Amazing.

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I figured, with two cans of beans down with, in the end, seven brats?  Did... I mention I was hungry?  And, yes, I did finish the last of it, rather than holding off.  Anyway, I figured blood sugar would be stratospheric.  It is 116?  Okay.  Well, though sometimes it takes a while to kick up.  So, will see tomorrow.

I keep sensing women.  Some I know.  Some I definitely don't.  Sniffing around the blog.  The new couldn't be finding the music, could she?  Several, but one with focus.  Checking... something, for something, about something.  A sense.  Women get a feel, and dig until... they find.  Intuition?  I know that curse, if not all of their problems.  Anyway.

Much better than anticipated?

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Though, I had two packs of brats.  One beef, one pork and jalapeno.  I went with the latter.  As well, I pulled the mustard and used that.  Very good.  Oh, yes, just the "cheap, yellow, kids' stuff" mustard.  But, it has no sugar, and the only thing dubious was "natural flavors".  Which... is probably anything but natural.  Still, for now, it was good enough.  And, really?  It was rather tasty.

I baked the brats for an half hour, starting from a cold oven.  Then added the beans and some water for another twenty, at 385 (at sea level I would have done that at about 350).  It worked, very well.  Some of the top beans became a bit dry, but the vast majority were fine.  As well, once stirred into the bean gravy, it all went back to moist.

Chilly.

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A few hours with everything open.  At least one window in each room, with four in the kitchen and entry hall open.  All doors open, even the front, a crack.  The furnace, of course, off.  If the furnace fan going as always.  With it being 54 and breezy out there, it got to 64 inside.

I just closed up.  Turning the furnace on and up, and turning the heat on up here in the front.  Yes, was... getting a bit cold.  Very nice though.  Any day that hits the mid fifties will see this sort of effort.  Fresh air is so very nice.  This home is fairly airtight, with the new window in.

Rough?

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Slight aches and pains.  Lost control of sleep.  Can't eat much.  But, I suppose, not truly rough.  Just... not in control, not moving forward, not getting things done, and not able to switch gears, rock it back and forth from drive to reverse to escape the ruts, stuck.  Not a bad place to be, just... the doldrums.

When it gets like this, I just have to wait it out.  Coffee, fatted coffee, shortly.  It isn't helping, but it does add calories, and calories of a sort I can use, handle to take in.  The caffeine, at this point in my health or wellness cycle, might as well be water.  Still, I'll... take it.

At least there was that.

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The chicken was... okay.  It was edible.  Not tasty, not really juicy, but the way I did it left it moist enough... even the breast meat.  My main problem?  Everything tastes like cardboard.  Meat... chicken, steak, pickled pork, meat sticks.  Tastes like cardboard?  Okay, no?  No... it does.  But there is more to it than that.  It also feels, in my stomach, as if I ate cardboard.  Bread and canned corned beef, I'll bet even sardines... tasting very bland, and feeling like I have what of my stomach I can fill, filled with cardboard.

Why?  I can't say.  No nausea.  There is that.  But there is a sense of hunger.  I WANT to eat, feel full, get nutrients in there.  But it's as if I really don't need it.  Want versus need.  But the want is almost rising the the level of need, just... not an actual nutritional need?  The need to be fed, to eat, not to get vitamins and minerals, fat, protein, and some carbs in.  Though, maybe there is some need for that?

Just not doing it.

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Tea, a fatted coffee, and water through the day.  I really wanted something more to eat.  Nothing quick, or easy really.  I found keto bread in the freezer.  Bagged with five slices per pack.  I pulled some out, toasted those to thaw and ready them.  Than added canned corned beef.  That was... pretty empty.

I am thinking about sardines, and not.  Another fatted coffee?  Maybe.  Nothing is really thawed, available.  I just don't know what I can do.  But I do need more.  Hmm, there are eggs.  But, I'd rather have boiled.  But that is too much work for now, probably for tonight.  Don't know.

Ah, right.

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Down by four, up here at just a bit after 14:00.  I was hoping to get a shower, set dishes to soak, and get the trash and recycling together and out.  All I was able to do was get recycling and garbage together and out, then to the curb.  I heard one of them earlier, before waking.  Then, saw the refuse truck visit and pick that up just as I was getting things going.

It is 50 out there!  For heavens sake, that is definitely spring.  Very nice.  Pleasant in very good ways.

Patterns. Part II

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I... thought.

Ended up here.

Patterns.

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I saw it.  In pieces, bits, parts, over a short time?

I enjoyed, immensely.  Hmm?  Oh, here.

Very late down, and up.

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After six, down.  Nearing seven?  Or so.  Not awake until.. 13:00?  15:00?  I... can't be sure, remember.  Slept a bit rough.  Figured out, after forcing myself awake to find the problem.  Cold.  Bitter cold.  It dropped, snapped, chilled hard, from more reasonable weather lately.  Cold, hard, fast.  So I... got the electric blanket on, and going.  That didn't really work.  I had to layer it under the duvet.

But, with that done, even blind with exhaustion, in the dark, I... was able to sink back to sleep and get some fine rest through the rest of the night.  It wasn't the cold, it was the cold snap.  That sudden hit of bitter cold.  It was 54, which isn't terrible, up there.  But, it has been 60~61, mostly, up there, for the last few weeks.  So that sudden change is what caught me out.  Well, maybe on top of working a lot lately, and pulling a double shift yesterday, for no good reason.

Oh, right.

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I slept in this morning, but just to ten.  More as a luxury, than need?  Sleep was wonderful.  I am dreaming of... having the house set up, cleaned up, painted, reset in a number of ways, and... really... nice.  Everything that is happening is slowly going in that direction.  If there is so very much yet to do.

And, with women crossing my mind, sleep has been a bit complicated.  Dreams, thoughts.  Everyone knows the opposite sex is a trap.  And... most of us... would like to be trapped, even just a little bit, or for a while?  I suspect so.  Sleep was odd last night.

Ah, a last task.

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Something arrived, or was reported to have arrived.  Not at the front door, or back.  So... post office.  Gotcha.  To it, and back.  Nifty to be on top of something, for once.

I called my mother.  Went straight to message.  Again.  Either her phone is off, it isn't.  Or she has me on ignore again.  Okay.  I called.  That is that.

Well, work.

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Difficult to know what can be done in a given time.  Though it wasn't a rush today either.  Learned some things.  How to make a compound miter cut, with the saw, and by hand.  To... some limits of each tool.  It is a beastly tool, the twelve in sliding bevel miter?  Is it?  Or compound miter, at least, about to cut in two angles at once.

As well, put together outfeed table rollers, and a combo unit.  Adjustable to fit either the miter saw or table saw, to the heights they go, and more in either direction.  Put together the sawhorse and grid.  Haven't created the lift legs.  My friend thinks those are useless.  To the young, and larger?  Sure.  To us old guys, those are possible golden.  Especially on off days, bad days, dead days.  While need remains.  So I will do that, but on my own.

Sleep was... generous.

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Little things, but combined?  Improvements, in warmth, or cool, as needed... wanted.  A more supportive platform, yet an elevated one so air flow under, and over, is possible?  And the feet don't lay wrongly on the floor.  They can hang over, a bit, if needed at a moment, or be curled in and under, as required, desired.

Comfortable sleep, healthy sleep, the allowance for better sleep, is... a technology.  Much like showers, if most don't (yet anyway) appreciate all that goes into a warm or hot shower.  Or indoor plumbing, to be honest, sum total.  How many such techs keep the world, as we know it, afloat?  From automobiles to (or once) medical, to aviation (if that has been stolen by fascists, as with medical), to... even shoes and clothes (avoid "sun protected", though, that is a sterilizer... human sterilizer), so much tech.  Though, so much of it has, at this point, been weaponized against who it was supposed to support.  Refrigeration, to meat and other foods, at volume... if quality is largely, vastly, slipping (on purpose?).  How many great empires were lost to food degradation, and the costs of that?  Don't know, but South America is full of them.  Europe?  the Middle East?  Everywhere, empires, nations, allies, and enemies, lost to their own designs.

