Must have...

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...shorted a circuit?  Lit a little fire?  Umm, estrogen...

The scent, feel.  But... the music.  This is but a small sampling of what I have been experiencing tonight.  Some hate, some love, some softness.  Not all of it purely musical.  The feelz.  Coming in.  Can try to avoid, hide.  It doesn't work.  A mare, or herd of them, wanting to be... noticed... will not be ignored.  So be it.

I keep looking.

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Tools.  This wrench (or spanner) set, that ratchet set, these drivers, those... whatever.  A kit?  I have looked.  But, to be honest, I haven't been impressed.  Most kits either are of lower quality, are a quarter to half full of things I would never use, are overpriced even for what is there, etc.

I... saw this vid, so clicked.  A Britisher?  Usually I just flick those off.  Peasants just don't... get it.  For the most part.  Especially the ones who can survive y.t.'s leftism.  But... something... caught my eye.

Someone thought so.

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I think so too.

That's a... lotta plush.

Awake for a while now?

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I slept long.  Very long.  Not enough air flow through the house, was choking, I think.  Opened the window a crack, near the sleeping roll.  Helped.  But really needed some sleep.  Rest.  When I woke, I opened another window up there.  I need air.  And, am getting it.  The computer, front, room is cluttered.  Full of boxes again.  That isn't helping.  But, closing up the windows... this house is very tight.  You just have to crack things a bit, to get some fresh air, or you'll choke.  Ugh.

Dreams.  Women.  No sex, just... cuddling?  I think so.  Women can be so... plush.  Even the skinny ones, somehow.  Wonderful dreams.  Clean, comfortable, warm, fuzzy.  Life can be so... wonderful.  Sure, just dreams, but dreams of times not all that long ago.  Like women or not, they are wonderful to snuggle up with, and more.  But... this was just the plush warmth of resting together.

What's in your purse?

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Hahaha!  I don't care.  Now, what is in your bike kit?  That... peaks my curiosity.

I have been looking that various kits from different folk.  What do I really need?  How soon do I need it?  You could spend a true fortune on bits, baubles, specialty and standard tools, lifts, jacks, and a chemical lineup from oils, greases, metal welds, to radiator fixes.  Seriously.  I have put most of what I have seen into my cart, and I'd guess, with everything, so far, I'd hit $1500 just on these listed items.  BEFORE hitting upgrades, updates, riding kit, or better/more tires.

I crashed.

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I think it was around... hmm... I should say, sometime after 10:30.  But, at 10:30 or 11:00, perhaps as late as noon?  In there somewhere.  I don't remember AFTER 10:30.  But insomnia will do that.

Sleep was gorgeous.  I used the electric blanket, which really helps.  Once I get warm, after that initially shiverfest from getting in cold, I sleep so well and pleasantly... as if on clouds.  I don't need heat for long.  Just... long enough to create a bubble, warm the body, then it takes over.  Delicious sleep.  And, that wound doesn't hurt... as much, as often.  The cold is a part of what causes it such pain.  Perhaps why it isn't healing?

Up way early.

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For no reason I can understand.  I woke up a bit more than forty five minutes ago, right at eight.  Having gone to bed a bit before five?  Slept warm, if only because I added the electric blanket into the pile, and lit it for a bit.  Yes, that helps.  It got so cold so quickly that I haven't been able to adjust.  Like a turtle, I need time.

Once snug as a bug, and warm as a hare after getting well ahead in a race, I slept fine.  Though not much sleep isn't making me feel great, it'll do.  I'll try to push through into the day a bit.  Though may end up back in bed.

They don't just remember...

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...or consider... the dark.  Whoever it is who lingers out there.

I was thinking, while watching the Wick movie thing...  He has to realize, Keanu Reeves... or whatever his real name may be if that isn't it... as an actor?  If he has tried to... do more than choreograph the moves?  That in war, there... is no hope.  If you live, survive?  It... isn't your doing.  Just as when you kill.  It's an amazing thing, to realize.  Either very freeing or... terrifying.  Depends on if you can realize to let go.

Halloween?

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When that happens is... never sure.  Sometimes they do it the weekend before?  I thought.  Or the weekend after?  If I remember correctly.  Usually on the weekends though?  Or... has that just been that it has usually landed on a weekend?  I... just wasn't sure.  So I contacted a more distant, now, neighbor.

Tuesday, I am told.  There were no knocks, so...  And he got the dope from his sister, who is a local, and a mother.  So... okay.  Seems strange but there it is.  Which... gives me time.

A cool one.

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Not sure what it was upstairs.  Had to keep blanketed, well, or I would get leg cramps, ankle cramps, even foot cramps.  Not... sure... why this has been happening lately.  I am adding the minerals, on top of regular vitamins, which usually manage this.  Getting plenty of fluid.  Not eating a lot... from every other day to even every third day.  Other than, say, a quarter to half cup of cream in my coffees through the day, I've really slowed down on eating.

I will be pulling meat out, soon.  Hopefully today.  A few steaks, another pack of burger, and a whole chicken to be roasted and eaten over days.  The thing is, food isn't... tasting great these days.  Has it all gone down hill?  I am eating meat.  Is the freezer worse on it then I thought.  Nothing is older than two or three months, at the oldest.  Have I been leaving it out to thaw too long?  Doesn't seem to thaw in the fridge... at this altitude?  Or... I'll look into that.

I woke at 17:00, or so.  It was 35 out there?  That was probably pretty close to, if not, the high temp for the day.  We usually get a storm on or near this time of the year.  But not usually this cold?  Storms yesterday, but just on the periphery currently.  Though... closing in or dissipating... will only be known in time.

Not much.

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Nothing, else, actually.  It's bedtime.  And cold.  It is 25 outside.  I thought it would go colder, glad it didn't.  This is coming from 45 yesterday, daytime.  And, before that, I think 57 was as cool as I saw it?  But generally, for the last few weeks, 65 was pretty normal?

Just a dip, to let us know the season has changed.  I do believe it'll warm up a bit again.  But not... a whole lot.  If we get 50 days, that would be nice.  Even 40's would be okay comparatively.  Though, we'll have to see.  Winters here can be long, if the sun is in that mood.  Cold, and with more snow than we can... almost survive?  Maybe.  Last year... was it a bump in the road, or the beginning of true sorrows?

The amazing things they say?

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Suggest?

I think so.

Someone is... saying something?

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I... think so.  What... did I write, or offer earlier?

Ah.  That.  Well, it looks like someone got something from it.  And decided to give a little back?  I... certainly suspect so.  Never can know in absolutes?  *wink*

Almost bitterly.

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Cold, that is.  For the speed at which it hit.  But, that's... how these things go.  And I won't complain.  It has been fairly reasonable after that last big drop.  But, tonight, just a bit ago, I checked.  At 28, I could feel it.  That's a hard cold.  The first freeze I have seen.  Even if it doesn't get colder, that will leave a mark.  The first hard freeze this year, to my knowledge, hereabout anyway.  Wow.  Cold.

I griddled burgers earlier.  Havarti, is the other cheese.  That and gouda, slices.  I was really impressed with these cheeses.  Some of the others simply don't translate well as slices.  Munster, as I mentioned, was absolutely dull.  Cheddar is very good.  Blue cheese, if I'm in the mood.  I completely avoid american "cheese", because... that ain't cheese.

Sure got cold.

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Down to 51 in my room.  I'm not quite ready for that.  It's up to 59, up there, as I woke around 15:00.  Outside is at 45, probably as warm as it has been today.  Could get slightly warmer, or not.  Clear as a whistle.  No snow down in the valley that I could see.  But the mountains are white.  Not capped, slathered in the stuff.

I wanted to look the bike over, see about a few things.  There is a reserve tank on her, or portion of the tank?  Right.  And a switch for high, low, and off.  Some have them, some don't.  I saw the brand of cage on part of the bike.  Think it is only an engine guard.  Want to add the rest of the kit to add protection to the upper part of the bike.

Snow.

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Just not down here in the valley?  From what I saw, no.  Only looked from the upstairs window, so... the area I can see and angles and such mean I could have been mistaken.  But, if there is snow, it is tucked in corners, anything that might remain.  But, snow even so.  Just in the mountains.  Beautiful.

I am a bit surprised.  It was down to 34 when I went to bed at around 4:30.  Though it seemed to have stop raining very shortly after I went to bed.  I slept quickly, but... the sound of rain is so pleasing that I often hear it right on into sleep.  It seems to have shut off quickly.

