.
I think I even know why. Dinner, that is. Hot fatted coffee and cheddar beef sandwiches. The trick was to make sure I consumed both, together, and while the coffee was still hot. Yes, that was the trick. The cheese was partly melted on the way down and definitely in the stomach. The meat was warmed, as well, by the draughts of hot coffee and cream. Plus, in general, my body was warmed through the meal by the piping hot coffee and cream mixture.
So, by the end of the meal, little was left sitting in my stomach. And, what was, was consumed anyway, rather quickly. I needed food, but food digested and being moved on down the line, not just sitting there. It is what I got. Nowhere, along the line, does it feel like I have calories just clogging up the system. It is moving through, and being, or has been, broken down.
Not much, 160 calories, give or take twenty in either direction. Well, more given the quarter cup of cream. Even so, not many calories. Further, I think cream might contain a lot of calories, but it doesn't necessarily provide those out. Doctors and dieticians just have an inhuman, strange, hate of fat... which has little to do with dietary realities. As children, who see inside spook houses, without truly understanding that the creation and purpose isn't based on what they are seeing. They fear what they do not understand.
Anyway... still... some food in. And being broken down and moved along quickly. Needed, wanted. Unfortunately, not as helpful as anticipated. I had hoped it would add energy to the burning muscles and lungs, that it would lift a dying body, even just a bit. No. it didn't. Still absolutely burning, lungs, muscles, else. Hurting, bones to muscle.
On the good side, I am not having a sensation of starvation. And it did offer warmth. I wondered if grapes and water might help. But, no. It wasn't a bad last dish and cup, but it did nothing.
Still exhausted beyond reason. My body is threatening to pass out, fall down... right out of my chair. I can hardly concentrate. I may or may not be able to fight through it. Not sure why things are so bad. They just are. I keep trying to focus to do some things. And I keep failing. Why should exhaustion hurt so badly?
There are real syndromes, health issues which will cause these problems. Though it may just be a bad heart. I can't rely on the VA to diagnose anything. They want to treat what they prefer to treat, when they want to. They aren't there for me, I am there for them and their training programs. I would bet a lot of money they know or suspect what, or what all, is wrong. But treatments, or even cures, aren't interesting to them. They would rather treat minor issues, which are problem for rich people, then fix some minor issue which doctors won't deal with regularly or for their preferred clientele.
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Crap... I crashed. Not sure for how long. Forgot to finish this. It is 02:15 exactly, as I wake. Last I remember it was 21:15 or so? Yeah. But I had done other things and... who knows when I went back to bed, right then or a few hours later. No idea when I went down, just know I am just waking up. Bleh.
I would have thought sleep would help. But it really hasn't. Especially sleep after even a small but good meal, which digested well and quickly. I am thinking of making another meal, before long. Not perfectly keto, at all, but... not candy bars either... beans, ground beef (if it is still good) and turkey, with shredded cheese and mexican spices. I'll skip tortillas, if those would probably be really bad anyway. And I am out of lettuce of any kind. Still, with the meats and cheese, it... isn't too bad on keto. I'll keep the beans to one or two smaller cans, so it will be mostly meat, say two pounds of meat, half a pound of beans (after draining and rinsing), and half a pound to pound of cheese. Mostly keto.
If I can stand for long enough. So winded, tired, exhausted again, really. Oh well. I am praying to God that I can get a bit more food in me. Not sure it matters, but... one can always hope.
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