Nothing worked yesterday.

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Pens became hundred pounders, saws wouldn't cut, hammers wouldn't nail, nails and screw bent or wouldn't bite, drills were all left handers.  Nothing, I mean nothing, worked.  And, yet, on I went.  All day, several times through the day, many times through the day, I tried this, and that, and the next thing.  Nothing worked, nothing at all.  I didn't quit until I was so exhausted from it all that there wasn't a choice.  Now, I did try to back off and restart, after battering myself for hours to no good use.  I tried every trick I know.  Some days, however, for whatever reason, the square peg becomes round but still looks square, and what is up is down.  It is going to happen.  To say I was frustrated would be a grave understatement.  Still, I did what I could, if that wasn't much.  I expended twice the energy of any day in the last two weeks, and I might say last three months, in one day... if to no serious step forward.  Now, that is fine.  It's going to happen.  I think, just trying, was my work.  Not giving up was the success.  Sometimes that's it.

Today I start over.  The hacksaw wouldn't cut this metal.  The angle grinder would, but...  Pro tip, don't try to angle grind in the house.  Hey, it was the first time I had personally used such a device.  No burning, no foul... live and learn... hush it.  Archy sparky, if you don't know.  I had forgotten that I bought steel cutting blades for the saws-all.  Yeah, I'll get that piece cut.  I have pilot holes drilled for the shelving brackets.  I now have wood screws for those brackets.  The 18v drill is charged, since the heavy duty drill is too much for that, I think.  With either the angle grinder (if outside only), and the sawsall if it will do it and inside, I should be able to cut out any of the shelving necessary.  If I can get the shelving torn down and put back up, vacuuming and steam cleaning shouldn't be an issue.  I simply got hung up on that, hard.  Would not relent, could not seem to win.  Good spiritual exercise, if I was to guess... and I do.

Did I mention that it has been cloudy, raining, and cool for the last two weeks?  I have been pushing right through having no sun.  I mean, if I had to guess (and, again, I do) highs in the 40's-50's, and some days not even a hint of sun?  No complaints, we really need the water.  Some suggest Cali's drought is weather planners avoiding that to keep radioactivity out of the area.  Not sure I'm buying, though I have suspected, for decades, that they have figured out how to... grease weather's palm.  Not full blown control, and learning that doing this here will effect that there, so having to build a template, and choose winners and live with loosers... just a best guess, but...  Anyway, not sure, so not sure rain is good.  Is anyone testing it?  I don't even know that.  Paranoid much?  Who, honestly, isn't.  It's merely a matter of how large or small your circle of concern...  Oh, the little sweet debutante suggest... not lil' ol' her?  Oh, suggests I?  Where was your bf last night?  *shudders*  Yeah, shush it, sister.  I know what you fear.  I used to bottle it.  *wink*  And don't even look at me funny, happily married mother.  Even if your husband and you have checked his impulses, your children, home, finances, and the whole of reality weigh you down like an anchor, making just getting up, some days, a beast.  We all have our... concerns.

Still in a bit of a snit.  No one likes to pour that much juice into the canner and have it go bad.  But today is a new day.  And I'm still putting yesterday in the win category.  A sucky win, but it goes to heart, it goes to push and pull, it goes to not surrender to high emotion.  Nothing was shattered, no tools or equipment or people where destroyed out of sheer rage, I even tried to play nice, mostly... or civil I should say.  And I kept at it, even changing things up to look for another way, many different ways.  Anyway, today is... well... not yesterday.

Yeah, shelving, then vacuuming, then moving and more vacuuming, then figuring out how I want it for steam cleaning and then that.  Oh... and having the plastic rug runners ready to lay out.  A hike, medicines, coffee as that should be ready, some eggs and grapes or cherries.  A new day, another chance, all good.  Not sure what else.  I would like to get going a bit more quickly today, but that's one of those things that is only partially in my hands.  I really still am mostly dead.  I'm just being bullheaded through it lately.  I've got reasons to be, and those reasons probably won't change in my lifetime.  Not now that I see them.  Later.