multiplier, conduit, and with certain talents to enhance holy discernment or direction? I don't have that down fully, but did use as an ace up my sleeve in the push-back event to good use. Worked surprisingly well. Go get em'! And he did.
Now, to see about today. I am chalking nothing, save the post office, in. Though, with the need of a shower, dishes are in the way. Anything else will... happen or not, as I may. Just because pain has been hidden doesn't mean the causes aren't still there. The pain is actually still there. Live with pain long enough and you learn some bitter truths. Where you go from there will lead you humbly home or into the hells, starting with denial of that reality then on to denying anything else required to maintain that initial denial. That rabbit hole is deep. Don't... deny pain or that reality. It will eat you. Know it, treat it reasonably, but don't then double efforts over the pain sensation modifier. Amen.
.
It doesn't take much of a grind to dull my blade, expend all energy, invoke a cloak of fog. If given some time off for good behavior allows for a quicker recharge. Though realizing a few things, tending those, helps. I could not find a comfortable position with regard to pillows. I finally remembered that when that happens, it's not the pillows but the neck. Aspirin is the only thing that might fix it. It did, if taken nearly at waking. Still, I was able to rest comfortably for the last half hour, so as to reset bones and muscles away from the malformations pain had begun to form them.
Awake at 19:30 or so.
I have found that a set of Hail Mary's is quite efficacious for some things. Of course a flustered temptation won't always simply wander off, whimpering back to it's dark source without a fight. Maybe initially, not after being denied too long. That darkness then seeks to defile the source of resistance. Keep pushing through, then invoke others. Some I have known, some I am beginning to investigate more fully... the saints, and a source I am struggling to grasp almost as much as with Mary in the beginning... my guardian angel. The latter, it seems, is not to be named, just accepted? As a prayer multiplier, conduit, and with certain talents to enhance holy discernment or direction? I don't have that down fully, but did use as an ace up my sleeve in the push-back event to good use. Worked surprisingly well. Go get em'! And he did.
Now, to see about today. I am chalking nothing, save the post office, in. Though, with the need of a shower, dishes are in the way. Anything else will... happen or not, as I may. Just because pain has been hidden doesn't mean the causes aren't still there. The pain is actually still there. Live with pain long enough and you learn some bitter truths. Where you go from there will lead you humbly home or into the hells, starting with denial of that reality then on to denying anything else required to maintain that initial denial. That rabbit hole is deep. Don't... deny pain or that reality. It will eat you. Know it, treat it reasonably, but don't then double efforts over the pain sensation modifier. Amen.
Woke? Really? Want to actually wake?
.
.
Yeah. Oh, I took some hits. Some I do accept, one... I have doubts regarding. Harsh, in many ways. If you aren't Catholic this just... it would be far too harsh. However, if you wish to know what traditionalist consider, the orthodox, and can keep your feelings in check? Here you go. If you are a marginal Catholic, I hope you give it a shot. If you are strong, this will still sting. Amen.
Oops. Almost posted directly. I hadn't seen this end request before, will have to review. I do my best no to step on toes. The request is to send people through a link, to the youtube site? Very well, Our Times Part 1: Our Lady's View of Our Times - Fr. Ripperger. It is a workout. Good luck.
I woke at 4:41 by the way. The video isn't that long, if not short. I just took breaks and else. Later.
.
Yeah. Oh, I took some hits. Some I do accept, one... I have doubts regarding. Harsh, in many ways. If you aren't Catholic this just... it would be far too harsh. However, if you wish to know what traditionalist consider, the orthodox, and can keep your feelings in check? Here you go. If you are a marginal Catholic, I hope you give it a shot. If you are strong, this will still sting. Amen.
Oops. Almost posted directly. I hadn't seen this end request before, will have to review. I do my best no to step on toes. The request is to send people through a link, to the youtube site? Very well, Our Times Part 1: Our Lady's View of Our Times - Fr. Ripperger. It is a workout. Good luck.
I woke at 4:41 by the way. The video isn't that long, if not short. I just took breaks and else. Later.
Monday, January 15, 2018
Almost on my feet.
.
.
Technically awake at 20:30. Tried to bull on back to sleep after waking at 20:00.
I don't know about you, but when my body wakes, good, bad, or ugly, then I am up. Today I woke between ugly and bad, if I think it will pass quickly enough. Thing is I didn't want to deal with that spit of time. It seems I only made it worse. Some days it is better to take your licks, if not always? And you can never know which is which.
Dreams, of teaching and being taught. Of being the humble only to stumble on pride in even this. The world is full of physical, psychic, and spiritual nettles and thorns. Can't know them all, must be stung by some before understanding sets in, sometimes often. Sometimes, for the greater good, some barbs need be simply endured, as Christ taught quite by example. Many such dreams, though of no previous examples I recall. The two virtues being prayed to obtain are charity and humility, one from each set... might be the fountain from which the dreams flow.
Hmm? Today, or what passes for my day? Well... the completion of what was planned recently. The completion of the kitchen, the bathroom, the last of the dishes, another load of laundry, and if there is time and energy on to the front room. I am not as worried about everything, or immediately. Some days I am slower, some jobs take longer by far than anticipated even working at a solid pace, as well some even larger tasks crop up which weren't anticipated. Still, that is the goal for the week. As well as the laundry area and rear hallway. Cake is the reward if all that is done by next Friday. Yeah, still fasting, if I am eating earlier in order to kick off work, and will begin using ketone crystals today, later on, as with electrlyte powder, if I break a sweat which I usually do, several times a day with housecleaning. The bed and morning prayers have been done. Didn't feel like it, which... is becoming the signal to do things around here.
First, waking. And crisping chicken in the broiler for the first meal, with beef as lunch and final meal at 1:00 or so. Yeah. I hope thos crystals help, if I don't think twice, even once, a day every day is right. Just starter and special day stuff, after I kick into ketosis rightly. Though the need should slacken. Currently at 15 ketones, or the measure of it, considered light. Not bad given my recent carb dive.
.
Technically awake at 20:30. Tried to bull on back to sleep after waking at 20:00.
I don't know about you, but when my body wakes, good, bad, or ugly, then I am up. Today I woke between ugly and bad, if I think it will pass quickly enough. Thing is I didn't want to deal with that spit of time. It seems I only made it worse. Some days it is better to take your licks, if not always? And you can never know which is which.
Dreams, of teaching and being taught. Of being the humble only to stumble on pride in even this. The world is full of physical, psychic, and spiritual nettles and thorns. Can't know them all, must be stung by some before understanding sets in, sometimes often. Sometimes, for the greater good, some barbs need be simply endured, as Christ taught quite by example. Many such dreams, though of no previous examples I recall. The two virtues being prayed to obtain are charity and humility, one from each set... might be the fountain from which the dreams flow.
Hmm? Today, or what passes for my day? Well... the completion of what was planned recently. The completion of the kitchen, the bathroom, the last of the dishes, another load of laundry, and if there is time and energy on to the front room. I am not as worried about everything, or immediately. Some days I am slower, some jobs take longer by far than anticipated even working at a solid pace, as well some even larger tasks crop up which weren't anticipated. Still, that is the goal for the week. As well as the laundry area and rear hallway. Cake is the reward if all that is done by next Friday. Yeah, still fasting, if I am eating earlier in order to kick off work, and will begin using ketone crystals today, later on, as with electrlyte powder, if I break a sweat which I usually do, several times a day with housecleaning. The bed and morning prayers have been done. Didn't feel like it, which... is becoming the signal to do things around here.
First, waking. And crisping chicken in the broiler for the first meal, with beef as lunch and final meal at 1:00 or so. Yeah. I hope thos crystals help, if I don't think twice, even once, a day every day is right. Just starter and special day stuff, after I kick into ketosis rightly. Though the need should slacken. Currently at 15 ketones, or the measure of it, considered light. Not bad given my recent carb dive.
A quickie.
.
.
The other day I presented music, if with mild treatment. I wish to fix that.
I suggested that this fits on this blog. However I did not present the notion fully. At the time of my fall I did consider it unfair. I lamented grandly, even attempting to dispose of my very life, if physical pain beyond your ken played a part. Possibly part of why I may have found myself where I did. As well, there was some wish of this on others, who cared little while enjoying their lives, in a vengeful way.
.
The other day I presented music, if with mild treatment. I wish to fix that.
I suggested that this fits on this blog. However I did not present the notion fully. At the time of my fall I did consider it unfair. I lamented grandly, even attempting to dispose of my very life, if physical pain beyond your ken played a part. Possibly part of why I may have found myself where I did. As well, there was some wish of this on others, who cared little while enjoying their lives, in a vengeful way.
Food.
.
.
Had to set things aside in order to cook. I did get most of the way through dishes and laundry. I was truly hungry. Beef and chicken. Pork is also thawed, I just don't have time to cook that. I'll do that when I wake next. I will finish laundry, not dishes. Ugh. I'll probably be to bed by 10:00. Same as yesterday. Perhaps I'll try to push to 11:00. Blah. Yeah, probably necessary to do laundry and put food up. Good morning, day, and night.
.
Had to set things aside in order to cook. I did get most of the way through dishes and laundry. I was truly hungry. Beef and chicken. Pork is also thawed, I just don't have time to cook that. I'll do that when I wake next. I will finish laundry, not dishes. Ugh. I'll probably be to bed by 10:00. Same as yesterday. Perhaps I'll try to push to 11:00. Blah. Yeah, probably necessary to do laundry and put food up. Good morning, day, and night.
A short.
.
.
Mostly. Awake at 3:03. As if hit by a truck. No pain, just... as if I was well and truly run over, or otherwise well and truly clobbered. A bit longer of a nap if I am surprised the sleep didn't end up a full sleep.
The other thing was from yesterday, dreams. I dreamed of being on the front lines when one side or the other was charging. A snippet of every war the US has engaged back to the civil war. War is far too often run by bloody minded idiots, on every side. I suspect it has always been so. Be glad if you ever had good leadership to the right levels, and civilian leadership that doesn't try to play tin hat generals (which usually means not a Democrat). Horrid dreams, like the visitation of Christmas past, was it, only so many more visits. Each was it's own dream. Wasn't sure I wanted to share, but couldn't see why not after all.
Later.
.
Mostly. Awake at 3:03. As if hit by a truck. No pain, just... as if I was well and truly run over, or otherwise well and truly clobbered. A bit longer of a nap if I am surprised the sleep didn't end up a full sleep.
The other thing was from yesterday, dreams. I dreamed of being on the front lines when one side or the other was charging. A snippet of every war the US has engaged back to the civil war. War is far too often run by bloody minded idiots, on every side. I suspect it has always been so. Be glad if you ever had good leadership to the right levels, and civilian leadership that doesn't try to play tin hat generals (which usually means not a Democrat). Horrid dreams, like the visitation of Christmas past, was it, only so many more visits. Each was it's own dream. Wasn't sure I wanted to share, but couldn't see why not after all.
Later.
Brutal.
.
.
Not pain, just the amount of effort it seems to take to do so little work. Sticking with it as is possible. I went through the kefir. Not a grain to be found. I, probably wrongly, dumped it all, starting over with the new stuff. Sometimes, the instructions with the new stuff indicates, if the curds and whey separate, grains won't be visible. Then just mix, use some of the mix with fresh milk, then watch more carefully. The thing is I never saw grains with that stuff. I have two pint jars at it, using the new grains. What a waste of time, that other stuff!
Another load of laundry through, then one more. The last of the dishes, mostly kefir jars, and just a few dirty and new items. Always more if so close to being caught up. Trash went out, recycling went if just to the bin. None of the neighbors have theirs out, so I don't know if it is both or just trash day. Fried, for the moment. Nap time I suppose.
Down at 0:29. Later.
.
Not pain, just the amount of effort it seems to take to do so little work. Sticking with it as is possible. I went through the kefir. Not a grain to be found. I, probably wrongly, dumped it all, starting over with the new stuff. Sometimes, the instructions with the new stuff indicates, if the curds and whey separate, grains won't be visible. Then just mix, use some of the mix with fresh milk, then watch more carefully. The thing is I never saw grains with that stuff. I have two pint jars at it, using the new grains. What a waste of time, that other stuff!
Another load of laundry through, then one more. The last of the dishes, mostly kefir jars, and just a few dirty and new items. Always more if so close to being caught up. Trash went out, recycling went if just to the bin. None of the neighbors have theirs out, so I don't know if it is both or just trash day. Fried, for the moment. Nap time I suppose.
Down at 0:29. Later.
Sunday, January 14, 2018
A reasonable sleep.
.
.
I would rather return to eight hour sleeps. Six hours, as to function after, was better until my health couldn't bear the brunt. Winter seems to demand, usually, a few more hours, to ten or twelve, when as always sleep is possible to regulate. Still ten hours beats three to five down with three to ten up. Every day can be as three, with each dragging on for little eternities on top of that. Just a taste.
Awake at 20:00.
Not all bad. There are advantages to such a way. If you ever find yourself in little forevers figure how to capitalize. Trust me, of mind and soul you can advance at least what you lose of flesh, heart? Sad the fools who waste it all in the simple. Further, they will, can, never be true. Pure indoctrination, in any direction, isn't a path to truth. There had best be more than mind or memory. Whole mind, HEART, and SOUL, or it's not enough.
Today? Trash has to go. Out and to the curb. I'd like to hit the toilet and floor in there. Then any last bits in the kitchen, plus extra... to make the kitchen a good spot better than before. Clearing the tabletop and opening more of the back nook. After that, if there is more energy for work, then three things in the front room... boxes from there upstairs, the computer desk together (new one), and perhaps the lovseat cleaned and put out there. Perhaps a nap some time around what could become the halfway mark.
.
I would rather return to eight hour sleeps. Six hours, as to function after, was better until my health couldn't bear the brunt. Winter seems to demand, usually, a few more hours, to ten or twelve, when as always sleep is possible to regulate. Still ten hours beats three to five down with three to ten up. Every day can be as three, with each dragging on for little eternities on top of that. Just a taste.
Awake at 20:00.
Not all bad. There are advantages to such a way. If you ever find yourself in little forevers figure how to capitalize. Trust me, of mind and soul you can advance at least what you lose of flesh, heart? Sad the fools who waste it all in the simple. Further, they will, can, never be true. Pure indoctrination, in any direction, isn't a path to truth. There had best be more than mind or memory. Whole mind, HEART, and SOUL, or it's not enough.
