Better on better.

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Far from well.  Half way back to humanity?  We'll see.  The internals are... better.  Less swollen, bloated, compressed, less blood in my urine.  Still some.  They suggested if there seemed to be too much blood, that I should go in.  The key, to me, was too much.  Well, and where.  No bleeding on my back, or bruising, infection.

As for urine, the first day there was a lot.  But I expected that.  Every time I have been hurt or else, internally, I have bled a goodly lot.  I can't say that is normal, only normal from me.  Hit by a vehicle, dropped a bit far, and some sorts of... unofficial repairs or surgery or surgery-like events.  Can't... remember all the deets.  Only that this is far from my first rodeo.  So I wasn't worried.  Expected blood in urine for longer.  At day three I would have started to worry, a bit.  Day four I would have seen about going in.  I can go pretty low on blood.  As low as 40%, initial loss, and run at 60% for... a while.  Though I was young and fully healthy, that mighg be pushing things these old ill dog days?

Better.

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For the moment, again.  As when I woke for supper, warm sleep had helped.  Though I woke a time earlier, after supper, in impressive agony.  Which surprised me.  I thought, from feeling so much better, at super, I was getting through to the better side.  Nope.  Each time I wake, it is better or worse, but in the better episodes I begins to fail quickly.  So that taking a few sips of water, tylenol if it is time, then jumping back to sleep to attempt escaping agony, seems the best.

I am surprised either the condition, or the procedure effects, continue to physically or otherwise, plague me so long.  Thankfully, I have the time and way to attempt to sleep it off.

Sleep helped.

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I was in such absolute misery.  I couldn'y get warm.  My feet hurt.  My wound hurt.  My insides felt bloated, bruised, and more.  I would call the sensation closer to absolute misery.  Worse, I couldn't escape it by sleeping.  It was simply too intense.

I got up for something.  This morning?  Time isn't, doesn't quite yet, make sense.  Just got up to get more electrolyte powder, vinegar, water, and tylenol.  Some of which to bring up.  I took four tylenol, but forgot extras.  About cried when I suffered down and up only to realize I had forgotten those.  I was terrified to make another trip any time soon.

Biopsy.

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I've never had one before.  Kidney, left this time.  I wasn't at all sure what to expect.  As well, I am still suffering from... whatever has recently been plaguing me, plus the simple mechanical pains and mobility issues caused by a fractured or broken big toe (or two, both hurt terribly).

Still, this had to get done.  Stall after delay after reset, if it killed me, I was going in.  Today.

Better.

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Probably temporary.  It seems that in early morning, for a while, my symptoms partially lift.  Still something of a stomach ache, minor feverishness, mild aches.  Just nothing crippling.  Mostly.  Still wouldn't be up for a marathon, or even heavy excercise.

Mother made supper.  Something I would easily eat.  A chuck roast in the crockpot.  But she added many vegetables.  No.  I am backing away from those.  I had to think about it.  I may have some meat, just no juices or veggies.  My week to month averages are all three below a hundred, for blood sugar.  My fasting read is 110, oddly.  With nothing but water for a day and a half.  And only one meal for the three days before that.  Meh, probably my metabolism pulling muscle for it's needs.

Still bad.

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A stomach ache, bad one, remains.  The fever too.  I am mostly mamaging the chills.  The dry mouth is difficult, but having water up here helps.  I think I need to bring up doses of electrolytes and vinegar somehow.  Those things help, slightly more than water alone.  Perhaps drinking flat, reverse osmossis water too, rather than carbonated water?

Aches, pains, exhaustion, muscle weakness and pains.  A very difficult time.  I have had worse, but this isn't close to good.

I was able to get up for a bit.  And will do so again, if just to bring Jasmine in, test hydration recipes, and let mom know I am alive.  Well, and show her how to get Jasmine in her cage.  It will be a very short run.

I am in serious trouble.  In some ways it is better, in some ways it is worse.  Later, or goodnight again most likely.

Not... out of the woods.

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Not quite yet.  I think the trees are thinning.  The parh is slightly easier.  But fever remains, muscle cramps... especially the legs, a continued stomach ache if milder, lungs are sore from the fever I think.  Little general aches too.  My joints, currently, aren't hurting though don't know if that is a short reprieve or if that part is better.

I did get up, had food and coffee, gamed, got Jasmine out, drank a lot of water, and am going back to bed.  What was hurting started to hurt more, fever and chills returned with vengeance, and my legs began giving out to cramps and exhaustion from just sitting.  Still, this is better.  Oh, and neck glands started to ache... like a sore throat, but not quite.

On to sleep.  Good night, day, whatnot.

So very sick.

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My usual if irregular illness returned.  In some ways worse, in other ways not as bad.  Usually it is a combined fever and chills, and inability to do almost anything.  This time, while that occurred, it wasn't as cripling.  However, it also came with extreme random joint pain, general aches, plus specific pains at various points on my body, for example the sensation that I had been punched in the stomach enough to leave it aching, directlg hurting.

Usually it lasts a week, more often two weeks, sometimes longer.  This time it seems to be breaking in a few days?  Will know for sure in the morning.  One thing that may have helped is that mother offered a meal.  Something I couldn't have made.  I decided to at least try to eat, and was able to ingest and retain.  One meal, itself, couldn't have done it, but a cleaner house, food, and else, may have added to it.  Living in a sty is a good way to get and stay sick.

A bit rough.

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A kink in the neck.  Difficulty sleeping.  Too many things to do.  Christmas almost upon us.  At least I am ready for Christmas this year.

I have been (trying) to sleep.  Mom isn't helping.  But I don't mind, most of the time.  If I can't wake, I just don't.  She is learning that waking a sleeping dragon, with a dire need for sleep, is not as fun as it might initially appear.

Weak day.

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I could not wake for the life of me.  I did make it down for breakfast.  Barely and just.  Then right back to bed.  Up around, after, 16:00.  A few things for mom, myself, and a few things managed just as I was doing other things.

One thing is, I ordered a year planner book.  Mom uses one, and I am impressesd with how well it works.  She ordered a new one, as hers is aging out.  I ordered myself a large and small one.  Plus I am putting things in the phone.  We'll see.  I needed to get our schedules, so as to make plans for confession.

Resting, sleeping.

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I have been hitting it hard.  The last few days to week.  Gaming when not doing one, or both somehow and the same time, of the other two things listed.  Much needed.  Between moving mom in, moving and clearing what of mine was still in the way, the prepping for improvements, while dealing with pets and mom?

It has been a brutal summer.  All good though.  Even if it ends up killing me, dying for something right has value... even should that defeat the very purpose of the death?  Amen, I say to you.  For we are already dead for our sins.  So dying for what is right, and good, is as good as it gets.

Needed rest, sleep.

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Got some yesterday.  Wanted more today.  The problem was that the leftover siding and trim was out there.  And it is likely to snow tonight.  Or there is a solid chance of it.  I am not certain this stuff, laid out, can handle weather, precip, on it.  

