A very short sleep.

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Darned it!  I was hoping to sleep long, like to midnight, even three!  Up at about eighteen hundred, half after?  I... just can't remember.  It's 18:55 as I write, but... I don't know if I have been awake for an hour, or half.  Blood sugar is coming back down, at 170.  I... took that at 18:34, so... and right after I woke.  Now I have the answer.  Sometimes tech... helps remember.  Or... acts as memory.

My mother called, three times.  Left messages.  My phone was off, and besides?  We... don't talk anymore.  Her choice.  One way availability just doesn't work for me.  So... like with brother... she has been blocked.  She can leave messages, and did.  So be it.  She let me know that one of my in-law cousins has died.  He was younger, by a decade... two, but in very poor health?  Wait.  I'm in poorer health?  Crazy, who gets to go.  Lucky bastard!

I just couldn't make it.

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An appointment, today.  Fifteen hundred, or three p.m. for most of you.  It took an half hour to get through.  They say they are busy because of the holiday?  Maybe.  But, really?  I think they are having trouble finding employees.  Well, and getting them in.  One place not to work, during a real or fake pandemic and the ongoing surge of all that?  Hospitals.

But, the truth is?  A lot of people have just... stopped working.  Not that they were working hard, before.  But, now?  The absolute misery of work?  When people were broken of that, they... can't go back.  Not for minimum wage.  Not for better pay.  It just wasn't working out.  They realized they could never, ever, get ahead... as things are going these days.  They probably wouldn't even end up with social security.  And, welfare is only for people who shouldn't get anything.  Yeah.

Not even sure when I went to bed.

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After six?  Before seven, eight?  I think before seven.  Can't be certain.  Definitely before eight?  Dark, still, but lightening?  Though, maybe not.  Just can't remember.

I have called my mom every day for the last five days, twice usually.  I had something to talk to her about, several things.  She has blocked my number.  She isn't ill, I would have heard.  So?  So be it.  Be careful with your wishes, I am... better at that.

Hmm, not so good.

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The prepackaged, shaped burgers?  Not so good.  One tastes like... it's been flavored.  The other one is a bit better, but there is just something off about it.  Oh, I'll finish them, or try.  But I'll not go that way in the future.  I have gotten picky, if while food quality has absolutely plummeted.  At least the local stores do better, at least for simple ground beef.  I'll have to see if they carry real burger patties.  One of them even tasted more like sausage?  Must have added... something(s).  Maybe pork fat instead of beef tallow/fat?

Didn't get to anything else.  Fed Sassy, took care of her.  From litter to food.  I had two meals.  If one was leftovers and the other was preformed patties.  Meh.  Oh, but the cheese I got from costco was good.  The havarti was really a nice one.  That can be hit or miss, if mostly it's good.  Only a few, which I suspect they used cheap oils in, were bad of many I have tried.

I am curious about the cheddar.  Not my favored brand, for cheese.  I like some of their other products.  I think I tried their cheddar, but a long time ago.  Do things change?  I'll find out before long.

I had hoped to be able to push through, into the afternoon.  Not going to happen.  Surprised.  The game has been a siren's call, pulling me in.  But... I've hit a wall.  Limits to how far I can push, or even be pulled.  Good to know my addictions don't have complete control.  Though would have been nice to push through.  I'll take night meds before crashing, but am pretty much going down shortly.  I just... can't stay up.

Good moring, day, and goodnight.  

Shots?

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Had to laugh.  First?  Even if it had been shots, it... most likely... wouldn't have been a bad thing?  Most likely, someone shooing off a dog, raccoon, coyote if some rare one came a little close, or such.  Though, if it was a bad thing, it... would be limited to those involved.

But, no.  Fireworks.  Tis the season.  And time.  Not a lot, but it's cold out there, baby.  Just enough to enjoy the notion.  Some things I will miss.

Ah, a new year coming up?

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New?  Different from the last?  Well, it's... up to us.

Oh, we... can't change some things.  We can't force this, or that, on any one.  Elites, each other, or such.  But, we can see what we did that was right, and what was wrong, and change our future course.  I'm... an old guy now.  And, yet, I will still do some accounting, sorting, figuring, and praying.  And, I will go from there.

As mentioned, I cannot force anyone else to do what is right... or wrong.  I have difficulty getting myself to do what is right... or even wrong.  Odd how that works.  But, I can... choose a direction, do my best to stay on track, and go on my way.  And I will.  This year, last, next if I am still here.

That was something.

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Trying to figure out this new in-game challenge.  And, really, it is eating me.  So far.  I have no idea how late I was up.  But I have been pushing things for days, now.  Between the game, getting out, health, and... else.  

I had no idea what day it was today.  I woke several times through the day, but could never quite end up finding a clock, watch, or phone to check... anything.  Sassy visited several times.  But I wasn't worried about her.  I have increased her feed to two cans a day.  She is gaining, but... while I am totally out of control with wakefulness and sleep, I... just... pamper her a bit.  Been this way for a while, if more severely recently.

Absolutely bushed.

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Yesterday, while good, absolutely crushed me.  I did get to be early, at 2:25 or so... give or take ten minutes.  But I am just crawling out of bed, at around 15:00, a few to ten after.  Litter, food, and water, for Sassy, were first things.  Looks like dairy arrived.  Two creams, and yogurt this time.  Sour cream last time.

I can't keep up with kefir, so I'll get some of the farm fresh, raw, actually plain, yogurt.  Easy on the stomach.  That, along with meats, may help with variety and flavors.  I have been thinking about marinating in yogurt, some tough cuts of meat.  I'd really like to try that.  Then roast it... maybe right in the marinade?  Though, not sure I have enough, or enough time, this time.  Too many other meats are already thawed.  And, not even sure which meat to buy?  A knuckle joint, of some type?  Or even just chicken breasts, then dice those?  Dunno.

Hungry.

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Again.  Again again, really.  A steak.  Cooked to perfection, if only half eaten.  Though, that is working out for me really well.  A new microwave makes a difference.  If I really shouldn't.  Still, it's what I've got, and can do, so there it is.  Have a steak fresh and cooked about as raw as it can be, for my tastes (which... is... rather closer than most could do).  But, it is seared very well, tight.

The next meal of that will be warmed in the microwave.  I try to only warm it really well, not cook it.  To the level that is possible.  And, yes, that works really well.  Still, three meals today?  Two of them of very questionable sorts?  But... the first meal was a social thing.  And... it... opened up a whole can of worms.  Hungry?  No.  HUNGRY.  Right.  Even the burrito didn't fill the void.  I could have eaten another?  Yes.  Right then, too.  So the half a steak... was a denial.

Yeah?

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Wow.

Made it out.  Got to dinner.  He was going to pay, I got to it first!  Ha!  I like friends like that, win or lose, you can't lose.

Late, for as desparately early as it is?

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Right.  About that.  I... found a part of the game that... just swallowed me whole.  So far, mostly, this game has been hit or miss, as to retention.  I was beginning to think that the game had no more legs to it.  When a game becomes too painfully boring, it gets set aside.  Then another game is looked for, to purchase or already in my collection.

I thought this was going to happen, but the last two nights, the game kept me going from... when I could wake until way after I thought I'd be in bed.  What was it?  Oh!  It was 8:15 when I went on to bed.

It must be chilly out there.

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Down to 60, in this front room.  The lowest I have seen it on more regular periods is 64.  But, for snaps?  Actually, the coolest snaps have only been down to 64.  In this room.  Then again, maybe it's just settling in to the winter cold, and for sure?  Should have been colder, to be honest.  And wetter.  It's been a very dry winter.  Hmm, okay then.

Blood sugar dropped to 153.  It was 229 fasting.  No sweetener, of any kind.  And, no food for the moment.  Heating a pan, to fry a steak.  Nothing fancy, but it'll work.  Other than that, water.  Carbonated, but unflavored.  That's the highest fasting blood sugar I have had in a long time.  It is also the fastest and biggest drop I have seen in a long time.  Stupid thing!

Awake, late.

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Sleep was so good though.  Sassy tried to wake me at nearing ten.  I gave her some attention, but couldn't wake.  I think she visited again later.  Just couldn't wake.  Then a phone call, about my next appointment.  I asked if I could get that local, they said it wasn't available here so I kept it.  I can't afford gas these days, so... everything that can be local, will be.

