Cats and laundry.

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Plus breakfast and lunch.  Almost.  I am waiting for the laundry to fully dry, hopefully this second spin.  Then I will shower, dress, and feed the ducks... and other things?  Hopefully.  Blood sugar dropped to 90 after having salami for breakfast.  More salami, this time with brie, and a fatted coffee shortly.  I really need to do grocery shopping.

I had forgotten to turn the furnace up.  As I was doing laundry I realized the issue and fixed it.  Thankfully it hasn't caused problems with the plans, but would have.  It looks like today might be better.  I sure hope so.  I am impossibly far behind.  That is no excuse for quitting.

Later.

Waking from another crash.

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I fell again at 22:30, shortly after waking.  I woke at 3:30.  Blood sugar is 102 fasting.  I am having salami, without a dose.  I can't put fresh tea on until I work through cold to make room for what is in the pot.  Usually that is organized through my day.  But with a two hour day, I didn't even get a fatted tea or coffee.  I was crashing almost as soon as I woke.  At least I got a shower.

Whites are going in right away.  A timer has been set to feed the girls, at which time I will dry the whites, take a shower, and set up dishes.  That is the plan.  I trimmed whiskers, so am hoping to shave today.  And I need to set up medicine.  I hope all the extra sleep will see me ready.

I have been gaming, but even that is above my current paygrade.  Blogging has been spotty.  Even watching movies on or through amazon prime is a challenge.  I can only do small bits of this or that before having to move on, or go back to bed.  It really is a difficult time.

Hmm... maybe some extra heat?  When fresh tea is going, I hope to make chia with sugar free strawberry preserves... or jam.  Still a bit sugary, as a berry... dose is your friend, and gluco-drops... again with dose control.  If it is too little, you may atrophy (self-cannibalize), too much and you poison yourself, even if it is just through fat storage by insulin as a biproduct.  Later.

Awake again.

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I can't be sure when I went down.  Before noon, I am almost certain.  Waking at 20:30 means a full sleep.  I was worried about blood sugar, as right before crashing I had a larger salami and brie lunch, but didn't do another dose.  As it turns out, no need to worry.  Blood sugar is 114 fasting.  Oh, and since awake at the right time, I will dose with slow acting blood sugar.  I will keep it at 20 cc's for at least another week.  I want to see fasting closer to 100.

I will shower today... tonight.  And probably tomorrow, whatever that word means.  And call and work.  I may end up going back to bed after drying from the shower.  Life, currently, is harsh.  I'll keep trying.  Later.

Very good.

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Blood sugar went from 128 to 111 with the slow acting insulin, now down to 20 cc's, perhaps to be bumped down a few more cc's soon.  Then, with a heavy but truly keto meal and 8 cc's of the fast acting stuff, it is down to 97.  I do believe more salami would be good.

The ducks have had their first time out, and were enjoying it.  I only shoo them back in for their own safety.  I hope to let them out again later.  It was warm enough to run fresh water into their pool.  Clean ducks are warm ducks... and happy ducks.  Yea, I like critters and kids, in the right ways.

A few calls today.  Bills and personal.  Behind, but... will try.  Or tomorrow.  My heart is tired.  Not sore or ill otherwise.  A shower before long.  I would really like a bath a time or two a week.  I need to soak my feet and that is the easiest way.  Perhaps working in the bathroom, definitely doing a load of whites.  I need to go shopping, but can't quite yet.  Later.

Awake

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Surprised?  I am, some days.  Blood sugar is 128 fasting.  Should be lower, but the body just does it's own thing.  All day yesterday, blood sugar stayed between 91 and 95 after the 101 reading, and with only the single doses of slow and fast acting insulin.  I didn't have another meal until 17:00, a very light one, then went to bed at 19:30.  A very long day.  I am trying to get days back, for as long as possible.  The ducks were given two times out, but returned to their pen quickly the second time.

Sam continues to... what... yeowl through the veil.  I do know that.  She sees what has gone before, what waits, but can't let go.  The body isn't ready or able to... release.  I feel for her, but can't, won't, interfere.  Death must come in it's agonizing slow painful time.  I let her go, but offer her comfort when she will take it.  A bit jealous, her time approaches.  It might be years off, but barring... interference of some sort, I have decades to yeowl left, more dead than alive.  Speak of the devil... she knows even when I think of her.

Not so hungry first thing, so slow acting insulin is going in first.  I should have pushed, taken it at or a few hours before bedtime.  I was just holding on, thinner than skinny of thought.  I couldn't have thought myself to that within the moment.  But I CAN precognition a thing, preset parameters, then zombie act.  So it is done.  It isn't a forever thing, as my schedule changes without control.

Not one major bloody nose this morning!  TWO!  Bastard nose.  Sure, the rest of me too, but I pick on misbehaving parts as need be.  Not literally, mind you.  But no headache.  Aspirin relieves one, creates the other, problem?  I need to reset some meds today, and check bp.

Fresh tea is brewing.  A few pieces of salami, chia with pumpkin seeds, and a fatted coffee in an hour or two.  A strange breakfast, but it does well for my purposes.  And it might well surprise you how good it tastes, even purely keto.  It does take choice and sacrifice to get to this point.  But once here, going most of a day without food isn't a concern.  The difficult part of keto is the psychology of wanting food as a drug.  Carbs are sugar is crack.  I miss the rush... crave it.  More than I missed tobacco or booze.  Two years since my last drink now?  Three or four since tobacco?  QUITTER!  ;p

Good day, night, and morning.

Often surprised.

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A larger breakfast, or it seemed.  Still, I kept to a suggested dose, 8 cc's.  I didn't think it would bring it down.  At 101 the control is about perfect.  I need to take slow acting now.  The goal is 17:00 to 19:00, but with cycles so screwy I do what I can.  I went to bed early afternoon, too early.  I woke shortly after midnight, but was hungry.  Too hungry.  So, now, between meals, is my chance.

I did start the insulin log.  It stays on the fridge, and will go to the doctor offices with me.  I am putting a date heading, then lines for; time; current (or last check) blood sugar; and amount and type of insulin taken.  That... should alleviate... mistakes.  Those mistakes can be lethal.  Ugh.  Nearly have been.

I won't eat for another four hours.  I may crash first.  Hmm...  I wonder...  Perhaps measuring food, exactly, then tracking calories?  Or as closely as possible?  I have a decent kitchen scale.  Accurate to 0.1 ounces or better, .1 gram actually, it just doesn't go down the two or three decimal places to equivalent accuracy.  I... think.  Weigh it all, from chia seed to cream to prepopped popcorn.  I have a calorie book... somewhere.  Though there is always the internet.  Anyway...

It is 38° F outside.  Which is very good.  The last night I checked, it was 17°, if that was two or three (?) days ago.  It won't even freeze the water for the ducks.  Very nice.  I have it set too 70°.  That seems way too hot.  With it so warm outside, that makes sense.  I can probably go with 66°.  Anywho, later.

Oh, but first?  *blush*

Sleep cycle is insane.

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When I go to bed, without choice, I can't tell if it will be for three hours or as many as twelve.  I haven't slept longer, yet.  The same goes for waking periods, they too are between three and twelve hours.  No choices.  When awake, the world closes in to the point I can't keep my eyes open or think.  I stop being able to see a next move.  The pain of sleepiness slowly increases as well.  When I wake, I pop out of sleep, no going back.  In spite of how it may seem, I can't stay in bed if I am not sleeping.  It is too uncomfortable.

I am surprised my feet and ankles aren't swollen.  Daily headaches, more really, was my first symptomatic tipoff.  Possibly grogginess, sleep problems, and general psychic fog, but those... slip under the radar by their very nature.  As well, they make noticing other problems much more difficult.

I am going to restart all the easy stuff first.  Since I am not puffing up about feet and legs, I will go with one water pill.  After a week, two actually, of that, I will start the hard stuff, 6 mg bid... uhrm twice a day... to start.  Ugh, but this hurts.  Hmm...  I really should start with 6 right off, but I want to see what the little league stuff, vitamins, and minerals do, on their own, for two weeks.

Fresh tea is brewing.  Blood sugar is a bit higher at 138 fasting, weekly average is 106.  I am going to start keeping an insulin log, I... can't remember what I took, or when... gets spooky... in the dark... taking potentially deadly stuff.  To be able to see wars thousands of miles away, see people's dreams, remember the past and present, remaining... relatively sane, but not to know if I took insulin?  Bah!

Later.

Someone suggests keto flu.

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Not an unreasonable suggestion.  That and I have completely lost track of heart medicine, vitamins, and minerals!  How could I forget?  How long has it been?  A week or weeks?  I honestly don't know on either score.  I'll have to see if I have lower doses of carvedilol.  Worst case, I have to split pills.  They are an oblong diamond shape, so don't cut in a pill cutter, and don't split evenly, so doses are irregular.

Yeah.  Definitely the minerals help keep keto flu down.  But the effects of being off meds...  How in the world did that happen?  Ah!  Winter happened, and early.  My mind went to sleep, some portion of it.  It is embarrassing to admit.  But, there it is.  Now the explosive bloody noses and daily worsening headaches make sense.

Oddly, diabetes is... my weekly average is 104.  I am wondering if there is some conflict between heart medicine and diabetes?  Time will tell.  I thought it was still Sunday.  Oh well.  I... It is bedtime.  I will solve this the next time I am awake.  I do think keto flu is a strong component, if not the only one.  Good night and afternoon.

Something is very off.