So... I had to figure how to tote, say, fifty thirty to forty pound panels, and some heavy trim pieces, into the garage and store it above.  As well, help mom a bit in the garage so as to, finally, again, back the Xterra in, for the first time this summer.  Can't clear the drive with the auto on it.

A very good dinner.

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The initial plan, not mine, was food at 13:00.  We ate an hour or two later.  As you know, if you know me, time is irrelevant.  Events occur when they do, because of course they do.  Make all the plans you like.  Reality perfits.  Your plans are great, until they aren't.  Which usually means as soon as your plans meet reality, physics, limits, time, and such.  Mother doesn't agree, but that is her problem.  Reallity and myself are happy to just be.

A very good meal.  I would have roasted the bird longer.  Mom decided it was time.  The thermometer agreed with her, even so I would have let it go for another half hour to more like hour.  She ate it, without fuss, but put the remnants back in the oven to finish.  Not terrible, or even raw.  But, medium rare.  I like it that way, on to medium well.  She not so much.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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We finished shopping yesterday.  We had the goose, and most ingredients.  With medical appointments in Ogden, work on the house, exhaustion, and else, getting to the store, for final ingredients, wasn't possible, until it was required.

I'll tell you, I hate shopping the day before a holiday.  Any holiday.  Anywhere.  On the good side, in a mostly white area, at least the worst I face is crowded aisles, slightly reckless folk (though apologetic, usually, in incidents), and some grumpy behavior.  The boons have learned not to ape in these areas, so far.

Almost all of it.

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One window, built to the wrong spec of what was ordered, is being rebuilt.  For now there is just a piece of wood in the space.  It is all ready, the installation should be fast.  They said to give the bath twenty four hours for calking to set, I'd like to give it another day, forty eight hours.  If longer, for me.  With the limit of a fifty gallon tank, not enough hot water to fill the thing to hot.  Maybe not even warm.

Now, rest, and sleep.  I was beginning to screech, physically, under the efforts.  Too little sleep, even rest.  Too much noise, when trying to sleep, constant waking, for questions, and a lot of work.  Before and even between contracted work.  My ears are ringing from the levels of stress and agitation.

Two, and waking up.

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I have been awake since midnight.  Reading, listening, deciding if I should get up or try to sleep a bit more.  Cold.  Not... frigid?  Mostly.  But not able to warm enough to sleep well.  And... feeling good, generally, otherwise.  So might as well get up.

I want to take a shower first thing.  They say they can replace the tub in one day.  Promises, promises.  Then clear out the bathroom... the built-in drawers, but the cabinets too, just to be sure.  As well, clear the room generally.  Other than that, no work today.

A bit.

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I was awake at five, or so.  Having gone to bed around 20:30.  Never got Jasmine for a walk, but did get her out early.  Fed the cats, made my coffee, set up coffee for mom, then gamed.

Mom woke around nine?  She slept well.  Pushy, still, today.  Some of which is fine.  Still have some things to do for the walk-in tub install tomorow.  But this morning it was mostly getting drapes and sheers up.

Dodging bullets.

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That activity seems to be a family affair.

After all the candy, fruit, and other carby food eaten from October twenty seventh to the tenth, then off and on until even yesterday, really, I decided it was time to see the damages by checking blood sugar.  A fasting draw, which, when I go bad, is the worst but most honest number.  Fasting blood sugar is brutally honest, unforgiving, uncompromising.

Closing in.

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The last of the pushes, for external causes, is nearing completion.  The windows are going in Saturday.  The new tub is going in Monday.  More needs to be done.  Some tomorrow, some Saturday, maybe a bit Sunday.

Things, more things, to be moved.  A few drawers to be emptied, in the bathroom.  As they will most likely be working behind the built-in cabinetry.  So much has already been done.  But that last mile is sometimes the hardest.

Awake for a bit.

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Water was already tended.  Though I needed to refill the reservoir.  A keto bread pudding mother recently made was crumbled, heated, then dosed with cream.  No coffee, just water tonight.  Enough left so when she woke, I set her up with the last portion.  She liked how I did it.

I took Jasmine for a bit longer of a walk.  New territory.  I can see the tracks someone is making through my back acre, into one of my outbuildings, and to another neighboring field.  A pretty regular path.  Surprised, Jasmine both tinkled and pooped.  All good, just that was the first time she has done a number two, let alone twice.  Being on the field, I don't mind, this time.  Will start taking bags to get that, from now on.  Even on my land, but definitely on other people's proprty, even on public spaces... of course.

To the doctor, finally.

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After the hospital failed to do renal checks, twice in a row, at the blood draws, and then the V.A. approved the local visits... but decided to not send the approvals causing a third failed visit, I finally got in.

Not good news.  My kidmeys are down to 10%.  From 15%, which is down from 19% earlier this year.  On the good side, my bp was low enough, right in the office, to reduce medicine.  The only other request was to reduce, for now, magnesium... as a supplement.

Awake for just a bit.

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Too cool.  Too warm.  For worry.  Or even just because I feel just right, warm enough but not too warm, not even hungry or thirsty.  I just... wake, when I wake, for good or no reason.  Tonight?  I think I was beginning to overheat.

Down I went.  I took Jasmine out for a late walk.  Gamed a bit.  Plugged the router back in, it still isn't working.

A few things.

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Received a letter, yesterday.  Something about my bank, and lapsing coverage?  No... I didn't call the number offered.  Suspicious, for many reasons.  I called my bank.

At first, the woman I was speaking with, while polite and diplomatic, thought I was wasting her time.  After a hold and review?  Not so much.  They had nothing to do with the notice.  Still, it perturbed my sleep.  Most likely my former insurer, the one that tried to triple my insurance... quadruple it?  After playing games about insuring my house, forcing repairs, and else.

Up late.

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If after a long sleep through the day.  Calls and doorbells, barking and else, kept disturbing my sleep.  I ignored, turned off the phone, and slept.  I slept as long as I could.  Well, and warmly.

Up for supper.  Though I woke at noon, for a bit.  Had to, as the worker's boss visited to get me to sign off on the job.  I did a few things for mom.  But she was trying to badger more work out of me than I could do.  Both earlier and later.

Pretty much done.

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The siding, and portion of trim to be added, painted, is done.  Just two boxes, from trim, to be installed.  Along with putting two lights in them.  For now.  In time I will install new lights.  Even the doorbell is on and working.  

Sure, I need more, new, lights, hardware for a hatch, new house numbers, a few electrical boxes too.  They reinstalled the old one, up front.  But it needs replaced.  The outlet in back is just a conduit end box, so will need to be sorted whole.

Working on things.

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With constructikn ongoing, I have been crashing more than usual.  The sounds, and having people hereabouts, causes massive stress.  And that flattens me.  Even so, I try to get to things as and when I can.