A beautiful shower.

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Took forever to get going.  Had to go upstairs for something.  Twice.  Memory sucks as bedtime approaches.  Fed Sassy.  Now to find duct tape, to attach the plywood to the platform.  Then I have to make the bed.  Though, with how I do things now, that's a snap.

Too full though.  I thought that food would have settled by now.  But, no.  And I really did eat three pups and parents worth of chow.  Hungry.  Terribly hungry.  Couldn't cook though.  Fed, but now too well fed.  Oh, but painkillers, aspirin tonight, and another dose of carbonated water.  No coffee for a while, no cream anyway.

In to town.

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Most of the returns were made.  I think the last two have to be taken to the post office.  Quite a load of things back.  Quite a lot of money returned.  All good.

While out, I bought a few burritos.  Bigger beef and bean, several.  And, so hungry, I ordered sides of rice and beans.  Eaten some of it.  Had to. I need food, but was far too tired to cook.  So... there it is.

Snow.

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So, I didn't think help would arrive.  Though, that wasn't the real problem.  I seemed to have had a tough time waking this morning.  

*Thud!*

Absolutely crashing.

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Cool?  Not really.  It is, or was, at least 47 out there.  Warm, if it doesn't feel it.  Dark, most of the day.  There was sunlight, from time to time.  But, mostly, it was cloudy out there.  That is part of it.

Dishes were put up.  Clean as a whistle, even the glass.  Very nice.  Which means I may attempt to restart with kefir.  I need something else to eat, and kefir is an excellent food.  It's just... it takes three quart jars and three half gallon jars, and frequent changes (say monthly), of some or all of those.

A good ending to last night.

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A few more things out to the dumpster, dishes into the washer, a few odds and ends, then on to bed.  I know I shut my back door last night, but this morning it was open.  No, I know it was shut and locked.  Not sure.  Someone snuck in while I was getting dinner.  Then got stuck, until I went to bed?  That is all I can think happened.

And, for the first time I know about, two birds came into the house.  I thought I put the screen, on the upstairs window that is cracked open.  Though, can see how that didn't happen.  It requires finding the screen, gathering it, and the hefty ladder over, setting them up, crawling up, and getting that done.  Though, if I can find the screen, I know where the ladder is.  Will get that done today.

A bit.

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The dumpster did arrive.  I immediately got out the smaller mattresses.  Then all of the cardboard I had broken down.  As well as breaking down more.  Some bigger boxes.  Though too some number of smaller boxes.  So, a good bit of work just on that.  Happy to do that.  Hoping for a lot more.  Even before help arrives.  But, done, with that, for the night.

Earlier I took a shower.  So very nice.  Along with the painkillers, that.. helped... in time.  After the shower, I put about half of the last of dishes in to soak.  Washing those through the day, enough to either set out ready to be put in the dishwasher.  The other half needed another soak.  Might be ready before long?  Then into the machine for a real and final cleaning.

So difficult.

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I keep trying to figure something out.  Food?  I just don't know.  A steak shortly?  Maybe.  Pain?  I finally gave up and took more painpills.  My chest, muscles, a few joints, all hurt or ache, but organs seem better.  Will see if painkillers help.

I am getting things together, for returns... when... I can get them to the returns stations.  But... working on it.  Tired, beyond my ability to do much.  Cold.  But I turned the heat up earlier.  Hoping that might help.

An ugly morning, week so far.

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The body hurts.  Kidneys, liver, torso generally, muscles in the legs arms and yes torso.  I worked too hard for too long.  Not one day, but for almost two weeks.  Still going to have to do more work this week.  Then, maybe, take a week off, after next Tuesday.

A shower first thing, hoping that will help.  Sassy fed.  Teeth brushed.  Medicine taken.  Dressed, if just for around the house, for now.  My change pj's for cargos, t, and a jacket... shoes and socks either way, when the feet dry.

Still on my mind.

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The music didn't help.  One of these has been dogging my steps for a week now.  The other has popped five, maybe seven times lately, in the last four days?  Yes.  Well.

As annoying as women are, I have to admit.  I like being annoyed.  Mostly.

Up, barely.

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Sore, tired, aching.  Just the way of it.  I did too much, for the last week, and am still paying the price.  Still needing to get things done.  A shower, and just a bit of work, after my waking processes and some coffee.

Blood sugar is 165?  It shouldn't be.  Oh well, I'll keep at it.  It is 34 out this morning, and mostly cloudy.  I'd say pretty much cloud covered.  If there are patches of open sky, I didn't see them if I didn't look everywhere.

Not much.

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A shower, after this.  Maybe a shave?  Maybe a bit of work as I dry off, before bed.  Some tinkering with laundry and tables upstairs?  Maybe.

I'll feed Sassy again, check her litter box after.  Water is still good.

The grill is heating up.

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Not much done today.  Weary, sore, soft... can't get to anything.  Am still hoping to do a few things, but I feel so down.  No energy, a bit foggy of mind, low motivation.  Not sure, exactly, what to do, or how to begin digging in.  Thinking about it.  Maybe begin upstairs,  opening up some of the area.

First, I would need to make room, take down some tables.  move the clean clothes that are up there, in order to set up a rack to hang clothes.  Well, and get to the cubes I set up, and put the boxes for those in those.  Those are for underwear, t-shirts, socks, and such.  The cubes.  That would be good.

Sleep was generous, gorgeous.

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Yes, the wool blanket back on did the trick.  Why so hot that one night?  I think it is because it was a hot day, I did a lot of work, hadn't properly cooled off, pushed my body and it was still running on all twelve cylinders, and I tried to sleep.  To be fair, some days my body gets stuck in high gear, and I can't do much about it.  That was partly it that day, the other part was that my mind was so weary, it couldn't think through to solutions.

All good.  Oh, and I am sleeping, mostly, in the buff.  That is such a comfortable way to sleep... if you are clean.  Just so nice.  No place gets too hot.  Every place gets some breath.  No binding or pulling or hot spots, or else.  Very nice.  As well, the way this bedding setup works, it is SO easy to make the bed in the morning.  I love getting into a freshly made bed.  The other blankets and such were so heavy!  It amazes me that I slept so cold with the old way, and so nice and toasty with these light items.  The loft in the duet, but the space in the woven cotton, and even the nicely textured wool blanket.  The blankets, while dense, are also airy.  And the duvet is pure puffery.  Beautiful.

So strangely rough.

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The chicken was a bit too done.  Better than being underdone, but not great.  I had what of a hindquarter I could eat, and a wing.  Then, later, perhaps half  breast.  Dry, my friend.  Not quite sandpaper, but certainly not a drop left of juice either.  Still, it was... something.

I turned the heat down hours ago.  Four, five, six hours ago?  I was getting too warm.  Here, hours later?  I am too hot.  That just doesn't make sense.  Never mind, I'll... get on up, and to bed, before long.  Ah, but even so, I am putting on the wool blanket.  Would rather have to stick my legs out, from time to time, than to shiver half the time.

Stupid chicken.

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I checked the temp.  It was already 160 F?  Breast, and thickest part of the thigh, both read 160.  That just didn't seem right.  Still, it was well over temp.

I pulled it, let it rest a bit.  Then carved a hindquarter off.  No, no, no, no, no.  That is NOT done.  Back in it went.  What in the world is wrong with that?  It should be done, or even done enough, at 150~155.  But, no.  That is absolutely not done.  I don't mind rare, on beef.  But on chicken?  NO!

Chicken!

