Some days.

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To bed late but I woke on a good enough time, mostly.  I set the alarm for 9:00, as an outlier in case I didn't wake in my, now almost usual, eight hours.  I had pushed a bit yesterday so I had some concern.  I woke around 6:30, but only to use the facilities.  No way was I getting up at that time.  Back to bed.  Then I woke, looked at the clock, and tried to figure things out.  Had I shut the alarm of?  Or put it on snooze?  No, my covers, they way they were when I woke and tried to reach the alarm to check, cinched my notion that no such thing had happened.  So... what did happen?  Set the alarm for 21:00.  It's part of why I hate standard time.  I just wish I could find an alarm clock that offered military time and the other features I prefer.  Seeing as it was past 9:00 though, I did get up.  I didn't want to, but so what.  Shut up.  Go.  When I can that is how I work.  I may need a nap mid-afternoon.  The new dose is doing it's thing.

I didn't notice when I went to the bathroom earlier, but this time I did.  I bought a couple of family packs of pork chops last night.  Everything else had been put away, but these I had meant to package down, two chops to a package, then refreeze.  Nope.  There they sat.  A sniff test.  Still good, but that's, what, 12 to 16 chops?  WTF!?!  I fed the girls, right away, being up late and all.  Then I tore into the chops.  A flour, egg, and panko dredges were set up.  Dip, plunge, crunch.  All of them, if only half are cooked so far.  On with the skillet, in with the lard, down goes the hammer.  I heat my pan in stages, but I do, for end cooking, go up pretty high with the heat, even with cast.  once it is warmed you have some leeway.  Start out on four, let it warm, then some lard and up to 6 or 7, until it melts, then I generally cook or 7 or 8, depending on mood, finishing (very short times) on 9 if I want more brown/crisp.  My cast iron skillet would my my grandmother proud, too, now, by the way.  If I can just keep modern women and their soap away from it for a year or two now.  Well, and bad cooks who might warp it, or use the wrong ingredients in it.  Gah!

Chops?  Wow.  Those were truly good.  I just had two, and a bit of milk.  I'll finish the rest before too long.  Now, my unhappy morning didn't end there.  After chops were tended and then after that quick meal, I decided, for no good reason, to look outside.  It has snowed again.  Bleh.  I am hoping, by about noon or 13:00, to hit some of that snow.  Take a nap, and then hit it again.  And at least put a dent in it before help arrives.  Perhaps even finish it off, if I'm not sure I have that much in me.  I do what I can but... yeah... I think that says it all.

That will be my day.  The noodles are good and dried, but still have some flexibility to them.  I may just bag them for now.  I will only be using half tonight, freezing the rest.  I think I will cook them separately from the stew, and just ladle the stew on top, so that I can freeze some of the stew minus the noodles.  I don't think they freeze well together.  Best to cook those noodles separately, every time, to my mind.  Tomorrow, if I can, I need to do dishes and clean the kitchen back up.  I'll hit the noodle area, and tinker on a few other things, today.  But my hands are pretty tied and the new dose of carvedilol is taking it's toll.  So...

Later.

Doom has been a very good busy little boy.

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I did get to those noodles.  Now these look more like what I remember as a lad.  They have the right smell, the right feel.  Noodles, egg noodles.  They are drying.  I found, rather than using a knife?  Cutting them with a pizza cutter was perfect.  I can't cut a straight line to save my life but... that's a good thing.  Neither could my mother.  These are just right!  Did I mention that I helped with shoveling today?  Yep.  I don't do as much as the lads, but...  I did what I could.  A little help is better than none.

I did make it into town.  I skipped cat groceries, as those are at a store other than my primary grocery store.  And I didn't stop for gas, as I had also hoped to do.  But I did get the groceries that will lay me in for two weeks and change, perhaps.  I bought more than I had planned, but some things were on sale.  Some things I know I like, a few things I have never tried... a bit of a risk.  Turkey filets wrapped in bacon?  Three to a package, five packages of three, for $20.  Why not.  Each package can offer between one, but more like two or even three meals.  That's up to fifteen meals for $20, at least the protein.  Not bad.  Even if I don't end up liking them I will eat them.  Oh, and I saw habaneros, good looking ones.  Yes, pricey, but my forty needed were less than a pound.  Jalapenos were cheap, and they had Serrano in stock as well.  So... I can make my treasured hot sauce shortly.  I do have some other habanero sauce, and some ghost pepper sauce, store bought but from "reputable" and popular niche small batch venders.  Not quite what I prefer, to be honest.  And, yeah, I can handle ghost peppers.  My guess is, though, that they used hot "juice".  It's got a funky taste to it, off-putting.  I like doing it myself.  If I could find raw ghost peppers, I would make a batch of that.

I also bought a few side things.  I have been meaning to buy dw-40.  Maybe I did but I can't find it for the life of me.  So, a can of that.  A few other such side items.  And snacks!  Mostly good snacks.  Nuts are my thing, though Oreos are quite popular hereabouts.  The trick, for me, is to limit my treats.  Whether nuts or cookies, I need to look at the labels, decide how much is reasonable given my size, and frequency of use, then sort of plan it in... somehow.  I'm finally up to doing a bit more than mere mean survival, I do believe.  So... I will start here.  And, finally, grapefruit.  My apples were $3.50~$4 a pound, this late in the season, so I skipped those. 

A dinner at McDonalds, for all my good deeds.  Yeah, but it's not like I eat there every day.  Delicious, I don't care what you all think.  Every dog has his a bone, and sometimes it's just for him.  So... hush.  I am tired though.  I wore myself out quite well.  Tomorrow I hope to make beef and noodles, cook up my habanero sauce, and just take it easy.  But it is snowing again.  I might have to do a bit more of that.  If I can get to that early enough, I will do it in stages.  If nothing else, if the boys show up, there will be a chunk or two tended.  I am sore, but I don't think it is from the activity, or not alone.  I raised my dose the final step today.  And, yeah, that could be enough to give me some grief.  Liquid readjustments don't cause this sort of pain.  Medicine, or... doctor prescribed medicine, does or can.  Might be a combination of my push and it's shove though too.

Good boys get treats...  Nuts!  :)  Later, or... yeah... good night I do believe.

Well, maybe a bit.

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I keep tinkering with the dishes.  Giving them a fresh soak or rinse.  I took the pressure cooker out, though, and washed it, again, and with bar keeper's friend.  It actually is back to specs after a couple of washings and soakings from the pork roast that ran dry.  The plan is to make noodles, probably let them dry, and be ready for the roast, some onions, cabbage if it is still good, and carrots and celery.  I suppose I could bake some potatoes, too, and have those ready to dice into the stew.

I called my mother, to see what she was doing.  She is home from a visit with my brother.  Usually the south is much warmer, and I suppose they had some good days.  It sounds like the cold went right down there with her, this time, though.  Oh... someone is shoveling.  I best get out.  I can help today.  Well, that was still a lot of work, even with two other workers and a helper.  My drive is thirty yards and change, not quit double wide but not thin either.  I can only guess that we got 3" to 6".  It is nice to have it cleared though. 

I may just go to town for a dinner and some groceries.  I ought to check my produce, to see if that will be good.  Milk and whipped cream are always needed.  A bit of cat food and another bag of cat litter would be good.  Yeah.  I think I want to warm up, rest just a bit, and make those noodles first though.  This time I will dry them and make my gravy and meat tomorrow.  Yeah, that might just work.

I best get going.  It looks like my chemical reset did it's job.  Later.

Well, about that comment?

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Now, it doesn't happen too often, these days.  And it wasn't a planned exercise either, mind you.  I thought a beer, maybe two, would... be tasty.  I do that up to three or four times a week, sometimes only once every few months if medicine is trolling me or I personally think it not wise by how I am feeling or doing.  And, well... those beers most certainly were tasty.  After a six pack in ten minutes, while trying to maintain some... reason, I did have to make a choice.  More?  I looked at my calendar.  I have an appointment around the middle of next week.  It's tight, but I work better under pressure, so I went for a night in the fishbowl minus the fish.  I hope.  At some point, some nights, I am not sure I would notice.  I did make the choice, mind you.  But that first six-pack sort of jumped in my lap and made it difficult to think.  Sa Weet, she was.

Besides, sometimes a night of consumption will break me out of... whatever... It resets, or can, some inner buttons, switches, connections, and such.  It's sort of like a chemical overhaul.  I won't know if it worked until, well, I know whether it worked.  For having gone to bed at 00:30, and full in the cup, and waken at 6:30 as per the queen's and princess's... tomfollery, I'm doing alright.  Got in a desperately needed shower, right before I realized the girls deserved their giving me my desserts.