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I crashed again.  I am not sure... hmm, actually I did a read right before going back to bed, to make sure it wasn't a blood sugar dip I wasn't sensing.  It says 11:10, so up to ten minutes after.  I am woke at 18:30, so a full night's sleep.  It has been dark.  That might be it.  And it is already sundown at this time.  So... yeah, it's a seasonal adjustment phase.  Ugh.

I did get blood sugar to 148 earlier.  A quart of milk did that, as popcorn doesn't really move the dial.  At waking, blood sugar is 109 fasting.  Crazy.  With sleep crashing in as it is, I may have to just peg taking slow acting insulin at a specific time of day, say between 17:00 and 19:00, unless I will be sleeping... adjusting as necessary.  It gets screwy when time gets lost in sleep though.

Fresh tea is brewing.  The last of the pudding will be had, or nearly?  Probably makes for or five half cup servings.  With a few nuts or seeds, it makes a reasonable side.  And it is nice to have chocolate that doesn't shred keto and diabetes.  Halloween candy wouldn't have been so nasty if I had found this first.  I'll bet they have vanilla and butterscotch too.  I am not fond of butterscotch, but... even my diet isn't all about me? Right.  You don't have to understand, if every mother who cooks for a family does.

A side ache?  As if gassy?  The world is a dark, strange, place.  My dreams were... not good.  Prophetic.  I won't share though.  No use.  Americans have decided their fate.  No words will change the collective suicide of a people.  What does surprise me is how so many will be so surprised when they finally realize what has happened.

Later.

What am I doing right or wrong?

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Seriously lower blood sugar.  After a reasonable meal, no fast acting insulin, blood sugar is 85.  I have to eat more.  I need to shop tomorrow, meats.  I may lower the slow acting dose.  Say, down 5 cc's to 20 cc's.  I am already not using fast acting often.  It's still good to have on hand.  The thing is, morning blood draws are still a bit high.  Tricky to get this without getting that.

A bowl of popcorn will do?  Yeah.

Ducks were let out.  I feed them enough for two days, but like to put fresh water daily, and let them out for a bit.  If I can be up correctly, letting them out twice would be good.  With the posts holes dug, I just need to decide the best way to set the posts.  Cement is out.  Either foam or dirt, with or without tarring the posts first.  I... just don't know.

I'd like to do whites, finish the dishes in the sink, shower, and set up dishes in the tub.  Maybe.  Oddly, with the furnace only at 70°, I am almost too warm.  Bundled, but no more than usual.  I'm telling you, my body is really weird.  When it works, fully...  St. Michael's sword?  Son.  Believe as you wish, I only suspect.  I am all but sure it has to be crippled... until the trumpet sounds.  So be it.

A nap, it turns out.

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I really thought, from feel and experience, that I was going down for a longer count.  Sore, sleepy, weary, groggy, all together in one packet.  I wanted to go down long.  Three hours about as exactly as... no I think just exactly... given a half minute to settle in and similar to rise.

Blood sugar is 72 at waking.  I best eat.  No need for insulin.  Oh, earlier I suggested I wouldn't dose if below twenty.  Unless I was eating.  Since I always eat when I dose... my real cutoff is around 100-110, depending on what I am eating.  Just a fatted tea?  110.  A fatted tea, three eggs and cheese, plus etc?  100.  I am well below dosing.  Hmm, I have tuna and pudding, with walnuts this time.  And a glass of milk.

Very strange.  I am not eating or drinking much differently than before.  Something doesn't make sense unless my suspicions, certain among them, were true.  The rooster indeed?  Indeed.  Later.

Crashing.

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Probably need food, meat.  Liquid food is limited.  Eggs are thin too, even pickled.  Everything I have in stock is light food.  I finally looked at the instructions for sugarless chocolate pudding.  I always thought cooking would be involved.  Nope.  Just add the packet to milk, add whatever sugar replacement, and beat for two minutes.  Really?  Out of curiosity and hunger plus wanting something different, I did it.  I let it chill for an half hour, then had a small pyrex ramikan of the stuff, with a small grab of pecans.  Not bad.  But, again, too light to manage hunger, or meat craving.

The temp was turned up when I woke, so it isn't that, if I am still cold.  Perhaps yesterday just wore me out.  Not all that much but it is the most done in some time.  Then again, what woke me was a massive bloody nose.  I was dead asleep, but felt something, then initially tasted the blood.  Was still tired, but the fuss disturbed sleep.

Back to bed.  Good night, again I guess.

A nap was the plan.

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I... seem able to lose time in all ways, if without control.  I had been keeping to days and nights, very roughly.  Up many hours, twelve to twenty or so, then down six to twelve.  Not a plan, can't control or contain sleep or wakefulness, but at least I had some sense of a day and night.  One slip doesn't mean it is gone, if it often indicates a return to cycle chaos.

After my last blood sugar read, I ate a bit as 83 was too low given I had eaten.  So I had a fatted tea and a big bowl of buttered popcorn.  That raised blood sugar to 110.  Three hours later it was down to 94 already.  No, no more insulin.  I won't take insulin below 120.  I am actually having trouble keeping blood sugar up!  Very strange.  But, for now, I will take it.  It is 113 fasting at around 18:30...  I can't be certain when I crashed, perhaps 8:30, give or take two hours.  But my last meal was several hours before the 110 reading... so definitely fasting.  However, I didn't take my long acting insulin because I intended a nap only.  Bleh.

Today?  The list remains.  Not much else to say.  For whatever reason, pretty much every muscle group is a bit sore.  Later.

Stews, fish, and other keto recipes.

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Stews are on my mind.  First, because I love them, if I fear dabbling in that arena.  As well, because it is fall/winter.  There are no better seasonsfor these.  The other recipes, save one, are items I miss.  Perhaps a keto version would... allow a taste I generally don't dare.  I am doing very well with diet and insulin.  But my desires will lead me astray.  These might help.  The last recipe is for a favored lady, her favorite pie.

Fried, battered foods?  Oh, so miss those!  Perhaps these?

Something, anyway.

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A neighbor suggested he would be having a tractor in town, one I knew had a post hole digger attachment.  So I asked about that.  Just two holes, for the gate to the duck pen.  He let me know when.  Yesterday, at near my bedtime.  Beggars can't be choosers.  H ad to cut a few branches to get the tractor in, but those needed to go anyway.  I've had to duck and dodge through them for... since I have had the ducks... every time I went to feed and water the ducks.

I guess, one might say I was helping.  He and the tractor did most of the work.  Branches were removed as well.  Nothing else hereabouts, but it was a good day just for that.  I was awake to 13:30, then woke at 20:30.  Blood sugar was 79 as I was going to bed, so I ate a handful of nuts and took slow acting, skipping my last fast acting dose altogether.  Blood sugar is 108 fasting, weekly average is 117.  Getting there.  I think that is the lowest fasting blood sugar and weekly average I have seen since restarting intervention, either keto or insulin, if I kept falling off keto.

Tea is brewing.  A fatted tea breakfast.  I may make a chia seed lunch, or added breakfast.  I really need to go shopping, I just want a few bills paid first.  And focus is weak.  I'll keep at it.  I hope to take a nap later, so as to be more read tomorrow.  I... hope.  Lungs burn.  Tired.  Just not enough problems and pain to stay asleep.

Later.

Another second chance!

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Oh hushutup!  It is so too funny.  Even in a joyous way.  Even if I never do another thing.  How?  God is still with me.  Yeah, it is that simple.

Oh, well, sure.  He wants me to work.  But then, I want to work.  We are on the same page that way.  Now, being God, He does know, what all, is wrong.  That I am missing.  I do believe I do what I can within the present circumstances.  Sometimes I do more.  I consider those as gifts from God.

Still, I make plans and attempt to do more.  And may do more, soon.

Blood sugar is 128 fasting.  I think the weekly average isn't a running seven day average, but the average from Monday to Sunday.  Or the other way.  It, by the way, is 121.  That seemed wrong, but I have probably only had three high numbers.  The rest have been between the 80s and 130s.  So, strange, but true.  Later.

Nothing.

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Blood sugar is superior though.  After the big meal and 10 cc's, blood sugar at 110 was quite good.  I feared that meal, a bit.  Something strange is going on.  Anyway, a fatted coffee and 8 cc's, plus three hours, has it at 89.  Very good.

I believe I am going to crash though.  I had been staying up to about noon.  Something is failing today.  It has been for a while, but it is just now hitting sleep... or really the ability to be awake.  Good night.

Still nothing.

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There remains hope.  There is time today yet.  And there is tomorrow.  Plus sleep is much better with the mattress.

A few small things.  Blood sugar was 103 so another smaller 10 cc dose with lunch.  Three ounces of tuna, a tablespoon of mayo, a keto pita, half a can of unsweetened peaches with a tablespoon of cream, and tea.  Tasty?  I rarely can afford to eat for flavor.  When I do, it is beef, when I can afford it.  I can't even afford chuck roast or hamburger anymore, not often.

If blood sugar stays low...  It took a while to adjust consumption to get closer to 8 cc's. Still at 10, but I needed 20 or more, if Halloween was haunting my program.  Am I eating too little though?  Is that part of the problem?  I should check my weight the next time I shower.  Loosing weight would be worth it.  Though, to be honest, I don't think even a pound is gone.  Will see.

Yes, I am hoping to do a few things.  If I can sleep, I will though.  Obviously, my days and nights are spinning.  I have no schedule, having lost as many as two hours a day for the last near week.  I don't even hear alarms, so have stopped setting them.  I'll keep trying, for what it is worth.  A woman would help.  It's an odd thing.  Half of it is to be with her, half is to get out and escape her.  But it is a good thing.  Later.

Dead to the world.

