Why no post yesterday, later?

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I kept hoping work would go forward.  I planned to digitally pen something after I did some work.  I did shower, dried clothes which will get a tumble and hopefully be put up this morning, made a food run, changed dishes water twice, and stayed up to 18:00 to call my mom.  One last check.  She seemed well, better.  Then I went to sleep hard but well, waking at about 5:00.

I am sure I am dreaming.  There is a lot of pressure, tense scenarios, perhaps horror, but of the types I enjoy and handle easily.  Dealing with the dead, the damned, and darkness, to me, is like being paid $20 an hour for fobs to flip burgers... mindlessly relaxing and somewhat entertaining.  I am good at it, at the very least in my dreams.  So long as there are solutions, even seemingly impossible ones, I can make it happen, without breaking the dream.

I hit my feet hard yesterday.  I had forgotten the pumice bar kept in the shower.  It was useless with as thick as my skin used to be.  Now it has some use.  Between it and the dry aftershower rasp, plus occasional lotion, plus spray and powder...  I am hoping to get them better, then be able to relax on care to some degree.  Wearing socks most of the time; some sort of shoe always, even these house shoes; definitely those but what else?  Monthly pedicures once they are in shape; occasional lotion; occasional spray and powder.  It seems a bit much for long term care.  Too much fluid in and out makes skin, especially where blood flow is weakest, high maintenance.  Perhaps too high to really maintain?  It will probably always be a problem area.

Oh, snow, off and on with rain yesterday.  On through the night?  It isn't staying around, not here.  If it continues on east, it seems, they are getting accumulation.  March, in and out like a lion?  Better luck next month?  April fools!  I remember that in Iowa before, or thought so.  Early elementary, or so it seems.  I wonder what unvarnished weather history exists.  My guess is when they weren't fudging the numbers back then they have changed them since, from temps to precipitation, when, type, and amount.  They are hiding the real weather data.

Gotta prove the lie to support China, India, and destroy the West.  Socialism on the global scale.  Although, only to enhance superelites, take all employees down to equal, near slave, wages.  That is what you are supporting when you march for global warming and gun control.  Yes, destroy our economy and take the only right that ensures the rest!  Yes!

I'll set the dishes back up on my way to check laundry.  Hope for better today.  Later.

Another opportunity.

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Nothing more done yesterday.  Too tired.  I did stay awake until 18:00, then called.  She sounded much better.  I think she was pleased someone cared enough to check more than else.  It, sometimes, really is the little things.  I crashed as soon after that as my mind could sort to do.  Odd how, when extremely tired, my mind and body have to gear or maneuver to sleep.  I can't usually just crash, unless I am already falling, if that sort of fall isn't exactly truly sleep, more of a bodily failure.  I woke at around 4:00.  Fought it for an hour, uselessly.  Ten hours seems steep, but I pushed six hours past when I would have gone to bed.  Not bad, given the givens.

Cold again today.  Maybe that is just me.  A shower in an hour, two, less?  Soon.  Then back to work if possible.  No grand plans.  I think those get me in trouble sometimes, if that gets me going other times.  Just not this time?  Right.  I was thinking about taking the trash out.  Then I realized that all I have for trash is two pizza boxes.  Yeah.  One job I don't need concern myself regarding.

I'd sure like to do something today.  The wrench in the works is dishes.  So, that is the plan.  Other than a shower and shave, nothing else is planned.  Although, if anything else goes forward, I won't naysay it.  Focus is on just those.  All good.

I am noticing that the massages seem to be... correcting, helping, shaping.  If I could add swimming...  My feet, from skin to muscle, as well, are really doing well.  I can clip my own toenails.  And technically, I can reach to do the cuticles.  But I wimp out when doing those.  If it hurts, better to let someone else do it.  Those on my feet get so hard they are like razor sharp rays.  I guess they hurt because they harden on into the skin?  They are less painful each time, probably even less so as I moisturize my feet, even just occasionally.  Worth the money.  Walking is much better.  And I do believe the body is improving.

Good morning and day.

Oddly cold.

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Not very much.  Laundry was set to dry.  Dishes were reset but have gone cold.  I finished the last of the pizza.  A few very small other things.

I called my mother.  She fell yesterday.  Another snowstorm hit.  Beside dropping three inches of snow, the wind yanked her off her feet while trying to bring her groceries in... the wind snatched the screen door.  On her head, on a rock.  Rung some bells, cut her noggin.  I'd like to press her to go in.  She is seeing her doc soon, so won't.  I get that.  How can I tell her to do other than what I would do?  It isn't even, or all, about the money... or I'd send it.  She'd just go gamble?  ;p

Still, bothersome.  We don't always get along, if better lately, mostly.  I just don't like to think of such.  Good thing, as she says, she is a tough bird.  I plan on staying up later to call and check on her.  Otherwise I would crash.  Hmm.  Might try to do something until then.  Might have to just to stay awake.  Worried she might have a concussion.  Tough doesn't always cur it.

As to the cold here, it's strange.  It is raining, so above freezing.  Yet the cave is not keeping warm.  The water must be stealing heat in some way.  Not only is the furnace weak, the cold spots are massive.  Unless... visitors.  That would explain temperature anomalies.  My health would as well.  Hmm...  Actually, because of what I have eaten, I should be nearly fevered.  Regardless of the environment.  Never mind.

Right. Heading back to life.

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A cold spring, massages, forgetting to eat, the threat of hard dreams, health limits and perhaps a minor dip in health, any number... perhaps all.  A problem with one, three, even all if mild enough, or ordered in such a way that each can be mitigated (juggled, really), and I can sometimes get through.  Not this time.  I was already falling after overdoing a bit.  After the massage I mostly stopped remembering to eat.  Even milk would have helped.

I just drank tea.  A dire thirst beset my notions.  A fog settled over the rest of my senses.  Sleeping much, even while awake.  I don't mind.  It is still the colder part of spring.  There was sunlight today.  The world is preparing for a return to life.  I am as well.  I am thinking of finding the trailheads up to both the hard and easier climb into the mountain  to my south.  I don't need it to be fully open to begin going.  As long as the entrance is open and even fifteen to thirty minutes of the hikes are open, that would be enough.  Actually, having limits would be best in the beginning.  As well, I can handle the cold, even severe cold, far better than the heat.  Best check, and lighten, my smaller pack.  Thin rain gear, dry extra clothes in a waterproof bag, several fire systems, at least a pancho or tarp and cord, ax and blade, food and water for a couple of days...  and more.

The next day I am up to being out I plan on doing a bit of shopping and to go looking for trailheads.  I sincerely hope that day is today.  And a stop at the post.  I'm going to make an effort to keep more up on business.  Ugh.  I can automate just so much.  I am hoping to actually at least start dishes today.  I have finished laundry... two loads over two days.  I will run the dryer a bit to fluff, or finish drying, the last load while I check wools.  Finished unless there is enough wool for that sort.  I have refreshed the soak of the dishes, just never got to them, these last few days.  A shower and shave, this time?  I have been working on my feet... cleaning under the nails, doing light cuticle work, and rasping dry skin on shower days, and using lotion every other or third half day (either before bed or when waking).  Bleh.  Lotion is weird stuff.

Well, if I owe you mail, be patient.  I am in a rough spell, off my game, behind the eightball in half my affairs, and still thinking a nap would be the better part of valor?  Right.  Right?  Yeah.  Just a short one.  Probably.  Something I might do first?  Soak beans for chili.  I can't eat as I used to, so a couple of cups of black and pinto.  Another cup of kidney if I have them.  Then burger, sausage, and ground lamb or turkey if the price is right, onion, and spices.  I'll check the most likely place for domestic herbs and spices, not just for this.  I need thyme, tarragon, oregano, rosemary, sage, powdered garlic and onion, none of it from China or other suspect nations.

I can't believe IC had so much better fresh locally produced herbs and spices, dried and fresh.  Everything I find here is at least out of state.  Much of it is bottled, with extremely ambiguous origins.  I'll do what I can.  Started looking online... honest, but sourcing from Egypt, Israel, Italy?  Why?  I want US, and without a doubt.  But not the big brands.  They outright lie.  *shrug*  I am at the point of not buying, growing my own.  It's a matter of between now and then, assuming it is possible.  Ugh.

Did someone mention naptime.  Hmm, a Doom sized carton of milk first.  Plastic these days?  Bleh.  Wait until you realize plastic puts androgenics in the products.  Doesn't get adults, mostly.  Kids?  The targets.  Intentional.  Later.

You know, food is rather important.

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It isn't all of it.  It does play a role.  I realized I haven't been eating.  Probably running at 0 to 500 calories a day for... a while.  Maintenance caloric intake, if my body could run all functions at idle, would be between 2,500 to closer to 3,700 calories.  The thing is, even now, a third to two thirds of my systems are catatonic.  Switching from time to time.  Rather than closer to fatal energy per organ blackouts, I go through less severe rolling brownouts, and of shorter durations.

The problem with things is several-fold.  The first is that I am not working with constants.  How many calories burned per day depends as much on which organs and muscles work as what I may be doing.  What uses the most calories, and pretty much all other inputs?  The brain.  As well, my inputs vary greatly, for several reasons.  Sometimes because I can't eat, because I don't digest, forget to eat, or possibly other problems.  Some of those aren't calculable.

There is a simple way to know.  Whether machine or living, input in will approximate output by volume, or is understood through some rough algebra.  I... had started to wonder what the problem was.  Then... clear.  Way to few calories.  Pizza helped yesterday.  Tempted to do another run today.  I need several solid food loads, for several days, in order to kick things over.  I can't cook because I am behind on dishes, have nothing thawed, and just cooking is beyond my reach, possibly.  Bad food?  Some days calories in, any calories, is good.

No nightmares.  Surprised.  No dreams or remnant emotions.  I don't mind normal nightmares.  Those remind me how to respond to difficulties.  Practice.  It is only when the dream is fixed when they are difficult.  The past, or how I remember it, cannot be changed.  I am not sure which is expected.  I used to know when they would happen, though I never could tell which type.  Strange they haven't arrived.

