No gas.

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The machine was empty, the can too.  Have to get out soon, won't compact the snow.  Back to the shovel.  For as deep as it was in some places, it didn't cover the whole drive or all the walk.  Very strange.  That left twenty yards to shovel, from an inch to five with a smooth tilt from one depth to the other.  A very odd leaving.  Oh, I'll remember the tank next time I get to town.

Not a complaint.  The fresh air, chill, and mild work was a resplendent constitutional.  Seriously.  The machine actually does a better, cleaner, tighter job.  I believe it's faster, if on small jobs that wouldn't show or it might lose out.  Still, I was not just happy to do it, I was glad to be able to do it.  Amen.

Now to shower, put the computer up, then figure out the rest of the night.  Oh, also, I really don't mind being misunderestimated.  There... probably isn't another way to it.  I've understood for a long time.  It isn't me I worry about in that regard.  I'll give you the first stone to cast, should you wish.  If that... isn't what it seems either.  :p  Later.

Snow, a headache, general pain.

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Can't complain.  I've had a good run and I'm not out just because I am down.  I'll get out on the machine shortly.  Even with how easy winter has been I knew it wasn't over.  I almost (do) expext more, maybe a touch of what is happening in much of the rest of the winter world.  My mother says that while they aren't getting snow, the bitter cold has gotten to her this year.  She isn't a winter bird, but she is hale.  ;}

Hmm, this will be the first time I have been on the machine.  I guess the neighbors didn't need or want it.  I'll get to give it a shot.  I should have watched him, if I think it'll work out just fine.  I am definitely curious.  After that I have to set up my computer.  Bleh.  I just hope the monitor cable I have will work.   Yeah, it's about time.

I really thought to take a shower first, but no.  I'll do the blade work first.  Just literally thinking out loud.  Hmm, I wonder if I scared the neighbors off, or finally?

No cooking tonight.  Or nothing fancy.  Just don't want to, if the eggs might be suspect at this point.  Brought them to room temp for a while, hours.  Oh, on a good note, whatever problem I was having with eggs is done.  I am careful though, making sure they are fresh when I buy, that they go right in to the fridge, and that they get tossed after about two weeks.  A new fridge would add a week or two, but this old machine has absorbed way too much... odor... and else.

Ah, souffles.

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I did get going on them.  Finished.  Good?  Yes and no.  Needed powdered sugar to make the apples pop.  More, I couldn't taste the cheddar.  I was a little miffed, mostly at myself... I ended making too much roux batter to fold in with the egg whites, by at least a third.  Which means I both watered the flavoring ingredients down and then only used half of those ingredients.  Practice.  I did figure how to partially salvage the souffle.  Oh, and I keep forgetting to light the oven.  However I figured out how to check doneness, or better.  When it smells right, look at the color and level.  Give it three minutes.  If the color darkens and there is no rise I would call it done.

I don't think I am up for another batch.  It's just a bit much.  Much is clean, some of it reset.  But, yeah, no.  I keep checking else, kefirs and sourdough starter.  It's all getting there.  Not much else.  A shower shortly, then?  Perhaps general cleaning in the kitchen and trash and recycling out.

Oh, I ended up double paying my mortgage and they are being jerks about it.  They did that on purpose too, scabs.  Yeah, so some plans are set back.  There is something rotten with their billing on top of that.  I'll have to dig into that soon.  Damned thieves.  Later.

Jack's raging...

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A friend with some... odd musical tastes.  My own varied tastes.  Reality and... Jack.

It is amazing how long it takes.

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Time is a funny thing.  Though tasks are never what the seem.  There is always more to do.  And I think I can do more between the caramelizing of apples and grating of cheddar.  While I can, it often slows everything else down, especially if I find other tweener jobs.  While that will always be a problem, if the kitchen gets stowed it will be less of a problem.  Which is what I was doing.  The surfaces near the stove and the stove top, dishes as they were being used.  Other bits.

The next souffle is waiting on the roux and then the egg whites.  I tasted the cheddar as I was grating it.  That is the best tasting aged cheddar I have ever eaten.  I will definitely save the package.  Amazing.  Difficult to grate.  I have to bet there is a better way.  I'll look that up.  I am looking forward to this.  The apples were carefully diced for size, then prepared.  I may have slightly overcooked,but I think it'll turn out swell.  Real sugar this time, monkfruit next?  I want to see what I am up against.

All of the experiments are doing well.  Nothing seems to have died, or become aggressive.  I could separate some of it, some not so much.  The kefir water is maturing, becoming less sweet, while the grains continue to expand for whichever cause.  I am, actually, beginning to taste things at various stages... foods while cooking, the various kefirs, even the starter.  Back to cooking in earnest.  It'll take a while to get the tongue back to food wisdom and knowledge but it will get there.

A bit of tea, then to finish my break, then back to it.  Perhaps another batch later, swiss and?  Later.

Right? Right.

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Awake at 21:40?  Thereabouts.  First things first, of course.  Then the mind went right to a next batch of souffles.  Oh, but dishes in the way!  Without thinking I just hit them.  I had done a last bit of kefir and didn't want to fuss with the remnants, all right before sleep.  There are still two jars to clean, kefir is like glue so one shot won't always work.  I need a jar brush.

Then I stirred my experimental starter.  With that the goal for the first week is to feed it once a day and stir it three times a day.  After that, for half a week, I will feed it that once plus an extra per day for four days.  Something like that.  I am not seeing anything but wouldn't expect that.  It'll be days, perhaps weeks, before I see anything, and longer yet before it is good for bread.  Pancakes, waffles, sure, but it needs serious action going before loaf lifting.

Next I checked the water kefir.  The supplier added instructions, which also suggested to expect nothing in the first 24 hours.  Cool.  But there was either some serious hydration or growth of the grains.  No bubbling, just expansion.  The way to see if it is done is by taste.  When finished it will taste more like a vinegar?  At the very least it won't be sweet.  The first batch I am hoping to turn into a true ginger ale, next a vanilla cream, third I'd like to see if ginger vanilla works for me.  Then I'll check blood sugars with it, and some other things, including milk and kefir, as well as the various alternative sweeteners.

Then I checked the kefir that is still brewing.  One batch separated, one is just working, and some I hoped would separate hasn't.  I am trying to get the whey definitively parted, to be drained clearly, for use in cultured sauerkraut this week.  Yeah, curious.  I'll have some work to do, getting the clear whey out, alone.  I think, unfortunately, the tube trick is the only way.  It is still a whacky experiment.

Though, look what happens when the world is opened a bit more to my capacity!  I'll hold off on breakfast for the apple and cheddar souffle(s), go do the last dishes, then review that recipe.  The ramekins are ready, the mixing bowl is chilled, I'll warm the eggs to room temp, and milk while I wash, straighten a bit, then take another rest, THEN hit souffles.  Still feel as if I am swimming in sand just to get to a starting point.  At least I am actually moving.

No.

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I did the dishes for another batch.  As well, a couple of kefir batches were turned over with most dishes being washed, the few remaining are soaking.  As well, the ramekins were buttered and had cheese crusted on the surfaces and then, as with the now clean copper bowl, all have been put in the freezer for the next batch.

No other work, mostly. The thing with cooking is that, between this and that other things just get done.  The trick just gets learned by osmosis.  First you learn to cook, then keep up, then get ahead, and finally all that plus anticipation... you begin to know things well in advance, and how to navigate prep, cooking, and cleanup on topic plus with else happening.  I will always be banned from full success by bad health.  But I can at least see the program.

Time for bed.  Good night.  (11:37)

The first of the souffles.

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I am certain it was done.  Each ramekin and the patè mold pressed into souffle service worked as intended.  The only problem was knowing when they were done.  I'll look back over that.  The first one I pulled was not done.  The other two, in the smaller ramekins, came out very well.  Further, I took those out seven to ten minutes apart, to test oven hold capability.  That buys serving time, but only minutes.  The bigger one, if only initially half full took another fifteen minutes past the latest smaller ramekin,as expected.

Oh, part of what threw me was not having the oven preheated.  I was so embarrassed I actually blushed, then flushed from a bit of anger, then just put it in with a little prayer. So, now I know, it can be put into a cold oven.  Crazy, Kittycat!  Learning as I go, but well, and as usual by unintended operations, aka oops.  As well, one of my abilities served me well.  I grabbed one of the ramekins thoughtlessly.  They were in at 400.  I didn't burn or even sting, but I used mitts after that.  So very strange.  Oops indeed.

Taste?  It was good enough.  I liked the one cooked longer and the bigger portion, they developed a bit more skin on top which offered contrast to the fluffy center.  It wasn't too eggy, at all.  The real problem was the cheese was far too mild, if a perfect food for someone who is ill and can't handle much flavor or is prone to stomach upset.  Me?  I'll try the swiss, but I am thinking Gorgonzola.  Perhaps with olives.  Hells yeah.  Or chocolate, perhaps the apple and sharp cheddar.  Otherwise the texture was right, color and spooning and plating worked, just too mild for a young jazzer and all that jazz.

As to making batch after batch?  I would need more ramekins.  Which... I will buy another group, and a few larger ones, but... I'm not going too deep in.  I need more for other cooking and baking anyway.  I'll do the dishes and see if kicking out another batch is possible.  Apple and cheddar?  If I can, yea.

Short darned nap.

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Not as snappy about it as it might sound.  Just a bit miffed.  Wanted to sleep to attempt to make some timing issues more easily.  Just would not work.  I may have gotten a few hours of rest, sort of?  It was something.  Perhaps an actual nap later and this will work to move the hands on the internal clock.

Before going down I set up the roux, mixing bowl, ramekins, and else, for a first run at a cheese souffle.  The else where washed, dried, then put in the freezer.  Hmm, I wonder how extra egg yolks could be used?  I need to beat the egg whites, fold that in with the roux, then bake.  Hmm, best butter the ramekins, and coat them.  Some say to use breadcrumbs, but for savery, using asiago sounded much better, also with butter of course, and probably more lowcarb compliant.  For sweeter, dust with cocoa powder.

