.
.
I ordered a desk to go with the new chair. High, like a drafting table or work bench. I honestly wasn't sure what it was, at first. Perhaps they sent the wrong thing. I thought it was longer and not quite so wide. It's a bit of a beast to put together. Not due to complexity. It just weighs a bunch. I have it together, save for the back brace, which I am hoping will stabilize the thing. I best check, actually, whether the brace is for the back or as a foot-step sort of brace. It could go either place. No instructions. Finally, though, a desk I am hoping I can rely upon, one that is big enough so that I don't have to tuck in to tuck in. You have no idea what it is like to live in a world that is made for... people... while you aren't a people.
I will probably get more into dishes and laundry. Probably. It is slowly creeping up in temp, and that slowly tears me down. I'm just not a heat lover. Beside the environment warming, every thing I do adds to my heat issues.
It's just about time for a blood sugar check. Then maybe a shower. That last might just help cool down. I won't be eating for another six hours and change. At 21:00 tonight it will be a 36 hour fast... save for tea... or to the best of my recall. I won't go beyond that quite yet. A cup and an half of brown rice, two or three teaspoons of butter, and a pinch of salt. Yeah, carbs. Better carbs, good fat, but more because the calories are easy to count. As I start things, this is the way. Though I should begin looking at calories for chops, etc... sort of by weight.
No... no true calorie counting. I will just use that on the days I do a light fast. The rest of the time I will simply eat as I usually eat... if maybe keeping consumption into a smaller space of time... if that isn't too unusual as is. There are limits, in any venture. For now, this is one, and as good as I can do.
As to hunger? It has mostly passed. Tease me with a snickers bar and it might get ugly. Could end up without that grin, candy bar, and maybe missing other parts. But, honestly, it really isn't bad. A bit more of a headache, though that might be from the heat, from the exercise in putting the desk together, or from fasting. I'll cook the rice in time that it will be done by 21:00, easily... but still warm. Reheating rice doesn't work all that well, and cold rice does not absorb butter. Nasty clumps when cold. I am hoping, before I eat, that the serum drops to somewhere around 200~250... if the former is probably impossible at this early stage. The latter number might even be a stretch. It is hoped, in time, that my tolerance, which is the problem, will correct. If so, that number, over consecutive fasts, with a bit of care to carbs and type of carbs, and all else, will lend a hand where it can't fix it by itself.
I am nervous. I feel the weakness in arms and legs, from just a bit of work. Though I am coming back to work, which might be the true problem. Always nervous when seeing what this old boat might do. Then again, what is the worst that could happen? Okay, yeah, there are any number of worse than death scenarios. Still... here I go. The blood sugar reading was 266. Down from 296 last night and 326 this morning.
Later.
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Hungry.
.
.
Though not shout worthy about it. A minor headache is forming, but that may have more to do with getting out in the morning heat, and even the little bit of work. It's such a minor pain that it is only being mentioned as it might be related to hunger... or not. Time will tell. I has been, I would say, right around 26 hours since last I ate. I'm putting my last meal at 9:00 yesterday morning. The goal is to test blood sugar at the 24 hour (done, giver or take), the 30, and maybe the 36 hour marks. Looking for a drop in baseline.
I am not sure how much the diabetes, heart, and anything else, might be interconnected. The bad heart was first, by a long shot. But as time goes, I think the two have morphed into something all their own. Connections have been made so that they either make each other worse or potentially get better together. It sure seems that way, anyway. Especially since they like to say those diseases have no symptoms, give or take. They do, it's just that they move in so slowly, usually, that they aren't noticed. I noticed, at least in the beginning, because my heart got so bad so fast. I thought I was dying, because I was. Or, at least, I had, pretty much, died.
I'll test blood sugar at 15:00 and then at 21:00. I will eat at the 21:00 mark, if lightly. I am thinking to see how much rice and butter would equate to about 500 calories. It's not so much of a calorie count thing, and 500 calories might not be enough. However, one of the options is to fast partially. Now, I have fasted, having hit the 24 hour mark. But fasting is a multivaried thing, that can be run for days. I haven't decided which way to go with it. It will depend as much on what I can do as anything else. And other health concerns. I'll be looking for my blood pressure cup. I should track that as well.
One of the methods is partial fasting, where one day is normal food, one days is 500 calories (or some amount appropriate to size, to some degree). I may attempt a full fast with a partial in between another fast, then off for a few days. If, even then, the goal would be to eat all of my calories in a small window of time, potentially one single meal a day. There is much to be ironed out. How many calories should I eat? Being overweight, do I really want to eat even static calories? Or do I want to eat less even then, perhaps calories fitting for the weight desired? I am not sure. Pushing too hard usually ends in fail, could go worse. People die doing stupid things, and not always how it would seem.
I did check about tea. I looked into sugar replacements. Tea seems fine. Despite the theory that tea introduces too much caffeine, thus dehydrates, that is probably a fiction. With regular sugar, then I would agree. Without it? Not so much. As to the various sugar replacements, I think I will just have to figure out which works best for my system over time. I simply can't seem to find a source which has reviewed these products in relation to type 2 diabetes. Though, with google and everyone else on someone's hook, hiding the data, or changing it for a payoff, it doesn't surprise me that information has become hard to find. Working with the Chinese has improved googles ability to censor. I suppose that was half of what they were seeking in the exchange... a defenseless population, with it's government fully on their side, with whom to practice information psy-ops, misinformation, and the rest.
Still, I can do the testing myself, over time. Tea, like water, is a bit much, on it's own, over time. I need a little something to add in... more often than not sometimes. Though sometimes plain is grand. Bleh.
Laundry has begun going through the shoot. I need to wash some dress clothes. Several things coming up, I hope. Another shower today, just because. But that means a bunch of dishes need... mostly rinsed, dried, and put up, I believe. Bleh. So much, a bit tired, extra things. I'll know, before long, if fasting actually does improve energy levels. Not sure I believe. Belief is not necessary to explore. Actually, the lack of belief has lead me to more exploration than belief, faith, surety. It was the lack of any faith, at the time God called, that... nailed that down. And, what little I have learned of science... mistakes taught me much more than any book, trained skill or technique, or even grand serendipity. Often I was sure of what became the mistake. So... I'll let it fly, for a while, and then some.
Later.
.
Though not shout worthy about it. A minor headache is forming, but that may have more to do with getting out in the morning heat, and even the little bit of work. It's such a minor pain that it is only being mentioned as it might be related to hunger... or not. Time will tell. I has been, I would say, right around 26 hours since last I ate. I'm putting my last meal at 9:00 yesterday morning. The goal is to test blood sugar at the 24 hour (done, giver or take), the 30, and maybe the 36 hour marks. Looking for a drop in baseline.
I am not sure how much the diabetes, heart, and anything else, might be interconnected. The bad heart was first, by a long shot. But as time goes, I think the two have morphed into something all their own. Connections have been made so that they either make each other worse or potentially get better together. It sure seems that way, anyway. Especially since they like to say those diseases have no symptoms, give or take. They do, it's just that they move in so slowly, usually, that they aren't noticed. I noticed, at least in the beginning, because my heart got so bad so fast. I thought I was dying, because I was. Or, at least, I had, pretty much, died.
I'll test blood sugar at 15:00 and then at 21:00. I will eat at the 21:00 mark, if lightly. I am thinking to see how much rice and butter would equate to about 500 calories. It's not so much of a calorie count thing, and 500 calories might not be enough. However, one of the options is to fast partially. Now, I have fasted, having hit the 24 hour mark. But fasting is a multivaried thing, that can be run for days. I haven't decided which way to go with it. It will depend as much on what I can do as anything else. And other health concerns. I'll be looking for my blood pressure cup. I should track that as well.
One of the methods is partial fasting, where one day is normal food, one days is 500 calories (or some amount appropriate to size, to some degree). I may attempt a full fast with a partial in between another fast, then off for a few days. If, even then, the goal would be to eat all of my calories in a small window of time, potentially one single meal a day. There is much to be ironed out. How many calories should I eat? Being overweight, do I really want to eat even static calories? Or do I want to eat less even then, perhaps calories fitting for the weight desired? I am not sure. Pushing too hard usually ends in fail, could go worse. People die doing stupid things, and not always how it would seem.
I did check about tea. I looked into sugar replacements. Tea seems fine. Despite the theory that tea introduces too much caffeine, thus dehydrates, that is probably a fiction. With regular sugar, then I would agree. Without it? Not so much. As to the various sugar replacements, I think I will just have to figure out which works best for my system over time. I simply can't seem to find a source which has reviewed these products in relation to type 2 diabetes. Though, with google and everyone else on someone's hook, hiding the data, or changing it for a payoff, it doesn't surprise me that information has become hard to find. Working with the Chinese has improved googles ability to censor. I suppose that was half of what they were seeking in the exchange... a defenseless population, with it's government fully on their side, with whom to practice information psy-ops, misinformation, and the rest.
Still, I can do the testing myself, over time. Tea, like water, is a bit much, on it's own, over time. I need a little something to add in... more often than not sometimes. Though sometimes plain is grand. Bleh.
Laundry has begun going through the shoot. I need to wash some dress clothes. Several things coming up, I hope. Another shower today, just because. But that means a bunch of dishes need... mostly rinsed, dried, and put up, I believe. Bleh. So much, a bit tired, extra things. I'll know, before long, if fasting actually does improve energy levels. Not sure I believe. Belief is not necessary to explore. Actually, the lack of belief has lead me to more exploration than belief, faith, surety. It was the lack of any faith, at the time God called, that... nailed that down. And, what little I have learned of science... mistakes taught me much more than any book, trained skill or technique, or even grand serendipity. Often I was sure of what became the mistake. So... I'll let it fly, for a while, and then some.
Later.
Up, almost by accident, on time.
.
.
I set the alarm for 7:00. Didn't hear it, don't remember turning it off. When I woke, that alarm read 8:42, so I jumped and ran. Looking for my phone, looking to see if someone was here, trying to figure out clothes and grooming, all in the same moment. Too much. Then I heard the phone ring, but couldn't find it. Followed the sound and... got close enough as it quit ringing. Cargo pocket... Yeah. I tried to call back, but the doorbell rang. Ah... pants... now... where were those? Gotcha. Just one of those mornings.
The basic shade structure is together for the raft. I will need to drill some holes for tie-ins, to the boat. I may use pvc glue for some of it. Finally I need to fit a tarp. I just can't handle direct sun well. A hat only does a bit of good, sun block only so much, all efforts are weakened by heat, and some wash off. I did mention raft, right? I may get back out and do just a bit more later. The structure together, while not an absolute two-man job... it sure helped having someone else to hold up this brace while I added an attachment bar, or vice versa. More so with focus being weak.
I've been doing laundry, and have more dishes soaking. I'll get trash out, or that is the plan. That will be it. The heat out there, already, is starting to oppress. I'll probably, if I do more work outside, do it later... if coolness returns to any degree. The rest can go on in spits and spurts.
I realized, as I was falling asleep, that I had eaten yesterday. The last of the pressure-cooked beef roast. It was earlier in the day, before noon, perhaps just around 8:00 to 10:00? Something. So I had eaten. Today I have neither eaten nor had anything to drink, tea or water. Wanted a true fasting, plus, blood sugar level check... 326. Yeah, my fasting is often higher than non-fasting. I will be checking my blood sugar at, say, 16:00, then maybe 20:00. I'm looking for trigger points, points where there might be a real drop in the numbers. For now tea will continue. If that seems to be a problem, it may, for a while, go. Or maybe I'll try a different sugar replacement more heavily, or... Dunno.
Fasting, today, too. How long? Don't know. If I get a really good drop I may allow something. It depends on how I feel. One of the notions I read was of partial fasting... eating less than, say, 500 calories... Using that partial fasting as a means of breaking into open, or true, fasting... or if necessary keeping that as a slower but surer means of reaching my goal. I simply don't know about all out fasting. If you have ever starved because of no will of your own, physical and environmental failure, you... get a little gun shy about the process. Hurts. A lot. And, I always wondered, what if I got lost in starvation? I have been close before. Nearly a month of not eating. Then binging when I finally got access to food. That, too, is dangerous. The gut and intestines, and possibly other organs, have shut down. Slamming them into gear with a feat... things can break.
Still, today, until at least 16:00, no food. Tea, water, nothing else. I'm pretty shaky, though it may be more from the heat and no water... should keep water with me when tinkering out there actually. Or it might just be from the work. I have been down a good long time this time. I'll move a bit more carefully, and put some fluid in. That might care for it. Later.
.
I set the alarm for 7:00. Didn't hear it, don't remember turning it off. When I woke, that alarm read 8:42, so I jumped and ran. Looking for my phone, looking to see if someone was here, trying to figure out clothes and grooming, all in the same moment. Too much. Then I heard the phone ring, but couldn't find it. Followed the sound and... got close enough as it quit ringing. Cargo pocket... Yeah. I tried to call back, but the doorbell rang. Ah... pants... now... where were those? Gotcha. Just one of those mornings.
The basic shade structure is together for the raft. I will need to drill some holes for tie-ins, to the boat. I may use pvc glue for some of it. Finally I need to fit a tarp. I just can't handle direct sun well. A hat only does a bit of good, sun block only so much, all efforts are weakened by heat, and some wash off. I did mention raft, right? I may get back out and do just a bit more later. The structure together, while not an absolute two-man job... it sure helped having someone else to hold up this brace while I added an attachment bar, or vice versa. More so with focus being weak.
I've been doing laundry, and have more dishes soaking. I'll get trash out, or that is the plan. That will be it. The heat out there, already, is starting to oppress. I'll probably, if I do more work outside, do it later... if coolness returns to any degree. The rest can go on in spits and spurts.
I realized, as I was falling asleep, that I had eaten yesterday. The last of the pressure-cooked beef roast. It was earlier in the day, before noon, perhaps just around 8:00 to 10:00? Something. So I had eaten. Today I have neither eaten nor had anything to drink, tea or water. Wanted a true fasting, plus, blood sugar level check... 326. Yeah, my fasting is often higher than non-fasting. I will be checking my blood sugar at, say, 16:00, then maybe 20:00. I'm looking for trigger points, points where there might be a real drop in the numbers. For now tea will continue. If that seems to be a problem, it may, for a while, go. Or maybe I'll try a different sugar replacement more heavily, or... Dunno.
Fasting, today, too. How long? Don't know. If I get a really good drop I may allow something. It depends on how I feel. One of the notions I read was of partial fasting... eating less than, say, 500 calories... Using that partial fasting as a means of breaking into open, or true, fasting... or if necessary keeping that as a slower but surer means of reaching my goal. I simply don't know about all out fasting. If you have ever starved because of no will of your own, physical and environmental failure, you... get a little gun shy about the process. Hurts. A lot. And, I always wondered, what if I got lost in starvation? I have been close before. Nearly a month of not eating. Then binging when I finally got access to food. That, too, is dangerous. The gut and intestines, and possibly other organs, have shut down. Slamming them into gear with a feat... things can break.
Still, today, until at least 16:00, no food. Tea, water, nothing else. I'm pretty shaky, though it may be more from the heat and no water... should keep water with me when tinkering out there actually. Or it might just be from the work. I have been down a good long time this time. I'll move a bit more carefully, and put some fluid in. That might care for it. Later.
Friday, July 8, 2016
Some weight loss ideas.
.
.
As some know, weight is an issue. As is diabetes and heart problems. I have, pretty much, cut carbs. Not perfectly, mostly. I used to fast, intermittently, but then would feast. The way I was doing things was more out of desperation. I couldn't cook due to not having clean pots and pans, dishes, utensils... or because I was crashing so hard I couldn't stand. Then, when I could, I'd feast aggressively. Forced starvation is harsh, being so unwell, from so many problems, meant keeping balance was nearly impossible. For nearly two decades my illnesses went undiagnosed, untreated, out of control. I simply didn't have a way of breaking a cycle I couldn't even see.
Some things have changed. A diagnosis or two, and medication for a while, has allowed me to make sense of things. Not perfectly. I still go under, hard, from time to time. I am done with medication, typical doctor stuff, for a number of reasons. Not wanting to just roll on until I'm buried, alive or dead, I've been working on other things. I visited AoSHQ and found... videos that might just help. Weight loss and diabetes control, potentially. The vids seem to make sense. Though I am using one from his site and one I found on my own. Some of them are just too long, too complicated, repeat a bit much, or such... to my way of thinking. Still, one from his site one from a Youtube search.
This first one is just a very simple explanation. I don't know how easy it is to fast like this, for any of the lengths of time given. Focus is not my forte. Is that due to diabetes? I don't think so, not alone. My heart is still at replacement levels, last they checked... 18% to 21% refraction ejection... 20% is the cut-off, but that's in the range more than not. So, can I still do such a thing? I honestly don't know.
.
As some know, weight is an issue. As is diabetes and heart problems. I have, pretty much, cut carbs. Not perfectly, mostly. I used to fast, intermittently, but then would feast. The way I was doing things was more out of desperation. I couldn't cook due to not having clean pots and pans, dishes, utensils... or because I was crashing so hard I couldn't stand. Then, when I could, I'd feast aggressively. Forced starvation is harsh, being so unwell, from so many problems, meant keeping balance was nearly impossible. For nearly two decades my illnesses went undiagnosed, untreated, out of control. I simply didn't have a way of breaking a cycle I couldn't even see.
Some things have changed. A diagnosis or two, and medication for a while, has allowed me to make sense of things. Not perfectly. I still go under, hard, from time to time. I am done with medication, typical doctor stuff, for a number of reasons. Not wanting to just roll on until I'm buried, alive or dead, I've been working on other things. I visited AoSHQ and found... videos that might just help. Weight loss and diabetes control, potentially. The vids seem to make sense. Though I am using one from his site and one I found on my own. Some of them are just too long, too complicated, repeat a bit much, or such... to my way of thinking. Still, one from his site one from a Youtube search.