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I wasn't sure I'd be able to find a roaster.  Did.  Then... had to sort out how to get the bird ready.  An hour soak, in brine water... with garlic and onion powders, plus sage and thyme.  The bird smelled pleasant out of the bath.  The oven was heated before, so was ready.  Into the roaster, on a make-shift trivet, to keep the bird up out of the juices.

A half hour timer set.  Just to turn the bird then.  Well, and add a few veggies.  Broccoli, carrots, and maybe celery or cauliflower?  Doubtful on the last two, though maybe?  A few?

So tired.

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Tired?  Well, not quite tired.  More like lacking any energy?  I don't need, or want, sleep.  I just can't get to anything.  I have used what energy I had available.

Part of it may have been sleep.  Sleep was good.  I needed it.  And, mostly, I got it.  What caused some sort of problem is that I slept a bit too cold last night.  Why?  I don't know.  Well, no, I suspect.  I had used a wool and cotton blanket, along with the top (and bottom of course) sheet(s), plus the duvet, yesterday night.

Wrestling to wake.

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I heard the five, turned it right off.  With the seven I wrestled.  For a while.  Three or four snoozes, then it too was turned off.  I started waking, but my eyes just couldn't see, or my mind couldn't take in what my eyes were seeing?  Something, :07.  I wrestled, for less than a minute.  Then pulled the curtains to see, but that didn't help.  So, I used the light on my watch, back in the shadows and... 8:07?

I thought I had slept a lot longer, or... longer that what this was showing.  Nope.

Feeling pretty good?

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Yes.  A bit weary, but all in a good way.  Hungry, just not hungry enough to work for it.  It's getting later, so I'd best get a shower taken before it gets too late.  I need to dry off first, and cool off.  Strangely, I am quite warm.  Have been for days.  With the furnace set to 72, and the heat in this front room off, it is still 72 up here.

And, with wool socks, and the base layer socks, plus shoes on, and efforts through the day, my feet are too hot.  I untied them, as I was resting and looking around online.  Hoping that would be enough to help them cool.  It helped some, but... no... should have taken them off and gotten into something cooler.  Will.

What a day.

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Up just before seven.  Then... a shower and dressed for work.  I was ready when he arrived.  I had real work to do, and things to buy.  Plans, and things for the near future as well.  Here it is at 15:07, and we just finished.  Wow.

The miter saw was fitted, checked, and run.  Wonderful.  I expected a terrible blade.  That is what the rumors have said.  But I'll tell you, that blade cut 2x4, at various angles and angle to angles perfectly.  Will it last?  I don't know.  But... nice.

Exceptional sleep.

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Mostly.  The one problem, so far, is that their isn't as much support in these mattresses.  Okay... so how to ameliorate that?  Perhaps a plywood panel und the mattresses?  Okay.  But not 3/4", perhaps 1/4"?  At most 1/2" plywood, I think.  Though even that might be a bit stout, fierce, to sleep on?  Not exactly sure. Will find out.

For warmth?  I... was expecting to be a bit chilly, needing another blanket, or two.  I normally sleep with... five blankets?  Plus a top sheet.  Sometimes using the electric blanket as just a blanket, sometimes getting heat from there.  I had two blankets, the duvet, and a top sheet.  And I was fine.  I had to kick my legs out, for cool air, fairly often.  I am thinking of pulling the wool blanket, seeing if just the cotton blanket, duvet, and top sheet will be enough.  But I did sleep... splendidly.  I'll admit that.  Even being too warm was an easy fix, given how easy it was to cool off.  No struggling, because I wasn't buried in the blankets and else.  They were just a covering, not a wrap.

Mostly.

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Or... some of it.  Steak was heated and eaten.  Coffee was made and enjoyed.  A bit more to eat, was still hungry.  The mattresses were brought in, taken up, put into the cases.  The arranged on the box.  With sheets added.  The old blankets, which hadn't already been pulled to be washed, were pulled and piled to be washed... soon.  Not to be replaced on the bed, as none remaining are natural fiber.  Just washed, folded, and put up for... extras.  You never know.

Strangely, I feel very warm, too warm?  I'm not sure why.  I turned the heat off in the front room much earlier, say around ten?  It's 19:38 (yes, I... got distracted while writing this).  So...  The thermometer in here reads 76?  Odd... it only got up to 35 outdoors today.  The main is still on, the furnace out there, up to 75.  But... that... usually doesn't matter up front here.  Hmm...  So warm, hot even?  Strange.

A slow start.

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A few minor things early.  Then, I noticed someone had helped trim branches, poking into the driveway.  So, I thought I'd finish the rest of the way around.  I had purchased two variations of machetes to try.  I used the shorter version today.  Most likely, it turns out the better one will be more the one you can get the best swing with, in the given space, assuming you can bend the branch against it's natural spring, and hit there.

So, some physical work.  I had spent a bit of time out there, just sitting.  Five minutes at most.  But it was... something.  So, getting this bit of work finished gave me a little more sunshine.  And it is a bright and wonderful day.  A bit cool, at 36 now.  May warm through the day though.

Later than hoped.

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A rough start.  I was down at 21:16, give or take a handful either way, but that is pretty close to the exact time.  Sleep came quickly.  Doing laundry, showering, shaving, dressing, tending Sassy, getting to town, doing four or five things in town, plus picking up water.  Absolutely crushed me.  Added to the work from days prior.  It is adding up.

The alarm went off at four.  I turned that first one off.  The second one, at six, I... attempted to exploit.  I ran through all five snoozes, but could never wake.  Nothing I could do, think, will, or anything else, would allow me to wake.  I was able to get up right at eight, with Sassy helping.  She opens the curtains, lets the sun in.  Sometimes that will help.  This morning being one of those times.

Well?

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A shower, a shave as well!  The mattress cases arrived, and with what else I had white, was put in the laundry.  Dishes haven't been set up, and probably won't be.  I've... done more than I can expand upon.

After those things, I had to get to town.  One bill needed paid, and the only sure way I knew how required travel.  Though, too, I had a doctor appointment.  Wanted to talk about ears, and maybe extra of a certain med.  Ears... we can do, and feet it turns out.  Well, at least talked about in such a way as to lead to appointments in those clinics.  The medicine not so much.  Pulse is 70, and this could lower that further.  Not... wanted, it seems.  Okay.

So far?

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Wow.  Ten calls, to different people?  After calling my city, I was given a web site.  Going there, availability wasn't found... the site just didn't know if what I was looking for was available in my area.  So... I called residential.  They sent me to... commercial.  I spoke with a non-rep, rep.  Who then sent me to another non-rep rep.  Both of whom took a ton of information, to only send me to someone else.  The last one, it is supposed, is sending my information to a sales rep?

Though, if I had to bed?  I'd bet I will have to give him all the information all over again.  And... hope he doesn't send me to someone else, even then.  They wonder why services cost so much?  I've spoken with three people, and gone to their web site, and still haven't even ascertained if service is even available, or how much it might cost.  That is absolute garbage.  Any real business, not a government entity, would go bust in a week doing business like that, and should.  They need to fire every single middle man.  Oh, and that doesn't even count the fifteen minutes I spent on their automated phone system that couldn't operate, receive addresses, or take number pad instructions... so eventually I just had to wait through... until it, eventually, sent me to a (useless) human, who sent me to another.  Who... is set me up to speak with even another?

Not as planned.

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But, it will do.  Down around 22:00, perhaps as much as a quarter after if I thought closer to the hour?  I was so tired, again, when I went to bed, could make it to bed, that the last digits of time didn't stick.  The alarms were set for four and six.  I heard, and turned off, the four alarm.  Immediately.  I knew that wasn't going to happen.  I woke at 5:47... or so...  But there was no way I was getting up even then, nor at six when the alarm was set to go off.

So, I turned that one off ahead of time.  I wanted to be up, but there just wasn't a way.  And... I believed... I could still make it all work.  Just a little more sleep?  I hoped... I could wake reasonably.  I simply didn't have much choice in the matter.  I could either make myself extremely miserable, and probably crash anyway in a few hours, or try to get a bit more sleep and wake at a better time, in more control.

