*ring*

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.

Hello?  Surprised voice... "Your up!".  I think, I am now.  Brother the main called.  He looked up friends from when we lived in Akron.  Colorado, not Ohio... or else.  The kids of the men who owned and operated the Norka.  No yolk?  It was a restaurant, bar, and hotel.  Motel?  A multistoried affair.  Fancy, for a cow poke, dirt farmer, sort of area.  Not mocking, I was a street rat, if in a small rural town sort of way.

The last post by any was in 2019, or so.  Facebook, maybe another?  Marines, for one, and a few kids.  Oh, and the son of the man who ran the grocery store, same town.  Hard work, lots of it,  Yeulenhops?  I have no idea how to spell that last name.  They, save for one of the four he found, were good friends, great friends.  One I got in a lot of trouble with.  His daddy paid off his sins, I worked mine off.

No contact, but it was interesting.  Oh, and a girl, from back when.  She was hot.  Mexican.  But, like that ever really mattered.  My brother, that brother, is half.  I'm a double breed.  Mom is a high yellow.  Shit is what it is.  Not only was she hot, she was tall, like six foot?  I dreamed of her Jennie, all I'm saying.

Cooling.

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I checked about an hour ago.  It was down to sixty, at 23:30 or so.  So I opened everything up.  I had turned the ac on for a bit, but later, like around 20:00?  It was starting to warm in here.  So it really hadn't been on long.  And, upstairs had just been closed up and left, with a few fans going.  It was 79/79 upstairs.  I opened the windows and boosted the fans.

Still warm in this front room, and not chilling in the rest of the house.  But, not terrible.  Cheese, and gaming.  Cheese arrived today.  I have found that one of the tricks is to have cheese, by itself, from time to time.  And then sometimes cheese and salami.  It's less... problematic, for my g.i., upper or lower.  That and coffee.  Helps... keeps things moving.

Oh, and I got the last of the salami cut and packaged, then packaged those.  It is supposed to... cutting, bagging, and freezing... help the salami to last six months.  I'll see.  Once a month, maybe twice, I'll pull out a chunk, let it thaw, and see.  If it works, this will help.  My favorite salami is often just not available.  It isn't terribly expensive.  Terribly.

Interesting.

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No idea when I went to bed.  Earlier.  Around dawn, some time between five and seven?  I couldn't stay up longer.  Zapped.  Beautiful night though.  It got down to 71/73 inside?  Crazy cool, for this time of year, and only 55 outside, but there was a solid light wind for much of the night, until around three?  Give or take.

Anyway.  Up at 16:00.  It was 79/79 upstairs.  I had closed the windows, not turned on ac, but did have the fans on.  I MUST be acclimating to the heat.  No, not even uncomfortable.  Not a sweaty blob, not a mess of a man.  Just... a nice, clean, easy wake.  Rested, well rested.  Comfortable.  That is absolutely insane, sounding, to my ears.  I remember, even just this year, when 73 room temps were making me queasy, ill, sick.

No, I didn't get another thing done last night.  A shower, first thing, today.  Or... first thing I can do?  I did bring the garbage bin back from the curb, while checking temps.  It's 90 out there.  May have been hotter, but I don't think so.  Doesn't have the feel as if it cooled.  Could have, but don't think so.

Moving along.

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Not quickly, but... given the givens, not bad.  Trash collected, and out.  And I'll look, see if neighbors are taking recycling out.  Probably not, but... I'll... look.  Neighbor number one says no, but... I... just am hoping.  Sassy has been tended, well.  She seems happy with things.  I am pleased with her.  She is a very good friend.  Puts up with me, mostly, too.

Whiskers trimmed.  May just take them all the way off.  I don't know, thinking on the matter.  A shower soon?  Soon.  I am hungry, just really don't have anything easy, and don't have the energy for more.  Should get more out thawing.  Hoping for a sale on burger soon, running low.  If I see a good price, I'll try to get thirty to fifty pounds.  If a seriously good price, I'll double the high end.  Two pound packs works well.  One pound is good, but... I'm finding that to be a bit shy, these days.  Sure, that's only twenty five packs, but the packs last for three to five days.  The way I do things these days.

Yes, a shower.  Maybe finishing the trim.  Checking on recycling.  Resetting dishes.  Turning laundry.  No fresh start of things to wash, just putting what is in the washing machine into the dryer, and taking what is in the dryer up to be processed... and maybe more.  I have... excess still in the laundry room, if I have been going through that these last few days.

Cooling down nicely.

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Just before 23:00, and it was 66 with a solid breeze going.  It sure feels like a goodly bit of cooler air is coming.  Though... you just can't ever be sure, here.  Still, it felt so good, I opened up the cave, upstairs and down, turned off ac's, if I am leaving fans going for now.  If it cools enough, I may even shut those off.

I did start in on the tub, getting that clean... cleaner.  It needs more work than I have got to give it, but this is a start.  A shower, in a bit.  I haven't hit much else.  Trying to get something done in the game, in order to try some bosses again.  I am stuck on the two most difficult bosses in the game.  I'll... put out a vid on one of them.  Or, two vids.  Been looking for a way.  There is supposed to be a way to cheese that boss, but it must have been patched.  They are saying that it hasn't been, but it has.  At least for some of us.

Down about eight hours.

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When I awoke, I got right to some small chores.  Sorting socks, a few towels for the kitchen and bathroom... large and small, sorting underwear to a degree, and some clothes... all of which turned out to be winter wear, but that's fine.  I matched a bunch of socks.  Didn't fold the underwear, but have them in a pile.  Towels were folded, sorted, and brought down for use.  Winter clothing went on the pile of other winter clothing, hanging over a rack.  A... good start.

I left the ac on, so that I can get to some more work up there later this evening.  I never got to more work, other than running the dryer one last time, with that second to last load, to make sure it was dry.  I'll get the other load over tonight, and have that which is dry ready to go up when I head up to manage more things upstairs.

After the shower, I'll get dishes back in for a final soapy soak.  Probably doesn't need it, but... I like things absolutely squeaky clean, especially glass.  Pleasing on the eye, and tongue.  Oh, I may trim, too.  But first, I best feed Sassy?  Maybe I already did?  I think I did, and took care of her litter boxes.  Fresh water just yesterday.  So... all good.

Not much more.

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I did get the laundry dried, the one load.  I'll take that out, and upstairs, while I go.  Putting the next load in.  I'll also get a shower taken.  Love those.  Then set up dishes for a final soapy soak.  Upstairs, I'll do a bit of sorting of clothes, what I can do, then on to sleep.

Last I looked it was only 76 outside.  Cloudy, darker weather moved in.  No rain, not yet.  But it sure feels like that could happen.  It'll either do that and pass, or just give some shade, thus cool, then pass.  Storms don't last long here, save maybe in winter.  Not even August and it is already clouding up again?  Okay.

I also called my mother and brother.  I try to space my calls.  With mother, I try to go four to eight days.  With my brother every two to four weeks.  They get... persnickety when I call too often.  I have no news, and that is what they want.  They so often forget I am alive for no logical reason or purpose, save if God has one, or more.  He hasn't shared that with them or me.  And, yet, they... want me to... be more, do more.

Maybe?

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I got the recycling to the curb.  Then remembered... it may be a state holiday tomorrow.  Something something, the end of July.  They do fireworks, and else, like a local... or state really... fourth of July redo?  Uhrm, looked it up.  Pioneer Days, and celebrates when Mormons came to the Salt Lake Valley area.  It is on the 24th, I think they have a long weekend for it?  But, that means trash and recycling won't be being picked up.

Plus, they have parades.  It would be rude to put the bins out.  So... I won't.  I will look, make sure the neighbors haven't put theirs out.  But, yeah.  Okay.  Still, I'll get the trash out, to the bin.  And just have those ready to be go when... when it's time, I guess.  I am sure I have mistakenly put them out.  Probably on the 4th even.  I'm just... not always aware of... the world out there.  So few, and loose, connections with people.  I just... don't know when, or what, is happening.  This time.  This time I remembered.

The goal, next, is a shower.  Then to put the dishes back in for a final soapy soak?  Sure.  And clean off the freezertop.  And, do some laundry.  Nothing fancy, not a lot, just... some finishing touches here and there.  And, to bed by anytime from eight to noon.  Trying to push it later, not succeeding.  Sometimes I just can't push.  Or... pushing does no good.  I'll get a bit more done.

Oh, it's not cooling off, at all.  It is still right at 68.  If it doesn't cool off much in the next few hours, I'll just close up shop, and turn the ac on.  It's difficult to work in this warmer weather.  And, when I turn the ac's off, at 68, it just warms the cave.  It's 74/76 downstairs.  Probably similar upstairs.  I need it, prefer it, just a bit cooler.

Not a lot?

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And, yet, far more than I thought was going to happen.  I have been making plans, as such, almost every day, or every other day, or so it seemed, for weeks, months.  No doing.  Still, when I can think of it, I begin planning again.  No different today.  Well, the difference was that I was able to act on the opportunities.  No more, or less, than I would on any given day, if I could.

Whether I simply forget, lose the thought.  Or whether I physically can't act.  Often the plans don't see fruition.  Though, in part, with the ac functioning downstairs, and upstairs too, even with the extra heat of high summer, in spite of those things, I have acclimated, to some degree.

Most days, for the last... month... two?  More like two?  I see spots, like when you aren't getting enough oxygen.  Stars, sometimes, too.  Like when you are going to pass out?  Right.  Imagine living right on that edge, and for so long?  A few days without, but those... even those are just rest days.

*cough*

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Bullshit.

*cough*

Up, well.

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Not sure when I went to bed.  Around sunup?  Or, no, I think I made it to nearly ten... right?  I think I commented that it was already 79.  Yes, I think so.  To bed right after that comment.  up at 19:00.  But not just awake.