Politics?  I was starting to suspect they had worn Trump down, or gotten to him.  This spending bill?  If it goes through it means Trump is done.  He is a wildcard, pretty alone, an outsider, and a pro-American in a political system fully hateful of it's own people... if he is as sold.  No easy task, if that is why he was chosen.  I guess we will find out if he surrendered or was always on the other side.  Tick.  Tock.

Later.

Never can be certain.

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I feel sure something is closing in.  Darkness, death, hard mean things.  The Sandman can send anything of fiction, even some things of fact, and not win.  I have died in my dreams.  I don't know if that would be fatal to you.  I just know it hasn't been for me.  Past performance is no guarantee of future truth?  There are things he could send.  My kill switch for those is iffy, or at least rusty.

A slow day.

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Turning up the furnace has worked.  Food has helped.  Both were employed.  Being a dark day doesn't help.  I will take a shower very shortly, put a load of laundry in, go to the post office, go for lunch, then return and hit the remaining dailies.  I will work today. I will get at least the basics done.

I keep seeing advertisements for the NRA.  And I would like to join.  Lifer, today?  However, being a veteran, whose only medical malfunction is heart related... and for that am exempted from gun purchases and concealed carry?   I can't join a club which doesn't serve me.  Get that fixed and I'll join right after I receive my concealed carry permit, and have it for six months to a year.  Why support rights I am not supported in having?  Especially service connected, totally disabled?  I earned that right more than most can, if rights aren't something that can be earned.  God given or mob rule are the only options.  Get it done or go pound sand.

Later.

Swinging days of spring.

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To bed by nearly 19:00, awake by almost 3:00.  Eight hours is the goal, sixteen hours awake, minus naps.  I know I dreamed.  Not the dark dreams I had expected.  I'll put music to the notion shortly.  Perfect match, several dreams, if not actually erotic.  About as pure cheesecake as one could imagine.  If... it sure leads another way.

Good night.

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Technically a nothing day.  Hmm?  Oh.  I called about the other phone.  They got tech out right today.  It is fixed.  I'll be checking it regularly.  If I can be sure it works, I can eliminate the cellphone.  Although I will have the ringer turned off, with no messaging.  I simply won't be harassed.  It is for my use only.  I really wonder if that isn't the problem. Can they attack the phone lines of those who refuse to answer?  Physically if need be?

Strange chow.

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I remembered a discussion with a young woman a year or two back.  The topic of quinoa came up.  She seemed to know of it.  So I asked of her experience.  Her mother, she said, would mix brown rice, quinoa, and perhaps other similar items.  I was told it was tasty.  I wasn't sure about cooking it together, didn't want to cook it apart, so sort of let it go.

With recent experiments in food being successful, the notion crossed my mind again.  I gave it a shot.  Just brown rice and quinoa, this time, cooked together.  It was rather good.  I went two rice per quinoa, two parts water per dry.  Wonderful, as far as such go.  Then I added burger, forgetting I had cooked sprouted wheat in that.  It made for an interesting meal.  A quarter cup of cheddar and a side of milk and life was good.

I think I am making bulgar, on it's own, with the wheat.  I'll try to remember where I read that.  The Joy of Cooking, 75th Anniversary, I think.  A pretty solid cookery, baking, and etc. tome.  If I had to have only one, that would be it.

Still zapped.  A nap?  Maybe.  Pretty dark out there still.  It has been raining.  Beats snow which beats ice.  And yet rains seems to make the world colder than snow.  Water creeps in, flows where snow isn't usually able, and in a volume snow can't duplicate.  Oh, they did get the recycling too.  After noon, almost 13:00?  I think so.  One last bit, my landline is down again.  I'll call them again.  Later.

It isn't about how I feel.

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For the most part I am feeling really good.  No aches, bunched muscles, knotted nerves.  It isn't that I am too relaxed, I went through that stage quickly, yesterday at about this time until 5:00 or 6:00.  Mildly.  It is a simple lack of energy.  It isn't to the point where sleep is desired.  Almost as much a lack of will power as it is a lack of energy.  Add in focus issues.

I'll chalk it up to what it takes for a nearly dead body to use a massage to learn to relax without surrendering that little tight grip that prevents death in full.  You do know I am not supposed to be alive, don't you.  Why do you think my feet have deformed?  Gripping to this world, to life itself.  So learning to relax without giving it all away takes external stimulus and internal filtering of that.  A lot more going on than appearances belie.

Still, the goal is to recover more swiftly.  Get back to work faster.  Then be able to do more work altogether in the end.  I will get there.  If I survive.  Probably.  Ugh.  That and eventual lowered blood pressure.  I can't show it has helped if I do sense that it has.  And, of course, the side effects.  Those mean something.  Much as with medication.  These sessions are rather potent.

I'll stick with the plan I made yesterday.  I am hoping to get back to things today, or tomorrow.  I will get back to things soon if not now.  I was speaking to my pedicurist.  She used to be a varied dancer.  As a once athletic type, I suggested how I used to prefer to remain relaxed, as relaxed as possible, until I needed a burst.  Then that spring was called in.  At first I wasn't sure she got it, then, maybe, it dawned on her?  Or was she merely being politely agreeable?  Anyway... I am hoping to find some spring in, from, through the relaxation.  It just needs energy.

Later.

Nothing.

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Other than it being 14:05, I am still awake without pain, and I ate a meal, that is it.  Further, it is bedtime.  It is what it was.  Good night.

Awake and well.

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A bit after midnight, down around noon, 13:00?  Something in that ballpark.  No headache, no bunched muscles and nerves, no body pain, and at least one really neat dream, if I think there were more.  Oh, no fever or overheating... if keeping the furnace as low as I dare all of the time helps.  Usually only keep it that low at night.  The girls aren't totally happy with it, but there are farm cats who know far worse.
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The dream -
I was living here, but had purchased a house from a trucker, to include the equipment and rig.  The neighbor wasn't happy.  He had access to the stuff (to what degree I don't know).  Eventually, grudgingly, he requested access.  I suggested it would be available unless things went missing (it was inventoried and rather well organized).  Actually he had to sign a responsibility voucher.  Not happy.  Done.

Actually a friend of his wondered about teaching me to drive.  While I couldn't go on long routs, I could bring a short haul, one of their trailers, a dozer on a flatbed, or such.  Just a third shorthauler.  I was deemed bright enough, and strong enough, to get and go.  So the training began.

This is in a version of post-collapse.  Not the wooliest of versions, obviously.  At least not more locally.  No state licensing or general oversight, heck, no federal.  Slower speeds often, road repairs being spotty and rarer.  But no road pirates or such.  My training was as good as it got.

I ended driving many short hauls for one or the other, with them in the passenger side.  Apparently I had a knack, an instinctive driver.  Even when I did it as they would not, it turned out to be a good call.  It was on the last of these, in the dream, when it happened.  Popping over a peak, starting a long, thankfully straight, harder grade, I geared as required then just eased on down.  Then it hit.  A freezing rain instantly turned the road into ice.

The rig lost all traction before anything could be done.  I asked for any advice, from the friend of my neighbor, who otherwise would have been driving.  Nothing.  So I asked that he not try to second guess or advise until whatever happened was done.  He, ashen faced, simply shook his head in agreement and swallowed a dry lump.

Initially I thought to try to run it to the emergency off ramp.  There were curves between here and there, and a few flat(ter) areas.  But she was picking up speed too fast for any of that.  Breaks wouldn't do, so gearing down?  It and steering were all I could do.  The first downshift or two went well, if to no effect.  Still, it is what was to do, or nothing.  On to the next shift.

This time perhaps something caught, briefly.  Instead of just slowing, the rig began spinning.  With some serious care, I ended going trailer first down the interstate.  I kept steering, and downshifting, until I could get to reverse.  A bit of a shudder, but kept it on the road.  Then downgearing to the lowest reverse.  Then brakes of some sort.  Actually on advice from my passenger/instructor... rightly as it turned out.

Still a bit rough.

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Mostly the neck and shoulders, kinked.  It is as bad as it has been this weekend.  If that is half as severe as the first time.  I can't remember for sure, or if I blogged about it, but I think I nearly quit massages the first time, for the initial fallouts.  These are twice as long.  I still think my recovery time is vastly superior and increasing this time.  Even so, it is still rough into the third day.  Sleep is off as well.

By the time I realized to get trash and recycling out it was too late.  At least for trash.  They saw me take it out.  Apparently, if they have passed on their plan they won't come back.  Oh well.  If trash went past, I'll bet recycling was missed too.  I'll give it to early afternoon.  I never can tell when, and have seen both past noon.

A shower.  Perhaps a shave.  A little work on the feet, trying to keep undernail areas clear, sometimes I'll use a rasp.  Weighed in at 262.6, the same first three digits as the last two times, over the last five or six weeks.  No more loss, but down from 285.  The goal is 240.  If I can hit that, then I might get excited about doing more.  If swimming, even walking, is tempting.  If I don't think walking will do anything save, perhaps, get me to swim... if the water is and stays clean at the reservoir... lake.  I just don't think walking, even at .mil pace, does anything.  Perhaps with a pack?  Nah, that just damages the knees.  Hiking though, that'll do you for.  I don't think the path I want is open yet.

Today?  Kitchen carts put together, dishes, dailies, and naps as needed.  Tomorrow, the post.  Not quite up to that today, this morning.  Oh, perhaps a load or two of laundry.  Trying to get back into the swing of things.  It might kill me, literally, but I can't just quit. Hit the gas and let's see what will happen.  Already been dead, have more faith than ever.  Not in me, mind you.  I... that was one of the first things I had to surrender when I finally saw the way.  Empty, open, faithful.

Good day.
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Well, that was different.  Two and an half hours later they... stopped and got the trash?  I did need it.  Perhaps, on their way back further on the line after several loads, it worked out.  I'm not so paranoid as to think writing would influence?  But when you live in an electronically sophisticated Mayberry... just maybe.  No joke.  It's not perfect, but the efforts are made.  Even for one such as me.  Usually, or more, by most.  If I hold no grudges against those who can't.

