Thank heavens.

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It's both January and the first.  I didn't realize the point on the calendar before going to bed.  Woke to several pops and a cacophony, mostly of women.  That could be either celebratory or... what happens after someone gets shot.  It's how they do, especially in flocks.  Then a bunch of bangs.

It was time to wake, so I did.  Then a consideration of what to do.  I hadn't seen... anything.  I decided to simply look, in a way I wouldn't be backlit.  Excuse me for knowing a few things.  Nothing.  No one.  No activity or sound at all.  Then, I really started thinking fireworks, but couldn't figure out why.  As is per usual, as I returned to the living room, my eyes tasted the electronic calendar... ahha.

All good.  I am all but sure, had there been a shooting, police would be there, and an ambulance by now.  So, no.  No problems.  They just woke me in time to celebrate the new year.  *grins*  I don't stress over things, only figure them out, dealing with what must be dealt with, living with what must be endured.  Or just getting a chuckle out of events.  Cheers!  Don't lose an eye having fun.  But do enjoy.

Never did get to work.  Couldn't eat a whole chicken thigh either.  I stayed awake until mid afternoon, hoping to figure some work out.  It just wouldn't happen.  I finally, after stretching six or more hours beyond a natural bedtime, hit the wall so hard I put my skeleton from the waist up out of whack sleeping like a log.

I'll push several things through, right after waking fully.  Laundry folding, dishes, and a shower, right away.  Well after a couple hours.  I may need to sleep after that.  If so, it'll probably just be a nap, after which I can hit folding and more dishes right after.  Yeah, I think so.  I'd like to collect boxes and maybe get going in the kitchen.  Yeah.  I'll get there.  Oh, right, my fast starts today, lasting to Friday.  Bleh.  I had just started grousing around mentally for breakfast.  Cold tea it is!  Bleh, if I haven't said it.

I don't think so?

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Usually, anytime a food label indicates sugar, my diabetes takes a spike if I consume it.  Proof ignorance is no excuse.  This cheese, and I probably had four ounces, created no spike.  Well, along with the salami, cream, and filberts, blood sugar only went fifteen points higher, and that probably not from the meal as it is four hours later, maybe three.  Still...  And fast carbs cause the fastest spikes... if my stomach is working.  A bm shortly after breakfast, and no knotted sensation, tell me it's all working.  So, those carbs weren't as severe as paperwork would lead me to believe.

So... What is the problem?  I may have to force a fast.  Maybe just two days.  As well, push through with work.  And make broth in the meanwhile, to have something easier to go off the fast.  I don't feel up to it.  Isn't that the best time, often?  Yeah.  Starting tomorrow?  Sure.  My first waking period Tuesday until my first waking period Friday.

I've gotten most of the trash out, and cycled a load of laundry through.  No more laundry until I get things sorted and put up.  I was quite behind.  I am, because of folding and sorting remaining, about a third finished.  If by bulk through the machines, closer to half, or two thirds complete.  Some of what remains are smaller specialty loads, so it'll take a while even so.

I had to take a break on trash.  It is two thirds out.  I am too tired to work very hard.  The goal is to have it all out before 6:00.  Some days they are very early.  No blame, that cycles.  Just, gotta get this out.  Not sure if it is recycling day yet either.  Ugh.  Later.
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Done!  Before 5:15.  No recycling but it was taken to the bin.  The next goal is two baskets of laundry, then the dishes soaking, then a shower.  I won't do a single load of laundry until all else is sorted and put up.  Gah, ugh, bah!  It'll be a few days.  Vinegar has helped refresh the washer.  Done!

Now?  To rest, then eat... or sleep?  The hope is a bite, folding, dishes, then a shower.  No promises.  Crashes have been intense and come quickly, surprising and capsizing my consciousness in an Utah instant.  Still, I think at least two out of three probably, and a small meal... a chicken thigh and... ?  Later.  Good night and day, in case I crash.

That might be it.

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Blood sugar is staying right above 200.  Not quite up to fasting, but careful eating will usually bring it to the 150's.  I started watching things closely, it just wouldn't budge.  As I was having a cheese and salami snack yesterday... my Christmas culinary dinner substitute... I was thinking how delightful it was.  Enough for a couple light snacks through the twelve days.  How much like a caramel cheese, as perfectly those two can be blended.

Like a ton...  So I rushed into the kitchen.  Yep.  Sugar added, or something or a process that sweetens... perhaps the caramel process?  I guess that is a first for me, so...  It is called gjetost.  If you don't have sugar issues, love cheese and caramel?  Now, I thought I read it only has seven grams of sugar (per serving/ounce).  So, it really isn't too bad, or terrible anyway, unless you are running keto or diabetic.

Filberts for breakfast.  They are growing on me.  Two doses gets me 500 calories, mostly fat.  With a fatted tea, it's a full meal.  I am beginning to tag calories, roughly.  Is there any other way?  Right now I am not stressing calories, just checking what it takes to satisfy... fill the tank.  In time I may go by calories after interest in food otherwise dies off.  Calorie counting is practice... mostly.

Intermittent fasting is off as my sleep cycle is at two days per day.  I am guessing the only reason I am not mostly simply catatonic is because I am able to eat, and good food.  If a bear could find high fat food in the winter, would it sleep?  No.  Well, not as much.  No one wants to run around in the winter cold, either.  Even with an enclosed cave and 'always fire', it still gets cool.  On this one, I am more like the bear than the wolf or eagle.

Trash has to go tonight.  More work as well.  Food will help.  I have to push, or I'll crash before I can get chores done.  It's tough for me to get going before I crash in this cool.  I really have to shove.  I can't always do that.  I'll try.  Have to really focus on one thing, like a poll vaulter.  IF I can get that done, THEN focus on something else.  Just one thing at a time or I get lost in the possibilities, then run out of runway... crashing so hard things almost break.

Later.

Why so serious?

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A question and not a question.  Asking for clarification, telling through rhetoric, accusing, demanding, shocked, outraged... pleased.  So it goes with women.

Crashing.

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Every eight to twelve hours.  The need for sleep hits so hard I stumble to the bedroom. Sleep is good.  I don't wake all that refreshed.  No worries.  It outs food and the sleep cycle off.  I won't fool around with absolutes.  If I am hungry, for now, I will aim to eat and/or drink what keto meal I think will satisfy.

Waking at midnight, hunger had my attention.  A smaller fatted tea, about three to five ounces of pork roast, three celery stalks with five ounces of cream cheese.  Stuffed.  I'll have to cut down.  It was tasty.  I'll probably have another fatted tea before crashing in seven or fewer hours.  But that is it for food.

I am hoping to get work in.  True, it doesn't matter how I feel.  But I do need to be able to stand.  Ugh.  Later.

She.

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Not actually a new post.  The rest of an unfinished one.  The music rolled.  On and on, beyond my ability to collect, discern, and roll out reasonably.  Beyond my capacity, the capacity of my readers, or at least those who seek to the full experience of listening and reading the story, has been stretched.

Exhausted as I am, I still see and hear.  I am three music posts behind, after this one.  Not certain what happened, not fully.  But the floodgates have opened.  Oh, I think I know who she is.  Though what she wants... that's...  Women are tricky.  Certain women in our lives are trickier.  More so for some of us.  I'll... get to her before long.  First, the rest of her... infringement upon my space.  Is it always illegal to kill a woman?  As if it, mostly, matters with some of them.

A long nap.

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Three hours, and change?  Food took me out at the knees.  I will have another, but very small, fatted tea.  Blood sugar is down to 216, a fifty point drop from the meal high.  I checked ketones before the nap, I think.  They are between 80 and 160, so it isn't food that is ravaging diabetes, it is definitely the artificial sweetener.  I need to try to go without, cut back on volume and frequecy, plus alternate the kind I use.

Back to work today.  Trash has to go.  Laundry and dishes need worked, thus the fatted tea.  Just because my body is pumping out ketones doesn't mean it is using them yet.  Keeping extra fat, in smaller batches, is still seen as better... especially if I want to work.  I suspect I am not ketone adjusted, because of the exhaustion.  As well as minor flu symptoms... mostly headaches, neck and shoulder aches.

Yikes!

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It took nearly four hours to complete the meal.  Due to complications, almost double the heavy cream was used.  So I did get 2k calories.  I tested blood sugar to get some idea.  For 2k calories, a rise of 16 points of blood sugar?  That is very good.  I will take it. Still high, but meals like this and intermittent fasting... actually I might have to do an extended fast.  The right food and i.f. don't seem to work.

Ah, one thing that did work was the new electrolyte powder.  Very good.  The old stuff was jacking blood sugar by a hundred points.  I'll try this with my next fatted tea, alone, in an more exact timing.  Though the fatted tea was the last thing to be consumed.

So full!  I am going to have to crash.  It's as if I just left the Thanksgiving table.  It doesn't quite hurt, but just shy of it.  That is all the food I can eat today.  Crazy.  Later.

Dinner.

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No dinner for hours, as I had to sort out what to eat.  Almost out of eggs, and they are old.  Meats, but wary of them.  Filberts?  Fatted tea?  One thigh?  All, but in small portions, just one thigh.  I am eating one dose of hazle nuts, the other name for filberts.  I prefer the term hazel, but to be honest filbert fit their taste more correctly, as I see things.  On the good side they have higher fat than macadamian nuts and are far less expensive.

These will be about 250 calories, the thigh will have 135 calories, and the cup of cream will have 816 calories, or 1,201 calories.  Seems a lot, but a 3k meal plan is 1.5k ish calories below maintenance (if coming from the same people who brought and advise dietary diabetes).  And, 3k divided out is about a 1k per over three meals, or 1.5k at two meals.  Truth is, I'll be lucky to get another k in, if the goal really is 3k.

One trick is to begin using less and maybe varied sweeteners.  Right now, cutting is proving difficult.  Lack of focus, difficulty drinking without, thirst.  These things compound.  Sometimes there isn't a way out until something gets better, or worse.  Perhaps variety will help.  It is tricky.  Has to be done.  Blood sugar is staying too high.  The problem has to be the sweetener.  All else is mid to high keto.

