I haven't liked that.

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So, I will try this?  I have been making beef soup, with burger.  Larger patties or meatballs, to date.  It just hasn't been tasty, to me.  The soup was passing, the stew was okay.  So... something new.

I took the burger I have, added spices, and finely diced onion.  Mixed it well.  Then, started making meatballs.  Since I have found that burger doesn't do well a second heating, I just made enough for one meal, maybe a few for a second meal, to see if this idea works better.

A bowl here, a bowl there.

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Burned through the stew quickly.  There wasn't that much left.  I was having smaller bowls.  Sure enjoyed it.  That I don't mind eating in quantity.  Plus, this front room is cold.  Hot soup, with solid spice... stew to be honest.  And, yes, stew is more warming that soup, by a lot.  The thicker, the warmer.  Of course, now I really have to get more stews going.  Which means getting beef chuck, and dicing that to medium small.  

I want beef this time.  Peas, corn, green beans, mushrooms, cabbage, and some other things would really go well with it.  Root vegetables are doable, on carnivore too.  but they are a bit more work.  Peeling them is like peeling rocks, dicing them similar.  But I do quite enjoy turnips, rutabaga, fennel bulbs, onion and garlic of course.  Hmm... yes.  I'll look next time I am in.  There are many others too, but just one, diced and added, to canned veggies I'm trying to eat down, and whatever meat I can sort out, will do.  Though, I could see doing stews for the next few weeks.  So easy, even for me.  I might grab several different root veggies.  Check blood sugar with them, see if they will do.

I ended up crashing.

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An hour after that last post, or less, everything began shutting down.  Getting to bed before my body failed became the simple focus of everything I could muster.  Imagine being in a massive building, and the electricity is slowly going out, as fuses/whatnots, break, linearly, and all you can do is run for the doors before being plunged into utter darkness, in a maze you don't/can't know.

A place where even daylight would never reach, for there are no windows.  Opening the doors is a complicated endeavor, if simple.  Just not something that could be done in the dark.  Well, that is what it was like.  My body was failing, quickly.  I ended up crawling into bed, hoping I would make it to the mattresses.

I, uhrm, didn't go to bed?

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I don't know why.  I just never got tired?  Couldn't have slept, so it didn't matter.  I awoke at midnight, yesterday.  I'm... still not tired.

I made a burger, tuna, and vegetable soup much earlier.  With the little left over, just veggies and liquid, I added the chicken carcass and what meat remained, filled in more vegetables, added carolina reaper flecks, the fresh stuff, added a thickening slurry, and let it go for a while.

Good or bad?

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I ended up being awake until... 18:00?  At least, not much longer though.  My eyes hurt, sandpapered, or the imagination brought the notion to mind.  My body hurt, everywhere, in ways I can't explain.  But, I was pleased to have finally pushed through.

I woke at 20:00 sharp.  Wide awake.  Had to stomp that impulse down, and get back to sleep.  Which, luckily, I was able to do.  Finally waking at eight before midnight.  Not optimal, but... as good as I could do.  So, up.

I wanted to see something.

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Tired?  Eyes have been sandpapered from exhaustion.  The body hurts.  The heart is a bit sore.  Kidneys and other internals seem okay.  Feet are swollen by a quarter to half over their normal size, and ankles and lower legs.  Issues, I am saying.  The mind keeps trying to shut down, eyes close, as I nod into oblivion.  At least I am not driving this way.  No choice, at times in the past.

Still, I wanted to see if I could... take bosses, in the game.  I have been stuck at bosses, on both games.  Just in fear, mostly.  I doubted I could take them, so I scouted resting spots, easy loot, and such.  So... I wanted to test my abilities, when completely taxed, done, nodding off, at my worst.

I lost track?

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My body is absolutely freezing, even after turning the furnace up.  I remember my last woman type.  She would say turn it up, when she meant to lower the temp.  It must have been a colloquial thing?  Damned Iowegians.  :p  Wait!  Never mind.  Yes, it's almost 14:00.  As clumsy as my fingers are in writing, it may well be that time by the time I finish.

The chicken was put up.  Since the burger, new package, was thawed, it went into the fridge when I put the chicken into a bath.  I was thinking it was Wednesday.  But, no, Sunday.  Then I was thinking it was Saturday.  Again, no, Sunday.  Then I thought it was Monday.  *sigh*  No, Sunday.  So... no shopping.  I so wanted to shop, and am so very stretched, that my mind was grasping for straws.

More chicken.

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I was afraid it was going to be really dry, when it cooled.  I had some breast left, so tried that cold.  Not bad, to be honest.  Not too dry.  Quite good.  As well, once cool, the garlic I added to it's bath really shined through.  Quite nice.  Every once in a while, I go out on a stupid limb.  And it ends up not being so stupid after all.

Very happy with the chicken.  I best get the last half cut, and bagged.  I may save the carcass, for soup again.  It makes really good soup, or stew... working on thickening without it tasting odd.  A bit of a trick for keto/carnivore.  I'm sure it can be done.  I just have to find the right stuff.  This time I'll be trying unflavored metamucil.  Literally, no joke.  Just not enough to... cause that sort of action, at least by volume of stew?  I'll find out.  Psyllium, ground or full husk/shell/kernel... or such.  Not sure which I have, or which is open.  A tablespoon should be enough.  Maybe two, for a larger pot.

Rather good.

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Overdone.  Glad I was suspicious of the time suggested.  It took half that, or so.  Even then it was overdone a smidge.  Still, rather good.  I forgot to add spices to the stuffing.  And, really didn't taste the garlic brine.  But the bird tasted quite good.  And the sauerkraut stuffing was good too.

Would I want it every time?  Maybe not.  But I wouldn't mind it every other, or every third time.  So, yes, it is on the rotation.  If, though, even at this elevation, at 415 oven temp (in a convection oven, using the convection option), I am guessing about an hour will do.  I ended up doing probably and hour and fifteen, and that was too much.  But just a bit.

Later than wanted.

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I couldn't get to it.  Finally, I started.  The chicken wasn't fully thawed, yet.  So I gave it a bath.  With salt and garlic, for... pleasantries.  Got to treat even these ladies with some tender loving, innit?  I set the timer, then completely blew that off, for... another fifteen twenty minutes... before I put two and four together, remembering the timer was for the chicken, and coming up with sixes.  :p

Dried it off, well.  Was going to roast it with the giblets too.  But remember I wanted to use sauerkraut.  How will it turn out?  How the hell should I know!  Works well with ducks and turkeys.  Really.  But, it takes some of their gaminess, richness, down a notch.  Chicken has neither.  But... since I can't find clean brats, I thought I'd use it with chicken.  A fine experiment, either way.

The clock, she spins!

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I can't be sure when I went to bed.  Waking, here at 15:00?  15:20?  Something.  I hurt so bad.  I was so cold.  I finally gave up, and jacked the furnace yesterday afternoon, let it run the night.  Finally, I am feeling life in me.  Already had it rather warm for my usual tastes.  Made it warmer!  Much warmer.  The body doesn't hurt as badly, with some warmth in it.  Death seems a few more steps away.  But that cold body thing, that is brutal.  It isn't, completely, about the temp of the world.  It means my health is falling, failing, struggling.  It means I am dying, just a bit.  If you ever reach death, and go beyond, and your remember at all.  You'll know cold.

Cold, like death, isn't terrifying, as it might have once been.  Though, for me, it's always been more like playing tag, and not trying to be "it", than a fear.  A game, like much of life.  War, love, learning, playing... all games, too often.  It was difficult to take them seriously.  If too, after a few brutal bumps, that didn't help.  Enough pain, and any man will break.

When did I go down?

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Around seven?  I received a text from the guy with whom I had been initially planning to go to the meeting.  I can't remember what he wrote, but that it confused me.  I texted back a hello.  He never texted me back from that.  I also found a voice message from... yesterday?  My phone isn't passing through information.  Everyone who calls is considered spam.  I need a new phone company, number, and maybe different phone.  Though I may try to put that one os on it.  But, I want to back up my phone, offline, not on the computer.  Just haven't found a clear way to do it.

Anyway.  I then received an email, from our group chief, suggesting I meet up with him, at the church, at seven on the day we were to go.  I emailed back suggesting that this wasn't really an option, at this point.  Then again, I was thinking it was already Saturday.  Friday, is it?  Crazy, when your sleep and wake blend and twist into a tornado of confusion.