Mom is pushing, herself.  Twisted her knee this afternoon.  Badly.  Can still move, but even more slowly and with more pain.  Which makes her, sometimes, obscenely pushy.  I won't bark.  I understand fully.  Confussion from pain, the seeming control barking orders seems to offer, and forgetting you had just given the same list(s) due to pain memory loss... I get that.  But me already being stressed?  I can't take it.  So I just melt back upstairs, and rest or sleep as possible.

Still cold.

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To the bone, chilled.  No good solid way to escape it.  Not upstairs, here.  I do get warm enough downstairs, after a bit.  Warm enough, not... as warm as I would like.  That sit-in tub would be good, if they would ever get it in.  Late.

I am, again, going to try mesh base layering.  Under my warmer pajamas.  Not absolutely sure it will work.  Just... will try.  As well, back to various weights of merino wool base layers, over the mesh, under the pj's, if needed.  Will see.

A bit of work.  Two small sessions.  Just a bit of sorting, mostly hauling.  And... not in the direction I had planned.  If my intended direction, as it turned out, wasn't the right way.  I had simply mistaken priorities.

Stomach ache.

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Too much candy!  On the good side, I gave away what little remained.  Today.  But, ate half a dozen bars yesterday?  Nearly as many, or more since October 28th?  Or so.  Oh, so glad, and sad, to see them go.  Back to nearly pure carnivore.  No additives of questionable sorts.  No veggies save freeh salad greens.  With only carnivore approved dressings.  That won't help today, or even tomorrow.  But, in time, it will help.

Jasmine won't quit barking.  So... muzzled.  I wasn't sure that would keep her quiet.  Thought it was just for preventing biting.  But I was at wit's ends.  Didn't want to use the ecollar for that, at least not without more guidance.  The muzzle works.  She absolutely hates it.  For me, at this point, that is a plus, feature, not a bug.  As much as I hate disturbing her, allowing her to disturb me will kill me.  Perturbing her is a lessor evil?

Getting more sleep?

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Yes.  If, also, helping out more too?  Yes.  How?  Well, mother is pitching overtime, and having tasks she needs me to do ready when I am able.  And, lately, that has been a lot.  Heavy work.  But small if many discrete tasks.  Moving the freezer (fully loaded, a struggle but not impossible for short distances), moving boxes, taking out trash, putting larder bulk down in the basement.  Though too, setting up her tea when she has worked hard and needs and wants that little gift or help.

No, I really don't mind.  As much as she does, I am glad when I can help.  Tea or real muscle work.  I don't mind.

Heavy sleeping.

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Mother, even now, is just almost on the fringe of understanding.  I can't fully explain because not even I fully understand.  Can't sleep much, but need to rest when not able to sleep.  Hours, days, at a time.

I told her how cold I was.  Then I touched her shoulder.  She  has touched warmer corpses.  No, it doesn't make sense.  Not always cold, but sometimes cold beyond anything that should make sense.

Pushing too hard.

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I tried to help, but every time I turned around she added things to MY list.  NO!  I do have to get in for blood work.  Again, the blood work was incomplete.  Again, my appointment was canceled.  The hospital is pushing dei hiring, and we are suffering for it.

This time they will get a talking to.  Beyond, I will have them verbally confirm the testing with my clinic.  And, going forward, every time I go for a draw, the two clinics will speak one to the other, before testing starts.  And I will check the tests, as well, before I leave.

A touch worried.

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Doctor appointment coming up.  Will check then.  BP is often, say five of the last seven days, down in the 88/65, with pulses as low as 38 to 54.  Okay.  Wasn't sure if that was bad.  Went looking, as a simple exercise, not for surety (can't trust the web, on several fronts, of for specifics with particular givens).  Still, could get a gist?

Seems, from what I read and saw, that these things aren't an issue, with the caveat that there are no symptoms.  My problem?  The symptoms I was having existed before the low reads, and have improved.  If yet remain, exhaustion the worst and slowest to fade.

Things mother never believed.

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I told mother about things I did, things I ate, my utensils and cookware.  She ususally disagreed, or simply didn't believe.  Of course, carnivore eating.  Which has been slipping lately, so she is gaining again.  Still, I did show her.  Cooking with stainless cookware.  If very good quality, triple or more ply, stainless.  Using only wood or metal cooking utensils.

Still having some difficulty.  She keeps reaching for silicon utensils while hot cooking.  If she keeps doing that, I will throw those out.  Only for cold applications.  And she keeps putting hot food in plastic containers.  Again, if I catch her again, I will tell her those will be thrown and replaced with glass or ceramic if I catch her doing that one more time.  Cold food in only!  Room temp.

A few things.

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On the road, yesterday.  Banking business, tanking up, a few other things.  Meant to get blood work and pick up dairy.  Ended up taking a trip into Idaho, to... Pocatela, I think.  I thought it was closer.  No, it was a two hour, boring, drive.  Or more.

Had plans, for the trip.  But when we got there... no.  Oh.  Thought it was a real city.  Turned at the first exit, so maybe missed something?  The outskirts was populated with trailer homes.  Not... What I was expecting, at all.  Turned around and left before driving much further in.

Considerations.

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Not... claiming these vids as truths?  I will suggest there may be more than meets the eye to them.  If I simply can't fully sign off on them.  Consider it more... poetic psychology?  Transendental philosophy?  You... most likely won't appreciate.  Most who try to go into these won't make it through, consciously.  So understanding is not for most.

If The Architect's speech, in the matrix, required two (or more, many more) listens, to roughly understand, I am not sure you are capable of understanding what these suggest.

Oh my word!

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Alarms set.  Mother hollered up a time or two.  The phone went off as well?  No matter.  I was... unavailable for exterior commitments.  With feet elevated, I finally found comfort, and warmth.  Did I fail, fall, crash into that?  Or did I merely finally just find it?

I... don't care which.  What I did care about was that I was able to snuggle in, sleep, sleep well, warmly, and was able to get rest in sleep that I had started to miss.  If... I can sleep like that for a few days, or weeks, as much as possible?  I may actually recover before I hit long term, semi-perminemt, or perminent collapse.

A good sleep.

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Not as much, or as good, as is hoped.  Still, much better than generally, recently.  For half a week, sleep was excellent.  As I try a few things, sleep has flagged a bit.  Though I think the new methods will pan out.  Some already are.  Elevating feet, while sleeping, is just taking some time to incorporate.  And keeping my feet warm, while elevated, is proving... to be complicated.

Still, I think everything will turn out beneficial.  I am enjoying the practices, just need to perfect them.  Working on it.

Help?!?

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Yes!  It arrived.  I used it for three projects, and breaks on the vehicle.  I owe, now.  I will pay.  But, honestly, a bargain I don't deserve.  The breaks were bad.  Really bad.  With 90k and not having been worked, angels must have been helping.  He took pictures.  I'll see if he will text them, so I might show them.