The only exception is phone/telli appointments.  If they have that locally, I will cancel that appointment.  That ISN'T an appointment.  If I won't be seeing someone in person, and they can't just send a questionnaire, we can skip that.  They aren't serious about that.  They will hang themselves with teh stupid, I'm not falling for it.

Finally, food.

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It wasn't perfect.  Beans and beef, with cheese, sour cream, salt, and hot spice.  The beans and beef were simply mixed with shredded cheddar, some water, covered gently, and microwaved.  Then spiced rather hotly, or you would think so.  Then sour cream was added.

I was so hungry.  It has been days.  Even if blood sugar is running high, it isn't from calories, fat, protein, or even much of a carb count.  I doubt if I have had even thirty carbs a day, if... that doesn't seem to matter.  Blood sugar is outrageous, again.  Well, over two hundred.  Just, but... and early and late today.  Beans, probably, kept it up tonight.  I'm starting to think my food or drink has been tampered with?  Could be.  This should not be a problem, strictly by diet.  Trying to force me onto diabetes medicine?  I won't do it.

The third day of Christmas.

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Two ways this one is seen.  By tradition in my church, it is seen as the feast of St. John the Evangelist.  It has been suggested that he holds such a close part to the Christ because of his chastity.  Known, among other things, as the virgin apostle.  A thing known pretty much only in my faith.

As well, the third day is considered about the three French hens, which connotates the three greatest virtues.  That of hope, faith, and charity.

Well, so my searches have indicated.  There are a lot of things that have been labeled this or that, about this and that.  But... this should do.

Up very late, so...

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Not awake until nearly 13:00.  I think it was around five when I went down.  The game... it has me chasing shadows, and... just not finding them.  That is, to a degree, it's job.  Then again, it is a main game, with three to five dlc's of various lenght, and me just trying to sort one and the other, and more.  Especially when ill to boot.

More dreams, but I don't remember them.  Soft, a woman definitely in one.  But, if you know anything about women, you know they are only soft sometimes.  They are just as mean as a rattlesnake.  Which, if you are a typical man, and in this way I am, it... doesn't matter.  I don't care, because it doesn't confront me none.  It just doesn't.  Mostly.

I can't remember what all happened in the dreams, just that one of them was about the softer side of women.  Not necessarily sexual.  Women can be nice, kind, loving, gentle... sometimes.  They have the... two extremes.  Men are more middling, unless it comes to defense of family.  Then, at least good men, men can be brutal.  To, for, or with family.  Women?  Mean or kind, almost always just one or the other.  Men don't care unless we have to, then we... take care.

I have been missing medicine.  Getting at least one in, during the day, so trying to take a bit more dose.  It's what I can do.  Not as nauseated as I have been.  If, too, I haven't been eating.  I did have more of the beans and beef, but a small portion.  Even so, it is keeping blood sugar high, 206 fasting, from one bowl of the stuff.  Still, it was edible.  So, I'll finish it off today, and get back to just meat?  Try.  Though I may just stop eating for a while.  Try to allow the gastro-intestinal parts get back to some order.

I will... try to get a shower, and do laundry, and dishes, today.  Will see.  Later.

A wonderful dream?

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I didn't mention it, but last night I dreamed of getting married.  A fine, young, woman.  I mean wonderful.

We did well.  Got the house in order, then the yard.  Got things set up, for domestics, and... in time... children.

Well?

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So tired.  Not sure I will get to much.  Would rather just go back to bed, but want to try to stay up until... later.  It's 15:20, so... I could go to bed.  Would like to make it to 18:00, 18:30...  Longer?  I'll just have to see.

Hungry?  Yes, but my gut is in a knot, so putting food in just doesn't seem... likely.  I have burger and beans.  But not interested.  Fatty food doesn't sound good, carbs don't sound good, veggies don't sound tasty.  Having trouble just taking down fluids, coffee, water, whatnot.  Just... not... able?  The body doesn't want... anything.  It'll get some fluids, like it or not.

Boxing day?

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Or, the second day of Christmas, according to one tradition?  So be it.  On this day, in England, the wealthy were to box up gifts for the poor?  Well, so it seems.  One tradition I was not familiar with.  I've never quite seen England as all that Christian?  It's... the royal based politics, and the rest.  It's... just... either lineage or bureaucracy, neither having much to do with the will of the people at all.  And, those things are harshly inforced, and usually wrong, one, several, or in all ways.  Still, it's... what it is.

Me?  I ought to take care of boxes, but more to get rid of them, then fill them for the poor.  The poor, these days, have more than the rich?  Just... not money?  Strange, but seemingly true.  Sort of like the poor being obese, not skinny like they used to be?  Odd world we live in.

Still, Merry Second Day of Christmas.

For good or ill, up.

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Better.  No major aches, and few of what little events are happening.  Rested, warm.  No major symptoms of any sort, for the moment.  But... I do need to get in.  I have an appointment coming up, I'll call on that day, see if they still want me to go to the emergency room.  If so, I'll... be there early.

It's 18 outside, as I wake at 11:30.  Sassy is fed.  I'll hit her litter box shortly.  Water looks good.  I'd like to get a shower, begin in on laundry to be sure for this coming Sunday, and Saturday at my church.  Gotta try.  Not sure it will happen.  Ugh.  But... I have a few days.  Tuesdays, the 27th?  That... looked wrong.  Humidity is 27%, I... just... saw that first.  Was?  Now it's 26%?  How funny.  Just 27 long enough to confuse me.  I love games the universe plays.  So, Tuesday the 26th.  Five days and a bump, then January 1st, and a new year.  Okay.  Half bump?  Just to midnight, they say.

Well, on with something.  Waking.  Coffee.  Looking around the web.  Then... maybe... a start on things.  Later.  Have a good day.

Putz!

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You heard me right.  Or... Merry Christmas!

Hmm?  Well, today is the first day of the rest... of the twelve days of Christmas.

And?  And, putz!  Oh, I suppose I should explain.  Since... most of you are non-trad.  :p  Oh, don't take it badly?  Or... do.  I'm good.

Putz, in traditions, and a foreign country, referred to visiting friends and family, in order to examine their nativity scenes.  Since I have no such thing, doubt if you do, or that I am invited for such, and couldn't go even if I was?  I'll just put up a link to a store which carries a collection of them.

I like the idea, just... don't... know how to make that work.  Bachelors just... don't... live such a life in which such things are possible.  It just isn't how reality works.  For many of us.  Those things are for when wives, and more families, exist.  Men suffer such things, it's... just the truth.  Still, I... do like the idea.

Here are a number of fine nativity scenes.  Merry Christmas, putz.  *grins*

Not just chills...

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There was a profound fever along with it.  Always strange to be cold and hot at the same time.  Still, it was warming up that I needed.  The fever, and chills, broke four or five hours in.  And remain gone, for now.  Could come back at any time.  A handful of aspirin probably didn't hurt.

Went to bed at, a bit before 22:00?  A bit after?  I thought maybe half before.  Can't be sure.  Waking at 11:30.  A long sleep, but needed.  I did hear the seven alarm, but just shut it off.  There... was nothing doing, as they say.  I didn't wake until five or ten before actually getting out of bed.

Sassy invaded.  If not I probably wouldn't have waken.  She didn't even push, she must know I am ill.  Still, it was time.  I reset her litter, got her a cleaned bowl and fresh water, then fed her.  I try to do right by her.  And she is usually patient with me.  Odd, but when we are good to each other, as good as we can be, we usually get what we want much more surely and quickly?  It's not even a quid pro quo thing.  It's... a silent understanding, and kindness.  She knows I give what and when I can.  And I know what she wants and needs, and do my best.

Christmas day?  Monday...  I... thought it was still Sunday.  I must have been sick, for longer than I knew.  Lost a whole day, right while paying fairly close attention.  I'll call my mother later in the day.  Not sure when dinner is, for them, but often it is midafternoon, or regular dinnertime... supper time that is, really.  So either around 14:00 to 18:00?  Give or take, but by old family traditions, those are the... normal holiday feast times.