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It could be worse.  I was able to eat lightly yesterday.  I did a load of laundry.  And the futon type mattress which arrived yesterday was installed.  It is, by the way, vastly superior to what I had been using, blankets and a quilt folded into a topsheet.  As well, the cats and ducks were tended.

It has been warm enough to refill the kiddie pool without it freezing.  Into the 50's.  Between yesterday and today I was able to get that arranged for some well pleased ducks.  So well pleased they really didn't want to go back in, even after an extended stay outside.  I am hoping they get a few more pool days yet.

Other than those things I could either not remember or not physically act.  Dead to the world one way or another.  But!  No pain lately.  Or... nothing remembered.  Fog of mind and lack of short term memory are sometimes far superior to any medicinal pain killer.  Although, it feeds the harrowing nature of the best within.  The mind may be freed of physical horrors, but the body suffers and keeps score.  It becomes... meaner, even feral.

Blood sugar is 130 fasting.  I am cutting consumption and fast acting insulin.  At this level, with just a fatted tea, I will try 8 cc's.  Depending on what my read is, in three to four hours, I'll decide then.  I have seriously been cutting food.  I'll bet I am under 2k calories.  At my size, that is pinched.  But doable on real keto.  The trick is staying on keto and in ketosis.

I'll try to hit the list today.  I forgot to warm the place yesterday.  At best that didn't help.  I'll heat it higher, to push for a shower.  Then get the bathroom clean, start dishes, and the run whites.  Hmm, I might wash the blankets and bedspread first, actually.  I'm not sure what to eat.  I'd also like to get a few lamps upstairs.  A floor and end table lamp... which will require and end table.  I need a woman!  They love tinkering in a home, and will even sometimes do what is asked!  ;p  I'll think on that.  All of that.  Later.

Awake.

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Actually I have been awake for a bit now.  Sorting through life thoughts, the Internet, and pet care.  It was warm enough that I set up the pool for the ducks.  They aren't keen on being out.  Still...  Then fed and put happily away.  I didn't check the temp, but I would bet mid 50's, low 60's.  It was nice.  I wish I could have been out in it.

Caps arrived.  I have enough to compare various brands and types.  All is in for hummus save the larger batch of beans and fresh lemons.  I need to clear space to work in the kitchen.  So...  And, actually, I am behind on the other work.  But, tonight!?! I am hoping.

A shower shortly.  Then cleaning the (clear and well swept) bathroom.  Wool and new hats washed together, then whites as a last load.  The bigger items into a big shower bin, then set to soak, and a final hit on the dishes in the sink... to then be rinsed and dried.  Perhaps, in there, I can open up several places to work.  The kitchen is the next area to hit anyway.

Not sure all is possible today, but that is my list.  If I didn't have severe physical limitations, that is what sorts of lists I would do daily, until the place was caught up, then while maintaining, I would go back to school.  Though, honestly, it looks like all S.T.E.M.s work is deported or workers imported.  It is low quality, but no one cares.  I'm not sure what is worth getting a degree in now?

Anyway, there is the plan for today, and possibly tomorrow, or even the week.  Start with what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.  St. Francis of Assisi, I think, said that... or at least is reasonably quoted as having said it.  Dang saints!  Still, I will try.

Hmm?  Oh, fasting blood sugar was 144 fasting.  So a fatted coffee and milder dose.  My weekly average is 135.  Improving.  Thankfully, Halloween is over.  I am still waking, will see what can be done... soon?  Hungry though, now.  Later.

Someone is... seeking?

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Music from long ago.  And new but pointed songs.  Hiding the trail here but not there.  Oh, I suspect who.  As with others, shadowed.  But I see.

Not much.

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Have you ever been driving, with the intention of shopping, visiting friends, and doing a bit of sightseeing, getting out on some highway far from anywhere, then realizing you are just about out of gas?  The only possible thing to do is to return home immediately, as fuel is too far away in any other direction?

Your day is over before it could really start.  You might not even actually make it to fuel, but you should get, at worst, to within a short walk.  Even then, a neighbor might offer a ride if that happens.  Yeah, well, that is what is happening to me bodily.  I ate, had several fatted teas, will have another shortly.  Blood sugar dropped to 85 after a meal and fatted tea, with a light insulin dose earlier, from at 132.

I did reset dishes in the sink, tend feline and fowl, ate, called my mother...  Nothing else.  I am hoping for a shower, and to set up the other dishes, gather the clean clothes and fold them or put them under foot for tomorrow.  That will be it.  Looks like I will be crashing early, if I can get going, or even get up, soon.  Two hours later, after another hefty fatted tea, it is still 85.  I didn't dose last time.  Running low on fuel.  Might see what else is available to eat.

Later, or good night.

Foods.

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Being a new month, and nearly caught up on bills, I decided to buy a few food items, in some quantity.  One group of items is for homemade hummus.  After I found a bean I could still have, if only in a particular form, I have been jonesing for the stuff.  I love it anyway.  That it, as a recipe, somehow is keto friendly?  A Godsend.

Garbanzo beans, very fresh, are cheap in bulk.  Even tahini isn't expensive.  Finding unadulterated extra virgin olive oil is a bit of a trick.  You are flying almost on blind faith with that.  The only thing I have to have fresh is lemons (or limes)?  Every bottled juice of those I have tried, regular, organic, from acidic volcanic islands... all spike my blood sugar, significantly even from a capful.  No, has to be fresh, then no problem.

The thing is, I simply haven't had almost any extra money so hadn't checked prices.  I could have afforded it.  But, when so squeezed, even looking at prices is fear inducing. Finally, I have come, seen, purchased.  Further, it will be in by Wednesday, barring events, weather, or...  it happens.  I'll pick up a few fresh lemons soon.

A better second start.

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Washing the face and eyes seemed like a bad plan at first.  The sting in the eyes became almost unbearable, open or closed.  Cooling off, as well, was a slow process.  The aspirin was the fastest help.  It wasn't until nearly eleven that I went down.  Blood sugar was 125 at that point... an odd thing.  That it went up without food, while awake...

When I did go down sleep came fast.  I didn't sleep all that long, just to fifteen hundred?  Or up to an half hour less.  Eyes are still just a bit pinched.  Not sure why.  There were a few very minor pains while crawling out, but they have melted.  I am still a bit tired, but what I would expect from a broken sleep.  Yes, better.  Well within capacitance to not only remain awake, but perhaps get to a few things.

A shower, shortly.  So as to set up bigger items to soak in a bin in the tub.  Then to set up those jars, cookie sheets, and such.  Giving the smaller items in the kitchen sink a first wash and reset next.  Then back to laundry.  Just a small load of whites.  Though, if I have enough wool and synthetics to combine, I may run those first.  Both loads will be small by item number, but the whites include turkish cotton bath sheets, which are massive.  A petite fiveish foot women could disappear in one.  I'd... love to see that.  And more.  ;p

Blood sugar is 135 fasting.  I am about to have a fatted tea or coffee.  This time, I will be dosing at just 8 cc's.  If it is below forty, and I am eating right and light, I will try to cut the fast acting.  Later I will have a few burgers.  I have low carb mayo and zero carb relish with it.  No bun, of course, no ketchup, sometimes mustard... avoiding dijon... always sweetened, honey is sugar is maple syrup is most fruit syrups is sugar.  Fruit, generally, is sugar.

Awake, if only to sort things out.

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I went to bed at four.  Though I can't remember which clock or device was used to check the time.  With the hour change last night, it could have been... whatever... the other other time.  It seemed warm, and was for upstairs.  Perhaps it is due to no wind? When I took the trash to the curb, it was 22° outside.  It may be that if there is moisture, and it freezes, it seals the roof?  It is 55° up there regularly now.  It had been 50° to 52° most of this "fall".

Beside the warmth, something else was going on.  Organ pains, nerve pains(?) as if shot through the leg, than an arm, a sense of excessive body warmth which persists, the neck pain is back, and my eyes continue to burn.  Sleep was difficult, intermittent.  I decided to get up to just wrap my head around the problems, perhaps see about solving some problems or symptoms.

Blood sugar was checked.  After a small dose with my last fatted coffee, it was 105 before bed.  So I took my regular night dose of the slow acting insulin.  I'm not sure what it should be, as I rarely wake and haven't randomly checked blood sugar at night (without an obvious problem, and that was just once).  It is 103.  Seems good.

The organ pains are lighter, but persist.  The eyes still burn.  Body heat remains seemingly elevated but without being a fever, or feverish.  It's more like body heat from exertion, only minus anything.  I just want to sleep.  Aspirin, washing my face and eyes, a bit of time to cool and for those things to work...  Later, or good night.

A few more starts and a... story.

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Not as fast or as much as hoped.  Mostly little things.  I cooked burgers for several days... it is all I have until I can shop.  I swept the floor, again again, better.  I did several loads of laundry... I can't remember if one is still in the washing machine?  I will finish that tonight.  A load of whites tomorrow.  A shower was taken.  The cats and ducks as well.

I am so tired from so little.  Trash has to be finished, but it is pretty close.  Eyes are burning from exhaustion.  Odd.  Odder still, blood sugar started out at 223.  I dosed 30 cc's, 10 more than I normally would at say ~180.  I did that with two fatted teas.  Then I had two small and two larger beef patties.  Three hours after my last meal, blood sugar is 101!  That doesn't make sense.

I am going to shower again tomorrow, or I would start dishes.  Hmm, actually, the kitchen sinks are open enough.  I could get a dishpan or two going, of the smaller items.  A lot of the bigger stuff is too big to all soak in those.  Yes, that would be good. Then to bed.

Ah, the story, if you must.
-----------------

Almost a normal wake.