Wanted to be abed earlier.

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I can't seem to... negotiate my sleep, for the moment.  I had pushed through to nearly noon, but am back to sleeping at six.  Stuck there.  I can break free for a few days, but it just doesn't last.  Brutally sleepy, can't sleep.  Can't push through.  Ever been stuck in mud, or snow, with a vehicle?  Perhaps while unable to walk well, so can't really do much about it, but rock the thing back and forth... for a while.  At some point you have to call a tow truck, or farmer if you know one.  Grumpy cusses, sometimes, but would give you their shirt.  Priests, of the land, of sorts.  :p  Not a dig... at priests, or farmers, ranchers, or the like.  Just how I see things.

Anyway...  I am stuck.  I'll keep trying, until I die actually.  Failure is an option, just not for too long it is hoped.  It's not a choice, currently.

Being a scourge has it's benefits.

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The fellow I was planning to go to the meeting with decided he was, indeed going.  But alone.  Perfect.  Doesn't hurt my feelings.  But, saves me on gas, time, and some other things.  They only needed one man there.  If you wish to exclude me?  You have... volunteered yourself.  I don't need to go, now.  I let him know, and wished him a pleasant trip.  *grins*  I mean it, don't do checker moves on a chess player.  All pawns, eh?  Checkmate.  Go away or I shall taunt you a second timea.

Plus, I wasn't able to get the vehicle sorted, and in for detailing.  My schedule is bogusly off kilter.  My health is rough.  So... okay.  Absolutely no skin off my nose.  And, I do hope he enjoys the meeting.  I only volunteered because they had no one else going.  All they need is one.  It would have been brutal, for me, to go.

Waking is murder.

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Still, wake I did.  Not fully awake.  And off in a lot of ways.  But... up.

Dreamed of a woman last night.  We met, met again, and so on.  Eventually we were kissing.  I grabbed great big ol' hank of big girl, pulled her to me while checking her tonsils, lifted her up on a table, or something, and was about to lay rail, when... I remembered.  Even in dreams, now, I am able to remain chaste.  I... backed off.  I didn't apologize, merely told her it... wasn't time.

Yes, it does look like they tinkered.

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With the game.  I am not letting the most recent patch go through.  Who knows what it will really do.  Can't believe their patch release notes, learned that long ago.

Some things which were very difficult are much easier.  Some things that were easy now take more time.  Some things I could beat fairly simply, with a certain pattern, simply doesn't work.  A few things have been made absolutely brutal.  I am sure some things which were difficult, remain so.  I haven't gotten to half the game, again, yet.

Strange, but not bad.

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I did have to add a few packets of salmon.  The fish was good, but the olive oil they were in was... dated.  It worked out well enough.  I added lemon juice, and tried a bowl of just the green beans, canned mushrooms, chicken salad (which had pretty much melted in), and salmon.  It wasn't bad.

Next I added a third of a stick of butter and parmesan cheese.  That actually kicked it up nicely.  Still a bit odd, but it worked.  I polished that off easily.  Still hungry, but less so.  If the tuna steaks thaw yet tonight, I will fry those.  Maybe put them on a bed of shirataki noodles or palm rice.  Even two of those will be... small.  I am really, truly, deeply, hungry.  Meh.

Too hungry.

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I wanted to fast.  A few days, through to Saturday, then have a meal Saturday morning.  It's... not going to happen.  Then again, I wasn't sure it would be possible.  Simply too hungry.  I think I can keep, mostly, to carnivore.  Mostly meat.  No promises, but possible.  Probably, even.

To that end, I have pulled out more burger, another steak, and two tuna steaks.  And, after those, I'll pull out a whole chicken to thaw.  When this hungry, a chicken won't last but two, maybe three, days.  Soups stretch it, but soup also isn't so very filling.  It seems like it, but in my current condition, my body won't be tricked for long.

Wednesday?

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Very good.  I thought I was already Thursday, and have things to do, things to arrange, and else.  Terrifying, really.  But, so very good to realize.  Though that isn't a reason to relax, it's a reason to shove forward, do, if possible, as possible.

Went to get in the shower today.  A snake!  In my bathroom.  Just a smaller one.  First time I have ever seen a snake in my house, or around it.  Crazy.  Killed it, with a mallet.  Not a boot, as someone seems to... think?  :)  You know who you are.  No, I hadn't see the vid, post, until after.  I feel immortal?  Not in an earthly way, but I know we are.  Even those who choose damnation.

Massive meatballs.

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Boiled.  In with veggies.  I'll see if I can get that to work.  Corn, beans, who knows what I'll put in it.  Canned spinach?  Maybe.  Though I'd rather have that as a side, if I go that way.  Spinach doesn't go well, directly, in with meats, in my opinion.  On the side, with salt, butter, and pepper?  Or vinegar and salt, maybe pepper?  Absolutely.

Trying to figure some things out, for my new 'toon, with my old 'toon.  Like drop rates, where to find things... if they still fall from certain mobs, or are still in certain places.  but there are things I can't find yet, as my main 'toon, this time, doesn't have it.  I guess the game data didn't bring my other 'toons from my previous playthroughs.  I'm pretty sure I had two completions toons, and maybe a few starters, between several sessions, separate by months, maybe a year.  I come back, to some games, from time to time.  If... over time, I stop.  No more with Skyrim.  Just burned through too much time on that, and it aged out.  Same with Fallout 4, and some others.  Visuals don't age well.  Polishing them, as with the original Dead Souls or whatnot, didn't... help.  Like polishing a turd, it just doesn't work, no matter what ooh toob told you.

Down very late, up very late.

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But, I have things to do.  So... I am going to have to push and shove.  Crunch the numbers, get things going.  Brushed my teeth, got Sassy fresh water, and food, then cleaned the litter boxes.  Prepping for a shower, but that is enough fuss for first thing.  So... tea is steeping, and I'll knock out a post.

I called, checking on auto detailing.  They go from $35 for a minor clean and clear to $100 for that lower tier.  On up to $400 for an everything from engine compartment to steam cleaning, to... everything.  The brand new rebirth package.  Not sure I could do the $400.  But, can do a tier below, possibly.  I'll get more details when I get in.  But that, not for a month or two.  Yeah, that's a lot of bread, buddy, but... can be worth it.  Then, once a year for five years, do the minor detailing.  But, keep it up, so the major cost isn't recurring.  But when you fall behind, yeah.

Gaming is intense.

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I may not be competing with others, or directly.  But I am competing.  And this game can be... very difficult.  So, when Sassy came around, begging for food, right when I got slaughtered by a boss... in part because she was all up in my grill, I shouted, stomped around a bit, and put on a good show.

Only... she wasn't happy with that at all.  I haven't even yelled at her in... I can't remember... three, four, years?  I've... been working on that.  I just don't want to yell, at her, or anyone.  Gaming can bring that out.  But, too, it's... how guys do?  I think so, especially when stressed.

Harsh.

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Down at nine, up at 15:00, or almost.  A little after the former, a little before the latter, but... close enough for general accounting.

Sore.  Not as bad as yesterday.  Weary, but not blindly, stupidly, tired, exhausted, sleepy, as has been the case for a few days.  Better.  Food helps, I think.  I have been eating.  I'll finland, or is it polish, off the steak today.  Half left.  Burger... may be fried up yet today, as well.  Spiced hot, herbed and spiced elsewise, gently but rightly.  I'll get toward a slightly uppity taco seasoning, spices added individually, blended by me, from whole or leaf or ground in some rare cases.

Just turning nine.

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I am still awake.  Couldn't sleep.  Still can't.  Getting there?  Ugh.  Days and nights are spinning again.  Season changes can do that.  Awake so long, however, that my body is becoming cold.  Teak, it works.  Soup would also work well, possibly.  Probably.  I noticed I have canned chicken downstairs.  That would go well in a minor soup or stew.  Don't think I would eat canned chicken in may other ways.

Gaming is going along well.  Surprised I can still make it through.  Just found a boss that, along with say five others, really, or mostly, complicated my first playthroughs.  This one just beat me every time I tried him for, say, a month?  Just staying alive to fight him was a trick, as the path to him was absolutely brutal.  My sort of gig.

Ugh... my eyes are beginning to close, my head nod, as I try to write.  Oh, well, i can write without my eyes open.  Until my mind also shuts off.  My fingers can dance on the keyboard, until nothing coherent is flowing to them.  Then... I lose control of some of these things.

