Odd.

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I had two visitors stop by.  Just a social call.  With the cave messy, I prefer to have visitors on the back covered area.  Not quite a porch or patio, but... something along those lines.  Visitors aren't terribly strange, even for an old ogre.  What did surprise me was, at 92~94 F outside, it just didn't feel all that bad.  I wouldn't want to hike in it.  I wouldn't want to be out in the sun.  And there was a breeze going.  I guess I was just a bit surprised.

I received a message that there was to be a feast at 16:00.  But there is no way I could get ready for such.  And even as nice as it was, in the shade... when the breeze was going... I couldn't have handled a longer stint outdoors.  Plus, to go I would have needed to put a side dish together.  I'll bet at least one of the messages I haven't checked from late last week...  Never mind, I couldn't have done that.  Still, it's nice that the KoC decided to include me in this last call.  I hadn't heard from them in... months?  I'm not good at getting out, so...  Fair enough.  Not being cynical or offering snark.  It was, simply put, nice to be called.  I try to make it, from time to time, when I can, and when I know.  I suspect they are more patient with me than I have any idea of need to be with them.  As with most.

I'd love to get to town.  I need milk, all out.  And cream is getting mighty short.  Well, and more grapefruit would be wonderful.  Just getting out of the cave is a good thing, too.  Probably not until Monday.  All good though.  Later.

Getting hot.

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The day is really starting to heat up.  It's not quite 13:00, or 80 F, but it will get there, and keep going into the early dark.  Which means very little will be done today.  Inside, if it hits the low to mid 90's, I can expect to stay in the mid to upper 70's.  Not bad, but too much for my nature.  And it stays that way for too long.  For me.  If I have to, as with Burning Man, for short spits, I can handle some of it.  A week with no ac, and the swamp cooler cut out after a few days.  So it really was high desert high summer.  I can do it.  I just don't do as much.  Fair enough, as I see it.

I do remember the dream now.  It is terrible, in some ways, perhaps to you.  It didn't bother me, I've spent decades considering these things.  Even while asleep, even while dreaming, I was not sure I wanted to share the dream.  You don't understand.  Most of you have... you think a fist fight is a bad thing.  You have no idea what is out there.  My relationship to what is out there is as far beyond that as what I am beyond what most people think of a fist fight.  When war comes, something many people have been shielded from for most of your lives, you will begin to see.  I don't mean seeing stuff on "the news", I don't mean hearing stuff, or even seeing scars.  I mean, when you watch those scars, of various sorts, being made, or being forced to make them yourselves, or having them made on you.

No, I think I will keep my dream to myself.  I don't think you would understand.  I'll let you see and later try to make sense of these things on your own. 

Some of it has been about recovery.  Losing time, sleeping so much of the time, thinking of love... both simple and carnal, while trapped in an unyielding body.  These I can discuss.  There is a poetry in there, if I despise when someone attempts to poeticize that.  Especially those who haven't ever had an address on that street.  Such dark times, such strange times, almost learning how to walk, breath, think, listen, even touch... all over again.  I have learned again, and recalled some of what I had before.  It makes me different.  Two, maybe three, men, in one form, somehow.  Maybe more.  When you learn how to do these things, then forget, then relearn, maybe several times over... then you remember your old learning and your current one, there is a layering affect to reality.  It's difficult to explain.

Though I would like to learn to drive stick shift again.  I wonder if that would double memory as well?  Some things do, some don't.  Anyway, now I know why I forgot.  I think, for this dream, one side of me buried the dream so the other, in morning exuberance, didn't just spill the dream on the pages of the this blog.  The horror.  Truly.  Even for me, sometimes, when I don't see it coming or am vulnerable anyway.  Smash digits with a hammer.  Then go dark from there.  I am sure I don't know even what all I have seen.

Later.

Morning, is it?

