Still difficult.

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I've fallen off medication.  Sleep has become difficult again.  I thought I was getting used to sleeping on the floor.  Back to a powerful low back pain, if that isn't diabetes returning.  I went out the other night, shopping.  I ate the wrong stuff.  Yea, the numbers show it.

Some of what was purchased was a newer form of cat litter and cat litter boxes for it.  Paper this time, but wood pellets next time.  While I like the litter I use, it still fails quicker than I would like.  If the pellets of either sort work as advertised (by cat owners, supposedly without manufacturer links), and works how advertised, beside the regular pans, another upstairs would be doable, tolerable.  Odd, but the girls really don't see all that well at night.  I thought it was just Sam, but it is both of them.  I definitely see better than the cats in the dark.  I can easily navigate up there at night.

Cabbage today, perhaps with mushroom.  I am not sure if any meat is thawed.  While not a vegetarian, from time to time that is enough.  Oh, but butter, possibly whole raw cream added too, would keep it from being too far south.  Cabbage and butter is almost magic.  Add mushrooms and it is as special as vegetables get.

It is straight up 96° out there.  Fairly typical, if still rough.  It is no hotter than 88° days, in here.  There is some sort of near limit.  I thought ac upstairs would help, but not so much.  The cooles I can get it is between 73º and 75º, depending on how long I keep it open, whether there is a breeze... rarer in higher summer, and how cool it gets.  But no matter, by 11:00, it is up to 75º, and somewhere between noon and 14:00 it is to 77° or higher.  At best it doesn't drop below that until 2:00~4:00.  Ugh.

At least I do have the upstairs.  I'll be setting up a few chairs and some sort of table up there, since I can't sleep as often as I would like to cool.  My body can't handle the floor while awake.  A few books, one of my rosaries, several choices of hopefully comfortable and varied seating options... A place to be cool more comfortably.  I might see about setting one of the game consoles up there as well.

Cats were fed, ducks too.  The ducks were given a chance to cool in artificial rain, as well.  It refreshes their pool as well.  Time is up.  For their midday dream.  Time to shut that down and begin tinkering with an upstairs, as well, I might as well set the new trial cat litter up.  Two pans of the new stuff, one pan of their old favored... only two new pans, but by design.  I want some crossover in case one or both refuses the new stuff out of initial hand... but not enough to refuse it indefinitely.  The ladies prefer fresh and one pan only has just so much.  Oh, heck, and then a dinner and insulin.  Later.
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First vote is in.  Sam, for traditional.  No surprise there.  She did at least tread the new stuff.  She is the pickiest about fresh.  It'll happen.  Even with me staying on top, keeping their needful place as clean as possible.  I don't like forcing, and I have more than three bags of the old stuff.

Paper pellets?  Mostly recycled?  Ah, newspapers may have come back into their own!  No one even needs to read them.  Whichever billionaire wants to blow a wad hiring useless sjw's, with degrees from Havvad and Columbus journalism, to print whatever they say to print, just for bragging rights?  This will minimize the print costs of their ego.  Can't do much for cable, unless the heat pollution could be used in their or cronies ghetto plantations as a heat source somehow?  Just thinking out loud.

Napping.

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Two, up to four, naps through the last day.  It has been too hot to really do anything.  AC makes sleep possible, but the heat pounds me to much to work down here.  By the time I get upstairs, sleep is required.   I just can't fit work in when 76° is typical.  I am doing good to sleep in the 70°s.

A shower shortly.  At nearly midnight, with windows open and fans going downstairs plus ac upstairs, it is still 77° to 78º in here.  Bleh.  No humidity, but it just never cools much below, except upstairs.  It wears me out.  I don't think it is quite right for most ac, or swamp coolers, it's mixed country.  So ac is cheaper and easier to work with.

Yea.  A shower.  I lost track of medicine through the naps.  I best get restarted.  Later.

A quiet Sunday.

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Sleeping as required.  Sore from it.  I am getting used to sleeping on the floor, but no matter where you sleep, soreness happens when bedridden.  The better thing about sleeping on the floor is that I really try to be at least awake and of the floor as much as possible.  It is more painful of an oversleep medium.

It has been right at 92º F since I woke.  Outside.  It has gone from 73º to 76° in the main house, in part due to me, as well as the tv and ps4 console.  It's time to go upstairs and read or rest.  I have camping chairs, made for my size, up there.  One of them is a rocker too.  I love those.

The ducks got a shower.  While setting it up, I looked around the yard.  Better.  Later.

Good.

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Blood sugar went up to 107 after two hours.  It takes... curiosity, faith, hope, and a few other things, to leave it alone when it gets that low.  At least as things have been.  I have been able to sense when there is a problem.  That... I don't have complete faith in that.  But, with a greater focus and that, during smaller reads... it is something.

I watered the front yard.  That is finally looking a bit better.  The back yard is being watered.  It is looking better.  No need to water the side yard.  It gets watered when I let the ducks play.  It looks the best of the yards.  Only the sideyard looks really good, but compared to the start, they are all seriously better.  I thought I might lose all the grass up front.  Half, maybe, if I'm not sure how much grass was ever really on that, and what was there is greening a bit.

Three pork chops went on the grill.  As well as a can of cut green beans.  Not garden fresh, but good.  I did the chops about as rightly done as I ever have.  Sometimes it works, sometimes not.  A glass of milk to go with, and a solid tablespoon of butter on the beans filled it out just right.

The watering is almost complete.  I won't worry about my next blood sugar reading.  I believe I will turn all off and sleep?  Nap?  It will be the first time in days I haven't been chased to sleep by some sort of collapse.  Yeah.  Later, much later, or good night.  Dinner was just right.

Something has changed.

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Something drastic.  It is not on my end.  Perhaps the food I am eating is having an effect, but I have rather cleanly been eating this way for years.  It has happened suddenly, after two changes.  First, I have my home locked from the inside while I am home, making breaking and entering more difficult.  Secondly, I am sleeping on the floor, in ac... if only to 68º~71º.

I also, by happenstance, changed some things regarding the type and way I use sweetener.  Same volume as before, same stuff, but new and different containers.  So... maybe it was being poisoned, sugared.  I simply can't rule that out.  There are serious haters pretty much everywhere, on the left, right, religious, atheist, people are looking for targets, and singles are easy targets.

Hell, there are Catholics who would happily murder me for being against pedophilia and drug use and illegal immigration that goes with those and other evils, such as the destruction of state they pretend is a good.  Not all Catholics are holy, or wish to be.  It's just a means to earthly filthy ends.  Most churches are pretty much living in darkness at this point.  Some of my readers would murder me, if they only could, depending on the day.

It seems my blood pressure drops as blood sugar is dropping.  The insulin, actually, drop, or the bp drop, can cause a massive exhaustive state to set in.  What sent me to bed was a fast twenty point, systolic and diastolic, bp numbers, drops, probably triggered by the onset of an insulin purge.  As I napped from 19:26 to my reading shortly after waking at 22:22, blood sugar collapsed from 184 to 86.  That after dropping only a few points nearly an hour and an half after eating and dosing up to my 19:26 fall.  Something is different.  My body is figuring out how to get rid of lots of extra insulin fast.  Now I have to relearn how to eat and dose.  Probably eating a few more carbs.  I thought this was a one time trick.  Nope.  Then again, if additives were going in without my knowledge...  Yea.

Ah, bp 134/90 at a 79 pulse and an 86 blood sugar.  Later.

Better, definitely tired though.

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I should be tired.  Fair.  Supper was the higher carb burger soup.  I hadn't remembered it being very good, but that was late, full from other food, and not feeling well.  It was good enough for tonight, and not bad.  A larger dose of insulin, for both the food eaten and starting blood sugar.  A check in an hour and quarter.  If it is reasonable, a nap.  If the reading is in the eighties, two tabs and a nap.  Plus the glucometer goes with.  I need a nap.

Actually, I will check now.  I am starting to feel bad.  Hmm.  Hmm?  BP is down to 118/81 at an 82 pulse.  Blood sugar only dropped six points, to 182 in the last hour and quarter, having used nearly 30 cc's.  Which, fine, I can sleep without worry.  I will tinker with it only when I can stay awake.  Crashing... later.

Better.

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Awake just before 15:00.  Blood sugar is high, at 188 but high, this time, is fine.  I can easily treat high.  I have never seen blood sugar run away low like that.  I have seen it slip, but not nearly untreatably tumble.  I ended up eating two meals, drinking a quart of milk, and taking seven or nine carb tabs, one of which usually works.  BP is 141/96 at a 74 pulse.

It's not the insulin, same stuff I have been using for a bit now.  I am drinking a lot less.  BP is acting up, possibly, on the side.  Less fluid, far less sweetener, and less chance for that sweetener to be doped with real sugar.  Difficult to know, but... something, things, have changed.

As mentioned, I am feeling better.  I won't be out chasing records in track and field, competing in dwarf tossing, or such, but I am hoping to get a shower, shave eventually, eat food, and look about for a few things to do after I've had a chance to wake.  I will hold off fasting until the end of the week.  Obviously I wasn't ready.  Later.

Another hour.

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BP is up.  Better?  It stopped collapsing.  It is 130/84 with an 82pulse.  Higher, but safe.  Blood sugar is still problematic.  I had it up to 166 an hour ago.  It has dropped forty points to 126.  I seem to be bleeding insulin.  I... will stay up another hour.  If it drops again, dump three tabs and go to bed.  If it stays the same, two tabs.  If it goes up ten, a single tab.  I don't trust it.  I could take tabs now, trying to get it to settle on it's own.
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Blood sugar went to 145.  Technically I said I would do nothing.  I don't trust it, so two tabs and sleep.  Not worried about bp, just too late.  Feeling better, save so tired.  Good night.

