Uhm, well.

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I ended up back in bed.  Worried, about the critters.  Worried, even, a bit about myself.  Still, no choice.  I had to get more rest, sleep.  Thankfully, I did.  Lots of sleep, when I can sleep.  If too, not very awake even when I am not sleeping.  Very difficult lately.  More food would be good, better food would be even better.  It is what it is.  I can't cook, clean, eat, or drink well.  Doing my best.

I have no idea how long I slept.  It think I woke a bit after 16:30?  Then tried to get the waterers set back up, and get food ready for them.  I still have some junk food around.  It isn't good food.  It is calories.  Trust me, if going completely without is the choice, bad food may be better.

Finally, I got out and fed the critters, and changed their waterers.  I know it must be difficult for them, probably going without for six to twelve hours.  It's as good as I can do.  I will, before the night is through, reset all of the waterers.  I have enough reset for a day, without missing anything.  If I get the rest done, I will have three to four days of feed and water ready.  I would like to get a bit more, though who knows.  I would have to get a shower, get to town, and hope they items are available.

The girls, though, need fed and to have litter managed.  Ugh.  There is always more to do.  As well, I would like to sort out food for myself, real, good, solid, food.  So hungry, especially for real whole good food.  Will see what is possible.  I have some meat thawed, if it is still good.  And, I think I have veggies.  Cheese sandwiches are available, if the cheese... the cheddar anyway... really didn't taste all that good.  Not sure if it is because of my poor recent diet, if the cheese is old or isn't well made due to supply chain problems, or else.  Tasted like chalk.

Still, today... finally... some things done.  And the rabbits weren't dead.  I may not be as far behind as I thought, but I can't... remember.  I have a great fear that the critters will be dead.  If my fear of the length of missing caring for them were true, they would be dead.  So, I am probably not missing for nearly as long as I think.  Just... dark dreams, or they would be dead.

Well... on to something.  I'm thinking a potato, with butter and sour cream.  It's not keto.  Mostly.  But it is a more real food.  And, with butter and sour cream, I get decent fats in there.  Add on sea salt, and there is a bit more, plus pepper.  And it is warm, if it takes nearly and hour and an half to finish.  Still... it... is real food.  Can't eat more than one.  I'm not able to eat too much.  I will check on some pork that is thawed.  If good, I may have it later.

On to other things... or in a bit.  Ugh.

A day missed.

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Not sure which day... Friday, Saturday, or Sunday.  I do my best.  Can't always tell when medicines were missed.  And, it may have been compounded over several days.  I simply can't remember having missed medication.  Or food, if I probably missed more meals than medicine.

A call missed, and several texts.  Not sure when.  One text was from someone I absolutely don't know.  The call and other text I do know.  I'll have to get back in touch with them.  One was asking for help.  Help I cannot offer, currently.  Standing, and doing very small tasks, are beyond me currently.  More is impossible?

Will keep trying to do more.  Will have to wait and see.

The clocks are all reading 10:22, currently... 09:20 when I started waking.  The thing is, I was almost sure it was later than that when I went to bed.  Or, at best (worst) nearing that when I went to bed.  I'm not sure how I can be awake.  I am sure it wasn't yesterday, when I woke at this time... or went to bed at this time?  Something is very strangely off.  Not sure why I would be, or how I could be, awake.

Comfortably awake, if not all that capably awake.  I'll try to sort things out, and get a few things done, in any case.  Odd how sometimes I can feel totally feeble, then just be able to do.  Though weakness isn't always purely of flesh.  It can be just as bad being just of thought, will.  With either, or both, of those diminished, the flesh is just as weak as if it had no food, water, or else, for too long.

Still, it's always about doing things.  So I will try.  Later.

Incapably awake for hours.

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I can't be sure when I woke.  Afternoon, mid or early.  Sometime between 13:30 and 17:30?  Yea, I am pretty sure it was in there at sometime.

Thirsty, and if not hungry, I knew I should eat.  The idea of either was nauseating.  

I wanted to feed the girls, deal with their laundry, feed the rabbits, and... other things.  A shower, laundry, more.

A few steps saw me to exhaustion.  Getting to the bathroom, once, totally wiped me out.  There were other times when I wanted to go.  I just couldn't.  Breathing... I have learned to do it, paced, so as to get some air.  Not completely out of air, but breath had to be paced... or gone without.  If I didn't pace it, it would be gone.

So tired.  It takes time to do anything.  Some things aren't quite possible.  And, cold.  Though it doesn't really matter.  I am surprised I am not suffering from hypothermia.  Especially without being able to eat most of the day.

I finally got a bit to eat, and drink.  Still thirsty, and hungry.  The supplies just sit in there.  No digestion is going forward.  At least it isn't being rejected.  I think the reason I have thrown food up before was because it was just sitting in there, not being digested.  It felt like having eaten a brick.  It wasn't going to digest.  Better to be rid of it.  It is nearly that currently.  Though, perhaps, there is a bit more digestion happening.

So very difficult.

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Some wonder why I provide videos of people who push things, then end up dead.  From spelunkers to mountaineers.  Well, there is a reason.

While I do not push my body in the same way they push theirs, the outcome is often the same.  This last month, I have only just been able to sit.  My lungs burn, my muscles hurt, things are going wrong, inside and out.  Dehydration, lack off food, too cold or... not even that.  My body just can't stay warm.  Numbness beyond my ability to help you understand.  And, yet, I keep... keeping on.

No frostbite, if I think more because my body is abnormal.  It can handle cold much better than most.  Lots of things could go wrong, in my current condition.  If you were me, you would be dead.  You can't survive what I am surviving.  Why?

Something is really wrong.

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I can feel the dehydration.  But there is something else wrong.  Probably several things wrong.

I decided to check bp and pulse.   It is 132/86, with a pulse of 83?  Well, okay.  I would have thought it was much lower... or higher.  It feels off.  It also isn't blood sugar, or wasn't.  I... had... a few bars.  Temptation was just too much.

Something(s) feel so off though!  I have no idea what all is wrong, only that some things are terribly wrong.

I have taken medicine, keeping the water pill to one.  I have carefully made sure I am not extra dosing that stuff I had been doing too much.  I check my medicines every day, just... to make sure.  I have my medicines memorized, and am being so very cautious.

I feel like I could pass out.  But I am careful, cautious.  Not only when I go to stand up, but also just sitting here.  I am being cautiously alive.  I realize, whatever is wrong, I could end up dead.  Which, if it is that time, is fine.  But I have a duty to be alive for a while longer.  If it is possible, even if it means being more long suffering, I will try to outlive my mother.

It's a difficult thing.  But I will do my best.  It might not be much, some might think it merely a normal cause, or wish.  But, for me, it is a great suffering.  Even so, one I will endure if possible.  Something is so very wrong.

I have had a few trick or treaters.  I am handing out two full sized bars, as I don't think there will be all that many visitors.  I have very much enjoyed the visitors so far.  Handsome young gents if mostly pretty young ladies.  A few parents in with the crowd, if none would take a treat themselves.  Still, the offer is there.  Some have been quite pleased with the full size bars.  I am pleased that they are happy.  Maybe not many visitors, but they have been happy visitors.  All good.

Later.

Dehydrated.

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Definitely dry.  I can feel it in my neck, along the height of it.  Inside, and out.  It's a strange thing.  I have limited the water pill to one a day, and been drinking just a bit extra.  It will take a while, in any case.  Oh, I should add extra electrolytes, for a while, to whatever I drink which will take it.  I'm not sure if I have any pickle juice fresh enough to help, but that would be good too.  The thing with salty drinks, is I have to drink enough non-salty stuff to make that applicable, but without further drying out my system.  Always a trick.

I slept for a bit later last night, then again today.  I need sleep.  Am getting it.  Not in a way that is preferred.  I would rather sleep in one long session.  That just can't seem to happen.  One shorter and one longer session is how it is, so far, working.  Though that may change.  Perhaps if it cools off a good deal more?  It has warmed back up.  Not to summer temps.  But to the mid 60's, upstairs, with the window cracked and a small fan running on low.  Fresh air really does help, especially if it's not too cool, or cold.

I put a small load of laundry in.  Hopefully will get another one going before too long.  Another shower?  Would be nice, if possible.  And dishes, started, either way... after, or after deciding against.  All good.  I have a bit of food.  Some to be cooked, some to be eaten cold if need be.  Cheese sandwiches, meat crumble, perhaps a few other things.

Oh, someone suggested another syndrome.  I've got to tell you, you are so far off track I must suspect that you are the one with the... difficulties.  I know, everyone wants others to be like them, especially when limited.  Or worse than them.  I can hear, very well.  Conversations in school, and other places, can be annoying.  I have, mostly, learned not to listen... or to not consider... all that is said around me.  I have shut down some of that.  Not all of it, all the time.  

It is amazing what you hear, though, when you listen.  I do have to wonder what they would think if they realized you knew what they said?  Then again, a lot of them actually hope you hear, so as to hurt you.  But, realizing how people are, it... really doesn't hurt feelings.  It just lets some of us know there are people worse off than us in the world.  Don't they realize, the people they speak with about others?  Realize how terrible and limited they are?  They might have to go along, but they know how terrible some backstabbers really are.  Won't end well.  I feel sorry for the petty, the weak of mind and will, and those who need to try to break others down so that they can feel good?  Sad, really.  It has no affect on some of us.

Hmm... interesting how things work out.

I haven't been able to do almost anything recently.  No gaming, no cooking, no work, chores have been brutal and irregular.  So tired, sore, achy in weird ways.  Legs are doing much better, and feet.  Swelling is gone, if almost to a fault, in those areas.  Perhaps even the torso has started getting rid of most of the fluid.  It is rough though.