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Sleep was good.  I don't think I heard it, but it rained again last night.  The odd thing is, while it has been raining overnight, it isn't cooling the world, hereabout, much.  Then again, it truly is high summer now.  I suppose I should be thankful for nights that dip into the mid 60's F.  As I remember it, both for here and Iowa, some nights only ever dipped into the 70's.  This, compared across the board, has been a better summer.  But summer can, and does, sometimes just plain hurt.  Yesterday it ended climbing into the 90's, and it was rough.  Not as much of a relaxing day as a day of holding on for dear life!  Well, just a bit rougher than it started out anyway.  If today is like that, how much might get done is questionable.  It's like trying to work on a hot tin roof while barefoot.  A seat in the shade just seems more sensible.  Especially to us 'retirees'. 

I dreamed a long dream again last night, but again it is fading.  The strange thing is, I had the dream earlier in the night.  Through various stages of depth of sleep, I held onto the memory well.  Even while waking.  As soon as I sat up and then got out of bed, the memory has been falling apart like antique lace that became too brittle and then was grabbed as if new.  Dust, again this morning, is all that remains of the dream.

I think I went to bed at just about 22:00, and woke at around 6:30.  That is right in the range that works best.  The right time to go to bed, a good time to wake.  I called my mother yesterday.  I caught her at work, so told her we'd talk later.  She didn't call back and when I tried she didn't answer.  She can be so weird sometimes.  Most women have an oddness that remind some of us of cats, a witching thing only females seem to have.  Even over the phone it can be sensed.  I'll leave her until she is over whatever.

Oh, yeah, I get it.  I, whether trying or not it seems, tend to mess with a woman's mind and sentiments.  Generally I neither know nor care.  I don't see how what I think, feel, believe, affects a woman.  If she doesn't like she can go away.  If she does like she can read further.  If it's a mix, that is life.  But none of her reactions have anything to do with me.  Any woman.  I have no wife, no lover.  Mothers are parents, not friends even now.  I sure seem to bring something out of women, kith or kin matters little.  Even enemy dames seem to... be troubled.  Not... my... problem.

Anyway, a bite to eat, a cup of coffee, and on to waking.  I need milk soon.  And while I am in, more grapefruit.  My word that stuff was good this last time.  I think you have to be old, and stop consuming sugar/sweetener so much, before you can enjoy grapefruit, or even cabbage maybe.  But once you get a taste for such, you find a strange sweetness in there.  Another lot of grapefruit, to be sure.  Later.

It looks like life is working right again.

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That it rained last night helps.  Oddly, it doesn't seem to have cooled things off all that much for it.  At least according to the electronic thermometer.  Still, waking through the night to the sound of rain on a tin roof is a satisfying thing.  Epic dreaming again last night, though, at the moment, it seems to be slipping away so fast that as I try to grasp some of it, it disappears from my mind.  Just a usual dream, really.  Life for another, in another place if similar time.

The girls worked to wake me this morning.  While they know, finally, that they will not get fed right away, they also seem to realize that if I wake at x time, feeding time is roughly associated with that.  If I seem to be trying to wake, then lending themselves to the effort is worth their time and safe.  They do tag team.  One will make efforts until she is not interested, then the other will fill in for a while.  They work solo, but will spend an hour, even hours in the past, trying to help me.  They are better than the alarm.  They have learned, as long as they do not cause direct pain, they are welcome to try.  Scratching, biting, or pouncing will be dealt with quickly.  Cats CAN fly. 

Things feel pretty good.  Last night, through my sleep, and upon waking, life just feels right.  This is how things are when everything is working at least nominally.  No organ, or process from sleep to eating, is off.  Blood is flowing enough, but not too hard.  Blood sugar must be reasonable.  Hunger and sleep and bodily needs and wants are basically tended.  This is good.  This is rare.  I will enjoy another mostly restful day, just enjoy this.  If it continues into tomorrow, super.  But either way, I plan to hit the kitchen much more strongly tomorrow.  I may do a few chores and deeds today.  Just light stuff, maybe a bit of prep in the kitchen such as breaking down boxes, minor clearing, little things while I am out making a meal or messing with coffee or something else to drink.

