Do you want to play a game?

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Down a brand new rabbit hole.  Are you... sure?

Fine.  Seat belt buckles, no drinks, and you have to be ^ this tall.

Awake?

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Mostly.  So far.  Not sure I am staying awake.  Cold.  It feels cold.  

It is 65 out.  And sunny.  I went out and enjoyed some sun, for just a snippet of time.  Then opened windows, turning the furnace off as well.  Perhaps dark weather moved back in?  Or... it's just cool enough to keep me sleepy?  Beautiful day, though, when I went out.  And storms are gorgeous, hereabouts too.  This is a postcard pretty place to live.  If you can afford it.

On to bed, I do believe.

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I received a missive, from the friend who had informed me about the astronomical event.  He almost hadn't gotten out.  Where he is, it had rained earlier.  And he was tired, probably from life in general.  Further, it was a half hour drive to get away from light pollution in order to get a more solid viewing.

As it turned out he went on out.  And, was just as gobsmacked as I had been.  Yes, it was an amazing display.  As I suggested here, I thanked him for confirming my findings.  Of course, I suggested to him, that perhaps that might suggest the polar flip is closer than I had anticipated.  Maybe, or not.  No need to worry about it.  If it happens, it'll be quick.

Way too much chick muzak.

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So... I went looking for palate cleansers.  Found them.

Well... dark and light.  So goes life.

The Aurora Borealis is on.

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I went out to check.  A friend told me it would be visible down here, tonight.  And either yesterday or tomorrow night too?  I forgot, if it was yesterday.  Thursday has a way of creeping into Friday without so much as a "pardon me".  So it was, went, then was gone.

I did go out.  Not too cold tonight, cool, at 43... in my yard.  So I was easily able to just look for five to ten minutes.  It is more than was in Iowa, when I saw it there.  Much more visible.  But... not all that clear.  However, with a good camera, and the right settings, it could really do well.

It is easily visible in Norther Utah, but Iowa, and any state around, perhaps, Arizona-ish on north should be able to see?  Worth a shot, if you are awake.  Rarely visible this strongly, this far south.  

Fascinating?

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Or interesting?

I'm not sure who is out there.  But someone is... suggesting something.

Topsy-turvy.

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Can't be absolutely sure when I went to bed.  Down at between seven and half after?  I... was so tired.  Up at 17:00, right at, perhaps a decade of minutes later at most.  Sassy was fed, first thing.  Hoping to get a shower before too long.  A minor headache, I think from sleep issues and this and that.

Medicines in.  I have been taking medicine, but with sleep all over the place, I am sure it isn't being taken as scheduled.  I just don't know... other than I really don't want to risk overdosing the stuff.  It's brutal.  To be honest, at the level I am on currently, I think that is why I am running into problems.  Last time I got to this level it took one to two months to level out, to some degree.  But I'm never really good on this medicine.  It's almost as bad as the heart condition.

Bedtime.

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No more dreaming.  Mostly.  Echoes of dreams?  Something like that.

Twenty decibels.  That's... where whispers linger.  Here.

Oh, right, still awake.

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Mostly.  Spots of dreams, visions.  No, I don't use drugs.  Never did.  Oh, I have tried a few things.  Not my gig.  I've probably tried two, or three things, singularly, in my life.  Just... wasn't worth the risk, as I saw things.  Plus the cost.  I was always poor, on the poorer side.  Knew what it would take, cost.  Not interested.

So, no.  These things aren't from those things.

Still awake.

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I had an extra burrito, from yesterday.  I ordered an extra, had it in the fridge.  So I warmed that up a few hours after I woke up?  Or so.  Coffee, too.  Then, just a bit ago, tea.  More awake than I thought I would be.  Had to fight to wake up, and initially to stay up.  Now doing pretty good.

I started with medium compression, along with light compression, yesterday.  And that is helping.  It doesn't seem like a lot of extra fluid is being expelled.  But by measurement, it is.  The food really isn't helping me stay warm, even with higher carbs.  But the compression is, especially layered.

Who, and why?

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Just looking around.  Then I... saw them.  Ignored.  Kept rolling the bones, and come up with 7's.  Someone else must have been hitting snake eyes?  Had to laugh.

Three of these showed naturally.  Unusual.  Especially since they have specific meanings.  I have codified them, in the past.  Truths?  What... is the truth?

Night mares.

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All through the night, and into the day.  As I was sitting, thinking, reading... even there the herd rumbled through my mind.  Even Zeus had... mental pussy problems?  Aye.  Had to get hammered, to fix it.  Even then, it... just manifested his headache?  Or... so they say.  Athena lives in all men.  On the other side?  We own their attention.  What would Athena be, without the dirty thoughts of old male gods?  *grins*

Oh, thought I should... add a mapping schedule, so that understanding might be... easier.  Mostly.  If... the vid is male and female?  It's straight, even if I empathize or sympathize with the feminine within.  Happens.  Same when it is lesbian.  Just... consider that an... odd form of straight?  Right.  If you see male gay?  It's... not my blog.  You... have been misdirected.  That... just doesn't happen here.  That I know of, they try to sneak that shit in everywhere.  If it's here, it's not on purpose, or isn't for that reason.  Bleh.

The last twenty pounds?

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Perhaps the last thirty pounds?  Now that I am back into the 120's, if just barely.  And I think when I can tolerate higher compression again, so will be getting rid of the last of the fluid?  It's... about time to begin attempting to lose that last twenty to thirty pounds.

The first ninety pounds off went... fairly well, fairly fast really.  Not painless.  But, once I got that train moving, it went... and if not overnight, sometimes it did go that fast, further along.  Nausea, inability to eat, lots of problems.  But I just kept going, and I got there.

As it turned out...

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I wanted to go to bed by 19:00, or such.  Didn't make it to bed until... two?  Or so.  Waking here at ten.  Which, actually, is pretty good.  My goal is eight hours down, and I hit that.  But with sleep eating my lunch lately, I'm a bit surprised I was able to wake so early.  Though, I'll probably get back to bed before too long.  Ah, I think I know why I was able to get up.  The sun is sort of out!  It has been weeks, or so it seems, with no sun.

Good and bad news?  My mother didn't want anything, but I sent a bouquet of flowers.  Got there, packed well, the greens and another group of flowers were good, but the roses were dead.  Not... exactly the mother's day gift intended.  I'll have to order flowers from a different place.  No, even I am not that ornery.  Not much one can do about it either.  Put a grief out, but... oh well.