I tore into the clothes, clean, I had scattered around my room.  Matching socks, putting underwear, short and long sleeve (or really winter and summer) clothes into piles.  Digging down deep.  I pretty much sorted everything.  I may just wash it all.  But, in small discreet loads I can keep up on, sorting and folding as needed, as I go.  Even bagging clothes... putting clean things in air-tight bags.  Yes.

Getting clothing sorted, and clean, put up.  Then getting on to cleaning the room, generally.  But, just a piece at a time.  A bit when I wake up, a bit when it cools.  As is, after I finished, I opened things up, for fresh air.  It'll be too hot to work in until much later.  Then again, it was already a bit too warm.  It was 77 near me, with the ac on.  It must have been a hot one.  But, I did sleep well.

Brutal already.

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It is just past nine and already 79 outside.  While that is, most likely, normal for this time of year, this hasn't been a normal year.  Yes, it will be a hot one today.  The ac, upstairs and down, will only slightly blunt the hit.  But blunt it enough that I can live, and sleep.

I won't be up all day today.  Should have been in bed hours ago, but was enjoying the morning cool, and fresh air.  Started stirring, to get on to bed.  Got upstairs to shut windows and turn the ac on, finished closing up the downstairs and turning the ac on as well.  No, I won't just let it bake.  Then it takes days to get the house cooler.  No.

I keep thinking of calling my brother.  Curious how his project is going.  The hood of one of his vehicles was flaking.  So?  So he sanded it down, with plans of repainting.  Tried to do the sanding by hand.  Gave up on that gig, got a sander.  Last I heard he had the thing stripped, sanded, with the base sub-coat on, and that sanded.  But was waiting on the final coat?  It's a luxury car, they will mostly likely be giving to their eldest daughter as she goes out on her own.

But I don't want to bother him, either.  I have been calling my mother more often.  Every four to eight days, give or take.  If she sounds... flustered, I wait longer the next time.  I don't want to bother her.  Just to check in, let her know I care... if from a distance.  Might send her flowers this coming month?  Maybe.

Received a text, offering up to $1k a week to allow Bud Lite advertising on my vehicle.  Had to laugh.  First, no, they wouldn't do that.  They are just seeing if people would sell out, and probably experimenting with the amount.  Offering some portion various amounts.  But, no.  Even if I believed them, I am not interested.  At a minimum, they would have to clear their executive panels, apologize for their horrible mistake, reset their whole advertising schemes and personnel, then... I'd think about it.  Had to laugh.

Oh, and blogger has hidden either a post or my whole blog behind something.  I don't know what they are talking about.  A complaint.  But no one is visiting, so they are just being wankers.  It's just another political attack on... not even a conservative, but a guy who definitely isn't on "their" side.  I asked them where the post is, I can't even find it... from their link.  Not sure what is up.

With them doing censoring for the government, both they and the government have to come under attack.  From the Supreme Court, the lower judiciary, congress, and the president when we get an elected official back in that office.  Either that or we become China.  Don't... think that's a good thing.

Hmm...  I'd like to play more.  But I'm pretty much hitting bosses I can't beat.  Well, some haven't been beaten the way I have been playing.  Others just look too difficult, so far.  Not sure I'll finish the game.  The last bosses are just too difficult, and I'm not seeing a way to straight fight, or cheese, that works.  Perhaps I'll take a few days off, rest.  Then try another time.  Or not.  Just... this, these, aren't fun.  There are variations of fun, these aren't those.  Oh well.

Yes, on to bed I think.  Good... day and night.

This front room was so hot!

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I kept checking outside, to see if it had cooled.  Finally, a bit ago, it got to 62.  Not exactly sweetly fresh, but... better than the low 70s, or high 70s of much of the night.  It's nearing six, so it won't be much.  But, for that, I opened things up down here and it is cooling.

If it is even 70, or warmer, no need to bother opening up.  It just won't help.

It has dropped six to eight degrees, since I opened up.  Nice.  Not... in the main, that stays between 73 and 74.  It was 82 or 84, is down to 76.  Could go lower.  I want to sleep, but would rather burn sleep time getting the house a bit cooler.  Not sure it helps, but... worth a shot.  Especially if I can do it without the air conditioners.  Get it cooler, chill it down a bit, close it up.  It'll... still be in the high 70s when I wake.  Though, maybe it would have been worse?

Gaming.  Almost done with the game.  Main game.  Then I have to finish off the bosses in the dlc I have (mostly) otherwise completed.  Getting my ass handed to me, so I haven't been terribly enjoying these last portions.  Leveled up, hoping that would help.  Not... really.  Well past meta, doesn't matter.  As mentioned, I think, randomly... per boss per player, most bosses require a certain number of deaths.  It's just the way of it.

I'm only still playing because I want some cooling to happen.  Which means I am pushing it.  So be it.  On to the second to the last boss?  I think so, for the main story.  Ugh.  Oh, but I think I found where a titanite slab is.  Never mind, just a good thing for the game.  Later.

Stayed up very late yesterday.

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Late?  Well, for my current sleep cycle.  Was waiting for milk and cream to arrive.  Didn't want to leave it all open, while I slept.  So... stayed up.  It's usually here earlier in the day.  Not yesterday.  The man who brought it had many events and affairs.  Looked beat.  It was 95, here.  Where he was, it got to 105.  This is a cooler part of the valley.  He... looked... lobsterish.  But, good for it.

He has me by ten years, to the younger.  But life is starting to catch up to him.  There is no way I could do what he does, but... I don't think he would survive my heart problems.  I am not sure either of us is in a great position.  Working to death, or just being so close to death unnaturally?  Choices, though?  Neither of us have choices.

He has a wife, family.  And, those on top of a summer and rest of the year job, plus... extra.  On top of being father, king, boss, and joe shit the rag man catch all, to whatever else is left over.  I'm... proud to call the man friend, for my part.  Jealous of what all he does, and, yet... I get exhausted just hearing about it.  In an absolute way, we aren't... much different.  We are both sliced to within an inch of our lives, handed over what little we have left.

Midnight music?

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Something.  Enjoy... or split.

A shower!

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I can't say how long it has been?  A week?  Three?  Five?  Strange as it seems, I was still clean?  Don't ask.  I have ways of checking.  The water was clean, that which left me.  Still, good to... take a shower.  I love those things, even if I am not sure I really need them.  Desert life?  Highland desert doubly so?  Maybe.

The cave has been staying in the mid 70s.  It was 73 down here when I woke, 80 outdoors.  I did turn the ac on, when I came down.  Turning off the one upstairs as I came down.  When, if, it cools, I'll open up... turn everything off, save maybe a few fans.  Life really isn't too bad, with the additional ac.

Gaming, of course.  Tinkering with a totally different build, a mage rather than a swordswinger.  Easier?  It is supposed to be, but there are difficulties too.  The method to the madness is different.  It is supposed to be easier, I'll find out.  I was using a bow, with the warrior, to pull from groups.  With the mage, there may be methods of pulling, though the bow will still come in handy.  The thing is I lost the ability to use some of my better bows.  I'll... see if I can fix that.  Somehow.

So tired.

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So pleasantly cool though too.  It's 70/70 in the house, downstairs.  I have it partly closed up.  About to finish that, then go on to bed.  Hoping upstairs is cool as well.  Should be.  It was 52, the coolest I saw it this morning.  That is... excellent, for cool, this time of year.  Problem is, it really should be more like 70, even at night.  For a while.  Things need more heat to grow.

From the years I went out on mosquito spraying?  If it was below 50, they had to shut down.  Mosquitoes need to be flying, but at 50 or lower they go on to bed.  Interesting the things you learn, if you listen.  Now, usually, only right at the beginning, and near the end of August, if usually more into September, temps would hit the 50's, or less.  Not in the middle of July.  A different year.  A cold year.  Very possibly continuing.

Doing well enough in gaming.  I'd like to scramble into a ton more levels, just haven't had much gumption.  Same with the last bosses.  There are two more, definitely, in the main game.  Maybe another one or two I simply missed, didn't know about, plus three to five in the dlc.  Those are beastly though, even at my level, which is now meta plus (the pvp generally agreed max level).  Then again, I don't mess with pvp.  So I would like more.  Grinding, which is boring, and initially dangerous.  Oh, and I need parts... pieces... for the game.  Not sure where to "farm" those.  Will look up shortly.

So ready for bed though!  It has been a wonderful night.  When I wake, some sort of keto pasta, burger, and tomato or mushroom soup sort of thing.  

Cooler still.

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Down to 56 outside.  Nice, really.  With everything open, and fans going, it is down to 72/74 downstairs.  Not sure about upstairs.  Too tired to check.

Just a bit more gaming, then I'll go on to bed.  I let the burger cool.  Did I mention it?  I fried a few more burgers, and then just loose hamburger.  Eating the patties, I let the crumble cool.  I just bagged that, then put it in the fridge.  Probably make a keto spaghetti tomorrow.  Or something.

I did get the litter boxes rearranged.  Fresh water for Sassy, earlier.  And feeding through the night.  I do my best for her, which really hasn't been too bad.

Cooler.

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It's not even midnight and it is to 63.  It might well drop into the mid 50s?  As such, I have turned ac's off and opened the windows and a door.  Fresh air, but real cool.  Fans are going to beat hell, there is no air movement out there.  Not even sure the fans will help.  But, fresh air is worth the risk.

Dreams.  A dream?  People from my past, friends, family, women... people who believe in being, living, rightly.  Expecting it of others and themselves?  I get a lot of hate from some of those folks.  But... why?

I do my best.  I don't negotiate much, true.  I definitely am not perfect.  But, when I live, even if I am by nature and in many ways wrong, I... choose to live objectively correctly.  As a... different?  I know better.  Which means I won't try to live like what isn't, even if my instincts tell me I can, or should.

Oh, well, yea.

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I have been awake since 16:30?  For four hours, that is.  I think.  Sleep was good.  It was down to 73/75 upstairs, with that ac and fans on high mind you.  Can't be sure about outside, but I thought it was 85.  Hotter, earlier, would be my guess.  But weather systems are coming through, cooling things off?  It was overcast, though that doesn't always mean much.  But, 85 is a cooler day, for hereabouts, at that time.  Oh, and downstairs, it is 73/81.  With ac on.  And some fans.  One more ought to be turned on, when I do the litter boxes.