Smoother.

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Not back to work.  Still with headaches and bunched nerves and muscles.  Simply no where near the intensity.  Not comfortable, a definite strain, needing lots of sleep, at random times.  Just easier to work with.  I don't think I have even thought to use aspirin this time, though if I remember it didn't help... very strangely.

The girls want fed.  I missed there usual.  Could just give them hardtack for cats.  They would eat it.  Yeah.  While it isn't, strictly speaking, fair.  Life isn't fair.  Further, if I feed them canned now, I'll not hear the end of it for a week.  Can't treat them without them getting pushy, damned raccoon beggars.  So, yeah.  Dry.

I am missing a lot of things.  While I am not ready to work, I do need to hit dailies.  I will get trash and recycling(?) out, try to get dishes squared, and cook a few chops and eggs?  Something like that.  As much as possible before I crash again.  Oh, and a shower.  Amazing what a massage does to me.  I'm curious what difference there will be with the pedicure and massage a week apart.  It realy is good to have the feet without razor cuticles, nails pushed upward, and layers of dead skin on the heels and soles.  Well, some layers of dead skin to go.

Now to figure out where to swim.  Neighbor suggested school.  Not sure, but it is closer.  Don't want year passes, not until I believe it would work.  Nervous about having children around.  Kids are chaos, of their own sort.  Still, it's more that there would be enough times available, no older middle aged women trying to latch on, and no gas theft.  I'll begin looking into it.

Later.

The heat is back.

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Milder.  As are the aches and pains.  I would have suspected similar intensity, shorter duration.  Sleep has been up and down, if running myself into the dirt before the massage played a part.  To be honest, I think the massage partially cancelled the problems created by the work, as two waves in a pond, offset by distance rather than time in this case, will moderate each other.  Over time, if both are large enough events, they will do more cancelling than enhancing.  Well, in that situation.  This is more akin to  tidal modeling, where the waves hit squarely, thus the modifications are immediate.

Hmm?  I mean, I think it is working as hoped.  It will take time for it to work more exactly.  If I can get recovery down to a day, and more mild by a good bit...  I can still increase the level of intensity.  I am hoping to top that out.  Eventually I will have to, perhaps adding an extra session in a month.  Gotta try to get bp down.  Perhaps that isn't possible now.  I won't check for another month.  It took a couple months the first time, for it to begin falling.

Oh, I finally got an email off.  I fall behind from time to time, if not so bad as before.  I have trouble reading gmail through the ps4, even on a big screen.  The zoom feature makes reading annoying with as laggy as the system is.  Copying to blogger, then increasing font, plus zoom which works well in this system, and... there it goes.  Especially for longer emails.  One problem solved, mostly.

I am still up and down.  Unable to sleep for long, if sleeping better.  And I am feeling better while awake.  Definitely a better and faster recovery.  Later.
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Such deep sleep.

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As recently, and with my first massage, I am sleeping so hard that when I wake the world spins.  Just that half tick to starboard.  As if my bell was rung.  Yeah been there, done that.  And, I realize, massages open the waterways.  They work far better than any diuretic I have taken.  I suppose relaxation, for me, is difficult.  I am also guessing it is thus quite needed.  All of these are in the good.

The only downside is from everything being relaxed and shifted.  As such I can't find a comfortable place to sit or rest in these first few days.  Which means I tend to run into skeletal muscular headaches and pain as my body reformats it's world.  Not as heavily this time, as well I found head rolls, about the neck, as a possible relief.  Though, perhaps, there is more to the problem?  I'll plug in the datas and see what the computer might suggest.

No matter though, I suspect it will take a few days and lots of sleep.  I am surprised this is hitting as hard as it is.  It must be the full hour session.  Although, I worked myself to exhaustion in the week ending in the massage.  I suspect there is added emphasis because of it.  If I can push more, then relax better, and cycle that, I will win or die.  Being lousy at dying is a bonus sometimes.

I called my mom.  No Texas trip.  My brother has too many things going on, as I suspected.  Only the grandparents are invited.  My mom will, even then, be flown in then out.  No huge surprise.  Some disappointment.  A raincheck?  We'll see.  Mother thinks next year, but that is when the family reunion was hoped.  Put that off another year?  She suggests, while there, we sneak off a few days.  She wants to see where Mardi Gras is held, I want to see the Alamo and possibly the western mountains or coast, both?  Sea food!  That way we aren't in their hair the whole time, but have a base?  I could see staying at least a week this way.  Maybe a wee longer if we get hotel rooms for several nights out.  Perhaps visiting a city or two a local good ol' boy, repatriated son, is writing about... who might develop a mild itinerary?

When you are free as the wind, money is the only limit.  With another year to save, that won't be much trouble.  Though my mother would still like me to visit this year.  Another extended stay.  She may be moving.  Possible.  But more like two or three weeks.  This time I'll book a room on the way, and back, before I go.  They are all cracker box hotels.  If I could find a better one, off the beaten path a bit, I'd take it.  Hmm, a B&B?  Actually, not a bad choice for Texas, if we make it.

I think I am recovering faster.  Still a bit stiff, with nerve bundles and muscles bunched.  My body is attempting to refuse relaxation.  It's as if it doesn't understand.  It is trying to put the body back into the shape it knows, understands.  Imagine trying to get a wild animal to relax.  Almost everything you do will make it worse.  I have mind and spirit or soul to help the flesh make new connections, if that has limits.  That is part of the heat problem.  Even when bound, a wild animal can yet resist to the utter limits of it's restraints, even if the restraints are simple exhaustion.  Yeah, that is probably it.  Thank you, subconscious computer.

Later.

Good.

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It's 3:42.  Might have been ten minutes ago when I woke. I didn't exactly pounce from bed or sprint to the bathroom.  But I didn't go slow or easy either.  I went down sometime, anytime, after 22:00 but before 23:00.  I am thinking in the forty's.  Then again, with time pieces still in variance for specific reasons or still at, or at some partial of, the old time...  Sleep was very good.  No suffering.  It's the rare type of sleep I hope to have.

I suspect I'll be back to bed in less than a dozen hours.  Though who knows.  Or cares.  On this weekend, what happens, happens.  I won't push, pull, stretch, shove, or any such.  Not on any outset.  If I happen to get working on the carts, then begin running on empty, I may attempt to push on through.  Other than that, if I don't feel like it, so be it.

I can't remember exactly how things went last time.  I know I initially thought I had escaped repercussions.  It wasn't until the second day that I learned otherwise.  I am not sure this quite counts.  If honestly, if it takes me down every time for several days, if it lowers my bp it is well worth it.  As well, I believe it helped me eventually do bucket loads of work once I recovered.  I do believe a large part of that run is directly tied to the massage and pedicure.  Something about removing background pain from walking makes mobility less of a thought process.  'Ready for the pain?'  Not always, even if you've buried the sensations deep.  The massage was almost a minor, or false wound.  It caused healing.  Almost akin to an inoculation.

I did work on my feet several times between visits.  Removing dry skin, digging lightly under toenails, remembering to wear socks, mostly.  But I... have such a revulsion to lotion.  I just don't believe it will wash out of socks.  Hmm... if I could find thick long cotton socks, white, preshrunk, so I could bake the bastards when I wash, I'd feel better about it.  I have been looking, not finding.  I just don't... trust... gunk lingering around.

I am definitely hungry.  I ate well before bed.  A good sign.  I thawed meat yesterday!  Brats, burger, and chops, plus I still have cabbage and crumble.  I'm thinking brats and cabbage for $1000.  Bake the brats, then crisp them up top, adding cabbage to warm that while cool the brats.  Later.

At the salon again.

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Better.  The feet, the body.  It doesn't remind me of a fight, more like a well paired sparring session.  Not going for hard, solid, punches, but precise, technical strikes.  More about where to hit, than power, at least at this stage.  In other words a reasonable workout with a few jabs to be remembered.

I am planning to take the weekend off.  Off means at most one full scale task, plus dailies.  Nothing fancy, just not a true day off.  Oh, and keeping up with any darned fool cooking or other project.  So... no darned cooking!?!  Bleh.  I would like to get to where I can really take Sunday off.  Without guilt, one way or the other. Not sure that is possible.  It would mean being able to keep up five days a week, at least.  I just... don't think that is for me ever again.  I'll be stumbling to every finish line either exhausted, broke in some way, a day (or days) late, or several or all of those.

My feet are nearly to skin.  I'll find out how well I do with recovery this time.  Two more regular and then I'll let her whip out the claws and go deep tissue.  I'll give her two shots with that.  Just not sure it's my thing.  I'll cool down for a bit, relax, then crash like a good little NorK rocket, and webelow dear leader.  I offset massage and pedicure a week and set each for earlier in the day.  Still later afternoon, just not end of the day plus.  Oh, reminder, set wristwatch... to the right new time.  At least I tipped right this time.  Live, stumble, learn, move on to the next set.  Amen.  Remember, God's work is thirsty work.

Good night.  *sniff, sniff sniff*  My coconut boomerang coming back?

Some sleep.

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After an hour resting in bed, something in the tangle giving pain at the base of my neck relaxed.  A bit of shifting and sorting of pillows allowed me to find a place to rest without pain.  Sleep followed shortly.  It was nearly 11:00.  I had to be up by 14:00.  Not much sleep.  If I wasn't sure I'd wake.  Made it back up in time.  A few more things to do before I can return to sleep.

As rough as waking can be, I am pretty sure, this time, that just the three hours down was worth it.  Eyes are a bit red, dry, and itch.  The cost of pushing a bit hard.  The tension remains dissipated.  Mostly.  Everything sort of burns from being taught for too long.  I did earn it.  I'd best get on with things.  Later.

Too much sleep yesterday?