I keep looking for foods and simpler preps that could work for me.  Foods that will help with diabetes, best means of consumption.  I don't really believe in superfoods, but there is better and worse.  Variety is needed, my old foods don't work so new foods are what is left.  Might as well focus on the best of those.  Later.

Changing my diet.

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Not truly changing the core notion.  The plan remains low carb high fat, keto.  The thing is, I can't handle nearly as much meat.  Chicken thighs and a pork roast were cooked last night.  Two thighs and a slim slice of roast left me stuffed beyond belief.  I tried a snack several hours later anyway.  I'll not do that again soon.  When my body says it is full, when eating right foods, it means it.

I have been looking for other food items.  From flax to chia seeds, to leafy greens, plus foods as supplements such as cod liver oil and nutritional yeast.  I keep falling down on various kefirs, but will keep at it.  I'd like to figure out other fermented foods, like sauerkraut, perhaps pickles, and others.  The trick is to get enough fat, protein, carbs, and calories for the machine to tick.  The main problem is simple volume.  Once I hit solid ketosis, not only does desire go away, but so does the simple ability to eat, or eat enough.  Simply digesting food becomes difficult, if that might be heart related?  Not enough blood flow?

Lowering the fat ratio to nearly one to one, I am hoping, will help.  Cutting volume, perhaps stretching more, smaller, meals, within a six hour window?  Cutting it to one real meal with minor adds like snacks and fatted drinks?  Ugh... I'll just have to experiment.  Don't even think of vegan or veggieism.  Those are worse.  Nuts are good, but like meat, they fill quickly.  Can only eat so much of that.

Brothers, fathers... Neo-Watchers.

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Odd how twists turn.  Once the virgins of heaven watched the lambs of the Divine.  Now the children of the Watchers are watched by the holiest of the fallen away.  Perhaps more those among them who become marked?

Back to her?

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Difficult to tell.  I think this time she is singular.  A strange couple of notions, exploded individually... through a host of videos.  She really does well, from my point of view.  From titles and singers who would catch my eyes, to themes woven through out, she leads me to see.  Agree?  Who is foolish or despotic enough to grant a women* in love her... designs.  And, yet, I can see... through our eyes... see what shes* suggest.

Impossible green eyes, one of my animals a wolf, and being told in a dream I need no wolf totem as my eyes are that.  Definitely caught my eyes.  Is it a pun if it isn't?  Too slow for my taste, definitely how womans*... do things.

A bit more.

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Nowhere near what was hoped.  Enough in sum for a claim to a beginning.  Medicine restarted.  It is bedtime.

Someone really hit the switch.  Old and new videos flooding in.  Something from dames, or someone or something able to emulate said.  Pulled something together before my other strange journey pulled me away.  I'll sort her out later.  It'll open space for dreaming... both will.  Good night and day.

Elsewhere.

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It has been a while since travelling in this way.  After setting up dishes, tending the ducks, and a few other things, I sat to... relax.  Usually click through favored pages, music and other videos.  Sometimes I go somewhere, see or otherwise perceive... something.  While I always see, it isn't always with my eyes.  Imagine that.

Slow but well.

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Most of the first parts.  A shave, starting dishes, then hitting laundry, then getting dinner going is next.  I've done more than might seem, between stumbling on extra work and not doing everything in order.  I am hoping to take a long hot bath as a final chore.

I am planning to use the instant pot.  First to sear the pork roast, then pressure cook it.  I will be adding dehydrated mushrooms, butter, and water.  Stock would be better, I just haven't gotten to it yet.  And, yes, beef and chicken broth do well with pork and other meats.  I suppose pork broth would do better.  Hmm... I might have hocks... trotters.  That would create stock right there, with some water.  As well, I plan on making meatloaf, from a mix of ground beef, lamb, and pork as the meat.

Down for Christmas.

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Not mood, just function.  I didn't oversleep, hurt, or such.  I did eat, not much if perceived as enough.  I simply couldn't do... anything.  I've definitely had worse.  I only call this bad because it isn't active.  Actually the last two to three days have been just so.  Not today!

Several small batches of dishes are washed and set to a rinse.  I'll have the last salad available, with an avocado.  Next, the dishes will be dried, a shave and shower, and a bathroom touchup.  Then more batches of dishes set to soak and laundry restart.  A couple hours down, then back to dishes and laundry.  At some point(s), trash and recycling will be collected and removed, and some work in the living or computer room.

Yeah, I think so.  We'll see.  I might grill thawed meats, and make a meatloaf.  Smartly spiced, fresh when cooked, meat lasts longer cooked.  Oh, with my new appetite, I will go with have sized batches of egg casserole.  I could boil the rest for snacks and salad fixings.  I need more eggs, they are a superior protein and fat, on and off keto.

Intermittent fasting has been shot.  Could not focus.  I've fallen off medicine again, but have also nearly ceased drinking so no buildup of fluid, mostly.  Ugh, but it's... from the outside, been a rough Christmas.

As I thought, we did have a very lightly white Christmas.  I was at peace, the real kind, in spite of all the negative happening.  Inside, even without being able to celebrate even the small portion planned, I was quite joyful just as was.  It reminded me of when Jesus visited the sisters.  One rushed to prepare food, make things right for the Guest, and was terribly put out with her sister, who simply spoke and spent time with Him, doing no work.

I'll let you find the rest of the story.  I won't say either was superior.  There is happily a place for each.  For me, this year, it was the passive.  And, despite the call of the busy sister, I wasn't lost to negative emotions or a sense of inadequacy.  No, not at all.  I felt divine blessings even in my deep lethargy.  God knows the difference between laziness and illness.

Merry late Christmas.

Merry Christmas Eve

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I hope you all are somewhere safe and warm.  If you can't be, I'll say a prayer for success and God speed to see you safely home or to God's realm.  It can definitely get cold out there quickly, even on the hottest days.  I hope the rest of you appreciate the sacrifices that must continue, divinely and mundanely, on a daily basis.  Amen.

Nothing fancy planned for a meal.  I can't eat anyway.  Perhaps a hot coco, with my improvisations.  Maybe buttery garlic mushrooms, I think I could do that.  If the candles and candelabra were delivered, I will set them up with the bible in an area set aside for reading.  An hour, set aside, two to three times a day, for reading, contemplation, and prayer.  The trick is my odd schedule and sometimes shortened or lengthened days.  I'll do my best.

Oh, to research the twelve days of Christmas, perhaps for specific citations, prayers, or such yet tonight.  The song, based on it, is actually a symbolic Catholic mini catechism, from when Catholicism was outlawed under pain of death in England... or so I have heard.  I would like to find out if that is actually true, and what the symbolisms all mean.  An historical research project, during it's occasion, possibly following it's nature?  All good.

Have a blessed eve and a holy day to follow.  Amen I say to you, and again, so be it.

Can't eat, can't drink, can't smoke, won't f...

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fiddle?  What will you do?  Goodie, goodie, two shoes?

Yeah.  Cannot eat, or much.  I did have a small meal, salad, a bit of salami, and string cheese.  A small fatted tea before that, and a half and half hot coco... from scratch.  But over four to five hours.  That was pushing it.  Absolutely stuffed.  The last blood sugar read had me down to 181.  The lowest since testing, but dropping very slowly.  Ugh.

Surprises.

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Cod liver oil?  My first tablespoon.  With the lemon pretty... I wouldn't eat this stuff for flavor, but the lemon covered enough that it was as consuming some bland oil, such as canola.  At that I am quite pleased I got the stuff with lemon.  If I see improvements I will buy more.  If I sense nothing I won't continue.  Rather pricey stuff.

The real surprise was the nutritional yeast.  I tried it before, a different brand, ordered in the summer.  The first batch had no flavor.  I wonder if the brand was different, if I suspect it was the heat of summer delivery.  This batch seems rather tasty.  I had it on a romaine salad, with a homemade balsamic vinaigrette and side of avocado.  The vinaigrette was very good, if I say so myself.  My last womantype said I could one-shot salad dressings.  I didn't see it back then, but... she might have been right.

I also tried a savory, my first, fatted tea.  Hot (not hot enough) tea, cream, ghee (didn't melt well), ground ginger, fresh ground black pepper, garlic, and Himalayan salt.  It wasn't bad.  A bit less ginger, getting the ghee to melt better, and more salt... I think it's a keeper.

I am eating less, and shortening my eating window to four to six, from eight, hours.  I have gained ten pounds, but that is right.  With all fluids depleted and kept low while back on medication, eating enough fat to trigger a switch to fat burning, and satiation so as to not end up grazing (eating whenever allowed, on into when not allowed), it takes a high portion of fats in sufficient volume.

My mind still thinks I need more, so makes larger portions.  My body stops halfway through what had been a standard to medium meal... almost yesterday.  Even so I am staying full.  I still will eat two small and a snack, for now.  Just much smaller.  My fatted teas are shrinking too.  Actually, I might start doing just one, and every other day or by need/want.  When well into keto?  If you want something you are more likely into need.  You simply don't have cravings.

Not a bad, if odd, culinary evening.  A few dishes started.  About to check laundry then have my last meal... a very small portion of egg casserole and buttered mushrooms.  I'll skip another fatted tea.  It really is doing better.  Blood sugars are into the low two hundreds, after yesterdays high two hundreds.  Ugh.

Oh, I found rosaries, if where I had looked before.  Wasn't looking for them, as I knew they weren't there.  I'd like to make copies of the forms before starting the prayers again.  Those are the weak points.  It is good to have them back.  I am getting excited to start them back up.  If things work out, maybe for Christmas.

Later.

Dinner, almost.

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New and strange items going into my diet.  Some arrived today, others have been in stock for a bit.  Cod liver oil?  Sounds horrendous.  I bough the right stuff, flavored with lemon.  In reviewing health issues, this and other things, kept popping up.  Another item will be nutritional yeast.  A vegan thing, often, but that obviously isn't my gig.  I'm after natural vitamin B's.  I am taking synthetics, which are as likely to be hard on my system just like other medicines.  And ghee, to go into my fatted tea.