Sleepy!

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After waking... whenever I woke?  I was only able to stay awake until a dozen or score after noon, I think.  Then I was back down.  I didn't get up until 17:00.  Checked the return site, calling them to make sure the return counter would be open.  It was, if I could get going.

The shower took to 18:14. or such.  Then bandaging the wounds, after washing them while showering, and getting dressed, took another quarter.  I made it a bit after 19:00.

A shower and to town.

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I had some returns to make.  And, needed food.  If it hadn't been so late I would have taken propane tanks in too.  Just wasn't sure they would be open.  And... there is a limit to what I can do in a day.

While in town, though, I picked up a few burritos.  Not carnivore.  But, at this point, I need food and will have to just not be so picky.  The griddle will be back on track soon.

Still sleepy.

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Still awake.

Coffee.  Thinking about tea.  No food, yet.  Probably not today?  I'll... think on it.

When does a pack become a herd?

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Good golly, Miss Molly.  Dreams.  But... I think it's not just from my side.  Nay.

I was down, asleep, hard, until four.  Then I started waking.  Sassy didn't want to wake up that early, though, so I couldn't, didn't, wouldn't either.  "Food"?  - meow... non-committal...  Finally, around four thirty, after several times, she decided food might be good, roused, and started heading out.

Nice. Finally.

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A shower.  But, first, trimmed my toenails.  That little issue has been keeping me from using compression socks.  Then a shower.  As well, I got clothes into the wash.  A few of my spring jackets, and with water treatment to give them a little, slight, water proofing.  I wouldn't go out in a drenching downpour, but sprinkles, even a lighter rain, would be fine... for a bit... with this treatment.

Now to dry off a bit.  Then get upstairs and tuck in for a while.  I'll need to bandage the old wound again.  I washed it well in the shower.  That part doesn't hurt.  The bandaging may, or may not.  I should bandage the knee again.  I've been letting that just scab.  I suppose I should soften that with the medicated poultice, and covering bandage.  It takes a few days, but that usually softens and removes scabs.  More so since the knee flexes often.

Yes, I am ready for bed.  I just have to, want to, dry off a bit before hitting it.  I'll have the alarms on.  Though might turn it back to six and eight.  If I am honestly hoping to be up well before six.  When sleep goes wicked wild, I just can't be sure how life will work out that way.

Catching up on brushing, and trying to keep up.  Hoping to take another shower tomorrow.  I don't need it, but I like it... if I have missed for a while.  Even pigs like to be clean.  Oink, and sich?  Depends on what is for dinner.  Well... on with things.

Oh, right.  A few posts I had... delayed?  Forgotten to post?  Out.  Goodnight.

Bleh.

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Tea.  I thought it might help.  I used the oolong, with chamomile and hibiscus.  It was okay.  I like the white tea a bit more, but this is a good alternative.  No mint this time.  And, next time, I'll probably just have oolong alone.  I had hoped it would help me... recover, wake, revive, whatnot.

Nope.  Oh, I've stayed awake to 19:00.  But I think I would have anyway.  Further, I think that is about it.  I'm coasting down to a crash.  Down the road, over the cliff, into the dirt.  At least that is merely a sort of... parable?  Something like that.  Unless I try to drive somewhere.  I would crash.  Or be greatly pained to stay awake.

No worries.  I'll just go on to bed.  Hmm, I am thinking of trying to get a shower in, then go to bed.  Food?  No, I'll skip food again today.  I did have a fatted coffee, tea, and several waters today.  But I've only been awake since 16:xx?  Or so.  I think?  Wow.  Exhausted beyond my means to think, remember.  Two more days of not eating?  Or just this one.  I... can't remember.  Not much if I did eat yesterday, half a thing of soup, with veggies and jerky?  If... that was yesterday.

I would eat, today, if I had boiled eggs ready, or meat thawed and an easy way to cook that.  But, as is, that won't happen.  Tomorrow?  Maybe.  Probably not.

Cold, wet, dark, dreary, outside.  But that's fine.  It isn't truly cold.  Though, even with the furnace at 74, it feels cold.  I think that is my problem.  Not eating enough, struggling with dehydration, not eating the best of foods when I do eat.  These things catch up with me.  Even with the electric blanket, I am struggling to stay warm enough while sleeping.  Even dressed more warmly, even with thick wool hunting socks up to my knees.  Struggling.

All good.  I'll keep at it.  A shower, sure.  Then a bit of time to dry off.  Then to bed.  I'll wake when I can, and try to get to things again.  Ugh.  Not complaining?  Oh, I'm complaining.  Won't help, and still hoping to push through a bit, when... possible.  But, yes, whining.

Later, or probably good night.  Might tinker, after showering.  But hoping to just crash early, and wake early.

Sleep is wild.

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I woke up around midnight.  No choice.  Stayed up until... four?  I think so.  Then went on back to bed.  The alarms remained set, at eight and ten.  I was sure I'd be able to get back up by eight, or ten certainly.  So left them set.

I didn't wake until two, or three?  Later.  I've been up for a while, but not sure how long.  Burned through both snooze cycles, to no avail obviously.  Crushed by exhaustion, I couldn't rise.  Sassy had to help me.  She tried several times.  She kept at it, ever few hours.  Of course, she was hungry.  but I had fed her through the night.

Trying to sort things.

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Just can't wake up, get going.  I've been... thinking... reading... doing some small things.  It just hasn't gotten me anywhere.  Tired enough to have a headache most of the day.  Too little sleep, lately.  Dark, cool, gloomy, and wet often enough.

I have the furnace up.  It just doesn't matter, help.  It is even 72 here, near the computer.  But it feels cold.  Yes, no.  I am dressed relatively warmly.  The warmer pj's, a tshirt, thermal jacket, wool socks, shoes... as warm as I am usually dressed in full winter weather.

More femi music?

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Tea.  Decided against coffee, a second round of it.  Went more herbal... chamomile, hibiscus, mint... spearmint or peppermint though?  Well, and white tea as the base.  Working on more herbal, and may back away from caffeine, in time, by bits?  Not fully, just... reducing amounts of the stuff.

Yes, more of the sort of music that was showing up.  Me?  I... just... chuckled.

What a little storm.