This first one is just a very simple explanation. I don't know how easy it is to fast like this, for any of the lengths of time given. Focus is not my forte. Is that due to diabetes? I don't think so, not alone. My heart is still at replacement levels, last they checked... 18% to 21% refraction ejection... 20% is the cut-off, but that's in the range more than not. So, can I still do such a thing? I honestly don't know.
A trip for no good reason.
.
.
I thought I'd make a run to town. Fast food was the thought, and an afternoon escape. Showered and ready, even if it was heating up. The foot was swelling, decided to go anyway. I easily made it to town. Then started wondering which place junk food place to visit. I'd think of one, head toward it, and remember the last time I ate there. Junk food is just that, but if it doesn't taste good on top of it? I've stopped liking most places. There are one or two that seem to be okay, but they have become so expensive that I wouldn't call them fast food. Though, really, they don't actually serve good food either. There are a few places for pickup, or sit-down meals, that are okay. But that wasn't the deal today.
I ended up driving a loop around town, contemplating food sources, then just returning home. I may, if things work out, eat something out tomorrow. Oh, and the soda. Does anyone else think soda, more from fast food joints, tastes salty? The last year, maybe two, it has tasted that way and seems to be getting worse. I guess since mayors and governors can't outlaw big sodas they have forced a change in the ingredients? Can't outlaw it, poison it? Maybe my tastes have changed, but it isn't the case with canned soda. Just tap. Don't be surprised to find out that even burger joints are under heavy government mandates and requirements to shut up about it.
I've got dishes soaking, again, and a load of laundry that probably needs dried by now. I am tinkering in the computer room, tidying ever so lightly. Perhaps to set up a new desk which should fit my new extra heavy duty seat... which is simply too high for my old/current desk. Bleh. Tomorrow, it is hoped, the sun shade will be arranged for the raft. If so, I may begin aiming to hit the water a couple times a week. Tie it off, or anchor it, then go for a minor swim. Cooling, hopefully... Not sure when would be the best time. Not sure if I can handle really cool, such as mornings might be. Definitely can't handle high heat, not right away. Could experiment with the water, sans the boat, for a bit? I'll find out, sooner than later most likely.
Oh, looks like there has been some backing off of the seeming support for the murderers. I wasn't the only one who caught a whiff of that and raised some hell. It seems as if the... hmm... intent was not as it seems. Just saying not surprised. Fine, I am not surprised. I'm actually surprised it hasn't been worse already. However, when you suggest that, don't make it look like you are supportive. Don't even make it seem as if you think they are right. Don't go there. Absolutely no right to murder, not for those types. It looks like there, regardless of how it is set, is a withdrawal and rewrite. Avalanche of backbite on that one. Yes, be careful how you say what you say. For my part I am going to accept the change. I'll even accept that it isn't so much of a change, as a clarification. But I don't accept that it wasn't put out terribly incorrectly, only mistakenly. Checking the temp, raising the swarm, or just a fumble? Don't care. Fixed. Don't play that game if it was a game.
It's best that I put my foot up for a while, read a bit, maybe run the ac for a bit. Just... to get the swelling down. Bleh. Later.
.
I thought I'd make a run to town. Fast food was the thought, and an afternoon escape. Showered and ready, even if it was heating up. The foot was swelling, decided to go anyway. I easily made it to town. Then started wondering which place junk food place to visit. I'd think of one, head toward it, and remember the last time I ate there. Junk food is just that, but if it doesn't taste good on top of it? I've stopped liking most places. There are one or two that seem to be okay, but they have become so expensive that I wouldn't call them fast food. Though, really, they don't actually serve good food either. There are a few places for pickup, or sit-down meals, that are okay. But that wasn't the deal today.
I ended up driving a loop around town, contemplating food sources, then just returning home. I may, if things work out, eat something out tomorrow. Oh, and the soda. Does anyone else think soda, more from fast food joints, tastes salty? The last year, maybe two, it has tasted that way and seems to be getting worse. I guess since mayors and governors can't outlaw big sodas they have forced a change in the ingredients? Can't outlaw it, poison it? Maybe my tastes have changed, but it isn't the case with canned soda. Just tap. Don't be surprised to find out that even burger joints are under heavy government mandates and requirements to shut up about it.
I've got dishes soaking, again, and a load of laundry that probably needs dried by now. I am tinkering in the computer room, tidying ever so lightly. Perhaps to set up a new desk which should fit my new extra heavy duty seat... which is simply too high for my old/current desk. Bleh. Tomorrow, it is hoped, the sun shade will be arranged for the raft. If so, I may begin aiming to hit the water a couple times a week. Tie it off, or anchor it, then go for a minor swim. Cooling, hopefully... Not sure when would be the best time. Not sure if I can handle really cool, such as mornings might be. Definitely can't handle high heat, not right away. Could experiment with the water, sans the boat, for a bit? I'll find out, sooner than later most likely.
Oh, looks like there has been some backing off of the seeming support for the murderers. I wasn't the only one who caught a whiff of that and raised some hell. It seems as if the... hmm... intent was not as it seems. Just saying not surprised. Fine, I am not surprised. I'm actually surprised it hasn't been worse already. However, when you suggest that, don't make it look like you are supportive. Don't even make it seem as if you think they are right. Don't go there. Absolutely no right to murder, not for those types. It looks like there, regardless of how it is set, is a withdrawal and rewrite. Avalanche of backbite on that one. Yes, be careful how you say what you say. For my part I am going to accept the change. I'll even accept that it isn't so much of a change, as a clarification. But I don't accept that it wasn't put out terribly incorrectly, only mistakenly. Checking the temp, raising the swarm, or just a fumble? Don't care. Fixed. Don't play that game if it was a game.
It's best that I put my foot up for a while, read a bit, maybe run the ac for a bit. Just... to get the swelling down. Bleh. Later.
Those who side with murderers are not on my side.
.
.
They aren't on any good side. It isn't Christian, it isn't civil, it isn't lawful, it isn't right. I don't care if you say it's deserved that cops get murdered for something none of them, personally, were involved. Further, every time some black gets gunned down, it really does usually come back that they should have, or easily were rightfully, shot. Fewer of them are shot than probably have a right to be, and I mean a real reason to be shot. Cops seem to have no problem pulling the trigger on a white, if usually a criminal. Whites understand the cost of doing certain business. Blacks don't. Hell, that is the majority of their populations and the vast majority of their heroes... criminals who will come to no good end.
If you really want to side with them, join Google and endorse their murderous behavior... behind your mountains of security, wealth, and illicit privilege. Or join the Democrat party, again behind mountains of security, privilege, and license. I'm warning you though, don't pick them over, essentially, not just cops but the rest of us. They don't deserve it. Oh, and don't hide behind notions of it being a tragedy, but... No buts about it. Murder and terrorism are just that. And the dogs will be put down as they should be. This is going to go very bad, not just for blm, but the whole left shooting gang. America lost it's will in the 60's, hasn't gotten it back. May not survive it. But that doesn't make it all right. Further, if it gets it's will to live back, this is going to get nasty, and pretty much in a one-sided way.
Yeah, they know who I am discussing. No reason to post there, probably get bounced again. Why he even reads here anymore I can't say. He is just another elite. Picking sides, and the wrong ones, as much for his business interests as for an attempt to fit in with the other parasites. I don't know if age is getting to him, if he has a woman or three on the side, so has to give somewhere to keep the housekeeper from keeping the house, or what. Something is off, and obvious.
All I have to say is... you better take blm down before the cops are ordered to just stand down while they do to you what they just did to the cops in Dallas. It's coming. Oh, and if you break for them in the road? Yeah... Good luck with that. I will not offer condolences. Not to those who surrender to terrorists.
.
They aren't on any good side. It isn't Christian, it isn't civil, it isn't lawful, it isn't right. I don't care if you say it's deserved that cops get murdered for something none of them, personally, were involved. Further, every time some black gets gunned down, it really does usually come back that they should have, or easily were rightfully, shot. Fewer of them are shot than probably have a right to be, and I mean a real reason to be shot. Cops seem to have no problem pulling the trigger on a white, if usually a criminal. Whites understand the cost of doing certain business. Blacks don't. Hell, that is the majority of their populations and the vast majority of their heroes... criminals who will come to no good end.
If you really want to side with them, join Google and endorse their murderous behavior... behind your mountains of security, wealth, and illicit privilege. Or join the Democrat party, again behind mountains of security, privilege, and license. I'm warning you though, don't pick them over, essentially, not just cops but the rest of us. They don't deserve it. Oh, and don't hide behind notions of it being a tragedy, but... No buts about it. Murder and terrorism are just that. And the dogs will be put down as they should be. This is going to go very bad, not just for blm, but the whole left shooting gang. America lost it's will in the 60's, hasn't gotten it back. May not survive it. But that doesn't make it all right. Further, if it gets it's will to live back, this is going to get nasty, and pretty much in a one-sided way.
Yeah, they know who I am discussing. No reason to post there, probably get bounced again. Why he even reads here anymore I can't say. He is just another elite. Picking sides, and the wrong ones, as much for his business interests as for an attempt to fit in with the other parasites. I don't know if age is getting to him, if he has a woman or three on the side, so has to give somewhere to keep the housekeeper from keeping the house, or what. Something is off, and obvious.
All I have to say is... you better take blm down before the cops are ordered to just stand down while they do to you what they just did to the cops in Dallas. It's coming. Oh, and if you break for them in the road? Yeah... Good luck with that. I will not offer condolences. Not to those who surrender to terrorists.
Dark day.
.
.
Not extremely overcast, just mostly. I was trying to wake early, couldn't do it, couldn't focus as to why. Clouds. Cooler. All good, no complaints, love that. I just have to be up early tomorrow. So... The alarm. I have been close enough. Just quibbling over minutes really. I'll figure it out. Trying to get my raft cover put together. Help might be arriving tomorrow, in the early. It would sure be nice to get that together, and out on the water, this year.
Breakfast. Eggs are pretty much done. I'll add those to the shopping list. I might simply fry some of the beef from last night. I thought about doing that last night, too. I simply didn't want to add more heat to the cave with additional cooking. This morning should be fine. Just enough to sear the outside and warm the inside, tasty. One of the things pressure cooking makes taste very strange is beef fat. It's still, mostly, edible. It just tastes very odd. I am hoping a quick sear will bring flavor back. Fat is a primary driver for flavor in beef.
A shower this morning, sometime after breakfast. Then laundry and dishes... some of this and that. Waking first, reading interspersed, and a few little chores or tasks. It won't be a fancy day. I am still lame, a bit. The swelling seems to be coming under control, but not completely. Socks, today, if I can. While still a bit ginger, the worst of the legs seems to be healing enough to, perhaps, go back into compression socks. I'll know before too long. Later.
.
Not extremely overcast, just mostly. I was trying to wake early, couldn't do it, couldn't focus as to why. Clouds. Cooler. All good, no complaints, love that. I just have to be up early tomorrow. So... The alarm. I have been close enough. Just quibbling over minutes really. I'll figure it out. Trying to get my raft cover put together. Help might be arriving tomorrow, in the early. It would sure be nice to get that together, and out on the water, this year.
Breakfast. Eggs are pretty much done. I'll add those to the shopping list. I might simply fry some of the beef from last night. I thought about doing that last night, too. I simply didn't want to add more heat to the cave with additional cooking. This morning should be fine. Just enough to sear the outside and warm the inside, tasty. One of the things pressure cooking makes taste very strange is beef fat. It's still, mostly, edible. It just tastes very odd. I am hoping a quick sear will bring flavor back. Fat is a primary driver for flavor in beef.
A shower this morning, sometime after breakfast. Then laundry and dishes... some of this and that. Waking first, reading interspersed, and a few little chores or tasks. It won't be a fancy day. I am still lame, a bit. The swelling seems to be coming under control, but not completely. Socks, today, if I can. While still a bit ginger, the worst of the legs seems to be healing enough to, perhaps, go back into compression socks. I'll know before too long. Later.
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Sometimes it just works anyway.
.
.
I meant to thaw meat yesterday, then all today. Never got to it. There just happened to be a roast in the thaw box. And it just happened to be good. I wasn't interested in roasting it, or grilling. The former would have heated the house. It has been comfortable lately. I mean to keep it that way as much as possible. As to grilling, I simply haven't figured out how to grill a roast. I suppose going by temp is the best way. But between the variabilities of even a fairly good grill/smoker/coal-powered slow cooker, the variabilities of each roast per pound by dimension, and some other things... Well... it would take perfecting the process then a lot of practice. Trimming the roasts to the same size, trimming the fat and carefully inspecting for fat portions... I just don't have that. So? So I brought out the pressure cooker. It does heat things up a bit, but very tolerably. As well, it cooks quickly.
My mother had just suggested beef and noodles. Problem? No noodles. I can't do egg noodles as she does. I just don't have the push, pull, or experience... probably lacking energy and focus as well... sometimes one, the other, sometimes lacking both. Still, meat is good enough. That is, mostly, what I am cooking for myself lately. Few veggies and grains, though... on occasion. Just meat of some sort for the most part. Now, roast of beef, in a pressure cooker, has a peculiar taste. It blends better into noodles with a mushroom or thicker beef gravy. And yet, if you are familiar with the flavor, you can make do straight up. The taste doesn't make sense unless you have had it a thousand times growing up, in various recipes. And I have. It's homey, but... different. Actually, it is good, very good, if you have learned to like it. Not the whole monty of a truly home-made, home cooked meal. Enough to enjoy, mostly. Sure wish I knew how to make noodles and the sauce(s) though. Still, it worked. And I finally did get meats thawing.
A bit more reading. This time back to the...urhm... Iron Chamber of Memory? I'm trying to press through. A long time reader, friend for my part, is a writer. He has had difficulty getting published, so he has gone solo, pulled the trigger, and put some of his works out, on his own. The world is not kind to such, not even Amazon. You have to break down doors, and push and pull, and even then you are only tolerated like the poor, peasant class, cousins... unless you come into a little fame or fortune... so long as that lasts. Anyway... so... I would like to read. I've been meaning to read some of his stuff anyway, I've just been all gimped up, confused, and not on top of things for a goodly while. So... I will be reading this, and that, to try to get ahead, tackle his books, and give him an assessment. The Lord knows, I hope he isn't a hidden SJW, or atheist, or... Still, both barrels, good or bad. It's how I do. I don't even like, always, that I am who I am. But... rock is stone is hard. And if you put you between me and where I am heading, it will hurt. Mostly you. I am used to it, comfortable. Anyway.
.
I meant to thaw meat yesterday, then all today. Never got to it. There just happened to be a roast in the thaw box. And it just happened to be good. I wasn't interested in roasting it, or grilling. The former would have heated the house. It has been comfortable lately. I mean to keep it that way as much as possible. As to grilling, I simply haven't figured out how to grill a roast. I suppose going by temp is the best way. But between the variabilities of even a fairly good grill/smoker/coal-powered slow cooker, the variabilities of each roast per pound by dimension, and some other things... Well... it would take perfecting the process then a lot of practice. Trimming the roasts to the same size, trimming the fat and carefully inspecting for fat portions... I just don't have that. So? So I brought out the pressure cooker. It does heat things up a bit, but very tolerably. As well, it cooks quickly.
My mother had just suggested beef and noodles. Problem? No noodles. I can't do egg noodles as she does. I just don't have the push, pull, or experience... probably lacking energy and focus as well... sometimes one, the other, sometimes lacking both. Still, meat is good enough. That is, mostly, what I am cooking for myself lately. Few veggies and grains, though... on occasion. Just meat of some sort for the most part. Now, roast of beef, in a pressure cooker, has a peculiar taste. It blends better into noodles with a mushroom or thicker beef gravy. And yet, if you are familiar with the flavor, you can make do straight up. The taste doesn't make sense unless you have had it a thousand times growing up, in various recipes. And I have. It's homey, but... different. Actually, it is good, very good, if you have learned to like it. Not the whole monty of a truly home-made, home cooked meal. Enough to enjoy, mostly. Sure wish I knew how to make noodles and the sauce(s) though. Still, it worked. And I finally did get meats thawing.
A bit more reading. This time back to the...urhm... Iron Chamber of Memory? I'm trying to press through. A long time reader, friend for my part, is a writer. He has had difficulty getting published, so he has gone solo, pulled the trigger, and put some of his works out, on his own. The world is not kind to such, not even Amazon. You have to break down doors, and push and pull, and even then you are only tolerated like the poor, peasant class, cousins... unless you come into a little fame or fortune... so long as that lasts. Anyway... so... I would like to read. I've been meaning to read some of his stuff anyway, I've just been all gimped up, confused, and not on top of things for a goodly while. So... I will be reading this, and that, to try to get ahead, tackle his books, and give him an assessment. The Lord knows, I hope he isn't a hidden SJW, or atheist, or... Still, both barrels, good or bad. It's how I do. I don't even like, always, that I am who I am. But... rock is stone is hard. And if you put you between me and where I am heading, it will hurt. Mostly you. I am used to it, comfortable. Anyway.
Rope, reading, elevation.
.
.
Gotta keep the leg up, for a while, at least more often. The book about climbing and rope management is what is on the menu for when reclining. You would think that the e-book would be easier, but it's not. Even at it's size, it is so light that it gives me troubles trying to read it in that way. A big, hardcover, book, however, seems to fit my muscle and bone structure better. Sitting up the kindle does fine, reclining it is only good for a short time, like when trying to go to sleep... other than the fact that the light (so I have heard) actually disturbs sleep.