Today? Trash has to go. Out and to the curb. I'd like to hit the toilet and floor in there. Then any last bits in the kitchen, plus extra... to make the kitchen a good spot better than before. Clearing the tabletop and opening more of the back nook. After that, if there is more energy for work, then three things in the front room... boxes from there upstairs, the computer desk together (new one), and perhaps the lovseat cleaned and put out there. Perhaps a nap some time around what could become the halfway mark.
Nice surprises.
.
.
I was almost certain, after setting dishes for a soak then putting laundry into the dryer, that it was finished. That was depressing. Not just because I wrote the goals, but because I really wanted to do them, and thought I could. Something seemed to pull me along. I let it, followed. First the dishes were washed, then set to a rinse. A minor rest was had, then right back to them. After those, on to the laundry. Two towels and a t-shirt needed more time, the rest was ready and is folded and stored. I'll probably finish the rest in a few minutes. Especially since I realized it is Sunday not Monday... which would have meant trash needed to go out immediately. I was sure the atomic clock indicated it was Monday. All good. I'll have that out tonight, just a few bags but they need to go.
Next work session, if it stays solid, will be finishing the kitchen up to the last best and change... a bit more... trash, and hopefully on to the front room. I may feel like I am breathing through lungs with a few too many holes, running on a heart that has no thump, in a world that is only partly real, but I'll do it. It is what is left to me. And it doesn't hurt all of the time.
Right. Calling it bedtime at 10:14. I am focusing on being to the post this Tuesday as my next time-stamp event. The reason I haven't set up any appointments I suggested is because my schedule is raw chaos. Until it becomes regular in some meaningful way I just can't risk the trouble. Prayer on regaining a reasonable schedule would always be welcome. Hey, I never ask for a dime, don't even advertise. I'm not even pushy, just a thought.
Good morning, day, and night.
.
I was almost certain, after setting dishes for a soak then putting laundry into the dryer, that it was finished. That was depressing. Not just because I wrote the goals, but because I really wanted to do them, and thought I could. Something seemed to pull me along. I let it, followed. First the dishes were washed, then set to a rinse. A minor rest was had, then right back to them. After those, on to the laundry. Two towels and a t-shirt needed more time, the rest was ready and is folded and stored. I'll probably finish the rest in a few minutes. Especially since I realized it is Sunday not Monday... which would have meant trash needed to go out immediately. I was sure the atomic clock indicated it was Monday. All good. I'll have that out tonight, just a few bags but they need to go.
Next work session, if it stays solid, will be finishing the kitchen up to the last best and change... a bit more... trash, and hopefully on to the front room. I may feel like I am breathing through lungs with a few too many holes, running on a heart that has no thump, in a world that is only partly real, but I'll do it. It is what is left to me. And it doesn't hurt all of the time.
Right. Calling it bedtime at 10:14. I am focusing on being to the post this Tuesday as my next time-stamp event. The reason I haven't set up any appointments I suggested is because my schedule is raw chaos. Until it becomes regular in some meaningful way I just can't risk the trouble. Prayer on regaining a reasonable schedule would always be welcome. Hey, I never ask for a dime, don't even advertise. I'm not even pushy, just a thought.
Good morning, day, and night.
Some of it.
.
.
Laundry wasn't what I thought. I always forget that making the bed is part of it. Not always a major thing. When crawling, or attempting it, out of the crypt, everything is a lot of work. Late to start but all is good. All laundry went back with the bedding. A shower shortly thereafter, with those clothes going back as well. Now just a bit of a rest.
More was done though. I have changed two of the three litter boxes. The girls seem happier if done in parts. So be it. The last one will be reset after setting up the dishes. As well I set up the nesting bowls and strainer for working with the kefir... to extract the grains. Tonight, today? Maybe. Having it set up means imminent. Dishes will be set to a soak when water is heated and I am rested. Then a short rest and water recharge (needed? maybe in this cold) and laundry will be started. Just one load tonight but all the way through to folding or hanging and putting away. The laundry may or may not get done. Oh, and trash needs to go out. Bleh.
.
Laundry wasn't what I thought. I always forget that making the bed is part of it. Not always a major thing. When crawling, or attempting it, out of the crypt, everything is a lot of work. Late to start but all is good. All laundry went back with the bedding. A shower shortly thereafter, with those clothes going back as well. Now just a bit of a rest.
More was done though. I have changed two of the three litter boxes. The girls seem happier if done in parts. So be it. The last one will be reset after setting up the dishes. As well I set up the nesting bowls and strainer for working with the kefir... to extract the grains. Tonight, today? Maybe. Having it set up means imminent. Dishes will be set to a soak when water is heated and I am rested. Then a short rest and water recharge (needed? maybe in this cold) and laundry will be started. Just one load tonight but all the way through to folding or hanging and putting away. The laundry may or may not get done. Oh, and trash needs to go out. Bleh.
Saturday, January 13, 2018
Better? Oh, one may hope.
.
.
The senses can, do, betray. I seem to be doing better. The pains through and after sleep have dissipated, mostly. If, true, the body isn't being tested. Even so there is a sense of haleness, restored vigor, clarity of mind, and the comforts of virtues. Sleeping a full session for the first time in a while, from well before logging. That helped but is not all, probably not most, of it.
While feeling better is good it isn't all, or the majority, proof. Actions, functions, works, these are the real trial. Not sure I am ready for that and yet it is scheduled. Though my time draws short, a shower and trim or shave, a load of laundry including bedding change through, and at least a start on dishes. I won't worry about kitchen catch up until the next work time unless... maybe... just won't push it. Actually my time shouldn't be growing short, save that life is off? Yeah.
I have been tumbling so desperately through time sleep pain and else... Still, amazed to have made the schedule item then appointment. Trapeze bars from the dark, with jarringly few moments to catch let alone see, while falling and spinning on all axis, to catch not one but two bars. Then I had to let go. Still out of control, if, perhaps, finding or found some footing? No, you don't understand. I'll know more after what of work occurs, much more after the next sleep.
.
The senses can, do, betray. I seem to be doing better. The pains through and after sleep have dissipated, mostly. If, true, the body isn't being tested. Even so there is a sense of haleness, restored vigor, clarity of mind, and the comforts of virtues. Sleeping a full session for the first time in a while, from well before logging. That helped but is not all, probably not most, of it.
While feeling better is good it isn't all, or the majority, proof. Actions, functions, works, these are the real trial. Not sure I am ready for that and yet it is scheduled. Though my time draws short, a shower and trim or shave, a load of laundry including bedding change through, and at least a start on dishes. I won't worry about kitchen catch up until the next work time unless... maybe... just won't push it. Actually my time shouldn't be growing short, save that life is off? Yeah.
I have been tumbling so desperately through time sleep pain and else... Still, amazed to have made the schedule item then appointment. Trapeze bars from the dark, with jarringly few moments to catch let alone see, while falling and spinning on all axis, to catch not one but two bars. Then I had to let go. Still out of control, if, perhaps, finding or found some footing? No, you don't understand. I'll know more after what of work occurs, much more after the next sleep.
Awake.
.
.
Not the best sleep. If the sun wasn't out it sure seemed bright. Not that it seemed to wake me, just a sense I got while waking. As well it seemed rather warm. Even with the fan on. I bet it was in the mid 50's. Part of why I disfavor sleeping during the day, often. Woke in the late 16:00's but tried to sleep more, finally seeing no point to the attempt so crawling out at the mid 17:00's. Just time stamping sleep and waking to get some grasp of what is happening. It's rather out of control at the moment. Crawled back in the coffin... fell more like it. Now to figure my way back out.
Started having erotic dreams. Said a few "Hail Mary" prayers, though whether in the dream or partly awake I can't say. Took care of the problem. Very odd though. Didn't know such could be done in such a diminished state of consciousness. Who knew.
Later.
.
Not the best sleep. If the sun wasn't out it sure seemed bright. Not that it seemed to wake me, just a sense I got while waking. As well it seemed rather warm. Even with the fan on. I bet it was in the mid 50's. Part of why I disfavor sleeping during the day, often. Woke in the late 16:00's but tried to sleep more, finally seeing no point to the attempt so crawling out at the mid 17:00's. Just time stamping sleep and waking to get some grasp of what is happening. It's rather out of control at the moment. Crawled back in the coffin... fell more like it. Now to figure my way back out.
Started having erotic dreams. Said a few "Hail Mary" prayers, though whether in the dream or partly awake I can't say. Took care of the problem. Very odd though. Didn't know such could be done in such a diminished state of consciousness. Who knew.
Later.
Back to bed.
.
.
Should have gone to bed earlier. Could have probably. Just got tangled in a few things. Now, at 6:21, it will do. Good night, morning, and day.
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Should have gone to bed earlier. Could have probably. Just got tangled in a few things. Now, at 6:21, it will do. Good night, morning, and day.
Double log post.
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Down like a rock in the deep blue at 22:30. I was carefull to study the time. Knew I wouldn't remember the exact time, can't remember if it was before or after. I was falling so hard I was just hoping this small data would be stored. Tunnel vision, narrowing at a seeming exponential rate until it slammed shut so hard and fast I woke with a minor headache.
Up with a start, if not of the doings of my body or mind. MOO! What in the heck? A dream. MOO! Wow, that... sure sounded close. No trouble save we have a fast road out front. Almost, or things were shaping up for, a bad accident at one time. Anyway, I was just about to call the other neighbor. Did not want to go out. Then thought better of it, so went cattle hunting.
Loud as it was, it surely was right outside, sounding to be feet, not yards, away. After short walks from my porch in all directions possible, I finally had to go further, then much further. Cattle can move a good clip, and it was just sounding off every ten minutes. Further and further, until it bawled again. While outside I could track the sound back. No, not close, back over off toward pens, I believe. It is just such a clear night? Sound enhancing air qualifies? Good thing I didn't wake other neighbor.
Now to see about going back to sleep. Cattle calls aren't so much a problem if I don't think they are in the road. Probably. I'll post if I can before crashing. I do wonder if anyone else woke with that concern. While that'll get things pumping, stepping out to potentially face off with a, or several, unknown bovine(s), armed only with a flashlight and spit, which I was running out of, that got me a juice sandwich. Though the thought of fresh meat should things go wrong was comforting. Not sure if that means I am an optimist, a beastly sort, or... just a bit too hungry. Later.
.
Down like a rock in the deep blue at 22:30. I was carefull to study the time. Knew I wouldn't remember the exact time, can't remember if it was before or after. I was falling so hard I was just hoping this small data would be stored. Tunnel vision, narrowing at a seeming exponential rate until it slammed shut so hard and fast I woke with a minor headache.
Up with a start, if not of the doings of my body or mind. MOO! What in the heck? A dream. MOO! Wow, that... sure sounded close. No trouble save we have a fast road out front. Almost, or things were shaping up for, a bad accident at one time. Anyway, I was just about to call the other neighbor. Did not want to go out. Then thought better of it, so went cattle hunting.
Loud as it was, it surely was right outside, sounding to be feet, not yards, away. After short walks from my porch in all directions possible, I finally had to go further, then much further. Cattle can move a good clip, and it was just sounding off every ten minutes. Further and further, until it bawled again. While outside I could track the sound back. No, not close, back over off toward pens, I believe. It is just such a clear night? Sound enhancing air qualifies? Good thing I didn't wake other neighbor.
Now to see about going back to sleep. Cattle calls aren't so much a problem if I don't think they are in the road. Probably. I'll post if I can before crashing. I do wonder if anyone else woke with that concern. While that'll get things pumping, stepping out to potentially face off with a, or several, unknown bovine(s), armed only with a flashlight and spit, which I was running out of, that got me a juice sandwich. Though the thought of fresh meat should things go wrong was comforting. Not sure if that means I am an optimist, a beastly sort, or... just a bit too hungry. Later.
Friday, January 12, 2018
Fast note.
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Up! Actually about an half hour ago. Took a shower immediately. Remember that saying, about it being easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission? Yeah, true even of God? Yep. Why ask when you know the answer won't be what you wish? Ah, that. Simple, stuck right dab between temptation and a powerful want to do His will. Needed a divine veto. Worked out better than anticipated.
Awake at 15:15 give or take ten? As close as I can guess. Weighed in at 263. Expected gains, if more. Bad eats and crippling exhaustion make for weight gain, if I can't figure out how so little was added. That is like missing a water pill or three several... wait, actually I have. So, no actual weight gain. I'll get right back on meds. Ugh.
Later.
A note for the log.
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I can't be sure sleep is possible. It would be good. I feel both need and want. A bit before 7:00, so awake for about six hours. Giving it a try if there are doubts. Later.
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I can't be sure sleep is possible. It would be good. I feel both need and want. A bit before 7:00, so awake for about six hours. Giving it a try if there are doubts. Later.
Prayer and other thoughts.
.
.
As prayer life increases thoughts regarding prayer grow. Subjects, to include literally how and what to pray, why to pray, whom and through whom to pray, and what prayers to pray or how to better formulate prayers... almost overwhelming considerations... all join to begin a learning process.
I tell you truly there are well raised young ones who do better, if all incentives hold. Instinct from habit, nonjudgmental acceptance, a type of innocence, a state of humility due to their current stage in life, and other things develop a superior ability. I can't even recall all of the stages for a full prayer. Humility in acknowledging the presence and greatness of God, a contrite gratitude for the forgiveness offered by God, simple yet profound gratitude to God for life creation and all, and a purpose for or with the prayer? Well, I prefer to include these things for each of the Trinity. Still not sure I have that right. More or less time for any area, time allowing. Though not always is a full prayer the way. A simple blessing, or prayer of concern, requested or not, and simple prayers for travel or this or that.
Now I learn there are as many as nine stages of prayer? Well... what. Oh, and I am only on stage one, maybe two or touching into three but not well? If it weren't for some notions, including that the information comes from digging toward the goal, the ego could take a serious dent. Still does, just not a sting which paralizes. Oh, but it does lead me to mystics. *le sighe*
The last part of praying to discuss is a major aspect I have been missing, requests, for self. Hmm, pray for yourself, I used to question? What do you need, if health and one other grant, are not happening? Yes, simplistic, too simplistic. What indeed! Humility, to top the list though with patience prudence and others piling up, and with even wiser calls for faith hope and charity needed more seriously and soon. It isn't that the prayers need to be either or. I mean, I can pray for the health of one or many, the right intentions of the church, for the health wisdom and graces of priests nuns and the others, AND for strength in my weaknesses.