Well, yes, I think I'll just close up and go on to bed before I just tilt and sleep, waking up stiff and sore.  I'd really like to finish up a portion more, of the game, but am just way too tired.  I'm going to crash if I don't, too.  Good night, and morning, and day.  *zzz*

That steak was good.

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I wasn't going to get away with eating a third of it though.  But I did limit it to half.  My hunger is very strong.  Then again, I needed to eat more, simply couldn't, for a long, long, time.  It is good to be able to eat well, again, finally.  Especially when I can keep it more on the carnivore track than the even keto track.  Yes, I slip a bit, but... okay.

Still a bit hungry, so I may have more veggies.  There is some leftover "rice", just a bit.  would go well with a few veggies...  green bean and tomato, corn and carrots, something.  Well, and butter.  Lots and lot of butter.  Tea should be ready.  This time oolong and white.  I want to see what tea mixes will do.  They may not work together, well, at all.  Curious.  Oolong is strong, earthy, white is delicate.  Will find out... well, before I finish this.  Want to put the veggies to heat, grab the tea, then be right back...

Fantastic.

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Tuna and "rice", a keto version.  Using lime juice I had stored away, lemon?  I'll have to look again.  The lime juice is rather old, wasn't sure... how that would turn out.  Lemon?  Whatever.  One must work with the ground palm heart, rinsing it extremely well, several times.  Then I steamed it, in a spit of water, with some lemon/lime juice, and butter.  Lots of butter.  The tuna was simply griddled on the flattop, five minutes on each side.

I'll tell you, that was absolutely delicious.  The problem is that I am still hungry.  There was plenty there.  That would usually do for my meal.  But the fall season has me against the hunger wall.  On the good side, I have a steak thawed, band burger getting there.  I think I will grill the steak in a bit.  That steak has been excellent, unlike t-bones most recently... or even for the last few years.  I was a bit fearful of buying it, glad I took the risk.  Cost... a lot more than anticipated, but... okay.

Then mother called.  She was having tuna and noodles.  So, we... shared a meal.  Quite nice.  We talked about other foods, including cabbage.  She has always loved cabbage, I used to hate it.  Kids, and their tastes, what can you do.  I told her I was going to cook chicken, perhaps, next time.  And add some of that in, to a stew.  She... wouldn't waste her cabbage on chicken.  *laughs*

Fine.  I told her about steaming burger and cabbage, together.  She almost thought that might sound good, or not.  Maybe she was just being nice.  Hard to tell with mom'o.  I told her my brother and myself had gotten in a bit of spiff.  And that I did call to apologize.  Not her problem, I think, but glad to hear it, too.

All good.  Yes, more steak.  And, maybe, some vegetables on the side.  Trying to eat that up, before I go.  It's... old, out of date, but does just fine.  Green beans?  Corn?  Stewed tomatoes?  I'm thinking green beans and tomatoes.  Carby, a bit, but... it'll do.  With steak as the main course.  Uhmm.... yes.  That would do.  In an hour or two.  Loverly.

Still feeling a bit battered and bruised. as if I had been in an accident, or major multiple enemy fight recently.  A few days to a week ago.  Always took... time... to get better.  Not sure why I am this bruised, battered, and sore.  Sleep has been good.  Food has been plentiful and more carnivore.  Working on keeping water out, if failing a bit in that department, but... working on it.  The wound on my leg is REALLY looking better.  So no infection, probably.  Oh well, I'll... just keep doing my best.

I have told the group that I will do some traveling for them.  Go to a meeting.  It's, generally speaking, for higher level members.  But they can't go, and technically it is mandatory.  But... they put it out, almost on the sly, with almost no notice.  So will have to get who they get.  Which, in this case, is myself and a fellow of some degree or other.

God, Himself, doesn't always gets who He would prefer.  He gets who hear and abide His call, and who He will accept from among those.  So it is with His sons, children in general.  I'll never be among His favored, but as long as I am among those He would claim, it is what I will take.  I'll do my best.

Anyway... on to a bit of gaming.  Oh, finished coffee, so back to tea.  I may make a sip of that.  I want to try a second flush of the oolong, see if that gets too weak, or does okay.  If it is okay, I may even try a third brewing... forth?  I'm curious.  Sometimes teas really do have a very find, slightly different, second, third, fourth, maybe even fifth, steeping.  I love experimenting.  Later.

Good.

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The steak, and tuna steak, are thawed.  Burger will take more time.  All good.  I think I'll fry the tuna steak first.  While it is sealed, mostly, it is likely to go bad faster, and is smaller so easier to consume and be done with that.  I do wish I had salad.  Canned tuna can be find, on a salad.  but real, fresh, good tuna is far far superior.  Fried in butter, maybe with shirataki noodles and a lemon butter pepper sauce.  But... white or black pepper.  Both peppers are good, freshly ground.  White has a bit of an added lemon or citrus flavor, and is a bit tighter, hotter?  Hotter in a different way.  Black pepper has a flavor and a heat, sort of unique to it.

Even so, later, I may do the t-bone.  These t-bones are excellent.  And, they last three meals, if not three days.  If, on that, only because I am eating like a bear as fall happens and winter approaches.  Hungry as a bear, literally.  Trying to keep it in my pants, and eat more carnivore, but the price is a bit high for that kind of eating.  Cabbage, lettuce/salad mixes, and the like do tend to spread the cost a good deal.  I may add other lettuce types, and maybe spinach, to my mixes.  On the side.  Just... for variety, and to branch out... bread lettuce... or some such, red leaf, spinach... baby and not.  Really enjoying salads, with protein.  Next time I make chicken, I'll save some of that to shred for on top.

Just couldn't sleep.

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It isn't gaming, pulling me in.  I am... finished with the race to get to a certain point... and beyond.  The problem is I just couldn't sleep.  So I gamed, blogged a bit, didn't eat much.  I just had the steak, and several fatted coffees.  Trying to finish off the cream, polish it?  What does polish have to do with finishing, or shining?  :p  No offense, if you are Polish?  Though if you need to be offended, give me time.

I am hungry.  Would have a salad if I had more lettuce or salad mix.  I was thinking today was Thursday.  At about twenty two hundred, I... saw that it was Saturday.  There were things I was supposed to do.  A public rosary, confession, and mass.  I'll... try to get these things done this week.  I can't do the public rosary, that was a once and done.

I called, this time.

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My brother.  We were having a good talk, then he brought an aspect of politics into things that absolutely outraged me.

He was saying, he heard, that Trump was going to take social security away from vets.  I absolutely unloaded on him.  A, because Trump is too much of a pussy to do any such thing.  And, B, because they DID take my social security, for being conservative.  And are currently giving it to a filthy illegal, and rubbed that fact in my nose.  So, really?  And, now, C, because I hope they DO take his social security.  He is making bank, on 100% disability, full retirement, AND social security, and a wife making pretty uber bucks.  No, I... really do hope they take their social security, and any retired bureaucrat who is making $100k or more, should be kicked off the rolls.  Basically, anyone who is making $100k in retirement shouldn't be allowed to receive social security.

Warm tea just does it.

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When sore, stiff, off, under the weather, a shot of tea... white, green, chamomile, oolong, or other, just has it in the bag.  Coffee is better for a daily, in my mind.  Tea is better for cooler weather, bad moods, stressful times, illness, and those off times.  Well, and as an occasional treat.  Oh, and herbal is great for when caffeine is just becoming too much.  Hibiscus, and several other flower sorts, is absolutely wonderful.

I haven't tried rose.  I have tried lavender, but didn't care for it in the mixes I have made so far.  But will keep trying.  Or, maybe look for what lavender goes better with.  Why?  Because... we live in a big world.  Sampling this, and that, of it, seems to be a gift from God.  He made many things, some to be enjoyed with the eye, or the nose, or the tongue, or else.  Sometimes things are meant to please in many ways.  If too, there is some small risk trying new things.  If... risk... is part of the joy of life?  Without risk, there would be no joy?  Or... something.

So sore.

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Why I can't say.  My kidneys, or what I thought was my kidneys, hurt.  My stomach feels like it's been worked over well, in a solid fight.  My neck creaks like old beams, dried, twisted, tight.  Shoulders, biceps, triceps, and back muscles.  But why?  No headache, which is odd given the neck issues.  They often arrive as a package.