Now, I can make ghee, and a lot cheaper.  I wanted to see what I am dealing with, if it works for me, and whether I can tolerate it.  Well, also, what it is, so as to reverse engineer the product when making my own.  More expensive up front, better results in the long run.  Will also use it in cooking.  I don't like using just one fat.  Mixing and matching by taste, possibly textural results, heat level, and to keep negatives of any particular fat to a minimum.

Next month ginger, turmeric, and Ceylon cinnamon are being added.  Remember what your doctor would say if he wanted you healthy, as animal vets do... it's your diet.  Can medicate symptoms, sometimes as with my heart a disease, but often your best treatment and prevention will be on your plate.  Doesn't have to be more expensive, or not much more.  If doctors and dieticians have been corrupted, and remain so, regarding good, right, human nutrition.

I am still debating sous vide.  It'll be a long time before money is available for that, so I will keep... reviewing the idea.  I need to get the kitchen in some sort of order first anyway.  Now that I am doing better it is going to happen.  Choices, in life, for life?  I sure hope to figure a few things out.  I might be treading water until I can't, but I think I can learn to do with greater ease, less... fear.  It's just a mortal fear but it would be good to soothe it.

Oh, as someone remembered...  Perhaps it will add sense to the seeming nonsensical?

Later.

Better today.

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Still a bit sore, heartwise.  Getting better.  Rest helped.  Down a bit after 9:30, up at 16:30.  Seven hours again?  I feel the need for more sleep.  It seems that when my body gets food and medicine, and other basic needs, it needs less sleep.  My mind might quibble, if I think that is more want than need?  I think so, or I'd push back to sleep... can't.  When prime, my body shaves to six hours sleep.  If I am more prone to becoming grumpy, if tons more productive.  That used to be more true.  As is, I am more likely to not be able to be active, instead to stay awake longer, thus the slip in schedule.

A strange dream... after Christ's return.  Some stayed, others were returned?  I think so.  I believe I had been returned... but was... different.  Don't ask.  There were others here... remainers who chose not to believe.  Far more of them than us.  No conflict... the war was won.  God was collecting us to Him.  Letting us know where to go, providing the means.

A long drive.  No truly clear directions, and with the confusion of having others on the roads, not necessarily going our way.  Faith, mostly, driving to meet up with Christ.  What for?  What would this new life be?  What about the nonbelievers?  So many questions.  Still just silly humans.  I... think I had been completed as human as part of the change in my return.  Uhrm, mostly.

The last of my dream was driving on, without an exact destination, with others in the car.  We had worn out questions, exuberance, and all else, each of us retreating to our quiet places in our minds.  A little fear, that we might get lost, or miss the appointment, but majority near certainty that we were about to meet our Maker and begin the life we should have always known.

It was a fantastic Christmas present.  I don't need it for my faith.  All i need faith for is to direct action.  For I am certain God.  It is good for hope, and bolsters charity, somehow.  I thought to share it.  Perhaps it strikes a chord among others.

Well, on to the day.  Back to work?  Waking first, then yeah.  Have a great day.

Back to the past via the future.

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If no true straight path is... as it seems.  So as with time, even sin.

Someone remembered.  Either forgot to try to hide their tracks, or are of the portion who don't know how... or meant not to hide.

What is shes up to?

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Shes.  Womans.  Singular plurality?  Think Legion, one or another type, probably both, perhaps more.  It's what I have faced my whole life.  Trouble... inside, out, incoming, outgoing, and all around in every direction.  It was for a reason, I see that clearly now.  Amen.  Still... or... to clarify.  Mostly incoming, if a few in response.  Odd what shows up on my proverbial doorstep all at once.

Beautiful, exquisite, pain.

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Something about finishing and submitting the paperwork.  I had to struggle all this time, months, to do it.  And while I am certain they will say it is too late, or didn't get it... again... I know I did it and have a paper trail that will pit them against the postal service.

Now, having finished the task, it feels as if a taloned fist which had been gripping my heart, right to shredding into it, has been released.  While the release is wonderful it is also terrible.  Blood seems to be flowing into areas previously denied.  As with sitting or laying upon a limb, which then falls asleep, opening that back up is excruciating.  So it is.

I was up long, doing the chores so as to even get out.  That all almost wore me down beyond capacity to act.  But I pushed through.  When I crashed, even that hurt.  Aspirin, now that I think of it.  Yeah, more later if need be.  I crashed after 13:00, before 14:00, I think.  Woke around seven hours later, about on the dot if my bollocks were on risk and I had to say.

More sleep would have been good, some choices aren't ours.  Food, soon.  A salad, avocado, and meatloaf?  Yeah, but a smaller fatted tea first.  I found avocado oil locally, picked up peanut oil, a few good things on top of vinegar needed for the household.  Particularly for a possibly soured washing machine.  Ugh.

Cheeses too, oh... and sugar free reserves, to try.  They may still drop keto or exacerbate blood sugar, but worth a try.  Keto pancake toppings so I don't have to make my own syrup, or every time.  Yeah, as a check-out lady noted, it is a bit pricey... But for one, and eating less, plus less and less waste?  I think it works out better than it sounds.  That is what I suggested to her, and believe.  I... think she bought it and liked the notion.

Ugh.  Hurts.  Later.

Pushing and pulling.

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Dead in the water.  I did some laundry, dishes, took a shower, mostly shaved, and got the paperwork done and in the mail, plus did a small shopping trip.  Absolutely burned up and out.  I'll have to settle a bit before crashing.  But, finally, I am done for the month.  Gah... blood work hasn't been done.  After Christmas I'll figure that all out.

Later.  Probably good night, and day.

Slower on food tonight.

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A fatted tea, then meatloaf and a potato.  Next another fatted tea.  Keto was up to 80, if diabetes was remaining high.  Not sure if dinner will upset that.It didn't jump much after the fatted tea, but it was high to start.  I don't want that weird pain in my abs, center (my) left.  It feels like an organ, or an occasional hot poker... if it only burns and on the inside.  Who knows.  It does seem to have quieted a goodly bit.

A rotation of laundry, then dishes.  Everything that had been soaking in any way.  Then dinner and a break for the laundry to run.  A shave and shower next.  Then load a number more batches of dishes and cycling laundry.  But first another warm fatted tea and perhaps an ounce of macadamia nuts.  Those really are good.

Something I thought about for a long time but wasn't affordable when I used to check, is a sous-vide device.  Especially if steak s are going to become more of a mainstay.  Actually it helps with chicken or duck too.  Fiddly, mind you.  The searing remains.  It does have advantages.  I like to try things.  Well, and the prices have seriously dropped, some Even sub one hundred... hobby available... when, if, the other income can be restarted.  Federal employee union problems.

Anyway... I will hit the paperwork and take that in tomorrow.  Dishes, laundry, shower, partial shave, and maybe getting the trash out.  It's wearing me out, but the weekend and Christmas approach.  I need to find my bible and decide which readings and prayers to include.  Lighting a new candle each day.  Probably not keeping them lit all day.  It sounds like a good way to celebrate.

Later.

A bit rough.

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No serious troubles.  I am not actually complaining, just noting reality.  Something hurt last night.  An organ.  The more I have pushed to eat the worse it has gotten, definitely starting yesterday night.  I may back down consumption just a bit.  More with smaller doses than less frequency, for now.

I am rather warm.  I don't think it has to do with outside temps warming.  Maybe insulin, which is high... though it doesn't feel like that.  My bet?  I am increasing both brown fats and circulation.  Why do I suspect that over insulin?  My feet are warm at 49° to 68° F, without socks.  My feet have been like blocks of ice the rest of this winter, until the last several days.  It's nice to be comfy at 68 or less.

Blood sugar was higher this morning, at 278.  But it was down to 191 at bedtime... a new low.  I tested fasting, of course, but immediately after waking.  That will add twenty five to even a hundred points over testing a few hours after waking... tea or nothing, doesn't matter.  And food will kick it up then often knock it much further down... the right foods, at the right times.

Oh, ringing in the ears, tinnitus, heavy this morning.  Sometimes, especially on medicine, I lose that for longer stretches.  Vivid dreams, visions, falling off meds, and a few other things can bring it back.  This time?  If I had to guess?  Hers.  Multiples I think.  Responses arrived.  Women are shameless.

I did get quite a lot, given the givens, done yesterday.  More today.  Oh?  Fine.  Responses.  The new ones anyway.

Question? Answer?

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She likes to play, just... not coy.

Rather good.

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Dinner, the meatloaf.  And I really don't favor meatloaf.  Now  had a mix of lamb and pork, added a tablespoon of an Italian based spice blend and onion granules, two teaspoons of garlic and ginger, and use mozz instead of the listed cheese by availability.  How much difference any of that made, who knows.  I cooked it to nearly 160 internal temp.

I have over an hour more to eat, so probably will hit a smaller fatted tea.  I need calories, and more fat than not... by a lot.  Then a bit of a break, to digest, then to work.  Paperwork first.  If there is a chance for that, it is timing out fast.  I think I can, and move on to clearing then using the shower.  Then sleep if possible before more later today.

With the rebate I ordered some things to try, cod oil, a few other things, and this year candelabras, with which to celebrate the twelve days of Christmas.  I... set up my calendar system to remind me.  Forgot Thanksgiving.  I'll put that in for next year and celebrate a late Thanksgiving in late January or March.  Yeah, that works.

Ugh.  I doubt if I ate 1,600 calories, with the fatted tea.  And yet I am stuffed having consumed it over seven hours.  This last fatted tea should put me at just over 2k calories.  Remember, 4.4~4.6 k calories is technically maintenance.  Eating less actually makes it harder to lose weight... the engines have no fuel and the body can't build more engines (muscle).  I am hoping this will be enough.  It's the biggest non-junk food meal I have had... if I can get the last fatted tea in.  Yeah, a strange sort of starvation where you gain or hold excess weight.  It's my story, sure of it.  Not alone.

