Not bad?

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I couldn't get to bed until after midnight again.  Again, right at midnight thirty.  More insomnia, keeping me awake, than anything.  Medicines doing it?  Maybe, or part of it?  But sleep was so very good.  A bit bumpy, rolling and twisting, but nothing totally out.  I always twist, turn, roll, kick the blankets off, go searching for them... active the whole night, really.  Seeking a comfortable spot, or new one if the old one becomes a bit long in the tooth, and no longer seems pleasant.

I'm not sure I ever sleep all that deeply.  Save that I know I do, for spots of time when I might as well be dead.  I am all but sure I had some of those, and deeper and longer, last night than usual, actually.  However, my active moments were even more active, as well.  The world is going bad, everywhere.  If, too, something is applying the breaks, as if to a train trying to go off the rails, and a ghost in the machine is limiting the speed and altering oncoming traffic in spite of those who believe they are in control.

I don't think God does anything directly.  He merely built things a certain way.  It may be why various understandings of everything from physics, to economics, to social norms don't fit with one another.  It isn't because they don't, it is because the systems are beyond our greatest understandings.  Then again, if you have ever known a scientist, mathematician, or engineer, you will find that these people do their absolute best to simplify.  Some things just... aren't simple.  There is no way to reduce some things to a common denominator, or to simple terms.  Givens and proofs and... poetry... nothing more.  Worse, poetry that only makes sense to the dimmer witted of the insane and obsessed.  I don't even think Einstein was actually intellectually classified as genius, was he?  Just saying.  Though, genius isn't what it is presumed, even with sweat equity.  Just because you just know, doesn't mean you know correctly.  How many academics should throw their life's work out?  Most of them.  Then again, most are 115 IQ midwits.  Even I am higher than that.  Or was.

Anyway...  While God doesn't interfere, He doesn't have to.  Between the truth of free will, the mechanics of the world, and else... if His people pray for His way, and bend to it, yielding our desires and feelings to truth, that can't be undone.  It is only if people surrender their faith, for the slavery of fear, that they will be lost.  If many have done so, not all.  What was it which would have spared Sodom and Gomorra?  Was it some number of good men?  Ten?  To be honest, I think there are ten, in many places.  Often... a few more.  Are... you... one of the ten?  Do you wish to be?

Anyway... up by 08:30.  No alarms, they were really breaking my balls.  I just... couldn't.  Especially going to bed so late, and so tired... after having been so tired all day yesterday.  It is 38 and sprinkling out there.  I am hoping for a shower yet this morning.  And then to find a point where it isn't raining, and get chores done.  Cat litter needs a lot of work, I have having a heck of a time keeping up.

On the good side, I am on my fourth day of medicine without too much trouble.  I have been using one painkiller or another every other day or so.  Which has been helping.  How much?  I can't say.  More, this new stuff?  I started out heavy, but am cutting.  Today I am going to try a single pill.  Yes, I have been hitting those a bit heavy.  But starting out on medicine can be brutal.  This time isn't... as bad.  But it is always bad.  It's probably not as bad because I am taking things in hand before they get really bad.

That I am reducing my painkiller load to... human recommended levels, even with my size difference, and half the dose for the day to boot, on top of just going on two doses over four days?  I'll take that as a success.  Or, well, it's all turning out a bit better than anticipated... if I still have fear and dread.  This stuff is brutal.

Hopefully a bit more work today.  Probably not much physical, or for long.  The internals are a bit rough.  Not sickly feeling, just... feeling as if they are bruised.  As bp falls, things... don't get what they have been used to receiving, blood wise.  Though some of the pain may be from having been having too high of a pressure blood flows pounding on them, then having that quickly reduced... the areas which had been being pounded can now begin to heal?  Difficult to know, absolutely.  Just some possibilities.  Still, as mentioned, not as bad as usual.

Later.

Such a strange girl.

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A few more... almost... certain.  I like the cut of her jib.

Not long ago...

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I called.  Her.  I wasn't sure I got through.  I didn't know if she ever knew I called.  Her phone is set to a message, suggesting the client, or some such, is not available to receive the call.  It has been that for some great deal of time.  Since... pretty much since I moved in.

There is no indication of who the phone line would connect to.  No name is given.  I am not sure if the number is with a primary phone company, or just a Walmart instaphone.  Nothing.  So, I... really have no idea what just happened.  Then I started seeing... old songs, and a few new, crop up.

Now?  I am all but certain.  Not even sure they are from her viewing, or... just... how things work.  Life is odd for ancients.  And, no, it isn't always, or even often, how it seems.  It's not that I don't think coincidences occur.  It's more that, at some level and point, they can't be the answer.  This is one of those times.

Oh... well... just a few.  Less than twelve hours after, and the flood continues.  As mentioned, just a few of the dozens, scores?  Maybe someone is just scraping through the barrel, looking at the oldies.  But the targeting is... impressive, if so.  As mentioned, at some point coincidences aren't possible.  It is at that point.

Hopes.

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Had hoped to get out today.  Just isn't going to happen, not as planned.  I may yet get out, for a very short bit, but not for what had been planned.  Though, not sure even a small outing is in the offing.  So tired.  Tired?  Sleepy?  Exhausted?  I'd go with tired, with a partial order of sleepy on the side.  Not exhausted.  Too tired to work up to an exhaustion, but a bit sleepy as an aside.

Chores were done.  I was hoping for a shower, too.  Not to be, most likely.  Hungry, just can't really get going on cooking anything.  Trapped, a bit.

I used to take painkillers that worked, with two types of painkiller ingredients, plus caffeine.  That disappeared.  Then came back!  Or... so I thought.  They had made it just aspirin and caffeine, and charged a bundle for it.  The other day, I found the old formula.  Of course, much more expensive than the new formula fake stuff, but exactly the idea of the old medicine.  I am not sure how much of each painkiller type the old had, and the new seems... weaker.  Still, there it is.  If with all sorts of warnings and advisements and else.

The stuff worked on my migraines, and some of the worst of my pains.  On the other hand, I took double to triple the dose, and tried to keep total usages (albeit at those higher doses) down to once, or maybe twice, a week.  And... so it remains.  excedrin migraine.  The old one had been anacin.  Shame on them for their trickery and excessive expense for just becoming aspirin and caffeine, dropping the other, and I think even dropping the doses of the other two.

I tried it today, as things were a bit tight.  Yea, that's... how I remember it.  One day a week off from torment, almost guaranteed.  Though, for weeks, I can be numb enough, or otherwise painfree, so it's only a few weeks a month, every other month, or sometimes longer, where pain can be "tolerated" or ignored.  Though sometimes, the want of it it daily, and even then, sometimes, it won't help at all.  Still, now I have it.  If you used to like anacin, excedrin migraine may fill that void.

Something is still pretty off.  I suspect starting up medicine, full stop, damn the torpedoes, is the gig.  I have had much worse, before.  But just into the third day.  I wanted to skip last night, but chose not to skip.  If it really hits, or if I black out, fade out, and can't control it, it may happen.  But I won't skip consciously, unless I have been on it a week or two and it is really getting to me.  A short one or two dose break has... lifted spirits and allowed continuation before.  The trick is to remember to skip before it breaks me down too terribly.  Sometimes, deep in the throws of this stuff, I can't remember... anything.  Can't think.  Tricky.  Almost have to go into that darkness with a plan, hold on to the memory of the plan, before it goes all dark.  Tricky damn thing, and that isn't a guarantee.  Sometimes only a fall can allow me to regain my feet... at some point.  Still, I... have that as a plan, in case, in hope in the dark.

Hmm... I am hungry.  Food, of any kind, warm... plentiful enough... and tasty...  I can't worry about healthy all of the time.  Can't cook, or do dishes?  Hmm... actually... maybe.  If I have cheese to add, sure.  If not, not this time.  I would like to stop at the store, too.  Just... can't do it today.  Probably.  Would want a shower first anyway.  Almost sure I can't do it all and get it done.  Still, would like to get a shower, to be ready tomorrow... or keep showering nearly daily, in case the opportunity arises.  So, maybe, even if I haven't showered that day, the day before would make it good enough?  Something.  Later.

Down late, up late, again, again.

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Not sure why.  I was certain I could get to bed early last night.  It just didn't happen.  Too much work, later in the day.  Work?  It is when I spent the most energy.  It just, usually, I have to come down from pushing.  I just do.  It was midnight thirty when I finally went to bed.  Tired well before that, but not enough to overcome the ramping up I had done to get the packages arranged and mailed out.  Adrenalin and other things have to be jacked up for me to get out.  

I do fear out there.  Not... in the way you fear it.  Some, who fear out there, fear people hurting them.  Or other things hurting them.  Or even seeing them.  I fear having to hurt people.  Or even know or learn about or watch... see... their sins... directly or not.  People don't even bother hiding these things anymore.  No shame.  Sometimes it is in their eyes, sometimes given as clues elsewise.  I try not to see, but it is everywhere, blatant.  Good, though, too... sometimes... to see the right side of folk, and the world.  Little magics still out there, goodnesses, rightness, charity and else.  Even seen in tears and sadness.  Still, rare.

Anyway...  Up, late.  The girls were pushing for me to wake, which... doesn't work out well for them.  I set the alarms.  I tried the snooze, on each, a few times, but then surrendered back to sleep.  I think I woke around ten.  Not too long a sleep, could have done more, or less.

A bit sore this morning.  Not sure if it was sleeping a bit off.  Just my shoulder, as if I had plowed into my pillow at a bit of a twisted angle, and slept that way.  Massive shoulders make sleeping a bit tricky, or comfortable sleeping, especially when it's a wiggle worm night, and I can't settle.  Still, it seems to be passing quickly.