Yeah, well, there isn't but a shot of Vodka left, must have just missed finishing it by >.< that much, just by not paying attention, or the glass was too full?  No... usually that goes in right after the coffee.  I only have a few beers left.  Yeah, it was tasty.  The girls usually don't care, but they didn't get their last feed in my condition.  Ah, but they woke me by 6:30.  I wasn't going to feed them, for their sins, until I realized it was I who sinned.  Grumpy, not exactly chipper, even so... fair is fair.  They will still get their two normal meals today.  Poppa's not such an ogre all the time.

Oh, urhm.  The morning after?  It depends on if I posted comments or not.  I always sweat that part, more than any kind of a hangover.  Especially when the blue moon of my habits is out in full force as it was last night.  Go ahead, if I did bad, I'll lend you the switch.  Even if I might agree with the notions, there are... possibly... better ways of saying things.  I can lose all finesse, if... that ain't all bad, either.  Sometimes it just has to be said.  And yet, there may be a price.  That's what... makes me a bit nervous in the morning.  Yes it does.  Gosh, I best check my own blog for... boldness.  Maybe in a bit, when I have steeled my nerves enough to peek.

I don't know how many beers I had to start, but it was pretty close to an eighteen pack.  And I can't swear how much of that 1.75 liter of vodka there was, but I thought it was greater than half.  White Russians, or a form of it, huge 26 ounce ouncers, interspersed with a beer-fest minus the fest.  I do have healthy appetites, more so for a man in my condition.  Diabetes?  Yeah, well, eating right and insulin were keeping that up around 300, and rising as a trend.  I can't do much about it.  It's difficult to take to much interest when your best efforts yield poor results.  Docs blame me anyway.  Although, I am titrating that up slowly because I don't know will happen when my blood sugar suddenly drops, for whatever reason it does, and if I don't happen to notice or do a reading just on time to notice.  That stuff is... hmm... time release.  Spooky, to me.  The thing is, with the non-time release, I would have to do a calorie count, and add in that I don't eat every day or even for days at a time sometimes.

Shower was good.  Hopefully I will recover and get to a few things yet today.  Or... not.  I never know.  I did cook the chicken, but just baked it done then crisped it.  I want to pressure cook the beef and try another batch of noodles.  A little more research into noodles though, this time.  They weren't horrible, they just weren't quite (at all) right.  Not sure how much was the wrong flower and how much might have been bad technique.  While my mother suggested that I don't "have" to dry them overnight, something about the way she said that made me think that... really... you should.  So, it would be nice to get all the prep done today and make the meal leisurely tomorrow.  Might just cook the beef tomorrow, if so.  Fresh au jus is the thing, innit?  Oh yeah.

Later.

Perhaps I shouldn't...

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My time may be near, so I will... discuss some matters.  As my father, and his Father, would will it.  Fool?  Of course.  Happily.  For my father's Father, and my Father, in sooth.

True, but there is the now. And again.

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Mix and match, new and old, questionable all.  Doubt if you must.  I do.  But don't doubt who I serve, wrong or right myself, God is never wrong.  And, in Him, neither are we... if only in the end.

Time is coming near.

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Sometimes there is nothing to do but nag.

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So nag I do.

Crazy dreams.

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Down late, hard.

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Up early and well enough.  No energy, perhaps.  But feeling 'gooder'.  I doubt if I will get much done today.  But that is fine.  I know I will get into better shape eventually.  I know, when things are doing well, medicine is on track, and everything fits, I can live a little life.  I am almost sure, as well, if we get a decent amount of snow, I will figure out how to get out in it this time.  Snow shoeing will happen.  Yeah, it's a little thing.  But it is something.

Breakfast already.  Not much, just a bite.  I think I will try to go for a couple eggs and three pieces of bacon for lunch.  Now that my cast iron skillet is back into play, it is as non-stick as the best artificial non-stick you can buy, and yes... I would know.  Hmm... might have to work on getting some dishes done, just so as to cook something for meals to come.  Chicken, then later in the week, beef and veggies.  Cabbage doesn't go well with chicken, but carrots and onions do.  Hmm, potatoes or rice would be nice to cook and have on hand as well.  Yeah, food is a small joy, more so when done exactly to perfection.

Later.

Haiku Monday - Menu

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A cough or two and...  Fishy is up with the contest.  It sounds like she is hearing a lot of coughing this weekend, none of it having to do with physical ailments, at least there is that.  Oh, sure, sympathy, even empathy.  With this taken care of, and pb&j as a way to soothe *cough* another cough, perhaps all is good?  Never mind me, with distance comes bravery.  Though, I should advise, testing that probably isn't wise.  Blood pressure and all, if yours, not mine, is something that concerns me.

Menu, eh?  That's quite a wide open topic.  Let me just... think.

Dinner, She Suggests

what do you desire

roast beef, pork chops, anything

move closer, said I

Eyes And Space

delicate to filling

sweet, savory, meaty - what?

one of each, thank you

Choices

what is wanted, liked

too many choices not enough decision-fu

simply cannot decide

No nap, still up, that's it.

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I did make a plan.  I had several goals.  The reality of function simply isn't there.  For now, I guess, I am just stuck.  Think of a tranquilized bear.  I can think, I just can't do much else.  How well I think?  That is always the question, isn't it?  I'm becoming a bit sore from sitting.  Yeah, I sit quite often.  However, I am usually moving around fairly often.  That, folks, is as good as it gets, save for a very few special periods that were either extraordinary in length of time or level of function, such as burning man or several three month spans over the last few years.  And I still have medication to go up one... more... notch.  I am at three quarter dose currently.  And, yeah, this stuff junks me out.  At least until I get back in the saddle of it.  Then I have a much better chance as doing more in life.

Ah well.  I will keep looking for opportunity.  Even if I do nothing more than make a plan, that IS something.  Some days I may not get that done.  Either because I won't think of even that, or because it is painfully obvious that nothing is possible.  I think I am set to increase dose near the end of this week.  I am NOT looking forward to it.  I have stalled it twice, now, though.  I just have to do it.  The medset is geared for it, and when I start it, I will try to fill the second medset right away, in case I crash.  Having two medsets, and good ones, helps a great deal.  I can't fill those, sometimes, on short notice.  Two weeks should be enough time, though.

I have been sleeping well, keeping days going, sleeping only about eight hours, unless I need a nap, or two.  I am rather amazed that I am doing these simple things.  If things get foggy, I haven't gotten lost in that fog.  Short trips in, and then out for most of the rest of the time.  I'm taking a beating, I must admit.  But I am holding up to it rather well.  I almost have a bit of pluck.  Looks like we have a good chance at snow, a couple times, in this coming week.  Snowshoeing, I am hoping, even if it nearly kills me.  Ki Yay. 

Just a bit better.

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If you have ever swum in deeper water, much deeper, and gone through several layers of water temperature starting at warm surface water to cool, to cooler, to cold, and on into downright chilly water, you can have an idea of how I am improving.  I was pretty deep into illness, or exhaustion.  Yesterday I came right to the layer one level up, but didn't quite cross it.  I think I passed through that layer and actually rose to the next layer of "warmth".  I'm still a bit down in there.  I am starting to see the light though, and my body is feeling a bit more sensation.

It might have something to do with diabetes.  Either that, or whatever is causing the diabetes is what is wrong.  I have been eating and drinking the right stuff for weeks and my blood sugar has actually jumped in the last bit, now hitting over 300.  It simply doesn't make sense.  That might be part of the problem, or was affected by whatever, or...  Docs don't understand that medicine doesn't always work.  They have to see it to believe it.  Then, they want me to jump medication, which comes with it's own risks once whatever was causing the levels to rise goes away or gets better.  They would, and nearly have, medicated me to death before.  I can't fully trust them, or medication.  It's a tricky path I walk.

Oh, but I am going to get to a few things today.  I should be able to finish dishes.  I have a lot of washed laundry that... well... was never folded.  I'm not exactly sure what to do with all that.  To be honest, some of it may need to be washed again.  Some of it, I suppose, could be "dried" again, with a moist towel.  Some of it can just be put up.  I don't care if my unders have wrinkles!  :)  And, if those things go according to plan, I might see about vacuuming and sweeping, then steam vacuuming a few of the areas.  I am back to it, a bit.  It will depend on how much my body can literally handle.  But, for sure, if dishes go forward, I will pressure cook chicken and then crisp it as a finishing touch.  Chicken is just one of those good meats to have cooked and ready.

Just a tad better.  But it is enough to do some work.  The hope is that I can maintain this level enough that I can get into town this week, maybe set up a haircut appointment I missed recently and get my friend going, and do more around the cave.  Slowly, until I am back on my feet.  Napping when needed I suppose.  Ugh... My last increase in medication starts this week.  *shrug*  But I've got to do it.  I've... stalled and pussy-footed around with it as much as I dare.

Later.

My own woodcraft lore?