They want us to kill ourselves with excess.  Get rich, make room, save the planet.  Earth firsters and the evil greedy are about to be proven deadly wrong, win, lose, or draw.  Hubris is not your ally.  This is seriously going to hurt, but not those you believe you have tricked and stolen from.

Later.

Did not want to get up.

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It wasn't the pain. I am used to it, and it is on the milder side today.  Not always as good as that might seem.  More severe pain gives me more of a springboard from which to get a stronger start.  That wasn't it today.  Part of it was hunger.  Far too early to eat, I often try to sleep through it if I can.  But more, I have been able to sleep longer lately, and wanted to sleep longer.  It is nearly forty outside.  That, or better feeding, perhaps other things, are reducing the need for sleep.

I think, by brute force, I was able to sleep almost six or seven hours.  Sleep?  No, stay down.  I probably got in slightly more than four or five hours of sleep.  What almost seems worse, is that for as aggravated as I am about the shortened sleep, I am very well awake, rather aware, comfortably and ably conscious is how I refer to it when focused.  It's, when it occurred, what led me to engineering school.  This sort of focus capacity is what will save or destroy the mundane world.

Meant to be positively creative, and would be save for sin and choice.  Not all men, and pretty much no women swim here no matter their IQ.  It isn't of their design.  It is for sons.  Only.  Though it also isn't IQ based.  I have seen men with lower IQ but with higher demand and a choice between hide and thought prove IQ to be... well... academic.  And, of course, the doers over thinkers... at the very least in worldly function.  The contemplative has it's place, but without action it is as dead as faith without works.  But all action?  Ask any good wife and mother.  She almost knows nothing else.  If so, her selflessness truly makes her among the most blessed.  All simply from doing.  Yes, I do disagree with doctors of the church on this... if too, it shouldn't be exalted or she will demand her due and destroy her value, as the West has learned.  Actually, by church luminaries making such claims... possibly part of the problem there.  The head crowned by it's own hands is bound for the guillotine.  Amen.

What?  Just thinking out loud.

Tea, for now.  The ducks were watered before 8:00 and checked.  All looks good.  Fresh water this evening and left out.  The girls will be tended.  I have relented regarding canned food.  Two will be split out for them most days.  I think as it warms they need more food.  When Sam, the house marm, begs, I trust it as need not want.

I am hoping to work today.  I really am hoping.  With cognitive up?  It takes several steps beyond that.  If that means the possible is available.  The engine, oil, gas, drive, are all there.  It still takes some planning, assembly, application to get it done.  I sure hope so.  Later.

Fear.

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Taking my final blood sugar reading... I just knew I blew it.  The last fatted tea, and chocolate cake with so many extra carbs?  No way it would be good.  I decided against taking it at the hour mark.  But over two hours and it would be peak or falling.  It usually, if high carbs were consumed or when my readings are over 200... especially both, peaks between one and two hours.  I wanted to see the worst, so at one and three quarters hour I tested.

It was 213.  Couldn't think whether that was good or evil.  So focused on it being bad I was in a fog.  Then, no!  It had only increased by two points from my lowest in nearly the week I've been testing.  Heck yeah.  Must not have been the amount or type of carbs which cause problems.  Wild.

Now nothing but unsweetened tea or water until 18:00 or later.  Some suggest there is nothing special about sixteen or more hours fasting.  For my money anything less is a waste of time.  I don't see results.  Three days is the best for lowering blood sugars, but is a bit too tight for every week.  Once to three times a month, if I've been truly running keto.  Another week before I can, will, try.  Yeah.

Focus is returning.  I think work is getting a lot closer.  I'm still lagging... but almost going.  It is the difference between life and death.  I'll check bp.  Bleh, 155/109 on the gooder arm.  I've been on meds, so... it's the watching that finishes bringing it down.  It's partially psychosomatic.  If I can, I'll add testing back in.  Gah.

Later, or good night.

Wwwwwhack!

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Out of the ballpark.  Gone.  A couple hours after dinner and... blood sugar is down 55 points.  At 211 from fasting.  I ... well the direction, given meal proximity?  Yeah.  Good.  I am about to dig into the chocolate cake thing.  I used the second one, if I won't again.  It has way more carbs than  advertised.  The three tablespoons of sweetener?  Yeah.  Even at teaspoons, for most sweeteners, that is more carbs than adverted.  Perhaps it was a mistake, and this thing will be a monster, too sweet to even eat.  I like the recipe otherwise, if I'm not sure I trust it for other reasons... including that there is no flour.  I just wonder if the eggs will produce more of a souffle?

I gave it an extra five, but it hasn't set.  I turned the oven off and am letting it stay in it with the heat off and door open.  It... may be bogus.  I did put it in early, before it reached 350.  I might have time to try the other if so.  Yes, I have about three more hours.  I want more food in, if possible.  Ugh.  Perhaps an ounce of macadamia nuts too.
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Okay, a few things.  The recipe I used worked.  It tastes better if you enjoy darker chocolate.  I am, even so, well satisfied... other than the massively undercounted carbs.  It truly is a molten chocolate cake.  I might be able to cut the granular, adding sucradrops to amend the carb count.  Still, it is good to enjoy a mostly conscientious chocolate dessert again.  As to baking time?  Living at altitude has it's affects... which I nearly perfectly danced around, even blindly.  My eye for the right wiggle is still acute.  Ladies should be cautious... or... not.  *wink*  oh, and adding nuts would send this... pecans, macadamia, walnuts... oh yeah.

Later.

Oops!

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Coconut flour, before and after an egg wash, just doesn't do well.  I should have done one of the chops in crushed pork rinds.  As was, neither were palatable.  Thankfully I had a steak thawed.  I must admit my oven then pan searing technique is far superior to my grilling efforts.  It was delicious.  I've had a fatted tea, will probably have another.  With the steak I will call that good.  I'll check blood sugar in an hour.  That should be the high point, though as blood sugar drops, blood sugar can drop even more while eating keto and doing intermittent fasting.  Time will tell.

Tomorrow I plan on a mixed meat meatloaf... beef, lamb, and pork.  This time I will be using pork rinds as a bread crumb replacement.  Garlic, Italian seasonings, eggs and cheese, perhaps worcestershire sauce?  I'm never sure.  If I can get to a few things tonight, I am hoping to begin bone broth tomorrow.  It would be a fantastic addition to my liquids.  Can't afford coffee this month, maybe next.  Still, broth will be welcome.

I'll need practice with chops, in any case.  I have done my best with the grill, with those.  I am beginning to think baking meats of those thicknesses, then getting a char however possible, is best... gets it more done without drying or burning.  It's been a while since I cooked, and it's cold.  We'll see.

I might try a microwave mug cake.  Just... to seee.  Might do it in the oven though.  I really am suspicious of the microwave, especially concerning fats.  Yes, a keto, not cheat'o, recipe.  Fie, I'll add several.  Not sure which.  Later.

Control levers.

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Still a hundred too high, and change if absolutes are equated.  My blood sugar is 266.  That is a hundred drop from the last three days, two hundred less from the day before, which was several days after going to regular food if at very irregular times, without patterns in sleep or consumption.  It is the lowest number since I started checking again.  Required, as I had to begin eating and that was the only way.

Still, a one hundred point drop, overnight?  Excellent.  There was one before it, but that was fast food leaving my system.  This is from literally controlling what and when I eat. The first day of it.  I am about to get a fatted tea, then start the grill.  Or, the grill will wait a bit.  I had beets yesterday.  I love them, but not for every day.  No sugar added actually makes a huge difference, for can items.  I can eat all canned fruits and veggies that I have found that are packaged clean that way without serious blood sugar spikes.

Wait, I will be pan frying tonight, so no grill.  Sure heats faster.  But it is messier.  Perhaps I should get my outdoor propane stove set up.  It's elevated, heavy duty, and says 100k heat output (which would only really be wanted for my massive canner).  Still, better to have more and turn it down than not enough.  Though, at near freezing outside, it might need that extra to get started.

Yeah.  If ill, doing poorly, look to food.  Sugar is a killer, carbs are slow or fast sugars, really.  Like Ozzy sang, at least, wine is fine but whisky is quicker.  Goes for all sugars.  If it's all you have?  At least avoid the smooth stuff!  Two hundred in four days though?  Crazy, especially trying to stuff the food down.  It's all about what and when you eat.

Later.

Up early?

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I can't be sure.  Besides, my sleep and wake cycles are twisted, in every way.  From lengths to numbers a day.  Exhausted and confused from the time I wake until... always.  Working through things in little ways.  Doing what I can, then some, if it isn't much.  Food, currently since medicine is back to regularity, is the target.  I'll have fatted tea for breakfast in an hour or two as I get the grill going.

It's 35° F out there.  Not quite warm.  The problem with being just above freezing when snowy and icy, is all that thaw goes into the air.  What makes an air conditioner  (an electric air cooler, perhaps, where you live)?  Well, it depends on higher humidity.  So, for a natural air conditioner such as the weather, a greater humidity will add to the feel of cold.  Does for me anyway.  If it hit 45°, then it truly feels warmer.  That's my story.

A bit of raw tea as I wake, plus medicine.  Setting up for a hot tea.  Ugh.  It's a rough world lately.  I think I am headed towards better days.  Just need to get back in the saddle.  Food.  As any real physician would know, but only animal vets will practice... start off with food.  If that isn't up for discussion, leave or milk them for symptom but not disease treating pills.

With the magic of the intertubes, everything is done, though fatted tea is still a bit off.   A shower, after more dishes.  Laundry, food, and some work on a desk, then computer setup?  Maybe.  Or not.  Those things are planned in any case.  Oh, aspirin again today. Oh, I may try to do a smashed pork rind 'breaded' pork chop tonight.  Trying to make them more appetizing.  Hmm... Perhaps try one that way, the other drenched in coconut flour?  Deep frying both.  Maybe.

Later.

Insomnia to the rescue?

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Actually, sort of, probably.  I really wanted to sleep.  Couldn't.  I realized right as the window of opportunity was about to close that I could get a last meal in.  I had another fatted tea, and a regular tea with artificial sweetener through to then.  I am trying to only use that in every other tea, and only during "meal time", the eight hours when food is allowed.

