Did I just do all that?

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Yep. I got in, of course as I mentioned, and got my tux. Even with losing my wallet I still had time in a three hour range to: grab a bite to eat on my way home; get home and get a shower and shave; get dressed; turn the water to my house off again then get re-dressed into the tux et. al.; make sure I had all my paperwork, cards, and money; make it to the Church; and finally fill out the final form to enter the 4th degree. That was from starting here at 9:38 (woke at 9:30, forgot to set the alarm last night!), with an hour or more worth of driving, and ending up at the Church at 13:00 (early, actually). All of this, from the tux rental to a half dozen other things, calls, and such, all coming to fruition between Thursday evening and today. That chainsaw put some pep in my step? No, it was there, that is how I got the saw.

As for today, I did much more than what I had thought would happen. I, of course, entered the 4th degree of the Knights of Columbus. But, in that path or along the path I: went to confession (luckily it was going on and I was 'notified', it was needed); joined the 4th; went to Mass; got a picture taken with me in a tux; and had a wonderful meal with a bunch of other Catholic KoC'ers and their lovely wives. Oh, did I mention (not with wives of course) I enjoyed some bit of flirtation with a number of (I think) single women throughout my last few days.

Why the KoC? Many reasons. One of them is that, though it is a family organization, it is a men's family organization. I miss the service, for that aspect. Especially those times I served on submarines. What is it, and it goes easily for women in general... How can I miss you if you are still here!? :) But it is for the potential for service, too. Sure, I have been falling down. But come on, it took me two years to find a house after four years of getting the gumption to move. I... take time. I will do what I may.

Glad it's over? Only the short notice part of it. Though, about something coming up very quickly? You never get the time to become jittery about it. You simply are moving on too many things to have time to worry. So, there was that. What I need to figure out, now, is how to make those oaths mean something. And to find my place in there. At least there isn't really any... competition. If you can, you do. If you can't, you don't. I need to figure out what I can and can't do. We will see with me feeling better.

I might even post my knighting picture. Oh, right, I need to find the site where the photographer works with that and get on the mailing list so that I can pull it down (and let my mother know so she can see). For you men out there, find a men's group. And if your church or other organizations don't have one, ask why not. Demand it. We need our time to be the men/boys we are without worry about competing for women's attention or worrying about their approval. Get on that. And, if you are a Christian, best to understand that you are slowly being outlawed. Best to have some connections within the Church. Just... saying.

I realize I am not a great Catholic. I am not a great KoC. I just am one. And where I can lend a hand, a thought, or some coin, I will do so. I am thinking, do to my many failings, of supplying the funds for a fundraiser in the fall, perhaps. Depends on some other things, of course. But "the fall" is a nice... vague... timeline. I would like to provide the food, or money for a raffle (cash actually makes a great raffle prize), to make up for my otherwise lackadaisical performance. Yeah, it does make a difference. It doesn't matter what you do (on the good side), just that you do something. Of course, now that I am doing better, I might want to also check out some of the things I have said I would do, too. Me and my stupid big mouth! :P But, I actually want to do those things. It's... just the idea.

Oh, I did tell the guys I am hoping to find a wife. I told them about dating a 25 year old. I got sideways glances and some notion of cradle-robbing and I just looked side-ways back and suggested... And? Most smiled, a few just seemed shocked. Oh yes, boys and girls. If I find even a 20 year old, maybe an 18 year old... I'll swing at that for the long haul. Even if I play nice about finding a 30-something, don't even think my alligator tears about the whole project mean a thing. The tales of great Ulysses indeed, my own version mind you.

Now, for some past life I am setting aside, as much as I can, as time goes by. I'll show you musically.

Yeah, it was about 5. Lots of things made me wonder if I was... bad... evil. Sex at such a young age, and with lots of women was just one.

Never hated my people, if some hippies (though I see now hate is a personal problem) just... felt a little raw for a lot of years. Still an iron man though. Some things can't be undone. If they can become a bit rusted.

Just how things went. I look clean, no 'toos, amazingly few scars (that show), and such. But don't think I don't know, wasn't there, didn't do my share.

Yeah, sympathy for the devil comes from... wanting to continue doing what you know to be wrong. Fellow traveler and all. And, sometimes, even when you are doing the right things but the right things are hard things... you begin to wonder. That's all I'm saying on that. Even the dream of having nailed Christ to the cross didn't make me think I was evil. In the dream I was doing what I thought was right. In the dream I came to realize, before that day was done, that I was in the presence of God. Who better to die to save then the one who would have believed no other way? Shocking a shock troop. That dream couldn't have been real though. The "nail" was an 8" to 10" steep triangle piece of iron, with a blood groove along one of the thinner sides. That was the bronze age, don't think they had iron?  No... it was the iron age, they just wouldn't use such a precious commodity on a spike?  Odd how dreams and memories can bend and blend this and that.  Anyway.

Just... clearing the air. Good night.