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Well, sort of.  It isn't anything fancy, it actually isn't mine.  My last ladyfriend passed it to me, but as an idea.  She never did create it.  I did.  Back when I still lived in Iowa, but after we parted.  And, yeah, I gave her half of my stash.  Why?  She begged, it was her idea, I wasn't using it, and I was able to get her to beg.  Good enough.  Anyway.

It's really simple.  The supplies you absolutely must have include cardboard egg cartons, lint from the dryer (which I do keep and store), paraffin or some sort of wax, and a means of melting the paraffin.  Melting paraffin, at least, is a bit messy.  A small pot, water in the base, and a tin can, combine to work the best from my experience.  Simple get the water heated, put the paraffin in the tin can, then put the tin can in the water.  Oh, and don't dump the paraffin down the drain or toilet.  It won't possible stop it, IT WILL STOP IT UP.  Just don't do that.

Once it is melted, coat the egg carton really well, both sides if you wish but I just do the inside.  From what I have seen, it works it's way through.  Then add just a bit of the lint, enough to cover the inside of the egg recess.  Then add a bit more paraffin.  When it dries, quarter the egg recess area, or more.  It doesn't take much.  This is waterproof tinder, and it is a little miracle.  I plan on making some, possibly even yet this evening.  It's been on my mind, I just haven't quite gotten to it.  First I didn't have paraffin, then I didn't have time, then I forgot.  Tonight would be a great night to do it.  Then, as well, I can say I did something.

Good night.

I scrubbed the nap.

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I would like to claim that I forgot to nap, got busy, but that isn't really the truth.  Although I did get distracted, and before I knew it it was 13:00.  A bit late for a mid-day nap.  Yes, picky.  Yes indeed.  Gaming, and a bit of research, is what I was up to.  Well, and some planning and, possibly, fantasy planning.

When I discuss going out into the wilds, I really don't mean going out with techy gear.  I mean roughing it, if you can call it that.  For some people, that isn't so much vacation as... well... almost vocation.  I really need to work on getting a conceal carry permit.  More to have some options open, but also to make obtaining a hunting license easier.  Simply so, when in those wilds, if I happen to see a small game animal, I can bag it.  It's just easier and wiser to do it with a permit than to have a mess.  And, generally, one of those things goes with the other.

Perhaps no early nap.

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I can't tell you what changed, exactly.  I kept trying to think the need for sleep was just in my mind.  It wasn't.  It is like the difference between driving through heavy rain and then hitting a clear spell.  Driving in the rain is simply more exhausting.  You have to look more carefully, in case someone slowed down, had an accident, or in case you hit a pothole full of water, or anything in the road.  It stresses you, which makes driving much more strenuous.  Hmm, now, while I don't need a nap, I may take one anyway.  I could use a nap.  And that by itself is unusual.  Whatever it is or was, I am not through with it.

And yet, even with a nap going ahead, I am feeling much better.  Turning up the thermostat to 74 helped a bit.  And while I still don't feel warm, any hotter would just be annoying at this point.  It has been a while since I got really sick, and being that my medicines, as I increase them, are making me vulnerable, perhaps it's just that time.  No other symptoms, though, which seems odd.  I had sneezing and nasal overload for a couple of days, and go through a spell of sneezing, for a few minutes, a few times a day every other day.  I just don't know.  Hmm, I wonder if having my right hand lock up a bit for a couple of days has anything to do with it?  Dunno.  Then again I doubt if doctors know.  If this new doctor works out it would be nice to have a medical source I could trust.  But that takes years of working together, trust is earned.  I think the V.A. tries to avoid having regular doctors for us.  I don't know if that makes it cheaper, or what it does for them.  It definitely doesn't help with consistent medical care.

Hmm...  Yeah, a nap.  I did rinse the dishes, I've put a load through the washer and dryer (yesterday) and need to tend that later.  I cleaned up the cat litter, now to keep that clean.  The litter lasts much longer and the girls are happier.  I also pulled some meat out to thaw.  There is a way to do "fried" chicken, cooking it first in the pressure cooker then simply crisping it.  That will be next.  I also pulled out a roast of beef, and will try egg noodles again, this time with real flour.  I might do a bit of troubleshooting regarding noodles, up front.  Some research.  Just how should the dough feel when it is just right, and such.  Hey, it was fun.  And I think I might be headed back to doing things again.

A nap.  Even if I could do without it, I could use it.  And I would simply rather not push, right now, not yet.  Later.  :)

Another roll of the dice.

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I may be feeling better this morning.  Not much, I don't know if it will last, the improvement is very slight.  Even as bad as it is, I am quite sure it has been worse for most of my past.  I would literally be sleeping for a few months at a time and for long periods between sleep sets.  Years have passed with me being mostly unaware.  I am aware.  I can remember.  I can do small things.  I can keep my eye on my goals.  I am even taking care of a couple of cat burglars.

My need for warmth comes and goes.  Yesterday I kept the house at about 68.  This morning, though, I think I need to warm things a bit.  I will try 74.  If that doesn't work, back up to 80, at least for a bit.  I will be gaming for a bit this morning.  There is a chance gaming can push the mind, and pushing the mind and reflexes can push the body.  There is a link in there.  It just isn't always possible.

To bed by 23:00, I think.  Up at nearly 6:00.  Two two hour naps yesterday, and the last few days actually.  But they are helping me maintain a day schedule and aren't actually chosen.  I am crashing very hard.  I can fight it, but as I suggested, I lose that fight much more severely if I don't just tend the need.  I will try to make it to 11:00, perhaps noon.  But I can see the need for sleep will be hitting fairly soon.  A pot of coffee in the morning helps.  Strong, five dosers of the heavy good stuff.  It's a darker roast, so it isn't as caffeinated as typical coffee.  But at the dosage, and being fresh ground, it does have some kick.

Hmm...  Later. 

I simply don't understand.

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I haven't felt this out of touch in a very long time.  Even with all the problems since September, this is as bad as it gets.  There is no pain, mind you.  There is simply nothing.  Painkillers, neither my biologically native nor manufactured, can do this.  There simply isn't anything to me, as if I had become two dimensional... or less?  It is an illusion, however.  While it does impact my ability to carry out my will, it doesn't completely stop it.  I physically tire pretty quickly, so there is a real limit.  But I can do things, even if it doesn't seem like it.  The trick is to focus.  Need helps.  Being hungry is more likely to induce cooking, and cleaning.  That isn't a guarantee, though, either. 

For some reason, my right hand is quite sore.  If I had been shoveling, or doing a lot of fine heavy work, like hand loading a couple dozen magazines or other fine work that also requires strength, I would understand.  The palm of my right hand feels as if the muscles were pulled.  My right thumb is weakened, as if I had been gripping an item too tightly for too long.  None of those things, I assure, have occurred.  As is, my right hand is nearly useless.  Don't ask, I simply don't know.  Well, my useless and your useless are probably two different things.  Better if I suggest I can't use that hand up to my specs.  My guess is I still have more hand strength in that hand than most men will ever have.  I can't crush a coconut, but I can come about as close as one could realistically get to that.  My hand strength is great enough that I can hurt the bones, if I am not careful.  And my bones are as close to metal as bones get.  Annoying, it is.  And nothing accounts for it.  Clenching it while dreaming, while it is out in the cold?  I simply don't know.  I am going to begin massaging it, when I remember to do so.

Now, I do have moments where life is better.  But those moments are few and far between one and the next. 

Medicine is going down as required.  I am eating fairly regularly.  I am keeping up on the cave, mostly, and rather well actually.  I am going to start trying to play computer games.  I have no more interest in that than I do in anything else though.  Sleep?  That just happens when it happens.  I have found that it is better to yield to my body's demands than to push it, at this point.  If I don't, then either I crash so hard that I sleep way too long, or too short... or I end up not being able to sleep and drift into insomnia.  Two naps a day, on top of a full night of sleep.  I have been able to maintain a day schedule, but with as much sleeping as I am ending up doing, there isn't much "day" in my day.  Four to six hours napping plus six to ten hours a night in bed.

Something is just wrong.  I am going to try to take my stats and weigh in a bit more often.  Desert Cat has offered a suggestion for a targeted visit.  I will be doing correspondence and considering the offer.  Urhm... it's not humid down there, is it?  :p  A short, inexpensive, trip might help cure what ails me.  Who knows, I might even, finally, get to meet the Mrs.  Not sure she is up to it.  If I don't think it will be quite as awful as all that.  Mostly.  Depends on if I take a liking to her or not.  Then again, I enjoy women who hate me, as I may have mentioned. 