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A large bunching of muscles, nerves, perhaps sinew and else knotted at the back of my neck.  A nearly migraine level headache, with mild nausea and light sensitivity.  I had hoped since it was mechanically based aspirin would take it out.  No such luck.  Nor could I sneak past it, on to sleep.  I'll figure something out.

The girls, for whatever reason, just won't leave me be either.  Sam, mostly.  But after I get her to leave Sassy inches closer.  Still a bit overheated too.  No, not a fever.  Just the body grinding to deal with, to it, excessive muscle stimulation.  I'm not even sure it can build muscle anymore.  I think it tries.  It just ends up overheating.

I need sleep.  I want it.  I can't do much without it.  Later.

Well and truly exhausted.

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Everything is ready for a shower.  All of my immediate dailies are finished.  I simply couldn't take the shower yet.  Worn.  So I watched a movie.  Just a time killer.  Not the slasher, or other trash.  While not high art, it was sufficient, even proffering interesting thoughts.  Now to shower.  Burning up again.  Oh well.  A cooler shower, turning the furnace lower as I go, turning on a couple of fans... that is about what I can do.

I'll probably watch another show as I let my hair dry, then back to bed.

Good night, and morning.

It often amazes me how much needs done, when I'm not doing anything.

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Just cat litter, sourdoughs, and checking kefirs.  Though, there was more.  I had one of the oven grills yet in the plastic tub, in the regular tub, soaking.  I finished it off, dried it, then reinstalled it.  Dumping and rinsing the plastic tub.  Then I swept while at it.  As well, I'd like to sort the things off the bathroom chair to put it back.  I need to get a magazine and book rack in there, or the chair becomes the catchall.  Which makes it useless for it's intended purposes and a bother to move for sweeping.  All that last just to eventually shower.  I won't shave tonight.

There is always more.  Little jobs which either are in the way or become distractions either from chained efforts or due to frustrations with other tasks, or simply a temporary loss of focus.  There is always something to do.  If, mostly, I'd like to sort out the cave, then sit, perhaps cooking a few times a week.  Then just hire a woman to clean from time to time.  We'll see.

Food before showering.  Meat crumble, cabbage, and butter.  It may not be divine if even manna from heaven can get a bit long in the fang.  No complaints.  Of course more tea had to be brewed.  Always damned something.  Later.

A rather long hard sleep.

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Sore from sleep.  Still tired.  All good.  I have earned this.  It might not seem much, for some it isn't.  Not all was listed, though even with everything accounted, it isn't all that much.  Most people don't need 60 mg of furosemide to keep their heart from flooding their lungs with blood backing up.  Mostly.

I'll be back to it soon.  I'll keep up on things until then.  But for a day or four I need to rest, mostly.  Perhaps all dailies and a bigger chore per day.  Putting the kitchen carts together today, putting them into service by loading devices on them tomorrow, or such.

I was so tired I had to go without the fan.  After the heat problem ended I then could not warm up.  Honestly, overheating is the better problem.  I woke often, just couldn't stay awake.  I am only awake now because my body is too sore to recline and I don't have a good place to try to sleep otherwise.  If I ever get the living room cleared and cleaned again, I am getting a recliner, one that fits me.  That will require store visits along with online review searches.  Salesmen will sell you anything.

A shower and shave might help recalibrate.  At least it warms the body.  But what to eat.  Ever been hungry, but not for anything.  Reminds me more of when I was a kid.  Oh, the zit is gone.  Still working on the minor sore, if that is healing fast.  Never had a problem with them, not often.  I guess they have just been a humbling reminder that I live in fallen flesh.  Not a bad thing, I suppose.  Though I am much happier to see it go, taking it's pain and wound with it.

On to... a shower first?  In a bit.  The heat up a couple of notches while I wake, then the waterworks.  Later.

It's not going to happen.

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No worries.  The fires within have subsided enough to sleep.  I got a few things done.  I did what I could without adding any... much... mess.  I'll catch it next time around.  No complaints.  Good night, and day.

A difficult day.

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Getting started is the problem.  I am impossibly overheating.  I turned the furnace as low as I dare.  Odd.  I checked the drying grains at about... no clue.  In any case they felt dry, so I weighed them.  Heavy by 36 grams of 500 gram base, I was fine with that.  That just filled a quart jar.  I then fed sourdoughs.  Finally I turned over milk kefir.  Late.  Was only able to sort one large grain, but it was four times the size of any of the eight I started with.  If I want bigger grains... it's a bit of a push, and I'll have to really keep on them.

I also cycled water kefir.  I haven't figured how to get it to carbonate right.  I keep looking for more information.  The thing is, you can't tell a fraud from legit on youtube, and all the variables aren't given.  Too hot, cold, brewed too long, not enough sugar, too much.  Trial and error.  Can't be too far off, the grains are growing.

Little jobs are burning me out.  I am not tired, worn.  Not much juice in my battery packs and they aren't recharging well or quickly.  As well, overheating issues.  Very strange.  Or not.  I may simply have pushed things.  I'll keep at things.  Perhaps a shower and shave would allow things to break one way or the other.  Can't sleep with this heat issue.  Later.

I thought I would remember.

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Midnight?  I went down for a nap.  Was it 1:00, 11:48, I just can't remember.  I slept well enough, if perhaps a bit long for a nap.  Needed, wanted, done.  It will take a bit to wake.  But then I will be hitting the table finally, and floors.  Which means dishes.  Everything on the table was clean when put there.  Time has a way of changing states.  I should have space, now, for the clutter.  The vacuum sealer and bags, and other things, can go onto the new shelving, canning jars odds and ends can go into the carts.  I'll have to make room for soup bowls which have been haunting the table.  Cleared, clean, and kept that way.

A shower and shave will be my reward.  Then to clear anything remaining on the floor, then sweep and mop.  Then to figure out the hall and back porch floors.  Tools, junk, stuff, sorted, restored, organized elsewhere, or tossed.  It took all week to get to the table.  I'll enjoy this.  When will it will actually be finished?  I am hoping today.  But when I remove things, I mean anything I move to have a permanent new home.  And I tend to get sidetracked on larger, more complex, fiddly jobs, of which this could be the poster child.  And that is assuming I can get back to work.  I have been pushing.

The clock says 4:07, and I am overheating.  A big jug of cold tea, turn the furnace to 68, then chill a bit, in hopes of digging in before long.  Later.

Thoughts while dining.

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Chicken.  A very good meal.  The idea was more after dinner, while cleaning my fingernails.  Actually, that latter was the point.  It seems as if that could be an issue in a major calamity, nail care.  On second thought perhaps not.  At one time, before hardened metal, perhaps.  I have to believe people occasionally died from nail problems leading to infections.  Now I doubt there is a home without access to a dozen knives, plus many other items to clean, maybe cut, nails.

However, depending on the type and severity of a disaster...  No, steel or even softer metals, are here to stay.  It would take a near extinction level problem for metals to be more or less lost.  Too few to produce food in trade for mining, forging, and such.  Even then, for some long time, there would be remnants.  Imagine stumbling into a rural Cabela's.  You probably couldn't carry it all, especially with what else you'd be grabbing.

Just an odd thought.  And gratitude for the world we live in.  It does make me wonder how much would be lost, how fast, from tools to knowledge.  I think surprises would happen both ways for each group.  Yeah, just thinking while consuming what would have been a rare treat, animal protein, and lots of it, for my class and not that long ago.  Then cleaning my nails while remaining comfortably stably warm without having to carry or sort fuel, or manage a fire.  Heck, I'm thirsty, and don't need a creek or well.  Thank God every day.

A guy in my condition at almost any time in history would not make it.  That I make it, is that right or wrong?  I think it was always hoped, just not at the expense of the young.  If my survival isn't the problem.  Their problem is there are too few of them with too much burden, from ungrateful parents and grandparents.

Nap time?  Later.

Sleep was dizzyingly deep.

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I must be pushing the far edges of my capacity.  I am sleeping so deeply my lungs ache a bit when I wake.  As well, I am literally a bit dizzy.  I can, oddly, still pop out of bed and go to things.  I think I went down around noon.  I just woke around 19:30.  A little tight today, I won't be doing as much.

The bread didn't work out, if I know why.  I used half regular spelt and half sprouted, which would have been fine.  I used all regular spelt last time.  The problem is I didn't give the sourdough enough time to work (at least) on the regular spelt.  I believe it probably needs just as long for sprouted wheats, if that needs to be confirmed (not for phytic(sp?) acid, but for leavening).  Fine, it's a learning process.  I just hadn't expected it to call for so much flour.  In my exhaustion and hurry I took the easy rout.  Learn best by loss.  *toss*

Next I Checked the sprouting whole regular wheat.  The shoots must have just popped, perfect.  Into the dehydrator.  I have two sorts of tray inserts, I tried the whole sheets last time, the perforated this time.  The whole sheets are the better.  The berries can fall through wet, more so dried.  At 2:00 I would like to remove and weigh, then, in theory, every two hours after, until pre and post mass parity.  I may set up another batch.  This test sample isn't enough to use for a loaf.

Oh, how rude!  I'll bet it's been five years since I've had a zit.  On the left side of my bottom lip.  It's one of those that doesn't lend itself well to evacuation.  Did what I could, now just a red swollen mound, glaring at me, daring me to hurt it, and me, more. I probably will, until it dies or goes away.  I don't mind the pain.

Today?  The kitchen.  Ribs if they are still good.  Perhaps putting the kitchen carts together, and an umbrella stand.  If the carts are assembled, I'll put them into use.  Generally a easy day.  I'm not going to push and shove.  A shower and shave though.  Yeah.  A really good week so far.  Not everything I wanted, if more than I realized needed to be done was done and more than I had a right to hope was completed.  Can't knock it.  Even with only winning some, losing or tossing the rest.

First, a bit of time to more fully wake.  Dizziness is passing, a mild headache is replacing it.  Later.

The bread is in.