Sassy was fed, water changed, and attended.  I'll check her litter shortly.  Been keeping up with here pretty well.  Her boxes need more.  Since the litter is still pretty good, I'll put all of what is there in one box, then refresh the other box.  Then, on the first, redo the box I am filling with old litter today?  Something like that.

Getting through the game.  There are... three, or four, bosses remaining.  Including dlc game portions?  Something like that.  The dlc sort of sucks.  Some of it is just... brutally hard.  Though it may be set up to not allow a guy through, unless he has beaten the main game.  Or make it more difficult?  The bosses suck, too.  Far too hard.

Though I still suspect the game requires a certain number of deaths before letting one pass.  Some of them can only be beaten by "cheesing" them (using... unsportsman like methods... though whatever that really means in the ways of war of men, beast, and other) or through luck.  You can't beat them with skill.  You simply can't be good enough.

I'll fry burgers, again, and fry the rest of the burger as beef crumble.  I really do like that.  Can add it to lettuce/salad, or add tomato and keto "pasta", or just put it in with beans and cheese.  Beans aren't perfectly keto, but... there are limits.  A few times a month.  It's just the way of it.

I must admit, I worry about mother.  Not... dying... suffering.  But, too, I think she understands.  And, does her best.  I won't let my pain take me down, I won't let her pain bring me too down either.  Actually, I add that to the suffering I offer for those in purgatory.  If you end up there, you'll... understand.  Especially if I can name you.  I name many, who may be there.  Could be in hell, some of them.  But I... have hope.  There are people I love, and will... risk being wrong about.  I've... been there.  I've done that.  I pray, by name, for some of those who I have concern regarding.

Then again?  In absolute truth?  It is less the ones who did a terrible thing, in a terrible time, due to great suffering.  I worry far more about those who lived a pleasant life, lived long, lived their own way, and died without issue.  I fear for them, the most.  And, I pray for them, too.  There were no corrections gained, or sought, in their lives.  The worst, is for those who... nobody is sorry they are gone.

Well... on to some more gaming.  But which area or boss?  Ugh.  I really don't like bosses.  Those are... as I see it... game stoppage.  Those aren't the fun part.  Same with some mini-bosses, sub-bosses, lieutenants.  Some of those are worse, and they return.  Some of them.

Well?

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It is down to 60, but it doesn't mean a thing.  No air movement, humid?  Seems like it.  I have the upstairs open, and the fans going.  But that just doesn't mean much.  I still have it closed up and the ac running downstairs.  It keeps it moderately comfortable.

It stayed warm, until another storm went through.  Even then, it just dropped to 70.  And stayed there for a very long time.  It settled in ten, then two five degree increments.  It just wouldn't budge, then it would drop, then it would stick.  It isn't a comfortable 60 outside.  Nor is it all that comfortable inside.

90, out there.

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75/76 upstairs.  Or was.  I shut everything off and down as I came downstairs.  My feet hurt, the skin on them.  Haven't been wearing compression socks.  Just... never could get to it.  Too tired, didn't feel like it.  Those are a lot of work, and hot in the heat.  I want to, I just don't.

Downstairs it is 73 in the main, 78 in this front room.  Good enough.  Sure beats the high 70s or higher, as lows.  I'm hoping to take a shower shortly.  Wearing compression socks, but just knee-high.  And, medical grade, not the odd types they offer for those who can't really handle hefty compression.  No, these... hurt to put on, even though my feet and legs and such aren't all that swollen.  Puffy, but not even 30% swollen, let alone 250%.  Ugh.  Why the skin hurts, though?  I think it's just the slight puffiness, along with the heat.

I would work, but I really can't.  Coffee, shortly.  Some gaming, to wake.  A shower, tending Sassy, other than feeding.  Fed her right off.  I think I was to bed at between six and seven?  Up at 16:00.  Doing what I can, but not in complete control.  At least I am sleeping and waking near full days, if gaming and cooking is as much as I can do.

Down to 62, outdoors.

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Staying, to me, a balmy 74 to 75, at the coolest.  If with ac and fans off.  No wind, and rather humid?  Seems so.  Oh well.

I did get burgers fried tonight.  Not smash burgers, but really large juicy patties.  Probably half pounders?  While I stick with the idea that a quarter pounder is the perfect hamburger sized burger, if I believe two or three is best.  That is for smash burgers.

For... rare occasions, large chunks of browned burger are quite good.  Six minutes on one side, four on the other.  I could probably go five and three?  Will try next time.  As well, more canned veggies.  Not bad at all.  All I used for spice and else was salt and pepper.  Perfect.

A storm coming through.

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If it rained, it was very light.  Though I think, so far, only a sprinkling here and there.  A quick check makes me think we got a bit more than I had thought.  The flattop griddle has water left on it.  Not deep, but... plenty to suggest a good bit of rain, or really a solid sprinkling for a bit.  Beaded up.  It is set to drain, so this is only what remained after draining, the fat holding on to some.  And some probably evaporated.

The thing is, it dropped the temp to right at 71, if that had come done another degree since.  Wind came through, with it.  Are we already heading back into the monsoon season?  I am beginning to think so.  Usually that is an August thing, sometimes clouds in the early part of August, though more later in the month.  And, rain?  That isn't normal.  It's unusual even in August.  So, yes.  But, El Neno, or Nena?  Whichever.  It's still in play, and strongly it seems.

An okay sleep?

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Waking at 14:30, warm.  Not too hot, but definitely warm.  Ac can only do just so much.  Upstairs, near me, it was 77.  In the rest of the upstairs it was more like 75.  That will often leave me sick.  Fans and ac helped, I guess.  As I don't feel too wretched.

Downstairs is 73 in the main, 80 up front here, and 93 outside.  Brutal.  A shower may help the ac, giving it something to bite.  Then I'll be ready to start in on dishes.  I don't even have that many, it's just that work of any sort is pushing it beyond my ability, lately.  Focus, energy levels, etc.  With meat thawed, and being cooked, then going in, there is some hope that things will improve.

Medicine is continuing.  Doing what I can.  Still surprised I am still alive.

I tried.

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The heat just got to me.  Even with the ac going, it only got down to 73.  Which... shouldn't be a problem.  Was it eating, after not eating for a longer time?  Or have I just become messed up by not having any cool place in the house.  With 73 being the coolest, it just isn't doing.

All I know is I feel very ill.  Green around the gills, as some used to say.  I won't be able to do anything else.  Turning the ac on upstairs, and going on to bed.  I'll leave the ac running downstairs, as well.  I can hope the two, combined, if separated a bit, will help.

It did get down to 66 outside.  That isn't able to get indoors though.  It just, pretty much, doesn't matter.  Yes, on to bed.  Can hope for a better tomorrow.

Wrong.

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I thought I could handle the warmth, heat.  I did, for a while.  Then I absolutely crumbled.  I had to close up the house and put the air on.  With how things are, not even that is helping.  It is 71 outside.  It just won't, of didn't drop.  That may be it.  Now, that... is pretty typical for July, in northern Utah.  That we haven been having that for the last two months is more the thing than else.  Still, it is rough.

I did get food made.  Nothing fancy.  Canned veggies and steak.  The steak was nice, but... still, not fancy.  Once a week, until they are gone.  Though if I see sales on them, in that quality and price range, I'll... jump.  I haven't seen steaks at that price for... ages.  They must have decided making hamburger out of steak just... wasn't paying off?  This admin can push and shove just so much.  When companies start going bankrupt, either they change things up or the new people do.  I... don't think they are willing to follow Biden into the literal or figurative grave.

I think Americans have been crushing companies, al le Bud Light... AB whole, actually.  But the government and other corpos have been fronting the losses.  That doesn't seem to be working anymore.  We'll see.  Can hope they all go bankrupt, from Disney, to AB, to... are any of them not woke?  Hell, Ford, Levi's, and the rest.  All... anti-American.  Not in the big way (or just), but they really do hate Americans.  Who are they, as they really aren't Americans.  Oh, some stooges, but mostly not.  Is that why Germany went against a certain people?  Russia?  I do wonder.

Midafternoon?

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I didn't wake until later.  It was pretty warm out, 87, 88, 90 at the most, if I think of the two lessors.  It was okay down here, 72/75 or so?  Upstairs was 72, with the ac running while I slept.  I turned that off, and left it closed.

Just gaming.  Can't do much else, or yet.  But, life is comfortable.  It even got to, say, 76 in the main, 80 up front?  And I didn't mind.  Very strange.  For most of my adult life, even higher than 72 was terribly uncomfortable.  Couldn't do much about it, but... I suffered.  Now?  I can finally handle higher temps without batting an eye.  So very strange.

With meat thawed, I'll probably get to making something tonight.  A steak?  Burgers?  Who knows.  No buns, no bread, no pasta, but I can do well.  Oh, I do have pasta replacements that aren't too bad.  Now that I have gotten used to them.  Mostly.  I may make a steak, then also fry hamburger crumble... for with keto pasta soon... or on lettuce for a simple taco salad.  Nothing fancy, but it's good.

Great effort to no avail.

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Trash, it seems.  Recycling doesn't look to be this week.  But I couldn't do it.  I stayed up later, hoping I'd... find... a way?  Catch my breath.  Be able to act.  It just didn't happen.  So very tired, and yet I pushed on through.  It's twenty to seven.  I should be asleep, should have been in bed hours ago, many hours ago.

Thankfully there isn't much trash.  There is a lot of recycling, though.  Overflowing, that.  It is what it is.  Monday?  Must be, or I wouldn't have tried to stay up to get the trash out.  I haven't been able to get to mass.  Or the grocery store.  Some thing I was meant to return has timed out.  It's... been rough.

The cool, with the ac, and how I set the house, has been very nice.  But, if I sleep during the day, I'll need the ac on, but just upstairs.  I have closed the house up already.  But only because I am going to bed.  It should stay rather cool.  Especially with the ac running upstairs.