When I got up, however, I noticed some of the kefir was ready.  This time I watched the kefir much more closely.  I caught it just, from my experience, when it might be just right.  I think I caught it.  Then while straining I was careful in getting the highly liquid out in one batch before getting the grains and cream out on their own.  Perfect, I think.  The two quarts of gooder(tm) cream kefir went into the fridge, bubbling away nicely still.  The whey was left out in the hopes of separating more solids.  I really prefer my kefir cool to cold.  As well, I am experimenting with growing large grains.  I only have small little things.  I have several "labs" going, in and out of the fridge.

A few more eggs to be separated, the whites beat, the roux awaken, then we'll see.  I only have enough eggs for six to eight double batches.  The next time I am out I will purchase four dozen eggs.  I'll crack the case, Hoss.  The first batch cheddar, then swiss, perhaps chocolate, then who knows.  The goal is to get them to rise and look right, then taste right.  On the later I am flying blind.  I've never eaten them before.  Who knew.

Later.

Something going.

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Two or three, four loads of dishes?  Probably four or five small loads, with one more to be done after this post.  Plus with raw milk in, I am kefiring half a gallon of that right away, plus the spare quart is set up.  I may just have to run enough batches so experience will give a better plan or I just get used to how things are.  There might be thickeners to add, such as phylum husk?  I am a bit disappointed in all my efforts I haven't been able to get it as thick as the store-bought, not even close.  

I've done a few other things.  A shower, a bit of straightening in the kitchen, and checking schedules for business.  Ugh.  I believe a nap, then back at it... after the dishes of course.  Later.

Sleep is moderating.

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At eight hours, plus or minus, the modulation is there.  The frequency is now the problem.  Sort of like starting with both feet nailed to the floor, loosing one is gooder but not quite betterer.  With it getting so dark in the day lately it has been difficult pushing even to work.  Kicking nights to days is brutal.  Much more than work.

The stand mixer arrived today.  I haven't unboxed it yet.  It is 28 pounds shipping weight.  I thought that was going to be a test.  Not so much.  Scooped it in one arm as easily as a gallon of milk.  I am curious to see this monster run.  Yea, I bought better attachments, a cover, even a smaller bowl for smaller batches of lighter stuff.  I don't think the small bowl will handle dough, but I could be wrong.

While I have to be cautious with carbs, there are a few ways to mitigate.  Sourdough and sprouted wheat, actually and a mix of the two.  There is also grinding your own wheat, perhaps.  Not sure how glucose stabilizing any of that is.  Will be finding out.  Though that is far from the only thing this will be used for.  Just... to find a place for it.

A shower first thing.  Next a bite to eat and a call.  What else?  I am hoping to get back to work.  Today if possible.  Just diving back into the kitchen.  Even dangling toes in would be something.  On to breakfast.

Still feeling it.

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These were from a day before the last sets, save the last song.  A friend reminded me of the musical capstone which allows me to finally send, post.  Yea, works that way.

I am not getting far.

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A bite to eat, setting up two sorts of kefir, beginning with sourdough starter, and that has been it.  I have plans for other starter.  Maybe.  Dishes, plus new, are ready.  I am not.  All I am hoping to do is abit of business, then a nap or full sleep cycle.  I simply don't have much to offer today.

Meds, I think, are helping.  There is always a price.  Feeling better for exhaustion.  I best get to things or I'll stretch and break.  Later, or more likely good night.

The trouble with kefir.

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On the one hand, as with tribbles, the culture(s?) can take over.  Not a major problem if one is willing to act as judge, jury, and executioner.  I have no difficulty with that, save my hoarding instinct.  Do I have enough?  Ever?  After some struggle with that I have foud a way.  Actually I went too sparse, I will be adding one more quart backup.  Umkay.  One problem solved, if it took a damned year.  Two!?!  FFS!  Still, it is solved.

Next problem?  Thickness.  What I buy at the store is akin to oatmeal powder hydrated into a glue.  I like that.  From following online tutorials, I was getting something less viscous than milk, almost water.  So, in looking around, I found what was missing.  While vids might (or might not) have mentioned, but heretofore had not been showing as per recall, was the separating the whey as well as separating the kefir grains from kefir cream.  No whey, man?  Yep, man.

Super sleep.

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Not a long sleep, just sound, deep.  Down I think right at 13:00, waking just now at 21:40.  No dreams, save that it seems cold farther east, and other places, still?  I haven't been tracking and they seem to be downplaying it.  It's killing their agenda even with the low-fo's, and beta and below rabbit soldiers, especially since it is global.  How fitting for globalist propaganda.  Cold.

Tonight?  Some chow while waking.  Cooking in a bit.  With the pork roast having gone south,  burger and sausage was thawed, if more like two beef to one hog this time.  I'll fry that and make a rare but small carb heavy, spaghetti and meat sauce.  With half a can of plain tomato remaining from the egg casserole I want to use up.  I'm getting better and trying to use it all.  That should be it for cooking, but not food.  I'd like to work on kefir, and clear and clean the fridge as a start to hitting the kitchen.

As to the kitchen, any surfaces that remain, inside the range to prep it for a self clean cycle, clearing the table, organizing the shelving, setting up the new trash system, then sweeping and mopping?  It's on the list, in the queue, and will all be done in time.  It might get done tonight.  I am surprised with what has been done and that it is mostly being maintained.  I am nearing a rough half way point.  The kitchen since it is in use, as with the living room and bedroom, are the most difficult.

I am sure I will get there now.  On to something to eat.  A small slice of roast, a salad, and milk?  Later.

No nap.

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It just wasn't in the cards.  I am not terribly upset.  It was a soft plan on an easy day.  I hoped a nap would help push my evening on further into the day.  I am certain it could help.  Wanting and  getting aren't synonymous.  I'll still make it to 10:00, if not much more.  It's better than 8:00 or 6:00.

I did cook the mushrooms before they went bad.  Sampled about half of them.  Since they didn't seem poisonous I really thought of eating what was left.  Fine, instead I stowed them for later.  Probably to be doled out in small portions with the egg casserole they were supposed to have been in.  Other than that and a salad, plus strange music, it's been quiet.

Very strange with the music lately.  Someone is almost a shadow.  Gotta be?

Later.  Wait, no.  Good night.

Resting while enjoying the vibes.

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Other than the food and folding laundry, plus a shower shortly, no other work is planned.  The vibes?  Who knows.  Someone must have dug pretty far back.  Sure stirred fond memories.  Scents, textures, sights... tastes.  Yeah.  It's all right there, waiting to be caressed into fullness of contemplation.  So it was.  Responses, someone goofing, algorithms, or someone just enjoying the best of my... worst?  Dunno.

Hmm?  Here.

Got it.

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The only bits remaining is folding clothes.  Mostly socks, kitchen towels, things that don't matter as regards wrinkles.  Even the beef was roasted.  I am speeding along like an ordinary turtle, which isn't bad, beats a rock, and is vastly superior to going in reverse.  Just having the drain moving, but adding in the kitchen faucet, are amazing.  Getting rid of the dripping tub and leaking plumbing under the sink is golden icing on the cake.

I find it much simpler to stay on top of things than imagined.  Still getting used to the new system.  Changing a mind is rather more than it seems.  But when I see the shorter path, like lightning my mind grabs the new way.  It will be automatic soon.  The only thing I'd really like to do further is sand with one of the power tools, then paint under the sink.  The paint saved it from total ruination, but at a cost.  I'd like to repair that buffer before it fails, perhaps putting a drain plate down there, with whichever sort of trap is best, so water won't ever just set.  It was rough as was, I just didn't help.  I'll fix that.

No complaints regarding the previous owners, they had there hands full.  And the owner before was a widow who couldn't keep up.  I'll, hopefully, improve and repair at least a bit, especially as things are finally coming together.  It might be at a turtle's speed, that will do.  Yeah.  If I can get the second bathroom, a new electric panel plus run a heavier subpanel to the garage, and get the kitchen floor replaced, with what else has been done?  Then new doors, and a few new windows?  I can see all of this in the next three years...  Yeah.  Added value?  Not the real issue or a problem.  Just improving living standards.  And passing things on in an improved state.  It's rarely as about me as it may seem.  :p

The egg casserole, this one, isn't tasty cold.  Too wet, throws the texture into the chalky mushy zone.  I hope it heats well.  It was fantastic right out of the oven.  Hmmm, probably best to heat in the oven.  Microwaves don't do the best with this.  I'll experiment.  For food today?  Bacon, brots, a pork roast, and I think that is it.  If the roast 'timed out' I'll pull burger and sausage to thaw for more crumble and spaghetti tomorrow.  Update: okay, the microwave did just fine.  Bleh.

Yeah, I pull what I think I should eat, then, sometimes, eating just stops... I get too busy, I crash, or just because.  I waste a lot of food but far less than I used to toss.  It used to be in the 60% range, now it's 15% or so.  That's raw.  There will always be leftovers tossed.  You, and I, can try to increase efficiency, but there are serious limits.  Just thank God we don't have to eat moldy food, and pray Dems don't win enough to ghettoize us all.  Equality of misery is all their plan offers.  Anyway...

Best get back to waking.  I went down around 10:00, woke around 18:15, give or take a quarter hour.  Still feel robbed by time, a quarter only being fifteen and all.  Don't strain, you'll hurt something.  Later.

Yes, it got done.

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The dishes that is.  After folding the laundry.  I attempted a nap after that.  Resting for an hour without sleeping I finally just got back up.  The beef roast is setting out, seasoned, to be seared then roasted.  A dozen eggs were soft boiled.  I think I have that process down.  All but two peeled perfectly, so I ate them.  Oh, didn't set the laundry to going again.

I'm really tired but sleep just isn't happening.  It's as if I am too tired.  That and I don't want to leave anything wet in the washer.  Yeah, I'll switch the dryer on to work that out.  Things are really doing well.  I won't be getting a shower... wait, the roast has to be roasted.  Perhaps I will shower.  Might even finish off the laundry.  So want to sleep.  Later.

Technically...