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No, a dame, chick, woman, girl, whatever.  A bit... unhappy with what I have been writing.  Debating, as they do?  Maybe.  Certainly not happy.

Want?  I... don't want.  Not the one who is speaking.  If I wanted her, I would have done at least a minor chase.  If you don't see me in your rearview mirror?

Having to fight for it.

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So tired.  Didn't end up going down until two.  The eight and ten alarms were on.  I woke, initially, at about 7:46.  Turned off the eight alarm, if I thought I might wake before the ten alarm.  Nope.  I rode the ten alarm through it's trajectory, but did wake if at eleven.  Feeding Sassy first thing.

A bit of kefir to start.  I'll get coffee water heating.  Love that french press.  It's... messy, but honestly fairly easy and fast to clean.  Good for tea, too.

Three.

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I created three posts.  On this topic.  Recently.  I haven't posted any of them, and won't this one... for now.  In time I'll let them fly.

Yes, I... get this, that.

So dry.

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Can't figure it out.  I have been drinking less water, until a few days ago.  But I had stopped eating for three days, until later last night.  Even then, only two eight ounce bowls of soup.  I had forgotten about electrolytes, something you need on carnivore, probably keto too.  Or extra salt, though I'd more recommend electrolytes.

Though, in my case, since I need to take waterpills I need medical grade potassium, as well as magnesium, zinc, and other minerals.  Plus, doc says I was low on vitamin D (in spite of taking 2k per day, so I've upped it to 10k).  And, renal doctor suggested niacin (one of the B vitamins).  I had been on a B super complex, but... lost track of that.  With all they want, and at the levels I need to take, I'm going to ask them to put it in for medical.  Those are... expensive.  I have some, of some, but not all.  I... can't afford more, and more, and more.

Long nap.

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Not sure when I went down.  It was after 13:00?  Maybe slightly before or after 14:00?  I just don't know.  I was down to 16:00, or so.  After, but how much I can't be sure.  A few to twenty after.  But, it was good.

So dark, blustery?  Well, it sure seems like a storm could, or did, hit.  A very little sun for a while yesterday.  Just... I had thought it was coming back to warmer weather.  Though today might be a good day to get out.  But... no.  Back to stormy spring weather.  It sounds like Iowa is getting the same.

Strange.

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Someone... thinks... something.  Oh, sure.  I see their point.  If, too, I think they miss my point.  A well wish, for a disaster of a future, is not... all it seems.  Or, even what it might seem.  If I wish you good fortunes in the war to come, even if I know you will be ended in them?  That... isn't a curse, or spite, or else.  I... mean... good fortune in the wars come.

Not bad?

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Oh, I mean I'm still tired.  But, in spite of going down at two, I am awake just at nine.  The eight alarm, technically, did the trick.  I was just slow to physically rise, dress, and get down here.  I had to sit a few to dozen minutes after every minor effort.

Dark, gloomy, potentially going to be wet out there as well, today.  Not terrible, but... definitely a wet spring this year.  Wouldn't surprise me if they dump water anyway, and we end up too low this year.  We'll see.

Uhm-hm?

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I see.

Oh, I feel, anyway.

Staying dry.

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A extra electrolyte dose isn't doing the trick.  Or... mostly.  So I started drinking more fluid.  Also not doing the trick.  I can't tell what is wrong, I just know something is off.  All I can do is keep at things, trying this and that.  I've been using balm, to help.  But even that is limited.  Which tells me it is some form or sort of dehydration.

Today is the third day of not eating.  Starting to feel it though.  I'll see if I have something to eat tomorrow.  A can of soup, with some veggies, maybe cheese?  I have eggs, and canned corn beef hash.  I have clean pans, I believe.  Something?  Or... not.  I'll sort it out in the morning.  Or even yet tonight?

I didn't get the shower in.  I really need one.  Or anything else, save medicine, Sassy's food, one load of laundry reset.  Hmm, I may do the last load, in the wash, tonight.  Put it in the dryer, anyway.  Give it at least one spin.  Not much in there, it should dry quickly.

It's only twenty two hundred, seven after.  Or when I started this.  All good.  If I hurried, with a can of soup and some extras, I could eat within an half hour and be to bed by an hour, hour and a half, depending on how quickly the food settles.  Yes, I think I'll take a looksee.

------

Got lost on the way to... something?  Ah, but an hour later, I do have the soup heating, and the laundry drying.  All good.  Goodnight.

A bit off even now.

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A mild headache, exhaustion which I struggle with in order to stay awake as I sit here.  I'll add painkillers, and more electrolytes.  Normally, once I become hydrated, my lips don't chap.  I thought a couple days of an extra dose per day would work.  So, cut the dose to singles per day.  That isn't working.  Might also be why I have a headache?  More electrolytes, and more fluid intake.

I reset the kefir, making another half gallon jar of refrigerated kefir.  There wasn't enough to begin another first fermenting quart jars though.  There was enough to have a sample.  It's not as good as when I get back to raw whole milk, and I don't trust it fully.  But for short term it will do.

A bit of a rough night.

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I got to bed a bit earlier, say around 1:30.  Later than I want, like, but earlier by a good bit than that last three to five nights.  Yes, I'm fighting for days.

I woke around four.  Not for good, but with a real problem.  My left arm and leg were absolutely freezing!  Shouldn't have been.  I reset my bed last night, after changing sheets, pillows, and pillow cases.  And added the electric blanket.  Plus, kept one of the windows up there closed, of the two I used to keep open.

No puns intended?

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Can't be intended, for my part.  They aren't... even puns, as presented, by whomever is presenting?  Right, right.

Taking my words, and songs I have put out, together.  Someone has a fantastic memory, a list of lists they can cross reference with lyrics, an AI that can do that or on it's own, or... some strange coincidences.  Of... course... knowing me like someone must?  They... know I don't believe in such.  Hmm?  Right.

Hmm?

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Not a thing started, going.  Yet?  Hope.  It... is the greatest gift... for the hopeless.  No, not whining, just suggesting fact.  So I say.

Still, it is a pleasant day.  Quiet.  Humble.  Smooth.  No pain.  No energy, but no absolute physical need for it, at the moment.  Sure, I would like to get things started, going, and else.  And I may yet.  Heck, I've been begging myself for a coffee for the last two hours.  Three?  Two.  I've only been awake four and a half hours, and... had a coffee first thing.

Realizations.