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Forty minutes, or so they say.  As is becoming the norm, it is baking inside a cast dutch oven, with the lid on for the first thirty minutes.  I did three things differently, only two of which I will repeat at least with this recipe.  I used a banneton, a linen covered basket, meant to shape the loaf.  It is too sticky of a dough.  Perhaps with parchment?  Maybe.  Next, following instructions, I turned the oven to 500, heating the cast parts as well.  Then, as I was putting the loaf in, I sprayed water in, to create steam, which is supposed to allow the bread extra time to rise.  Oh, I added a natural salt to the dough, so four new things.  It's actually a bit severe, working with a 500 F oven.  It is turned down to 450, if even that is tight.  Had thought to return to my nap, but... no.

This time I will let it reach room temperature before slicing.  Though it seemed to do just fine.  I simply want to at least try it the "right" way.  Now, I really don't know how to properly store bread.  I know the refrigerator, for me, is out.  The freezer might work, but only for whole loaf storage, if not preferred.  Plastic bags don't seem good, if paper bags don't seem to serve better.  They used to sell bread boxes, tin or such.  I wonder if those proved no better or if people just went to such commercial bread that it didn't matter?  As well, beside salt, are there any other natural preservatives?  I am not sure salt works that way with bread?  Many questions.  Too many.  I'll stop until I get some of those sorted.

I really wanted to go back to sleep.  Beside the oven being so hot, I wasn't sure I'd wake next time.  It's dark, it has rained.  It may rain again.  Killer sleeping weather, in more ways than one while using an oven at a ferocious temperature.  I'll sleep through the cooling of the loaf.  The timer, to remove the lid.  *  Ugh, it doesn't look even close to done.  Just keep baking.  Smells good.

Ah, cooking sprouted wheats...  I realized what I bit the last time.  Pepper, not wheat.  I was confused because the pepper isn't giving off much flavor, a bit old?  Shouldn't be, but you know sales these days.  Did a similar thing with the mashed potatoes, a hard bite that disappeared.  Knew it wasn't potatoes, so stopped and sorted.  Anyway, something else?  When I cook wheat, from now on, it'll only be right after sproting it.  I can always put it up for later.  Not this time, I am wotking to get the drying time more exact, to that end all wheat must remain.

Beeper went off.  More done than it seemed.  Still... oven off, ten more minutes, then the cooling rack and sleeping rack, per.  Later.

Bits more.

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With dinner finished, and some time for digestion, food was put up.  I'd hate to waste it, even the breast meat was juicy.  Then to dishes.  While doing those I washed the northern counters and stove top.  I worked in the oven a bit.  It has some new-fangled cleaning system.  Manual?  I probably know where it is.  I also "probably" don't want to read it.  Yep, vid.  Uh-hmm.  Put in two cups of water, push a button, wait forty minutes.  Well heck, I can do that.  Done, now what?

No high heat.  I do have to remove the water and gunk.  It doesn't turn it to ash as others.  Then again I'm not as worried about leaving it.  I need to clean the dutch oven and get bread dough going.  I am going to just use the einkorn recipe.  After looking at several solid recipe books for bread, and other sources, it is a standard solid general whole wheat bread (any kind of whole wheat) sourdough recipe.

While I was at it, and reviewing wheats in the general cooking, baking, and else kitchen bible, I did get clarification on some various wheats.  Okay... ferra is an Italian strain of spelt. It is slightly different, if I can't remember how.  As to emmer wheat?  That is how the English, British, translate ferro.  Now, as loose as things are over there, I'd lay bottles to buttons that emmer, spelt, and ferro are completely synonymous.  *takes a breath*  So, while none of them are einkorn, Einhorn is still Finkle!

Now I can find emmer and farro, but at $5 a pound, when spelt is $2.50?  And they really are the same things.  Still, good to know.

I had been planning a nap.  When I finish the dutch oven, get the dough going, and perhaps finish the regular oven, I will probably try to sack out a bit.  Then shower, shave, and bake when I wake.  Then, perhaps, finish the kitchen... or the planned parts.  Later.
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Forgot to post, or the click didn't cycle.  Anyway... done.

The Maytag aquaclean isn't good.  If you drop something in the bottom?  Super.  The sides or top?  Not so much.  Now I should have done this long ago, if too, my oven gets a quarter or less typical use.  I doubt if the clean cycle is used monthly, which would be the equivalent, in normal homes.  Still, I may give it a few more tries before finding out what real other users do when this "green" (fail) system does as all "green" systems do.  By the way, hows that pipeline Mass?  Oh, right, you greened it away and are buying from Russians, at bitches prices.

I am giving the dough an half hour to absorb more water, then mix it again, then I'll nap.  Quite a show going on.

Not speedy.

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At least I have been on it right out of the gate.  I can't recall what I have done, beside starting dinner.  I know I finished, perhaps, a quarter of the plan.  Then hunger took over.  All in spite of never having quite awaken.  Then on to dinner.  Chicken, roasted over slices of rutabaga, with herbed butter strategically placed at various junctures under the skin.  As well, mashed potatoes.  Honest to God, from peeled, mashed, potatoes.  I'll check the chicken quick.  I'm guessing another half hour.  I'll check in fifteen.  Drats, forgot garlic cloves in with the butter.

More dishes?  Well, mostly new stuff.  Some truly new new, some I am just sorting up to the wash list.  And of course, supper.  Hmm, I might sweep while waiting for food.  Then move a few containers back to soap making station.  After the meal I'd like to hit dishes, then the stove and kitchen table.  Then start the bread?  Sure.  I found the recipe I'll be using.  Gah, wait, that's for einkorn.  Spelt is more similar to einkorn than modern wheat, and yet I wouldn't want to bet my success on it.

Slogging through, and just, this day.  Kewl.  I'll make it.  Later.
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Quite good.  Something about a rounded meal that makes it better.  Perhaps too many carbs starches.  And, yet, for the rarity I don't mind.  I was definitely hungry.  A young small bird, yet half consumed.  I think I'll have another bit of potatoes and slice of rutabaga. It may not be a king's dinner.  But luckily I am no king of this world and I believe I am more rightly fed for it.  And dishes are almost done, sweeping was finished, plus the equipment was stored in it's right area, all before I started my meal.  I am getting there.

Hmm?  Oh, the surfaces, stove, oven, and table top?  Yes.  If first finding a spelt bread recipe, then getting that dough started.  I may let that rise just once and bake it yet tonight.  Can't say I'm not swinging at the pitches.  Later.

Awake. Too early.

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Not in bad shape for it.  I hope I can get a nap in later though.  I was awake until 11:40 or so.  No real choice, took a bit to gear down.  Slept well when I could sleep.  Waking at 17:30, 18:15?  Somewhere in there.  Not enough sleep, even if I currently mostly feel fine eyes are a bit dry and tired.  All good.  A bit of waking, then I'll get back to work.  Again, if I work, it's not because I want to work, but because I can.  If I can I will.  Some are like that, some aren't.

What today?  In no particular order, not including dailies (kefirs, sourdoughs, cat litter): a shower and shave; putting up the dishes, all were washed... all; setting up bread dough; sweeping the bathroom again, didn't do it right, too tired; already drained the regular wheat that is sprouting, need to keep an eye on it (500 grams); perhaps another load of laundry; clearing the kitchen table and moving some things out; mopping; and of course food in there.  All of it? It's possible, you warthog faced buffoon.  Just don't get pushy.  I've been mostly dead at least all day.  But what the hey?

I think I'll roast a chicken for dinner.  I should open that up and brine it.  That just helps.  Hmm, and herb butter?  I have never loosened the skin, putting herbed butter and garlic in the divide.  I've heard of it, just didn't want to get that intimate with the fowl before.  Times they are a changing, if it isn't personal, certainly not romantic.  That would be foul!  I am not sure what would go with it, what I have on hand.  I'll get something going.

Not bad.  I thought I'd be further along.  There was more in the way, distractions, and asides.  I am satisfied with where I am, what I have done, given health and the vagaries reality brings to the best of plans.  A few years ago, and if through an additional illness months ago, this workload was impossible.  I'll take it, if also attempt to streamline, maximize, enhance, expand.  Bringing order through chaos, or the reverse depending on need and day.  Amen.

Plans?

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I know there were plans.  Dishes and else.  I sort of lost track and kept doing when possible.  Dishes, the first sets, done.  Laundry, could only pull one load together, that is in the dryer.  Sourdoughs have been fed.  I am going to set up bread tomorrow, probably.  I still need to sweep and set the oat pail for use.  More and more tea!  I must be going through that at a record pace, I am barely keeping cold available with solid effort and an gallon and an half reserve!

Dinner, of course.  The berries did well with the burger-sausage.  Long cook time, if you aren't in a hurry, goodie.  Which went well with cabbage, and butter.  Only advise, don't try to chew food with the wheat in it using your front teeth, and actually, generally, don't chow down.  I have strong teeth, what of them I haven't eaten.  I wouldn't bet on most people not chipping a tooth.  I drink a lot of milk, plus use cream and butter like a king.  My bones are... solid... even without that.  Just a word to the wise.  It was just at one angle, couldn't find it after.  Thought I bit a rock!

A few more things.  Dinner dishes, oats, sweeping, a shower then shave if possible.  I don't know if that would complete the previous list.  I won't promise it will get done.  It is merely what my mind contrives as tasks remaining.  Later, or good night.  Perhaps an update if all goes well(er(tm)).
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Lost awake asleep.  Most of it is done.  Had hoped to do more, and more again.  Done.

But..?

I know I am not this one, but I do know this one.  It's a start.  A dark old friend.  Once thought a master, until he didn't serve.  Then he was set against all.  There is some hope he will serve as a master yet.  Either way, he will be the vehicle of at least one of the four horsemen.  Or, so a little birdy chirps.

Good night.

Just starting.

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I did reset dishes earlier.  I've fiddled, making tea and a few other things.  Regular whole wheat was opened and ground, along with standard spelt as well.  If I hadn't mentioned, or done it by last post.  I meant to sprout regular wheat, but dishes were in the way.  I did a few, reset the rest.  I'm hoping to make a loaf or two of whole sprouted spelt tomorrow, then regular spelt, then sprouted or regular wheat bread.  Mostly practice.  I'll want to start the dough tonight.  Don't need to sour overnight, but I enjoy sourdough at it's best.