Finally pulled food out.

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Meat, to thaw.  Several packs of burger, two steaks, and some else.  Should last... a week.  But, it will take a day, or two, to thaw.  Still, food is... on the way.

I'll have some kefir.  Then, probably, reset the kefir right then and there.  It should be good.  Late, in resetting it, but it still smells good.  Because it hasn't been getting too warm, it can last a bit longer.  After the kefir, fatted coffee.  It's something.  And, for now, that is... enough.

Wouldn't be bad to lose another ten to fifteen, even twenty, pounds.  Not sure it will happen, not sure what it would take.  Will keep at it.  For... no good reason.  On the good side, my body is tightening back up.  Oh, I still have plenty of fat.  But my internals aren't seemingly loose, squishy, and such, as they were.

Why so late?

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It at 13:15, give or take less than a handful of minutes, when I finally woke in such a manner that I could get out of bed, or for good.  I awoke around 8:34 or something, having to pee.  But had forgotten the clean pee bottles.  So, while getting those, voided while downstairs.  Sort of hoped it would wake me?  No, not 8:34, more like 10:34?  Yes, the later, or a bit later.  But in there.

I closed the windows, save one, and the front door was left a crack open.  Wasn't sure when I'd be up.  Was afraid to close it all up, but didn't want it all open.  When I woke, it was 77 upstairs.  windows were open, remain so.  At this point I don't think it matters, might even be worse to close it up, at least without turning on ac.

I feared for downstairs.  Outdoors is already 88?  Or 90?  And probably going higher.  But, the main was just 72, and the front room is 75 even near the computer since that was off.  I was... impressed.  I truly feared it would be a sweat box by now.  That I would have to... work with it.  When I get too hot, I get a mild fever, often.  As I suggested, perhaps malaria?  Or the reaction to medicine meant to treat it or help fight against it.  If the disease doesn't get you, the medicine may.

Yes, well?

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I didn't do any work.  But I did get the shower, as mentioned.  As well, I got some food heated and down.  Nothing fancy.  It was difficult to eat, but... I really needed some food.  I haven't pulled anything else out yet, but may yet tonight.

Gaming, mostly.  Didn't need to turn any ac on until... like... 20:00, after a bit.  Crazy.  Then I needed just a touch.  Here at 22:30, or that was a bit ago, I checked.  It is cool enough to open up, so I did.  Upstairs is hot, so I put the ac on up there, for a bit as I prepare for bed.

Just have to do that.  It was 77.  Opening the windows, and zipping the fans on high, just wouldn't cool it off enough, up there, to help.

I did get the shower.

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No beard trimming, no shave, no dishes yet... or laundry.  But I feel good?  No energy, but I do feel good.

After drying well enough, I got compression socks on.  Nothing fancy, but it works.  I checked my legs, while at it.  Yes, still... a good deal of water in there.  We'll get back on it.  Though, when weighing in, I am at least below 260 again, at 257.x.  I don't remember what "x" is, just that... it was a number, I believe larger than zero.  I would guess I still have ten pounds of water weight, minimally, in there.  Probably more like twenty.  I'll see about getting that out and managed.  When you can barely stand, doing more is... difficult.

Odd, today.  It is 90 out there.  It is 70/72 down here, 74 near the computer.  I... don't have the ac running?  Very, very strange.  Neither of them.  A few fans.  I opened the window a bit, while showering.  No effect.  Very strange.  I'll take it.  If I only have to run fans, life is good.  But at 90?  After days of the high 80s to low 90s?  It's not like the world cooled off for a bit, then popped up.  Strange.  Gladly take it.

Awake at ten.

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My days are slipping.  Too tired to wake early, staying up just a bit later each night.  In part as heat migrates. In an attempt to make sure I open up to the cool of the night, staying up later is almost required.  Though, last night, it had cooled to at least the low 70s by 21:30.  I could have gone on to bed, but am... stuck in the game.

Midnight, when I went down, no later than two, I should think?  I just can't... remember.  I'll try to get to bed earlier tonight.

I left the door to the downstairs open, and kitteh came up to wake me this morning.  A good thing too, I wouldn't have made it up without my intrepid tiger lily gur cat.  She got a nice body itch and massage out of it, and was allowed to sing her need for food and lovin'.  She is so certain sometimes.  I diminute her, a bit.  But not in seriousness.  Much as I reduce women, at times.  Well, they each have their place, title, tags, and standing.  Though, each, to a man, can be and should be set aside.  Funny thing is, women who believe they are equal either find a man who they consider master and their better... or they live in misery.  Cats... not so much.  :p

Feeling a bit better, day over day.  Still recovering, but hoping to get along a bit more today.  Never took that shower, will shortly.  Then set up dishes.  Laundry will be started in a bit.  I'll... get there.  Then back to gaming, staying cool enough to live, drinking just enough fluid, and maybe sorting some food out for later.

What day is it?  Wednesday?  Cool.  Wait, no... it's... Saturday.  How, mass.  I will try to make it.  No guarantee.  But, starting with a shower, early, may help.  The 15th?  I think, let me... yes.  It's the 15th.  I got half it right, right out of bed.  Good.

Yes, on to a shower.  Trim first, a rest, then a shower?  I will see, might be able to do both, especially with a shower stool in the shower.  Can sit if needed.  And, want to get it done, let my feet dry, so I can put compression socks on again.  I've been going without lately, if, mostly, I haven't been swelling.  With it cooler, I haven't been pounding the water down.

Hmm, a coffee, then a look around, first.  Get my bearings and heart pumping.

Trying to remember...

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When was the last time I was out of the house?  I think it was for a quick run for food, groceries.  Two weeks ago, three?  Five?  I... just can't be certain.  And, it had been weeks before that, and... week before that.  Back to when I was able to make it to church regularly.  Five, eight, ten weeks ago?

I have been pretty done in and down.  But, things really are improving.

No work today.  Nor a shower.  Yet.  I think I'll get a shower before long.  And, probably set up some dishes.  Maybe start a load of laundry.  I'll take the smaller vacuum cleaner upstairs.  It doesn't need a vacuum cleaner bag, so that should be easier.  And, it is much lighter, much more maneuverable.  I'd like to clear the floor, vacuum, and reset the upstairs... in the next few days.

Still better.

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Still recovering.  But, more like as if recovery has reinitiated.  It had been stopped for a bit.  Now it is back on track.  But, it is just recovery.  I am not... fixed... yet.

I also was given the notion that my home is poisoned.  I... need to sort that out.  Airing is good, but not enough.  Cleaning is what is needed.  A difficult trick.  We will see.  But, yes, that... will be part of my recovery.  Cleaning, when I can get to it.

This front room stays warm.  It is 76.  The rest of the house stays about 72, with the ac on a middle temp, on energy saver.  Though it is getting later and later before I can open up.  Which means I will either lose day/night schedule attempting to open it up when it cools enough, or just letting it run on low all night.  I won't go back to sweating to death.  No, I'll... figure it out.

What a dream!

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I tell you, with how bad health has been, I was... expecting to die.  Soon.  It has been weeks, months, of poor health.  The heart, mostly.  Went through some flu-like symptoms a bit ago.  Cleared up.  But a feverishness returned.  From that.  It was so many things going so wrong.

Then, going through the heat?  Even when I was able to cool off, from that, I had to recover, and just... wasn't.  I was expecting to die.  Still am, but... maybe not.

The dream.  Dream?  I... don't think it was a dream.  But... something may have changed, from the course, cause, and nature of it.

Something is very wrong.

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Lungs burn.  More like from a fever.  Neck, bones, else, are sore, as if I have the flu.  I don't think it is the flu, or covid.  Just... some sort of low level infection.

But, the heart?  That's weird.  When I leave over, so as to pick something off the ground?  It feels like my heart will come out of a pocket it is in.  It does some very odd things.  Something is really off.

I had forgotten to take medicine.  Mostly.  I got back on it tonight.  No waterpills, not right before bedtime.  Peeing enough, as it is, lately, at night.  Not... a lot, in volume, just frequent.  Not sure what is up with that either.

Punching bag.

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Whether I am losing actual weight, I can't say.  I haven't checked in a bit.  Won't, until I am feeling human again.  What I am certain about is that I am losing fat around the midsection.  Pounds, decades, in more than one way, of pounds, of it.  Which... is good.  As mentioned, what is off-putting is that I am used to having padding.  Internal.  That is going.  Not gone, but cut in half, maybe more.

I really am wearing medium pajama bottoms.  Supposed to be 32/34.  I don't think they are that, but probably 34/36.  Which... is still... down from 40/42, or at best occasionally 38/40 waists.  That is skipped two sizes down.  And, the size next up won't stay on.

Now, I still have a lot of belly fat.  But, I have probably lost forty pounds of the sixty or seventy to lose?  Probably.  But my innards hurt.  I have had that fat in there for nearly forty years, since they put me falsely on lithium.  That stuff will fatten you up like almost nothing else they could do.  And, knowing psychiatry and psychology are bogus, and they do... the practitioners... they were doing harm, with no possible good outcome.  Everyone they have, and are, dosing... well... It would be good if there were legal ramifications, social, economic.  But the thing is too big.  They would never let hospitals, which are already going under, take that hit.

Okay, learning.

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It was around 16:30~17:30 when I needed to hit the air, for real.  Before then it had been on a higher temp, and on energy saver, from earlier midafternoon.  It stayed around 72 in the main, but this front room is up to 79/81 near the machine?  It doesn't feel like it.  And, is pleasant, after too much time in the cool?  Odd, but I'll take it.

Upstairs is 79.  I just started the ac up there.  Hoping to be to bed in an hour or two.  Should be cool enough by then.  And, anyway, will turn off the ac and open the windows...  Some of them.  Should be just fine.

As well, outside it just hit 66.  So I have opened everything up and turned off the ac.  Even while the pork roast and chicken finishes.  That should work out just fine.  Life is pleasant.  I am getting better.