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I was fighting.  This morning.  To become conscious.  The alarms... I... wore the poor dears out.  Set for eight and ten, I ran through both, six snoozes of ten minutes each.  I simply could not wake and move.

I thought, earlier, I was struggling with consciousness, waking.  Later I understood better, differently.  I was not struggling with sleep, I was struggling with death.  Noon ten, before I could finally get up and out.  I fed Sassy first thing.

Wow, nice.

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Hibiscus, chamomile, and white tea make a wonderful sip.  I went weaker.  Half the tea and chamomile compared to last time.  And a similar amount of hibiscus as chamomile.  I may start keeping that, because even that was rather strong.  Just use it a second time.  Something I have learned from teas is that a second steeping, while milder, often has different notes as well.  Doesn't work with coffee, but sure does with tea.  Betting it will even with herbal teas and blends.

The hibiscus makes the tea red, like coolaid.  The scent is quite good too, was.  It weakens as it cools.  They have health claims for these.  Believe?  Not... necessarily.  And, even those medical sites which suggest there might be truth, also raise the notion that these things can't replace medicine.

Not much.

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Then again, I ran into a problem.  My phone stopped working.  Fine...

I just call in.  Or... that is what I have done in the past.

Who is watching.

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I had thought watchers had departed.  Oh, there... are a few visits, each day, sometimes each post.  Not many.  And, I thought them to be bots.  Just... scooping data, for good... or ill.  And, maybe that is it.  But it doesn't feel like it.

Someone, of some capacity, and probably several, are viewing.  I can see you to, in my own ways.  I don't need tech.  Tech will fail you.  Sight won't.  Or... well...

Up fairly early.

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Given the givens.  Not down until, midnight? one?  Somewhere in there.  The alarms are set for eight and ten, now.  As day schedule slips.  Holding on better than I often do, though that could change in a day.  I woke a bit before eight, but didn't think I could do the eight alarm, by how I was feeling, doing.  So I shut it off.

Sassy kept wanting food, and attention.  I gave her some of the latter, but went on back to sleep.  She crawled in, and slept with me.  Finally surrendering to the idea that I would be awake soon.

That...

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was a quick response?

I think so.

Decided to share.

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I've been... having interesting... involvements, with women, lately.  Weight loss?  Hair cut?  How I dress, present?  Can't say.  Women from 30 to 40, say, have been... showing interest, to a lot of interest.  Today, in two different places, I had women either approach and... one almost touched me.  I... let her know without doubt I was not interested.

I can almost smell divorcees.  But, too, my standards.  One was probably in her twenties, but I don't count her.  She had visible tattoos on her arm.  Wow.  No.

Why!?!

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Doing what I can.  Getting nowhere for it?  Or so.  Ah, but I did just go up on heart medicine.  I am healed, mostly, save the old wound.  And a bit of that hip bruise, some scab remaining on the knee... both roadrash areas, and slight ankle impingement?  Or such.  Still, I'm in excellent shape, technically, by recent/local variability.

But it really is still cool, cold even, out there.  I turned the heat up today, but it's just not enough.  So sleepy!  Not enough to nap, but enough to be annoyed with life in general.  Runny nose too, which might actually be a sign of another part of the problem, allergies?  I've usually not had pollen reactions, but the last few springs... I think so?  Hmm, may have to see if there is something to take for that, that works with my particular issues?  Yes, maybe... if, when, I can get out.  Going through tissue like there is no tomorrow.

Up early.

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I didn't end up going to bed until a quarter after midnight.  Later than hoped by a goodly bit.  I did set the alarms, but just turning them on?  I... must have forgotten to reset them back to six and eight.  Even so, I woke sometime in the mid sixth hour, being out of bed as if I had used all the snoozes, so right before seven.  Good enough.

With all the efforts failing yesterday, to do things, I am turning the furnace up this morning.  I didn't turn it off, yesterday, as initially proposed.  I feared it would be too cool this morning if I had.  And cool and cold weather, while I am comfortable with it, is the bane of work, effort, even mostly conscious thought.

Very pleasant.

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Just enough food to get through.  I try to eat smaller amounts.  Nothing fancifully small.  Say, three to five hundred calories per meal.  Along with about two to three hundred calories with the fatted coffee, that serves me through the day.  Two meals a day, at that amount, seems best.  If I eat more, when I get back to carnivore, life will be better.  I just can't eat much, currently.  Not enough, all at once, to do a one meal a day thing.  With meat that is more possible, though not always even then.

I had, too, been having another coffee at night.  But I think the tea will fix that.  The white tea was delicious, and the chamomile seemed to add to it nicely.  I will need to reduce how much tea and chamomile I use, however.  That was a bit potent.  Both are, essentially, loose leaf.  And quality.  You can never be certain, until it arrives and is brewed and tasted.  But, yes, this is very good.

Figuring things out.

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With sleep issues persisting, worsening, I ordered chamomile.  Dried, just the flowers.  While it might work better alone, or with other herbals, I will be adding it to white tea.  I also have oolong.  Both types of tea ordered with the chamomile.  About to get going on a cup of chamomile and white tea tonight.  Will see.

As well, I need to eat.  So, before waiting too long, I'll get some food going.  And, while doing that, reset laundry to another run.  Trying to manage things.

No promises, just a thought.

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I was pleased to see health numbers getting, seemingly, impossibly, better.  Really, all of them.  Now, I'm not feeling it.  Still recovering from the accident?  Just the cool dark spring weather?  What gives?  I just can't say with certainty.  

Bp is higher, if not even close to my highest.  Like... 168/100?  It's been 218/ 185 average for six months, twice that I knew.  Actually, for a year one of those times.  Or another time?  Bleh.  Sometimes, for years if unregistered, I haven't necessarily tested.  Blood sugar is over 7, but not by much.  And is a part to my other healing.  Protein is required.  So... sure.

A rough one.

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Not pain, or such.  Struggling with life's wants, needs, and sleep.  I wanted to go to bed at about 22:30, when I realized how late it was.  But hunger just wouldn't let me.  So... I got something going that way, a bit of meatloaf and mashed potatoes.  Heated in the oven.  That takes about forty minutes.  I... just don't trust the microwave, and will only use that when this, that, and the other thing converge to deny a serious need or want of food, and allowing little to possibly practically no time to cook.