Too tired, too.  I didn't go down until a bit after midnight, I think.  I am waking at around eight thirty.  Reasonable sleep.  Slept warm enough.  Even so, waking up was a brutal affair.  The only reason I did it is because I couldn't get back to sleep.  I wanted to sleep more.  I tried, turning the alarm off at one minute to eight, as I didn't think I would be able to wake, but leaving the ten alarm on.

Delicious.

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I did have a third of the steak.  If I probably have more than a third remaining.  Just... was careful to have more left.  Though, too, there is the bone.  I love gnawing meat off the bone.  Something extra special about that meat.  Not sure what it is, but I really like getting the bits and pieces from the bone, even the marrow if I can get to it.

Tea, another.  I can, sometimes, use a homemade teabag twice.  If I use actual tea, not herbal, I can do three, to five, times... depending on the potency and volume of tea used.  Though, usually, only go three rounds.  Now that I am not drinking coffee, for a while, tea is what I have.

Full, but still hungry?

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I turned the furnace up, plus put on socks and a jacket.  Hoping that the hunger was somehow cool related.  Not that I have felt cool, or cold.  Just, that, just because I don't feel something, in my case in particular, doesn't mean it isn't having an affect.  But... it's... not.  Cold doesn't seem to be a problem, currently.

I had the steak and salad earlier.  Then, just a bit ago, had a tuna salad.  Out of lettuce and salad mix, but none of it went bad.  I sure enjoyed it, too.  With beef, tuna, sardines, or anchovies.  Salad has been pleasant.  Various mixes of my dressing, from hot to simply herbal, or some mixes.  Very good.  Enjoying capers, to parmesan, to gorgonzola.  I think, next time, I'll get blue cheese.  I prefer European, uncrumbled, but... it isn't always available.  Would prefer a true British stilton, or such, from raw milk.  But it isn't legal in the US.  Europe really does allow their people to eat rightly and well, compared to America.  Bad, US government, bad government!

Windy out there!

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.

Was difficult to griddle  Not to keep the fire lit, actually this griddle is superb at that, high wind, even rain.  And, with the lid, it can cook okay in the cold.  It's the wrong brand of lid, but I didn't care.  It was the right price, and fits just as well as the same brand as the grill.  Fifty cheaper?  Yes.  Overpriced as was, but... I... realized the utility of it, and that has proven out.  Keeps rust off.

Salad, gorgonzola and parmesan, my dressing mix.  Hmm, should have added capers.  Next time, now that they are open.  I like those little green umami dots.  Mild, but... a nice add from time to time.  Was going to add tuna, but realized I was having steak, so... no.  Two proteins at once isn't the best.  They usually don't mix well.

Down late, up late.

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I got stuck in the game.  I am trying to push through to a place where I can open the game up to my own exploration again.  I thought I was on the verge, and I am.  It's just, "the verge" in a massive game, is half a day, even at speed.  So... I... didn't make it to the point, might have another half a day to go.  Ever had to poop, but it would go?  Well, that's... like this.  :p  It has my attention.

Once sorted, then I can figure the rest of the world out.

Hungrier than anticipated.

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I ate it all.  A pound of sirloin, veggies, a pound and a half of mushrooms, plus... two pounds of cabbage?  Well, okay, so I probably only ate two thirds of the cabbage.  But, still, that's... a lot of food.  Not... fully carnivore.  But of the sort of keto I don't mind.

I started with half.  It just wasn't enough.

Still hungry, so...

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I have a head of cabbage, a pound of very thinly cut top sirloin, broccoli, cauliflower, and mushrooms.  I decided to make a sort of stew.  Steaming the things, rather than boiling them, though.  Will I make it into a stew?  Probably not.  The cabbage takes the longest, so it is going.  I'll add the harder but smaller veggies next, mushrooms to follow after five minutes.  Then, five minutes from then, it should be done.  Meat?  I think I'll add it with the hard veggies.  No... with the mushrooms.  Very thin.

Should make a superior meal, slathered in butter, with sour cream on the side?  Okay.  Salt, pepper, no other spices or herbs tonight.  Should do well.  And, yes, there will be leftovers.  Enough for tomorrow and the next day.  If, too, I will have another meat... I thawed a t-bone.  I'll fry that, and have a third of it as well, tomorrow.

Hunger is lessening.

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Diminishing, shrinking, abating.  Slowly, steadily.  I had the last portion of steak.  And, yes... twenty five minutes in the oven, at 415 (higher elevation needs a bit more... warmth), works just about right.  It makes it about a rare, medium rare.  Closer yet to rare, but warm through.  Very nice.

I'll have a salad, shortly.  And, maybe, another salad later tonight.  Either meats, or cheeses, with each, but not both?  Maybe both.  I don't know.  I really like the gorgonzola.  That really is nice.  The thing is, it's not terribly pricy (when used an ounce at a time).  But, it goes fast, so you have to use it fairly quickly.  It's very expensive, if wasted.

Stalling.

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At a boss, in the game.  I just... am not sure I want to hit that, quite yet.  And, yet, there is nothing else for me to hit.  That boss, or another and worse boss.  Not and to be able to play the game in a... manner that, if more complicated and involved, allows for an easier path forward in the long, and probably short, run.

Some of it is from pushing yesterday, sleeping a little short, staying up a bit late, even if finding an easier way to sleep, a better way.  I love it when I figure out the problem, and find a method or several to manage the difficulty.  Even so, I'm just a bit... behind.  And I have things to do.

Just used the oven.

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It seems cool enough so that using the oven would be okay.  It worked well.  A third of the steak, half of what remains, was wrapped in foil, and popped in the oven.  I use warmer temps, being I live at around 5k elevation, in a valley.  It takes a bit more to heat things up here.  Though I probably gave it more time than I would have preferred.

I'm going to try 25 minutes, next time.  Got it to a solid medium doneness, which was good enough.  If I prefer rare to medium rare.  Only, sometimes I'll do a bit more to get the meat warmer.  Delicious, really.

Not perfect.

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I couldn't get down until 3:30 to 4:00, some time in there.  Just... couldn't cool enough to sleep.  Still, I did my best.  I didn't bother turning the alarms on, though had the wrist alarm on, and it let me know it was eight.  Boy does that thing wake me up well, when not... expected.  Even when awake, it can give me a bit of a start... when the time for it sneaks up on me.

But, that wrist alarm, is set to go off at eight, then every four hours until 20:00.  Four times a day, it helps me... take note that I am alive, awake, what time it is, whether I should eat, pee, feed Sassy, check her litter boxes, or... just... realize I am alive and awake.  It is helping me sort out my life, in the oddest of ways.

Up late.

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When I push things, I can't sleep.  And, I pushed things.  The meetings aren't all that late.  But, it is nearing my bedtime.  Though the real thing is that I must shower, put on shoes and socks, dress, and get out and going.  All of that builds up heat, which... takes me time to dissipate after.

Oh, wienie?  Well, yeah.  When your heart should have failed forty years ago, we'll talk.  And yes, tonight, and the last few days, it has been hurting.  My heart, that is.  Just... imagine someone squeezing your heart, somehow.  Compressing it, from all around.  Until it just hurts.  Like a brutal massage, but of the very heart that pushes blood through your body.  It just aches, now, and has for a while.

Made it to the meeting.

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I had it in my phone, but that didn't alert me.  The phone isn't doing what the old old phone did.  Though neither did the "flagship" phone.  Quality has gone down.  Not even sure I should have a cell phone anymore, without the benefits, only only the spying.  I may just dump the phones.

Still, I made it.  Still not totally welcome.  They keep hoping I will die or just stop showing up.  And... I would, if they would simply ask.  That's all it would take.  Other than that, I'll show up.  Do things.  Do what I can, when and how I can.  As I have said, all anyone has to do is ask me to go, or tell me to go.  In an official capacity.  I get it, I understand.  Not a problem.  If you don't have the intention of your conviction, you... shouldn't have that conviction.

Ten before eight.

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I did wake up at just before four, about ten to.  No way I could get out of bed though.  I heard the six alarm, and rode it to 6:30.  Not sure what happened after.  Dreams this morning.  Football.  Sports in general.  Our coach was a horrible man.  Don't know if he took money, or just set us up to lose because he hated us?  Putrid man.  Worldly, though.  He fit in, as the lowest of the low on the totem pole.