To bed, earlier?

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Ah, but I want to cook food.  Hungry?  No, but... need food.  Should eat.  Pork roast, and chicken, to see me through several days.  Drumsticks.  I'll need to brine the chicken.  That... really helps, with chicken being questionable these days.  Brining really helps.  No, I have been using fresh chicken.  Right from the store, never thawed (by me) until I go to use it.  

I suppose I could get the pork roast baking, first off.  Then, put the chicken in with it, after it has brined, then been dried and spiced.  The place will smell divine!  And, I could shower after the finishing the chicken, and getting it in.  Should work well enough.

I wrote a post, and meant to send it out, but that just didn't happen.  The gist of it, was that I was having to practice with when, and how much, to use the ac.  The ac hasn't been on, upstairs, at all.  I'll turn it on a few hours before bedtime.  Then maybe shut if off when I go up... if it is cool enough outside.

Why does it hurt so much?

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Torso, mostly.  Breathing is good.  Heart is a bit tired/sore.  But the torso, inner parts, are sore, as if I got bucked off a horse and fell wrong.  Yes, I know that that feels like.  Rough riding broke horses for a few years, I learned.  Or a fistfight, against several guys.  Win, lose, or draw, it'll hurt.  But, yes, that is the problem today.

May take a few days to get better, or week.  From whatever ails me.

It is 85 outside.  But a nice day, now that the house is staying better.  I only have three fans going, and the front door still open just a crack.  The upstairs is all shut off.  All the windows downstairs too.  And, it is 72/73 down here.  Nice, really.  I figure, before long, I'll have to turn the ac on.  So be it.

I reset the kefir.  Since I hadn't been changing it frequently, the grains needed washed.  And washed they were.  R.O. water, three or four times.  Then, three or four rinses of a cup or two of milk.   Finally, when I was satisfied with their look and feel, and the jars were clean and ready, I set them up.  With it always being pretty much over 70, it should ferment more quickly... in a day, two at worst.

I need to get back on kefir.  The heat was murdering me.  I couldn't focus.  It wasn't just kefir which stopped being consumed, and attended.  I haven't eaten a real meal in a... while.  I didn't even see the heat getting to me until... the ac went in?  It was probably a week where I wasn't aware of much.  Brutal.

A good day, though.  Still suffering, but my eyes aren't as dilated, fluid is draining naturally, my heart, lungs, and other organs aren't being crushed under the oppressive heat.  Still surprised, some days, that I am still alive.  No problems.  It is what it is, and I'll take it.  Enjoying even the pain, as I may.  Have uses for it.

Coffee, medicine, a shower?  Then checking on laundry?  Gaming?

Hmm, gaming.  The new controller is... problematic.  It takes a lot more pressure to push the buttons, pull the triggers, and look/move around.  If they keep up with they, they may end up with a lawsuit... a bunch of people with messed up tendons.  There was a time when secretaries were suing for this.  I think they figured out how to make that not happen.  Which... makes me suspect they are damaging people on purpose.  They know what they are doing.

Beside spying on us, for our government, through games and else, Japan has become as much a stooge for the American government, and against it's own base, as to be a danger.  Yes, we know, Sony.  You most likely will pay.  Won't have to do much, just change our government to one which won't help you against China.  Be careful which side you choose to be on.  It could cost you dearly.

Up at eight thirty?

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I think so.  Have been trying to crawl out since six.  Just... couldn't.  Even now was difficult.  It was 72/73 upstairs, 68/69 down stairs, and 66 outside.  Nothing on but two fans.  Everything remains open, so as to keep fresh air coming in, until it warms up.  As soon as I see that it has hit 70, outside, I close it up.  It warms so fast, though.  Often it is already to the mid 70s or low 80s these days.  An hour is a long time in deeper summer.

Not sure what it got down to last night, but I would guess at least to the high 50s.  Maybe the low 50s?  Can't trust the weather stations, they are usually wrong my from five to fifteen degrees.  Being summer, expect them to lie high.  I am yet to see them lie low.  I suppose when the government wants two plus two to equal three, they will go low?

I did pull meat out to thaw.  And, with ac, wouldn't mind baking some food.  chicken, a pork roast, and... something else.  No steaks this time, or burger.  But I do need more burger.  Then next time I see it on sale, I'll order a bunch.  It is such good, easy, food.  Now, with a griddle, an actual burger, triple patty, is easy.  Though, that also makes cooking a mess of beef crumble to store for the week an breeze, too.  I love that thing.  And so much easier to clean, keep clean, keep oiled, and work with.  Nice.  And, it cooks much faster than the stove.

So very much better.

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Almost forgetting to take medicine.  I think the heat was becoming a compounding portion of the health problem.  Still, want to take medicine for a while.  A few weeks.  If needed, longer.  If not... let it go until or unless it becomes a problem again.  I will run out.  But... such is life.

A few more days and I am hoping to begin doing some real work.  Enjoying life, again, for the first time in a while.  So surprised how that hard of a life sneaks up on me.  I think I'm fine, only to realize I am choking on life.  Brutality.  This helps explain, to me, why people in warmer climates are so dangerous.  And those without a means to controlling the climate in which they live.  It's not all of it, but it is a portion of it.

Why am I not dangerous?  I'm nearly dead.  Not much to put out, in that way.  Though, if something crawled into my abode, and I'm in that kind of shape, who... knows what might happen.  But, I don't, can't, go looking for it.  And, besides, after finding God, things aren't the same.  Yes, it... does make a difference.

Still a bit bruised, around the ribs and torso.  Don't really get that.  I think from gaining, then losing, then gaining, water... I ran into some internal issues.  Most likely.  Still, better.  A few more days and I may be back to normal.  For... whatever that means.

It's bedtime.  Time to sleep.  Should rest well.  Should.  I'll find out.

Recovering.

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It may take a few days... maybe a week?  But, I think, if I can control temps to this sort of level, I will be able to get back on my feet.  Too cold, too hot, I can't function.  Though, getting used to the variations of sun available, and the length of it during the day, will always be an added trick.  The real thing is the temperature.

And, that will have something to do with affordability.  We'll see how this works out.  It is 90 outside, and staying very pleasant indoors.  So far.  You have no idea what it was like, in my condition, to deal with that heat.  I truly am surprised it didn't kill me.

Still a bit rough, but improving.  It will take time.  I pretty much got crushed by the heat.  Though the health issues, for whatever other reasons, were doubling down on that.  Or, really, the other way around.  I was ill before the heat hit.  That just made it much worse.

Oh my word.

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It has warmed up, outside, hard and fast, today.  Just at noon and it is 87 out there.  Inside, so far, it is 72/75 and 77 near the computer.  But, it's... beautiful.  I honestly didn't think the ac would help that much.  I suspected a whole house unit would be required to cool the place off.  Though, with an ac upstairs and down, running, maybe that is the equivalent?

I... don't care.  All I know is I can see normally, I don't hurt in very strange ways, I'm not dehydrating to toxic levels, my headaches are simpler... more due to the extra light that is finally hitting.  Sure, days are getting shorter.  But they aren't cloudy half or more of the day, half or more of the sky, most days.

To be honest, the warmth in the front room is a bit of a break from the cool of the main of the house.  I... am quite happy.  Now, though, to work it so that the house gets opened as soon as it cools, for fresh air.  And to save on electric.  A nap in the afternoon, to help with that?  Maybe.  Anything to save money, and get that fresh air.

Brutal.

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Between the heat of the last few days, health issues, and the efforts of yesterday, today is harsh.

When I went to bed, it was still blistering hot, outdoors.  So I left everything running and just crawled into bed.  I had hoped to get a shower taken, but that wasn't possible.  I all but crawled upstairs.

This morning, it was 70/72 upstairs, 72/74 downstairs, 55 outdoors.  So, I shut the ac down, downstairs, opened windows, and have cooler air flowing through.  I figure by 10:00 I'll have to shut everything down.  Perhaps, at some point in the afternoon, I'll turn the ac back on.  Before it gets too hot down here.  Upstairs, the ac is still going.  I just don't have the energy to get up and turn that off, open those windows, only to undo that later.

It's in, and going.

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I... couldn't have done it.  I was barely able to help, in minor ways.  But I did a bit.  My eyes are so dilated.  Even with it all shut down, and closed off, dark, it feels like I am standing out in the bright sun.  When I was outside, it was so bright to my eyes that I couldn't look at a white truck.  Or couldn't see it correctly.  It looked like a blur.

It'll take a while to cool the house even a bit.  It had gotten into the 80s before the thing was in.  Well, 82 up front, 76 in the main, 72 upstairs with the ac on up there.

I am about to pass out.  Though, still, I may take another shower before going on up to bed.  Absolutely bushed, overheated, and messed up.  Ah, best get evening medicine in.  It is helping.  A lot.  It's just that I fell much further than I thought.

I got to some of it!

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Not all of it.  I can't move the plywood by myself.  But, I got tools in place, sawhorses out and set up, the ac over there, the 2x4s ready, and as mentioned, earlier I moved the bedding and boxes.  Actually, for me, that was a good little chunk of work.  I am surprised I got it done.

It is 90, and staying right at that, today.  I got to 90 by noon?  Something like that.  And has been steady since.  Brutal.  For me.  But probably a bit cool, here, for this time of the year.  Well, not cool, just... not nearly as hot as it can get.  Though that heat is a rarity too.

I can't complain.  And, to be honest, while the cool seemed to be keeping me down, it made life a lot more comfortable.  There may not be a temperature, or weather pattern setup, that will help me function.  Those... days may simply be over.  There isn't an easy way out.

Well... some things.

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Not sure if help is arriving.  Last I heard, it was probable.  To that end, I got in to the bedroom and opened up access to the window.  Boxes, box springs, and a mattress were in the way.  I moved the matress and box springs to the master, moving the boxes just well out of the way.