Delays.

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Because I can and because I am able, plus because I should, I stay up.

A duty of care to self is no less a duty, perhaps moreso when... the heart is amiss concerning the matter?  I... think so.

Of course, I feel bad.  As the cave cools ever so slightly there is easement.  But the numbers, they keep dropping.  An hour after getting blood sugar up to 112 it fell to 92.  I believed I could eat by then, and obviously sensed a need.  Green chili with beef and bean, and keto pita, plus a glass of milk.  I can't handle more than a small bowl.  I didn't check bp.  There is nothing I can do about that anyway.

I will finish the milk, then check numbers in another hour.  I want to see blood sugar satisfactory and stable for several hours in a row... three, two if really right.  I just have no way of bumping bp.  Still not sure if it is a cause, symptom, or both.  I am pretty sure it has been both, both bp and insulin have been both.

Someone seemed to tease... mock.  Definitely seemed a mocking.  Then... seemed to take another pass, from a different angle.  And, finally, pulled a video I didn't play before... it used to not be available to play.  Just... resemblances.  It must be someone who knows me.  Thought I was younger?  Now understands?  Sometimes I look older.  Sometimes not.  Sometimes, I think, even my real age shows through this vessel.  I was about to be peeved, until the last two popped.  But whoever never uses my favored videos.  Odd.  Toying with me?

Here.  See what I mean.

That's not good.

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Right after dinner I started to feel bad.  Tunnel vision, dilation problems, weakness...  Stats.

I just ate two chicken thighs, a can of carrots with a tablespoon of butter, and a glass of milk.  Along with it I took 10 cc's of insulin.  In the half hour it took to finish, everything was going wrong.  Blood sugar inexplicably dropped to 66 and blood pressure is down to 107/70 with an 83 pulse.

I popped a carb tab.  Too full to eat more.  If it keeps dropping or I don't feel better, another in an hour.  Upstairs to cool off.  But I don't dare sleep.  If I begin nodding off too powerfully to stop, I will take another tab... or two.  Would rather way too high than just enough too low.  Ducks in first.
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An hour after the last read and two carb tabs total, blood sugar is at 112 but bp is 98/65 at an 82 pulse.  Not good, but there is nothing else I can do for the night, including stay awake.  Surprised I didn't crash, which is why I took two tabs without waiting, was falling.  I will take the glucometer and bp machine upstairs.  Not sure... why.  The phone too, 911 may be required.

Fasting is delayed.

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Blood sugar is not behaving.  It was still at 138 after a fatted coffee and 26 cc's of insulin.  With nothing else but plain tea on the side, only a quart the whole day.  That won't work.  I will just have a regular meal shortly, figure out blood sugar, and fast when that is regulated or able to be managed in a single dose.  BP is 112/77 and 85 pulse?

Still feverish, but that might be from closing things up early, as well as trying something with how I control air flow.  It is 77° in my area.  After dinner I will retreat to the cool upstairs for a while, perhaps the night.  I could see about getting the timer to work.  I had it set, but it ran to and on after what I thought was the shut off.  The thermostat controls indicated they weren't active, but the thermostat setting was set for lower.  Perhaps that is an internal automatic logic system designed in that you just have to know, or typical stupid Chinese tech.

It got to about 90° out there, or the hottest I saw.  Earlier in the day I could go out without being knocked for a loop.  This low bp is causing problems.  As the day passed, I had hoped to get to things.  It got hotter, I shriveled inside of myself, and, here I sit.  I lit the grill, will heat something, with veggies currently warming, add milk, do 8 cc's, perhaps watch something after a meal prayer, then go cool off.

Ugh.  A shower first.  Taking pretty good care of my teeth, two, often three, rarer four brushings and three gargles a day, with various formulations for each process from typical, easy, and nice to about as close to a belt sander and sand blaster as possible.  Uhrm, I may be overdoing it.  Damned if I do... even.  It is down to 82°, unless the grill..? No, if it was upticking, it would be higher.

Warning?

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Why not hope instead?  That is honest to God War.

Waking a bit past noon.

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Sleep must have been a doozie.  Not by the title.  That would have been reasonable, at least to have done once, but even all three times, if I had done it all three times, let alone once.  Wought?  And a fair question.  Hold on, I just woke at a quarter to noon, and am shifting my own understandings.

Right.  Anyway.  I kept waking, then checking the time.  All I could ever remember was that it always read ten to twenty five after lunch.  Never could remember what the last time was supposed to have read, which makes sense now.  Not a crazy thing if definitely an odd experience.  Three times I dreamed I woke after noon.  Imagine my confusion when that clock read 11:44 as I was actually out of bed.  Or, am I?  I ended checking it three times, then my other alarm, my wristwatch, the clock in the living room, the fast ones in the kitchens...  I just wanted... an explanation, and definition of time.  I felt so confused about it.  All good finally, mostly.  Odd how even little dreams can throw me.  Rare, but surely.

BP right out is rather low, at 102/77 with an 87 pulse.  The pulse is unusually high, especially for the bp, unless that is the new trade-off.  Blood sugar was monstrous, at 178.  I need to dose, so a fatted tea or coffee, plus 26 cc's.  Then a check three hours after consumption.  The fever remains.  It is slight, sometimes normalizing, sometimes tipping int slight chills.  Very odd numbers and symptoms.  From floor sleeping, sun poisoning, something else?  I just don't know.

Not feeling great.

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I have definitely felt worse, even hours ago.  Middling?  Yeah, but that is like trying to split the difference between heaven and hell.  It really doesn't work.  The numbers look good.  I had to eat a final bit, and take another dose, but it worked.  BP is 118/86 pulse 88, unchanged.  Blood sugar is 103.  The bp is low, for me, but as nearly average as I have seen it in decades, mostly.

I am fevered, or sweating.  It hasn't dropped but one degree all evening, starting at 21:00 to here at 2:15.  I hope I turned on the other ac.  Bleh.  Nausea is mild, aches and pains are reasonable but there, fever or sweating isn't too tight, it's just not tops, or even well.  I don't think life is supposed to be perpetually... wrong.  If, as mentioned, I have had worse.

I keep dreaming to warn.  Though I don't think it would matter.  If I don't post it in time... it, trouble and death, are coming in a hurry.  "Mother" enjoys her games.  Odd who she chooses to target, but then Satan and minions like killing the lost, before they might repent.  Crazy like a fox, sometimes.

Good night.

The bad was returning.

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That falling feeling.  It wasn't blood sugar.  Something similar just not the same.  Blood pressure?  At 109/82 and a 90 pulse, I think that is it.  While that, currently, is an okay bp, it is a bit low, for me it is very low.  Any lower and it will become a problem.  The questions, now, are why the severe dips?  Are they the cause or a symptom?  How to work with or solve the problem.  This is as bad as blood sugar drops.  Or nearly.  But I can fix those.

Checking blood sugar, at 129 that isn't a part of the problem.  This is only an half an hour after the last of dinner and insulin, so that is a higher read than it should be, but not an unreasonable one considering the 133 start.  Just... checking.  From now on, I need to check everything when there is a problem.  Hmm, I should bring out the ear thermometer for when I feel fevered or chilled, just to know.

The lawn is being watered.  Unless I misread the outdoor thermometer, it was 68° by 21:00.  So I opened everything up as I set water going.  It sure felt a lot cooler outside than in.  With everything open it hasn't dropped a degree in here.  Crazy.  Some nights it works quickly, some nights not so much.  Some nights it doesn't work at all.  I should start the secondary ac upstairs.  Another several hours of watering, though only using a single line and sprinkler.  Then bed?  If possible.

At least I have something to work with, if no good leads as to whether it is cause or affect.  Perhaps a call to primary care tomorrow.  I think the nurses who do the nightsquad are, well, fully quad squad qualified and racially mean it.  They don't want them anywhere near living patients, even their own.  Later.

Still pretty rotten.

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A feverishness remains.  If you have ever been in a jungle, where you don't have access to ac so you are always a bit too hot, it is more like that.  It took a while for the muscle use heat to fade, another hour or two.  But it did.  It is 76° in here, 88° outside, not going upstairs to check.  I only have one ac running currently, and it is on saver mode.  At twenty hundred I will turn both on, at bedtime I'll turn the saver one off.  Every other night and day, the other one will get a break.

I need to set up a desk and day couch up there.  In time, perhaps a dvd player, and small tv, for my science and math vids... start attempting to create more regular class like times/days.  My day schedule failed, again, and quickly.  But health took a dump.  It doesn't perfectly count.  Plus, I was still able to break through to do things in the morning through serious sickness, physical stress, and lack of sleep some recent mornings.  All of it almost miraculous, compared with my history.  I am not close to giving up on failures of very minor sorts given how catastrophic they would usually be.

I am going with an 18:00 meal, thus a fasting day tomorrow.  A few pieces of chicken, a fatted drink, more milk, a veggie if available, and some unsweetened canned fruit with whipped cream.  In batches, over two to three hours.  I am eating smaller amounts.  Attempting to concentrate flavor while reducing calories.  Almost getting back to hauteur cuisine, save excluding added or... unnatural... carbohydrates.  It takes so few rich fats to fill, and remain full.  Unlike carb based foods, like Chines or Mexican foods which create slaves... not really for the production of food, but to the food.  And it creates a weakness in the people.  India doesn't want great innovators, less so doers.  Feed them plants.  No fats, few proteins, crushes the will.  Pot works too.

