More chicken.

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Drumsticks, again.  But from a different deli, town.  These drumsticks are huge!  Must have been the biggest lesbian hens around.  Probably stole the supply from KFC?  Seriously, I have never seen drumsticks this big.

Now, to be honest?  I liked the skinnier ones.  Perhaps because one of the finest spices remained, no matter how much was eaten off the bone... hunger.  Yes, hunger is a spice.

Teacher gave me her imprimatur.

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Eh, musical in form.  But... twice, recently.  I think she liked the output.

Oh?  Fine.  Here.

Sleep was very good.

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I finally slept as I needed.  Longer?  I... just don't remember.  A few texts woke me, in the early afternoon.  But, okay.  I wouldn't have been awaken by them if I wasn't ready.  Something about more chicken.  Oh, that stuff is helping.  I'll tell you, even if it isn't perfect food, more if it is higher in protein, with some good fat... or even bad probably in this case, while healing it is absolutely a good thing.

That bruise has, I would say, gone to a third of what it was a week ago?  Or am I just... imagining it?  I... will find out when I go in.  They measured the thing, the first time they saw it.  And I would guess that was at, or nearly at, peak size.  As well, the 'flat tire' around my waist, from weight loss?  Was full of blood.  It looked like a storm, going over an equator.  Dark, lots of it, probably a six inch band, give or take depending.  All of that is gone.  Even the bruising on top of the bump is pretty much gone, mostly.

I knew that had a...

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certain... ring to it?  Well, and some others popped.

I had to listen to it first.  Then, not only did it make sense, but all the followers songs and vids.  Right, right, I... get it.

Hungry, but...

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Just can't get to things, not quite yet.  Food is coming, but not until tomorrow.  After frequent days of not eating, while trying to heal, it was getting complicated.  Oh, sure, I can make it.  For days, even weeks.  I did.  Until the brisket, then chicken, I had gone five or six days with nothing.  Well, fatted coffee, one a day.  Can't do too much of that without else.  It's just too much.

Then I remembered.  Brisket!  I had put a third, maybe a quarter, of what was brought, into the freezer.  I had chowed down the rest.  I had to thaw it, then warm it a bit more.  But it worked well.  I am amazed at how well that came out of the freezer.  One, probably pound, piece?  There are two more slices that thick, if I cut it.  Maybe in a bit.  Rich.  A bit... much, at the moment.  But it will cover me through the rest of today, and should I happen to have craving tomorrow.

I was wondering if that was real.

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I ended up being awake very late.  Between the aches, pain, joint problems, and such?  I just couldn't get to sleep.  Or... not bed sleep.  Not even always chair sleep.  But... some... sort of sleep.  It was hard.  Couldn't be awake, couldn't actually sleep.  Some foggy strange place between, where dreams and reality mixed into some strange place.

I'll... review it.  If it looks too... too much, I'll pull it.  Or not.  It was just a dream, I think, if I can't remember what it was about.  Some... woman.  Oh... and some vids popped that... yeah.  Yes indeed.  Things I had forgotten.

What a dream.

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I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep.  Down here, sitting in my chair.  How long was I asleep?  Dreams can be fast, but doesn't the body need to feel secure, in order to dream?  When I woke, I definitely didn't feel secure.  So... maybe not.

A woman.  A question.  I sort of liked her, in... that way.  Not really reciprocated.  No matter.  That is the way it usually is.  Though not always until it is too late, for her?  Odd how that can often work.

I'm not a believer.

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.

Did our leaders know Pearl Harbor was going to be attacked, and allow it to happen?

For me, that isn't the question.  To me?  I am positive they knew, and allowed, and could have intervened.

My questions?  Were they right?  By warning Pearl Harbor commands, or allowing them to act on the warnings?  They would have let the Japanese know, or begin suspecting, we had cracked their codes.  Or... even more.  That we had moles in their government, possibly their Emperor himself, or those acting on his direct command, given protection.

Before going on to bed...

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I decided to replace the glasses which were damaged in the accident.  I may be able to fix them.  But?  But, they were a lessor pair of glasses.  I wasn't sure, when they were ordered, if they would work.  Having had problems with progressive lenses before.

Now, in that order, I went with a larger size lens (though you can never tell, until they are in hand) and a medium weight lens.  Dropping to the lowest weight lenses added about a hundred dollars.  Which, I don't know about you, but... it's... a lot of money for me.

Maybe on back to bed.

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I had hoped to get a shower in.  But I don't think so.  I am just not ready.  And... pains and aches and such are back.  Why?  I can't say.  It doesn't even make sense.  It is, really, as good a day as I have had in a while.  I have been being careful... when getting up, when feeding Sassy, and doing other things.

I have been keeping efforts to a reasonable minimum.  Only doing a new task once every half hour to hour.  Sitting up, staying covered and warm.  Doing everything I can to make life easier.  It just doesn't matter.

Sleep helped.

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A reset, to how I felt before tinkering with the bandage.  A bite to eat, coffee, water, to restart the day... into midafternoon.  Things still ache.  And most of what hurt before.  But all at a low rumble, and often all can be ignored.  Just noticed when something gets bumped, jostled, or flares up a bit.

A shower, sometime later?  I hope so.  But I'm not in a hurry.  Coffee, through the next hour or two.

I had been feeling better?

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The aches, joints, and things, had all gotten down to a low roar.  I could mostly ignore them.  Good enough to get up, I thought.  I figured if I snuck downstairs, and just... had some coffee, relaxed, read, listened, I'd... find a nice little piece of morning.

Things were going swimmingly.  I took my time getting up.  Noooo need to rush, and bumble, bump, or twist something.  Slow and easy.  Nice.  Ah... I made it up onto my bench perch.  Found my underlayers.  Decided to bandage the knee, looks like I lost that during the night.  Slow and easy.

Good, but tired.

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There are still a few aches, pains, and such.  All rather mild.  The thing is, I am cold, and tired... sleepy.

I fed Sassy.  Wanted to stay awake, to feed her again, but I don't think I'll make it.  I'll sleep, as long as is needed, then feed her when I wake again.

Some things they use...

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Some things docs suggest I use.  Some things not so much.  One thing I have really liked is the stuff they use to clean the skin before putting down bandaging... of several sorts.  No alcohol.  But, apparently it doesn't induce infection, might prevent it?  Dunno.  Just know it works really well.

I went looking, today.  Had to go find one.  They included a few for my wound care.  On the bigger, older, wound.  I just want some more.  Not only does it seem to help the bandage stick, keep infection out, but it makes removing the bandaging a lot easier.

One of those mornings.

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Things hurt, but not too terribly.  Tired?  Groggy?  Foggy of mind?  Yes, that is the bigger difficulty.

I woke at about 11:30.  Sassy jumped on my midsection.  I caught her.  She thought she was in trouble, and could have, should have been?  That's the first time she's been such a little shit in a very long time.

Better.