She is visiting a cousin and her husband.  Always glad to see her eating with family.  Love it when I hear she, or someone in the family, is cooking.  There is just... something good about eating with family.  It's an event, and everyone is getting older.  But, that is a special part of life.  Ham, I have heard, is on the menu.  I am sure it will be a delight.

I am still sick, so I won't be going out, or cooking.  I am having the last quart of milk.  It has been... helping?  Well, it is handling the hunger.  But killing on the blood sugar side.  Still, for now, comfort will do.  I'll... deal with the blood sugar as I can.  

Still some shakes, from the chills.  That was... excessive.  Haven't had such a serious case of the shaking shivers in... years, maybe a decade, two?  The sudden onset, the severity, but too that it is already gone?  Usually when I get the shivers, it's here for days, up to a week... the last time was four or five days, shivering in bed, feverish too.  Though, in that one, it was the fever that was the worst...  That was two years before covid.  So... just the flu.

I'm honestly surprised some of the side things haven't gotten me.  These are on top of a really bad heart, stage 3 to 4 kidney failure, and some 2 to 3 stage liver failure?  And... those things stretched over decades.  Talk about comorbities!  I've got those, and then some!  :)  Still, okay.  I'll suffer, even gladly.  Okay.

Hmm?  Today?  If I can, I would REALLY like to get to laundry.  I missed this group of church events, and Christmas.  But I would like to make it this coming week.  Which means I need clothes washed, ready.  On a non-superholy week, I can dress down just a bit, if need be.  But I still prefer to dress up to some extent.  I... take the bible seriously.  And, if you are to go, you should dress approprietly to be in the presence of God.  If that isn't your faith, I guess whatever.  But when I walk into a church, it is to be with God.  As Christ suggested, about the wedding, some could not deign to attend.  Others wished to but did not dress correctly.  He did provide, but expected, for some.  He was left, in the end, with those who would, could, and did... including dressing correctly.  Do... not take these things without serious consideration.

I was sort of for God, then ambivalent, then He came to me in a way that left me with two choices.  Abide, or knowingly ignore.  I... take Him very, deadly, seriously.  Jesus didn't come to end, but fulfill, the laws.  Understand.  Some old laws were relinquished, foods, eye for an eye, and some others.  Other laws were only enforced.  To my understanding, to wear right clothes in His presence.  Sure, there is time, but I have had my time.  At this point, that is expected.

So... laundry, today.  Or tomorrow, soon, before next week.  I'd like to get three or four sets of clothes ready.  Amen.  Later.

Ah-ha!?!

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Nausea, alone?  Could be almost anything.  Changing diet could easily, and likely, be the culprit.  But... what about infection?  And, now, severe chills?  The aches and pains I wrote off.  Other symptoms that came and went, like diarhea?  Yes, maybe infection.

Mild enough, mostly.  I have fought it as well as possible, but have been fighting it for months.  While not losing, absolutely, not winning.  And, now, getting worse.  Shaking so severely, with the heater up, and dressed very warmly, I can barely type.  It's a slow process.

I'm going on to bed.  I'll turn the space heater on for a bit, and the electric planket, plus warm pj's.  The aches are back, as is a runny nose.  Nausea, oddly, is gone... for the moment.  Goodnight.

Nausea.

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Nothing I have tried has improved the problem.  I am about to begin looking for ideas.  Milk, for as bad as it is for me, is edible and doesn't make it worse.  I have half a gallon left.  A fatted coffee isn't too bad, but... isn't as good as milk, on the belly.  I so want to eat.

Not sure if the chicken I thawed is still any good.  I am thinking of checking.  If so?

Well, while thinking...

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Bills, bills, bills.  I got a bit behind these last few months... what with the bike, and Christmas.  Well, and... just life, sometimes.  It all gangs up on us, and I found myself just a bit behind.  So, this coming month, spending will be lowered, paying things off will be increased.  I won't completely catch up, but I should... get in better shape.

If I can keep it up, for a few months, I should be in much better shape by, say, March.  Completely caught up?  No.  But much, much closer.  However, I will take care of three bills completely, this first month.  But the bigger one, remaining, will take longer.  The goal is to be completely out by, June?  July?  As well as be saving on the side.

Oh, ouch.

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Achy.  Mostly upper body, bones, joints, such.  Shoulders, neck, upper back, all just... out of sorts.  Not too terribly off, but enough, and in enough areas, to make it a rough day.

Couldn't wake until just a bit before 13:00.  Tried.  Had the alarms set for five and seven.  Then started waking around 9:40 or so.  Just never made it any of those times.  Wanted to get up early.  Was hoping to make it to the invitation. It simply wasn't going to happen, didn't happen.

Unable.

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Food... I got it.  I added carbs, hoping that bowing to the... darkness... would help.  Nope.  Just as nauseaus as before.  Worse?  Hard to tell.  So... no laundry.  I'm too ill.  I've been fighting it, looking for a window of opportunity.  It just isn't going to happen.  Here, it's 23:00, and I'm going on to bed.

Clean, shaven... or at least trimmed.  If I can get up, and get going, tomorrow.  I will.  There is a reason I have been doing nothing.  I can't.

So very difficult, rough.  I just want to eat.  I can't eat, right or wrong, and have a good turnout.  Everything makes me want to be ill, violently.  I haven't been, but I want to be.  Just to purge, at this point, would be good.  Like when I used to drink too much, becoming ill was a cleansing.  The thing is, for the most part, there isn't anything to clean out.  Not... sure it would work.

On to bed.  Goodnight.

Not getting to things all that quickly.

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But, there is the start.  A shower.  Long, hot, beautiful... sitting for a while and just... taking it in and on like an old dog getting a wonderful treat.  Teeth brushed, body clean, fresh clohtes... if mostly just pj's... if amenable to admitting a visitor, or small runs to local shops.

No socks on, yet.  Letting my feet dry.  I trimmed the nails a bit before showering as well.  I hope they dry quickly.  Yes, I dry between the toes, these days, after showering.  But, still, moitured clings to the skin.  I... like to let it get really dry, Utah dry.

A very good sleep.

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Down at 22:30, I think?  Not up until nine.  Way too much sleep, in one sense.  But wonderful sleep.  Yes, I had the alarms set, at five and seven.  I'm still... trying.  I may even get back to it.  Or not.  Will just see in a bit.

Sassy was fed first thing.  She helped me wake.  And it is late.  So... first thing.  I'll change her water and do her litter, after she uses those to her whiles.  I give her a bit of time if it's later.  She usually goes an hour or two after eating, but if eating is later, she may go right away.  I don't have all of her peculiarities down, but a few.

A difficult day.

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Can't quite understand.  I am dizzy, really dizzy.  I can keep my feet under me, but I feel ill from it, almost seasick sort of ill.

I check blood sugar and bp.  At 129, blood sugar isn't great, but it's not too bad.  Higher than it should be, but that comes from eating incorrectly, and several times in a row... three times, every other or third day.  Yeah.  BP was a bit high, on the first check, at 167/100 with a pulse of 79.  The second reading was 144/100, same pulse.  But that was with almost no effort, other than changing arms.  So, while not great, not all that bad.

A bit of a struggle.

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The five alarm did wake me.  And I was... getting up.  Not sure what happened, but ended up sleeping until well into the seven alarm.  It has... five or six snoozes, ten minutes per.  I think it was the fourth one at which I finally got up.  Or... knew I would so shut it off.

Litter, then fresh water, and finally food for Sassy.  Water started, for coffee.  And the machine turned on, so as to be ready when I got to it.  It takes a bit, as beside the computer turning on, I unplug the internet each night.  I don't want the machines to be accessible while I sleep.

Just past 22:00.

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Six after, to be exact.  I am tired.  Ready for bed.  Going in early.  Earlier, anyway.  Last I checked, it was 31 outdoors, if falling quickly, from a high of 44... to the best of my knowledge.  But... it's... been a nice day.  It looks ugly, not a pretty day.  But I'll gladly take the warmth over the pretty, right exactly on this day... and through these last.  Sometimes it's just... nice.  Like... some women?  Hmm.  *grins*

I checked blood sugar after dinner.  It was down to 119, so that's good.  It'll probably be high in the morning, and will be for several days.  It... takes a while, after eating poorly.  Surprised it lowered this much this soon as is.  I'll take it.  Wanted to check again, but... decided against.  Running out of test strips, and don't have money here or there to buy it.  Well, I do, but... I really don't even though I do?