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I have completely lost my morning, but that was already happening.  Blood sugar is high, at 223, but I expected that.  I was hoping it wasn't higher.  On the good side, with high blood sugar I am comfortable in shorts, a t-shirt, and my house flip-flops.  I was actually too warm to continue sleeping.  It was 55° up there, which is three degrees warmer than usual...  then again, as I sleep into the day, it will be warmer.  The sun.

Tea is brewing.  I'll have to sweep the bathroom again... bumped one of the planters over.  Meh, that one needed replanted and more planter dirt added anyway.  The litter has been cleared, and a timer set to feed the girls.  Two hours after waking, if my schedule is more or less regularly irregular, that is the rule.  It usually keeps them from harassing me or trying to wake me.  Usually.  Yes, they have learned to know about when, and what noises, will wake me, even when I shut the door to keep them out.  Just as smart as any kid, on some things.

A shower, after sweeping.  Oh, and giving laundry a short warm whirl.  Then, perhaps, folding while I wake?  A next load of laundry in, after the shower and dishes set?  Then three hours for waking.  I am feeling better, if a bit shot.  Still,  every few hours, I might be able to claw my way to chores.  A nap later, if needed.  I'll keep trying.

Not a bad recovery from a near disaster.  I way overreacted, with carb tabs, but I was crawling out of both death and sleep.  I didn't have full faculties, and wires got crossed.  And, anyway, I would far rather have it even way too high than even to just 70.  I did the best I could.

If you ever approach death, and understand... or understood... what is happening, you know how powerful the will to escape it is.  Only when terribly damaged, with no forthcoming escape from pain in the foreseeable future, have I attempted to go towards death.  If, as mentioned, I am not good at death.  Fun times!  Later.

Some, but done for the night.

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The toilet is clean.  The second load, when... if... it is dry will herald bedtime.  A shower taken.  A few other little things, tiny projects, such as watering the plants then hanging them.  Leaving them in the tub, in the winter, can and almost has killed them.  It doesn't sound like much, but was more than it sounds.

I am hoping to wash the bathroom, take another shower, start dishes, and get the trash out, tomorrow.  Trash is vital.  The rest is a hope.  Tired.  Should rest well.  A few pickled eggs and a fatted coffee to ease the crash.  Blood sugar was quite nice just now.  I'll remember the other insulin when I check laundry, as I go to bed.  Good night.
----------------

Oops.  It has been a while, but I went a bit over on insulin.  I woke a few hour after going to bed in pretty serious distress.  Thankfully I keep glucose tabs up beside the bed.  They are already open, as when crashing dexterity, even strength, can be gone.  Absolutely glad I had them up and arranged.  There is no way I would have made it downstairs.  I couldn't get out of the closet area, or get up.  Wicked close call.

I ate some number, then made it down to have a glass of milk and shake off the last effects.  Back to bed.  I am probably lucky I am so sensitive to drops?  To wake from a dead sleep?  Good night.

A few starts.

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I was getting nowhere fast.  Lack of food?  Too cool, cold?  I turned the furnace up then started rummaging for something to eat.  Nubs on real food, but there was popcorn.  Not the bag stuff.  Real popping popcorn and real butter.  Not perfectly keto, but it is what was available.  Oh, I created a powder mix of salt, onion, and garlic... keeps the salt use lower.

One batch usually doesn't budge blood sugar, however two does and did.  It didn't raise it, more that insulin didn't lower it as much as expected.  I have hamburger out, thawing.  But that will take until tomorrow.  I do use the microwave for some things... thawing meat is not among them.  More than softening fats or warming leftover meats isn't acceptable.  I should get rid of the dangerous thing.  I am too old and it too convenient.  Or, for now.

Between batches, I got laundry rounded up and going.  The first smaller load is drying. I had it on low, am trying it on that again.  It may truly need a higher setting.  If it is terribly cold, or the wind is from an odd direction, it just takes more heat.  The second load is ready to dry.  That will be that for laundry.  I neither have a full other load nor an interest in seeking more for said.

After the second popcorn round, the cave had warmed.  So I started in the bathroom.  It has been mostly cleared and swept.  I want a shower next?  Or last?  Then to mop the floor.  A headache is coming on.  I collected most trash, and cleared the cat litter.  If I do more than shower, clean the toilet, and shower, it may be to just collect the last bits and get that out, then set up dishes.

If...  Not sure I will get the first part.  Later or good night.

Saturday?

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Good.  Sleep is so off, and my attempts to correct it so intense, that which day it was got lost in the shuffle.  I haven't been able to keep up on almost anything.  Pain hasn't been helping.  I have cut aspirin.  It still hurts, a lot, but within... bearing levels most of the time.  I was beginning to worry about how much aspirin was going in.  At 2k mg's, three times a day, for... what day was it?  Two days off.  I ended up not taking it the last time I wrote about it.

The ducks, cats including cat litter, insulin, and light eating, have been managed.  All else has failed.  I will set up medicine today, collect garbage and get it out, get a shower, and pay a few bills?  Today, if possible.  Then set dishes up.  That is the plan.  I need to turn the furnace up, warm up, and wake better first.

I am hoping I am seeing a way through.  No promises.  It isn't really even a sense of things, just a blind plot.  I hope to get dishes, laundry, the bathroom, and storage set up in the next few days.  As well, a few light sources upstairs.  Well, and maybe, some organization.  Possible.  Unlikely.  Will see.  Later.

Oh, right, dreams.

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Very odd dreams.  Pleasing, mostly, if not easily.
----------------

In the first one I died.  I don't remember how, and at that point it really didn't matter.  Death, from an earthly perspective, is anything from a joy to some foolish enemies... at least my enemies, to a sadness for those rare family and friends who know I still exist and have some small feelings for me.  Well, and depending how easy or hard the death, perhaps a cause for fear for those with little or no faith.

But I was comfortable with all.  There were some number of us new arrivals.  It was, if not literally, something like the locker room to heaven.  We were gearing up to take the field.  Instead of changing clothes and putting on gear, we were being stripped of what sinfulness remained.  I... know... but even so I was surprised how much remained!  Sinful, terribly, even now?  I... believe the dream, if sadly.

The sins were being removed, leaving as shadows.  A darkness from within which would darken me, as an inverse spotlight as it left, getting larger and lightening to a degree, then moving off me as it's center, then escaping away.  Sin after sin until nothing but light remained.  Then I became as a spotlight, but from inside to outside.  I became the source of light.

Neither the best nor worst.

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It was difficult to get to bed.  No good reason for the difficulty.  It just was.  Some pain began getting through aspirin, or aspirin had finished it's cycle.  That motivated the impetus to sleep.  Sometimes I can dodge pain if I can sleep before severity rises.  Although, with certain headaches, unless I treat before sleep, they will be there waiting when I wake.  That wasn't the problem, and I try to limit aspirin, so I finally got to bed.

Sleep was hit and miss.  The feet and legs, either burning or freezing, no middle ground.  Every few hours I was having to kick them out or wrap them.  I suspect Halloween candy is still costing my body.  Bah!  As well, kidneys were hurting.  And something along the length of the neck.  Glands, some sort of infected drainage, or a pulled muscle from using the neck to rise when the muscles are cold, or depending on them too much by themselves.  All those feel about the same, and I have had each... I suspect.

All in all, I did get some okay sleep, I just had to work it... and sleep a bit long.  I let the alarms go through their stages.  A torturous thing to not be able to wake.  I really pushed, inside my flesh.  Buried in a beast that can't rouse is not fun.  At least I can get it to move.  I remember waking inside when I couldn't get the eyes to open, a finger to move, buried alive doesn't quite cover that.

I am up.  Dressed too.  I created a dressing station upstairs.  It's pretty cool, which offers incentive to move quickly.  Well, as quickly as an old cave bear can.  Probably no better or worse than any other, ONCE I can crawl out.  This "morning" is a little tight.  Innards feel like I've just gone through midsection sparring or a minor match, neck is still problematic, muscles are tired, but it is all on the more minor scales.  It's the volume of complaints which have me a bit pinned.  Aspirin?  I've had so much lately.  Meh... probably.

Ducks then the girls.  Later.

A good Halloween.

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I enjoy the twerps.  The outfits are fun.  Some don't bother.  Teens you know.  Too cool for even don a mask, not too cool to beg for candy.  Been there, done that.  A good neighborhood though.  And to see a few older young women taking children around is good.  In some places giving is a treat, like here.  Full size candy bars go over well.

I was so afraid I was going to be short, I bought more.  It took days to be well enough to get out.  Got cat litter too, which I wish to use tonight.  Way too much candy, but I know a few older lads who no longer trick or treat.  Of course I will expect them to share.

I truly enjoy when it works.  When I am ready, set up, able.  I wish I could offer them something better.  But that is not how it works.  And it is once a year.  I wonder how many realize the social good, from this, in good neighborhoods.  They get to see older different folk aren't too horrible, and we get to buy them off too serious of troubles.  :p  I enjoy seeing what they might dress as.  Super hero, clown, magician, princess... can't always tell.

My size throws them.  Some find it difficult to approach, but two massive bowls of full size candy bars has their fear melt right away.  I also let the parent or adult have a bar.  Lord knows, they deserve it.  Must be quite a chore attempting to herd excited children.  Oh, it is a treat.  If possible I will always have more than needed.  Perhaps handing two out from the start.  Later, or good night.

Up and going.

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Bedtime was very late.  I kept awake hoping to set medicine up.  Never happened.  Couldn't... remember... focus...  I stayed awake until three, trying to figure a way to function.  As I fell deeper into pain, I gave up and ran away.  Sleep was a bit difficult.  I couldn't warm well.  Too tired.  Are you beginning to see the problems?  Circular, but with no way out, not always.