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Honestly, I think the acetaminophen is what is helping.  I wouldn't have thought, by the instructions and indications, it would do anything.  Having given up on the other otc stuff, I didn't have much choice.  Or... not here at home.

Oh, it's not perfect.  Just better.  And, with some things, a lot better.  The elbow twist and funny bone thing?  The forward, frontal, shoulder joints?  All very much better.  The knee is still rough, both the twist and the wounds.  The ankle is still a bit tight, but not as bad as it has been.  The ribs?  Getting worse as other things get better.  I think pain is triaged.  If something(s) get better, enough better, an old wound or hurt may step back in to claim it's spot.

All of my bandages.

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They all arrived, as with some home necessities.  I have a year, or two, of tp.  But when I see a good price, as I am finishing off a pack, I order.  Same with garbage bags, little or big.  I need more big, but just got a pack last month.  Oh... I check local prices.  What cost me $14 would have cast me $20 locally.  Sometimes it's cheaper, and I will buy locally if so, or if need exceeds savings.  Surprisingly, the blood sugar test strips arrived.  Glad to have those.  Will... start testing, again, Monday or Tuesday.

The bandages are very nice.  I have plenty of 6"x6" island bandages.  But don't need them that big.  Initially, those just fit my double wound sites on my wrist and knee.  Now I just need, say, possibly, 3"x3" or 4"x4", or even maybe a 2"x1" block, for the three wounds that remain.  And I am hoping they stay on better.

Oh, still rough.

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Not as bad as last night, for now.  Not exactly ready to go play soccer or such, either.  Why it hurts so bad lately, I can't say.  Wet, cool, weather has moved in.  Maybe that makes things worse?  My mother said, for her, she knows when it is coming in for the pain she feels from it.  I've not had that problem, but then, I haven't had so many healing processes on mend at once.

I haven't broken a bone, as well, I don't think I have twisted legs are arms all that bad.  Maybe a really light sprain, from time to time.  Limping around, a bit, for months.  Whatever the case, this is miserable.  And hurts in so many places at once.  I can only imagine those folk who get ripped up really badly, tossed around even more, break this and that and the other bone.  This... is quite enough.  I'll admit that.

I'll try again.

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Everything that could hurt, did, has been... all night.  And each in every way possible.  The wounds... hurt as open sores, as bruises, and other things.  The twisted joints hurt as such, as bruises, as swollen places, and every movement has been agony.  Tonight is a special sort of hurt.

If this is some sort of price, I pay it gladly.  If it will help, directly, or through sympathy or empathy, with those in purgatory?  All good.  I... don't mind.  It's just that I haven't been able to sleep for it all.  Painpills have done absolutely nothing.  Which... is fine.

Ignored?

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Not so much.  I sent a text earlier.  Heard nothing back.  It got later, and later, and... I realized my phone was on airplane mode.  So I turned it off.

I'm not sure how these things work, and they seem to change from time to time.  This time, the text self-started, sent itself.  So I ended up chatting, off and on, for several hours.

Bedtime?

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I can hope.  Fevered?  Chilled?  Both?  I... just can't say.  Though it feels like both.

And... everything has hurt everywhere, for most of this afternoon.

Pain.

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Aches, wounds, sore areas, upset internals, nausea, and so much more.  New pains?  Sure, I didn't break anything.  But I really did hurt myself.  The last of the pains are coming out?  Or... hopefully.  Then again, the wrist was what I thought would be the last new thing.  It's... just not.

My shoulders.  The front roll to them?  These started hurting this morning.  I didn't realize what it was at first, only that something new was hurting.  So... I... just rolled with it, until I could label it, understand it.  If you have ever done forward rolls of your shoulder joints?  I did, some sort of weight lifting, trying for specific strengths, long and long ago.  Well, it feels like I was doing the exercise to work those, but way overdid it.

Everything that has hurt, is hurting.  Things that I didn't know would hurt are hurting.  Organs, g.i. upswet as if something wasn't righ that way.  Headache, wounds, bone and joing hurts.

Still, all good.  I don't mind.  I just wish I could sleep.  Hmm... may try.

I didn't make an early meeting, but made a later one.  Even got a shower in.  Which... hurt... then helped.  Then... hurt.

I am healing.  The wound on my wrist is an eighth it's original size.  It is a quarter the size of the other one, that used to be there.  The one that is healed now.  The smaller one on my knee is half that size, which had been similar to the one that healed on my hand.  The knee wound, over the bruise, is... getting slightly better, perhaps two thirds it's original size?

That's a lot of very serious, very solid, healing.  But healing hurts.  So does not healing though too.  :p  Oh my word, people.  Doing my best.  But it sure hurts.  I'll... try to get some sleep, shortly.  I won't be getting to church.

Fever?  I'm not sure.  chills?  Maybe.  Odd how I can get both of those at once.  They want me to call in, if I get those.  I'm just not sure.  If... it seems so, Monday, I'll... see.  It could be sepsis, or just upset from all the juggling of organs?

Still, I thank God for building me well enough to take what the world has thrown at me, so far.  From here on in, it isn't important.  Now that I have found, and kneeled, I do not worry about much else.  Though, if He wishes me to live as a witness?  That will happen too.  I don't mind.  Good day, evening, goodnight.  Or later.  Not sure I can quite sleep yet.

A bit late, a bit sore, but good?

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I had an appointment this morning.  I doubted I would make it, but I wanted to call in.  Was only informed, reminded, too late yesterday afternoon for me to cancel.  I should have had it in my calendar.  But I'm... pushing so hard, in so many directings, that things just go off the rails sometimes.  I... can't keep up on everything.

More done this month than I usually do in five months.  Appointments, wound care here at home, managing this and that, while trying to take care of Sassy, my own food and cleanliness, and... else.  I'm absolutely battered.  I don't mind being battered, but it sure makes me move slower.  Not my preferrence, but... it's not horrible.

Sometimes you just have to give in.

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Not outright quitting, maybe.  But, there are limits.  I needed food.  couldn't cook, let alone clean in order to cook.  So, fast food it was.  My body needed food.  There isn't another way around it.  So... yes, food.  Ugly, bad, food.  But it's... all pretty bad?

While out, I filled the tank.  It's $4.18 for what I use.  And she was low.  Oh well.

A better morning?

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Well, afternoon.  I couldn't wake until 15:30.  Everything was a bit off after yesterday.  Two doctor appointments, wound cleaning, dealing with... other news.  Well, and into town twice, while everything sort of hurt.  Yesterday ate it out of me.  Fair enough.  And, at least I kept up with things.

Plus, it hurt all day through the rest of the day.  Some of it was fluid retention.  Which really makes the old wound hurt.  To be honest, it makes all the wounds... roadrash, old open wound, ankle, knee, wrist, elbow, and some other things, hurt.  Something about having extra fluid just... isn't a nice thing.

I keep hoping for some improvement.