I keep expecting...

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The rain to stop?  Or turn to snow.  Crazy lot of rain.  It's been raining for hours now.  Fairly heavily.  I did... check flood zones?  Or such.  Before buying.  Just left Iowa City/Coralville after years of "100, 500, 1,000 year" floods.  They... kept happening.  I... don't think the number crunchers had any real idea.

Hmm, I think that was last year, here?  This year?  When... weather begins going too sideways, I... begin to think it is time to move along.  It is an omen.  Just... that it takes me a while.  Giants take a while to wake, and prod along.  But... God has his ways?  It... seems to be possible, and has been true.

More motorcycle videos.

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Look, it's raining.  Cool outside, about 42.  And... I'm not getting to much else, or haven't yet.  I worry.  The bike, sure... we looked it over, proverbially kicked the tires, gave her a test ride.  But... gotta check more and more deeply.  As well, there are a few updates I want to make.  Enclosed gel batter, if it isn't there.  Probably swapping to synthetic oil.  Led lights, for turn signals at least.

And there are parts I'd like to add or switch.  But, they will need to fit what is already added.  Tricky thing, fitting more after an half fitting already.

You... aren't necessarily believers.

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And, yet, I think some of you, one of you, has some idea how things... really work?  For... some of us others.  It's... still a God thing.  Heaven knows, I don't understand.

But, when I have been dying... on a bed, in a helicopter, on a boat, while awake, while not, over the edge?  Time... isn't what it seems.

What men are good at?

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Well... what most of us would like to do, be able to do.  I've had a nearly forty year hiatus.  Kept... waiting for the engine to kick over, for psychotropics to work, and such.  That... wasn't ever going to happen, because... well... that wasn't the problem.  Fact is, nothing will ever kick over, like it should.  Heck, I shouldn't be breathing.

Everyone, I think, knew that.  Except me.  Even when I found out, I kept thinking there was a way.  Delusional?  Maybe.  But I still think there is a way.  It won't be equal but different.  It won't be fair and even.  It will be... always... running on bare minimums.  Using what is available, not what would normally be needed or acceptable.

Up very late.

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Nearly 17:00.  Not sure when I went to bed, I think it was five though.  Sleeping as needed, wanted.  Not pushing, pulling, or else.  And, for it, feeling rested, not hurting all over, and okay with things.  If I have to wake early for something, I can do it without too much problem.  Yes, I... am good.

Heating up the two remaining patties from supper.  Nothing fancy.  If I am hungry in a bit, I'll... make more burgers, or have fried eggs.  Water is heating for coffee.  I'm cutting down on coffee, trying to get to more like one or two quarts a day.  Might even try to cut to one.  Water the rest of the time.  Though heading back to vinegar tonics too.  Need the electrolytes.  That... might have been part of the problem.

Nearing bedtime.

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I did get the laundry through.  The load that had been sort of being kicked around in the washer for days was washed, again, but then put in the dryer.  Vinegar was added, and hot water was used.  Then a load of whites was put through, and itself was put on into the dryer.  I am about to check on that.  Probably give it another short spin, just to make sure.  Then close up the washing machine.  I like to let it airdry for a bit.

No dishes.  Didn't clean the freezer top.  Didn't pull meat.  May hop in the shower as the last thing.  Then, hopefully, tomorrow, push some of those remaining things.

The lads were by.

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Just picking up the trailer.  Hadn't gotten my email yet, either.  All good.

But heck and tarnation!  They looked like they just crawled out of a foxhole after a week of bombardment!  They have been working twelve or more hours a day for... the whole of the summer.  One of them has two or three other jobs, to fill in any holes.  Sometimes including spraying mosquitoes from 20:00 to 2:00?  Crazy.  Plus, has a wife.  Ugh.  The other is going to college fulltime.  During the the summer?  Ah, it's fall.  He is definitely back in class.

Email.

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The insurance policy is definitely in place.  Received the card, if in email.  I can't print it, but sent it to someone who might be able to do so.  So... all good.  I wouldn't mind riding it, if... I didn't mind riding it.  Until I don't mind riding it?  Meh.

Haven't gotten to anything yet.  Hungry.  Food.  Burgers, I do believe.  And to get some things out and thawing.  Chicken can go in the oven, especially with it being cool lately.  But the griddle will do with most else.  Some out to thaw, some more in the little fridge freezer,  The rest is good.  I set up most other meats in an orderly fashion.  Though just dropped the new burger in.  May... have to reset that, to the bottom.  But today?

Insurance?

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The line keeps going dead.  I think I was told I have insurance, backdated to purchase.  But... I'll go in tomorrow to check.  If paperwork needs to be pushed, sent, given, added, I'll begin that.  Price?  I believe it is $250, for the year.  Give or take a twenty spot.  With $500 costs on my side.  I may see how much halving that would cost.  Though, really, if it's less than a couple thousand, I wouldn't use insurance.

Back to meat.  Eating it, that is.  I didn't pull anything out to thaw, yet.  But I did clear the freezertop.  Had to put the meat in from yesterday.  Now to clean it off, but, too, pull meats out.  Some for the top freezer on the fridge again, some to thaw.  Ugh.  Then, dishes... today or tomorrow.

The dreaded phone call.

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Mother.  I had to call.  I don't think she likes me a whole lot.  Of course, what woman likes men who aren't their kin?  Or... even are kin, often?

Still, her sons.  So, I called.  Told her I had a motorcycle, and that I planned to ride it, and let her sons ride it.  However, if she said no, it would be a no, and I would sort riding out on my own.  I suggested she probably doesn't think I am respectable, or respectful.  To her?  Something in there.  But, that, I actually am, in certain matters, and that this could be a red line.  If she said no, no it would be.

What a day.

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Not down until 22:30, I think.  Pretty close.  I set the alarm for eight and ten.  I shut the eight off immediately, snoozed through the ten alarm until twenty two after, or so.

Then a shower.  I had moved dishes out so I could get to a shower first thing, and... roughly... did.  Took a while.  My body does hurt.  Why?  I can't say.

Pretty good.

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Burgers, along with fried cheese.  The fried cheese is a bit salty, too salty really.  But... in small amounts it can be okay.  The burger, bought from the counter, prepackaged, was pretty good this time.  Leaner, I think, at 85?  The last pack like this had been 80, but tasted like 97% lean.  I really wonder if they mis-labeled it.  At above 93% lean, burger gets nastily dry.

But these burgers are reasonable.  No chalky, difficult to eat, burgers.  And, no, I cooked those others less.  These I almost overcooked.  Were just a bit dry, but I understood why.

Sometimes...

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Fellow bloggers can... provide entertainment.  Sometimes they offer good data.  Sometimes... not so much.  When I see something... important, I try to bring it over, share it out.  If I haven't been already dinging the target, or such.  Though... sometimes even then.

But, if it is of serious measures, I really do try to get it over and up.

Why this one?  If you don't want to watch first?  It is because banks and financial payment systems are shutting down conservatives, firearms sales, and others.  Based on their business types, political activities, from what they say on social media, to a doctor who comes out against covid "vaccines".

I keep hoping.

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So far, for a good number or weeks, months really, I have been done in.  Just waking up is a trick.  Today it was around 11:30.  If bedtime was 23:30.  Why so late?  A minor insomnia episode.  Just couldn't sleep.  It is about 61 out there.  It was 64 upstairs. 68 in this front room, and 72 in the main, with the furnace going.  I keep meaning to turn that down to 70.  As, since I dress more warmly, even my pj's are thick and warm, I can handle it a bit cooler.  Might even put it down to 68 in time?

On the good side, I have been taking medicine like clockwork.  I have cut coffee to two doses a day, drinking more water but not in excess.  Food?  I... am having difficulty cooking and eating.  Will try today.  Just burgers, but that will do.  Oh, I have some cheese that is supposed to be for frying.  I will try some of that.

Had to laugh.

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Twice.  Three times?  Twice for sure.

At a fellow bloggers site, I read a word.  Waltersobchakeit.  There... was a definition offered.  But?  I... used to speak German.  Perfectly?  At one time well enough to pass, as German, in Germany.  Then I took the language up again, later.  But, no... not returning to even more than roughly conversable German.  Still, I dug in deep, looked hard.  I preferred weird words, with complex meanings.

Well, yea, awake.