What else tonight?  If I can finish the dishes, soaking regular wheat, a shave and shower.  As I am cooking meat crumble and sprouted spelt berries, before finishing dishes for obvious reasons, I may put a load of laundry in.  And I could sweep the bathroom before I shower.  Actually, setting up oats would be good.  I have to take the long term storage lid off, replace it with an easy-access lid, then close it back up.  I was a bit surprised, when I did that for the regular wheat pail, how much force was required.  Not a test for me, or the rubber mallet.  I just wasn't sure the plastic would survive.  I was cautious, only using fractions of my strength.  I'm officially cycling grains.  Legumes as well.  I will want to replace what I am using, and then some.  Oh, and coconut oil, which is both for consumption and soap, or will be soon.  Took a bit, it's still give or take, but I am storing to live and living off it.

It's not fancy.  It isn't full up and everything.  But it is getting there.  If finances stabilize, I catch my breath, I get beef and pork back in supply, canning and jerking some of it, then stock up on regular canned foods...  I am getting there.  It's just hit or miss because of bureaucratic tomfoolery.  And some inability to deal with them well.  I'll get there.

I best get to laundry.  The berries are sort of done.  The meat will be fast.  Later.

What a crash. Mommy?

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Immediately, I think, after that last post, I fell so hard and fast that when I hit black, what I thought must be bottom, I kept going.  Imagine you are piloting a Mustang.  You lose part of a wing.  You are keeping it at a easy loop down.  Then some jackwagon shoots off the tail, and for good measure, the rest of the wing and the ejection controls.  Hush, couldn't reach those until stabilized, which had just about happened when a funny thing happened on your way out.

Now your spinning into the dirt.  All controls are frozen or dead.  You have hurled everything in your guts, and more.  And you have just started your descent, it's 20,000 and minusing.  Only, to ease your mind, you realize these g's will cause you to black out, maybe die, in very short order.  Only it doesn't.  It doesn't?  No, it doesn't.  You ride the burning chunk of groaning roaring spitting metal right into the dirt.  Only, impossibly, it keeps going, after a massive shudder from the hit.

Where I ended up, in this, the next world, a dreamscape, or some mix?  I'm... finding my real limits?  Expanding them?  It doesn't hurt, if I am a bit disoriented, slightly sweaty... between flushing hot and cold.  Groovy, baby.  Let's do it again, daddy!  Whatever.  I fell similarly recently, if with nowhere near this intensity.  No complaints, if the world would settle.  Still spinning at a very light clockwise tilt... about half a knot to starboard.

When did I crash.  After 9:00.  Can't use the blog timestamp, I've seen that hours off in both directions on the same day.  I am sure it was at least well into 9:00, nearing 10:00, at least.  I had done no more work.  Part of my problem was I was so tired I couldn't get up to go to bed?  I think so.

I woke at 17:45 or later.  Ah, part of the problem is it is getting so hot.  With the fan, it was up to 65 F.  This time of year, for me, that is brutally hot sleeping weather.  More 40, or 50 on hot days, is normal and preferred.  Brutal.

Anyway, after prime 'morning' duties, I decided to check the grains.  Two ways...  One, of course, is to weigh the pre-weighed grains and compare numbers.  Another way would be to take a sample of the un-sprouted and sprouted, of similar volume, weighing each and comparing those numbers.  I did both.  The first seemed the most accurate.  Actually, in either case, they lost some mass.  They are drier than they were, by five to seven percent, double that or more for the method I am doubting.  In any case, I am thinking between six and twelve hours for that, if I'd like to improve (decrease that range to an hour either way) those numbers and develop a spot on test for equalized drying between start and finish.

You know, even if it won't work for gruel, I could just cook some of the whole sprouted berries.  Enough to try a bowl with butter, and enough to add to some meat mix.  I need to refresh my meat crumble mix, and cabbage on the side sounded good too.  The berries would fit in well, I suspect.  Just... in case the gruel is a bust.

Then I ground what nearly filled a quart jar with course ground.  Bleh, it's just flour.  I can't tell the difference between this and regular grind.  Not sure it will work for gruel?  I was a bit disappointed, if there may be no need.  I'll pout a good half more hour to half the day before seeing about my gruel dilemma.  I bottled and labelled that, which went into the fridge.  Then I just put the rest of the dry sprouted and still otherwise whole grains into tig ol'... I mean a big ol' jar.  Wiggle those wheat berries!  And label them.  Gotta keep em' separated.  Label EVERYTHING.  Time, date, exactly what it is.  I'm slowly learning, if often the hard way.

Back to work when and if I can.  Gotta do some things.  Others can wait until the world stops spinning.  Later.

Doing, without necessarily following the list.

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The first part, check.  I think I followed the first steps.  Then the kefir snuck a jab to my kidneys, when I swung to defend, spelt got a fantastic right in, nailed it.  I ended up doing the cat litter, scrubbing the toilet if I plan to hit it again, setting the spelt which has sprouted as much as it will to dry in the machine... keeping the batches separated so I'll know which baskets to weigh, and reset kefir save for washing the dishes.  This time I took great care to find larger kefir grains and reuse those very specifically.  Not at all necessary.  A thing of pride, as with big pumpkins.

Really, other than sweeping and sourdoughs, I have hit most of the warmups and much of the first jobs.  Sweeping is fast, and scrubbing a essentially clean toilet out of excessive caution is short work.  A rest, had to.  If I can finish the list, including dishes (much more than understood, with kefir, sprouting, and supper dishes), I may just take a nap.  I do what I can.  Tired already.

Wow, sleep was needed.

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Yesterday, splitting my sleep, and all the work of late, crashed my system.  I went to sleep at around 6:00, up to thirty minutes after.  I woke???  20:30 to 21:30?  Probably, no earlier.  A lot of sleep.  I woke a few times, fed the girls in there.  Let them in for a bit.  Then not.  Got sore but kept rolling.  Needed the sleep, couldn't shake it, so did what I could to not end bent all out of shape due to being temporarily bedridden.  It seems to have worked.  I have a whole lot more sympathy for those folk, young or old, who are tied to a bed or chair.

I was hungry right off.  I tried the mushroom stroganoff, testing microwave reheating.  It did amazingly well.  I guess with enough good fats the microwave doesn't overcook.  Though meat fats are terrible in the micro.  That was an amazing reheated meal.  I wouldn't have believed it.  This time about a third of what was left was enough, though I am rethinking another helping.

If I can, hitting the bathroom is first on my list.  Not much to it.  Just brushing in and around the toilet, sweeping, and checking the trash.  The rest is in top shape.  Of course the first kefir checks, sourdough stirrings, litter box resets, and dishes?  No, I think I finished dishes before crashing.  Just that jug for the sourdough... had to nearly chisel through layers to get the dried starter, and grandma's raging bush off and out.  I know milk kefir will need sorted and rejarred, a lot of work.  Then another sourdough needs rejarred... one at a time.  Then I can get to the bathroom.  Ugh.  Hmm, I can set the toilet to a chlorine soak beforehand, for a much quicker go when I get to it.  Did I already write "Ugh"?  If not, UGH!

I suspect I'll get through these and into the kitchen yet this day.  I need to clean the stovetop and oven, perhaps then letting the oven self-cleaning system have it's go.  Then to the table and floor.  If I get the floor cleared and swept, then mopping and the bathroom.  Can't really tell with the kitchen, after mopping, but it smells better.  New floors there, in the halls, and back porch are on the list.  A new furnace and ac are next in the queue, then the en suite, with a new fridge and a few other appliances in there.  Ugh.  But I am getting there.

I've had to figure out how to live with a mortgage, how to arrange utilities, fixed replaced water heaters, toilets, and other things.  Tried to do my own plumbing and failed.  Purchased two freezers, a new stove, new washer (twice) and dryer.  I also need tree work, a new electrical panel and subpanel.  So, you know... I really have been giving it hell, and I'm not done.  One thing at a time.

Well, on to a bite, then the dailies.  Might kick out litter boxes first, then wash up for second breakfast while adding chlorine to the tank and bowl.  Later.

Didn't know dinner could be so quick and easy.

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Excellent as well, I should add.  I went looking for something.  Sardines would not suffice, especially two nights in a row.  Mushrooms?  But were they still good.  I was hoping enough to just start everything.  They did end up being good.  I thought to eat them as they were.  A bit rich even for me.  Spaghetti, a white sauce of mushroom, cream, sour cream, and of course the butter in which the mushrooms were swimming.  I said quick and easy, nothing about low cal.

Good?  Heck no!  Super.  I've got a lot left.  Foods that rich go a long way even in Ogreville.  I'm not certain it will store, or heat up well.  I am simply willing to take the risk.  But bedtime right after, mostly.  Good night.

Woke a bit after midnight?

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Well, not including any malpractice regarding daylight saving.  Yes, it is that time of the year again.  But what time was sleep?  Yeah it was that fast, when I went down I went out.  I think it was a bit beyond 18:00, for no good reason.  I had long since finished my chores... The pails were given a final rinse, another jar of spelt was set to soak, this time weighed and noted, and the sourdoughs were stirred with one needing rejarred.  If sourdough smells off, check the jar.  There are things which will try to invade.  I have another that will need fixed soon.  Only have a few jars of that size, if I should start downsizing to quarts, even pints until I want to prep one of them for use... which would mean refrigerator time.

Hmm?  Yes, my hobbies are invading mind and blog.  As I was saying... twice over...  When I woke I hit the soaking grains.  Flushing the water several times, stirring them around.  No sure traces of sprouting yet.  I'll be checking them as I go about life today.  I want to catch them early in the process, stopping it almost immediately.  With so much, beside grinding for flour, I will be course grinding some as cereal, perhaps to try in mixtures and on it's own, but also some dried whole to be added to soups and other dishes.  Perhaps cooked and added to salads once cooled.  Could vacuum seal some, for a type of original MRE, especially if mixed with dehydrated vegetables and with or beside jerky... which I need to get back to producing.  Crazy food ideas out there.  -  Then I fed the sourdoughs.  Oh, I'll get cat litter in a sec.  Stay on that and it really lasts.  Pay with elbow or wallet.