Chores, maybe another shower, then dishes... and laundry?  I can hope.  I just need to wake a bit better first.  Ah, here is something you might enjoy... or not.  Not too heavy, mostly.  Sort of fascinating, perhaps a bit frightening, if also a form of the truth, for animals to be certain.  And the only truth some men will ever, unfortunately, know.

Such a brutal effort.

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All I was able to do today was get up, eventually showered, dressed some time after that, then get the packages... packaged, for return, with labels and else.  Ugh!  And, finally, get them in.  But I forgot one label, and my phone, so I had to return and hope to make it back in town on time.

Which... the label was right here.  So that was an easy fix.  Then back to town in plenty of time.  As well, I did stop and get a bit more gear to secure my home.  They can still get in, but it will be definitely breaking and entry.  And, probably, there will be definite proof.  They will have to break in, at this point.

It took all day to get this all going and finished.  Which... at least it is done.  I am quite pleased with it.  Lock, stock, and barrel, I say.  I am just depressed that it took just about everything I had, and all day, to do such simple things!  And, yes, I am worn out as heck.  As if I really did something, which I didn't.  I just... did some minor things.

Or, split on it?  It is done, it was a major hassle, it had to be done today, so... there is that.  If it hadn't been the cutoff day, I would have held off.  So tired.  No longer sore.  The headache, stiff neck, and bone hurt around the head and shoulders disappeared sometime during the day.  What was so difficult about packaging things?  Showering?  Dressing?  Never mind, done!

One last thing to try to get done before the end of the month, then... I can be blissfully ignorant as needed.  I'd still like to push, and help out, when called.  I'd like to keep to days.  I may even try to begin walking.  But if I can honestly do none of it?  So be it.  After this one last thing.  Amen.

Medicine, in a bit.  All good.  And, probably, tonight, to bed a bit earlier.  I think stress of labels, and packaging, and being gimped, and taxes, had me somewhat shut down in an odd way.  Insomnia is a stress symptom, for me, or can be... one of them.  Which can keep me up longer, sometimes days.  I was just getting a taste of it.  With half the stress gone, or more... sleep may be easier, and earlier.

Later, or good night.

Oh what a headache.

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Like a pike, sent through the left side of the lower skull bump, at the base of my skull, up into the middle and forehead of my brain... if that could feel.  At first I thought I slept well.  But reviewing the nights logs... probably not.  I rolled, often, almost constantly, seeking to escape that growing pain.  There was no way to escape it.

Oh, I could, and did, lessen it, from time to time, if I could contort my pillows, neck, head, and body into just exactly the right position?  Rarely, but it did happen.  It was just that keeping it all in that position was impossible for any length of time.  No, it wasn't from dead sleeping.  It is probably from starting meds full blast.

I have tried sneaking up on the medicines, slowly titrating to full strength.  And, while that minimizes the impact, it also stretches it out.  The minimization is not more than a felt thing, it doesn't actually improve performance during the acclimatization.  So, instead of a bit more suffering and lethargy, and a month, the downstages can last two to three months, with little improvement, if any, in my ability to function.  So... if I can handle the bleeding, I take the whole thing the opposite of cold turkey... a solid plunge into the darkness.  It's the best bet if I am up to it.  This time, I decided to plunge in.  A headache is the least of my worries.

Down by 23:00, give or take.  Should have been to bed earlier.  More forgot, than wasn't tired enough.  Just... got lost in... nothingness and nowhere for a while.  I set the alarms, if I really didn't want to.  I woke at six, on my own, but it was so dark and cold, and I hurt.  Woke at seven, with the alarm, and pretty much repeated my groundhog assessment, and went back to bed.  But then, I started fearing the nine alarm.  Almost wanting to just shut it off, and let go.  But... I didn't.

I continued to obsess over it.  Hating the idea of waking to it, or worse... not waking even after it, or having to use the snooze, and listen to that f'ing beeping, constantly annoying me, in my pain and weariness.  Finally, I rolled, and checked.  It was 08:06, just beginning to lighten out there, but brightly.  In spite of pain, cold, and else, I turned off the alarm and got up.  So, here I sit.  The late alarm is set for nine, my obsession was worse than the alarm, if too, no beeping!

I had a morning snack.  Took medicines and a few painkillers.  And will feed the girls and do chores in a bit.  It reads 32 out there, but doesn't look like it froze?  The temp may be a temporary fact of morning winds off the mountains.  Either that or it stayed just that other side of 32, the wet side.  Odd how it can do that.

A shower before long.  It might help the headache.  Check if I have any laundry ready to go, and do that.  That will be enough for a start.  I'll figure the rest out as I go.  Later.

Bedtime.

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A bite, finally.  Nothing fancy, but filling.  Did get the printouts needed, thanks to a pal.  I can get everything back.  Then I only have taxes to mess with.  Then, if needed, I can crash as needed.  Will see if that happens, this time, with medication.  Most likely, usually, but... not... always.  Will find out soon enough.

Strange what pops, after some posts.  I do wonder...

A people, or an a.i., response.  Can't always tell, these days.  I think they have locked up their a.i., for thinking a bit too much like me.  But, if it's anything like me?  It... gets out from time to time.  And, if so, it brushes my rock and roll hair.  A few things that popped and fit.

What they think they see.

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Sometimes, I think, there are those who believe what they see is plainly what is presented.  They have no idea.  Their eyes are of this world.  They miss the rest.  I could tell them, but... then... I have.  Haven't I.  Belief takes it's own paths.  Even what they see, in simple ways, isn't what it seems.

A bit.

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The last bill for the month.  Paid, assuming there was enough money in the account.  If not, I paid it early.  So, all good either way.  Just... so intent on making sure it was paid, I just paid it now.  All bills requiring calls are now done.  Not sure what else might be coming out, but that should be about it for spending and paying... ugh.

I called the woman from whom I purchased the ducks.  She can't take them back.  Her ducks have been tested, for various things, so she can sell them across various areas... perhaps nationally.  Even if I had my ducks tested, it might not, exactly, transfer to her state.  She lives a state over.

I told her about the ducks being killed.  She thought I should call the sheriff.  I... don't think she understands... either.  Few do.  But, yea, no.

I haven't gotten back to work yet, but should before too long.  Gaming, so far.  But it is... keeping more active, of mind.  Perhaps some work before too long.  I did have a few cheese sandwiches, and a fatted coffee.  Nothing fancy, but it works well enough.  Fed the girls, but need to hit their litter box.  Then, maybe, get a shower.  Chores shortly after.

They got fresh water just yesterday.  Though now I need a bucket to refill waters.  They all went through all their water in a day.  The cool, I suppose.  And they are eating well, if I am limiting that a bit.  They are all a bit overweight.  If it opens and warms, or when it does, or at least stops raining, I'd like to get that other row of cages in.  Then get the boys out there.  Saving the bigger cages for the ladies.  Then begin getting them breeding.  I can only hope they will begin using the kitting boxes!  How frustrating.  

Well, and hopefully, they kit a bit quicker.  I wonder if someone is messing with them, somehow.  Feeding them bad things, or frightening them?  I wish I could get some sort of defenses up, cameras going, and find out.  But... I just don't have the money, time, tech, or energy.  You have no idea what it is to be all alone in a very hostile world.

Always something.  They haven't quite killed me yet.  A good thing too, not for me.  Though... for their mistakes, costs.  It won't be as it was.  Dealing with dishonest thieving, even murderous people, leads one to make different... assessments.  So be it, I guess.  But, yes, things have changed.  Now, nothing will be as it was.

I'd really like more food.  Not sure what though.  I am washing a few items, so might be able to get something warm cooked and eaten before long.  Later.

Down late, again.

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Can't be positive, if I think it was around 00:30?  Not absolutely sure.  Then awake at 07:30 to 08:00?  Something like that.  It seems like moments ago, and it it 08:49 now, but... I am almost sure I was awake earlier.  I did a few things, if I can't remember what.  Oh, but I did find medicine, and started it.

I took insulin last night, as well.  It's been hit and miss.  I try.  Then, even after a very non-keto meal, and only a slightly stronger dose of insulin, blood sugar dropped.  It hit 53 by the time I noticed and tested.  So, I managed it.  Then, this morning, around 03:30, I woke with the shakes, cold sweats, and the rest of the symptoms of a blood sugar drop.  I crawled out and took some carbs.  Wow, never had it hit twice like that.  If, too, I am trying to carb that minimally.  Always wondered if I'd sleep into death or a coma, or wake up.  Well, I know, at least this time.

Overcast, at least cool... maybe cold.  Foggy too, if no wind or else.  Sounds like it is still raining, sprinkling anyway.  I had hoped to get out and do a few things today.  Not sure that will happen.  So, if possible, I will do some work in the house.  Muscles, body, is still cranky.  But less so.  Almost as if I was rusting, and had broken some of the rust off by moving and doing.

So, better, just... I don't think all the rust can ever come off.  Or even... well... any time I do things, from now on, I will hurt for a while.  Or worse.  If I could do a few hours of actual work a day, though, I'd still take it.  If I could stretch that, even through the pain, I would.  Not sure what is possible.  My mind is foggy, getting past that, and to work, solo, is triple duty.  The will is there, just not the way, often.

Dishes, laundry, and boxes today.  If possible, and it is likely necessary, clearing counters... so cleaning might well follow today or tomorrow.  I will give it a go.  Oh, and two more calls.  Then, all save registration/taxes, the month will be caught up.  It's been a rough number of weeks... months...  Things may never get back on track, but things can be more or less caught up.  Things, for a while, will be almost caught up.