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A very late start given that I was to bed by 19:30, or so?  Sometime in there.  Noon thirty!?!  Late.  I did sleep well.  Save that I didn't brush my teeth the third time, but couldn't get back up to do it.  So it was on my mind all night.  I kept hoping I would be able to sit up, go down, and brush.  Twice is okay, as long as it is first and last thing of the day.  It wasn't.  I had a meal and coffee after the last brushing.

So, yea, no.  I didn't get up.  Couldn't.  Once I hit the mattresses, I was done.  Mostly sleeping good.  As to that being on my mind?  Well, I wake during the nights.  A car, hoot owl, cat, dog barking.  I sleep lightly, but good?  Sort of, when the world is right.  My conscience is light.  Meaning, if I do something I think wrong, moral or in this case mechanical, it sticks with me.

A text and... back to trying helmets.

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The first times I tried on both helmets, I was feeling ill anyway.  And they are claustrophobia inducing.  So, when ill, and trying on such a device for, essentially, the first time?  It was rough.  So I gave it some time before going at it again.  As well, I hoped I would feel better.  Which, finally, I do.

The one helmet is wrong.  It is too big, and fits wrong.  The other helmet?  I had thought it was a bit big, too.  But, after trying it again, it seems right.  And fits mostly correctly.

Such strange... things.

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Is someone trying to say something?  Ask something?  Hits, that... pulled me in.

I don't know what this means.  I don't watch shows.  Not even this one.  But, sometimes, there is something seemingly sent that makes some sort of sense.  This one?  While I can't focus, make sense of it all, I... do remember... conversations.  Sometimes the seer isn't the key, but the lock.  The one seemingly in need of sight is the key.  You may not understand that, but I do.  I understand that in the way that whoever sent this... understands what it means... to them, me, us.

Difficult?

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Yes, and no.

I haven't been able to get going.  To begin chores.  To push, pull, grapple, wrestle, my way to things.  And, yet, I don't hurt.  Just... I am tired?  Unable to focus?  Something.  I keep trying to move along.  And I keep failing.

So many things to do.  Dishes, laundry, a shower.  Then, getting an inspection for the vehicle.  As well, pushing for getting someone in on tax arrangements for the property.

Hmm, perhaps they have better content?

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Oh, I... love the music.  When it is allowed.  Often all I get is very limited feeds.  Sometimes only, say, fourteen video options, few of them of any interest.  Sometimes there is nothing of quality or interest, and only a few videos even offered.  Music seems to be gone, for the most part.  New music.  Just... the same old things.  So, not happy.  Even so, for an hour at a time, or longer, I'll fish y.t. for new or interesting vids.

Sometimes I am surprised.  I ran into a video about gaming, in China.  The war on it, to a degree.  More?  I see that the Chinese war on gaming has some influence on gaming in the US, and around the world.  Our problems... are similar.  Solutions?  Different, to a degree.  Or... applied differently.

A bit odd, that.

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Down at, 13:30?  Or more like 15:30?  The latter.  Then, up at 21:30 until 1:30.  That I am pretty sure is close enough.  Awake, now at 9:30.  Life is better, but odd.

I was sleeping slightly cold lately.  Woke, in some small part due to the warmth of the night?  Though some of that is from eating too many carbs?  Still, I had added another blanket to my pack.   Actually, I had done that several nights before, but not in a way that initially helped.

Awake, very early.

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Dogs barking.  Motorcycles and other vehicles cruising and shooting through.  *voom! zoom! v-room!*  A strange night.  Thursday, so not even a Friday.  But one sure gets the feeling that Friday is coming.  And... the vibe that it will be a good one.  

Warm, that's part of it.  As I sit here at the computer, which has been off for... four to six hours?  It is reading 73.  That's the warmest I have seen it in weeks.  Even with the computer on and into the early afternoon.  It's only 64 upstairs, though, so... just not sure why I couldn't sleep.  That is pretty typical.

Food!

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Nothing too fancy, mind you.  A thinner shoulder chop and a few burger patties.  The chop and one patty is all I could eat.  Will put the other two patties up for later, or tomorrow.

A shower was had.  Quite nice, really.  Then laundry was reset.  I'll probably wash it again.  It sat for a while.  Ugh.  As well, I set up dishes.  Not sure I'll get far.  Probably that is that for the day.

Got it!

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The packs are 3~4#s.  I asked, specifically, for three pounders.  For as many as I want, they have to grind it.  Twenty packs, to pick up Monday.  And, they are 85%.  To be honest, by taste, 80 to 85 are best.  As 70 is a bit greasy and 93 is just too lean.  Can add butter, to lean.  Can drain greasier burger.  But losing weight, or adding cost.  By price, this is a better percentage.

Now, I discuss these things.  Check to make sure they know that I want three pound packs.  And, limit the price... get a quote written before I start.  I don't mind a few dollars in either direction, but not fifty, or a hundred, or double the seeming price per pound and what was ordered.  I get a price checked, and printed, on the order before hanging up.

Nope.

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I keep looking.  Hoping to find a better price on burger.  It's running $4.59 per pound, for 80%, in stores, on the shelf.  Not the best, either.  It seems, when ordered, it is better.  Much better.  But, at $3.99 it seems good.  Not as low as I would like it.  Further, only in family packs, which I would guess is five pound packs required weight.  Why they can't put them in smaller packs, especially when ordered in larger amounts, I just don't understand.  Bureaucracy standing in the way of sales?

I keep looking.  Not seeing great sales, really.  And even at (honestly) $4 a pound, that burger isn't a great price.  I may see if they would be willing to package them in three pound packs, if I would be willing to buy 20 packs.  That would get me back into burger.  And better burger.  And, I have found that two pounds is too little.  Three pounds gets me enough burger for three to five days... if eating nothing else.  Though, a week or two, if I pull a meal or two of steak and a pack of two meals of chops, or similar, with it.

Better.

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Better in ways I can't quite yet fathom.  Having just awaken.  It is like I have been breathing more oxygen.  For a while.  Not perfect.  Not as it should be.  But so much better that there is definite light at the end of the tunnel.  No wheezing.  No heart stuttering, heavy thumping.  Bodily pains are mostly gone.  I rolled enough that there are only a few spots which seem "asleep", and not completely.  Just... a dose of that sort of death, not the full measure.

The wound on my leg remains.  And it burns.  But, it is remaining scabbed.  I have some belief that it will heal.  Why the burning?  I have some ideas, none of them pleasant.  But, if I am right, and things are arranged so that healing can happen, this will get better sooner.  Just blocking off sewer gasses.  Allows oxygen to be consumed, more than else.

Yes, on to bed shortly.

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Not much else done today.  I did get out for cash, and food.  Fast food while out, but I bought meat.  Just... a bit.  Until I can get to thawing what I have.  Yea, I know.  Should just get to it.  But... some days I can't.  Today was, mostly, a can't do day.  I did get out, ordered pizza.  Got cash.  But was so wasted it was difficult to even do those things.

I am worn and weary.  Things just aren't good.  I am hoping, with the toilet in the spare bedroom plugged, and airing the place out over time, that I will be able to get back on my feet a bit.  Though, who knows.  Maybe I have destroyed my health.  Or, maybe, the heart has finally... sort of ended things.  I'll... just have to find out.

A few things.

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It was a bit cool, but I opened up anyway.  And, yes, that helped.  Fresh air, needed.

Received a call from dental.  An appointment before too long.  They have been slow about getting V.A. allowances of late.  Though, it may have taken at least this long to get in at SLC.  So, no real slowdown.  Just how things are, lately.  I suspect they may try to get me an extra, early, return visit after looking around in there.  We'll see.  If I have to, I may see if I can afford a visit if they can't get that.  It's... needed.

Very sore, but awake.

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Pretty much everything hurts, again.  Not as bad as a few days go.  Perhaps a little worse than yesterday morning.  Neck, arm, ribs, midsection, legs.  My right arm isn't as asleep as it was, but my neck hurts more.  Legs?  Odd, partly asleep, about as they were.  Rough morning.

I dreamed I spoke with another aspect of me.  One which only happens, usually, as I go to sleep... when the lights go off.  Woke up this morning, because as I started waking, the sun wasn't up yet.  Around 5:30?  Or so.  Grumped about the pain.  But, really, today is better.  Better than when I go to sleep.  Better than three days ago by a lot.  Improving.  You can't tell "people" who have not become familiar with suffering, how to find comfort in it.  It either happens over time, or they suicide.  Some people will never be able to suffer well.  If I couldn't initially either.  Suicide just didn't work.