Feeling ever so slightly better.  Not going to work.  A shower, tending the animals, trying not to break more of a sweat let alone tear back into a fever.  A shower before long.  Maybe reading upstairs in the relative cool... not too much, I fear the fevered chills too.  Bleh.  At least I can manage my illness... as much as it can be managed, solo.

Best light the grill.  I like reheating on the grill.  Oh, 4 cc's of insulin to boot.  Hmm, to see if there is a veggie to heat with?  Beats, I'll bet.  Make it 6 cc's if so.  Later.

Better, after many hours of sleep.

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I did wake, if a bit roughly, around 7:30.  Just to close up the downstairs.  I may have fed the girls.  I keep thinking of going to once a day plus dry with them, but then they become... weird with food.  Actually, though, they are still weird with food, just not, quite, as ferociously.

I was in such pain that it was back to bed.  Blood sugar was 133 then, is 132 as I actually wake now.  I thought I was waking for the day, so did a reading at 7:30.  BP, as I wake, is better, at 129/89 with a pulse of 94.  The pulse is still off.  The bp is good(er) but a bit lower than usual.  After a bit of work with a milder light and the bathroom mirror, I was able to get dilation last night.  Dilation was a bit clunky, but it worked.

Poison to be sure.  For some of us, those who have been dead before?  Those of dark parentage?  The sun can really hits us.  It gets easier through the summer, but each year that passes, for me, that first large exposure gets worse.  Toss that in with sleeping on the hard floor, and you get what you get.

I had slept from 18:00 to 21:00, then was up to a quarter after midnight.  Then slept until 7:30 until about 8:00.  Finally waking at 13:30.  Sleep, itself, is wonderful.  Going to bed, getting down to the floor, isn't bad.  Getting up is still a challenge.  Using those muscles ignites an internal burn.  I am still sweating almost an hour later.  Want to prove you have what it takes?  Just for a challenge, vow to sleep on the floor until you can do it without difficulty, but at least a month.

Use sleeping mats, a rug, bundles of blankets, I'd even spot you a minor mattress (baby).  I'll bet, even if you have a bad back, you will end up in far better shape.  No worries, most just want a pill or to be left alone in their misery.  Actually suffering through to health is too much to ask, which is why doctors have given up on us, and why I have to force their hands!  Gah!

Dinner isn't until... 16:00 tonight, 18:00?  I'll figure it out.  If the latter, tonight is the last late night meal.  If so... while not ready for a three day fast, a single day fast might work?  That way I would fast, pretty much, weekly.  That wouldn't be a bad thing at all.  Intentions?  The return of vitality to the church.  Would require removal of a few scabs, and allowance of gangrenous discharges.  Doable.  Been done before.    Either that or accepting end times.  God's will, not mine, if we each play our part for which we will be judged.  Amen.

Hmm, that is strange.

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I finally got around to brushing my teeth.  It isn't just mild tunnel vision.  My eyes are not able to dilate.  I could see myself, but not well.  Couldn't focus.  I don't know, but that seems really bad.  It has been this way for days now.  Oxygen deprived too, or it sure feels like it.  Poisoned.

There are simply too many disparate symptoms for it to be natural.  Ten to one no autopsy will be done should I die.  Definitely no legitimate autopsy.  Lungs are failing, breathing is too difficult, not enough oxygen.  Couldn't be just from sleeping on the floor.  I may call down, see if there is a triage nurse on call.  There is no way I could drive down, can't see right.

...
Call 911, I was told.  Will they get me to the V.A.?  No.  I can't afford an emergency room visit, and the V.A. never pays.  I can't drive, both exhaustion and vision issues.  Tough, I guess.  Not much to do else.  She is putting in for my doc tomorrow.  A consult.  But if things haven't improved, I'll need to get a ride.  BP is very low, at 90/70 but the pulse was 102.

Will see tomorrow.  Time to shut the water off and hit it.

A perfect start to a sleep.

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I was hoping to wake, at least to check my blood.  As well, I didn't brush my teeth, ick, or put the chicken away.  And that is mighty fine chicken.  Right at 21:00, probably just a few minutes before as it took a while to sort head from ass, figure out how to sit, find light, then check the time.  Not bad given a partial sleep and all.

My first priority was checking blood sugar.  I had some fear I had exceeded dosage.  At 100 I couldn't have hoped for better.  Perfect.  A concern managed.  Then I had to decide whether I could wake, do a few things.  Actually that took care of itself.  While my mind was debating, my body just did it.

Since I will be up just a bit, I first set the water going, for the lawn.  The front east lawn isn't looking all that good, but it feels wonderful on bare feet!  I don't get it.  I will run up front for a while, then hit the back.  Which also isn't looking better, if it seems to be doing better.

Then I  opened the house.  At 19:00 it was 80° , at 21:00 it is 65°, if I remember correctly.  Inside it is 75 main, 78 front, and 70°/69° Upstairs.  The area, the southeast corner where I lay my head, is where it is usually 69°.  The other area is above the window at my feet, through which the power saver ac unit is installed... it greatly varies, if that matters.

I left the milk out, and with blood sugar good, I am consuming that.  The girls will be fed shortly, though I left them reasonably meaty remains of the chicken.  Oh, I put the chicken up, bagged nicely.  I hate dropping everything and dropping, but it was brutal. I was done and failing so fast.

Even now, these problems make the few things I did exhausting.  There is no way I could replicate the efforts.  The only way watering might be done is because everything is set up, so just flipping a few crossovers will do it.  Assuming I can stay awake, and I don't.  But maybe.  I will at least have to turn it off.

My vision is still closed in, about half of my full field is available to me.  That doesn't make perfect sense unless getting up from the floor is an extreme stress.  It sort of feels like it is, the muscle aches you get from extended constipation, from pushing, to exhaustion, but without the constipation.  Even the binding as muscles and else cross, knot, twist.  I think that is just from getting up.  Hopefully, soon, that will... normalize.

Bedtime will be early.

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I am staying up to do a two, then three hour blood sugar check.  I took a larger dose, thinking supper would be larger.  The corn might counter that almost on it's own.  Otherwise I could only eat a thigh and an half and a glass of milk.  I was so sure I would eat more.  The body just can't.

I am so exhausted just from making super, vision  is narrowing again.  It had expanded to two thirds my field of view, but has been cut to half, and may be shrinking still.  I... will not make it to the three hour mark.  I don't think the two hour mark is possible.  I will take the glucometer, and a box of carb tabs, up with me.  I will probably wake well enough to check it sometime, and my ability to sense an insulin drop should kick in.  If not, I guess I get to die!  -  No such luck.

I'll put the chicken up.  It was tasty.  Don't wish to waste.  Brush the teeth, put the ducks up, and feed the cats.  Ugh.  Freezing fever is returning.  I best get blanketed.  Good night.

Fevered yet.

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In the background, on a back burner.  As long as I am not too active it should be good. I want to be somewhat into life, or I will get the chills.  It is a precarious balance.  Chicken is finally going.  I lost track.  I'll have to watch it carefully, as hot as it hot.  Hmm, I never set the tea either.  I am so very sick.  I hope food will help.  I 'll add corn with supper.  The second to the last bag of Iowa corn my mother sent.  Still amazingly fresh.

So stuck in illness.  Will be for a while.  I need to get out , but not in the heat.  Too sleepy at night, perhaps in the morning?  If possible.  It wouldn't have worked this morning.  Beef, cabbage, lettuce, some pork, more chicken, but... small.  I am beset for at least the next two months.  As is, all "discretionary spending" will only be on food, and even there it will be the most meat to the mile.  Chia seems expensive, until you realize two tablespoons is a full meal.  A two pound bag lasts months.  As an example.

I can't believe I am so sick, and that there isn't a thing to be done for it bug gobs of aspirin, rest, staying cool and down, and the passage of time.  Literally sun poisoning.

I pulled the chicken early.  Or the outside would have burned.  It was already rather crispy.   With residual heat, sitting in the cold oven while corn finishes, it should cook off.  I just hope the skin stays crispy.  Essentially, a fat based faux potato chip!  Love it or hate it.  I'll gladly cover for haters.  Blood sugar is 178?  I... can fix that.  Later.

So horrible.

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The pain, agony, from burning skin, the midsection, the fever, and else.  I just couldn't cool down, was heating up the downstairs in my terrible feverishness.  A handful of aspirin and back to bed.  At 8:30 I fell, at 15:30 I woke, in a seemingly much more fit state.  It is still 74° down here, as it was when I crashed. But it feels cool, not like a furnace.

I think a minor portion of the problem was pickle and olives on an empty stomach.  I don't mind that, but should follow it with a fatted drink or glass of milk to cut the sour brine.  It did break the locked fevered dry throat.  Breakfast is near, soaking chicken thighs in salt and herbs.  Should set the fresh tea to go.  And, yea.

The sleep was needed.  I more passed out from so much suffering, but the sleep and the cool relaxed the poisons.  There are still bits, that without care could become inflamed.  But care is being tendered.  I am moving slowly if at all.  It is a rough one, but I think I can get through without too much more pain.

Ever work yourself to total exhaustion?  Where you nearly hit black out?  Seeing stars, lungs crisped, muscles tight and burning?  Then you took your downtime.  Later that day your lungs still hurt, but not as bad.  The stars had backed off from pin-point tunnel vision, but only to a third of normal, and your flesh was a smoldering ruin, just waiting to repair, rest, recover, but knew it would take days?  Yea, that is me, now.  Tough as that sounds it is into the pan, out of the fire, compared to the crash.