Steak.

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Not much.  Grilled to perfection, or as close as I could get.  I'm having to work with this and that, and in the end had to shut it down for the last few minutes of cook time.  I salted it the hour before cooking.  Though I'd really like it.  Not so much.  Well, it wasn't horrible, it just wasn't all that good.  Meat quality, I would guess, is collapsing?

I ate a third of the steak.  The rest has been put up for tomorrow.  Sort of surprised I didn't eat more.  Though, as mentioned, it just didn't taste all that good.  A fresh new york strip steak, too.  So... not a horrible cut.

Out!

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I wasn't sure I'd get out.  Ever again?  Ever again, perhaps.  And, with what had been done, I was wearing out.  Not heavy work, but looking for the wool blanket, the last one?  I was up and down and here and there, then again, and again.  Wearying physically, but also emotionally?  Mentally?  Something about not being able to find something just grates.

I have finished all the sheets and duvet covers I have, and have started on the duvet itself.  And, tomorrow, I'll have to do the mattress covers if they arrive.  Why covers, and sheets?  Just... taking care.  And, everything is cotton, wool, or down.  If I am reviewing a silk and cotton duvet.  So there is an option.  And, an all cotton duvet.  Though... I'm... not sure.  You have to be careful about everything from amazon.  They just outright lie, if it does show up when it arrives.  Usually.  There is usually a tag, somewhere, which belies the lie(s).

A few minor things.

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I finally got whiskers trimmed, and a shower.  Before that, I finally found the last blanket, the washed the two wool blankets.  I didn't get the other drying rack up, or take the stuff that is hanging on the one that is up, down of it.  So... took the blankets outside to air dry on the line.  

The sun was out just enough, I think, to get that process going well.  One of them wasn't in the sun, the other wasn't quite dry.  So I shifted them a bit, and I'll bet they are both dry now?  Will check now?  ...  Yes... dry, very.  Brought in.  And, while at it, I put most of the new other sheets into the wash.  A few duvet covers and one last sheet will be washed later.  Then mattress covers, if they arrive, will be washed tomorrow.  Then I should be all set up bedding, and weekly changes, plus quarterly mattress airing out, or more often if of a mood or seeing a need.

Alpha?

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Sigma.  Contest?

Laughed, I did.

Not bad.

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Brushed.  Now to trim and shower.  Brought a few blankets down, to be washed.  Looking for another.  Will find it.  Cleared the litter boxes, been doing very well with those.  Then fed the little one.  She was well ready.  Set the water to heating, for tea.  The reset the r.o. system for another fresh carafe, after pouring a water for the day and then refilling the tea pot water heater.

While out there, I checked the temp, outside.  It is just enough above 32 F to be a thawed world, not frozen if you know what I mean.  And, yes, moisture is about.  I fetched the trash and recycling barrels.  In spite of no neighbor I could see, with recycling bin out, it was recycling day.  They picked it up, anyway.  All good.

Hmm?

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Oh, right.  Not much happening.  But... a shower shortly?  After a trim.  Then... some of the blankets down, and into the wash.  As well, dishes set to soak.  Getting closer to having most of them done.  Closer... so much closer.  A few more efforts and dishes will be pretty well cleaned up.

Laundry is mostly done, but... so much of it.  And unfolded, not hung, or else.  Ugh.  But, there are plans for that.  Clothing racks...  Yes, and covers for those.  But... I'll have to create space for those.  Always something more than just... doing.  More and more... and more.  Still... getting there?  Maybe.

Oh, so they say?

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A new pandemic?  A real one?  It wouldn't surprise me if the part of .gov which is being audited, fired, and put back under control or out of grift business would try to do something big to... change their fate.  One of those things might be to release something else, or something actually.  I still have seen no evidence that covid was anything other than the flu.

This time, they say, something else it out, in China.  And, from the same place the original covid was said to have been released.  Me?  Whatever.  It wouldn't, at all, surprise me if they did release something real.  Though, too, it may just be illness caused by the vaxxes over there, the rooster coming home to roost.  With so many people now immuno-suppressed, who knows what is going on.  How many shots did they force on their people?  Seriously, they had roadblocks and people couldn't even grocery shop without standing in line to be "tested", then given a shot if the fake tests "proved" they had covid.  How long were their shots considered "good"... a week, a month?  How long were they doing that?  Two years?  If you thought our clot shots were bad, can only imagine theirs.

A reasonable sleep.

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Down a bout after 17:00, closer to the quarter after?  Awake at 5:09, or so.  I usually begin waking earlier, sometimes much earlier.  The last few night, I think, waking started within a half hour of waking.  That's... a better thing.  I hate when I begin waking in the middle of the night, and have to fight it to stay down.

My hand still hurts.  No bruise has surfaced.  Though it might just have been the bones in the hand that got dinged.  That miter saw has absolutely zero give, if you accidently backhand it.  Solid.  I don't remember doing that, but, when fussing with things that weight a lot, focus shifts to balancing, and lifting, the weight.  So other things can slip by without being noticed.  This must have been one of them.  All good, it's... slowly improving.

Rough, really.

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Mostly just tired.  Two or three days of working with the miter saw and stand.  On, off, to sort the squaring.  On, off, to tighten things under, again, because the square came undone.  Off to put the handles on, only to find no handles.  I keep looking.  I keep not finding.  Just in case I simply misplaced them.  Nope.  No handles.  I'll have to take the saw off, when I get them, as I don't think they will fit in without taking them off.

I'm not sure how good the handles are, without having them to test.  But... I think I want them.  Besides, they are supposed to be with this.  I paid for them, I want them.

Woodworking, and other, considerations.

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While I am trying to wake up, if doing very little bits here and there, I have been looking and imagining.

I definitely need a work bench.  Could make something very simple.  But space!  I really don't have the room to have a permanent, standing, woodworking bench that would be of any use.  Either too small, too weak from having too small of a footprint, and else.  Just... unsat to be standard, fit, and be strong enough.

A bit of exhaustion.

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I think from the work I have been doing.  But it's a pretty serious weariness.  My heart sort of hurts.  Being that it is from exertion, it isn't a terrible thing.  However, it is making doing much difficult.  I really want to go on back to bed.

It feels cold.  I turned the heat up, but that takes a while.  I did heat up the last of the steak.  Not great, but not bad.  Just a third to a quarter of a steak remained.  Much tastier when warmed through, heated a bit beyond that, but not cooked more.  Since the tea, just more water.  And... that is what I will have today and through the week.  Mostly fasting as well.  I did have a few meat sticks earlier.  Nothing fancy, but it works.

I'd like to get the whiskers trimmed.  Then get a shower.  It's... been a while since I've gotten in to shower.  I'll definitely wait until the house warms up, and I warm up.  The sun is up, mostly clear.  It is up to 10 (from 8 F earlier).  But it wasn't the sun that warmed the place.  Just a shift in weather.  Nothing warm in that sun, not today.  Just a shift in something, air coming in, speed of it going out, upper level events, who really ever truly knows.

I am hungry?  But... for nothing I can eat.  Would like pb&j (all keto) on (keto) crackers or toast.  But even that has been pushing blood sugar higher.  So... no more.  It was 141 fasting, when I woke up... before tea or even water.  But is down to 118 currently.  PB&J would raise that... twenty to fifty points, if it would come down quickly.  Though, then, it would yo-yo for days.  Just how it goes.  So... I only like to do that once or twice a month.  A (keto) treat, with a lighter cost.

