Too high, but why?

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Last night, at 196... this morning at 225.  For one thing, vinegar needs to be consumed before food, and maybe several times a day?  It depends who is talking.  But, okay.  I'm starting with a vinegar ketonic.  I will have another one around noon, then one before my first meal.

That wasn't all.  I started having caloric ketonics early, midmorning.  Which would be fine if I used that as the start of my intermittent fasting.  I ate calories over too long of a time span?  I don't know, but I think so.  I am pretty sure I didn't eat too many calories.  Fats were in good order, as were proteins, with only four to six carbs.

Every day is a new opportunity.  Today I will test ketonics.  I can't have the spice ketonic, as it needs fats, thus calories, for absorption.  But, how much fat?  If a tablespoon would be enough, that amount of raw whole cream doesn't, from experience heretofore, cause an insulin response.  I'll... test that, as I like to have a few of those a day... turmeric (1/2 Tbsp.), fresh ground black pepper (1/4 Tbsp.), ginger and cinnamon (1 Tbsp.), from a Tbsp. to cup of whole raw cream in a quart or two of warm tea.  If I am not going to have chia cereal (like today) I will add ground flax seed (1 Tbsp.).

Crazy sounding stuff.  Actually interesting to consume.  A few drops of sucradrops or other (very lightly sweetened) and it is good to go.  I tried it salty.  Not preferred.  I save my salt injection for the vinegar formula, half a Tbsp. once a day.  The rest I eat, or skip.  Yeah, it is different.  It is helping, in some areas.  Ankle swelling and salt craving down. Extreme irritability?  *grins*

I need to get to the store.  Veggies, like or not... if mostly wanted foods.  Plus just to get out.  A call to the docs, at least one appointment, checking where I can get scripts, a shower first, post office, dishes, laundry...???  Well...  IF I'M ALIVE!  ;p  Later.

Not bad.

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An hour after the keto cereal, blood sugar was up.  At 164, eating to my satisfaction, I won't complain.  That is only a thirteen point jump.  There is something, however, that was forgotten.  Something that seems to lower blood sugar... an apple cider vinegar ketonic.  So I am having one.  I'll check sugar in an half hour, then an hour after that.

It looks like Desert Cat was right about veggies.  Too many sources, and what I am seeing, is tracking toward evidenciary results.  So I am beginning to look at veggies a bit more.  Looks like my favorites are in there.  Kale is okay, especially drenched in a.c. vinegar or butter.  But cabbage, brussels sprouts, avocado, spinach, asparagus, cauliflower, even tomatoes (when good ones are available) and carrots, and a few others are good.  Broccoli is very good too, but always a challenge.

Six to nine cups a day?  I don't think so.  Between cost and constant shopping, that is beyond my abilities.  However, kale powder and wheatgrass powder, mixed with regular veggies, might make that more reasonable.  Eat fresh until gone or bad, then go to powder until I can make it back to the store.  With the price of powder, I would be motivated to shop more often.

Anyway... I am figuring things out.  Not the perpetual exhaustion, but I am trying to sneak past it, to get some things going.  Ugh.  Later.

Funky.

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I had a late meal.  I didn't believe it would matter.  It did.  An half portion of chia pudding sent blood sugar from 135 to 223.  I hoped it would be down this morning.  I waited until after some shoveling.  Nope, 247.  I waited to eat to take another reading.  I didn't want to see the number, so stalled eating, just having fasting ketonics, until 13:28, at which time it read 175... right before starting lunch.  That is a 72 point drop, but still disappointing.

Breakfast. The last of the salami and a fatted tea.  I will miss that.  Everything tasted so sweet.  The salami, the teas, my fingers?  Crazy.  I almost wondered if my food had been poisoned with sugar.  Seriously.  I have been eating off and on since.  Two hours later, in the quarter of my (potential) mealtime, another read... 151?  Okay.

I am about to have a bowl of chia.  The thing that might be throwing the reading is either messing up intermittent fasting, or a new food I am adding.  If it jacks now, within my i.f. window, I'll suspect the new additive.  One new food or process at a time... or just a few.

Bp is a middling range.  I wear out quickly and easily.  Whatever.  Later.

Different. Interesting?

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I waited a bit over the time, if close enough.  The first bp check on my right arm was nearly disastrous, at 178/110  pulse 86.  Sure, I have had worse, but not on medication.  Perhaps the hiccups in taking it have been too severe?  I start with the right, in an obverse reason to why the Dread Pirate Roberts starts with the left... the opposite is usually better.  Not yesterday.  Today?  137/90 pulse 86?  Wow, huge difference.

Oh, decided to test blood sugar.  I knew it was going to be higher.  At 135 I was... wrong.  Crazy.  I'll take it.  A thirteen point drop while I am still stuffed to the gills.  *blub*  Just weird.  Good, I think.  But surely odd.  A nap, if I can get out of the chair.  Ugh.  Later.

After lunch blood sugar.

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I kept putting testing off.  I have been hungry (sort of) since 10:30.  Salami, too much, but...  Several ketonics, plus a tiny salted vinegar tea... it really helps with stomach stoppage, maybe bloat, and seems to, maybe help keep blood sugar low.  Yeah, but with nearly constant consumption and the high fasting number, I didn't expect a good number, perhaps 160 to 180, though it might just be up.

Yes, I get nervous, didn't want to check.  It was time, past time.  148?  I checked several times, to see if the number I was seeing was right.  Even leaving the menu level then going back in.  A fifty point drop after constant consumption, with a belly full enough to hurt.  That's my kind of gig!

I am tired, worn, not feeling good.  A bit of a shave, a shower, messing with easy food and drinks.  A nap?  Maybe.  After this fatted tea, and an hour.  Just took meds, want to check bp.  It was really high last I checked.  Then a nap.  So ready.  Later.

What!?!

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The last two blood sugar readings last night, through five and an half hours of yesterday, read 163, both times.  I had hoped they would drop, but at least they didn't rise.  This morning?  198  Crap.  I guess the next fast will have to be longer.  I won't be ready to fast again until next weekend, at he best.

A change, from something I am eating or doing... the hair on my head has become thicker, coarser.  It's like I turned Italian overnight.  A more recent or longer term change though, I can't say.  In one way, it is great.  Having baby hair makes it impossible to manage.  But thicker hair has to be managed.  A little goop and I could almost sculpt a sea wave.  I wonder though, temporary or permanent?

Hungry, but what to eat?  I Don't want cereal twice in a row.  Hungry?  Actually not, at least yet.  I have some time to consider, as I prefer not to eat until hunger, or bodily churning, kicks in.  I'm not fully enough into keto yet to not ever have hunger.  Though sometimes it isn't there.  It is hit or miss for now.  Though, if I pay attention, when hunger isn't happening, I can sense the machine seeking energy.  With intermittent fasting, of course, it doesn't always get food.  In the feeding hours, however, I prefer to start eating on the active or passive signal, rather than just because, or by the clock (save as a time limiter and I.F. timer - eight hours of eating time, at least sixteen hours of no food).  Anyway...

A shower first thing.  Now to dress, get dishes going, get ready to water the quackles and cats, and try to hit the world.  I'll try to dig in today.  Later.

A different question.

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I have been ignoring.  I don't care about stupid questions.  Days.  Longer?  I am in no shape to know.  Have you ever had someone at your door while you are trying to sleep.  They just won't go away.  Finally, you gather yourself, your attire, your mind, and you go look.  Perhaps curious by this point, or at least trying to remove the spirit of resentment before meeting the interlocutor... better have something important to say.

Well... I may not learn who this is, but I will answer the question so as to rest.

Awesome^2?

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I believe it.  A couple hours after, blood sugar dropped more, to 167.  Cool.  I actually expected it to start rising.  Either way I planned to eat.  Two ounces of filberts... rounded up a lot, half an ounce or more... three ounces of salami sliced thin, and, say, three ounces of cream cheese, plus tea.

Cool.  Two hours later, a bit ago?  Blood sugar was down to 162.  Something good is happening.  Further, while I can't eat more, I don't have a heavy stomach, as if everything stopped in there.  Apple cider vinegar, I am sure of it.  It has acidified the gut.  I actually feared acid reflux, in spite of what I heard.  Nope.  It is helping.

The next trial?  Iodine.  I keep, and use, table salt, iodized... iodinized? with iodine.  I don't eat enough fish and sea food.  Or eggs lately.  Eggs?  Yep, I didn't know that either... if I haven't sorted out egg consumption required for daily recommended values.  I do know most people are short on this, very short.  Although there is a way to test.  I'll do that before buying a supplement.  It's... just on the mind... potential list.

Food is done for the day.  I'll test blood sugar in three then five hours.  Just tea from here on out, only one with sucradrops.  I still expect it may go back up.  We'll see.  Later.

Wow.

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As I get ready to do things, a blood test.  A very nice if odd 181 number.  An hour after eating, only drinking a vinegar and tea in the interim (took the whole hour to drink the pint of mostly tea), my blood sugar DROPPED eleven points!  Now it will do that at some point when fasting blood sugar drops below 150, sometimes more after leveling there, but I've not had this happen above.  It only lowers, even then, for breakfast.  I am curious if this would work as such, later in the day, or for the second meal.  Crazy.

It is quite a thing.  I wouldn't have believed a food could do that.  Oh, but I can now be more sure apple cider vinegar doesn't trigger a glucose response.  It might even be what helped lower the number?  Helping digestion?  I don't... know... anything.  In time my suspicions, right or wrong, may lead to a more functionally healthy pattern of eating and living.

I will just end up dead, in the world (barring surviving to be among the quick taken for judgement, assuming I am human or that option exists if not).  But why not seek health so as to enjoy what life remains?  I might even seek a woman, if I could be a bit more active.  I think I am tricky and know I am foolish enough.  :p  I just need a little more life... Father.  *rictus grin*

Well, on to some things.  Good morning, day.