Weeeeee!  Are we having fun yet?!?  *grins*

Chicken might not be splendid, but grilled it is better.  I will skip hot flecks, but might add a color of smoked paprika.  That, a fatted tea, perhaps two cups of milk as well.  Later, a can of wild caught sardines and... something something... a few mozzarella sticks?  Something.  Time to start the grill.  Later.

Awake, early.

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I dragged out at 6:30 to close up shop before it got too hot.  A bit amazed I could get up then, with the rough night.  After closing all down, I climbed back down to bed.  Sleeping on the floor, by the way, is brutal on the torso.  Especially since I can't currently do shoulder flap assists without literally risking skin.  I won't even try until the burn is well and truly gone.  A week, two?  Yeah, I absolutely toasted shoulders and arms.  It just looks brown, but it is making me feverish and nauseated, plus the constant surface burning.  If you are going to do it, do it full throttle.

Oh, and anytime I exert myself, like getting up off the floor with my torso so currently abused?  So that I heat up?  Instant fever until my body can relax and cool.  On the good side, this is a heck of a workout for Toofat Bison.  It'll tickle some muscles and add a robust nature, if it doesn't kill me.  It is seriously testing my cardio vascular system.  I have to fight for air when first going down and often after getting up.

I woke without the alarm, just the sun, if getting up was a lot of work, activated things. It is 72° and I am still burning up an half hour after getting up.  Took the t-shirt off attempting to cool faster.  Bleh.  Blood sugar is 144 fasting, but I had a pickle and olives last night.  I won't eat until sixteen hundred tonight.  I am heading to fasting before I am ready.  So?  So I just let it roll around the clock again, as often as necessary.  I don't want to fast until around the end of next week.  I may have two more meal days before overhanding the program.  This doesn't need to be difficult.

Ugh.  Aspirin with medicine again, for the fever and aches.  Later.

Double troubles.

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Fevered chills.  My limbs were icy, the rest fevered.  The sunburn is surfacing.  Making me quite ill.  Had to turn off the ac, then it got too warm.  I turned it all back on, but it was too hot to stay down.  Still really sick.  And, as the burns surface, I have to be careful.  As I attempted a friction hoist myself out of bed, using my shoulder and upper arm, I felt skin giving way.  I could have slaked off a five by ten hunk of skin, into something like road rash.  Gently, carefully, I found a way down and out.

The fever made me so thirsty.  Pickles, pickle juice, and olives, to break the grale in my fevered throat.  It worked, mostly.  The throat is still slightly fevered, as is the body.  And achy.  Perhaps more aspirin?  Even my eyelids are beset by fever.  It's rough, as there is still a minor war between the frigid extremities and the burning core.  The heat, which crowns my brow, is the one which needs the most care.  It is like being on fire on the inside.

Burn...  Perhaps it has cooled enough upstairs.  Good night, I hope.  Dreams, of terrible things, in the flames.

Feeling bad.

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In part the heat, in part work recently, in part the fight, plus the migraine attempts... perhaps enough time has passed for more aspirin?  Yea, either way.  Blood sugar is 126 but I am done with food and insulin.  Not sure if it is the heat or migraine, or both, but I am done with anything, or is that everything?

Mostly.  At 19:30 I put the ducks away, with fresh water and a short shower.  They love that.  I am watering the front actual grassy area.  Not sure there is anything but a sort of weed on the other front half.  Now that I am watering, perhaps I should plant seed?  It might just be too hot.  One of the other areas planted is doing well, a few other spots are weak to middling, two are failures.

It was 84° outside, 76° in the main (stone and mortar part), 79° in the front and 68°/69° upstairs.  Yea, the upstairs has no effect on the downstairs, during the day.  At night it does.  I will shut one of them of tonight.  If that is easily satisfactory, I will try shutting the other off tomorrow night, just running with a fan.  Then I begin practicing with how long it takes to cool the upstairs.  Perhaps going in hot, for a nap or sleep, is enough... starting them, on timers.  I'm looking at economy but not falling down on reasonable comfort.  If you want to genocide the ill, then do it, honestly.  Don't torture us to death.

A few hours of watering, then I am packing it in.  If I feel this bad tomorrow, I will begin sorting.  Perhaps more cool breaks upstairs.  Reading and praying, sorting and clearing up there, a return to the non-digital.  Perhaps back to studying... Latin, calculus, German, differential equations, chemistry, French, algebra to geometry, and probably some common engineering subjects.  There is much to... remember.  I have aced some of those courses, without a curve.  Perhaps a few subjects a few hours a week, some were four to five hours a week, the non-eng were one to two hours weekly.  Just remember, homework takes two to four times class hours...  so a single five hour per week course (eng level diffy q, calculus, and calculus based chemistry are 20~25 hours a week).  Yeah, I loved when they pushed 16~18 'hour' eng weeks... 80 hours or more.  Bleh.  Know your math, well and functionally, and you have three quarters of it.  Until Latin, German, French, Russian, or Italian...  "...kick em' while they're up, kick em' when they're down... repeat ad nauseam".

Hmm?  Later.  Or good night.

What a fight!

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I have been trying to post that last post for hours.  Blogspot kept suggesting something was wrong.  I get that a lot.  I think it is usually a skipped Internet connection, just for a second, as it tries to auto-save.  Usually just clicking the tab ends it.  But that wasn't working this time.  First I checked internet connection.  Check.

I was wondering if they were going deeper into censorship, or for some of us.  I would click the tab, hit the publish tab, and the problem tab would reappear.  No explanation.  I tried this way, then that, trying all sorts of creative ways to blindside the system.  I have had to go around blogger and youtube so often, I... have learned a few things.  Nope.

Finally, blogspot started shutting me out of their site, even other blogs became inaccessible.  For longer each attempt.  Twice it even disconnected the internet.  Once literally, the next time through software.  Blinking lights tell the story, versus steady.  I had to think.

Could it be word count?  I erased some, tried again.  That is when I got a software timeout.  Thankfully it didn't crash the system, so what I had written, and stored, mostly, in flash memory, was still there.  It's all I have on this device.  Anyway, when I was able to get back, I saw that some of what I  was trying to post had been kept.  It was letter count, I just needed to erase more.

Crap, you would think they could tell you the problem.  I have never heard of a letter/word count limit.  New, or just my longest post?  Migraine almost returned.  Ugh.

A perfect nap.

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I went down at about 10:30.  I couldn't stay awake.  I fed the cats and ducks, moved the lawn chairs, and some other things but couldn't break the want, perhaps need, for extra sleep.  I set the alarm for three hours, as an emergency backup.  I woke every thirty to forty minutes, thinking I had overslept.  Ended sleeping an hour and forty, less than a typical nap.  If you love sleep when you are exhausted, like I do, feeling like you got six hours of shuteye in less than two real hours was awesome.

The upstairs is staying around 69°, the downstairs main and front are at 75° but feel much cooler, and outside is about 87°.  I have to guess that the outside will create strict limits on how cool the upstairs can get.  On 100° days, who knows what the limits can be, 73°, 75°, but it will be moving cooler air.  Though, who knows.  Perhaps with two ac's, 69° is easy.  As is, one of the, a "smart" one, cycles off for an half hour to hour or more, so... there is room to cool more.

Late for breakfast, but chia and a fatted coffee are in the works.  I had thought to not check blood sugar.  As, at 99 fasting, still fasting, it usually stays the same.  Except, I remembered, when the average falls below 150.  It read 154 just now.  So, yes, a 10 cc dose with breakfast.  Keto and intermittent fasting might not be exciting, or sexy.  And it sure isn't taking weight off, but it is taking size off.  I am back up to 280 but wearing the 38 belt from 260, losing the 38 cargo shorts... that didn't happen until I was down to 250.  But it is helping control blood sugar.

On to lunch and resting.  Tomorrow?  Finish the dishes, actually finish raking first, then dishes.  Perhaps clearing and cleaning the bathroom.  And maybe figuring out the closet upstairs, and installing some of the cage shelving, so I can have clothes up there.  That may help sort my downstairs bedroom... keep winter clothes there, summer clothes upstairs?  Seems like a plan.  There is no hanging bar up there, but that is an easy fix.

Oh, why not sleep in the closet?  It started out by being because I was too tired to think.  I just took an easy space, set up, and plopfactured a sleep zone.  It... then made me curious, if daybreak might help wake more regularly.  First shot?  No!  Not in the face.  Vampires simply don't tolerate that at all.  I knew this.  Now 34% better!  However, the second ac unit is beyond my feet, to the north.  And that curtain has to be open for airflow.  And, yes, that will do, nicely!

It may take time, but I... have hope.  That it woke me today was amazing.  I will have to get to bed earlier if I want to not have migraines, one of which is encroaching.  Aspirin, now!   Yes, I might be able to pattern to the day.  Then, in the winter, use a day light on a timer.  I haven't been doing great with a day schedule, but not bad and this brings hope.  Although, I have to admit, if I can get back to school, it won't be electrical engineering.

That is all but a glorified white collar job, without the pay or job security that it once offered to make up for the difficulty of the program.  At ~$35k start?  Probably five to seven years before being dumped, unless working for peanuts?  Perhaps some sort of engineering... if possible, but not that one.  Biomech?  Aeronautical?  Hell, maybe chemistry?  Something real.  Physics has gone junk theory, and anything soft is not only indoctrination, foolish, it is filled with unqualified idiots.