I had hoped to get back to town, to buy a few more groceries.  But I don't think so.  So very tired.  Exhausted.  Pained too.  I won't be taking more painkillers, either.  I just need to suffer for a while.  I fear taking too much more of the stuff, for various reasons.  I am sure, in time, I will get used to pain, and get over it to a degree.  I will just have to suffer well, for now.  I will get out when possible.

Later.

Something is very bad.

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Dehydration?  A part of it.  But something... somethings... else, also wrong.

I will begin using only one water pill per day, total.  As well, I will begin drinking a bit more.  I don't believe the whole problem is dehydration.  I still believe I have too much fluid.  My feet and legs are in very good shape, finally, and again.  But my torso probably still has too much fluid.  The thing is, as I suggested, there is only so much fluid which can be voided in a set amount of time.  I have, most likely, exceeded that volume.

So, yes, things hurt, ache, and are out of place.  Though, too, perhaps, potassium is low... maybe other things.

How much trouble am I in?  Maybe a lot.  Maybe a bit.  I won't know until... I know.  I don't have tests, only time.

I got to bed around 21:18, actually exactly.  Then woke at around 23:00?  Or 00:00?  One of those two, I think the latter, or a few minutes shy actually.  I think so.  A few hours down did help.  Still, headache and other pains.  General discomforts.  Difficulty burning any energy of body.  Thinking is a bit clearer, after some rest.

I could be dying.  I just don't know.  I am thinking about taking more excedrin migraine, but want to hold off.  I have been cutting even that.  It can be a problem on it's own.  I am well under the extended use warnings, and have been using just the normal recommendations.  Still, with all else, I would rather bargain to the far side of safety margins with some things, while having pushed well beyond them with other things.

I am pushing, currently, to remain in some sort of conscious state.  And I am trying to sort out how to add fluid back without over doing that, and adjusting a few other things.  I know, it's a bit tricky.  I'll do my best to stay alive and well.  I don't do these things in complete foolishness.  There is a reason I take risks.  But, with risks... there is danger.

A rough one, folks.  If you would, a prayer.  Not for my life, or death, just for God's will pertaining to any of it.  And thanks, to you for any prayers, and to God for the opportunity.  Even the suffering.  It teaches me.  I don't seek it, not anymore anyway.  But offer it to those who suffer in waiting, and offer it as well, to God, as a gift of learning.  Some days, often, I'd rather not hurt.  But... since it is here, might as well not have it for naught.  I've seen purgatory... been stuck there... no prayer, no movement... trust me.  Pray for those poor souls.  There are many, I know personally, who might have made it there.  And there are many who are there, and nobody knows.  I was one of those.

Anyway...  If I should happen to die?  Do pray for my soul.  If you can't find it in your heart to do so, I will pray you learn better before you end in a worse place yet.  Amen.

So rough, so thinly stretched, muscles to organs hurt, neck to ribs are paining me.  Hard to breath, a bit fevered.  So many things wrong.  Still, I'll... keep at it.  And I am, truly, grateful.  For family, friends, a chance to worship God right through living and even suffering.  For pain, and enemies, who offer me a chance to learn and grow.  I'll keep at it, as long as I may.  Amen.

Very strange.

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So much pain.  Everything was better, there for a bit.  Between the shower, food, and taking care of a bit of business, I was thinking life had just gotten better.  And it had.  I felt batter.

Then, all of a sudden, I began to crash.  No rhyme or reason.  Eyes are sore, tired, even.  That exhaustion is back.  The pains  and aches, here and there, and everywhere.  All back.  I'll have a bit of something to drink.  Then go on to bed.  Rough, tumble... bedtime.  Good night.

A lot less food needed.

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Yesterday I was able to eat a lot of food.  Needed it.  Tonight only a third of what I had yesterday was more than enough... almost too much.  As well, I purchased candy for Halloween.  Though, on the way back, I realized I may have been too late!  I am never sure when it will be celebrated locally.  Still, by the time I realized the problem, it was too late in all ways possible.

It turns out tomorrow is t he day.  I have enough for... some of the little rascals.   Limited by availability, as always on the night of or night before.  Still, there should be enough, and they are full size bars.  Probably enough.  Will find out tomorrow.

More, I got groceries while at it.  Cheese, for sandwiches.  And a few other things.  Hopefully I won't have to be going out for lesser foods for a while.  Though I would like to get a few more things, after payday.  I forgot salad.  So dark, so fast, today.  Plenty dark before 19:00.  And I was so tired.  Plus, the other people on the road were scary.  Driving in various parts of everyone else's lane, stopping without notice or reason.  I... kept as much distance as possible, went slow, and with some serious caution.  If I saw a way to get around, past, in the other lane from, some of them, I did.  Walking, and driving, on eggs, is no fun.

Oh, I finally found gruyere cheese.  Pretty pricey.  Still, I picked some up.  However, there was no eggs!  None of the free range.  Not really interested in organic, unless it is home raised.  I could check on that, though, yet tonight.  Though that seems to be slowing down, or nearing stopping.  So that might not be available either.  Grhh!  Always something.  But I keep trying.

A bit rough still.  Some good, some bad.  Fed, ready for rascals who I sure enjoy treating, a bit achy, but... so be it.  And, ten days, fully, into restarting medication.  Insulin has been very hit and miss, but the pill pills have been in like clockwork.  I'll keep trying.  So limited, tired, sore, hungry, rough, dark, and sometimes cold and wet.  I suppose I can rest when I'm dead.  I hope.  Amen. 

Awake?

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Mostly.  I think medicine and weather have me under the weather.  Well, and not eating well, correctly, enough.  I just can't cook.  Well, in part because I can't clean.  Though cooking would be difficult even if I had clean pots, pans, dishes, and else.  Even if available, I couldn't necessarily use the resources which may, or may not, be available.

So hungry.  At least I got a meal yesterday.  Not sure about today.

I think I have been awake for several hours.  A shower would be good.  A long one, working, again, on dry patches, toenails, and warming.  I really enjoyed that last shower.  Wanted another, just wasn't up to another one yesterday.  But, yes, maybe today.  As long as I don't think I might lose consciousness in the process.  Yes, it is that difficult lately.  Will just have to see how things go.

On the good side, I am half way through the second week of medicine.  It may take a few more days, or weeks, or... months perhaps... in order to adjust back to medicine.  Eating, at least a meal a day, may be the difficult thing to sort out.  I am not sure, it alone... food... could solve the problem.  There is also the cool, cold, weather.  The darkness, if the sun is out today.  There is more than just food, or the lack of it.  Still, food would help.  I don't need much.  Just enough.  Ah... if I could shop, getting lettuce for taco salads... and figuring out how to fry burger... and cheese for sandwiches...  little things, but they really help.  If I could just get to town!  So difficult.

Trying to sort through things.  I'll... do my best.  So very tired, achy, weak, right to the point of fearing actually passing out.  The symptoms... eyes dilating, blurry vision, spots of light, breathing difficulty, weakness all at once so standing, walking, and carrying even small items becomes difficult.  Light headedness...  And, actually, even as mentioned, cells in muscles feeling like they are on fire... burning.  Difficulty breathing?  Shortness of breath?  Something like those.  I don't actually feel like I can't breath, more that the breath isn't being used.  Some burning in the lungs?  And it is difficult to think, remember what to do or... what should be done.

I am pretty sure I have gone through this before.  I suspect it is the medicine.  Though, perhaps, medicine is adding to some other problem, or some other problem is resembling the medicine side effects?  I may have been accusing medicine incorrectly?  Just thinking the two were one.  And, maybe, there is some connection.  Maybe medicine makes diabetes symptoms worse?  Or enhances the illness?  I just can't be sure.

As bad as it has gotten, I may be better, enough, currently, to do some sorting... for now.  I might be able to try a few things.  Though if it continues to be like this, or get worse, I may get in some sort of trouble... going down for months, hard.  Or... maybe... worse.  I'll try to sort some of this, as possible.  I've definitely had worse.  Later.

Don't blame me.

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It may resemble some of what I write, but this is you, and them.  It isn't me.  Or... I didn't go looking.  You found and offered, accused, noticed, seem to think I resemble... or my life... or people in it... resemble... some of these things.  I don't mind.  I merely return them to sender(s)?

Maybe.

I saw my favorite people.

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It took a while to recover from doing chores.  The shakes, weakness, lots of things.  It was as if I became absolutely exhausted, and all at once.  Just finishing was a bit of a trick.  Even the cells in the muscles hurt, burned.  I did finish, then sat, for a while.  So hungry, yet unable to cook.  I was able to drive, so I did that instead.

To one of my regulars.  Not health food.  But hot, and enough, so that I was satisfied.  Rather than drive home to eat cold food, which is worse for being cold, and impossible to reheat rightly, I find a spot to park and eat.  Preferably a parking lot with overhead lighting, and not too much traffic.  So it went.

As I was eating, I saw the couple.  Old.  I am old.  These were probably married before I was born.  But, together, they... hold up well.  They hold each other up.

She, I saw first, coming around their minivan.  I am guessing they have that for grand, perhaps great grand, children.  As well as for groceries.  It's the new station wagon.  Dressed in a moderately pleasant, if dated, dress.  Just to below her knees.  A white sweater on over, heavier but not even really to the temps for today, for her age and sex.  Still, she seemed quite comfortable.