Blood sugar was really high.  So I dosed, and again, then more.  Which is also part of why I was awake so late.  At least that part was tended.  Blood sugar was 176 fasting.  Not superior, but better than the odd way it was running recently.  I am really wondering if they are adding sugar to meat somehow now?  Then again, if I fall afoul of right eating, blood sugar can really go off the rails, in odd ways, for days.

A bite, fatted coffee, and a dose.  I'll check in an hour.  I need to check on the ducks, the girls are fed and watered.  Baby, it is cold out there though.  A shower too, first.  Ugh.  Yes, snow remains.  And it is Halloween!  I have Halloween gold, which was my falling, foodwise.  Gnom!  It had been so long.  Candy bars might be among the lowest grade of sweets, but... it works.

Feeling better.  Even ocassional spasms have mostly gone.  A bit worn.  And I know pain could return.  The sweats have passed but some heat from resisting pain remains... a soft, actually comforting, glow.  Resisting, enduring, a bit of both?  Better.  I did gobble aspirin for the last... while.  I'll have a dose, just to ensure I can do a few things.  Later.

When it all goes wrong?

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When flesh, mind, or spirit become tortured, I see.  Not the little ways.  It is when death approaches, or I approach it, in one form or way or yet another means.  I used to think it was drink which allowed sight.  I realize now that I merely drank to medicate the pain.  Since sight came anyway, I am assuming alcohol didn't actually manage the pain.  I am just realizing things, putting them together.

The things I see...  It could be hallucinogenic suffering.  I have seen people's deaths.  Not all were listed or explained.  I have seen other things that have come to pass, recently noting Israel's bombings in Iraq, before they admitted.  While the Queen yet lives, there... is more to that than would seem.  Powers have put great effort into her continued life.  For good or ill... it's not for me to know.  Past due, by years now.  Still...

As the suffering returns, so too other things.

Better.

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Several handfuls of aspirin through the last few days and my body has stopped screaming at me with it's pain.  I had a bite to eat.  Oh, but lost track of medicine.  Cats and ducks were managed.  I'll reset medicine.  I have been off with... everything.  When the body hurts as it was, focus is difficult.  Impossible.  As trying to speak in a hurricane.

I am planning on going back to bed shortly.  No more real food, but a fatted tea and insulin.  I suppose I could stay awake for several hours to test blood sugar, then take night insulin.  Well, and set up heart medicine.  The reasons it wasn't taken was because I hurt so badly and ran out during that time.  I couldn't focus to refill.  So tired now, but... yeah, I can do it now.

Someone sure knew where to dig.  While reviewing I realized something.  If my body is in nearly paralyzing pain, it seems emotional pain has no effect.  I am strongly suspicious that the reverse is true as well.  I suppose one could overtake the other, if there was enough.  Would rather not find out, or again.  I have probably found out many times before, just don't, thankfully, remember.  The thing about some improvements is that memory improves.  Not always a good thing.

It looks like it has snowed more.  I don't have the plow on.  A bit stuck.  If I can get to bed early tonight, there is a chance at function tomorrow.  While pain has either diminished or is fading, flu-like symptoms are showing.  It's not a lucky time.  Luck though?  Meh.  I obviously don't have such a thing if there is such a thing.  Later.

So very difficult.

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When life, just existing, becomes a torture, I am left wondering, doubting, questioning my resolve and the reasons for those sentiments.  Oddly, when I turn and reevaluate, the resolve is reasserted so swiftly I... am almost confused.  I see my faith is so far superior to my doubts that... life is... just is, and I will abide it, through terrible pain.

I won't tell you I understand.  On a purely logical, even physical, simple, basis, suicide would be considered reasonable.  I have many family who would support suicide, encourage it.  If not all for right reasons even within that wrong headedness.  I am almost certain, if some of my medical thought they could get away with it, they would kill me, without letting me know.  At least the ones who realize something is wrong, probably something that can't be fixed.

If I think most of the nonbelievers know, they just don't think vets, or me personally, deserve disability.  I do wonder how many modern doctors are being taught genocide, for the good of the planet, expediency, mercy, or simple economy?  Doctors, nurses, specialists.  If an easy diagnosis and solution can't be found?  Pretty soon I do expect medical genocide.

It is quite difficult.  Between confusion, exhaustion, and pain, of late, I can find no peace, or sleep.  With winter arriving so early, and various struggles beyond, it is difficult to sort through things.  On the good side, I do believe in the gift of life and God's will well beyond my simple creature comforts.  That may be the depth of my witness.  May it be enough.  Good night.

When I am, was, will be young.

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If I remember the future as well as the past, well outside my current days...

Snow!

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And it has started snowing again.  It was in the low twenties, F, out there.  So much for raking.  The sun had been out when the ducks were let out.  Blindingly bright.  I am surprised by the snow, in one sense.  I think this is one of, if not the earliest snows I recall since my time here.  And, yet, as cold and wet as it has been, the surprise is that it hasn't already snowed.  Some surprises are... three edged swords, with two opposing blades to boot.

Aye, I have held such a weapon, and heard of more terrible weapons still.  Not sure all, even the one I gripped and swung, are actually swords.  Though if the master of such a weapon insisted on saying such, I would be reluctant to war over a slight distinction.  Probably.

A shower next, if possible.  Then laundry.  Later.

When?

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I have no idea when I went to bed.  Midnight, or half after, if I had to say.  I woke at 13:00, if it took an half hour to get downstairs.  Oh, as to closing the windows upstairs?  It didn't help.  Or it got much colder.  Now the cubbyhole I sleep in, at floor level, gets up to 57°, or did this first night.  But the room, at three feet up, was 52°.  Yesterday morning, or before tending the ac's and shutting the windows, both readings were 54° F.  When I went up to bed, both read 50°.  Generally good enough.  I may open the vent, possibly run a fan, just to see if it can be made warmer.  Not sure I want it warmer.

I have been able to cuddle in, staying plenty warm.  The cap helps.  As well, a neck gaitor.  Both of which are usually taken off some time during the night, then the cap goes back on for the waking process.  I am keeping it 68° downstairs, but put it up to 70° or 72°, depending on feel, in the hopes of getting a shower quickly.  Then, win or lose, I kick it back to 66° unless cold is creeping in via wind or wet.  Then I will keep it at 68°.

A shower, then laundry starting easy with whites.  Then the ducks.  Hmm... may let them out first, then laundry, then a shower.  Yes, I like that path better.  Perhaps raking later.  Dishes at least set to a soak?  Another smaller load of laundry?  There will only be a few towels and washcloths in the first load.  First thing, ducks.  Later.

Some things.

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Nothing planned.  I kept thinking about raking.  I wanted to get out there.  The time ticked through the hours.  I turned the furnace up, then down.  After enough time gone, I changed my focus to a shower and laundry.  Perhaps that would get me going.  Never got to a shower.  Laundry waits as well.

Why?  I simply don't know.  I have eaten.  That was it.  I never really woke.  I couldn't think or get going.  At least the last SSA letter was clarified and the next step was taken.  Another call tomorrow, I hope.  So tired it hurts.  All over, in little ways.  Have you ever leaned into something which offers no give until you are completely spent?  Imagine if that something was your very own flesh within which you find yourself buried.

I do try.  There is tomorrow.  I fear I have more empty tomorrows than some of you will know of any kind.  The price must be paid.  In some ways I do it gladly.  But if there was a better, or more productive way?  I think, perhaps, my productivity is destructive.  This, perhaps, until that appointed hour, of your choosing if not knowing, is how it must be.

A curse, in the shorter term.  A grace in the eternal realm.  And Father's will, so mine.

Good night.

A nap and a call.

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I have been worried about SSA.  It's been a bit.  I couldn't tell what the letter meant, or how final what was suggested is.  But I have been so tired.  I had no choice but to nap first.  I can never be sure how long a nap will be, especially when stressful projects remain.  About two hours, as it turns out.  It was taken early enough to make the call.

An hour or two wait time to get through, on hold.  I can still continue the claim.  They will send more paperwork.  This time I will include everything.  Further, tomorrow, I will call the V.A. to attempt consults with every clinic which might be involved.  Definitely heart, endo, lung, internal medicine, and any they might recommend.  This is going to be as fun as pulling teeth without anesthesia.  But, if it has to be done best get to it.

I am going to check on the ducks as well as do some raking... unless it is raining, snowing, or windy.  If I can at least get one bag... two would be better.  No guarantees, save if conditions allow I will be out.  A fatted coffee first.  And a dose.  Night meds were just taken.  Ugh.  Later.

Nothing doing.

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The idea was there.  Work, chores, grooming.  And?  Nothing.  I didn't really eat, either. Two fatted drinks, mostly plain tea if not much of even that, and a salad slipped in at the end.  A quarter cup of cheese and ten mushroom slices was the bulk of it.  Couldn't have eaten anyway.

Medicine was taken.  I try to get morning medicine absolutely as early as my first drink of anything.  My night pills I try to take by early afternoon or I will forget.  Plus, that goal leaves a lot of time for a mistake, like yesterday actually?  Or the day before?  Late, but well before bedtime.  Memory stinks lately.  Which is why nothing got done yesterday.  It was part of it.  Dense psychic fog.

I don't think I took insulin last night.  So I didn't want to test blood sugar this morning. Habits are difficult to break.  Very glad I did.  At 124 definitely fasting, that is the best read in... many months, a year?  Definitely since back when I could fast.  An excellent surprise.