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A bit of an upset stomach.  With cream back on the menu, I'd like to make coffee.  Milk was hard on my system, hit like a speeding truck... in a number of ways.  Was acidic?  Or... just... didn't sit well with my whole digestive processes.  As well, sort of made me carb-drunk.  Almost literally like being inebriated?  Strange, but it sure seemed like it.  There were other things that just went wrong because of drinking milk.  Not again.

Cream just doesn't do that.

I swear.

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Sometimes I almost think they listen.

What it all means?  I... don't know.  I just notice the dots.

Awake already.

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Mostly due to pain, suffering.  I went down around 19:00?  Within an half hour either way of that.  Went down pretty quickly.  Didn't put on new bandages, but did take off the old, save for the old wound that is packed more... professionally.  Just left the new wounds open, mostly because I was too tired to wrestle new bandaging on.

No compression, either.  I just couldn't fight my way into that.  So tired, sore, ill, off, and such.  No, I just...  I even only took the bandaging off because it was mostly off already, and I would be tangling with it all night if I didn't.  I was just hoping I didn't bump one or all three... four almost... all through the night, every time I rolled, turned, or such.

So very tired.

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The wound clean out pretty much took my legs out this morning.  And, I hadn't slept well, or long, last night.  Thankfully the second appointment was just about... talking.  Talking may not always be great?  But it doesn't hurt, like digging tissue out of a wound does.

Oh, I get it.  I still don't like it.  But, I get it.  It does, or will, or may, help heal the thing.  Lord knows, I have tried my way for eight to fourteen months.  Ten to sixteen now?  No progress.  And, if their hardware and software are to be believed, than it has improved... if marginally.  Of course, that is beside four other wounds, in various processes of healing.  With one completely healed.

Mortal Combat

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Fight!

Why do I feel so awful?

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Upset stomach, nausea, a bit of dizziness, just off kilter in a lot of ways.  Couldn't shower before the appointment, got to it since.  Thought that would help.  Not really, not so much.  I bandanged my wounds, the ones left to my care.  Thought that would ease some things.  No, not... so much that either.

But, dressed again, bandaged, medicine in... though did that much earlier.  Don't know what else I can do.  More coffee definitely is not the thing.  Ah... but I have been using milk, instead of cream.  They were out.  Didn't have much choice.  And, yes, I think that is hammering me.  Like an alcoholic, off the bottle for many years, thinking he can drink a few beers.  Nope, no I can't.  Ugh.  I'll see if I can get cream later today?  Soon.  Ugh.

Oh, ouch!

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My next appointment, wound care.  The... improvements... on the roadrash?  Beyond... what they expected.  The... expressions, and looks, from one to the other.  They were... impressed.  Doc cut me loose on those.  Said whatever I am doing?  Keep doing it.  The... thing is... for the most part?  I... wasn't doing anything.  Couldn't even keep the bandages on.

That's the good part.  The old wound, though?  Well, it did improve.  They suggest a five percent improvement.  Which... from the sound of things?  Is... what they were optimistically hoping for?  Odd, but... okay.  So a 100% healing of one of my roadrash wounds probably was... impressive.  And a 54% improvement on another.  One of them only had some improvement, and a fourth had probably a 20% to 30% improvement.  Given the givens, they are doing well.

Rough night.

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Well, part of it.  I woke up around two?  Every single thing that has been turned, twisted, cut, ripped, torn, or otherwise ill treated woke up and cried out, all at once.  I... wanted to cry.  I just... usually... can't.  Last night was no different.  I simply could not cry.  I could only ache, rock myself, and wait for it all to pass.

It did, after some time.  Mostly.  But I ached the rest of the night, sort of by groups.  Milder, but... some thing(s) hurt all through the rest of the night.  All good.  Healing process?  Who knows.

Better?

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For some strange reason, it all got better.  All of it.  Not perfect.  But nothing noticeable hurts, unless I think about it or twist, bump, use something.  Even then, it was so mild that I had to think about it to notice... consciously check to see if there was still pain there.

Of course, that is... probably... about to change.  I have to change the bandages.  On the roadrash bites.  Oh, and I will be taking compression off.  Which... hurts and helps.  I won't be putting compression on for the night, this night.  Every other night?  Something like that, and based on needs/wants.  If the feet are swelling, or swell by the morning, then I will... more often than not.  Hmm, I ougth to see if there are compression bandages, like what the dock had.  Those are... better... for quick, short, usuage.  Socks are much more difficult to get on and off, especially through the night.  And are, or are usually, a lot hotter to wear.  I'd... like to have some of those bandages.  Plus, you can cut them to length.  A roll of those would last... a year?  More.  Maybe.  Especially if they are washable.

Anyway... it's about bedtime.  So... goodnight.

Better and worse.

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Two showers in a row always feels good.  Stripping bandaging off twice in a row, and realizing it will be a twice daily thing?  Never going to feel good.  The wounds hurt.  Not as bad as the first time.  Still, enough.  Both the wounds, as open sores.  And the damage as sorts of bruises.

As well, the elbow, knee, and ankle all feel rough.  The shower was good, but that heat is gone.  It's a cool wetter type of day, at 42 to 44 out there, pretty much through the whole of the day I was aware to notice.  That sounds like it would be nice, but it feels... moistly cool to cold.

Terribly wonderful.

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It's... getting from point A to point B that hurts.  In my current case.  Ripping the bandages off... it hurts.  Getting to the shower can be a grumbling process.

I got on the scale.  Nothing, of course, would be different.  It has been 233 the last two times I have weighed in, since the accident.  Why would that change?  But... it did.  I am 226.4.  While not by much, a pound, that is... still the least I have weighed since... about the time I joined the Navy.  So... that was good.

Bandages ordered.

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Several sizes, to tinker with.  Various forms of padding, for under.  And plenty, with what was already ordered.  Should last for two to three months, at the current rate of wound care, if that... shouldn't continue for that long?  But... that leaves room for extra.  Plus, with the change in how I am paying for things, managing that new way.

As well, I looked over the type of socks that have helped me.  I have tried some number of knee high compression socks.  There is a brand that is the absolute best.  But it costs a fortune.  There is another sort, that is just as good, but doesn't last quite as long.  Two thirds the life at a third the price?  Okay... that is what I use as my daily drivers, when going knee high.  And, there was a brand which was similar.  But... for me... they were just a tad too small.  I... almost cried over that.  So very much cheaper, similar in quality to my daily drivers, a quarter of THEIR price.  Ugh.  Cheap will only go so far.  Sent those on.  Hope that helps.  Real world trials, from someone who spends, but tries... to save a buck when possible.

Want to find out if your brother is awake?

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Especially if he lives half the nation away?

I did.  So... I texted him.  Let him know I'd be there in half an hour or so.  So to be ready.  "What!"  April fools day!  The old boy almost lost his health.  *grins*

Worse, better, odd.