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Everything planned was done.  Only every thing I wrote that I would do was not completed.  I wrote that I would do the dishes.  Three stacks of dirty remained.  Didn't want to, did them anyway.  Then?  A stack of new purchases, lids for the stand mixer bowls, a smaller bowl for smaller batches, better lids for sprouting, silicon bowl covers, reusable baking pan sheets... experimental gear.  Yeah.  That is now soaking.

As I fold the laundry I'll decide if I can get to that.  Ah, this last time clothes weren't dry, I checked.  It did run the cycle.  The problem is that fluff won't cut it, at least in cooler weather.  I do have enough for two small oddity loads, synthetics are in, wools next.  I am really jonesing for a nap, and yet I'd like to have dishes out of the way when I wake.  Later.

Superior egg casserole.

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Yes, else is going forward.  Dishes are almost done.  I will be checking laundry shortly.  And of course the casserole.  The wonderful thing is, when I use a bowl or knife, it doesn't just sit until I have enough to take to the tub.  Not everything needs washed, a simple rinse for a pairing knife used to cut, peel, then slice a portion of daikon radish, as an example.  All good.

While I forgot mushrooms, which need to be cooked as well anyway, so can be added as a side, I did put in; canned petite diced tomatoes, a cup of mixed cheeses for pasta dishes, hamburger and pork sausage crumble fry, spinach, and then topped it with cheddar.  The eggs were beaten beyond just blending, if tomato juice undercut that.  Next time I will know, hold the liquids.  Even so, I just watched and stirred as needed. It came out just short of gourmet?  The taste was there.  Texture and plating missed the marks slightly.  Not a problem for me, myself, or I, if the goal is to do better.

I'd like to finish laundry, or turn over a load, but truly finish dishes before napping.  Not sure, but that is the hope.  With dishes out of the way the rest of washing cleanup should be a snap.  The oven is self cleaning, whatever that means these days.  When I get to that, airing out the place might be good.  It gets so hot.  Sweeping and mopping, after surfaces including the to be cleared table.  Ugh.  Maybe not all today.  I'll just keep at it, while keeping up as I go. Later.

A reasonable beginning.

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Several loads of dishes and wondering where they all arrived.  I set some here and there, yea.  On the good side I think I am down to small groups, one soaking and two small piles, and all of larger items.  As well, I put up two loads which were dry, relit the dryer for a load that didn't dry fully or just... I think the dryer flickers off?  Anyway, I have a load of whites after that, then will do one more load, two or three if there are enough wool or synthetics.  All will be small loads.

Once the dishes are done the kitchen will be so easy.  Keeping a small tub in the sink, with soapy water, to soak dishes, or quickly wash them, but definitely finish them at the end of the day.  And anything needing washed, bam.  I'll keep up on my tea jars so much better.  And every day will be a potential shower day, no worry about needing to wash a tub of dishes first.  This... will do.

I may take another shower.  Several this week.  It is a luxury.  I'll enjoy daily if I can, until I feel better.  Going without sort of got to me.  I kept clean enough, I just didn't feel like it.

I'll set up the smaller trash cans on my next shot at dishes.  Laundry should be dry by then, or close.  If I can get easy dishes done, just soaking a few hopefully, there is a good chance I can hit the kitchen hard, possibly finish it tonight.  I'll just cook while at it. I'll hit the oven and niche off the kitchen on my next work day.  As tired as I am, that may not be tomorrow.  I may need a day or two down, perhaps to attempt light sorting. I am getting there, if at a snail's pace.  I'll take it.  Later.

Hmm...  Yea.

Awake, I do believe.

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It is 17:00.  Awake and well, I think.  Still slightly foggy if off to a good start somehow.  To dishes and laundry.  I think those can be finished today.  And more.  I am hoping to really hit the kitchen.  I am so close to making it over the hill, cleaning-wise.  I am just so winded.  A few more things, then back to the front room, then main bedroom, en suite, living room, then upstairs.  With much of that, when done it will pretty much stay done.  Then I'll think about hiring in help.

Oh, no need to buy small trash canisters, I have two.  They must have been for the bathroom.  I had been using them as water collection under the dripping plumbing.  As I recall I eventually purchased a larger one, then even a bigger one which is in the bathroom now.  While that might indicate they are too small by far for the kitchen, that there are two, and I'll be keeping the big can as a collector for smaller but already bagged portions means they will do.  Going from a simple operation to a system, if it only sounds more complicated.  Not having to buy anything is a good thing is all.

Oh, and food.  A casserole works well, more boiled eggs, roasts, and I'll thaw bacon to fry tomorrow... a piece of that every day, every other, on the side or diced in is a little chunk of culinarily heaven.  Hmm, while waking, I'll have a piece and the last two boiled eggs.  Perhaps half an avocado?  They age fast, we'll see.

Later.

Coulda.

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Shoulda.  I got the work finished and lunch made, plus an extra load of dishes and several other bits and pieces.  All within the time.  A nap will still happen, just not as early as hoped.  A dame has been leaving vids.  I even tried to push some out of the queue only to have them return.  Another I simply ignored.  They just persist.  It isn't just random.  Though, could it be ai, or even employees just tinkering?

No, I won't share.  Mine, for now.  And rather fresh.  At least two of them, if in mostly different ways.  Not something a dude would send, as the worst sort of trickster or worse still, definitely from the... a women.  Every time I think they are unsophisticated troglodytes when it comes to all but just receiving complex romantic intentions... could be ai.  It just doesn't have that feel.  Although, if human, thus female?  Wants to love from a distance and would have to be more... mature.  Too mature, probably.

Anyway, after following breadcrumbs through youtube, trying to catch that scent, discern, it's time to sleep for however long.  Perhaps with sweeter dreams.  Damned woman knows too much, and doesn't mind.  Nighters.

Slow.

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One load of dishes from start to finish.  Another load set up and the dish soap dispenser filled and primed.  The soap was too thick, had to be cut with water.  A bit of a trick having filled the container rather full.  Oh, and I figured out it can be filled from the top.  It is so weird to be washing in the sink again.  I was almost afraid.  Why?  Maybe something would break?  It was just like a new tech?  Oh, and I had to empty the dish drainer.  Yeah.

It was wonderful.  I just wish I had more zip.  It is actually nice to wash, have an area to rinse and then set things to dry while hitting the next batch.  The kitchen plumbing is not leaking, the drains are still going down like a tornado, all is good.  The trash and recycling bins were brought back.  They didn't take recycling.  I think I mentioned...

I may take a nap, or do a bit of work then nap?  Yeah.  As soon as I can get up.  Hmm, and scrambled eggs with the remnants of the mushrooms, a bit of cheese, and perhaps just a touch of sausage?  Gouda, cheddar, or asiago, I'll pick or not?  Sounds about right.  I bet I can get it all done in an half hour?  I'll aim for it.

Later.  Good night should I not wake in a timely fashion.

A bit more to gourmet.

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Starting with cold boiled eggs, a slice of cold bacon, and half an avocado, I rummaged through the reefer for dots and dashes which might be had.  Spinach, some was used in the salad, some remained.  Mushrooms, two packs, I took the one that looked the sketchiest.  The other will be sauted, with onions and garlic, for an egg casserole.  These, sauted, then plated over the greens?  Along with several eggs and the avocado made for a superior breakfast.  Oh,  I could have added a sprinkle of cheese to melt into the mushrooms.  Though no terrible loss, and less really is better.  You never know that latter until you overdo.  I hadn't.

Next?  This post, a minor rest, then to dishes.  One load of dishes through, then laundry shuffling, then another break?  It's a plan.  Yeah, I got the bins pulled back in.  I hope it wasn't recycling day, or I missed them.  Out Sunday night from now on, in theory.  Gah!  Though the nice thing with recycling is that I can  actually compress all of it if I really need space.  I would bet the space used, with almost no effort, could be cut to a fith.  With hydraulics, even manual like a bottle jack and solid container, I'd bet I could open up twenty portions.  We did that on subs, using 4k psi hydraulics, with manual hydraulics as backup.  I have an idea whatfor I write, matey.

Oh meds.  It looks like I missed from Friday night until taking Sunday night medicine.  not as bad as I had feared.  When one has three or four days within days, can't quite crawl out of sleep to gather bearings, time just cannot be rightly fathomed.  Yeah, I'm back on them.  I am going to attempt a full "day" again.  A nap in there, and stretch the day a bit to do business.  I've had to pay my mortgage twice.  Their automated system is broken.  I want to keep checking it until I am sure it goes through.  They keep busting my chops on that.  If there is a failure to pay again I'll talk to a human.  I so much prefer auto to Shaenique, at the Georgia Corrections facility for  (mostly, these days) Women.  A few other things to do, if I can.  A nap or two might be required.  Later.

Rather awesome.

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It doesn't take much to satisfy when life has been so out of trim.  How long have I been in that warped event?  Waking last night at 17:37, going to bed at 8:18 this morning, then waking at 16:15ish just a bit ago, makes for the sum of my first regular day and night cycle as far back as feeble current memory allows.  Quite happy.

I did get trash and recycling out.  That was it, no dishes or laundry.  As was I ended up staying awake several hours longer just mentally willing at work.  The trash had to go, recycling more so.  So I don't mind, if I wish other work could have been done.  Working through exhaustion is a tough racket is all.

I'd really like to get caught up, especially in the kitchen, so I could take a few days of to normalize, then try some fancy recipes.  Well, and some mundane but sustaining recipes, like that egg casserole or another version of it.  But when I am in shape to cook and clean up behind while at it.  What is next up to cook, a couple roasts and brots, are easy enough.  Oh, I boiled a few eggs to, perfectly.  Hmm, with a slice of bacon, that sounds like breakfast, plus half an avocado and glass of milk?  Yep.

Oh, I'll pull the bins in first.  They were out by 6:00 or just a smidgen after, I hope that was early enough.  It may be that on lighter days they just run crazy early?  Or maybe they have cause (road repair or an accident blocking things up) to run the rout backward?  I won't fuss at all.  Imagine what it would be like without them.  Gratitude, even if I miss out, actually through missing them.