I didn't even bother.

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While resting as I prepare to sleep, I looked over vids.  A few new ones, but nothing interesting.  Then I saw a few.

In one, there were cartoon chicks, talking about men.  One of the gals was saying that her guy didn't cry watching the Titanic.  Her friend asked if men even had feelings.  Oh, I laughed.  I did.  That kind of feelings?  No.  If a woman is mad at you, she could watch you bleed to death and not care.  How they count feelings has nothing to do with ethics, goodness, or else.  Had to laugh.

Fast food.

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Not great, but I had to get something in.  And, yes, it helped.  Not great, but... something.  Having trouble.  The sweats, nausea, plus exhaustion from the last few days.  Not perfect, but... something.  Now to figure out food for later in the week.  Get some packages thawing.

While out, I sat the bike for my first time.  She has some haunches, I'll tell you that.  I have been watching, seeing how other guys got up on her.  One was was to use the foot brace as a lever, down at the angle of the kickstand, then with the extra height added, kick over.  She has saddle bags and a center luggage pack.  So, it's... more on top of higher.

Keys.

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I hate having only one set of keys... for anything.  I can only imagine how much a new starter would be.  Or... whatever it would take to get keys made.  Or how long it would take.  So, a call.  There is a Kawasaki dealer nearby.  If they are mostly for dirt bikes and atvs.  Though, carry a fairly large line of other brands and items, mostly all along those lines.

Strangely, they didn't have a price, or parts, for that.  The parts guy will be checking in on this.  It might be extremely expensive.  Like... $125, or even more.  Or, maybe, if they are hitting hard enough times, they will be legitimate with pricing/services and they'll choke on a mere thousand percent mark up and charge $25 for a set.  I'll find out before long.  Though I may have a few other places to try if they are going for five thousand percent mark up or more.

A bit better.

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Nausea remains.  It has been persistent for months.  Too much coffee?  Coffee doesn't help, that anyway.  But, it's what I have.  I haven't been eating well, or much.  Coffee is what is filling in, with heavy cream.  Well, and keto sweetener.  It's not perfect, or much, but it's... something.

Along with the semi-permanent nausea, is that sense of...  confusion, distortion, when pushing past the fear of heights, the fear of falling, and being near the edge of a high building, or up in a fair ride.  Dizziness, upset stomach, the rest.  Only, it almost never goes away.  Sometimes I get a minor break from it.  But it's pretty much always there.

Truly harsh.

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Down right around 21:00, perhaps a little before, or after.  Everything hurt.  Well, a lot of things hurt, and fairly harshly.  I didn't get painpills in.  I remembered them, when I got up there, but couldn't, wouldn't, go back down for them.  Exhaustion was greater than even pain.  A few in with medicine this morning.

Up a bit after eight.  A quarter, half, something.  My legs were "asleep", as with my right arm.  Legs are back, without too much trouble.  But my right arm is snoozing right along.  Can still use it.  Wouldn't want to bet fine dexterity using it, not for my life or even a few dollars.  It might be there, but... no certainty.

Unloaded.

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I just don't have the strength.  And I wasn't in the kind of shape, even if I did.  Still, got it.  He took it for a quick shot about.

The deal?  Half the time in the saddle, half the time teaching the noob, tard, whatnot.  Odd, but he thinks the helmet I think of as tighter?  He thinks that fits more snuggly, the way he likes it?  Dunno.  But... Probably just keep both.  So everyone has their own.

Pain.

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The chest hurts.  Arm joints, at the shoulders.  Torso, as if run over?  Sort of, a more mild incident.  Tired, legs even hurt a bit.  Muscles are tired, everywhere.  None of that makes any real sense.  I shouldn't hurt like this.  All I did was drive.  White-fisted, a bit... trying to push it as fast as possible to get up there.  There is that.  Pushing to get to bed, and wake up early.  Well, and the suffering from of late.

I am probably lucky to have pushed through, up, and back.  No, it... was more than luck.  It was using resources ripe off the bone.  And it hurts.

Brutal.

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The longer drive.  Driving with the trailer, then the trailer and the bike.  And, the phone had the way, but I couldn't make it active.  So had to mechanically look through the steps, and redo looking up every step.  It... was messy.

Still, I got there relatively easily.  Just not fast enough.  Even leaving an hour early, it just wasn't enough.  The only way to keep speed up would have required a lot of lane changes, and that... just... wasn't realistically viable.  I would have needed another hour.  Still, that I made it without any mistakes was... interesting.

Awake, early.

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But, for cause, not just because.  The goal is to be on the road by 4:30 to 5:00.  At 3:46, time is chugging right along.  Coffee, then a whisker trim at least, a shower, brushing teeth, getting dressed, and scooting along.  I'll be pushing it to get out.  It just... takes time.  The older you get, the earlier you wake, the slower every single process.

Sassy was fed right off.  I'll clear her litter as I go out to clean and trim.  And, when I finish my shower, I will get her fresh water.  It's as much as I can do for her today.  She'll be hungry, I just won't be here to do much about it.  I'll do all I can, while I can.  Perhaps a final meal before I go?  Maybe.

Who fiddles with Doom?

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For Doom?  I... hear you.  All of you.

Hmm, very well.  I will... offer some.  ROI?  Something.

Awake, and better?

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Down around 18:00, give or take an hour, half an hour?  awake around five, but I didn't push on out until a quarter after seven.

Fed Sassy first thing.  Clipped my toenails next.  They have been needing clipped for... a while.  Hurting.  I got them fairly well trimmed.  But, will give them a few days and trim them again.  They were out of trim enough that I couldn't trim them how I really want, but in a few days they will... with the trim and continuous showering, be in shape to get just right.

So hungry.

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Even so, no dice.  Too tired.  I have been too tired all day.  Just feeding Sassy, and getting two coffees brewed and down has been the sum of my abilities.  Well, no, I did rig the cellphone with maps, contacted the seller and made arrangements that way, so... a few other things.

So very tired.  It's just about 18:00.  I'll check the litter boxes, feed Sassy one more time, then head on up to sleep.

Oh, I have been... debating some folks.  On a blog I occasionally visit.  I've bumped heads with a a gent there, off and on, for... years now.  We never really tore into it.  But, I really wasn't looking for a fight, per se.  But, this time, I was able to focus, articulate, and discuss several matters.

Agree?  I don't think so.  On everything.  But... we were able to keep it rather civil, and dig a little deeper.  Truly, I don't hate.  I won't discuss things with people I believe are allowed to lie, cheat, steal, and murder.  Say muslims.  I know they are allowed anything, directly through their cult.  Others?  I'll talk, if I can talk straight.  I won't... bend around feelings, or even beliefs.  I'll take a hit, if it's solid, correct.  And I will defend or attack, as seen fit.  But, as... a system.  Not necessarily in anger, or at all really.  Had a pretty good afternoon of chatter, back and forth.

Anyway... on to bed after tending Sassy.  Hopefully a good rest today, and tomorrow.  Then up early, and out and on the way when needed.  A shower?  Not this morning, but tomorrow and the day after.  The place does have rough odors.  I can't exactly tell why.  Would like to get that taken care of before long.  Ugh.

Anyway... on to bed.  Good afternoon or early evening, and goodnight.

Always something!

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The plans, to just go pick the bike up?  Well, not... so simple.  I knew I had an eye clinic appointment coming up.  Didn't realize it was already that time.  It... is that time.  Monday.  And early.  If that is better than later.

I hadn't mapped the path to the seller's house.  My friend did that on his phone, since he was driving.  I had just laid down to sleep when that fell through, as you might have remembered.  So was feeling rather awful.  Couldn't have driven.  Anyway, so I had to get that on my phone.

Of course, my phone is wonky, having just "updated", and screwed every pooch on the machine.  So, wasn't sure the thing would go through.  But it did, without much trouble.  Not on my account, so I can't save it.  Don't want my account on the phone anymore anyway, so... as long as I can get things to work...

So, yes, I got things mapped, and trails set to one-clicks on the phone.  Just click and the map and directions should pop.  It'll take two hours to get to his house, and an hour beyond to get to the V.A. from his place.  Plus some time to disconnect the trailer, though that is pretty fast.  But, I had to check with the seller.  He is okay with it.

So, I have to leave here around four to five.  That just gives me an hour or two for heavy traffic, and accident (not mine, but along the pathing), and should work.  Still, I had to scramble a bit.  The good thing is, this complication made me do it now so I didn't try to do it right before.  It is all set up, save for me getting there.