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I was so cold.  I put on four layers of bottoms, three layers on top, plus shoes and a wool beanie.  One of the tops was an electric vest.  And, it was turned on.  It took two hours, but I finally warmed up.  Too hot then.  But too hot, in the winter, or early spring, is an easy fix.  Cold... took some work.

Then I was getting a call.  My phone was two layers in, and a bear to get to.  Wasn't sure... where it was, or how to get to it.  Made it, in time.  My mother called.  I no longer call her.  She... may or may not answer.  Usually not.  If she wants to talk, she can try to call.  I... just... don't call that way.  Nothing personal.  It seems how she wants it.

Very strange.

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My left arm is twisted, hard, from the wrist the elbow.  It is aching, thrumming with pain.  Not sure what I did, when, how.  Was it a from the motorcycle accident.  It wasn't noticeable until now.  Now it hurts like the dickens.

The rest of the pains are still there, but slightly milder.  A bit of nausea, from the pains.  I almost wish I could throw up, I think that would be better.  But nothing is coming.  Just... that feeling, like seasickness.  Fairly strong.  A headache too.  And my whole left leg feels rough.  I had hoped a shower would settle that a bit.  Not the wounds, those still hurt, but differently.  This is like the twist of the arm, if not quite as bad?

OUCH.

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At least I wasn't fearing what turned out to be nothing.  Just pulling the bandages hurt.  A lot.  Then showering, and washing the wounds?  Yes, very much that hurt.  Then I got back upstairs, and was looking at the instructions.  Debriding the main, old, wound... with gauze and saline.

I... really didn't want to do that.  The little boy in me said we didn't have to, if we didn't want to.  The man agreed with me, but remembered that the wound has been open going on, or over, a year.  So... we got busy.

I finally...

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Clipped my toenails.  No, it's not much.  No, I am not ready to pull the bandages, shower, debride the wounds, and replace the bandaging.  I know.  I'm... late, more late on some than others.  But... it's a start.

I realized, while clipping the toenails, that I had been even avoiding that.  There is something about working with tools that can rip and tear... even cut a toe off if it could get around it, while having wounds.  Some... transference, fear of more wounds, from the process... tools.  I didn't realize the fear until I pulled the tools out and started to work.

Brisket.

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Slowly smoked all day.  Wow.  That was... is... good.  I haven't eaten all my portion.  No way I could.

And, while he was at it, he smoked the salt.  Has a nice color.  I'll store that, adding it to occasional special dishes.  Though, next time he smokes something long, I may see if he will put some of it back in.  Just... seeing how far it can go.  An experiment.  Not at all unhappy with what is there, just... curious at this point.

Everything is just sort of not doing well.

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Not quite a fever, but a bit of discomfort in that area.  The wounds are all letting me know they are damaged, and want... something.  A few painpills... it's been a while since I've used them.  I... keep thinking about them.  Then I forget.  Which... is fine.  they don't always help.  Okay.

I'm sweating, in a different way, as I get ready for a shower.  And... all else that goes with that.  Stripping the bandages off, washing the wounds, some more raw than others.  Rebandaging.  Drying off.  Compression socks.  It won't be fun.  And... nausea has arrived.  Not sure if it is the anticipation... if I am usually not that way.  If never completely immune.  Or just from the licks and pokes of pains and hurts and aches here and there.  Meh.  Bleh.

Finally up at noon thirty.

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Sassy was fed first thing.  Had to find a specific group of cat food types.  She has had pate for so long.  I purchased a few other options.  Yes, it... probably helps.  She does prefer pate, but I could tell that she was getting... bored... of it?  Something.  With help with boxes, I was able to find the varieties which I had bought but which had gone missing.  Thank you.

Still pretty rough.  A shower soon.  Something I dread.  Why?  Those wounds have to be cleaned.  And the bandages remaining have to come off.  Which is going to be the worst I don't know.  And... maybe they won't be all that bad.  Or... they will, and both of them.  Then I have to bandage them again.  None of that is painless.  And, when bandaged and set, they will all hurt again.  They just do.  But... it... has to be done.  Should have done some of the bandage changes much sooner.  And the main one was due yesterday.  I just... got lost on the way.

Ugh.

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Rough.  Too rough.  Back to bed for a bit.  Sassy got fed.  I'll feed her again.  Set the alarm for a few hours.  Then just crash.  Feed Sassy then.  And, if more sleep is still needed, back into the covers.  It's... so dark, cold, wet.  I just can't push through.

But that isn't always bad.  For an old, mostly dead, guy, this... really isn't bad.  I've definitely had worse.  I'm just sleepy.  But... it's a wonderful day for sleep.  I... can't knock that.

A new month, start.

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.

Smaller order(s), and going forward.  Including a few things for the house.  A few new pillows, it's time.  A few bandages, of various sizes, in the type they used.  I have some, but would like to find some smaller, more fitting sizes, for the various wound sites.  Things like that.  Under two hundred, a fifty spot under, before taxes or so.

Changing how things are paid.  Their card is paid, won't be used again.  Putting it all on once card, which can be watched.  After the items arrive, the card will be taken off the account.  Whether it is they, or myself, which can't be trusted?  Both, perhaps?  Then watching.  All accounts.  Whether plugged in, when plugged in, when not.

Oh?

.

.

Something brought something to mind.  A... while ago.  Yesterday, earlier today, a week ago?  Whatever.  It sort of came together.  I didn't have an ending to it, until I did.  So... here.

Yeah... If it's not about one thing, it's about another.  Or... for some of us?

Plans, ideas, things...

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.

Still haven't taken a shower, but the shower is open for it.  Blood sugar has been staying high, in spite of, mostly, not eating.  So, last night, I... made beans and burger.  I needed something I was more sure I could eat, and something easy.  Burger just... doesn't taste good anymore.  But with beans, some sour cream, and cheese?

I'm changing cheese.  If I bother eating cheese, it will be European.  American cheese, 90%, uses a genetically modified rennet.  It is cheaper, not animal based, some sort of sludge.  And... get this... it's made by Pfizer.  So... yeah.  If it isn't bad for you, it is toxic.  Saying, if it isn't unhealthy, then it's made not to be?  Something.  If it's considered safe, it hasn't even been tested.  Something... to think about.  And... labeling?  Good luck with that.

You know you are making good plans?

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.

Oh, a few things medical.  Leg, knee, ankle, and foot, the bad ones, are doing better.  As I went to check things, in prep for a shower, and then rebandaging, I realized what is helping.  Compression.  They put compression bandaging on the whole leg, similar to what I wear, when I use compression socks and such.

But... I realized, when taking that off, that is why things are better.  So, after showering and bandaging freshly the wounds, I will be... once fully dry, be putting compression socks on.  Though I have lost so much weight.  Yes, I have wrinkles even on my legs, from the hip into the inner thigh... elephant wrinkles.  But, that's... good... or whatever.

Just... stop being fat?

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.

Right?  Just... stop.