So, between getting the food wrapped, and in, the oven going, and that time, it was nearly midnight before I could eat.  Then... I... just can't sleep immediately after eating.  My body just doesn't do t hat.  So... another few hours to settle.  Then, of course, I... forgot the program, as I was tired all yesterday, and more tired at that point.

Someone is digging.

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Bones of stories past are showing.  Some things forgotten become stories.

Some become songs?  So... I have heard it said.

Ah! Something.

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I was... casting about.  Trying to get going, on something.  Anything?  Right, right.

I was getting nowhere.  Almost nodded off, a few times.  But... kept conscious.

So tired!

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I just don't get it.  Food, coffee, medicine... wounds are healing, nearly there... twisted knee and ankle joints are pretty much back to normal.  Not the best food, but limited amounts of it.  Sleeping... enough.  Awake regularly and for the longer typical day periods.

What is wrong?  Maybe... nothing?  Age, illness, overcast rainy cool days, may just add up to be beyond my ability to push through very well, far, hard.

Late to bed.

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Late out of it.  Just could not get to sleep.  One of those nights.  It was just after two when I finally went down.  I reset the alarms from six and eight to eight and ten, waking before the ten alarm by half an hour.  I hit the eight alarm snooze twice but realized that... wasn't ever going to happen so shut it off for the next run.  

As alarms go, this is a good one.  It starts by flashing it's light, which isn't always on.  Then it starts off with a low and slow alarm.  Then, through it's alarm cycle, it gets up to it's max, which isn't too high but good enough.  If I am going to wake, that's all I need.  Plus, it has six snoozes.  It also has 24 hour time option.  Those are wanted/needed features.  It has moon phase, local temp, and an "outside" temp sender (though I'm not sure where that is).

Laughing.

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Someone is saying... something.  Oh, I get it.  Misery, and the friend of that.

Yes, I... see your point.  If, too, I think you fail to see my point?

Down and back up again.

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I haven't napped in ages.  I've been pretty good about being awake pretty much all day.  Sometimes the day is longer or shorter, or actually in the night.  But days have been more like twelve to sixteen hours, with eight hours down.  Pretty regular.  Between medicine, carnivore diet, the right supplements, and such, I've been doing better than I have since I got ill.

The only downside is that work efforts have suffered.  But... that... I am hoping is, was, will be, a temporary thing.  Initially it was due to getting used to the carnivore diet.  Well, and before that, probably diabetes?  And, since, it is the accident.  And I'll go through it again, as I get back to truly carnivore eating again.  But... after that?  Reminds me of building a castle in a swamp?

Getting chilly.

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Getting tired, too, again.  Nearing time to go on back to bed.

Something I saw the other day has been on my mind.  I put up a different video from this guy, but... this is the one I thought the more important.  What he suggests, about this and that?  Well, sure, probably?  Or... so I suggest as well.  However, the important thing is about calories.

A bit rough?

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In some unusual way, yes.  I got down at 19:15, exactly.  That is when I crawled in, covered over, and reached out to turn on the alarms and check the time.  Amazed I stayed up so long.  Like flying a plane in with two thirds a wing and no landing gear.  Didn't need the gear, I guess.  If I crashed, I didn't notice.  Which... means I crashed.  But well.

I woke at two.  Tried to stay in, down.  Made it to 2:48.  But... yes, that was it.  Though, with this early of a wake, I really wouldn't mind a nap, a long one, later.

Hmm...

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Yes.

Very good.

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Exhausted near to the point of crossed eyes.  But, it is nearly 18:00.

I had hoped, through the day, to do some work.  But that just wasn't possible.  Just keeping my body in my chair, and my mind awake, was the limits of my abilities.

Chuckles galore?

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Yes.

I meant to get coffee in, so I could stay up a few more hours.  But, was so tired that I moved very slowly.  I finally got coffee, and was sipping it, when I thought to look at the time.

Really tired.

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Did get out, finished the process with the hair.  It's... good.  Should take a few years off?  Dunno.  Too tired to make an assessment right currently.  As well, it's dark, cloudy, out.  Just not the right light to check things.  I'll look, when I can wake, sun or dark, cloudy or clear.  I'll be looking over the next few days, to see if this is something to continue.

Now, it's a start.  Had to experiment as is.  I think, from general first impressions, that it is a good thing... for what I am wanting it for.  Just to add a touch of youth back into the equation.  Men, just like women, are selling their flesh.  It's an open market, flies, warts, grey hair, short or tall, fat or skinny, it's... all... out there for easy perusal.

Gifts?

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That's how I'm taking it.  Personal?  I think so.  Meaning?  Good gifts?  Take what you can.  I... appreciate these, for, and as, they are.

If you wish, enjoy as well.  Or... go on back to safer ground.

Nice.

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A rainy day.  Cloudy, dark, all day.  But it is the right kind of rain and gloom.  The green picking up, flowers have to be getting ready, trees are setting to blossom if they aren't in places.  A generous day for life.  A beginning, new or old or again.

I got the woolens through, the whites into the dryer, another load started?  I... did okay.  Then a shower, and wound bandaging.  Couldn't do more.

Oh, well, there is that.

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Some little femme fatale is playing my music?  Perhaps a murder or unkindness of... birds?  Those who fly with dragons seems to be of a certain sort.  *grins*

Can't say I mind.  I love it when the little ones try to use my weapons against me, and... perhaps... in their fair turn?  The world may not be fair, but all times turn.  So be it, amen, and thank God?  Aye.

A few morning thoughts, from others.

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This one is a guy doing a one year review.  A more realistic one.

Look.  I like carnivore, for what it does.  But?  It's a ballbuster of a diet.  It is difficult to stay on.  It takes a bit of practice, patience, there is a learning curve, and I find myself always looking for the "easier" way.  There is not easy way.  But, when you are on it?  And have gotten it to work?  Fat melts, even without exercise.  But it hurts.  Heck, even my physical frame hurts, from not having the mass it used to have, and having voids, or weak areas, or such.

Rainy days and Mondays?

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Maybe Mondays, at one time, got me down.  Sometimes.  But rainy days rainy days rarely did.  Oh, sometimes.  And, sometimes, they just beat me into the dirt, if I was having other problems.  But not this rainy day.  Oh, slowing me down a bit, just the dark, wet, gloom.  But... I... love this day.  Greening out there, I know that rain helps that.  And... there is "alive" in the air.  The rain spreads that.