Oh, right, I keep bumping into why others think the way they do.  I forget, from time to time, just exactly how things work.  While I am ill, so things aren't exactly in order, I am an ENTJ personality type, drifting into ENTP, or another couple of types, due to my dysfunction.  For some, personality types are like horoscopes.  For others, like myself, they are absolutes.  I entertain a few other types because I can't be who I am.  How can I lead from a deathbed?  Actually, I still do, just... not in the same ways, necessarily.  And while I like systems, when the system has been used to destroy itself, I begin looking at other options.  I like to do a lot of work up front, so as to coast.  And, I can do that.  If the systems are in balance and right.  Not fair, but functional.  Right now, the American system is more dysfunctional than I am.  And it has been for decades.

Never mind.  The point is, I am not a feeling type.  Not only that, I don't care what you, or even I, feel.  There is a time for dealing with that, but it isn't all the time and it isn't at a time when things need to be, or in my case can be done.  Feelings are a luxury that I simply do not abide any more than I abide play or softness.  Even sex isn't a soft thing, for me.  It's about children.  The pleasure of it just balances the costs.  Yeah, I'm a bastard.  But I told you that.  And, yes, that plays quite well with women, even the ones who don't believe they have a "place".  I just put them there, debate it with her when she feels the need and if I have the time, and then put her back in her place when I have real things to do.  Even feminists have functioned quite well, better than they imagined, with a tank who knows and does around them.  I don't need to crush women, I simply function in such a way that they function as I wish, and as they should.  The payoff is worth it, even if I end up dumping her.  Well, so I have heard.

Anyway...  La... no...  Good night.  Again.

It almost feels like something broke.

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While I didn't have a fever... no, I didn't test... no, I didn't.  Trust me.  I know fevers.  I do get them from time to time.  Ten times a year, give twice that or take half that, depending on the year, I get what I call a micro-fevers.  Another little gift from my service, no doubts.  Heat flashes that might only be a degree or two above average, and come and go, with some other symptoms.  And then, about every six years, I get a serious fever.  I've had it run 103 easily.  I know my fevers.  Anyway, while I had no actual fever, when a fever breaks, there is a special feeling.  I did get that.  My guess is I was sick from something.  It's not over, it's more like getting off work Wednesday afternoon during a hard heavy week.  Not over but more than half way done.  I think.  That is the longest I have been sick in quite a while.  Actually I am thinking that was my sixth year thing.  Or will be when it is gone.  I hope.

With the breaking sensation, I am... thinking, maybe, I can get to some things.  The dishes have piled up, just a bit.  Those have to be sorted.  I just ran a fresh soak.  An hour or two and I will get to them.  A shower would be awfully nice.  A bit of vacuuming and sweeping.  Hmm, I'll have to look for cleaning solution.  I used up one of, or THE, jug of stuff recently.  I'd like to hit the bathroom.  That would, most likely, be about all I could do.  Oh, and kitty litter.  But I might be able to get to that, or some of it.  Seriously, these things... I have been drooling to get to them, for a while now actually.  There has been nothing left to put forward toward those things.  Waking up, tinkering on blogs, news, and staying awake.  Well, and eating.  The foods I cooked kept me going through my fall, if I am out now.  Apples and oranges served me well.

As soon as I can, getting to town for more groceries, and a few items like cleaning chemicals, would be good.  I ought to check the mail on the way.  Hmm, and figure out how much I owe utilities, pop that in and envelope and in the slot, along with checks to keep me up on that for another six months or year.  I do try.  Still a bit off, of course.  Not moving fast.  Sleep is just plain off, now.  I couldn't keep the schedule I had.  Up for six to eight, down for two naps a day, and... that actually helped me break whatever it was that broke.  Rough, but I have definitely had worse.

Later.

Just odd.

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There isn't much I can do one way or the other.  I went down at about 18:00 and woke at least once for a bathroom break, which is unusual.  I then woke at about 2:00.  I thought I would make it back to bed shortly but that simply didn't happen.  Exhausted, regardless of how much I do or don't do.  Though when I try to do a few things, I can get in more serious trouble, needing a lot more sleep and running even slower when I can be awake.  It is simply a rough week.  My blood pressure seems to be staying fairly stable in the 120's/80s.  I haven't been checking blood sugar, though that seems to have trended down a bit if not where it would be preferred.  Weight has been pretty stable as well.

Some days 70 F is good enough, almost too warm.  Some days 80 is downright chilly.  I have no idea what that is about.  Usually I don't change tolerances that fast.  Lately it has been almost every day, or every other day, where that flips.

Today?  I am going to try to get caught up on the kitchen.  Just cleaning the dishes that have been soaking and straightening just a bit.  If I can get that done, have a bit of energy left, I may make a grocery run to town.  And, if that works, I may actually try to bake those fruit pie pockets.  No promises.  I am not sure about anything.  Zapped, since I woke, all of yesterday, the day before, and for some number of days before that.  Simply keeping a day schedule is about all I can do, and I am pressing things to get that done.  Still, I am at the point where I would like to try, at least make some goals.

I have been researching some things that would be handy.  While an AK is fine, for shorter range shooting, a larger caliber rifle has been on the menu for some time.  There are a variety of rifles available, and some number of calibers.  My preferred medium sized longer ranged caliber is the .308, or 7.62 x 51.  Beside the qualities of the caliber, the plentiful nature of ammunition and potentially parts and rifle configurations, is the notion that I can reload that ammunition.  I have been reviewing rifles, and to be honest, the DMPS long range configuration is probably the one that fits cost and function requirements the best.  No rifle is perfect, each has their little flaws or drawbacks.  But this seems to fit the best.  Of course, getting a scope for it would be the next step.  And while I can go low on that, to be honest I expect to spend almost as much for a scope as I do for the rifle.  Why have a rifle that is good for 600 yards and potentially double that or more, but lack a scope that fully uses that range?  Anyway... thought I'd toss that out for ya.  And yes, it is a reasonable hunting and target platform.

Later.

Yeah, well, you know what? No nap.

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Screw it.  I'm refusing my "medicine", in the form of a nap.  I want one.  I might even need one.  But I'm not going to take one.  I have to figure out how to stumble through to early evening.  I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to try.  I can barely focus.  Then again, it's not as if naps have helped in that regard, they just ate some of the time I might otherwise have had to tinker away.  Crap but I am tired.

Uhrm?  What to do though?  I might game some.  I have tried to do that lately.  It just isn't interesting.  There are a few games I haven't played, and some old games I know are good, a little more lively.  Perhaps a movie, and maybe popcorn?  Sure, why not.  Anything to try to stay awake, I suppose.  I have been taking my medicine like clockwork.  I have been eating fairly well.  I need to work on the kitchen, but there is just the stuff from my most recent efforts, so not too rough, yet.  I have been keeping up on picking things up.  Not bad, really, just not getting ahead.

Well...  I'll figure it out.  It looks like it did rain, or may have rained.  It's spooky looking out there.  I just looked again.  It's... melting?  Weird.  Dang weird.  Oh well...  Hmm, later, I hope.

A weird night.

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I made it to 17:00 or 18:00 last night.  I went down hard.  I don't know if I dreamed, or if the phone really kept going off.  I had to turn it on this morning, or last night, if I couldn't make head nor tails of things at that time.  So I don't know, and haven't checked yet this morning.  I woke at about midnight and was awake for... a while.  Then made it back to bed, waking at 7:30 or so.  I was doing as much as I could to keep a day schedule.  I had to push in a lot of areas, and I'll have to push until I get some juice back.  I could almost swear that it rained last night.  Is that even possible?  I don't, honestly, know if any part of my memory, after going to bed, or to bed that first time, was real.  Even when I think I was awake I didn't have the sense of the real.  Baked, cooked, fried, take your pick.

I'm doing okay this morning.  Oh, I best turn up the heat.  I needed the rest.  All of it and maybe more.  Too much sleep, though, is as confusion inducing as not enough and whatever else is wrong.  Something about pushing through to do some minimums.  It's just the way it has to be and I am doing what I can.  Which, until I get my feet under me, will be very little.  I absolutely hate this.  Just... hold the breath, push when absolutely needed, look for windows of opportunity, and... hope.  This has been a tough winter.

Well... on to a few things, or something... or... most likely... just trying to stay awake, and maybe just until a nap at noon.  That is simply what life, lately, has been reduced to.  It'll get better.  Maybe it is some bug, but I have no real means of getting that treated.  A four hour trip is no more in the cards than waiting at a hospital emergency room or doctors' office all day in the hopes of an opening to just as likely be told there is nothing to treat.  Risk assessment, or even the potential for treatment even if help is possible, is too slim for the nearly impossible effort that might just put me in the bullseye for some other, harsher, ailment.  Hospitals aren't safe for sick people.  Some parts less so than others.  Yum.

Bleh, later.

Back to bed soon, but...

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I woke, for some reason, later in the evening.  I believe it was at about 22:00.  I knew, just knew, it was too early but had no choice.  So I have been reading comments, looking at more legitimate news sources and carriers, and reading blogs.  I turned the heat down a little, in an attempt to coax myself back to sleep.  Bears and cold and sleep are a match made in snowy heaven.