I have lost ninety pounds this year, in eight months really, and as much as... at least? 288-227... ~60 pounds... since Thanksgiving day... actually I started about the week before, and I didn't maintain it for that meal.

So, I know people can lose weight.  A lot of it.  And... relatively quickly.

Very good?

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.

Toward the end of the month, I'm trying to get my money, bills, past and coming, ordered.  I checked my accounts.  There was enough to cover one final bill on one final expense.  I will check, again, next month.  But will be letting them go.  They are being terrible about allowing me to check my account.  So... I'll let them lend to someone else.  Weaponized financing will eventually eat the lender.  One way or the other.

As well, I wanted to see how much cash I had.  I order dairy, and the front of the month.  And, put money down to make sure I don't burden those who get it for me.  I have usually been getting a hundred, to keep me on track, to go on or near the first Saturday.

A bit better over better.

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.

Every pain has eased off the throttle just a bit.  Everything that hurt, still hurts.  Just not as much.  From 2500 down to 2200 revs?  Something.  Still screaming, just not deafeningly so.  It wasn't redlining, to start.  But was growling well.  Now it's just... shouting a bit.

Hungry.  But I can't figure food out.  That would require dishes, and cooking, and... such.  I had fattened coffee earlier.  That's been food for a few days, which is why I have been cheating when going to town.  A burrito last time, with rice and beans, and of course a tortilla wrap.  I... need food, want food, just can't... quite get to it.

Better.

.

.

And worse?  Strangely, I think so.  A headache, and other aches.  But the type you get when the body is healing.  Too old to heal well, or quickly.  And I did some solid damage to my body.  In a number of different ways.

The healing pain is good, but is more intense.  So, yes, worse.  But that the body is healing is good.  As well, I was able to get up and down the stairs easier today, and last night.  Getting out of bed was easier today, also.  I wouldn't call it a fun thing, but it was just easier.  I was even able to use my currently bum knee to help.  I haven't been able to bear any weight on that until today.

Strange dreams.

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.

In the first one, Life had returned to hunting, some farming, and trading baubles.  Buts of metal to tufts of good materials.  In the right hands, enough of these could be turned into something.  But, until that point, a patch of wool or cotton, or 'button' of copper, would do as currency.  For the littler things, usually.  An old cast iron engine... now that was some serious "money".

No doctors, no medicine.  A few traveling healers, herbalists.

Some days...

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Some days...

Way long.

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The alarms... they were reset to four and six.  They just couldn't wake me up, even with a string of snoozes.  I almost woke up at eight, just couldn't do it.  My body is exhausted from the healing going on.  Finally, at around ten thirty, with some begging from Sassy, I was able to get up.

Actually, I think she was having a dream.  Her dream woke her, and that woke me.  Along with some of my own dreams.  Groups of young me looking machines, or cyborgs, were attacking.  In groups of twenty.  And I was  eliminating them.  Fairly easily.  In the end, there was a large group of them, a horde of them.

Right?

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.

Not... today, or tomorrow.  But soon.  I was too tired, when trying to do this.  Something was just off.  Won't try it then.  I have to be able to have my head in the game, fully.  But, I can begin planning, thinking, considering.

Here are a couple of vids.  I probably have watched these, or ones like them.  Just not recently enough.  Was so excited to be going out, that I... left go of my senses.  Hey, it happens.  Could have been worse, if I'm still not sure I can quite label it "lucky".

I wanted to feed Sassy.

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.

That and I just... hurt.  Wanted to sit up, catch my breath, reset and sort life and things.  Getting up is a task.  And, yet... I'll do it.  Sassy has been very good to me, patient.  She has been resting with me, and not being too fussy.  So I have really tried to make sure she gets enough food, and other care.

She is taking care of me.  Not pushing for me to wake, or rolling and coming and going.  It's good to try to do as much as I can, when I can.  Then, when I can't, she knows I do my best.  What comes around really does go around.  But it shouldn't be quid pro quo, more just... we do our best when we can, as we can.

Lucky?

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.

I keep hearing that.  And, I keep thinking someone doesn't understand "lucky".  Now, maybe that is me.  I mean, it could have been worse, far worse.  And, yes, sure, I'll recover, probably, in a week or four.  Probably through the worst of it?  Probably.  But... having to go through a couple to six weeks of recovery just doesn't sound lucky to me.

Oh, well, sure.  No gear.  So, given the givens.  But... when does luck talk about givens?  All I am saying is, when I hear doctors, nurses, and others who have been in accidents, say "lucky".  Especially with the looks in their eyes sometimes?  I'm thinking... if I was truly lucky, it would have been faster, and I would have had no wounds.

A tough day.

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.

I had hoped to get  another shower, this morning, before going in.  I was in such bad shape, that it just wasn't possible.  Worse, I needed to take a bm.  I just... cleaned as well as I could, after.  No way was I going to get a shower.  Everything hurt, and more than usual.  Just... difficult.

 I made it in.  Had to find the number, then call.  Couldn't remember where they were.  At least I was at the right hospital, and early.

Ouch.

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I had hoped a shower would... improve the pains.  No, not at all.  Now, everything that sort of stung, burned, or hurt in other ways, from the accident and with the open wound, are all worse.  Fine.  Even so, I'll shower again this morning.

Ah, and... I found more wounds.  Wounds?  Bruises and minor cuts, on the back of my head.  Yea, I... tumbled.  Those, okay?  Those felt worse on the finding but feel better now.

Later than planned?

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.

Still, not too bad.  I could have gotten up at four, with that alarm, but I simply wanted more sleep.  At that point I didn't need more.  But, being in the healing process, and that I could sleep more, I went on back to sleep.  I was hoping the six alarm would be cake.  And it was, to shut off.

I snoozed it right out of time.  Waking at seven, though, twenty minutes after the last snooze.  Sort of surprised I did wake that early, given how hard waking was proving to be for nearly the hour up to it.

Been thinking.

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The bike, and myself, front over front.  I rolled... forward... three times.  He said I looked like a kid having a tantrum.  I... was infamous for that, as a toddler.  Or... so I have been told.  It fits.

The bike?  I don't know.  I'll ask more.  Thirty miles an hour?  Hmm.  I had imagined that I would have been flicked, sideways.  He says no.  I'm not sure.  Thirty is pretty slow for a bike and bigger rider to tumble?  The only thing I sort of think I might remember was feeling that the throttle was stuck, and that I wanted to find the breaks... front.  I felt stuck, trapped.

Warmth is good.

.

.

Just a few degrees warmer, but it makes a world of difference.  This, normally, would be nearing hot weather, for me.  When it goes from the mid 50s to the mid 60s, upstairs, I often suffer.  Just that much warmer and I just suffer.  Until I get used to it.  Then get used to the low to mid 70s.

But, with the body doing a lot of healing, the blood just isn't warming the body as it would normally.  Well, and lower blood sugar, lower bp, the works.  Now, blood sugar did get a huger jump, because I couldn't cook for a few days, so was eating fast food.