 Good afternoon and day.  Oh, just remember, if I ever accidentally, incidentally, or even if you think I do it on purpose?  Realize I am often in solid pain, on the surface or deep in.  Just... wish me a long life.  As if that would matter.  It was a frail old blind man who slew Baldar, with but a twig... mistletoe, as you would know it, if memory serves.  If... the devil is in the details?  If too, the devil isn't the only, or best, guide.  Later.

Oh, right.  At this continued rate of stupid I am not sure you will get a summer, except you, Cali.  Oh yeah.  Enjoy the queer Olympics and all that goes with it.

Hmm?

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An old... friend for my part, family of a sort once, now enemy, made an appearance.  A threat?  Sure seemed directed.

Impressive.

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I am pleased with the results in the case at any rate.  I woke at about 17:30... 7, I believe, to be as exact as was noted.  It is, or was, 3:22 when I got to this point.  Is that almost nine hours awake?  Yeah, I am having to work at it.  Truly, I have very little ability beyond just being awake, with a few worries.  For having sight I sure can be blind, if I think that may be part of the price, desired or not.

Laundry is slowly moving forward.  A fine lamb chops and greens dinner was enjoyed.  And, yes, bourbon coffee went forward, kept to medicinal levels.  A shot per 26 ounces, consumed over two to three hours, kept to two drinks thus shots, just...  It'll stir the blood.  Especially if all ingredients are very rarely consumed.  But a demi-giant can't get even a flush.  And, but, yeah, it helped.

I am hoping to do dishes, but getting the trash (and recycling?) out is priority.  If I can get a nap in, it would be good to tend some business after that.  There is always tomorrow.

Oh, about that shower!  In a spic and span tub, with no drips or backing up?  Not having to wash and rinse with a cloth?  But, hey, I actually did well.  As well, I put a hair catcher in.  I didn't think it would catch all that much... it got twice as much as anticipated.  Just a plastic basket with ramps rising toward the center and plastic fingers to grab hair before it might get through.  That right there will save a lot of hassle, forestalling trouble along that lane if not eliminating that portion sum total.  One can hope.

Hmm.  Later, much later, or good night.

Can't stay awake.

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If you ever dreamed of sleeping for days, this would be your dream.  It is my nightmare. I can't stay awake for more than six hours, and that was a stretch and an outlier.  Three to four hours is average, two hours is the shortest time awake.  Not sure what the problem is.  I have lost track of meds, but not until I was well into this.  I have been eating, maybe too much?  Actually I lost five pounds, which makes no sense.

It may just be the dark.  And as spring hits, while it is warmer, it is a wetter type of cool to cold.  Perhaps that is it?  Sleeping so long is hard on the body.  I feel as if I've been through a tenderizer, or to one of those masseuses who thinks pain is pleasure, or even in the saddle for days after not having ridden for years.  As well, the mind is a bit stressed.  If you have ever overslept you probably know these sensations.  I am trapped in them, not quite sure how to escape it.

Hmm, do I have coffee?  While that is supposed to have less caffeine than tea, it doesn't seem that way. Add real sugar and that stuff is rocket fuel.  Whole cream works well in that too.  A touch of bourbon or whiskey can add, but with a higher price unless it is kept to one or two, shorts at that.  Kept to the literally medicinal.  Worth a shot win, lose, or draw.  I'll check.

Interesting dreams.  In-laws, family issues, general life problem solving.  Not much is remaining after waking.  Only that these toils, troubles, mistakes, and sins, when dealt with rightly... life is good.  Take your medicines, accept your dues, then get on with it.  Life is worth the price of admission, then more if you do it right.  Death won't be a horror if you really do it right, nor will life.  Your preference might be telling if for the right reasons.

Later.

Some things!

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I really can't be certain.  Sometimes I wake and am sure I will work, then I crash.  Curtains were put up out back and a load of laundry was put in.  Dishes were set to a fresh soak the last time I was awake, or the time before that?  I may try to hit those while I cook something more to eat.  If I can finish dishes I will try to get a shower and shave in.  Another load or two of laundry as well.  Then I'll be set to finish the kitchen the next time I work.

You know?  I am thinking of going with smaller trash cans, inside.  Then I sort of have to tend it more often.  Although, if I keep what I have, I could bag the small into another bigger bag.  Who wants to go out twice a day?  Just thinking about a trouble area.  I could keep the medium bins for dry, as they mostly are already used.

A pot died.  A favored anodized aluminum.  Spendy pots but well worth it.  Replacing but I can't find the exact one.  There are cheap and nosebleed, I tend to stick to more familiar middling.  These time as well as wear out.  Which... I won't buy nonstick almost anything anymore, but these heavy pots just... there isn't a close second.  I'll get a couple.  If one or both don't do... if both are good?  I've always wanted two, and this one lasted ten to fifteen years.

Well?  A bit more of a sit.  Hmm, after I check the dryer.  Then to a spot of cooking and dishes.  Later.

Crashed again.

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Right after the last post I was compelled to sleep.  I could no longer keep my eyes open or keep from nodding off.  Zounds.  Waking at 17:16, if I can't remember when it was that I actually slept.  It was more like an half hour to hour after that post.  No cats this time.  As suspected I needed to roll.  Though I have figured out how to make the bed so it doesn't fly apart.  One blanket just didn't work... I'll keep that as a spare for rare extra need or for naps.  Blankets are something which shouldn't be thrown barring severe issues.

I will try to eat right away.  Fried eggs with some torn spinach and a pork chop or two.  Perhaps some hot pepper sprinkles and a glass of milk to top it off.  The Lord loves a man with a right plan.  At least if he fulfills it.

I had hoped to make confession and mass.  As can be seen, my will simply isn't going to cut it.  As well, and again, I am so out of sorts that I don't dare schedule an appointment until some regularity returns, hopefully yet this week.  Brutal.

I am still hoping to work tonight.  I really need some food.  Perhaps that will help.  Later.

Sleeping with the fish?

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Three or four sleep cycles, back to back, with small wake cycles of between, what two to five hours?  I am still not certain it, whatever it is, has been sorted.  No dreams in this junket.  The girls, stowing in, and their fussiness, may have replaced that.  Who knows. I do know sleep was much needed if I would rather be doing something.  Titrating medicine isn't helping.  After a certain point, adding medicine becomes brutal.  Stretching sleep while adding medicine is a recipe for potential disaster, of a minor scale.

Today?  Depend if there will be a day this time, again.  If so, just back to the list already developed.  Day?  Just Saturday?  It is so difficult to track days when sleeping like this.  While I have probably overspent, I can recover, and that... needs and a few wants... I am satisfied.

Food?  Pork chops and salad?  A few boiled eggs or fried eggs and maybe a chop?  Or even a lamb chop and various radishes?  I have other choices.  Or, as often as not, nothing.  Too many choices can be as bad as too few.  While I am still losing no weight my shape continues to diminish in the strangest ways.  For now, as an example, the area I can use as my waste, which had been a belt-wide area about two or three inches above my hips, is now from three inches below my hips to a few inches above the old belt region, all that area being the same or close enough.  I still have a belly, but it is obviously shrinking longitudinally and latidinally.  *smile*

The good thing about loss is, well, loss.  The bad thing is I never know just how things are going to fit, or how to make things fit.  At this time, I cinch the belt as tight as possible and pray my britches don't drop.  I am hoping a true waste returns.  I guess that will take more weight (or size actually?) loss in a very small band.  I just don't understand how the loss is working.

On to waking.  Good morning even yet, and day.

Sleep, and lots of it.

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Most likely a good thing.  I have been shunting sleep severely and if unwisely necessarily.  Dreams.  Sweet, pleasant, being tended and tending another.  Not in some specific or worldly way.  A strange song seems to have captured the ideas, assuming the words match the visuals.  I have lost my taste of the tongue.  Just désert, simply désert?

A pleasant start.

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Plans are wonderful.  Often their construction is wasting time.  There are good reasons to plan, and a plan can help.  But everybody who has ever stepped out of planning phases and into the shit realizes, the deeper the more certainly, plans are sometimes the slow burn psych ramping which helps people talk themselves into trying the nearly suicidal.

Not today.  The plans are a rough roadmap, without enemy encampments, fortifications, land mines of any persuasion, or any real danger at all, mostly.  Boredom is worse than the others, in a different way.  Can't we haz a fews minz!?!  Oh well.  The plan is moving ahead, if it has already hit the first unanticipated fork, which was taken.  Food.

While not completely unforeseen, when where and what was undiscovered territory.  Nothing fancy, mostly.  Pretty jazzy for these digs, if that might be changing.  A salad.  Starting with three quarters quart of romain with raw spinach leaves for added punch, three sliced red radishes, six fifty cent to dollar sized slices of daikon radish, two sliced boiled eggs, four green onions diced,  half an avocado diced, a slice of bacon diced, a tablespoon plus half of cheddar, and similar amount of blue cheese dressing.  Keep portions of additions small.  Or that seems to work  for me.  Ah, forgot freshly ground black pepper.  Even if you can't taste it directly, it is missed, if in retrospect this time.

My favorite?  Not at all.  I can't eat just by favor.  Not a bad meal though.  And portioned down it will make an excellent side.  While I was at it, I processed the rest of the red radishes, green onions, and did some of the daikon radish... that isn't best to do too much in advance.  Heck yeah.  I hate tossing food yet so often...

A bit of a break then to dishes?  Hmm, I'll check laundry first, throw in another load while at it.  Would rather load the washer the old way, Drambuie!  Well, as a start.  I think I might get more done tonight.  Can hope.

When, what?

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I hit it like a train.  Sleep.  I had hoped to remember the time.  No dice.  I was hurtling into tunnel vision faster than I could hope to connect back with reality.  The timestamp on the last post seems bogus, by two hours (ish), it seems when government flunky tech megacorps bungle for government tyranny they can't even square the, well, square?  All that lame Indian brain power for you.  Yeah.

Up around 16:30, down somewhere between 9:30 and 11:30?  Yeah.  Which means, no matter what, way too little sleep.  And I am feeling it.  It... just tired.