But, first, I need to do days... or even nights, but regularity.  I won't go through the horror of missing classes and study time.  Which also means I need to be in better physical condition.  Crawling out of the grave is a bitch, might not even be possible.  But getting a taste of life... so tantalizing... like feeling the first woman's nipple, then her wet.  Fuck yea.  Get. It. Up.  Later.

Oh what a night.

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I didn't go down until pretty late, babysitting the blood sugar drop.  Though heat wasn't helping.  Whatever all happened, it was cool enough to sleep.  Cold actually.  I found another blanket and still ended up needing a quilt, if I couldn't shake sleep enough until shutting the house up this morning.

The readings upstairs were 68°/69° depending where.  Downstairs it got to 70°, and at 7:30 when I buttoned things up, the outdoor temp was down to 58°.  I have to think if not the low, that was close to it, as at about midnight it was 60°.  At 8:20, the downstairs is up to 72°, while the upstairs remains 68°/69°.

I didn't think I would wake this early.  Especially with the cool, assuming the extra ac worked.  Well, and sleeping on the floor.  I am amazed how well sleeping on the floor is working out.  There are a few kinks to work out, but nothing drastic.  It is already better than that lumpy mattress, if it is a bit dated.  I had the alarm set for 8:30 and 9:30, just in hopes of closing windows.  As mentioned, windows were closed at 7:30 and I was up at 8:20.  I may have to nap in a bit, but...

Watering and resting.

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An attempt at resting.  Too hot, even with all efforts.  Still too hot.  Hopefully I'll figure out a cooler, more restful, day tomorrow.  I did figure out how to get the upstairs down to 73° by midafternoon.  Closing the vent wasn't enough.  I filled the cavity with plastic.  Perhaps it will be cooler through the day, without leaking, seemingly uselessly, down into the main of the house.

The front and back lawn were watered as soon as the sun went down enough.  Watering while shining would burn more than it already is.  There is some greening.  It is rough out there.  I am considering building shade out there.  Just one 20 by 20 foot section, and just from the midafternoon sun.  A seven foot fence, for some distance.  Angled with solar and earthly rotations, so less than 20 feet should be needed.  The rest of the lawn is back, and grass, greening.  That one area is brown and other than grass.  Affordability?  Perhaps if I could obtain old pallets?

By 19:30 it was 65° or so.  I had real hopes it would cool more.  Here at a quarter to eleven it is still just 65°.  All fans going, and it isn't cooling at all in here.  It feels a bit cooler, it just isn't measurable.  ...  While considering all, I thought to measure the spare ac and upstairs windows.  It, doesn't fit, with the fins on.  I took those off.  Even then I had to muscle it in.  But, finally, I may have enough cooling horsepower to create a comfort zone!  No promises, but there is more hope.

Blood sugar has been up and down.  Actually, it wasn't for heat or ac or watering that I am still up.  Blood sugar has been wobbling.  A heat issue?  Less consumption?  I have been measuring no eyeballing things.  Actually I think I had been cutting myself short with cream.  Anyway, my last reading was 79.  While I don't have warning signs, I didn't want to just let it go.  One more check... then a shower and to bed, if it works.  If it is still dropping, a carb dose.

And???  66!  Dropping a tab and waiting another hour.  Only one minor dose, I thought.  Hmm, no worries.  Both ac's are running.  Should be nice when I finally get up there.  Cool enough, I will turn one off and put the other on a timer.  Later.

So very hot.

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Even with the ac going upstairs, everything buttoned down, fans going, it is still getting too hot.  I will measure the other ac, but I think it was too big for any available window.  I don't quite get it.  Curtains alone had been working.  I'll check, maybe something was left open.  It doesn't make sense.  At 17:30 it is down to 86°, as if it matters in here.

Blood sugar dropped to 96, so I had a tuna melt on keto friendly flatbread.  Will see how it turns out in a nearly two hours.  Since I didn't plan to work, the shower is open.  I may hit that, then take another before bedtime.  It is burning up in here.  Upstairs is a bit cooler, but not much.

A check around the place and windows, curtains, and doors are all closed, save the ac window curtains upstairs are open enough to let air pass.  I may see about mocking up a system to keep the curtains closed and still allow air flow.  What was done is a start.  Apparently not the end.  And my tolerance of heat still has serious limits.

What I really need is central air, but that isn't possible without my ssd income returning.  A lump sum would see to that and a new furnace... the one I have is, was when I moved in, thirty seven years old.  So, yeah.  Of course, in high summer, getting hvac work... I could only get quotes and timetable quotes and hope for fall but expect more like spring as an installation rough date.  Last I heard, about $5k for the both, probably more like $7k or $8k now.

Later.

Noon thirty, up and starting.

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It doesn't get cold.  But at 72° while sleeping, I had to find a blanket, right at 4:44.  With the outside only getting to 68° from what I saw, there isn't much more cooling going to happen with a single ac in... 2,400 square feet, or so, house.  Still, that was enough.  Downstairs it is already up to 74° front and back, 88° outdoors.

As my first sleep on the floor, I was expecting a lot of aches and pains this morning.  As is, I can't sort out what might be derived from that and what is derived from excess work.  Or just work.  Learning to stand, while asleep... or even when awake, will be a bit of a trick.  I definitely roll more often.  I slept well, only waking in order to find a blanket.  I had one up there, just didn't want or need it at first, so couldn't dig through exhaustion to get it ready.  It worked.

I couldn't wake until 9:40, to close the cave down.  The 8:30 alarm had completely been used up and another half hour had rolled by.  That was a total blur of a memory.  The house had probably already started heating, but there was nothing I could do.  It was as good as I could do.

Blood sugar is 141 fasting, so a dose with food, perhaps eight or ten cc's.  Breakfast shortly.  A few eggs and salsa, chia and flax, and a fatted tea.  If I need, for a dose later, or just really need, another fatted drink.  If not, that is the food plan for the day.  No work, either.  A shower, tending critters, relaxing.  I have pushed too hard for two long.  Later.

Absolutely exhausted, but done.

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The bed is made, my bedside kit is set up, a shower taken.  It isn't cooling very quickly up there.  Or down here.  Not good.  I will close the vent, it doesn't seem to help.  It might help once the upstairs is cool, while I am downstairs?  I'll... figure things out.  I am hoping one ac will be enough up there.  Maybe not.  But I don't need expensive ac's for upstairs.  Just the cheap baby small size.

Absolutely done in.  I hope it has cooled some up there, but can't count on it.  I will move the fan to where it could help.  I sure hope it works.  I can't afford another ac this month, maybe next.  And nothing else that might work fits.  I think.  I will do measurements tomorrow.

I haven't missed medicine, even had to reset that Saturday.  I've been doing exceptionally well.  But... I am coming undone.  The final blood sugar is 97.  Good night.

Yea? Yea.

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Fried, cooked, almost done.  Yes.

The last curtains are up.  AC is up, an extension cord policed and set.  Now to rest a bit.  I would love to shower, but I want to cool a bit, then set up the bedding upstairs, first.  Yes, ac is on, as is a fan.  And the downstairs is open.  I will have to figure out whether to open the downstairs with ac running upstairs, with the floor vent open, or... lots of variables.

A break, then a floor bed including the alarm, lights, a few other items... edc for a right man's bedside.  Then another break if need be.  Finally a shower and to bed.  With short hair it doesn't take long to dry.  Oh, no.  I won't be setting an alarm.  There is no way I could wake to it.  I am in trouble.  A few cool days down, then back to work.

Blood sugar surprised me.  Two and an half hours after dinner, it was up to 126.  I was worried that it would keep going up.  An hour further on, it is 106.  I can't complain.  Tomorrow... one can only hope.  I'll keep at it.  Breakfast is at noon, if I can wake by then.  Hmm, could leave an eastern curtain partly open, see if natural light might help wake me.  Oh, may set the alarm for nine, if nothing else in order to close the joint before heat invades.

Oh, heck.  Not a bad week.  Not perfect.  Had to push a bit hard.  Got a bit done.

Quite good.

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While the grill was starting, then being adjusted, two of the windows were finished, mostly.  Sheers weren't put up, but the rods for those and the curtains were installed, and the curtains were put up.  As well, I set up for the last set of curtains to go up.  Then it was time to cook.

Chops, grilled.  As they were finishing, eggs fried and corn heated.  Perfect, if too much.  Two chops is as much as I could eat.  I will save the extra.  A glass of milk with else.  That heated me up.  Oddly, it has already started cooling in here, down a degree or two.  Hot food, a bit of work, and cooking just change the perception.

At 106 blood sugar was sat.  I expect it to go up enough to need to be remediated.  Fine in any case.  It isn't about my will, it is simply biomechanical forces which are fed then managed beyond that.  Getting personal or emotional, while natural, in wrestling some things, must be set aside as soon as possible.  Business.

I will need a bit of a break.  Cold tea, time to cool, time to digest.  I believe I will finish the curtains tonight, get the ac up and in, set up a bed, and then shower.  Or so it is hoped.  Oh, it feels like upstairs is just as cool... or warm... as downstairs.  Therefore I highly suspect curtains all around up there will add at least a few degrees of cooling.  Using blackout curtains on top of it.

I don't think I will get to dishes today.  Not enough trash to bother with, all of it packaging, so...  If I can gather it, I will.  Otherwise tomorrow, or when next possible.  Ugh.  So tired.  I was fine until I heated up.  I'll cool as possible, then start in.  It is 82° outside, at 19:30.  Bleh.  Later.