So cold!

.

.

If I must be cold, I'd rather be cold when awake.  While trying to sleep, the cold can be much more brutal.  It is more difficult to react to it, handle it.  I'll be turning the furnace up shortly.  Did that while checking the out of doors.  Ah... 33, with snow/ice down on fringe areas, and it definitely rained, perhaps snowed lightly.  While it reads 33, it feels more like it is freezing out there.

Now I know... several things.  I turned the furnace to 75.  And, I'll be in the warmer part of the house while gaming.  This front room is colder in the winter, hotter in the summer.

Sleep was pretty good.

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.

Not too hot, not cold, Turning, often, but without that being a problem.  Dreamed I was recruited, as potential, for a college football team?  But, when I was younger.  I wouldn't do some things, even so, was doing well.  Strange, because I wouldn't have gone out for sports even if I had gone on to college.  And, yes, I was all conference, or would have been if I was college bound.  They changed it to someone else, to help with their career.  I... didn't have much respect for athletics, even then.  Less so now.

The knee hurts a lot, as does the ankle.  But more from bruising than the twisting?  Even so, these are fading into less pain, all together, and by parts.  I'm just old.  That doesn't help.

Oh, just... thinking out loud.

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.

May have to ask someone what they think.  Yeah.

One of the worst nights I can remember.

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The blankets were set up well.  Didn't matter.  I began freezing.  I made sure they were set up correctly, again, later on.  And they were.  So I turned the electric blanket on.  Which helped, until it hurt.  It became too hot.  I would put my feet out for a bit, then freeze, pull them in, then bake.  I simply could not get it right.

More, swelling.  Feet, ankle, knee... all swelling to the point of pain, on top of being too hot or too cold.  No idea why.  The window was closed.  But it is getting warmer up there, into the low to mid 60s.  It has been in the low 50s until spring has begun it's thing.  Though, too, it's the body trying to heal.  And pulling, pooling, pushing blood around to do things.

Doing this and that.

.

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While mostly just gaming, while gaming I am doing more.  I am working the ankle, and knee.  Not... greatly?  But, from time to time, giving each a bit of some turning, lifting, stretching, and light twisting.  Flexing my foot, wiggling the toes, just... trying to give everything that hurts a bit of a push, pulls, and all.

I'm not doing it to severe pain, but I am pushing past the pain to some degree.  As well, I am leaning into the bruised hip.  Not... so much as to cause agony, but enough to stretch into pain a goodly bit.

Well?

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.

After more time on the phone than you might imagine, I... found some things out.  I got next appointment date, time, place, Dr.'s name, and contact info.  Then, the appointment following that.  But... had to call three different numbers to find things out about that.  Further, I changed the place, which required a change of date and time.  But... okay.

As to the last appointment, that I knew about?  It's on no record with anyone I called.  And anyone I might have had access, or any connections anyone knows about.  So... there is one appointment that has simply gone missing.

Nausea.

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.

Back.  Not from food, or such, this time.  Just from the various pains.  It's all adding up to create nausea.  Well, and dizziness, along with a few other things.  All I can do is suffer through it, for now.

I keep receiving calls, for more appointments.  It difficult to stay on top of these things.  One of the things I will need to call back about.  I have the time, and date, and address or roughly.  But I don't know what clinic, the name of the center, and it isn't one I would know.  I also don't have their phone number.  Radiology?  By why several towns over?

I have to admit, life is hurting.

.

.

It's more than everything hurts, than that something hurts.  Both legs, the right ankle, hip, and knee, ribs, and other things.  Amost a suffocating sort of hurting.  Breathing is difficult, from the pains.  Headache, and the neck is finally starting to hurt.  That begin yesterday afternoon.  Plus a bit of a headache, from or with that?

Nothing is excessive, on it's own?  It's just a lot of pains.  Well, as long as I don't bump my hip, or stand wrong, or sit too fast.  Still, it's everything in combination that is really getting to me.

An hour earlier.

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.

Or so.  When recoverying, I simply need more sleep.  The first couple of days I slept even more.  Twelve hours last night.  Again, I did set the alarms.  Hoping to wake at four.  Actually, hoping to wake at two or three.  Couldn't do it this morning.  And knew that wrestling with the snooze bar would only frustrate me.  So, when it went off, I turned it off immediately.

However, I woke a bit before six, turned on the light, sat up, and shut the alarm down before it sounded.  It took me nearly the ten minutes before to finally get socks on, and get up.  Wearing pj's to bed, and had been wearing socks, but it got too warm.

Still awake.

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.

Very tired.  Rather stiff and sore.  Ribs aren't too bad today, for now.  I had to get out for a bit, and did.  But... the body is about to get worse.  And it feels so socld.  It was at least 46 out there.  But it's feels so much colder than that.

Night medicine, down.  As well, some painkillers.

Well, a start.

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.

A message to my primary.  A request from the attending physician.  Then a call to podiatry.  I was looking at the wrong paperwork.  The right paperwork did have a number to call, but just for podiatry, not for... the other.  But, that may have been a misunderstanding.  That may be a referal from that referal, if he feels the need.  Can't reember what it is called.

Still, I have called the two numbers I have.  Oh, and the appointment from wound treatment, for that first wound is setup.

Hurt?

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.

The knee, ankle, and hip... in that order?  Only when I stand or sit.  No "attempt".  If I mean to do it, I do it.  Though... I may not get up whilly-nilly, as I might have.  Still, It, mostly, only hurts when I do get up, or for a shot while after getting settled.  It is still true, truer than I thought it was going to be, after first thinking it was.  My ribs hurt more, from losing so much weight so fast, yet not quite being skinny yet.  That 'tweener stage is brutal.

Now, waking, getting off the mattresses, crawling over to a bench with which to help me life up off the ground, since one knee and angle is bum, and one side can't be flexed without absolute misery?  That... hurts.  And, yet, I am guessing that is probably as good as physical therapy as I can get?  Or... won't hurt in that deepartment.  Wait, it will hurt.  But that department... does hurt.

Yea?

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.

Look, I was graced with suffering, and pain.  And... I took it like any red-blooded American man, from my time, should.  Regardless of my... many troubles aside.  Pain, and being useless in the world, is... difficult.  I tried just about everything, save a great height.  Since nothing else worked, I feared becoming a broken... thing... or more broken.

You know it's a bruise?

,

.

When they send you to physical therapy just for that.  The clot, in the middle?  I think it was 8 something cm?  The whole thing?  Much bigger.

No broken bones.  But they aren't sure about other things.  So the foot doctor, for something he will treat.  Or... maybe.

I... know it was her.

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.

Oh, yes.  I... know.

She tells me.  She... didn't want me to say it.

Not bad.

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.