Yeah, so many prayers not being fully utilized. Still, better to start now. What good are prayers? I can't say that I have seen a miracle from such. I simply believe this to be true. I don't count my life, for various reasons, including, if wrongly, I didn't pray to keep it, quite the contrary. Although, one could say God acted, on my better behalf, through prayers? I could easily abide that. Miraculous if in an extremely convoluted way. If it, I suspect, is the way of God's will very often. His will, not ours. Even should we pray contrary to His will, by praying to God we open ourselves, subject ourselves, to His will? Yeah, I think so.
.
As prayer life increases thoughts regarding prayer grow. Subjects, to include literally how and what to pray, why to pray, whom and through whom to pray, and what prayers to pray or how to better formulate prayers... almost overwhelming considerations... all join to begin a learning process.
I tell you truly there are well raised young ones who do better, if all incentives hold. Instinct from habit, nonjudgmental acceptance, a type of innocence, a state of humility due to their current stage in life, and other things develop a superior ability. I can't even recall all of the stages for a full prayer. Humility in acknowledging the presence and greatness of God, a contrite gratitude for the forgiveness offered by God, simple yet profound gratitude to God for life creation and all, and a purpose for or with the prayer? Well, I prefer to include these things for each of the Trinity. Still not sure I have that right. More or less time for any area, time allowing. Though not always is a full prayer the way. A simple blessing, or prayer of concern, requested or not, and simple prayers for travel or this or that.
Now I learn there are as many as nine stages of prayer? Well... what. Oh, and I am only on stage one, maybe two or touching into three but not well? If it weren't for some notions, including that the information comes from digging toward the goal, the ego could take a serious dent. Still does, just not a sting which paralizes. Oh, but it does lead me to mystics. *le sighe*
The last part of praying to discuss is a major aspect I have been missing, requests, for self. Hmm, pray for yourself, I used to question? What do you need, if health and one other grant, are not happening? Yes, simplistic, too simplistic. What indeed! Humility, to top the list though with patience prudence and others piling up, and with even wiser calls for faith hope and charity needed more seriously and soon. It isn't that the prayers need to be either or. I mean, I can pray for the health of one or many, the right intentions of the church, for the health wisdom and graces of priests nuns and the others, AND for strength in my weaknesses.
Yeah, so many prayers not being fully utilized. Still, better to start now. What good are prayers? I can't say that I have seen a miracle from such. I simply believe this to be true. I don't count my life, for various reasons, including, if wrongly, I didn't pray to keep it, quite the contrary. Although, one could say God acted, on my better behalf, through prayers? I could easily abide that. Miraculous if in an extremely convoluted way. If it, I suspect, is the way of God's will very often. His will, not ours. Even should we pray contrary to His will, by praying to God we open ourselves, subject ourselves, to His will? Yeah, I think so.
I think this will help.
.
.
Logging my waking and sleep times, that is. I may not be able to do much, though less without information. About four hours down, waking fully at 1:15. I nearly woke an hour ago. Was able to park it for an extra hour. The second waking was non-negotiable. Just a sleep log.
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Logging my waking and sleep times, that is. I may not be able to do much, though less without information. About four hours down, waking fully at 1:15. I nearly woke an hour ago. Was able to park it for an extra hour. The second waking was non-negotiable. Just a sleep log.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Back to bed.
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.
Hours of mostly nothing. Blog to news to music sites, a show in bits and parts, dinner. Nothing else. Too tired. On back to bed. Just posting to note the time, 21:21. Good night.
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Hours of mostly nothing. Blog to news to music sites, a show in bits and parts, dinner. Nothing else. Too tired. On back to bed. Just posting to note the time, 21:21. Good night.
Okay. Note to self.
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Skipping through hours and days wrecks schedules for a while. Actually thing are so messed up currently that no grasp or hold on uniformity by which a grasp could be ascertained exists or even could. Hmm? I mean, my sleep is happening in two to five hour batches. I can't seem to track waking hours as I crash well before being able to actually sleep. I am tumbling through time and days as an aerial acrobat who lost the bar. I'll... have to hit, figure things out from there. No idea when I will hit. Have one more hoop shortly then one in a few weeks.
The note to self is, for the future, if again, this way doesn't work well. It doesn't help regain a day schedule. And it's a messy way to hit appointments. However, if all else fails... as it had... it does develop an opportunity for the seemingly impossible if for a hefty fee. Literal psychic confusion, nausea, exhaustion or enhanced exhaustion, and a complete loss of connection with time and place.
Still amazed it worked. Was sort of working it anyway, just to obtain packages. Adding on, this time, further for another objective, really titrated the price, by the minute. Had to be done. Am still amazed.
I thought it was 11:00 when I woke. Not so much, was 14:30, give or take a few. Must have examined the clock earlier, while rolling back to sleep. Sleep is rather good. Not great, but not that horrible sleep which offers no rest, akin to attempting to slake thirst by drinking sand. No, not bad. More sleep and deeper, unbroken, sleep would be helpful. If not, I'll get back to it as is, just at a slower pace. Even it deteriorates, I can do that too. Living this close to death has taught a patience, in some areas, which few can know. Later.
.
Skipping through hours and days wrecks schedules for a while. Actually thing are so messed up currently that no grasp or hold on uniformity by which a grasp could be ascertained exists or even could. Hmm? I mean, my sleep is happening in two to five hour batches. I can't seem to track waking hours as I crash well before being able to actually sleep. I am tumbling through time and days as an aerial acrobat who lost the bar. I'll... have to hit, figure things out from there. No idea when I will hit. Have one more hoop shortly then one in a few weeks.
The note to self is, for the future, if again, this way doesn't work well. It doesn't help regain a day schedule. And it's a messy way to hit appointments. However, if all else fails... as it had... it does develop an opportunity for the seemingly impossible if for a hefty fee. Literal psychic confusion, nausea, exhaustion or enhanced exhaustion, and a complete loss of connection with time and place.
Still amazed it worked. Was sort of working it anyway, just to obtain packages. Adding on, this time, further for another objective, really titrated the price, by the minute. Had to be done. Am still amazed.
I thought it was 11:00 when I woke. Not so much, was 14:30, give or take a few. Must have examined the clock earlier, while rolling back to sleep. Sleep is rather good. Not great, but not that horrible sleep which offers no rest, akin to attempting to slake thirst by drinking sand. No, not bad. More sleep and deeper, unbroken, sleep would be helpful. If not, I'll get back to it as is, just at a slower pace. Even it deteriorates, I can do that too. Living this close to death has taught a patience, in some areas, which few can know. Later.
Up a couple hours.
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.
Went to sleep in the neighborhood of 17:00, maybe plus an half. Down hard, fast, waking every two hours for bio. No clue why, didn't make sense with the inputs involved. Then woke after five hours down and two wakes. Beer. Told the psychopathogen I only consume a snifter of bourbon, scotch, or whisky three times a month, max... now that heart medicine is actually helping, save on a blue moon or every third, when a triple shot of the stuff seems required.
True. Haven't had a beer in... a year, two? Carbs. However, in my current state of broken ketosis, while shopping, and after the psychopathogen, beer sounded good. Well, and thirsty as a dog. No fluid with, need to remember to have a jug of tea ready to go. I mean, at the store, I grabbed beer. Not the three cases I used to nab, just a twelve pack. Two before sleep, four after. Maybe back to bed soon, if beer has nothing to do with it. Not sure I like beer, or more than two at a time. Still, good to know. A bite to eat while deciding if it is realy bedtime.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Zapped but good.
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Got everything hoped done, plus interest. Later to the post than hoped, but well within the lines. Other than being a bit off the rez from being so tired. Naps and other manipulations allowed me to be up and out in spite of seeing my shadow, if my body and mind weren't the happiest about it. Then on to the doc. No time for the side trips and good thing, as it wasn't where I thought. Sure I wrote the address, then promptly lost the note. Always tired, add sleep contortions and it goes downhill quickly.
I tried to get instructions, did take the address, had little hope, on the phone (glad I decided to take the phone this time). Pulled right in, if only intending to turn around and call again. Nope, I was there. The appointment was a lot less stressful than I had anticipated. I followed along, then offered a shortcut, if he was interested. I laid it out as well as I knew how, being as honest as my understandings. Went fairly well. I think.
Then the drill was returned , a few groceries were bought, and a meal was had. Man am I tired. Just a bit of time to climb down off the walls then off to bed. Wow am I tired. Good night.
.
Got everything hoped done, plus interest. Later to the post than hoped, but well within the lines. Other than being a bit off the rez from being so tired. Naps and other manipulations allowed me to be up and out in spite of seeing my shadow, if my body and mind weren't the happiest about it. Then on to the doc. No time for the side trips and good thing, as it wasn't where I thought. Sure I wrote the address, then promptly lost the note. Always tired, add sleep contortions and it goes downhill quickly.
I tried to get instructions, did take the address, had little hope, on the phone (glad I decided to take the phone this time). Pulled right in, if only intending to turn around and call again. Nope, I was there. The appointment was a lot less stressful than I had anticipated. I followed along, then offered a shortcut, if he was interested. I laid it out as well as I knew how, being as honest as my understandings. Went fairly well. I think.
Then the drill was returned , a few groceries were bought, and a meal was had. Man am I tired. Just a bit of time to climb down off the walls then off to bed. Wow am I tired. Good night.
Do you ever realize the fix is in?
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.
It doesn't matter which area, sometimes everything boils down to something(s), wanted or not. In this case decidedly not. A couple of particular saints keep populating areas of spiritual concern which... I don't wish to entertain yet know I must. Annoying in more ways than I can help you understand. Trapped by my own incessant digging, accelerating greatly of late.
I'll not dispense with their names, merely suggesting they are mystics. Already questioned in some ways, that is a bit frustrating. Of course, there are simple explanations, as well as the obviously not so simple basis. Who would ever want to walk the way of mysticism? It is the way of ridicule, which offers humility. See, one of the mundane reasons, if tracked back from that other dark edge. Mystics simply... have dubious reputations, even after bonafied.
Ah, but... in dealing with an order mistake, a few more inexpensive books. Each covering three concepts my study has called for more understanding. Not what I always might want, more areas of need, some might suggest desperate need... humility as a prime example. Now, I do not abide total self debasement. Fuller understanding before God? Absolutely. But suggesting I am nothing before Him is telling Him He does lousy work, for one of many problems. I... don't always think all teachers get it right. Pay attention but don't blindly jump off a cliff just because some says God wants you to jump. He doesn't. I think some miss the point of some alternate, indirect, forms of instruction and are then never directly corrected. Psychology and philosophy seem to make up far too much of some education, and not the better forms of such.
.
It doesn't matter which area, sometimes everything boils down to something(s), wanted or not. In this case decidedly not. A couple of particular saints keep populating areas of spiritual concern which... I don't wish to entertain yet know I must. Annoying in more ways than I can help you understand. Trapped by my own incessant digging, accelerating greatly of late.
I'll not dispense with their names, merely suggesting they are mystics. Already questioned in some ways, that is a bit frustrating. Of course, there are simple explanations, as well as the obviously not so simple basis. Who would ever want to walk the way of mysticism? It is the way of ridicule, which offers humility. See, one of the mundane reasons, if tracked back from that other dark edge. Mystics simply... have dubious reputations, even after bonafied.
Ah, but... in dealing with an order mistake, a few more inexpensive books. Each covering three concepts my study has called for more understanding. Not what I always might want, more areas of need, some might suggest desperate need... humility as a prime example. Now, I do not abide total self debasement. Fuller understanding before God? Absolutely. But suggesting I am nothing before Him is telling Him He does lousy work, for one of many problems. I... don't always think all teachers get it right. Pay attention but don't blindly jump off a cliff just because some says God wants you to jump. He doesn't. I think some miss the point of some alternate, indirect, forms of instruction and are then never directly corrected. Psychology and philosophy seem to make up far too much of some education, and not the better forms of such.
A nap with a call to wake and inform.
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.
The appointment is the first of two. Neither will be on my tab. I would skip this one if possible. It is a bogus one with the fake medical branch. To suggest it will be frosty would be generous. The evil those people commit for their silver even Christ laments. Zero ability between one and the next to diagnose, no ability to treat, not a science which also means it isn't a medicine. On the good side that gives me two weeks to get back on my fast... I've... gone a bit rogue, eating, if more drinking, the wrong things. Soda, went with the pizza, neither of which... never mind. I'll call it a foolish choice, finish, write it off, and not repeat or in this volume. *urpp* Ugh.
The alarm, from my second nap was two minutes from going off, so all good. Now to shower then get to the post. At tip of the top, I have two hours and twelve minutes. I have no intention of taking that much time, perhaps an hour to be ready and out the door? That is the plan.
Sure glad I was given the heads up that it was just a quack I was being forced to see today. Would not have been a happy surprise for either of us. Evil son of a... When I was ever evil I didn't lie about it. Didn't need to, sad to be a slithering, as required by weakness I guess.
Just a bit of time to wake. Looks like it will work out. Later.
.
The appointment is the first of two. Neither will be on my tab. I would skip this one if possible. It is a bogus one with the fake medical branch. To suggest it will be frosty would be generous. The evil those people commit for their silver even Christ laments. Zero ability between one and the next to diagnose, no ability to treat, not a science which also means it isn't a medicine. On the good side that gives me two weeks to get back on my fast... I've... gone a bit rogue, eating, if more drinking, the wrong things. Soda, went with the pizza, neither of which... never mind. I'll call it a foolish choice, finish, write it off, and not repeat or in this volume. *urpp* Ugh.
The alarm, from my second nap was two minutes from going off, so all good. Now to shower then get to the post. At tip of the top, I have two hours and twelve minutes. I have no intention of taking that much time, perhaps an hour to be ready and out the door? That is the plan.
Sure glad I was given the heads up that it was just a quack I was being forced to see today. Would not have been a happy surprise for either of us. Evil son of a... When I was ever evil I didn't lie about it. Didn't need to, sad to be a slithering, as required by weakness I guess.
Just a bit of time to wake. Looks like it will work out. Later.
A perfect nap.
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.
I was quite late in getting to it. Not so much just an inability to sleep, but with the hope of a notion. The hope that if I held out for an extra long time perhaps sleep would be extra long, at least compared to a nap, though maybe longer as a full sleep or longer yet. No such luck. However, when rest is so good, no pain before, during, or after, and a sense of being rested from said, despite not getting even the least of my extra wishes, I cannot be dissatisfied. Perhaps another nap after some work? Perhaps.
