I don't understand.

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Blood sugar is 144 fasting this evening.  I went down some time before four, a quarter, half, or more?  Before four, that's as good as I've got.  Woke around 17:30... pretty close thereabouts, give or take a dozen.  One two/thirds bowl of beef soup yesterday.  And a coffee.  The rest was water.  Stupid blood sugar!

I did wake, and take medicine through the day.  I've been doing better with that.  Got behind on antibiotics.  A bit.  But am catching and keeping up.  If... it looks like this batch isn't enough.  So... yeah.  I'll have to reset.  Call my primary.  With a starter, he might be willing to just do a next batch on his own, like a big boy.  Without having to see me.

We don't get along.  More because I tell it like it is, and his ego doesn't handle the truth well.  I slaughtered my own ego decades ago.  He... lives on his.  It's all he has left, after realizing most of the truths I, the world, and even his own mind, whispers.  Yet, he... comes... looks... sees... then runs home in terror.  Not sure why they bother reading, if they know I speak the truth but can't handle the truth?  Masochists?  *grins*  Yes, Herr Doktor, I... see you.  Worse?  I know you.  You aren't the only doctor who visits, by any means.  Strangely.  Related to one.  *wink*

Anyway...  awake and at it.  Coffee is made.  Soup is cooking.  Nothing fancy, but should do okay.

Better.  The aches and pains have passed, for the moment.  The leg hurts off and on, and has through the day.  Still red, so will need more... something.  There is a chance nothing will save it.  I have had trouble with it, wound troubles, off and on for a decade.  Every wound is... a possibility of loss.  It's just the way of it.  Even if I fix diabetes, which seems problematic... but lets say I do.  I think, even then, I will always be at some risk to limb loss.  It's just how it goes.  An age thing?  Bad health for too long?  Who knows.

Still, I'll fight for as long as I can.  Because, in theory, or so I say, or dogma?  I won't let them have my leg.  I'll go with it.  Though, the truth is, suffering, when it gets to a point, can defeat even the most sincere, stringent, sure, mind, intent, will.  But the idea is, if it goes, I go with it.  Not sure I am that strong... or weak.  God... grants things to even darknesses which we can't understand.  More so if we come to kneel before time itself allows no other choice.  It's... an odd thing.  Why He doesn't call us all over?

Oh, right.  Because this isn't about us.  This... is about man.  He calls those of us who He may use, and well.  But to allow man his full time to choose fully.  No man or woman will not have had their... moments.  Many moments.  To choose.  And, some of us will suffer greatly for it.  If... the Christ has suffered the most severe.  There... is always that.  I keep his wounded body, in a form I can easily look upon, for when I think my suffering is too great.  It busts my ass, but I look upon Him until I... relinquish my sufferings as trifles.  Truffles?  Small tasties pigs find?  :p  Maybe.  Gotta laugh, some days.  Even through the tears.

Anyway... on to my day.  Sunday?  Wow... where have the weeks and days gone?  I... can't remember the last time I knew what day it was.  Weeks ago?  Maybe, for moments, a few days, so as to do specific things.  But... not known for realsies.  I... need to try to get back to days.  If, though, there is no reason to do so if I can't employ them.  Or maintain track.  Fever, nausea, etc., make tracking nearly impossible.  But... maybe... it's time again.

Good evening.  Time to try to eat.  And... later.