Almost back to a normal day.

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No more split days, two per twenty four hours.  Going to bed in the evening, waking in the morning.  I can't recall bedtime.  After 19:00, but just or well after 21:00 I can't say.  Not much later, not any later.  Waking at 5:06 to be exact, with my current condition suggesting an eight to nine hour sleep... yeah.  It's just math.

A bit bruised and battered.  The fast, the bits of work, getting on medicine again, all combined to do a number on me.  Plus the cold.  All good.  Where would I be without challenges?  Another shower nearly right away.  Or bath?  My body aches.  A bath is better, but is a lot of work.  But Epsom salt!  I'd really like a bath.

I have been checking the ducks more frequently.  The fear of their water freezing...  Just that once, so far.  Some days they eat a ton, sometimes almost nothing, but water they use right down every day.  The last bag of feed is next.  The next time I am out I need to check on feed.  A non-soy mix, if I can afford it.  I like my animals, but also choose certain things myself.  It looks like they go through a bag a month?  Ah, they used to do that.  I am at half billet.  Still, the goal is more, and maybe meat, this summer.  Six bags?  If I can, four as a fallback proposition.  I plan on gifting one, along with some of the hydrated lime... spring is coming 'round the mountain.

Uhrm... no.

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Limburger.  Just no.  I actually was able to eat some of it.  It actually tasted okay, mostly.  A strange cheese, as a new mushroom, takes time.  The texture wasn't too off.  But the smell?  My heavens.  Oh my heavens.  I've washed my hands three times, taken the trash out with everything involved.  It's all I can smell.  Only more so on the fingers which touched the stuff near my face, or disturb the air, they smell worse... worser?  No, definitely worserest!

Other than the smell, I could do the cheese.  It isn't my favorite, not worth the bother... currently.  But I'd like to try it again.  Someday.  Why?  Believe it or else it is part of what kings do.  Real ones.  Delusional you say?  As you wish.  Perhaps somewhere I could just obtain a small portion, cleaned of it's rind.  No fainting or head rush, just... no.

The salami I am into is fantastic.  The usual spices, though with fennel.  It has serious umami, if not near the Limburger.  A touch of the scent of death.  That is umami.  There is much deeper... seven or more years of salt preserved fish, among others.  I am a novice to umami, if exceptional for a Westerner.  I'll keep working on it.

It is nearing bedtime.  Medicine, an hour or two, then down.  Ah, paid my mortgage.  My phone... either already paid it or it hasn't come due yet.  Ugh.  Confusing world for those so close to death.  Good night.  I'll keep you in my prayers, even if only as an enemy.  Everybody gets at least a moment.

I just can't.

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Hungry.  I have to eat.  I so want spaghetti.  I know.  No.  In three weeks, if I still want it, sure.  I have whole einkorn wheat pasta.  I am curious to see if it makes any difference.  If not, back to regular non whole wheat pasta.  So... what to eat?  I think salami with limberger... a trial cheese.  If I can't do that, then cream cheese.  Actually, starting of with a fatted coffe might be best.

I have been looking for replacements for things.  Chia seeds and various nuts for cereal, or nuts, coco nibs, and coconut chips or shreds for granola.  I haven't tried those, but do have the ingredients for the first and am closing on the other.  But potatoes... sure, there is cauliflower.  That takes a lot of processing.  Or seems to.  And doesn't work as fries.

Daikon radish and jicama are a couple of runners up.  The latter is also said to make a reasonable apple replacement.  Just passing on ideas.

Yeah, I am ending the fast.  Blood sugar is 136.  At least there is that.  Later.

Hmm...

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I mixed two ketonic recipes.  The turmeric ginger pepper with the ketone and electrolyte powder, with cream, in hot tea.  Actually that wasn't bad.  Given the givens that is.  In this first hour, blood sugar jumped 25 points to 176.  Maybe too much cream.  I am having an apple cider vinegar ketonic, hoping that might help.  No lemon juice in it today, with blood sugar already increasing.

Perhaps too much cream, maybe I can't add fats two days in a row, or just as possibly my blood sugar simply jumps from time to time.  A lot of blood testing, but it helps, especially while trying new drinks.  I'll check in another hour.  If still increasing, then the next hour.  If leveled or fallen, I'll wait two hours.

Ducks and cats are mostly good.  Better check the litter pans.  Medicine is down.  Dishes have been washed and reset.  I'll do two portions, drying and putting up.  Then get a shower.  I hope in time to get to the post office.  Then, maybe folding laundry and of course setting up more dishes.  I'll check the water for the ducks sometime this afternoon.  They are amazing creatures.

Later.
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Right.  Leveled, some might call it a drop.  At one point less I call it a leveling.  The precision and accuracy of the device, even at 1% if that is it's rating, simply isn't there.  No problem, this is sufficient to satisfy my concern.  I really wonder... I should probably consume a tablespoon of the a.c. vinegar tea ketonic before eating anything with calories.  At least until blood sugar is well controlled and I am well fat adapted.  Wrong or right, for the moment, I am tying fat adaptation to blood sugar.

Yeah.  I'll keep at it.  A bit hungry, mild at the moment... comes and goes.  If it gets too bad, under several sources of more established advisement, I will consume small portions of fat.  Not to satiation, merely to grease the skids.  A tablespoon of cream or butter in tea.

Actually, I suspect ketone crystals of somehow, sometimes, raise blood sugar.  It is probably still a potential good sometimes.  Though I am past that point.  I'll not use it again unless I really mess up.  Energy isn't great, but is good enough for short shifts.  I'm getting there.  Later.

Finally.

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Fasting blood sugar is 151.  At least the rest of today is fasting, though through Saturday, even Sunday, is hoped.  No more, not yet.  I am unsure of four days.  I can't be sure, about everything, but it seems either multiday fasting or insulin are the only ways.  I'd much prefer fasting, and it has to be coupled with intermittent fasting, to work.  Well, that and keto.  The problem is I have to be clear of mind, which... yes... means being well dosed on heart medicine.

It's a rougher gig than it sounds.  Like being forced to soldier with one arm tied behind my back, wearing an eye patch on one eye, carrying an extra useless forty pounds of weight.  I could yell,  "Not fair"!  But I, and everybody else, knows this, on both sides of the issues.  That is a given.  No one can help, or will.  Not in a way that could balance things.  Actually the only way to balance things, since I can't improve, would be to saddle everyone.  I am not misery, and don't care for company... certainly not that much.  *grins*

I had another type of ketonic yesterday eve.  I was not sure it would work, as it included a tablespoon of cream, though could use butter.  Turmeric, ginger, ground pepper (to absorb turmeric... stuff, pepper and fat are useful), well, in hot tea.  Not as tasty as had hoped.  Adding salt or a sweetener, perhaps ghee, might work.  Actually butter.  The ghee I bought separated.  I suspect it has oil.  I am trying to sort that out.  Anyway... it didn't bother blood sugar.

I am about to have a regular ketonic.  I might add a teaspoon of cream, just to try to kick over fat burning.  As mentioned, while I am positive I am making ketones, hugely, I am not sure they are being used.  Ugh.  My doubts hinge on high blood sugar while eating a high fat diet.  That leads me to suspect my body is breaking down dietary and muscle protein in the body.  Beside high blood sugar is foamy pee.  Yeah.

Which, among other things is why I am experimenting with other ketonics, herbs and spices, and food mixes.  I am, generally, avoiding supplements, going for foods and spices.  I ate and drank my way into some of this mess. It's the only way out.  It might even cure or improve my heart on the way through.  That wasn't my fault, nor was the extended lack of treatment.  Doesn't mean I can't treat it.  All doctors and medicine do, at this time, is help (if they deign) by buying some unknown chunk of time.  I have to do the rest.

Actually, from a human... or what passes for that in these quarters... perspective, I... enjoy this challenge.  Sure, I would rather be an engineer, brick layer, plumber, husband, father, even merc.  But this is what I have left.  It is dangerous, difficult, requiring risking health even life for small gains.  It is complicated, requiring learning, investigation on several levels, plus lab work, some of which I do.  That is to stay alive!  What do you do to stay alive?  Go to work?  Race you!  ;P

Well, enough for now.  Have a good morning, day.

It actually did.

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Blood sugar, without any cause, increased to 171.  Something metabolic.  While fasting, I assume fuel was gathered, if not the fuel... fat... I am trying to get it to use.  Ketosis is very good, according to the test strips.  Running between 80 and 160, pushing toward darker purple.  The two aren't perfectly tied, if they usually have sync... just not lately.

Hunger is heavy.  I am considering another ketonic, if of a different sort.  Ketone crystals, electrolyte powder, tea, and... I think that is all I can use that won't exacerbate blood sugars.  I am sure, five or six hours later, it isn't the vinegar ketonic which caused the spike.  Especially after having initially lowered it, though there could be more complex reactions than I am currently aware.  I'll keep experimenting.  Perhaps a day, tomorrow, without that?  Maybe.

It has been a good day.  No work.  Medicine, restarting.  I didn't think so, when I thought about.  I hoped.  Just couldn't gain traction no matter the effort.  Oh, and some suggested my experiences are, or may be, pure imagination, or demonic in nature.  There are only a few ways to know, or be more certain.  Can't be certain about who is sending the packets, if it seems possibly close to the source.

I have learned a few things I didn't know.  I will admit I am always... suspicious, even if I go with it.  However, understand, I am not emotional about these things.  At least not always in the positive.  Some might wish, for example, to be marked.  I am not happy with it.  Inconvenient, and I don't expose it publicly.  Nobody's bizwax... just... a point on a mostly hidden blog, by an anon "writer".  I am curious who you are.  Even an anon expression would be appreciated.