While here, I needed help with a few things.  Things I didn't think I could solo.  Ended up soloing a few.  Some he soloed because I couldn't.  But the list was short, quick, and now done.  As well, he brought 4x4 x8s, for the porch.  Then took my vehicle for breaks.  Finished them in... an hour or two?

Able to wake, if just for a few things.

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Mostly just to put Jasmine out on her lead, and feed her.  I think I fed and watered Sassy too.  Oh, and while at it, I took morning medicine with leftover coffee, fatted, from very early this morning.

I garbled morning platitudes, if honestly.  Things like " good morning", "did you sleep well", and perhaps seeing if she needed anything.  It was obvious I would be crashing soon.  I tried to get right up.  Jasmine is housetrained.  I'd like to keep it that way.

We haven't talked yet.

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I get the feeling she is going to take the vaccine, whichever, all?  She thinks it is, they are, good.  As I said, that is end game.  If she wants that, she needs to be in with those who do so.  I simply won't allow being in constant proximity to such people.  It poisons me.

I slept a lot yesterday.  And will today as well.  There may be calls coming in, efforts I must engage, from possible break work, to the last of the heavy yardwork.  Or, being present for some of it.  Or not.  Not sure any of it will move forward.

A warm comfortable sleep.

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I would like to say I figured out how to sleep warmly.  I did not.  I have been tending that carefully.  But I have been doing so, to the best of my abilities for months.  Sleeping frigid, probably because I was pushing, or stressed, or... else.  No, I did not fix that.  But I am enjoying warm sleep.  No matter what graces gifted that.

As to comfort, though?  I have been trying this, and that.  I did sort that.  The extra playform material didn't work.  It ended up being just like what I already had.  Trying other things also didn't help.  What did help, at least last night, the first try at it... so I will see... is using the inflatable mattress topper my mother brought from the hospital.  It doesn't fit her bed.  We got her a different one.

Hmm, troubles.

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We spoke about vaccines.  Mother ageed.  Then she changed her mind.  Took the flu shot.  Over my direct objections and her promises.  Held off on the pneumonia shot.  I told her, after, that if she gets that or any other shot, she will have to go back to the nursing home.  I take it that serious.

That poison affects everyone around.  If she wants it, she should be back in with those braindead enough to take the poison, and get back on covid shots too.  Absolutely no debate, here, on this matter.  If she chooses the shots, she has to go.  Period.

A deep, long, hard, sleep.

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Warm, too!  Not hot, too warm, either.  Just... not cold, frigid, for the first time in... weeks? months?  Or so.  Stress, from business deals, efforts, upcoming chores, too much on my mind.  Pushing, pulling, dying.  Not that I am out of the woods, only that I am nearing... completions, arramgements, a slowing of the seasons and a break from such heavy demands.

Oh, but sleep was fantastic.  Needed.  Especially to be warm in it.  If, to, I figured out why I am so sore.  The plywood under my mattress does help.  But, I have been rolling so much lately due to being too cold most nights, not getting enough rest or sleep for the last month(s), and wrestling with stress for months, all have caused me to constantly alligator roll.  And, on the more solid platform, this is what hurt, caused the pains.

Awake.

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Set up mom's coffee.  Sure I already did that.  She must have run the pot.  Maybe washing the machine, hit a button.  No worries, it happens.

Brought Jasmine in.  Late, but it works.  She truly hates her cage.  Mom must have found a piece of plywood for half the base.  And while that should make being in the cage more comfortable, she just doesn't like it.  Hey, fair enough.  I actually understand.

Laughing in leisure.

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Not a luxury, or a bitter thing.  Adding, subtracting, with calculus, physics, philosophy, and more thrown.

When I see about how milfs are angry, horny, and alone.  Even mids could sort that easily.  Not even I have truly run away from women.  I just turned my back on certain of them.  Behave, be humble, lose weight, shut up, and smile.  Like, basically, what men are required to do.

Up, just for that bit.

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Jasmine is out.  Happily.  We will get a bit of a platform for her, so the cage doesn't hurt her feet.  No food or water overnight.  They indicated she was potty trained.  If today is evidence, it seems so.  She went as soon as I got her out, then after I left her.  Mom is nosy.  ;p

I fed and watered her first thing.  She was so happy to be out.  She didn't bark, or whine while indoors.  She was a very good girl.  Sassy hissed and hissed and hissed, and wouldn't get out of the way, when bringing Jasmine in.  Ugh.  Oh well.  Eventually we will... see.  I don't want Jasmine penned all of the time.  We'll see.

Finally!

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One of the biggest jobs remaining, for me.  Putting Jasmine's kennel together.  I pushed for a longer, taller, wider, stronger one.  I will admit, I went excssively large.  However, there is some solid advantage to that.  Much better too large than too small, for certain.

It took two work sessions to get it finished, tonight.  I had been tightening all fasteners tightly, initially.  Had to loosen them all, to get final fitting corrected.  But it did work.

Rather rough.

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Sore.  Ribs, back, skeletal in those places, and generally.  Tired, bodily, pretty much everywhere.  Muscle weakness, easily wearied.  Sleepy as well.  A different form of exhaustion.  Fighting for more life, waking time.  Failing.

Did get banking business done, mail sent, and cardboard in for recycling.  Had hoped to help mom, after returning.  But that isn't possible.  She wasn't happy, but didn't say much.  Hoping to be up later this afternoon.  To clear a few heavy things, then set up the cage for Jasmine.

Now, sleep.  So cold.  So tired, exhausted, sleepy, and more.  Later... or much later.

Columbus Day?

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In one sense?  SUPER!  Glad to see it back, and honestly.  What wasn't pleasing?  Everything was closed, even my bank!  (While they still push woke in every ad, gah!)  The tire shop was open.  So I set up a schedule to get in and get them renewed.

Tomorrow, I guess.  Bank business, an amazon return, and boxes to recycling.  Still, I got things set up and ready to go.  So frustrating.  Still so tired.

I'll help mom out a bit.  Then go on to bed.

Tires have about doubled in price.  And I'm not even going as top tier.  They say 50k miles.  May find out.

So tired.  Later or good night.

Warm, finally!

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I love being warm, hot even.  Coffee, in the tumbler, really is helping.  Hot food... more shortly.  Gaming, strangely, helps.  Oh!?!  Tea, in the tumbler, when I go up there.  A hot sip, from time to time, through the night.  Yeash.

It being cold, and having heated the heart in beef broth, there was juice left over.  So I fed Jasmine a bit, with the remaining, warm juice and last of the meat.  Plus gave her some body massaging, to let her know she is loved, and to help warm her a bit extra.  Good girl!  Great gal.

A literal heart sandwich.

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Beef heart.  Not as strong as beef live?  Similar of flavor, just milder.  What it lacks in raw flavor, for good or ill depending on your tastes, it makes up for in texture.  It has a more solid bite to it.  You have to overcook liver to get almost any substantative texture.  It is filling.  Though so is liver, kidneys, and else.  Something about their natures?  Higher fat content?