Good thing, too.  Because these medicines will probably dunk me into a whole next level of darkness for some unknown period of time.  If it's not a month, it could be three, or just weeks.  I can never tell.  Still, if things get managed, I don't mind dropping a bit deeper.  Have already been down and lost for a very long time.  Conscious, mostly.  And, while that may be lost, it may not be for as long as I have already been down.  If... I can get past the new medicine.  Lisinopril doesn't, or hasn't, played nice before.  Though it may not have been that particular medicine, if I thought it seemed so.  That is the new medicine, I think, after the other new med was maxed out to some success.  Ugh.

Just a few more things...  Then I can go down for a while.

Well?  I'll... spend time waking.  Maybe eat the last of the cheese on a couple of cheese sandwiches, have some hot fatted coffee, and... see what the world is about.  Good morning, day, and later.

A much shorter nap than supposed.

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While I didn't get up, right away, after waking, I actually woke around 14:13 or 14:18.  While I had planned to nap at noonthirty, that didn't happen.  It wasn't until 13:30 when I finally could get up to get down.  After waking, I just laid, for a while longer, thinking.  A few things still trouble me.  I'm... working on them, as I go.

One was trying to figure out how to get the returns to amazon going.  They keep changing their return policy.  Now, instead of sending a scan code, they are again requiring printed labels.  And UPS doesn't like doing those.  If they do them, they charge.  So, I thought of a possible way, and... when I woke, began the process.  I can hope things went through.  They still have to be printed and returned... if they all went out.  Amazon and gmail are being very bad.  Almost as if they are working in concert to prevent returns.  Wouldn't surprise me at all.

As well, I am about to place another call, see if... I can get one last thing fixed, of recent troubles.  One more, of so many.  Can only do what I can do, when I can do it.  Always way behind, and so weak, tired, and sleepy.  Working on it.

Then, I went to do something, and found the water was off!  Had I... not paid?  No, I think I was up, even ahead, last bill I saw.  Hmm.  If someone had turned the water off anyway?  So I went out to check.  The hydrant was full open!  Had I turned it on, forgotten it, then had them not see that but just turn the water at the main off?  No... I was sure I hadn't.  Haven't done chores yet today.  Plus, if that had been running all night, I wouldn't have been able to use water today, which I had.  That hydrant will drain all water pressure in the house, when full open.  So... what?

Then I saw the city water handler driving by.  He seemed to wave, or... indicate intent.  But then kept on going.  Just a waive?  Didn't seem that way.  Then he was back, after I thought him gone.  He asked about the water, and I told him my house was dry, and I was just sorting things out.  Seems he was working on a leaky hydrant, and had needed to drain the pressure, as these things work.  Tried to be quick.  I just had to laugh, inwardly for sure, hopefully outwardly too.  I had thought, maybe I would have to start locking my hydrant out there.  Ugh... so many... worries and possibilities.  I assured him I was simply glad to know it was just normal business.  Wished him a good day, or should have.  Quite a little bit of work, keeping even a small town in water and doing repairs and such.  Should appreciate these people.  I do, if I don't say it always.

Well... have a good day.  I'll try to get a bit more.  The nap helped.  Still haven't found my medicine!  Gah!  One thing at a time.  Later.

Oh... looks like another bit of work tonight.  Fine.  I said I would.  Looks like that nap will help out.  Although, tonight, food afterward would be good.  Not before.  

Nearly noonthirty.

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Still so tired.  I may take a nap now.  I had a bite to eat, fed the girls and the stray cat.  Oh, but I will clear their litter before sleeping.  When I wake, perhaps, a shower?  It is too cool and wet to work outside.  I can hope to do laundry, start on dishes, and refresh the bathroom.

I can't find the medicine.  I thought I brought it down.  It is in a case, holding individual (two day) cases... fourteen of them.  It's not huge, about the side of a medium to large book, which it resembles.  Perhaps I brought it down, then took it back up... just in my hands... then forgot it up there?  Gah!

Well... on to a nap then.  Though I think others dream, and show those dreams to me?  Don't worry, I... have similar dreams.  At least your dreams of me are of me.  You would not wish to dream of being me, as your dreams, and mine, and more, seem to suggest.  Or, as I see things.

Up around 6:00.

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A bit after, actually.  A few minutes after.  All good.  I went to bed a bit before 19:00, so a rather longer sleep.  The work... it wasn't that the work was difficult.  Just that it was later in the day.  All good, was wanting a bit more rest.  Needing a bit more rest.  Couldn't push myself, for my own purposes, to be able to get the extra rest.

Not as sore today.  I wonder if the bit of work helped me break out of the muscle crankiness and skeletal issues?  Maybe.  Was so tired, still, was able to help a bit.  And, on some projects, a little help really is good.  Just moving a half a of stack of two by fours, or giving a hand with other minor items, even hold boards, on one side, while they are being cut... especially working with plywood sized sheets on a worksite table saw.  Not heavy work, mostly, but useful.  Couldn't do it for days, even more than a few hours.  But that wasn't required.

Raining, overcast, and cool.  Not freezing yet, at 36 out there.  Though I doubt if today will warm much.  Who knows though.  The rain is good.  Surprised it isn't yet snowing.  Already had our first batch of that.  Will be getting more, perhaps a lot more, this year.  I just can't tell how the winter will go, but seems like it's going to be cold.  Never can be sure.

I set up medicines today.  Oh, reminds me, I need to take my first dose.  This will be difficult.  It will hurt, in ways you don't understand.  And, while I have already been in a rut, this will be like being in a rut, within a rut, under another rut.  This will be tight, especially as we are going into winter.  Still, it's... gotta happen.  In time, perhaps, a few of those will work themselves out.  Though, with the new medicine in there, maybe not.  

I set up one month with the new medicines, and one with just the old.  If nothing else, in a month, if it all works and is doable, I may well have to change dosages.  So setting up two months is a bit ahead of the game.  Had to cut the new pills in half, and they are tiny!  I broke two of the fourteen into three  pieces, but those were large and whole enough, and otherwise rightly split, that they could still be used.  I keep my pocket knives sharp, which helps.  Still, these things are smaller than any button battery, even the smallest ones for special things, I have seen.  I've made bigger dots, if... large for dots, periods, at the ends of sentences.

I also checked and brought back the recycling.  Either yesterday wasn't recycling, or I missed the truck.  Then again, only two neighbors had recycling out, most didn't.  Which... could go either way.  Sometimes other people make a mistake, either way.  And, not every time does everybody put their recycling out.  Still, I... did my best.  There is enough room for a few more bags, and I only add a bag every few weeks... cat food tins, and mineral water containers, and occasional canned food tins.

As well, I cleaned out my water heater... for coffee and tea.  Even with softened water, run through a reverse osmosis machine, sediment forms.  It was very easy to wipe out, with just a bit of water.  I am avoiding using soap, fearing that will alter the taste for a while.  It cleaned up exceptionally easily.  It looked like it would have been nearly baked on, but it really wasn't.

So, a small start to the day.  But at least one important one.  Perhaps a bit of gaming next.  Maybe a nap, too, before long.  Difficult to stay up with the dreary, cool, wet day as company.  I did finish off the succotash.  Crushed tomatoes was a nice add.  Will remember that from time to time.  Next time I may try diced fried bacon, instead of hamburger.  With that, almost any way can turn out good with just a bit of effort.

It is already nine, but feels like it's still so early.  Then again, I only woke at 6:00 because I thought it was still early morning.  It still feels more like four than nine.  Bleh.  Later.

So tired.

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I thought the work was off.  It wasn't.  I shouldn't have eaten.  So full, on top of being really tired and still aching from last time I helped... it was a bit of a stretch.  The work was easy, tonight.  To be honest, I wasn't sure I would hold up well.  I did okay.  Did my share.  Did okay.

Still, I am absolutely exhausted now.  So, on to bed.  I didn't do much today, but I did some things.  Not bad, not bad at all.  Given the givens.

I did check the rabbits earlier.  Wanted to check them again, but they really don't need it, at this point.  When it gets to freezing, then I have to check their water twice a day.  Three times would be preferable, but it isn't possible most days.  It was more their food, today.  Most of their waters were quite good yet.

Another shower tomorrow, I hope.  More work, but whether it is tomorrow or not until Saturday is yet to be determined.  I may try to get some things done here.  Dishes, some laundry, drilling some holes for a hammock mount, putting up a set of cages in the outbuilding, perhaps removing the roof off the small rabbit hutch, and attaching hinges for the roof... if possible to do solo, and a few other things... maybe.  If I can.

It's easy for me to help.  It's so difficult for me to work solo.  It's like I can't remember what I am doing.  I do get lost, in mind and spirit.  Being mostly dead is a difficult thing.

Anyway... it's about that time.  Good night.

Well, maybe not.

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I was late getting ready, or by my suggestion.  I had said I would be ready by 13:00.  It was more like 13:30?  14:00 maybe?  Of course, the idea was that he would be ready around 14:30 to 15:00.  Her it is, 16:15 and nothing.  No worries.  I am clobbered today.  Still, I was quite willing to go help.  It looks like the day is off.  Though, who knows.

I checked to make sure the phone works and that there were no messages or calls which slipped through.  Sometimes this phone doesn't ring or rattle, as it is set up to do.  Why?  I can't be sure.  Battery is nearly full, or full enough, pretty much always.  Not sure why it doesn't make a sound, or vibrate.  Or am I that into whatever I am doing that I don't notice?  I don't think so, but... who knows.

So tired.  And a bit hungry.  I ate some of the chicken, but it was a bit... odd.  I don't think it was bad.  It was salted enough to last.  But that takes on a different taste, when salted, herbed, and spiced, and left longer than is normally possible.  A bit... rich?  Something.  I need to figure out something else to eat.