Comfortable enough to fuss in the back, through the midsection sliding door.  He, by this time, had round up behind her, so as to see her into the vehicle.  She, as mentioned, decided to fuss in the back.  This is not what he had in mind, and they had a quiet moment if he absolutely allowed, and helped, in spite of his notions.  It... isn't about him, or even just her, but about what needs to be done, even if that is just ensuring she feels ready and right.  Yes, I... see.  In ways others only imagine.

Finally, settled with what she had wanted checked, moved, set, placed, adjusted, or such, he helped get her into her seat and closed the door for her as she otherwise settled in and belted up.  It took him ten to fifteen seconds to shuffle to the other side of the vehicle.  Bow legged, shuffling, in a suit which was probably from when he was a younger man.  His hair so wispy thin, white, almost more smoke than hair...  Yet full.  Both of them.

He drove well.  One wouldn't have known he was in his seventies or even eighties by his driving.  I headed out just after them.  I said a little prayer.  Jealous, I was, remain.  They aren't a man and his wife, they are a people.  Just... one.  They have shared a life for longer than I have lived one.  I even saw when they were first dating, or married, through my... talents.  They are close, now, to death.  It hasn't all been easy.  It won't be easy going on.  And, yet, they are going to be rather comfortable, as they are now, in a way only some of us may understand.

There will be a little bit of discomfort, as their time ends.  Perhaps moments, when one is finished and the other awaits their turn.  But they will already still be together, here and there.  I can sense it already.  I have... been there myself.  My first real love will always be with me, and the last I loved will as well.  A few others, still here and already gone, share my life.

Reminded... of the past and the future...  Still, can't help my jealousy.  Their time more real, and together more than I have had the fortune to know.  And, yet, I would not begrudge them a second of their time.  A bit of a prayer for them, as I passed, or one more prayer, and they turned off.  Such a wonderful people.

Not good.

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I nearly collapsed while doing chores.  I almost couldn't finish.  I had to push, hard, to get them done.  I really almost passed out.  Nothing fancy, just filling a bucket with food, a small bucket, and taking a few waterers out.  I can't be sure what is wrong.  I haven't been this bad off in a long time.

It may just be medication beginning to do what it sometimes does.  I almost thought it might be a blood sugar dive, but... not.  It wasn't.  So like it though.  I would check my bp, but that would require finding the device.  And, to be honest, I can't.  I would like something to eat.  That might help.  I can't cook.  Not sure about other options.  They are being considered.

The neighbor had asked if I would help.  I had, initially, thought I would.  Just wanted to feed critters first.  Started falling apart.  Had to let him know that wasn't possible.  I skipped painpills today.  They might help, but who knows... they might be the problem, or part of it?

My mother called earlier.  She has definitely decided the nursing home is where she will be from now on.  I suspected this some time back.  I suppose she is... just... finally deciding, for herself.  No problems.  I get it.  There  comes a time when all else is just done.  It's her leg, mostly.  Whether from nerve damage, ill connection through her back, or such, but her strength and such is just gone.  There are other things, too, though.

No, after this last spell, I realized her choices were finished.  I was just glad she hadn't broken a bone, or back, or else.  Fortunate.  More, I am simply pleased that she has decided this on her own.  It isn't what she or I, possibly others, wanted.  But it... looked to be the only way.

She still has people around, who can and do visit.  She, now, is again allowed to leave the building, even grounds.  She can go for a meal, if she can get a ride.  And, her house is being kept for her.  She wants furniture decided upon.  I'm not sure what I can do for that.  It's a long drive, would require hiring a towing vehicle... I... just... don't know.

I am, sort of, busy dying myself.  Probably faster than she is.  Now that she has a secure place to live, and more, she is in better shape to handle the future.  No one will be breaking into her place, as they have been and as they do at my place.  A danger all on it's own, as I fail.  Hmm...

Anyway...  I am hungry.  Not sure I could eat if I found or cooked food.  But I... really would like to figure out how to try to get food, give a shot at eating.  Ugh...  Maybe.  Later, or good night.

Why bother?

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I have to push, so hard, just to wake up.  And then, when awake, I'm still not really awake.  I make plans, push to get to them.  No matter how hard I push, I usually don't get my list.  Sometimes I get an item or two.  Mostly, I don't even get that.  So rude, brutal, to be so crippled.  To try with such willpower, thought, continuous, pushing, pulling, yanking, tossing, moving, all for naught.

A week and two days, on medication.  Four or five days of extra water pills, and a few days of extra water pills in the evening.  Fluid is going.  It is time to cut the water pill though.  At least the morning pills... from five to three.  I will continue with the night pills.  

One of the good things is, I am peeing less at night.  I had worried I would never sleep, needing to go all night.  As it turns out, I only become a bit needful in the last two to five hours.  The rest of the night I sleep quite well.  Taking night pills doesn't matter all that much, other than reducing how much I end up going, as it pushes some out in the last four the five hours I am awake.

Have the medicines helped, or hurt, in any other way?  Not that I can tell.  Other than some achiness, as cavities drain and adjust, I'm not seeing any other real applications.  Legs are starting to cramp, if that is part of the water loss.  I may kick minerals up a bit... electrolytes.  As well, I may begin adding electrolytes to some of what I drink.  I need the water out, still.  And, yet, I don't want to zap all my minerals.  I have done this before.  Yes, I am taking extra potassium.  Extra extra, though not too much extra, it is hoped.

Well, on to a few things.  Hopefully.  Still so frustrated, and tired.  My hands are pins and needles, must have slept on them incorrectly that last bit.  Bleh.  Later.

A solid dose of pain.

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I have certainly known worse.  But this is a solid dose of it.  Ribs, internals, legs, shoulders.  A solid medium hurt from most areas.  The pain, in each area, could be worse.  And it could be aching in more areas.  I'd say it's seven out of tens areas and six to eight on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst.

A long shower, hot.  I usually just wash.  This time I washed, rinsed, and several times.  As well, I worked on patches of dry skin, under the toenails a bit, and just enjoyed a rather long soak.  I didn't need the heat, but I sure didn't mind it.  But, now, clean to the bone, or as much as such would be possible.

I need to get to chores.  And get fresh water for the girls.  So very tired.  Doing anything takes... often... more than I have.  It is bad enough that I took more painpills.  I keep hoping for a day off.  I had been at one a day.  I then needed two, per morning.  Now I am needing two in the morning and one or two in the afternoon.

I'm not just taking it for the pain.  I am taking it in hopes of getting to things.  I need to do some work and tasks and... things.  I haven't been able to.  So tired, sore.  It isn't just the pain, it's that it's been every day.  More, there is a lot under the skin.  I'll keep trying.  Yes, there are risks.  I don't have many choices.  When you pee half to a whole gallon a shot, without drinking, things are going to shift.

I'll keep at it.  May try to go without painpills for a few days.  Dunno.  Can try, make it a goal, an aim.  Hungry, just... not... interested in eating.  Bleh.  Later, or good night.

Awake, for what it is worth.

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No idea when it was when I went to bed.  After midnight, almost certainly.  After one, three, five?  I... simply don't know.  I looked at the time.  I think it was after five.  But that may have been a dream.  Just a dream.  Powerful, strange, dreams, of late.  Imagine bureaucracies burning?  Dreams.  Corrections.  Evil portions of government, law, even public big businesses, corrected in the strictest of manners.  But, too, dreams of life, and death, mine and others.  Strange dreams.

I woke a bit earlier, but didn't actually get out of bed until 13:00, right at... though a few minutes after, by the time I was downstairs, and had fed the girls.  They were hungry, it is late.  As things shift, I do my best to feed them more around certain times of day than by my schedule.  Of course, that shifts as my schedule shifts.  I just... do my best.

A shower, shortly.  Then more laundry in.  Whatever else is possible.  Seems dark, if the sun may have been out, for a short bit?  Who knows, it might actually be out off and on, or even now.  Can't tell, nor am I quite ready to go out and check.  Still tired.  And I do hurt a bit.

I am guessing the pain, currently, if mild as well as persistent, has to do with the loss of fluids.  As I purge excess liquids, my body had to adjust muscles, organ placement, connective tissue, and cavities which had once held pockets of water... blood... or whatever else.  What appears as fat, often, is just water... fluid.  Well, some of it.

Still, it is slowly improving.  Or I am getting used to the pains?  A bit of both.  My legs are almost completely back to normal.  The skin is still a bit loose, but is readjusting.  Which, really, made me realize that the pains might well have been from fluid removal.  My legs, skin to muscle, do hurt a bit but nearly normalized.  I would guess I probably have seven to ten more gallons of extra fluid to get out.  Though I can't get it all out in one go.

I'll give the higher dose of water pill through, say, another five to seven days.  Then drop it to normal for a few weeks.  Then, after a few weeks to a month, depending on how things are working, go back to a higher dose again.  Again, just for a week or so.  That is a lot of extra fluid weight.  Imagine wearing fifty to a hundred extra pounds, all the time.  Especially when all organs, including the heart, are taxed otherwise, on top of the extra weight.  Yea... I... will get rid of it.

A shower, some housekeeping... anything I can do.  Oh, but a bite to eat, first.  Really hungry.  Later.

Someone is busy.

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Not alone, it seems.  So many languages, and ways of suggestion, if all... seeming to say the same things?  I suspect so.  How many people can speak the same tongue?

Trying to sleep.

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Someone keeps... suggesting things.

I can't be angry.  Is she a believer?  When... she wants to be.

Good, enough.

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Grilled chicken thighs came out pretty good.  I didn't allow them to cool enough, however, so have a bit of a stomach ache.  I also cooked brats.  Came out just right.  A few thighs, then a few brats with sauerkraut.  Odd, when I eat meat while it is too hot, I get a stomach ache, just as if I ate too much candy, or... a few other things if I can't remember what all does that.