On the really good side, I am almost catching back up, nearing normalization, finding a way toward having things all working and tacked back down.  It's been a brutal haul, starting with social security, actually before that with the V.A.  Pretty much bureaucratic malfeasance.  Almost finished sorting and back to automation.  Wrung out and still put up wet and the worse for wear.

Today?  If I can, dishes, laundry, and a bit more in the kitchen, plus two bills and a shower.  If not, at least those bills.  So worn.  All good, much has been done.  Later.

Some of most of it.

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And change.  The bedding was stripped and replaced, bedding and other laundry is drying, half of the dishes were done, some clearing in the kitchen, then surprised myself with a trip to the post.  One of the parcels was a form for my mortgage settlement.  Due in tomorrow?  I had received an email suggesting something had run out.  Had my paperwork not gotten in on time?

Without being too nasty I let an email fly.  So stretched, all I needed was an accusational confrontation with what might end up being...  I was careful to not corner.  Appearances, missunderstandings, and so on, back and forth, yet with a nicely barbed potential point.  Not two minutes and I receive a call with the all clear and solid explanations.  Everything is on time, on track, moving forward.  Goodie.

So tired.  Could barely get to the office.  Then got so jacked.  Just coming off the ceiling now.  Crash time.

To the store, beginning other things.

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Just groceries.  Enough eggs to really hit souffle practice, boil some, and have some around for general use.  Several cheeses, apples, basic raw salad makings most of which have been prossessed, a few meats to top that off, and just a few odds and ends.  Oh, I found a package of cod, US.  It was on immediate sale.  I looked for other packs, but they were all shorts.  The regular price was good.  I will start checking fish in my store again.  However, if I find it is processed by the Chinese, or "caught in US waters" then transferred to Chinese services... no.  It means they will be sliding their poison fish in.  It's how they do.  Notice how they say only half truths on packaging?  It's why you have to be so cautious.  Ask, check, verify, several times.  As soon as they think you have lost track they'll gank you.

Everything has been put up.  Some of it processed.  The fish has been cooked.  It, yeah.  Old fish just.  I don't think it was bad, it just wasn't tops.  I'll try 'late' lamb.  Ugh.  Dishes have been started in the main sink.  I'll hit the bedding after this post, then at least a load of laundry.  Then?  Perhaps a nap, or to the post if I am still awake at the right time.  There is, or was, a package in.  I forgot.

I can't keep it all together.  I'll keep trying.  Oh, good news.  My mother had her heart checked.  That is not her problem, her heart is in excellent shape.  She was right, but better safe than sorry.  I don't regret siding against her, only do so because I actually care.  I'm often her yes man, so long as it isn't... a vital area.

Yeah, maybe.

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I have to admit, I want to cook, bake, something special.  A souffle of some sort.  Cheese, maybe cheese and apple?  I have a reasonable sugar replacement now.  It seems a fuss, though what hobby isn't?  I'd like to work the process until I can feed some folk I have been thinking about.  Though this might be tricky.  It would have to be baked there.  I'd want to have made it a goodly number of times... using foreign equipment, even a stove, if you don't know the score, can lead to a pricey pizza night.

Why they don't visit.

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Mood.  Nature.  Perhaps.

New day, same as yesterday.

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Tired, disoriented, minor aches, a shadow headache just off in the distance.  Food might help.  Waking could help if it really didn't do much good yesterday.  It isn't about how I feel, only about what I can do.  No more aspirin for a while.  Food would be best.  Tea.  A bit of time.

Today?  Everything left from yesterday plus putting curtains up in the back 'porch'.  I can't be certain it was ever an actual porch, and even if it was, being reformed, enclosed rigidly, and all, is it still a porch?  I think I can.  But I have wrongly thought that before.  Though, with the whole day before me, I am hoping, while doing the dishes, to do more in the kitchen.  Having the bathroom looking so clean excites me to top off the kitchen.  Then get to the front room, to mostly just top it off.

Heaven knows, but I might be getting somewhere.  I still have an ax hanging over my head, I still have things to do and sort, I still have enemies of all sorts, and I'll still do what I can, starting with one pant leg at a time on to one step at a time.  Actually, I think I will have aspirin.  Much to do and rather behind the eightball.  Later.

No more work.

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No real energy, and other things.  Which is fine for now.  I did make an omelette the Julia Childs way. It worked.  Rememberd from my last attempt?  No more than a teaspoon or nearly two of cheese.  No fresh herbs so I went with a touch of tarragon.  It was... rather plain, if that beats too much much.  I'll work on it.  Yeah, no.  I'll get to it tomorrow.  Just hit a wall.  That wasn't completely unexpected given the last few days, plus months of stress.

I am trying a new sweetner, monkfruit.  Very spendy, even then a blend.  Still cutting sweeteners, just trying new kinds for different applications.  When I have a bit more of a collection together I may do a blood sugar grouping, for a week each, three times a day, then longer term for those which seem to pan out.  Perhaps seeing if cooking makes a difference.  I wonder if, after a bit on low carbs, if most of the alternative sweeteners become carbs as far as the body is concerned.  I know, with regular splenda, it was fine until I really cut carbs.  Then it became worse than sugar.  Yes, I am looking fot near magic bullets.

Not losing weight but size is slipping down fairly quickly.  It's crazy.  I have been more active all givens but I realized I am not eating enough.  I just don't get it, either way.  Ah well.  Later, good night, I'm not sure.

Sometimes it just pops.

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Still a bit rough, and with a major headache off in the near distance, as storm clouds on the horizon while setting out picnic placements.  The idea of a shower really got to me.  So cleaning the tub got top billing.  While I was at it the floor got mopped.  Then the sink got hit.  I haven't had the whole bathroom that clean in quite some time.

The shower is still last on the list.  Dishes, changing bedding, and laundry, oh and trash as well as recycling will go out.  Not what I would rather be doing.  What is to do and by who is left to do it.  I am catching up and keeping up on the cave.  If I can top it off I will begin advertising for help, say five to ten a week,  split betwwen two different days?  That is what I am thinking... depends on the price.  Probably won't start looking until I return from the spring trip.

Better?  I was able to work without aggravating the conditions.  Got it done in nearly a snap at a cheetah's pace, but now will need to idle, maybe nap.  I'll finish the rest today though.  If I can do the unpleasant...  Hop to it Hopsing!  Later.

Fan

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tastic.  The drain cleared.  I have been checking through the morning.  After the third hard endurance test success I called to cancel the routing service.  Tickled, floating on air, all good.  The other worry had been a full septic tank, which wouldn't be a normal concern with just me, however, with the drip, maybe.  Perhaps with the drip gone the tank could drain?  A bit of both?  Pleased.

I slept so well it hurt again.  I suspect that will be happening off and on until I recover.  I really pushed it and while in poor shape.  Though the pain, mostly, as before, dissipates as fog on an otherwise sunny morning.  All good, I think that is more likely why I yet live... if some would rather it otherwise.  Not my problem, or choice, or any choice but God's.  I have learned that more truly than any others, more directly, and taught the only way a thick fool can be taught.  Doubt me?  Of course!  Just don't doubt Father, or test Him.  Amen.

Uhrm, today?  The tub and sink need cleaned.  The dishes, I really want those done, just a few, and bedding and laundry.  I didn't finish the kitchen, but I put a few more dings into the notion.  I won't do more in there though, or not much, not today.  If I can get the rest to zero I can hit the kitchen hard, soon.  If I get all that?  A shower!  Oh, loverly, fantastic, joyous, noun and verb, twas dearly missed!

Partial.

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Success would hold no value if it were easy.  I have found a sediment filter for cold but not hot water.  Oh, they advertise things as under sink, but with inch and an half fittings.  Now THAT'S a sink!  Most others found have at max a top temp of 110(F).  I need much higher.  The easy half is done.  A few calls might pan out, or put the kabosh on the theory.  But not tonight.

Actually, I think I saw my shadow.  Six more hours of sleep?  One can hope.  I do have the sense of having been run over.  On the good side they backed up over me to check, driving over me on their fine way when they realized the situation.  Did I write "good side"?  At least they didn't peel out.  Good night again.

Strange.

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Exactly an hour after the last post, at 19:05, I crashed.  Hurtling toward sleep at a fearsome pace, I suspected there would be pain in there, during though definitely after sleep.  I meant to take aspirin.  That damned collapsing tunnel vision mind vortex ate will and thought.  Which is fine as it works out.  Awake at 23:00 (and some change).

Waking to... solid pain, I just move slowly, attempt to regain focus and poise of first spiritual then mental natures, recalibrating my various x,y,z,and t axes.  If those things can be set up I can then triage.  Today, as usual, recalibration was sufficient to the task.  Pain, if not completely gone, can be contained... no running, jumping, or wrestling bears, the stays are weak.  But there is plenty of room for most else.  That's what I get for hurtling the moon by remaining awake so many hours in my shape.  No choice.  Had to be done.  Got done.  Ugh.

I will begin the returns on the other faucets.  Urhm, once I wake.  Lord knows, that process will be slow and arduous this... day.  If I need and can afford sleep later, I will gladly take it.  What else today?  Not much, until after the drain is cleared.  Not much after even that.  I am in recovery for the next few days.  Then I'll have the kitchen sink and drains all going and can keep up on regular life.  Ugh.

I spoke to him about the en suite.  He suggested changing to plastic piping, as the galvanized is probably the source of problems.  He strongly suggested inline sediment traps, just using flex supply line connections to install under the sink.  So I will get on that.  I can easily do that.  And the faucet, if just on the sink, fails after just a few weeks otherwise.  Yeah, I can do research.  After that, and the routing costs, I'll decide if I can get someone in to mess with the water softener.  I don't think it's working.  Though I will take a look at it again, emptying it down to nubs, myself, first.  If my efforts fail again...  Then I should be back to full optimal operation?  I sure hope.

Late.

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It is how it works.  No fuss though, as three of four goals were managed.  The tub faucet from shot springs no longer drip, the plumbing under the sink has been rightly installed, and not only did he get the faucet installed he used the original so I can return the others.  Meaning I am in the black on the visit.  As well, the UPS driver gladly took the package of paperwork for the mortgage.