The good thing though, is gas.  I was thinking of filling some five gallon tanks, so that I wouldn't have to disconnect in order to top off somewhere.  With the way this works, I should be able to fill up as I am nearing his house from the V.A., before connecting the trailer.  So, should be able to drive back without needing to stop anywhere.  Should.  Though, if needed, I'll be closer to home, in smaller towns.  So less risky to do a quick disconnect.

Life is complicated, or can be.  Doing new things is a worry.  With the longer time, I can drive slower, too.  I would rather drive faster, but I don't know how it will handle as interstate speeds.  Ugh.  Should work fine, it's a 12", with 2x6s or 2x8s for a floor, and metal frame, heavy duty metal mesh sides.  Should.... do okay at 75.  Don't want to go 80, and may go a bit slower still on the way home.  Ugh.

Well... Just about bedtime.  Goodnight.

Really am feeling rough.

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To be absolutely honest, for the last... six months?  I've been feeling ill most days.  A bit of nausea, always.  As if I was on a circus ride which slightly unbalanced me.  But... semi-permanently.  I haven't gotten directly ill from it, but too, I take it easier.  I think it started when I started medicine up again.  Some of what I am taking is... rather... old.  Will see when I get on only and all fresh stuff.  Some of it is from 2020, maybe 2019?  I... wanted to start, so started with what I had.

Never can be sure, right?  But, when the new batch comes in, I can start with all fresh stuff... if I will use what of the last order I got.  So I should have two orders of fresh stuff, minus the water pills.  That wasn't in the batch I first got, but should be in this next batch.  Never did get that reordered, just using old stuff.

Awake, but rough.

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Not of mind, of body.  And... not the worst sort.

I didn't go down until somewhere between 23:30 and 1:30?  I think so.  So exhausted, but sort of jacked.  The sale has me up on all fours, and wanting to sprint.  But... with nowhere to go!  Not until Monday.  So, I... am having to try to back off, cool down, and not doing well at it.

Still awake.

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Called my mother.  No answer.  No return since.  So be it.

Was hungry, but not up to cooking.  So, went back in for food.  It's not perfect.  But I really needed food.  I have been pushing things.  Though, tomorrow and on, I can get back to cooking my own food.  Maybe even Monday.  Eating early, before I go, then having food ready to cook that evening.  Burgers, just the patties, will do fine.

We agree.

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And disagree.

We agree that this is not some grass-roots terrorist event.  It's... planned, coordinated, financed, arranged.  It is far more theater than anything, if real people are being murdered, raped, tortured.  No doubt about it.

No way.

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I did get the returns made, picked up strapping, got the check as well as set up automatic payments, had breakfast, and filled up.  But?  It's 11:30.  Which means rush hour(s).  Trying to haul a 12' trailer through that, without knowing how well, or fast, that will work, in rush hour?  And, to get there by 15:00?  I... don't think so.

I texted him, telling him, as things look, that isn't possible.  If he can wait a few hours?  Okay, I will try.  But, if 15:00 is absolute, then Monday is as soon as this can happen.  I am not fussy, only practical.  I won't make two more trips, as much as gas costs and as weary as I am.  As for getting others to help, I have pushed that well beyond... reason.  Glad to even eat bad food for that.  Would even do it again.  :p

Slow!

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It's already 8:02, and all I have done is fed Sassy and had coffee.  I didn't even get my medicine down yet!  Okay, took care of meds.  But... now, need to tend the litter boxes, get fresh water, feed Sassy again, then shower.  Get clothes together... a fresh t, an overshirt of some sort, fresh unders, though compression socks too.  A fresh pair of pants out of the airtight bags?  Yes.

That shower will be nice.  Trim whiskers too.  Maybe a shave?  Maybe.

Then I have to get to the bank, some store for tie-downs, and make some returns the UPS.  Then rush home, grab the trailer, and get going.  Might fill up while heading out?  Depends on how full it is.  Don't want to have to fill with the trailer.  May have to anyway.  Though, somewhere, I may have to detach and fill on the way back?  Ugh.

Still, I'll... get going.  Not so tired as I thought I would be, just having trouble focusing.  Will set up autopayments when I go in.  Four times the minimum, if the minimum is half what it would have been had I borrowed the full amount.  Or nearly.  So... all good.  When they charge high interest, no choice but to pay it off more quickly if possible.  You can bleed a victim, lightly, for a long time.  But when you begin jacking right out of an artery, we resist.  A lot.  If possible.  I may be eating bologna for a year, but I won't be bleeding too much out on just interest.

Hmm?  Oh, right.  Another coffee, after dealing with Sassy.  Then a shower and run.  Later.

A bit late.

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Didn't wake until around 5:30.  Was so exhausted yesterday.  And... kept getting and sending texts even after 16:30, well after.  Last bits and keeping my friend in the loop.  Received a final text much later, but didn't respond until... 4:30 this morning?  Woke, was sure I had received it, so responded.  Thought about waking, couldn't quite yet, so another hour of sleep.  Or... give or take?  It's how it was remembered.  Who knows, for certain, though.

Next.  I'll get coffee, feed Sassy, check her litter. get her water, sit and wake.  Then a shower.  Right away, and dressed to go when the bank opens.  Taking items to be returned, picking up the check, getting more tie-down cords... leave them as a gift for the use of the trailer.  Perhaps food, out.

Done, save the last exchange.

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Everything is agreed and set up.  I merely need to set pick up the check, for the buyer.  Then exchange the check for the bike tomorrow.  I just sent him a text, asking if leaving here around ten to eleven would work.  Now, waiting for the yes or no, then, most likely, a few trips tomorrow.  All very good.

Man am I bushed.  I was just about to go up, when I got a call.  Then had to do some final digital paperwork through email.  All very good though.  Would rather have it set up and done, than be digging around tomorrow trying to get it finished.

No whines, complaints, or else.  This went rather smoothly, very quickly, and mostly painlessly.  It doesn't always seem like it from on the inside of the process.  But, I... can see outside things.  Do look.  Just to keep my bearings.

I wonder if he is napping or busy.  I am quite sure he will be pleased.  Should be enough time for him to deposit the check.  Have extra money if he needs or wants it.  Always a good thing, just in case.

On to bed.

Double uga.

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Everything has been submitted.  Haven't heard finality of closure overtures yet, from the bank.  But, really?  Still rather good, and quick.  Everyone wants it faster, but this... IS faster.

I contacted the seller.  They will be heading out midafternoon tomorrow.  So, depending on when I get closure... it may not be until Monday until I can pick it up.  But, should I have heard nothing by tomorrow, I will begin calling and emailing around 8:30.  I had thought 8:00, but they... will just be getting in to the office, setting up.  Give them time, and a coffee, anyway.

Really, not bad.  It'll work out tomorrow or Monday, or... Tuesday.  Or... Wednesday.  I'm... not worried.  Should get a good nights rest.  I am quite shot.  Didn't even get to town.  But... did a lot of tracking, asking, tasking, chatting, and such.  Sort of pleasant, if so unused to it that it is exhausting.  Especially added to the long, far, late day yesterday.

I... thank God for suffering, efforts which stretch me, and such.  It might be nothing to you.  But to me, it has been like being a piece of bubble gum caught on a tire, right after being dropped so still warm, but in the cold.  Stretching to the breaking point.  As I may have mentioned, I was made for these things.  Hard choices, hard ways, right to and beyond the breaking point.  All good.

Have a goodnight.  Dream well, sleep well, pray a good prayer, for fools, simpletons, geniuses, and the rest of the yahoos and yahoolettes.  Meh.  Goodnight.

Uga-bugga.

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The lady got back with me.  Busy, or... something.  No worries whatsoever.  It looks like everything went through.  It is merely a matter of getting the title and registration in, which is up to the buyer.  And maybe some other paperwork?  Digital, potentially, so... not too much fuss.  That part may well be finished today.

He is heading out tomorrow afternoon, for the weekend.  I am hoping, if it works out, to get up there tomorrow, before he goes.  Though, if needed, I can wait until Monday.  We will see how things work out.  Hurry and wait is not just a military thing.  And, I... got used to it there.  Can't help but getting caught up in the buzz of it, though, sometimes.  No matter our intent, focus, will.  Like becoming a pup all over again.

Nothing?

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No returns from my bank.  Though, I must admit, I am exhausted.  So not going doesn't hurt my feelings.  It... is annoying, though, on the other side.  I would rather go tired, and get this thing done, than... sit and wait with no response.