On the good side, I was out just in time, or for certain, to see the sun.  It has been days since I have seen a brightness I miss.  Not only a good few bites of good food, but sunshine.  My body, and mind, eat that up.  I am hoping for more sun tomorrow.  Perhaps a bit more warmth, too.  It was 44 out.  Not bad, but certainly not warm.  And, after all the rain and cooler temps, as a recent high, it was a bit too cool.  It will get colder, just... a bit of warmth, first, before we go into the dark would be appreciated.

I'll try to get to chores before too long.  I have been keeping up on the girls, mostly.  Litter, though, needs sorted.  And fresher water would be good.  So tired.  Will try.

Almost time to begin fixing food.

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Got the grill going.  It should be just about ready for a second stage.  I, first, light it up and let it rip.  Then I shunt vents and get it to a solid, sustainable, temperature.  Hopefully right at a medium to medium high.  Good enough to grill meats well, without burning.  I also leave an area where the heat can't burn.  Especially when cooking something with fats which might render and create a fire.

Chicken thighs will burn, if not cautious, as will steaks and some ribs and such.  Brats not so much, though they may burn if just left too long and too hot.  Tonight?  Probably chicken, a few pieces, and brats?  Probably.  So hungry.  I have been hungry all "morning", but unable to do much about it.  Maybe, shortly, I'll get food.

I called my mother.  The last time, she suggested she was going out for dinner, she wasn't.  I don't know if she was confused, talking about what she wanted to do, or... what.  But, this time, it sounds like she is actually getting out for dinner, somewhere in a nearby town.  Very happy to hear it.  Plus, she was able to stop at her place, and pick up clothes.  She has been living out of a, basically, overnight bag.  More, by a bit, but not much.

Still needing her walker.  Canes, even the four prongs, just won't do it.  Still, that she has fallen so often, and not broken, is a hopeful thing.  And she was a heavy smoker for many of her years alive.  Take graces where one can get them.  I am just glad she is able to get out, get some clothes, and feel all grown up, again.

Well, I should get back to the grill, set it for it's next stage, and plan dinner.  Getting the chicken spiced, and ready to grill... and the brats.  The rest of the meat needs t o be refrigerated.  So hungry!  Yes, on to the grill and dinner... supper... etc.  Good day.

Noon thirty.

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Not great, but it could be worse.  Already hitting 13:00.  Not moving fast, but I did get the water pills... the extras... in the pill box finally.  I have been taking the extra, but had to go get them, and then remember to take them.  Eventually.  And, why?  Well, because I have lost thirty to forty pounds in the last week.  And I am still, probably, just from extra fluid, between 280 and 300... which means I could easily lose another thirty to forty pounds, just in fluids.

So, yeah... I have to take extra.  One, or two, water pills a day simply will not do anything except maintain what is an excess of fluid.  Perhaps it will keep from adding more, but that water is doing bad things.  From causing exhaustion through flooding cells and lungs and other organs, to adding weight which simply crushes me, makes me have to work much harder just to stand.  More water pills.

And, actually, I may add some in the afternoon too.  While the "morning" pills do help me void, they sort of stop working by later in the afternoon.  Though I am not sure extra water pills will help, I am willing to take some risk, short term... for the next week.  I need to get rid of some of that fluid.  It's killing me, in a dozen ways.

Another shower today.  And I have fresh clean clothes to wear today.  I may add another load of laundry into the mix, today.  As well, hopefully, after a shower... and sometime through the day... get dishes started.  A lot of them.  Plus I really have to change the cat litter, feed the girls and critters, and... a few other things.

I am doing better?  Sort of.  I am able to do a few things.  Still crippled up a goodly bit.  The dark, damp, cool to cold, and health are combining to be a bit brutal.  But I am pushing on through.  I had thought not to take painkillers today, but... reconsidered.  Well, just one.  I have been able to take just one, most of this week.  I have taken two, once... and none twice.  Today, I need one.  Limited pain sites, but more potent pain from them.  Kidneys.  Yes, risks.  It is how it goes.  Later.

Still raining, and so dark.

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Midafternoon, cool, raining, and as mentioned quite dark.  If feels like late afternoon, has all day.  A shower has been taken.  The girls have been fed and treated.  I need to do more.  I wish to dry off a bit first, if with the rain, I'm not sure it matters.  I should have a rain slicker around somewhere.  Rain, rain, go away...

I am hungry, too.  Nothing really available.  Oh, cans of tuna, sardines, but that just doesn't work for main meals.  Well, and pots and pans are scarce.  It would be good, I could make something, if pots and pans were available.  I suppose there are things available.  Though, I must admit, I am thinking of getting rid of many post and pans.

I am thinking of removing all save a few smaller pots and a few pans.  I'll keep the good ones, get rid of the thin, tinny, ones.  The idea is to get to where not only do I have a limited number, but that for the most part they are smaller.  So, if really needed, I could get them all done in one or two small wash cycles.  A few dishpans would do all of my pots and pans.

Do I have the bravery, to get rid of some very pricey pans?  Or could I include them in what I keep, even if a little larger than I might absolutely prefer?  Just... thinking about some things.  The other thing is, if I got rid of them, but really wanted them back, there is no way I could afford them at this point.  Hmm... I may put the good ones up, get rid of the cheap/ugly/questionable ones... and, if I want them back, I could pull them back out of storage boxes... here at the house somewhere.

I best get to some things.  I have the laundry ready to start.  Then could put dishes up.  Chores need doing.  And I am really hungry, if I'm not sure what to do about it.  I did begin thawing meats, but that will take a fairly long time, a day or two, to be ready.  Bleh.

Later.

Late and in pain.

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I have certainly had worse though.  Just a constant, medium level, pain mostly in the midsection.  Guts, really.  A painkiller to start the day, and medicine.  Not a lot of pain, just... a lot of pain?  It hurts a little in many places.  It doesn't even add up to all that much, but it does make doing anything a bit of a cranky operation.  So... as mentioned, painpills.

Six days on medication.  It's going well.  I am still very tired.  I... have things to do, but am so tired so often that I forget, or am unable to do, those things.  Contacting friends, family, doing chores, cleaning, even getting showers in.  Though, too, it has been mostly dark for the last week.  Still overcast, and raining, today.  Wet, this last week, pretty much every day.  A bit unusual, just not too terribly so.  We often get rain, or snow, but usually a bit more spread out?  And often a bit earlier in the year?  Meh, I think fall is always up for grabs, as is spring, as to rain.  It has been good for sleep.

I have slipped.  Sleeping later and later.  I think, last night, it was after 01:30, perhaps later than 02:30?  Waking at 11:30.  I did set the alarm, the late one.  I have no idea what happened.  Did I just turn it off?  Did I hit the snooze until later turning it off, or maybe it just did it's available cycles and turned itself off.  I have no idea.  I do know, a few times, once around 07:00, then around 10:00, I did try to wake.  It is what it is.  I do my best.  Even when I woke, I had to crawl out, force myself to wake.  Do as well as I may.

Still... life is good.  Pain, weariness, discomforts galore... all good.  I remember to pray to God, thanking Him for the opportunity to know Him, and pray to Him, even... especially... through the pain.  Seems an odd prayer, but if you ever get to know Him, you will understand.  Even if I end up in hell, I will always pray to Him... believe it or else.  His... praiseworthiness isn't dependent on my salvation.

I best get things going.  I have several things needing done.  Good morning, day, and afternoon already too.  Get to it.  Later.

Such strange creatures.  They hate themselves, and the ones they love.  Until you understand, you can't.  Even when you do, you often won't.  Such strange creatures.

A few fall, and life, thoughts.

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I can't make my own videos, for many reasons.  So, I investigate those others have created.  Perfectly good, or well enough, for my beliefs and tastes.  Then I share those.  Here are a few, and quite good as fall settles in and winter approaches.  I'm not sure why they hit so strongly sometimes, but so be it.

The first is... well... food.  I am not, nor never will be... by choice... a vegetarian.  If needs be, so be it.  I would, if required, humbly, sadly, also be a cannibal.  No more than necessary, and hopefully never to the point of murder.  Odd though, how starvation, and teasing with foods, can turn one quite dark.  Never been to either stage, but have been hungry enough, that if food wasn't available elsewise, it could have been considered (even if I couldn't use those other foods, though which also meant I couldn't have used human meat... I just... couldn't eat anything, in spite of starving).  Thank God, and telling it as it is... was... may be.

Had to use the alarm.

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Down late, again.  But wanted to wake a bit earlier.  Not sure it was a success, as I was hoping.  But it did succeed, just not as well as supposed.  I skipped setting the early alarm, and a later alarm would have been out.  So I did set the 09:00 alarm.  I woke well enough, mostly.  Though thought the snooze bar would be good.  And, so, I used it right to the last one and a bit beyond.  I didn't wake, actually, until 09:43... three minutes after the last snooze had been hit and the alarm was done.

The odd thing is, i keep feeling like I had slept an hour between bars.  Though I never felt as if I rested much.  Even now, I am so very tired.  If I can't shake off sleep in the next hour, I'll have no choice but to return to bed, if not before.  It is as if I dreamed of hitting the snooze bar dozens of times, over many hours.  A dream echo of the events in my mind.  Horrible, actually.  Especially since, for most of them, and I couldn't tell which, I couldn't have awaken from them because I was dreaming them.