Other than the minor efforts, I need to get to the post plus make the appointment. That is going to be tricky, but not impossible, more possible with a nap or two if those are possible. Ugh. An early trip to the post would really help the odds... probably. I cannot always know. I'll pray and hope while acting honestly as I may.
.
I was quite late in getting to it. Not so much just an inability to sleep, but with the hope of a notion. The hope that if I held out for an extra long time perhaps sleep would be extra long, at least compared to a nap, though maybe longer as a full sleep or longer yet. No such luck. However, when rest is so good, no pain before, during, or after, and a sense of being rested from said, despite not getting even the least of my extra wishes, I cannot be dissatisfied. Perhaps another nap after some work? Perhaps.
Other than the minor efforts, I need to get to the post plus make the appointment. That is going to be tricky, but not impossible, more possible with a nap or two if those are possible. Ugh. An early trip to the post would really help the odds... probably. I cannot always know. I'll pray and hope while acting honestly as I may.
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Always more, and surprises.
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.
The surprise. A text message. An appointment at my usual doctor's clinic but not with him? Hmm. Not happy, still I keep my cool, call in. Social Security arranged it, if from what I have seen didn't inform me. I could have missed something though. Don't know if I have to pay yet. Called the contact on the ssa side, to no success, left a message.
Then on to bill paying. The first one, I thought $75 and this month was due. Instead I was informed I have a $6 and change credit? Okay. Finally mortgage was paid. I will check on that as I paid last month, with money in the bank, but it didn't go through. In one sense it doesn't matter, in another sense it really does. From now on I have to check until it goes through or it becomes obvious it won't, then handle it.
After several broken operations with various companies I am beginning to realize they break things, to force unneeded contacts, so they can sell my contact information to the bogus callers... the ones offering 'vacation packages', 'debt payments', and other junk. Any contact gives them the ability to sell your data for three to six months. Make that illegal, with $10k per contact, for the info seller and buyer, plus up to 5 years in prison, sequential, per contact. A few hits would end it. Laws are stupid. But having no laws is worse. If you have laws, but can't or won't enforce them, get rid of them.
Finally, just in time, I called my mom. It sounds like she is doing better. Perhaps a bit lonely. Or maybe just tired. Being a widow is a tough gig. He little dog helps, but life is difficult alone, far more for dames, just is. I'll keep her in more of my prayers. Not much else I can do.
Work? I'll get to it. I am almost sure I will get caught up, if maybe a nap first. Just that mix of calls wore me out. Later.
.
The surprise. A text message. An appointment at my usual doctor's clinic but not with him? Hmm. Not happy, still I keep my cool, call in. Social Security arranged it, if from what I have seen didn't inform me. I could have missed something though. Don't know if I have to pay yet. Called the contact on the ssa side, to no success, left a message.
Then on to bill paying. The first one, I thought $75 and this month was due. Instead I was informed I have a $6 and change credit? Okay. Finally mortgage was paid. I will check on that as I paid last month, with money in the bank, but it didn't go through. In one sense it doesn't matter, in another sense it really does. From now on I have to check until it goes through or it becomes obvious it won't, then handle it.
After several broken operations with various companies I am beginning to realize they break things, to force unneeded contacts, so they can sell my contact information to the bogus callers... the ones offering 'vacation packages', 'debt payments', and other junk. Any contact gives them the ability to sell your data for three to six months. Make that illegal, with $10k per contact, for the info seller and buyer, plus up to 5 years in prison, sequential, per contact. A few hits would end it. Laws are stupid. But having no laws is worse. If you have laws, but can't or won't enforce them, get rid of them.
Finally, just in time, I called my mom. It sounds like she is doing better. Perhaps a bit lonely. Or maybe just tired. Being a widow is a tough gig. He little dog helps, but life is difficult alone, far more for dames, just is. I'll keep her in more of my prayers. Not much else I can do.
Work? I'll get to it. I am almost sure I will get caught up, if maybe a nap first. Just that mix of calls wore me out. Later.
Just waking.
.
.
While sleep seemed pleasant, waking at this time isn't. I can't be sure when I finally went to bed if I suspect it was much after my last post? Further, I thought it would be a nap, perhaps a long nap. As it happens it ended as not just a sleep but an extended one! How am I supposed to schedule something when nothing works as it should? There is some hope that if everything keeps working as it isn't planned, and against my will, intent, it will work out. Yeah. While seemingly extremely unlikely you would be amazed how often that truly works out. Exactly so.
Today? Waking. Shower and shave. Bills. Then setting up dishes and pushing them through plus wiping surfaces in the kitchen while finally completely clearing the table top and doing a bit more in the kitchen nook. While I don't think I can do a great deal, if I can fully catch up AND do a bit more, without adding to the mess, then I will be clear and more. Further, the rest of the work this week, little or much, is all on the plus side. Sometimes that adds incentives to the efforts.
Oh, part of the problem? Relative heat, it is or was raining all night! Raining in January? It's a terrifying prospect hereabouts, should it snap freeze I could only imagine the ice problem. Raining? All night? But that also means it is or was well above freezing, which does throw my ability to sleep off. I really need a freezer compartment add-on, to sleep within. Hmm, I wonder how much? Seriously. Could use it for other things, as well, you know.
Later.
.
While sleep seemed pleasant, waking at this time isn't. I can't be sure when I finally went to bed if I suspect it was much after my last post? Further, I thought it would be a nap, perhaps a long nap. As it happens it ended as not just a sleep but an extended one! How am I supposed to schedule something when nothing works as it should? There is some hope that if everything keeps working as it isn't planned, and against my will, intent, it will work out. Yeah. While seemingly extremely unlikely you would be amazed how often that truly works out. Exactly so.
Today? Waking. Shower and shave. Bills. Then setting up dishes and pushing them through plus wiping surfaces in the kitchen while finally completely clearing the table top and doing a bit more in the kitchen nook. While I don't think I can do a great deal, if I can fully catch up AND do a bit more, without adding to the mess, then I will be clear and more. Further, the rest of the work this week, little or much, is all on the plus side. Sometimes that adds incentives to the efforts.
Oh, part of the problem? Relative heat, it is or was raining all night! Raining in January? It's a terrifying prospect hereabouts, should it snap freeze I could only imagine the ice problem. Raining? All night? But that also means it is or was well above freezing, which does throw my ability to sleep off. I really need a freezer compartment add-on, to sleep within. Hmm, I wonder how much? Seriously. Could use it for other things, as well, you know.
Later.
Monday, January 8, 2018
Crash landing.
.
.
A crash of the best sort. After that final bit of laundry, and collecting every dirty dish and else onto one counter, ready to be soaked for the first wash after my shower after I finish waking, if with eyes dried as if I had been tearing sand, sleep happened so fast and hard it was as if a switch was flicked and the universe landed on me. *click* Absolutely beautiful, as sleep should be. If I could force that much work out of myself to such ends... hmm... then again, even often when nothing is done, I have done that, often. Sometimes just being alive is that much work, netting similar results.
And sleep was as deep as it was instant. When the lights went out they stayed out. That black box of dark gooey wonderful nothing was fantastic if a bit short. Didn't wake rough for it though. No pain or fog, if... I may go back to sleep shortly. May have been the 60/40/20 volt 3/6/9 ah flex batteries delivery which woke me? Possible, even if an hour or two later... if my mind hears something, but can't immediately wake me? It creates a message on a feedback loop. While nothing was due today, when I woke I knew to check. Those batteries will keep the table saw, recip saw, and drills in their most stressing tasks at full propably to overheating before running out of power. Adds a ton of weight, but well wort it. The 20v(18, actually) 3ah batteries which came with the kit will do most jobs. I may even purchase 1.5ah batteries so everything, if needed, could be powered at once. Not for six months or more, need to recharge finances, toolwise to be sure! Ugh.
Anyway, yeah, maybe back to bed. Sleep was rather short. While I seem quite able to push into new hours while trying to push my schedule into daytime, pushing my wake time is a serious limit, has some sort of serious cap as to how much it can be adjusted, and how quickly. Usually I can't go back to sleep. This may be a bonus for pushing to sand tears yesterday... if it works. Hmm? Well, good night, again, I hope.
.
A crash of the best sort. After that final bit of laundry, and collecting every dirty dish and else onto one counter, ready to be soaked for the first wash after my shower after I finish waking, if with eyes dried as if I had been tearing sand, sleep happened so fast and hard it was as if a switch was flicked and the universe landed on me. *click* Absolutely beautiful, as sleep should be. If I could force that much work out of myself to such ends... hmm... then again, even often when nothing is done, I have done that, often. Sometimes just being alive is that much work, netting similar results.
And sleep was as deep as it was instant. When the lights went out they stayed out. That black box of dark gooey wonderful nothing was fantastic if a bit short. Didn't wake rough for it though. No pain or fog, if... I may go back to sleep shortly. May have been the 60/40/20 volt 3/6/9 ah flex batteries delivery which woke me? Possible, even if an hour or two later... if my mind hears something, but can't immediately wake me? It creates a message on a feedback loop. While nothing was due today, when I woke I knew to check. Those batteries will keep the table saw, recip saw, and drills in their most stressing tasks at full propably to overheating before running out of power. Adds a ton of weight, but well wort it. The 20v(18, actually) 3ah batteries which came with the kit will do most jobs. I may even purchase 1.5ah batteries so everything, if needed, could be powered at once. Not for six months or more, need to recharge finances, toolwise to be sure! Ugh.
Anyway, yeah, maybe back to bed. Sleep was rather short. While I seem quite able to push into new hours while trying to push my schedule into daytime, pushing my wake time is a serious limit, has some sort of serious cap as to how much it can be adjusted, and how quickly. Usually I can't go back to sleep. This may be a bonus for pushing to sand tears yesterday... if it works. Hmm? Well, good night, again, I hope.
Awake until my eyes burn.
.
.
But not without purpose on top of reason. The dishes are finally done! Ugh but I hate washing dirty dishes just shy of the objects of art themselves. As well, I do believe laundry, which has all been dried, will be folded or hung, with the small start to the next load(s) going back. The nice thing about changing bed linens as regularly as possible is that it reminds to do else laundry. Heck, I haven't run out of... any clothes since I started this new schtick!
The other thing about staying up is it is opening the way to make it to the post Wednesday... hopefully. Far too... not today, probably not tomorrow. Flaggation has limits, which is stretched to well into pain as is. Perhaps too far. Besides, the next, and perhaps last batch arrives Wednesday. I don't think I can juggle and make two pushes on the same schedule obverse. After which I'll take some serious downtime. As to snowshoeing? I don't consider that spit of snow an actual snow.
Not bad if it is seriously uncomfortable pushing this far. Not just the good kind, but heading, or really well into the bad kind. But I am stuck, like a dog with it's teeth and jaws buried too deeply into the rag toy. How to stop!?! No worries, probably. Good night, morning, and day.
---------
Done. Watched a show while letting the house, my body, and the bedroom cool. I am looking forward to a shower when I wake, then setting up a very minor batch of dishes while finishing the kitchen. Then no cooking for a while. Could grill, outside, though. Ugh. Other than pushing my day back around, that's it until Wednesday. Pftftfta but I am tired.
.
But not without purpose on top of reason. The dishes are finally done! Ugh but I hate washing dirty dishes just shy of the objects of art themselves. As well, I do believe laundry, which has all been dried, will be folded or hung, with the small start to the next load(s) going back. The nice thing about changing bed linens as regularly as possible is that it reminds to do else laundry. Heck, I haven't run out of... any clothes since I started this new schtick!
The other thing about staying up is it is opening the way to make it to the post Wednesday... hopefully. Far too... not today, probably not tomorrow. Flaggation has limits, which is stretched to well into pain as is. Perhaps too far. Besides, the next, and perhaps last batch arrives Wednesday. I don't think I can juggle and make two pushes on the same schedule obverse. After which I'll take some serious downtime. As to snowshoeing? I don't consider that spit of snow an actual snow.
Not bad if it is seriously uncomfortable pushing this far. Not just the good kind, but heading, or really well into the bad kind. But I am stuck, like a dog with it's teeth and jaws buried too deeply into the rag toy. How to stop!?! No worries, probably. Good night, morning, and day.
---------
Done. Watched a show while letting the house, my body, and the bedroom cool. I am looking forward to a shower when I wake, then setting up a very minor batch of dishes while finishing the kitchen. Then no cooking for a while. Could grill, outside, though. Ugh. Other than pushing my day back around, that's it until Wednesday. Pftftfta but I am tired.
More, and more yet.
.
.
Well, certainty can never be owned. I have food to digest. I am wearying. And yet I have confidence... feedback from a particular prayer. A rare, very rare, thing. I wasn't asking to do more, if that was back there, separate from the prayer. The notion wasn't being excluded purposefully, it was a different tangent. I was merely offering what had been done, and what might further be done, to His glory, and being thankful for the opportunity. I got a sense that more would be done.
I am sure my prayers must seem odd, even to others who pray. Since most who read here don't know me personally, even some who might presume, I don't mind discussing my prayers, by the way. Not bragging, how can a humble grateful supplicant have pride in submissive offerings? Anyway, so, I received what seemed as a divine allowance. Joyful at the time, but with a bit full of a belly now? :p Oh, I'll see to my side of the promise. :)
Ah, something else. Beside rosaries, chaplets, and such, I have been researching other books and slowly purchasing them. The last book was distinctly not what I had hoped, turning out instead into exactly what I may have far more greatly needed... a more sure path to Masses! It's complicated, if also not.
I had misunderstood the book to be a list of prayers used in mass. I often feel lost in mass. I was hoping to clear that up. No problem, I have missals arriving, in various forms. Initially I considered returning this book, but... while in hand I decided to examine just what it was that I did hold. Hmm... The title, a seeming perplexing, or mundane sounding, or... "A Prayer Book for Eucharistic Adoration". Hmm... So... A bit of examination, then, of course. Must be foggy, though while intellectually familiar, much of this is mechanically new. I have never done some of this. The rosary is still really new!