It looks like it snowed on the mountains to the southwest!  This I am pretty certain about.  Whether it snowed on the mountains to the east I never did, for certain, ascertain.  It got warm before the mild haze that made that questionable lifted.  Quite a strange summer though.  That man-magicked grobal warbling seems to be warbling!  *grins*  Later.

A very good day.

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I didn't get to much.  I pushed a bit yesterday, on top of missing medicine and some other things.  Still, the day was quite good.  Even being hotter, I felt cooler.  I know diabetes can play havoc with 'felt body temp'.  Though I am generally a hot body and always have been.  Still, when life is balanced a bit better, especially in these last few years, I seem to be able to handle heat much better.  Today, despite the heat, I was rather good.

A meal, and another before I sleep.  Perhaps just a grapefruit and a small sip of kefir, but for today that works out well.  I did set dishes to soak, the few there are.  The laundry is dry, but I haven't made a move to fold and put things away.  As I said, yesterday was a bit long, hard in some ways, and hot.  Today is a minor, if not complete, day of rest. 

I have enjoyed it.  Maybe tomorrow too.  But then I need to get back to work.  I am enjoying gaming again as well.  It was simply a good day for r&r, and worked out.  Good night.

I may have pushed yesterday just a bit.

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The work wasn't too much, but the time up was.  I think I was awake around midnight and with an event to attend yesterday evening, and no nap in the offing, I ended up being awake for twenty four hours again.  I don't know that such is any more of a strain on me, in my condition, than it is on you or anyone else, in most health states.  Though regardless of that, it is a strain.

I did a full day of, if mild, work yesterday.  I solved a few problems, did a few chores, and prepared for other things to go forward.  I stumbled on medication for a day or two but caught back up yesterday.  I think, having the console set up, both helped and hurt.  I think gaming kept me from napping, but if I had napped, I wouldn't have made the event.  I promised, as before, but this time I had hoped to go.  I don't make, or break, promises lightly.  I do my best, but then isn't that everybody?  Life is cruel and capricious, in some ways.  Though, if you look at our failure to be able to command even our own flesh, this humbling is more of a gift than a curse.  It means we do need to depend on each other.  And, if we realize that others fail as we do, to lend a hand when we can to those who are failing something they truly abide, and rightly.

A recent comment, by foam, has started me thinking.  Just in this life, through dreams, I truly have lived dozens, and more, lives.  Imagine dreaming, from childhood to a ripe old age and even death, the life of some random individual.  I, generally, assume those folk to have been fictional.  No promises, and life imitates art, and regardless of resemblance there is no factual representation?  That will have to do.  Some are from ancient times, though seem to be lacking in period romanticism.  Being a feudal prince, for example, in England before Henry?  You have no idea how good life is compared to how bad it was for most of history.  They might have died young, but it was a brutal life even to live to forty, or sixty.  Even for the rich, for what good that really, often, even meant. 

What such dreams mean in the real, or at least waking, world I have no idea.  Does it go to show?  Does it change my mind?  Does it change other parts of me?

I have a pretty heavy headache this morning.  It's not a migraine.  It is partly due to the long day, missing medicine that bit, and then the kink from playing the game.  I need to remember to move more often.  Perhaps set the alarm for fifteen or thirty minutes, and just... wander, do a chore, anything.  Then on the hourly or every other hour, go tinker longer at something else.  New games are murder addictive though.  It's more on second and other playthroughs, while figuring out certain mechanics, where it is easier to break off.  I think, with this headache, I will take anicin.  It's a temporary thing, if I do my part.  At least change my seating arrangement from time to time, so my neck isn't just bent one way?  Yeah... I'll try.  :p

Later.

Feeling better.