So far I have just hit parts about the types of rope, materials used in making rope, a bit of the history of rope... not exactly what I wanted to hit, and yet not without merit. To be honest, even though I know some of this, and have some idea about some rope, I also don't have this all down exactly. Some new implementations and material combinations have probably occurred since this book was written, though I won't swear that new materials have been found or implemented. Not for climbing, or not much. Perhaps new braiding techniques, though I doubt that as well. It's not even that they aren't looking. The truth is the search for perfection will continue. And while they might combine or weave differently, and better, for a very exact purpose, the general purpose improvements have become very rare. Not for lack of effort, but for abundance of effort to point. Even so, while I have a general knowledge, I wouldn't always be able to, with certainty, separate similars. And a book won't teach that. Only experience. Experience I may actually never reach, as I am not attempting to become kung fu, or even just a climbing or rope master. I am merely beginning to figure out how to do what I want to do, what it takes, and go from there. I don't care if I know what ropes do well for acid or base rescue environments, so long as I can identify the type of rope I need or want for ascending a tree or descending a rock face if needed.
I won't ever have the best. The best is great, but often negotiates away longevity, or greater strength, or more, for a very defined thing. The best, for a general climber, are more general tools. Maybe a few special items, for broader specialities... something that'll fit three though not say ten applications. It isn't just cost, it's the limits imposed by the things which are the absolute best for any one application but often useless for almost any other application. It's just the way it goes.
I just finished two units. The next unit is on belaying. Though I hurried through a section on knots, which I will attend when I have some rope cut, and am ready to do hands on. I am familiar with most of the knots, have used all save one or two... though memory simply may not be serving. Then again, some of the knots they offer seem suboptimal. Good to know, I suppose, for when all else has failed and time she is a ticking though. If you have to tie something because all else has been lost or failed, and you are hanging up while hung up... maybe.
Swelling is easing. Skin on that leg is still a bit rough. I'll try to keep on top of that. Oh, right, and to get something out to begin thawing. Several packs of meat... chops, a steak, burger... might get the grill into play. While it has been warm, I've gotten used to it. And, the last few days, it almost seems cool? Whatever, maybe that's just me, maybe I have acclimated, maybe I am ill. Haven't needed to do my cooking outside. Even so, I would like to, just because grilling adds great flavor. Hmm, and I ought to get back on track with the sweet and sour sort of home-made barbecue sauce. I'd like to try that on chops, chicken, ribs of various sorts... Yeah, sounds good.
Later.
.
Gotta keep the leg up, for a while, at least more often. The book about climbing and rope management is what is on the menu for when reclining. You would think that the e-book would be easier, but it's not. Even at it's size, it is so light that it gives me troubles trying to read it in that way. A big, hardcover, book, however, seems to fit my muscle and bone structure better. Sitting up the kindle does fine, reclining it is only good for a short time, like when trying to go to sleep... other than the fact that the light (so I have heard) actually disturbs sleep.
So far I have just hit parts about the types of rope, materials used in making rope, a bit of the history of rope... not exactly what I wanted to hit, and yet not without merit. To be honest, even though I know some of this, and have some idea about some rope, I also don't have this all down exactly. Some new implementations and material combinations have probably occurred since this book was written, though I won't swear that new materials have been found or implemented. Not for climbing, or not much. Perhaps new braiding techniques, though I doubt that as well. It's not even that they aren't looking. The truth is the search for perfection will continue. And while they might combine or weave differently, and better, for a very exact purpose, the general purpose improvements have become very rare. Not for lack of effort, but for abundance of effort to point. Even so, while I have a general knowledge, I wouldn't always be able to, with certainty, separate similars. And a book won't teach that. Only experience. Experience I may actually never reach, as I am not attempting to become kung fu, or even just a climbing or rope master. I am merely beginning to figure out how to do what I want to do, what it takes, and go from there. I don't care if I know what ropes do well for acid or base rescue environments, so long as I can identify the type of rope I need or want for ascending a tree or descending a rock face if needed.
I won't ever have the best. The best is great, but often negotiates away longevity, or greater strength, or more, for a very defined thing. The best, for a general climber, are more general tools. Maybe a few special items, for broader specialities... something that'll fit three though not say ten applications. It isn't just cost, it's the limits imposed by the things which are the absolute best for any one application but often useless for almost any other application. It's just the way it goes.
I just finished two units. The next unit is on belaying. Though I hurried through a section on knots, which I will attend when I have some rope cut, and am ready to do hands on. I am familiar with most of the knots, have used all save one or two... though memory simply may not be serving. Then again, some of the knots they offer seem suboptimal. Good to know, I suppose, for when all else has failed and time she is a ticking though. If you have to tie something because all else has been lost or failed, and you are hanging up while hung up... maybe.
Swelling is easing. Skin on that leg is still a bit rough. I'll try to keep on top of that. Oh, right, and to get something out to begin thawing. Several packs of meat... chops, a steak, burger... might get the grill into play. While it has been warm, I've gotten used to it. And, the last few days, it almost seems cool? Whatever, maybe that's just me, maybe I have acclimated, maybe I am ill. Haven't needed to do my cooking outside. Even so, I would like to, just because grilling adds great flavor. Hmm, and I ought to get back on track with the sweet and sour sort of home-made barbecue sauce. I'd like to try that on chops, chicken, ribs of various sorts... Yeah, sounds good.
Later.
Figuring things out.
.
.
One more day without the socks. Letting the leg get better on it's own for a bit. It is still quite tender. Though today I will also keep it elevated more often. It did swell toward the end of the day yesterday. Not nearly as badly as it has been, enough to cycle the skin a bit much. Slower on the sipping, quicker on the voiding. It's difficult to increase sensitivities one way and decrease them the other. It's more than conscious thought involved, it's much more active than it seems. Sleep has been good, if nothing else.
Was having a conversation recently. Someone who wondered at my intent about something. Got off track, somehow I got to where I spit out that I wouldn't marry a college girl. Whowhat? Saw it on his face. Wasn't sure he would ask, but he sort of did. I backed off, wasn't sure I wanted to say more. Truth is, when she has an education, beside often having debt but even if not, she has an obligation to her education. Not all women are honorable. Many with advanced degrees, for no other reason than a change of mind, don't work. But that... is wrong. Taxpayers paid in $3 to $5 per dollar she put in for an education, with the idea that she would find gainful employment based on that education. It's a betrayal not to do so. Wasted money. Further, there is the feminizing affect. Can't escape it in modern academia. The final thing is, as I see it, she becomes married to her education. That is her moneymaker. It all but requires she be independent. At first I wasn't sure what the surprise was about. Ah... it means... what might have seemed a real target could not have been. Just a muse, as I had suspected. I think some are starting to understand that when I write something I mean it, if I can't always back it up. Part of the humility of life is not being able to keep your promises or intent, no matter how powerful, sometimes... maybe often if it goes really bad really fast.
The bigger fans are in, and one was used last night. As well, I opened the vent to the upstairs. Heat rises, right? As it warms through the summer, I may go up, at night, open the windows, and turn on the massive fan up there. I have two regular and one stronger fan down here. I was able to cool the downstairs an extra three degrees with the smaller of the new fans and regular fan going (the third fan is in my room, which I close off while using the window ac). Three degrees doesn't sound like much. I think it is. I live in a stone main house with stick-built parts on the north and south. Getting that stone to give up heat is quite a trick. Buried deeply enough that it doesn't heat too much, but not deeply enough to completely ignore some stone absorption. The thing is, as any will know, daily daily efforts... as the heat increases... Well? Sometimes you just can't keep up. Best to get out, go to the water, camp in the mountains... almost anything else. The more complicated, involved, fiddly, and difficult the fix, the less likely it will be that it will continue through time. True that.
My spaghetti dinner didn't turn out. I... tried something new, that seemed like it might really be neat. Not so much. Tried two things, actually. Well, I think I know how they make spaghetti-o's. Bleh. What a waste, but I honestly can't eat it. If you want to know how to get pretty close to that store-bought canned pasta food substitute, email me. Ought to just tell you off, or freeze and send this, but... no. I'll give it to you straight. Don't want to put it here... shame is coursing through my veins. Oh, I best pull some meats out to thaw. Almost all meat, all the time, save something like this from time to time... or a fast food run but very rarely now. Later.
.
One more day without the socks. Letting the leg get better on it's own for a bit. It is still quite tender. Though today I will also keep it elevated more often. It did swell toward the end of the day yesterday. Not nearly as badly as it has been, enough to cycle the skin a bit much. Slower on the sipping, quicker on the voiding. It's difficult to increase sensitivities one way and decrease them the other. It's more than conscious thought involved, it's much more active than it seems. Sleep has been good, if nothing else.
Was having a conversation recently. Someone who wondered at my intent about something. Got off track, somehow I got to where I spit out that I wouldn't marry a college girl. Whowhat? Saw it on his face. Wasn't sure he would ask, but he sort of did. I backed off, wasn't sure I wanted to say more. Truth is, when she has an education, beside often having debt but even if not, she has an obligation to her education. Not all women are honorable. Many with advanced degrees, for no other reason than a change of mind, don't work. But that... is wrong. Taxpayers paid in $3 to $5 per dollar she put in for an education, with the idea that she would find gainful employment based on that education. It's a betrayal not to do so. Wasted money. Further, there is the feminizing affect. Can't escape it in modern academia. The final thing is, as I see it, she becomes married to her education. That is her moneymaker. It all but requires she be independent. At first I wasn't sure what the surprise was about. Ah... it means... what might have seemed a real target could not have been. Just a muse, as I had suspected. I think some are starting to understand that when I write something I mean it, if I can't always back it up. Part of the humility of life is not being able to keep your promises or intent, no matter how powerful, sometimes... maybe often if it goes really bad really fast.
The bigger fans are in, and one was used last night. As well, I opened the vent to the upstairs. Heat rises, right? As it warms through the summer, I may go up, at night, open the windows, and turn on the massive fan up there. I have two regular and one stronger fan down here. I was able to cool the downstairs an extra three degrees with the smaller of the new fans and regular fan going (the third fan is in my room, which I close off while using the window ac). Three degrees doesn't sound like much. I think it is. I live in a stone main house with stick-built parts on the north and south. Getting that stone to give up heat is quite a trick. Buried deeply enough that it doesn't heat too much, but not deeply enough to completely ignore some stone absorption. The thing is, as any will know, daily daily efforts... as the heat increases... Well? Sometimes you just can't keep up. Best to get out, go to the water, camp in the mountains... almost anything else. The more complicated, involved, fiddly, and difficult the fix, the less likely it will be that it will continue through time. True that.
My spaghetti dinner didn't turn out. I... tried something new, that seemed like it might really be neat. Not so much. Tried two things, actually. Well, I think I know how they make spaghetti-o's. Bleh. What a waste, but I honestly can't eat it. If you want to know how to get pretty close to that store-bought canned pasta food substitute, email me. Ought to just tell you off, or freeze and send this, but... no. I'll give it to you straight. Don't want to put it here... shame is coursing through my veins. Oh, I best pull some meats out to thaw. Almost all meat, all the time, save something like this from time to time... or a fast food run but very rarely now. Later.
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
No sun.
.
.
I finally woke about twenty minutes ago? Give or take. The sun is down, or under I should say. It is cool. Outside my less accurate thermo is reading in the low 60's. It might be right, I just can't ever sign it off without checking elsewise. Even though I woke it was a bit of a struggle. Some days it is not a matter of how much sleep. With Alaskan winters, if I can make sure I have enough easy food I can, pretty much, hibernate. Enough food, enough warmth, and access to firewood. I can probably survive fairly well without a fire all of the time, if I can shelter well enough and burn a few times a week. Getting both rewarmed and fed with hot food. I won't be bored because I will rarely wake more than just for a while.
Think about it... no sun and a drop from probably the 70's to the 60's and I can't wake. And yet I sleep with my window open, here and when I lived in Iowa. Of course, Alaskan summers are hot and humid, at least in many parts. Though that can be mitigated, a bit. even in the wilds. For one thing, rivers and streams are always terribly cool. That is also where the bears are. I love it when some idiot thinks that because this and that bear doesn't attack that the next one won't. That's just someone waiting to be a meal. It's like the rangers notion of things. I'll leave them all to each other. Still, for the most part, you can figure that all out with a device or three and the willingness to use it. If I am already dead, cool. Until then hands, or paws, talons, etc. off.
I checked the 300 pound hand gripper. It seemed weak, so I had another check it. He thinks it seems a bit more difficult to compress. The 350 pounder should be in today. I have been putting three days between exercising to exhaustion. I may add a day, at least until I get better at it. Health issues might be interfering too. We'll see. Ugh... Well, I am awake. I just need to figure some things out today. Hmm? Day? Wednesday? I wonder if city hall is open for a query? Finding the number will be a trick. Just checking on a commercial bin, to begin clearing the cave at speed. Some things just wouldn't fit in the regular bin anyway, not even with a whole lot of help.
Good day.
.
I finally woke about twenty minutes ago? Give or take. The sun is down, or under I should say. It is cool. Outside my less accurate thermo is reading in the low 60's. It might be right, I just can't ever sign it off without checking elsewise. Even though I woke it was a bit of a struggle. Some days it is not a matter of how much sleep. With Alaskan winters, if I can make sure I have enough easy food I can, pretty much, hibernate. Enough food, enough warmth, and access to firewood. I can probably survive fairly well without a fire all of the time, if I can shelter well enough and burn a few times a week. Getting both rewarmed and fed with hot food. I won't be bored because I will rarely wake more than just for a while.
Think about it... no sun and a drop from probably the 70's to the 60's and I can't wake. And yet I sleep with my window open, here and when I lived in Iowa. Of course, Alaskan summers are hot and humid, at least in many parts. Though that can be mitigated, a bit. even in the wilds. For one thing, rivers and streams are always terribly cool. That is also where the bears are. I love it when some idiot thinks that because this and that bear doesn't attack that the next one won't. That's just someone waiting to be a meal. It's like the rangers notion of things. I'll leave them all to each other. Still, for the most part, you can figure that all out with a device or three and the willingness to use it. If I am already dead, cool. Until then hands, or paws, talons, etc. off.
I checked the 300 pound hand gripper. It seemed weak, so I had another check it. He thinks it seems a bit more difficult to compress. The 350 pounder should be in today. I have been putting three days between exercising to exhaustion. I may add a day, at least until I get better at it. Health issues might be interfering too. We'll see. Ugh... Well, I am awake. I just need to figure some things out today. Hmm? Day? Wednesday? I wonder if city hall is open for a query? Finding the number will be a trick. Just checking on a commercial bin, to begin clearing the cave at speed. Some things just wouldn't fit in the regular bin anyway, not even with a whole lot of help.
Good day.
Dreams and another day.
.
.
The left leg is still bigger. The skin is still sore. Both legs are smaller than the smallest there for a good little bit. I am able to wear the socks longer, which seems to help. Not an obvious thing to just assume, if more likely than not to be the result. I believe a minor nap, mid-day, or reading session... or more likely mix of the two... will become a regular event. And, as soon as possible, more rigorous physical activity... working on the trees, climbing, rafting, maybe just a walk if those are too much. At least if my tolerance of the temps continue, and if the temps continue to be in this range. Not sure if I can handle hotter. There is the morning. It isn't cooling until a bit later than I would care to be out.
I say or write the darnedest things and get the strangest reactions. I thought people knew, agreed, and we were all clear. Then, I say something that puts a nail in a coffin I was sure was both agreed and wanted by both sides, and I receive a sense of wounding. Is it that I don't understand? Or is it that I say what I mean and mean what I say and that is so far from this world that it baffles most humans? Is communication and thought transferal, for most, just an artistic... not literal... transmission? Is it art not actual thought and intent? I must seem a monst... Ah! I really do. I... see.
That... fills in a blank I was meaning to write, a couple of them, if I wasn't sure how to go about it. A sense that I am truly despised by certain people. Many don't and won't care. Others like me, if they fear I might say something. Sometimes they fear I might say anything. If they fear I won't say anything either. Go say something... I won't get in trouble for having supported in retrospect!?! Hmm? Just a lingering sense of a great deal of lean in by some and others. The fact that I am now beyond the pale and will be leaving in a year actually? Makes things worse, somehow.
Oh, yeah, dreams. ~ The end. Yeah. I actually wrote it all out, and an addendum corollary. And then wiped them. If you are married, with children, there is nothing you don't know. If you are female, it's from a man's perspective and something you can't seem to understand. If you are too young. *grins* You'll learn, or won't ever be able to see, like your mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc. While unattached, so from the outside, for now... it's almost funny. To those inside, it is what will cause tears, gnashing of teeth, and a questioning of sanity. But love, marriage, not always the same even when right, is not about sanity or moment to moment pleasure. It seems to be about the mix, crescendos and nadirs, and the longer line... bigger picture. Who usually has the children? Some say the poor, some say the children impoverish, but... Who does God love? Would rather to share life than to live in excess? Anyway... we'll skip the dream sequence. Though I did wake with a snearing chuckle. In a mostly good way, at worst bitter-sweet.
Hmm? Actually, I might go back for a few. Dang, thought I was awake. This is very unusual, almost an... exception. Later.
.
The left leg is still bigger. The skin is still sore. Both legs are smaller than the smallest there for a good little bit. I am able to wear the socks longer, which seems to help. Not an obvious thing to just assume, if more likely than not to be the result. I believe a minor nap, mid-day, or reading session... or more likely mix of the two... will become a regular event. And, as soon as possible, more rigorous physical activity... working on the trees, climbing, rafting, maybe just a walk if those are too much. At least if my tolerance of the temps continue, and if the temps continue to be in this range. Not sure if I can handle hotter. There is the morning. It isn't cooling until a bit later than I would care to be out.