What this is, for hopefully just non-Catholics though, well, I guess as a noob I shouldn't harsh any mellows, is a book of prayers to be said in the chapel where the Eucharist parts are held. Explaining further is not easily within my vocabulary, may have strayed as is. The thing is Catholicism teaches, and I abide, that Transubstantiation occurs when the bread and wine are blessed, that these become the body and blood of Christ. As such, they are kept in a special container, which has it's own area, chapel, for adoration before or after Mass. I understand these things, I just don't have the words at full command, and perhaps not every last exact detail.
Well, okay Doom(ster), you might ask, how does that help? Ah, key words "before Mass". The addorations often occur an hour before mass. But being a little late or early isn't a problem. As with libraries, just enter quietly, respectfully. Silly me, I was invited to this but did not understand and in my straight bullish if unintending nature flustered the bird so she didn't fully reach out and explain. So sad, though things in their time? Oh, and should I be very late, usually I might still be in time for Mass. See?
Why all these seeming games? Because time doesn't work the same for us, or even the internal and external me. Inside, time ticks by as if moments were decades, a day as a thousand years. Outside, however, when I target a time, date, and place and... so often I set in my daily eternity watching the appointment approach and then depart with no ability to even call in, IF I even happen to notice. Autistic of some sort, in some way, or... something. So... this could improve odds. Some days I just can't act, or won't remember. On the days I can understand and function, this. I am keeping the book.
On a side note, much of what was ordered was held up a long bit. I really wonder about things. I do believe the blessed rosaries will show back up, if most likely not until after I have a pile of blessed rosaries and a few other things ordered. Yeah. I... think just so. It will get fixed. That one and the help can get smart but won't win out. Later.
I recently viewed this but even then didn't get it. When going in the right direction, not just when in hell, keep going. How strange how things pile up, and on, when seeking after being called to grace. It IS exciting. Amen.
.
Well, certainty can never be owned. I have food to digest. I am wearying. And yet I have confidence... feedback from a particular prayer. A rare, very rare, thing. I wasn't asking to do more, if that was back there, separate from the prayer. The notion wasn't being excluded purposefully, it was a different tangent. I was merely offering what had been done, and what might further be done, to His glory, and being thankful for the opportunity. I got a sense that more would be done.
I am sure my prayers must seem odd, even to others who pray. Since most who read here don't know me personally, even some who might presume, I don't mind discussing my prayers, by the way. Not bragging, how can a humble grateful supplicant have pride in submissive offerings? Anyway, so, I received what seemed as a divine allowance. Joyful at the time, but with a bit full of a belly now? :p Oh, I'll see to my side of the promise. :)
Ah, something else. Beside rosaries, chaplets, and such, I have been researching other books and slowly purchasing them. The last book was distinctly not what I had hoped, turning out instead into exactly what I may have far more greatly needed... a more sure path to Masses! It's complicated, if also not.
I had misunderstood the book to be a list of prayers used in mass. I often feel lost in mass. I was hoping to clear that up. No problem, I have missals arriving, in various forms. Initially I considered returning this book, but... while in hand I decided to examine just what it was that I did hold. Hmm... The title, a seeming perplexing, or mundane sounding, or... "A Prayer Book for Eucharistic Adoration". Hmm... So... A bit of examination, then, of course. Must be foggy, though while intellectually familiar, much of this is mechanically new. I have never done some of this. The rosary is still really new!
What this is, for hopefully just non-Catholics though, well, I guess as a noob I shouldn't harsh any mellows, is a book of prayers to be said in the chapel where the Eucharist parts are held. Explaining further is not easily within my vocabulary, may have strayed as is. The thing is Catholicism teaches, and I abide, that Transubstantiation occurs when the bread and wine are blessed, that these become the body and blood of Christ. As such, they are kept in a special container, which has it's own area, chapel, for adoration before or after Mass. I understand these things, I just don't have the words at full command, and perhaps not every last exact detail.
Well, okay Doom(ster), you might ask, how does that help? Ah, key words "before Mass". The addorations often occur an hour before mass. But being a little late or early isn't a problem. As with libraries, just enter quietly, respectfully. Silly me, I was invited to this but did not understand and in my straight bullish if unintending nature flustered the bird so she didn't fully reach out and explain. So sad, though things in their time? Oh, and should I be very late, usually I might still be in time for Mass. See?
Why all these seeming games? Because time doesn't work the same for us, or even the internal and external me. Inside, time ticks by as if moments were decades, a day as a thousand years. Outside, however, when I target a time, date, and place and... so often I set in my daily eternity watching the appointment approach and then depart with no ability to even call in, IF I even happen to notice. Autistic of some sort, in some way, or... something. So... this could improve odds. Some days I just can't act, or won't remember. On the days I can understand and function, this. I am keeping the book.
On a side note, much of what was ordered was held up a long bit. I really wonder about things. I do believe the blessed rosaries will show back up, if most likely not until after I have a pile of blessed rosaries and a few other things ordered. Yeah. I... think just so. It will get fixed. That one and the help can get smart but won't win out. Later.
I recently viewed this but even then didn't get it. When going in the right direction, not just when in hell, keep going. How strange how things pile up, and on, when seeking after being called to grace. It IS exciting. Amen.
Sunday, January 7, 2018
A mild start.
.
.
Dishes, a shower, cats fed, their water system checked and filled, plus a bite. Laundry shouldn't be a problem. As to food? It would have to be easy, not fast. I think the only fast food would be McDonalds, which fell below even my standards. Food shouldn't have the scent of the dead. I still like, or liked, their fries, if even those had fallen through oil changes, supposedly to satisfy a vegan lawsuit if probably losing the suit on purpose to use cheaper, inferior, oils. Still, if I can get things together and get out, I should be able to find a few things by which to cook without fuss or mess.
Absolutely floored or I would have called my mother. It sounds like she had the flu. One of my cousins was staying to help with things. The most unlikely of them which... somehow works as it should for my clan. A family with many lost causes who, through graces high and low, a word or two from one or two other lost to another, and an opportunity. Extracting a cranium from a dark place and on to doing good. Not written as a darkness but as... a blessing. I'll call tomorrow.
I may be at the end. Or I may get out for food yet. Or just maybe I'll do that and still do more. Trash could go, but not until I return. Ugh. I think I checked mail Friday, but will look again, on my return, just in case. So, yeah, I'm going... sometime. Later.
.
Dishes, a shower, cats fed, their water system checked and filled, plus a bite. Laundry shouldn't be a problem. As to food? It would have to be easy, not fast. I think the only fast food would be McDonalds, which fell below even my standards. Food shouldn't have the scent of the dead. I still like, or liked, their fries, if even those had fallen through oil changes, supposedly to satisfy a vegan lawsuit if probably losing the suit on purpose to use cheaper, inferior, oils. Still, if I can get things together and get out, I should be able to find a few things by which to cook without fuss or mess.
Absolutely floored or I would have called my mother. It sounds like she had the flu. One of my cousins was staying to help with things. The most unlikely of them which... somehow works as it should for my clan. A family with many lost causes who, through graces high and low, a word or two from one or two other lost to another, and an opportunity. Extracting a cranium from a dark place and on to doing good. Not written as a darkness but as... a blessing. I'll call tomorrow.
I may be at the end. Or I may get out for food yet. Or just maybe I'll do that and still do more. Trash could go, but not until I return. Ugh. I think I checked mail Friday, but will look again, on my return, just in case. So, yeah, I'm going... sometime. Later.
Nothing doing.
.
.
Good plans, solid intent, all systems otherwise operational, green lights across the board, but something vital is not working. An all stop of function spiting an all ahead command and system setting. I'll keep at it. Today is the next day. While Sunday, with nearly a week of virtual Sundays in a row at my back, I'll take work if I can get it. God simply has to see the plight. Then again it is not God who is the concern, Christ knows... both my heart and the nature of men.
Same plan. Dishes, laundry, a shower and shave, and to finish the kitchen. Oh, out for food, perhaps? If, later, and I get some of this done, should I believe it will help continue work? Then I might go out for food, fast or some sort of easy to fix food. Someone keeps bumping a post about the troubles with work while fasting. Especially at my level of it. Yeah, I get that. It's just that I am sort of stuck with it, sort of. I'll figure my way out of the pretzel knot I seem to be in. Thing is, I realized the other day, it will take several days to a week to eat my way up to a normal feedbag status. The stomach has shrunk. If only the waisteline would follow.
I think, perhaps, today is the day. I'll feed the girls, fix a bite myself, finish waking, then try ketone crystals while trying to hit work. Hmm... Yeah. Later.
.
Good plans, solid intent, all systems otherwise operational, green lights across the board, but something vital is not working. An all stop of function spiting an all ahead command and system setting. I'll keep at it. Today is the next day. While Sunday, with nearly a week of virtual Sundays in a row at my back, I'll take work if I can get it. God simply has to see the plight. Then again it is not God who is the concern, Christ knows... both my heart and the nature of men.
Same plan. Dishes, laundry, a shower and shave, and to finish the kitchen. Oh, out for food, perhaps? If, later, and I get some of this done, should I believe it will help continue work? Then I might go out for food, fast or some sort of easy to fix food. Someone keeps bumping a post about the troubles with work while fasting. Especially at my level of it. Yeah, I get that. It's just that I am sort of stuck with it, sort of. I'll figure my way out of the pretzel knot I seem to be in. Thing is, I realized the other day, it will take several days to a week to eat my way up to a normal feedbag status. The stomach has shrunk. If only the waisteline would follow.
I think, perhaps, today is the day. I'll feed the girls, fix a bite myself, finish waking, then try ketone crystals while trying to hit work. Hmm... Yeah. Later.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
Snow and other shoveling?
.
.
Not a deep snow. I believe the shovel will do. The wind doesn't seem to have shuffled it, looks to be a steady two to three inches, and lighter if not quite a powder? Light as valley winds, as with small brooks, it doesn't take much to do much. And around a house or between two buildings it can really tear. I'll get to it shortly.
Ah, the other shoveling? With days finally turning into nights, if that was an excellent run of day hour life, I need to push back to days. I shoved... hmm... just guessing but seven to ten hours into the schedule. Need to double that. Have stuff at, and headed to, the post. Further, just having days open opens possibilities, the world really.
No work yesterday. But no more messes made. Actually I did a small amount of sorting, and a few other if very small tasks. Those actually add up, as long as they aren't being buried by anything else. They aren't. If dishes, the very little left to do in the kitchen, and laundry can be finished, and I shower and eat out plus perhaps pick up foods of leisure for a bit, I... might... get back on the pitcher's mound and bat one into the lot. Yeah, a man with a thousand faces plays a slightly different game. Can't win, can't lose, but the show must go on and all that jazz. Heeeey, batter, batter, batter! Hmm? Never mind.
Well? It seems the lawn machine is at it. So shoveling isn't an albatross. Still have to do much, then shower, before attempting to go out like the brave mouse I must seem. I wasn't sure there was enough for it to work. Sounds like it. I'll salt a bit after.
On to waking. Yeah, just woke. Hmm, maybe just five to six hours added in? Maybe. Yesterday, more all told, probably. The problem with fog isn't just psychic visibility, but also memory. If an extra long nap can be put in, and the same pushing tomorrow, perhaps I can have mornings, roughly, through the first parts of this next week? Maybe. It's the medium term plan. Good afternoon.
.
Not a deep snow. I believe the shovel will do. The wind doesn't seem to have shuffled it, looks to be a steady two to three inches, and lighter if not quite a powder? Light as valley winds, as with small brooks, it doesn't take much to do much. And around a house or between two buildings it can really tear. I'll get to it shortly.
Ah, the other shoveling? With days finally turning into nights, if that was an excellent run of day hour life, I need to push back to days. I shoved... hmm... just guessing but seven to ten hours into the schedule. Need to double that. Have stuff at, and headed to, the post. Further, just having days open opens possibilities, the world really.
No work yesterday. But no more messes made. Actually I did a small amount of sorting, and a few other if very small tasks. Those actually add up, as long as they aren't being buried by anything else. They aren't. If dishes, the very little left to do in the kitchen, and laundry can be finished, and I shower and eat out plus perhaps pick up foods of leisure for a bit, I... might... get back on the pitcher's mound and bat one into the lot. Yeah, a man with a thousand faces plays a slightly different game. Can't win, can't lose, but the show must go on and all that jazz. Heeeey, batter, batter, batter! Hmm? Never mind.
Well? It seems the lawn machine is at it. So shoveling isn't an albatross. Still have to do much, then shower, before attempting to go out like the brave mouse I must seem. I wasn't sure there was enough for it to work. Sounds like it. I'll salt a bit after.
On to waking. Yeah, just woke. Hmm, maybe just five to six hours added in? Maybe. Yesterday, more all told, probably. The problem with fog isn't just psychic visibility, but also memory. If an extra long nap can be put in, and the same pushing tomorrow, perhaps I can have mornings, roughly, through the first parts of this next week? Maybe. It's the medium term plan. Good afternoon.
Believe as you wish.
.
.
Oh, I understand. Standing flat-footed, tossing grenades while laughing, then you think you saw someone chuck a nuke. Oh, but you can't do that, it is suggested. That isn't funny, and besides, and for realsies, feelings, dude! Hmm? Oh, a bit of blowback from comments. At one time, before some understanding occurred, I might well have backed off. Could be wrong, but... By the way, has California been put out? Sure could use the heat elsewhere innit. Told you.
.
Oh, I understand. Standing flat-footed, tossing grenades while laughing, then you think you saw someone chuck a nuke. Oh, but you can't do that, it is suggested. That isn't funny, and besides, and for realsies, feelings, dude! Hmm? Oh, a bit of blowback from comments. At one time, before some understanding occurred, I might well have backed off. Could be wrong, but... By the way, has California been put out? Sure could use the heat elsewhere innit. Told you.
Friday, January 5, 2018
Well?
.
.
Not much. I did go out for food. Because. Actually there was a reason. I thought food might help but had no ability to cook. Sometimes, assuming I can get out, a bit of food can start the engine. No, it didn't work. Doesn't mean I quit, not even today. It just means not yet. I may, if need be, try the same trick, with slightly different variations, in the next few days. Still fasting, just not using scant available energy to cook. I'll give it a few more chances.
Hey, I'm not seeing anything, but... the queen... ...long live the king? Just something that's been... itching my bean. Could be dead wrong, early, though they don't always say until fixes and jockeying have settled a bit. Modern times tG for refrigeration and makeup. *itch*
.