If I am certain help will be arriving, I will get the wood, ac, parts, and some tools, in there.  Just... to be ready.  And, if at all possible, and I am sure he is actually coming, on the way, I may try to work on getting the old window out.  Not sure how well I can do it, not sure what I am doing.  But, probably, can't mess up too badly?

If, that is, I can.  Just doing that bit of work about broke my balls.  Getting the wood moved, and the ac?  Yes, that... may be it.  If I can do that, but I will try.  Still, I'd like to see if I can remove some parts, take out screws or bolts, maybe remove the structure.  But without doing damage.  Ugh.

It is 90 out there.  My eyes are dilated, inside.  Stepping out and I am blind for a five minutes.  It isn't the heat, mostly.  It is 74, indoors, in the main.  It is 77 up front.  The ac is on upstairs, probably around 70~72 up there.  Breathing is difficult.  Still trying to catch my breath from moving those things.  It isn't the weight, it's that almost any effort is exceedingly taxing.  I... do what I can, as I may.

Oh, with the wood, and tools, I'll get the wood working benches out there, sawhorses?  Right?  Right, I think so.  Those are very handy.

I sent a text, asking if he was hungry, but more a round about way of asking if the gig is still on.  Though, if he is hungry, I'll gladly feed him.

On to gaming, in an attempt to catch my breath.  The Lord knows, some cooling would be very good.  Ugh.

Starting with a new way.

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This day, I woke a bit... early, and late.  Given when I went to bed, a bit before two, waking at 8:30 is an early rise.  And, yet, I would like to have been up earlier.  Tried, while surfacing, earlier.  Just didn't have it.  Heck, getting up when I did was a struggle.  Was worried about the house heating though.

Good thing, too.  It was already 76 out there.  Not sure what it got down to, if the last time I checked... between 22:30 and midnight(?), it was 64?  Something like that.  Yep, summer is here, for as long as it will last.  Though, the monsoon season is already teasing around the edges.  Waterworks still come through, sometimes leaving a bit of rain, often not... yet.  And, we yet have snow up in the mountains.  If, too, it was snowing up there not two weeks ago, three?, still.

Having some trouble, already.  My eyes aren't dilating well.  More like as if I just didn't wind sprints but couldn't catch my breath.  Not out of breath, as IF out of breath and unable to catch it.  That's the bad side.  There is a good side.

Finally cooled a bit.

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Not until late, 20:00?  More like 21:00?  Before it hit 68.  It stayed to 80 until those times?  Way too hot.  I opened things up, but it's not doing much for cooling, so far.  The upstairs should be cool.  Left the ac running.  Trying to figure something out.  This was not the way, what I did today.

Though... there might not be a way.  I did text for help.  It might be arriving.  If so, perhaps I can keep it cooler in here going forward.  It was to 77, in the main, 84 in this front room.  Yes, but I was experimenting.  That does work, to a degree, right until it fails absolutely around noon to 14:00?  Yea.

Retaining water.  I don't know, perhaps it is the heat?  Something is off.  Not as bad as it was, but not as good as it was getting.  Stupid, annoying, yea.

Hotter.

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Feels cooler, though.  Upstairs is staying around 72, the main area is 74, and this front room is up to 82.  If it is at least as hot, outside, as yesterday.  And, two days running, plus really a week in the 80s.  So, yes, it adds up.

While slicing cheese, I dropped the knife I was using.  At first I didn't think I got it.  Then I could see I clipped it.  My flipflop began filling, but I wasn't ready to do anything about it.  Had to finish my meal, and catch my breath.  Got through that, got my breath back, rested a bit, then got to it.

Always worrying, when feet, legs, ankles are swollen, and something gets cut.  Doesn't heal well.  And, if on my way down, from swelling, it's still not there.  Upstairs, to my first aid kit.  Yes, that thing really pays for itself.  Triple anti-biotic packs, and this time a bigger patch bandage.  A few down, for over the next few days.  Every other day, every day, something.  What I can do.

Then, into the shower.  Clean, clean, wash, scrub, foot to hair to balls.  Loverly.  It didn't look too bad.  Not deep.  Just a quarter inch deep, at most.  But the blade cut here, then skipped half and inch and cut there, and repeated.  Odd darned thing.  But, just little cuts.  The bandage I got was right sized.  A bit of the salvle, then the bandage.  Hope it works well.  Yes, I'll check it tomorrow.  Which means replace.  But, if it looks good, I'll skip days after that.  Showering when checking.  Makes it all smoother.

On back to gaming.  Oh, I should check laundry.  The last load in the dryer should be dry, I'll check.  Maybe run it a bit just to be sure anyway.  A 30 minute fluff, you know.

Sunday?  Yep.  I... keep thinking it became Monday, then Wednesday, then Friday?  It's... like my days are skipping right... in a single day.  I try to focus on which day it is.  Trying.  But... life is difficult, at the moment.  The heat isn't helping.  Could be worse, could be better.  Hot, in a week.  But that was expected.

I am going to text, see about a favor.  I can't do it.  I'm broken.  Maybe forever, certainly for now.  Help!  Mostly.  We'll see.

Sunday?

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I am lost, people.  While I am doing better, health wise, if only compared to recent depths, I am completely lost.  I haven't known, or otherwise been able, to track what day it is for a while.  Oh, for a bit, I figure it out, remember.  But even before the day is done, I... forget.  Lose track.  As if, for the most part, it matters.

It is 85 outside, 74 indoors, downstairs.  I am trying something different.  Keeping everything closed, but the front door.  Though with a sheet blocking the front and back areas, and a fan going, on high, toward the door, in the front room.  Currently it is 74 front and back.  Yesterday, about this time, it was 74 in the back area, 77 up front, give or take.  Trying different things.  Though, the upstairs still has the ac going.

Still haven't taken the shower.  Hoping to get whiskers at least trimmed, with the electric trimmer, too.  A shave?  If so, later.  I can't stand for very long.  Will need the shower bench today, in order to finish without getting wobbly.

Ouch.

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Five liters out, last night, at least.  How much during the day yesterday?  Close to that amount.  I don't generally measure during the day.  The pee jugs, however, tell me in the morning.  And, down 10.x, I think 10.4, pounds.  The skin on my feet up through my thighs, hurts from the slough caused by decompression.  But the swelling pain is relieved.  Though is replaced by other things, besides the skin trying to slough.

I have to be careful, when that much fluid is evacuated at once.  My skin tears, cuts, rips, very easily.  And, when it does, it takes weeks to heal.  Requiring special care.

All of this, however, is good news.  It is on the path to recovery.  The heart medicine is helping the heart do it's job, while not spitting blood into the lungs (or as much... that is a process... takes time).  But, while not pumping it into the lungs, the body seems to dump fluid everywhere else.

Hot.

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Too hot.  It got to 88, then dropped to 78~79 as a storm sort of did, or is, blowing through.  I lost track of some things, and it got extra warm?  Though I am not sure doing things differently will make a difference.  We'll see.  I'll try to do it rightly tomorrow.

With it currently as warm inside as out, I just opened things up.  Going on to bed before too long.  Want it to cool as much as possible while I sleep.  With the ac and fans going, upstairs should be 73 at the highest?  Perhaps as low as 70?  I'll know shortly.

I did get the shower taken.  Didn't shave, let alone trim.  Oh well.  Can barely stand.  I did get the laundry a second hit.  Should be done when I wake.  Probably done now, can't do much about it.

Warming quickly.

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Though, between sunup and 8:30, it dropped to 58?  Strange.  Here at 10:30 it is up to 75 though.  Burning some daylight, to be certain.

Cheese, and coffee.  Well, and salami too.  But, with salami?  Slice it thin, very, very thin.  Then eating it isn't as much of a problem.  Mostly.  But, yes.  That, if you really want some, is the way to go.  Thin, and little.  Don't... bulk up on that.

Oh, and I will be starting waterpills.  While that wasn't the problem before, strangely enough.  Sure, blood in the lungs, but not in the legs, ankles, feet.  Until now.  It looks like I am getting fluid out of the lungs, mostly, slowly, usually.  But, now it is dropping into my lower extremities, and to a degree into my torso cavity.  So?  So, the waterpill.  Treating one thing at a time, as needed.

Odd sleeping cycles.

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They are off.  Changing this day from that.  Length to timing, nothing is constant.  Down half to midnight, up at five, this day, for now.  I may need a nap later.  It is warmer, too.  It was 75 most of the night, up there... with windows open and fans going.  Down here it is 71, nearing 72, front and back.

It had dropped to 58 at about bedtime.  But, this morning, is right at 60.  Weather patterns, in the summer, will do that.  Haven't seen that in a long time, and it's not typical even in typical years, or even summers.  It is what it is.

I have laundry to continue, today.  A shower to take.  A trim before, maybe a shave after.  Perhaps that will help with cooling.  Sometimes it does, sometimes having a beard is more comfortable.  An odd world.  Is that subjective or objective?  Couldn't be, both?  Unless one can be affected by the other, or external factors?  Doesn't seem reasonable, but many things that are true don't.

A strangely better day.

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Still not great.  I think the heat helped?  In a weird way.  Until it really didn't.  While it only got to, say, 82 or 83?  It stayed warme all day.  A storm blew through, it didn't matter.  I think it dropped to 78, then when right back up to 80, maybe even 82 again.  Maybe it hit 86 at some point.  It was weird.  As if heat was wrestling with cool.  Heat won, mostly.

It stayed mostly cooler in the main.  This front room got to 78 and pretty much stayed there, if not until later in the day.  I stayed up, hoping it would cool.  It didn't cool off, really, until 21:30?  22:30?  Somewhere in there.  And it didn't cool much.  It only was down to 68 by then.  Yeah.  I turned the ac on upstairs a few hours ago.  Hopefully it will be better.  It was 78 upstairs.  I forgot to shut the windows at the right time.

But, yes, feeling slightly better.  And I do think it is the warmth.  Though, that is going to swamp me quickly.  I can barely stand, even now.  But breathing is better.  It isn't belabored all the time, just sometimes.  And, not even every time I exert some effort, if most of those times.  Better is just that.  A comparative improvement.

