What a week.

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Shopping, out, working on this and that, dealing with heat, learning to wash socks, going back on fasting, keeping up on medicine, cooking if no longer baking... if that might be changing.  Keto diet baking, albeit.  I just got coconut flour.  Well?  Yeah.  That and some other items I have been collecting in order to experiment.  Biscuits and gravy, that is carb light enough for keto?  Flat bread too?  I don't know.  More, even if it works for keto, if it doesn't work with regards to blood sugar it is out.

Meatzza tonight.  Which I shared out.  Grapes too.  I had a salad ready to go but no one was all that ready for more.  I liked everything but the cheese.  It wasn't terrible, it just wasn't my favorite.  I love cheddar, and a few others.  Though, true, I have started liking some well beyond my old limits.  Stinky cheese.  I may seek that, though a brie would work.  I'm not looking to drop a Franklin, and I'm not sure what would work best.  I'm not even sure who to ask.  So few, anymore, eat these sorts of things.  Afraid?  Well... a little.  But after overcoming brie as is, and cooked gorgonzola, I think I can, I think I can.  I think brie would do well, I know gorgonzola would, but I would like to try something else.  Why?  I've only got so much time.  More curiosity than luxury.  Even if it kills me, I see to make it back.

My guests were curious about why I was still here.  Was it a simple question, a doubt, or a wish otherwise?  Oh, no worries, whichever.  Many really would like to see me gone.  As I told them, after an accident where I died, then three extremely serious attempts at ending my life, all right over a heart at levels that usually kill the owner within three years... I don't think it's...  Well, it's not natural.  And that doesn't leave much else.  Honestly, I don't think Satan controls life, just the rulers of this world... within his limited capacity, and theirs.  If it is unnatural, it is God's doing.  Question it at your leisure.  Oh, and I do believe others have tried to kill me.  One way and others.  Medical, women, family, even those who call themselves friend.  I just suggested they not worry about that.  If those dreams I have mean anything, a murdered passing will only happen so that I may act more freely.  If God says no, as even I have learned, there is no way to cross that river.

I sometimes wonder if He hasn't caused suffering to keep me awake, and other illness to force me to focus.  Not able to die, not quite able to live, but with suffering and some reasonable fear of darker things than death to keep me focused, while I barely live through dark times.  Oddly, I am not worried.  Oh, a jump start from time to time, if I nodded off and then ran into trouble.  Some of those who would murder me would do it out of compassion.  But that is a terrible mistake that will lead to genocide on a scale never seen.  Imagine if every hospital around the globe began deciding, by some algorithm, whether any particular human's life was considered worth living, and then started eliminating those deemed... too damaged... for their own good.  Too old?  Too short?  Too fat?  Too sick?  Too many illnesses?  No children?  Too many children?  Unfriendly to government?  Compassionate, quick, merciful.  It will, then, either go against blacks, or whites, or... whoever isn't locally favored, or who is anyway if the other side runs things.  You can keep your compassion.

I have been letting the stock cool since before dinner.  I will be taking the bones out.  I did buy extra mushrooms tonight, adding some of those.  Not sure if they will be at all useful after an afternoon of simmering.  Curious to find out.  And I may dice more in, split between the pots.  No more dishes tonight...  Just too tired.  When I wake, I will turn off the burners and let them cool, while I clean the containers, eventually.  It won't be a race, I'm sure of that.  Later.  Maybe good night.