As well, if it took to the final snooze hit possible, the 6:00 alarm got me up.  It is down to 54° F upstairs now.  Pulling the ac's should help.  They aren't well sealed.  Though maybe it won't matter.  It is great for sleeping.  But getting into and out of bed can be a trick.  Well, and snuggling in, warming up, is a push.  But, when arranged, sleep is golden, without actually being a dead sleep.  I am going to try to regain the three to five waking time.  That will require sleeping earlier, and ballbreaking effort all around, plus naps.

It sure feels too early.  Such is life.  Now for a fatted coffee and an attempt to wake, do chores, and perhaps actual work.  Later.

Down and up late.

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When to bed?  Late is all I know.  Probably past midnight.  Well past.  Two, three?  Awake, a final time, just before noon.  I am not sure if slow acting insulin went in.  Then again I wasn't sure if I had taken last night's pill medicine.  After checking, that is affirmative, so there is a good chance insulin was had.  I best get to today's medicine.

I don't have anything thawed, so food will be... simple, light, and ugly today.  All good.  I am hoping to push it over, get out, and do some raking today.  Storing a bag or three.  If possible, perhaps setting up a bucket mouse trap out there, and bin hutches for them... three.  One big enough for all, plus two smaller ones, so they can have privacy, in case they want to pretend they are married.

I will start a load of laundry, try to get a shower, and perhaps set up dishes.  Too much?  Way too much.  If you must shoot at the moon, aim high.  But first, meds of all sorts, a fatted tea, and to finish waking.  Good day.  Oh, and if you haven't made it to church yet, but are going, remember me to the one I love.  *eyebrow action`*



`humor, not unfunny funny

I keep hoping for a better day.

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Everything is cranky.  Lots of places are sore.  I am tired, weary, and falter quickly.  Even so, I haven't given up.  I keep trying to find means of getting past the problems.  Naps, if I can't get going... More food, or better food and at the right times... medicine and insulin... and consciously trying to keep chores and projects in the mind.

The sun is out, if there seems to be a darkness.  I was down late and up late.  I was hoping the nap would have helped.  Then again maybe it did.  If I can't push to work bu 11:00, a nap will be had.  I will have a fatted tea shortly, and a dose.  Blood sugar was 152 fasting.  After yesterday I am afraid to to go light.  Though that may have had something to do with the drink, or additives, over time.

I keep thinking the stairs will get easier, or getting up off the floor will become simpler. Actually life is almost too easy sometimes.  It is like being superhuman, all imagined save flying.  Then weeks and months go by when standing to shave or brushing teeth is a painful chore.  At least I am not sleeping for weeks or months at a time anymore.  While life has improved it doesn't seem like it, because now I remember downtimes.

So tired.  I best let the ducks out.  Hmm... actually I'll do that after a probable nap, alternate their outings.  I will check their food and water though.  After the coffee and meds, I will decide about the nap.  As is, my eyes are nearly crossing.  I am sleepy.  You would think caffeine would help.  Later.

A rather difficult day.

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Normally I don't worry about the symptoms.  It's just the way of things.  But it seems rougher, is lasting longer.  I will call Monday.  It reminds me of when the lungs were filled a third, only not as severe.  I have no swelling of the legs, ankles, or feet, and have been taking three water pills because there was swelling when taking two.  As well, I am drinking less, probably down to an half gallon a day.  Something isn't working.

I have been taking medicine every day since the weekend slip a couple of weeks to month ago.  I can't even remember how long it had been since I missed before that... months?  I am doing what I can with insulin.  As well, I am pushing sleep and waking, if losing slowly.  I am eating as well as I am able too.  I can't do much more.  My last blood draw was 121.  I just took the night stuff, without testing.  If it did anything, it went up.

Good night.

A crash.

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I attempted to stay up later.  Couldn't.  I was afraid, if I slept, I would sleep for hours, a day perhaps, throwing everything off.  I know it is slipping.  I just, in spite of my claims... if I could keep to a schedule, I would.  I have slipped five to seven hours in the last month, but... it is better than... it can be.  I have done better.  But this is pretty good.

I could not stay awake.  No choice.  So, down I went.  I must have crashed.  After finally settling, I don't remember anything.  When I woke to weak light, I was pretty sure it was later afternoon.  It was, 16:30.  It was an hour and an half, maybe ten minutes more, down.  I had set a timer, right before surrendering to the nap... for two hours.  Sometime less than ten minutes after waking I noted twenty minutes remaining.

Thinking about chicken.

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The baked thigh video recipe was reviewed.  As I was doing so, another recipe popped, butter broasted chicken and just an oddity... garlic butter.  The buttered chicken could have been good.  The idea is good.  But then the guy added a bunch of sugar, plus processed barbecue sauce and spice which also had sugar.  I am sure it would be tasty.  Lead is a sweatener too.  Yeah.  No.

As to the garlic butter?  The only reason for that would be for bread.  Bread is just another form of sugar.  Now, butter baste the chicken in garlic butter?  As a steak replacement treat, once a month?  Sure.  It is a bit rich even for keto eaters.  At least once calories start being, if roughly, counted.

Slightly after dawn.

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I am a bit surprised.  I couldn't go down until midnight, give or take.  I reset the alarms to eight and ten.  I think I woke at six, if I felt too bad to get up.  It took a couple of snooze bars, but the sun helped.  If I were a betting man, my second bet would have been on a ten wake.  To be honest though, I wasn't sure the alarms would wake me.

A long trip, a late night.  Stresses worrying my mind, oxygen problems, it does add up. It is a rough morning.  I am sore.  I am still tired.  Blood sugar is 152 fasting, again.  This morning I will hit it harder, right off.  Less than what I was using, but not the minimum.  It is experimental.  At this point, the slow acting isn't reducing total intake.  It might be reducing risk of a dangerous drop, but I have learned to manage those.

New glasses ordered.

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A trip to the V.A.  The last for the month.  Good thing, I am down to $50 in the bank.  I hope I got that right.  I used the last of my cash to buy a pack of chicken thighs, salad makings, and a pack of mushrooms.  I have two other packs of meat in the freezer, and some canned meat and fish.  Pretty down on everything.  But mostly caught up.  Milk will be caught up, and water utilities will be started.

Foods, first thing.  Burger and chicken enough for several months, plus I will be looking for specials on better meats for occasional food.  Even chuck roast has become a delicacy.  What is cheaper while still offering meat?  Soup bones are really expensive for what you get, oxtail to knuckles.  I'll... look.

I will call SSA tomorrow, and the V.A.  I need to get consults to figure out, diagnose, and perhaps solve the problem(s).  I really wouldn't mind working.  It wouldn't be difficult to make more than what social security offers.  The thing is, I have to be able to keep a schedule, and not pass out from lack of air.  Well, and I have to not have muscles burning and weak after a few hours.  I thought that was the heart.  Apparently not.  Best to find out.

No heart palpitations, but the rest and more.  Yes, we will do what it takes to get a diagnosis.  Stress tests, blood tests, mri's, x-rays, whatever it takes minus the gun.  I must insist.  If I am not disabled, then figure out what is wrong, why everything hurts, is exhausted, why I can't sleep or wake regularly.  Medicate or treat it.  Or diagnose as disabled.  I am not going to let me off disability while I am too broken to work.  Either make it so I can get through engineering school or diagnose disability.

Ugh.  So tired.  Too tired to sleep.  I did feed the girls, and checked the ducks.  The ducks will need fresh water tomorrow, first thing.  It is rough.  Will try to crash as soon as possible.  Sleep well.  Good night.

Up before dawn.

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Morning continues to slip.  When I was able to get to a regular day, I was awake early.  I maintained it using the alarm clock.  Initially, the two times were set at three and five.  That has been helping, if slipping.  First slip was having to change to five and seven alarms, now six to eight.  This is the longest and best regulated sleep I have had, or close to it.  Unfortunately it is about to fail.  Control is slipping.

I woke this morning after the first alarm had run through snoozes.  There are five, the initial at time zero, then one every ten minutes until the last, forty minutes later.  Some days I remember none, save the waking one.  Some rougher days I remember every single one, as ladder rungs painfully slipping through my hands.  This morning was a bit tough, but far from the worst.  The difficult part this morning is that I am still painfully tired.  So tired that waking has flared the ringing in my ears.  Up at 7:30, which is slightly before actual, if valley, dawn.  Oh, and it is right at 20° F this morning.

Someone is saying something.

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Not sure who, exactly.  If I think I know what.  Don't drink and accuse!?  I am back in the closet, for any and all practical or impractical purposes, and literally come to think of it!

Besides...

On it goes.

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Blood sugar was down to 132.  Not optimal but not terrible.  I decided to use 12 cc's with dinner, a romaine salad with an ounce of shredded cheddar and a keto ranch dressing.  I can't, even in good times, afford storebought keto stuff often.  So I use basic ingredients and make it.  It can be a bit funky, it isn't absolutely perfect, but it works on a dime... nickel... penny.  Forget organics, but I never fell for that.

Oh, I am still finishing the fatted coffee or tea from earlier.  The rest of the night will be plain tea.  I may take a late shower too.  The temperatures have been stable, but I am freezing.  My feet and legs, as night approaches, begin to chill.  If I can warm up well, then wear several pair of socks to hold it in until later, it might help me get the sleep I need.  Trying to sleep while freezing is difficult.

I called my mom.  They are getting similar weather, staggered a few days.  But farming is difficult.  Only one field of corn in.  No soy.  Winter is coming and it keeps raining.  If it was just the US, but it is hitting many primary and secondary breadbaskets.  We do have reserves.  Many nations do.  But those are limited, more so if everyone is hit.  Africa will starve and Europe will be left with very few hard choices.