Annoying.

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Not that being annoyed is something I don't enjoy, from... time to time.

It looks to be working.

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I let it go about three hours.  And the drain pipes are holding, dry as a whistle.  Hmm... my whistles are wet though?  That's... not the point.

A spot of coffee, finally.  Gaming as I was trying to wake.  I must figure some things out.  Work, at getting things right.  Dig in, do some more work around the cave.  And, I think I can.  Maybe not through this week, until next week.  But, Christmas is fast upon me, so that's okay.

A bit later, and not.

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I think it was 23:30 when I finally got down.  I woke at 4:30, if just in time to turn off the five alarm and go on back to bed.  The seven woke me?  Or did I was just before?  I didn't get up, had no intention of getting up quite immediately, in either case.

I hit the snooze a few times, planning on waking in a slow process.  I'm still tired from yesterday, from life in general, for the weather, age, lack of health.  So, while I planned to wake in the seven range, not the early part of it.  At about forty after, I hit the last snooze, then got up.  The space heater had been running.  The thermometer on the alarm read 60, but had been placed next to the outside wall, and near a window, so... it would read cooler.  The main thermometer in the middle of the room, at waist level, read 66.  Usually that will read from 55 to 57, though can go from 54 to 60, without anything else.  So that space heater, given time, does warm it up there.  Just not necessarily in the "corners of the room", as I think of the odd, outer, lower, windowed, spaces.

I swear...

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I am honestly not sure why, or how?  I yet live.  Have you ever had difficulty breathing?  Whether from exhertion, too much weight on you by being trapped or pinned, health problems, or such?  Imagine having a hundred pounds of something on you, most of the time.  I tell you, it's... difficult.  Been that way between a quarter and three quarters of the time for most of the last forty years.

Better, lately.  More like a quarter of the time.  Medicine, is my guess, has helped.  But that quarter of a time is a bit harsher, these days.  I can resist less.  Age has it's costs.

What a day.

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The bike was set up.  Installed a charger system, for the battery.  And installed a different usb, this one also has an 'auto cigarette lighter'.  I don't smoke, but those are very handy... both as a heat/lighting source, and as a plug in for various things.  As well, the fuel filter was added.  I didn't do much of it, but... it was okay.

Oh, and checked the springs.  I think they are stock, but for now that is good enough.  I only weigh forty pounds more than the guy who has been riding her, and he has zero problems with train tracks or potholes.  Suspects I won't eighter.  Off road?  I'll... think of that when I get to that.  But, at least I know, or am pretty sure, they are stock.  So, if need be, I could get the progressives for a bit more resitstance to front bottiming.

A good wake.

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A bit late.  Down around 22:30, had hoped to wake at five.  Set the alarms for five and seven.  Heard the five, knew it wouldn't happen, shut that one down.  Hoping to be awake before the seven.  Nope.  Shut that one down too?  Must have.  Oh, but with plans to wake up.  So, was on the way.  Heard a beep.

A text.  Are you awake?  Thought that it would be that, or a cancelation.  Looks like it's good.  I just, fifteen minutes later, let him know I was awake.  Just needed to shower.  Which... I just am out of.  Took a long time, but... yeah.  Though I wanted to let my feet dry.  I dry them, very well, these days.  But too, want to let them air dry.

Dinner, and to bed?

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Later than anticipated.  But, it just took longer to get dinner going.  A steak, if I, again, only ate half.  But this one was much tastier.  I'll wrap up the other half for tomorrow.  Delicious.  Well, still having nausea problems.

One thing that has been suggested is to go to those medium carb foods, such as broccoli, various squashes, yams/sweet potatoes.  It's been suggested that, perhaps, I am not yet ready for going without carbs as completely as I have been.  And, yes, that... makes absolute sense.

Someone thinks... something.

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Always?  Often... surprised.  The way things come together, here and there.

Someone suggests, or reiterates, things suggested... here and there.  Ears to hear?  It seems so.  And learning a voice too.  I... had to laugh.  If I don't think humor was the point.  Laughter isn't always about humor.  Watching a puppy stumble, or a kitten fall asleep right on top of danger, and... watching people understand what they can't believe.  Faith is... a terribly wonderful thing.  Truth?  I suspect so.  Not... always.  But often enuogh?  Maybe, something.

To bed later, up late.

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Midnight, and change, or so.  Up at 8:30, give or take a handful.  Blood sugar still higher, at 144.  Difficult to keep on carnivore.  Again, looked at a few vids in an attempt to help with that.  Even eating right, again, for days.  Takes... a while to get back into trim, I guess.  Though I am not doing things just right.  If that may not ever be possible.  Bah.

I do have meats out, thawed, ready.  Not sure if the chicken is good.  It's older, from when I still bought chicken by parts.  Thighs.  But those had become so hit and miss, that I stopped buying them that way.  Every package was suspect.  I'll brine them, and bake them.  See how it works.  Toss them if they have that... scank old chicken taste.  As if they hadn't been frozen quickly enough.

Not quite?

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I put out meat, to thaw.  Thought a steak might thaw enough to work with.  No... it just didn't quite get there.  Moved it out, where it might thaw a bit quicker.  Hoping for a steak yet tonight.  Why steak?  First, they don't need to thaw completely, to cook well.  Second, everything else needs much more thawing time.  And, finally, I need to eat something tasty.  Tastier.  Burger has become... very... old.  Which, is fine.  Sometimes.  But... I've got to make food edible, or I won't eat it.  And, if I don't eat it, I will, in time, eat something else.  Something not good.  Pizza!  Tacos!  Burritos!  And those throw my blood sugar even more off than the slight stuff I have been eating off the wagon.

In some ways I am as hungry as a bear.  I need something in me.  In other ways, I'm not hungry and all, and could keep going without for a long time.  But... in truth, I am just on an edge.  A slip could cause me to go out and eat out for days in a row, to take care of my needs, or more my wants.  I have to be caustious.  While it is true, I don't need food.  My body wants, nay demands, food.  And it requires food that is good to eat.  You can survive on stuff.  But the first shot your body gets at something better, tastier, more, it'll take it.

No, not what was thought.

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I made another attempt to contact UPS, change the address.  It just didn't work.  It has been changed, on amazon.  But that didn't, and hasn't, affected the order.  As they said it should.  It simply won't work.

I have made attempts to contact the company, halt or change the order through them, to no success.  There is no one there, or it isn't getting through... my attempts to contact them.  Nothing.  As well, it is a product that can't be canceled, or the order in any way changed.

Quite the morning.

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Mostly gaming.  Then, I thought I heard something, someone, out front.  I checked.  Expecting a package, so... but no.  Nothing, no one?

Then, I... was sure I heard something.  I checked.  Again, nothing, no one.  But... someone pulled into my drive.  I didn't recognize him, at first.  He was speaking, but I couldn't hear him.  So I went out to the drive.  Father!

A nice morning.

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What was it, 20:30 when I went down?  Or so.  Give or take an half hour.  I set the alarms, for 5:00 and 7:00.  Just could not wake at five.  Kept hitting the snooze button.  Turned on the space heater.  it was 58, down by me, before the space heater was turned on.  By the time I woke, at 5:45, it was up to 64.  Which... seemed to help.

I basically got through all the snoozes allowable?  There might have been one left, I can't remember if their are four or five... or would that maybe be six?  I can't remember, and turned it off before finding out.  On the good side, I didn't sleep until the seven alarm.  Up.

A bit to eat.

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A sort of... dirty rice?  Burger, tomato, spices... hot, and a pseudo rice.  Must not have been too bad.  After eating, blood sugar finally started to come down just a bit.  Just to 126, but okay.  It, without that, had only just come down to 146.  It just wasn't moving.  I haven't checked blood pressure or weight.  Later... in the week.

So tired.  It's been difficult to stay awake.  Hitting 19:24, as I write this.  Ah, but thankfully I was awake long enough to remember to take medicine.  I took morning pills as well.  A little higher doses, just... because I keep missing.  Most nights for the last three to four days, and some days.  On the good side, a bit extra, from time to time, seems to help.  If I could just focus, remember, the small doses would work.  Just having a heck of a time.  Winter... eating less... other things?