No worries, if you won't step forward.  If, however, you choose to snipe from the shadows... fine.  Just include prayers.  I understand that standing in the light, or dealing directly with every questionable sort, is impossible.  Still, the door is open.  There are two email addresses.  I only check a.c a few times a month but it isn't as public as a.g.  Just a thought.

If blood sugar keeps increasing I'm just going to eat.  Pasghetti, as I prefer to call it.  Later.  Maybe good night.  And, God bless.
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Bleh.  Blood sugar dropped to 161, no dinner.  Loving what you hate?  I'm gladder that it dropped, if my stomach placed a bet on the losing horse.  Not even crow, cold as is said best.  Psghetti will have to wait.  Bedtime it is.  A grumpy stomach is no fun.
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Another shot at the ketonic.

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This time I excluded lime juice.  Labelled as zero carb, zero calorie, obviously untrue.  This time I went with about a pint of tea, two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, an quarter to half teaspoon of cream of tartar, and an half tablespoon of pink Himalayan salt.  Not as tasty, but still not bad.

My blood sugar has been dropping, if slowly, since... I think... 214 this morning.  It was 179 as I started consuming the ketonic.  I must admit, I was surprised I could consume a.c. vinegar on an empty stomach, while fasting.  I was able to consume this concoction quickly, less than five minutes.  An hour later, blood sugar continued it's fall, down slightly to 174.  Fasting remains simple enough.  And I am not freezing, or feeling cold, today.

Something strange?  Burping.  Which isn't necessarily strange, it was the taste... and a strange realization.  Although, for me, belching and passing gas, since Draino, maybe before, is rare... so actually it is odd.  Anyway.  The taste reminds me of a whiskey I used to greatly desire at times... need.  Or scotch?  Further, this vinegar scratches that vital need, but without drunkenness.  I know, crazy.  But true.  I must assume the whisky had some similar acid?  Fascinating.  I tell you, alcohol was the only medicine I had when doctors were trying to pacify me to death with bad medicine.

Oh, two hours on, blood sugar has dropped to 151.  I'll check the next hour, then at the three hour mark, from now... just to see if my blood sugar jumps for no good reason.  Just... checking.  The goal is two days fasting.  But if all is good, I might try three.  With this new ketonic to experiment with, maybe four?  I'd like to figure a way to extended fasting.

I'm not interested in trying to learn to live on sunshine, moonbeams, and air.  I just want a tool through which to quash diabetes.  Again.  I can't become "catatonic" anymore (quotes, as it wasn't true catatonia, as my mind is as you now perceive it, it just couldn't express itself through a nearly dead body).  Becoming catatonic I was able to nearly hibernate, thus starve, for weeks, even mostly months at a time.  Ah... such memories.

I thought to do an update on the ongoing fasting ketonic experiment.  Tomorrow I will risk lemon juice.  Though, perhaps next time I fast, I may try fresh juices of each sort.  This will also work for intermittent fasting, so as to not break the fast, yet have something beside tea.  Later.

One little meal...

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The meal helped.  I got warm quickly.  Not hot, comfortable.  If sleeping with food finished the process.  I dressed for winter right away this morning.  Dallied until frigid yesterday.  That was part of it.  Fasting today and tomorrow?  Sure!  I'll give it a shot.  Try, try again.  If I fail?  Tomorrow, next week, later still.  I'll get at least a two day fast in.

I'll be trying the new ketonic, without lime juice, later.  Fasting blood sugar was back up at 214.  A day of fasting ruined by two to three ounces of pork, the anemic four remnant pieces of celery, and half a block of cream cheese?  Well, the ketonic had done damage already.  As to the ketonic, I'm not sure whether to skip juice or use lemon?  No, I'll skip this time.

Re-re-re-started medicine.  Reset it for two weeks... need potassium for the next two weeks but otherwise that is set.  I've been off longer this time, and so roughly on and off before that it's hurting this time.  Ugh.  If it isn't one thing it is another.  Still, I'm keeping at it, in mind, even spirit, if not flesh.  So rough, if pain has become a path to sacred blessings.  I hope you live to see such wisdom.  The fear of pain which grips so many is becoming their death and may become the death of the world.

Not sure.

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Blood sugars have risen after drinking the new ketonic.  Up to 160 right after finishing (took an hour, heavy stuff), 180 an hour after, and down to 177 an hour even later.  Not so good.  A thirty point rise at the height.  Lime juice?  The salt, cream of tartar, and tea are definitely not carbs.  Vinegar or lemon juice... probably.  The lime juice is better, says no carbs.  I'll try one without that tomorrow.

I never did warm up.  So I didn't work.  I may have to eat.  For now.

I checked on the ducks.  Good thing too.  Their water, strangely, froze over.  I got them fresh water and checked later.  They all must have drank and bathed.  The water was filthy and low.  No whine, just a note.  With the great want and need I got them another portion of water.  I'll check again before sleeping.  And feed the girls.  Might as well have a bite myself.

I've got the furnace at 74 F, two pair of socks, my winter boots, jeans, and two shirts.  Thermometers are saying it's hot, so it must just be me.  Food is the last, next, potential fix... for today.  Ugh.  I haven't been cold like this for a while.  Good night.

Believer?

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Depends.

Food advice in this case.  No?  Yes?  In this case, no.  If I have gotten good dope from an adviser before, I will give them more of my ear.  As I have mentioned before, belief isn't a requirement to induce or prevent action.  As long as there is time, exploration, investigation, and trials can be performed.

I do research on a variety of topics from time to time.  Too much reading and watching on single topics at a time and I begin to draw blanks.  Nothing sticks, nothing forms of what is going in.  Too much study can also do that, generally.  Jack has to play.  The recent topic I planned to review ended up being a hot topic.  It turns out to have uses even within fasting.

Apple cider vinegar, especially the type including the mother.  Actually, if it's just the acid, why the mother?   Anyway...  Why the curiosity?  First, that I learned to use it when making bone broth.  It helps leech the minerals from the bone.  This... seemed to hold potential for other purposes.  Something, something, my subconscious suspected something, just couldn't quite solve the puzzle.

Then, many advisers who had gained some trust, kept writing or doing vids on this subject.  I just didn't see this as primary and have had other research ongoing.  Until now.  Amazing.  I may have solved a major problem!  That of digesting, or not actually, meat.  Actually I have been having difficulty digesting anything.  Now, I am cutting meat, and other protein, a bit.  But beside loving meats, they are the best sources of protein, and often fat.

Fasting isn't always fun.

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It started off a bit difficult.  It has gotten better.  Knowing it is a short, two day, fast made it easier, but it was already getting easier for no known reason.  Waking to seeming violence may have ended with hunger.  First adrenaline, then backing that down... extra hunger from the bodily functions.

Fasting blood sugar was 213, then dropped to 191.  I decided to try the fasting version of my warm tea ketonics.  It includes a ketone crystal mix, taurine, and an electrolyte powder.  All on trial, but supposed to be carb and calorie free.  I'll test in an hour, and then two.  If it's higher in two then one hours, I'll check again in three hours.  I am hoping for no, or a negligible rise.  Anything over fifteen and I'll begin checking which item it might be.  Labels simply can't be trusted anymore if blood sugar can just go squirrelly.

I haven't gotten to work.  Cold, baby.  I turned up the heat and dressed warmer.  About to add a jacket.  Sometimes it might be health, or hunger, or other such.  All I know is I won't work until I warm up a bit.  The warm tea should help.  I just can't get to things while so cold.  Taurine is supposed to help with energy while fasting.

Later.
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Good, so far.  I am just finishing the ketonic.  Still, it's been an hour since I started.  It's probably all good.  Blood sugar is 187 or a four point drop.  I'll give it another hour.  If there is no, or serious, swing up, I'll call it good.  I will still check from time to time.  It's how I do.  Trust but verify, continually.  You can never be sure enough.

Still cold.  More hot tea, maybe a few more points on the furnace.  Later.
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Good.  Blood sugar dropped to 178, down nine more points.  I won't bother with a three hour check.  Three hours out I may check again.  Yes, I did have liquid sucralose with the hot tea.  It was carefully dosed at four drops in two quarts.  So, yes, occasionally, if dosed down.  Sometimes I simply can't drink without it.

Still so cold.  Tending the ducks, I read the thermometer... below zero, F.  The light wasn't good so I couldn't make an exact read.  I don't think the cold is anything but health problems.  Cold?  I am freezing.

Thank heavens.

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It's both January and the first.  I didn't realize the point on the calendar before going to bed.  Woke to several pops and a cacophony, mostly of women.  That could be either celebratory or... what happens after someone gets shot.  It's how they do, especially in flocks.  Then a bunch of bangs.

It was time to wake, so I did.  Then a consideration of what to do.  I hadn't seen... anything.  I decided to simply look, in a way I wouldn't be backlit.  Excuse me for knowing a few things.  Nothing.  No one.  No activity or sound at all.  Then, I really started thinking fireworks, but couldn't figure out why.  As is per usual, as I returned to the living room, my eyes tasted the electronic calendar... ahha.

All good.  I am all but sure, had there been a shooting, police would be there, and an ambulance by now.  So, no.  No problems.  They just woke me in time to celebrate the new year.  *grins*  I don't stress over things, only figure them out, dealing with what must be dealt with, living with what must be endured.  Or just getting a chuckle out of events.  Cheers!  Don't lose an eye having fun.  But do enjoy.

Never did get to work.  Couldn't eat a whole chicken thigh either.  I stayed awake until mid afternoon, hoping to figure some work out.  It just wouldn't happen.  I finally, after stretching six or more hours beyond a natural bedtime, hit the wall so hard I put my skeleton from the waist up out of whack sleeping like a log.