A fatted coffee, several waters, and maybe something more, in a bit.  I'd really like more to eat, but that, so far, is as much as I can do.

Absolutely freezing!

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I just checked the temperature up here.  It reads 69.  Okay, not hot.  But in the hottest of summer, I generally keep it at, say 73 or so.  I run the ac 24/7 to do that.  My point is that the warmest it gets is only four degrees off.

Not using ac, haven't needed it for a month, or two now.  Not even a fan, though I may use a smaller one mother brought, but no longer needs... as soon as I can create a place, space, site, for it.  I do like fresh air, a fan helps.  The big ones are too cooling.

Tired beyond belief.

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We have been half running, as able, for a week and more really.  That with her just out of the hospital.  With us eating, mostly, poorly because of our various limits.  If we have, or I have, gotten back to (mostly) right eating.

I tried an apple, from a neighbor, today.  I was hoping home grown, fresh, it might be doable.  Nope.  One small apple took blood sugar from 113 fasting to 188.  Those, the apple sauce, and apple butter mother makes from the busshel or so will be for her.

Ever thought you might be near death?

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And really didn't mind the idea?  Too exhausted, pushing every limit... financial, social, physical, medical, and else.  No, I don't actively wish to die.  I simply wouldn't mind if today was my last day, hour, moment.  That isn't, however, how it works.

Although, being on point too pontently, for too long, as fragile as I am?  Yeah.  It could just happen.  My job is to tend my life, as any life.  As a duty, but even beyond, as a joy even in the suffering.  God did buy me the time to... accept the gift of life humbly, for as long as He wills it.  Even the pain, misery, and other negatives have become gifts of their own.

Much done.

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Both mom and myself were doing better.  Getting used to the cooler weather?  Resting up while trying to push through?  Health returning?  Eating a but better again?  Can't be sure.  Not certain it will last.  Got a lot done.

The grab bar in the shower was installed.  We sized it for her.  May add another inside the shower.  Her safety is very important, and that mostly being incumbent upon keeping her on here feet.  Also finally set up her knew end table, got it plugged in and in place.  Set up four magnetic strips in the kitchen, as a knife rack (or set of them).  Got Jasmine over for a bit of socializing and training, then took her for a short walk, near mom... who also got a walk in, just not trying to control Jasmine yet.

A bit done.

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Coffee going.  Food in the oven.  Trash and recycling to the bins, then the bins to the curb.  Gaming while food, coffee, water filtrstion, and the ice machine did there things.  I would have made mom her coffee, set it up anyway.  But she had already done that.

Later than I thought.  Not sure when I really started, though thought it was nearing and just after two?  Being just after five, I suppose that is to be expected.

My breath, air, was fine through the efforts.  But while sitting, gaming, coming down?  My breath seemed to escape me again.  That's actually spooky.  Oh well.  Good night.

Brutal exhaustion.

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The goal of helping mother with the salsa went terribly.  To be fair, two days ago, we ended up on the road, in shops, and else, from ten to seventeen thirty.  Me being exhausted at the start.  Then she wanted to try to work a half bushel of roma tomatoes.

I did what I could do.  Had to call it off.  Especially with her wanting that, this, else, and help on top of it.  Not a happy night.  As well, she has been pushing on this and that even through today.

I hit a point when I couldn't breath well.  Not quite to the point of going to the hospital, but to the point where standing, helping, became questionable.  She had awaken me too many times, I couldn't get back to sleep, or help her.  I had to make sure she understood that more pressure might see me to the hospital... so there would be no help.

I eventually got down, for a bit.  Resting mostly.  Sleeping a bit.  Now awake for a bit again.  I'm planning on getting coffee, perhaps heating leftover roast, drinking water, and taking night meds.  On the good side, bp was 118/68 or so, pulse around 76.  Not sure about blood sugar.  Bleh.  But that is an excellent bp and pulse.

I'll get trash out.  See if that gives rise to breathing issues.  Was it breathing, or simply my body being unable to use oxygen?  Was short of breath, to the point of seeing stars.  Not good.  Well, and feeling as if my body was nearly suffocating.  

Oh... a few vids.  One on essays, one on learning techniques, and one on... relaxing, just a bit.  Living, a bit more in the present.  And a final one on... me, I think.  Though, who ever knows?  Still haven't figured out how to embed vids, so it is what it is.

Anyway... on to food, domestics, and maybe some gaming before I attempt to sleep again.  Brutally tired, painfully exhausted, but I can't sleep.  I'll keep doing what I can, or must, or must not.  Later or good night.

Difficult week.

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I am having trouble.  Mother is having trouble.  Exhaustion weighs on both of us.  Mom keeps trying to push through.  I want to help, but have hit a wall of sorts, hit it hard.  Plus, I have so many things I need to do, new and old.  Keeping on top of just my stuff is terribly problematic.  Add in her wants and needs and life gets really rough quickly.

She has various therapists visiting.  As well as medical appointments.  Though, too, wants to work with Jasmine, has a couple half bushels of two types of tomatoes to make into salsa, and is trying to catch up on the house, and keep up.  However, also while very degraded from the hospitallizarion.

Up earlier.

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It has been some time since I woke before even say ten?  So tired.  Sore.  Other problems.  Including body cramps, usually legs, somtimes arms, ribs.  Yesterday night it was, strangely, just the left leg.  More, all of my normal methods failed.

Standing on it only made it worse.  Massaging it didn't help at all.  In desparation, I had to try something novel... laying back down, and completely telaxing the leg, bending it at the knee, tucking it into myself so as to have no muscles in contraction or extension.  It worked very well, oddly.  Took a very long time to figure out though.

Rough.

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I was supposed to be up to see mom Thursday.  Then Friday.  Tomorrow?  Things, exhaustion, an appointment today.

New windows.  Scheduled soon.  A final fitting before long.  Then, in eight weeks, installation.  Most of the downstairs windows to be replaced.  Save the new one recently installed.  Part payment, mostly financed.  The windows really needed replaced.

Up late.

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Up all day as well.  Not doing much.  Just to be awake a whole day is something I haven't been able to do for months.  The last few days have been better that way.  In spite of temps, in the house, being down in the high sixties to low seventies.

Feeding the girls.  Giving them more attention.  Not a lot, but it is something.  With mother planned to be returning Monday, I need to do some cleaning and straightening.  It isn't too bad.  But... there are things to do.

On to bed.  Good night.

Visited mother.

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I stayed overnight as well.  I had meant to be up earlier in the day, then leave near the middle of the next day.  As it turned out, I got there later, so stayed until later in the afternoon.  I got to see how well she was doing, and what she was doing.

Much better, but still somewhat limited.  Able to do many things, but her flexibility is limited, reaching to the floor, her feet.  She'll need the brace until she doesn't.