I say or write the darnedest things and get the strangest reactions. I thought people knew, agreed, and we were all clear. Then, I say something that puts a nail in a coffin I was sure was both agreed and wanted by both sides, and I receive a sense of wounding. Is it that I don't understand? Or is it that I say what I mean and mean what I say and that is so far from this world that it baffles most humans? Is communication and thought transferal, for most, just an artistic... not literal... transmission? Is it art not actual thought and intent? I must seem a monst... Ah! I really do. I... see.
That... fills in a blank I was meaning to write, a couple of them, if I wasn't sure how to go about it. A sense that I am truly despised by certain people. Many don't and won't care. Others like me, if they fear I might say something. Sometimes they fear I might say anything. If they fear I won't say anything either. Go say something... I won't get in trouble for having supported in retrospect!?! Hmm? Just a lingering sense of a great deal of lean in by some and others. The fact that I am now beyond the pale and will be leaving in a year actually? Makes things worse, somehow.
Oh, yeah, dreams. ~ The end. Yeah. I actually wrote it all out, and an addendum corollary. And then wiped them. If you are married, with children, there is nothing you don't know. If you are female, it's from a man's perspective and something you can't seem to understand. If you are too young. *grins* You'll learn, or won't ever be able to see, like your mother, grandmother, great grandmother, etc. While unattached, so from the outside, for now... it's almost funny. To those inside, it is what will cause tears, gnashing of teeth, and a questioning of sanity. But love, marriage, not always the same even when right, is not about sanity or moment to moment pleasure. It seems to be about the mix, crescendos and nadirs, and the longer line... bigger picture. Who usually has the children? Some say the poor, some say the children impoverish, but... Who does God love? Would rather to share life than to live in excess? Anyway... we'll skip the dream sequence. Though I did wake with a snearing chuckle. In a mostly good way, at worst bitter-sweet.
Hmm? Actually, I might go back for a few. Dang, thought I was awake. This is very unusual, almost an... exception. Later.
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Not bad, again.
.
.
I am getting used to the heat. Even getting out just a bit wasn't bad. It wasn't a big day, just a ride and snack, then back. And, yet, in the 80's, fully dressed, not bad. Yeah, I got the trash out, the barrel back. No shower today, but I've had several in the last few days.
I'm doing well keeping swelling in check. It's not perfect. Perhaps those veins are blown. I just won't know for a while. Though that I can handle the heat, fluid intake, the socks, and all... it's something. I honestly can't even hope for death, it's against my vows. My vows are no longer just promises. They are how I live. Simpletonish? Foolish? Maybe.
I was thinking the other day, though... The written word, the Bible, actually suggests that we near God as children. For much of my life I thought that was because we needed to find innocence, or attempt to approach it in that manner. Perhaps it was because complexity, or some forms of maturity, might leave us bereft of the capacity for faith. And while those, and some others, might have some merit... or not... I actually stumbled upon a different notion.
God, to my mind, started out as the Holy Spirit. For some reason I suspect that was the first Aspect. Then God the Father. Not sure, will dig more if I ever get to a place where I can dig. However, it is without question that Christ was the last, and newest, aspect. The pattern, to me, is clear. He wants us to be as children because... that is where He is going. It is less a stricture on us as a roadmap of sorts of where to find Him. Just... a thought.
Anyway... my vows... of celibacy, of chastity (yeah, I put things up that some consider impure... I wouldn't put them up if they affected me that way), and to stick with life until it ends or is ended but the latter only against my will and reason if I am not required to risk soul for life... They aren't promises, or efforts, now. Just the way of it. Cherished, and for good reasons. Hate the sin, at worst, not the sinner. If the sinner is unrepentant, then turn from him. If you do not consider him your brother, or believe him to be incapable of being your neighbor, then do not engage him. As is, that is that.
I need to figure some things out and begin making plans. Soon or late I have to get out. I can't count on... much. It will be difficult. Faith, one way or the other, will see me through. Faith isn't, however, an easy path. If you knew, you wouldn't need faith. Blathering... the day has been long, the temps while tolerable take their toll, and health still isn't an hundred percent... of the fraction it is at best on top of things. Good night.
.
I am getting used to the heat. Even getting out just a bit wasn't bad. It wasn't a big day, just a ride and snack, then back. And, yet, in the 80's, fully dressed, not bad. Yeah, I got the trash out, the barrel back. No shower today, but I've had several in the last few days.
I'm doing well keeping swelling in check. It's not perfect. Perhaps those veins are blown. I just won't know for a while. Though that I can handle the heat, fluid intake, the socks, and all... it's something. I honestly can't even hope for death, it's against my vows. My vows are no longer just promises. They are how I live. Simpletonish? Foolish? Maybe.
I was thinking the other day, though... The written word, the Bible, actually suggests that we near God as children. For much of my life I thought that was because we needed to find innocence, or attempt to approach it in that manner. Perhaps it was because complexity, or some forms of maturity, might leave us bereft of the capacity for faith. And while those, and some others, might have some merit... or not... I actually stumbled upon a different notion.
God, to my mind, started out as the Holy Spirit. For some reason I suspect that was the first Aspect. Then God the Father. Not sure, will dig more if I ever get to a place where I can dig. However, it is without question that Christ was the last, and newest, aspect. The pattern, to me, is clear. He wants us to be as children because... that is where He is going. It is less a stricture on us as a roadmap of sorts of where to find Him. Just... a thought.
Anyway... my vows... of celibacy, of chastity (yeah, I put things up that some consider impure... I wouldn't put them up if they affected me that way), and to stick with life until it ends or is ended but the latter only against my will and reason if I am not required to risk soul for life... They aren't promises, or efforts, now. Just the way of it. Cherished, and for good reasons. Hate the sin, at worst, not the sinner. If the sinner is unrepentant, then turn from him. If you do not consider him your brother, or believe him to be incapable of being your neighbor, then do not engage him. As is, that is that.
I need to figure some things out and begin making plans. Soon or late I have to get out. I can't count on... much. It will be difficult. Faith, one way or the other, will see me through. Faith isn't, however, an easy path. If you knew, you wouldn't need faith. Blathering... the day has been long, the temps while tolerable take their toll, and health still isn't an hundred percent... of the fraction it is at best on top of things. Good night.
Get ready, get set...
.
.
I was able to get geared for today. I didn't stop there. Things will be coming in the mail, some might have been in for all I knew. I wasn't sure I would be able to pull my shoes on. Between the pain of the compression socks over something akin to terribly sunburned skin, to the fact that the compression can only do just so much, to the notion that regular socks were needed over that (to my mind), all to be put into shoes? Still, only one way to find out. Slowly, gingerly, I took each problem one at a time. Oh, it hurt, some of it much more than other parts. In the end though, it really wasn't too bad.
A change of clothes, though not a shower... yet. Dishes have to be tended. I trimmed off the whiskers, if not truly a shave. The beard trimmer works well enough for a rough go at it. Fast but not the best. No longer cordless, the battery seems unable to hold much of a charge or for very long. No problem, don't really need cordless. And it would still work for a time or two if pressed and with patience. Dang... skinny... Okay, not truly skinny... just comparing the last time I looked at my shaven face to now. Still fat, all about, mostly midsection. Down two belt sizes, as that odd thing goes.
Just to the post office, for now. I may, if I get the dishes handled, take a shower and go to town later. Not likely, but a shower would be fine. The Keens are big enough that they don't hurt to put on, not sure how long I can wear them though. My feet are swollen enough, even with the socks, to fill the extra sizes in length and extra width, without any fuss either way. And they are actually comfortable. It's nice to have shoes on again. Sam and Sass are letting me know breakfast, theirs, is past due. So be it. Oh, about breakfast? My mother said something about cookie sheet, 350 F, ten to fifteen minutes... I doubted her. Which, of course, is why I did it. Uhrm, okay. She is right. Great for serving more people at a time, or a big batch for whatever. Easier to get the bacon fat too. A little practice and the time to crisp preference could be zeroed to a science, mostly. Just saying.
Oh, right. A book was in that I will be consuming. I bought it through a recommendation regarding stitching and other work on rope and webbing, for climbing though would go toward a webbing harness, or several, for various purposes. As it turns out, the book is easily read, and very informed to the whole art of the climb. It's title is "On Rope". The other thing that came is the end of my stay here. It is a request for a doctor's stamp of approval to keep my drivers license. I will keep it as long as I can, but without a doctor, or medicine, I will eventually have to send in the license. The deed, if not done, is done. I am going to have to be out in a year, two tops. But then... I knew that. Now so do you.
Well... on to a bit more actually waking, a bit of something to quench the thirst, and then the rest of my day. Later.
.
I was able to get geared for today. I didn't stop there. Things will be coming in the mail, some might have been in for all I knew. I wasn't sure I would be able to pull my shoes on. Between the pain of the compression socks over something akin to terribly sunburned skin, to the fact that the compression can only do just so much, to the notion that regular socks were needed over that (to my mind), all to be put into shoes? Still, only one way to find out. Slowly, gingerly, I took each problem one at a time. Oh, it hurt, some of it much more than other parts. In the end though, it really wasn't too bad.
A change of clothes, though not a shower... yet. Dishes have to be tended. I trimmed off the whiskers, if not truly a shave. The beard trimmer works well enough for a rough go at it. Fast but not the best. No longer cordless, the battery seems unable to hold much of a charge or for very long. No problem, don't really need cordless. And it would still work for a time or two if pressed and with patience. Dang... skinny... Okay, not truly skinny... just comparing the last time I looked at my shaven face to now. Still fat, all about, mostly midsection. Down two belt sizes, as that odd thing goes.
Just to the post office, for now. I may, if I get the dishes handled, take a shower and go to town later. Not likely, but a shower would be fine. The Keens are big enough that they don't hurt to put on, not sure how long I can wear them though. My feet are swollen enough, even with the socks, to fill the extra sizes in length and extra width, without any fuss either way. And they are actually comfortable. It's nice to have shoes on again. Sam and Sass are letting me know breakfast, theirs, is past due. So be it. Oh, about breakfast? My mother said something about cookie sheet, 350 F, ten to fifteen minutes... I doubted her. Which, of course, is why I did it. Uhrm, okay. She is right. Great for serving more people at a time, or a big batch for whatever. Easier to get the bacon fat too. A little practice and the time to crisp preference could be zeroed to a science, mostly. Just saying.
Oh, right. A book was in that I will be consuming. I bought it through a recommendation regarding stitching and other work on rope and webbing, for climbing though would go toward a webbing harness, or several, for various purposes. As it turns out, the book is easily read, and very informed to the whole art of the climb. It's title is "On Rope". The other thing that came is the end of my stay here. It is a request for a doctor's stamp of approval to keep my drivers license. I will keep it as long as I can, but without a doctor, or medicine, I will eventually have to send in the license. The deed, if not done, is done. I am going to have to be out in a year, two tops. But then... I knew that. Now so do you.
Well... on to a bit more actually waking, a bit of something to quench the thirst, and then the rest of my day. Later.
Hmm?
.
.
I still think people are getting the very wrong idea. A year, maybe two, unless I die, I am gone. Out. I am working up the plan currently. I will be going alone, I have no notion of anything more. I am alone and will remain so, there isn't a way around it and I wouldn't change that. Some music could be said to call that into question. Don't be fooled. The song, Dark in My Imagination, for example, has nothing to do with a love interest. It has to do with my fear of more suffering. Not death so much. But a long drawn out even worse path to death than the one I am currently on. Focus on "dark in my imagination", and imagine a leg split open, oozing 'stuff', unwilling to go to the doctor because they won't serve me anyway, never have... slowly dying... barely able to figure out how to get water, food a forgotten thing, mostly... pain, fever, that diseased smell of rot... That, my friends, is what that song is about, in this instance.
And there is, can be, ever worse. Dark, very very dark. You seem to miss the point, and seem to be trying to miss the point. I'm done here, and with most things in many ways. I'm just looking for a way out before the way is closed. Would rather die up there, this way. Something would at least get a feast, besides lawyers, bureaucrats, doctors, and hospitals. So... just get off my back.
.
I still think people are getting the very wrong idea. A year, maybe two, unless I die, I am gone. Out. I am working up the plan currently. I will be going alone, I have no notion of anything more. I am alone and will remain so, there isn't a way around it and I wouldn't change that. Some music could be said to call that into question. Don't be fooled. The song, Dark in My Imagination, for example, has nothing to do with a love interest. It has to do with my fear of more suffering. Not death so much. But a long drawn out even worse path to death than the one I am currently on. Focus on "dark in my imagination", and imagine a leg split open, oozing 'stuff', unwilling to go to the doctor because they won't serve me anyway, never have... slowly dying... barely able to figure out how to get water, food a forgotten thing, mostly... pain, fever, that diseased smell of rot... That, my friends, is what that song is about, in this instance.
And there is, can be, ever worse. Dark, very very dark. You seem to miss the point, and seem to be trying to miss the point. I'm done here, and with most things in many ways. I'm just looking for a way out before the way is closed. Would rather die up there, this way. Something would at least get a feast, besides lawyers, bureaucrats, doctors, and hospitals. So... just get off my back.
I forgot the 4th, and all that jazz.
.
.
A fellow nut put up a... well... a pretty good shot. I am just going to do a simple cut and paste. I warned him, I did!
Not sure where the second one was lifted... recent acquisition though. But I know where it is going. *blink blink*
.
A fellow nut put up a... well... a pretty good shot. I am just going to do a simple cut and paste. I warned him, I did!
Heading back to normalcy.
.
.
Not that normalcy is anything more than seemingly a sliver more away from the edge, not even always that. I have an uneasy negotiated settlement. For my part, I don't mind when my time comes. I don't want to be pushed, I don't think that would be right for you or me. More, I don't think it works that way, or can. But it can hurt, a lot. I won't push. Oh, I may dance on the line, intellectually. Come to think of it, that was my first vow. As I may have mentioned, it isn't a vow now... just a part of life. I can't just allow it, if I no longer trust medicine or have any real access to it. Bureaucrats don't always have to have guns to harm you. Rip the Veterans Administration apart, burn it down, start from the start. Though with millenial to boomer fascist notions permeating medical to academic... that's a lot of burning and no clear, easy, simple way to end the infestation. Start somewhere and don't stop until they stop killing, even outright murdering, vets. And hating us just for being vets.
Anyway, so I can't just let it, I can't make it, I can't let you do it, I can't even just quit. Nor can I use medicine. That's a tight rope to walk, but it's what I have. I'll do what I can with what I have. This time, anyway, it looks like it's working... for now. It's less tight all the wise around. I am able to cut the swelling, keeping it from getting probably no more than half what it had been getting (over typical), and then it is only swollen for shorter times. The socks I initially ordered may be too small, I hope. I'll know shortly. I won't say I was in a perfectly right state of mind for doing fiddly sizing work, still wouldn't swear to it. But, then, when are we ever sure about ourselves, truly? The young seem to think so, my gen, when young, knew better, just... well... it had to be done so it got done. Funny though, more of my gen died than the gen before us, even though there were far fewer of us. Our parents didn't build in a safety valve of numbers... knowing better of course.
Oh? The snow? Not down in the valley, unless it drifts down and melts. It was on the peaks. Yeah, you can smell the snow there, from here, especially when there will be a lot of melt. A dusting, is what my nose imagined. No, I still don't believe it. Now I am curious though. I hate betting with my tongue and site in spite of knowing I almost certainly have to lose. Meh, oh well. It's done, just clarifying.
Hmm... reminds me... need to clarify more butter. Just a few sticks at a time, in a pint jar, or too much goes bad. Could put it in the fridge but then it is a bear to use. Messy stuff, but very good for frying and a few other things. If you make waffles or pancakes? There you go. Fry eggs? Bingo. It's even good to get a richer sear on pan fried steaks. Not bad for fish or other seafood.
Learning to drink less is a trick. Too little and you have what I have today. Too much and swelling is a bit worse. Though neither seems to be all that different, shades of difference, not a sea change in sight. But, better, with some thought, in either case. Later.
.
Not that normalcy is anything more than seemingly a sliver more away from the edge, not even always that. I have an uneasy negotiated settlement. For my part, I don't mind when my time comes. I don't want to be pushed, I don't think that would be right for you or me. More, I don't think it works that way, or can. But it can hurt, a lot. I won't push. Oh, I may dance on the line, intellectually. Come to think of it, that was my first vow. As I may have mentioned, it isn't a vow now... just a part of life. I can't just allow it, if I no longer trust medicine or have any real access to it. Bureaucrats don't always have to have guns to harm you. Rip the Veterans Administration apart, burn it down, start from the start. Though with millenial to boomer fascist notions permeating medical to academic... that's a lot of burning and no clear, easy, simple way to end the infestation. Start somewhere and don't stop until they stop killing, even outright murdering, vets. And hating us just for being vets.
Hmm... reminds me... need to clarify more butter. Just a few sticks at a time, in a pint jar, or too much goes bad. Could put it in the fridge but then it is a bear to use. Messy stuff, but very good for frying and a few other things. If you make waffles or pancakes? There you go. Fry eggs? Bingo. It's even good to get a richer sear on pan fried steaks. Not bad for fish or other seafood.
Learning to drink less is a trick. Too little and you have what I have today. Too much and swelling is a bit worse. Though neither seems to be all that different, shades of difference, not a sea change in sight. But, better, with some thought, in either case. Later.
Monday, July 4, 2016
Better, much better.
.
.