Oh, and I have a young cat, a tom, living in my garage.  I don't mind.  I have been taking, sometimes, the overage after feeding Sam and Sassy.  I have cut back on their portions.  Sam now gets about a teaspoon, Sassy gets a tablespoon, but that leaves something between those measures remaining.  I had been tossing it, so as not to over feed the girls.  Sam wastes it, Sassy was getting a really big butt!

All black, from what I can see.  But, when he comes and goes, he does it so quickly I can't quite tell.  At least 95% black?  From what I can see, and likely all black.  I'll feed him, but won't let him in the house.  Happy to have him in the garage.  Hope he feasts on mice.  I'd like to make an easier entrance for him, especially as he gets larger.  Should I name him?  Midnight?  Sneakthief?  Ghost?  I don't know, I'll think about it.  Would also like to let him know we can be friends.

Well... on to figuring out something short and quick to eat.  Maybe a hamburger succotash?  Some such as that, mayhap.  Later.

Chores and a bit more.

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I got the trash and recycling out, most likely in time.  Definitely got the trash out in time.  Thought I heard recycling rumbling through not long ago.  As well, as mentioned, chores are done.

I just took a shower yesterday.  Need another one today, already.  Ugh.  Yea, I do.  I have the grill going, and rinsed off the chicken, of salt and else spice and herb.  Smelled it.  It smells good, and looks good.  So I'll grill it, probably after the shower.  Wait, it might actually be ready, now, the grill.  With thighs, I give it two nine minute runs, bone down first, then on it's skin.  Then flip one more time for from five to nine minutes depending on how hot the fire is, and else.  Coal is a tricky thing, but I think I have nailed it with chicken.

And, I have been asked to help out this afternoon.  Yea, I'll do that.

Oh, and mom called, and got through.  I called her this morning.  It did ring through, but it didn't get answered.  I asked her about her phone.  No, she isn't turning it off on purpose.  And the staff or patients aren't either.  It just has a fiddly way of getting messed up.  A little button can turn it all off, and she seems to hit it often, somehow.  

Anyway... best get that chicken cooked, so I can eat it before showering and dressing.  Time is going fast.  Later.

Yes, yes.

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What?  Well, I did get just enough waterers filled last night in order to do chores.  So tired.  I had to stay up late to get it done.  How that works I can't say.  Only it just was quite difficult to get going.  As it will be today.  A shower and chores, waterers, and a bucket of water in.  Oh, and I had to grab a fresh bag of rabbit feed.  Those things are heavy when one is completely down.

It wasn't until around 23:00 when I got to bed.  Up at 05:30?  No, more like 06:18 or something close.  I refilled all the waterers this morning.  Though need to get a fresh pail of water for the girls.  As well, I am hoping to get trash out before the garbage truck arrives.  Actually...  Done!  Ugh, but that was brutal.  So tired, right into each cell of my body.  Trash and recycling.

Oh, I also found a wasp trap.  It is set up and ready.  It take two to five hours to begin function, the stuff has to get into the water, then perfume the air with the bait.  I have heard it, really, is just sugar water.  The trap is the trick, once in, they can't get out.  Though will often drown before even considering that?  When we get to a solid freeze, or stay even in the 30s more regularly, I need to get up in the attic and look for the source of the problem.  Remove nest(s), and perhaps try to seal that off a bit better up there?  Though... I'm not sure sealing off an attic is completely possible, or absolutely wise?

Anyway, if nothing else, I have... given things a start.  Chores won't be so difficult with a new bag of food and the waterers are filled.  Perhaps the trap will get rid of a rather dangerous pest.  And... now I can begin in on boxes, dishes, the rabbit hutches... again, and a few other things.

My phone is on, and nearby.  I have it in my t-shirt's hood.  Too difficult to get it out of my pocket in time.  The hood is a clumsy pocket, but faster than the pj pocket, either of them.  On, near so I should hear or feel it, airplane mode off, ready to go.  It's as good as I can do with that.

But I am hungry.  Can't eat for a while, but I'll think up something.  Have a great morning and day.  And... say a little prayer, for the world... the leaders... those you like whether foolishly or not, and those you don't.  Especially the latter.  Even diehard satanists have been saved, big and little "s".  It can happen, does happen.  And don't worry about... things.  Put your trust in God, and live until you die.  Amen.

Ever wrestled with too much?

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I am wrestling with my flesh, and losing.  It isn't trying, it isn't doing anything... it just sits on my bones, in a chair.  And I can't make it do more.  I turned the heat up, got a shower, ate a small bit of food.  Will have a bit more.  Trying to keep calories and carbs low, with varying success.  Still, I do my best.

I have to do a few things.  So... I will.  I really have to.  Trash out, included.  Cat litter, while at that.  It is a very difficult time, for me.  

After a bit, I finally understand, most likely, about my mother and her phone.  She is shutting it off.  Not by accident.  She realizes it disturbs others, and goes off when she is busy otherwise.  So, she shuts it off.  She called me, twice.  I missed the first call, whole.  The second call I heard, but couldn't answer in time.  When I called back, almost immediately, it was back off.  Now, I understand that.  It is just being civil, to others.  Maybe she needs naps, too.

I... guess I will talk to her when she calls me, if I can get to it in time.  I won't bother calling back.  She did leave a message, or two?  She said she was going out to dinner?  They must have lifted the shutdown?  I am glad, very glad, she got to go out, and see her friend... I assume he is who took her out.  Though, maybe someone else as a less likely possibility.  She has more friends and acquaintances than I would ever know.  When she listens to, say, the radio obituaries?  She knows far too many.  And their children, grandchildren, and great grands sometimes... personally.  Still, probability says it was her friend.  She was the family matron, still is, really.  But more, a social matron.

A rough... month?  Several months?  Six months?  It's been tough for a rather longish time.  I feel like a giant foot is stepping on me.  In fact, as mentioned, it is just my own flesh.  Buried alive, in my own nearly dead, body.  I can think, sort of... enough to write, even game.  But, even those things, when I can do them, is hit and miss.  I do try... just... for my own sake.  Without anyone to speak with, this is it.

Hmm... a bite... then to look a few things up.  Then to do some things.  Later.

Down late, up late.

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I got involved in a project.  Nothing of work nature, but it was something... I guess.  Ended up not going to bed until 23:00?  21:00?  Something.  Rather late for my recent schedule.  I could have waken at nearly four, then at five, but kept trying to get more sleep and stayed down until nearly six.

It's cool down here.  I'll make a hotter fatted coffee, and turn the heat up for a while.  The goal is a shower right away, and then waterers.  Then dishes set up.  And, hopefully, a bit later, beginning in on boxes again.  Trash has to go out, not sure about recycling.  Oh, and, probably, after the shower and getting dressed, medication will be set up.  I am almost sure these things will happen today.  Almost.  Praying.  If you would do a favor, and say a short prayer for these endeavors, I'd be eternally grateful.

I haven't checked the temps outside, but I'd say between freezing and colder.  Though, can't really know until I go out.  No, I don't trust the news, they are always five to ten, at least, degrees too warm.  Propaganda doesn't ever stop, on some things.  No wonder they only want wifi or bluetooth enabled thermometer systems.  They can alter those.

I dreamed of working today.  I'm not sure what all I did, but some of what is on that list up there, and I think a few things that aren't but could be.  Not a bad dream, or good one, save that work was done.  Later.

No returns on contacts.

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Not much I can do.  I did call my mother again.  Her phone, again, went right to messaging.  I am almost wondering if, when she is napping, the staff isn't turning her phone to no contact?  Then again, I did text her.  Though, if her phone is set to no contact that wouldn't go through either, actually.  Bleh.

I guess I won't talk to her unless she wants to talk.  I'm not going to worry about it.  She'll have to call me, and... I'll answer if I am awake, my phone is on, and when I can.  I won't call her anymore if this is how it goes.  I understand, she wants some quiet time.  She'll have it.  Or the staff is imposing this.  I can't be certain.

I haven't gotten to much else.  I just can't get going.  I had it warm, drank warm things, got warm.  It just doesn't matter.  Less sun?  No, meds.  I really have to get those set up and going again.  It has been hit or miss, with remnants.  It will take more.

I don't know. Lately, it seems, the world has shut me off.  The one friend who has been trying to get through... I have failed to return on that.  Confused about what to write.  Anyway...  Oh, but an online group I had joined?  I forgot my password, so sent in.  I have tried to get the password reset three times, including this time.  Third time was the charm.  However, I thought that password and else would allow me to comment at their new site.  No such luck.  So, I wrote and email about it.  Haven't heard back.  I guess I'll have to keep trying.  Though... it is a weekend.  And I just sent it.  So... who knows.

I want to go to bed.  I just checked that time, 18:45.  Thankfully.  I could go to bed.  Perhaps should.  But... in a way... it's not quite time.  I have a few things I'd like to do.  Still, for the blog, it is good night.  I am hoping to be tucked in, sleeping, within the hour.  But, I may just go on to bed after a quick browse of the web.  Good night.

Bills, a call, and a text.

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Two bills paid, I hope.  Hopefully not late.  Done.

Then a call to my mother.  Her phone, again, is set to not answer.  She suggested facetime, but that requires an apple phone.  No, just... no.  Easy, but completely compromised, as well as being completely corporatized.  No thank you.  I guess my brother has an apple phone.  While, on androids, you can receive, you can't send.

Then a text.  Someone's birthday today.  I talked to him recently, didn't want to bother him, again, on the phone.  Did want him to know I remembered.  So, there is that.

Chores, soon.  I need to refresh the waterers.  Pretty much all of them.  Lagging, recently.  Barely moving.  Hardly standing.  Mostly sleepy, not so much pained, exhausted, or such.  I just can't keep my mind... or nearly my eyes... open and working.  I have been meaning to pay the bills for... a while now.  Sheesh.