Desert Cat was suggesting something about something I was suggesting something about.  Ah, soap.  Something about something.  So, I decided to go looking.  My priority is liquid soap, with peppermint, mainly, though some other essences are nice for various things.  Low and behold, it seems a rather easy process.  Further, the chemicals needed are rather easy to find and still legal to buy.  Who knew!  The up-front cost, however, and actual cost of production, is more than the value.  I do believe, even excluding the cost of gear, just the chemicals needed would end up making soap making less than profitable.  And, while it would be a nice skill set, I guess, the materials would be prep-only.  Sure, you can make lye, but it is nasty stuff to work with.  My guess, in a true grid down, someone who doesn't mind taking that risk will do it commercially locally.  And perhaps go on to also make the soaps for sale, potentially selling some of the raw lye to those how have the rest of the goods for their own production.  Bartering lye for some of those other goods.  Something like that.  I'm not sure I really want to mess with it.  Just because my gullet handled it once doesn't mean I wish to, pretty much uselessly and expensively, tinker with it now.

Who knows though.  Over time, gearing up for several minor manufacturing systems like this, and making some soap as a short term hobby and learning thing might not be bad.  But it simply doesn't pay and it is risky.  I can only imagine the bulk one would have to buy in, and the risk of the storage and that much manufacturing, along with environmental, OSHA, and other regulations one would have to satisfy to make the process cost effective.  Yeah... no.  Still, it was an interesting topic to study.  I'm not quite done.  I will be looking over bar soap production, shampoo production, and liquid dish and laundry detergent production.  As, if I decide to go ahead with this project, at some point, I will probably buy enough materials to tinker with all of those things, then use the materials down to nubs, and quit after that.  Might as well do a full gamut spread of learning, while bothering to learn.  Here is an example of one technique for liquid body soap and laundry soap (hold the butter scent though, for me, I think?).  And, yeah, that is the brand I use currently.

Trapped!

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Not me, or at least on this topic.

Have you ever simply walked into an area and found that a small creature has been trapped by your actions.  Perhaps you closed a window only to find, somehow, a bird has been caught with no way out.  Regardless of your intent, but more so it if was completely innocent and ignorant, there you stand between a small creature and their way out.  If you are anything like me, you will seek to keep the animal calm and gently open a path to freedom, while backing out.  Sure, there are some creatures which won't get such treatment, for various reasons.  But many will.  It is almost a suffering to realize the creature is in distress.  Well, I recently released just such a creature, with a smile.  There was a thankfulness though.  I know that.  Unspoken, of course.  So be it.  Freedom isn't always quite what it seems though.  There is that.

The nap was okay.  I did wake, after a snooze button or two.  I dreamed in there, complex dreams, couldn't pull anything back into the land of the living.  I've been doing that a lot, lately, actually.

I may have some kind of illness.  I am oozing nose fluid as if I had eaten hot peppers.  No other symptoms are noticeable, well, except for exhaustion.  I've probably gone through a box and a half of facial tissue in the last two days.  I can't figure out where all that mucus is coming!  It started out a bit better today.  It has devolved, if not to as bad as it was yesterday.  No pain in the sinus areas, so I am probably keeping ahead of it.  But, sheesh, it sure is annoying.  I have to wonder what the problem is.  It seems more like dust has kicked up.

I honestly don't know if I will get a thing done today.  I did set the dishes to a fresh soak.  But that honestly might be all that I get done.  Just staying awake until later, into early evening, is going to be an absolute bear.  An hour or two and I think I will be back in bed.  The gravity of something is yanking me back down, hard, fast.  Later, or... maybe good night already.

Nap time.

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I haven't done much.  I can't get to it.  Tinkering and resting and trying to make it to noon.  It's close enough.  I am not completely exhausted, but if I wait until then, rising from a nap becomes murderously difficult, possibly impossible.  I still have my eyes on the kitchen.  If I can't get to that today, I will keep that as my main focus for the next period in which I can work.  It has to be a top priority.  In the small picture, which is about all I have, my world revolves around a clean kitchen.  Besides, I like living in a clean cave.  I really do.  Had I health... meh... it would still suffer.  I would be out much more often, wearing myself out with activities, and work, or school then work.

I have been looking into minor projects, while physically incapable of much else.  Why waste time doing nothing?  A bit more research regarding egg noodles, for my next attempt at that.  Looking at boomerang construction and use, as a side hobby.  Reviewing what some consider solid sketching advice.  Researching heaters so that a garage workshop is tenable in the winter, or even a propane system for the bedroom, this computer room, and the garage.  The costly part of that would be burying line and installation, though my neighbor did the installation himself, and isn't a pro, but thought it was reasonable (other than running the lines themselves, mind you).  Hmm, I'd probably have to buy a tank, as well.  I'm thinking a larger outdoor propane tank.  It would offer a secondary heating source if all else fails, short term at least, and there are other options with a large tank, such as indoor, safe, cooking, in another stove, gas stove.  Perhaps even a gas dryer, though... there are pluses and minuses to all systems, and various fuel sources, that I really need to consider.  Having natural gas, electric, and propane, all coming in and variably viable, and to a degree switchable, would simply lay in the groundwork for short and medium term prepping. 

Long term?  Well, as Desert Cat has suggested, there is no real long term prepping.  All prepping is done merely to lessen the burden of getting used to a brutal new world order if all else truly falls and fails.  You can't have enough to live as you are used to living, keep it safe, stay connected, and thrive.  But you can mitigate the instant crush, and perhaps stay healthy, well fed, and safe enough to get to the point where some local re-establishment of some sort of civility can occur.   A year or two of "easy" food, some basic supplies, water for a few weeks or months at most, a few guns and some ammunition for various uses, bows and arrows and sling shots for a while after those are spent or to help stretch those, perhaps soap until you can learn to make your own assuming lye is or becomes available, fuels for perhaps a year, and maybe solar power if you can afford it, which could last from a few years to nearly twenty years, if you can maintain it and protect it from savagery of many sorts.  No long term preps can be truly made.

Anyway... a nap?  yep.  Later.

Another good night of sleep.

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I didn't actually get to bed until slightly after 2:00.  When I did crawl into bed I was out faster than I could wonder how long it would take.  I woke just a bit after 7:00, I think.  I am a bit rough, but that is sort of the usual lately.  I keep hoping to either wake to a day where I am ready to go or work my way into it.  After yesterday, I really don't feel like pushing again today.  If I can finish the dishes and generally restore the kitchen, I will both be a bit surprised and pleased.  If I can try on the snow shoes rig, and walk around in that, even better.  Anything beyond that... sounds painful.  I don't want another emergency nap.

I supposed I could draw.  The thing is my focus is little better than my physical ability to push.  Even things I enjoy doing are no joy.  This is why this illness is so hated, above all the easy to see reasons.  It isn't just potentially lethal, it literally can steal my life, the essence, out of me, on bad days.  So very tired.  But, I have been doing relatively well in spite of it, in an odd... off... way.  That just doesn't mean I am ready for a space walk, or a hunting trip to Africa, or... or much else.  It just means I am doing good enough, with the givens, to somehow find a little smirk.  Go ahead, show me a fresh new confession to sign.  *spit*  *snigger*  Hehehe.

I did take my stats this morning.  Weight is it's usual, blood sugar is slightly high, bp is very good, 125/82 or so, and pulse was a little high.  But it's all coming back into the shape I had it pre-messup.  I am hoping to add taking stats to my morning lineup, with diabetes testing happening twice a day every other day - the second testing alternating between before meals and after meals, with the morning testing being fasting.  I didn't sleep long enough for that to be an actual fasting test this time, but that will come around.  If I need a nap, I need to figure out how to take it earlier.  The thing about naps, right now, is that they seriously endanger my day schedule.  That is fragile.

Well, that is as much of an update as I can muster for now.  Later.

Moving slowly, even on the way to bed.

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I didn't get the kitchen as well as I would have liked.  I did get everything soaking.  I wasn't sure I would get to that.  And I put the pork and noodles safely away into the fridge.  Which I also wasn't sure would be done.  Yeah, but I didn't have much to work with.  After making that meal, my legs fell out from under me, forcing a nap.  And while it was only two hours, it was late, which is throwing things off.  I think my primary goal tomorrow is to take care of the dirty dishes, pots, pans, and such.  I NEED a clean kitchen to work and I like to work as then I get to eat.

I'm not sure how to express this exhaustion I am going through.  When it is more physical, the bit I do when I tax my system too much usually physically hurts, if not for very long.  I'm not having those aches and pains.  And yet the limit is real.  It's not depression.  It's not physical, really.  Maybe it is just medication.  I go through that.  The exhaustion is pretty pervasive, stopping me from enjoying console games, other little joys, and pushing...  I did it and got snapped on the muzzle pretty hard.  Ah well, it'll get better before long.