There were guys on the teams who actively worked with him.  I... realized this some time ago.  But it irks me every time I remember.  I hope he got his earthly, and divine, reward.  Typical academic and bureaucratic type.

Responses.

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Sometimes I think these are... manufactured.  Sometimes... I get the sense that... there is someone behind them.  Someone who it makes sense to be behind them.  Sometimes they make sense, sometimes not.  This... I thought at first, was manufactured... by a party only along for the story ride.  but, then, something seemed to click.

I liked the set, in any case.  Here.

Do you ever feel like someone is trying to tell you something?

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What that might be could be anybody's guess.  I mean, there is always the straightforward.  But, when dealing with women, that is rarely how they work.  If they say they hate you, if they are bothering to tell you?  They are lying.  Though, whether to themselves, you, both, or someone else, that... is never a certainty.

And, what they mean?  I don't think they know what they mean.  It has more to do with feeling, when it comes to women, the feminine.  They don't think with objectives, goals, ideas, only feelings.  Even when you can get them to print in logic, the fringes are emotional.  How does this quadratic equation make me feel?  FFS, it doesn't make ME feel, it solves a problem.  Gah!

Up earlier.

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I didn't make the six alarm, even with snoozes.  Slipped right past, if I gave it my best shot.  It wasn't until 7:13 when I finally was able to wake, shake sleep mostly, and rise.  Even so, it's... a difficult morning.  Still, I well beat the eight alarm.  It's off, the six is back on, for tomorrow.  In case I forget to reset them, at least the six will be on.

To be honest, at one point, those were the emergency alarms.  My real goal is to wake more like around four or five.  I'll see if I can get back to that.  Now that I am getting used to waking in the dark.  Or... getting used to it.  Once waking in the dark isn't a thing anymore, again, then when I wake isn't as difficult.  That sun is a nice alarm, of it's own.  But... yeah.  Get a bit addicted to that.

Oh, seemed so late!

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Fall is a tricky time of year.  I thought I had pushed through to midnight, or later.  Nope, not at all.  It isn't even 20:30, quite yet.  Close though.  So... time to feed Sassy one last time.  I don't need to go to the bathroom, but drank a goodly deal, so will take a pee jug up.  Often I skip that, but if I've been drinking like a thirsty horse, I... take precautions.  Now worry about wetting the bed, these days.  Just... I don't want to have to wake up, get my glasses and pj's on, if not wearing them, and figure my way down the stairs and through the house.  NO!  Pee jugs work much better.

Sure, there is some care, with them, after.  But... that's... I can do that when awake, during the day, and such.

Down early, up late.

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Hey, if I need more sleep, I take it.  I have tried to push my mostly dead body over more lines, just... for no real reason... for far too long.  Now, if I am still tired in the morning?  I sleep.  It doesn't happen all that often.  But, lately, it's been happening.  As fall approaches.  That and hunger?  I think so.  The body does it's thing, sometimes.  I can afford to let it.  I feel sorry, genuinely, for those who must push beyond.

I do know, when I had to do that, it made me mean.  Being mean can be good, when it's needed, but it can also make a person very course.  Man, woman, child... pushed, they can become just a wee feral.  This I know.  There are times when... there isn't a choice.  But when there is, I choose to be not that way, and not do what makes me that way.

Hungrier?

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Okay.  That caught me a bit off guard.  I mean, I just didn't see it coming, and so wasn't prepared... with a more carnivore answer.  Steak?  Only so much.  But other things can be added, that are carnivore, or more in that vein.  For a week or so, here, now, I... could only put stuff in my face that I had.  Which wasn't the best.  Thankfully I didn't have Halloween candy on hand, or else.  Or it would have gone down the hole like a vacuum eating dirt.

I have some things I was already planning.  The steaks, of course.  And tuna steaks, a nice add.  Lettuce and a general salad mix, which while not carnivore, are... within specs to be used in that diet.  At least for me, and in my case.  Then there was the packets of tuna, sardines and anchovies.

Up a bit late, again.

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Didn't get down until midnight, exactly.  So waking at just a few before eight makes sense.  I heard the six alarm, and... snoozed it?  For a while?  Or slept through the last few snoozes, even if I used them?  Not sure.  Don't remember.  Saw either 6:20, and maybe 6:30, but nothing after, that I remember.

I had the windows open upstairs, last night.  Just two of them, partial, to half open.  Air flow.  It's 68 in the main, and was 69 near me.  Down here, it is 70 in the main, 66 up front.  It was 40 outdoors.  It's been rather... consistent of late.  But, the warmth of the day is less, and for shorter.  It just isn't, so far, getting too much cooler.  So, it's staying pleasant.  Especially since I have acclimated to fall weather well, finally.

Made it to the store.

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Finally.  Was out of lettuce, days ago.  No cabbage.  Even out of coffee.  They seem to steal some of that, but not as much as they used to take.  Trust me, I... kept close track for a while.  Not sure how, or when they got in.  Must have been while I was sleeping.  Though I had some number of doctor appointments at that time, and the windows were often open.  Screens are easy to remove and replace.

Anyway.  To town.  A shorter trip.  Beside coffee, cabbage, lettuce, I finally found a whole chicken, so grabbed that, found thin slices of top sirloin.  Not my favorite to buy thin, but... it might work, especially with salad.  Sour cream, and just a few other things.  More coffee than intended.  They changed the bags.  So I thought these where half pounders.   Nope.  I thought I was buying three pounds, double that.  And coffee, the good stuff, is pretty spendy these days.  But... I've wrapped and frozen most of it.  Not perfect, but it will do.

Tiny details.

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In a game as large as Elden Ring, the level of detail, the volume of items, number of secrets, and special missable bosses and fights, is impressive.  For all of it's problems, this isn't one of them.  Even if they cheat certain things, a lot in some places, you get value for your money.  The quality mostly makes up for the cheating.  Stick and carrot, always, it seems.

Still, I remembered quite a bit, for not having played for years.  And I figured out other things.  But there are still things I miss, forgot, or possibly never found originally on my first playthrough.  Wonderful though, enjoying.  And... looking up things.  After I have, pretty much, cleared an area, then I'll go see what I missed.  Then decide if I'll go back for it.  Which I usually do.  Even if I don't use it with this 'toon, or this 'toon's particular build, doesn't mean I may not use it later, on a slightly, or vastly, different build.

I may have figured it out.

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Why waking has become a bit later?  Right.  The sun.  It's... not even close to being up when I am trying to wake.  Now, that isn't always the problem, or the only problem, but... yes.  When I realized some of the problem, I decided to try to do something about it.  And have.

I was able to wake this morning by 6:30.  Turning on the light helps.  Just a lamp, but it's got three levels, and the brightest is fairly bright.  Nearly a ceiling light level.  Dimmed in the roundabout, a bit, with the shade.  But I sleep under it, so it smiles shine very pleasantly, for waking.

Gladly wrong.

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Well, sort of.  The lemon crystals, in simple (if carbonated) water, was very good.  I used two packets, but think one would have been fine.  Next I'll try the lime.  Nice to have, for when I simply can't get to the store, or keep those on hand.  Still, prefer fresh.  Life doesn't always allow for preferences.  I can't wait to try it in butter, for a pan sauce of some sort.

Beginning to replace blankets.  I have a two good wool blankets.  Ordered another.  May order one more.  The only synthetics I will keep are from my past.  One was made by my mother, the other was from a child I helped raise for a while.  I think he was the only child whose diapers I changed.  It's not as bad as I thought, mostly.  Still, left it to his mom, most of the time.  Even I have empathy, sympathy, and do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done.  She had to show me, and supervise, but I wanted to know how.  So, didn't mind.  If, as mentioned, that was usually her task.

Nothing done.

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Even so, it has been a good day.  Restful, comfortable, but looking for... something.  Missing something.  Trying to get back on track.  Keeping to days though.  And staying comfortable, not too warm or cold.  Not too much or too little sleep.  Well, for... the way things are.

I did get the tuna steak cooked.  And it was good.  Not great, not terrible.  Then again, I simply fried it on the flattop, with a little butter.  The flattop needs to be cleaned really well, as well.  I'll do that tomorrow.  Oh, and a case of cases of water arrived today.  Why they put four of them in one box is beyond me.  Two per box is optimal, and easier for everyone.  But they arrive in singles, doubles, triples, and day four in one box?  It arrived, it was good, it has been put up.  I could carry it.  I suppose older people could open it and take one or two at a time.  Just... two is better.