Anyway, I was able to eat.  I finished off two thirds of what remained from the first meal... not much to be honest.  An hour after the last meal and my blood sugar is the lowest for the day, if still way too high.  Nary another calorie, or even artificial sweetener, until 16:00 or later if I'm not up to it.  I don't mind stretching if it isn't too brutal.

But, yes.  To control diabetes both what I eat and the right volume is crucial.  I am most likely eating to few calories, even pushing.  Enough to both begin controlling blood sugar and opening up my appetite to gain even more control.  As well, I am hitting the fat to protein to carb ratios... or getting ballpark ranges.

I am absolutely stuffed.  I'd really like to sleep.  I... can't.  Insomnia is turning into a double edged sword.  It is a negative aspect of the initial stages of ketosis, as is lethargy, lack of concentration, flu like symptoms.  I can hope it is ketosis.  Keep pushing through.  Ugh, it's been an ugly winter.  I have had worse.

Later, or good night.

Difficult to eat.

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A couple of pork chops and a steak.  I planned to save some of it for tomorrow or later.  I was only able to eat one chop and a third of the steak.  My favorite foods, done right, didn't matter.  I thought i was hungry.  I guess not?  Another fatted tea, it adds something.  There is actually an opportunity to eat another meal before the eight hour window closes.  I have a bit over four hours.  And I will try, if I can't see it as I feel.  Better to shove something in the belly than become desperately hungry later.

I just don't want to eat.  I feel no need.  And, yet, I do... what I would call a ghost hunger.  More like, perhaps, akin to what people have lost limbs must feel, something from nothing.  Even fluids have been hard to get down.  So difficult to be absolutely stuffed on so little and yet still crave... but crave ghost things as well.  Nothing I could eat or drink would satisfy, only increase suffering.

More, I believe it is time to go to bed.  Ducks and girls have been fed, watered, and several times.  I'll take medicine before crashing.  Oh, and clean litter.  I hope to wake in a bit.  So much for a later dinner.  Later or even later, perhaps good night.

Sleeping on notions.

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One of the notions found, which annoyed me profoundly, was the idea that intermittent fasting wasn't necessary.  Oh, I get it.  Some people don't need it, and, really, exploring what really does and doesn't work is, honestly, a wise thing.  However, for me, currently, i.f. is better than not.

Why get annoyed?  Because I am having a hell of a time with my planned eating, as well as sleeping, working, and every damned thing.  So quitting a part of it, a difficult part at the moment, was tempting.  But.  No.  Just no.  However, in looking, I found the notion... which I knew, but with focus shot to shit I couldn't implement until I ran into it as advice... make the project work for you.  If you can't go to it, let it come to you.

Hmm?  Well, if I can't go without breakfast well, by feel or blood sugar numbers?  Then, for as needed, start my i.f. meal time in the morning.  It isn't optimal, but it is a start.  I need to get my food in order or nothing else will work.  For now I have to slide on things or quit.  Quitting is choosing death, plus a lot of pain and humility on the way.

No.  I will get back at it.  If I have to eat early, so be it.  If I initially have to eat too much, okay.  If blood sugars will take a bit of a hit, up front, so that I can begin eating, alright. Food, you can't live with it, you can't live without it.  Although, with a little care you can find balance... if balance can only be found through imbalance as an initial contrast.

So, meat is grilling.  Medicine has been taken.  I missed last night, the first failure in three days?  It's as good as it gets, given all else.  I'll keep at it.  Mulligans, cheats, hacks, and plain suffering failures and humiliation without quitting in the big picture.  It isn't too bad, just how life goes.  Blessings.  Later.

Whole cream for the win.

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I am certain there are limits.  However, one cup of it into the making of a quart of otherwise tea raised my blood sugar by five points in an hour.  I am going to say my blood sugar will naturally vary that much, even quite a lot more, without any catalyst.  For me that is excellent.  If I need fat, which I certainly do restarting keto, this is an extremely fast and easy way to add fat.

I have actually had it well argued that with body fat loss as a goal, even if not the primary objective, my fat consumption should not be in the 70~90%  range.  Even starting out, perhaps a 3:2 fat to protein ratio.  That would be by total calories of fat and protein, or the percentage would be 70 % if going by grams... fat grams are 9 calories per, protein (and carbohydrates) are 5 calories per gram.  Once hunger fades, after a couple weeks, then dropping fat intake to parity with protein, a one to one ratio, was the next suggested step.  That is a starter portion of nearly 60/40%, then to 50/50.  The argument seems reasonable... from my experience so far.

As well, the notion of zero carbs was presented, from several sources tonight, as viable.  I am beginning to lean that way, if nothing else, for ease of cooking especially with a grill and the heartiness to cook on it at even 0 F.  Something mentioned was that it is more the protein that satiates.  Yeah, I think so.

Back to higher fat meats for a bit, then ease off.  Fatted tea for when I can't cook, or eat well.  And just extra fast calories so only a single meal need necessarily be cooked.  Maintenance calories would be at 4200~4400 calories, for me.  Don't try that at home, kids.  Not sure how much is recommended to shave for loss, if I do know too much deficit doesn't work, at least until hunger is managed, meaning I am well into ketosis.  It'll be a while.  As is I have been shorting calories, worse, good calories.

Intermittent fasting won't be possible either, until hunger is back under control.  I have plenty of meat thawing.  Every third meal, for now, I will get a veggie of some sort going.  Or a glass of milk.  I still believe in milk, just in smaller rarer amounts or fermented as kefir or yogurt.

Anyway, I had concerns, questions, doubts.  Still do, just not as heavily.  Not all of what I heard and read was to my liking.  That is what experience will answer.  Yes, I dare.  Later, or good night.

Do they, you, know?

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Or do they, you, some of you, only guess?

Tinkering.

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Physician, heal thyself!

So be it.  Blood sugar, two hours after Zevia, was back down to it's already ugly start.  Five hours after that, consuming only basic tea, chilled, about a gallon, blood sugar has dropped a hundred points from the return to the starting point.  Now I am going to try what is either heavy cream or half and half?  It was so thick I had to add milk for flow (no complaint mind you).  I added one cup, then mixed hot tea to about a quart.

I will try this with various amounts, and various cream consistencies.  No sweetener, though I may add a touch of salt.  Yeah, in time I will try various sweeteners, but not with my numbers so off.  Salt shouldn't have an affect.  Pepper might not be bad either.  The goal is to check it a half hour after finishing it.

Later, an actual meal and dishes rotated... some dried, some put to a rinse, more set to a soapy soak.  Ducks have been put up for a while now.  The cat litter could be checked for the third time.  Perhaps, as I begin a real meal, a snack for the ladies.  No more canned, they have become spoiled.  I must remember to only give them an extra can about twice a month.  Otherwise they begin pushing for that extra can.  Nope!

Sleep has been off.

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A few hours late at night, around the arctic cap of the day, up a few, then down again until past the equator.  But it is slowly changing, heading deeper into the afternoon.  Nothing I can do.  I don't sleep when I want to sleep, I sleep when choice is gone.  Otherwise I would sleep at 19:00~21:00 and wake at 3:00~5:00.  I like being awake before dawn.  A good time to think things through quietly, then be up to speed before the rest of the world is even awake.  A good time to exercise and pray, too.

As is, I simply don't have choice.  Not that I don't push to get my way.  I try to stay asleep when I go down early.  Simply can't.  I keep trying to wake early, and I do wake.  I simply can't stay awake.  The brain just doesn't work right, it hurts too much as well... some mornings.

Blood sugar is staying wicked high.  I have to figure this out.  Perhaps go on fast, if I am not ready for a total extended fast.  Perhaps a fat fast...  that is a fast with half my usual calories at 90 % Fat, or as close to it as possible.  Legit?  Worth a shot.  Cream and macadamian nuts make the project much easier.  Actually, there is another nut that has even higher fat ratio.  It is difficult to get that high of fat content though.

The crazy thing is, everything that is supposed to offer a pass on blood sugar spikes isn't working.  Getting a bit frustrated.  On the good side, some of it is so well individually packaged that monkey business would require... international level functionaries.  While I have a paranoia bone almost as thick as my standard, it's... not quite that thick.  So... it's just... something something.  I'll figure it out.

Example?  Zevia soda... canned... zero sugar, zero carbs, technically zero... everything.  One can, from fasting blood sugar, spiked blood sugar 59 points in nearly an hour!?!  Which makes me wonder about the stuff from yesterday.  Is my body just being really odd?  Tomorrow I will try plain tea.  If there is any kind of spike, then it just isn't normal.

Anyway, whatever is wrong seems to be messing everything up... sleep, diabetes, organ, bone, and joint pain, and a few other things.  These, save diabetes, aren't terribly intense... more just annoying.  Still, would rather figure these out.  I've been doing well with meds lately.  Oh, but need to add daily aspirin.  Yeah, I do try.  Really, mostly dead.  Ugh.

Later.

Just a bit.

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The ducks have been really enjoying the larger water tub and warmer days.  Cracking above freezing easily, and with the larger tub, especially with fewer ducks, baths for everyone!  I am well pleased.  If it means changing the water, I do it happily.  Clean ducks are warm ducks, which are healthy ducks.  Not just friends, if mostly for my part, they are beings to serve.

While figuring out how to serve, functionally might be annoying (if I would debate even that frequently), actually offering them what it takes to possibly enjoy their lives, even when I am terribly sick, is no bother.  Something human elites have forgotten.  Serving, even at cost, is far superior to merely sheering and otherwise consuming in a grossly derelict manner.

They are definitely enjoying the day.  The girls too.  Even if I am stuck in less than ideal health, I am beginning to figure things back out for myself as well.  Dishes were reset, and should get another shot or two before bedtime.  Perhaps laundry and food.  I need to thaw steaks, chops, or ground meat.  I do have egg casserole too.  Hmm, salsa, from mother, hot as hell, don't you know.  The woman might not be able to handle it, but she sure can dish it!

I did call her yesterday.  She sounds much better.