I'll push several things through, right after waking fully.  Laundry folding, dishes, and a shower, right away.  Well after a couple hours.  I may need to sleep after that.  If so, it'll probably just be a nap, after which I can hit folding and more dishes right after.  Yeah, I think so.  I'd like to collect boxes and maybe get going in the kitchen.  Yeah.  I'll get there.  Oh, right, my fast starts today, lasting to Friday.  Bleh.  I had just started grousing around mentally for breakfast.  Cold tea it is!  Bleh, if I haven't said it.

I don't think so?

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Usually, anytime a food label indicates sugar, my diabetes takes a spike if I consume it.  Proof ignorance is no excuse.  This cheese, and I probably had four ounces, created no spike.  Well, along with the salami, cream, and filberts, blood sugar only went fifteen points higher, and that probably not from the meal as it is four hours later, maybe three.  Still...  And fast carbs cause the fastest spikes... if my stomach is working.  A bm shortly after breakfast, and no knotted sensation, tell me it's all working.  So, those carbs weren't as severe as paperwork would lead me to believe.

So... What is the problem?  I may have to force a fast.  Maybe just two days.  As well, push through with work.  And make broth in the meanwhile, to have something easier to go off the fast.  I don't feel up to it.  Isn't that the best time, often?  Yeah.  Starting tomorrow?  Sure.  My first waking period Tuesday until my first waking period Friday.

I've gotten most of the trash out, and cycled a load of laundry through.  No more laundry until I get things sorted and put up.  I was quite behind.  I am, because of folding and sorting remaining, about a third finished.  If by bulk through the machines, closer to half, or two thirds complete.  Some of what remains are smaller specialty loads, so it'll take a while even so.

I had to take a break on trash.  It is two thirds out.  I am too tired to work very hard.  The goal is to have it all out before 6:00.  Some days they are very early.  No blame, that cycles.  Just, gotta get this out.  Not sure if it is recycling day yet either.  Ugh.  Later.
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Done!  Before 5:15.  No recycling but it was taken to the bin.  The next goal is two baskets of laundry, then the dishes soaking, then a shower.  I won't do a single load of laundry until all else is sorted and put up.  Gah, ugh, bah!  It'll be a few days.  Vinegar has helped refresh the washer.  Done!

Now?  To rest, then eat... or sleep?  The hope is a bite, folding, dishes, then a shower.  No promises.  Crashes have been intense and come quickly, surprising and capsizing my consciousness in an Utah instant.  Still, I think at least two out of three probably, and a small meal... a chicken thigh and... ?  Later.  Good night and day, in case I crash.

That might be it.

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Blood sugar is staying right above 200.  Not quite up to fasting, but careful eating will usually bring it to the 150's.  I started watching things closely, it just wouldn't budge.  As I was having a cheese and salami snack yesterday... my Christmas culinary dinner substitute... I was thinking how delightful it was.  Enough for a couple light snacks through the twelve days.  How much like a caramel cheese, as perfectly those two can be blended.

Like a ton...  So I rushed into the kitchen.  Yep.  Sugar added, or something or a process that sweetens... perhaps the caramel process?  I guess that is a first for me, so...  It is called gjetost.  If you don't have sugar issues, love cheese and caramel?  Now, I thought I read it only has seven grams of sugar (per serving/ounce).  So, it really isn't too bad, or terrible anyway, unless you are running keto or diabetic.

Filberts for breakfast.  They are growing on me.  Two doses gets me 500 calories, mostly fat.  With a fatted tea, it's a full meal.  I am beginning to tag calories, roughly.  Is there any other way?  Right now I am not stressing calories, just checking what it takes to satisfy... fill the tank.  In time I may go by calories after interest in food otherwise dies off.  Calorie counting is practice... mostly.

Intermittent fasting is off as my sleep cycle is at two days per day.  I am guessing the only reason I am not mostly simply catatonic is because I am able to eat, and good food.  If a bear could find high fat food in the winter, would it sleep?  No.  Well, not as much.  No one wants to run around in the winter cold, either.  Even with an enclosed cave and 'always fire', it still gets cool.  On this one, I am more like the bear than the wolf or eagle.

Trash has to go tonight.  More work as well.  Food will help.  I have to push, or I'll crash before I can get chores done.  It's tough for me to get going before I crash in this cool.  I really have to shove.  I can't always do that.  I'll try.  Have to really focus on one thing, like a poll vaulter.  IF I can get that done, THEN focus on something else.  Just one thing at a time or I get lost in the possibilities, then run out of runway... crashing so hard things almost break.

Later.

Why so serious?

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A question and not a question.  Asking for clarification, telling through rhetoric, accusing, demanding, shocked, outraged... pleased.  So it goes with women.

Crashing.

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Every eight to twelve hours.  The need for sleep hits so hard I stumble to the bedroom. Sleep is good.  I don't wake all that refreshed.  No worries.  It outs food and the sleep cycle off.  I won't fool around with absolutes.  If I am hungry, for now, I will aim to eat and/or drink what keto meal I think will satisfy.

Waking at midnight, hunger had my attention.  A smaller fatted tea, about three to five ounces of pork roast, three celery stalks with five ounces of cream cheese.  Stuffed.  I'll have to cut down.  It was tasty.  I'll probably have another fatted tea before crashing in seven or fewer hours.  But that is it for food.

I am hoping to get work in.  True, it doesn't matter how I feel.  But I do need to be able to stand.  Ugh.  Later.

She.

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Not actually a new post.  The rest of an unfinished one.  The music rolled.  On and on, beyond my ability to collect, discern, and roll out reasonably.  Beyond my capacity, the capacity of my readers, or at least those who seek to the full experience of listening and reading the story, has been stretched.

Exhausted as I am, I still see and hear.  I am three music posts behind, after this one.  Not certain what happened, not fully.  But the floodgates have opened.  Oh, I think I know who she is.  Though what she wants... that's...  Women are tricky.  Certain women in our lives are trickier.  More so for some of us.  I'll... get to her before long.  First, the rest of her... infringement upon my space.  Is it always illegal to kill a woman?  As if it, mostly, matters with some of them.

A long nap.

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Three hours, and change?  Food took me out at the knees.  I will have another, but very small, fatted tea.  Blood sugar is down to 216, a fifty point drop from the meal high.  I checked ketones before the nap, I think.  They are between 80 and 160, so it isn't food that is ravaging diabetes, it is definitely the artificial sweetener.  I need to try to go without, cut back on volume and frequecy, plus alternate the kind I use.

Back to work today.  Trash has to go.  Laundry and dishes need worked, thus the fatted tea.  Just because my body is pumping out ketones doesn't mean it is using them yet.  Keeping extra fat, in smaller batches, is still seen as better... especially if I want to work.  I suspect I am not ketone adjusted, because of the exhaustion.  As well as minor flu symptoms... mostly headaches, neck and shoulder aches.

Yikes!

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It took nearly four hours to complete the meal.  Due to complications, almost double the heavy cream was used.  So I did get 2k calories.  I tested blood sugar to get some idea.  For 2k calories, a rise of 16 points of blood sugar?  That is very good.  I will take it. Still high, but meals like this and intermittent fasting... actually I might have to do an extended fast.  The right food and i.f. don't seem to work.

Ah, one thing that did work was the new electrolyte powder.  Very good.  The old stuff was jacking blood sugar by a hundred points.  I'll try this with my next fatted tea, alone, in an more exact timing.  Though the fatted tea was the last thing to be consumed.

So full!  I am going to have to crash.  It's as if I just left the Thanksgiving table.  It doesn't quite hurt, but just shy of it.  That is all the food I can eat today.  Crazy.  Later.

Dinner.

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No dinner for hours, as I had to sort out what to eat.  Almost out of eggs, and they are old.  Meats, but wary of them.  Filberts?  Fatted tea?  One thigh?  All, but in small portions, just one thigh.  I am eating one dose of hazle nuts, the other name for filberts.  I prefer the term hazel, but to be honest filbert fit their taste more correctly, as I see things.  On the good side they have higher fat than macadamian nuts and are far less expensive.

These will be about 250 calories, the thigh will have 135 calories, and the cup of cream will have 816 calories, or 1,201 calories.  Seems a lot, but a 3k meal plan is 1.5k ish calories below maintenance (if coming from the same people who brought and advise dietary diabetes).  And, 3k divided out is about a 1k per over three meals, or 1.5k at two meals.  Truth is, I'll be lucky to get another k in, if the goal really is 3k.

One trick is to begin using less and maybe varied sweeteners.  Right now, cutting is proving difficult.  Lack of focus, difficulty drinking without, thirst.  These things compound.  Sometimes there isn't a way out until something gets better, or worse.  Perhaps variety will help.  It is tricky.  Has to be done.  Blood sugar is staying too high.  The problem has to be the sweetener.  All else is mid to high keto.

I keep looking for foods and simpler preps that could work for me.  Foods that will help with diabetes, best means of consumption.  I don't really believe in superfoods, but there is better and worse.  Variety is needed, my old foods don't work so new foods are what is left.  Might as well focus on the best of those.  Later.

Changing my diet.

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Not truly changing the core notion.  The plan remains low carb high fat, keto.  The thing is, I can't handle nearly as much meat.  Chicken thighs and a pork roast were cooked last night.  Two thighs and a slim slice of roast left me stuffed beyond belief.  I tried a snack several hours later anyway.  I'll not do that again soon.  When my body says it is full, when eating right foods, it means it.

I have been looking for other food items.  From flax to chia seeds, to leafy greens, plus foods as supplements such as cod liver oil and nutritional yeast.  I keep falling down on various kefirs, but will keep at it.  I'd like to figure out other fermented foods, like sauerkraut, perhaps pickles, and others.  The trick is to get enough fat, protein, carbs, and calories for the machine to tick.  The main problem is simple volume.  Once I hit solid ketosis, not only does desire go away, but so does the simple ability to eat, or eat enough.  Simply digesting food becomes difficult, if that might be heart related?  Not enough blood flow?