On the good side?  I can't remember how long ago blood sugar was over two hundred.  I think the highest, since I began testing again, was in the mid 150s.  Not fantastic.  And, the month/three month are pretty much the same.  Though I have only been testing for about a month and a half, so the month and three month will be closer.  Even so, 135 and 141.  Slowly coming back down.  A week or two ago, they were more into the mid 140s to 150s.  As good as I can do, coming back from trying keto... more veggies.  Getting back to it.

So... drowsy!  Ugh.  I'm going to check the laundry.  Maybe give it a final spin, with the intention of redoing my bedding, putting on the clean sheets, with the new mattresses.  Yes, I use two.  When you weigh above two hundred, mattresses just... don't hold up as well.  Same with full sized ones.  After a year, even of top brands, I leave a bump.  So, I started turning and flipping, but that only doubled the time, so say two years, before it two become permanently dented (if I weight closer to three hundred then).  Not sure there is much difference between two forty and three hundred ten pounds on beds made for people in the one hundred to one fifty range.

Well... enough blathering.  I'll... see about some things.  Good day.  Good morning, actually, even now.  Ugh... would love to test the mattresses if I can get that set up.  Though not sure I will... trying to fight my way through.  Later.

A better night, and day.

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Down slightly after 17:00.  Some point between five and twenty five after?  Or so.  I was so worn by then that I just couldn't get the last digits of time into memory.  Not... fully.  Up at around three.  Slightly after.  Too sleepy, initially, to know the last digits again.  But it's twenty one after now, and... I have fed Sassy, reset laundry in the dryer to a final spin... used the facilities... made tea and reset the r.o. to spit out a fresh carafe of water, and... a few other things?  But, I know I was definitely awake after three.  So... yeah...  Probably rather early after three.

My arms are ever so slightly tight.  From the work with the saw the last few days.  Strangely, no where near as tight as I thought they would be.  I figured they would be screaming.  Nope, just mumbling, more gladly than not.  The only portion of my anatomy which seems a bit truly sore are my torso muscles.  From bracing and using those to move the weight laterally?  Or such.  Still even that?  I'll take it.

Rough.

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I did get the miter saw back on the stand, after getting the under parts tightened.  Then tightening the connections from the saw to that.  Tight enough that I can wheel it around without it falling off.  That was harsh.  I kept looking for the handles, hoping I would find them somewhere.  Nope, they really just aren't here.  I did put the stopper bar in, and angled it sideways, so the weight, center of mass, were more balanced.

Then on to watching a movie.  The new Nosferatu.  I like the new television, and soundbar.  It is good to be able to hear the voices, even on a lower volume.  But it sure booms.  The bass, rear speakers, and the bar, plus the tv since they are the same brand so it adds in the televisions speakers to it really is surround.

Well?

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Laundry was started.  Some of the steak eaten.  Sassy was fed.  And I did get the saw on the stand, but realized there were other parts.  Problem?  The parts were for handles... handles that didn't arrive in the packaging.  So... I called.  Surprised they answered.

After figuring out their system, so I didn't have to talk to a "computer", I got to where they would call me back, without losing my place?  Or, the wait was a minute.  So, I went with the call back option.  No... just... no.  They wanted me to put in a time for them to call me back.  So I put in a half hour.  Nope.  They wouldn't call back until midafternoon, 14:30, or somesuch?  NO!

Still awake.

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Not in misery.  There is that.  Not exactly getting to anything.  Just... awake.  Slightly cold.  I think I'll turn the heat up, at least for a bit.

The hope is to take a shower, since I don't seem to be going down.  As well, to wash some or all of the bedding pieces which arrived.  All cotton, so it should wash well.  Mattress covers, sheets (hospital, not fitted), duvet covers, and... I think that is it.  But several of each, several types of some.  Experimenting.

Back to it.

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Not sure what is happening.  Is someone trying to get into the house, and that is waking me?  Not too cold, but a bit warm?  I just don't know.  All I know is I keep waking up, for seemingly no good reason.  And that is very unusual for me.  I would, typically, sleep through an assault to a hurricane, or earthquake.  Believe me... even the alarms on submarines, if I... had been pushed beyond human reason... which did happen.

And, yes, I am tired.  And this is my normal sleep time.  There is no reason for me to be awake, or stirring.  I'm not worried, about this or that.  I have chores and tasks I'd like to do, but they aren't storming through my mind with panic and terror.  Nothing of great or grave concern.  My body doesn't hurt.  My ego hasn't been pricked, or not in a way that damages my sleep.  Besides, I don't mind being considered less.  I am less.  All are.  Enjoy it?  Well, at least know it.  Sinners, to a man.  No way to escape that, solo.  I know the answer, and humbling as it is, I have taken that once bitter, now sweet, pill.  Hmm... just not sure.

On back to bed?

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It's two to three hours since waking, for no good reason.  Back to bed, probably.  Not sure I can get back to sleep.  Something is just off.  A sense of being too cold, and yet too warm... different parts of my body.  An earache too?  Strange.  I've never had one of those.  But it's been happening lately.  Hmm, something to bring up at the appointment.

Upper arms ache.  As if they are bruised.  Did I bump into something?  I just don't remember.  Or sleep too hard?  Reminds me of the aches from after football practice, when we would practice hitting, driving, the dummy sled.  Not sure, just that it aches, deeper in.

I don't understand.

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I pushed through the day.  Wanting to sleep early, even around noon.  I so wanted to sleep.  But, no, as with the last four or five days, I have pushed into the early afternoon.  I made it to at least 15:30?  I know I made it to 15:00, and would bet money I made it another half hour.  It... always takes me a while to finally get up there, and lay down, even when... I see I made it then decide to do so.  Perhaps as late as 17:00, if I have doubts about that.

In I went.  Easily, comfortably.  Then I woke.  *snap*  Nothing... startled me.  I didn't have to go the bathroom.  It wasn't a sound, or sense, no warning or alert.  But, I was awake.  I groused for a clock, or my watch.  18:30~19:00, or so.  Numbers weren't sticking, just... roughly in there, though certainly within that.  Awake, but why?

Someone seems to... see... remember.

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It was definitely her.  The first one I saw from over there.  She terrified me so deeply I forgot her.  I was busy dying myself, as well.  So, it was more complicated than... just that.  Death frightened me, not just hers, mine too.  Plus... all else involved.  I ran from her, and her memory, as far as I could.  It... wasn't far enough.

Yes, someone knows what I discus.  Did they know she was the first?

Good.

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Cat fed.  Test strips found, but then got caught up in straightening and cleaning.  So... now a break.  I'll get the saw and base together shortly.  Was looking for the knee pads, as wrestling with the saw takes a lot of work on the knees.  Even though I have lost a lot of weight, my knees are still a weak point.  I'm pretty sure where they are, will get them while resting.  Or try.

Set eggs to boiling.  Hoping this batch will be easier to peel.  Either way, fresh boiled eggs are a joy.  Especially really good eggs.  These are eggs you really can't get commercially... truly free range during the day, fed non-soy feed, truly good eggs.  And the colors!  This time there are, the usual, brown in various shades.  But, this time, there are bright blue!  And a few other colors.

A long watch.

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I've been watching this video for the last two days.  In parts.  Too much to watch all at once.  A lot to take in.  And, in truth, all well beyond anything I will ever be able to do, or willing to try.  Though, too?  Many skills, tools, and ideas which could come in handy.

I'll never make a full sized bedroom dresser.  That's. out.  A smaller one?  Maybe.  Cabinets, perhaps.  Small boxes, chests, sure?  But not such a large item.  The expense of a mistake would be too severe.  Still, definitely a pleasure to watch.  And... dream of doing such things.

Not sure when I went to bed.

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I know I was awake at 14:30, and small change.  But too, I know though I was really tired then, I wanted to be awake longer.  And was.  Two, may three hours longer, if I had to say.

The body started trying to wake around 20:30, but I was able to negotiate more sleep.  Staying down until 3:00~3:30.  Still a bit rough.  Not from exhaustion?  Not as in sleepiness.  More as in body weariness.  Ah... working with the miter saw stand, and miter saw wore me out.