The only thing he couldn't manage was the clog.  Or so far.  The stuff he put in might still work.  I called another he suggested for that.  If it doesn't clear overnight the other guy will be here tomorrow afternoon.

Zapped.  At 11:30 I was awake for 24 hours.  It is now 18:05, you'll have to the ma... 31 hours up?  Didn't want to do that.  I'll have to chill a bit, come down, before I can crash.  Pleased.  I was even possibly helpful if probably not the most erudite of conversants.  Aspirin.  I am running on ground to a powder Doom.  Oh?  Yeah.  Not as happily sing a song as that may seem.  Good night.

Awake so long.

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Pain. Neck, shoulders, plus a solid headache, even after a slug of aspirins.  Just.  I have been awake nearly a day.  The plumber will be arriving shortly.  I did a bit more cleaning but thar wasn't the reason I stayed awake.  I knew if I went down when I could have I wouldn't have stirred when he arrived.  I thought about a note, but, no.  It isn't a good time to be pushing.  I simply have no other reasonable option.

I would like to clean up a bit.  Lord knows I need it.  I am airing the place out a bit.  Sure the furnace will belch, which if seemingly wasteful will assist in the aim.  I suppose I could shut it up now.  It's done what it can.  Messy.  Trying to plan and implement those plans while so tired.  Oh, if I can fill out the paperwork and have it ready, then catch the UPS driver, I might not need to go to town.  One can hope.

On to work.  I made quinoa, turned out perfect.  Will try it as a cereal.  Not sure it works that way, will find out shortly.  Good day.  I hope you get your things done.  Later or good night.

The closer to death the closer to her.

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I wasn't the Narrator trying to become Durden.  Just the opposite, after everything fell apart.  I couldn't seem to die.  No one near me could remain alive.  I burned myself with a cigar, but I ate the lye.  If you wonder why I doubt I am human... find any one else who ate half a cup of the stuff and even lived.  Yeah.  I was trying to forget, or the rest of it, not intending to become something special.  Well, since death was being such a fair weather friend.  I have forgotten most of it, save the recent rent about to be mended.

Everything is off.

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Heat?  As spring approaches, so it seems, it is really warm.  Certainly for this time of year.  I can't seem to hold a schedule, sleep as well or as deeply, or else. It's an ugly moment, probably won't be better until it stabilizes into summer.  Though, maybe, sometimes, the wave is smoother.  Ah, meds too.  Just a bit more is hammering me.  I wonder what would happen if a normal took it?

I was a bit worried as to whether the other faucet woul arrive. It did, as did paperwork for home refinance.  I have to do that today and turn it in tomorrow.  It didn't arrive on time today.  Ugh.  Getting it in early tomorrow will be a trick.  The plumber is coming sort of early and will be here a bit.  Not sure I can be awake early enough.  Heck, worried about being awake for him!

At least, with food made ahead, that isn't constantly being tripped over.  Though I suspect some part of my problem, while it may not seem so, is not eating enough.  That shuts down the engines and wants everything turned into fat.  The trick is figuring out how much to eat to just keep as much lit as possible, but also given my conditions.  With the bad heart I can only run at a partial burn, inconsistently, and not always the same engines.  Though, whatever else?  My organs haven't been hurting regularly.  The other day was a rare event and of a singular area or organ.  Weeks, a month, more, since my internals were troubling, and that last was some sort of illness, perhaps an infection, not my usual.

As is I can only do what I can.  Today?  Finishing the kitchen, doing all dishes by the end of the day, topping off tea jugs, touching off the bathroom, and doing laundry?  Well, in theory.  It isn't all that much, but for me, today, it is a brutal lot.  I will focus on the main things for plumber facilitation, then hit what else as able.  I'll need to be cautious with the wash.  While it is an high efficiency, it might flood the bathroom...  Careful!

Hmm?  Ah, a bite, medicine, waking time.  I'll need to wash body and hair too. Ugh.  Later.

Yesterday and today.

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I did a few things yesterday.  I cooked another package of bacon, for use with salads and as a snack.  I'd best watch snaking or it will be gone before any other use.  As well I made the grated cauliflower pizza.  Actually?  That was really good.  I am buying smaller cans of lower carb diced tomatoes, with nothing added.  Along with tomato paste (from a tube so the can isn't wasted), perhaps chopped onion and/or garlic, spices of my choosing, I can really go to town or go easy.  I need to find anchovy tubes as well, thinking about it all.  You want umami?  Anchovies.  Italian's love their little fish to add richness, a meatier taste, and that... something else.  The culinary parallel to the stinky additive that separates good perfume from exquisite.

Hmm?  Oh, the crust was two(ish) cups grated cauliflower, a large egg, and about a cup of cheddar and monteray jack mix... I thought that would bind better than the cheddar alone.  Combined well, formed as a circle, then baked for twenty minutes.  Then cooled while I put the sauce together.  On top, bigger mushroom steaks, raw spinach, sausage crumble from yesterday, and cheddar.  Good?  No, I'd honestly call that great.

I suppose seeing worse is for a reason.

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A dream, as an observer.  A kid with some sort of mental retardation was the focus born to a war widow in WW II, by what I could tell.  He was doing well enough, if things had remained as they were he would have been ready when he grew up.  But then his mother died.  There ended being three choices, a decision he didn't get to make.

He had grandparents, on her side.  They didn't care for the boy.  It wasn't his condition, they didn't want the fuss.  The retardation was simply an excuse.  They would be hard on the boy, brutal, worse.  I realize now, as I see in the hearts of those around me in real life I also see as such in my dreams.  I wouldn't call it a gift.  Though something about that?  I don't need to be near, and I see other things.  Might have started with INFJ, if I doubt even that.  Either way, it certainly doesn't stop there.

Sort of getting somewhere?

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Well, no, not really. I did try the egg casserole.  All cold, as I was hoping if eaten cold it would have less affect on the g.i.  I can't tell if it had an affect.  If it did it was nearly instantaneous and mild or that was just a timing coincidence.  As to flavor?  I was impressed.  Especially right out of the fridge.  I didn't salt, pepper, or otherwise spice.  I used a dozen large eggs, three quarter pound of bacon crisped then cut into sixths, twenty pimento stuffed green olives cut into thirds, a cup of cheese, and about an half pound of burger and ground pork fried mix.  Nothing was spiced save the bacon.  Dang tasty for being cold.

I'll see about getting on to more soon.  Just dragging.  Ah, meds... both missing and titrating up can jack exhaustion.  I can try to push through.  Isn't always possible.  I'll do... something, if it breaks something.  Going to have to use force.  So tired.  And the ghosts of thoughts intrude.

Not the best.

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I almost made it to bed early.  The eggs caught up with me?  I... seem to have a problem with eggs.  I am going to try to figure that out.  I will continue consuming, hoping to work that out.  If not I will take a look at other options.  These already are gooder(tm) eggs.  I don't think my store even stocks gooderer(tm) eggs.

The thing is, I was forced by system errors to remain conscious, vigilant, a few extra hours.  Not down until 23:23.  While that is typical of late, I would like to dial that back so as to attempt to maintain days.  That has become possible, sometimes.  Which is seeing me awake at 10:00.  And a bit sore and grumpy.  Me?  Grumpy?!?  Shut up.  Actually I am very rarely grumpy.  Rant mode isn't the same.  It is like when the tea kettle whistles or the computer taps it's results through the printer, nothing more.

The neck is twisted off course, the obverse of my liver has it's panties in a bind, little bits and pieces else and a minor headache in the left brain where muscle headaches go to die, usually don't last.  Oh, just realized, missed meds.  And I missed a few days ago.  I am taking more, perhaps that is why I am missing, which is why I hurt?  Though increasing doses can have similar problems.  Just working out potential reasons.

Today.  Boiled eggs, dishes, another bath, and the kitchen hit hard.  With food prep for the week mostly managed, if I get the kitchen set up it will stay that way until next food prep days.  While I have a slight fear of eggs, I want to see how the near quiche is cold.  Smaller bites?  Though I would like to try it warmed.  Splitting a smaller portion.  Hmm, adding veggies might help?  Kale in with the warmed portion.  Yeah.

If I do well I'd like to change bedding while at it, then do laundry.  Up late, moving slow, but I think, today, I can.  Perhaps aspirin.  Yeah.  Later.

Not much, not fast.

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Most of the morning saw very few very light things done.  Nothing of which to speak.  Same with early afternoon, though I did call the priest with an apology.  Went to message.  Then I thought I'd get a nap before an expected visit.  Arrived early.  I woke just in time to say hello, mostly, and goodbye.  I try.

Since then I baked bacon, then made an egg, bacon, sausage, olive, and cheese casserole.  It's alright, it seems off just a bit.  The sausage wasn't the best.  The olives were a bit old.  But it will do.  I am, mostly, waiting for it to cool to put up, then... closing on bedtime.  I wish I could have boiled eggs.  Tomorrow.  And more bacon.  The stuff I got was thick cut.  Usually $12, for two pounds.  I only got it because it was half off.  I don't care about sales, only pricepoints.  Thick cut bacon at $3 a pound will get my attention.  Especially a gooder brand with no obvious defects and not overclocked.

I am not losing weight, I am definitely getting thinner.  It's almost spooky how fast.  I am hoping it continues.  I had thought about a suit, but there are serious limits as to how much they can alter.  It is going so fast that I'll be ordering a 38 belt, along with a 36.  I am at the 38 or less.  I'm not trying at this point, it's just doing it's thing.

I best turn down the heat and begin cooling down myself.  Good night.

Memory can be a good thing.

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Not always.  Some things in the past have been buried.  Who knows what remains in the dark depths.  From what has been unearthed I don't believe I wish to know all.  Actually, after a local event I will begin attemting to put some things dug up back into the dirt of the past.  Without a name there is no place in my life or in truth.  Not sure it is possible to rebury a memory but one can try, with a little help from friends... not the chemical, but mundane and conscientious, kind.  Even if one is considered dragonborn, and as such only possibly evil, as with those bearing the mark of Cain, best not to make things worse.  Especially a breed of those two.