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Some of it is purely psychological.  Having done a bit of work, and a few of the special projects, even if some of that was a failure in it's purest form (no problem with that, sometimes it IS going to fail).  While one thing didn't work, I rebounded immediately with a secondary possible solution, did that, and it worked.  That is how it should be.  Most of the laundry is done.  Most of the dishes are done.  Sweeping is, pretty much, done.  And my game console and bluray are back in action.  Not bad for, pretty much, a single day.

Today?  Waking first.  A glass of kefir, then coffee.  A bit of gaming.  Then on to the kitchen and bathroom.  When those are done to the level I can, a shower.  Maybe a soak bath today, though, instead?  Yeah.  I really need to hit my feet.  Soak and pumice stone, oil and massage a bit.  A small breakfast in there too.  Hmm... grapefruit and a few eggs?  Who knows.  Fresh fruit on hand really helps when everything else seems too much.  Even as hard as an apple can be, split and seeded it still goes down well. 

I am down to four 14 mg patches in my first box of two boxes.  I have been, quite by accident (mostly) stretching the patches out.  I am quite sure I wear them well beyond their use, and sometimes I even take them off while cleaning myself and forget, for a day or two, to put another on.  Still, I will use these last four.  If I knew someone who could use the other box I would send them along.  At $40 a box, or so, I hate to waste.  I just don't like to start when I have to worry about a resupply mid-quit.  And... better to toss a couple of twentyspots than to continue with tobacco.  I don't believe in the health issues, mostly.  I just don't want the commercial attachments.  People are more addicted to easy foods, sugars, and junk food, and to greater detriment, than all tobacco user addictions and problems combined.  Just saying.  I am, actually, severing both of those ties.
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Yes, a dream.

I was in some faux 'Old West' themed resort town.  Perhaps like parts of Colorado Springs, or Moab.  Buildings with wooden plank, seeming, outer dressings.  I had met a woman and we had fallen in together.  Women, for the most part, aren't romantic.  Not in their own lives.  Until that is all they are, but that is only when they lose control... and I wouldn't call it a well developed romanticism.  When they go there, it's pretty juvenile and basely sexual.  Which... is, I think, why they avoid going there.  And they are quite vulnerable when they are there.  This one, while not in that baser sense of sexualized imagery, was a more ideologically romantic type.  She believed in the higher forms of romantics, she simply couldn't go there.  A fan, you might say, of the better sort of the stuff.

We were there, together, for about a week.  Just living, and love, talking, and exploring the town.  She knew it well.  We were ghosts, by the way.  Yes, some ghosts, at least in dreams, are more than just memories lived, or relived.  She knew the place well.  She had been here for a very long time.  I was... unusual, as is often the case.  Somehow, even as a ghost, I traveled.  So I knew nothing of this place.  She eventually took me to her favorite tavern.  Many stories ghosts can tell.  Sometimes they learn from when they were alive, sometimes from after, but sometimes they can learn of events before through other ghosts. 

In this case, the tavern owner had a lover.  But something mysterious happened five years previous.  His lover died.  How she died... something was very strange about it all.  My woman believed it to be a tragic accident.  She believed the owner was in a state of grief, denial, and loss.  She pined for the lost love and the ideas and notions which swirled around the story.  A romantic, but not so much for her own part.

The date of the mishap was soon arriving.  My woman had figured out a way to step into the past and visit the time, if only as observers.  She had learned this several years before, but had been too afraid to attempt it... alone.  Yes, women sometimes have ulterior motives.  That wasn't all of it, though I suspect it was an added incentive for her to be with me.  When the time came, we did what was needed and... nothing.  Even ghosts, it seems, have their own silly stories passed on as truths.  And yet, she really wanted to know.

We ended up following the manager from the club, in the later evening, as he went to his office across the street.  Perhaps he was going to do a little ritual.  She suggested he always did this on the anniversary.  She had never followed.  As with the false ritual to go back, or peak back, in time, she had been afraid... alone.  So, we followed him.  Through the front part and back to his office proper.  Being ghosts we could go through the walls, doors, windows.  When he got to his room, he sat behind his desk, opened one of the cabinet "drawers", withdrawing a finer scotch or whiskey and a thick glass tumbler sort of glass.  Enough to hold half a beer I suppose.  He did a three finger pour, then put one of his boots up and out and onto the desk, leaned back, and began to do minor gulps.