The world is about to get ugly in ways not seen for a century, give or take.  With nuclear weapons, it could go south very fast.  There aren't good guys anymore.  As good as it gets is picking teams based on nations and alliances.  It won't be empires anymore, not for long.  I guess the gooder guys will have their military out of their nations.  The bad ones will be using their military and intell on their own as much as against their enemies.

It is definitely growing darker.  If it hits before I die...  If you don't have family...  Money is already becoming empty.  Land is okay, if you can keep it, and use it to grow real food.  You have to have a sufficient growing season.  Gold and silver travel, but as with land, keeping it is something else.  It is truly growing darker.

If it gets truly cold, colder, colder even than that?  The look on their faces when Americans just take over Mexico, and on down as needed?  Europe moving into Africa by force?  Russia is screwed.  Though Europe would have trouble too.  Oh, yes.  The looks on their faces when northern militaries just shove ahead of their people... while pretending to negotiate?  Even a minor ice-age and that will happen.  This isn't the 1400's.

Right or wrong doesn't get figured in to survival.  Fair?  Anyone who insists on fairness will be left, along with the disabled, elderly without family, and any who won't work.  It is coming.  Is it already here?  All I know is there are darker days ahead.  How hard, how soon... I just can't be certain.

A bit better.

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Still low on oxygen.  Seems like it.  I just didn't do much, or try to do much.  And the ducks cooperated.  Actually, they were already in.  All I had to do was close their gate, and lock it.  Perhaps the bit of sunshine helped.  Then again, I wasn't fighting to try to do things.

Fasting blood sugar was lower, but after meal blood sugar didn't drop enough.  I need to use more fast acting insulin when having a bigger meal.  It wasn't huge, a half a pound of burger, with four ounces of cheddar, on a bed of lettuce.  Well, and half an avocado and a fatted tea.  Tonight it will just be salad and pumpkin seeds, with plain tea.  I did have another 8 cc dose and fatted tea several hours ago.  Depending on how the numbers look will be the basis for the last dose... other than long acting... but that is always 25 cc's unless blood sugar is less than 90.  Then I just eat something with it.

I called SSA.  They were supposed to call back.  If they did, they used an unlisted number.  I'll try again tomorrow.  Later.

A bit brighter.

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The sun is out.  It was partial earlier, if brighter than yesterday at about any time.  At 9:30 it is ~45° F out there.  Pleasant, unless there is a cold wind or breeze.  But the sun really helps.  It is still a warm sun.  A bit of light did make waking easier.  Sleeping upstairs will be an advantage that way.

Whatever is or was wrong made for a miserable first half of the night.  My feet and legs were freezing, hat on and using every method I have.  Now I remember why I forget.  A method works for a short while.  Having a bit of success lifts the spirits for a bit.  If I remembered that nothing I have tried, having tried pretty much everything, while I would understand the honest truth, I would never have even short moments of functional hope.  Even heart medicine and the seeming improvement from it, are false.

I still wonder if they know what, or what all, is wrong?  If they can't fix it, why bother?  If it is eventually terminal, why mess with it.  Perhaps the experiment is a success in that it hasn't killed me yet?  Maybe people live longer when not given the diagnosis?  After last night, and the last few days, weeks, months actually, I realize there are more problems, or the problems aren't well understood.

I was finally able to warm enough to sleep better, probably after midnight.  I am still quite tired.  I woke ten after eight, the would have been second snooze.  Medicine down.  Blood sugar is 165 fasting.  I wasn't sure if today was going to be high or a lot higher.  This is actually lower, a definite surprise.  It took a bit to get started.  Tea is only finally just about ready.  Perhaps some leftover cheesy burger on a base of lettuce, with avocado, and a lighter dose of insulin?  Yeah.

I have been looking for a keto app.  The problem is, they all want information they simply don't need.  As well, the ones you "buy" will update and eventually try to charge you again, even monthly.  I am surprised people keep using these monstrosities. People are paying to be jacked, then literally robbed on top of it.  No app yet found.  I will keep looking.

Feeling a bit better.  My eyes are burning, a bit from lack of air yesterday, partly from poor sleep.  Still, better in general.  Later.

Something is terribly wrong.

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I am having trouble breathing, or getting oxygen in.  Tunnel vision and sweating.  No pain, but some discomfort and a mild headache.  Nothing much to work with.  I took aspirin easier, will take another batch.  I got a shower taken, but that was it.  I was dragging just to do that.  I will brush my teeth and crash.  I am wondering about CO or CO2?  Or other bad air?

Not much I could do.  Sleep outside?  Maybe not tonight, but if I survive, setting up tomorrow?  It may seem strange, but...

Blood sugar was 192.  That doesn't make sense either.  A ninety two point spike from a normal to smaller sized meal of cabbage, burger, cheddar, and butter.  I had a fatted coffee and 20 cc's of fast acting insulin between two and three hours ago.  It only brought it down to 174.  Not sure what the problem is... are?  I can take the slow acting and try to sleep.  Good night.

Sometimes she cradles me just right.

Late, but a nap was had.

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I thought, after waking, that life would be better.  I figured stamina, oxygen levels, and else would be improved.  I woke well and easily.  After a few things, I got right on dinner.  I also almost passed out.  No air and little capacity to get it.  The lungs just aren't taking it in well?  I had to sit for a while.

I did get supper back on track.  Steamed burgers and cabbage.  Well, and a fatted coffee.  Two patties, being how light the rest of my meals were.  Perhaps half an avocado as well.  Then a shower and setting up dishes.  I will skip shaving until tomorrow.  I brought laundry down, but just to the bathroom.  That will stay there until tomorrow.  I just can't do much.  If I do something besides showering and dinner, it will be a quick first hit on the dishes.  There aren't many, and they are bigger items.

It sure has been a dark day.  But it has been above freezing, say in the low 40s when I checked.  Some rain, or possibly snow that melted overnight?  Definitely some moisture left this morning, if not much.  It hasn't been cold enough to freeze the kiddy pool, or even the duck water trough.  Yeah, that does surprise me.

Anyway.  I will keep trying.  Later.

It just isn't working.

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I couldn't get back to sleep.  I also couldn't get to work.  I used gaming in an attempt to push something along.  No dice.  I could only play a short bit.  Sleep.  A nap may be required.  I just can't keep awake.  Well, and the lungs burn without much effort.  I let the ducks out for their hour.  They didn't want to go back in.  I was already seeing stars so I wasn't willing to play.  I used my brain, and as little exertion as possible.

Meds are good.  Blood sugar was down to 139 after breakfast and a while.  I decided on another fatted tea and a light dose, 8 cc's.  By early afternoon blood sugar is 100.  I'll heat the last third of the cabbage along with fresh hamburger for supper after I wake, then test several hours later.  It should be fine for numbers.  Blood sugar goes up while sleeping, even a short nap.  Or it stays the same.  Usually.  Bleh.

Later, or much later.

A trim and a dose.

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To shorten and ease a potential shave later, trimming the whiskers helps.  A fresh blade helps too.  It didn't take much of, but it seems to stiffen and straighten the whiskers.  It means two shorter periods of standing, rather than a longer single time.  My life is down to planned efficiency and extreme limits, and deprivations.

If I can't do it, or figure out how to part jobs and chores, I might well have to go without.  It... gets tiring have to figure out every last little detail, especially with an extra limited memory. Unless there is a good reason for something, best to go without.  So, why shave?  It allows my ego to almost believe we aren't dead.  Or at least not completely dead to the world.

As to dosing...  The plan was 8 cc's fast acting three times a day, plus 25 cc's slow acting once a day.  The slow acting is on target.  The fast acting not so much.  I am down from 20 cc's two to three times a day, to 8 to 15 cc's three times a day.  Although I take it more frequently, I have different parameters.  I just take less, if always with a meal, even if it is lower than I would have taken it before.  Unless it is below 90, so long as I am eating, I will take at least 8 cc's.

I am writing this out, not to bore you but to get it straight in my mind, which should translate back to action.  I am memorizing my programming.  It seems to be working.  And fast acting insulin is decreasing... more so when I don't indulge in sugars, starches, or carbs.  I don't know if it will ever really work.  But, for now, this is the program.

I am still not sure if I will be crashing shortly, or showering and getting on with my day.  But I did, thank you AoSHQ, run into not just a simple, tasty recipe, but inexpensive food.  When I can't think or remember, it's good to have friends... or for my part.  Oh, and keto gravy, which can work for any meat really.  I personally don't believe in vegetable stock or gravy... anyway...  I may have to alter the chicken recipe, can't have sugars.  But I think it is doable.  Further, if I can get a solid keto version of that sauce, I'm thinking pork chops, tougher beef cuts with more moisture and time, possibly more.  I've go about $50, plus three packs of meat and veggies for the month... and another trip to the V.A.  Tight, baby.  Later.

Losing the morning.

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I was doing well, after the last restart.  Going to bed between 17:00 and 19:00, waking between 3:00 and 5:00.  I started slipping so I brought the alarm clock in.  That helped, for a while.  It was already slipping, but as I have been focusing on the new insulin, I have been staying up later so as to test, and snack if numbers are too low.  I am often awake to 21:00 to 23:00.  This morning it was an eight awake.  I will be trying to take it back, but that has never worked before.  It would require earlier sleep times.

Tuesday?  I thought it was Monday.  Or, at times.  I got a bit off, mostly.  Have you ever gotten the day and date right, then lost track.  Then kept doing that.  That seems to be the problem.  I'll try to get that straightened today.  Sure is dark.  I am almost certain it is technically well beyond dawn.  Must be something dark brewing.