How clever.

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As I wake, I look at my blogger start area.  I have 248 visitors for the day, for whatever that means.  Which, isn't much by itself.  But?  That is how much I weigh this morning.  Clever.  Very funny.  Something about repeating numbers, patterns, echoes for reality?  This... down for 285 to 290.  I'd go with the high one, maybe 295 at that point.  Things were going... wrong.  It's been a month?  Since going, trying to go, carnivore?  Three weeks?  Eight?  Somewhere in the shorter range, like a month, or a month and a week or two?

I had lost some weight before, but had gained it all back after my second previous doctors appointment.  But had been carnivore for a week or two, so had gotten back down to the mid 260's range by the next visit.  Now to 248.  Still, not impressed.  And, not really doing it for that.  Though would welcome weight loss.

Finally cooked a bit.

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Burger, out on the griddle.  I cleared and cleaned the griddle.  It's usually in pretty good shape, didn't need much.  Didn't make burgers, created burger crumble.  Works in lots of things.  Added beans to some of it, then cheese.  Beans?  Right, but... yeah.  Yea.  I know.

Not much else today.  Tired.  Very tired.  Drinking too much fluid?  Even my hands feel bloated.  Not sure what is up with that.

A very good sleep.

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Just, what, half before 19:00, down?  Not awake until 5:30.  Wow.  A long sleep.  Must have needed it.  Did push through from three yesterday morning, or so?  Something.  All good.

Sassy has been fed and watered this morning.  Litter is on the list.  I just wasn't ready to hit that first thing.  

I... did well.

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It's 18:16.  I was able to stay up a bit longer.  It's such a struggle, but... I do put in effort.  Whether I succeed or not is a whole other thing.

Blood sugar has slowly been coming down through the day.  At 121, at bedtime, that works.  Still surprised it isn't higher.

Not much.

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Mostly just catching my breath from yesterday.  Gaming.  I'm not even going to eat.  Just... not.

Looks dirty out there.  The sun is dim.  It's... just... not a pretty winter day.  They can't all be, I suppose.

So... complicated, sometimes.

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The order, for my mother?  Was to be delivered today.  Was... delivered today.  But?  It went to her old nursing home!  Ugh.  Which... is closed.  So, UPS let me know, or amazon?  And wanted me to contact UPS.

So... I found their contact number and called.  Not... their problem.  So, back to amazon.  And... around and around and around we went.  Finally, I found a way to get them to call me.

Awake!

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Sometime shortly after three?  Or so.  I first woke at about two thirty.  Was able to go back for a bit.  Then around three turned the space heater on.  That just cuts the frosty nature of the air in the morning.  I probably won't use it every day though.  Shouldn't have used it today, didn't need it.  But... it's... novel.

Sassy was fed first thing.  She was begging pretty hard.  So be it.  I'll get to her litter and water shortly.  Then I started in, looking around the web.  Seeing what is being said, suggested, and such.

A long trip.

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Just to the V.A., but that's a two hour drive, and I am getting old.  Longer if you don't take the interstate, but I won't do three hours, or four.  Then, I usually arrive an hour early.  Which would have been fine, but some stinking slot was watching oprah in the waiting room.  So I left, came back a quarter too.  The only other person, a man, was in the waiting room, but was reading.

I asked if he was watching the news, or listening on the side.  He said he wasn't, so I clicked it off.  CNN.  The VA had stopped playing that on every tv.  Looks like their back to their old tricks of boosting the networks ratings.  *click*  All good.  Best news, I told him, I had heard all day.  *grins*

A good start.

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A bit of gaming.  Then a nice long hot shower.  The wound on the leg... the fresh scab didn't come off.  It's fresh and strong, not dry and old like the previous one.  Clean, love that feeling.  Scent.  Nice.  Though, to be honest, since going keto, and then onto carnivore, my body doesn't become as... unclean... as it used to.  Sweat just isn't the same.  Even... bathroom... residue.  There isn't much, often none.  They call it ghost pooping, because when you wipe, there is nothing on the tp.  Seriously.  Very strange what eating the old way does.  

And, yes, it shows up in the shower... sort of... by needing little cleaning.  You need antiperspirant, or other, because you eat bad food.  Seriously.  Now I understand how the french could use bidets, and other nationals.  It was because of their diets.  Or... at once.  The French are slowly giving up the bidets.  As they... eat like moderns.  Sad.  Well, for as long as France will remain French.  I wonder what the muslims will rename it?

Ah, I think it might be the device.

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BP, on first read, was 178/142?  That couldn't be right!?!  A second read, on the other arm, gave me 114/82.  I know it didn't drop that much from switching arms and waiting fifteen seconds!  Can't remember the pulse, was so unnerved about the bp that I didn't remember that part.  But my watch says 68.  Okay.  Okay.  Yes, I think the device is out of trim, or low on batteries?  Something.  I'll change batteries before next use, see if that helps.  I've been using it for a long time, a decade?  I don't remember changing the batteries.  So, all good.

Yes, I took pills this morning.  I'll see about backing it off, tomorrow.  Taking full dose tonight, then... relaxing things a bit tomorrow.  It is good that it came back under control so quickly.  Wasn't sure... about that.  It got pretty high, there.  Sure, I have had it much higher, but... for recent norms, very high.

About right?

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Down at 17:45?  Or... so.  Up at 1:15?  Nine hours, if I am counting right.  Tried to stay down longer, but sometimes it just won't happen.  Didn't need more sleep, just wanted to push my day along.  Wouldn't happen.  

Space heater, this morning.  Technically wasn't needed.  For some very strange reason, it was 64 up there, in the main, 62 near me.  That wasn't the space heater.  It hadn't run for five minutes when I got out of bed.  And, that thing barely budges any of the readings, from the times I have tried it.  not sure what is up with that.  It is usually between 53 and 57 up there.  It was just 57 when I went up last night, after a warmer than usual day.  Very strange.

Perfect?

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Perfection is for others.  I... will make do.  And?  I do'ed!

I had to check twice, but was able to get 146/89 and a pulse of 70.  Not a lot of fuss, or multiple checks.  Just... used the other arm, a few seconds after the first try.  Good enough.  I was... worried, that it might take a lot more to bring it down.  My guess, beyond, is that, in a day or two, I can probably just go to the lower doses again.

Bad.

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Blood pressure was way off.  The first time, it read 196/119?  I did a second read, used the better arm.  The second read was 172/109.  Still pretty high.  So, I took medicine.  A morning dose earlier.  Then a final night dose just a bit ago.  I'll be trying to stay up a few hours in order to check bp again.  I took stronger doses, by a bit.  But it may take a few days for that to have any affect.

Too much, and I about die.  Too little and... I about die.  Bah!

Frigid?

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Yes, yes I am.  I checked outdoors.  It's only 22, so not terribly horribly cold.  but it sure feels like it.  Not sure why.  Though there are things which can make the temperature feel colder.  Barometric pressure?  Air moisture levels?  No wind out there, so it isn't that.  But that can definitely play a part, rip the heat right out of a building, body, automobile.  But... cold, baby.  And I really can't be sure why.

Having coffee.  Not drinking it fast, so have had to heat it up once.  Might have to heat it up again.  Though, if I have something else warm to drink, I think I'll do chicken bone broth.  I'll need to salt it, and will add raw cream.  And, of course, heat it... just in the microwave.  I do have small pans clean, finally, now.  But... I... don't want to dirty them.

Almost made it to midnight.

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I think it was 11:43.  That's as long as I could stay down.  I woke a bit before, turned on the space heater, gave it five or six minutes.  Wanted to give it more, just couldn't stay down any longer.  That did take the crisp out of the air.  Nice.  Didn't warm it to any great extent, just... eased the cold from bed to my dressing bench.

Sassy came up.  Would have napped a while with me, but I just couldn't sleep more.  A rough morning, a bit.  Achy neck.  Sleep wrong?  Or... something else?  Not terrible, just enough.  And a bit of a headache.  I'll check bp this morning, some time.  Blood sugar is 129 fasting.  Okay.  Not great, but I've definitely had worse.