A tuna steak and tea.

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Not much, but it is good.  Was.  I tried the lemon powder in the tea.  The tea is a mix of herbs, and a white tea.  The lemon crystals either aren't very good tasting, are very weak, or didn't go with the blend.  I'll add another packet to the tea, see if more strength helps.

Water arrived.  I got that put away.  It's impossible for me to not buy it, when it's the same price as I'd pay at the store, but with no shopping, hauling, then putting up.  But... it could get hot in shipping?  How do you think stores get it.  The same damned way.  And, yes, it does get hot, in shipping, no matter.  Or freezes along the way.  Or... both, if coming from California, through to Arizona, say, then up through Utah.  It... might do both, in the same zone, on some odd days and nights.

Late.

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Didn't get out of bed until after seven.  I was in bed by 20:30, probably closer to 20:00.  Not sure what the problem was.  I was colder while sleeping, last night.  I have been using one blanket, but last night added my two favored extras.  I checked the temp, it was 71, nearly 72.  Which is the same it has been for weeks now.  Not sure what the deal was.

But I am awake.  Sassy is fed, coffee is brewing.  I'm... thinking about how to get started on more.  A few more boxes to break down, so I'll do that before anything.  Just to keep that even.  I did put one small load of laundry through last night, but finished it.  Everything from it has been managed.

Mostly gaming.

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I was hungry, though.  So I made several cans of veggies, heated them anyway.  Butter, lots of butter.  And some salt.

It's been 73, in the main, and up front here, most of the day.  Finally, in the afternoon, it has warmed up to 75?  It feels so hot.  The warmest it has been in a while?  In the house.  No, it isn't the furnace.  I had to check.  That is set to 70.  It... isn't heating the house at all.  Very... strange.  Between the window being replaced and having the furnace blower on all the time, the world remains better.  If it's hotter outside, it is cooler indoors.  As it cools?  It... is staying warmer.

Finally!

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I'm telling you, that laundry just would not dry!  Run after run, it just wouldn't work.  Not just one load, four loads.  I even reduced load sizes after having so much trouble with that first load.  Brutal.  Still, done.  Finally.

The towels, both bath and kitchen, were folded.  As were the pillow cases and sheathes.  Bath towels are up, kitchen towels... well... I don't have a right place for them, currently.  I may just use a box, for now.  The pillow items will go up, with the clothes, and be put into an airtight bag.

Up!

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Down around 20:30?  Or so.  Up just before five.  I'm doing okay.  Sort of holding onto daytime.  But... it's turning fall, things might slip harshly shortly?  Maybe, maybe not.  Holding on as well as I am able.

Sleep was good.  I am sleeping right through the night.  Looks, however, like someone was in the house last night.  Yes, I can tell.  They have this stupid thing, with certain light switches.  Retards are willful about something that shouldn't matter to them.  Looks like they gamed a bit.  That can be fixed.

Very nice.

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I heated the last of the steak, in foil, in the oven.  Then sliced it, putting the pieces on the last of the salad and italian dressing.  Oh, my, that was good.  I couldn't eat it all, but I enjoyed what I could.  I wanted to eat it all.  I just couldn't.  I have eaten enough these last few days.  Some sort of hunger was driving me.

Blood sugar is a bit up.  Must be from the extra protein.  Four, or five now, bm's in the last two days.  Something just... happened.  No worries, life is good that way.  I'm almost thinking there is another bm on the way.  All good.  Clearing and cleaning out is just fine.  It's been months since I've had two in the same week, or pretty close.  So... all good.

Another tuna salad.

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It's not fancy.  It doesn't fill all that well.  But... it's... something.  I may heat the rest of the steak in a bit, slice that, and have that on lettuce.  Almost out.  Which is fine.  I have tried to buy two batches at once, but the first batch can go a bit wonky (not this time) before even getting to the second batch.  So, no.  I'd rather go without than to try to munch my way through terrible old bad lettuce/salad.

I must admit, salad lasted well this time.  If, too, I have been munching it well, often, in volume.  No waste this time.

Good?

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I didn't get to bed until 21:30 or so.  Later than I wanted.  Gaming has me back in it's thrall, if not as harshly?  Being a game I have some familiarity, I'm not killing myself to learn while doing.  But enough has been forgotten that there is still... things to... sort.

I had thought I would get in, kick around a bit, then go on to the dlc.  But the tunes I had for this are back on the ps4.  I thought I brought those forward, but maybe they just don't do that.  Don't know.  So... I'm starting over.  Actually, I have two 'toons in the works.  One the easier starter, one a more difficult starter, but more potent later game 'toon.  I had meant to start with a base 'toon, long ago, but always hated the idea.  And didn't want to restart, with two or three high level 'toons.  But, since starting from the start, I'll take the initial pain and work it from there.

I just haven't done well.

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I am slipping, sliding, toward sleep.  Have been all day.  Other than when not stuffing my face.

I think I have the second load of laundry dry.  I'll check shortly.  The last load of whites is washed.  I am hoping the other is finally dry, so I can switch those out.  I was hoping to have everything dried, folded, and put up.  Nope.  I didn't even take what is dry upstairs to sort.  Nor will I yet today.

Fumbling, and hungry.

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Not sure what is going on, wrong, or right?  Hungry.  I have eaten more between yesterday and today than I have in... weeks.  Or... so it seems.  Since this morning, I have had three salads, two with tuna... I think, half of the remainder of the steak from yesterday, most of a bag of pecans (couldn't stop, even if they are old), three very dark chocolate squares with peanut butter, a fatted coffee, and I'm starting in on macadamia nuts.  I'm going to hold the line at three ounces of those.  And... I am thinking of having another fatted coffee.

Why?  I can't say.  I'm not cold, or weak, or exuberant, or... anything else different.  Just hungry.  Uhrm, HUNGRY.  There.  Did I eat anything else?  Not that I remember.  But... something is driving that need, or want?  No, it feels more like need.  I just don't understand it.

Bleh?

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Not really.  But sort of?

Salad, as mentioned, to start off the day.  With a can of tuna, in olive oil.  The last of that.  Coffee, as well.  I found an old pack of pecans.  I am eating them, not sure I should.  But... hungry?  Strangely, yes.  I think they are rancid, or so close that... I shouldn't eat them.

A good sleep.

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I probably made it up, to 17:00.  How much past?  Probably not much.  I was crashing so hard.  I did have to push that last hour or two.  Why though?  When I went in, down, I went away, fast.  I woke around 3:30, but was able to drift a bit longer, to 4:30.  Even then, I didn't just pop out of bed.  It's not that it took long to shake, wake, and roll out.  Just that it was a slog, short as it did take.

I have been working on removing the scab.  At this point, though, I have sort of quit and will let it grow back.  Didn't get it all off, most of it though.  The wound is shallower.  The scab is about all there is too it, at this point, and it is extruding, not concave into the bed.  I'll put lessor dressings on, until the scab more completely returns, then cautiously leave it open to completely dry again.

Fried, cooked, done.

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Not sure why, but I am absolutely bushed.  It's earlier than I hoped, at not yet 17:00.  Closing in though.  I do think I'll have that salad.  And, get the laundry upstairs after.  Oh, and feed Sassy a last time.  So very tired.  Exhausted right to my bones.

All good.  I didn't get trash and recycling together and out.  I am hoping I will wake early enough.  The thing will be to start laundry, then get those things gathered and out.  Putting them to the curb.  It's... as good as I can do.

Now THAT is a steak.

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I wasn't sure... about it.  T-bone, porterhouse, depends on which edge of the roast it is cut from.  Since I went at least a full rack, I got a bit of each.  This first one that I had out, and cooked, was a porterhouse, with both types of steak in full bloom.  And thick.  She looked good, I'll say that.

And, yet, I've had questionable t-bones/porterhouses lately.  Still, I went with it.  And, today, I finally cooked the one I had out.

Sleepy.

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More.  Absolutely exhausted.  So I turned the heat up.  Sometimes that works.  I am cold, too.  Nope.  That just isn't doing it.  Coffee, neither the caffeine or the warmth helped.

I checked the laundry.  Reset the dryer to a final spin.  The wash just has to wait, but it's ready.  Yes, sometimes the washing machine takes longer than the dryer.  Not this time.  Ah, I have a hoodie jacket that was washed yesterday, dried.  It's setting sorted with the rest, to be taken upstairs.  I'll snag that and wear it today, to try to warm up.