Lowering the fat ratio to nearly one to one, I am hoping, will help.  Cutting volume, perhaps stretching more, smaller, meals, within a six hour window?  Cutting it to one real meal with minor adds like snacks and fatted drinks?  Ugh... I'll just have to experiment.  Don't even think of vegan or veggieism.  Those are worse.  Nuts are good, but like meat, they fill quickly.  Can only eat so much of that.

Brothers, fathers... Neo-Watchers.

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Odd how twists turn.  Once the virgins of heaven watched the lambs of the Divine.  Now the children of the Watchers are watched by the holiest of the fallen away.  Perhaps more those among them who become marked?

Back to her?

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Difficult to tell.  I think this time she is singular.  A strange couple of notions, exploded individually... through a host of videos.  She really does well, from my point of view.  From titles and singers who would catch my eyes, to themes woven through out, she leads me to see.  Agree?  Who is foolish or despotic enough to grant a women* in love her... designs.  And, yet, I can see... through our eyes... see what shes* suggest.

Impossible green eyes, one of my animals a wolf, and being told in a dream I need no wolf totem as my eyes are that.  Definitely caught my eyes.  Is it a pun if it isn't?  Too slow for my taste, definitely how womans*... do things.

A bit more.

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Nowhere near what was hoped.  Enough in sum for a claim to a beginning.  Medicine restarted.  It is bedtime.

Someone really hit the switch.  Old and new videos flooding in.  Something from dames, or someone or something able to emulate said.  Pulled something together before my other strange journey pulled me away.  I'll sort her out later.  It'll open space for dreaming... both will.  Good night and day.

Elsewhere.

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It has been a while since travelling in this way.  After setting up dishes, tending the ducks, and a few other things, I sat to... relax.  Usually click through favored pages, music and other videos.  Sometimes I go somewhere, see or otherwise perceive... something.  While I always see, it isn't always with my eyes.  Imagine that.

Slow but well.

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Most of the first parts.  A shave, starting dishes, then hitting laundry, then getting dinner going is next.  I've done more than might seem, between stumbling on extra work and not doing everything in order.  I am hoping to take a long hot bath as a final chore.

I am planning to use the instant pot.  First to sear the pork roast, then pressure cook it.  I will be adding dehydrated mushrooms, butter, and water.  Stock would be better, I just haven't gotten to it yet.  And, yes, beef and chicken broth do well with pork and other meats.  I suppose pork broth would do better.  Hmm... I might have hocks... trotters.  That would create stock right there, with some water.  As well, I plan on making meatloaf, from a mix of ground beef, lamb, and pork as the meat.

Down for Christmas.

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Not mood, just function.  I didn't oversleep, hurt, or such.  I did eat, not much if perceived as enough.  I simply couldn't do... anything.  I've definitely had worse.  I only call this bad because it isn't active.  Actually the last two to three days have been just so.  Not today!

Several small batches of dishes are washed and set to a rinse.  I'll have the last salad available, with an avocado.  Next, the dishes will be dried, a shave and shower, and a bathroom touchup.  Then more batches of dishes set to soak and laundry restart.  A couple hours down, then back to dishes and laundry.  At some point(s), trash and recycling will be collected and removed, and some work in the living or computer room.

Yeah, I think so.  We'll see.  I might grill thawed meats, and make a meatloaf.  Smartly spiced, fresh when cooked, meat lasts longer cooked.  Oh, with my new appetite, I will go with have sized batches of egg casserole.  I could boil the rest for snacks and salad fixings.  I need more eggs, they are a superior protein and fat, on and off keto.

Intermittent fasting has been shot.  Could not focus.  I've fallen off medicine again, but have also nearly ceased drinking so no buildup of fluid, mostly.  Ugh, but it's... from the outside, been a rough Christmas.

As I thought, we did have a very lightly white Christmas.  I was at peace, the real kind, in spite of all the negative happening.  Inside, even without being able to celebrate even the small portion planned, I was quite joyful just as was.  It reminded me of when Jesus visited the sisters.  One rushed to prepare food, make things right for the Guest, and was terribly put out with her sister, who simply spoke and spent time with Him, doing no work.

I'll let you find the rest of the story.  I won't say either was superior.  There is happily a place for each.  For me, this year, it was the passive.  And, despite the call of the busy sister, I wasn't lost to negative emotions or a sense of inadequacy.  No, not at all.  I felt divine blessings even in my deep lethargy.  God knows the difference between laziness and illness.

Merry late Christmas.

Merry Christmas Eve

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I hope you all are somewhere safe and warm.  If you can't be, I'll say a prayer for success and God speed to see you safely home or to God's realm.  It can definitely get cold out there quickly, even on the hottest days.  I hope the rest of you appreciate the sacrifices that must continue, divinely and mundanely, on a daily basis.  Amen.

Nothing fancy planned for a meal.  I can't eat anyway.  Perhaps a hot coco, with my improvisations.  Maybe buttery garlic mushrooms, I think I could do that.  If the candles and candelabra were delivered, I will set them up with the bible in an area set aside for reading.  An hour, set aside, two to three times a day, for reading, contemplation, and prayer.  The trick is my odd schedule and sometimes shortened or lengthened days.  I'll do my best.

Oh, to research the twelve days of Christmas, perhaps for specific citations, prayers, or such yet tonight.  The song, based on it, is actually a symbolic Catholic mini catechism, from when Catholicism was outlawed under pain of death in England... or so I have heard.  I would like to find out if that is actually true, and what the symbolisms all mean.  An historical research project, during it's occasion, possibly following it's nature?  All good.

Have a blessed eve and a holy day to follow.  Amen I say to you, and again, so be it.

Can't eat, can't drink, can't smoke, won't f...

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fiddle?  What will you do?  Goodie, goodie, two shoes?

Yeah.  Cannot eat, or much.  I did have a small meal, salad, a bit of salami, and string cheese.  A small fatted tea before that, and a half and half hot coco... from scratch.  But over four to five hours.  That was pushing it.  Absolutely stuffed.  The last blood sugar read had me down to 181.  The lowest since testing, but dropping very slowly.  Ugh.

Surprises.

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Cod liver oil?  My first tablespoon.  With the lemon pretty... I wouldn't eat this stuff for flavor, but the lemon covered enough that it was as consuming some bland oil, such as canola.  At that I am quite pleased I got the stuff with lemon.  If I see improvements I will buy more.  If I sense nothing I won't continue.  Rather pricey stuff.

The real surprise was the nutritional yeast.  I tried it before, a different brand, ordered in the summer.  The first batch had no flavor.  I wonder if the brand was different, if I suspect it was the heat of summer delivery.  This batch seems rather tasty.  I had it on a romaine salad, with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette and side of avocado.  The vinaigrette was very good, if I say so myself.  My last womantype said I could one-shot salad dressings.  I didn't see it back then, but... she might have been right.

I also tried a savory, my first, fatted tea.  Hot (not hot enough) tea, cream, ghee (didn't melt well), ground ginger, fresh ground black pepper, garlic, and Himalayan salt.  It wasn't bad.  A bit less ginger, getting the ghee to melt better, and more salt... I think it's a keeper.

I am eating less, and shortening my eating window to four to six, from eight, hours.  I have gained ten pounds, but that is right.  With all fluids depleted and kept low while back on medication, eating enough fat to trigger a switch to fat burning, and satiation so as to not end up grazing (eating whenever allowed, on into when not allowed), it takes a high portion of fats in sufficient volume.

My mind still thinks I need more, so makes larger portions.  My body stops halfway through what had been a standard to medium meal... almost yesterday.  Even so I am staying full.  I still will eat two small and a snack, for now.  Just much smaller.  My fatted teas are shrinking too.  Actually, I might start doing just one, and every other day or by need/want.  When well into keto?  If you want something you are more likely into need.  You simply don't have cravings.

Not a bad, if odd, culinary evening.  A few dishes started.  About to check laundry then have my last meal... a very small portion of egg casserole and buttered mushrooms.  I'll skip another fatted tea.  It really is doing better.  Blood sugars are into the low two hundreds, after yesterdays high two hundreds.  Ugh.

Oh, I found rosaries, if where I had looked before.  Wasn't looking for them, as I knew they weren't there.  I'd like to make copies of the forms before starting the prayers again.  Those are the weak points.  It is good to have them back.  I am getting excited to start them back up.  If things work out, maybe for Christmas.

Later.

Dinner, almost.

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New and strange items going into my diet.  Some arrived today, others have been in stock for a bit.  Cod liver oil?  Sounds horrendous.  I bough the right stuff, flavored with lemon.  In reviewing health issues, this and other things, kept popping up.  Another item will be nutritional yeast.  A vegan thing, often, but that obviously isn't my gig.  I'm after natural vitamin B's.  I am taking synthetics, which are as likely to be hard on my system just like other medicines.  And ghee, to go into my fatted tea.

Now, I can make ghee, and a lot cheaper.  I wanted to see what I am dealing with, if it works for me, and whether I can tolerate it.  Well, also, what it is, so as to reverse engineer the product when making my own.  More expensive up front, better results in the long run.  Will also use it in cooking.  I don't like using just one fat.  Mixing and matching by taste, possibly textural results, heat level, and to keep negatives of any particular fat to a minimum.

Next month ginger, turmeric, and Ceylon cinnamon are being added.  Remember what your doctor would say if he wanted you healthy, as animal vets do... it's your diet.  Can medicate symptoms, sometimes as with my heart a disease, but often your best treatment and prevention will be on your plate.  Doesn't have to be more expensive, or not much more.  If doctors and dieticians have been corrupted, and remain so, regarding good, right, human nutrition.