On to bed.

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I made it to 14:00.  Just turned the minute after the dot.  So tired though.  But... I was able to push through.

Nothing else, save another blood sugar test.  It was 119.  While not great, it's better than 150, much better than 215, and far better than 350, let alone 650 or higher.

Well, maybe not much more.

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I am mostly just trying to stay awake until early afternoon.  Slowly falling, though, and it's not even eleven.  Food would be good, as would coffee.  Do I have a drip-through "coffee maker", or something else around?  Or an actual electric drip maker?  One little piece, and the french press is useless.  I'll go look.  That might help.

If the space heater warms a space, it doesn't stay warm long.  Okay, I reset it a while back, to run for two hours.  And... it... takes the chill off the room, or has so far.  As well, you can use it more directionally.  Still, it will work... for a few things.  More or less.

Doing... things.

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Not always successfully?  Yes, and... no.  I mean, I did figure out how to get the p-trap, or whichever, off the bathroom sink.  But... the doohickey is not in there.  It must have just washed on through.  And, now, while I have it back together, and in place, after half an hour of wanting to cuss... but strangely going without?  It... leaks like a sieve.  So... I'll... have to do more down there.  I... really want to cuss.

Actually, that's not true!  I feel no need or want to cuss.  I feel like I would like to feel like cussing?  How about, and more like, I thought I should want to do what I have absolutely no inkling of doing?  Something.  Not a single foul word, or even really the want for such, even while the thing goes completely sideways.  I'm... good with things.  I'll get it, in time.  All good.

Not much.

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And it feels so cold to boot.  I did find a few lids, for the next set of water jugs.  Half gallon jars, just to keep a supply of water from the r.o. on hand.  Otherwise, if electricity goes out, or I just need more water than the thing spits out quickly, I have it.  I keep three jugs full, plus the caraf.  And the reservoir is usually kept topped off, for the next batch.  That gives me two gallons of reverse osmosis water on hand at any time.  It takes about fifteen minutes to churn out a half gallon.  So... an hour and a quarter, if I could keep right on top of it.  That in reserve.

I haven't washed the first jugs since I started.  They smell good... in that they don't have any odor.  The water tastes fine.  I... just... wonder.  So, I decided to change jugs.  Should do that once in a while?  Dunno.  I just don't know.  I know the potable water tanks on submarines smelled nastier than the sewage tanks.  But, they got no sunlight.  My jars are on the counter.  While they don't get direct sunlight, it might be enough, especially in clear jars?  Seems so, it's... probably been over a year.  Ordered April 22, 2022.  So, a year and a half, give or take.

Up so early.

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Well, it seems so.  Down a bit after fourteen hundred, up at twenty three hundred.  I guess that is nine hours down.  It just seems... short... because I am waking so late?  Early?  I feel like I am waking at the wrong time.  Time shifting stinks.  To be regular is a good thing.

Sassy was fed right away.  Blood sugar was tested, and is 145 fasting.  Coming back down, but... annoying.  No more allulose.  Cream, yes, sweetener of any kind, no.  I'll use the allulose when eating with other things that might be questionable.  It actually can help then.  No guarantee, but it's... possible... to fill the insulin manufacturing input slots when eating things with more or faster carbs.  It just... no sweetener seems to work as a daily driver.

Made it.

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Nearly a quarter after fourteen hundred... two pm to some of you.  But... I'm about to crash.  It's been a very good day.  Dishes are still drying, probably dry.  Oh, I will put the laundry in the dryer, turn that over.  Trash was taken out, and the barrel even brought back.  A number of things.  Even put bags back in the various trash and recycling cans.

The new glasses are truly working out well.  I just need to try to take care of them.  I was able to get five pair of glasses for less than the usual cost of two.  Not, truly, cheap.  But, that they work, well, are progressives, and second to the lightest lenses?  Not... bad.  I want to take care of them.  They all die of scratches eventually.

Glasses and more.

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The glasses arrived, earlier than I had feared.  Before ten, I think.  And?  They work!  Really well.  Still a bit... different.  But the others, that I tried before, were so much more sketch.  These just work.  Both sets.  And the long distance glasses work, of course.

As to their weight, I really can't tell the difference.  My old glasses, while distance viewing, aren't lighter lenses.  I think those would be heavier all around?  Anyway.  All good.  I am pleased with my purchases.  Bigger frames, I think, make a huge difference.  Maybe, in time, I can try smaller frames.

Excited.

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And... not.  My first new round of progressive glasses are set to arrive today.  They are the middlings.  The ones from the VA are full weight, these are a good bit thinner.  And one other group is coming which are as thin as they can make them.  Beside curiosity, I wanted extra extras, and... there was a heck of a sale.  Everything aligned, so I spent.

I did buy some regular glasses, too.  Long vision only.  And two pair of progressives.  Just hoping they work out.  We'll see.

It's a start.

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Nothing fancy.  Dishes were completed, the ones I have been dicking with for a month now?  Seems like it.  Rinsed, again, dried, set out to air dry.  So... practically done.  Then, two more loads set up.  Kefir jars, which... have been sitting for a long time.  Three large, three quart, into the hot soapy water.  Very hot.  I am hoping to get those before the day is done.

Next, trash and recycling.  Gathered, sorted, out, and the barrels to the street.  Recycling or not, it's there.  Plus, the bags I pulled for the go have been replaced.  Done and done for that, for now.

I needed to eat.

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Needed?  Yes, I... think that would be the word.  So I kept tinkering with the griddle.  Turns out, changing to a new tank did the trick.  The old one still weighs like it has gas in it.  But... perhaps... something got too cold to work?  Or water in the tank caused a problem.

When it gets that cold, things can go sideways easily.  The new tank is working.  I'll take the other two in, for an exchange, this coming month.  Hopefully this tank will do well.  Then again, the other tank lasted me most of the summer.  So, it may truly just be empty.

Gaming is doing well.

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Getting ahead?  Moving along?  Learning?  Okay, yes, probably all of those things at varying rates.  Enjoying.  Nothing fancy, getting there.  Still things to learn.  Perhaps, through the systems I am using, I will be able to learn those missing variables.  We'll see.

But it's time to hit the dishes.  Reset it all.  Then set a timer.  I think I can get to it.  After that, get trash out, and probably to the curb.  Not sure about recycling.  I don't think this is the week.  Will find out.  May put that out anyway, just in case.  Don't want to miss that again.  Bleh.

Very good sleep.

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The wound was ready for socks today.  So, longjohns and socks.  Doubling layers, hoping for a bit more comfort through the day.  Nothing can completely withstand that... chill.  But this will help, or should.  It was 61 upstairs, in both areas?  Strange, but okay.  Ah, but it is 27 outdoors.  So, yeah.  I suspect the house tries to heat up, does heat up extra, when it is in the 8 to 10 range.  Then that gets stored, to some degree.  So when it warms, it warms even more so.

Sassy has been tended.  Litter boxes, fresh water, and food.  I don't always do it first thing.  But I've been down around twelve hours, so I'll do that.  If just eight, I try to remember to stall feeding her for another hour or two.  She doesn't understand.  But I run out of her daily rations, which means she goes to bed hungry and there isn't a thing I can do about it.  But, my efforts are paying off for her.  She looks... better than she ever has.  She'll never be a svelte little kitty, fixing them young does that.  But, she can look better.  And... she does.  She looks healthy, not sloppy fat.

No.

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I won't get to dishes.  I did clear and clean the freezertop off, at least the portion I need.  It is ready.  And, like or not, dishes are rinsing.  And the pan I cooked the kidneys in is cleaning up, more.  It had been soaking in hot sudsy, off and on.  Now it's in a dishpan of said.  I may just drain them, again, though.  The water goes bad so fast!

The wound on my ankle has dried up, mostly.  Still don't want to wear socks or such over it.  Give it the night.  It should be ready to just have socks on in the morning.  It's been a good day.  Not as productive as I had hoped.  With some pains, but light really.  One family affair sorted out.  Some other business arranged.  Ugh.

I almost forgot!