Yeah.  I'm climbing back up, doing better at least by feel.  If I can get cleaning, medicine, diabetes, and schedule back in line.  Ugh.  Later.

Almost a reset.

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I was down by 21:00, maybe up to an hour earlier.  Slept until midnight, give or take an half hour.  A few more hours awake then back to bed.  Not sure what woke me, if anything.  Couldn't wake until noon.  I wanted to be up early.  Woke a few times, but everything seemed Picasso or Dali.  No use staying awake in that mindframe.  Trust me.

I dreamed after my last attempt at waking.  A plague had befallen man.  Literally.  Women survived without a single loss.  Only one in ten men, perhaps less, survived.  Women thought this would bring them to power, initially.  Not so, just the opposite.  The men simply turned our backs on it and women surrendered easily.  It must have been the weaker men who died.

A system of pairing had been devised.  Any woman who wanted a husband would put in her name.  He would blindly pick a name.  He would start with five, eventually deciding if those women would fit, eventually choosing up to fifteen wives.  He could veto a few for any reason, rid a few more and replace, keeping between ten and fifteen.  Sex was mostly for breeding.  A lot of angry women, outside the marriage market.  No, not near as good for a guy as it sounds.  Actually I think women, if they could marry, were more satisfied.  At least the risk of her cheating was all but eliminated.  Mostly for us too.

Since waking, I tested blood.  Pizza yesterday, fast food most of the week.  Blood sugar is ugly.  I wanted to see if the electrolyte powder I use is diabetes friendly.  They are supposed to be.  This one not so much.  A hundred point spike in half an hour.  I had looked over ingredients.  Nothing stood out as problematic.  Either they are lying or something new to me is a problem.  I was beginning to suspect something was wrong with my ketonic.  So, each morning until I test each ingredient independently, I will try one ingredient, in plain tea.  Any failures I will attempt to replace.  This stuff is going in the trash, and will get an amazon comment.  Nothing bitchy, just the facts.

Might as well finish the pizza with such a terrible read.  Oddly sometimes that helps, if I wouldn't count on it.  It is good to begin finding problems again.  I was sure about this stuff, and wrong.  The rest should be good.  I hope.  Later.

Posting late, but for reasons.

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Awake late.  I did set the alarm for 10:00, if the alarm got bumped, pushing mountain into central time, which meant the ducks were fed an hour early.  Or whichever made 10:00 actually seem like 9:00.  All good.  I'd be feeding them at 7:00~8:00 if possible.  I couldn't wake until 11:00~noon, for the day, however.  Then I needed a shower, but cleaned, swept, and mopped the bathroom first.  Very nice looking.

Then visitors, to work in the front room.  Quite a bit done.  Then I set finished dishes to rinse, a few small portions to soak in soapy water, then I had to rest.  Didn't hear knocking or the doorbell.  My neighbor was flabbergasted that I heard nothing.  He can't understand that with all, given all, sometimes I rend the fabric of the veil of tears, end up walking just on the other side.  It wasn't focus, it was a little death.

Anyway...  A bit of rest and I am back enough for a quick post.  Soon to check on the ducks then, perhaps, sleep early.  Later or good night.

Dark notes and high points?

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She is up to her old tricks.  German, if through UN or EU, troops back in France.  In all of the riotous nations?  Probably.  As with the Nazi era, they own the European news, with enough Chamberlains in politics on the opposition sides to quell foreign news, and with American news in there pockets at least as well as Stalin and Hitler held them.  I wonder how many have really been murdered?  Tienanmen Square numbers?  More, less?  Surprised when I did a spelling check it showed.  I don't gulag things.  I laughed, when I heard gulag isn't producing the censored browser for China.  No need, that is google.

Slow cooked roast.

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More intricate this time.  From doing work on the grill to create a much lower and slower cooking environment to scoring the fat for better rendering results and else.  It took longer to figure the temp, get the grill up to speed.  Now I will check every quarter to half hour, to get and maintain between 250 and 300.  I wish I  could do better, and it might end up being stable.

It is cold, about 10° F.  Still in pj's, a t-shirt, socks, and flip-flops.  Though the grill creates a wonderful little zone, mostly, once lit and going.  I seem to handle "the cold" fairly well.  Morning or night, even working with frigid water, once I got used to doing that.  Even when quite ill.  Oh, and my feet remain in excellent condition from the pedicures.  Still, I am hoping to afford one next month.  They really help.

I emptied the ducks water, setting the pan over for a refill in the morning.  The dishpan material is far superior in the cold.  If it holds up, that will be my choice.  The other, harder, plastic chips, even freezes faster.   I know I can put up the water when it begins to freeze over.  That means the duckles are finished for the night.  I don't pull it until then as I prefer them to eat, drink, and bath as much as possible.

I am slightly surprised no other ducks were lost.  I think two others were bitten, for sure.  The bite can kill.  They are all looking good.

I've done some dishes.  A shower after my next check on the roast.  Then the dishes that were washed will get a soak, and more small batches of dishes soap soaked, and a recycling of laundry.  Oh, I must admit, non-stick really... can be good.  I had a pan of... something, out for... a while.  One quick sudsy soak and done.  Yeah.  Cancer?  If what I have already done doesn't merit it, and age doesn't induce it?  I expect a crocodile or meteorite will finish me anyway.  ;p  I am hoping to work through the roasting process.  Earn it.  So hungry, for work as well as food.  Later.

Late but moving.

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Better cold.  The egg casserole that is.  On balance I think I added too much meat.  More mushrooms by half, less meat by half, to improve it while warm.  Cold though, it is as good as it gets.  Can't taste the mushrooms, but I usually can't when it is cold.  I'll keep practicing now that I am almost back to some function, if every other week is as much as I can handle.  It is too rich to eat much even cold, especially cold?  I think either way it is extremely filling.  It is almost magic.

A shower, then paperwork.  Laundry to continue, and dishes in small batches.  Ducks and cats have been tended.  Baby, it's cold out there, if I didn't bother with boots, coat, or gloves... just pj's, a t-shirt, socks and flip-flops.  I am trying one of the new water troughs.  It holds 18 quarts, more than double what it is replacing?  Nearly double.  The other possible replacement is close, at 15 or 16 quarts.  Different types of plastic, seeing which holds up better.  Easy enough, full of water, for me to handle.

I did get back on medicine.  It's been spotty this week.  Still, I kept at it.  Missed about two days, one whole and two half days, I think.  I also forgot aspirin.  Got it in today, finally.  Oh, I have a few batches of dishes before I can shower, which I want to do before laundry.  Always something.  Later.

Snowing.

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Lightly, through the morning to the last time checked.  I didn't want to do the whole drive with it is still falling.  However, I had packages arriving.  The guy has always done me square, if that isn't the whole point.  I shoveled a path to both the front and back door, plus for the inside to the curb portion of his truck, salting there as well.  It's a tough gig in this weather, delivering packages.

I did both doors, in case he was in a hurry... Christmas and all.  Usually back door, as it is less visible to thieves... which has happened... and covered from the elements.  Favor favored, back door it was.  Serve those who serve, if possible.  It works best.  New boots, winter, the right size to accommodate thick socks and poor circulation.  A few other items to hopefully put up planters, hung from the ceiling, I want green out here.

A few loads of dishes started.  Laundry possibly rotated shortly.  Ducks checked a bit ago.  Egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps a pork roast later.  Fatted tea shortly... a good way to break the intermittent fast.  When I get stock and coffee back in rotation, I'll mix and match.  Sometimes with or without cream, mtc oil, perhaps try ghee.  Yeah, it sounds strange, but if I can add hard muscle just sitting... it works.  I can only imagine if I could get to working out or swimming.

Oh, medicine!  I keep losing track.  I'll... get to it.  Later.

Shaved an hour off.

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Awake earlier.  No good reason.  I'll take it.  It has usually meant I am about to begin losing my days.  Not always, but, yeah.  Once in a while it is just a fluke.  Oh, I keep forgetting medicine, and aspirin.  Then again, very strangely, I have forgotten to drink tea, even fatted, the last few days.  Highly irregular.  Today, for those things.  If fatted tea will be considered a meal, and save for the appropriate times.

I got some things done yesterday.  More today.  The ducks were fed and watered first thing.  It looks like it snowed just a touch, or blew in the wrong direction a while.  Nothing to remove, from what I saw.  I ought to check the front walk.  It isn't to cold out, if back below freezing well enough.  Some days just feel colder, or less, disregarding the thermometers.

I am hoping to make an egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps slow cook a picnic pork roast on the smoker later.  Longer, slower, more frequent turns, for those.  Food needs to be on hand, or I go bad.  Good food.  Avocado, sliced, if one of them is ready.  I am working on intermittent fasting again, so it'll be afternoon before a meal.

Later.

Almost not today.

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I still can't believe it is Tuesday.  If only for a while.

Not yesterday.

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Today.

Up at the same time.  Same mood, if too same squishy body.  Maybe a bit better.  No aspirin yesterday, perhaps today. I remembered to raise the thermostat, to 74.  A shower was easy then.  Back to 70 after.  A load of laundry should be finished.  A trip to the post office.  So far.

I am hoping to redo paperwork.  Then get that in.  Maybe do some shopping.  I was almost sure, with today being the day, it would have snowed.  No complaints, just an understanding.  No snow, or yet.  All good in any case.  I thought it must be Wednesday already, but not quite.

Oh, I best get to the ducks.  If I shop, new watering containers for them.  Hmm, I may use their feed bowl for water today, switch them.  They will clean their food become water bowl quite clean.  They have done it before.  Well, clean of food, they are dirty birds.

Later.

Good morning.

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A bit rough, and dark.  I woke late.  But general mood is quite good.  Good enough to slowly rise, perhaps take aspirin, begin sorting life, and getting back on track.  I think so.  I'm about to heat the last of the meatzza, and make meatloaf... probably for tomorrow.  Cooking it on the grill.  An instant thermometer is your friend.