After a bit he looked over at us.  I turned to see what he was really looking at on the wall.  "You!"  I turned back to look at him.  People talk to themselves often, trust ghosts.  Still, it can be a bit of a start if it doesn't seem likely, or is animated, as this was.  Again, "You"!  He had both of our attention.  And he didn't seem to be looking at the wall.  But he couldn't possibly see us.  He described us!  The she asked him a question, but he didn't seem to be able to hear.  He went on, in what seemed a half-crazed sadness, or something. 

I did murder her, you know.  She looked at me, and suggested the man was simply delusional, or had some false sense of guilt.  She knew the two loved each other, and just wouldn't believe that he would have murdered her.  The man spoke more.  Ah, but I did murder her.  And the reason?  Was she cheating?  Was she going to leave?  Was she bad?  No.  I just killed her.  I don't need a reason, he said.

Now we knew.  But as little as I shared her type of romanticism... preferring real and living and acting in my own life or not at all... and having enjoyed her pleasure in the tragic seeming love, even I wished we had never learned the truth.  She was so taken back about it.  I was quite worried for her.  As it turns out, she probably had more difficulty dealing with a skinned knee then this.  For as seemingly motivated as she was, or seemed to be, after the shock wore off, she merely said "Oh well".
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Don't ask me.  It's a dream.  What about dreams don't you, or do you(?), undersand?  From my perspective, I thought it was interesting.  And, in ways, perhaps plausible.  It was entertaining to ponder as I went through it.  What do you want?  You do realize dreams are created and acted out in about the amount of time lightning strikes, right?  It's not every woman who is like that, but it's not even a tiny subsection... just some reasonable number, at least from what I have seen.  Though, to me, it was an interesting exploration of one sort of the feminine mind and heart.  And my own senses regarding women.

Anyway... on to a cup of coffee, a bit of gaming, and then the first part of my day.  I will definitely need a nap later, perhaps around noon.  Later.

Still awake and doing this and that.

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Another load of laundry, probably ready to kick over to the dryer.  Then I drilled the shelving for the punch-suckers.  Only... that isn't the side that goes up.  Never mind.  The glass plate was too slick to just set on the brackets.  Ah!  I purchased neoprene, to see if it would work as a cushion between the pvc piping and the raft.  Well, and perhaps to offer a bit of lift so that tying the structure to the d-rings would be good.  A few inch wide strips from the shorter side seemed right.  And it did work.

It is heating up today.  All good.  While the summer is a bit rough, at times, even I cannot truly complain.  I despise heat, mostly.  But this summer has not been totally unmerciful.  It has been pretty good.  I, simply, am weak to heat.  I turned on the ac, after I realized how rough (for me) it was getting.  And turned on most of the fans, I'll get the last fan on when I finish this.

I swept, or finished sweeping, the kitchen and bathroom.  It needs more work, but it's a start, and a good one.  Not today, but maybe tomorrow, I will dig in deeper, sweep one more time, then mop the areas.  If I don't start from the bottom I never get to it.  After that, then I begin clearing the table.  I may yet get the trash and recycling out.  Just to the bins.  I missed garbage day, but I only had one sack of each.  And I had little gumption.  I think I did some work Sunday though.

Oh, but in putting up the shelf, I also set up the ps3, and roughly set up the bluray.  There was some sci-fi series I purchased... Firefly?  That or the other one like it.  Along with Netflix, purchasing a few choice series, from time to time, offers plenty of entertainment, in a controlled fashion.  I don't get as much advertising, I can watch on my schedule without renting some crazy sketchy record tech.  My way?  Or the highway. 