Today.  Minor efforts in the kitchen.  Food.  Trash... nothing to take out and only one bag in the bin.  The bathroom will be smoothed, sweeping a bit of scrubbing and cobwebs need removed.  Uhrm, after I finish waking.  That will leave Monday open for an invasion into the kitchen.  I am getting there.  Later.

A few things before I crash.

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I really wanted to just go to bed.  But a few unusual once in a rare while tasks were on my mind.  With the dishes done, everything was open.  As I finish, or swiss?  Anyway, as I danish, it all remains open.  I don't remember the first chore?  The next was setting spelt to sprout.  In my zeal I forgot to weigh it.  If you weigh it before sprouting, you can use that weight to see if the grain is dry enough.  A dry sprouted grain will weigh the same if hydration is the same (or so it has been stipulated).

Hmm?  Oh.  Another jar of sprouts, of similar volume, weighed.  Separated on different trays.  When the weighed wheat equals itself, the other grains should be done.  Problem...  Solved...  And, done.  Remember, kiddies, do not become my problem.  Done and done.

Then I grabbed one of the superpails of oats and white winter wheat.  They needed washed, as did the easy-open lids and lid opener.  I'll know if those are water resistant soon enough.  I may spray off the soap more in a bit.  I won't open them until fully dry, so best give them the rinse before I crash.  Ever get the feeling you have used too much soap?  Shut up.  :p

An appointment.

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To bed at 6:30, to be up by 10:00.  Didn't like it, no choice.  SSA required the visit, missed the first if half because they work in squirrelly ways, in off hours, even days, without a regular place of business, and without a local number.  Really?  Anyway, I did make it.  Usually doctor equipment is wrong, the worse way.  When they work for the government it seems it is wrong the other way.  The scales were twenty pounds shy, and I'll wager the bp cup was fifty to seventy points shy.  Whatever, made it and done.

The drive was good.  A perfect winter day.  Clear sky, sunsmiles, clear roads, and weekend drivers (with it's pluses and minuses).  All in all just a good day to be out, even if still wanting, needing to be, in bed.  I did feed the girls before leaving.  Yeah, they hold grudges, more softly these days.  I believe it is bedtime again.  Oh, well, after stirring the sourdoughs, and cooling down from the trip.  Later.

Oh, right. The other kefir.

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Water kefir.  It has been sitting a bit long.  I was worried I might have killed it.  Not so.  Two half gallon jugs had to be rotated.  Further, this time I put the flat but non-sweet soda, after adding some sugar to feed the smaller bacteria and yeasts something to eat to create fizz, into flip-top sealed bottles.  After accounting for grains, I got three bottles per half gallon.  The grains seem to be doing well.

Two days, then they need to be chilled so the don't pop as champagne, even to destroying the bottle.  Uhrm, again, if it works.  It may simply not be warm enough.  I added vanilla extract and ginger.  The last attempts at this produced no fizz, if the jars weren't airtight.  Quite a bit more work than it seems, or at least it sure eats the time.

I have cleaned up from that.  It is bedtime.  The bathroom and shower just have to wait. This was overdue a bit.  Gotta keep the cultures alive.  Good night.

Kefir, mostly.

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Well.  I had a lot more kefir in there then I thought.  Some  of it was just mixed, no larger pieces.  But taking my time I was able to find eight larger bits.  Meaning to sort those into specific marked jars, I messed up.  I did get half of them were I know they are.  Probably.  I had a few dishes before, but a bunch of jars and lids, then tools at the end.

I still have dishes.  The kefir has been mixed and set to sour.  Some of it, it is hoped, will produce whey. It's a messy job.  I only hope it works out.  Though, even if I don't get the big clumps I want, I know that clumpier kefir can be used as starter for the next round of kefir, it just isn't as cool.  And it really doesn't go bad, if I will dump if it gets to a certain point.  More because I have enough backup and I don't want to waste milk on several reset cycles.

The kefir was a lot more than I thought.  I am not even done... more dishes.  I am hoping to hit that soon enough, clean the bathroom, take a shower and call it a night.  I've done enough for a bit.  And, if I get these things done, the kitchen table, then floor, are the next events.  I'll just sweep the bathroom, saving mopping for when I hit the kitchen too.

Hmm.  Food.  I am hungry.  I'd best thaw something, several packs of meat.  Need to go to the store too.  Just a few veggies, maybe fruit.  I'm just not sure what to eat tonight.  Sardines?  I don't know.  That might be about it.  Later.

Awake again.

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Been awake for an hour or two.  Barely tinkering.  Did the dishes, then pulled kefir.  That will be sorted shortly.  Strained, sorted, reset, some consumed, and then dishes again.  Then I'll hit the sourdoughs.  And, finally back to regular housecleaning, starting with the bathroom and then back to the kitchen, with minor efforts, sorting, in the living room on breaks.

I have figured a few things out with hands, glove, dishes, aloe vera, and powder.  If I am going to be doing a lot of dishes, even with gloves, I need to slather aloe vera three to four times a day.  Don't do dishes without gloves.  Period.  As to powder, talc, I've tried two ways: first way was to pile it in the glove, the better way is to lightly dust hands first.  When piling it in, every time I remove the gloves I powder the area, my hands and arms are coated, and the powder begins to clump from sweat or water just finding it's way in, meaning a lot of waste.  The other way may require occasional reapplication for longer sessions, but I have to drain and refresh the water anyway from time to time.

One would think the world all common sense.  Try using linear thinking and a 2d map, without uncommon thinking to get anywhere in the x, y, z area of this planet,  even given the earth's crust as an assist.  That is just transportation, not including which factors are preferred, time to destination, fuel use (even if walking, you use fuel), velocity allowed or at a limited pace, and others.  Actually, most people are limited to premade paths, roads, and 2d maps.  And many can't use those well.  So it is with everything... including dishes, hands, hot water and all.

I am finding, as I get better (definitely getting better, if perhaps as I speed toward death oddly, or I wouldn't be doing all I am doing... even if fumblingly), it is better to invest time figuring things out.  Even the little processes, and how to cope when the main tricks and methods aren't available.  With dishes?  Working without gloves might require much cooler water and a lot more hand lotion, maybe several types.  Or prepare to just deal with dry, cracked to bleeding hands, or eating off dirty dishes.  In  any case, my life is becoming a system of systems.  Each first simply ingrained on it's own, then integrated into other systems.  Alterations and compromises are constant annoyances, if opportunities to learn.  Learning may not be always favored.  But it is a potentially valuable opportunity.

So much in life to do.  So few can do much.  How sad.  If four are pointing back at me.  Yes, I get it.  I am on the bandwagon to learn, experiment, do.  Be creative.

I did what I could.

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I eventually crashed so hard I am wondering if a giant impression of the hand of last week is imprinted on my face.  Down sometime after 6:00.  How much after God alone might know.  I should have been to bed by 4:00, perhaps 2:00 if memory serves, if I won't swear to that as a truth.  Could look back, but I can't read.  Not yet.  Only awake to deal finally with the mortgage company.

Something is very wrong with them.  I definitely paid my bill twice this month, have been up to date for months, was told I didn't have to pay next month... the call was telling me I was in arears with the old loan.  Which, if you'll have to trust me, I wasn't.  Either hidden fees in there, or they accounted the overpayment into the package, or some other mistake on their side.  I had it, worth the cost, just hate dealing with people who don't know what they are doing, or worse do but aren't playing fair, right, or honest.  This guy was just the collecter.  At this point he knows or cares about nothing except a ledger imbalance.  He couldn't and wouldn't have, or probably been able to fix anything.  Yeah.  But done.

If I can settle a bit, perhaps back to bed.  I can't remember what was done, what remains, in the house.  Did well until I got stuck on doing nothing.  Then just kept hoping I would... do.  No "do" left.  Then I crashed so hard I now have a metaphorical understanding of mosquitoes and windshields.  I am surprised I woke for the call, even with my mind set to facilitate.  There are limits.

Good night, again.  I hope.

Such strange thoughts.

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Even so, music is crafted to fit.

No complaints.

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Took a bit to get started.  I wondered if it was too late to place the second call.  Then I realized there was no cost for failure.  Not too late.  Doubts were allayed via several varied communication devices and techniques.  She never said it.  With some it is not necessary.  'Are you doubting me?'  I almost said "Yes.", but that... can cause... dissonance.  Let them remain blissful.

After, I eventually hit dishes.  Several loads, several fresh pans.  More because the water got cold or dirty as I did the items piecemeal, and between other tasks.  The packing, and all other house trash was sorted and taken out.  I was surprised it all fit.  The counters were cleaned.  I also washed and removed the toaster oven for now.  I'll fit that in with one of the kitchen carts... which reminds me...

I've done a goodly bit of work out there, with much more to do still.  I need to feed the sourdoughs, mess with the kefir, deal with paper packing, move a few items for soap making to what is becoming that work station, and finish a few dishes, plus what is generated in processing kefir.  Ugh.

As I worked on boxes I have also been clearing the living room.  Sorting cd's, dvd's and mostly blurays, and games.  Well, and books, tools, parts, and paperwork.  Ackh.  On breaks, more of that.  I'd like to set up a cd/bluray/dvd/game shelf.  If first I need a place for it.  Yeah.  Then a proper shelf system for electronica, which I do have.  I tried a... mix of things, on the cheap.  It works, mostly.  But even I know better.  I've got the gooder(tm) things, it's making space, finding the time, and having the energy.  I am getting there.

I went looking for emmer, another ancient grain(?).  Wanting whole berries I ran into this being called farro.  Okay, so, digging with both names... I ended back... at einkorn.  So, at the product (one of several, but a more popular one), I explained my confusion, then had to ask... is einhorn really finkle?  Not sure if organo-heads will get it.  Even if the actor went totally stupid left, he'll never be accepted.  Now he has burned all bridges to his fan base.  Still, someone might get a kick.