While waiting, of course, the seller made contact.  I was holding off until I heard something, then lost... track of time.  On the good side, while conversing, I obtained the VIN.  Sent that on to the bank, so they can do a final evaluation of the vehicle.  Along with earlier data, including year, make, etc, price agreed to, and mileage.  They should be able to decide on the value they will loan.  And, I have enough to cover half  in cash if they balk.  Should be able to get this done, hook or crook.

Cold and wet.

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It's 38 out there.  Raining, sprinkling, generally staying wet.  Cold, really, with the rain.  Just five to eight, dark.  Definitely fall, going on to winter.  Right in between, at the moment.

I need to get a shower.  Then get dressed and to town.  A few returns to make.  Fueled up on the way back, will have to do that again, on the way back.  Ugh.  Oh, and need to put his address in the mapping app, from the text he sent it in.  Learning as I go, but... shouldn't be too difficult.  Need to pick up a few extra tie-downs as well.  There may have been something else.  I'll look over previous posts before I go.

Up way early, on the one hand.

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It was nearly 23:00 before I went down.  After, a bit after?  I... can't say, thirty minutes either way, but no firm memory.  Ah, but the last post was started at 23:20.  So... yes, definitely after.  Up to an half hour after that.  Final bathroom run, feeding Sassy perhaps... I know I did that just not whether before or after posting, and other things.  But who knows.  So, really, sometimes between 23:30 and 24:30.  Check.

I am waking just at 3:40.  Yes, I wanted more sleep, but my body is used to waking between 2:30 and now.  And, so, it will.  This has been the rough time for the last week, or so.  It's stuck on it, and I am mostly good with it.  Yesterday was pushing it.  Today is going to be pushing it harder.  And, yet, so be it.

Today was the day.

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Reading the bike was the lessor of reading the seller.  Test ride, too, though.  Good, good.  Issues?  Thankfully he came clean, but could tell before he mentioned it.  An agreement was struck.

No way to conclude the business, bank is closed.  So, back again tomorrow, solo.  He'll help me get her in the trailer.  Then we'll get to a branch near there.  Change the title and paperwork for a check and me the bike.  The egg can't be counted as a chicken, but I've seen the egg and it looks good.

So absolutely exhausted.  My driver worse.  A long day of work, and potentially miffed wife to speak with shortly.  Wife, shortly, miffed?  Get it?  Some days being a bachelor, out late, is... good.  I think wives get angry out of habit, not of the nunly sort, mind you.  Probably.  Nuns, as I recall, could be quite cross too, I swear, neither cross or swear in the way you might think...  Check.  Mate.

I was ill going up.  Not sure why.  Better coming back.  We stopped for a bite, that helped.  I need rest.

The trailer is geared up.  Hooked to the hitch, with the 7 to 4 prong light harness attached.  It'll be my first trailer and bike haul as such.  I did drive a thirty foot truck hauling the Xterra from Iowa to here.  So, not completely without precedence of some sort.

Excited beyond means of communicating.  But too tired to express it much at all.  So very, very tired.  On to bed.  I need to try to be on the road around ten or eleven?  If possible.  Need more tie-down straps, though.  I think,  Have five, want eight, maybe six.  Prefer eight.

Goodnight.

Ugh.

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Got through to the V.A.  Hadn't heard when my general checkup was.  Found that.  Then had to mess around for a long time trying to see about the eye clinic.  Canceled what I thought was an exam, but it wasn't what was thought.  Had to work for quite a while, but finally reset it.  Didn't lose the appointment.  Might have been months if I had.  Ugh.

Very difficult getting the right things done there sometimes.  And the eye clinic is impossible to deal with directly, openly.  They need an extra person in there?  Or someone who... can handle the tasks?  I think he has nervous issues, and just goes slow when the world gets confusing or difficult, complicated?  I'll bet he makes what three 100% vets make, or more.  Insane.  Though... he may be right where they want him.

Now trying to speak with pharmacy.  Ugh.  Getting there.

It had started raining again, just a bit ago.  But seems to have stopped?  I'll check in a bit.  Not sure about getting to see the bike today.  Haven't heard anything.  Not sure if they work in heavier rain, but they might.  As to test riding in the rain?  Shouldn't be a huge problem.  But... that's from a noob.  What do I know?

Cheese arrived.  I had some with salami.  Not my plan, but with it raining again, cooking was out.  Ugh.  Tired.  After speaking with pharmacy, I'll call about the trip.  Just... to check.  I'd really like something hot, cooked.  But if it continues to rain, and if the trip isn't happening today, I'll go on to bed.  A bit early, but I'll catch up when I can.

So very tired though.  But I'll make the trip, if it's available.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Idling rough.

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Me, that is.  Don't have the bike yet, and the Xterra is fine.  A shower, dressed, and to the post.  Hoped to have that done before they opened, but... didn't happen.  Still, got in and out right after the shower.

The weather looks to be breaking.  Still mostly cloudy.  But that seems to be falling apart.  Could come back together though.  It just usually doesn't do that.  With rain at a solid end, I could get something ready, cooking.  I'm thinking eggs and corned beef hash.  I received fresh carolina reaper powder.  May add some of that to the hash.

Cleared the grill, cleaned, twice, seasoned twice, last night.  Should be ready.  And covered it, this time.  Though, when I keep up on seasoning, covered or open, in the short term just doesn't really matter.  Perhaps, if I didn't use it over a season, then it might get messy?  Or, maybe not.  Would definitely have the cover over it, even if I left it dirty.  Grease, or coconut oil (which is what I use), just doesn't wash off.

Yes, food.  Then, maybe, later, a trip to town?  Items to be returned.  A haircut?  Just a bit of shopping?  So tired.  I've been sort of stuck, unable to get up, out, or going.  The bike, upcoming appointments, and some other things, have me pushing.  We'll see if I can dig out a bit better, soon.  With it cooling, and with weather coming in, less sunshine... it all adds up.  But I really have to push through.

I've got about a year, if things work, then I'm gone.  I need to learn to ride a motorcycle, get plates and insurance, sort out a ton of things, and time is ticking.  Not even absolutely certain, myself, that I can dig out of my grave this time around.  But... I plan on giving it a run.

Anyway... on to breakfast.  Good morning, day.

Time is sure moving fast!

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Got the shower in.  Tended the wound.  It's only the size of a quarter.  On my ankle.  It does scab over, but the scab hadn't been going away.  I added triple antibiotic to a bigger bandage, which took the scab off.  Bleh.  So, back to square one.  Cleaned, then with iodine, the bandaged... without triple antibiotic this time.  Just dry.  The iodine didn't burn, expected burn.  Nope.

Put a load in the wash, and reset that which is in the drier.

Now to dry and then get dressed and to the post.  It looks like rain has stopped.  For the moment.  Could come back on no notice.  Still totally overcast, or last I looked.  Still 43.  A pleasant fall day, if winter is right on the edge of budding.  Could be much worse.

Well, I'll keep at things.  Maybe make some food shortly.  Hungry.  Later.

Raining.

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Well, has been much of the morning.  But only down to 43, or last I checked.  Strange, all around, if you ask me.  Which you didn't, but you are welcome.

I did reset one of the litter pans completely, while cleaning and partly resetting the other.  I takes turns with the pans.  Do my best, I guess.  And have that trash bag ready to go, the one in which the litter went.  The other trash will be going out soon, too.  Then recycling as well.  Two bags of each, but recycling are much smaller bags.

To bed and up a bit early.

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It was 15:30, 20?  When I went down.  And I hit like a rock.  Beautiful.  I love when sleep invades.  I did get the last doses of medicine in.  Very good.  Why so tired?  Stress.  Managing the financing.  Contacting and working with the seller.  Trying to scrape a test driver, nail down a time, and such.

Well, and missing something.  Items in the post, I need to get in.  Tonight.  I'll get a shower after some coffee.  Then get out and get these items.  Heavier cargo pocket pj's.  I did end up keeping the womens cargo snow pants.  They really... fit well.  With enough room for, say, those pj's, or pants, or even double or triple longjohns.  And, can't tell they are womens'.  But, too, they were cheaper.  I'm... good with that.

Someone...

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Kicking me in the head, balls.  What a... kick.  Mostly a dame, or three.  But... my pal has visited.  Some bombs, tossed, enjoyed.