Not much. I did go out for food. Because. Actually there was a reason. I thought food might help but had no ability to cook. Sometimes, assuming I can get out, a bit of food can start the engine. No, it didn't work. Doesn't mean I quit, not even today. It just means not yet. I may, if need be, try the same trick, with slightly different variations, in the next few days. Still fasting, just not using scant available energy to cook. I'll give it a few more chances.
Hey, I'm not seeing anything, but... the queen... ...long live the king? Just something that's been... itching my bean. Could be dead wrong, early, though they don't always say until fixes and jockeying have settled a bit. Modern times tG for refrigeration and makeup. *itch*
Burned out.
.
.
Not from too much work, or too little. My fuses just aren't reliable. Medicine is on target, has been for a long time. I am right with the feedbag, not to heavy or light, if I have been thirstier than more recent norms. Since I have rarer fully conscious moments, absolute will over things like fluid intake is limited. So it is better, definitely, to adjust the quick fix, then perhaps attempt to find the major malfunction then bring that into line. Sleep is good, or as good as I know how to manage it.
Pain? Always there, lately. Only sometimes severe in the mornings and as bedtime approaches, and once in a while as a waking force during sleep periods. I haven't felt the need for painkillers in weeks, I think... thought about that a time or three but skipped, and rightly as the pain passed shortly. Not much else to do? The next time it snows, however, I plan to get out with the snowshoes. Depending on how deep will decide the location... temps don't really play a part.
I finally bought a long desired kit. Cordless power tools. As well, on the way, about the most powerfull batteries they take. This should make some of the work planned for this summer happen a lot more smoothly. Reroofing almost two outhouses, bolt work on the main roof, and maybe a few other odd jobs. They just opened a world to me. I'll keep the corded versions, for when serious power is needed, and that does happen.
A few things to check, something unnecessary may have been ordered. If so, I'll return it, but merely to purchase, finally, a router, a smaller if not tiny one. The ads for kits are confusing, out of date, if often to the benefit of the consumer... I thought the drill that came with the kit was hammer only, not so. Ugh. Still, love making sure, if buying tools or a few other items, I get what I want, especially at certain prices.
I wasn't able to do the refrigerator, dish washer, and microwave this year so I did this instead, at a quarter to third the cost. So :P the only thing I really wanted but forgot isn't a tool, a heater. I do have a propane burner, but that... isn't ideal for indoors, unless it is piped in. While kerosene heaters don't have an absolutely perfect rep, of the options with reasonable qualifiers of price, cost of fuel, shelf-life of fuel, and a dozen others it comes out way ahead in getting emergency heating in my home the soonest. Not sure I can do that yet this month, but it is next on the list. Well, and fuel tanks and fuel.
Today? I am hoping to just finish dishes, fold and put up what laundry is left, and finish the kitchen. What a disaster of a week, as to intent versus results! At least I never quit. I kept ahead, on a sliding scale, I enjoyed if that required a touch of compassion for self. I won't complain, or write the week off whole. And there is today, tomorrow, and next week. Amen.
.
Not from too much work, or too little. My fuses just aren't reliable. Medicine is on target, has been for a long time. I am right with the feedbag, not to heavy or light, if I have been thirstier than more recent norms. Since I have rarer fully conscious moments, absolute will over things like fluid intake is limited. So it is better, definitely, to adjust the quick fix, then perhaps attempt to find the major malfunction then bring that into line. Sleep is good, or as good as I know how to manage it.
Pain? Always there, lately. Only sometimes severe in the mornings and as bedtime approaches, and once in a while as a waking force during sleep periods. I haven't felt the need for painkillers in weeks, I think... thought about that a time or three but skipped, and rightly as the pain passed shortly. Not much else to do? The next time it snows, however, I plan to get out with the snowshoes. Depending on how deep will decide the location... temps don't really play a part.
I finally bought a long desired kit. Cordless power tools. As well, on the way, about the most powerfull batteries they take. This should make some of the work planned for this summer happen a lot more smoothly. Reroofing almost two outhouses, bolt work on the main roof, and maybe a few other odd jobs. They just opened a world to me. I'll keep the corded versions, for when serious power is needed, and that does happen.
A few things to check, something unnecessary may have been ordered. If so, I'll return it, but merely to purchase, finally, a router, a smaller if not tiny one. The ads for kits are confusing, out of date, if often to the benefit of the consumer... I thought the drill that came with the kit was hammer only, not so. Ugh. Still, love making sure, if buying tools or a few other items, I get what I want, especially at certain prices.
I wasn't able to do the refrigerator, dish washer, and microwave this year so I did this instead, at a quarter to third the cost. So :P the only thing I really wanted but forgot isn't a tool, a heater. I do have a propane burner, but that... isn't ideal for indoors, unless it is piped in. While kerosene heaters don't have an absolutely perfect rep, of the options with reasonable qualifiers of price, cost of fuel, shelf-life of fuel, and a dozen others it comes out way ahead in getting emergency heating in my home the soonest. Not sure I can do that yet this month, but it is next on the list. Well, and fuel tanks and fuel.
Today? I am hoping to just finish dishes, fold and put up what laundry is left, and finish the kitchen. What a disaster of a week, as to intent versus results! At least I never quit. I kept ahead, on a sliding scale, I enjoyed if that required a touch of compassion for self. I won't complain, or write the week off whole. And there is today, tomorrow, and next week. Amen.
Thursday, January 4, 2018
Awake, but what to do?
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.
Not a horrible start, just a lopsided one. Going to bed in Picasso-land, waking up where Dali thinks? Nothing seems quite as it should. Good sleep, only one mild dream which has been forgotten, only mild various pains, it is the mind or senses which seem out of sorts. Hopefully a bit of waking will help.
Still planning on dishes, kitchen cleanup, laundry, which then leaves me to the front room. My efforts have not been all that impressive, if the body and mind haven't been in good shape. Some days it isn't the marathon, or even the list of chores. Some days the great task is simply working up to being able to plan, or even just getting out of bed with some hope the day will sort itself. Trust me, as often as that has happened, I know, it will sort itself... whether you believe or remember matters not at all.
I think I am back to fasting. Two small meals less than six hour apart is the current practice. I really would like sides, from time to time. Beans soaked, so another batch of refried beans for today, this week, and by freezing half next or the following week. Salad, darker green, would be good, but that doesn't last well. And there is always the matter of dressing. I just wish I could set up a couple of simpler lower carb side dishes? Hmm? Oh, fine ask, especially out loud, and you will receive... homework! God helps those who help themselves. Oh, since fasting, I suspect I will be trying the ketone crystals and such. An half an hour befote diving in, no more than twice a day? I'll look over the instructions.
With finances ordered for the moment, I will set up an appointment with the doctor and a masseuse. Why a masseuse? I found that she will lower my bp more than the doctor and all the medicine he can give that I can take for less than a 90 day supply of any of the several medicines I take, which may end up helping diabetes. Right. I'll start out half an hour a month, might double that. Trouble, as with all things, is keeping up on schedules. Perhaps if I can schedule days before. You have no idea how troubling it is to not be good at keeping a simple appointment. Makes one not wish to even try sometimes.
Oh, my rosaries have gone missing. Shouldn't have, were right beside my bed. Any place I might have put them has been checked, if I am sure I didn't take them anywhere. I swear, sometimes... I have been, of the side, digging and looking for them. Gah!
On to waking. Juggling thought, potential actions, consternations, and else has stirred the blood. A few calls, or waking and then those, and probably more. Yeah. Opportunity seems more real. Good morning and day.
.
Not a horrible start, just a lopsided one. Going to bed in Picasso-land, waking up where Dali thinks? Nothing seems quite as it should. Good sleep, only one mild dream which has been forgotten, only mild various pains, it is the mind or senses which seem out of sorts. Hopefully a bit of waking will help.
Still planning on dishes, kitchen cleanup, laundry, which then leaves me to the front room. My efforts have not been all that impressive, if the body and mind haven't been in good shape. Some days it isn't the marathon, or even the list of chores. Some days the great task is simply working up to being able to plan, or even just getting out of bed with some hope the day will sort itself. Trust me, as often as that has happened, I know, it will sort itself... whether you believe or remember matters not at all.
I think I am back to fasting. Two small meals less than six hour apart is the current practice. I really would like sides, from time to time. Beans soaked, so another batch of refried beans for today, this week, and by freezing half next or the following week. Salad, darker green, would be good, but that doesn't last well. And there is always the matter of dressing. I just wish I could set up a couple of simpler lower carb side dishes? Hmm? Oh, fine ask, especially out loud, and you will receive... homework! God helps those who help themselves. Oh, since fasting, I suspect I will be trying the ketone crystals and such. An half an hour befote diving in, no more than twice a day? I'll look over the instructions.
With finances ordered for the moment, I will set up an appointment with the doctor and a masseuse. Why a masseuse? I found that she will lower my bp more than the doctor and all the medicine he can give that I can take for less than a 90 day supply of any of the several medicines I take, which may end up helping diabetes. Right. I'll start out half an hour a month, might double that. Trouble, as with all things, is keeping up on schedules. Perhaps if I can schedule days before. You have no idea how troubling it is to not be good at keeping a simple appointment. Makes one not wish to even try sometimes.
Oh, my rosaries have gone missing. Shouldn't have, were right beside my bed. Any place I might have put them has been checked, if I am sure I didn't take them anywhere. I swear, sometimes... I have been, of the side, digging and looking for them. Gah!
On to waking. Juggling thought, potential actions, consternations, and else has stirred the blood. A few calls, or waking and then those, and probably more. Yeah. Opportunity seems more real. Good morning and day.
Not so much, if there may be a tomorrow.
.
.
May be a tomorrow? Well yes. Who ever knows. No concerns other than the current suspension of reality in which I live. Just a general thought.
No more work. I have reviewed a number more Catholic videos. Some I felt called to examine, a few I really did not wish to view or more hear. It is often the ones which generate a negative reaction just to the title which do the best toward the goal of approaching God in His way. My way isn't full, right, successful. Oddly, I have noted that what I imagine will be a flogging ends up being... good. Oh, yeah, there might be stings and barbs, much as removing cactus barbs, various thorns, or other harms, but healing and relief follow swiftly or immediately. Limits, I am not up to perpetual sessions. And yet I am pleased with what God is leading me to and through.
I could do little else. If, quite often, just pushing the mind alone without potential castigations when this tired is no more possible than work. I hope He is well pleased. I certainly am, if to His glory in this. I am finished for the night. Work, sleep, and pray well through your night. Good night.
.
May be a tomorrow? Well yes. Who ever knows. No concerns other than the current suspension of reality in which I live. Just a general thought.
No more work. I have reviewed a number more Catholic videos. Some I felt called to examine, a few I really did not wish to view or more hear. It is often the ones which generate a negative reaction just to the title which do the best toward the goal of approaching God in His way. My way isn't full, right, successful. Oddly, I have noted that what I imagine will be a flogging ends up being... good. Oh, yeah, there might be stings and barbs, much as removing cactus barbs, various thorns, or other harms, but healing and relief follow swiftly or immediately. Limits, I am not up to perpetual sessions. And yet I am pleased with what God is leading me to and through.
I could do little else. If, quite often, just pushing the mind alone without potential castigations when this tired is no more possible than work. I hope He is well pleased. I certainly am, if to His glory in this. I am finished for the night. Work, sleep, and pray well through your night. Good night.
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Naps can help.
.
.
After, right after, the last post, I think, I saw a need and opportunity for a nap. Took it. Usually two hours, as was this one. Some nights, even naps, are so full of dreams it scarcely seems I could have slept. Sometimes I don't feel rested, or as rested as could be hoped. Being perpetually exhausted for thirty years means the sense of feeling rested is by very small comparative degrees, as if in vision I had monochrome versus most people having effectively a infinite color palette. Anyway. While I did wake beter rested, I also woke with so many dreams and thoughts on my mind that I simply couldn't put anything together, mutter something to the effect, to God, that I have limits. If He wishes understanding that He must be patient and His messengers must be ordered. For some reason I sensed it was from God.
Awake, better rested, if with no idea what that was about. I changed the wash water and ran the last fresh water through to clean the brewer, and then put the laundry through a tumble to freshen before changing out. Then this. It might not be all that interesting. And yet, perspective. There isn't any health to work with, it is almost all will.
.
After, right after, the last post, I think, I saw a need and opportunity for a nap. Took it. Usually two hours, as was this one. Some nights, even naps, are so full of dreams it scarcely seems I could have slept. Sometimes I don't feel rested, or as rested as could be hoped. Being perpetually exhausted for thirty years means the sense of feeling rested is by very small comparative degrees, as if in vision I had monochrome versus most people having effectively a infinite color palette. Anyway. While I did wake beter rested, I also woke with so many dreams and thoughts on my mind that I simply couldn't put anything together, mutter something to the effect, to God, that I have limits. If He wishes understanding that He must be patient and His messengers must be ordered. For some reason I sensed it was from God.
Awake, better rested, if with no idea what that was about. I changed the wash water and ran the last fresh water through to clean the brewer, and then put the laundry through a tumble to freshen before changing out. Then this. It might not be all that interesting. And yet, perspective. There isn't any health to work with, it is almost all will.
A reasonable beginning.
.
.
Still tired, as if I haven't waken fully. Some small discomforts persist. And yet the list is being whittled away. The plants received more water and time to use or enjoy it. Laundry was started. After settind dishes to a hot soak and putting the plants on the shower curtain bar to enjoy more hot moisture, the laundry was rotated. A vinegar run for the tea brewer, several as it will turn out, is on it's second run. The rest of the kitchen just needs surfaces washed, to catch up. Some of that will be messy but really not too bad.
Can I get through that and on to the front room? As early as it is, possibly. But two loads of laundry to fold/hang, a medium load of dishes which will take two washes to clean right, washing surfaces, plus a meal or two? Hmm... maybe not. If I do get to that room it will be just to vacate boxes, perhaps finish a minor step in the construction of the computer table. The old one has to go. Hmm... probably not if I will angle toward that.
I can't be sure if any visitors are familiar with St. Thomas Aquinas. I know I have heard of him long before I was Catholic, or understood that I was. Natural law, though other reasons, have drawn him to my attention since quite young. Approaching his works, since he was Catholic, while I wasn't, was a tricky endeavor. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, these were more allowed if not as... they were obviously inferior, to my mind. And, yet, he is Catholic, no "was" about it. A seeming danger, betrayal, inside and out, more so when young and adults held more respected sway. And yet vastly superior.