I am hoping it cools a bit tonight.  It is bedtime.  Being more careful with medicine.  Can od on that stuff.  Not that that has killed me, but it is rather unpleasant.  Oh well.  On to bed, I do believe.

Breathing is difficult.

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It has been worse, but it has been a whole lot better.  Just getting up to go to the bathroom, or feed Sassy, or check the temp, will end with me tuckered out, breathing heavy, hoping I don't pass out.  Though, really, I haven't come close to that... in the last day or two.  But, for a few days, yea.  I really... wondered if I was going to die trying to get air in.  Though, it is still... troubling.

I had to bring in water.  Perrier went crazy, price-wise.  So I had to find something else.  I like it, I think better.  Even it has gone up a lot.  Can't drink it as often as I'd like, but... it's something.  Look, it's cheaper than food, for as much filling as it offers.  And, at my weight, as long as I get some regular food, and vitamins plus minerals, I can go without food to some degree.  Anyway, but that stuff is heavy.  In.  I need to get it down to the basement, too.  Ugh.

Cheese, earlier.  With coffee.  Skipping salami.  Just having cheese every other to every third day, salami once a week.  This isn't my favorite salami.  The kinds I knew and liked simply weren't available.  Next I'll have kefir.  Oh, and perhaps the last of the roast, or nearly.

Sleep is off, but not bad?

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At least I can sleep, when it is needed, for as long or short as needed.  I am, at this point, far less worried about keeping to days and nights as I am about getting sleep when I am so tired it hurts.  Managing the temp in the house is the key.

It has been hitting the 80s lately, daily.  Which... is at a minimum good.  We probably need it warmer.  It is an ag area.  Things need to grow, mature.  What is grown here really needs heat.  Though, being a farmer, rancher, or else, is a serious gamble.  Enough?  Heat, water, dry patches, and else, at the right times, is... well... hopefully the averages make up for the aggregate?

I have been able to keep the house at about 70, in the nights, then it slowly peaks into the mid 70s.  Ac use, for an hour or four, in the afternoon to evening, upstairs, is enough.  As long as I open the house downstairs while it is cool outside.  It is exactly 70 in both places upstairs, and both areas downstairs, as I woke at 4:30.  Oh, and 49 outside, though it may yet cool more out there.  Pleasant.  Now that I am used to the 70s, it's nice.  I can wear compression socks/hose without much issue, and pj bottoms over, without overheating.  I can even handle the warmth of the day, usually.  Sometimes, often, enjoy it.

Delusional?

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I do enjoy the accusation.  True?  Perhaps.  But, I see what I see, and write about it.  I write it as I see it.  I... don't worry about that.  There is no human on this planet, or other things if some of us are different, who get it all right.  I don't think we get it mostly right?

The brighter you are, the more patterns which emerge.  Brighter folk tend to get the lower level pattern recognition down, but when they... try to... really dig in?  They go so far off the beaten trail.  This I know.  What I am seeing are simple patterns.  Who, if anyone, is creating them?  That I won't say.  If I... privately..suspect, speculate.  I prefer, honestly, to doubt.  I try my very best to ignore.  But, sometimes the patterns beat me over the head until I surrender... at least to the notions.

I laugh at those who doubt.  Not... necessarily because they are wrong.  Most pattern recognition isn't, at the minimum, a bit wrong.  Much of it is terribly wrong.  Well, in that I see patterns everywhere.  No, it... isn't that they might be wrong, though that is still possible.  It is that right or wrong, their doubts are less secure than my certainties, and exist for the wrong reasons.

Someone keeps suggesting something.

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Sometimes a song will show.  Time, and time, and time again.  Almost every time I look.  And, sometimes, I try to ignore it.  I do ignore.  I have been ignoring it.  I don't always understand, if... there may be... a path or two toward understanding.  Ignore?  Ignore again?  Gah!  The pain, of ignoring what won't be ignored!

First, it was every other day.  Then twice a day.  Then five times a day.  Then most every time I look.  And, finally, it has been there every time I look.  So, fine, I'll play it.  She wants to be heard.  My psychic ears are bleeding.  I'll... play it.

Awake?

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I woke at about 1:30?  Give or take.  It was 70, upstairs, in both places I measure.  With the ac going and both fans on.  I... must have been really tired, I usually turn one of the fans off while going to bed.  Downstairs it was 72/74, warmer up front.  So I openeded things up, and turned on, or up, fans.

I truly planned to just open things up, write a short post, and go on to bed.  But between a bm brewing now, and just not quite being able to get right back to bed, that won't happen.  a bit of gaming, I suppose.  As I try to find my way back to a time when... place... where I can sleep again.

Life is going a bit more smoothly.  Breathing is still a bit of a difficult thing.  In part because I keep blocking up... phlegm buildup.  In part because fluid is still backing up into my lungs.  There are other... problems.  But, my lungs are, slowly, two steps forward one back, getting better.

Not bad.

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Doing a bit better today, again.  Still coming up breathless from doing the slightest things... like taking a jog over to the door, and going out to check the temp.  It is 82 outside, 75 up front, and 71/73 in the main of the house.  Cooler, probably.  The thermostats are near the main south facing stone wall.  That gets warmer, but it's not as warm as that indicates.  I can feel it, walking back there.  Not sure what the temp is upstairs.  Too worn to check.

Just keeping up on Sassy.  I'll change her water when I get my breath back.  Well, get that back, then reset the r.o. system.  I had fallen a bit behind.  As well, I'll grab a jar, or a couple cups really, of kefir.  I'll probably switch that out, today, before going to bed.

I do realize why blood sugar is higher.  In order to drink coffee, I have needed sweetener.  I haven't gotten the good stuff, from the store.  So, am consuming freezer dried.  That'll work, for a bit.  But it is a lot worse than the good stuff.  If you haven't had them back to back, it is easier to drink freeze dried.  But i just had the fresh stuff, ground myself, recently.  I have to sweeten the freeze dried, or not drink it.  And, sometimes, I just need some coffee.

Four hours later.

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Just checked.  Outside it is still only 67.  Still, that's a twenty degree rise in temp, rising more like in three rather than all four hours?  Probably.  Mostly sunny out there, just some... haze.  Still a pretty day.  Snow still on some of the peaks.  Crazy, I'll tell you.

Still running out of breath doing little things.  Just going to check the temp nearly ran me down.  On the good side?  I can got check the temp, or do little things, when I want, and at speed.  Go, go, go!  That's how I prefer, or try, or do live... when I can.  I want it done, now, yesterday even.  Unfortunately, right now, just checking the temp is as much as I can do.

Gaming.  Getting a bit into it.  A very slow hard start.  Then I did well for a while.  Now I can't seem to do much, or fast.  Part of it is due to poor health.  Part of it is that the game seems to have ebbs and flows.  It seems to let one through, with moderate effort.  Then, all of a sudden, it shuts down all progress.

Up at 5:30.

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It got down to 70/72 upstairs, but that felt cool, almost cold.  I needed to add two extra blankets to my main.  With one fan going on slow speed and the windows open?  Okay.  Downstairs, the house got to 66/68... warmer in this front room.  Outdoors is 46?  Strange though, for it to have cooled that much.  Windows open a bit, one fan going, also on slow speed.  It's strange that it would, could, get that cool.

Sleep was pretty good, before and after.  Though the cooler sleeping is always the better sleeping.  I tended Sassy, food and litter so far, first thing.  I'll change her water a bit later.  Kefir, in a bit.  I have leftover vinegar tonic.  I... don't think that goes bad.  What to eat today?  Leftover chuck roast will do.  I may dice it, and add it to canned soup?  That wouldn't be too bad.

There is something I want to try with soup, if I can't immediately remember what that is.  If I remember, I may try it, then I'll let you know.  Canned soup isn't great, but with lungs still making catching and keeping my breath a bit of a trick, it will do.  Which... is why I have such things.  Oh, and, probably, later... or earlier... I'll have corned beef hash and eggs.  Now that I can crisp the hash properly, that has become a once again beloved meal.  Not great for keto, but... I'm hitting keto pretty well.  Oddly, blood sugar is staying up into the low two hundreds.  Not sure why?  I guess it just is what it is.

A pretty enough day.  Clouds on the horizon.  It has been clouding up, raining even from time to time.  Storms are still coming through, if not raining as much.  Still, amazed that it is bothering to rain.

Coffee, morning pills, and gaming.  Later.

Better still.

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I was seeing how the morning... night really... would go.  The house, downstairs, has gotten down to 70/70.  Very nice.  It is 1:30, so time to go on to bed.  I am hoping it is cooler upstairs, too.  Odd, the ac will only get it down to 73, but... the outside, on reasonable nights, with a fan going, might get it cooler.  Though, without the ac to start, it won't.  Fair enough.  Without ac to chill the place down a bit, it will only get down to the upper 70s.

I found an open bottle of losartan, and brought it down while heading down when waking.  As well, I split a pill, taking half.  Along with half of a carvedilol.  I have been taking a bit more carvedilol than really planned, but... okay.  A bit extra, to start out, I don't mind.  But, the goal is to get medicine sets set up so as to not be... guessing, or overdoing.  Though I may do more, scheduled, for the first week or so.  Then get it set for the lessor amounts.  Titrating to get a better blood level of the stuff a bit quicker.

Between this, that, vix, and else, I am breathing better.  Curious how things turn out over the next week.  Still not sure why my ribs, torso in general, feels so sore.  Painkillers helped with the pain, but it's still stiff, under the covered pain.  On to bed.

Hopefully I can keep this schedule.  It's a bit off, but it means I am awake during the day, mostly.  And up just enough in the night to cool the house down.  Then get some sleep while it is cool.  It's an odd schedule.  But that's fine.

Slightly better.

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Far from even as solidly imperfect as a while back.  But, better than the last two days.  Mostly.  My torso feels like it has been crushed, somehow.  Breathing is still strained, shallow.  Phlegm returns, but is released well enough, when I... realize it is the problem.  I almost always feel short of breath, though.  Just, with the snot shot out, getting some air is... easier.