I keep laughing when I read that Trump is the chaos candidate.  He really isn't.  My guess, if he isn't a Dem plant, he is far out of his field.  He isn't about nihilism.  Even if, as I suggested, if I voted for him it wouldn't be a vote for him, any party to which he might be attached, or even a spoiler or destruction vote, but a vote against current political malfeasance.  I probably won't vote for him, even if he gets the ticket.  I won't vote.  Tyrannies require their citizens to vote.  We aren't there yet.  And, really, a no vote is the best candidate as far as I can see things.  At least I haven't gone completely insane and publicly suggested Biden is the way.  Really?  As I said, they might as well go atheist and communist.  That'll show them!  Then again, it is the internet.  Maybe they are.

Oh, with the ps3 up and running, I loaded a new game.  Wolfenstein: Something Something.  It should be loaded.  I set one of the controllers to charge.  Hopefully it had enough, and with this little bit of a charge will get me going.  I'll know shortly.  The game should help me stay up to finish laundry and wait for dinner.  Later.

Oh, maybe a bit longer.

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I am weary.  However, I am getting a few things done.  I am hoping to, perhaps, do a few more tasks.  I'll probably put another load of laundry through, maybe hit the kitchen a bit, take the trash out.  More?  Maybe.  While weary, I am not absolutely crashing.

The last time I slept I had a dream.  I won't go into all of the details.  Just that I am pretty sure it was a real woman I was sensing.  Which one I can't tell.  Perhaps one I haven't met.  Few of my women started out as friends, and on that score, until some things were settled, if it lasted long enough to sort, it went downhill from there.  Eventually she would, if it lasted that long, make me her best friend.  Much as one sweats onions, I sweated women... down to the sweet, or smokey, goodness.  Anyway...

A bit more.

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A load of laundry, about to change that over.  Sweeping, though just in the kitchen.  I'll sweep in the bathroom next.  I've been keeping up on the bathroom, otherwise, for the most part.  I did get oatmeal set to a soak for later and switched out a tank of new kefir, while second souring another tank.  While I have two half gallons of it in the fridge, they are down to about, perhaps, less than a full half gallon between them.  I have learned, if I like thicker kefir, to fill/rotate used 'tanks' for a week or two before switching those out and washing them well.  Tricks and such.  Now, when thicker, it is better to strain it again while pouring a glass of the moderated moo-juice. 

I am beginning to fade.  So I am not sure, exactly, what I will do.  I really need to dry the clothes, and then dry out the washer.  I want to get the last of the dirty clothes back to be washed later.  And I think I can sweep the bathroom and 'l' hall from the kitchen to the bathroom.  I might even have just a bite to eat before I crash.  I won't, most likely, be down for all that long... three to six hours.  Or, that seems to be how it's working lately.  We'll see, it's highly variable at the moment.

I'd like to get in another shower.  I will later if not now, after I wake.  While I shaved lightly, I don't want to shave every day.  It's too hard on the face.  Tomorrow, though, I hope to shave much more closely.  A three pass shave is about as good as it gets.  I am still practicing with the double edge razor, and I seem to be improving.  I suspect it will take a few weeks, maybe a few months, to truly nail the angles with this particular device and system.  There is, actually, another intermediary step between how I was shaving, how I am shaving, and how I want to shave.  It's a straight edge, but uses disposable razors, either double edged razors split in two or razors made that way.  The schtick is you get to use the straight razor technique, but your blade is always razor sharp... without effort.  So long as you keep the blade changed regularly (I have heard, for double edge anyway, they last three to seven shaves).  As well, I am hoping to learn just how sharp the razor needs to be, so when I begin sharpening again, I will have a much better idea.  I don't plan to begin that until I have this system much better learned.

Learning which way to shave my whiskers, which time (can only really go one direction, mostly, per pass), is a beginning.  The double edge makes that easier, safer.  Which it why it is called a safety razor (which it is, at least compared to a straight razor).  After figuring out the best direction for the various passes and perhaps an ordering of that, then learning how to keep the blade at the correct angles for the blade itself, then moving to the changeable blade 'straight razor' makes sense.  Really, I am thinking six months as a rough goal.  Then six months with that, and learning to sharpen my straight razors more surely, and in a year I will finally be shaving with a pure straight razor. 