I need to begin again with food, and drink.  Cutting artificial sweeteners to eating times, and only twice a day, cutting meals to an eight hour period each day and only two... one liquid, one more physical, with perhaps a snack... macadamian or other nuts, sardines (in olive or their own oils).  Well, and then back to multiday fasting every week, or every other.  Yeah, it is time.  I am back well enough on medication, plus over the flu well enough.  I won't recover from exhaustion without returning to better foods and methods of eating.  I am enough better to begin attempting better eating.

In time I will return to a four to six hour eating period, perhaps less... perhaps approaching a single meal, if I found that a two hour slow meal works best.  It will take time to get back to that sort of eating.  Notice I don't call it a diet?  It isn't what most call a diet.  It is just how to eat, for life.

I'll be making broth as soon as I can sort the kitchen around.  Beef and chicken, a mix, slow cooked in a 20 quart pot.  I think I'll need the whole thing.  It is for intermittent fasting, a way to get minerals, fat, and other stuff.  Not a daily, even then... an alternative to fatted tea, every other day if I can keep up.  Good stuff.

I am hoping to be ready to hit things tomorrow, at the latest, if by clearing the way today.  It is exciting to begin seeing the future again.  A bright one.  If hoping I don't hear a train whistle as I head into the light.  *grins*  Later.

Wow, a little goes a very long way.

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Keto food that is.  I felt terribly hungry.  Using a pound of meat, perhaps a quarter pound of else, though some went away through rendering, I tried to feast.  I couldn't eat half.  I really charged at it.  I forgot how dense keto food is.  Further, it turns of taste buds.  It was like hitting a culinary brick wall, but in the best of ways.

Keto helps sustain intermittent fasting.  You just don't sense the need to eat.  If, though, the trick is to eat anyway, but as wisdom not desire dictates.  If you fail to eat wisely you will eat wrongly, one way or another.  Eat, well, correctly.  If, even then, good luck.  You will need a small portion of it.

I am hoping to get back to keto.  It really allows me to eat less, better, and more efficiently.  The last two days I couldn't fill myself as well on twice as much burger, on buns, with fries and soda.  It really is the way to go... if you can handle not loving food.  It becomes a chore, to eat.  There is no more love... just chewing, swallowing, repeat.

The ducks were well.  Shuttered for the night.  The girls were fed twice today, they deserve, need, luxury from time to time.  Nothing else, but fine.  Aspirin did handle the pain.  Every third day, if needed... wanted.  Good night.

Finally, a recipe I think will work.

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Several were possible.  But each seemed too much.  Simplicity, with ingredients I have on hand, yes.  I will add to it.  Anchovy and tomato paste, anchovy into the meat, tomato into the sauce.  I don't have olives, but I can work with finely diced onion and garlic, perhaps some other add?  Hmm, maybe mom's salsa instead of actual tomato else?  Though with paste to thicken.  As well, half burger, half lamb?  Yum!

Ducks, aspirin, and medicine.

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Up late, even getting to bed well.  It is What it is.  The body hurts a good bit.  Too much junk food.  Until I can get to cooking, fast food is it.  Hopefully I can start today.  More meat thawed.  I sort of got stuck on burger.  Chops and steaks are easier.  Meds and a handful of aspirin in a bit.

I fed and watered the ducks first thing.  While still cold, at 22° F, it is very bright, sunny, out there.  It was truly nice... good for the spirits.  The ducks were a bit skiddish again.  I assume the killer has been back.  I hope I catch it.  I may have to use a trick or two.  Probably leave it to animal control or the sheriff.  Assuming I can obtain evidence.

Dreams indeed, but just for me.  If it helps, they... or it?, was reassuring.  Why I have fear and worry, even now?  Though it will grow so very dark.  And I can't always focus on God.  Some of us have work in the deepest of darkness, have to go in, look, focus.  God knows, only gives what we can handle.  As a Herdsman to His sheepdogs, even us monsters among them.  Work, but care, assurances, feeding.

I'll get medicine shortly, with the pain pills.  I am hoping to get trash and recycling out.  Starting in on laundry and dishes, plus getting paperwork ready to go.  Ugh.  I'll try.  If the aspirin helps it will be easier.  Later.

Such things.

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I avoided this song, for many reasons, for a year now?  More.  Years.  I made excuses to not watch it.  The truth  is, I knew watching it would remind me of a future which bothers me.  A present to.  Knowing does not mean being able, or even willing, to change anything.  Would you stop Christ's return to prevent the rest?  I can't, wouldn't, as little as I like what will happen, even to the darkness I lead to destruction.

Not much possible.

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I checked on the ducks.  They really seem to be enjoying the extra bedding.  Their water remains open.  I did add more food.  As much as is eaten, actually say a quarter of what is eaten, is lost to becoming frozen in their water plus food feast.  I am just glad to see them eating again.  I may move the food further from the water trough, but am not terribly worried.

Milk and cream arrived.  That is always a joy.  I am thinking of making a meatloaf, if I am not sure I can.  Going keto... almond flour, cream cheese, cream gravy...  and a bit fancier with burger and ground lamb.  I need to find an exact recipe from which to begin.  While I don't believe in recipes in the end, in the beginning, with brand new ingredients, wisdom suggests them.

A major problem with youtube recipes is you often have to watch the whole vid to know if it's what you want.  Why not coconut flour?  Takes a lot of eggs and other moisture... each varied ingredient comes with it's own quirks.  And I don't have all ingredients.  Some I won't carry, some I can't/won't afford.  Still looking for a solid recipe.

May nap first though.  So tired.  Later, at best.
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Some answers to the question.

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Who are you?

I think those who offered answers are not those who asked, mostly.  Some ask rhetorically.  I believe.  As well, the answer offered comes down to...

He said...

Down right.

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Down right at 22:00, up at an half to 10:00.  Too much sleep, no choice.  At it right away, one of my goals.  Fresh wood chips, and another bag of leaves, out for the ducks.  I would have added more straw but they really didn't need it.  They seem to keep their nesting area clean.  Food and water after that.  Late, but as timely as possible with the givens.

I started the grill while at it.  I use a lot less charcoal, as I learn, and only on half of one side.  If I slow cook something, just about stopping it all down, run it for hours, then I'll create a full and deep bed of coals.  It runs a lot hotter, gets there faster, with an half bed.  Not really hungry, if that isn't a reason to, or not to, eat.  Sensations should only be a clue, a tip to investigate further.  If you shouldn't be hungry, see what last you ate.  If your food isn't sustaining rightly, choose better food.  In my case, often, it is becoming just the opposite.  I have to remember to eat.  Better.

I lost track of medicine yesterday.  Back on it today.  It is 26 ish F out there, I think.  Not bad but still rather chilly.  Later.

A difficult day.

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Getting started was brutal.  Down a bit after 23:00, up around 9:30.  A shower nearly immediately?  I... think so.  Couldn't get a move on, further, until 13:30.  A call, medical.  Incoming.  Some information given, received.  A call for a lab set up, next week perhaps.  Closer than SLC .

I did get the lime.  Then cat litter and a few other items.  Everything except groceries.  I'm not ready to cook, or much, anyway.  Well, other than feeding, watering, and litter duty this morning.  Forgot meds though.  It really is a difficult last few days.  I can't focus.  I'll keep at it.

I checked the ducks a bit ago.  Water is good, food too.  I hope to put out wood chips and leaves tomorrow.  It is getting and staying right around the low teens.  The duckles seem good with it, but I'd like to help.  I am pleased to have the birds.  I hope they have a good life, minus dogs.  I'll get that sorted for spring.

Okay, I did forget extra watering containers, four... perhaps six since I also use them for food and they get so fragile when frozen.  Tomorrow?  Maybe.  Groceries and those, a short fast run.  So tired though.  Not sick, just exhausted.  Oh, I have lost more weight back on the feed bag than when sick.  I am down to 158.  Crazy.

Good night.

Visitors.

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Dead.

They keep asking.

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Who keeps asking?  So many voices!

Other than ducks and calls...

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I couldn't get out.  Not feeling well.  Pretty rough.  I will check on the ducks again.  Mostly just their water, well and food.  I best feed the girls (always a reference to cats, as there is a male duck).  I cleaned their litter, will check again.  I do try.  I hope to shower yet today, maybe shave, perhaps eat again.  It's rough.

I did get a call back from the V.A.  Optometry, not opthemology, and they already have an appointment arranged... somehow.  Through them I will reset the other.  Bleh.  No call back from primary.  Will try back tomorrow.  Bp is again sub 140/90, if pulse is back into the high 80's.  Whatever.

So bad again.  The flu, again, or just continuing malaise from it?  Ugh.  Later.

Three calls.

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Later than hoped.  If getting through messages and writing down extensions, then getting through, even to message services at the V.A. took a redonkulously long time.  No one's fault, just bad timing.  I was prepared to leave messages, and so I did.  Oh, the easy one was checking on the lime.  It is in.  More grocery and other shopping today along with it.  I have the path set, for efficiency.  As well, a partial list.  If I can find the original list, I am in like Flint.

Lunch already.  I'll check on the ducks.  They make keeping the water thawed a game, one I can tell they truly enjoy.  While they are getting back to life, they are very frightened even of me.  Though they never did exactly warm to me.  I even had a hen attack my boot the day before their own attack.  I had felt that was a good omen.  Perhaps it was, if there are limits?

Not feeling the best today.  It's not the flu, but lingering issues?  It feels like it, but that seems unlikely.  Who knows.  I best check on the birds, then prepare for more.  Good day.

Rough around the edges.

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Very tired as well.  Even on medication regularly, my blood pressure is jacking as high as the 170's/110's, if pulse has been in the low 70's.  That is the right arm.  The left pulls it down to the 150's/90's~100's, pulse the same.  The only thing different is eating again and cutting the water pill.  Food?  Maybe.  The water pill?  Possibly.  I'm going back to three of those, and will watch consumption after this large thaw of meats.  Blood sugar had been stable, even beginning to drop.  Not today.