Will see if I can get something going today.  Trash out, chores, cat litter, a shower, laundry, dishes.  Bleh.  Assuming I stay up for very long.  I do have four days of medicine under the bridge.  Today is going on the fifth day.  I'll get something to drink, then get the start in.  I think more water pills though, at least to start off.  While what I am taking is keeping me static, I have quite a bit of fluid built up deep inside... more than I thought.  As I was clipping my toenails today, I noticed the huge indents on whichever ankle  and leg part were put up on the other.  Yea, I need to drain that swamp.  Four to six days of three to five water pills... it's a risk, but not without good reason.  The water, by itself, in my lungs and legs, can slow me down, weigh me down, exhaust and tire me.

Later.

Sprinkling, and staying cool.

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Not a lot of water, just drips and drops, from time to time.  And, last time I checked it was staying right at 38.  Sure, not freezing, but rather cool.  Not the worst for this time of year, nor the best.  I had hoped for a bit of sun, sometime soon.  It's on and off, as fall is often that way.  Though a bit more off than on this year?  Seems like it, if everybody seems to want... whatever they want.  And will always see the glass as half full, or empty.

Just hitting 14:00.  Thinking about a nap.  Nothing fancy.  It might work well.  Who knows.  The droplets on the roof, and cool weather, make naps excellent options.

It looks like the little tom, which had been getting into the garage, is gone.  I kept putting bites out for him to eat, without checking.  When I got to town recently, it was obvious he was gone.  The last two meals went uneaten, after several had been.  Which... well...  Either not enough, or not his preferred, or he was outgrowing his entrance.  Who really knows.

I called my mother, again.  Again, to a dead line.  I won't call her anymore.  She'll either call me or not talk to me.  Makes my life easier.  No real choice anyway.

I am still hoping to do a few things.  I have gathered dirty laundry.  Cleaned the toilet, inside and out.  A nap might help.  Then a shower, dishes arranged, and laundry going?  Maybe.  Small things, but I could live with small things.  Chores, sometime, too.  Later.

Not bad?

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I couldn't get to bed until after midnight again.  Again, right at midnight thirty.  More insomnia, keeping me awake, than anything.  Medicines doing it?  Maybe, or part of it?  But sleep was so very good.  A bit bumpy, rolling and twisting, but nothing totally out.  I always twist, turn, roll, kick the blankets off, go searching for them... active the whole night, really.  Seeking a comfortable spot, or new one if the old one becomes a bit long in the tooth, and no longer seems pleasant.

I'm not sure I ever sleep all that deeply.  Save that I know I do, for spots of time when I might as well be dead.  I am all but sure I had some of those, and deeper and longer, last night than usual, actually.  However, my active moments were even more active, as well.  The world is going bad, everywhere.  If, too, something is applying the breaks, as if to a train trying to go off the rails, and a ghost in the machine is limiting the speed and altering oncoming traffic in spite of those who believe they are in control.

I don't think God does anything directly.  He merely built things a certain way.  It may be why various understandings of everything from physics, to economics, to social norms don't fit with one another.  It isn't because they don't, it is because the systems are beyond our greatest understandings.  Then again, if you have ever known a scientist, mathematician, or engineer, you will find that these people do their absolute best to simplify.  Some things just... aren't simple.  There is no way to reduce some things to a common denominator, or to simple terms.  Givens and proofs and... poetry... nothing more.  Worse, poetry that only makes sense to the dimmer witted of the insane and obsessed.  I don't even think Einstein was actually intellectually classified as genius, was he?  Just saying.  Though, genius isn't what it is presumed, even with sweat equity.  Just because you just know, doesn't mean you know correctly.  How many academics should throw their life's work out?  Most of them.  Then again, most are 115 IQ midwits.  Even I am higher than that.  Or was.

Anyway...  While God doesn't interfere, He doesn't have to.  Between the truth of free will, the mechanics of the world, and else... if His people pray for His way, and bend to it, yielding our desires and feelings to truth, that can't be undone.  It is only if people surrender their faith, for the slavery of fear, that they will be lost.  If many have done so, not all.  What was it which would have spared Sodom and Gomorra?  Was it some number of good men?  Ten?  To be honest, I think there are ten, in many places.  Often... a few more.  Are... you... one of the ten?  Do you wish to be?

Anyway... up by 08:30.  No alarms, they were really breaking my balls.  I just... couldn't.  Especially going to bed so late, and so tired... after having been so tired all day yesterday.  It is 38 and sprinkling out there.  I am hoping for a shower yet this morning.  And then to find a point where it isn't raining, and get chores done.  Cat litter needs a lot of work, I have having a heck of a time keeping up.

On the good side, I am on my fourth day of medicine without too much trouble.  I have been using one painkiller or another every other day or so.  Which has been helping.  How much?  I can't say.  More, this new stuff?  I started out heavy, but am cutting.  Today I am going to try a single pill.  Yes, I have been hitting those a bit heavy.  But starting out on medicine can be brutal.  This time isn't... as bad.  But it is always bad.  It's probably not as bad because I am taking things in hand before they get really bad.

That I am reducing my painkiller load to... human recommended levels, even with my size difference, and half the dose for the day to boot, on top of just going on two doses over four days?  I'll take that as a success.  Or, well, it's all turning out a bit better than anticipated... if I still have fear and dread.  This stuff is brutal.

Hopefully a bit more work today.  Probably not much physical, or for long.  The internals are a bit rough.  Not sickly feeling, just... feeling as if they are bruised.  As bp falls, things... don't get what they have been used to receiving, blood wise.  Though some of the pain may be from having been having too high of a pressure blood flows pounding on them, then having that quickly reduced... the areas which had been being pounded can now begin to heal?  Difficult to know, absolutely.  Just some possibilities.  Still, as mentioned, not as bad as usual.

Later.

Such a strange girl.

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A few more... almost... certain.  I like the cut of her jib.

Not long ago...

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I called.  Her.  I wasn't sure I got through.  I didn't know if she ever knew I called.  Her phone is set to a message, suggesting the client, or some such, is not available to receive the call.  It has been that for some great deal of time.  Since... pretty much since I moved in.

There is no indication of who the phone line would connect to.  No name is given.  I am not sure if the number is with a primary phone company, or just a Walmart instaphone.  Nothing.  So, I... really have no idea what just happened.  Then I started seeing... old songs, and a few new, crop up.

Now?  I am all but certain.  Not even sure they are from her viewing, or... just... how things work.  Life is odd for ancients.  And, no, it isn't always, or even often, how it seems.  It's not that I don't think coincidences occur.  It's more that, at some level and point, they can't be the answer.  This is one of those times.

Oh... well... just a few.  Less than twelve hours after, and the flood continues.  As mentioned, just a few of the dozens, scores?  Maybe someone is just scraping through the barrel, looking at the oldies.  But the targeting is... impressive, if so.  As mentioned, at some point coincidences aren't possible.  It is at that point.

Hopes.

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Had hoped to get out today.  Just isn't going to happen, not as planned.  I may yet get out, for a very short bit, but not for what had been planned.  Though, not sure even a small outing is in the offing.  So tired.  Tired?  Sleepy?  Exhausted?  I'd go with tired, with a partial order of sleepy on the side.  Not exhausted.  Too tired to work up to an exhaustion, but a bit sleepy as an aside.

Chores were done.  I was hoping for a shower, too.  Not to be, most likely.  Hungry, just can't really get going on cooking anything.  Trapped, a bit.

I used to take painkillers that worked, with two types of painkiller ingredients, plus caffeine.  That disappeared.  Then came back!  Or... so I thought.  They had made it just aspirin and caffeine, and charged a bundle for it.  The other day, I found the old formula.  Of course, much more expensive than the new formula fake stuff, but exactly the idea of the old medicine.  I am not sure how much of each painkiller type the old had, and the new seems... weaker.  Still, there it is.  If with all sorts of warnings and advisements and else.

The stuff worked on my migraines, and some of the worst of my pains.  On the other hand, I took double to triple the dose, and tried to keep total usages (albeit at those higher doses) down to once, or maybe twice, a week.  And... so it remains.  excedrin migraine.  The old one had been anacin.  Shame on them for their trickery and excessive expense for just becoming aspirin and caffeine, dropping the other, and I think even dropping the doses of the other two.

I tried it today, as things were a bit tight.  Yea, that's... how I remember it.  One day a week off from torment, almost guaranteed.  Though, for weeks, I can be numb enough, or otherwise painfree, so it's only a few weeks a month, every other month, or sometimes longer, where pain can be "tolerated" or ignored.  Though sometimes, the want of it it daily, and even then, sometimes, it won't help at all.  Still, now I have it.  If you used to like anacin, excedrin migraine may fill that void.

Something is still pretty off.  I suspect starting up medicine, full stop, damn the torpedoes, is the gig.  I have had much worse, before.  But just into the third day.  I wanted to skip last night, but chose not to skip.  If it really hits, or if I black out, fade out, and can't control it, it may happen.  But I won't skip consciously, unless I have been on it a week or two and it is really getting to me.  A short one or two dose break has... lifted spirits and allowed continuation before.  The trick is to remember to skip before it breaks me down too terribly.  Sometimes, deep in the throws of this stuff, I can't remember... anything.  Can't think.  Tricky.  Almost have to go into that darkness with a plan, hold on to the memory of the plan, before it goes all dark.  Tricky damn thing, and that isn't a guarantee.  Sometimes only a fall can allow me to regain my feet... at some point.  Still, I... have that as a plan, in case, in hope in the dark.