I am still having to fiddle with everything in order to keep... from collapse. I may attempt, further, to figure out something more passive to do for some parts of the day. I have taken the foot stool in, near the chair in the living room. Stacked pillows, a minor foot stool as well, as a means of elevating my feet. It just doesn't work. Not well. So, perhaps, reading in the afternoon, or maybe late morning and early afternoon, hoping to keep my feet elevated above the heart for more time than just when I sleep. My feet, the left far worse, are still swelling. Though not nearly as bad as they had been. I really hope to figure out how to cut even that.
Less fluid was tolerable. Sipping, and less... cool not chilled... attempting to both pace and watch, amount and speed of consumption. It's a bit of a trick when health isn't completely topped. Concentration and memory are trickier. Some days I am sure I will slip more than other days. Control. A precision I may not be able to reach. A condition that may not be solved by control. One problem set at a time.
I don't know how I cause problems, but I do. Well, no, some of it I see. I just realize there is more going on. Though they have to see, by now, that choices really aren't ours, on some things. It just doesn't work that way. I am going to have to change some of the things I do. Not that I need fear, merely that I shouldn't... test some things.
Oh, the other day? I smelled snow. Not with my 'nose in the present', but, I suspect, my 'nose from the future'. Or, that is how it felt. Doesn't seem possible though. It's in the upper 80's to 90's out there. Still, in a few weeks to a month I will know. Impossible, really. I shouldn't write this, knowing, logically, it almost can't happen. Might have been something else in on the wind one eve... yesterday or the one before I believe. Or... maybe a projection, or future memory seeming thing. Hard to know, but I pegged it as I saw it. Dubious but...
Definitely losing... size anyway. Not so much weight, almost no weight. Doesn't make sense. It's some pretty hefty size that is going. I would be sure it was cancer except so little actual weight is being shed. Very strange. I look like one of those guys who wears pants four sizes too big. Which... Hmm... New pants, I guess. I'll need to do a more accurate sizing, 38's, maybe 36's. I have some 38's to check. It has come off very quickly... a few weeks, maybe a month at most.
Good night.
.
I am still having to fiddle with everything in order to keep... from collapse. I may attempt, further, to figure out something more passive to do for some parts of the day. I have taken the foot stool in, near the chair in the living room. Stacked pillows, a minor foot stool as well, as a means of elevating my feet. It just doesn't work. Not well. So, perhaps, reading in the afternoon, or maybe late morning and early afternoon, hoping to keep my feet elevated above the heart for more time than just when I sleep. My feet, the left far worse, are still swelling. Though not nearly as bad as they had been. I really hope to figure out how to cut even that.
Less fluid was tolerable. Sipping, and less... cool not chilled... attempting to both pace and watch, amount and speed of consumption. It's a bit of a trick when health isn't completely topped. Concentration and memory are trickier. Some days I am sure I will slip more than other days. Control. A precision I may not be able to reach. A condition that may not be solved by control. One problem set at a time.
I don't know how I cause problems, but I do. Well, no, some of it I see. I just realize there is more going on. Though they have to see, by now, that choices really aren't ours, on some things. It just doesn't work that way. I am going to have to change some of the things I do. Not that I need fear, merely that I shouldn't... test some things.
Oh, the other day? I smelled snow. Not with my 'nose in the present', but, I suspect, my 'nose from the future'. Or, that is how it felt. Doesn't seem possible though. It's in the upper 80's to 90's out there. Still, in a few weeks to a month I will know. Impossible, really. I shouldn't write this, knowing, logically, it almost can't happen. Might have been something else in on the wind one eve... yesterday or the one before I believe. Or... maybe a projection, or future memory seeming thing. Hard to know, but I pegged it as I saw it. Dubious but...
Definitely losing... size anyway. Not so much weight, almost no weight. Doesn't make sense. It's some pretty hefty size that is going. I would be sure it was cancer except so little actual weight is being shed. Very strange. I look like one of those guys who wears pants four sizes too big. Which... Hmm... New pants, I guess. I'll need to do a more accurate sizing, 38's, maybe 36's. I have some 38's to check. It has come off very quickly... a few weeks, maybe a month at most.
Good night.
I keep wondering if this is it.
.
.
Have you ever driven really fast. No, not 70, not 90, 150 or more? If you have, you may have come to an understanding that the road, the car, and the speed are not working together well. Something has to change, and quickly. Steerage, at that point, becomes very limited. DON'T even think about it. You'll be dead before you blink. Though in part because, when things get to that point, blinking... at least for me... becomes somewhere between unlikely and impossible. Breaking may not be possible either, certainly not much, possibly not enough, not quickly enough.
There are a few, precious few, things left to you. Time is not on your side, it is parsing away so quickly. Some men can use these moments, first to consider, then to react. Most people... can't find that time between time. It is the difference between those who dare, and among those, those who survive. What I have done twice, that I remember, was to let the engine idle down and be extremely precise with steering, but without oversteering. The difference is so fine most wouldn't know it. If you have learned to let a curve autopilot, or slingshot, you, then you have some small inclination about that which I write. If not, don't even think of driving much over the speed limit. That limit is for you.
In health, I am at that point. If I am not careful, my leg may well burst. There is no recovery from that, to my mind. It will lead to a slow, poisonous death. And yet the thirst I face seems impossible. And, yet, as on the road, I am seeing the potential for a careful aim, release from the accelerator, and patient control, into a better place. A quart jar of water, though with other additions. Pure water ends up hurting my throat and making me thirstier. Keeping ice on tap, but not making the fluid icy... just a bit chiller. Tea, a bit... water with mix a bit... but controlled. A timer, sipping, until I learn some sort of control. Whether I lost control of fluid intake, or whether my system is failing and the technique of hydration needs tweeking... doesn't matter. I am here now, it's about what to do next.
How do you think I have survived the near impossible? Just because? Not always do I remember, but this is the way. Will it work this time? I have never known, any given time, whether it would work. So... I don't know. However, I... would bet my life on it, on my gut feelings, on my reactions, counterreactions, and proactions.. more than bet that of most, or of medicine. Heal thyself, be thine own doctor. Might not work, eventually won't. But who says what they would do would work? And, what, really, would they do? Probably nothing, as usual.
.
Have you ever driven really fast. No, not 70, not 90, 150 or more? If you have, you may have come to an understanding that the road, the car, and the speed are not working together well. Something has to change, and quickly. Steerage, at that point, becomes very limited. DON'T even think about it. You'll be dead before you blink. Though in part because, when things get to that point, blinking... at least for me... becomes somewhere between unlikely and impossible. Breaking may not be possible either, certainly not much, possibly not enough, not quickly enough.
There are a few, precious few, things left to you. Time is not on your side, it is parsing away so quickly. Some men can use these moments, first to consider, then to react. Most people... can't find that time between time. It is the difference between those who dare, and among those, those who survive. What I have done twice, that I remember, was to let the engine idle down and be extremely precise with steering, but without oversteering. The difference is so fine most wouldn't know it. If you have learned to let a curve autopilot, or slingshot, you, then you have some small inclination about that which I write. If not, don't even think of driving much over the speed limit. That limit is for you.
In health, I am at that point. If I am not careful, my leg may well burst. There is no recovery from that, to my mind. It will lead to a slow, poisonous death. And yet the thirst I face seems impossible. And, yet, as on the road, I am seeing the potential for a careful aim, release from the accelerator, and patient control, into a better place. A quart jar of water, though with other additions. Pure water ends up hurting my throat and making me thirstier. Keeping ice on tap, but not making the fluid icy... just a bit chiller. Tea, a bit... water with mix a bit... but controlled. A timer, sipping, until I learn some sort of control. Whether I lost control of fluid intake, or whether my system is failing and the technique of hydration needs tweeking... doesn't matter. I am here now, it's about what to do next.
How do you think I have survived the near impossible? Just because? Not always do I remember, but this is the way. Will it work this time? I have never known, any given time, whether it would work. So... I don't know. However, I... would bet my life on it, on my gut feelings, on my reactions, counterreactions, and proactions.. more than bet that of most, or of medicine. Heal thyself, be thine own doctor. Might not work, eventually won't. But who says what they would do would work? And, what, really, would they do? Probably nothing, as usual.
Oh, that hurts.
.
.
Compression socks. I learned that putting them on before everything expands is the only way to fly. If too, it isn't as nice and easy as it sounds. To be fair, I have only had my legs to back to near normal a few mornings the last few days, and that from using the water pill to a level that seemed to have been dangerous before... that that might, as it ends up, just have been coincidental, or maybe incidental? An accidental collusion of various forces all acting, through various mechanisms, to do similar things, then beyond to excesses. In any case, what I am here to tell you, is that putting those on the socks, especially with the skin of your leg feeling flayed from expansions and contractions well beyond even just the skin's norms or good health, is extremely painful. Even with the size down to normal, perhaps below. On the good side, a very high elevation at night, and voiding often, plus the pill, at least gives me that opportunity. It is even worse when the leg is engorged. There is some hope that this will help. The veins in those legs might just be shot. If so? It is just a matter of time.
Oh, now he says. Sure, after blaming the world and everybody? Aye, but I had good reason to think just so. The world was being nasty. I still don't know that it might not have participated. I know it has, if further afield and slightly more indirectly. The false pride of the VA, doctors. The maltreatment, mistreatment, misdiagnosis, and even knowing absence of action... They are playing their part even now. And they mean to do so. Who else? What else? I don't know. I have my reasons to causes for suspicion.
A dream. A China woman, or some oriental... Her father was a billionaire, and much more, industrial, tech, tycoon. Murdered for trying to safe his profits over the Chinese (or whatever state) interests. A maddened flower with two thousand flours of scientists, mathematicians, engineers, labs, and microfacturing units.
First, she build a bigger building, though keeping the old for the one offs. Then she kept everyone working on money making, to keep vengeance afloat. The? Then she learned how to manipulate first electrons then atoms, molecules, cats, and finally people. She could move to them, invincible and yet terrible, or she could pull them to her, stuck like a single-celled creatures on a slide. Murder, torment, usually rightly, though at a whim wrongly. Maddened and drunk on power, she went well beyond her intended purpose and well into world domination. While you can pull on Batman's cape... the worst he will do is punch or arrest, if he can. But don't pull on Superman's cape. Between the brilliance, speed, flight, and some other things... Well, she didn't end up in a super-collider, in an event horizon, the middle of a sun, or such. She did end up where none would envy. It is theorized, due to size and speed, she will never die, or age, but feel time just as we do. It was the only way. While an endless loop, or some of them, cannot be broken? They can be... reduced. Unfortunate, she had a wicked ass.
This is the first day I have gotten the socks on before any swelling could happen. I'll be careful with fluid intake, but... I won't push it to the gagging point. I may truly be between gagging on thirst and bloating on rather little fluid as my only two choices. Which... if you faced it, would you choose? I'm thinking bloating, but... I am hoping, just a slower drip sip will get me past the one without the other. Not sure. Later.
.
Compression socks. I learned that putting them on before everything expands is the only way to fly. If too, it isn't as nice and easy as it sounds. To be fair, I have only had my legs to back to near normal a few mornings the last few days, and that from using the water pill to a level that seemed to have been dangerous before... that that might, as it ends up, just have been coincidental, or maybe incidental? An accidental collusion of various forces all acting, through various mechanisms, to do similar things, then beyond to excesses. In any case, what I am here to tell you, is that putting those on the socks, especially with the skin of your leg feeling flayed from expansions and contractions well beyond even just the skin's norms or good health, is extremely painful. Even with the size down to normal, perhaps below. On the good side, a very high elevation at night, and voiding often, plus the pill, at least gives me that opportunity. It is even worse when the leg is engorged. There is some hope that this will help. The veins in those legs might just be shot. If so? It is just a matter of time.
Oh, now he says. Sure, after blaming the world and everybody? Aye, but I had good reason to think just so. The world was being nasty. I still don't know that it might not have participated. I know it has, if further afield and slightly more indirectly. The false pride of the VA, doctors. The maltreatment, mistreatment, misdiagnosis, and even knowing absence of action... They are playing their part even now. And they mean to do so. Who else? What else? I don't know. I have my reasons to causes for suspicion.
A dream. A China woman, or some oriental... Her father was a billionaire, and much more, industrial, tech, tycoon. Murdered for trying to safe his profits over the Chinese (or whatever state) interests. A maddened flower with two thousand flours of scientists, mathematicians, engineers, labs, and microfacturing units.
First, she build a bigger building, though keeping the old for the one offs. Then she kept everyone working on money making, to keep vengeance afloat. The? Then she learned how to manipulate first electrons then atoms, molecules, cats, and finally people. She could move to them, invincible and yet terrible, or she could pull them to her, stuck like a single-celled creatures on a slide. Murder, torment, usually rightly, though at a whim wrongly. Maddened and drunk on power, she went well beyond her intended purpose and well into world domination. While you can pull on Batman's cape... the worst he will do is punch or arrest, if he can. But don't pull on Superman's cape. Between the brilliance, speed, flight, and some other things... Well, she didn't end up in a super-collider, in an event horizon, the middle of a sun, or such. She did end up where none would envy. It is theorized, due to size and speed, she will never die, or age, but feel time just as we do. It was the only way. While an endless loop, or some of them, cannot be broken? They can be... reduced. Unfortunate, she had a wicked ass.
This is the first day I have gotten the socks on before any swelling could happen. I'll be careful with fluid intake, but... I won't push it to the gagging point. I may truly be between gagging on thirst and bloating on rather little fluid as my only two choices. Which... if you faced it, would you choose? I'm thinking bloating, but... I am hoping, just a slower drip sip will get me past the one without the other. Not sure. Later.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Not absolutely sure.
.
.
If life isn't the whole, or the most, of the problem. I'm more sure, day by day, that I might survive. The heat makes telling how much I am improving a difficult task. On cool days, though, I collapse. Hot days just provide fever, or enhance, or even simply expose it. Lungs are weird, burning, used up, often.
I hope to keep up, a bit. Some days yes, some no. Dishes today, a load of them. Hopefully a shower or bath before long. Maybe laundry if I am awake when it cools. Nothing with the bedrooms so far. I'm just... not sure about trying to vacate the room that I can lock down and cool down, not as high summer approaches... not without some other means of serious cooling.
I have ordered industrial(tm) sized fans, with adjustable air flow. The goal is to bring a long more cool air in at night than typical fans can dream of doing. Opening the upstairs windows, turning on the biggest fan up there, aimed down through the vent, then with the other fans and the second... lessor... industrial fan, clear and cool down here. It isn't just cooling, but getting fresh air in. Now, as to (tm)? We'll see. I thought about an humidifier, just... not really sure about that. Finding one that fits the bill is another thing, as well. I would want to be able to add ice, for example. A pour spout in might well not allow that. And the size of tank might not allow that, or the shoot from spout to tank. Maybe a trip to town this week... if I can, if it's not too hot. The curtains are doing a fine job. No holes in the ones in the front room. That really helps. And Sassy no longer rips and shreds. All good, for... how far I have gotten.
Gifts of music, from time to time. Who knows who sends, or why to be honest. Delivered in such a way that... well... Never mind. Call it what you will. It seems like it fits? I can't tell when I didn't find it native, like the next one... or more that it find me? I know not. I know nothing, less.
.
If life isn't the whole, or the most, of the problem. I'm more sure, day by day, that I might survive. The heat makes telling how much I am improving a difficult task. On cool days, though, I collapse. Hot days just provide fever, or enhance, or even simply expose it. Lungs are weird, burning, used up, often.
I hope to keep up, a bit. Some days yes, some no. Dishes today, a load of them. Hopefully a shower or bath before long. Maybe laundry if I am awake when it cools. Nothing with the bedrooms so far. I'm just... not sure about trying to vacate the room that I can lock down and cool down, not as high summer approaches... not without some other means of serious cooling.
I have ordered industrial(tm) sized fans, with adjustable air flow. The goal is to bring a long more cool air in at night than typical fans can dream of doing. Opening the upstairs windows, turning on the biggest fan up there, aimed down through the vent, then with the other fans and the second... lessor... industrial fan, clear and cool down here. It isn't just cooling, but getting fresh air in. Now, as to (tm)? We'll see. I thought about an humidifier, just... not really sure about that. Finding one that fits the bill is another thing, as well. I would want to be able to add ice, for example. A pour spout in might well not allow that. And the size of tank might not allow that, or the shoot from spout to tank. Maybe a trip to town this week... if I can, if it's not too hot. The curtains are doing a fine job. No holes in the ones in the front room. That really helps. And Sassy no longer rips and shreds. All good, for... how far I have gotten.
Gifts of music, from time to time. Who knows who sends, or why to be honest. Delivered in such a way that... well... Never mind. Call it what you will. It seems like it fits? I can't tell when I didn't find it native, like the next one... or more that it find me? I know not. I know nothing, less.
Maybe.
.
.
A full pill extra of the water pill, extra time down, more time on my butt not doing anything, an attempt at less fluid... Maybe. The less swollen foot looks normal, the worse one both the food and above that to the calf muscle, are looking better. The better one is almost looking normal. The worse one is looking better than the better one looked yesterday and for... some time before that. The skin on the bad leg part is still very sore. Too many days swollen. Who knows if it can repair. So swollen, like a watermelon, I thought it would surely burst. So, yeah, I had some hard feelings. I've never seen it like that, treated or untreated. I take it personal if I think I'm being attacked, and had reasons both in real life and the digital world. Someone had gone back and found this, and was watching in several times ever few days for weeks. With what was going on here and there out there, I took a hint. Was keeping my pistol, for sure, with me wherever and everywhere. I can take a hint. So... yeah.
.