I am still debating sous vide.  It'll be a long time before money is available for that, so I will keep... reviewing the idea.  I need to get the kitchen in some sort of order first anyway.  Now that I am doing better it is going to happen.  Choices, in life, for life?  I sure hope to figure a few things out.  I might be treading water until I can't, but I think I can learn to do with greater ease, less... fear.  It's just a mortal fear but it would be good to soothe it.

Oh, as someone remembered...  Perhaps it will add sense to the seeming nonsensical?

Later.

Better today.

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Still a bit sore, heartwise.  Getting better.  Rest helped.  Down a bit after 9:30, up at 16:30.  Seven hours again?  I feel the need for more sleep.  It seems that when my body gets food and medicine, and other basic needs, it needs less sleep.  My mind might quibble, if I think that is more want than need?  I think so, or I'd push back to sleep... can't.  When prime, my body shaves to six hours sleep.  If I am more prone to becoming grumpy, if tons more productive.  That used to be more true.  As is, I am more likely to not be able to be active, instead to stay awake longer, thus the slip in schedule.

A strange dream... after Christ's return.  Some stayed, others were returned?  I think so.  I believe I had been returned... but was... different.  Don't ask.  There were others here... remainers who chose not to believe.  Far more of them than us.  No conflict... the war was won.  God was collecting us to Him.  Letting us know where to go, providing the means.

A long drive.  No truly clear directions, and with the confusion of having others on the roads, not necessarily going our way.  Faith, mostly, driving to meet up with Christ.  What for?  What would this new life be?  What about the nonbelievers?  So many questions.  Still just silly humans.  I... think I had been completed as human as part of the change in my return.  Uhrm, mostly.

The last of my dream was driving on, without an exact destination, with others in the car.  We had worn out questions, exuberance, and all else, each of us retreating to our quiet places in our minds.  A little fear, that we might get lost, or miss the appointment, but majority near certainty that we were about to meet our Maker and begin the life we should have always known.

It was a fantastic Christmas present.  I don't need it for my faith.  All i need faith for is to direct action.  For I am certain God.  It is good for hope, and bolsters charity, somehow.  I thought to share it.  Perhaps it strikes a chord among others.

Well, on to the day.  Back to work?  Waking first, then yeah.  Have a great day.

Back to the past via the future.

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If no true straight path is... as it seems.  So as with time, even sin.

Someone remembered.  Either forgot to try to hide their tracks, or are of the portion who don't know how... or meant not to hide.

What is shes up to?

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Shes.  Womans.  Singular plurality?  Think Legion, one or another type, probably both, perhaps more.  It's what I have faced my whole life.  Trouble... inside, out, incoming, outgoing, and all around in every direction.  It was for a reason, I see that clearly now.  Amen.  Still... or... to clarify.  Mostly incoming, if a few in response.  Odd what shows up on my proverbial doorstep all at once.

Beautiful, exquisite, pain.

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Something about finishing and submitting the paperwork.  I had to struggle all this time, months, to do it.  And while I am certain they will say it is too late, or didn't get it... again... I know I did it and have a paper trail that will pit them against the postal service.

Now, having finished the task, it feels as if a taloned fist which had been gripping my heart, right to shredding into it, has been released.  While the release is wonderful it is also terrible.  Blood seems to be flowing into areas previously denied.  As with sitting or laying upon a limb, which then falls asleep, opening that back up is excruciating.  So it is.

I was up long, doing the chores so as to even get out.  That all almost wore me down beyond capacity to act.  But I pushed through.  When I crashed, even that hurt.  Aspirin, now that I think of it.  Yeah, more later if need be.  I crashed after 13:00, before 14:00, I think.  Woke around seven hours later, about on the dot if my bollocks were on risk and I had to say.

More sleep would have been good, some choices aren't ours.  Food, soon.  A salad, avocado, and meatloaf?  Yeah, but a smaller fatted tea first.  I found avocado oil locally, picked up peanut oil, a few good things on top of vinegar needed for the household.  Particularly for a possibly soured washing machine.  Ugh.

Cheeses too, oh... and sugar free reserves, to try.  They may still drop keto or exacerbate blood sugar, but worth a try.  Keto pancake toppings so I don't have to make my own syrup, or every time.  Yeah, as a check-out lady noted, it is a bit pricey... But for one, and eating less, plus less and less waste?  I think it works out better than it sounds.  That is what I suggested to her, and believe.  I... think she bought it and liked the notion.

Ugh.  Hurts.  Later.

Pushing and pulling.

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Dead in the water.  I did some laundry, dishes, took a shower, mostly shaved, and got the paperwork done and in the mail, plus did a small shopping trip.  Absolutely burned up and out.  I'll have to settle a bit before crashing.  But, finally, I am done for the month.  Gah... blood work hasn't been done.  After Christmas I'll figure that all out.

Later.  Probably good night, and day.

Slower on food tonight.

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A fatted tea, then meatloaf and a potato.  Next another fatted tea.  Keto was up to 80, if diabetes was remaining high.  Not sure if dinner will upset that.It didn't jump much after the fatted tea, but it was high to start.  I don't want that weird pain in my abs, center (my) left.  It feels like an organ, or an occasional hot poker... if it only burns and on the inside.  Who knows.  It does seem to have quieted a goodly bit.

A rotation of laundry, then dishes.  Everything that had been soaking in any way.  Then dinner and a break for the laundry to run.  A shave and shower next.  Then load a number more batches of dishes and cycling laundry.  But first another warm fatted tea and perhaps an ounce of macadamia nuts.  Those really are good.

Something I thought about for a long time but wasn't affordable when I used to check, is a sous-vide device.  Especially if steak s are going to become more of a mainstay.  Actually it helps with chicken or duck too.  Fiddly, mind you.  The searing remains.  It does have advantages.  I like to try things.  Well, and the prices have seriously dropped, some Even sub one hundred... hobby available... when, if, the other income can be restarted.  Federal employee union problems.

Anyway... I will hit the paperwork and take that in tomorrow.  Dishes, laundry, shower, partial shave, and maybe getting the trash out.  It's wearing me out, but the weekend and Christmas approach.  I need to find my bible and decide which readings and prayers to include.  Lighting a new candle each day.  Probably not keeping them lit all day.  It sounds like a good way to celebrate.

Later.

A bit rough.

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No serious troubles.  I am not actually complaining, just noting reality.  Something hurt last night.  An organ.  The more I have pushed to eat the worse it has gotten, definitely starting yesterday night.  I may back down consumption just a bit.  More with smaller doses than less frequency, for now.

I am rather warm.  I don't think it has to do with outside temps warming.  Maybe insulin, which is high... though it doesn't feel like that.  My bet?  I am increasing both brown fats and circulation.  Why do I suspect that over insulin?  My feet are warm at 49° to 68° F, without socks.  My feet have been like blocks of ice the rest of this winter, until the last several days.  It's nice to be comfy at 68 or less.

Blood sugar was higher this morning, at 278.  But it was down to 191 at bedtime... a new low.  I tested fasting, of course, but immediately after waking.  That will add twenty five to even a hundred points over testing a few hours after waking... tea or nothing, doesn't matter.  And food will kick it up then often knock it much further down... the right foods, at the right times.

Oh, ringing in the ears, tinnitus, heavy this morning.  Sometimes, especially on medicine, I lose that for longer stretches.  Vivid dreams, visions, falling off meds, and a few other things can bring it back.  This time?  If I had to guess?  Hers.  Multiples I think.  Responses arrived.  Women are shameless.

I did get quite a lot, given the givens, done yesterday.  More today.  Oh?  Fine.  Responses.  The new ones anyway.

Question? Answer?

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She likes to play, just... not coy.

Rather good.

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Dinner, the meatloaf.  And I really don't favor meatloaf.  Now  had a mix of lamb and pork, added a tablespoon of an Italian based spice blend and onion granules, two teaspoons of garlic and ginger, and use mozz instead of the listed cheese by availability.  How much difference any of that made, who knows.  I cooked it to nearly 160 internal temp.

I have over an hour more to eat, so probably will hit a smaller fatted tea.  I need calories, and more fat than not... by a lot.  Then a bit of a break, to digest, then to work.  Paperwork first.  If there is a chance for that, it is timing out fast.  I think I can, and move on to clearing then using the shower.  Then sleep if possible before more later today.

With the rebate I ordered some things to try, cod oil, a few other things, and this year candelabras, with which to celebrate the twelve days of Christmas.  I... set up my calendar system to remind me.  Forgot Thanksgiving.  I'll put that in for next year and celebrate a late Thanksgiving in late January or March.  Yeah, that works.

Ugh.  I doubt if I ate 1,600 calories, with the fatted tea.  And yet I am stuffed having consumed it over seven hours.  This last fatted tea should put me at just over 2k calories.  Remember, 4.4~4.6 k calories is technically maintenance.  Eating less actually makes it harder to lose weight... the engines have no fuel and the body can't build more engines (muscle).  I am hoping this will be enough.  It's the biggest non-junk food meal I have had... if I can get the last fatted tea in.  Yeah, a strange sort of starvation where you gain or hold excess weight.  It's my story, sure of it.  Not alone.

They want us to kill ourselves with excess.  Get rich, make room, save the planet.  Earth firsters and the evil greedy are about to be proven deadly wrong, win, lose, or draw.  Hubris is not your ally.  This is seriously going to hurt, but not those you believe you have tricked and stolen from.

Later.

Did not want to get up.

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It wasn't the pain. I am used to it, and it is on the milder side today.  Not always as good as that might seem.  More severe pain gives me more of a springboard from which to get a stronger start.  That wasn't it today.  Part of it was hunger.  Far too early to eat, I often try to sleep through it if I can.  But more, I have been able to sleep longer lately, and wanted to sleep longer.  It is nearly forty outside.  That, or better feeding, perhaps other things, are reducing the need for sleep.