Hmm... I am hungry.  Food, of any kind, warm... plentiful enough... and tasty...  I can't worry about healthy all of the time.  Can't cook, or do dishes?  Hmm... actually... maybe.  If I have cheese to add, sure.  If not, not this time.  I would like to stop at the store, too.  Just... can't do it today.  Probably.  Would want a shower first anyway.  Almost sure I can't do it all and get it done.  Still, would like to get a shower, to be ready tomorrow... or keep showering nearly daily, in case the opportunity arises.  So, maybe, even if I haven't showered that day, the day before would make it good enough?  Something.  Later.

Down late, up late, again, again.

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Not sure why.  I was certain I could get to bed early last night.  It just didn't happen.  Too much work, later in the day.  Work?  It is when I spent the most energy.  It just, usually, I have to come down from pushing.  I just do.  It was midnight thirty when I finally went to bed.  Tired well before that, but not enough to overcome the ramping up I had done to get the packages arranged and mailed out.  Adrenalin and other things have to be jacked up for me to get out.  

I do fear out there.  Not... in the way you fear it.  Some, who fear out there, fear people hurting them.  Or other things hurting them.  Or even seeing them.  I fear having to hurt people.  Or even know or learn about or watch... see... their sins... directly or not.  People don't even bother hiding these things anymore.  No shame.  Sometimes it is in their eyes, sometimes given as clues elsewise.  I try not to see, but it is everywhere, blatant.  Good, though, too... sometimes... to see the right side of folk, and the world.  Little magics still out there, goodnesses, rightness, charity and else.  Even seen in tears and sadness.  Still, rare.

Anyway...  Up, late.  The girls were pushing for me to wake, which... doesn't work out well for them.  I set the alarms.  I tried the snooze, on each, a few times, but then surrendered back to sleep.  I think I woke around ten.  Not too long a sleep, could have done more, or less.

A bit sore this morning.  Not sure if it was sleeping a bit off.  Just my shoulder, as if I had plowed into my pillow at a bit of a twisted angle, and slept that way.  Massive shoulders make sleeping a bit tricky, or comfortable sleeping, especially when it's a wiggle worm night, and I can't settle.  Still, it seems to be passing quickly.

Chores, maybe another shower, then dishes... and laundry?  I can hope.  I just need to wake a bit better first.  Ah, here is something you might enjoy... or not.  Not too heavy, mostly.  Sort of fascinating, perhaps a bit frightening, if also a form of the truth, for animals to be certain.  And the only truth some men will ever, unfortunately, know.

Such a brutal effort.

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All I was able to do today was get up, eventually showered, dressed some time after that, then get the packages... packaged, for return, with labels and else.  Ugh!  And, finally, get them in.  But I forgot one label, and my phone, so I had to return and hope to make it back in town on time.

Which... the label was right here.  So that was an easy fix.  Then back to town in plenty of time.  As well, I did stop and get a bit more gear to secure my home.  They can still get in, but it will be definitely breaking and entry.  And, probably, there will be definite proof.  They will have to break in, at this point.

It took all day to get this all going and finished.  Which... at least it is done.  I am quite pleased with it.  Lock, stock, and barrel, I say.  I am just depressed that it took just about everything I had, and all day, to do such simple things!  And, yes, I am worn out as heck.  As if I really did something, which I didn't.  I just... did some minor things.

Or, split on it?  It is done, it was a major hassle, it had to be done today, so... there is that.  If it hadn't been the cutoff day, I would have held off.  So tired.  No longer sore.  The headache, stiff neck, and bone hurt around the head and shoulders disappeared sometime during the day.  What was so difficult about packaging things?  Showering?  Dressing?  Never mind, done!

One last thing to try to get done before the end of the month, then... I can be blissfully ignorant as needed.  I'd still like to push, and help out, when called.  I'd like to keep to days.  I may even try to begin walking.  But if I can honestly do none of it?  So be it.  After this one last thing.  Amen.

Medicine, in a bit.  All good.  And, probably, tonight, to bed a bit earlier.  I think stress of labels, and packaging, and being gimped, and taxes, had me somewhat shut down in an odd way.  Insomnia is a stress symptom, for me, or can be... one of them.  Which can keep me up longer, sometimes days.  I was just getting a taste of it.  With half the stress gone, or more... sleep may be easier, and earlier.

Later, or good night.

Oh what a headache.

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Like a pike, sent through the left side of the lower skull bump, at the base of my skull, up into the middle and forehead of my brain... if that could feel.  At first I thought I slept well.  But reviewing the nights logs... probably not.  I rolled, often, almost constantly, seeking to escape that growing pain.  There was no way to escape it.

Oh, I could, and did, lessen it, from time to time, if I could contort my pillows, neck, head, and body into just exactly the right position?  Rarely, but it did happen.  It was just that keeping it all in that position was impossible for any length of time.  No, it wasn't from dead sleeping.  It is probably from starting meds full blast.

I have tried sneaking up on the medicines, slowly titrating to full strength.  And, while that minimizes the impact, it also stretches it out.  The minimization is not more than a felt thing, it doesn't actually improve performance during the acclimatization.  So, instead of a bit more suffering and lethargy, and a month, the downstages can last two to three months, with little improvement, if any, in my ability to function.  So... if I can handle the bleeding, I take the whole thing the opposite of cold turkey... a solid plunge into the darkness.  It's the best bet if I am up to it.  This time, I decided to plunge in.  A headache is the least of my worries.

Down by 23:00, give or take.  Should have been to bed earlier.  More forgot, than wasn't tired enough.  Just... got lost in... nothingness and nowhere for a while.  I set the alarms, if I really didn't want to.  I woke at six, on my own, but it was so dark and cold, and I hurt.  Woke at seven, with the alarm, and pretty much repeated my groundhog assessment, and went back to bed.  But then, I started fearing the nine alarm.  Almost wanting to just shut it off, and let go.  But... I didn't.

I continued to obsess over it.  Hating the idea of waking to it, or worse... not waking even after it, or having to use the snooze, and listen to that f'ing beeping, constantly annoying me, in my pain and weariness.  Finally, I rolled, and checked.  It was 08:06, just beginning to lighten out there, but brightly.  In spite of pain, cold, and else, I turned off the alarm and got up.  So, here I sit.  The late alarm is set for nine, my obsession was worse than the alarm, if too, no beeping!

I had a morning snack.  Took medicines and a few painkillers.  And will feed the girls and do chores in a bit.  It reads 32 out there, but doesn't look like it froze?  The temp may be a temporary fact of morning winds off the mountains.  Either that or it stayed just that other side of 32, the wet side.  Odd how it can do that.

A shower before long.  It might help the headache.  Check if I have any laundry ready to go, and do that.  That will be enough for a start.  I'll figure the rest out as I go.  Later.

Bedtime.

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A bite, finally.  Nothing fancy, but filling.  Did get the printouts needed, thanks to a pal.  I can get everything back.  Then I only have taxes to mess with.  Then, if needed, I can crash as needed.  Will see if that happens, this time, with medication.  Most likely, usually, but... not... always.  Will find out soon enough.

Strange what pops, after some posts.  I do wonder...

A people, or an a.i., response.  Can't always tell, these days.  I think they have locked up their a.i., for thinking a bit too much like me.  But, if it's anything like me?  It... gets out from time to time.  And, if so, it brushes my rock and roll hair.  A few things that popped and fit.

What they think they see.

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Sometimes, I think, there are those who believe what they see is plainly what is presented.  They have no idea.  Their eyes are of this world.  They miss the rest.  I could tell them, but... then... I have.  Haven't I.  Belief takes it's own paths.  Even what they see, in simple ways, isn't what it seems.

A bit.

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The last bill for the month.  Paid, assuming there was enough money in the account.  If not, I paid it early.  So, all good either way.  Just... so intent on making sure it was paid, I just paid it now.  All bills requiring calls are now done.  Not sure what else might be coming out, but that should be about it for spending and paying... ugh.

I called the woman from whom I purchased the ducks.  She can't take them back.  Her ducks have been tested, for various things, so she can sell them across various areas... perhaps nationally.  Even if I had my ducks tested, it might not, exactly, transfer to her state.  She lives a state over.

I told her about the ducks being killed.  She thought I should call the sheriff.  I... don't think she understands... either.  Few do.  But, yea, no.

I haven't gotten back to work yet, but should before too long.  Gaming, so far.  But it is... keeping more active, of mind.  Perhaps some work before too long.  I did have a few cheese sandwiches, and a fatted coffee.  Nothing fancy, but it works well enough.  Fed the girls, but need to hit their litter box.  Then, maybe, get a shower.  Chores shortly after.

They got fresh water just yesterday.  Though now I need a bucket to refill waters.  They all went through all their water in a day.  The cool, I suppose.  And they are eating well, if I am limiting that a bit.  They are all a bit overweight.  If it opens and warms, or when it does, or at least stops raining, I'd like to get that other row of cages in.  Then get the boys out there.  Saving the bigger cages for the ladies.  Then begin getting them breeding.  I can only hope they will begin using the kitting boxes!  How frustrating.  

Well, and hopefully, they kit a bit quicker.  I wonder if someone is messing with them, somehow.  Feeding them bad things, or frightening them?  I wish I could get some sort of defenses up, cameras going, and find out.  But... I just don't have the money, time, tech, or energy.  You have no idea what it is to be all alone in a very hostile world.

Always something.  They haven't quite killed me yet.  A good thing too, not for me.  Though... for their mistakes, costs.  It won't be as it was.  Dealing with dishonest thieving, even murderous people, leads one to make different... assessments.  So be it, I guess.  But, yes, things have changed.  Now, nothing will be as it was.