A full pill extra of the water pill, extra time down, more time on my butt not doing anything, an attempt at less fluid... Maybe. The less swollen foot looks normal, the worse one both the food and above that to the calf muscle, are looking better. The better one is almost looking normal. The worse one is looking better than the better one looked yesterday and for... some time before that. The skin on the bad leg part is still very sore. Too many days swollen. Who knows if it can repair. So swollen, like a watermelon, I thought it would surely burst. So, yeah, I had some hard feelings. I've never seen it like that, treated or untreated. I take it personal if I think I'm being attacked, and had reasons both in real life and the digital world. Someone had gone back and found this, and was watching in several times ever few days for weeks. With what was going on here and there out there, I took a hint. Was keeping my pistol, for sure, with me wherever and everywhere. I can take a hint. So... yeah.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
A little note.
.
.
I didn't want to just head off and have someone worry. I am fine, and will be. If I die, I'll let you know right away. *grins* Thing is, blogging has become a bit of a problem. My main browsers no longer work well, the rest flood advertising, spilling my data everywhere I must assume, and it's just become a hassle and unworkable situation. It was meant to be that. The rabbits, white-breed, corn pone, have nothing to fear crowd be damned. That's not American, that is a good little NAZI. And it will come back to bite. The thing is, I'm not interested in that gig. There really may not be a choice anymore. Which is what they have been working at for a very long time. It's called a trap, boys and girls. It either puts the rabbits in cages, then on the medication that doses them down to servitude, or eliminates them out for disposal in some other way.
I can't really fix things, or change them. Those aren't my skillsets. And, if they were... well... you will probably begin to notice that hackers are corporate and government. Even the wild ones of those will... have a choice to make. So I will be backing out until I can figure out some other way of carrying on. There simply may not be another way. I may never post again. Not sure if I should shred this, though I'm not sure it matters. Both sides have collected enough evidence. When the left is the right, the right is definitely wrong. Good day, luck, perhaps goodbye.
.
I didn't want to just head off and have someone worry. I am fine, and will be. If I die, I'll let you know right away. *grins* Thing is, blogging has become a bit of a problem. My main browsers no longer work well, the rest flood advertising, spilling my data everywhere I must assume, and it's just become a hassle and unworkable situation. It was meant to be that. The rabbits, white-breed, corn pone, have nothing to fear crowd be damned. That's not American, that is a good little NAZI. And it will come back to bite. The thing is, I'm not interested in that gig. There really may not be a choice anymore. Which is what they have been working at for a very long time. It's called a trap, boys and girls. It either puts the rabbits in cages, then on the medication that doses them down to servitude, or eliminates them out for disposal in some other way.
I can't really fix things, or change them. Those aren't my skillsets. And, if they were... well... you will probably begin to notice that hackers are corporate and government. Even the wild ones of those will... have a choice to make. So I will be backing out until I can figure out some other way of carrying on. There simply may not be another way. I may never post again. Not sure if I should shred this, though I'm not sure it matters. Both sides have collected enough evidence. When the left is the right, the right is definitely wrong. Good day, luck, perhaps goodbye.
I suppose no one warned you.
.
.
Though I think it is not their way. The brights find their way there. As do some of the broken. Mix and match and it is why I may be found there, from time to time. An artifact. Once grand. Though just as possibly a never was. Shattered, broken, or an illusion... if still, either way, surprisingly, breathtakingly, sharp... from time to time. Now you know. It is how we learn... *cough* evolve even, some might say. Don't worry, I am dying. Though I have been doing that, possibly, since before you were born. Never mind. Just... saying... hello.
.
Though I think it is not their way. The brights find their way there. As do some of the broken. Mix and match and it is why I may be found there, from time to time. An artifact. Once grand. Though just as possibly a never was. Shattered, broken, or an illusion... if still, either way, surprisingly, breathtakingly, sharp... from time to time. Now you know. It is how we learn... *cough* evolve even, some might say. Don't worry, I am dying. Though I have been doing that, possibly, since before you were born. Never mind. Just... saying... hello.
Thinner.
.
.
Yeah. Shivers for a few... minutes to seconds. The right as rain in the sun again. A chill to keep from getting too hot, until it gets too cold. But no edge is ever crossed too far. It's an ugly time, if I don't think it'll be that way for long. Just something trying to live to murder another day... a bug, or poison, or dark will, or even a confused will of light. Not my will to stay or go, I've arranged that be handled by another, because it is and will be in any case... not just because I decided to attempt to be a humble servant, and then seem to have been invited to be more. Hrm? Oh, shut up? You or me? Oh, I'm with you. It just spills out and I am too lazy to clean it up anymore.
Still, I am a bit, sort of, what... punch drunk? Yeah. No booze was used in the making of this tale. Just the remnants of bio or man-made poison. My body has a powerful way of change things from their intended to my needed... a painkiller, most likely, in this case. It was the shivers, exhaustion from those, that almost upended me. Odd. The pain from that... it's like having your body pull yourself apart. Hours of it, a day, more? Still happening, if not to that extent of time or intensity. Enough breaks, now, to recover, even so.
As to the title? Yes. What he said. Noticeably, much, visibly. I... thought the belt hoops wouldn't lie. Though, maybe, I was somehow mistaken. You know how we can see what we wish. But the scale denies. I am 273, only seven pounds off, which shouldn't be visible unless fat is being replaced by muscle at nearly replacement value... which... doesn't seem right. There are tricks in there, that to a certain class of system... physique... one that muscles a bit too easily... causing stretch marks with simple normal exercise if with a push toward excesses. Perhaps the heavy things I do have ripples that might not be normal in most? Dunno. Do know I've gone down, in the odd way a rolly-polly works, two belt sizes while only losing seven pounds. There might be a few other options, like losing a twenty pack here and moving it there, but that isn't registering either. Could be other things. Isn't cancer, or it would be much more weight loss... most likely. Wanted to know my diet. Seafood. Fish, oyster, seaweed, etc? No! See food? EAT IT! :) Hungry.
I have the last batch of dishes going, rice on to which, actually, I will be adding fish *wink* to the steamer basket at the half-way point of cooking the rice. Then? Well... after some time to digest, I think I'll be prepping the spare bedroom for my stay... not favored. The window doesn't support the ac, so I'll have to windtunnel the cool in using fans, and maybe a mocked-up false wall... which won't be terribly efficient. I have to do something to force something or nothing will be done. I may be fighting the world with a hand tied behind my back and a serious limp, which means I have to fight smart. The world, both men and nature, will eat you if they can. It doesn't matter their wish, it is how things are done. No crumb must remain. So either you eat, and show enough strength to resist, and if necessary retreat from the side you definitely don't want eating you, or... prepare to be et. I choose not to be et, and will make it not so, if I can. If it takes eating rice and steamed fish. Bleh. Butter!
No idea, again, what I really wrote. If it offended you, though? Good. Now get off my damned porch!
Later.
.
Yeah. Shivers for a few... minutes to seconds. The right as rain in the sun again. A chill to keep from getting too hot, until it gets too cold. But no edge is ever crossed too far. It's an ugly time, if I don't think it'll be that way for long. Just something trying to live to murder another day... a bug, or poison, or dark will, or even a confused will of light. Not my will to stay or go, I've arranged that be handled by another, because it is and will be in any case... not just because I decided to attempt to be a humble servant, and then seem to have been invited to be more. Hrm? Oh, shut up? You or me? Oh, I'm with you. It just spills out and I am too lazy to clean it up anymore.
Still, I am a bit, sort of, what... punch drunk? Yeah. No booze was used in the making of this tale. Just the remnants of bio or man-made poison. My body has a powerful way of change things from their intended to my needed... a painkiller, most likely, in this case. It was the shivers, exhaustion from those, that almost upended me. Odd. The pain from that... it's like having your body pull yourself apart. Hours of it, a day, more? Still happening, if not to that extent of time or intensity. Enough breaks, now, to recover, even so.
As to the title? Yes. What he said. Noticeably, much, visibly. I... thought the belt hoops wouldn't lie. Though, maybe, I was somehow mistaken. You know how we can see what we wish. But the scale denies. I am 273, only seven pounds off, which shouldn't be visible unless fat is being replaced by muscle at nearly replacement value... which... doesn't seem right. There are tricks in there, that to a certain class of system... physique... one that muscles a bit too easily... causing stretch marks with simple normal exercise if with a push toward excesses. Perhaps the heavy things I do have ripples that might not be normal in most? Dunno. Do know I've gone down, in the odd way a rolly-polly works, two belt sizes while only losing seven pounds. There might be a few other options, like losing a twenty pack here and moving it there, but that isn't registering either. Could be other things. Isn't cancer, or it would be much more weight loss... most likely. Wanted to know my diet. Seafood. Fish, oyster, seaweed, etc? No! See food? EAT IT! :) Hungry.
I have the last batch of dishes going, rice on to which, actually, I will be adding fish *wink* to the steamer basket at the half-way point of cooking the rice. Then? Well... after some time to digest, I think I'll be prepping the spare bedroom for my stay... not favored. The window doesn't support the ac, so I'll have to windtunnel the cool in using fans, and maybe a mocked-up false wall... which won't be terribly efficient. I have to do something to force something or nothing will be done. I may be fighting the world with a hand tied behind my back and a serious limp, which means I have to fight smart. The world, both men and nature, will eat you if they can. It doesn't matter their wish, it is how things are done. No crumb must remain. So either you eat, and show enough strength to resist, and if necessary retreat from the side you definitely don't want eating you, or... prepare to be et. I choose not to be et, and will make it not so, if I can. If it takes eating rice and steamed fish. Bleh. Butter!
No idea, again, what I really wrote. If it offended you, though? Good. Now get off my damned porch!
Later.
Getting better.
.
.
A bit at a time. More each day, though, I think. I still fall back, a step or two, from time to time, though no longer falling to bottom and getting further from it. I am pretty sure I was on the steps of a complete bodily failure. All I would have had to do was... blink. I guess I really am on the side of life now. Yeah... this is going to be a long painful trip. I'm up for it. For now, to just find my stride in the moment. The rest will be solved in it's due. I... now I believe God really, certainly, backs this venture. Not that such would make me right. God isn't on anyone's side. Don't delude yourself. But if something is supposed to happen, or not, it will or won't... for good or ill. Perhaps my end is simply supposed to be somewhere else... in a rock or snow avalanche in Alaska, that takes out the senator on the lead to develop a government program that will initiate an unstable a.i. which would, if allowed to exist, do the same thing my flesh kin were meant to do... though for Christ 2.0. Not just sully the line, but end it this time... so as to keep the world for Satan and family. Though, most likely, it's just as evidence that, yes, you can... with faith and true God, face... anything. That's... it. I wouldn't have ever in my life thought so, but I think that is enough for the cost of admission, and will dutifully, painfully often, go on... falling and rising as the heavens spin above and the pit yawns below. Suspended reanimation. *grins*
I went down around 20:30. Someone *cough* forgot to stop back. I wanted to go back to bed so strongly. I waited as long as I could. No real problem, perhaps they should stop that. Too much is too much, and I think there is too much on some people's plates. Truly. Don't scourge... no need... that is what life often is as is. If you don't think so, think of what you would be doing if you weren't doing what you have to do? If there is nothing else, either you are indeed fortunate (enjoy it, if it works for you), or you are a damn fool lost to a dead world. Even if I weren't ill, the time I must spend eating, sleeping, voiding, dressing, cleaning *cough*, etc... Well... Though, as with any pain, those are there for a reason in the here and now. Warnings, resets, checksums, function variables, offsets, stabilizers and destabilizes... much else. They serve a purpose for our mortal coils, which serve us as well as we serve them, save for the few... whiney... Jobs and Jonah's out there. *cough* Just glad it wasn't a whale swallowing. Never hear the end of THAT ONE! "Hey, Jonah... feel like a sucker!" *group laughter* Damned heathens. Anyway...
I am hoping to get more work done today. I would like to get moved into my spare bedroom, to begin emptying my main bedroom, to clean... top to bottom. Clothes will be sorted. I have too many. Not that I obsess, and buy too much. I probably buy too few. The problem is that I rarely eject old and worn. Now, while I don't wear them (unless down to the scraps), they do fill up spaces. I could toss, though I think some of them are off sizes or colors (hate grey, keep trying for some reason), that they are hardly used and would work well as a work thing or daily home driver. Even for near dress in some blue collar venues. Mighty ducky to walk onto the construction site or sewer plant in a good looking polo, and not be the usual suit suspect. *wink* Though even the somewhat warn, slightly stained, or with holes, can go to centers that know how to renter that into other useful products. Charities, on their good side, have become very good at 'using the whole animal'. So... I'll try to let them.
I want to make the room completely bare, clean, let dry, clean again, air out, then move back in. A week? I'll probably want it quicker, but it will probably take longer. My reward? A new mattress top for in there. Everything else is dory hunky. No more pillow tops! Gah I hate that thing. You can only twist it, not twist and flop, so it goes soft so much more quickly. Rotate them like your tires, every 10k miles, is it? :p I ought to do it more, being a bengal tiger weight class, but... I stopped rotating it some time ago, because I was just changing one double pot hole side for the other, both pretty much done out. Tried crissflopping it, didn't work either. Mattress shows me no respect the further!
Anyway, that is the plan in the cave. Little things in the kitchen, a bit of laundry here or there, and some toying with ropes outside when I am feeling really pumped... Initially I only want to be around ropes when focus, fortitude, and exuberance are all in play. A ten foot drop, with the right spin, can kill. Helmets might be nice, but your neck isn't a whole lot more secure than a chicken. Man, you shouldn't read here with your head there. The puns they are a spinning. For those who think I started that, I didn't. For those of you who did... Enjoy your youth, but... get a grip. Funny how another in the future even, can already affect the past. You just have to have a simple sight for this one. Some don't have it... black and white as like animal thinking. Some know exactly of which I speak. Two different groups, mind you. At least for now, oddly. Some say you can teach a man to see in the dark, or woman... thank you Loretta, I am not so sure.
Huh? Too tired to make sense of the gibber. I'll game a bit, grouse for eats, take a shower, and try to... figure out today from there. Later? Who ever knows.
.
A bit at a time. More each day, though, I think. I still fall back, a step or two, from time to time, though no longer falling to bottom and getting further from it. I am pretty sure I was on the steps of a complete bodily failure. All I would have had to do was... blink. I guess I really am on the side of life now. Yeah... this is going to be a long painful trip. I'm up for it. For now, to just find my stride in the moment. The rest will be solved in it's due. I... now I believe God really, certainly, backs this venture. Not that such would make me right. God isn't on anyone's side. Don't delude yourself. But if something is supposed to happen, or not, it will or won't... for good or ill. Perhaps my end is simply supposed to be somewhere else... in a rock or snow avalanche in Alaska, that takes out the senator on the lead to develop a government program that will initiate an unstable a.i. which would, if allowed to exist, do the same thing my flesh kin were meant to do... though for Christ 2.0. Not just sully the line, but end it this time... so as to keep the world for Satan and family. Though, most likely, it's just as evidence that, yes, you can... with faith and true God, face... anything. That's... it. I wouldn't have ever in my life thought so, but I think that is enough for the cost of admission, and will dutifully, painfully often, go on... falling and rising as the heavens spin above and the pit yawns below. Suspended reanimation. *grins*
I went down around 20:30. Someone *cough* forgot to stop back. I wanted to go back to bed so strongly. I waited as long as I could. No real problem, perhaps they should stop that. Too much is too much, and I think there is too much on some people's plates. Truly. Don't scourge... no need... that is what life often is as is. If you don't think so, think of what you would be doing if you weren't doing what you have to do? If there is nothing else, either you are indeed fortunate (enjoy it, if it works for you), or you are a damn fool lost to a dead world. Even if I weren't ill, the time I must spend eating, sleeping, voiding, dressing, cleaning *cough*, etc... Well... Though, as with any pain, those are there for a reason in the here and now. Warnings, resets, checksums, function variables, offsets, stabilizers and destabilizes... much else. They serve a purpose for our mortal coils, which serve us as well as we serve them, save for the few... whiney... Jobs and Jonah's out there. *cough* Just glad it wasn't a whale swallowing. Never hear the end of THAT ONE! "Hey, Jonah... feel like a sucker!" *group laughter* Damned heathens. Anyway...
I am hoping to get more work done today. I would like to get moved into my spare bedroom, to begin emptying my main bedroom, to clean... top to bottom. Clothes will be sorted. I have too many. Not that I obsess, and buy too much. I probably buy too few. The problem is that I rarely eject old and worn. Now, while I don't wear them (unless down to the scraps), they do fill up spaces. I could toss, though I think some of them are off sizes or colors (hate grey, keep trying for some reason), that they are hardly used and would work well as a work thing or daily home driver. Even for near dress in some blue collar venues. Mighty ducky to walk onto the construction site or sewer plant in a good looking polo, and not be the usual suit suspect. *wink* Though even the somewhat warn, slightly stained, or with holes, can go to centers that know how to renter that into other useful products. Charities, on their good side, have become very good at 'using the whole animal'. So... I'll try to let them.
I want to make the room completely bare, clean, let dry, clean again, air out, then move back in. A week? I'll probably want it quicker, but it will probably take longer. My reward? A new mattress top for in there. Everything else is dory hunky. No more pillow tops! Gah I hate that thing. You can only twist it, not twist and flop, so it goes soft so much more quickly. Rotate them like your tires, every 10k miles, is it? :p I ought to do it more, being a bengal tiger weight class, but... I stopped rotating it some time ago, because I was just changing one double pot hole side for the other, both pretty much done out. Tried crissflopping it, didn't work either. Mattress shows me no respect the further!