A reasonable day.

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No work, yet.  It will happen.  It is just about to happen.  Breakfast was eaten, fatted coffee and chia.  I will have chia a bit more often so as to add bulk.  In a bit, I will grill a few chops and have eggs on the side, plus a small fatted tea.  I will be hitting the upstairs, curtains to start as the grill heats.  At least I now know how to install brackets.  It just takes time.

After lunch, I will just continue with the upstairs.  It is 76° in the main house, not sure about upstairs, nearly 79° in the front rooms.  It actually feels cool.  As soon as work commences, that is going to change.  It is 92° outside, as I lit the grill.  Actually not a bad heat, a steady breeze and dry day improves things.

Blood sugar is 106 after breakfast and a 4 cc dose.  I won't take anything with supper or onward, unless it hits 150 or higher later, then a small fatted tea and a 10 cc dose.

My brother called.  He is still in Vegas, visiting family.  Wanted to talk about our mom's car situation.  He told me what he was offering, asked if I could pitch in.  I told him what I offered.  He doesn't think she can do a manual, either.  I not only think she could, I think it would be good for her.  They are going to, unwisely, ignore me.  She is going to buy another hunk of junk and have to struggle with it the whole time.   *shrug*

I'll get on to work, then lunch.  Later.

Alarms worked for a while.

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They did get me up to close the cave down before it got hot outside.  Around 8:40.  I couldn't stay awake.  Back to bed until noon.  Memory of waking earlier is weak.  I have been working too hard.  It, mostly, worked for almost a week.  Don't worry children, I will keep trying.  The cycle will begin spinning for a while.  As soon as I can regain a regular pattern again, I will try the alarms again.  I seek a regular sleep pattern, have since becoming ill.

The ducks are out.  No food in the hutch offers them incentives.  I do put water in with them.  I have worked on getting them out, food seems to be the trick.  Having cold tea, making fresh tea.  One advantage to oversleeping is it handles my alternating intermittent fasting interval.  I can eat as I wake.  Today should have been ten, it is noon.

I will try to eat at noon again tomorrow.  It isn't optimal, but fasting too soon is less optimal.  A surprise was that work went fairly well while fasting.  That was an improvement over fasting before.  I was able to work leading up to, then through the three full days of fasting.  Actually, even the day after.

Fasting blood sugar is 126.  Oh well.  The weekly, biweekly, and monthly averages are 114, 126, and 128.  With between four and five samples a day.  I will, with breakfast, use about 3 cc's of insulin.  If I don't dose, it will get higher, then stay high for fasting.  I will sort this out.  The number this morning is not acceptable, but I can't fast every day and I am already intermittent fasting strongly and watching what and how much I am eating.  So... minor doses, with food.

I won't shower first thing.  A few hours waking, and breakfast.  Then on to curtains, installing an ac or two, and then setting up a floor nest.  If I have worked up a sweat, I may turn an ac on, take a shower, then go crash for a bit.  If so, I may set the last of the dishes up before going down, in order to finish them when I wake.

With a cooler place to sleep, or even nap, I should be able to keep more of a work schedule.  And, sleeping in the spare bedroom, as my resistance to the cold has diminished and that is a warmer room, should help me figure out more work in the winter.  My body is changing as my vitals come under control.  I still have to sort things out.  I don't know what it all means.  I can only work on things as they become apparent to me.  It has been decades since... then again medicines can be as bad as the diseases... I'm just not, now, dealing with both, just, mostly, medicinal side effects.

Hmm?  Later.

Spooky?

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What is life without fear?  Small doses are affective.  Too effective?

I have been watering the lawn.  Simply put, it needs it.  City water will go way up, I have no choice.  The side lawn needs it least.  The problem with the front and back lawn is they get the sun so long that both watering times are limited and they get so sunblasted.  I suspect those with green lawns have ag water shares.

It is about time to hit the dishes, and open the cave up.  It is 72° out there, was an half hour ago.  It is 76° main, 78° front, probably due to me leaving the door open.  Ach!

Ah, as to fear?  My blood sugar is 76 after a few hours.  That is right on the border, and I am about to hit the dishes... heavy work, for me.  I am going to go without a carb pill, see where it is in an hour, and how I feel.  A slide from either, in the singular, and I will drop a tab.  Just one.  I suppose I could eat, but I want to see what a single tab does.  And I am attempting to keep to intermittent fasting.

A bit spooky.  It is right in noman's land.  A quick jerk negative could see me to a coma, even death.  Want to see my limits and ability to ride them.  It is how I was created.  Know your limits?  Fine.  But how can you know them if you don't test them?  I am beginning to know my limits.  Wish me luck?

Next time I will halve the dose.  If there is a next time.  Later.
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All good.  Blood sugar is up to 82 but enough, especially after work.  Dishes done.  Dried but air drying as a finishing.  A shower after a break.  There is no way I will get to curtains.  Too late, too hot, too tired.  A shower, maybe.  Probably.  Too cool off as much as to bath.  I have sweated profusely today.

While I didn't do everything planned, I don't think that was possible, with or without the visitation.  And anyway, I would have preferred the visit.  Work will always be here.  Not so the young ones.  They... fly.  And there is a biblical likeness, for the better among them.  Gone so fast, justified to tarry a bit.

I will shower, then air dry.  Not rudely, then test blood sugar one last time.
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Blood sugar at 89 is up and still good.  The average is 119.  Not sure just how good, "normal", or such, that is though?  I feel at ease going on to bed.  It is still really warm, it just isn't cooling off.  A shower was nice, but I really need to finish the curtains and get ac going.  Of course, not tonight.  I didn't put the last of the dishes in.  I want a shower in the morning.  While it is Sunday, will be, I need to get curtains and ac installed.  Choking on this heat.  So, tomorrow, if able, that will be done.  And my floor bed will be arranged.  Oh, and yes, I burned pretty bad.  Sun burned.  Sleep will be tricky.  Good night.

Hot!

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Partly my bad.  I had a visitor.  Can't invite people in, the place is still uncivil.  Should have invited him to chairs and shade in the back yard.  Instead, like a fool as host and self, I just talked out in the sun.  Ten to one I will burn, have burned, for that.  Although, I must admit, I have become less sensitive to the sun.  But it does wear me out, sun and heat, doubly both, quad more like.

So, yeah.  I wasn't exactly getting anywhere anyway.  Next time a shade talk, and water.  I should drink out there.  I enjoy discussions, I am not anti-social as some suspect.  It is good to talk.  With men, with women, sometimes mixed.  If I knew where to go, I might get out more.  Now that I am a shorthair... maybe I could start looking?

Exhausted from crisping, if I can work it will be later.  I may reset the rinse, as the water needs to be hot enough to dry well, but not too hot to touch.  It is room temp and that just won't do.  Dishes and curtains?  Maybe.  A cool shower after dishes might help.  I would sure like to get it all done.

It wasn't all that hot today but it isn't cooling well or quickly at night.  And I left the front door open, like a fool, for a part of the chat.  That certainly didn't help, if it wasn't the majority of the problem.  AC upstairs, fans downstairs, and curtains all around, should help.  If nothing else, a reading time in the ac upstairs when, if, it gets to me.

Blood sugar was 125 at noon, same at nearly 16:00.  I just ate, after the more recent reading.  I took 6 cc's.  Just... a trial.  Not sure if smaller doses will do anything, or too much.  Not every time, but a bit with food, once a day... an attempt at keeping it from jumping.  Too much effect?  Back it down.  I have become half decent at spitballing it fairly well, and correcting it when it goes wild.  The greater the risks the greater the rewards, and I have proven to handle the costs... as high of prices as a man can pay.

Ugh.  Too get the dishes reset, then done.  Then it's a shower, and curtains for me!

Still so tired.

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Given all, I have been pushing this week.  I want to do a few more things today, then take a few days off.  I am hoping to finish dishes, all of them.  As well, putting up the curtains and sheer rods.  Nothing fancy but actually more work than it sounds.  It will be hard on the back.  It will take all the vapors I am running on and into energy debt.  Then I get a few days down.  As well earned as I can do.

Up at 8:30.  Overcast, thankfully.  Not all that much cooler for it, but not heating up as fast.  I opened everything, including upstairs for the first time.  It got to 68° in the eastern front room and 72° in the main house.  My bedroom was 73°, but I heat small rooms.  I shut everything down right after waking.  If the sun breaks through it will get hot in a hurry.

A blood sugar reading of 99 fasting.  A bit of a gimmick, with three days of fasting behind it, occasional insulin use, keto, intermittent fasting... everything I am throwing at it, just to get a normal reading.  With chia, flax, and hazel and walnuts as breakfast, and chicken or chops for lunch, I can hope to keep the reading low.  Oddly, I was staying 'regular' while fasting.

I did not want to wake.  I skipped the six alarm setup, knew that wouldn't work.  Hoped to get up right at eight.  Nope.  Took four snooze bars and change?  Yes, one at eight and another every ten minutes until 8:30.  As to the change, I hadn't turned the alarm off, only hit the snooze bar the last time, so it went of a final time.  Sam gets in on the action now.  She actively works with the alarm!  Ugh.  She must think we are married.

A bit of waking time, up to two hours, then the dishes.  The first load.  A break, a shower, remaining dishes in, then either another break or on to a start with the curtains.  Then after curtains, finishing dishes.  As a possible finally, putting an ac unit upstairs and setting up a bed on the floor up there.  I bought a rug just for that, the rest I already had.  Later.