Of course, I don't have to work in it.  It is a cold rain, not a warm fresh one.  But, even if I had to work in this one, on this day, I would like it.  I would put some layers on though, and a rainproof slicker, or whatnot.  But, every once in a while, I would look over, and up, and smile.  If mostly trying to keep dry.  Some days, for me, it's good to be alive through.  This, for a thousand and no reason(s), is one of those days.

Maybe not everything.

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I had high doubts everything hoped would be completed.  I had small hopes anything would be done.  More so when I woke up, and have had trouble uncrossing my eyes from the exhaustion I am suffering.  Raining, for a while it was incredibly rainy out there.  Not sure windshield wipers would have even helped on the highest of the modern settings.  Cool, dark, to go along with it.

Pretty out there, though.  I won't deny that.  Greening, growing things, yet still with the snow on the mountains.  It's... a nice part of the world in which to live.  I can't really afford it, I just can't afford to escape at the moment either.  Can't really sell the house, can't get out.  So... I'll take the good with the bad.

Tired.

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There for a bit, I thought I was going to crash.  I fed Sassy again.  Put bags in the bigger trash cans, which I had to get from storage.  Well, and while at it, brought laundry down from upstairs and put a load into the wash, while moving the load in the wash to the dryer.

Finally, I got coffee going, then also got a meal to heating.  Nothing fancy.  Aluminum foil, a bit of the casserole, the oven at 350, and a timer.  I must say, having a convection oven is worth the bit more in cost... which is less than it used to be but still a bit of a premium.

Very good.

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The bruise is still a bit grumpy today.  Still rather large, compared to any bruise I have had before in my life.  But too, a tenth it's original size?  Or so.  I am hoping bringing compression back into the equation will help.  But good reasonable sleep helps.  Down at around one, up at twenty to eight today.  I couldn't make the six wake, but I beat the eight alarm.

Sassy wasn't even pushing me this morning, but she was a little chatterbird as I woke.  Just "talking" to me, maybe about her dreams, or this, or that.  But she wasn't pushing me to wake up.  Just... happy to be alive, and I was happy with her.  She was surprised when I actually woke up.  She's been super, so I fed her first thing.

A better day.

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And about bedtime.

I did go retrieve the casseroles.  I heated some of the chicken cordon bleu.  That was pretty good.  A lot of pasta, but it will... do for now.  I'll try some of the meatloaf tomorrow, then probably put the rest of that into the freezer.  I'm thinking of pulling a third of that out, and putting a third of the c. bleu up.  Then freezing that for next week.  Nice.

I also remembered to pick up milk from the store.  So, tomorrow I am hoping, I can set up the kefir.  One thing at a time.

I'm almost certain.

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I sense her eyes upon me, if through my blog.  Who?  Who else.  Well, there are options.  The woman who has been watching me since I was actually small.

I feel some of what she feels.  Memories, thoughts, worries.  They... never stop worrying.  They aren't always nice, pleasant, kind.  That's... not their job.  Perhaps, more when we were younger.  To help when we hurt?  But later in life, a push or shove or a hug could all be seen as a part of their jobs.

A reasonable day, so far.

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Oh, but I better begin pushing through.  I did start laundry back up.  Ugh.  What is in there was left too long.  I can't find the vinegar.  Yes, they are still stealing things.  This, that, and vinegar too.  They take whatever they want.  I'm never certain about what that will be.

I got it in, used "bleach" for colored clothes, plus regular detergent.  Then ran that twice, on hot.  It's as good as I can do.  Now to get whatever is in the dryer out, switch it over, and hope that works.  I'll run a cleaning pod through a wash cycle.  Hope that helps as well.  Then, back to colored clothes.  I have two bigger batches in various places, and some in the washroom already.  Two?  Three loads?  I'll find out.

Late.

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I ran out of snoozes with the eight alarm.  But, was just awake enough to not let go.  Just a bit more and I was able to wake and get going.  I feel better, good really.  Am taking down a simple electrolyte supplemented water.  Will get medicine in with it.  No painkillers, life is rather sweet this morning.

For electrolyte powder, I use this.  I am adverting for this product because, at .45 a serving?  With enough for about three months of daily?  And the quality it has, and flavoring?  It's difficult to beat.  Actually, you won't beat it.  Some Chinese knock-off will sell for similar or cheaper, but who knows what is really in it.  The Chinese just don't count human life as valuable.  Of course, the US (government and business) is becoming Chinese, if we aren't already worse.

Called several places.

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Trying to find food.  A batch order.  Some sort of issue with their supplier.  Called another store.  Same problem.  Called another store?  No dice, just don't offer anything like what I was looking to purchase.  Frozen?  Have you looked at the ingredients in those?  A hard no.  The meat isn't even real, it's... partially vegetal... something.

I have looked around, online, to check for other places.  Nope.

A reasonable day.

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Hitting midafternoon.  A coffee in.  A bit of cough, though from dehydration, pollen, or something else, I can't be certain.  It's a dry cough, that's all I know.  Furnace is on.  Between that and the little sun getting through, it's 71 in this front room.  The furnace, at 72, just doesn't have enough to warm this room, so the house must be acting as a minor heat collector.

It was 53... sometime this morning.  When I woke?  By ten almost to be sure.  It's between 58 and 59 now, but sprinkling.  It's blustery out there, and mostly overcast.  But it's a pretty day for all that.  The world is greening, things are popping out and growing.  It's a good world.  And spring is a special time for the world.

Russia took out an Israeli nuke?

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Well, so goes the scuttlebutt around... some parts of the internet.  Believe?  Rumor?  You takes your chances, you learn to take all with salt, bigger or smaller grains, but... all with salt.

Me?  I... could see it.  Though, if I were to go that way, and believe the Israeli attack on Iran, with the probable intention of a high level (emp) detonation?  And the F-35 flying it in being shot down?  By Russia?  I would also have to believe they were informed by the US, given coordinates, current location, maybe the information to lock in the kill... live.

Pretty good.

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Going to bed at midnight thirty, I didn't think I'd be up at six, was hoping for eight.  I did wake a four to six, but no, yeah, I couldn't get up.  I had to hit the snooze twice, after the eight alarm, but was able to get up then.  No serious pains, not just crawling out still with a sleepyhead.  Fed Sassy first thing.  Well, after going to the bathroom.  And emptying the pee jug.  Three liters out, again, last night.