I have been finding various parts of his works before me since I was 12, perhaps as early as 10. Wondering wandering thirsty daring minds always end up at certain doors. A passive and yet not notion is that all roads lead to Rome. As with much I often get the sense that, while I have been seeking, all my life, I keep finding a day late or a dollar short... or both. Aside from that, opportunities seem to arise.
.
Still tired, as if I haven't waken fully. Some small discomforts persist. And yet the list is being whittled away. The plants received more water and time to use or enjoy it. Laundry was started. After settind dishes to a hot soak and putting the plants on the shower curtain bar to enjoy more hot moisture, the laundry was rotated. A vinegar run for the tea brewer, several as it will turn out, is on it's second run. The rest of the kitchen just needs surfaces washed, to catch up. Some of that will be messy but really not too bad.
Can I get through that and on to the front room? As early as it is, possibly. But two loads of laundry to fold/hang, a medium load of dishes which will take two washes to clean right, washing surfaces, plus a meal or two? Hmm... maybe not. If I do get to that room it will be just to vacate boxes, perhaps finish a minor step in the construction of the computer table. The old one has to go. Hmm... probably not if I will angle toward that.
I can't be sure if any visitors are familiar with St. Thomas Aquinas. I know I have heard of him long before I was Catholic, or understood that I was. Natural law, though other reasons, have drawn him to my attention since quite young. Approaching his works, since he was Catholic, while I wasn't, was a tricky endeavor. Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, these were more allowed if not as... they were obviously inferior, to my mind. And, yet, he is Catholic, no "was" about it. A seeming danger, betrayal, inside and out, more so when young and adults held more respected sway. And yet vastly superior.
I have been finding various parts of his works before me since I was 12, perhaps as early as 10. Wondering wandering thirsty daring minds always end up at certain doors. A passive and yet not notion is that all roads lead to Rome. As with much I often get the sense that, while I have been seeking, all my life, I keep finding a day late or a dollar short... or both. Aside from that, opportunities seem to arise.
Can't argue with good sleep.
.
.
Late, but then it was quite late to bed. Not much pain, nothing great, only a few small areas and types. All good. A bit groggy but consciousness for the day was minted moments ago, rarely is it otherwise. Plans are being formulated. Wednesday? It was Wednesday when I went to bed! I'm getting ripped off? No, actually I'm getting a two for one, sometimes more with naps.
I stayed up later and later, willing things done but with no more force of will than a bird's hatchling, chirping and squawking, without the strength to do anything. As vision tunnels, that can become an insomniac trap. For the most part I realized the error rather quickly and went on to bed. A made bed, after showering, and with the ac and regular fan which had cooled the room to a glorious 46 F. Oh, after the heat, or sense of it, that last was the most welcome... as a just heat-treated sword being drenched in water... wonderful.
I noticed the plants were looking a bit limp this morning. Well greened and healthy otherwise, so while I wake I gave them a short shower, will leave them in the mild sauna space, then probably dose them better shortly with a longer shower... letting that first soften all in readiness for a deep soak.
I suppose I could begin laundry after the next watering, with plans to set up dishes afterward. The only goal is to get the kitchen back in order and then begin in the front room. I'm not up to hacking my way through two areas and types of work at once. Plus, I have found, to the positive or opposite, whatever an area presents is compounded and the kitchen is true that way moreso than other rooms. I am sure I will get to the front room yet this week, perhaps finishing it.
Still seems a bit warm. I don't trust to turn the furnace down further. I like having some breathing room should the furnace stop, and I am never sure about the temps near pipes. Well, and I have seen some thermostats/furnaces stop functioning two degrees cooler. I've seen that often enough I suspect it is, or was, some system limit, though whether a manufactured, practical, or mechanical limit I never learned. Possibly a thing of the past, if this system is quite old.
What? Right. Chattering to be sure. On to visits and what passes for news. Good day.
.
Late, but then it was quite late to bed. Not much pain, nothing great, only a few small areas and types. All good. A bit groggy but consciousness for the day was minted moments ago, rarely is it otherwise. Plans are being formulated. Wednesday? It was Wednesday when I went to bed! I'm getting ripped off? No, actually I'm getting a two for one, sometimes more with naps.
I stayed up later and later, willing things done but with no more force of will than a bird's hatchling, chirping and squawking, without the strength to do anything. As vision tunnels, that can become an insomniac trap. For the most part I realized the error rather quickly and went on to bed. A made bed, after showering, and with the ac and regular fan which had cooled the room to a glorious 46 F. Oh, after the heat, or sense of it, that last was the most welcome... as a just heat-treated sword being drenched in water... wonderful.
I noticed the plants were looking a bit limp this morning. Well greened and healthy otherwise, so while I wake I gave them a short shower, will leave them in the mild sauna space, then probably dose them better shortly with a longer shower... letting that first soften all in readiness for a deep soak.
I suppose I could begin laundry after the next watering, with plans to set up dishes afterward. The only goal is to get the kitchen back in order and then begin in the front room. I'm not up to hacking my way through two areas and types of work at once. Plus, I have found, to the positive or opposite, whatever an area presents is compounded and the kitchen is true that way moreso than other rooms. I am sure I will get to the front room yet this week, perhaps finishing it.
Still seems a bit warm. I don't trust to turn the furnace down further. I like having some breathing room should the furnace stop, and I am never sure about the temps near pipes. Well, and I have seen some thermostats/furnaces stop functioning two degrees cooler. I've seen that often enough I suspect it is, or was, some system limit, though whether a manufactured, practical, or mechanical limit I never learned. Possibly a thing of the past, if this system is quite old.
What? Right. Chattering to be sure. On to visits and what passes for news. Good day.
So slow.
.
.
No real complaints. I knew there was far too much to do on the list. I am surprised, in my condition, that I have gotten the first sets of dishes completed, some cleaning in the kitchen, sheets changed, and all laundry back. I need to be up for a bit, to dry off and hopefully to set the last group of dishes. I have to wait on more hot water, or at least to catch my breath. Oh, I closed up and refrigerated the kefir. It was moving fast and I don't have enough store milk to mess with it.
Pretty much chewed through my gas tank, hit the reserves, then blew on through fumes. Not sure if that will grant me the rest of the dead or the agony of the undying. All good, wouldn't change a thing. Hope to keep going tomorrow. Even if it hurts, sometimes pushing through is still possible. I think it will work out just fine.
I seem to be burning up tonight. Not really a fever thing, just sensitive to the heat. Turned the furnace way down, still feel like it's summer in Iowa... on a moderate day, if that is still brutal to me. Hmm? Oh, the rosary and reading. I think I can do those while my hair dries.
Good night.
.
No real complaints. I knew there was far too much to do on the list. I am surprised, in my condition, that I have gotten the first sets of dishes completed, some cleaning in the kitchen, sheets changed, and all laundry back. I need to be up for a bit, to dry off and hopefully to set the last group of dishes. I have to wait on more hot water, or at least to catch my breath. Oh, I closed up and refrigerated the kefir. It was moving fast and I don't have enough store milk to mess with it.
Pretty much chewed through my gas tank, hit the reserves, then blew on through fumes. Not sure if that will grant me the rest of the dead or the agony of the undying. All good, wouldn't change a thing. Hope to keep going tomorrow. Even if it hurts, sometimes pushing through is still possible. I think it will work out just fine.
I seem to be burning up tonight. Not really a fever thing, just sensitive to the heat. Turned the furnace way down, still feel like it's summer in Iowa... on a moderate day, if that is still brutal to me. Hmm? Oh, the rosary and reading. I think I can do those while my hair dries.
Good night.
Tuesday, January 2, 2018
Smooth.
.
.
Some good tidings so a few things are moving ahead. Small bits of work, currently cooking. Three meats were out, pork, beef roast, and chicken. Only the chicken remains to be completed, at least to general doneness. The rest will be crisped as needed, save the beef which simply needs heated.
I didn't mention, but when I explained what happened with the milk, my store backed the product. Now, I wasn't there to get free milk, only to find out what to do next time. I won't take them up on their offer, as one gallon per visit is too shy, since my visits are not frequent enough to... if I need milk, even for kefir starting, I need several, at least two. Might see if they will go with me buying an extra or two... I have what I have going plus new kefir crystals arriving Friday. That's a lot to be feeding. My fridge is both cold and clean enough. The problem was the milk, every bad jug was opened the day I brought it home. Still, impressed that without proof they would do that. Been shopping there a lot of years and this is my first return, if honestly that wasn't even my intent. So... :p
I just had some of the pork. Oven broasted, then a few strips crisped out on the grill. Yeah, it takes a bit out there, and dang but does the doorJam rock get hard and my foot soften to it in the cold. Especially when wearing sandals German style, with socks. Oh how I used to laugh. Crow might be best served cold, but I prefer it just a bit warmed. Not my call, sure was my toes!
I am hoping to get the dishes soaking finished, hit a shower, then set up the next batch of beans to soak, and clean the kitchen. I really can't be sure? While dinner is sorted, I do believe I'll get to the rosary for the sis I know the least. Oh, I know, faster, hurry, yesterday! But, no. And I assure you, God absolutely knows why. Probably moving too fast as is. For short times He seems to cover that.
As to things lately? At least in these more recent days, years, I do get it. Nothing like suffering seemingly frozen, or burning, alone. Oh, I checked burn rates with temperature the other night. While time of contact and temperature have a correlation, if what I read is true, any contact with objects 140 (F, I think?) is supposed to cause instant 3rd degree burns. Perhaps the skillet hadn't gotten to 275 in the hour, or maybe it wasn't a full hour, just a half? Though... I've done other like it, if I have also learned not to test. Something though. Perhaps God simply spares fools forced to wander without all awareness. If sometimes, more in years past, I wonder just exactly where I am.
.
Some good tidings so a few things are moving ahead. Small bits of work, currently cooking. Three meats were out, pork, beef roast, and chicken. Only the chicken remains to be completed, at least to general doneness. The rest will be crisped as needed, save the beef which simply needs heated.
I didn't mention, but when I explained what happened with the milk, my store backed the product. Now, I wasn't there to get free milk, only to find out what to do next time. I won't take them up on their offer, as one gallon per visit is too shy, since my visits are not frequent enough to... if I need milk, even for kefir starting, I need several, at least two. Might see if they will go with me buying an extra or two... I have what I have going plus new kefir crystals arriving Friday. That's a lot to be feeding. My fridge is both cold and clean enough. The problem was the milk, every bad jug was opened the day I brought it home. Still, impressed that without proof they would do that. Been shopping there a lot of years and this is my first return, if honestly that wasn't even my intent. So... :p
I just had some of the pork. Oven broasted, then a few strips crisped out on the grill. Yeah, it takes a bit out there, and dang but does the doorJam rock get hard and my foot soften to it in the cold. Especially when wearing sandals German style, with socks. Oh how I used to laugh. Crow might be best served cold, but I prefer it just a bit warmed. Not my call, sure was my toes!
I am hoping to get the dishes soaking finished, hit a shower, then set up the next batch of beans to soak, and clean the kitchen. I really can't be sure? While dinner is sorted, I do believe I'll get to the rosary for the sis I know the least. Oh, I know, faster, hurry, yesterday! But, no. And I assure you, God absolutely knows why. Probably moving too fast as is. For short times He seems to cover that.
As to things lately? At least in these more recent days, years, I do get it. Nothing like suffering seemingly frozen, or burning, alone. Oh, I checked burn rates with temperature the other night. While time of contact and temperature have a correlation, if what I read is true, any contact with objects 140 (F, I think?) is supposed to cause instant 3rd degree burns. Perhaps the skillet hadn't gotten to 275 in the hour, or maybe it wasn't a full hour, just a half? Though... I've done other like it, if I have also learned not to test. Something though. Perhaps God simply spares fools forced to wander without all awareness. If sometimes, more in years past, I wonder just exactly where I am.
A pretty good morning.
.
.
It might be a noon thirty start. Not sure but I may be pinned, mostly, to my chair today. The pain is quite mild, mood is good, and fog is light. If those things aren't in that order, resting doesn't take place. I suspect I need rest. That doesn't mean I won't work. It simply means, of the three general areas, only one, and mostly in one zone, will be entertained... catching up on dishes and in the kitchen.
Work won't start for a couple hours, if it starts. Simply the basic physics of my physiology coupled with various variable highs and lows. Still, I have solid hopes. As well, reading should be available again today. Fog is the main impediment to that, not a problem so far today.
If it weren't for the really hard times I wouldn't enjoy what most of you probably consider normal times. Nominally pain free, clear thinking, with only light friction against thought or action. What baffles me is how close those two different examples of wellness can be... hours, even moments. It's like having a house lowered on you, then lifted, at odd times, without sense. Doesn't seem fatal. Whatever. Later.
Oh, if you are interested in helping? Now or ever? Even a short prayer to the God of Abraham though not the one said to be the same god by Western fools while denied by the Eastern monsters, save when it allows there terrorists passage.
.
It might be a noon thirty start. Not sure but I may be pinned, mostly, to my chair today. The pain is quite mild, mood is good, and fog is light. If those things aren't in that order, resting doesn't take place. I suspect I need rest. That doesn't mean I won't work. It simply means, of the three general areas, only one, and mostly in one zone, will be entertained... catching up on dishes and in the kitchen.
Work won't start for a couple hours, if it starts. Simply the basic physics of my physiology coupled with various variable highs and lows. Still, I have solid hopes. As well, reading should be available again today. Fog is the main impediment to that, not a problem so far today.
If it weren't for the really hard times I wouldn't enjoy what most of you probably consider normal times. Nominally pain free, clear thinking, with only light friction against thought or action. What baffles me is how close those two different examples of wellness can be... hours, even moments. It's like having a house lowered on you, then lifted, at odd times, without sense. Doesn't seem fatal. Whatever. Later.
Oh, if you are interested in helping? Now or ever? Even a short prayer to the God of Abraham though not the one said to be the same god by Western fools while denied by the Eastern monsters, save when it allows there terrorists passage.
When all else fails.
.
.
Not that I wait until all else fails, merely, again, when all else fails I reach out in faith. I do not seek relief from pain, or request more pain as some suggest... I don't think some knuckleheads know whatfor they chatter. I merely look to God, as an old hound might look to his Master. Remembering good and true things, times gone, now, and yet to be.
I understand that this suffering could be lifted. I have absolute faith in my Lord. Enough even to know that if neither surcease nor death is granted that it is both God's will and with purpose. So, I seek deeper understanding. While reading is limited there are other means.