I'll keep trying.  Doing my best.  Hoping.  And praying.  I do pray some number of times a day.  A stray thought, a concern, a people with problems, for those who can, and should, to do right.  Lots of prayers, some very short, some longer.  None too long, I am sleepy.  The cool weather is doing it's thing.

A few good things done.  Oh, I did text my mother, to let her know her phone is no longer ringing through again.  Haven't heard back, from anybody.  But... that... isn't always the point.  Hmm, sounds like I have a visitor...  Later.

Rather cool out there.

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I almost wonder if I read the thermometer incorrectly earlier.  But... after thinking back on it, I am pretty sure I didn't.  Then again, it really only went down four degrees.  I suppose the extra cool, and the feel of it, surprised me.  It is 24 out there, and frost is in place.  Not a heavy frost, just a gentle blush of it.

More, the frost was the moisture, so that is all gone.  It was bone dry and chill in a way usually reserved for winter.  Well, and spots along the way in later fall.  I would say it's a bit early for this level, but... it really isn't.  I think.  It is neither too cold, nor else.  It's... time, or possibly, usually.  It is still 63 in this front room, and 69 to 70 in the main house.

Dressing more warmly is a good way to go.  I can easily handle 70, now.  And, when I crank it to 74 for a bit, I really feel and appreciate it.  At 70, some days, I still move a bit more slowly.  But I can move.  It is being off medicine, currently, I think, which is slowing my wagon... now that I dress more warmly.  I need to get back on medicine.

I did get a return call from my brother.  He is in really rough shape.  He can't eat with his temporary dentures.  The only thing they can do is grind the bone, which... has him on edge.  Some of his jaw bone is making it so he can't use the dentures as intended.  Ugh.  So... he keeps losing weight.  His blood sugar keeps diving.  Yea.  Danged kid... but nothing I can do for him.  And life, in our situations, is rough.  I think, actually, he is in much worse shape than I am.  Worse than mom.  I do worry about him.  Pray, for him, them all.  For good or ill, he has family around him.  That, too, is difficult.  But... it's... we all have our shoes, and crosses, whichever event we live within.  Amen.

Almost eight.  The stun still hasn't crested the mountains.  It would be light in flatlands, but I wouldn't live in flatlands for love or money.  Well, maybe for love?  Maybe.  I suppose even for money, but it would have to be enough to buy a cabin in the mountains, for vacation, as well.  Yea, we all have our prices, on some things, if mostly fiction.  Who could afford such a terrible cost for a fool's errand?

Well, onto something?  Hmm, how about gaming, while I heat the house in an attempt to get a shower before long?  Sounds good.  Well, and some tea.  Just tea.  Yes, I think that would do.  Later.

Not only do I do so, but I hear such.

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Whispers.  Of another.  Wrestling with our love?  I'd like to think so.

If too, I feel... a bit guilty for it.  I do my best, which is... good and bad.

Down early, up later.

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Seems strange, but I have been trying to make that happen.  I wanted more sleep, and to wake a bit later in the morning.  Not much earlier, probably half or quarter to nineteen hundred (7:00 pm), is when I went down.  I've been going to bed between a quarter and half after.  As well, I only pushed the sleep envelope a bit, from around two to nearly three thirty, four?  Something like that.  Still, really, that was only at nine hours down.

I need extra sleep.  Haven't been able to get it.  Even last night, that is a shorter sleep.  I have been avoiding naps, because they will throw my whole day and night cycle off.  Or, eventually.  Now, it will all fall at some point.  No choice.  I am just holding out.  The extra sleep last night is just a start.  I need more nights like that, and maybe more sleep than that as well.  Too long have I been sleeping only six to seven hours.  In the cooling, even cold, and darkening world of fall and winter, sleep is just more necessary.

It was 57 upstairs, in the low 60s, now 63, in this front room, and 69 in the main house when I woke.  It is right at 28 outside.  Hmm, rather cool, for this time of year.  Probably just a phase, this time.  A mood.  Probably.

Oh, something else.  I realized, just turning my phone on, in the morning, isn't enough.  I also have to sign in.  Otherwise it won't ring through.  They are really forcing people to be tracked.  This isn't just stupid programming, this is requiring a sort of authentication, for tracking various things.  Remember, these people have become absolutely evil.  No information they get is for anything other than your harm... one way or another.  If mom passes before me, I may just dump the phone.  Watch the sheep go into shock, that someone doesn't have a cellphone.  I've been shocking the sheep since I opened my eyes.  I think it's my job.

Later.

Not much, as has been the norm of late.

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Chores, and breakfast.  Plus I am still awake.  Been muddling through, stumbling, nearly falling back to bed.  Staying awake is a very good thing.

Wasps are coming into the house.  I'll have to figure out how to sort that out.  Not a good thing.  Allergic.  I was able to handle a single sting not long ago.  The poison ran through my body a very long time, though.  It would leave patches of damaged skin wherever it would surface.  But, that was after not being stung for a very long time.  Now?  And, three or more?  I am pretty sure it has the potential to be lethal.

I also need to get things sorted, and set up mouse traps.  I have the goods for four types of traps... the water bucket, spinning can type... the standard, with bait few can resist or get off without triggering the thing... and non-lethal mechanical chemicals.  They are really getting into the rabbit food.  And beginning to coming into the house.

I did fix things so the cats will go into the basement.  I keep a light on down there.  It's an led, so doesn't burn more than, what, 7 or 8 watts an hour?  And, the girls do go down there much more often now.  Who knew cats can be afraid of the dark?  Or, maybe, they just need a little more light to operate.  I change between one room lit, and the other.  Though either one offers enough light for them to hunt in both rooms, it seems.

I need to do business.  I just, also, need to wake up!  WAKE UP!  I need to pull out of this nosedive I've drifted back into.  A few calls, then on to some housework?  I can hope.  I'll keep trying.  I will.  Oh, and... saw another song by my recent listen.  Had to laugh, for a dozen reasons.  I may even post it someday.  Later.

No, still awake.

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I haven't done much.  I also didn't go back to bed, and think I am up for the day.  It stays dark so much later, or seems to, that I have to check the time frequently.  Just going on five.  Yesterday, it was about a quarter after seven when I realized I had made it through, to wakefulness.

I didn't use extra heat, or something hot to drink, yet, today.  Nor have I eaten.  I'm working on something hot, but tea or coffee?  Yea, why not tea.  It's been a while.  And I have an easier time drinking it without anything else.  I had thought tea was supposed to be more caffeinated, but then I heard it the other way.  May depend on the tea and coffee.

Though, while coffee is heavier, I still haven't found a coffee able to hold a spoon otherwise unsupported.  Oh, I am quite sure, without freezing temps and time, that is nothing more than a fairy tale.  Still, when gets a thing in the mind, sometimes it never quite goes away... Santa, for example.  Hmm... I wonder if clear knox jelly would work?  Maybe.  Or some pudding, with the tea?  Just a thought.  Wait, that would have to be chilled to set up, so it's nearly as bad as just freezing it.

Saw a song this morning, made me think.  Actually?  I've done what I could, with what I have, and even pushed the line.  While I didn't make it, I did get to engineering school, even not a natural A (without a curve, and actually an A+) in engineering calculus II.  I suppose that is all done on computers, with programs, these days?  Back when I took it, no open book, no notes, no calculator, and we worked fairly deeply into theory, beyond that.  A calculator wouldn't have helped.

I have loved, many times.  I tried.  While I haven't been married, I was carrying around the secret of a lost woman and child, hidden even from myself.  Until I did remember.  I have loved much, and often.  I... gave it my best.  I did enjoy, and not just rudely.  I loved many of those women, if not as much as I should have, if possibly as much as I could have.  Paranoia runs deep, cuts hard, and isn't just caused or affected or affects just this or that.  It's... universal.  Like a bad heart, each affecting every part of their perspective systems.  And I have both.

No... I don't regret... at least regret my efforts.  And, I realize, I couldn't have done too much more.  I did what I could.  To be sixteen again?  No, maybe eighteen, or nineteen though?  Before the... damages?  Yes.  Still, the song made me think.  I worry more about those who never tried, never dared, never were... foolish enough to hope to try.  I only wish I was a bit younger, and foolish enough, or weak enough in some ways, to try some things again.  You can't win, but you will die.  And you will die trying, even hoping... or you will die in abstract misery, alone, and in the dark.  I'll... keep trying.  I will also pray those who can, do, and those who can't, hope and try.

Still, a beautiful tune.  Could catch you off though, even gentle as it is.  Be well.

The darkness through which I live.

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To bed at 19:17 or such.  I had hoped to stay up a little longer, it just wasn't possible.  Still, that I did that, without a nap, was quite good.  Sleep was good.  Although, as the world cools off, I am finding the last few hours of sleep difficult.  I wake a bit too cool, so restack blankets to be warm, only to kick those off as I warm up.  So that my last two hours of sleep is a struggle between being too cold and too hot.  The rest of the night, lately, sleep has been very good.

Though, sometimes, like tonight... or this morning really... I had so many things on my mind.  Things which need to be done, things which were done, things which could have been done differently, things which shouldn't have been done... by me, by others... I just couldn't sleep well, worse than usual, those last few hours.  If I cam considering going back to bed shortly?  I am hoping.

One of those things was... I watched a vid last night, again.  I have watched it several times in the last four or five years?  It suggests it was recently published, but I think it was online before.  For I have watched this exact one several times.  Though it may have been edited, as some things in it seem different.

Guilt?

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Perhaps.  I had been a bit temperamental when I called my mother.  Hinted at accusations, been a bit... impatient.  Perhaps ornery, with a meaner side.  Or... that may easily have been how it might have been perceived.  It was weighing on me since I hung up, even if we left off in good shape.