From the bumps and such yesterday, not too bad today.  No extra pain, save two things.  The leg and knee are stiffer.  No serious swelling as I had feared.  But it's... limpy time.  However, the minor abrasion the on the side, that hadn't gone into the skin?  Well?  That side has a swollen mass the size of a softball, under the skin.  Burns.  Probably as much from the swelling as else.

I may call the VA, about an ER visit today.  We'll see.  Later.  I've never seen a swell like that, in all my accidents, incidents, and such.  As well, I'm slightly worried about my knee and ankle.  Sprain, break, twist... something.  Ugh.  Could have been worse.  Haven't looked at my face, yet, today.  Yet.  Ugly, nothing to look at.  So... but do want to see if any swelling is there.  Or... more swelling.  Bleh.

Well... for now, just some waking up.  Later.

Oh, ouch.

.

.

Just did a do dinger.  Skinned my knee in two spots, left a goose egg under the bigger of the two dings.  As well, scraped my wrist in a couple of places, like as if skidded, and caught one patch, then a smaller patch.  Twisted my ankle something fierce, and fell on my side hard.  Could have been worse, much worse.  But... I'll survive.

My ribs still hurt more than any of all that.  And I don't think that hurt my ribs more.  We'll see tomorrow.  It really might bite me then.  Oh, and broke my glasses.  They weren't my best glasses, but my second best.  Not happy.  And... I may try to fix them.  Oh well.

I really didn't want to...

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.

No, the dishes I wanted to empty and remove.  To take a shower.  Which, I also wanted to do.  It's the scale.  I didn't want to step on it.  Last time I stepped on it, say... four days ago?  Did I list it?  I weighed 238.6.  Up from my low of 235.x... some week or two before.

I plateaued, and worse, had started gaining.  Nothing felt different.  Sure, I was getting rid of fluid.  But, by physical indications, I am only half way through that process.  I... really wanted to wait, a few days, get more water out.  But... no... I was naked, to shower, decided to just eat the bullet.

A bit of a fuss.

.

.

I was a bit grumpy, and angry about having to provide so much information... when it was they who called me.  But giving out that much information is not wise, either, anyway.  But, sore, tired, unhappy with that, I got angry.  A few days ago.

They called my primary, and asked to cancel me.  So, my primary contacted me.  I explained my fuss.  They gave me a number to call, so I called.  But they were busy, and busy, and busy, so I never got through.  It was lunch, that happens.  I got a call back today.  Saying they had tried to call me.  But... they hadn't.  I've been awake, my phone is open, and I have recieved no calls.  But I did say I would call again, and did.

Awake, late?

.

.

Yes, both to recent norms, and by when I went to bed.  Must have needed the sleep.  Down at 17:30, hard.  The last bit of gaming totaled me.  Waking and getting up at 3:30.  In better shape?  Well, for now.  But I feel the ribs beginning to whine.  Now, it does look like, between compression hose and water pills, water is... if not leaving the body yet, is vacating the feet.  Not all gone, yet.  But... going.  Another day or two, I am hoping it will be in better trim.  Using old, larger, socks.  Will use newer, smaller, socks when I... can fit them.

Blood sugar is 101 fasting.  Weekly, biweekly, and monthly averages are 106, 124, and 139.   That last?  Is about the A1C from my last visit ~6.5.  Today's reading is around an A1C of 5.1...  Getting there.  I think I have enough blood sugar test strips to last to the end of the month.  Then I'll have to buy more myself.  At least for a while.  I want to monitor it, stay on track.  Especially when trying to add a few foods back.

I finished the game.

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.

Not... that I am done with the game.  And... I didn't beat the game.  Solo?  I doubt it is possible.  Personally?  I just don't think so.  If it weren't for blind coop, having people basically carry me through?  There is no way I would have done it.  Just forcing coop.

Still, the first playthrough is... about... learning parts of the game, finding and sorting gear, and... such.  Even on the easiest mode, it is basically too difficult for most players.  It just is.  I'm a decent player.  But... am aging, and am not... the best, never was.  Just... reasonable player, good enough for this level.  Or... was.

A nice day.

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.

I had decided, even if it got to 50, I wouldn't open up today.  Just... feeling cold.  The trash truck went buy, emptied my barrel.  An UPS truck delivered something.  So, eventually, I got out, got the package, then brought the barrel back in.  Then, while feeding Sassy a bit later, I checked the temp.  58!  I... can do that.  I opened up the back spaces, just the windows.

Forgot to turn the furnace off, but got to that a half hour after.  Close enough.  I need to get the windows upstairs open.  Just... the ribs hurt so terribly.  But... just... I'll get to it.

Very strange.

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.

Did get the trash out, and something extra.  Sassy is being fed, her litter and water tended.  And, was redoing water.  I had one last jug.  It had been cleaned, then left to purify, in hot water.  Not boiled, but at 170, say, and contained, closed, for overnight, I count that as probably sanitized.

So, I finished that, but needed to run water.  I did that.  But, water was showing over 880 particles?  The usual high is 440 with it often running in the mid 200s.  Now, it could be the machine, but the water DID look different as I filled the reservoir.  Bubbly, extra white, strange.  Not sure if something, along the system, got flushed?  Or if there is some problem in the line, here or else?  Or... as I mentioned, perhaps it was just the machine (if the water does look... strange).

A good sleep.

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.

A fine awakening.  Down at 16:30, awake at midnight... well... five to.  I stayed down until 1:30, with some effort.  Finally had to wake, get up, get going.  I left the window open a solid crack, say a third, quarter, the way up.  It was 56, outside, when I went to bed.  But a cold 56?  Strange how 46 can seem warmer than some 56 F days, nights.

The air was good.  Fresh, nice.  Then I shut it about when I woke up.  Give or take fifteen minutes?  Memory, while sleeping, even right when waking, is... cloudy.  Still, got a better night sleep, with fresh air coming in.  And, strangely, it was warmer.  Usually it is 59, lately, up there.  With the window open?  64.  Though, maybe, even with the door shut, it pulls heat up and through?  Don't know.

Doing good.

.

.

I feel like I have been run over by a semi.  But, blood sugar is... incredible.  It dropped from 122 fasting, to 95 just now.  And the weekly, biweekly, and monthly averages are 108, 128, and 140.  I was starting to think insulin was permanently out of control.

I had corrected it.  Twice before.  Then... just... blundered back into old eating, and drinking, habits.  I didn't think it would correct, this time.  Took a LOT more effort.  And, it wasn't just dissatisfaction with my food.  But real pain.  I'm still hurting.

Midnight thirty.

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.

Well, when I awoke.  Tried to stay it.  Only made it to one.  Fine.

Sassy was fed, first thing.  She didn't get much food yesterday?  I think she only got one can.  Usually I feed her two.  Oddly, she didn't fuss much.

Absolutely bushed.

.

.

No idea why.  I slept well, long enough... seven hours.  Usually six to eight hours is enough.  Save... when it isn't, then I have no choice but to sleep longer.