I think, by brute force, I was able to sleep almost six or seven hours.  Sleep?  No, stay down.  I probably got in slightly more than four or five hours of sleep.  What almost seems worse, is that for as aggravated as I am about the shortened sleep, I am very well awake, rather aware, comfortably and ably conscious is how I refer to it when focused.  It's, when it occurred, what led me to engineering school.  This sort of focus capacity is what will save or destroy the mundane world.

Meant to be positively creative, and would be save for sin and choice.  Not all men, and pretty much no women swim here no matter their IQ.  It isn't of their design.  It is for sons.  Only.  Though it also isn't IQ based.  I have seen men with lower IQ but with higher demand and a choice between hide and thought prove IQ to be... well... academic.  And, of course, the doers over thinkers... at the very least in worldly function.  The contemplative has it's place, but without action it is as dead as faith without works.  But all action?  Ask any good wife and mother.  She almost knows nothing else.  If so, her selflessness truly makes her among the most blessed.  All simply from doing.  Yes, I do disagree with doctors of the church on this... if too, it shouldn't be exalted or she will demand her due and destroy her value, as the West has learned.  Actually, by church luminaries making such claims... possibly part of the problem there.  The head crowned by it's own hands is bound for the guillotine.  Amen.

What?  Just thinking out loud.

Tea, for now.  The ducks were watered before 8:00 and checked.  All looks good.  Fresh water this evening and left out.  The girls will be tended.  I have relented regarding canned food.  Two will be split out for them most days.  I think as it warms they need more food.  When Sam, the house marm, begs, I trust it as need not want.

I am hoping to work today.  I really am hoping.  With cognitive up?  It takes several steps beyond that.  If that means the possible is available.  The engine, oil, gas, drive, are all there.  It still takes some planning, assembly, application to get it done.  I sure hope so.  Later.

Fear.

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Taking my final blood sugar reading... I just knew I blew it.  The last fatted tea, and chocolate cake with so many extra carbs?  No way it would be good.  I decided against taking it at the hour mark.  But over two hours and it would be peak or falling.  It usually, if high carbs were consumed or when my readings are over 200... especially both, peaks between one and two hours.  I wanted to see the worst, so at one and three quarters hour I tested.

It was 213.  Couldn't think whether that was good or evil.  So focused on it being bad I was in a fog.  Then, no!  It had only increased by two points from my lowest in nearly the week I've been testing.  Heck yeah.  Must not have been the amount or type of carbs which cause problems.  Wild.

Now nothing but unsweetened tea or water until 18:00 or later.  Some suggest there is nothing special about sixteen or more hours fasting.  For my money anything less is a waste of time.  I don't see results.  Three days is the best for lowering blood sugars, but is a bit too tight for every week.  Once to three times a month, if I've been truly running keto.  Another week before I can, will, try.  Yeah.

Focus is returning.  I think work is getting a lot closer.  I'm still lagging... but almost going.  It is the difference between life and death.  I'll check bp.  Bleh, 155/109 on the gooder arm.  I've been on meds, so... it's the watching that finishes bringing it down.  It's partially psychosomatic.  If I can, I'll add testing back in.  Gah.

Later, or good night.

Wwwwwhack!

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Out of the ballpark.  Gone.  A couple hours after dinner and... blood sugar is down 55 points.  At 211 from fasting.  I ... well the direction, given meal proximity?  Yeah.  Good.  I am about to dig into the chocolate cake thing.  I used the second one, if I won't again.  It has way more carbs than  advertised.  The three tablespoons of sweetener?  Yeah.  Even at teaspoons, for most sweeteners, that is more carbs than adverted.  Perhaps it was a mistake, and this thing will be a monster, too sweet to even eat.  I like the recipe otherwise, if I'm not sure I trust it for other reasons... including that there is no flour.  I just wonder if the eggs will produce more of a souffle?

I gave it an extra five, but it hasn't set.  I turned the oven off and am letting it stay in it with the heat off and door open.  It... may be bogus.  I did put it in early, before it reached 350.  I might have time to try the other if so.  Yes, I have about three more hours.  I want more food in, if possible.  Ugh.  Perhaps an ounce of macadamia nuts too.
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Okay, a few things.  The recipe I used worked.  It tastes better if you enjoy darker chocolate.  I am, even so, well satisfied... other than the massively undercounted carbs.  It truly is a molten chocolate cake.  I might be able to cut the granular, adding sucradrops to amend the carb count.  Still, it is good to enjoy a mostly conscientious chocolate dessert again.  As to baking time?  Living at altitude has it's affects... which I nearly perfectly danced around, even blindly.  My eye for the right wiggle is still acute.  Ladies should be cautious... or... not.  *wink*  oh, and adding nuts would send this... pecans, macadamia, walnuts... oh yeah.

Later.

Oops!

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Coconut flour, before and after an egg wash, just doesn't do well.  I should have done one of the chops in crushed pork rinds.  As was, neither were palatable.  Thankfully I had a steak thawed.  I must admit my oven then pan searing technique is far superior to my grilling efforts.  It was delicious.  I've had a fatted tea, will probably have another.  With the steak I will call that good.  I'll check blood sugar in an hour.  That should be the high point, though as blood sugar drops, blood sugar can drop even more while eating keto and doing intermittent fasting.  Time will tell.

Tomorrow I plan on a mixed meat meatloaf... beef, lamb, and pork.  This time I will be using pork rinds as a bread crumb replacement.  Garlic, Italian seasonings, eggs and cheese, perhaps worcestershire sauce?  I'm never sure.  If I can get to a few things tonight, I am hoping to begin bone broth tomorrow.  It would be a fantastic addition to my liquids.  Can't afford coffee this month, maybe next.  Still, broth will be welcome.

I'll need practice with chops, in any case.  I have done my best with the grill, with those.  I am beginning to think baking meats of those thicknesses, then getting a char however possible, is best... gets it more done without drying or burning.  It's been a while since I cooked, and it's cold.  We'll see.

I might try a microwave mug cake.  Just... to seee.  Might do it in the oven though.  I really am suspicious of the microwave, especially concerning fats.  Yes, a keto, not cheat'o, recipe.  Fie, I'll add several.  Not sure which.  Later.

Control levers.

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Still a hundred too high, and change if absolutes are equated.  My blood sugar is 266.  That is a hundred drop from the last three days, two hundred less from the day before, which was several days after going to regular food if at very irregular times, without patterns in sleep or consumption.  It is the lowest number since I started checking again.  Required, as I had to begin eating and that was the only way.

Still, a one hundred point drop, overnight?  Excellent.  There was one before it, but that was fast food leaving my system.  This is from literally controlling what and when I eat. The first day of it.  I am about to get a fatted tea, then start the grill.  Or, the grill will wait a bit.  I had beets yesterday.  I love them, but not for every day.  No sugar added actually makes a huge difference, for can items.  I can eat all canned fruits and veggies that I have found that are packaged clean that way without serious blood sugar spikes.

Wait, I will be pan frying tonight, so no grill.  Sure heats faster.  But it is messier.  Perhaps I should get my outdoor propane stove set up.  It's elevated, heavy duty, and says 100k heat output (which would only really be wanted for my massive canner).  Still, better to have more and turn it down than not enough.  Though, at near freezing outside, it might need that extra to get started.

Yeah.  If ill, doing poorly, look to food.  Sugar is a killer, carbs are slow or fast sugars, really.  Like Ozzy sang, at least, wine is fine but whisky is quicker.  Goes for all sugars.  If it's all you have?  At least avoid the smooth stuff!  Two hundred in four days though?  Crazy, especially trying to stuff the food down.  It's all about what and when you eat.

Later.

Up early?

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I can't be sure.  Besides, my sleep and wake cycles are twisted, in every way.  From lengths to numbers a day.  Exhausted and confused from the time I wake until... always.  Working through things in little ways.  Doing what I can, then some, if it isn't much.  Food, currently since medicine is back to regularity, is the target.  I'll have fatted tea for breakfast in an hour or two as I get the grill going.

It's 35° F out there.  Not quite warm.  The problem with being just above freezing when snowy and icy, is all that thaw goes into the air.  What makes an air conditioner  (an electric air cooler, perhaps, where you live)?  Well, it depends on higher humidity.  So, for a natural air conditioner such as the weather, a greater humidity will add to the feel of cold.  Does for me anyway.  If it hit 45°, then it truly feels warmer.  That's my story.

A bit of raw tea as I wake, plus medicine.  Setting up for a hot tea.  Ugh.  It's a rough world lately.  I think I am headed towards better days.  Just need to get back in the saddle.  Food.  As any real physician would know, but only animal vets will practice... start off with food.  If that isn't up for discussion, leave or milk them for symptom but not disease treating pills.

With the magic of the intertubes, everything is done, though fatted tea is still a bit off.   A shower, after more dishes.  Laundry, food, and some work on a desk, then computer setup?  Maybe.  Or not.  Those things are planned in any case.  Oh, aspirin again today. Oh, I may try to do a smashed pork rind 'breaded' pork chop tonight.  Trying to make them more appetizing.  Hmm... Perhaps try one that way, the other drenched in coconut flour?  Deep frying both.  Maybe.

Later.

Insomnia to the rescue?

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Actually, sort of, probably.  I really wanted to sleep.  Couldn't.  I realized right as the window of opportunity was about to close that I could get a last meal in.  I had another fatted tea, and a regular tea with artificial sweetener through to then.  I am trying to only use that in every other tea, and only during "meal time", the eight hours when food is allowed.

Anyway, I was able to eat.  I finished off two thirds of what remained from the first meal... not much to be honest.  An hour after the last meal and my blood sugar is the lowest for the day, if still way too high.  Nary another calorie, or even artificial sweetener, until 16:00 or later if I'm not up to it.  I don't mind stretching if it isn't too brutal.