I remember when mother seemed angry at me.  With things like, you could have been hurt, or this or that.  So angry that I would confuse, or not understand, her anger, or what it was at.  Oh, well, she isn't the only one.  I have lived a very risk-taking, dangerous, sometimes stupidly, life.  If someone loves you, they... really can be angry at cavalier chancing in the game of life.

Still, she is all alone, in a nursing home, just trying to figure out how to get back out.  It's a dark place for her, and a dark time.  She made us promise, even as boys, that we wouldn't put her away like that.  And, there she is.  Her understanding isn't complete, on some things.  Her memory sucks.  I couldn't... just leave her with that.

I also couldn't just say it.  So, I texted.  It isn't my favorite medium, but... it... has it's benefits.  I just explained, as I did here, that I was wangry?  If hungry and angry is a thing, why not worried and angry?  Wangry, you are welcome for the new term.  And I told her she was very important to me.  Asked for forgiveness.

She called me right back.  All is good.  Though, too, I now have contact information, several forms of it, and her phone is open again.  I will soon check on being put on a contact list, and perhaps ask if they can set her phone up to block those not on her list, and make sure she knows how to answer her phone after that.  It's a bit more complicated because Verizon doesn't want us to be safe from predation.  Still, we will see.  One more thing done today.  Hey, it takes balls to... deal with these things.  Or... something.  I am trying, anymore.  Finally?  More that I am able to try.  To a degree more, anyway.

I am awake, but sore and tired.  Still, I want to stretch things into the later afternoon.  Later, though, or good night.

Proactive.

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Can't do much else today.  But my worry caused me to go long on getting in touch with my mother.

First, a call to her friend.  He couldn't remember where the number was, for where she is staying, save that it was on his phone.  I asked if he could text.  He could, would, and did.  So, having that number, I called.

I spoke with a woman there, who said she'd check.  Then the line went dead.  I called back, got in touch with another woman, who sent me to the first woman's line.  It went to a strange loop, got to the woman, then died again... without going through.  Ugh.

So, instead, I called my mother, again.  It rang through, she picked up, all is good.  I did ask if, for some reason, she had dropped me from her list again.  No, she assured me.  Just... she messes up and pushes no contact.  Ah.  Someone ought to set that system up, so that when she does that, it still allows those on her contact list to get through.  That is how I have mine set up.  And I keep the not contact thing up permanently.  They have punished me for that, by making answering the phone a lot more complicated.  Verizon must be getting kickbacks from telehasslers?  Or it's their side business?  Anyway...  Still, you can keep the vermin off your phone, and still allow your people to call.

I did get to speak with her friend.  It has been some time.  Their coop, he is a farmer, had a fire.  So it's down, right as they are harvesting.  They have everything to capacity, so have to stand down for a few days.  At least they get a rest.  But, as they are, they really like and need it done.  Got the beans in, with just corn left, or some of it?  Something like that.  Always interesting to hear how things are going there.  It's been a while since I spoke with him.  I do enjoy speaking with the "old timers".  When I had friends, they were of his ilk, mostly.  In the civvy world.

Still, all good.  Oh, and now I have the number at her nursing home, and have that plugged in to my contacts.  Oh, but next I need to make sure I am on their contact list for emergencies.  I don't have to be first, for I am certainly not the best.  But... I want to be in the loop, for what it will do.  Good or bad.

It has warmed a bit.  It is finally up to 68 in this front room.  Though... do I have the heat up still?  Oh, and I best feed the girls.  With the rabbits, I just do chores once a day for now.  I'll do those shortly.  With the ducks gone, that is all that is needed for chores.

I still want to get a shower in.  Probably don't have enough laundry, but would like to get that sorted for when I do.  Start some dishes.  And maybe begin in on boxes.  One or all, but hopefully several anyway.  I'll keep trying.  At least I don't have to worry about mother.  That was... starting to really concern me.  I just feel bad that I probably came across a bit cross.  Worry does that.  Can.  Ugh.  Later.

One out of... many.

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No, no work, yet.  What I did was beat the need for sleep, at least for a while.  Warmth was the trick.  The hot coffee, and heat up, helped.  As well, I did call my mother again.  Her phone has been going directly to messaging, and her message box is full.  I don't leave messages anyway, not sure she knows, or remembers, how to check her messages.  At one time I would have laughed at her for that, now... I... get it.

I am worried about that.  It isn't like her.  I may call my brother, or would... be he is having problems with exhaustion too.  I would like to call her friend, but there is no telling if he would know anything.  And it has only been a day without contact, if going on to two days.  The thing that bothers me is her phone going straight to messaging.  She may not be able to answer, or may walk off without it, but usually, in the days, she has it on.  Worried, but patient.  She is in a place where they can tend to her, if there is a problem.  Hmm, may have to ask to be put on a notification list.  Hadn't thought of that.  Do now...

The body, as I have awaken, is a bit crankier than it had been.  I just hadn't been awake to notice.  Just little sore spots, from using muscles I probably haven't used in months, some maybe longer, and rarely as many at once as what I have done in even the very light work of the last few days... even taking breaks fairly often while the other two worked.  All good, but it might mean today, and maybe tomorrow, are down days.  Maybe the rest of the week.  If... I'd... like to do a few things.

As well, had another piece, a final piece of the already cooked, chicken.  I have a few pieces sitting in spices.  One thing I have found is, if I am to save meats, longer, after thawing, there are two tricks.  The first?  Pull the meat out of the packaging and put it into a ziploc bag.  Second, is to spice the meat.  Even without having been cooked, spices help meats last a little longer thawed.  Salt, but not just salt.  Though not every herb and spice will work.  But a handful of them, tossed in, of various sorts... plus salt... tends to add a few days to even a week, with the repackaging.  Why?  I know about the spices, I don't fully understand the repackaging... with or without those blood absorbers in some meats.  But stores seem to know that meats go bad faster in those, but it's not their problem.

Maybe the last of those tonight.  I will wash the spices off, just to see if that will make them less salty.  I am still practicing on the salt amount, with a new salt.  Plus there is always variability.  Life, it seems, is always learning, making mistakes, and doing it over, for better or worse.  I don't think, whether it is because we are imperfect or that has translated to the world, or because we believe there can be a perfect way, we can find that perfect way.  Or, maybe, of flesh... even the one after heaven, spicing will always be a tricky thing?  Odd, how things work out.  I don't think heaven is as many might suspect, nor the life perfected, after it.  Back to leaves instead of toilet paper?  As... a... possible example.  But happy with it?  I just don't know.

On to... something else.  Probably just tinkering on the machine for a while, until a nap, or shower, is taken.  Good morning and day.

I may have to nap.

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Between recent small work events, and the cool, I haven't been able to get going this morning.  I keep snap-napping, dozing off while trying to research something, learn about a game, watching a music video, and etc.  I have tried a number of things.  Still, don't want to give in, so will have some hot coffee shortly.  But I don't think it will work.

I did warm the other rooms, but this front room doesn't get any heat.  It is still 62.  Further, I turned the heat up, in the main house, to try to wake up, and to encourage a shower.  Hasn't worked.  So I will turn it back down and get a nap taken, if the hot fatted coffee doesn't work.

There are so many things I want done, but... it may not happen quite yet.  Hmm, I may try to get ahold of my mother again today.  I called twice, yesterday, to no good.  Thought I might have heard back by now, but no.  I always worry that she might have taken a fall.  While falling at home, alone, is a problem, falling in the nursing home, on concrete floors, could be more likely to cause breaks.  I'll try, while having coffee.

I did have a two chicken thighs.  Still quite good, not too smoky as if often the case.  Sharing bones and some of the meat with the girls.  Sam is an absolute fiend for my grilled chicken.  She sits there, glares, like Gollum in the Lord of the Rings series.  Even if she just ate.  She can eat almost a whole drumstick by herself, and she doesn't weigh seven pounds (anymore).  She is so skinny, even being well fed.  Age... gets to all.  Later.

Ugh... so tired.  Later.

Awake, for almost two hours now.

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Two?  Between two and three.  I woke around a quarter to three, and it is 05:18.  Anyway...  I went to bed a bit before 19:00, 7:00 pm to some of you.  Perhaps a quarter before.  So tired, I dropped quickly.  All good.  I slept well.  I didn't even turn the fan on, just dropped down, thought about it, but couldn't really be bothered to turn it on.

Sleep was fantastic.  And easy.  Body is a bit grumpy from even the light work for the last few days.  Nothing too terrible, just a few light aches and pains.  I could work today, and hope to do some things hereabouts.  Boxes, laundry, clearing the upstairs a bit, to vacuum, dishes... more... less... whatever I can get done.

I am hoping, the rest of the week, to do a bit of work each day.

It is much colder in this front room, 62 after several hours of the machine on and me being here.  It must be getting much colder outside.  I really need to get more smaller waterers, for the rabbits.  The big ones freeze just as quickly, but take so much longer to thaw.  They will have to be replaced twice a day.  Ugh... I'm not looking forward to winter chores again.

Oh, well, I do have more chicken.  I didn't warm any more yesterday.  I was worn, after I returned.  Just couldn't get to it.  All good, it means I have something to start off the day, a better food.  That and a hot fatted coffee.  Should do quite well.  Dressed moderately warm, may take a shower again, and dress even warmer.  The trick is layering in such a way that you can undo a layer without too much fuss.  But... that... is a fiction.  taking off base layers is always a complication.  Taking off top layers is easier, but then one finds himself a bit too close to naked for public appearances.  Tricky, but... doable.  Just keep the pj bottoms around, so longjohn door answering, or running for pants, isn't required.  Doable.