Anyway, that is the plan in the cave. Little things in the kitchen, a bit of laundry here or there, and some toying with ropes outside when I am feeling really pumped... Initially I only want to be around ropes when focus, fortitude, and exuberance are all in play. A ten foot drop, with the right spin, can kill. Helmets might be nice, but your neck isn't a whole lot more secure than a chicken. Man, you shouldn't read here with your head there. The puns they are a spinning. For those who think I started that, I didn't. For those of you who did... Enjoy your youth, but... get a grip. Funny how another in the future even, can already affect the past. You just have to have a simple sight for this one. Some don't have it... black and white as like animal thinking. Some know exactly of which I speak. Two different groups, mind you. At least for now, oddly. Some say you can teach a man to see in the dark, or woman... thank you Loretta, I am not so sure.
Huh? Too tired to make sense of the gibber. I'll game a bit, grouse for eats, take a shower, and try to... figure out today from there. Later? Who ever knows.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Hmm? Oh, yes, still here.
.
.
If it was an attempted assassination, it failed. If it wasn't, it failed too. I'm miserably difficult to kill, murder, or even suicide. If it was easy, it would have been done a long time ago. I mean like a lot longer ago than you might think. It's been an ongoing project since before I was born. Tricky little fetus just wouldn't roll for it. Fixed her knicker and knee problem though. *wink* Next time she was married. I was teaching before I was born. Whatever the case, I am slowly improving.
Dishes, a lot of them, cleaned, set to a fresh sudsy, washed again, rinsed... and I almost thought I stalled. Nope, Doom found his bullocks, squeezed a little too hard for a little extra go, and got to it. Don't worry, no testicles were damaged in the analogy. *grin* I spat out the dishes, drying some, some being left to air dry, some a bit of both. Oh, and I'll be putting another charge of dishes in before I go to bed, which won't be until after supper arrives. Yeah, it wasn't them. I know. Just as I know it wasn't food poisoning. And while some symptoms could suggest, and strongly, extreme dehydration... there are signs that something else is in play. Like a leg that is bright red, sore to the touch, and doing odd things. As I said, as if an infection took hold in a very small portion of the body. If it where the foot, that might make sense. And I suppose there are things that can do that, but they are exotic... rare. It would have to have been, pretty much, introduced... or a very odd incident. One probably has better chances of contracting leprosy. More so since I haven't been out in a good long time.
Lungs are still a bit spent. The feel like I have been doing windsprints, too many over the limit. The way it can make you sick, or vulnerable too it. Only that is a symptom, not, in this case, the cause. From shivering. Seriously. Harsh. Aspirin is helping. I checked the dose and usage... seems 2 for an adult, every six hours. I'm not an adult. I am two. And, when you put two and two together, on one weapons platform, you usually end up at five. Some things really don't add up in a static way. Don't believe me? Find out how much tranq it takes to take a 150# cat down. Now simply double that, shoot the 300# cat, and go on in. Just let me watch. It really isn't that simple. I've learned on my own. Oh, but I am going to back onto the water pill, but just half a pill. If I still have fits, I'll quarter the thing. I need the pill, water has been the problem... biggest one... right up until I attempted to fix it. Not sure if the otc stuff had any affect. As I said, despite dehydration, my feet are still just a bit puffy. Though I'll wait until tomorrow to start those. And, for now, I will only do those. If equilibrium is found, I will then add in the others, one at a time. Perhaps those things only work in unison with what I was taking, or what else I was taking was harsh enough that it covered for these. Dunnot... Will tinker until I do, or die. Wish me luck? Wee!
Later.
.
If it was an attempted assassination, it failed. If it wasn't, it failed too. I'm miserably difficult to kill, murder, or even suicide. If it was easy, it would have been done a long time ago. I mean like a lot longer ago than you might think. It's been an ongoing project since before I was born. Tricky little fetus just wouldn't roll for it. Fixed her knicker and knee problem though. *wink* Next time she was married. I was teaching before I was born. Whatever the case, I am slowly improving.
Dishes, a lot of them, cleaned, set to a fresh sudsy, washed again, rinsed... and I almost thought I stalled. Nope, Doom found his bullocks, squeezed a little too hard for a little extra go, and got to it. Don't worry, no testicles were damaged in the analogy. *grin* I spat out the dishes, drying some, some being left to air dry, some a bit of both. Oh, and I'll be putting another charge of dishes in before I go to bed, which won't be until after supper arrives. Yeah, it wasn't them. I know. Just as I know it wasn't food poisoning. And while some symptoms could suggest, and strongly, extreme dehydration... there are signs that something else is in play. Like a leg that is bright red, sore to the touch, and doing odd things. As I said, as if an infection took hold in a very small portion of the body. If it where the foot, that might make sense. And I suppose there are things that can do that, but they are exotic... rare. It would have to have been, pretty much, introduced... or a very odd incident. One probably has better chances of contracting leprosy. More so since I haven't been out in a good long time.
Lungs are still a bit spent. The feel like I have been doing windsprints, too many over the limit. The way it can make you sick, or vulnerable too it. Only that is a symptom, not, in this case, the cause. From shivering. Seriously. Harsh. Aspirin is helping. I checked the dose and usage... seems 2 for an adult, every six hours. I'm not an adult. I am two. And, when you put two and two together, on one weapons platform, you usually end up at five. Some things really don't add up in a static way. Don't believe me? Find out how much tranq it takes to take a 150# cat down. Now simply double that, shoot the 300# cat, and go on in. Just let me watch. It really isn't that simple. I've learned on my own. Oh, but I am going to back onto the water pill, but just half a pill. If I still have fits, I'll quarter the thing. I need the pill, water has been the problem... biggest one... right up until I attempted to fix it. Not sure if the otc stuff had any affect. As I said, despite dehydration, my feet are still just a bit puffy. Though I'll wait until tomorrow to start those. And, for now, I will only do those. If equilibrium is found, I will then add in the others, one at a time. Perhaps those things only work in unison with what I was taking, or what else I was taking was harsh enough that it covered for these. Dunnot... Will tinker until I do, or die. Wish me luck? Wee!
Later.
Climbing out of holes.
.
.
It doesn't really matter what kind of hole. There are only two options. Either you extricate yourself from the predicament or you do not. If you do not find a way out, quite often, even of simpler holes, you will die. I suppose the severity of the condition of the "hole" suggest how quickly it will kill you. A hole can be anything. A spiritual weakness. A physical issue. A mental flaw or false allowance. Right down to a literal... hole.
How to do it? When you find yourself in a hole, or better, if it is already unavoidable of course, is to take stock of the situation. Keep your head clear, or as clear as possible. Fever causes distortion, lack of clarity, and creates an inability to focus. But, if it's seen and understood, eventually that can be worked through. Figure out, as well as possible, what has happened and how to fix it. Then begin rocking your way to the solution. Sometimes persistence, sometimes hard work, sometimes luck, but until death is obtained a solution is possible... probably.
I have been working on things. Nothing fancy, but to bring me more into the world, I cleaned the toilet today. It wasn't terrible, due perhaps. It was an easy enough task. It did allow me to check whether the silicon calk worked or not (it did, for sure). It also made the world more physical, or real. I'm still floating on fever dosing. Whatever that is that causes the mind to drift, while fevered, still remains to a degree.
As well, I looked for the hatchet with which I will heat-cut and cauterize the ropes I will be turning into prusik lines and the inch webbing I will be turning into safeties. It definitely needs sharpening. I'll have to find the stone, puck really, It's not the best sharpener I have ever had. I suppose, for in the field, it might be the better, lighter option... or it's just a gimmick the "prepper" youtubers promote like whores? It's difficult to know these days. Every time you find something you think you can trust, the company sells out and sells down, for a few dollars more and the short run.
Anyway... I'll be working toward waking and working. Playing with what gear I have, at low heights, tinkering and goofing, perhaps finding my footing in the lower levels. A thousand times to create muscle memory. Thing is, I have the memory, most likely. But it's old memory. Sure, it's like riding a bike. Though also, even back when you could, you fell. Of all the memories we do have, pain is not among them. Which... is a mixed blessing. It means, when coming back to something, some of the hard learned lessons have gone a bit soft. Yeah, it means that first spill will hurt thrice as much as it otherwise would. *grins* Thank God I am a clown for pain. *woo-hoo, woot, toot*
I'd like to hit the dishes today, get a shower in, see where things are going. Still not quite keeping the fluids in, or keeping up on that. Even so, still some swelling in the feet. I'll have to go slowly with that. I suppose it really was just an o.d. of the water pill. You can get rid of a lot of water, and quickly. Just not that quickly. You know, I ought to check the symptoms for dehydration... if I think my case would be a bit more complicated. After a quick check? I'm calling that a strong contender. Now, they suggest a lack of urination. In my case, due to medicine, that WAS the cause of my dehydration. I would say it was about as bad as dehydration gets in the short term of it's existence made it possible to be. Hmm? I mean, that was as bad as it could have gotten in the timespan of it's existence. Actually, for what I went through, I am doing quite well. Meh... just another.
Now to get other things going. Though, perhaps, first a nap. Just a bit of sleep, not a real sleep... probably. Later.
.
It doesn't really matter what kind of hole. There are only two options. Either you extricate yourself from the predicament or you do not. If you do not find a way out, quite often, even of simpler holes, you will die. I suppose the severity of the condition of the "hole" suggest how quickly it will kill you. A hole can be anything. A spiritual weakness. A physical issue. A mental flaw or false allowance. Right down to a literal... hole.
How to do it? When you find yourself in a hole, or better, if it is already unavoidable of course, is to take stock of the situation. Keep your head clear, or as clear as possible. Fever causes distortion, lack of clarity, and creates an inability to focus. But, if it's seen and understood, eventually that can be worked through. Figure out, as well as possible, what has happened and how to fix it. Then begin rocking your way to the solution. Sometimes persistence, sometimes hard work, sometimes luck, but until death is obtained a solution is possible... probably.
I have been working on things. Nothing fancy, but to bring me more into the world, I cleaned the toilet today. It wasn't terrible, due perhaps. It was an easy enough task. It did allow me to check whether the silicon calk worked or not (it did, for sure). It also made the world more physical, or real. I'm still floating on fever dosing. Whatever that is that causes the mind to drift, while fevered, still remains to a degree.
As well, I looked for the hatchet with which I will heat-cut and cauterize the ropes I will be turning into prusik lines and the inch webbing I will be turning into safeties. It definitely needs sharpening. I'll have to find the stone, puck really, It's not the best sharpener I have ever had. I suppose, for in the field, it might be the better, lighter option... or it's just a gimmick the "prepper" youtubers promote like whores? It's difficult to know these days. Every time you find something you think you can trust, the company sells out and sells down, for a few dollars more and the short run.
Anyway... I'll be working toward waking and working. Playing with what gear I have, at low heights, tinkering and goofing, perhaps finding my footing in the lower levels. A thousand times to create muscle memory. Thing is, I have the memory, most likely. But it's old memory. Sure, it's like riding a bike. Though also, even back when you could, you fell. Of all the memories we do have, pain is not among them. Which... is a mixed blessing. It means, when coming back to something, some of the hard learned lessons have gone a bit soft. Yeah, it means that first spill will hurt thrice as much as it otherwise would. *grins* Thank God I am a clown for pain. *woo-hoo, woot, toot*
I'd like to hit the dishes today, get a shower in, see where things are going. Still not quite keeping the fluids in, or keeping up on that. Even so, still some swelling in the feet. I'll have to go slowly with that. I suppose it really was just an o.d. of the water pill. You can get rid of a lot of water, and quickly. Just not that quickly. You know, I ought to check the symptoms for dehydration... if I think my case would be a bit more complicated. After a quick check? I'm calling that a strong contender. Now, they suggest a lack of urination. In my case, due to medicine, that WAS the cause of my dehydration. I would say it was about as bad as dehydration gets in the short term of it's existence made it possible to be. Hmm? I mean, that was as bad as it could have gotten in the timespan of it's existence. Actually, for what I went through, I am doing quite well. Meh... just another.
Now to get other things going. Though, perhaps, first a nap. Just a bit of sleep, not a real sleep... probably. Later.
I had hoped I figured it out.
.
.
Food poisoning. Not intentional, done to myself by myself. But that... isn't it. Probably on several levels. First, it was too long ago. The ham and beans. I thought I might have pushed it. It tasted good enough, actually really good... that last meal of it. Still, the funny thing about food poisoning is that it doesn't have to taste bad. And, depending on how weak your system is, in particular, at a given moment, or with other things going on to weaken it (even just being too tired), just a dab of bad in food will do you, and that dab may never give a clue by scent of taste. Everything since then has been, for sure, on the up and up. Ah, I researched symptoms. While I did have cramps, it was in my stomach. Fever was the only symptom, of a handful, that I have.
The left leg was and remains the oddest symptom. I get that shivering caused certain areas of my body to convulse to the point of wearing out muscle and even seemingly hurting joints. But, after a day and more of that leg giving me pain, odd pain, I gave it a closer look. It is inflamed with a redness that looks to be a burn, swollen or puffy, and the skin is sore to the touch. It looks like a local infection, which doesn't make sense. There are no open wounds. It would have to have been an infection that went blood-born, and settled in that area? I really don't know these things. They symptoms really don't make sense.
I am still having a difficult time keeping fluid it. No diarrhea or such. Just voiding, the seeming standard way, but on roids. Well, and sweating a bit too much. I am almost sure the fever hits while I am sleeping. The rest of the pains are slowly giving way, easing. Aspirin is helping, though not all that much. Just cutting the edge. It's enough and I am pleased for it. I don't even know how to go about sorting the symptoms in search of a diagnosis. Why look? To attempt to treat it. I do believe, basically, in treating the symptoms, as much as that is possible in my condition. Fluid in, as much as possible. Food as I am able. Sleep as needed. Aspirin on the side, full spectrum, as often as the label suggests. Just hoping time solves the rest.
Later.
.
Food poisoning. Not intentional, done to myself by myself. But that... isn't it. Probably on several levels. First, it was too long ago. The ham and beans. I thought I might have pushed it. It tasted good enough, actually really good... that last meal of it. Still, the funny thing about food poisoning is that it doesn't have to taste bad. And, depending on how weak your system is, in particular, at a given moment, or with other things going on to weaken it (even just being too tired), just a dab of bad in food will do you, and that dab may never give a clue by scent of taste. Everything since then has been, for sure, on the up and up. Ah, I researched symptoms. While I did have cramps, it was in my stomach. Fever was the only symptom, of a handful, that I have.
The left leg was and remains the oddest symptom. I get that shivering caused certain areas of my body to convulse to the point of wearing out muscle and even seemingly hurting joints. But, after a day and more of that leg giving me pain, odd pain, I gave it a closer look. It is inflamed with a redness that looks to be a burn, swollen or puffy, and the skin is sore to the touch. It looks like a local infection, which doesn't make sense. There are no open wounds. It would have to have been an infection that went blood-born, and settled in that area? I really don't know these things. They symptoms really don't make sense.
I am still having a difficult time keeping fluid it. No diarrhea or such. Just voiding, the seeming standard way, but on roids. Well, and sweating a bit too much. I am almost sure the fever hits while I am sleeping. The rest of the pains are slowly giving way, easing. Aspirin is helping, though not all that much. Just cutting the edge. It's enough and I am pleased for it. I don't even know how to go about sorting the symptoms in search of a diagnosis. Why look? To attempt to treat it. I do believe, basically, in treating the symptoms, as much as that is possible in my condition. Fluid in, as much as possible. Food as I am able. Sleep as needed. Aspirin on the side, full spectrum, as often as the label suggests. Just hoping time solves the rest.
Later.
I think it is just physical.
.
.
I mean, it isn't the heart or other ailment. Though it may have been compounded by taking too much furosemide. Dropping too much fluid, too quickly. Even so, it didn't completely get rid of the swelling. Annoying. The reason the illness continues is two part. The first is that I caused damage through extreme dehydration. The other is that I opened that dam, and it is still flooding out. I guess I have to keep filling the fluid reservoirs and taking gobs of aspirin. I am choosing aspirin, even if some would suggest tylenol, because if it just happens to be the heart, aspirin is more suitable. And there is a chance, even if it isn't because of the weakness of my heart, that it could be brought in to play. Extreme dehydration can kill even healthy people.
No, I didn't take all that much water pill. Well, compared to when I was on it. I started on half a pill for about a week, but was getting no results. So I kicked it up to two pills for one day, then a whole pill for several days (a whole pill is 40mg). I used to be on a pill and an half (60mg). After I went to one pill, the next day everything went absolutely bonkers.
I do believe I am still going through the shivers, but only while asleep. At least it isn't the whole time. However, that is adding to the hurt. I'm not getting a solid break so as to begin healing, or at least not very quickly. Every muscle group and many bones, and a general if in the background headache all remain. The leg that I hurt so badly with the shivers (why one and not both legs?)... while the muscles are feeling slightly better, it is now the skin that hurts. I think the damage is actually working itself out... almost as bruises do.
Hmm... I went to bed about 14:30~13:00... Waking at 12:30. Just a note to self... so nine and an half to ten hours. It's not full sleep as I am voiding, often, through the night. I probably go, say, five to ten times. Something is just working. And, no, I dropped all meds when things went haywire. So, that isn't it. Been off them for days now. I will, probably, get back on them when I improve enough. Though the doses will remain low, only being worked up... if needed... over multiples of weeks or even months. This little gig learned me. This morning? Much worse than the last time I woke, though maybe fading... or the aspirin is kicking in.
Later.
.
I mean, it isn't the heart or other ailment. Though it may have been compounded by taking too much furosemide. Dropping too much fluid, too quickly. Even so, it didn't completely get rid of the swelling. Annoying. The reason the illness continues is two part. The first is that I caused damage through extreme dehydration. The other is that I opened that dam, and it is still flooding out. I guess I have to keep filling the fluid reservoirs and taking gobs of aspirin. I am choosing aspirin, even if some would suggest tylenol, because if it just happens to be the heart, aspirin is more suitable. And there is a chance, even if it isn't because of the weakness of my heart, that it could be brought in to play. Extreme dehydration can kill even healthy people.