But, yes.  To control diabetes both what I eat and the right volume is crucial.  I am most likely eating to few calories, even pushing.  Enough to both begin controlling blood sugar and opening up my appetite to gain even more control.  As well, I am hitting the fat to protein to carb ratios... or getting ballpark ranges.

I am absolutely stuffed.  I'd really like to sleep.  I... can't.  Insomnia is turning into a double edged sword.  It is a negative aspect of the initial stages of ketosis, as is lethargy, lack of concentration, flu like symptoms.  I can hope it is ketosis.  Keep pushing through.  Ugh, it's been an ugly winter.  I have had worse.

Later, or good night.

Difficult to eat.

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A couple of pork chops and a steak.  I planned to save some of it for tomorrow or later.  I was only able to eat one chop and a third of the steak.  My favorite foods, done right, didn't matter.  I thought i was hungry.  I guess not?  Another fatted tea, it adds something.  There is actually an opportunity to eat another meal before the eight hour window closes.  I have a bit over four hours.  And I will try, if I can't see it as I feel.  Better to shove something in the belly than become desperately hungry later.

I just don't want to eat.  I feel no need.  And, yet, I do... what I would call a ghost hunger.  More like, perhaps, akin to what people have lost limbs must feel, something from nothing.  Even fluids have been hard to get down.  So difficult to be absolutely stuffed on so little and yet still crave... but crave ghost things as well.  Nothing I could eat or drink would satisfy, only increase suffering.

More, I believe it is time to go to bed.  Ducks and girls have been fed, watered, and several times.  I'll take medicine before crashing.  Oh, and clean litter.  I hope to wake in a bit.  So much for a later dinner.  Later or even later, perhaps good night.

Sleeping on notions.

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One of the notions found, which annoyed me profoundly, was the idea that intermittent fasting wasn't necessary.  Oh, I get it.  Some people don't need it, and, really, exploring what really does and doesn't work is, honestly, a wise thing.  However, for me, currently, i.f. is better than not.

Why get annoyed?  Because I am having a hell of a time with my planned eating, as well as sleeping, working, and every damned thing.  So quitting a part of it, a difficult part at the moment, was tempting.  But.  No.  Just no.  However, in looking, I found the notion... which I knew, but with focus shot to shit I couldn't implement until I ran into it as advice... make the project work for you.  If you can't go to it, let it come to you.

Hmm?  Well, if I can't go without breakfast well, by feel or blood sugar numbers?  Then, for as needed, start my i.f. meal time in the morning.  It isn't optimal, but it is a start.  I need to get my food in order or nothing else will work.  For now I have to slide on things or quit.  Quitting is choosing death, plus a lot of pain and humility on the way.

No.  I will get back at it.  If I have to eat early, so be it.  If I initially have to eat too much, okay.  If blood sugars will take a bit of a hit, up front, so that I can begin eating, alright. Food, you can't live with it, you can't live without it.  Although, with a little care you can find balance... if balance can only be found through imbalance as an initial contrast.

So, meat is grilling.  Medicine has been taken.  I missed last night, the first failure in three days?  It's as good as it gets, given all else.  I'll keep at it.  Mulligans, cheats, hacks, and plain suffering failures and humiliation without quitting in the big picture.  It isn't too bad, just how life goes.  Blessings.  Later.

Whole cream for the win.

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I am certain there are limits.  However, one cup of it into the making of a quart of otherwise tea raised my blood sugar by five points in an hour.  I am going to say my blood sugar will naturally vary that much, even quite a lot more, without any catalyst.  For me that is excellent.  If I need fat, which I certainly do restarting keto, this is an extremely fast and easy way to add fat.

I have actually had it well argued that with body fat loss as a goal, even if not the primary objective, my fat consumption should not be in the 70~90%  range.  Even starting out, perhaps a 3:2 fat to protein ratio.  That would be by total calories of fat and protein, or the percentage would be 70 % if going by grams... fat grams are 9 calories per, protein (and carbohydrates) are 5 calories per gram.  Once hunger fades, after a couple weeks, then dropping fat intake to parity with protein, a one to one ratio, was the next suggested step.  That is a starter portion of nearly 60/40%, then to 50/50.  The argument seems reasonable... from my experience so far.

As well, the notion of zero carbs was presented, from several sources tonight, as viable.  I am beginning to lean that way, if nothing else, for ease of cooking especially with a grill and the heartiness to cook on it at even 0 F.  Something mentioned was that it is more the protein that satiates.  Yeah, I think so.

Back to higher fat meats for a bit, then ease off.  Fatted tea for when I can't cook, or eat well.  And just extra fast calories so only a single meal need necessarily be cooked.  Maintenance calories would be at 4200~4400 calories, for me.  Don't try that at home, kids.  Not sure how much is recommended to shave for loss, if I do know too much deficit doesn't work, at least until hunger is managed, meaning I am well into ketosis.  It'll be a while.  As is I have been shorting calories, worse, good calories.

Intermittent fasting won't be possible either, until hunger is back under control.  I have plenty of meat thawing.  Every third meal, for now, I will get a veggie of some sort going.  Or a glass of milk.  I still believe in milk, just in smaller rarer amounts or fermented as kefir or yogurt.

Anyway, I had concerns, questions, doubts.  Still do, just not as heavily.  Not all of what I heard and read was to my liking.  That is what experience will answer.  Yes, I dare.  Later, or good night.

Do they, you, know?

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Or do they, you, some of you, only guess?

Tinkering.

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Physician, heal thyself!

So be it.  Blood sugar, two hours after Zevia, was back down to it's already ugly start.  Five hours after that, consuming only basic tea, chilled, about a gallon, blood sugar has dropped a hundred points from the return to the starting point.  Now I am going to try what is either heavy cream or half and half?  It was so thick I had to add milk for flow (no complaint mind you).  I added one cup, then mixed hot tea to about a quart.

I will try this with various amounts, and various cream consistencies.  No sweetener, though I may add a touch of salt.  Yeah, in time I will try various sweeteners, but not with my numbers so off.  Salt shouldn't have an affect.  Pepper might not be bad either.  The goal is to check it a half hour after finishing it.

Later, an actual meal and dishes rotated... some dried, some put to a rinse, more set to a soapy soak.  Ducks have been put up for a while now.  The cat litter could be checked for the third time.  Perhaps, as I begin a real meal, a snack for the ladies.  No more canned, they have become spoiled.  I must remember to only give them an extra can about twice a month.  Otherwise they begin pushing for that extra can.  Nope!

Sleep has been off.

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A few hours late at night, around the arctic cap of the day, up a few, then down again until past the equator.  But it is slowly changing, heading deeper into the afternoon.  Nothing I can do.  I don't sleep when I want to sleep, I sleep when choice is gone.  Otherwise I would sleep at 19:00~21:00 and wake at 3:00~5:00.  I like being awake before dawn.  A good time to think things through quietly, then be up to speed before the rest of the world is even awake.  A good time to exercise and pray, too.

As is, I simply don't have choice.  Not that I don't push to get my way.  I try to stay asleep when I go down early.  Simply can't.  I keep trying to wake early, and I do wake.  I simply can't stay awake.  The brain just doesn't work right, it hurts too much as well... some mornings.

Blood sugar is staying wicked high.  I have to figure this out.  Perhaps go on fast, if I am not ready for a total extended fast.  Perhaps a fat fast...  that is a fast with half my usual calories at 90 % Fat, or as close to it as possible.  Legit?  Worth a shot.  Cream and macadamian nuts make the project much easier.  Actually, there is another nut that has even higher fat ratio.  It is difficult to get that high of fat content though.

The crazy thing is, everything that is supposed to offer a pass on blood sugar spikes isn't working.  Getting a bit frustrated.  On the good side, some of it is so well individually packaged that monkey business would require... international level functionaries.  While I have a paranoia bone almost as thick as my standard, it's... not quite that thick.  So... it's just... something something.  I'll figure it out.

Example?  Zevia soda... canned... zero sugar, zero carbs, technically zero... everything.  One can, from fasting blood sugar, spiked blood sugar 59 points in nearly an hour!?!  Which makes me wonder about the stuff from yesterday.  Is my body just being really odd?  Tomorrow I will try plain tea.  If there is any kind of spike, then it just isn't normal.

Anyway, whatever is wrong seems to be messing everything up... sleep, diabetes, organ, bone, and joint pain, and a few other things.  These, save diabetes, aren't terribly intense... more just annoying.  Still, would rather figure these out.  I've been doing well with meds lately.  Oh, but need to add daily aspirin.  Yeah, I do try.  Really, mostly dead.  Ugh.

Later.

Just a bit.

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The ducks have been really enjoying the larger water tub and warmer days.  Cracking above freezing easily, and with the larger tub, especially with fewer ducks, baths for everyone!  I am well pleased.  If it means changing the water, I do it happily.  Clean ducks are warm ducks, which are healthy ducks.  Not just friends, if mostly for my part, they are beings to serve.

While figuring out how to serve, functionally might be annoying (if I would debate even that frequently), actually offering them what it takes to possibly enjoy their lives, even when I am terribly sick, is no bother.  Something human elites have forgotten.  Serving, even at cost, is far superior to merely sheering and otherwise consuming in a grossly derelict manner.

They are definitely enjoying the day.  The girls too.  Even if I am stuck in less than ideal health, I am beginning to figure things back out for myself as well.  Dishes were reset, and should get another shot or two before bedtime.  Perhaps laundry and food.  I need to thaw steaks, chops, or ground meat.  I do have egg casserole too.  Hmm, salsa, from mother, hot as hell, don't you know.  The woman might not be able to handle it, but she sure can dish it!

I did call her yesterday.  She sounds much better.

Yeah.  I'm climbing back up, doing better at least by feel.  If I can get cleaning, medicine, diabetes, and schedule back in line.  Ugh.  Later.