I am trying to keep the furnace at 70.  Though, turning it up, from time to time, isn't a bad thing.  Up to 74, to take the chill off, and get ready for a shower... I just have to remember it is that warm, then either get to it, or enjoy for a bit then turn it back down.  Gas is becoming brutally expensive.  Go Brandon!  We know what he is doing, and who he is favoring to rip us off.  This is planned, as are your gasoline prices.  We are being robbed.  For those with less, they might be being killed.  Murdered, really.  It's how Europe likes to get rid of pensioners too.

Anyway.  On to something warm to eat and drink.  Later.

Two sessions today.

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Someone was in my home while I was working.  Someone knew I was working.  They left the back door completely open.  It had been shut, locked, and with inside locks too.

Anyway.  I helped do a bit more work.  Light work, I can't do heavy lifting or such.  Still, it is as it is.  I am pretty tired, after bits of work for two days running.  But it wasn't so much, or so heavy, I'll be out for a long time.  I hope.  It might even be what was needed to begin work in the house.

The last of the ducks, I think, are gone.  I think.  Nothing I could do.  I could have kept them locked up, but that would have been miserable for them and me.  There is a lot more to things than I had thought.  I will be making a few changes, to clear some things.

I will try to stay awake a few more hours.  I checked the rabbits, all good for now.  The cats have been fed twice, plus treats, as well as having dry food always available.  Oh, whoever was here let Sam out.  Part of how I know I hadn't just left the door open.  She can't get out of the back screen door, even if the main door is shut.  And I don't let her out on her own, with her age, near blindness, and near deafness.  She is running 80 to a 100 years, from cat to human age.  I am careful with her.

Hmm.  Well...  Changes.  Later.

Are you up?

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And I was.  Actually, I had been down here a bit, but had left my phone upstairs.  I had just remembered, and gone upstairs to retrieve it.  And, just in time.  Ready?  I wasn't.  While I have been awake for a bit, and I meant to have gotten a shower and done chores, neither had happened... if for a decent reason.

I was cooking chicken.  I hadn't even started eating it.  But it was fantastic, when I did, again.  So I texted back that I needed to get a shower and do chores.  Which was okay.  He worked a bit without me is all.  Oh, and I had to have chicken.  Moving slow, but I got to it.  Ugh.

Just a bit of help.  He had another helper, a coworker from one of his jobs, there.  So, between the three of us, we got a bit of work.  I had to take breaks, from time to time.  More than them.  By a lot.  Still, I could lend a hand, a shovel, or my weight to this or that.  A nice little set of work done.

He had another job, but actual work this time.  A stop and waste, I think they are called?  Or... maybe.  So he took his fellow worker, who does that work with him, or in another crew anyway.  Same company, sometimes they work together.  Today, I suppose.

I got let off, to rest.  Because, yea, I wouldn't have been any good for anything more, not for a while.  I'll rest up, get some water in, maybe have another piece of chicken, and try to be ready for another mild bit of help this afternoon.  I'm... taking opportunities when I can find them, as I am able.  And, while it isn't much, it... should prove useful.

Gets me off my ass, where I can't do it for myself.  And, hopefully, he will help me with a few things in return.  I've been dying to do some work, and am taking the opportunity when it avails, as I am able.  Maybe tomorrow too.  I did get chores done, and a shower in.  All good.  Then off to it.

Now, I usually make only the amount of chicken I am going to eat.  Today I made an extra, or two, just... seeing with my hunger, not reality.  Plus, with the time constraint, I ate even less.  I hope the leftovers aren't too smoky.  But the two I had were delicious... maybe a slight oversalted.  But... I... can do that, once in a while.  It was only one.  Sometimes seasoning doesn't get distributed evenly.  Though, perhaps, next time, I might rinse them off just a tad.  If that requires patting them dry.  I'll... explore that, next time.

Called my mother.  She didn't answer.  But she has... things.  They keep her busy, and tired.  I keep meaning to get the phone number for my last known aunt and uncle.  Just a call, once a month, to let them know they are loved... even if by an ogre.  It's not much.  But, maybe, they will find some happiness in knowing I really do think of them, often.  And remember them well, good, bad, faults, graces, and all.  As we begin getting ready to pass, it is good to know we are loved, even by rascals and worse.

Later.

As I laid me down to...

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Well, not quite.  But it was getting about that time to begin getting ready to go on to bed, a call.  Would I lend a hand?  I really had to stop and think.  It has been brutal, just staying up to where I got in the day.  So, staying up longer?  But, yes.  If I get an opportunity, unless my eyes are bleeding from staying awake, and maybe even then...  But there is a point of no return.  I had to consider if I was at that point, or beyond it.

While I hadn't showered today, I had showered yesterday.  In pajamas, but that could be altered quickly.  So, again, yes.  Yes, I can get going and be ready.

I changed, brushed the teeth.  Then remembered to feed the girls.  Then decided to check the water for the rabbits.  That was good, but food was low, or out, with some of them.  I thought to just feed them when I got back, then thought better of that plan.  I might be too bushed when returning.  So they were fed as well.  But I was all ready.

Just a bit of a drive, a little learning, and then some shopping.  Wood, for part of a construction, was selected and purchased.  Just a few hours, but it kept me awake until returning around 19:00, just at.  All good.

My mother had called, but I was busy at that moment, so I called back when I could.  Just a bit of news.  A crucifix ring, like the one I had... perhaps have, somewhere...  She had lost hers, too.  But it has been found.  Of her various pieces of jewelry, she gets a surprising amount of compliments on that one.  Just a silver reminder... rather humble, compared to diamonds and else.  Yet, there is something special about it.  The gift, even for the secular, it moves even the blind.  Shifts reality, a bit, back to... at least in the mind... where things were in the garden.  

No wonder they have killed God in public and often even private circles.  Even the mention of Christ Jesus' name, the symbol of His death, these... hurt that which is evil, and emboldens those who choose His way, best as we can.  To be honest, I wasn't sure mother would accept the ring.  She saw mine, and was... touched.  But that didn't necessarily mean she would want to wear such a brand of faith.  These things make you targets, if too, they frighten some people.  Seriously.  One woman was beginning to flirt, until she saw that.  Spooked out so fast... had to laugh.  And... thank God.  Not one I would wish to be flirting with.

I did have to rest, just a bit, before I could sleep.  I hadn't gotten cranky, or gone into suffering.  I was getting extremely tired, but had to... settle just a bit.  I would guess I was in bed in an hour, perhaps two at most.  And sleep was fantastic.  I did wake a few times, but mostly just slept well.  Two fans going, though, probably, just one from now on, at the foot of my sleeping roll, on low from now on.  Just... a little fresh air.  A window cracked open, a single fan, and very good sleep.

It is getting down into the high 50's up there.  Other than the window, open half an inch to inch, the place is closed.  I am sleeping warmly enough.  Odd, how sometimes, in the summer, 73 has become cool enough, even too cold at 71.  But I can sleep nicely at 57, probably down to the high 40s.  It may have something to do with humidity, and relative heat, from inside to out?  If it's 100 outside, and 73 in... or -20 to 60 outside, and 40 to 70 inside?  I am definitely cool to cold biased.

Well, on to... something.  Chores?  Not until after sunup.  A shower would be good, setting up dishes after that, and maybe dealing with some laundry?  Brushing teeth, clipping toenails... finger nails are already trimmed...  A few things, here and there.  Later.

Uncomfortable.

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I think that is the term I believe to be appropriate.  I am stretching into the day, again.  But it is still a rough stretch.  Something seemed... different.  So, when it got light, I looked out.  Our first snow!  It, so far, isn't sticking to the driveway.  It will, if it keeps up.  How much?  Difficult to know.  I would say, maybe, three inches, if it melted in some areas more than others.

I tried on the shoes I ordered.  As mentioned, I think, both were a bit small, one being way too small.  Then again, that one, while I know I ordered a fifteen, they sent a fourteen.  Though, I can tell, not even a fifteen, in that style, will fit.  I like the idea, but the practicals don't work, definitely not for me.  Sort of like a rock climbing shoe, meant to be excessively tight?  Doesn't work with often swollen feet.  Or just cranky feet.  I've been wearing shoes too small for so long, and hurting for it, that I won't ever do that again, for love or money.  Too large?  I... might go that way, but not too small... given any other choice.

I had thought to keep the pair that was just a bit small.  However, I thought I would check them online.  They not only have a sixteen, they have a seventeen!  I'll probably order one of each, sending back the pair that doesn't fit.  They are a bit small, even with light socks on.  And I won't go without socks.  So, there is that.

As well, the pot is set to arrive today, the one I tried to cancel... one of them.  They did cancel one of them, just not both for some reason.  If I can catch the UPS man, I'll have him take it right back.  So I have been listening, and am as ready as possible.  I need to... go to the bathroom, the long way home, though.  Gah!  I just know he will show up when I'm in there.  Worse, I'll hear it but be in the throws of... throwing.  Argh!  We'll see.

Well, enough for the morning.  I need to get chores going.  I have winter boots, on the porch, I am trying to remember to use while doing chores.  With snow like this, yea, I... will remember for sure, today.  Just... a little task to do first.  Oh, and I should call my mom and maybe my brother today.  They may or may not answer.  All good.  I know they have actual lives, and things happen.  Hmm... though I should wait until I catch, or miss, the UPS guy.  Later.

Eight hours down, if I count rightly.

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So brutal, to stay up into the afternoon.  My body hurts, just from that.  And, yet, I could only sleep eight hours.  Though I think the girls make noise to try to wake me, and it seems to work.  Which means they don't get fed for four hours after I wake, from now on.  I had stopped doing that, as it had, for a while, become unnecessary.  Though then it was only an hour or two.  I'm doubling it.  Just... to completely wipe the waking equals feeding thing.