Ah, but some, probably most memory is good.  I tried to remember when I went down last night and did!  It has been a while, especially when stretched, that I could remember.  Down at 23:23.  Awake at a quarter past nine.

Dreams.  Several.  A childhood friend.  I hope he is okay.  I have some worries about him, he was going in some dark directions then.  I tried to redirect. It may only have been a phase.  I have done dark things, but usually within authority... pushing things or at the bleeding edge, if maybe just in my mind?  Dunno, none of my business now.  I'll add him and his family to my prayer list.  He was one of the few friends whose family was well known to me as well.  To that point.

Other dreams.  I... they have fallen out of reach.  Nothing fancy, more like real life only while asleep, as far as I can remember.  However it was as if I had been awake most of the night, just dreaming.

I forgot to call the plumber's secretary, thankfully she remembered to call me.  It is set.  Depending how this goes, I may have him back to set up the en suite in a few months.  Which means I will need to remove the vanity, install shelving, cut the shelves for pipes, and get flooring in?  Ugh.  Well, and clean the room and living room.  Pftftft.  Three months?  As is, I will want to finish the kitchen, keep the bathroom up, and pull the r.o. in advance.  And do any last bit of cleaning while under there... perhaps yanking the plumbing out while at it.  I'll shut the water off when he asks.  Something I will ask about is a couple of inside shutoff valves.  Probably not with this batch, just...  Ugh.

Today?  More cooking then cleanup.  I got the veggies, the ground meats, and the roast.  I am planning to fry bacon, boil eggs, and make egg ramekins to be frozen.  The ramekins are an experiment.  While doing that, digging into the kitchen as time and energy permit.  I'll... get right on that, in a bit.  Gotta wake first.  Later.

Not only cabbage.

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Started at cabbage.  The two on hand were too small for steaks.  Quarters are fine, especially since I was steaming those.  Kale was still fresh, and I had rutabagas.  I deciced to roast rutabaga fries, using the smaller rutabaga sliced as fries then in with butter.  The big 'baga was sliced as thick ham steaks and steamed with the leafy stuff.

Yeah.  I may not be a huge fan of veggies, but I enjoy from time to time.  The 'fries' were fantastic, the best.  Next, if in a hard leafy green way, was kale, if good vinegar was the coup de grâce.  The cabbage and steamed 'baga and cabbage with butter weren't at all bad, just weren't as snappy if being milder and more common to me.  Just a bit of each, save the fries if there really weren't many in the end.

Taste, flavor, texture?  The fries: they all but bit back.  Beside having an al dente tooth, they had a caramelized stickiness.  Not quite to were it literally sticks to the teeth, it just seems possible.  And it was sweet, as a sweeter sqash and a bit more.  With the richness of butter, quite a treat.  The kale: there is your acid dish.  The sparkling slightly sweet punch of cider vinegar to offset the hard green medium bitter works well.  It also has bite but no tacky feel.  The steamed rutabaga: slightly sweet, but thick.  Done this way one could almost call it the perfect (of sweeter) squash.  No thick skin to bother with, if peeling, as a potato, is required.  It has a softer yet still mildly toothy texture.  You could easily go without butter, or go the other way with brown sugar and marshmallows and no one would notice... save that one freak, if I think they are guessing or going off your tells.  And cabbage?  What is there to tell?  I do cook it softer, if I think steaming allows for that to a greater degree.  With butter it might be plain, humble, which adds to it's value.  Or one could put it with meat, using drippings as the fat as a perfect mix.

Hmm?  Oh, probably the roast next.  It's beef, so it needs to be seasoned and allowed to come to room temp before being seared then roasted, if I could fry the ground beef and pork together for crumble... good in salad, by itself, with beans, rice, or eggs as a sausage side or omelette ingredient.  Love that stuff, when I can keep up on it.  Yeah.  Then on to eggs?  Maybe.  Bleh.

Gah!  Forgot to call.  Tomorrow.  I am used to more floor in my morning.  This day was quite thin.  I should be able to call the plumber, see about that.  Yes, I got a faucet.  A Moen, I think.  They didn't have any good chrome, those were all plastic.  I went with a stainless.  It will match the sink.  And the disk isn't in the water.  I made sure they carry the cartridge and bought one.

Well...  A call, a nap, I almost can't think.  Later or much later.

Mostly better.

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I couldn't sleep until almost 6:00, waking at a bit past 11:00.  So a bit of a mild headache and a few other complaints is to be expected.  Sleep was good, just a bit short.  Making such a long trip when not quite ready will throw things.  I am surprised I woke so early, given all, and so well.  Today?

Today.  I would like to do the cooking, perhaps enough for a week.  Then to make a few calls... beside an apology, I haven't heard from the woman who handles the plumber's schedule.  I don't want her calling on The day, I want some advance notice.  If a few other chores can be squeezed in that would be great.

Oh, had to laugh. Was getting videos pushed, suggesting psychosis, narcissism, etc.  Only a thin skinned (and they should be as their "profession" is a fraud and if they don't know that they got through on looks, buckets of money, or pure twattish liberalism) psychologist or psychiatrist would suggest someone willing to suffer for understanding even back then, let alone able to know guilt well enough to inventory then contritely seek to confess both sins against others and self could be such.  Funny thing?  They can't just go away.  If they think they go unseen.  Oh, you are seen.  Now you may go away.  Or face what is becoming obvious even to you and choose to learn.  Pain, fire, the truth, God, will set you on the path to choosing virtue, first of mundane, then of divine, nature.  All else, which includes your indoctrination, is false.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

So very stretched.

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I have nothing to grasp.

Good and bad news.

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The mistake was mine.  There are two churches in that city, I had thought there was one.  The call will be an apology.  Thankfully, as sad as that is.  I wasted his time.  The only thing I wasted of concern is gas, on my side, but it was my error.  Well, can't say I don't eat it when it's on the table and just desert, even were it lethal but fair, or at least right.  Fair?  Christ on the cross, His passion, means it can never be fair.

Even so I won't reschedule.  I will find another, obscure my id, and do other things.  It... who I am shouldn't be part of it. I am doing what I am doing for a particular reason that has nothing to do with obscurity, if... well... that may now be part of it.  Just... going with a gut feeling.

I... hoped there was another answer.  Though priests can be called away or else.  I kept thinking, dug.  No one wants to be rejected, not so... deeply.  As mentioned, it isn't God who might fail, as every fatherless, and three-time failed father fatherless would know, once faith is gifted, but men who fail.  Thankfully no pattern, probably.  That it was just a mistake, and mine, restores strength to resolve.

Yeah.  Silly old Doomster.  Chasing shadows, ranting at ghosts, getting angry at shades...  So tired.  So much work.  So little to give.  If I do ask for much, I try to meet in the middle.  Gah!  Later, or more likely good night.

Oh well.

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Everything I could pour into getting ready was burned.  A standing bath, washing hair, figuring out the outfit, tying the tie, even just a dot of aftershave.  Not too much, just enough to hopefully seem appropriate.  I couldn't actually shave, no mirror where needed, with running water and working drain.  I did what I could with the trimmer.

All that, and yet I was pretty sure.  More yet to do and it was done.

Then the drive.  With rush hour, something I had not calculated, the drive was roughly an hour and an half.  Thankfully I planned with plenty of time, arriving an hour early.  Actually, time wasn't making sense when I was ready, so it was just literally a hope and a prayer.  So I read, since I was early.  Then, as the time approached, I found a place where I could see both parking lots and a back entrance.  Time. rolled. by.  To the time.  Late.  Later.  Too late.  I... was pretty sure there would be no one there.  Yes, I knew.  Not saying I knew why.  Probably, not for certain. Yet.

One outright refused to schedule a confession, one accepted but did not show.  A pattern?  I will call tomorrow.  Will someone answer?  I won't reschedule.  I will ask if I am being excluded.  I don't know if they would tell me.  A lot of politics, government and other big money, and darkness, in the church.  But it mostly isn't out in the open.

President Trump, if you want to save religion in America, stop federalizing it.  If the church leadership can survive without our money they can completely ignore our input. Big money already has an outsized input.  Add the fed, and states, and all the poison that comes with it, and you won't end up subsidizing, sustaining, faith, you will end up murdering it.  If that is truly what you want, I'd advise you to be much more cautious with your wishes.

It was foretold that a time when confessions, the Eucharist, and such would become rare.  While my circumstances might be rarer, isn't it the canary which spells doom?  I'll... try, again, sometime, somewhere.  Exhausted.  I tried.  As bp is going...  Soon, just in case.

Dishes and what passes for a bath.

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Nothing fancy.  All a bit sloppy.  Washing out of a sink, for Marmaduke sized dogs is, well, you get what you get.  Now for a shave.  No mirror where I have a functional drain, so no.  Ugh.  I've trimmed, I guess that is that.  What else?  I do have things to do, and I will do them.

Making a list, checking it twice.  Chemicals, cigars, and other things might burn, but there is worse.  I might not yet be a saint, but it is the direction headed.  Fast enough?  Does any one honestly believe so?  When things get harsh, or if they never do, am I willing to die or live humbly?  That is as much as I could suggest.  Hope.

Seeking through pain.

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Peoples have done this in many ways, in many cultures and religions in all time.  Flaggation, hanging from hooks, sweat lodges, tattoos, you name it.  And to various levels for various reasons.  Death isn't the intention, it might well be the outcome.  Further, sometimes more is done.  The mind and soul might be purged along with the body.  A package deal.

In this video, it seems as if the narrator is being forced to endure all forms of privations.  Offered no solution but accepting pain, with a way out but only a naked one, he eventually accepts.  Most men cannot go there on there own.  Even if you know the story you realize even then there is a trick.  I needed no such trick.

Ah, the shark stare!

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And more.  I... realize the phenomenon.  I simply didn't know the cause.  It unnerves some, others shield from it by turning away, while others... especially attracted females... dive into it.  As some folk get used to you, or me, they relax and are no longer bothered.  I wondered why folk told me things as if I was a confessor.