I hate peeing again at night.  I had, before the wreck, gotten to where that was a rare thing.  Between wrong but necessary food, limping to the bathroom so not going as often, this, that, and the other thing, I'm back to peeing at night.  At least I'm not wetting the bed as I did in my early teens.  Bladder hadn't grown fast enough to keep up, and sleep was difficult even back then.  When the world hates you, whether it knows it, or even knows why, you... sleep... lightly.  Violence, of one form or another, may be visited on you in an instant.

Wow.

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Time slipped by.  I was half snoozing, though, drifting through the evening.  Some thoughts, dreams, day dreams, and such.  Some awake time.  It's midnight thirty, or almost.  Bedtime, well past.  I'll set the alarms, and hope.  But there is a good chance I can't make it.

Did get medicine in.  And more water.  Drying up though.  Got to get electrolytes in.  Tomorrow, for sure.

Twice to town.

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A few returns.  Time was running out.  Needed my phone, for email, and when I got to town I realized it was back at home.  Gah.  Still, was able to get back, find it, return, and do the returns.  Yes, it was in question.

While doing better from this morning, and never did need to end up napping or sleeping longer, I was still just barely staying awake, and getting through the day.  One trip in was a push.  Two was a shove.  It was difficult.  But... the driving was nice, it is, was, a nice day.  Conditions couldn't have been better.

A bit better.

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The ribs don't hurt as much.  I'm not quite as seemingly tired.  The other pains and aches have eased a bit.  Not perfect.  Better.

Hoping to brush my teeth.  I took the chicken out with the trash.  Quite a waste of money, but I couldn't eat anymore.  And it was too late to put some or all of it in the freezer.  Four or five days out, it's just... won't freeze or thaw well.

I didn't think so.

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I did get some food in, after the shower.  But I am really in bad shape.  The ribs.  Exhaustion.  General pains too.  Not a good day.  Why?  I don't know.  Still, I hoped I would be able to get trash and recycling out.

After finishing those things, feeding Sassy, and a few minor things, I had to sit for a while.  Yes, I... started sleeping again.  But, something woke me?  Yes, something.  What is a good question.  A door slamming close enough to cause immediate alertness?  Some other sound?  A memory flash?  I don't know.  I only know I became awake, fully, quickly.

Feeling odd.

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Even so, I did get a shower taken, wounds bandaged, and at least into pj's so that if I can get the trash and recycling collected, I can get it out.  But completely exhausted.  Not sure what the problem is.  No food for too long?  Three days, I think, now?  Hmm, I might have yogurt, and some canned fruit.  That might help?  Because otherwise I don't think I'll get to those chores.

Again with the shorter compression socks.  Toeless.  Just not ready for the heavy duty stuff, even of the shorter style.  But this is doing okay.  Weight was down to 232.3 or such.  I think the recent high was 238.x, after not using compression for an extended period, and not taking heart medicine... waterpills anyway.  So... this... is an improvement.  I'll take it, and try to keep going with it.

Ribs hurt.  A bit sore and tired.  Ugh.  I'll keep at things anyway.  I hope.

Better get some food in, to try to push through.  Or I'll be late.  Later.

Up rather early.

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Sort of fair enough.  I went to bed pretty early.  Giving me ten hours of sleep.  More than I usually take, but things have been irregular lately.  Healing costs a little extra sleep, or does for me.  A little or a lot, depending on the day.  No pain lately, or nothing persistent, or even anything I can sense without thinking about it.  It's been a nice reprieve after several weeks of nauseating pain.  Still nauseated, but not from pain.  Just from the thought of food.

I checked blood sugar last night.  It was really high, 304.  That was milk.  I got another gallon of milk, to try to help with food.  Ended up drinking the milk, but skipping the chicken.  Even drinking the milk was an effort.  Won't do it again, both because it wasn't a pleasure and because of the blood sugar bump.  It is 261 fasting, and will come on back down if I stick to water, carnivore.

Did and didn't.

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Technically, I didn't go to bed.  No nap, or extended sleep.  However, most of the time I have been awake, I have been... sleeping?  Something close to it.  Wow.  Yea.

I haven't been in pain.  I didn't feel sleepy.  I just haven't really been awake.  Which is fine.  I'm about to head on up to bed now.

Some problem with blogger.

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Posting comments is proving difficult.  For other people and myself.

Someone posted a comment recently.  But couldn't get it through to the post intended.  So, they put it on another post.  I tried to respond.  And was told that I had reached comment limits for the day.  I can see why google removed the "don't be evil", or similar, statement.

So, if you are having trouble posting?  It's google, pretty much, being evil.

I'll respond when I can, if I can.

Heat is on.

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It was starting to get a bit cool.  So I turned the furnace back on.  It went to 70.  I turned it up to 72 then put it on hold... otherwise it shuts down at night.  I'm not sure when though.  Hmm... I might take it off hold, see how that works.  I want it off at night, these days.  That's just about perfect.

The compression socks are doing okay.  Not hurting too much.  Not too hot.  All sorts of issues with these things.  A problem one day, one way, a solution to other problems the next day.  Sort of a tricky thing.  Do your best, alter, change, figure, such is life.

I love beating the alarm clock.

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By six minutes this morning.  If I had hoped to be awake earlier, this will do.  I woke at 4:30?  Around there.  But could not compel myself to wake.  I did put in effort.  To be honest, I had to shove to get up and out now.  Have a little headache for it.

Fed Sassy first thing.  It's 64 in the front room.  Probably won't turn the furnace on, up, until or unless I start feeling the icy grip of cool, cold, and feel that sleep might become necessary otherwise.  Always a risk I'll just crash when that happens, by the time I notice.  But... okay.

Unexpected.

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Well, not... a lot.  I am still awake, here at 18:23.  Though, in part because I have been wrestling with the computer.  Couldn't post, or do much.  Could watch vids.  Figured it out, am back.

As well, my mother called today.  Not sure if she meant to call someone else, hit my number by accident, and just went with it.  Or if it was intentional.  Not a long talk.

A bit surprised.

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It is 11:32 and I am still awake.  I don't feel the want, or need, to sleep.  Perfect?  No, but good, good enough.  The pains and aches that exist are mild.  No true exhaustion is present, if just a bit... mildly... sleepy.  More like what I once considered a typical mid to late afternoon, or early evening.

A time of relaxation.  Though, with capacity to do things, if needed.  Just... not a preference for such.  In part it is because I turned the furnace up.