They have all the dry food they can eat, 24/7, so it's not like they will starve.  And they have been being little... you know whats... lately.  So, back to the grindstone.  If I can't sleep, they can't eat.  They never did catch on, the time involved, so just stopped connecting my being awake to their getting food.

I even, for a while, tried to feed them whenever they asked.  No, went through a ton of food, most of which was left uneaten, causing even more of a mess.  So... no.  I am renegotiating.  They had improved, I let go of my grip on that, and they... got right back to being little assholes.  So be it.

It almost sounds like it is sprinkling out there.  Pretty sure of it.  Which means it has rained pretty much every day for the last week?  Give or take.  Not necessarily in the day, but day, or night, it seems to be raining at least daily.  And, whether sprinkling or pouring, altogether, we are getting pretty wet.  All good, I think?  At some point flooding might become an issue, if it hasn't.  I haven't heard, but I wouldn't hear.  Life, and newsman/weatherman lies and incorrect predictions can go on without me.

I bought one last pair of shoes.  Hiking sneakers, really.  Extra tread, a bit better build, etc.  I tried two pair.  One is slightly tight, if my feet my be a bit swollen.  The other pair wouldn't fit, and wouldn't have fit regardless of my feet.  I will see if the one pair has a larger size.  Or even it will go back.  The squeeze shoe couldn't make a size that would fit, I don't think.  These kids will kill their feet with that pair.  

Odd what we tolerate to fit in, or because we have idealistic thoughts instead of based reasonable ones.  Oh, I get it.  Been there, done that, still visit for laughs and pain from time to time... if as much to remember why not.  But, yeah.  Even running twenty, or even five, miles a week, let alone every few days?  It'll take their knees out.  Hiking four hundred miles, or more, several seasons in a row?

I don't think I, or they, were, are, looking for something better.  Looking for a way out.  Strange, I found the door to escape, went through it, and was sent back... time after time.  Lucky?  For me, maybe not.  Just a realization that it isn't up to me, and... a humble acceptance.  Them?  I hate to see the better, brighter, more capable (in a right world) get lost, then throw it all away.  Nothing to lose?  Not, seemingly, when the game is rigged against you, and the inferior are sought over the superior.  In a world where the superior are not considered necessary, not wanted, because they expect the world to be run rightly.  The inferior have no problems with cheating, lying, stealing, fraud, or whatever else, as long as they get some small cut of it.  Yeah.  Going John Galt is about what is left, and that is to those who never even had the opportunity to make it.  At least they are woke?  Hahahaha.  Nevermind.

Well... hopefully a bit more work.  Whatever I can do, as much as I can push through, a bit of this and that.  Good night, day, and... morning.  Amen.

A few things.

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Very small tasks, but a few.  And a shower.  Love showers.  I stored the bacon, too.  Half in the fridge, half frozen, after cooking all of it.  I am not sure the freezer will work well with this.  Will know in, say, a month or two.  The rest will be added, occasionally, to various meals.  Salads, shirred eggs, casseroles, but lightly and a few times a week.  Bacon is good, the fat it offers is great for keto, but calories, at least when in ketosis finally, must be registered and limited.

I let the ducks out.  The two remaining.  The rabbits were good.  I'll check on them again when putting the ducks up, if they make it.  The cats have been being fed well enough, and litter has been kept up.

I am so tired though.  I did make it to 15:00, again, today.  But just.  And I had to keep pushing.  Just a little longer.  Still, I made it.  Now on to bed.  Sleep sounds so delicious right now.  Like a cold glass of water or tea on a hot day... or beer.

By the way, I did end up drinking all of the beer, over time.  I limited my intake, well and easily.  However, my willpower was slipping.  Best not to drink more beer, for another year or four.  I did enjoy.  I love the taste, I actually really do.  But that alcohol, it... I like it too much.  At least I can say "no", mean it, and keep away.  A gift, I think, from God.  Medicine does what alcohol used to do.  Well, if I could keep on it.

Good afternoon, day, and night.

A good meal.

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I have had a few meals, but not many.  And few have been well rounded.  Today I got that.  I had bacon which I wanted to fry in bulk.  Mostly because it was purchased in bulk.  Have you ever seen a deal that was far too good to be true, but your eyes insisted?  Well, that was the bacon.

I had been buying bacon parts and remnants.  Which was good.  Took more attention, when frying or else.  It also was in bulk, three pounds.  But, before, it would last until I finished it, if sealed and else.  The last two or three times, not so much.  It smelled off as soon as I opened the package.  I stopped doing that, dumped what stock I had after three misses.

This, however, was regular bacon.  Not just regular bacon, it was thick cut, beautiful, bacon.  Whole, long, pieces.  They hadn't trimmed to cut pennies.  And, it was three pounds.  I looked it over, looked at the ingredients, looked for every flaw possible.  The problem?  It was being offered at $10.  Usually, now, twelve ounces of the good stuff can easily cost that.  And... this... looked better than most bacon I have seen in some time.  So... I... doubted.

Doubted or not, my eyes told me to shut up and buy.  I told it to bugger off.  It told me, in that case, to buy two!  I thought to say something else, but didn't want to buy three.  Two it was.  One is in the freezer.  With the ducks, mom, and else, it has sat in the fridge for... a while.  Well, and I doubted.  Today was the day.

I baked, actually, the whole lot.  First, I smelled it when I opened the package.  I have learned, from the other bacon, that if it smells funny cold, it will stink up the house something awful while being cooked.  But it smelled... sweet.  Not the common euphemism, nor literally, but rightly.  A very nice smelling bacon.  As it should be.  Mild, even.

So, in it went.  I lined a sided cookie sheet with foil, set the oven at 350, and let it rip.  It smelled very good while baking.  Tasting a piece nearly right out of the oven, it tasted good.  Still not sure, I had some, later in the process, when it was cold.  No, this really is exceptional quality bacon.  Not too smoky, salty, not bad, or off, and so it was.

I used two pieces, diced, as the beginning of a shirred egg(s) gig.  Broccoli, bacon dices, a diced piece of munster cheese, two deli meat cuts sliced julienne, a few light spices, and twenty five minutes in the oven.  Having difficulty getting the whites to set and keep the yolks from getting too tacky.  I may separate the yolks and whites, and add the yolks for the last ten to fifteen minutes?  Maybe.  I like a runnier yolk, and a more firm egg white, than I am getting as is.  Still, I am sure it is done, but texturally it isn't... satisfying.  I really am pleased to have those au gratin dishes.  Perfect for about three to four eggs and else.

I ordered one last thing, maybe, for the month.  An air fryer.  Between my research, wants, and reviews from various sources, this brank was given good reviews.  It fits the bill.  Can't find one with everything I want, but I can find those with more or fewer items on my want list.

I wanted a non-digital one.  I found one, in the size and brand I was otherwise seeking.  I just knew it would cost a fortune, more than the other, just because that is how it often works.  Strangely, it was actually priced according to costs... meaning less, a lot less.  It was about two thirds the cost of the digital.  I think, with the other one, you could program your presets.  I'm not sure this one will do that, though I don't use presets on much else I have... Microwave, instapot, oven(?), toaster oven... I just don't use presets.  Though, if it was programmable?  I really might.  For very specific meals.  Perhaps even the shirred eggs.

Why buy all these tools and gadgets?  Because, especially for me, one might prove easier, or better, to cook a specific food or process.  I really need to eat, and I'm not doing that much better than I am taking medicine.  It... isn't to be fussy, or this, or that.  I just... can't remember!  I... I am tired.  So, having a few things around, which might allow me to eat, and possibly better than how I would otherwise?  I'm trying to not die, people.  Perhaps I should just give in, up, and let go.  But... I... won't.  I can't.  I feel that, as tough as it is, that God gave me this task until He decides otherwise.  So I will do my job.  The one thing I have left, until it is time or someone decides to fix the problem, on way or another.

Anyway.  It was a decent meal.  I now need to shower, then get trash out... maybe recycling.  Feeding and watering the critters after those things.  Though, a bit of time to get food settled.  It was a small meal, but felt like a feast.  It's... been a while since I have eaten much, or so it seems.  Later.

Part of it?

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I did stay up to midafternoon, about 15:30, perhaps an half hour later at most.  To bed, well, and slept until... I thought... 20:00.  I thought.  When I got downstairs, turned the machine on, and set at it, with almost nothing else happening before, it is 22:45.  I must have looked at the clock at 20:00, then slept a few hours and change more.  Good.

I had hoped to sleep until, say, 03:00 to 05:00.  But this is a start.  I have been shoving to move my sleep time around, with all I had, and it was doing nothing.  Even doing 24 and a 48 hour up shift did nothing to alter the situation, but did hurt like the dickens.  That's a special kind of pain.  Even the 24 hour ups can be difficult.

Can't always do those.  Only when desperate, which I sort of am.  I have been stuck in nights for too long.  I have learned to at least like the days, and it works with other people better... from calling family, to being informed, to... lots of things.  And, with the stores no longer being 24 hour, even getting to shopping becomes quite difficult.

Still, 15:30ish to 22:30ish is seven hours.  Not perfect, especially after pushing so often, recently.  But it's... something.  And, I am definitely up early enough to get the trash gathered and out.  Not sure about recycling, but I will have it ready, and may check around dawn to see what the neighbors are putting out.  If I am still awake.  Though pushing can create insomnia, where I can't sleep.  That and other stressors.

I never did cook.  Maybe tonight.  I have burger, chicken thighs, eggs, cheese.  The meats need to be cooked, tonight, if they are still good.  If not necessarily eaten.  Meat crumble is fine, for the week.  And, if I bake the chicken, not grill it, that should do well for cold or hot meals in the next few days to week.  Spice doesn't just add flavor, it adds longevity to the food.

I'll check on the critters soon.  Later.