Problems, plans, a next few starts.

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I finally put out the word, on mother's condition.  Texting a lengthy writ about what is and isn't a problem, what is being done, and a few bits beside.  It took a while.  I was waiting on more complete information, then forgot.

Something else I forgot was medicine.  Checking bp today was back to spooky.  It was 220/110.  *sigh*  I started back on medicine.  What caused me to notice was swelling in the feet.  Ugh.  On the good side, my blood sugar readings are superb.  The weekly average is 95, biweekly is 98, monthly is 104, and three month is 130.

Mom called.

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She sounded healthy, better, much better.  They are doing physical and occupational therapy.  The latter is more cognition, memory, and such like testing.  She is doing exceptionally well.  Which I suspected she would.  Which is why I wanted her in the more intensive program, there at the hospital.

Beside my belief she would do well, I was sure she could handle it.  Which is proving out.  I feared a nursing home.  Much less rigor.  And they want to keep them, don't really want them to improve.

Late, but I made it.

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Traffic was tough.  Construction to stoppages.  But that wasn't the problem.  I was up early enough.  Couldn't get going.  Moving slow.  Did take a shower, trimmed my whiskers, brushed the teeth.  Dressed.  Thought I was moving along well.  No, I was going very slow.

I started in on things around 10:30 to 11:00.  Didn't hit the road until 14:00 or so.  Got up there around 15:00.  My new route should have seen me there a quarter to, but traffic and construction slowed me down.

Oh good!

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An early call.  I have my phone on, charged, near me, and am attempting to be attentive... even if I am still sleeping a lot.  At a bit after five this morning, mom called.  Wasn't absolutely sure it was her, looked to be the number from the hospital.  I figured it was her so answered.

A bit of a talk.  She is coherent.  Sleepy, groggy, a bit rough, but awake and aware.  She didn't know I had visited.  But that didn't surprise me.  They said they were lowering her pain pills, and changing them.  It took a while for that to happen, or take effect.

Snoozing and losing?

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I meant to be to the hospital yesterday.  Barring that, today.  Both days even.  Not possible.

You may not know, but I have a bad feeling about hospitals.  For more reasons than I could easily pen.  Stress levels are teetering on the high end.

Out, finally.

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Later than planned.  But to it, yesterday.  I started my shower at a quarter to noon.  Planned to get to the hospital by 13:00?  For some reason, or several, I didn't make it there until 15:00, or nearly.

It wasn't that long of a drive.  An hour?  Or so.  I really didn't exactly know where I was going, but had a general idea?  I pretty much got it.  Passing the turnoff, but suspecting I had within... five blocks, getting my phone out, and using the map app.

Awake, for a while.

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Late, at waking.  Fed Sassy.  Will check on Jasmine, and her food.  A prong collar arrived today, something the trainer suggested.  As well, other items he recommended are on the way.  Training tools.  Plus the extended leash, and choke lead, he recommended and I purchased after the lesson.

When I can... get to more, I will.  Working with her, walking her, doing some training.  To make her more manageable, socialize her, and things?  We will see.  While only a medium sized dog, she has outsized potential.  She has to be managed, trained.  But will yet always be a dog.

Difficulties.

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Stress.  Down.  Had hoped to visit mother today.  Maybe to bring her home, if hoping she would stay a bit longer.  I won't be able to make it today.  Hoping to get a shower in a bit.  Well, after a nap, or longer sleep.

I woke for a few hours, to now.  But have just been crawling.  My uncertainty regarding mother, her condition, what all to do, and just my continued lethargy, have me pinned.  Blood sugar was 90.  Haven't checked bp.  I have been so off my game that medicine has been forgotten.  If food too.

Again.

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Mother took another, if much worse, tumble.  Again, while trying to handle Jasmine.  This time through a grouping of things.

We invited a trainer, for a free (first), sample.  I wasn't sure what to honestly expect from a single session.  But, to be absolutely honest, I was impressed.  As was mother.  I... am beginning to believe she might just work out.

Spooky.

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Well, to some.  Actually to me as well.  Too close.  Haven't figured out how to embed vids.  And rarely watch vids these days.  But, sometimes, something catches... my attention.  Not sure I should share.  Don't always.  But... sometimes.  That, to me, was more than a wee spooky.

Oh, but not hidden for fear, darlings.  While some might understand?  The depth it would require to develop understanding would require volumes, days of discussion, and that for some of the brief considerations.  Even then, many wouldn't, most can't, understand.  If I don't care to be, or that I am or am not, understood.

Yeah, no.

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She is definitely out of the game for a bit.  She did wake, get up.  We had coffee, a bit of a talk.  I helped her with a few things, then got her back to bed, and bundled.  She is in rough shape.  I'll try to get her to take it easy for a bit.  I don't think it will be a hard sell.

I canceled the appointment.  If I need to cancel another and make two others.  Ugh.  But not this morning.  Later.

I did get trash together and out.  Almost chilly out there.  But supposed to get into the 90s the next two days?  It does cool better, and isn't staying hot long.  Very strange year, for heat and cool, this year.

It's time to go on back to bed myself.  My ribs hurt just a bit, have for a while.  Final healing processes from my fall?  Or just... something else?  I never can be sure.  On to rest.  Can't do much else.

Wanted a shower, and last night.  Can't quite pull it off.  Now or then.  Be well.

Up on time.

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Now, down to take a shower.  Checking on mother.  And, probably, canceling a procedure.  It is her ribs of most concern.  Not sure she will be able to get out of bed today.  Hoping her back isn't hurt too, but think it was her ribs.  So delicate, even I at times, in ways.

Dreamed.  Resurrected from the casting of stones in the form of the bowie knife.  It hurt more to heal than the production of the wound.  Now I am sure I can have dreams continue.  I was pretty sure I have, but heard that isn't possible.  Again, so much for experts.

Mother went down hard.

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Took the dog for a walk.  She took off on her.  Mother wouldn't let go of the leash.  Ended up down very hard.  Glad I reminded her to take her phone.

I have learned, sometimes, to ignore what mom thinks, and do things more my way.  In this case, getting her up.  If not until we got her sorted, making sure we should move her.  Still not absolutely convinced, on that account.  May yet need to call an ambulunce.  I will leave that call with her, until or unless I have greater cause to set her wishes aside.

Oh, for selling house?

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I must admit, I missed the bubble.  If I could sell, at this point, it would most likely just clean the slate.  Pay off debts, perhaps walk with a few tens of thousands.  Buyers are not out there, for listed or suggested prices.  Not even steeply discounted prices.  I have been watching for a while.  More locally, regionally.

Some think a drop in interest rates would help.  And it might, for a few who are ready to buy and sell, or on/in the market.  It would be a trick, short term.  Only for a few, and not a great bet even then.  Possibly better than renting?  In some odd markets, maybe.