Not to bed yet.

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I wanted to water the yard.  Besides, it was too early to open up.  It looks like staying awake until it is cool enough is the way of things.  If I am able.  AC upstairs, and curtains, are backup.  The goal is to cool the cave as much as possible without ac.  I do suspect central air would be more efficient.  It is just beyond my reach.

A part of the front yard was in shade.  It got hit first.  Now the whole front yard is shaded.  I moved the first sprinkler and started the other.  In an hour the front sprinkler that hit two areas will be moved and turned off, the other will be moved and run at a new angle, and the back yard will be hit.  I can only definitely use two sprinklers at once.  But I have a plan.

At 20:00 it is still 82° F out there.  Beats 96°, but is still exhausting to be out in.

The final blood sugar is 94 for the last fasting read.  BP is 141/98 at a 77 pulse.  I have been working.  Medicine has been regular.  Sleep is reasonable.  I don't get the bp.  Usually, everything I am doing cracks it.  Medicine, sleep, blood sugar control, and more so fasting.  It should be twenty points lower, both numbers.

I have chia ready for in the morning.  I may set tea up for a fast start.  Then back on track with alternating intermittent fasting.  It sure makes fasting easier, if I am not losing weight.  Odd that.  Then again, weight loss was a hoped by-product, not the goal.  The aim was blood sugar control, and it is working.  Still, watching calories, with between a twenty and forty percent reduction, at least, while being much more active?

Don't worry, do your best.  Then again, why bother.  It's not like there is a woman out there, available.  Not sure it makes all that much difference at my age anyway.

The last post, probably.  I have another hour or two of watering, but good night.

So very hot.

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My newfound tolerance to heat has powerful limits.  After dressing for cool, and a bit of time at 74, I felt much better.  So a stroll around outside seemed good.  Not good, not good at all.  It is 96° F out there.  It went up a few degrees since I returned.  Just that short stroll about pounded me into the dirt.

Blood sugar is 103 after cooling and two, nearing three days of fasting.  I can't ask for better.  I will actually set up chia pudding for the morning.  I thawed meat for the week.  But I will mostly be eating light.  Finances are tricky.  Cabbage for coleslaw, more salad and chia, beyond less expensive, cooler to prep and eat.

After cooling down, a nap didn't seem necessary.  After the trip outdoors, maybe so.  No more work today.  However, curtains, dishes, and an acc upstairs and installed?  And food.  Food!  Good golly, going without really adds to flavor.  Perhaps a load of laundry and setting up a summer bedroom while at it?

Good night.  I do believe.

Hello?

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Someone is ringing the doorbell.  No?  No.  But my doorbell has been rung.

All dishes, the ones in the tub, were at least washed.  The smaller lot was also dried, some of it put up.  Then a shower, and the big load was put back to a rinse.  Then to the post office.  I returned home, but decided to go on to town rather than messing about.

A shorter cut, first thing.  I forgot a hat, and the hair looked bad.  I just let her do the cutting.  Better, though my hair may not be right for flattops.  Will give it a chance, a few more cuts.  It is vastly cooler.  I get almost as hard of looks with a flattop as I did as a long hair.  The difference is, wearing a flattop?  A fuck I could give.

Then to Wallies.  Enough rods and smaller bars for the rest of the curtains and sheers.  I am not sure I have enough sheers to go around, but this is a start.  Cat food, cat litter, a few muscle shirts, a few summer hats.  Enough for the summer, and a few months of pet care.

A bit of cash on the way through town.  My grocery store is closed.  Came as a shock.  That store has gone through many names, four, five, hands since I moved here ten to twelve years ago.  Surprised to see it go.  Oddly sad.  I knew the workers.  I was too tired and shocked to go anywhere else.  Home.

Everything is in.  But I feel like a bug that just found a windshield, at 60.  I wasn't going sixty, at first.  That heat is brutal.  Had to, for the haircut.  May try shopping later from now on.  Not a bad day.  A nap?  Work later?  If I can cool enough to nap.  Or I am done for the day.  It is the last day for fasting.  Blood sugar is 121 at 13:30.  Later.

Crashed so hard.

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Couldn't sleep until midnight for no good reason aware to my knowledge.  Slept so hard, though, that I woke in a special agony some short bit after five.  I hadn't rolled all night.  One half of my body was asleep.  The other half was envious.  Fifteen minutes of sorting out 280 pounds of almost human horseflesh and I surprised myself by being able to go back to sleep.

I didn't wake until a bit after alarms had all wrung me through and past them.  Could not wake!  It was dreadful.  Hurt as I wake.  Sleep had dulled all the various aches and pains.  Probably still does, until my neuro pharmacy gets tired of trying to sort out all the inputs and just kicks out numbing agent...  309?  *grins*  That would require a she, unless my bod is just telling me to go .... myself?  It could  happen.

Fasting blood sugar is glorious.  At 121 with an average of 127 life is good.  Now if bp would behave.  What has it been, three months since I started?  And a few weeks, yes.  I have had to ride diet like a boss and take risks that give my docs high blood pressure. The ride isn't over, perhaps.  But I am getting there.  I still need to bring fasting down to 100, but the needle is nearing that read.  May take another month?  Then to get rid of training wheels.  Almost there, too, if that is still hit or miss.  It really is as if the body has to be retrained, on right foods, and given some time for both.  But, pizza!  Don't I know it.

Dishes, after I wake.  A shave and shower, hopefully in time for the post.  Raking, if it isn't to hot.  Probably already too hot.  It has been a super week.  I am paying for it.  But it is well worth the pain.  To be honest, I am not sure I can do what I suggest, but will try.  Aspirin, meds, tea, and an half hour to ponder, before I try.

Nothing extra.

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I hadn't promised.  Couldn't get back to anything.  Blood sugar is 112 so that isn't a problem.  Hmm?  Fasting lag?  You could be correct.  I hope it is cool enough to open up for the night, so as to be to bed in just a bit.  Not a bad week, even if it is finished.  I think I can squeeze more out of it though.

I do believe.

Good night regardless.

Very good.

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Not much.  I did look over the lawn.  I like to go out from time to time.  The are was completely shaded, that had only gotten a short watering earlier, so I hit it again.  Just another short bit.  The ducks were out, but actually under the tarp.  I suppose it was cooler than the hutch, but they had enough of the water.  It was cute in some odd way.

I received a letter from Social Security.  There wasn't a way to respond, but it seemed to be requiring a response.  I have been meaning to get in touch, but there wasn't a means.  I have a number listed for them.  It took over an hour, nearly two?  *shrug*  It turns out the letter was... informative... for my files.  Files?  I can't keep my house clean, or find paperwork from a week ago.  Files?

I outright asked if the real problem was that I had lived too long, perhaps I wasn't welcome in this state, or home.  Perhaps pure politics.  He sounded really surprised.  I told him this wasn't right.  They had to know the continued denial was wrong.  That someone, or the whole system, was picking on me for a or several specific reasons.  I know.  I suppose even if he could see what the real reason is, or are, he couldn't tell me.

More watering tonight, in different spots, mostly hitting the same areas.  But for only an half hour, a move to a different angle and another half hour, then done.  Then a half hour every other or third day henceforth, in one of several angles.  Front, part of the side, and back yard.

Blood sugar is much better, at 104 after a fatted coffee.  I prefer that number to 89, but both work.  One more day of fasting and then breakfast Saturday.  Either eggs and salsa, or an egg casserole with salsa.  Easy to digest.  I have been parceling salsa to last.  I won't be able to return for a family visit, and more, unless SSD returns.  I can't afford the gas without it.  Flying is way out.

I did trim the whiskers.  I am hoping to do the dishes, so as to shower.  Maybe shave too.  It is 92° out there last I checked, but had been at least 94° F earlier.  While, because the night wasn't as cool, ~60° last night versus ~48° the night before, the cave warmed faster, it never went above 74.  That sort of surprised me.  Further, I actually am a bit chilly.  Have been for days.  Perhaps ~74° is the new max, given stonework and curtains.  I wonder if extra curtains will lower the temp or just slow the warming?  Maybe both.

A bit.

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Soon more.  The watering was done in patches.  I may have watered too late, into the sun.  It is spotty, with tree coverage, and was slanting not full sun.  Perhaps.  The ducks wouldn't leave their hutch until after the first patch had been watered. Perhaps it isn't safe, or they don't think it is safe.  But they sure enjoyed the second area, playing, grooming, eating.

At 11:26 it is 82°F outside, 73° indoors.  It will get much hotter shortly.  I suppose we are finally into the 90s, pretty much until fall.  Though, who can ever quite know.  It looks like watering already helped.  The grass that was hit just last night is greening.  Not all of it everywhere.  Though even the rougher areas look a bit better, somehow.

I thought to rake, but watering was a priority.  It is too hot, and wet, now.  Tomorrow, perhaps.  A trim first, then dishes.  A break, some calls, too late to make it to the post, tomorrow...  A shave later, perhaps a load of laundry.  Then finish the main load of dishes.  Closer.  A bit of straightening later.

Blood sugar is up to 154.  So, a fatted tea and 10 cc's.  It's just what has to be done.  While it seems like a break from fasting, it actually isn't.  It makes fasting more difficult, painful.  It reminds the body to be hungry.  Annoying.  And, yet, that is the way of it.  I best get fresh tea started.

Another major climb to wakefulness.

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It started with the six alarm and two snooze bar hits before I realized that wasn't going to work.  I simply turned that alarm off, making sure the eight alarm was still on.  Then I fought to wake, beyond the last snooze.  The alarm was spent.  I reset them for tomorrow but still couldn't quite wake.  I was worried, could do nothing about it.