Well? Keeping on, mostly.

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I finally got back out there.  Decided to shovel off the part in front of the garage, and redo the path to the grill.  Not bad.  Four, five, inches total, at this point.  A half inch to inch more, since clearing the path in front earlier.  I may get back to that, after... some other things.

Then I started the grill, or hope it starts.  Will see.

More snow.

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Can't complain.  We have had almost no snow to shovel this year.  Maybe two other times, of singular day events?  At least here where I live.  This time, it's more, and back to back.  Which is fine.  It's 30 F out there, so really not too bad that way, either.

I went to start the grill charcoal, but there was snow in the way.  So, I went to the other exit, to get the shovel.  However, I realized the trash and recycling bins were still out.  Hmm... wasn't recycling this last week, it turns out.  Oh well.  Ready for next week.

Good?

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A bit achy?  Hunger, just a nibble of that.  Tired, still, on the edges.  Though I must admit, getting to things is very difficult.  Just... doing... anything seems to be very difficult.

Still, I started a load of synthetics first thing.  And will do another load after that.  Though a shower between them?  Why two?  Well, colors.  Yes, even lighter synthetics will take color from darker, especially new, synthetics.  I saw a good price on synthetic base layers, and wanted to compare those with the merino wool ones I bought earlier.  An $80 price difference.  Though, my guess, is that each will have a better time for use, and way.  I have medium and heave merino wool ones, the synthetics were only offered in one weight.  I tried them on, one set.  It fit, so I want to wash them before really running them through their paces.  And... I had several other synthetics to wash already.

Trying to stay awake a while longer.

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I don't think I'll make it.  Absolutely crashing.

On the good side, I stayed awake until packages were delivered.  Some things have been put away.  A few things are going up to be sorted.  No way I can put the miter saw and rolling bench for it together, and connected today though.  Oh, that thing is huge.  The box, just for the saw, is a four by three by three?  Not as heavy as it looked, if not exactly light.  More bulky than heavy, if some of that too.

Just a bit rough.

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Not quite terrible, or even awful?  Just... not well.  A bit hungry, though with nausea.  A bit too cool, in some places.  And, yet... too warm about the upper body and on to the head, as if I had a minor fever.  Tired, but I can't sleep.  Sort of an annoying situation.  I'll keep at things, as possible.

I have fed Sassy three times already this morning... every two hours, this morning.  I feed her every two to three hours, depending on... things.  She seemed more hungry today, so she was fed a bit more quickly.  Though I'll pace the rest of here meals a bit further apart.  I use a three ounce can, two of them, and give her about an ounce a meal.  Plus, every other meal gets some additional 'hard tack' treats.

Well, improving.

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Struggling through.  I was able to stay awake until 14:30?  Or so.  I starte waking at almost 20:00, but was able to stay down until 22:00.  An hour or two here, an hour or two there, over a while, it is hoped that days can be had again.  For what it serves.  Lately, days have been rather dark.  Not nighttime dark, but dark enough so that it doesn't quite matter, or cold enough, or wet and cold enough, that it... feels like permanent bedtime.

Fine, though.  I'll keep at it.  Rough, extra tired from pushing, but... I like the struggle.  I have learned to embrace the pain, misery, and found the life is better if one just nods to that, acknowledging it, then shrugs and goes on.  It isn't even all that bad.  Just... something to realize.  If one must suffer, might as well take note just to show, the next time, that you can climb back up.  Or, if it becomes that time, that resting in the grave isn't all that bad either.  Suffer, until you don't.  But don't let that get between you and your goals, efforts... as much as possible.

Forgot to post.

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Was a bit chilly, when I woke.  A bit of a struggle waking, and staying asleep.  I started waking around 18:00, but had been up until at least noon.  So I wanted more sleep.  Not sure how much more sleep I got.  Perhaps a half hour, as much as two.  I just... don't know.  All good though.  I... woke when I couldn't sleep more, and laying down when I can't sleep is a misery.

Tea, to start.  And the last handful of walnuts remaining.  I forgot to check blood sugar until after I had eaten, and then tested right after.  Which... means the reading is definitely high, ten to twenty points?  More, or maybe a bit less.  Most likely more, if other than suggested.  It was 132... higher than wanted, but not a horrible number even if not.  A good number, most likely.  All the averages are dropping a few points every few days to week.  Back on track, mostly.

A few things.

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I really wanted to get the trash and recycling gathered and out.  I missed last week.  Though, there wasn't all that much.  Since I haven't been drinking canned water, or eating all that much, there simply wasn't much trash or recycling.  A few bags of each.  Still, it... was a lot of work, given how tired I am.

Gathered and out.  Very good.  Then a bit of a break.

Awake.

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Several hours awake, now.  I meant to check blood sugar, but eggs, tea, and meat sticks... and being too sleepy still to concentrate... lead me to eating before checking.  Medicine is in, down.  Tea has been finished.  Some water down, though more shortly.

Something different?  I had been drinking carbonated water, lots of it.  The reverse osmosis system had been down.  My friend helped get that working.  Then, I have been unable to get out to buy carbonated water.  And, with it so cold of late, I know better than to order it through amazon.  It freezes on the way, and half of the cans pop.  So... no.

Very little.

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All I truly got to, tonight, was boiling eggs, and peeling those after they cooled.  I did a poor job peeling.  But... did what I could do.  After, I ate four or five of them.  Very good, if quite broken.  I'll gladly take that.  I might have a few more?

Well, if I was to stay up a while longer I would.  I think I am going to crash, harshly.  Soon.  Now.  I just can't stay awake.

Struggled, again.

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To wake up took a lot out of me.  I don't know why.  I slept well, very well.  Warm, all night, without being too hot.  I do believe that little bit of space the boxy rectangular 4" base offers helps me sleep more warmly.  Just enough up off the ground, with an air barrier, so that the floor doesn't leech my warmth.  Which... allows me to sleep a bit more... softly?  So I don't sleep so cold, that I sleep extra hard, and hurt for it?  Or... something like that.  Just a first run.  I'll see in time.  Might also help with cooling, in the summer.

Fighting to wake, though.  It seemed like I was fighting all day and night.  The last two sleep cycles have been like that.  Rough.  Now, it doesn't hurt, or leave me completely exhausted.  It was just a rough experience to go through.  Once I woke, today and yesterday, I was fine.  There is that, at least.

Some efforts.

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The dishes were washed.  They dried and have already been put away.  Laundry was given a final spin, so is dry.  I had three items to put together.  Mini projects, really.  The first was the stand for the old tv.  But, first, I have to clear the coffee table, and maybe the end table.  Then to get those in there and begin... setting up, arranging, and else.  Not... yet.

As well, I bought stands, for the rear speakers.  So as to more easily and correctly setting up the sound bar sum total.  That I got to, done, and everything is in place.  I won't work on the sound for now.  I'm not... ready for that.

Up.

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I had to fight to wake.  Brutal.  I was trying to wake up since... noon?  14:00?  I don't think I made it awake until... after 17:00, 18:00?  Some time in there.  I sent a text at 18:05, but that was half an hour, hour, after I woke.  Brutal.  I tried everything to wake up.  I just couldn't do it.  Like wrestling with death, almost.

I have figured out how to stay extra warm.  Wool socks, for hip waders, fly fisherman use?  With liner socks to pull the moisture out.  That has improved live vastly.  I still have some chill, and oddities of temp.  I'm living in a body that is right on the three yard line to death.  That I am not frigid all the time is... something.  A little miracle all it's own.