I am up a bit late today.  At 7:30, it isn't too bad.  I have no idea when I went to bed, if I believe it was before 21:00, after 20:00.  I am achy this morning, have been since getting over the flu.  Probably from all that sleep.  Until I can lean into work the kinks will remain.  Aspirin will do, every few days.

I am learning how to layer, with winter clothing.  There is this and that garment, two to five layers, tops and bottoms, then of various materials, for various situations.  Active from a slow walk to heavy work or a serious pace, to partly or completely immobile such as in a hunter nest or blind.  I realize I need bigger boots for thicker socks.  Why manufacturers try to push sizes too small I can't say.

I have opened things up for the ducks, gotten them water as well.  They still have a cup of food, so no more.  I will check later.  They are back to eating.  It is a matter of adjusting feed to their current needs.  I am guessing about a cup and an half per day.  I like to feed them twice, with the majority in the morning.  Oh, I'd like to put out more wood chips, leaves, and a bit more hay.  I like my critters.

I have realized I can't keep the furnace up.  I simply can't sleep that way, even stripped. I still sleep too hot.  I could keep the door shut, if even that isn't a guarantee.  But then the girls would be pounding on it half the night and giving me stink-eye for... forever.  So, like or not, down to 68 at night.  If I was more sure about things, I would take it to 62.  I wouldn't notice in my bedroom.  I think the cats can handle to just above the high 40's, and that long term, so 62 would do.

Well, fatted tea, a few chops, then to work if possible.  A few calls around 11:00, docs, supplies... then plans from there.  Life has become a crossbreed of an elephant and a rhino... it has become an heliphikno.  You can quote me.  No complaints, just sharing observations.  ;p  Later.

Well?

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I had planned a number of things.  I have been checking water.  Amazingly it has remained thawed.  Actually I should dump it at night.  A very good thing.  This way I can do fresh water every day.  I had planned to plow the drive.  I figured I had to 15:30~16:00.  I was hoping to do it so it wouldn't become the burden for another.  I didn't count on the other brother.  It's not too much, but it is time.  And sometimes fussing with bits.  Today it was a pin.  Not sure if it needed replaced or removed then returned due to an odd plane angle.

I had been waiting for a call, that the lime was in.  I lost track.  No call.  I will call tomorrow.  I also missed my nap.  Bleh.  I will let the ducks have their water until it goes dark, then dump it.  I don't want the container to hard freeze and they don't drink at night anyway.  Right, and I need to call the V.A., several departments.  Ugh.

Not much going.  I'll keep... hoping, praying, trying.  Later.

It is good to be eating again.

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Pork chops and a steak.  Took three tries to get the coals to take, no surprise at 12° F.  It is so very good to be eating and have meat available.  I'll slow down consumption soon.  I'd like to try a keto meatloaf tomorrow.  It should last a bit, but I have other meats thawed.  All good.  I'll slow how much is thawed after this batch.

I am trying a smaller water container in with the ducks.  If they can keep that thawed, I'll have a much easier time keeping them in fresher water.  Though I have my doubts I want to try.  It's a lot easier to work with two to three gallons, in any state, than six to twelve.

I'll check in on them, mostly the water, shortly.  Then a nap.  It is snowing, so I will need to plow before long.  Thankfully it isn't so wet of a snow this time.  The last time it was as if I showered.  Both the volume of snow and it being on the line between freezing and not.  Later.

Such a strange evening then morning.

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A power outage yesterday afternoon put an odd spin on things.  While I have lighting options, only flashlights are right to hand.  I suspect very minor looking would find lamps, with oil, ready.  I wasn't in the mood to read though.  What else would there have been to do in such light?  Instead I went in to sleep.

I had to get up, to check my wires.  As cold as it is, I would need heat, which would require electricity for the fan.  If it was my wires down, they would never know.  I could wake in serious trouble and in a frozen home.  Thankfully it wasn't my wires.  I decided to call it in anyway.  By 19:00, yes they knew, had a crew on site, would send updates.  So, back to bed.  Couldn't sleep, wasn't time... rested.

It all came back at about exactly 19:00.  The second outage this week.  It always gives cause for concern when it is this cold.  If it isn't terribly unusual.  No complaints.  Perhaps I should set the temp to 72 and leave it there though.  It had already dropped to 66 or lower.  That in what had been 72, and the heated parts.  While I had usually been doing 70, I had it up during the day the last few days to encourage activity.  As cold as it is getting, perhaps 72 to keep more cushion.  My bedroom, which doesn't have ducts, is 49° F... if that is both normal and preferred... or cooler.

I woke with the lights.  A dinner, Internet, if I couldn't do much.  As with this morning... stuck in, at, Nothingsville.  You have no idea the hunger to do, work, play, but with no mechanical means to that end.  I'll get fatted tea, to warm me before checking on the ducks.  Last I checked, shortly before the outage, their water was thawed.  They don't drink at night though.  It will be frozen.  Oh, I need more basins.  One broke in the cold. But I want taller ones, of similar volume.  I might get four, and insulation so as to create an insulated nest... see if that might make it through the night.

Oh, has youtube died, or just shut of access "to some"?  Wondering if anyone else can't get vids to play.  Can get to the site, just not play vids.

I'll try to do some other work today.  Oh, the hydrated lime, or such, will be in today.  Which means shopping, so a shower.  Ugh.  Later.

The cold, ducks, day.

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I haven't been able to work.  The girls and ducks have been checked, fed, etc.  The water is remaining mostly thawed out for the ducks.  The do their part.  It has warmed to nearly 20° F, 18° I think.  Oh, as to the thermometers?  It may simply be a difference of sunshine.  The difference seems to go away at certain times, returning at others.  Even further north, in winter, on drab days, sun or lack of it makes more difference than I suspected.  Or, who knows.  They started out similar, then had about 6° difference.

I'd love  to shower, make some calls, do some work.  I think I am about to crash so hard and fast it could hurt.  I'll take a few aspirin on the way down, plus night meds.  Good night.

More mushrooms and roast beef.

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Delicious.  Lots of butter, plenty of garlic, a pinch of salt pepper and an Italian blend this time.  As well, I am trying to escape using the microwave.  It is being cooked or reheated in the oven.  I truly do not trust microwaves, less so when dealing with fats.  Veggies?  Dunno.  I'll keep the nuke around, probably.

Then again, I'd love to go to stainless and cast.  Such high maintenance, I don't care what they say.  When feeling better, though, I may try harder to implement stainless.  Ugh.

A nap after lunch.  Then back to work.  Laundry, perhaps a shave, maybe setting up some dishes... small loads, so as not to overwhelm.  I missed recycling, but with only cat food cans and milk jugs, and only two tiny bags in there, it's not a problem.  The trash, on the other hand... but that was taken.  I did pull them from the roadside.  A struggle, if not just for me.  *grins*

A dream, not long ago.  Somehow seeing through God's eyes.  He was looking at women in a way only He can.  He can't see sin.  So strange.  Now I knew there was sin.  Lord knows women know, far more than most men.  I realized, in part, that is why there are mechanisms in place to protect us, in our current state, from God's love.  Even Lucifer is protected... if he can't see it that way.

Why I was shown I cannot say.  Especially with my... various understandings.  Even so, I was grateful for the opportunity.  And the wonder of seeing women in the fullness of their hoped potential.  It adds to my suspicion of why God gave us what He denied holiness.  A gift of hope, in faith, with charity, to and for both parties.  Such strange creatures.  Pandora indeed, but with a purpose even in her darkness.  If desperately in need of the patriarchy.

Later.

Cold!

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The thermometers are nearing agreement, 0° F.  My question is why the thermometers are matching up now.  Not just at this temp.  For weeks now.  One is not adjustable, the other is only correct at the furthest down position.  So how, after being off about seven degrees for the first months, do they now agree?  It's a strange world.

What is stranger?  It doesn't feel as cold to me.  I didn't feel as cold, without knowing the temp, so went out to start chores.  Oh, no boots either... socks and flip-flops.  Tres German!  Cewl.  I have yet to water the ducks, their water was absolutely frozen.  I just opened the hutch, minus the cage half door.

The wounded drake died.  So I took care of him.  Probably not long after I shut them in.  He was frozen solid.  The killer dog was back, looking for a quick snack.  He got nothing.  One track straight through.  Just one dog.  It looked that way, but after the last few days I am more sure.  It makes a difference.  That dog, if it wasn't before, is now a fowl killer.  It's life is probably numbered with as many flocks are around.

As disappointed as I am to see him go, that saves me probably having to do it myself.  He got to die with the group, inside, safe for the last bit.  And he did eat and drink, so had some comforts.  It was as much as could be done.  I returned after that bit, cold had gotten to me.

A bit of warm fatted tea, then I'll get them fresh water.  At these temps, I'll probably have to water them twice a day.  Oh, and I will put boots and coat on.  Best not to tempt health, frostbite, or else for some false pride.  Eating has helped in returning cold tolerance, is my guess.  Took a few days is all.  Still, no need to push it.

Later.

Very good.

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No idea about when I  went to bed.  I think I remember seeing 18:38, if I am almost  positive it was nearly 22:00 when I could finally sleep.  I would have been to bed earlier.  When I push a bit far I sometimes have to relax back down to sleep.  Dang, missed medicine last night.  Not uncommon when I burn it all out.

The roast beef and mushrooms were fantastic.  Real food beats any restaurant, definitely fast food.  Even the cleaned up, straightened out, kind.  Though it is good to have McDonald's back.  I will say that.  It would have been good to have fresh veggies, I just couldn't.  I didn't thaw anything either.  The roast will last several days, especially with fatted teas.  And I didn't think I would be up to cooking.  I truly burned every ounce of will to action available, then borrowed several days worth.  Tired.

Today?  Whatever targets of opportunity I can limp towards.  Of course, the ducks and cats, food and medicine, maybe a shave.  Perhaps a nap around noon, if possible.  I am looking forward to another portion of beef.  It's a small roast, but will offer four meals, maybe five.  I'm not even really able to eat more than once a day.  Fatted tea isn't quite a true meal. Drats!  I forgot some veggies planned.  Hadn't put them on the list.  Next time I am out, maybe.

Have a good morning.