As it ends, I was able to begin getting out of bed about five minutes later.  It took two minutes to climb out of bed, a very unusual thing?  I am tired.  I am sore.  And I am grateful for it.  I am hoping to do just a bit more.  Dishes, a shave, a shower, but letting ducks out and maybe watering the side yard?  Is it too late?  I'll look shortly.

What is frustrating?  Often I don't have the focus, concentration, awareness, or memory to see and feel the need to work.  So it doesn't... concern me.  But now, with body in better shape, mind improved, and temps controlled and tolerated, creating a perfect storm in a good way for work, I am tripping over my out of shape, still partly dead corpse.  There is hope it can be improved, stamina increased, but I am not seeing that.

It isn't for me to know.  Or say.  I guess I just have to keep trying.  The options aren't easier.  I wouldn't have believed I would still be here.  If, thankfully, I can't feel all pain in the present or remember pain from the past.  Even the memory of the weight of the pain is gone, and the memory of present pain auxiliary affects slips from my mind as water from a duck's back.  Is that true for all, or just us living dead?

Blood sugar was better, 139 fasting and first thing.  I will be more careful with sweeteners, if I don't think that was the problem.  I WAS being careful with the stuff.  Bleh.  A second day of fasting.  Feeling good that way.  Enjoying fasting, actually.  Plus, since I need a physical break before I really hurt something, it helps.

I best get to letting the ducks out and watering the side yard if possible.  Then a trim in prep for a closer shave in a bit.  Probably a break as I wake, then to dishes.  Ugh.

Definitely ready for bed.

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I have to turn water off to the back yard.  It won't get much, but it is late.  A start.  The front and half of the side yard got hit.  If I wake early enough, the last part of the side yard will be hit.  Awake a bit late, but to get things watered it was worth it.  I'll know in a week if...  I just didn't realize how dry it had gotten.

I had to do a fatted tea.  Not from hunger, but in order to take insulin.  Blood sugar was staying around 180.  A fatted tea and a 10 cc dose brought it down to 87 then again 87 as I go to bed.  Better.  Sometimes you just have to break the rut.  For me, taking insulin without calories either does nothing or crashes.  No choice, and good call as I see things.  I'm still hungry, consider this medical.

BP is remaining higher.  Not the old midrange, but not down to more normal numbers.  I am afraid to take more medicine, too easy to crash on it at higher doses, then it's brutal trying to titrate back up, or to just restart at dose.  Each method is brutal in it's own unique way.  I am doing what I can.

Good night.

Incredibly cooler?

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The thermometer suggests, with it being as high as 94° F outside and it just hitting 74.1 in the main portion and 77° in the front areas, that it takes a lot longer to warm and is a few degrees cooler overall.  I would have expected it to be more like 79° in here.  And that it would have been that hot two to three hours ago.  It does work.  It doesn't seem all that much difference, but the numbers don't quite relay fully.

No more work today.  I walked out to rake earlier.  It had warmed too much.  My back whines too much from a few minor things.  Dishes are out.  No, I am done for the day, except to turn water to the sprinklers at or near sundown.  Not sure it will do any good.  I wonder, if I get watering going, if fertilizer would help.  It may just be too sunny.

I was able to nap.  I was cool enough, in the 77° room, to still need a blanket.  While blood pressure and blood sugar are, generally, better, it is by tolerance to heat that I know some things are vastly improved.  The medicines are still needed, and are now the problem.  As mentioned, as to function, medicine is worse than the disease.  At least for me.

Still, a good day.  Many things found, a few things done, another set of things to do.  A cooler cave, a nap, and it is all coming together.  Dishes tomorrow.  Then a shave and shower.  A continuation of fasting, in adoration to Mary.  Perhaps raking the side yard, and the area sprinkler out there, for the lawn and ducks.  Dare I tell them it is two birds, or five actually, with one stone?

Aspirin, and whatever.  A movie?  Sure.  Later.

No more work.

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Not before a nap.  It is 88° F outside, 73° F indoors and in both sections.  I think the curtains help.  Even just those up.  East and west windows curtained will double the benefit.  More and much larger versus smaller but longer sun face time.  I am almost there.

I did get the last of what was out there, as to lawn hoses and sprinklers, set up.  I found, if an inferior one, an area sprinkler which I will use on the side lawn.  And occasionally for duck joy.  I think they will be quite pleased with the rain simulator.  But that will be an easy addition.  I plan to begin watering everything tonight.

I couldn't get to dishes.  To tired.  Perhaps after a nap.  I don't need a shower, but I would love two, two days in a row.  Actually, if I can kick out dishes, having a shower every day for the next week, as a coolant and just because, would be nice.  Heck, nearly daily, perhaps twice often, for the whole summer, and/or cool baths in there.  Nice.  And becoming possible, as grilling will become the norm.

If I figure out heat, summer might be the best chance at ripping into, clearing, and cleaning the cave.  While I can heat the house in the winter, I can't create more real light.  Light boxes and natural light neon just don't cut, not for me.  Yeah, but this summer might be a new start to a better life.  Later.

A lot of searching.

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Here, there, the garage, downstairs, upstairs, in the basement.  No place was not searched before, some places were searched more than once, some twice, even today.  When I decided on an object, and decided to find it, I kept looking until I did.  The curtains were in boxes I had thought to be empty.

Once the curtains were found, and hung up?  I decided to pin them.  So as to not touch the floor.  That required two things.  First, I found it, at best, inconvenient to pin them while up.  I... had to take them down... after such fuss to get them up.  WOUGHT!  Then, to find more stuff.  A box of pins, something to cut the tape, then... tape to replace the cut tape in order to keep the pin box shut, as tape was all that held it together.  Really?  Fine.  Done.

The three windows are all curtained, the curtains are sized, the pins are secured and put where I got them which is where they belong.  I checked the east and west windows, they will not need sized.  Sometimes I have my head in some of the game.  It wore me out, but... all good.

A couple hours down.  Then back to searching.  Hose connectors, splitters for the sprinklers, etc.  I found one group.  It was an auxiliary batch, as it turned out.  Back to seeking without ceasing.  Again, over some of the same turf, Looking and again.  I wasn't sure how much longer I could look.  The lower back was murder and energy levels were crashing.

Found them.  Where I was sure they wouldn't be.  As with the curtains, I had to take a break after finding the items.  Bolstered by the find, wanting to connect things before it got too hot, I was back at it in an hour.  The main sprinklers are connected to each other, the duck hose is connected to the main splitter, a bit more work shortly.  I ran out of steam.  I am letting the ducks splash.  Will take fittings out to finish when I turn their water off.

I am hoping to hit the dishes and shower again before putting them to a final rinse.  Perhaps a nap after.  Whenever I get back to town, if possible, a hair cut, a shorter flattop.  That, a bit of grocery shopping, a bill, some cash, and?  Oh, curtain rods, eyehooks to be used with wire for sheers, and sheers if possible, affordable.  Ugh.  Maybe two runs?

Blood sugar is 175 still fasting.  Whatever.  Bp is 132/92 and an 82 pulse.  Oh well.

Later.

Really worn.

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Immediately understood.  Most pain is behind the blank cover of numbness.  Thank God.  The tip of the iceberg breaching that plain is yet a bounty.  Yet a gift if one understands, or desires understanding, about worldly detachment.  Far better to carry a ready dose of pain than to live pridefully painlessly.

The simple humility it affords is the starting point, but leads to a communion with martyrs, on to a real link with the truest holocaust.  Not worthy, if who is or can be?  Even before all was known, they He chose knew they were unworthy.  Or, who else He chose.  I, too, was chosen, called even from the dead, damned.

So tired.  It took an hour and an half to finally wake!  I struggled, pushed, pulled.  I had to pee so bad on top of it!  Such a miserable time of it.  The ducks are out, eastern and back windows are shut.  Cats are on a timer, to be fed two hours after waking.  I think I found fittings, for the sprinklers, last night.  But I couldn't find the curtains.  I will seek those today.

Blood sugar was very good, at 132 fasting.  They want it around 80 ~ 100 fasting.  My method, to them, is the hard way, madness.  But my way absolutely requires control starting at the mouth.  At the third, nearing fourth, stage of kidney failure, why would they offer a pill to worsen that.  What was that mash song?  Ah, Suicide is painless.  No thanks.  My way is difficult, but it is true.  No gimmicks.

Fasting today.  And right off the bat, for only the second time this week... month even, I feel hunger.  It will pass.  But why hunger?  I ate just last night.  Bleh.  Fasting until breakfast on Saturday.  I will only be checking blood sugar in the morning, at noon, then bedtime unless I sense a negative spike.

I will check bp in an half hour.  I like to give medicine some time.  Dishes, and another shower, perhaps at least a trim?  Maybe.  Then on to looking for the curtains.  Later, connecting hoses for watering tonight and maybe raking the rest of the lawn, the side lawn is all needing raked actually, but... yea.

It was 56 F, at about 7:30.  It is 70 in the main, 67 in the other part, of my home.  Still cool enough to bring in outside air for now.  It should be interesting to see what having the upstairs with curtains, and cooled... how much effect that will have.  To be honest, if I can keep to sleeping at night, it won't be ac'ed much.  A few hours before bedtime, a few hours during on a timer, and that will probably be it, especially now that handling even 80 during my waking time isn't a terrible imposition, especially if I can cool down at night.

I best get to waking.  Good morning and day.