I am learning how to manage more things.  Cold, pain, thirsts, hunger, and right nutrition.  Would these things work for anyone?  I have to think, as close to death as I am, if this helps me?  It would be a 'miracle' drug of a system for a generally healthy person.  But a generally healthy person isn't going to bother.  We never tend to take care, until we have no choice.  And, in my case, it was even more.  I lost my health, but too, I couldn't die, or yet.  So... I get to live miserably, or even more miserably.  I choose to... do what I can to live as well as possible.  I do, but it's... still so very tight.

I thawed bread, so had pb&j sandwiches, and the last of the pickled pork hocks, for breakfast.  With a fatted coffee.  Not exactly ideal, even if technically keto.  But... it... was something.

I got the phone number for a man who has helped me.  I had a gift for him, a tool set.  Not a major one, more electrical.  But... in thanks to quite a few things, and to replace something he destroyed while helping me out.  It may take forever.  But, if I remember, and stay alive, if it takes years, I may return some for of gratitude.  Some people really double deserve it.  They help a lot of people, for no charge.  He is among those folk.

Oh, and I asked if he might be able to help with some things with the house.  Not that I will, but I may, need some help.  He thinks, so, possibly, at times.  Will see.  Just... lining up resources.

He... hasn't seen me in years.  I almost think he thought I was somehow someone else.  The last time he saw me I was closer to 340.  Now I'm running between 210 and 230.  So... yea.  And... my age.  He... didn't... quite... he may have thought I was joking.  Nope.  I'm... around his father's age, give or take up to a dozen.  Good to be thought younger.  Still, had to laugh.

Got more shoveling when I got up.  Wouch.  It got heavy.  We received nine inches total.  As well, it rained, and got up to 40 F?  Crazy.  So, that snow that came down after I finished was absolutely full of fluid.  Ugh.  Still, I did what I could.  There was no way I could have done more.  So was quite thankful when the neighbor showed up on his atv, with plow, and cleared the rest.  I was afraid it was going to freeze solid, and just become a temporary driveway glacier.  Trust me, I've... experienced that before, coming from Iowa.

Anyway...  All good.

Now?  Some gaming.  Oh, I'll put dishes up first.  I wont' set up more dishes to soak, until after taking a shower.  But there is that.  I... may put the dishes up first thing, right away.  Then game for a bit.  Later.

Coffee.

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Would like something to eat.  Haven't gotten to eggs yet.  So... coffee, for now, will do.  But I do think eggs will be enjoyed before too long.

The dishes finished.  The machine opens up, in part of the drying method.  It's not perfect, but isn't bad.  I'll check the laundry shortly.  Probably run it one last short spin, to make sure.  Always have to make sure.

Salmon and lamb chops.

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Grilled.  But?  I just didn't enjoy either.  Perhaps salmon doesn't freeze well?  Or lamb?  Freshly thawed, from last night.  So they shouldn't be old.  Were put up fresh.  I don't know.  I am not the most pleased.  Can't, won't, finish either.  I had to half pound, skin on, filets, and two lamb chops... tiny as they are.

I didn't salt or else, before cooking.  Adding salt and pepper when finished.  The lamb definitely wasn't overdone.  The salmon, maybe, but just slightly.  I just didn't like the flavor.  I'm going to have to figure out some way to eat those, in a recipe of something.  Keto rice or pasta?  With a butter and lemon sauce?  Or... possibly with keto tartar sauce?  Bleh.

Cool, cold really.

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Plus snow.  For the first time in... a while.  Even with the furnace left to 72, the upstairs got down to 52 midday.  Oh, it was 18 F out there.  I didn't wake up until about 15:00?  Give or take a half hour.  I kept trying to wake up... noon, eight, and such.  Couldn't do it.  Used the tricks that help, to no good.  Too cold?  Well, and dark.  I have serious limits at handling changes in the environment.  I do my best.  Have limits.

The dishes were done, and dry, so I put them away.  I put the laundry in the dryer, and let it spin.  Will give it a final spin shortly.  As well, I'll get what is soaking drained and into the dish washer.

Still awake.

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Six o' five, as I start this.  A bit of work, some gaming, and a blood sugar check.

Dishes.  I got a bunch of things in.  Things I... thought I might end up having to throw away.  And, may still, or gift.  Half gallon jars.  And some quart jars.  Had been using them for kefir... Which... with some thing arranged, I may get back to... that really helps with... the body, and the gut.

Frustrating.

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Blood sugar was 122 this morning... or... fasting test.  I used to be able to bring it down, with what I ate.  Or drank.  Using allulose and liquid sucralose, combined, in a fatted coffee, tea, or chia tea breakfast as this morning.  But, no.  It is going up, lately.  Not... hugely.  Just to 138 today, 145 (or so yesterday), and such.

Now, it does go back down by bedtime, to as low as 108 (so far).  All the numbers are declining over time.  Still, for the last year?  Fasting draw was usually my highest of the day.  Then a bit lower would be a few hours after eating my first (often only, even now, meal).  Then, would lower much more just before bedtime.

Whup!

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Days and nights are spinning.  Up around 16:30? Ish?  When did I go down?  No idea.  After five?  Easily.  But no later than eight?  Most likely.  When you are up far too long, the mind doesn't quite grasp time, or the movement of it, or light, or dark.  It... just... closes down on itself until nothing is everything.  Or... such.  Mine does, did.

It is cold out there.  It must have gotten bitterly cold?  At around 17:00 it was 20 out there.  This is the warmest part of the day.  The sun was out, shining all day.  But cold.  Upstairs was down to 48!  Ugh.  Part of what is throwing my sleep.  Not too cold, for me, just too cold after a warming for a bit.  Change, hotter or colder, throws me.  What temp it got down to out there, for it to drop to 48, is anyone's guess.  But I'm suggest at or near zero, or below, and for a goodly bit of time.

Strange thoughts...

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Videos, really.

Patterns emerge.  I watch.

Not feeling well.

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Not sure what the problem is.  Too warm?  A bit, but not feverish.  A bit green about the gills, as they say.  Not having nausea, just an uneasiness that lightly resembles that.  Weak, as in muscular incapacity.  A bit foggy of mind.  Nothing serious, just... especially as a collection... a bit off.

I'm not sure what to do about it.  Had hoped to get some work done today.  Nothing was done.  I didn't cook, either.  Coffee, fatted... and some meat sticks.  Not much, but I'm not all that interested in eating.  Would eat, if I could get to it?  Maybe.  Yes, something for dinner would be good.  Or lunch.  I don't think it will happen.

Never sure.

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Someone was... is... saying something.

What it ever absolutely means?  God, only, probably knows.  For even the thinker, often, of mortal means, knows little.  Thinks he does, doesn't.

Up, and rather early?

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My days have been in a serious spin.  The goal has been to make it back to morning.  One forty eight hour pull in there.  A few off time wakes.  This and that.  And... to bed by 23:00 last night, or nearly.  Up at 9:30 this morning, give or take.  I started waking around 8:30... ish.  Working on it.  Headache, from sleep being so wildly off and changing schedule so fast.  If one of those headache types that will pass before lunchtime.

Back to carnivore, enough anyway, to lower blood sugar.  It is 129 fasting this morning.  The first sub-140 (mostly, and I think) in months.  Since I started experimenting with more veggies and some keto stuff.  Those things, in any amount whatsoever, just don't work for me.  I have to do, mostly, carnivore.  Thankfully, herbs and spices are fine, salads are fine (assuming the dressings are made from clean fats and clean ingredients), and just a few veggies are fine, if more rarely.  Even cabbage has to be on a limited basis.  But... that is true of cabbage no matter what else?  It's a self-limiting food.  Once, or twice, a month... then spread over a week per head, or such?

Mushrooms!

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Thick slices, fresh, with butter, garlic and onion powder, fresh ground black pepper, and when they finish, salt.  A fairly large amount of them.  I found these larger packs of them, at Sam's Club.  Wanted to try them.  The first group I'll try are white (big) button, the other are decent sized champignons?  I... don't know those.  From Canada, or something?

