But, but, but...

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But I did set the alarm!  Well, I... turned it to the time.  I didn't, however, turn them on?  Freudian slip?  I don't think so.  Just... pushing through days, and nights, illness, and else, things slip.

And, so it was with great surprise, when I woke at... 17:01.  One minute after the first alarm was supposed to sound.  Awake.  Well awake.  I wasn't sure that alarm would work, in that I pushed days and nights.  So I had the 18:00 alarm also set.  But, also, not turned on.  However, it turns out that I woke, at the earlier time, and pretty well.

I thought about going back to sleep, setting the 18:00 alarm.  I could use more sleep.  But, no.  No, I... called Sassy, to help me.  For the longest time I heard nothing.  Didn't see her shadow, sense her being.  I... was worried, there for a bit.  I called for a while, then gave up.

Just sitting there, trying to... pull my world together.  She... does help.  The tactile feel of her fur, her insistence to be fed, her general presence.  Doesn't always work, but usually.  She helps pull me from sleep.  The sleep of the dead is what I sleep.  May you... never know this... not... here, now, or until it is time to sleep it forever.  I... have gifts.  Cursed gifts?  Blessed gifts?  If they help me do God's will, I... will take them, gladly.

It is as with martyrs.  No one wants to be a martyr.  Until given the opportunity and grace.  Then?  Then the thing is embraced as dearly as one's most favored loved one.  So too, what I... live... die.  Sure I whine.  But, too, I let you know the unworldly part.  The worldly part will come out.  Even Jesus, on the cross, it could be said, whined.  Fairly, handsomely fairly, this is not a mock.  Only a... recollection.  Ah, that did it.  Put my suffering back into perspective.  Amen.

So, finally, up and at it.  A shower, right off.  Two in a row.  Wonderful.  I'm typing so as to let my toots's dry.  Then I'll go up, bandage my leg, put on thick socks, and finish dressing.  My body... looks... terrible.  Not that it looked good before.  But it was more solid?  Or looked it.  And I was used to it.  This melting me look really sucks.

Oh, and I was sure I had stopped losing weight, or regained some.  Just... a feeling.  So, onto the scale I went.  And?  242 even.  I lost another 2.4 pounds, assuming accuracy and such.  And... whatever else.  Why would be it wrong lower?  I don't know.  Though, as mentioned, I'm not on this diet in order to lose weight.  That is purely a biproduct of treating diabetes.  Which, itself, is only going so-so.  That was 122 fasting, this "morning".  Bastard!

Well, best get on to it.  I can't find the big gauze pads that I tried, and which work so well.  One more look, then I'll have to seek something else.  Gah!  I hate it when I have to work so hard to get just the simple things done.  Later.