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My mother had asked for something specific for Christmas.  Oh my word, if I had forgotten to order that...  But, no.  I remembered, went looking, and?  And... which one?  She wanted something specifically non-specific.  Couldn't buy several, could I?  Well, actually, yes.  A three variety and a five variety.  She'll have... plenty to play with.

She didn't want me to spend a fortune.  I have spent $500 on perfume for her, one time.  Fine, this was... much less.  Really.  If... it... still wasn't?  I really can't spend too much these days.  Don't have it.  Didn't have it then, just was younger, didn't care.  But, this is more reasonable, and yet covers some bases.  She wanted to try, she can try.

Sometimes choice is too much choice though?  It just muddles, confuses, distorts.  Still, I couldn't choose.  She will have to do the choosing.  But!  I... didn't forget.  It should be there slightly before Christmas.  If... it... makes it.  But it is set to be there on time.  If not, shortly after.  It technically has a five day spread, if it misses it's preferred day.  Ugh.

Frustrating.

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Blood sugar is high, or higher than it should be.  Down seventeen points, from this the fasting number, to 133.  But that just shouldn't be that high.  My normal fatted coffee, and half a steak.  Plus, waiting several hours.  It just shouldn't be that high.  Exactly what I ate yesterday.

I suppose I just can't cheat.  Cheating, by drinking milk, over two days, put me back in insulin purgatory.  I guess?  Nothing else going.  Well, that's fine.  I'll keep at it.  If I fall off the wagon, and take a bit of a bruising, I guess that is how it goes.  I'm telling you, carbs, and the various sugars, are worse than whisky.  Fact, I'd say hooch is simply a form of carbs.  Ask potato eaters.  And, probably, rice eaters.  The switch, for those, is easy.

Yes, the shower.

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A start.  Almost forgot to weigh in.  Did it after the shower.  But, okay.  Right at 250.4?  Okay.  I have lost... more than a few ounces.  To be honest though, I have given up on weight loss.  If it happens, it happens.  If not, not.  I'm not so worried about it.  Would I like it?  I suppose.  At this point in my life it probably doesn't matter?  But... some weight off, again.

Oh, and that shower was absolutely delicious.  It's... been a while?  Oh, I've showered.  But to get in, soak, drench, scrub here, there, everywhere.  Toes to ears to else.  Clean, to the shine, as they used to say.

How do you know it's cold?

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When you can say it is up to 13 degrees.  Up from, the lowest I saw it, of 8.  Oh... it can get colder.  I have easily seen -20 raw, before wind was accounted.  I may have seen -35.  Not as cold as Iowa.  First, Iowa is wind blasted.  Second, I have seen -85 (with windchill).  However, we are at 4,500 elevation.  That... makes a difference too.  Either way, don't go out playing naked... in either state.  Still... 13, at my age, is cold enough.

Gaming.  Finally found a pace in the game.  And... figured out how to reset some quests which are tutorial in nature.  Somehow lost the place, and simply am not sure where it was.  Teleports were no good, wasn't showing up on star charts.  I have no idea.  The game is... vast... to put it simply.  You could easily lose your ass, and I did.  Wasn't sure how to reset those though.  Finally figured that out.  Ugh.  So, I have... four tutorial things happening at a time.

Down, hard, at a bit after eleven?

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If I recall correctly.  Up right at 20:00.  Wide, solidly, totally, awake.  Why?  I slept so well?  Maybe.  I let Sassy up, too.  She crawls in, for a while, then finds her way out.  She gets some massage and very light itching.  She has finally escaped having wounds on her back.  Not sure... what happened, but I don't want to do anything to upset that.  So, when I scratch, I do it more with my fingerprint area, than nails.  Some rare times, when she lets me know, I'll use a little nail, but carefully.

Yes, when you... spend years imbueing an animal with true love and concern, they learn how to communicate with you.  Actually, when I think about it, given that women speak a totally different language, from a very different perspective, much of my communication with human women is... more sympathetic, empatic, or such, than verbal.  And, the ones I loved, and tried to know, I became good at woman gibberish.  Get in the zone, and that is when love can really flow.  Women are like... autistics.  A beautiful, if often lonely, misunderstood, complex, mind.  If often more based on emotion than even some faux attempt at an... idealistic logic?  Just... how I see things.  

On to bed.

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I made it to 11:19.  Not... perfect.  It's as good as I can do.  I'll feed Sassy before going on to bed.  And leave the door open.  It keeps it warmer up there anyway.  Oh, the space heater is in, but I won't be able to fool with that right this morning.  Crashing, hard.

It was good to eat again.  Nothing fancy.  Or, well, it was fancy.  But... not much of it.  Half a steak?  At one time, that would have been near sacralige?  Or some such.  Never left food on the plate.  And leftovers?  Wouldn't have heard of it, at one time.  Now?  It'll... do nicely, both the leftover, and that there is one.  Life changes.

Getting crispy out there.

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Down to 8 F, checking just now, at 7:50.  I tried the grill again, several times through the night.  Various potential problems.  I'm just not sure.  Altitude might even be playing a part?  Dunno.  I'll check when it warms.  It's too big to bring into the house.  Could put it in the garage, with the space heater near it.  Risks?  Rewards?

Dairy arrived today.  I feel bad that they probably had to make a trip, just for me.  They would have otherwise just gone on to where they were going.  But, as mentioned, the last time they bought it and took it for the day, it froze.  And it never recovered.  It became something like... whipped butter?  Wouldn't blend into the coffee for beans.  Pun partially intended.  At $9 a quart, that's... well.

Fantastic steak.

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Had to cook it indoors... pan fry it.  And boy was it fried!  Not burned, but the outside was quite done.  Well, may slightly burned.  But the inside was still on the red side.  Still, quite a good cook.  You know?  I don't think my griddle is getting as hot as it should?  Anyway, perfect steak.

Could only eat half of it.  I'll put the other portion up for tomorrow.  It's... plenty of food.  Thick cut, no bone, new york strip to be precise.  Absolutely delicious.

Feeling cold!

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Never sure if that is just me, or... if the world has changed, in some way.  While starting the griddle, I looked.  14!  No wonder.  Yea, that creeps into the house, into the bones.  Young or old, those temps sort of get to you, especially when it was in the mid to higher 30's just a bit ago.  It's the fast changes, on the edges of the extremes, where things just get to me.

It is getting to me.  I am dressed in my usual warmer clothes, if not fully.  I haven't been wearing longjohns under all lately.  But, thick wool socks, warm pants, long sleeve t-shirt, shoes, and jacket.  Well, and beard.  But, yes, it's cold.  I may have to see about getting to dishes, a shower after those, and then adding longjohns.  Every little bit helps.

Late, but... beautiful sleep.

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I went down around... well, after nine, before ten?  Yea.  Up around 19:30, give or take a quarter.

Calls.  The V.A., my mother (a surprise, she doesn't call me often), and a few others?  I... don't remember.  But, yeah.  Texts?  I'll... look in a bit.

Looking, gaming, and... not quite ready.

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Still simply tired.  Getting off my butt, to do more, is... proving a trick.  And, tired again, as in sleepy.  I may just go back up and sleep a little more.  If you can?  And feel the need?  Why not.  I realize I won't ever be... more, or better.  Even if I figured out healt, there is no figuring out age.  No way past some things.  Which... is fine, if... it's not really.  Simply there isn't an option.

A bit of coffee going down.  Will that make a difference?  Doubtful.  I won't set the dishes up until I... will be getting to them shortly.  But after the soak yesterday, they just need a hot soak, and to be dried in say... an hour or an hour and a half after.  That will happen today.  As to laundry?  I'll get to that before going to bed.  Just one full load of coloreds were ready.  They have been washed.  Just need to be dried.

When did I go to sleep?

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Good question.  I started that last post at 16:23.  It couldn't have taken long to finish and post.  And I pretty much just crashed after that.  I was tired beyond tired.  Barely got into sleep clothing.  Just didn't want to sleep with regular clothing and had just enough going not to do so.

Up at 2:45.  A shorter sleep?  Strange, but okay.  A bit weary, not tired... sleepy.  I have been doing so little, that what little I did yesterday hard on me.  Haven't been able to do much.  So, sure.

The bike is ready.