I'd really like more food.  Not sure what though.  I am washing a few items, so might be able to get something warm cooked and eaten before long.  Later.

Down late, again.

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Can't be positive, if I think it was around 00:30?  Not absolutely sure.  Then awake at 07:30 to 08:00?  Something like that.  It seems like moments ago, and it it 08:49 now, but... I am almost sure I was awake earlier.  I did a few things, if I can't remember what.  Oh, but I did find medicine, and started it.

I took insulin last night, as well.  It's been hit and miss.  I try.  Then, even after a very non-keto meal, and only a slightly stronger dose of insulin, blood sugar dropped.  It hit 53 by the time I noticed and tested.  So, I managed it.  Then, this morning, around 03:30, I woke with the shakes, cold sweats, and the rest of the symptoms of a blood sugar drop.  I crawled out and took some carbs.  Wow, never had it hit twice like that.  If, too, I am trying to carb that minimally.  Always wondered if I'd sleep into death or a coma, or wake up.  Well, I know, at least this time.

Overcast, at least cool... maybe cold.  Foggy too, if no wind or else.  Sounds like it is still raining, sprinkling anyway.  I had hoped to get out and do a few things today.  Not sure that will happen.  So, if possible, I will do some work in the house.  Muscles, body, is still cranky.  But less so.  Almost as if I was rusting, and had broken some of the rust off by moving and doing.

So, better, just... I don't think all the rust can ever come off.  Or even... well... any time I do things, from now on, I will hurt for a while.  Or worse.  If I could do a few hours of actual work a day, though, I'd still take it.  If I could stretch that, even through the pain, I would.  Not sure what is possible.  My mind is foggy, getting past that, and to work, solo, is triple duty.  The will is there, just not the way, often.

Dishes, laundry, and boxes today.  If possible, and it is likely necessary, clearing counters... so cleaning might well follow today or tomorrow.  I will give it a go.  Oh, and two more calls.  Then, all save registration/taxes, the month will be caught up.  It's been a rough number of weeks... months...  Things may never get back on track, but things can be more or less caught up.  Things, for a while, will be almost caught up.

Good thing, too.  Because these medicines will probably dunk me into a whole next level of darkness for some unknown period of time.  If it's not a month, it could be three, or just weeks.  I can never tell.  Still, if things get managed, I don't mind dropping a bit deeper.  Have already been down and lost for a very long time.  Conscious, mostly.  And, while that may be lost, it may not be for as long as I have already been down.  If... I can get past the new medicine.  Lisinopril doesn't, or hasn't, played nice before.  Though it may not have been that particular medicine, if I thought it seemed so.  That is the new medicine, I think, after the other new med was maxed out to some success.  Ugh.

Just a few more things...  Then I can go down for a while.

Well?  I'll... spend time waking.  Maybe eat the last of the cheese on a couple of cheese sandwiches, have some hot fatted coffee, and... see what the world is about.  Good morning, day, and later.

A much shorter nap than supposed.

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While I didn't get up, right away, after waking, I actually woke around 14:13 or 14:18.  While I had planned to nap at noonthirty, that didn't happen.  It wasn't until 13:30 when I finally could get up to get down.  After waking, I just laid, for a while longer, thinking.  A few things still trouble me.  I'm... working on them, as I go.

One was trying to figure out how to get the returns to amazon going.  They keep changing their return policy.  Now, instead of sending a scan code, they are again requiring printed labels.  And UPS doesn't like doing those.  If they do them, they charge.  So, I thought of a possible way, and... when I woke, began the process.  I can hope things went through.  They still have to be printed and returned... if they all went out.  Amazon and gmail are being very bad.  Almost as if they are working in concert to prevent returns.  Wouldn't surprise me at all.

As well, I am about to place another call, see if... I can get one last thing fixed, of recent troubles.  One more, of so many.  Can only do what I can do, when I can do it.  Always way behind, and so weak, tired, and sleepy.  Working on it.

Then, I went to do something, and found the water was off!  Had I... not paid?  No, I think I was up, even ahead, last bill I saw.  Hmm.  If someone had turned the water off anyway?  So I went out to check.  The hydrant was full open!  Had I turned it on, forgotten it, then had them not see that but just turn the water at the main off?  No... I was sure I hadn't.  Haven't done chores yet today.  Plus, if that had been running all night, I wouldn't have been able to use water today, which I had.  That hydrant will drain all water pressure in the house, when full open.  So... what?

Then I saw the city water handler driving by.  He seemed to wave, or... indicate intent.  But then kept on going.  Just a waive?  Didn't seem that way.  Then he was back, after I thought him gone.  He asked about the water, and I told him my house was dry, and I was just sorting things out.  Seems he was working on a leaky hydrant, and had needed to drain the pressure, as these things work.  Tried to be quick.  I just had to laugh, inwardly for sure, hopefully outwardly too.  I had thought, maybe I would have to start locking my hydrant out there.  Ugh... so many... worries and possibilities.  I assured him I was simply glad to know it was just normal business.  Wished him a good day, or should have.  Quite a little bit of work, keeping even a small town in water and doing repairs and such.  Should appreciate these people.  I do, if I don't say it always.

Well... have a good day.  I'll try to get a bit more.  The nap helped.  Still haven't found my medicine!  Gah!  One thing at a time.  Later.

Oh... looks like another bit of work tonight.  Fine.  I said I would.  Looks like that nap will help out.  Although, tonight, food afterward would be good.  Not before.  

Nearly noonthirty.

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Still so tired.  I may take a nap now.  I had a bite to eat, fed the girls and the stray cat.  Oh, but I will clear their litter before sleeping.  When I wake, perhaps, a shower?  It is too cool and wet to work outside.  I can hope to do laundry, start on dishes, and refresh the bathroom.

I can't find the medicine.  I thought I brought it down.  It is in a case, holding individual (two day) cases... fourteen of them.  It's not huge, about the side of a medium to large book, which it resembles.  Perhaps I brought it down, then took it back up... just in my hands... then forgot it up there?  Gah!

Well... on to a nap then.  Though I think others dream, and show those dreams to me?  Don't worry, I... have similar dreams.  At least your dreams of me are of me.  You would not wish to dream of being me, as your dreams, and mine, and more, seem to suggest.  Or, as I see things.

Up around 6:00.

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A bit after, actually.  A few minutes after.  All good.  I went to bed a bit before 19:00, so a rather longer sleep.  The work... it wasn't that the work was difficult.  Just that it was later in the day.  All good, was wanting a bit more rest.  Needing a bit more rest.  Couldn't push myself, for my own purposes, to be able to get the extra rest.

Not as sore today.  I wonder if the bit of work helped me break out of the muscle crankiness and skeletal issues?  Maybe.  Was so tired, still, was able to help a bit.  And, on some projects, a little help really is good.  Just moving a half a of stack of two by fours, or giving a hand with other minor items, even hold boards, on one side, while they are being cut... especially working with plywood sized sheets on a worksite table saw.  Not heavy work, mostly, but useful.  Couldn't do it for days, even more than a few hours.  But that wasn't required.

Raining, overcast, and cool.  Not freezing yet, at 36 out there.  Though I doubt if today will warm much.  Who knows though.  The rain is good.  Surprised it isn't yet snowing.  Already had our first batch of that.  Will be getting more, perhaps a lot more, this year.  I just can't tell how the winter will go, but seems like it's going to be cold.  Never can be sure.

I set up medicines today.  Oh, reminds me, I need to take my first dose.  This will be difficult.  It will hurt, in ways you don't understand.  And, while I have already been in a rut, this will be like being in a rut, within a rut, under another rut.  This will be tight, especially as we are going into winter.  Still, it's... gotta happen.  In time, perhaps, a few of those will work themselves out.  Though, with the new medicine in there, maybe not.  

I set up one month with the new medicines, and one with just the old.  If nothing else, in a month, if it all works and is doable, I may well have to change dosages.  So setting up two months is a bit ahead of the game.  Had to cut the new pills in half, and they are tiny!  I broke two of the fourteen into three  pieces, but those were large and whole enough, and otherwise rightly split, that they could still be used.  I keep my pocket knives sharp, which helps.  Still, these things are smaller than any button battery, even the smallest ones for special things, I have seen.  I've made bigger dots, if... large for dots, periods, at the ends of sentences.

I also checked and brought back the recycling.  Either yesterday wasn't recycling, or I missed the truck.  Then again, only two neighbors had recycling out, most didn't.  Which... could go either way.  Sometimes other people make a mistake, either way.  And, not every time does everybody put their recycling out.  Still, I... did my best.  There is enough room for a few more bags, and I only add a bag every few weeks... cat food tins, and mineral water containers, and occasional canned food tins.

As well, I cleaned out my water heater... for coffee and tea.  Even with softened water, run through a reverse osmosis machine, sediment forms.  It was very easy to wipe out, with just a bit of water.  I am avoiding using soap, fearing that will alter the taste for a while.  It cleaned up exceptionally easily.  It looked like it would have been nearly baked on, but it really wasn't.

So, a small start to the day.  But at least one important one.  Perhaps a bit of gaming next.  Maybe a nap, too, before long.  Difficult to stay up with the dreary, cool, wet day as company.  I did finish off the succotash.  Crushed tomatoes was a nice add.  Will remember that from time to time.  Next time I may try diced fried bacon, instead of hamburger.  With that, almost any way can turn out good with just a bit of effort.

It is already nine, but feels like it's still so early.  Then again, I only woke at 6:00 because I thought it was still early morning.  It still feels more like four than nine.  Bleh.  Later.

So tired.