The world is on the brink, I've noticed.  Nobody is happy about anything they are seeing and nobody is even seeing all of it.  Well, maybe a few bankers are seeing some of the heavy up close and personal, or are getting in the way of it.  A banker who makes hundreds of thousands, possible millions, a year... doesn't commit suicide, usually... without help.  Everybody has a weakness, one way or another though.  Yes, the world is changing.  Get ready.  Avoid trouble as much as you are able.  But... there isn't much you can trust.  Family, one could hope.  Some friends, maybe.  But everyone has their weak spot, everybody.  Just watch it out there.  Follow your instincts and own eyes, ears, and thoughts, not instructions.  I don't care who they seem to be coming from.  Just be watchful.

Good night.

Now I have three reasons to hope for new snow, and plenty of it.

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The first, if not most important generally but to me personally, is to try out the snow shoes.  I have decided, even if it breaks my bones, if we get four to six inches of snow here in the valley I will try them.  If that is not enough to get a feel for them, I will go up into the mountains and clown around.  The most important, in a tactical, social, economic, and gardening way, is that our local reservoirs are very low.  I think we are below 20% and need to be in the 70-90%, if I had to guess, range.  And not just for farming, or my gardening, but simply to not have to worry about drinking water.  It is dangerously low.  This summer was harsh, on top of it.  No rain and days typically, I would even say almost every day, hitting 95 F.  Nasty.  But now there is another reason.  I would probably use whole whipping cream, or mix that with whole milk for a solid half and half, but the rest looks easy and is on hand.

I am told we have snow coming later this week.  I need to... get ready.  I think I will, tomorrow, if I can and remember, actually, as Serendipity suggested, actually put the snow shoes on and walk around with them.  Carpet isn't snow but it will give me an idea of what I am messing with.  At 36" long and 9 1/2" wide, they will be... a bit different.  Well, and I need to get the poles to work.  Dang things are simply not working.  I'll do a little research before I hit the kitchen then hit the bed.

Snow, lots of it, for many reasons.  By the way, Michael, have you gotten snow yet?  They are getting it in Florida, schools are being closed for it.  I'll pray for you to get snow again.  Well, and now you have something to do with it, beside celebrating the sight, feel, and such, and avoiding the roads.... Gosh, but Southerners are bad enough in rain!  Most shouldn't be allowed to drive in snow.  Then again, neither should most Yanks.  So, no real offense, mostly.  :p  Bleh.

Urhm, later.  No, no.  Good night!  And... it is night!  Woot!  Doom is a happy camper.  A tired happy camper, but happy none the less.  Happy is the operative word.  *zonk*

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Ah-ha!  I finally figured out the snow shoe poles.  I searched far and wide, to no good results.  Finally I tore the things apart.  Ah, so that's how they work.  The instructions that came with them absolutely suck, much like a Polish sex manual...  In, out, repeat as necessary.  Thankfully I needed no manual for that.  They could have suggested it would take 10 or 12 full turns, or many turns.  On the good side, I was worried that I would have to take them back.  But they do actually go to full length, and the locking mechanism does work.  Now the kitchen.  *le sighe*  Now... good night.

Yeah, well.

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There was only so much I can do, even now.  Medicines are going in, and I suspect they are doing their work.  Food is being cooked.  I am keeping up on things, if I haven't quite found a way to push ahead much lately.  With the runners in hand, I might get to the carpets and rugs sooner rather than later.  That bit of cooking and fussing in the kitchen, today, cooked my goose.  After I finished, and had a bowl of the goods, I had no choice but to nap.  A call that supper was coming in got me to stir.  I'll be back in bed shortly.

I simply don't have much, some days, to offer.  It's just the way of it.  I really do what I can, when I can, regardless of how I feel.  But when I push that line, as I did today, I pay a price.  I think the price will be small, this time.  Just a harsh required late nap.  Yeah, yeah, I'll put the food up for tonight.  The dishes will not be done, but they will be given a soapy hot soak.

Oh? Oh yeah.

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No nap.  I worked through it, somehow.  Oh, sure, I wanted one.  But then I got busy.  Busy?  Egg noodles busy.  So hush.  I had intended to use simple white, unbleached, flour.  Oops.  All of my white was in the freezer.  Gah!  I need to get another couple of wheat containers.  Not that I have a problem with bugs though, so...  Not sure I really need it.  But, for cleanliness of space and mind...  Yes, I am picky.  Yes, I am demanding.  And, when given the space to push, I push all the way.  It's why I got the monicker "Madonna".  Bastards.  I should have kicked their asses for that, but...  *sigh*  They... had a point.  *shrug*

Noodles, boy.  My way.  Thick.  I would guess they are at least a quarter of an inch thick, and a half an inch wide, if only about six to eight inches long.  I'll know if they are like my mom's before long.  By the way, I did call her to ask about noodles before going ahead.  She recommended some things, and I took most of her suggestions.  Instead of water, though, I used milk.  And she assumed white flour, probably bleached.  It is from the world she knows.  Fair enough.  Six eggs, three cups of flour, allow the eggs a few hours to come to room temperature.  Check.  Semolina flour?  Milk instead of water?  Most of the noodles were cut as suggested.  But there was a strip that would not fit the profile.  So... I made those into thin noodles.  About as wide as thick, one quart inch by one quarter inch.  I plan to have those, cooked, with just butter... to get a more simple taste so as to decide if semolina is a flour I like as such.  More protein equals more bite equals, I think, a happy Doom.  Some will be allowed to dry, some will be cooked a little sooner.  Oh, right, I did ask if I could cook them without drying them overnight.  Well... yes, but...  Was the notion.  Hey, a grant is a grant, and so it shall be.  Some of them, perhaps half, I will allow to dry longer, then freeze.  Along with the thinner noodles.  The other half of the main thick noodles will go in with the meat I have cooked, a sort of gravy I have made, perhaps some heavy whipping cream and butter, and maybe a bit of water.

Nothing fancy, really.  I am surprised at how easy it is to make noodles.  Well... we will see after I have cooked and eaten them.  I think I will have everything cleaned before I got to bed, much later this early evening, on top of it.  I should have some reason left overs as well.  Yum!

It sounds like the pressure cooker is done.  Later.

Haiku Monday - Oops!

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No, that isn't a mistake.  No, nothing has gone wrong.  The theme is literally "Oops!".  Serendipity is up with the contest.  Only two can be entered for judging, and my first ones aren't always my best.  So...  I will do some practice here, then, perhaps on Sunday, or even Monday, if I remember, transfer a few over.  I'm never sure... how to do things as anyone else wants, so... I experiment in life.  This is just one of those.

I'm sure I've got something funny back there.  For now, though, these will do.  Then again, aren't most accidents, barring blood or broken things, sort of funny?  Even some of those, for myself, given enough time.  These are just life.  I'll have to think.

Feel free to vote on which two you think are best.  My picks?  First and last, though... the... well... THAT one... is also on my mind.  Not sure if it is over the top though.

Hurried Glad Hands

help arrives for snow

out in slip-on shoes, to help

Up go the feet - down

Crazy Cats

Sassy on the prowl.

Sam?  Smack on the head ends it.

Sas just didn't see her.

Boisterous

lots of friction, love?

in and out, up and down, shake

broken bed - won't quit

My Turn

punch in the nose ~ super

this is going to hurt you

far more than you thought

Yeah, well.

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It's still early in the day, but I have to tell you, I am not feeling it.  Tinkering, researching... sitting.  I am still going to try to push through and get noodles going shortly.  I can do the meat any time after that.  A pork roast will be the meat.  I prefer chicken or beef with noodles.  Then again, I am not sure I have ever tried pork and noodles?  Have you?  It sounds good, to me.  A little gravy for into the mix, but adding some fluid so it isn't exactly thick?  Yeah, more like a noodle stew, at least that is how I remember my mother doing it.  Oh yeah.

I, as I mentioned, was doing a bit of research.  Home injection molding, this, that...  None of it looked promising, for the cost.  Complexity is also an issue, but that can be handled.  The price is first.  I did find a couple of items that might work well enough, for my applications, though.  There is silicone that can be molded, and there is actual plastic that can be molded, after being heated up in a number of ways.  That last would be perfect for my initial needs, especially since, if it goes wrong, simply heating it back up means no loss.  That would be a problem in some applications, but toilets and high heat should never really mix.  Once I get the design worked out, it's just a matter of creating attachment points, with, say, spring hinges.  Then, possibly, considering a silicone layer to insulate it all, and make it easier to clean?  I don't know.  All I know is that I am on track to actually... fix a personal problem.  Maybe.  There are even ways to add color, if a toilet isn't white.  Mine are white, but I like blue, electric blue.  getting the color down might... be a bit more of a trick.  And I am not sure if I should use it with the plastic itself, or attempt to use it with the silicone.  Yeah, yeah.  Hmm...  I bet I could learn to mold a face into it.  *sly grins*  Hey, just... thinking.