The bathroom to, if... when... I can.  I might be done or end up getting most of it done.  Love it when I can, even if limited to women's work.  At least I don't have to beg muscle.  Bleh.  Later or much later.

Everything.

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Maybe a few extras.  How the bowl and spoon were overlooked?  Too tired.  A good run.  Of the boxes only packing remains.  The paper will be saved.  The plastic needs simply to be put in the inner tall trash can.  Amazing how much room that ends up using.  Then, with the jars fully dry, I'll put those in the boxes they were bought and came in, upsidedown, then store them in the carts or wire shelving.  THEN I'll be caught up to begin catching up.  The bathroom will be hit first, then back to the kitchen.

Okay, I forgot countertops.  Those will be hit while the other minor kitchen jobs are being done.  Might as well wash the spoon and bowl while at it.  I'll need hot soapy for washing up.  Should eat something before long, would hate to turn into a domestic troll.  Oh, yes, there are rare male versions of that monster.  Just unfed normals of unusual size.  And, yes, when people, or trolls or even potential trolls, are busy, we can forget to eat.  A lot.  These last four to seven days, often I have had less than 500 to 1000 calories.  Not bad, sometimes.  Not good long term or regular.  Fasting, but more accidental.  Without someone else around to feed or who eats, it's easy to truly just forget.  That will lead to either malnutrition or eventual overconsumption.

Whatevs, for now.  Things to do.  No places to go, for now.  Didn't receive a call back, not sure what that was about.  An appointment soon, if something seems odd about that.  I should call to check up on that.  As to work, today, I'll get to it when I get to it.  I've been up a few hours, if that doesn't mean much.  Heat and food, then a shower if that isn't cutting it.  If all else fails I'll sit until I sleep, trying again later.

Good day.

Doing well.

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The show is coming to a close.  I'll be up a few more minutes to hours.  A phone call.  Mortgage.  Always something wrong.  I did get breakfast, a shave, and the laundry finished.  Some things are supposed to air dry, most was put through the dryer and is in my room ready to be processed.  Not all that much.  It will be done.  I have done a few other things, and will do dishes before sleeping.  Tired.  But my days are warped, so hitting an approaching appointment will be a blind piece of luck or a stretch.

I am getting better with the double bladed double edge razor.  I'm not close to excellent, if some of the problem today was being so tired.  There is solid improvement.  As well, I have some really bad whisker lay paths.  Perhaps, now that I know much more certainly what I am dealing with, looking for strategies for my particular problems would make more sense.  

Well, on to the call, dishes, laundry, else, then bed.  Good night.

Technically...

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I probably was finished by 3:00, perhaps 2:00.  I just wasn't done.  Or I could have been.  I added work to my list.  The only things remaining are the shower and shave, then stop at the post.  I may put a load of laundry in after the shower, maybe ri... no, definitely after.  That constant temp change is to much for my nerves.

I got a lot more work done than anticipated.  Who would think washing three groups of mason jars would be that much work though, as an example.  Each "little" extra task tacked on a lot more time worked.  I have been working at a moderate level for over half the time.  Nothing fancy, just given recent events I am pleased.

On to the shower and all.  Later or good night.
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Getting so close.  A shower, but no shave, yet.  To the post, taking the broken down boxes for deposit.  I'd like to get a shave, then reset kefir.  It is probably time to stir sourdoughs.  If I have enough, and I think I do, perhaps sourdough pancakes... and a few eggs.  I want to do dishes though.  It's a lot easier to do anything if the sinks are clear.  Ten, degrees, F, is what the thermometer read.  I needed some cool.

I even had time to work on my toes while drying a bit.  She did an excellent job, which means I am having to dig, attempting to separate the toe from toenail.  With some care, some persistence, and some push.  I'm amazed how much easier walking is.  Always been a bit nervous about getting that done.  The one time I had foot work done, at the V.A., I didn't get a good impression.  Power tools an no lotion or else.  I don't think one of them honestly knew what they were doing.

Good night.

Sticking with it?

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In one sense.  I haven't quit in spite of having done nothing, until this last hour.  I have gotten all of the empty or disposable boxes collected from the failed efforts of yesterday.  I even ignored the books.  I may not be the bookphile another is, but some topics... mental prayer for example.  Sure, I got books, but then lost track.  It isn't quite time to restart.  It burns to know more.  More so with some dreams of late.

Lights out.

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I thought I'd get to more.  I had dishes, mostly new items, ready to go.  I hadn't collected more boxes but expected to find and finish those.  I also didn't make it to the post.  I did take down the boxes already collected, took care of cat litter which is usually a twice a day thing or more anymore, I did a few odds and ends beyond.  I fed the girls what we called midrations around midnight... only it wasn't leftovers as it would be in the service.  Just because, every week or other, as I get treats.

After those things, I sat for a rest.  I didn't fall asleep.  I did time out.  I simply, after a bit, fell nearly to blankness.  I did some reading.  A bit on einkorn, some on liquid soap making.  There are a few things I need, according to this author.  Need?  Would prefer?  If I take her at her word, and from what I read and what I already know I accept belief as wisdom, then one product is more on the need side.  The other item is a bit of both, more because of my limits and facilitating faster processing.  They add more expense, however, that I am making soap just for myself, in small batches, this isn't an issue.

Eventually, given the price of soaps I currently use, the equipment and tools being one time costs, along with the ongoing expenses of expendables, I suspect, even using pricier expendables for replacement products of what I am currently using, two years will get me to a break even... replacing dish soap, laundry soap, shampoo, hand soap, and body soap.  I won't be using the most expensive, if I can avoid.  You can keep your organic, save for coconut oil... if that is for food stocks and this simply helps keep that in rotation.  I won't look for the cheapest either, as usual a middle way of prices, unless I make something special for gifting.

Something I am coming to realize, however, is that soap making isn't going to be quite as easy as thought.  Fine, I'll work through that.  The goal is to develop, if possible, a single, or small selection of, base recipe(s).  The only reason for several would be ingredient price fluctuations.  From that 'mother soap' it is hoped, all other soaps might be derived.  See, still using calculus!  Oh, I also want to work up a supply cost tracking system.  I want to be able to know, just by expendables, how much a cup, quart, gram, ounce, etc., costs to make, down to tenths of cents.  Not that I absolutely care, merely another part of the hobby.

Oh, just for grins... have you ever seen a cat stub her toe and trip?  With three legs to pick up the slack she didn't fall, but she did stumble.  My burst of laughter gave her further pause.  She almost turned around to glare, but chose not to.  Moving on a bit peeved, if too, I sensed that she caught a sense of my mirth as well.  It's just that animals have an even greater lack of self-deprecation than most humans.  She is learning.  I could almost taste her strange smile.  Strange to her, well known to me.

I ended sleeping hard and long.  I woke often, then crashed back quickly to sleep.  Dreams.  When dreaming of God the world is good.  I feel I understand the walking on water thing.  If only He would stay!  Then to realize He is always here.  Devastating to initially think God is leaving after such joy in His presence.  Such calm when I realize, just because I can't sense Him so closely anymore, doesn't mean He is gone.  He went the other way.

I'll get to dishes, boxes, a shower, and the post tonight.  Ugh but things are roiling.  I won't say it is all the massage and pedicure.  Winter is heading into spring as the titans falling on the Olympians.  It is a wonderful, terrible, beautiful, thing.  It is messing with my systems.  The spa work just doubled and complicated that.  Wonderful!  It's been a bit since I've gotten a full bite of creation in progress.  Chaos is another name for it.  Also known as life.  Tasty.

Later.

Not quite.

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No sleep.  Too cold.  Wet lungs and phlegm.  Just not able to get comfortable enough to sleep.  Strange.  Even out here I am cold.  My guess, as my body relaxed finally it doesn't have acces to turn machinery on.  It simply can't warm up.  I'll have to crank the furnace, and that is well dressed.  Two pair of socks, pj's and then some, ugh.  Cold!

If I can warm up it is back to the boxes.  Another batch of sourdough pancakes?  Maybe, with eggs on the side.  A smaller batch... say one egg, two to two and an half cups of starter, a pinch of salt, a tsp. of baking soda and powder?  Should work.  I may just go with pure maple syrup.  I keep small amounts of that stored.  Lasts a long time but it is good to turn it over, and buy more on top of it.

Back to the boxes?  Not quite yet.  The furnace first.  Then again, maybe the cold weather is simply back for a bit?  I'll get to it after I warm my bones.  Later.

Bits and pieces, then Boxes.

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Did I write Boxes? My mistake.  BOXES.  That is more accurate.  I started breaking them down, sorting packing (I keep paper, for now), stacking the torn down parts.  And, then, I kept on doing it.  Then more.  Then the other rooms.  More.  Really?  I think the boxes have been breeding!  Though I did sort them into each other while stacking.

I don't know how long, only that it was a good while.  I started to overheat.  So I went to gather the rest of the boxes.  I couldn't quite complete that task before finally needing a break.  I think I have most boxes ready.  Just six or eight yet in the wild.  Oh, I'll get them, if as with dishes, some may slip out of immediate action.

And the fillers!  The air pillows are the most compactable, if that requires each to be jabbed.  Paper is next.  Good for return packing (won't deflate as air bags will), can be used as a firestarter, insulation, or in the compost bin.  Probably other things.  The plastic is worthless to my knowledge.  Oh, as to peanuts?  If you have a box of them don't try to be clever.  Just keep them in that box and tape it up.  Or you do three times the work or more for no benefit.

I have done about what I can for the moment.  A nap, it is hoped, but back to it when I wake.  Boxes then figuring out wheat.  No complaints, I did more than I thought I could. Thought I'd hit sourdoughs, do just a few boxes, then crash.  I did a bunch of them, set up dishes, and really did okay.  Later, much later if the naps turns into a full time job.