When finished, with pats of butter and else, the white buttons look more like a brown mushroom, and taste pretty good.  I wanted to see if they are okay for blood sugar, so will be eating the packs over the next few days.  Delicious, there is that.  Next time, I'll add really hot spices.  I don't like that every time.  But, if it works, every other time?  Or so.

Good with steak, or salad, too.  Reminds me...  I need to make salad dressings, of several sorts.  I have cream, cream cheese, and sour cream.  Plus (I think, and rather clean) keto ranch flavor to add to the fats.  And a blue cheese or two, if they are still good?  Will find out.  As well, all the fixings for a solid oil and vinegar dressing.  With cooked, or even raw, mushrooms, life is good.

I'm finding more and more of the rarer items.  It sometimes takes a while.  There is one that, in spite of spending weeks in the area, I have only found one.  And, there are a few from a certain state of the game which is no longer available to play.  Things changed, sometimes in grand ways.  And old foes are no longer available to "farm" for their equipment.  Nothing to be done, but will remember going into the next game.

On top of finding the last farmed items, and finishing any quest lines which may be open, there is finding a few thing which are just hard to find otherwise.  Resources, special potions, and such.  I am getting close.  But, before I can move on, I need to figure out how to beat the final boss in the dlc add-on portion of the game.  Not sure it's possible.  Can't seem to solo it, or do it with the help allowed, or with other people.  Not sure how to get it.  Though, as mentioned, I haven't tried healing a helper.  That... might do it.  Assuming I can survive doing even that.  Bleh.

Big ol' pieces of mushroom... herbed gently, but rightly.  Very nice.  Later.

Or good night.

Trying to reset, regain strength.

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Sleeping when I want.  No requirements, for now.  Just... if I am tired, when I am tired, sleeping as much as I can, and need.  While awake, only doing little things.  From fixing food, tea, coffee, or... something.

I hoped to get a shower in, a whisker trim first.  It didn't happen.  I showered yesterday, so I'm good.  But... for several reasons, I'll get one when I wake up.  I don't terribly need it.  I am just hoping it will warm me, and set me on a better path forward.

Such dreams.

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The first, similar to the last, but... not quite.  Not... quite that animal, mostly, if just as primal?  Of a similar nature.  Even I... hold some things back.  Ah, but clues.

Brutal.

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Awake far too long.  Too much this, too little that, working as much as I could.  Ground under my will, the little that I did.  If that was a massive effort for me.  And... what I did allowed what was needed to happen.  So it wasn't wasted.  If anything, it was the bare minimum.  But, too, it was as much as I could do.

Brutal.  I slept well, though.  And, at waking, blood sugar is 119, fasting.  A forty three point drop from my last fasting check.  A very good drop.  My shoulders ache, from work, and from sleeping so hard.  I have a mild background exhaustion headache, mostly from staying awake so long.  If really, I feel pretty good.

Up all night.

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I was... trying to get more done.  Open the place up, for the tv and else.  I got most of it.  But I... crashed.  Left things so that he could get in.  He called me, and I woke fairly easy.  I have had delirium conversations with folks, before.  When I didn't get enough sleep... my mother, some of my women, siblings, and even walk-up patrol on submarines.  Told I held long conversations, but don't remember anything.

Anyway.  Got to it.  The new tv and soundbar are installed, and the ps5 and blu ray is connected.  The sound is very good, clear, crisp.  The video is more than anticipated.  I watched just a part of a movie, to make sure it all worked, and played just a bit of a game.  Amazing what good sound, coupled with solid video, can do to old movies.

More done.

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Some in the living room, some in the spare bedroom.  Things moved, sorted, tossed.  A few things.  Enough?  I can hope.  It is the beginning of the beginning.  A good little plug into it.  And, maybe, I'll do more yet.

Not sure I can sleep.  Not sure I have a choice?  I may end up crashing, no matter my intentions.  A shower is still needed.  And brushing my teeth.  Then I'll set laundry up to run.

Women haunting my thoughts.

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They... like to do that.  Turn around, fair play?  Or... something.

Good, bad, plus sweet, sour, salty, savory, and umami?  Those are my terms.

Three tasks.

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Maybe four, depending how you count.  I sorted the dishes, in soaking.  Got them into the machine, set it to run.  I have even already put the dishes up.  Most of them?  A few things have me... confused.  While doing that I got the shower ready to be used.  So... a shower is in the offing, before long.

As well, I figured out how to get the hanging rack up.  Okay.  level, and reasonable... mostly.  But, it is up.  And leveled.  It was a bit more work, solo, than I had thought it would be.  A bit warn, so... I'm... taking a bit off.

Wow, that worked.

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Croc's, on, while I slept.  Afraid it would be too cold, and it would have... alone.  So I wore socks, and added hand warmers to the shoes.  Worked out exceedingly well.  I think some of the problem, with my feet, is cramping.  From the cold.  Some of it is from getting stuck in the blankets as I try to keep them, or get them, warm while I am sleeping.  Then, of course, kicking out of the blanket wrap they get stuck in.

I slept so well last night, for the first time in a while.  Warm, comfortable, painlessly.  And, while my feet have been hurting terrible for the last three to five days?  Today, for the first time in a while, they feel very good.  If too, I think some of it was from compression.  While not terribly bloated, I think water had been getting into my foot, and hitting that toe knuckle, pooling there.

A very good dinner.

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While the top sirloin wasn't my favorite, the ribeye is tops.  Normally I don't add spice(s).  Other than salt and pepper, which I add to almost everything.  This time, though, I went cajun.  A bit of heat, with garlic and onion powder, plus salt and pepper... given an hour to brine the flavors through.

Grilling works really well.  The temp had dropped to 28 F.  But the coals lit up easily enough.  I crisped the outside, leaving the inside raw.  For me, that is absolutely delicious, satisfying, pleasing, and nutritious.

I'm not sure I believe.

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But the... notification arrived?  I'm too tired to think.

Or argue.

Everything is in.

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I was a bit worried.  The cost of the items, their weight, aiming at installation so hoping they would arrive on time, plus with rain, and occasional gusts out there?  Yes, I was a bit of a nervous wreck until everything was in.  Wasn't sure when the items would arrive, what would be together, and such.  In.

Two items did arrive together, but the tv and the soundbar arrived separately... if they were tagged as arriving together.  I don't mind.  I don't stand on crazy exactitude.  Just... make sure if it is arriving, that it does or that I be notified.  Everything is in the living room.  Arranged for easy access.

An very odd warm day.

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Raining, or sprinkling, on and off all night.  Not a bad thing, just... it's February!  It is 43 out this morning.  Crazy.  Ten to thirty above normal?  More.  And it has been rather warm all winter.  The rain is good, there is there.  Hopefully snowing in the mountains.  As weird as things are, there is no guarantee.

With important items arriving today, I want to keep aware.  One item has been delivered.  Though whether it is actually two items in one package or just one item, I haven't yet determined.  Four items, I was informed would be arriving together, in two packages.  Thought... that may not be the truth of things.  I could see two of the items arriving as a single bundle.  However, what arrived should have been with another item?  Even if they weren't bundled together.  But only the one item is here.

Not much.

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I did cook the top sirloin.  It was pretty good.  It was a smaller piece, an end cut.  So I ate most of it.  I couldn't eat more, there wasn't enough to save.  Then would have been a good time to have a dog.   Sassy just doesn't eat steak, very often.  Almost never top sirloin.

Oh, about that.  I tried two inch thick cuts this time.  Not... the best.  I mean, it is a mean steak.  But, it doesn't work well at that thickness.  An inch and a half is about perfect, to my tastes.  For ribeye?  Sure, two inches works.  I'll bet it also works with new york strip, t-bone, and porterhouses.  Just not chewier, leaner, cuts.  It wasn't bad, it's texture was just off.  A bit too chewy.