A good start.

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Yes, yes.  Laundry sorted, reset, fresh and last load in the wash, second to last into the dryer.  That which was dried has been set to go upstairs, or folded... the towels and such, for into the bathroom.  Hmm, should have taken them on it while at it.  Next time I am up I will do just that.

Sassy fed.  A few other small details attended.  Coffee finished, the french press cleared and cleaned, ready for next run.

A bit tight on sleep.

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But, okay.  I'll do this.  I made it to 19:00, with some help this time.  Eyes were bloody dry tired.  After that, I made it another hour, to come down?  Sort of.  So, down at 20:00, maybe as late as 20:30, if more likely right between those two?  I'm sort of going on blurry memories of the alarm clock, and wrist watch, as I was falling into... the localized hereafter.  Falling so fast, memory gets... tangled, even changed.  But... close enough.

Up right at three.  I mean on the dot.  So, six and a half hours down?  Not... optimal, but it works.  Why up at three, and bolt?  I can't say, but that is how it worked.  There was not negotiating, or I would have slept longer.  Bolt, awake, now, done.  Still, waking like that is preferred.  I hate mushy mornings, when I go to step on the pedal and all I get is some slow slight minor function.

Mostly pretty good.

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The laundry intended is done, or finishing.  The two first loads are dry, and sorted in a basket to go up.  I'll wait for the last load to dry.  Which won't be done, with surety, until tomorrow.  It is running, now.  I'll spin it in the morning.  Then get things going where they go.

I set up another wash, but... in my sleepiness, added the soap.  I won't leave soap in the machine cup overnight, so I am running it.  I just... really need to remember to get going on that first thing.  One more load of laundry after after, for tomorrow.  Synthetics.  By the way, I did get the stink out of the synthetics.  Washing with vinegar... in the wash, in the bleach dispenser, in the water softener dispenser, with extra rinse, and on warm water.  Good.

Some things.

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One load through, the wash.  Into the dryer.  Another washed.  As they each finished, they moved one.  The dried clothes have been sorted, to be taken up with what is about to be dry.  One more load, maybe?  Did I already put it in?  I'll check.  It's just towels and washcloths, or I wouldn't contemplate.  And, not many.  Just enough for a last colored load.

I would have done more but I became so constipated.  Had to go.  Spent half the day pushing.  The chicken was so dry, it gummed things up.  Oh my, I was beginning to worry that I would die trying.  No joke.  It has been a miserable morning to early afternoon.  Finally, after trying half a dozen tricks, I was about to pop into the shower, to see if that could, would, help.  And it... just... gave... give or take.

Life imitating art?

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Or art imitating life?  I'll... get to that.

Got to bed later.  I think it was just almost to 20:00.  And, when I went in, and down, I just had enough energy, after a few seconds, to reach out, get the alarm clock, and check the time.  I think it was like 19:52, or 55, or 53... or so.  Almost certain it was 52 though.  Anyway.  wonderful.  Didn't even destroy me to be awake until then, if I was pretty shot.

Made it to town.

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Steaks, and burger.  They didn't have a single whole chicken.  I won't buy parts.  Those, about a third to half the time, are bad.  Or too close to it for my tastes.  Cost more than anticipated, by a lot.  I hope they are good.  I have one out for cooking tomorrow.  Not today.  Too tired.

I did shower, of course.  Got dressed properly.  I like the slow way to town, especially since it ends up being much quicker somehow.

Fairly good.

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I wasn't sure I'd get to boxes.  I did a bit more work in the bathroom.  There were things I forgot to put away.  They are... sorted and stored, rightly.  And... a bit more with laundry.  The last load is drying, should be dry.  No more going into the wash, today.  Though, perhaps, through the day, I may set a load up.  To begin first thing tomorrow.

No shower yet, but I wanted to do boxes first.  Which, finally, I did do.  And every one.  Very nice.  I wasn't sure that was going to happen.  Now to get the broken down boxes into the suv, and have that ready for... whenever.

Very good, nice.

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Laundry.  Started the last load.  It should be done, or shortly.  Drying.  Too, I bundled everything fresh upstairs.  And, while there, sorted it.  My pants were folded and put into airtight bags.  Same with the good socks, wool watch caps, and underwear.  Until I do something about the house, this will do.

Shirts?  Sort of limited.  Might fold some, when I get further along.  And bag those.  The better shirts, ones I would wear out.  Set out a set of clothes for today.  Then, got the baskets ready and back down.  Taking some things I want washed with them.  Including clothes up there which have gotten stale.  There are more to come down.  But... I'm... started, again.  Hopefully I'll get to it.

Laundry, then more.

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I was doing laundry.  Got some things folded.  Towels, right.  Then.. went to put them away.  I have four huge drawers in the bathroom.  One with towels.  One with sundry.  Two with... old and... well, stuff that needed to go.  So, finally, today, it went.

I thought it would be a quick little shuffle, from one place to the bin.  And, it was, and it wasn't.  It took more time than I thought.  How long should it take to throw things away?  Quite a while, it seems.  But it is done.  Some cleaning is needed.  But... they are empty.  Nice.  It's a start.

Such things.

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Some... strange notions, thoughts, memories, possabilities?

I... don't know.  But, here it goes.

Rough day.

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Not absolutely sure why.  Neck is out of kilter.  The bones, really.  As if gravel is in there.  A bit of a headache.  Fair enough.  I've not been suffering physically for a while.  In other ways, but I haven't hurt.  So, it's... good to get a little of that back.  Just... to remember?  Something.

I set the laundry in the dryer to a final spin.  And put a load in the wash.  As well, I have things ready to go upstairs, be sorted, and be put up.  I think I can.  I am trying to go slow enough to not be overwhelmed, yet fast enough to not fall behind, or completely off.

Meh.

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Down at 15:30, give or take.  Up at 23:30, give or take.  Eight hours down.  I almost feel like I want more sleep, but I don't need it, and really, can't even fight for it.  I get what I get, at this point.  And it is enough.  The best years, sleepwise, of my life since illness.  I am awake every day.  I sleep every night.  If there are... oddities, times when the day isn't daylight time, and night is in the broad day, that is probably as good as I will ever get.  Or I'd be working.  Doing something, anything.

Blood sugar is 166 fasting?  I have been so hungry.  Not eating anything that should cause this.  Actually, not eating.  This doesn't make sense.  I must assume, with my hunger, my body is gnawing on muscle, converting it to carbs, and in high doses.  I need to... feed the beast meaty things.  Steak, tomorrow.

Not as much sleep as hoped.

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I made it into the eighteen hundredth hour, five after or forty after, I can't say.  I thought it was at least twenty after, not so much from a memory as a sense.  But the sense can be wrong.  I was down until double ought forty, or so, forty after midnight if you don't get that.  I wanted to sleep more, but woke crisp, clear, without ambiguity.  Awake.  So be it.

I did some sorting up there.  Medical supplies.  Wound care.  I... would order, than... forget what I had.  As I'd run out of one box, I'd order another.  I... have... plenty.  Not all the fancy ones.  I mean, I do have some of those.  But can make do fairly well, with a sever wound, for probably six months.  I don't have stacks of good dressings, but of reasonable one.  And, I do have a box of several types and sizes of the betters ones, just in much reduced quantity.

Thirteen thirty four.

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Awake, comfortably, and for a while.  Famished while at it.  I had kippers earlier, a double dose.  Still... hungry, unreasonably.  The season, one suggests.  And... that feels to be a sure part of it.  Though, to, now that I think, I have been trying to cut cream intake.  No, I HAVE been cutting cream.  Going from a cup to two a day, to half a cup total, in a hurry, may have left me a bit shy.

So, I'm... having a bit more, in this round.  And, while I will cut, I will not cut quite so close to the quick, innit.  Blood sugar is already back down under a hundred, right at 95.  Nice.  I... like those types of numbers.  Day or night, good or bad else, those numbers will see me in better cheer.

I did em' booboo?

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I am still addicted to carbs.  I have applesauce in my larder.  Initially a placket.  Between myself and the neighbors who helped themselves, I'm down to half that.  I opened one last night.  Sometimes, I say sometimes, boy, I can just have a portion, now and again, through the week.  Not always, not this time.  I downed the hole thing, starting at around what might pass for my suppertime, and ending at when one might call my breakfast, right after the soup.