The notion that humility is not a strong point keeps bugging me. I greatly respect that grace. I do examine methods to enhance it. Some people do not advise well. I greatly wonder if they follow their own prescriptions. Doubts. Visceral self-debasement... or turning one's self into a rug, neither is wise or good. I do seek, and will find. For now, knowing I have an unholy thorn in my side will keep me on the trail, and add to prayers.
In time the suffering has ended. I believe sleep may happen. Gratefully, but not just for the rest, but for the allowance of preparation for His will through the discomforts. A dog, animal, I may truly be, but called to be His beast, somehow. Amen and good night. Blessings and prayers.
.
Not that I wait until all else fails, merely, again, when all else fails I reach out in faith. I do not seek relief from pain, or request more pain as some suggest... I don't think some knuckleheads know whatfor they chatter. I merely look to God, as an old hound might look to his Master. Remembering good and true things, times gone, now, and yet to be.
I understand that this suffering could be lifted. I have absolute faith in my Lord. Enough even to know that if neither surcease nor death is granted that it is both God's will and with purpose. So, I seek deeper understanding. While reading is limited there are other means.
The notion that humility is not a strong point keeps bugging me. I greatly respect that grace. I do examine methods to enhance it. Some people do not advise well. I greatly wonder if they follow their own prescriptions. Doubts. Visceral self-debasement... or turning one's self into a rug, neither is wise or good. I do seek, and will find. For now, knowing I have an unholy thorn in my side will keep me on the trail, and add to prayers.
In time the suffering has ended. I believe sleep may happen. Gratefully, but not just for the rest, but for the allowance of preparation for His will through the discomforts. A dog, animal, I may truly be, but called to be His beast, somehow. Amen and good night. Blessings and prayers.
Monday, January 1, 2018
Hard night.
.
.
To bed by 19:00: back up by 21:00. Headache and just not feeling well all around. I don't have many options. Can't think straight to do much even if there was something available. Prayers were offered before sleep and after, twice. I will try to go back to bed. Aspirin did nothing this time. Just one of those nights.
Good night, perhaps.
.
To bed by 19:00: back up by 21:00. Headache and just not feeling well all around. I don't have many options. Can't think straight to do much even if there was something available. Prayers were offered before sleep and after, twice. I will try to go back to bed. Aspirin did nothing this time. Just one of those nights.
Good night, perhaps.
A special new week?
.
.
The first new week in the new year. Is that truly special? I suspect it is at least if you understand it all, more so if you are young enough to believe... or maybe have become old enough to have returned to your childhood to a degree? I think I might be stuck in a more doubting age if partly through the fog and other limits of health. There are graces unique to each station in life, as well as faults. I suspect being ill slows maturity, changes how it occurs. Not bad things, as sometimes, for example, if roots can't go so deep, they can branch better. If one keeps at it, the volume will be at some competition or more to raw depth. Not all parables work out exactly, and you should know this.
This morning? Have you ever sparred? Specifically with a guy who means to work your torso, one who is better at delivery than you are at defense? I have. I think the school was Billy Martinez Elementary, in Greely. A good friend in my class boxed, his whole family did. I wasn't allowed, and wisely as I see things now. However I did spar, probably without permission. *cough* It was more head problems that was a concern, much mitigated with headgear and strict coaching. Torso practice wasn't seen as a problem at all. I was too big to spar with my friend. It was his second or third older brother, whichever was working that day, who I was set to work.
I mean that my torso is beginning to seem comparatively more solid after a few weeks of pain in the torso as it did from sparring. The body changes. Never becoming immune, but effectively immune to one's weight class and maybe a level or two higher weight classes, but among those who don't practice punching. My situation is from tightening, contracting, from internal pain. Not sure if that is the same, or if it just feels like it.
I finally turned the ac unit's fan on. It said the air was 34 to 36 F, if I am sure it wasn't. The house temp was throwing the reading off. I set the timer for two hours with the ac fan. I also used the regular fan. Waking well after the ac fan stopped, the room was 50 F. Not quite as cool as I had hoped, but definitely better than the high 50's to low 60's. I did sleep much better, keeping the regular fan going all night.
I never got to everything. Dishes got hit once, the toilet was well cleaned, then that was that. Oh, well, medicine was set for this next month. I have been doing rather well with medicine. Setting it up not always so much. It takes focus. Sometimes I could only set things up for a few days, sometimes a week, or two. Stop-gap, doing what I could. Finally, all set and on full doses as I have been for... nearly since late August, October? Not absolutely sure, doing well for months.
Now to wake, feed the girls, then get to dishes. The real goal of the week is completing the front room, then catching up in the kitchen. The rest of the kitchen is for next week. Later.
.
The first new week in the new year. Is that truly special? I suspect it is at least if you understand it all, more so if you are young enough to believe... or maybe have become old enough to have returned to your childhood to a degree? I think I might be stuck in a more doubting age if partly through the fog and other limits of health. There are graces unique to each station in life, as well as faults. I suspect being ill slows maturity, changes how it occurs. Not bad things, as sometimes, for example, if roots can't go so deep, they can branch better. If one keeps at it, the volume will be at some competition or more to raw depth. Not all parables work out exactly, and you should know this.
This morning? Have you ever sparred? Specifically with a guy who means to work your torso, one who is better at delivery than you are at defense? I have. I think the school was Billy Martinez Elementary, in Greely. A good friend in my class boxed, his whole family did. I wasn't allowed, and wisely as I see things now. However I did spar, probably without permission. *cough* It was more head problems that was a concern, much mitigated with headgear and strict coaching. Torso practice wasn't seen as a problem at all. I was too big to spar with my friend. It was his second or third older brother, whichever was working that day, who I was set to work.
I mean that my torso is beginning to seem comparatively more solid after a few weeks of pain in the torso as it did from sparring. The body changes. Never becoming immune, but effectively immune to one's weight class and maybe a level or two higher weight classes, but among those who don't practice punching. My situation is from tightening, contracting, from internal pain. Not sure if that is the same, or if it just feels like it.
I finally turned the ac unit's fan on. It said the air was 34 to 36 F, if I am sure it wasn't. The house temp was throwing the reading off. I set the timer for two hours with the ac fan. I also used the regular fan. Waking well after the ac fan stopped, the room was 50 F. Not quite as cool as I had hoped, but definitely better than the high 50's to low 60's. I did sleep much better, keeping the regular fan going all night.
I never got to everything. Dishes got hit once, the toilet was well cleaned, then that was that. Oh, well, medicine was set for this next month. I have been doing rather well with medicine. Setting it up not always so much. It takes focus. Sometimes I could only set things up for a few days, sometimes a week, or two. Stop-gap, doing what I could. Finally, all set and on full doses as I have been for... nearly since late August, October? Not absolutely sure, doing well for months.
Now to wake, feed the girls, then get to dishes. The real goal of the week is completing the front room, then catching up in the kitchen. The rest of the kitchen is for next week. Later.
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Late waking, of course.
.
.
With three hours last night and five or six the previous evening chunked out of a sleep period some extra sleep has to be found. Sometimes I can suffer through. If travelling, visiting folk, to an event, even to see family. Adrenaline floods, if not a terribly negative thing. That usually improves health unless extended too long. Though no matter, I will end up cratering. I guess, in truth, there is always a price.
I had been doing days well. That had, very slowly, been slipping. These recent events have caused a three hour loss. I don't think I can fix that if I might be able to hold to that... unless I keep having night wakings, or if the temps rise. Spring, even simple warmer weather, will bring chaos to my rest. Sleep and relative heat don't mix. On the good side, as I have become healthier I have been able to adjust to heat, up to a point. Ugh, just not a summer ogre, mostly, even so.
Today? I don't known that! It is Sunday. Without potential requirements work is not planned. One bag of trash, but it must at least be put out. I would like to find more to add to the bag for a full load. Just... well... to remove some things and because I pay either way? Yeah. Non-use isn't saving, it is wasting with even just clutter to go. Ugh!
I would like to catch up on dishes and shower. I am not quite up to church, but I think confession, then mass, then as possible. Perhaps that isn't as possible. Perhaps it might be. Life won't be filled with choices, as you may know them, if food to include fasting, medicine, and greater prayer including the rosary are... opening a few more doors. Might lead to more, out the door or just more in my cave. As even Jesus said, Father's will, not mine. Sometimes suffering is to be one's calling. Amen.
If you happen to make it, a prayer of thanks on my behalf would be appreciated. Later.
.
With three hours last night and five or six the previous evening chunked out of a sleep period some extra sleep has to be found. Sometimes I can suffer through. If travelling, visiting folk, to an event, even to see family. Adrenaline floods, if not a terribly negative thing. That usually improves health unless extended too long. Though no matter, I will end up cratering. I guess, in truth, there is always a price.
I had been doing days well. That had, very slowly, been slipping. These recent events have caused a three hour loss. I don't think I can fix that if I might be able to hold to that... unless I keep having night wakings, or if the temps rise. Spring, even simple warmer weather, will bring chaos to my rest. Sleep and relative heat don't mix. On the good side, as I have become healthier I have been able to adjust to heat, up to a point. Ugh, just not a summer ogre, mostly, even so.
Today? I don't known that! It is Sunday. Without potential requirements work is not planned. One bag of trash, but it must at least be put out. I would like to find more to add to the bag for a full load. Just... well... to remove some things and because I pay either way? Yeah. Non-use isn't saving, it is wasting with even just clutter to go. Ugh!
I would like to catch up on dishes and shower. I am not quite up to church, but I think confession, then mass, then as possible. Perhaps that isn't as possible. Perhaps it might be. Life won't be filled with choices, as you may know them, if food to include fasting, medicine, and greater prayer including the rosary are... opening a few more doors. Might lead to more, out the door or just more in my cave. As even Jesus said, Father's will, not mine. Sometimes suffering is to be one's calling. Amen.
If you happen to make it, a prayer of thanks on my behalf would be appreciated. Later.
Hmm? Oh, well, it just is.
.
.
No pain. Simply no longer asleep. Thirsty. Too warm hereabouts? Tonight, I think so. Even with the fan, my sleeping chamber is only getting to the high 50's. Yeah, that's like spring! I may have to see if the ac fan, on a timer, will help. Oh, I know, many of you wish for this sort of heat wave. If I weren't sure some neighbors, especially the female varietal (men would too, but the 'know' better while woman are simply violent :P ), I'd trade you. Now, mind you, it's NOT in the upper 50's outside! That is simply as cool as it has been getting in that unheated room (actually heated through radiation from the stone wall of the original stone house to which it is now attached).
Very thirsty. I'll tank up, probably a gallon and an half. Thirsty! I did get, finally, one batch of kefir to create grains large enough they didn't go through the strainer, barely. Two weeks of working with the stuff, or more, mostly just cutting kefir in with new milk. Even so, these grains just won't do. The other stuff, which used to grain up, is no better. That stuff, when I get it going, usually cuts thirst. Haven't tried the whey yet, curious about it. Sure cuts lactose, if milk doesn't seem to ding diabetes all that bad for me. Can be large variances. Though, too, when I quit my artificial sweetener then lactose might become the next weak point. So... kefir. Still, this time I went for the wrong starter, but it was the only one locally. Oops.
Dreams. Five days, one week, those words were the whole of the dream. Not the first time I heard that. Last time, a song was found which explained that dream with, initially, visuals and a sense. After some time of listening I finally heard those exact words. Yeah, I don't always understand right off. Sometimes I never get what it was all about. You might get it better or before me... if I'm not sure that understanding leads anywhere? Certainly not always to me. Hmm? I simply don't know, not sure I want to know. Especially if you saw the things I don't write about. If I suspect those are, eventually, for me.
Oh, I meant to ask the other day. Is 275 degrees F considered really hot. I had a cast iron skillet in the oven while bringing it to that temp for the carnitas. It was at that temp for about an hour, so I'm pretty sure the skillet was. I was able, without thinking, to move it from the oven to the stovetop. Now, when I realized what I had done I checked for damage. None. So I checked if I could do that consciously. No problem. Though maybe 275 F isn't really that hot?
On to net snooping until sleep can be found. Finishing up the album from the other night. Not all bad. Later or good night.
.
No pain. Simply no longer asleep. Thirsty. Too warm hereabouts? Tonight, I think so. Even with the fan, my sleeping chamber is only getting to the high 50's. Yeah, that's like spring! I may have to see if the ac fan, on a timer, will help. Oh, I know, many of you wish for this sort of heat wave. If I weren't sure some neighbors, especially the female varietal (men would too, but the 'know' better while woman are simply violent :P ), I'd trade you. Now, mind you, it's NOT in the upper 50's outside! That is simply as cool as it has been getting in that unheated room (actually heated through radiation from the stone wall of the original stone house to which it is now attached).
Very thirsty. I'll tank up, probably a gallon and an half. Thirsty! I did get, finally, one batch of kefir to create grains large enough they didn't go through the strainer, barely. Two weeks of working with the stuff, or more, mostly just cutting kefir in with new milk. Even so, these grains just won't do. The other stuff, which used to grain up, is no better. That stuff, when I get it going, usually cuts thirst. Haven't tried the whey yet, curious about it. Sure cuts lactose, if milk doesn't seem to ding diabetes all that bad for me. Can be large variances. Though, too, when I quit my artificial sweetener then lactose might become the next weak point. So... kefir. Still, this time I went for the wrong starter, but it was the only one locally. Oops.
Dreams. Five days, one week, those words were the whole of the dream. Not the first time I heard that. Last time, a song was found which explained that dream with, initially, visuals and a sense. After some time of listening I finally heard those exact words. Yeah, I don't always understand right off. Sometimes I never get what it was all about. You might get it better or before me... if I'm not sure that understanding leads anywhere? Certainly not always to me. Hmm? I simply don't know, not sure I want to know. Especially if you saw the things I don't write about. If I suspect those are, eventually, for me.
Oh, I meant to ask the other day. Is 275 degrees F considered really hot. I had a cast iron skillet in the oven while bringing it to that temp for the carnitas. It was at that temp for about an hour, so I'm pretty sure the skillet was. I was able, without thinking, to move it from the oven to the stovetop. Now, when I realized what I had done I checked for damage. None. So I checked if I could do that consciously. No problem. Though maybe 275 F isn't really that hot?
On to net snooping until sleep can be found. Finishing up the album from the other night. Not all bad. Later or good night.
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