But, houses seem not only be have prices crashing, without selling even so.  But with very little interest on any front.  As mentioned, I would only sell if I could pay everything and then pay off another house.  The market won't support that, no matter what the state or else says the house is worth.  It's about as good as the used diamond market, currently.  Even with a serious downgrade in house size.

Absolutely couldn't take the hit, only to have to buy into a different house, in the inflated market even with those caveats, at this interest rate.  Stuck.  No way out whatsoever, unless selling and going overseas.

Renting the place is a thought.  But that would be rough.  Assuming the government doesn't stop landlords from collecting again?  They really... killed trust by doing that, in an already rocky industry.  I have to think that was part of why it was done.

Rent is good money, if you can actually get it.

Of course, there is mom.  But if she pushes beyond my ability to recover?  I'll have to figure something else out for her anyway.  I simply won't allow her to drive me into the grave.  Ugh.  My brother and she are better matched, but he'd have none of it.  Too bad.  He could use the help, and oddly could keep up with her.  His wife wouldn't have it either.  Oh well.

I suppose he already has a woman shoving him toward his casket.  Two is at least one too many.  *grins*

Later.

Sleeping in volume.

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Mom is getting lonely.  But I can't do much for it.  Every time I wake to talk, she begins making lists of things to do.  It is, if reports are accurate, back into the high eighties again.  Between her and the heat, medicine, and what has been done this summer in the heat, I am done until I can recover.

I won't let her, or events, kill me.  She just refuses to understand.  So must be left to herself.  She asked that I wake and be present with her this noon, for a few hours.  I said I would, but that I wouldn't work.  Will see.  If it is more attempted pushing, it will be a short visit.

----------

A monster?

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How would you know if you are one?  I can't say for all.  For me?  I couldn't see until I came to the light.  Until I first began discerning virtue from vice.  And, more, seeking virtue.  If virtue, I further came to understand, was truly God writ small.  A terrifying realization, mind you.  As I have written, I initially thought I could obtain virtue, but use it to my ends, and turn it on or off as if it had a power switch, like a light.

But, no.  Virtues aren't toys, tools, or owned items.  I either had them, used them, as on-only systems (to within my limited abilities, mind you), or not.  And, as strongly as I tried, even with sincere practice, to some degree, virtues escape me.  Still learning.

Much sleep.

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Mother calls me, she says.  I don't remember.  Sleeping eighteen, twenty, more hours at a time.  Do I get up, for water, a bite, the facilities?  Not that I recall, though not that I would.

Tired beyond some of your ability to uunderstand.  I won't say sleep is helping?  But it isn't hurting.  Mostly sleeping, now.  Not partly resting as before.

A very long sleep.

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Through the night, day, and afternoon.  Not up until 17:30?  More like 19:30.  Felt better for it.  Muscles didn't burn.

Blood sugar was 86, but I felt good.

She's not happy.

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Wanted Jasmine indoors, without the cage.  I agreed, so long as she was connected to a tether.  Either in an eyebolt, or something secure.  Furious.  Asked why I hated the dog.  I told her that I have an old hobbled up cat.  And a household.  Both need to be protected.

I had a pool I used to use for the ducks.  Mom wanted to use it for her dog.  Okay.  Three days later that was absolutely torn to pieces.  No.  That dog gets no freedom in this house until she is trained, proven, and even then only when we are home.  A lot of ifs.  No exceptions.

Hoped.

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.

Up earlier, I had hoped to do... things.

Blood sugar, bp, and medicine taken.  Coffee made and consumed, as well as kefir.  Love that stuff.  A list made, calls to make.  A shower planned.  Work planned.  Not many things, but some.

Up a bit late.

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Better, or I should say earlier.  But... need to push for even earlier.  I have an early morning appointment coming up.  I am a bit worried.  Have genuinely been trying to wake early.  Setting the alarm clocks, varying bed times, even sleeping through whole days.  Difficulties.

Dying faster?  Maybe, maybe not.  Certainly closer to death than age would indicate.  It's... like a piece of mostly dead near orbit space debris.  If it is falling into the gravity well, but has propulsion, or enough remaining velocity, inertia, it just won't fall.  Inertia, though?  Or some propulsion I simply don't understand... the hand of God?

Hating me?

.

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Oh, saw it the other day.  A local woman, walking with her child.  Wouldn't wave back.  Hard looks.  She clutched her child and hurried off, looking back in fear?  Sour sentiment?  I was pretty sure why.  I just chuckled.

As I have said before, I don't make the rules.  I don't even enforce them.  From gravity, to biomechanics, to solar forces, laws and principals are not only not my doing, they are beyond my understanding.  This I have known... from before you, or I, were even born, even the first time.  Certainly the next times.  Might not come back whole, from death.  But I didn't come back lessor, save from a worldly view.  Things I realized, I think from... before the big bang.  The beginning.

Some small bits.

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A bit at waking.  Not much.  I am still rough.  A few things.  A bit later?  Very few things.  She has been backing off on attempting to machine-gun orders.  I might or might not do a few things.  But soon or late I just shut down and crash.  I really need rest, sleep.

It is just starting to begin to sort of start cooling.  Days are more in the 80s, if nights, lows, are just getting to the low 60s.  Warm.  Hot really, especially without cooler nights.  Days are supposed to be dipping into the low 80s and mid to lower 70s in the next week or two.  Rain is supposed to be arriving.  Clouds have been passing through, but rain has been scant.  We keep hoping.

A list of things, mostly calls, tomorrow.  But... many calls.  Oh, and dental too.  Ugh.  Something forgotten on the list.  I think there are half a dozen calls already.  Just one run, mom's medicine.  Probably?

As catastrophic?

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A regular read suggested that ignoring the laws of social dynamics is, in time, just as disastrous as ignoring the laws of thermodynamics (or, presumably any solid physics or engineering laws or principles).  You can squeak by, for a while.  Taking a few losses over time, which begin to compound as the ignored truths are applied to all else.  Then roads, buildings, electronics, planes, or in this case societies, collapse.  Often, I would go further, one failure inexorably leads to the failure in all the others if pushed by tptb.

I... must debate that.  No, it is true, as far as it goes.  Where it fails is the level of destructiveness.

Never quite sure.

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I have talked around the cage, for Jasmine.  Not... certain whether mother is resigned to keeping it, yet.  Or onboard.  I won't have her loose in the house.  But would very much like to have her in the house.

Not just on cold days.  Or hot ones.  If we travel.  When weather is bad.  Or even often just sometimes during the day.  Even if she and Sassy can learn to get along, a dog simply shouldn't be allowed to roam a house without people, or even always with people home.  Sometimes.  Destructive animals.

A bit, earlier.

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Just one wagon unloaded.  Quite a pile out there.  Or group of piles.  Each wagon drops between one and two square yards of material.  I think there are between eight and twelve loads out there.  I would guess five to ten more will end up out there, or so.