I never knew if she was the scorpion, or if that was me.  Though, really, I think we took turns?  Yes.  Yes I think so.  I... enjoyed my turns.

I think so?

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The bank, I think, said yes.  The seller still has the bike, and seems stoked.  My drivers, however, are super busy.  With real work.  Maybe tomorrow afternoon.  If not then, maybe Saturday.  If not either of those, not until next Friday?  Ugh.  And... that will just be the decision, not purchase.

The bank won't be open for business that late or on Saturday.  Drive-thru, but not loan office.  So, down, look the bike over, test drive, decide.  If she's as advertised, I'll go back when he is ready to visit my bank and do the title etc.  Ugh.  Wow.  But so troubling.

Food and texts.

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Some starts.  Cod, but just a small piece.  So I made burgers too.  Things tasted a bit off, but... so be it.  Griddled.  It was down to at least 38.  but the griddle is close enough, and warm enough, to have altered that.  I'd guess it was closer to 34 to 36 out there.  Wow, in early October?  I really think that usually it should be more like in the 40s and 50s, lows.  And into the mid seventies highs?  Seventy is the highest I have seen it, if I have just been making it to midafternoon and just lately.  But I think it has mostly been cooler.  Definitely when raining, overcast.

Texted about a rider. But, not wanting to risk more time passing, I texted to see if the seller still has the bike.  Have heard from neither party.  One I texted earlier, as I know he is an early riser.  He's probably still trying to get in touch with his brother, or sorting some things to see.  The other I didn't text until well after usual... office hours?  Something like that.  Don't disturb resting sellers.  :p

Well, working out.

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Down around 17:00.  Twenty after or before, though, I... my mind was melting by then.  It was one or the other.  I tried to hammer it into memory.  But when that far gone, to do that well is a... bit of a trick.  Waking at 3:40 or so.  Which is as it is wanted.

The goal is to make it to five wakeups, then try to hold it there.  And, get to eight hour sleeps, which means 21:00, or really 20:00 bedtimes.  Anything disturbs that, assuming I am able to hold, and I'll be off again, chasing the day.  That is my lot.  A dreadful thing.

Strange day.

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The extra visits stopped around the turn of the month.  Since then there have been about forty to fifty visits a day.  Back to what had become the usual, after a few years of elevated visits... until I unplugged from the net for a while.  Seventy, today.  Which is the temperature.  Just... an... odd mix.  A strange visit number and a warmer day than of late, if even then far cooler than usual?  Yes.

I contacted a neighbor.  It was trash and recycling day.  Bah.  Which isn't... too awful.  I'll get the bags out tonight, anyway.  There isn't much.  It will do find for a week.

May have found her?

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The bike.  The thing is, I have to find someone to test drive her.  And, then, try to get a loan pre-approval through my bank.  Then arrange for a visit, when the seller, rider, and myself can all be at the same place at the same time.  And, then, figure out how to get her home.  The rider probably doesn't have a drivers license, but can drive.  Ugh.

I have a possible date, if it works out with the other.  But, another is being asked, due to... cramped schedules on one end.  So, having to wait.  Since I haven't even spoken with my bank yet, it's... not... a great push.  But, I would like to let him know I am interested.

Holiday?

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Must be.  Which one I'll have to sort out.  Columbus Day?  Columbus' Day?  Whichever.  Are they still celebrating that?  Or has it been renamed?  I was wondering.  I called my back.  After eight, almost nine.  They didn't say why they weren't open, only that they were closed.  I figured banking hours haven't gotten that bad, though who knows.  Still, suspected it was... something.

So, no chance to call them today.  No calling the V.A. either.  Which is fine.  I'll have to celebrate Columbus somehow.  He had brass ones.  And... put them on the line.  I'm not sure if he really won.  I'm not sure anyone CAN win this game.  Not here, not now, not today, not in fullness, not in truth.  But... they can take risks, attempt to improve their lot, and the lot of their fellows, "superiors", even inferiors.

Food!

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It's been a while.  Still, couldn't eat the whole thing.  I dug through two thirds of it.  The steak has been in the freezer... a while.  Three, four, months.  So wasn't top.  But, it... was steak.  It was a steak which sort of got... bumped to the side and forgotten.  Most other steaks are a month or two.  Though, honestly, the freezer is hard on meat.  Even the drop in.  Though quality, going in, at any time, is always... questionable.  This batch, that roast it's cut from, from handling at the plant, to cutting in the store, to how they pack it.  Problems can occur anywhere.

Hmm... always check.

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The fellow who offered his number suggests it is a number in the states?  I did a reverse check, Mass.  But... I don't know if it is a metered number, if I have to pay to use.  As well, he wants me to call in the evening.  Which... is fine.  My evening, his evening.  I asked for his general time zone, which he hasn't offered.  The Philippines is a collection of islands.  Not sure if it has more than one time zone, but could, easily.  And, I want to have some... time period... his  time.  Ugh.

This shouldn't be so difficult, but... understand. we live in a world in which very little is as it seems.  Check everything, twice, more if you have the time, energy, skills, and capacity to think your way out of a wet paper sack.  I sent another missive, with the queries.  And will check with my phone company tomorrow.  Don't want to pay $50 bucks, or $1k, for phone advice services or something.

Another hour along.

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I push for staying in bed longer.  It just isn't possible.  I had to push past 22:30, then 0:30, to get to 1:30 as it was.  I did stay awake until 16:00.  If more from a minor bout with insomnia than from any skill, or effort, or even luck.  I was... too tired to get up and go to bad, so sat and stared at the screen while I monkeyhammered the keyboard.

Got all medicine in, for sure, yesterday.  And I think the two days before it?  Probably.  I'll try to keep it up.  Taking full dose, as prescribed.  Will for a while.  But if I remain crimpled by it still, in a week or two, I'll lower carvedilol.  That shit is harsh.  Ignore the clown in the medical gear.  Trust the one who is taking the junk.

No shower.

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I got one yesterday.  Will just have to wait for tomorrow.  I did, however, make it to 15:00.  Two after, as I write.  Nice.  Very nice.  Very tired.  Oh, and I took medicine.

So very difficult to... push.  When I am so tired.  Sore even.  I'm a take some painkillers before going to bed.  That can help me sleep better, longer.

Made it!

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Okay, it's only 13:00.  But I have been crashing right after or right before noon for the last three days.  Tried to go a bit more and stumbled.  Surprised I didn't fall and chip a tooth.  Almost literally.  More?  Maybe.  Oh, but I best get medicine down.  Yes, first thing... even before finishing this.  Or... well... yes.  I don't need coffee, had three today?  Two?  I'll... drink something else.  Cool water?  Whatevs...

The goal?  15:00 and a shower.  I haven't pulled trash and recycling, but I have gathered it.  That needs out tonight.  I also pulled meat to thaw.  With plenty of propane, I should be able to eat well for a while.  It's been a few days since I've eaten, even a day of just water.  Soup a few days, just soup a couple of days.  I'm... hungry.  Nothing beats meat.  Wait... never... mind.

Bikes...

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I did a bit more looking tonight.  Reminiscing too.  

The first bike I was going to buy.  I sat it, liked it.  Planned on it.  Just waiting for my reenlistment bonus, $35k in the day.  Then, or put that away and wait for my pay upgrade to petty officer second class.  Or?  I was pretty sure my captain, the co of my sub, was putting in for mustanging.  Busting ranks.  He had done it, had been... waiting for the next one.  Thought he found me.  Yea, so... perhaps waiting until that came through, putting all the other bonuses up for... my first house?

Some fish went for the bait!

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Just... we'll get to that.  But, first... a bike.

I really have to consider this.  Sure, winter is coming.  But there are days when riding is possible.  Usually.  Though if this winter is like last, those days will be rarer than usual.  We'll see.  Then again, it's early October, and down into the mid 30's to low 40s at night.  That... is early.  Cold doesn't mean snow.  But a warm ocean does.  And the ocean isn't so much warm as hot.  Still, cold has to clash with it, from the north.  We'll see.

Midnight and change.

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An hour later each night for the last three.  I think I skipped several hours a shot the nights before?  Heading toward daytime, a ways to go.

It is 42 outdoors.  Upstairs was 63 in the main when I went to bed, didn't check the temp on my alarm, down near me.  When I woke it was 64 in the main, but did check the alarm temp, it was 67.  I put out some serious heat.

Still awake, but dragging.