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Well, mostly.  Need to check tire pressure, though it seemed good.  The oil and oil filter were changed, tried to put an inline gas filter oner, but that won't work.  Need a 90 degree one.  Check.  Put the new plates on.  Even took the gas tank off, in order to get to the spark plug.  A good thing too.  Thought about not doing it, but... no, we got to it.  I helped, small things.  But... okay.

Ah, and checked the battery.  I do believe it is agm.  No battery acid spilling when it tips, or topping off from time to time.  But I do have a trickle charger on the way.  Yes.  It's not perfect.  But, for now, the major things were sorted.  Oh, and the chain was cleaned, plus the air filter was replaces.  I don't think the spark plug had ever been changed or the air filter had been replaced.

Raining?

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I know it is.  Well, was.  It just stopped.  But that was something.  What date?  December... 7th?  It shouldn't be raining at almost six in the morning.  But it certainly is.

I don't think I'll get that nap.  But I do need a shower.  I haven't eaten, yet.  So, I may get to that before the shower.  So I can have something warm, and a coffee with it.  I am hungry.  I did wash and rinse the pan I needed.  It's ready, to make dinner.

Nothing fancy today.  But business in a bit.  We'll see what can get done.  I'd like to find knee-pads, those heavier duty ones.  That makes working on things, kneeling, and such, much easier.  If I can find them.  Ugh.

Well... on to food, then a shower.  Later.

Up early.

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At 19:30, it was all I could do to sleep that long.  I started waking at 17:30.  Lasted as long as I could.  The furnace was on 74, which may have been part of it.  Was burning up when I woke.  Ketp getting hotter.  Kicking my feet out wasn't enough.  Though, now, if it gets too cold up there for even my sleeping comfort, I know how to fix it.

And, yes, it was 57 up there.  That doesn't seem all that warm.  And, isn't, unless you compare it to 50 to 54.  Even three degrees is... a big change, once things have stabilized for a while.  And I have gotten well used to the cooler temps up there.  Not working in it, maybe.  But sleeping in it, I'm just fine.  Usually.  Even while fasting.

Well, it's past noon.

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The goal was reached.  And, the packages arrived.  I had some cheese and salami.  It just doesn't taste as good as I remember?  Have my tastes changed?  Still, it's... good.  One of the new cheeses just... isn't my favorite.  I may investigate how to use the cheese.  I dunno.  It's just not to my taste.  A type of swiss, a real one.  It has that strange funk that American "Swiss" cheese does, only much more strongly.  There is a spice that reminds me of... a seed type.  Rye?  No, caraway, I think!  Don't they use caraway in rye, bread?  Almost certain of it.  Anyway... that's what the swiss type cheese has a wiff of.

The other cheese, a slightly aged gouda... a young one at eight months, is one of my regulars.  And goat cheese, fresh.  Nothing fancy, but both of those are very nice.  The salami just doesn't have much flavor.  It's supposed to be well laced with fennel.  Has the price gone up on that so much they are being stingy?  Ugh.  No, my taste buds are good.  Very good, for a fact.

Hmm...

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Say, fifteen minutes after?  And?  Blood sugar spiked to... 104?  Up five points.  Well, maybe not a spike.  Still, I'll check in an hour.  I am not sure what to expect.  But, I did take a small drink of milk.  Between me realizing I really didn't want to do that, and it being a bit off, I pretty much spit it all out.  But that may have caused the increase?  

It doesn't take much.  If my body think it's going to get something with carbs, it'll jack blood sugar hot and fast.  A very strange thing.  I have been diabetic so long that the body wants to be, now, diabetic.  It wants to shoot insulin to the moon.  Surprised that hasn't killed me.  Or, yet.

Nothing but water.

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So far.  Steak.  I pulled several.  The smaller one, thinner one, is thawed enough.  I'm heating the griddle.  Will want to add a bit of fat... coconut lard... or such.  They call it oil, but it's a solid.  More like frozen lard.  Well, once the frost has been defrosted.  Glistening, even on the barbie.

It's dropped to 25.  Not too terrible.  But there is a chill to it.

Thinking about a different day.

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Sure, every day is a different day.  But, if you do the same thing, every day, in another sense it really isn't another day.  It's the same day on a different calendar day.  Yes, change things up.  Attempt to do work.  No... not attempt.  Do work.  How much?  I don't know.  I could find out.

Some laundry needs done.  A pair of boots and two pair of pants need to be tried on.  If... I prefer to be freshly showered, even when trying boots on.  Dishes definitely need doing.  The freezertop, mostly, just needs cleared.  Mostly.  And I need to pull meat to thaw as well.  So, a shower too.  A shave?  Maybe.  Or trim.  Whiskers are looking mighty white and long.  I am not doing Santa.

I love the stories they tell.

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Oh, but called mother.  I worry about the old girl.  I shouldn't, in one sense.  She is most truly in God's hands than any concern of mine.  I... just hope life doesn't hurt, that she doesn't feel lonely, that sort of thing.  Even then, I can't do much, but pray, call, let her know she is loved.  We have had our bad times, and our good times.  These days, good times.

Up.

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Early, again.  I didn't make it past 8:30.  Crashed, not even to 8:30.  Fifteen before, and I went down like a rock.  Dropped.

The bed wasn't made, the fan was still on.  Had to mess with that.  Strangely, it was warmer up there than usual, if it definitely didn't feel like it.  But, once the bed was made and the electric blanket on, sleep was pretty good.

Yea, okay, fine.

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Just alullose tonight, in the coffee.  Figured it would lower it just a bit.  At 91, it... works.  No, not feeling bad.  While blood sugar is low, it's not... unnaturally low, or falling at a high rate.  It's... just 91.  Which, in healthy people, is the middle range.  The number they like is between 80 and 100.

Now that I have it back in order, I can begin eating again.  Strange how, sometimes, I can fast without any problems.  This is the fourth day?  Not complete.  There were the packages of berries, and the two to three tablespoons of cream I have in coffee, once or twice a day.  And the non-nutrient sweeteners.  Which, if not caloric, do play a role.  Mostly for ill.

Awake, given the givesn, early.

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I made it to between 8:30 and 9:00.  Couldn't go further.  Still, that's... later... by a bit.  Awake at 17:00, about on the dot.

Some leg cramping this morning.  Then again, this is the going on the fourth, or fifth, day of not eating.  Or not much.  A fatted coffee, nutrient drink, and berries... two six ounce boxes of blueberries on various days.  Still, that's... not much.  I figured cold got to my legs, but then realized I probably just was not producing enough warmth.  Not the worst of cramping, just mild.  Easily set aside, handled.  But there.

Rain?

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Strange, but yes.  I guess it decided to warm up.  And, still wants to let loose.  So... rain.  On top of still a goodly bit of snow.  It's... going to freeze, isn't it?  Bleh.  It is 34 out there, though, up two degrees from earlier.  Can't last.

Learning much in the game.  Every time I find a new, what I think will be simpler side-quest?  About a third of them end up being four to six hours, plus research online as the game doesn't help with some things.  Imagine finding the parts for an automobile, and an owners manual.  Yeah, no.  You won't put the parts together from that.  That is how a lot of games are these days.

Been awake for a while.

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How long?  Who knows.  An hour, three.  I just... wasn't paying attention.  Sassy was fed first thing.  Just... because.  Her water is still good, so I won't fuss with it.  Changed it just last night.  Litter will be sorted soon... soon enough.

Blood sugar wasn't great, at 124 fasting.  But it beats ~230, even 180, 160.  And it's trending downward, if slowly.  I think eating would move it along better?  When my body cannibalizes itself, it seems to produce more carbs?  Odd, but I think so.  I haven't eaten in three days.  Bleh.

Not as good as hoped.

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Better than 130.  I just checked blood sugar.  It is 118.  No food eaten.  Only one fatted coffee had.  Though, again, I used a drop of sucralose.  In with my standard dose of alullose.  Experimenting, still.  Food would be good, but I just don't feel like cooking, or eating.

Slightly nauseous.  Eventually I need to eat.  And more regularly.  Not sure what the problem is.  But, right now, food just doesn't sound good.  And I don't have the energy to take care of what needs tended in order to cook.  Oh, and there is snow out there.  I'll have to move the griddle to someplace... more amenable to winter cooking.  Under one of the evergreens, I suppose.