I also reset kefir.  Then cleared the freezer top.  Mom wanted to find meat packages to pull to the other freezer, or begin thawing.  I'll reset that, if she hasn't.  Currently it is where I let kefir ferment, make ice and (my french press) coffee, and filter water.  Will, in time, move those to other stations so that pulling packages from the deep freeze isn't such a hastle.

She remembers what she wants to believe.

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I told her I won't, can't, work for a bit.  On top of last night's painful horror, and general exhaustion from pushing too long, as well as it still staying in the 90 F range?  I'm done until it cools.  That's just the way of it.  I should say, until it cools and then I catch my breath.  A week of cooler weather, then we'll see.  Two?

Well, and still adjusting to medicine.  Which I have been missing, lately.  Ugh.  I'll have to sort that.  Getting three out of four doses, but that isn't enough.  I have to push, especially now that I am taking a break.

A change of plans.

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Mother had wanted me to buy a storage system.  I've been hemming and hawing about it, quite spendy.  She suggested she would pay a certain amount a month on it.  But, if she is looking for a way out, of here, I can't make that deal.

To be honest, I have been looking for a way out of that deal.  Selling it, in the future, might be difficult, and it would be at a bit, or lot, of a loss.  Just getting it off the property might be a trick, potentially an expensive one.

Well, there is that.

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Didn't measure for the dog cage?  Nope.  Measured the dog.  Chose "roomy" based on that.  Didn't want her ears touching the top of the cage.  So had to take the length required.  Didn't measure the room, or doors.

No, it won't, constructed, fit through the doors.  So, has to be built in her room.  BUT,  only after completely reorganizing her room.  Moving her bed, bed stand, and one of her dressers.  Plus rearranging a third of her room, otherwise, in general.

Pain.

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It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Cramps, multiples, in the legs, plus the arms this time.  A new or rare thing.  Toss in a headache.  The type of extreme pain that used to cause me to scream, and emit tears past any resistance.  I have learned to... relax, make no sound, and hold tears.

It's been a while since I hurt like that.  Six months?  A year?  And a while before that time, again, and again, rarities for... some time.  But, about three years ago, and on back, it was a monthly to weekly, rarely even more often clusters of, events.  I keep daring to hope those episodes are gone.  Wasn't sure how well I would hold up.

Not much.

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Too late.  Too slow.  I couldn't get out today, mostly.  I did take Jasmine for a short walk.  I helped mom with a few things.  We had supper.  We talked from time to time.

I made three calls.  To a phone company, about a phone that hasn't showed up.  A line, because of that, that I haven't used.  A bill that is overdue, which needs to be corrected.  There isn't a manager in the office until Monday.  And one of them seems required to do more.

Oh, right?

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When preparing to get to town, deciding what to wear, I saw a stack of jeans.  Wasn't sure what size any of them was.  Picked the solid denim colored ones.  Wranglers.  Looked new.  Dug around for the size a while, before seeing the size tag.

I doubted it would fit, but you never know.  I'm still a fatboi.  Don't doubt it.  I am 6'5" and change, at 234, but yes, still have a belly.  Getting that last fifteen to thirty pounds off is proving impossible.  Still, having the first eighty five to one hundred fifteen pounds off is a good start.  Even if that is it.

A later start.

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Mom called around seven?  Eight?  Offered breakfast.  Bacon and eggs.  Oh, this morning, that sounded good.  I hoped she didn't expect a lot.  As I mentioned, yesterday, while I had things to do, I wouldn't be doing much otherwise, for a while.  I'm mostly pretty done.

I don't mind carrying laundry, or taking out trash and recycling.  Things like that.  Especially if she can have two or three such tasks ready to go at once.  I have strength to do any normal job.  I just don't have stamina, or the ability to start, and stop, then continually start and stop.  No!  But three, even four, hefty even, tasks at once, then a rest.

Out, starting.

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The dog got a short walk today.  I couldn't do a long walk, even based on my property.  Enough that we worked together a bit, she got off the long static line, and was able to check part of her world.  Fed, as well.  Last night we offered her kefir cottage cheese.  Unlike Sassy, she seemed to like that!  Will give her some every few days.

I don't want to feed her or Sassy human food, or modern human food.  Meats?  Fermented dairy?  Sure, in some moderation.  Raw is better for them, if Sassy won't eat raw.  I'll bet Jasmine will.  And, on steak days, and roast days, she may well get a quarter pound of raw.  As well, when doing burger.  Not so much pork of any kind.  Chicken?  Probably cooked, since I do the whole bird?  Or maybe wings raw?  Not sure that is safe for her?

Didn't know.

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I thought certain folk had stopped reading here?  Maybe they have.  Or haven't.  That they still read would explain some things.  Among menfolk, to a degree.  If probably, at least in part, from anger from, and about, their ladyfolk of various relations.  Sisters, wives, aunts, grannies even.

I... did say I have a way with women.  And it's not as they would have it, if it is the only way I can offer.  They were mean, a lot meaner, for most of my life.  Now?  I don't mean to be mean but I refuse to be other than honest.  It isn't even payback.  Just a solid masculine maturity.

Thorns.

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Some of the weeds have them.  Not even thick gloves help.  Try as one might, avoiding contact isn't possible.  So, when barbed, or cut?  It hurts for days.  I can't see anything to remove.  It either heals over time, or the nano-darts are absorbed.  It's been hurting since two mornings ago.  Just the right index finger.  But any physical touch on that finger hurts like a fresh stab... group of them.  Why just one finger?  Would have thought it would have stung all the fingers, even the whole hand.  Nope, just that one finger, and just the tip.

Up around five.  I went down last night, only to need to get back up.  Bathroom issues, though to get trash out as well.  Wasn't sure I would be up early.  While awake, not absolutely certain I am getting out of bed.  Maybe?

Up, doing better.

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I woke around 18:00, 19:00, or so.  It was still warm, if slowly beginning to cool.  I was hoping mom wouldn't jump me to do things.  I would have just gone back to bed.  No way I was going to do much.  Feeling better didn't mean feeling at all good.

She did start in about Sassy getting sick.  I just told her that goes with having a cat.  She kept yammering.  I was about to go back to bed, because there is nothing to discuss.  Either leave it, or deal with it.  Sassy was here first.  But she stopped.

Ah, that is the problem.

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Too much medicine.  I have to be careful.  The size of pill was changed.  I was thinking the dose was doubled, for some strange reason.  It wasn't.  It was quadrupled, from 3.125 to 12.5 mg, or thereabouts.  So, when taking one and a half pills, I was taking not my proposed 9.xx, but 18.xx to 19.xx mg.  Way over the 12.5 max, amd well over my comfort zone.

My bp must be absolutely crashing.  So... yea.  I will see if she can get them to go back to 3.125 or even 6.25 mg doses.  Which I can parse more simply.  Because, yes, taking a lower dose when bp is low, or full dose when it is high, really helps.  Can't easily do that accurately with such large dose pills.