Two more hours before I can nap.  Bleh.  Later.

A couple of morning chuckles.

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The first?  Actually I found it helpful.  More, it was served in a way I could consume the advice. Wisdom doesn't always have to be coming from a door hitting you in the face, does it?

Another good night of sleep.

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Oh yes, to bed by 22:00, perhaps as late as 23:00?  Something.  It took a while to settle in, meaning midnight was about the time I finally slept.  Which is just fine.  I slept well.  Dreams, again, but just out of reach to memory, again.  When I first woke, I remembered some bits but that faded swiftly.  I can, if I wish, cement them into memory.  Either I wasn't awake enough at the time, they were too complicated in my state at the time to do so, or the memories weren't interesting to me, at the time.  I woke at 4:00.

Not wanting today to be like yesterday, I did a few things differently.  I turned the heat up, first thing.  I had an apple as a precursor to eggs and bacon in a bit.  Medicine is about to go down as well.  My trouble, right now, may just be getting used to this new time slot of a schedule.  I raced to it, really, in a few days.  Actually, in the last year, and give or take when medicines are more level, I seem to switch schedules, wanted or not, much more quickly and strongly.  If you have ever been an alternating shift worker, you know how that goes, if you ever got it down.  My problem is, I don't want it to switch.  On the bad side, when I lose control, my days are gone fast.  On the good side, it doesn't take weeks to get my day cycle back, when I can finally work on it.

Yeah, today I am going to try to figure out how to push on through.  I really want to make egg noodles today, and make a roast for that.  I would also like to use the steam vac, and maybe set up the living room for a hit today or tomorrow.  My bedroom is on the list for some spit and polish.  I won't do more in my room, probably, than to arrange a few things, deconstruct a few areas, and pull some stuff into the spare bedroom.  If I get enough done in there, I will then switch to actually sleep in the spare bedroom.  We will see, on that score.  Anything else I might happen to do will just happen to be done.

My mind has been working on the bathroom problem.  I have decided on what to do, just not how to do it.  What I really need to do, first, is figure out how to create a mockup of the device I am considering, figure out how to mold hard plastic, mold silicone to it or something, and work on the mechanics of it.  Well, and figure out how to attach it to the seat.  At this point I don't know how big it needs to be, the best angles, or some other things.  I have done a bit of research.  Hard plastics can be molded at home, though... I am not quite sure how practically.  There is wood carving, which would just as easily take a silicone shell.  I'm just not sure.  I've worked out the mechanism to allow for some things, but not how to securely, surely, attach it to the seat.  Yes, I do have that kind of mind.  Stupid, mostly useless, but... it is being applied to my needs, and in the situation I find myself, with all other givens.

Well... on to waking up.  A spot of breakfast in a bit, after waking and getting going a bit more.  Probably planning on another nap at around noon, if I would like to try to go down right at noon and set the alarm again.  I just need a little help adjusting, but I need to be careful not to let the nap get out of hand, either, and alter my schedule.  So very careful.  Later.

Ready for bed.

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I was thinking, for do-nothing day I am pretty done in.  Then I realized, that is why it was an empty day.  Sleep.  I have been able to think of little else.  Tired.  My eyes have been watering, much as my mouth when informed by my nose that a steak has been cooked and is almost done.  I just need to take my medicine.  But first I have to get up.  Yeah, those are difficult tasks.  It's one of those days.

See you tomorrow, or not, or something, or whatever.  Gah!  Can't think.  Hope this is being written correctly.  Good night.

How can I get nothing done?

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Sadly, that is easy.  If I have nothing to give, no matter my intent, that is exactly what can be expected.  It is like asking the average working man why he doesn't take trips to Paris, or cruises to the Caribbean, or spend a week skiing in the Swiss Alps.  Well, because he can't.  And, people who can simply do not understand that most can't.  Some of them not only don't understand, they think they are special, but not rich, somehow.  You are rich in "do".  My wallet is bare of "do".  That's all.

The nap was good.  The alarm was needed.  Actually, I slept through it for an half hour, and one snooze, but eventually it worked.  I think something has moved in.  The sun is gone, though that might just be the time of day.  It feels like a front, or something, is coming through.  The extra heat I have gone back to seems to help with physical pains.  Nothing, however, can bring energy back.  Not right at this moment.  As I have suggested, I just need to tend the little things, like food, and keeping up on the cave, perhaps doing a bit more when I can, and wait for my body to heal, the weather to improve, get used to medicine, or whatever is going on.  And so I will.  I so want to just crawl back into bed but I won't, not yet.  If I can make it to 20:00 I will be pleased.  Harshly tired though.

An idiot? If you don't think so...

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Whoever you are speaking with, or reading, comes across as cogent, simple but true, solid, and right?  Just keep them talking or keep reading.  Eventually you will find it.  Now, there are levels of idiocy, mind you.  There is the simple, humble, idiot.  These folks are actually a pleasure to deal with.  Often they do understand their state, but know there is little to do about it, so set about to live kind lives.  A joy, I tell you.  Then there are those who are just bright enough to nearly pass.  Often they don't know they are idiots.  They read something and believe they now know how the universe works.  They hear something, and that makes them knowledgeable.  Then there are those who are above average.  They aren't your typical idiot, and defy the definition in most ways.  Until, as I suggested, they talk or write more.  Eventually you see it.  And, the rarest of idiots are the geniuses.  Oddly, as with the humble idiot, they actually stand out like a sore thumb.  While they do actually understand much, they often have no capacity to action, and knowing how something works doesn't always mean that they can do a thing about it.  In this sense, the humble idiot is often superior, because while he may not know, he often can and will do.

It's an interesting world.  And we are all idiots.  We are often ignorant no matter our education, and the more of the latter the worse the ignorance more often than not.  But that doesn't mean I have to be gloomy about it.  Get out, meet and great the other idiots.  Figure out what motivates their folly, what areas are weaker and stronger in yourself and them, and build on that.  If given a pile of manure, too much time, and no real options, sculpt a friend?  :)

A bit more breakfast was enjoyed.  A few other things were done, including taking medicine and a bit of research on a number of topics.  I found my art supplies, and even have some actual art paper with some bite, for when I work up to charcoal.  I did, actually, need to turn the thermostat back up.  My muscles hurt and I was getting very sleepy.  My body just isn't ready for my usual way of life, and the cold.  I stayed up as long as I could, but being too cool will require me to take a nap, which I am about to do.  After?  Noodles, I hope.  No trip to town, too worn from the activities of late and yesterday's trip.  Noodles and cooking a roast, I think, will be about it.  Hmm?  Yeah.  Though, maybe steam vacuuming a bit.  Dunno.  I'll think more when I wake.  Alarm will be set.  Later.

Another day, and maybe a good one.

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Sleep was beautiful.  I might even call it perfect.  I think there were some dreams in there, that drifted in and out.  No recall remains, consciously.  Sometimes notions come to me, though, from whatever happens in there, even when I don't seem to remember.  But the rest was good.  While still a sinner, I have done what I can for my part.  More to do, surely, but there will be until the day I die, on that score and more. It was about 6:00.  I had the alarm set for 10:00, to give some leeway.  Hehe!  I remembered to turn the darned thing off so I don't hear this annoying sound for an hour in the background before it becomes annoying enough for me to locate and tend.  Dang thing anyway.

I woke to a small bit of sorrowful expressions.  A sadness that comes with life and the knowledge of death, and change.  A whole bunch of things came from it, including tears, as I sat reflecting on the notion.  Remember when you graduated highschool? college?  Perhaps when you married?  When changing jobs you liked or held for some time?  Maybe when you moved?  At some point in your life, when you realized you weren't young any more?  Yeah, it was that.  For some reason, I had great empathy for my mother.  I realized, as if seeing the world through her eyes, that pain, for a bit.  This is a sadness that gets heavier with age.  As you lose friends, family - what you had held as precious and certain in your youth and ignorance - as you get closer to death.  Death is a path we all walk alone, even the walk up those gallows steps.

I am mostly over it, once I could figure it out.  It will probably be there for a bit, off and on, until the thing has worked it's way out of my conscious and unconscious tinkering.  I know it more akin to how my mother knows it, if not quite as only a woman can know it.  For I have not just walked those steps, but have seen the rope cinched, even had that lever pulled to various effects include there and back.  I know that for which I write.  There is an odd joy to it, if you go there for the right reasons or in a right state.  But ringed by the sadness, too.  Only hope and faith offer joy, mostly.