Well, awake before six.

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I think just slightly after five?  I think so.  Still so tired, I couldn't remember the time, in spite of looking at it, over and over in an attempt to remember.  It's 6:25, and I am still very tired.

Looking at vids, so far.  I thought I had posted my first blog piece for the day, but no.  No, I hadn't.  Strange.  Must have dreamed it.  Yes, still tired enough to be dreaming while sitting here.  So strange.

Good and bad.

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The bad?  I can't seem to get enough sleep.  Tired, exhausted, always on the edge of falling back to sleep.  Or, when sleeping, just staying in bed and sleeping more.  Usually, if I feel the need to sleep, I just... go on and sleep.  Fighting it is nearly impossible.  However, I am becoming frustrated with that.  But, it is good too.  Because, while I need to sleep?  I can sleep.  What is horrible is needing or desperately wanting to sleep, but not being able to sleep.  Life becomes... thin, shall I say, when that happens.

As well, another good, is that pain has diminished.  Oh, I still have an ache in this joint, or a fiery flare up in that wound or this.  But, just... little bits of pain.  Which come and go of their own accord, in short order.  Pain has been minor the last day, maybe two.  A gift, after the last week before it, which was sweet, sweet, agony, if you are a masochist.  For good or ill, I'm not.

Ugh.

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I have been up since around six.  But I am crashing so hard I don't think I'll make it long.  Why so tired?  I can't say.

I took heart medicine.  I have had a few smaller meals.  I have been getting fluid in.  Further, I have been clearing the... deck... so to speak.  Going to the bathroom, clearing out well.  I had probably blocked up for a bit.  With sleeping so much, pain, and irregular eating.

Sleep was fantastic.

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Cooler, but, again, I used the electric blanket.  To prevent overheating this time, I cut the heat and length of time.  Splendid results.  I got just warm enough, and then with the blankets set rightly, stayed just so through the night.

Now, as to dreams.  I dreamed of having sex, over and over and over.  Different women.  I tried to stop.  When I suggest I aim to be celibate, that includes in dreams, if I am aware.  And I was very aware.  I ended a few dreams, but at some point just... gave up.  Strange thing was, the women I had "sent away" from earlier dreams?  Got back in line.  *grins*  I wasn't going to get any sleep until I... until the dreams were done.

True agony.

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Not sure why the wound sites are carrying on so.  Debriding, at this point, may just be too much.  I think I will be delaying the next process for a couple of weeks.  Looking before going even then.  Is half their job to push people out, causing enough pain that they don't come back?  That is... part of the process?

Brutal.  My leg has been killing me since the topical wore off.  I changed bandaging, that did nothing.  Asleep or awake, the pain is just too much.  I am out of my milder form of lidocaine.  There is amazon, but they take a week to three weeks these days..  Just... if I can find it local, that would be much better.  I think I looked.  It seems more expensive, but isn't that much more expensive after amazon adds whatever, and assuming what you get from amazon is legit.  On anything you are wanting, that is compounded or chemically patented, you have, I would say, a 50/50 chance.  Even then you may pay too much.

Now?

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Finally, yes, I think so.  Tired.  I have been crashing for hours.  Since noon, though really before.  It's almost 15:00.  Will be before I am tucked in and sleeping.  Water, I did have more.  Needed more.  Several days without really got to me.  There was coffee, but that doesn't handle thirst well.  It's, the way I use it, a way to get a bit of fat, a few calories, in.  And, maybe caffeine.

I've been dreaming, right here.  Women, again.  Lots of dreams.  I'll put up some music later?  Maybe.  Geeze.  As I said, I might be an apex predator.  But... women hunt me.  And... they really do.  Even in my dreams.  It's... just... with them... sometimes?  I don't mind.

Hot, cold, so on.

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Amazing.  I slept so well, last night, once I got warmed up.  The electric blanket, Sassy, and myself, had a wonderful night.  I woke for a bit, this morning.  Then went on back to bed.  Sassy was warm enough, so came on down and rested down here.  All good.

My wounds began aching, for the warmth?  I think so.  Then I cooled off this morning.  But... then they started hurting because they were too cool!  Argh!  I'm... about to go on back to bed for a while.  Warm up.

Awake for a bit.

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I woke around midnight thirty.  Just... because.  Wounds were hurting.  A bit of an upset stomach.  But somewhat rested, too.  Some water was wanted, and I thought I'd look around the world, see what was up.  If anything had happened since I went to bed.

Still haven't looked around much.  Was looking at vid feeds.  Found one that made me laugh.  Reminded me of the last few days of being out.  Mostly mares out, during the day.  And... I'm not a mare, so... there... are... actions and reactions.  Oh, I had to laugh.

A couple of right things.

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Wasn't sure I could do compression yet.  Only one way to find out?  That's what I was thinking.  And?  And, so far, if a bit sore, so good.  I may take it off shortly.  It's... starting to chafe that side, the bruise.  Well, and it's... just... tight.  Should squeeze some of the juice out of the old lemon...or am I lime.  And, get me ready for it again, tomorrow.

Yes, I'll... take it off shortly.

A nice morning.

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It was cooler.  After feeding Sassy her third time... of six to eight small feedings... I checked the thermostat reading.  It was 66.  Now, that's not terrible, but I don't want to be cool.  Not while finishing healing.  Warmth really helps.  Or, at least just not cool/cold.

Up to 72.  But I'll shut it off, again, overnight.  I don't mind going from 61 upstairs, to 66 downstairs, then warming the house from there.  Usually I can do that.  Unless I flat out feel like I've been run over, hurt so much I can't think... remember.  And just live in miserable coldness for a while, as I did a day or two ago, and for two days.  Bah!

Awake.

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The rest was very good.  Sleep really.  I left the windows open, upstairs.  closing the downstairs door though.  It stayed around 61?  Well, that was the temperature when I woke up.  Perfect sleeping weather, if too cool for daily driving as one might say.  The furnace is still off downstairs, but the windows are closed.  It is 65 in this front room, which is the coolest room in the downstairs.  But that is... pleasant.

Coffee, going down.  After feeding Sassy.  I'll fetch her fresh water before long, and clear her litter box.  I am doing slightly better with that latter, but have stayed up on food and water pretty well, even when tangled in a bent and ripped body.  It was remembering the litter box tending, then limping over there, that wasn't happening as it should have been.