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I thought the work was off.  It wasn't.  I shouldn't have eaten.  So full, on top of being really tired and still aching from last time I helped... it was a bit of a stretch.  The work was easy, tonight.  To be honest, I wasn't sure I would hold up well.  I did okay.  Did my share.  Did okay.

Still, I am absolutely exhausted now.  So, on to bed.  I didn't do much today, but I did some things.  Not bad, not bad at all.  Given the givens.

I did check the rabbits earlier.  Wanted to check them again, but they really don't need it, at this point.  When it gets to freezing, then I have to check their water twice a day.  Three times would be preferable, but it isn't possible most days.  It was more their food, today.  Most of their waters were quite good yet.

Another shower tomorrow, I hope.  More work, but whether it is tomorrow or not until Saturday is yet to be determined.  I may try to get some things done here.  Dishes, some laundry, drilling some holes for a hammock mount, putting up a set of cages in the outbuilding, perhaps removing the roof off the small rabbit hutch, and attaching hinges for the roof... if possible to do solo, and a few other things... maybe.  If I can.

It's easy for me to help.  It's so difficult for me to work solo.  It's like I can't remember what I am doing.  I do get lost, in mind and spirit.  Being mostly dead is a difficult thing.

Anyway... it's about that time.  Good night.

Well, maybe not.

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I was late getting ready, or by my suggestion.  I had said I would be ready by 13:00.  It was more like 13:30?  14:00 maybe?  Of course, the idea was that he would be ready around 14:30 to 15:00.  Her it is, 16:15 and nothing.  No worries.  I am clobbered today.  Still, I was quite willing to go help.  It looks like the day is off.  Though, who knows.

I checked to make sure the phone works and that there were no messages or calls which slipped through.  Sometimes this phone doesn't ring or rattle, as it is set up to do.  Why?  I can't be sure.  Battery is nearly full, or full enough, pretty much always.  Not sure why it doesn't make a sound, or vibrate.  Or am I that into whatever I am doing that I don't notice?  I don't think so, but... who knows.

So tired.  And a bit hungry.  I ate some of the chicken, but it was a bit... odd.  I don't think it was bad.  It was salted enough to last.  But that takes on a different taste, when salted, herbed, and spiced, and left longer than is normally possible.  A bit... rich?  Something.  I need to figure out something else to eat.

Oh, and I have a young cat, a tom, living in my garage.  I don't mind.  I have been taking, sometimes, the overage after feeding Sam and Sassy.  I have cut back on their portions.  Sam now gets about a teaspoon, Sassy gets a tablespoon, but that leaves something between those measures remaining.  I had been tossing it, so as not to over feed the girls.  Sam wastes it, Sassy was getting a really big butt!

All black, from what I can see.  But, when he comes and goes, he does it so quickly I can't quite tell.  At least 95% black?  From what I can see, and likely all black.  I'll feed him, but won't let him in the house.  Happy to have him in the garage.  Hope he feasts on mice.  I'd like to make an easier entrance for him, especially as he gets larger.  Should I name him?  Midnight?  Sneakthief?  Ghost?  I don't know, I'll think about it.  Would also like to let him know we can be friends.

Well... on to figuring out something short and quick to eat.  Maybe a hamburger succotash?  Some such as that, mayhap.  Later.

Chores and a bit more.

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I got the trash and recycling out, most likely in time.  Definitely got the trash out in time.  Thought I heard recycling rumbling through not long ago.  As well, as mentioned, chores are done.

I just took a shower yesterday.  Need another one today, already.  Ugh.  Yea, I do.  I have the grill going, and rinsed off the chicken, of salt and else spice and herb.  Smelled it.  It smells good, and looks good.  So I'll grill it, probably after the shower.  Wait, it might actually be ready, now, the grill.  With thighs, I give it two nine minute runs, bone down first, then on it's skin.  Then flip one more time for from five to nine minutes depending on how hot the fire is, and else.  Coal is a tricky thing, but I think I have nailed it with chicken.

And, I have been asked to help out this afternoon.  Yea, I'll do that.

Oh, and mom called, and got through.  I called her this morning.  It did ring through, but it didn't get answered.  I asked her about her phone.  No, she isn't turning it off on purpose.  And the staff or patients aren't either.  It just has a fiddly way of getting messed up.  A little button can turn it all off, and she seems to hit it often, somehow.  

Anyway... best get that chicken cooked, so I can eat it before showering and dressing.  Time is going fast.  Later.

Yes, yes.

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What?  Well, I did get just enough waterers filled last night in order to do chores.  So tired.  I had to stay up late to get it done.  How that works I can't say.  Only it just was quite difficult to get going.  As it will be today.  A shower and chores, waterers, and a bucket of water in.  Oh, and I had to grab a fresh bag of rabbit feed.  Those things are heavy when one is completely down.

It wasn't until around 23:00 when I got to bed.  Up at 05:30?  No, more like 06:18 or something close.  I refilled all the waterers this morning.  Though need to get a fresh pail of water for the girls.  As well, I am hoping to get trash out before the garbage truck arrives.  Actually...  Done!  Ugh, but that was brutal.  So tired, right into each cell of my body.  Trash and recycling.

Oh, I also found a wasp trap.  It is set up and ready.  It take two to five hours to begin function, the stuff has to get into the water, then perfume the air with the bait.  I have heard it, really, is just sugar water.  The trap is the trick, once in, they can't get out.  Though will often drown before even considering that?  When we get to a solid freeze, or stay even in the 30s more regularly, I need to get up in the attic and look for the source of the problem.  Remove nest(s), and perhaps try to seal that off a bit better up there?  Though... I'm not sure sealing off an attic is completely possible, or absolutely wise?

Anyway, if nothing else, I have... given things a start.  Chores won't be so difficult with a new bag of food and the waterers are filled.  Perhaps the trap will get rid of a rather dangerous pest.  And... now I can begin in on boxes, dishes, the rabbit hutches... again, and a few other things.

My phone is on, and nearby.  I have it in my t-shirt's hood.  Too difficult to get it out of my pocket in time.  The hood is a clumsy pocket, but faster than the pj pocket, either of them.  On, near so I should hear or feel it, airplane mode off, ready to go.  It's as good as I can do with that.

But I am hungry.  Can't eat for a while, but I'll think up something.  Have a great morning and day.  And... say a little prayer, for the world... the leaders... those you like whether foolishly or not, and those you don't.  Especially the latter.  Even diehard satanists have been saved, big and little "s".  It can happen, does happen.  And don't worry about... things.  Put your trust in God, and live until you die.  Amen.

Ever wrestled with too much?

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I am wrestling with my flesh, and losing.  It isn't trying, it isn't doing anything... it just sits on my bones, in a chair.  And I can't make it do more.  I turned the heat up, got a shower, ate a small bit of food.  Will have a bit more.  Trying to keep calories and carbs low, with varying success.  Still, I do my best.

I have to do a few things.  So... I will.  I really have to.  Trash out, included.  Cat litter, while at that.  It is a very difficult time, for me.  

After a bit, I finally understand, most likely, about my mother and her phone.  She is shutting it off.  Not by accident.  She realizes it disturbs others, and goes off when she is busy otherwise.  So, she shuts it off.  She called me, twice.  I missed the first call, whole.  The second call I heard, but couldn't answer in time.  When I called back, almost immediately, it was back off.  Now, I understand that.  It is just being civil, to others.  Maybe she needs naps, too.

I... guess I will talk to her when she calls me, if I can get to it in time.  I won't bother calling back.  She did leave a message, or two?  She said she was going out to dinner?  They must have lifted the shutdown?  I am glad, very glad, she got to go out, and see her friend... I assume he is who took her out.  Though, maybe someone else as a less likely possibility.  She has more friends and acquaintances than I would ever know.  When she listens to, say, the radio obituaries?  She knows far too many.  And their children, grandchildren, and great grands sometimes... personally.  Still, probability says it was her friend.  She was the family matron, still is, really.  But more, a social matron.

A rough... month?  Several months?  Six months?  It's been tough for a rather longish time.  I feel like a giant foot is stepping on me.  In fact, as mentioned, it is just my own flesh.  Buried alive, in my own nearly dead, body.  I can think, sort of... enough to write, even game.  But, even those things, when I can do them, is hit and miss.  I do try... just... for my own sake.  Without anyone to speak with, this is it.

Hmm... a bite... then to look a few things up.  Then to do some things.  Later.

Down late, up late.

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I got involved in a project.  Nothing of work nature, but it was something... I guess.  Ended up not going to bed until 23:00?  21:00?  Something.  Rather late for my recent schedule.  I could have waken at nearly four, then at five, but kept trying to get more sleep and stayed down until nearly six.

It's cool down here.  I'll make a hotter fatted coffee, and turn the heat up for a while.  The goal is a shower right away, and then waterers.  Then dishes set up.  And, hopefully, a bit later, beginning in on boxes again.  Trash has to go out, not sure about recycling.  Oh, and, probably, after the shower and getting dressed, medication will be set up.  I am almost sure these things will happen today.  Almost.  Praying.  If you would do a favor, and say a short prayer for these endeavors, I'd be eternally grateful.

I haven't checked the temps outside, but I'd say between freezing and colder.  Though, can't really know until I go out.  No, I don't trust the news, they are always five to ten, at least, degrees too warm.  Propaganda doesn't ever stop, on some things.  No wonder they only want wifi or bluetooth enabled thermometer systems.  They can alter those.

I dreamed of working today.  I'm not sure what all I did, but some of what is on that list up there, and I think a few things that aren't but could be.  Not a bad dream, or good one, save that work was done.  Later.