I knew blood sugar would be high.  How high was the question.  And, it was, 158 fasting.  That was before the final dose.  Soup, the rest of it, and a fatted coffee.  I was hoping blood sugar might drop, but not counting on it.  Since I had the final dose after that reading.  Dubious, but hopeful.

Up, and a shower.

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I set the timer to feed Sassy.  I like to do that an hour after waking.  Just... so she knows she won't get fed right away.  It... settles her jets.  Into the shower.  I had to do a few dishes, but that was good.  Before I jumped in, I brought down a pair of pants that should have gone in the last load of wash.  Put that in and restarted it.  I... forgot it for a day.  A little vinegar, fresh soap, and it wasn't smelling too off, so started it.

Then hopped in the shower!  Ugh.  I have to remember not to do that.  Though, this second time, it wasn't quite so bad.  I'm... almost getting used to water going cold.  Meh.  Okay.  Still, got cleaned up, partly dressed, and put the soup on.  It should be ready.  Is ready, save that I'm letting it cool just a bit.  One bowl of the stuff left.  Should be good.

I made it awake until 17:00.  Not through great effort, and I wasn't pushing all that hard.  Mostly just forgot.  Body tried to wake at 22:00.  I put that down.  Woke at midnight.  Tried to veto that.  Lost.  Midnight it was.  Seven hours is better than six which is better than four hours of sleep.  It's what I could do.

A little rough.

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The heart, it is just running rough.  No extra beats, or missing.  It's just tired.  It's gotten me through tough times, over some hilly terrain, up a mountain, down a flooded river, and on.  All well beyond it's warrantee.  The thing was broken so long ago, in many ways.  How it still works is an act of God.  No lie.

Still, it... hurts some days.  Today, and lately generally, that has been true.  I'd like to sleep, but that doesn't help.  Extra sleep might work, but I'm having to push to just get eight hours.  Still, will... try.

That wasn't bad.

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The faux rice, corn, carrots, tomatoes (no puree, but stewed whole), then the burger.  I added both patties.  Huge two patties, three quarter pounders?  More, maybe.  Oh, I added the last half of a beef broth carton I had opened for something else recently.  Good, good, hate to let things go.

Italian, garlic and onion powder, hot spice, salt and pepper.  Nothing fancy.  As well, parmesan on top.

So weird.

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Woke up, thinking it was the first.  But, of course, it wasn't.  I always forget, somehow, that half way through my current day... or part way through it... the day changes.  It IS the first, or was about to be.  NOW it's the first.  Gah!

Coffee went down.  Water too.  Sassy has been fed twice.  I set an alarm for three hours, and feed her then.  Plus, it reminds me to get up, shake things off, perhaps go to the bathroom, and breaks the spell of... whatever I am doing.  Seems an odd thing to need to do.  If I don't, she'll beg too much food.  And, if I don't, I'll just... sit... for many, too many, hours.  For now it works.

Finally, a right sleep.

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I have been sleeping from four to six hours for the last three weeks?  Or, mostly.  And, while that has been fine, mostly, it also hasn't been just dandy.  Something wrong.  Plus, wasn't able to push through the day into the full day.  Last night I finally got some good rest.  My heart is thanking me for it.  Some.  More, though, it requests.  I will if I can.

I did end up being awake until after 14:00.  Three, five, ten, thirty, after?  I don't know.  And I'm just... pretty sure it was after that, I know I saw 13:30 well before going to bed.  Pretty sure I was 14:03 on the clock before, too.  But, as I crash, sometimes I dream things.  I do know I didn't make it to 15:00.  I so wanted to.  Then again, I was crashing at around eleven.  So, staying up that long was not just a feat, a mean feat, and it hurt.

Not going to make it much longer.

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Not enough sleep.  Keeping the blade down here, for when I get to the boxes.  Hopefully tonight.  First this room, then the kitchen.  Dry goods out of the kitchen, too.  I'll begin just cleaning that place out.  I am hoping to have much cleared in this coming week, or two.  

Just emptying.  Cupboards, counters, shelves, else.  Here, there, this room, that.  If I can fill this room, I'll order a dumpster, and keep at it.  I have things still boxed, never opened really, from when I moved here.  I... thought... I'd get to things.  Didn't.  And... more.

Someone is out and about.

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Kicking around.  Remembering?  Thinking?  Chewing some fat?  Flirting?

Certainly saw some oldies, and in a strange mix.  Still, I... think I can work with it.  Well, and a few new?  No, not a single new.  Well to my playlist.  Not all that recent, but, certainly everything has been visited.

I would sure like to eat.

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And, I may, before too long.  But first, I want to warm up.  A coffee is being set up.  A shower after that?  I picked up a pocket knife, to begin tearing down boxes later.  Sometime after the shower, possibly after the first run of work in this room, or before that latter, a meal?  I don't know.  I have two larger beef patties.  I thought about beans, with that, but no.  Perhaps keto rice or noodles, and stewed tomatoes?  An odd meal.  Or... maybe just burger, rice/noodles, butter, and maybe sour cream?

Blood sugar finally dropped well, to 102.  Still not perfect, but... it's better.  And that... would do on any given day.  Not a fasting number, which is preferable.  But... good.

Up way too early.

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I made it to 17:00.  How much later?  Always little thing to do.  Not sure.  Probably no more than ten to twenty after.  And asleep immediately.  Up at 19:00?  Bah.  I'll try to get back for a nap before long.

Dreaming of working on the house.  Which... I am hoping to get busy doing.  Starting to bag stuff up?  Well, I best make room for that.  So, clearing this front room again.  Breaking down boxes, getting them out.  Then, begin tearing into the kitchen.  A lot of stuff will just go.  If it's new, unused, like some crock pots of various sizes?  I ordered some for cooking, but also to make soap.  I'll... hold those for now.  But a lot of things will just go.  From canning jars to old foods, to even newer, but keto, foods.  Almond and coconut flower were lower carb, but not low enough.  Things like that... just... go.

Wow!

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I've been tinkering, online, looking.  I didn't think there was a chance I'd even make it another hour.  It's almost 17:00.  Oh, I'm absolutely crushed with exhaustion.  But... I'm good with that.  Only an half hour later than yesterday, but yesterday was two hours more than the day before, and more like three hours later on average this last week.

Breakthroughs happen, but they cost.  And things could go really sideways.  But... like many things, take what you can get, do what you can do, and keep at it.

Crazy out there.

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I checked earlier.  It had gotten up to 88?  Not complaining, my body was already starting to whine about the cool.  Just not ready?  On the carnivore diet, the cold is a bit more difficult.  It's not even something I can dress for, completely, because it is a body, metabolism, internal issue.  I don't understand the mechanics completely.  Or if there is a way around it, through it, or such.

All I know is 70 is difficult.  But that 88?  That felt so nice.  If I wasn't so tired I'd go out and sit in it.  Hmm, may go out for a bit.  Though, at 15:30, it's down to 86.  There is a serious wind going out there.  Not terribly high, but... definitely out there and fairly strong.  A warm breeze, of course.  One sec... going to go warm my bones for just a few...

Days are confusing.

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Both because I am changing days and night around, and because I am awake in two days at once.  Is it Saturday?  It was, when I woke up.  Sunday now.  Ugh.  So, trying to check, each day.  Clarify which day it is, at a given time.  Remembering.    Sitting here, I had to check, think, put that into memory.

Good.  I do my best.

Such a strange mix.

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So strange I decided to put it up.  The pattern?  Make your own mind.

I have no idea.  Someone is trying to tease sense out of nonsense?  No, that isn't it.  They see something, here, or there, and put it together.  Then... paint it in various ways.  A woman, I should think.  But, an artistic one.  Sort of a rare bird.  But artistry is rare in most.  Few can even appreciate it.

Better?

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Mostly.  I was able to stay up until 16:30.  I had hoped to be awake to 18:30.  Had someone stopping by.  Wanted to talk.  couldn't make it.  Still, that's a good two hours later, and a start to getting more of the day added back to my schedule.  Then I slept until 23:00.  So, not much better on the sleeping front.  But better than the four hours some nights lately.

I did start laundry, going, again yesterday.  While I was showering even.  No, this house isn't built with that in mind.  I've never lived in a place that was though, so it's... not something I am missing.  And... I did laugh.  I'll get more going on that today.