Yes, as with being called a coyote, so to have I been called a sigma, which implies the infj personality traits.  It took nearly thirty years to investigate the coyote thing, so it only taking a decade or two to review sigma and infj traits is... an improvement.  Not that I am an absolute believer, although when the shoe fits?  Of course, there is the notion that people want to be whatever they hear that sounds good, or to them.

Not a bad morning.

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I thought waking would be a bleak affair.  The strange wake, it was wondered, would cause problems.  As is, other than the tickle with breathing and a slower than even usual start, life isn't bad.  Oh, I do know what causes that strange feeling when breathing, it has to do with one of my meds.  I have been eating more the last few days.  Pretty much a normal consumption.  Just seeing if leaving fasting for a bit might help.

Awoke at 9:00, been awake for an hour and twenty.  Struggling to move it all forward if there isn't too much risk of folding into a ball of sleeping ogre.

Today?  I'm not there yet.  I keep having to check the day though, as long as they seem, they can sneak by and a vital one is approaching, and lots of other things are rolling my way.  I have no trouble swatting incoming, I just have to know that I can and should.  Unless there are far too many.  My current risk is shutting down from a sense of being overloaded.  Best not to exhaust myself, pacing is key, while every new thing is extra expensive and being on-call increases the energy consumption of standard activities.

Even so, back to the kitchen.  Surfaces, counters, kitchen table, then floors?  Yeah.  Along with that, cooking.  What I missed the other day, boiled eggs, a roast, ground beef and pork fried to crumble as an additive, prepping a head of romaine... that is pr... wait, egg cups, with bacon (which means bacon fried), that crumble, and/or cheese.  What of it can be done anyway.  Hmm, some of that will be eaten warm.  Basically cooking and cleaning for the week, in theory.

I highly doubt the majority will be done.  I am not sure anything will be done.  However, if I can do something that is roughly the projects and order, very roughly.  Oh, I'll mess with the bedding, changing it out at least with morning prayers.  A good start when focus is available.  Then back to resting for a bit.  Yeah, that sort of morning if it was feared to be worse.

Later.

A double nap?

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Awake at 2:00.  I voted for a full sleep.  At least I expected it.  It has been a while since sleep was off, though not so long.  I am still logging sleep because it was off.  Not for readers, just so I could review from time to time.  Then again this whole blog is a journal.  More private, just grandfathered into public access.  Though readership is dwindling, it surprises me that it exists.

Hmm?  I have no idea.  Something about something else?  I might not be asleep but that doesn't mean I am awake.  Not feeling well again.  It isn't as if I am being crushed, lightly.  Though it seemed so initially.  It is more as if the muscles that allow breath are very tired.  A similar outcome, different cause.  Breathing is work, almost has a tickle to it.  Intermediate work.  I can't be certain if that is what woke me, if I don't think so.  So tired.  Would like to sleep.

I may attempt to go back soon.  Later or good night again.
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Back to bed?  It is 3:30.

I just don't get it.

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It isn't just the conditions, symptoms, and numbers of them, it is the hatred from so many.  Why I haven't died I just don't get.  I have learned to suffer very well.  I don't mind living or dying at this point.  Truly, His will.  I do wonder if suffering here is the price.  When it is foggier I become nearly sure, as sure as possible, that I am in purgatory... and for what seems an eternity, foggy or not.

The pain or absolute absence of it, the times I know it hurts but the cascading issuance cancels the sensations, as waves can cancel sound.  If it isn't too rough it can be interesting to observe.  There is so little else to do at times.  While it may seem all I know is self, and that might be true at times, that knowledge is gained just as externally as if I were you.  As if I were watching a machine, a failing one, taking notes.

As to hatred, I don't really get it.  I just know it exists, smell it.  And from the most surprising people.  What people are isn't at all who they are.  Not always and becoming rarer.  They hate being easily noticed, but it is that hate that makes them so easy to see.  If I were wrong, if they could defend their hatred, they wouldn't quietly, intensively, hate at me from shadows.

I don't fully, even mostly, understand.  All I know is I have been humbled nearly to death, then given some sort of ability to see.  I have been called to God, and hooked up to write, sometimes understanding none or little of it, sometimes more... as this, at least on the simpler meanings.

Just letting you know that I see.  While I have been harsh I am changing some of my approach.  Videos offering wisdom have directed me to, probably, a better way... just adding things to sufferings and moving on.  So I really will simply pray for you.  Yes, I can see.

At 22:36 it is bedtime.  Good night.

Hmm? Getting there.

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Too much, if I'll keep at it.

An appointment for confession is set.  I am not sure there will be time for blessings.  One thing at a time, or as necessary.  Stoked, if in a truly terrifying way.  I will write things down so as not to forget.  Why not Saturday at such and so a time?  Because as I have found, I can't be sure I will be able.  You don't like it?

I'm the schedule cripple.  You don't understand?  I woke up one day and couldn't make my body work, only having rare successes.  Medicine has improved things so sometimes, more often, a few days advance and I might arrange things, if it's on the schedule my system is on.  It's what I have.  So frustrated I tried to end it four solid times.  Brother, you have no idea.  I can't even die.

A curse, until as I was telling visitors today, I saw it for the humbling grace it is.  Still need great help with humility even now, to tell you were it started.  God has taken care of me, all that slips through my ungrasping cold nearly dead hands God seems to manage.  Deserve?  Of course not.  All the worse for the whiles until I... just relaxed into it, if continuing to try well beyond my ability, like a broken child trying to wake, walk, work, right through hopelessness.  As such, the goal is to be there an hour or two early. If the chapel or... if nothing else is open I can pray and read in my vehicle.

With that set I called plumbers.  I found one with prices which work.  A general quote, advice on brands though nothing exact, but no surety of when.  Within the week, I am told.  I'll just work on what can be done until then.  Probably in to see about a faucet soon.  I need cat litter and cat food while at it.  Perhaps I simply had too much on my plate.  Serious stuff, all popping at once as I view the horizon.

Two of three.

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Calls.  Actually three of four, the second and third, if because of a rejection.  One priest said he was too busy this week and... left it there.  I tried one negotiation, was shot down absolutely and all but dared to try again.  I... am catching clues better these days, for better or worse.  Okay.  So I called another.  I am waiting to hear back.  Confession, sacramentals, as a start.  Yeah, I have the list.  This is probably the most difficult one.  As memory improves...  as I learn...  Is it still a sin to miss required masses if a shutin?  I am assuming so.  As with other things.  God might well understand.  Hearing it in confession is still desired.  I will do my best.

The first call was to reschedule the missed appointment.  It seems one chance will be offered.  As to local contact, that won't be given.  The review area changes, so their is no actual single place, or local phone access?  Really?  It will be several weeks to a month or more out.  So I went with the next.  When I hear back, and get that set, or call another priest if need be...  Once set up I will call a plumber.  I just can't set up two blind appointments, they always collide.

Yea, I think I will skip the nap.  I will just attempt to stay awake until early afternoon, at least beyond time for a return call.  Not sure... about some things.  The world is changing.  I may be unwelcome, for right or wrong, or both, reasons.  I will find out soon enough.  Later.

Better. By degrees.

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I have to admit, I had some... concerns.  Not worries, my faith is absolute.  Even should I die before I could make it to confession I have the list ready.  Even while I do not have a blessed rosary, and seem surrounded by darkness, God knows I would be praying that way, am praying in other ways, including working on deeper prayers.  I keep looking, from time to time, neither rosary has turned up.

Better?  Yes.  Mostly in that I don't feel as if I am being crushed.  As to getting to work?  We'll see.  Not feeling lost and oppressed is good for now.  A few phone calls, then a nap?  Maybe.  Sure sounds good.  Want to help?  Really.  Just a short prayer, it's at least as good for you.  Later.

I just can't... take your pick.

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Well, I have done some things.  I cleared free-standing materials under the sink, did light cleaning after.  There is still the reverse osmosis tank and else under there.  Trash and recycling waited to this morning.  I hope I got recycling out in time.  Burned out, washed up, too hot, no energy, nothing.  At least I don't hurt on top of it all.  I have no good way to get to things.  And, yet, I must.

A few phone calls this morning.  Oh, a bit out from the fridge before the trash truck arrives.  If I can, a bit more cleaning under the sink.  A sponge bath would be good.  If I could just... get at things!  Ah, recycling truck, I was in time.  Anyway... just to wake, work, or even sleep.  It's rough and not improving.  Could be worse.

A call to reschedule an appointment, then schedule a plumber and which faucet he would recommend and then to obtain that.  I am hoping for a Moen single handle, or Delta.  I'm not going against his advice.  They rarely make the old kind, most with those prone to fail silicon disks.  Some aren't 'wet', so hard water doesn't cause the same problem(s), or so I have heard.  Failed tech which either absolutely stops drips or requires a complete shutoff of water and total replacement of the faucet, basically sticking people with an unfunded mandate of some sort?  Can't burn the EPA fast enough.  Now to undo their harms!

Oh, what I thought was the recycling truck was for trash.  I may have missed recycling.

Life has been so ugly lately.  I simply can't keep up.  Email returns, work, appointments, more.  Late, tired, off... no pain lately, or I am too out of it to notice.  If I owe you contacts, wait longer.  Be patient.  If I don't die first I will get back to you.  Can't think.  Tired.

Oh, to bed after 23:00, was trying to force getting the trash out.  Up at 8:00.  Later.

Is enough ever enough?

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I think some see.  More than suspected.  Not all can do much, not even all who can do, and see, are willing to do anything.  Some can't even shut up, continuing with lies in spite of no doubts about the truth.  Oh yes, changes will either be accepted or crushing.

Awake, perhaps soon to be at it.

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Sleep was good.  The room was in the low forties, perhaps lower?  I sleep so much better that way, especially when terribly tired.  I think I heal better that way too.  Just is how it is.  Dreams, but their memories aren't lasting.  Dreaming often, for the last few days.  Am I done yet?  It ain't over, I don't know but I'm pretty sure.  Awake at 7:30-8:00, to bed around 21:30.