Ah, but I have things to do.  Fruit was purchased yesterday, and an orange was had right after feeding the girls.  Perhaps eggs and bacon, or a bagel, in a bit, as well.  They were quite pleased to have a quick breakfast.  I turned the heat up just a tad.  I no longer seem to need it at 80, as I have for weeks.  I can handle 72 to 74, and as I adjust to medicines again, I may be able to put it down to my normal 62-66.  Medicine plays havoc with my system, it seems.

Today?  Nothing fancy.  I can't let distractions get in the way if I want to get things done.  Perhaps a batch of noodles later.  Maybe getting the steam vacuum going on some rugs and figuring out a plan of attack for the living room.  Looking over my bedroom to figure out how best to clean that area would be good.  And, probably, pressure cooking a roast to go with the noodles after they dry, if I get to the noodles.  As well, finding recipes for several planned meals, finding art supplies as they are, and maybe another trip to town for a few odd pieces of art supplies I don't have.  Oh, and I would like to figure out how to... set up my bathroom, for man, or ogre really, ways.  Never mind, just that, when forced to sit by needs and musts my already poor aim goes downhill a great deal and I want to... figure something out for that.   I am amazed at how well my life is opening up, how well I am able to balance things and do things, and how I seem to be figuring out matters that have long vexed me.  I still don't feel the best, but, as I had guessed, I don't need to feel good.  I simply need to be well enough in order to function more fully.  And I am, seemingly, well enough to encroach on the realm of functionality, if not quite well enough to feel good about any of it, or life itself, quite yet.

Got that?  I didn't.  I wrote something.  I just hope half of it is true enough, the grammar and spelling is readable, and...  Never mind.  On to waking up.  Have a good morning.

Some closing thoughts.

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Oh, nearing bedtime.

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A very good, if slow, day.  Beside shopping, and some well satisfied cats, I was out of hard cat food and the booing was rather loud, I am well stocked for cooking fresh foods, including adding vegetables.  And more, the cleaning supplies, most of them that I wanted, are now in stock.  I worked on the pressure cooker tonight.  Okay, the hype was definitely more than reality.  It worked better than anything else I have available, however.  And, perhaps, over time, I can renew the pot to a like-new condition.  It is much better.  Further, I bought a cleaner and treatment for the glass cooktop.  I got to that a bit after working on the pan and after supper, then a bit of a rest.  Bringing in all of the purchases wore me out, and I wasn't moving fast anyway.  The stove top is now mirror reflecting clean.  I can't wait to see if cleanup is easier, after applying this stuff.  I'll cook something tomorrow.  And I plan on making egg noodles as well.  Hmm...  I think I have cooling racks, more for cookies, but it should work.  Or I will have to tinkertrain something else.

I have been doing little cleaning jobs, here and there, the last few days.  Little is the operative word.  But I have been looking for the runners, too.  Little by little, while keeping on top of the daily stuff, I am really advancing.  I gave up on finding the runners, so while shopping today, I bought new ones.  I want the carpets cleaned!  Urhm, when I can get to that big of a job.  Perhaps half of the room at a time?  Yes, perhaps.

A few beers tonight, for all my good deeds.  Not much, it seems my thirst has drained away.  I should be getting to bed, perhaps setting the alarm but with room to compensate for the day.  It hasn't been a great deal of effort, but in my recent condition, it has been three or four days worth of effort.  It's just the way it is.  I have found it is easier to work with my body, even in it's dreadful state, than try to whip it around.  I lose on that score, almost... no... every time, for sure, one way or another.

I was watching a show, while eating dinner, tonight.  It looks like a precursor to the Twilight Zone.  That's not what got me.  What did get me was watching a young couple go through various parts of their relationship.  It was so natural, lovely really.  The squabbles, kissing and making up literally or figuratively, playing together, being friends.  The actors did a splendid job.  Relationship between a man and his woman is the funniest cycling of events imaginable.  But... sweet, too.  Yeah, I miss that.  The good and the bad.  At least, from this distance in time, and space.  It could grow on me again, even if I don't really like girls!  Cooties and all, you know.  :)  At least I have known some love in my time, some real love I like to think.  And even remember it fondly.  So little is about THAT, but it is the solution set that makes anything else even possible, for me.  A pleasant television experience, comingled with experience, memory.

Oh, tomorrow?  We will see.  The hope is to work on noodles, start on my bedroom, perhaps steam vacuum some of the carpets, look for simple art supplies,  a little research on propane as I think I am considering some heating, perhaps another stove, and maybe a drier that work off that, and... and...  I don't know?  I guess I will just have to tune in and find out, like the rest of you.  Any ideas?

I ought to get settled and ready for bed.  Good night.

To town and back. A tale by...

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Never mind.  I did make it.  I was dragging getting ready, then getting out of the door.  Once out I am fine.  To the bank, though I need to go again, soon.  Then to the art stores, both of which were closed.  Really?  Then on to my first grocery store, then on to Walmart for cat food.  Actually they do have better prices on the mid/high level cat foods, and offer it in larger bags/boxes.

Finally, buying groceries isn't such a worry.  I am actually cooking, and fairly regularly.  Fresh onions, carrots, celery, for the stew trifecta.  Bagels and cream cheese, extra eggs, even some mushrooms, for various meals during the day.  Oh, and I was out of beer.  I've had a hankering, which was cut short last time as I only had eight beers.  I can only seem to find the eighteen packs.  Why, that's just a Doom cup and a half.  Literally, with my stein holding a twelve pack.  I have found steins that are a bit smaller and I will be purchasing one before too long.  A couple of liters is just about perfect for me.  While is short of a six pack, technically, being that a 12 ounce bottle usually averages about 11 ounces, it works out.  You didn't know that?  Me either, until I did some checking.  I don't know why they bother with two handles on the thing though.  ymmv

I am well stocked for sides for a week or two of cooking.  I also bought chicken to pressure cook in the future, and some cheaper roasts to try.  All in the freezer as I have plenty thawed that will need to be cooked.  I was surprised to find bar keeper's helper easily.  I bought several containers, as I know I have work to do already, and wanted to have extra on hand.  Dang it, forget general cleaner, I am out.  Pie filling was purchased, in several varieties.  I only needed milk, otherwise.  Though, I think, technically, I needed butter too, which I did get.

Yes, I am ready for some cooking experiments, clean up, and decent dining from my own kitchen.  Yes, I get decent meals coming in, but it's nice to make something myself once in a while.  Hmm...  I have a few things to do.  Later.

Alright, things are moving better.

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I had the juice to kick through the day.  It's  been a long time since I could do that natively.  Up to now, pushing meant mega pain, or an instant shut-off where I nearly hit the floor when pushing, or other limiters.  I stayed up until ~18:00, with ease.  And I planned on shutting it down, cooled the place off in a timely manner to help, and nailed my target.  Waking at ~midnight, getting up was easy.  For some odd reason I had to get up two or three times during the night for bladder problems.  I think my body was ignoring the water pill, for whatever reason, and I had been storing a lot of fluid.  Sometimes the pills just don't work.  I am a biological anomaly or pills don't do what they are supposed to do, when they are supposed to do it, all the time?  I hadn't had a water pill since I woke up yesterday.  Shouldn't have done that.  I didn't drink more than usual.  Whatever.

So, today, with days sort of back on the menu?  To town, I hope.  I have a lot of shopping to do.  Too much?  I'll... know soon enough, if I make it.  I need both types of cat food, as well as my laundry list, and cabbage.  Commenting over at Brigid's, reading through other comments (yeah, I actually do that, sometimes), and I noticed one of the commenters suggesting cabbage.  That's dang fine stuff, and goes very well with the pressure cooked meats.  Toss in carrots, onion, and I might try whole garlic, and you have a meal in a pot.  I like noodles, once in a while.  Meat and, I suppose some vegetables when they somehow land near the cooked meat, is just how I am.  Vegetables though?  I still don't get it, and doubt if I really need them.  Still, for my mother's sake... or something.  The poor woman worries.

I did notice an item that would be cool to check out.  Yeah, you don't need this device, especially if you don't depend on it to actually fully cook your foods.  I have done this method with just a large amount of hot tap water, and it does work, for thinner pieces of fish and meat, if I also always cook it a bit after it has worked it's way out.  Oh, I'll never buy this item, but it does look cool.  I would use it, some, if I had it, for quick easy meals.  I would have more fish in my diet, probably.  By the way, what I call a diet and what you call a diet are... probably... very different things.  Then again, as you gain, I lose, so...  But never mind, believe what you were told and continue on dieting.  As will I.  Yum!  Hmm... I wonder if such a device could me made, and well, if not as pretty, with a few pieces and parts and a solid used "cooler"?  I ought to look around, because this is a convenient way to cook, if to do it just through this requires... some serious exactitude.

Well... a shower, in a bit.  Feeding the girls right away though, I think.  Or I'll have grumpy little folk hurrying me the whole time.  Later.