A shower as soon as possible.  Tea before that, and brushing.  Perhaps a shave if I can stand.  Goals?  Ah.  A few phone calls.  Duck and cats, per the usuals.  Shower and shave.  Cleaning the bathroom.  And back to dishes.  At least setting them up.  Oh, and getting laundry to the washroom, perhaps sorted, for tomorrow... or soon.

I figured out a better way to sleep.  Now I can stretch full length if wanted.  I usually sleep in a fetal position, but it is good to be able to stretch out fully sometimes.  I apparently don't always need the cap, or for the whole night.  I lost it sometime during the night, but was fine.  My legs and feet weren't blocks of ice this morning.  I tried a different sort of cap.  I think it was too tight.  I have to try a few others.

Blood sugar was 120 at bedtime.  It is 181 fasting.  A fatted coffee and insulin for breakfast.  A bit of time to wake.  Then on to goals.  So tired.  Had to push to get out of bed.  After what passes for breakfast, brushing and maybe shaving.  If I can't wake better, it is back to bed.  I won't shower until I am definitely up for the day.  Later.

A good day.

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Couldn't do a damned thing.  But I wasn't cold, I stopped hurting by early afternoon for no good reason.  I did get the ducks out for an hour.  It really does make them happy.  I also ate right and and well, checking blood sugar.  I splurged on lunch, had a baked potato, with butter.  Just that.

I was curious.  A smaller dose than what had become my usual brought blood sugar from 168 fasting to 119 before the potato.  Four hours later, blood sugar was up to 171.  I dosed, if again more lightly, then had supper.  It was down to 112, if I needed more food so ate again.  I'll check in about another hour.

I steamed cabbage, mushrooms, and the burger lamb mixed patties.  Those were as horrible as remembered.  I just couldn't choke them down.  But the cabbage and mushrooms were extremely tasty with butter and salt, along with a lightly fatted tea.  The thing is, cabbage is filling.  But it didn't last so I became hungry soon.  Another third of the cabbage and the last two ounces of mushrooms saw to my hunger.

I just couldn't think, remember, today.  I turned up the heat, hoping that would help.  Nope.  Actually I did shower first thing.  I... just... don't know?  I know I have things to do.  I just can't remember what, or to do them the moments I can recall.  I'll keep at it.  Good for what all, especially having no pain.  I'll see about the rest.

Another shower tomorrow.  It might help.  It can't hurt.  Later?

Dawn?

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When does it even happen?  Of course, being overcast, living in a mountain valley which is open north and south, in October?  Lucky to notice daytime at all.  Fine.  I wonder if there is a local source which accounts for the mountains to express when dawn actually arrives?  Sure, I could just look.  But... that takes effort and awareness, things not always available.  Why would I like the information?  Well, so when possible, to go look.  While dying, if albeit slowly, I am finally able to be slightly more aware.  I would like to see the bits of the world around me as I drift off.

Oh, the cap is really making life more pleasant.  While it didn't keep my legs as comfortably warm during the day as at night, it was an improvement compared to days without the cap.  Rather than numb or worse iceblocks for legs, they are merely mildly frigid.  I need more caps, however, if one is to be worn most of the time.  I won't always wear them when going out, though at times perhaps.  What, several for day and night, a few extra for wash schedule?  I'll look at several types, see if there are better ones for day and night or in general.  The one I am using is a thinner synthetic.  Other than being a bit small, it serves.  I just don't want itchy ones.

Blood sugar was 168 fasting.  Better.  I used less fast acting this morning.  Less last dose last night, and the final blood sugar was 122.  Maybe it is working toward working out.  I will hold off the call, as the numbers are heading enough in the right directions, all around, to let the thing ride.

A fatted tea, plus cheese, a few mushroom slices, salami, and pepperoni... about a quarter cup of cream and an ounce and an half of the other fats, for breakfast.  I believe steamed cabbage with a few of those mixed patties and mushrooms for lunch, perhaps supper too.  Nothing fancy, but.  Actually, something about mushrooms and cabbage really works.  Add butter and meat, and it is rather special.

A shower, the ducks, a few calls...  I don't know what I need to do.  I just know I have to try to wake and move, call and dig out... do... some... things.  I'll... be thinking then hopefully doing.  I am not tired, I just can't seem to think clearly, or remember what I need, or want, to do.  I may need a nap to clear my mind.  Later.

Maybe?

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Blood sugar is at 93.  Still low, so a keto snack then a final test in two hours.  An ounce of salami, paper thin, is in the oven, with an ounce of cheddar cheese.  As well, six small green olives were sliced into thirds, and the remnant of a piece of brie will be added... somewhere.

It sounds expensive.  And, if you ate for volume not flavor, it would be.  I am learning to eat as the French intended, small, highly flavorful, bits of foods, mixed by flavor, texture, type, with some style and appearance considered.  What few seem to remember is that, even at what was thought of as the height of French cuisine, they were starving.  Even the nobles.  They almost learned to pretend to eat by eating little meals, one after the other.  Flavor was about all they had.

Yes, I am trying to recapture that way of eating, combining it with keto.  My whole menu today cost around $6.  Now, I only ate portions of parts.  Still... I have almost no money for food this month.  Then again, maybe that is a good thing.  I am definitely learning to feast on flavor.  It's not bad.  Later.

Troubled.

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Have you ever worked too hard, to the point you feel oxygen deprived enough that perhaps you might pass out?  Have you ever done that while sitting for hours?  There you go.  I thought, perhaps, being active, doing something, as a reverse psychology being applied to physiology, might help.  NOPE!  I came close to passing out.

I let the ducks out, just for an hour.  While the water can be open in the pool, I want them to enjoy.  However, I am keeping it short, as mentioned.  I went out to let them back in.  Usually they go right in... unless they just aren't interested.  Around and around we went.  The second, going on third time I thought to check.  Ah.  The inner, screen, door was shut.  Perhaps when I  pulled the food bin out?  I have to close the door when filling their food tray.  Usually I open it afterward.  I do think someone goes through, from time to time.  "Borrows" feed, just goofing, dunno?

Anyway...  Still, once the gate is back open doesn't mean they will just go in.  They have become accustomed to the chase.  The trick, then, is to get them to stop near the outer door, think, and reconsider what to do.  Only then will they then notice the inner gate is open and go in.  That about clocked me.  I was seeing stars so thick I wasn't sure I would make it to my chair.   Actually, I don't remember from (I hope) just before closing the inner gate and sitting.  I'll check that and the back door soon.  I've also received a wonderful headache.  Left, high center slightly above the middle of the center of the brow.  Like a spike, but not terrible pain... throbbing, not constant.   Well, and with a drawn gut, as if I ate cardboard.

I have been eating carefully.  Watching keto and calories.  A burger patty and lettuce bed, or cheese and salami with a fatted coffee.  Keeping things to ounces, cream to a quarter cup, and only three meals.  Oh, but blood sugar was up to 166.  I had attempted to cut fast acting insulin.  That just isn't working.  But that wouldn't cause the near crash.

I actually crash like that fairly often.  There just isn't a reason to whine about it.  And I haven't actually ever passed out, that I can recall.  They have to figure this out if they want me to work.  And, no, it isn't psychiatric.  That is the lazy stupid excuse for not diagnosing and treating what may simply be a failing body.  They then just need to admit it is physical, debilitating, real, but unknown.

What a strange world.

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My legs are usually cold.  In the summer, this can be good, offering a sort of heatsink albeit with limits.  But much of the rest of the year, when it is cooler, this is a major liability.  Imagine, though too, having the better part of your body needing cool to be less tortured while the other half needs warmth.  When my legs go cool, using them leaves the muscles burning or in knots.  I take extras over recommended of certainly vitamins and minerals, which has cleared most knotting.

I have been trying things.  Elevating them, from time to time through the day.  As well, adding a pillow to lift the feet.  Now that I am sleeping in a confined space, I well wrap them in blankets and lean them against the wall.  It seems counterproductive, if it has more to do with the heart than...  I can't be sure.  Doctor recommendation.

I put on socks, two pair often, though I am finding that doesn't work as well as wrapping them well, and keeping skin from one on skin of the other.  The thing is, I have been working on this problem for... decades.  It is just that until the last few years I couldn't keep track of my experiments.  Who knows, maybe I learned this before.

Anyway, since the haircut, my legs have been worse than ever.  Now there are areas where they seem colder (can't tell by external touch).  Those spots feel numb, and yet itch like crazy.  My head was getting odd in a similar way... I thought the legs' problems were due to circulation issues.  The head?  Just from the cool of having short hair.

So, last night, I got out what I was taught to call a watch cap, in the Navy.  I put that on.  In short order, the scalp itch and discomfort was gone.  As I eased into a more restful state, an amazing thing started to happen.  My legs began to warm.  For the first time since I have been ill, in cold weather, without cranking the furnace to the misery of the rest of me, my legs and feet were comfortable... no itches, no numb spots, not too hot either.  Perfect.

You have no idea how... wonderful that was.  It was difficult to wake this morning, I was so comfortable.  I'll be working on that part.  I was hoping, lightly, that the cap would help with the legs while seated.  Nope.  Perhaps when I put them up later.  I can't keep them up for too long at a time, busts the knees up.  Still, to have nights, and better sleep potentially back?  I'll take what I can get.

Blood sugar was a bit high before my last meal, so I dosed.  It remained a bit high yet by bedtime (both in the mid 150s).  I took the slow acting  before bed.  Blood sugar is 186 fasting this morning.  Later.