I wondered if blood sugar had spided, for no good reason.  Nope, it's 88?  Crazy low number.  And that is with some of my food.  Well, that was eaten several hours before the 99 reading.  Just water since.  But that doesn't alwasy mean much.  But... it does this time.

With people not adding sugar, and else, to my food, I am doing fine.  Why do I say that?  Because, I'm not doing anything different from when it was staying higher.  My body wouldn't, one day, react well with my foods, and on another react poorly.  That's just not how it works.  I honestly wonder if the VA just sends sugar pills, literally, half the time.  Shave those costs, you know.

With blood sugar being this low, I would think I would begin losing weight again.  Though... as mentioned, I best stop eating the pickled meats.  I think, somehow, that is causing water retention.  I'm not sure how much salt they use, or if they, officially, list that.  Either way, I need to cut that down to two to three times a week.  And smaller portions.  I have cut portions, but will cut them more.

I'll feed Sassy one last time, then go on to bed.  Her water is fresh, her litter boxes are cleared, or were this morning, yesterday morning, and for a week or two back?  Might have missed one day.  But... doing better lately.

Sleep should help with the aches and pains, in my body.  I'll keep the alarms set for four and six, but hope to be up around midnight to two.  One can hope.  Good day and goodnight.

Dairy arrived.

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.

Usually not this much, but a tub of sour cream, and I am trying their sweet butter.  Plus my usual of sweet raw whole whipping cream.  I noticed the internet is lying about cream, now.  Saying it has twice as many carbs as it should.  And, finding the real data, as I used to be able to do, is no longer possible.

In one sense, that's a good thing.  It means people are turning their back on big ag, and it's hurting so much they are censoring real information, putting in false, and hopefully going bankrupt doing it.  They are trying to suggest, too, that a tablespoon of the stuff is 80 calories, not the 55 it really is.

Good, but...

.

.

Down at 20:30?  Or so.  Always some give or take.  When stretching my day, the end of the day becomes fuzzy, as to memory.  But about then.  Awake at two thirty, if I didn't crawl out until three.  Just a slower start.  Which... was okay.  I had, this time, set the alarms for four and six.  The goal, as always, is to be up before those go off.  I... hate alarm clocks.  The sound, the sensation of being pulled from sleep mechanically, everything about them.  I... like what they offer.  Or the dream of what they can offer?  If they worked, regularly, for me, I'd have a regular day.  They are more a hope than a reality for me.  Part of why I hate them?  Angry at my fate.

Still, up.  Awake, this day.  No need to fuss or be sad, about life.  Not on this day.

Not bad.

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I crashed so fast and hard, I forgot to set the alarms.  Which... worked.  I had been planning to set them around four and six.  If the goal was to wake up before they went off.  Which... I did, if without setting them.  Awake at two.  I took my time getting out of bed.  A leisure no human can deny, unless they have to get going.  But, if allowed?  A slow, gentle, waking is... truly luxurious.  Doesn't matter what time.

Good sleep, which I mostly got.  A slow wake up period.  All good.  I prefer to pop out of bed, mostly because I often am still tired, and hate the process.  But if I slept well, and feel rested, then a slow waking period is nice.  I just haven't had good sleep for most of the last thirty seven... thirty eight... years.  So, ripping the bandaid off, and just popping up, when possible, is what I did.  Or... just kept sleeping after trying to escape slumber.

A bit of help.

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I had forgotten that help was arriving.  Thankfully, they texted to check.  I checked, if the time and date was correct, and that was today in the afternoon.  Affirmative.  So, I said yes, showered, got dressed appropriately, and was ready.  I had a few types of various knives and box openers.  Short work.  I forgot a few, but mostly got what was in this room, and other places, taken care of.

Rather than cinching a belt down, to look like... a bum?  I wore suspenders.  I bought a few new pair.  I'll wear these for good.  The old set, that is a bit stretched, bent a bit, and such?  I'll keep those for my cargo pj's.  Or other items, that are mostly just for around the house.

As the world turns.

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Do they still have daytime dramas?  I remember, when I was out sick, for a week.  Watched a few of them during the day.  I'm not sure if that was one of them.  All I know is it took a whole week to... get absolutely nowhere.  Something happened, or was about to happen, and they... just talked about it.  The whole week was about people finding out what happened, how it happened, and being told secrets or lies about what happened.  Well, and bring up stuff for three years before?

It was television hell, for me.  Fever, chills, sore throat, sniffles, a cough, body aches, and such.  School didn't want me.  Nothing else I could do.  Couldn't sleep all the time.  I realized, really, that is how women think, what they like, it's all about knowing every body else's business.  Or... those in their circles, and maybe one step, or two, out... in case something out there might become involved with their circles.

Improvements.

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I ended up awake all the way to 16:30?  Give or take a quarter.  I was so fried when I went to bed that the last numbers of the time are fogged out.  I, again, awoke at 20:00.  This time I did an assessment, to sort out why I was awake.  Cold.  I was cold.  Probably why I have been waking at that time lately.  It's when the world hereabouts shifts from spring like days to winter night temps.  And... I feel it.

So, I checked the blankets.  They were well placed.  So, I turned the electric blanket on, then tried to get back to sleep.  Check.  Not a lot more, but I did sleep to midnight.  Good enough.

14:30

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Awake.  Calls?  Lost my voice around noon.  Realized it was after I had planned to call, so thought about calling after lunch, say 13:30?  Couldn't talk by then.  I am too tired to speak.  And what comes out sounds like gravel, spoken by... a slow individual.  Can still type at speed.  Just... can't talk.

Just... continued to game.  Nothing fancy, just tinkering.  Trying to find a dungeon, in a zone, in a particular region.  Hmm, my blind shots aren't working.  I may need to see... where connecting regions are, for what I am seeking.  So that I have a better idea of where to go, or to know when I find it.  Or... maybe.  Just because connection zones are there, it doesn't mean what they often lead to is there as well.  Frustrating.

Still awake.

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Trying to stay awake for... a while longer.  Would like to check on a few appointments, and... see how the making of some others is coming along.  I... fell behind on those.  But there were so many.  I did get some of them going, but... just too much.  I overload quickly, easily, when they try to put too much on me.  Though... I think I'll skip the cardiologist.  All he can do is watch me die.  He can't fix anything.  And all of his remedies are things I wouldn't accept.  Heart transplant?  That would guarantee my death within four to six years, assuming the "medicine" I would be required to start didn't get me first, and assuming they didn't just off me right their on the table.  They have been trying for ages.

I will let them check the kidneys.  But, as mentioned, those are improving.  A lot.  Just... to... take a look.  Again, I won't allow them to put me on medication, or do procedures.  They have greens fees and club dues, but not on my health.  Just... a check see.  Maybe another in a year, or six months.  Then we are done.  I wouldn't mind getting optometry and the other one set up locally.  But, again, and with those?  One or two, then done.  Unless something changes.