The ac got the upstairs down to 72/73 near me.  I turned that off while waking at about 22:30.  Opened the windows, turned off one of the thans, the other on.  Then, downstairs to open up and get fresh cooler air in.  It is 73/74, or the opposite?  Okay, the front room is the warmer room.  Outside is around 63.

I lit some fans, opened windows a crack, and am hoping that will help some.  Loud, in here, but it could be worse.  Could be hotter, and loud.

I didn't sleep.

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Tried to push through.  Did push through.  The heart isn't so pained, if I am stretching things beyond what you might imagine.  Even so, I did it.  It is 15:15, as I write.  I am tired.  My neck hurts, lightly.  But all else seems good.

The last I checked outdoors, it was 76?  Not sure, if I suspect it has warmed since.  I just can't go check.  My next job will be to make it up to bed.  Nothing else.  The ac is still running, so it should be cooler up there?  Will find out.

Gaming, from time to time.  Watching vids.  Trying to figure out what to do in the game.  Ugh.  It's... gotten complicated.  Not blocked in by too many things, and there are several ways I could go.  Tried one of several bosses I could do.  Was told it was an easy boss.  It's not.  But, it isn't the next on the recommended list.  I'll go do that one, the recommended one, when I wake again.

So tired.  But I didn't lose day and night, or not yet.  Will see how things work.

Couldn't sleep.

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Just too warm.  Strange, because it really isn't?  It was in the low 70s down here.  Currently, near the computer, it is only 72.  Must be 68 to 70 in the rest of the house.  The ac has been running upstairs.  It should be cooler, though maybe not all that cool.  The upstairs, when the world heats, is doing good to get down to 73.  But that is in high summer.  I don't think it is quite there yet.

It rained again, before I woke.  After?  Not sure.  Had to check.  If for no other reason than to just... get up, on my feet, see if I could do it without too much trouble.  Well, it took my breath away, but I was able to get to it quickly.

The water that was out there is mostly gone.  No new, from the looks of it.  It is 52.  Pleasantly so.  It is 71.8/9 down here.  Even with things open and the fans going.  Summer is definitely back.  However, I am managing the warmth much better... again this year.  Probably better than even last year.  If, too, it hasn't been hot for long.  It'll wear me out quickly, on top of being ill.  Meh, fine.

Rough, better.

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I got some sleep.  Yesterday I tried using a packed sleeping bag as a bit of a... platform.  I was so tired, breathing so poorly, and having so many other problems, that I simply couldn't sort out the world.  It helped, but not even close to optimally.

Tonight i pulled the sleeping bag out and packed it, as a bit of a ramp, and put my pillows on it however they would fill the space better.  And, yes, it helped.  Further, I was able to get to where I could sleep somewhat comfortably.  The only real problem, other than some remaining if more minor breathing problems, was the warmth.

It was 79 up there.  That's... just... too warm.  It was a bit warm even yesterday, but there was nothing I could do about it.  And that wasn't the major problem.  Tonight I was able to get one of the ac units in the window, and get it lit.  But only after baking until I woke.  I won't be able to sleep for a while for it.  But, it should be cooler up there.

Ever so slightly better.

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Have you ever exerted yourself to the point of seeing stars, blacking out?  Right.  I've been on the verge of that for the last two, even three days... the last week nearly.  If the last few days have been the absolute worst.  I first tried making sure I put on compression socks every day, then added waterpills into my menu.

It kept getting worse.  And, sleeping, laying down, reclining, was becoming impossible.  Or... nearing it.  I needed sleep, still do, very badly.  The fear, during the night, is that I might choke on phlem or else, that it might... get me.  Seriously.  It was concerning.

I guess I don't mind dying, but that would be a difficult way.  I have been keeping an eye open, and a sense of things about me.  There are some ways I would rather not die?  Yes, I think that is it.  So, yes, I've been fighting this, and sort of losing.  Just, not losing everything, or yet.

I started taking some of my heart medicine today, and adding in aspirin.  It is either beginning to help, or I was about to get better anyway.  I suspect the former.  As I don't think this will get better on it's own, or... not right now.  Maybe, through time, I can back off medication.  Or... not.  Will have to see.

I am really hoping even the partial dose will allow me to sleep.  Who knows, perhaps it will let me die in my sleep.  I'll see tonight, and really through the next week.  Okay, yes, this is... probably as bad as it has gotten.  Though, it was through something like this, which eventually got them to treat my heart, and stop gaslighting me about this all being depression or other bogus diagnosis'.  Assholes.

Now, that time, I thought it was a "walking pneumonia", or some such.  I had it for six months.  So... yes.  I guess I have had it worse.  But it doesn't feel like it while in it.  This has just been a few days, maybe weeks?  Perhaps a month or two.  That was at least six months, though I... may have ignored it for a while before then as well.

It's staying a bit warmer.  Got to 77 up front, 74 everywhere else (downstairs).  Not sure about upstairs.  Outside?  I thought it had gotten to 88?  Or... was that yesterday?  77 for sure?  I thought so, but can't be absolutely certain.  In any case, a storm passed through.  It rained.  The temp is around 80 out there, currently.  Though not sure the rain is finished.  Very surprised we got any rain though.  Very odd for this time of year.  Usually, when rain stops for a bit, it's gone for good.  And we had it until a week ago, or so.  Strange for it to be back.  Farmers probably aren't happy.  They need some dry weather, hot dry weather, for crops to work out.

Just going out, getting the grill going, and checking the weather, wore me out a bit.  Not as bad as the last few days.  But... troubling.  Hoping it'll get better in the next few days.  Grilling up a steak today.  Hungry.  Or... am I?  Maybe I just know I need food.  Been back on kefir, and vinegar tonics.  Off the salami and cheese.  Ugh.  That was ripping me up.  I am almost... over it.

Well... on to gaming?  Hmm, after dinner anyway.

Monday?

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I've been doing well, tracking days, lately.  Even in my rougher state.  Not yesterday.  The last day I remember was Saturday, and I thought that was yesterday.  Though, my lungs are really messed up, sleep is terribly off, and some other things.  Too much cheese and salami, which has caused lots of pushing, which... leaves my stomach/torso area feeling bruised and broken.

Odd pangs, of pain.  Not just in that area.  Pins and needles, but from extreme pressure, or from heart problems?  I can't say.

I fought, last night, for more sleep.  But staying down is difficult, was.  I did it.  Not without suffering.  And I didn't sleep well.  Still, more sleep.  My body tried to wake me up around 19:30, or so, after going down around 16:00?  I refused, tried to get more sleep, stayed down until 2:00.

Brutal.

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Okay.  Well, this is as bad as it has gotten.  My heart, while I sleep, try to sleep, is struggling greatly.  Lungs are backfilling.  Waterpills just... aren't getting it.  Besides, the compression socks and hose keep that pretty much at bay, save in the torso.  Nothing will probably help that?  Hmm, might... consider a few... options.  Though not sure compressing the torso would work, as I am already struggling to breath.

I do have medication left over.  Old.  But it might work.  Though, as I remember, half of the doses, of the main two drugs, plus back then the waterpills and potent potassium pills, was enough to relieve symptoms.  I can go without the waterpills, for now.  And, thus, I can skip the potassium.  I have some of each on hand, just in case.

So, for now, I will try carvedilol and losartin, at half doses.  I will, then too, only use them until symptoms relent, then run just a bit longer, then back off.  Quit them, until/unless symptoms return.  That should mean these pills will last... a few more years.  It is what it is.  If I had a wife, we could go to real medical.  But, as is, I would be required to go to the V.A.  Which, I can't, because of the mask mandate.

Warm out there.

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A steak, and fried potatoes, for lunch.  Oh, delicious.  I am getting the cooking for meats down.  This one was very easy, being thick cut.  Kefir before, vinegar tonic after.  I haven't been eating or drinking well, right, as I intend.  Too tired, confused, and such.  

It was 86 last I looked, 82 when I first started my meal about wo hours ago.  It's... going up.  I shut the house down, including upstairs.  This evening, if it is still too warm up there by 16:00 to 18:00, I'll put an ac in one of the windows and get it lit.  Just use it for a few hours though.  I don't need it really cool anymore, it seems.  And, though, I was able to sleep in the high 70s, I prefer not to?  Right.

I had hoped to get to some work today.  Any work.  Ain't going to happen.  Barely staying awake.  Though, really, I did turn days and nights around in the last few days, so... it's going to be difficult.  The trick will be to keep days, not have it flip back.  My body prefers to be awake in the cool of the night.

Is a nightowl a biological thing?  A psychology thing?  Or something else?  I do know that the night is more muted, comfortable.  Cats, owls, and other things... their senses are overloaded during the day.  I suspect I have similar problems.  Or, maybe, I simple see, hear, think, and feel better at night.  As a fact, I know I do.  Days are miserable for me.  And, yet, I... try.

Beastly difficult day.

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Almost no blood spit up, if so a very very light shade of pink.  Which... is good.  If there, and it might have been, it was almost not visible.  But I think I saw some.  Quite a lot of material out, but it came out well.  I thought I got most of it out.  Gurgling, though, with a rattling cough through the night.  It was good to wake, spit that out, and sit up.  Rough.  Better.

But, for it, I could barely breath while dressing and getting down.  Just... I couldn't feed Sassy, or do much else than check the outside temp and open windows while turning on fans.

It was rather warm upstairs!  It was 77 in the main, 78 near me.  Downstairs, closed up, was 71/73 (main/up front).  And outside was about 55?  I checked just now and it is to 53, so cooling a bit more.  I need to get the house as cool as possible, and then close up before it gets too hot out there.  And, I may put an ac in upstairs.  Leaving it open most of the day, then turning the ac on for a few hours before bedtime.  Just... to get it a bit cooler.  It seems I am... acclimated, to a degree.  I was sleeping like a babe.  Other than the lungs filling a bit.