No, I didn't take all that much water pill. Well, compared to when I was on it. I started on half a pill for about a week, but was getting no results. So I kicked it up to two pills for one day, then a whole pill for several days (a whole pill is 40mg). I used to be on a pill and an half (60mg). After I went to one pill, the next day everything went absolutely bonkers.
I do believe I am still going through the shivers, but only while asleep. At least it isn't the whole time. However, that is adding to the hurt. I'm not getting a solid break so as to begin healing, or at least not very quickly. Every muscle group and many bones, and a general if in the background headache all remain. The leg that I hurt so badly with the shivers (why one and not both legs?)... while the muscles are feeling slightly better, it is now the skin that hurts. I think the damage is actually working itself out... almost as bruises do.
Hmm... I went to bed about 14:30~13:00... Waking at 12:30. Just a note to self... so nine and an half to ten hours. It's not full sleep as I am voiding, often, through the night. I probably go, say, five to ten times. Something is just working. And, no, I dropped all meds when things went haywire. So, that isn't it. Been off them for days now. I will, probably, get back on them when I improve enough. Though the doses will remain low, only being worked up... if needed... over multiples of weeks or even months. This little gig learned me. This morning? Much worse than the last time I woke, though maybe fading... or the aspirin is kicking in.
Later.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Better if still a bit worn.
.
.
Everything seems to be improving ever so slightly. I had though the fever was returning. That's not it. It's simply warming up outside, which is causing me to heat up, which seemed like a fever. I'm probably just a bit more sensitive to heat at the moment. I am actually surprised I am doing this well so quickly. I shivered, hard, both awake and asleep, for many hours. I could not get that to stop, surprised I could sleep while that was happening. Not a deep sleep, perhaps, but deep enough to escape the worst of it. I mean, when you shiver long enough, and so hard, that your lungs burn from the effort, you know you were going at it with diligence. Believe as you wish, I'm just telling you as I see it.
I've been up since 10:00, but here at 14:22 it's back to bed. I really don't want to push things until things are much better. I will sleep when I need it, when my body requests it. I'll run the ac, which might help. Actually, I needed both the ac, and as many blankets and layers as possible. How that works I can't quite say. It was the only way I could find comfort. Comfort is what allowed sleep. Sleep is probably what eventually fixed some of it.
Just... letting you know I am still alive, and improving. Probably, mostly, as well as I can tell. Good night.
.
Everything seems to be improving ever so slightly. I had though the fever was returning. That's not it. It's simply warming up outside, which is causing me to heat up, which seemed like a fever. I'm probably just a bit more sensitive to heat at the moment. I am actually surprised I am doing this well so quickly. I shivered, hard, both awake and asleep, for many hours. I could not get that to stop, surprised I could sleep while that was happening. Not a deep sleep, perhaps, but deep enough to escape the worst of it. I mean, when you shiver long enough, and so hard, that your lungs burn from the effort, you know you were going at it with diligence. Believe as you wish, I'm just telling you as I see it.
I've been up since 10:00, but here at 14:22 it's back to bed. I really don't want to push things until things are much better. I will sleep when I need it, when my body requests it. I'll run the ac, which might help. Actually, I needed both the ac, and as many blankets and layers as possible. How that works I can't quite say. It was the only way I could find comfort. Comfort is what allowed sleep. Sleep is probably what eventually fixed some of it.
Just... letting you know I am still alive, and improving. Probably, mostly, as well as I can tell. Good night.
Back to being better.
.
.
The fever is gone but a mild form of the headache from it remains. All other aches and pains still exist, but at a much eased level. That doesn't mean it is good. It simply means I can do minor things. I can be awake. The problem with the mild pains is that they aren't from one, or several, things... but everything as far as I can tell. Head, neck, bones, muscles, torso, limbs, organs, and some other stuff that doesn't seem to be from anywhere I can tell. I have taken care of the thirsty throat. I do believe the apple cider vinegar did the trick for that. It didn't seem to right away. I was still in such bad shape that I went to bed right after. I think it worked in that time.
I honestly suspect extreme dehydration. It just didn't have any other symptoms of a bug, flu, or cold. I still have to be careful, with hydration though. My body, in spite of going to dehydration, is still holding fluid in my feet. Not much, just a bit of swelling on the very top of my feet.
I would like to eat... something. I'll grouse around for a bite of this or that. Not sure what is out there. I have eggs, but those are getting pretty close to being done... heading towards bad. I have hamburger thawed, if anything I would make with that might seem a bit too much. I am sort of on the edge of going back to bed. While hungry, I just can't do too much. Hopefully enough. The shivers that bruised muscles and pained bone has left me needing food. If nothing else, it may help me repair.
Good night.
.
The fever is gone but a mild form of the headache from it remains. All other aches and pains still exist, but at a much eased level. That doesn't mean it is good. It simply means I can do minor things. I can be awake. The problem with the mild pains is that they aren't from one, or several, things... but everything as far as I can tell. Head, neck, bones, muscles, torso, limbs, organs, and some other stuff that doesn't seem to be from anywhere I can tell. I have taken care of the thirsty throat. I do believe the apple cider vinegar did the trick for that. It didn't seem to right away. I was still in such bad shape that I went to bed right after. I think it worked in that time.
I honestly suspect extreme dehydration. It just didn't have any other symptoms of a bug, flu, or cold. I still have to be careful, with hydration though. My body, in spite of going to dehydration, is still holding fluid in my feet. Not much, just a bit of swelling on the very top of my feet.
I would like to eat... something. I'll grouse around for a bite of this or that. Not sure what is out there. I have eggs, but those are getting pretty close to being done... heading towards bad. I have hamburger thawed, if anything I would make with that might seem a bit too much. I am sort of on the edge of going back to bed. While hungry, I just can't do too much. Hopefully enough. The shivers that bruised muscles and pained bone has left me needing food. If nothing else, it may help me repair.
Good night.
Back up?
.
.
I can't be sure of anything. I have a fever, and chills too. Plus I feel as if I am extremely dehydrated on top of somehow also having too much fluid in there. It just doesn't make sense. On the good side, I think putting extra fluid in has helped. Though maybe that is just the aspirin? Maybe a bit of both. I do know I can walk without feeling like jello. I am not on perpetual balance loss. Something, even so, is very wrong. I have only ever felt like this a few times. A few serious 'bugs', and a few times I believed someone had attempted to poison me. If I had to bet, this would be poison. Though I don't have any suspects. I seem to be pissing people off in droves lately, so... maybe anyway. You don't have to know who is working the scheme for it to be happening.
There are two things that could easily cause what I am suffering. The first is too much fluid loss. Doping food or drink with extra doses of the water pill. As I dehydrate, I burn inside and out, sort of. The other option is somehow adding sugar into my diet... in such a way that I couldn't tell it. As I said, no suspects. That I may be changing some things up. For now I am adding fluid. Not too much, as that can be just as bad. And being so dried out, I can't tell if something is sweet or not.
I may literally be on the verge of death. I can't be awake or asleep, I've got a fever, I am dying of thirst, my organs are all seeming to be on the verge of failure. I have no real good idea about how to deal with this. A few more days like this and I will fail.
.
I can't be sure of anything. I have a fever, and chills too. Plus I feel as if I am extremely dehydrated on top of somehow also having too much fluid in there. It just doesn't make sense. On the good side, I think putting extra fluid in has helped. Though maybe that is just the aspirin? Maybe a bit of both. I do know I can walk without feeling like jello. I am not on perpetual balance loss. Something, even so, is very wrong. I have only ever felt like this a few times. A few serious 'bugs', and a few times I believed someone had attempted to poison me. If I had to bet, this would be poison. Though I don't have any suspects. I seem to be pissing people off in droves lately, so... maybe anyway. You don't have to know who is working the scheme for it to be happening.
There are two things that could easily cause what I am suffering. The first is too much fluid loss. Doping food or drink with extra doses of the water pill. As I dehydrate, I burn inside and out, sort of. The other option is somehow adding sugar into my diet... in such a way that I couldn't tell it. As I said, no suspects. That I may be changing some things up. For now I am adding fluid. Not too much, as that can be just as bad. And being so dried out, I can't tell if something is sweet or not.
I may literally be on the verge of death. I can't be awake or asleep, I've got a fever, I am dying of thirst, my organs are all seeming to be on the verge of failure. I have no real good idea about how to deal with this. A few more days like this and I will fail.
Back to bed.
.
.
I was able to do some work to relax the dry throat. It's still dry, but better. I did get another pot of tea on, for when I wake. And I may have a bit of apple vinegar in an attempt to just fix the bitter throat more. I am still in great pain. Perhaps, having taken aspirin, and going back to bed, plus working the throat open... maybe, in a bit, I can wake. Nothing, so far, is really do all that much.The fever and chills are right there, waiting, to come back. I sure hope something breaks loose. Not even sure what to take to deal with it. I can't be awake, really. I keep waking in horrific pain. Back to sleep, if I can.
.
I was able to do some work to relax the dry throat. It's still dry, but better. I did get another pot of tea on, for when I wake. And I may have a bit of apple vinegar in an attempt to just fix the bitter throat more. I am still in great pain. Perhaps, having taken aspirin, and going back to bed, plus working the throat open... maybe, in a bit, I can wake. Nothing, so far, is really do all that much.The fever and chills are right there, waiting, to come back. I sure hope something breaks loose. Not even sure what to take to deal with it. I can't be awake, really. I keep waking in horrific pain. Back to sleep, if I can.
Brutal!
.
.
The fever shivers came back. I shivered so virulently I hurt... every muscle group. Some worse than others. My throat is so dry that whole run feels as bad assome of the worst muscle difficulties. Drinking an half gallon has done nothing. My chest hurt like the dickens. My heart, actually. I dosed heavily with aspirin. I am in seriously bad condition. I tried to wake, I tried to push, I worked and looked for any way thorugh. I cannot say how long I have been in fever chills, but it's going on.... a day... two... maybe three. Everything hurts. I'm going to set up a sip of apple vinegar, and another gallon of tea, in an attempt to break through the inability to fix the throat. I don't think anything is going to help the organ, muscle, and other problems.
Dying? Honestly? Maybe. Maybe the aspirin will help. Everything is on fire, everything hurts. I'm going to say this right now. I have never felt this bad. Everything that can hurt does hurt. Muscle, bone, places that don't seemed connectedd to anything... memories I don't remember. I simply seem unable to shake any of it. Lungs even burn. It's not, though, as I think about it, death. It is just pain at every level.
I am going to attempt to stay awake for a bit. May not be possible. If I... I want to holler, curse, swear, shout. It just won't do even the tiniest bit of good. God seems to think suffering is my life. I won't cuss Him for it. Though I must admit, if I can wiggle out of it I will. At least this time. Absolutely BRUTAL. Later.
.
The fever shivers came back. I shivered so virulently I hurt... every muscle group. Some worse than others. My throat is so dry that whole run feels as bad assome of the worst muscle difficulties. Drinking an half gallon has done nothing. My chest hurt like the dickens. My heart, actually. I dosed heavily with aspirin. I am in seriously bad condition. I tried to wake, I tried to push, I worked and looked for any way thorugh. I cannot say how long I have been in fever chills, but it's going on.... a day... two... maybe three. Everything hurts. I'm going to set up a sip of apple vinegar, and another gallon of tea, in an attempt to break through the inability to fix the throat. I don't think anything is going to help the organ, muscle, and other problems.
Dying? Honestly? Maybe. Maybe the aspirin will help. Everything is on fire, everything hurts. I'm going to say this right now. I have never felt this bad. Everything that can hurt does hurt. Muscle, bone, places that don't seemed connectedd to anything... memories I don't remember. I simply seem unable to shake any of it. Lungs even burn. It's not, though, as I think about it, death. It is just pain at every level.
I am going to attempt to stay awake for a bit. May not be possible. If I... I want to holler, curse, swear, shout. It just won't do even the tiniest bit of good. God seems to think suffering is my life. I won't cuss Him for it. Though I must admit, if I can wiggle out of it I will. At least this time. Absolutely BRUTAL. Later.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Gonna leave a mark.
.
.
I went for a rung above what I have been hitting. I was stuck going to bed at about 14:30 for at least a few days. Though even that was quite a push. I think it had been 9:30 for a few days before that. I was up until 20:30ish, giver or take an half hour. Went in hard, in one sense, but ended up being a soft bexit. Perhaps because it was cool comparatively? Maybe. Down and out, quickly and mostly painlessly. Waking at 1:30 is a bit early. But I woke as hard, in ways, as I went to sleep. Extra long days, more sun, more heat overall, it all adds up and is tended in the equation, for now, by shorter sleep periods and longer days. Still, good enough. A minor headache as I wake. As with many morning fog type things, this should pass naturally and by itself. I think it's already almost gone.
One of the the things that was vexing me was that I was holding water again. Between being inactive, and off medicine, that was becoming a problem. For me to become active, or make a jab at it, I had to try to get rid of the fluid build up. It wasn't filling the lungs but it was bricking my feet. I have leftovers from medicine, on that score, so I have started. I probably... should have gone a little slower with those. Cavitations were... getting almost noisy in all the wrong places. Grinding gears is not a good human(ish) feel or sound. Still, I think it has worked and I seem to still be breathing. I can back the dose down to normal, or close to it, now, then ease it back to a very tiny maintenance dose, knowing that I have to do my part by becoming more physically active or finding a source for higher doses of the water pill... which I don't want to do. So... there is that.
Today? No idea. It's Sunday, so can't do a whole lot. Then again, after my usual store did something I find highly objectionable, I may be changing stores. Just ~$300 to $500 a month, not enough for them to worry about probably. I meant to call them about it, just never have. Now that... or when for certain I have decided, I think I will just call them and let them know I am out and why. Homosexual songs, in their store, broad daylight, here? No... just not acceptable. Christians don't bomb, they simply leave off. Pride in sin is immortally lethal. I won't be a party to it. I'm sure some muzzie will take my place, if he finds out... at least until he realizes his sin, and no way for him to recover other than murdering his kind... other kind? It all fits, really.
Bacon and eggs? Perhaps, before long. I am keeping my cast items in excellent condition. I really can fry eggs without a hitch or stick. If just doing eggs, not bacon first, I can get by with quite little oil. I think the honest tricks are only using non-metal (or when using metal, not scraping) utensils, and not actually water washing... or very rarely. If need be, I often just add a bit of water to the fats in the pan, heat it all, let it cool a bit, then paper towel the rest out. Hot water into a cold pan makes more of a mess than anything, forcing me to do a complete strip. I've not found how to fix that. So, yes, there is a way. And, no, I don't have a problem with rancid pans. If you will be storing it for a bit? Just keep a small layer of fat on the bottom, wipe some of that up the sides, and salt it heavily.
Later.
.
I went for a rung above what I have been hitting. I was stuck going to bed at about 14:30 for at least a few days. Though even that was quite a push. I think it had been 9:30 for a few days before that. I was up until 20:30ish, giver or take an half hour. Went in hard, in one sense, but ended up being a soft bexit. Perhaps because it was cool comparatively? Maybe. Down and out, quickly and mostly painlessly. Waking at 1:30 is a bit early. But I woke as hard, in ways, as I went to sleep. Extra long days, more sun, more heat overall, it all adds up and is tended in the equation, for now, by shorter sleep periods and longer days. Still, good enough. A minor headache as I wake. As with many morning fog type things, this should pass naturally and by itself. I think it's already almost gone.
One of the the things that was vexing me was that I was holding water again. Between being inactive, and off medicine, that was becoming a problem. For me to become active, or make a jab at it, I had to try to get rid of the fluid build up. It wasn't filling the lungs but it was bricking my feet. I have leftovers from medicine, on that score, so I have started. I probably... should have gone a little slower with those. Cavitations were... getting almost noisy in all the wrong places. Grinding gears is not a good human(ish) feel or sound. Still, I think it has worked and I seem to still be breathing. I can back the dose down to normal, or close to it, now, then ease it back to a very tiny maintenance dose, knowing that I have to do my part by becoming more physically active or finding a source for higher doses of the water pill... which I don't want to do. So... there is that.
Today? No idea. It's Sunday, so can't do a whole lot. Then again, after my usual store did something I find highly objectionable, I may be changing stores. Just ~$300 to $500 a month, not enough for them to worry about probably. I meant to call them about it, just never have. Now that... or when for certain I have decided, I think I will just call them and let them know I am out and why. Homosexual songs, in their store, broad daylight, here? No... just not acceptable. Christians don't bomb, they simply leave off. Pride in sin is immortally lethal. I won't be a party to it. I'm sure some muzzie will take my place, if he finds out... at least until he realizes his sin, and no way for him to recover other than murdering his kind... other kind? It all fits, really.
Bacon and eggs? Perhaps, before long. I am keeping my cast items in excellent condition. I really can fry eggs without a hitch or stick. If just doing eggs, not bacon first, I can get by with quite little oil. I think the honest tricks are only using non-metal (or when using metal, not scraping) utensils, and not actually water washing... or very rarely. If need be, I often just add a bit of water to the fats in the pan, heat it all, let it cool a bit, then paper towel the rest out. Hot water into a cold pan makes more of a mess than anything, forcing me to do a complete strip. I've not found how to fix that. So, yes, there is a way. And, no, I don't have a problem with rancid pans. If you will be storing it for a bit? Just keep a small layer of fat on the bottom, wipe some of that up the sides, and salt it heavily.
Later.
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