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Sandpaper eyelids don't help.  *blink blink*  No coffee for most of the night.  Though, finally, I gave in and made some.  Using chocolate collagen powder gave it a boost.  As well, sweetener.  Cool water to temper it just a bit.  Nothing fancy, but it works.

Oh, I did clean the pee jugs.  With things being off, I have been filling one a day, rather than one a week as I had been doing.  Something is really off.  And, during the day, I am voiding about double that.  How can I be dropping nine liters a day, while only taking in between three and five?  Anyway.  That's a good start.

So difficult.

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Having a heck of a time lately.  Just getting in to shower, or remembering to thaw meat, and so on.  The very simple, little, easy things are so seemingly impossible!  Now, I keep aiming at the goals.  Keep pushing, trying, thinking about how to get to these things, what might make it happen.

And, yet, not yet.  Difficult.  And, life is beginning to become painful again.  Mostly kinks in the neck and back.  But my legs hurt, as if they are draining too much.  As well, very susceptible to cramping.  Legs, even the torso if I bend or flex the wrong way.  Not sure what the problem is.  It doesn't make sense.  Minerals used to manage this really easily.

Awake?

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Getting there.  Down just before noon.  It was as good as I could do.  Awake right at 23:23.  Or... that is when I got out of bed.  Not quite awake yet.

Sassy was offered fresh water after washing out her bowl, and food right off.  She was hungry.  And, being down for eleven hours or so, I prefer to feed her right off.  When on my six to more likely eight hour sleep cycle, I wait two to three hours after waking to feed her.  So, this... sort of aligns with that.  With a rotating schedule, I try to play fair with her.

I did get medicine in, "morning and night", yesterday.  My morning, and my night.  Will try to keep that going.  It won't help, immediately.  But, nothing will help any time soon.  I am in some sort of rut.  I still think having a woman around would help.  Children too.  The sounds of life... are pleasing to my ears.  Wouldn't be perfect, just better.  And... reasons to wake.  Someone to greet, even kiss.  Not sex all the time or such, just... kissing a gal as I wake would be... pleasant.  Though... sex wouldn't be horrible, just not always there.  Ugh.

I had an interesting dream.  Was it the Philippines?  Or some other island.  Westerners brought in tech, a long time ago, then abandoned it.  Old tech, but easily enough kept operational, and being brought back into service.  A new Western corp decided to see if it could be used to pull natural gas.

That worked out.  But, with the machinery being so overbuilt, there was some waste.  A bit of negotiating with the locals at the smaller and larger groups, and a plan was hatched to use the "wasted" work potential to pull water.  And aqueduct was created, and the thing put in play.

This new system brought a lot of needed extra water down through villages and to a major port city.  Worked really well.  I was on a tour of the thing.  Fascinating to see old and new, helping the locals and reduce over pumping from groundwater.  Uhrm, for a while.

However, while in there, myself... an engineering friend, a couple of native women, and a company rep, werewolves began to transform.  We had to get out.  Some of the engineering spaces were tight.  Several close calls.  But, finally, we made it into a sealed section.  And then on back.  I was able to help save lives, people getting caught in the machinery, or such.

I would have thought the creatures should have easily caught us, with as many problems as we had.  But they, I supposed, are animals in this form, and probably had a heck of a time.  Charging through an operational mechanical space, with little room to maneuver, they too got caught up on things, probably hurt by the howls of pain, from time to time.

My heart was thumping when I woke.  Not... fear... so much.  But... excitement.  Though there was some anxiety, if more the type that comes when playing tag and not wanting to be it.  For, I too am a monster.  I don't need to change.  But, I don't want people to... know my little secret.  And, facing off easily against two werewolves would have given... some potential things away.  I'm just not a human consuming type of monster.  I... consume monsters.  Or... so the dream seemed to indicate.  And boy was I famished.  Could have used just a bite, but too many witnesses.  *grins*

Got to nothing yesterday.  Will try today, again.  Did call my mother.  Her "obama" phone is worth everything she paid for it.  Lots of trouble.  When it dials through, or rings through, it isn't... always who it says it is.  Lots of problems.  I would think she was the problem, save she never had this problem with her other phone.

The government seems able to screw up everything they touch.  Probably why regular cell phones are becoming so problematic.  And, are those phones the ones being used for call harassments?  Most likely.  Still, this time, I got through.  Short talk.  Just... a welfare check, for my part.  I don't think she will ever call me again, of her own volition.  Whether age or temperament I can't know with certainty.  Well, and the idea that I will be selling off and moving overseas.  She's a bit... miffed.  Oh well.  Later.

More music.

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Almost makes me sad.  But the truth is, I know no woman who was available, seemed interested, who I wanted, and who would work.  Beyond, I can't honestly afford an American, or Western really, woman.  Further.  They aren't all that interested.  

They want to be a wife, or a spouse, or have a wedding day, the ceremony, events, play dress-up.  But to care for a home?  To even have children?  Tend a husband, children?  Too much work.  Easier to just divorce and move on.  Or drag a man into her misery.  I'm... not going there.

So strange.

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I'm not taking extra waterpills.  I even miss every third day, of late.  Even so, my legs hurt from the water coming out.  As if too much is draining.  And, cramps, a bit too often.  The other things which will cause cramping is if my legs are too cold, if I am walking around in a t and underwear, when it is 72 or less, that will do it.  But I have been wearing warm pants, and have been warm.  Warm enough to consider turning the furnace down to 70.  Perhaps even 68, if still good.

As well, I am taking vitamins daily, pretty much every day.  As well, minerals, a compound of them that is specifically for muscle cramping problems when taking waterpills.  And D3 for good measure.  I keep forgetting the B complex, but... that doesn't really help with cramping.  And, to be honest, I haven't seen anything missing from not taking those.  But the minerals, usually, help with cramping.  Not sure why the cramps of late, with the care I am offering.  Maybe not enough food.

A more normal cycle.

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I was counting on more sleep, as has been the time local norm.  But that just didn't happen.  Right at eight hours down, my eyes popped, blood started flowing, and fully awake before there was anything I could do to resist.  Like hitting a wakeup wall full on, at full speed.  No pain, just fully awake immediately.

So?  So I... don't know.  Will try to get to some efforts.  Trash out, recycling out, a shower maybe a shave if not necessarily, any of it, in a hurry and all at once.  Then, cleaning the freezer top, setting up dishes, putting in a load of whites.  I'm... awake.  Plus, if I can wear myself out, then on to bed early.  Or... late, again.  As early or late as possible.  Rock that damn stuck in the mud vehicle.  Get out of the rut!  Ugh.

Doesn't look like it rained.  Looks like whatever was here has moved well on.  And nothing is immediately, currently, on it's heels.  Did I take meds?  I know I did when I woke.  Not sure I did later.  I... am trying, and not doing superior.  I'll... keep trying.  Need to get newer water pills, too.  And find out when my next appointment is, and when and where my doc wants me to get blood work.  If he wants it up there, I'll try.  Still haven't received money for the trip, reimbursement.  Some insurance companies do that too, if travel is long.  So, that's...  Or they used to do that.  Hard to tell these days.  Maybe only CEOs, board members, and congress/senate/government employees get that sort of thing these days?  Don't know.  But, since it's there, I'll apply and... wait.  Not sure how much it is, these days.

About as far as I can get.

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No shower.  No dishes.  No laundry.  Didn't even pull any meat out.  I've been slowly crashing for hours.  But strongly enough that just going to the bathroom has been a bit of work.  Anything else has mostly been out of the question.  I'm hungry.  Almost hangry.  Not much I can do about it.

I had hoped to make a few calls.  Along with those other things.  No dice.  When I have been up too long I can't talk.  The throat gets wonky.  I have been awake too long for several days in a row.  It's offset by sleeping too long.  But both are more a problem than a solution.

Cool out there!

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Expecting it.  But never quite ready for it?  It's 34 out there.  Strange thing though, no snow on the caps.  There had been, last time I really looked.  Feels like a week or two ago.  Then again, was cloudy for the last three or four days.  And raining.  I would have to guess it must have rained on the peaks, rather than snowing?  Very strange, but cold often comes in, chasing off warmer wetter weather.  I guess.

I have been looking for socks which fit my feet.  You wouldn't think that would be required, but when you hit size 15~16, it becomes vital, and difficult.  I found some that are for size 15 to 18.  So, if it's true, not Chinese, size?  I should be in really good shape.  One can hope, but doubt, on amazon.  They seem to only sell Chinese, or for now.  Which is probably why they are dying on the vine.