I will probably keep some of each kit around (if most of the gear is interchangeable), for various other types of shaving.  Even medical wound tending might call for keeping an area clean of hair.  Some of the kit might get passed on.  Boiling cleans the metal, new blades takes care of that part, and these are really good ways to shave, and much cheaper than the multi-blade razors/systems.  These razors will last a lifetime.  The straight razor, if cared for, will be free after the initial purchase price and learning curve.  I figure I was spending... at least $30 a month on blades.  They didn't last long, and there weren't many in the pack.  That's $360 a year.  It wasn't a comfortable or close shave.  Just a cost analysis.  Close enough.  If I end up spending $600 or $700, but get to the straight razor, I will save money, a lot of it, over time.

Later.

To town.

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It wasn't the hottest day of the summer, mild really.  In the mid 80's F.  And yet I have been hiding in my home, where it reaches into the mid 70's as the highs.  Oh, and no sun.  I keep it quite dark, day or night.  Plus shoes and boots aren't typical ware, and it does add a lot to the sense of heat.  The meat I had ordered was ready.  I picked up some other meats, fruit for the next few weeks, and cream.  They were oddly out of my milk.  I still have several gallons, so I should be fine with that for a bit. 

I am hoping to marinate one package of beef tomorrow, then get another one set to thaw.  I have six packages, and it takes about two days to jerk, a day to thaw, and a day to marinate.  It's a bit of a trick to keep the game rolling.  I'll do my best.  The first pack that I jerk with just have soy and worcestershire sauce.  I am hoping to dry that out well enough that I can make pemmican with it.  I have the tallow.  I even have a packet of dried cherries left over that I purchased for some other food project.  It might have been for this, then ended up using some of those things for other projects.  I'll need to wash the tins first.  And round up the wax paper.

The goal is to have, say, fifty to seventy five pounds of jerky, with maybe ten pounds of that put into pemmican?  Maybe twenty pounds?  Something.  No, I doubt if pemmican is all that tasty.  But, as with jerky, adding it to water to make a stew, perhaps adding vegetables (dehydrated), or other things, will make it easier to eat.  The thing is, once made, it lasts well.  If you want gourmet, hire a chef.  Good luck finding one on the trail.

They did have cream.  I am going to have a cup of joe with that.  I sure miss it when out.  You would think milk would be a half decent replacement.  But, for me, it really isn't.  Later... perhaps good night.

Getting there.

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I have finish most of the dishes.  Some plastic containers and plastic large-mouth jar lids are air drying.  The majority of the dishes were dried and put away.  I need to hit a very few more dishes, try to clear and clean the counter-tops, then hit the stovetop.  Those last won't start until the air drying is completed.  I got a shower in, and needed it.  Then did a single pass shave.  The hope is that after a bit of air drying and resting myself, that I will make it in to town.  Cream is sorely missed when it is out, and it is.  And, while I have some milk, it goes fast.  Between quart glasses of milk and half gallon jars of kefir, plus pint kefir grain stores, as well as quarts of whey water, I... go through milk fairly quickly.  Oh, right, I also got breakfast in there.

I simply don't know if I will make it to town.  I need to see if I am going to crash here shortly.  I can push through that, when it does happen in town, I just don't prefer to do it.  The advantage of my illness, or strength and endurance with all the givens, is that my illness haven't ever shut me down so hard or so fast that I haven't been able to safely get home.  It would be terrifying to have to worry about that.  Now, while I do worry about getting tired while out, at some times, that isn't the same thing.  Oh... well... a large lunch on a hot day can make for a sleepy drive home, but that is everybody. 

We'll see.  I am pleased with what I have done so far.  I am sure if I can't make it to town today, I will make it tomorrow.  I think I will be doing more each wake period.  And  I am not worried about the odd sleep cycle.  When I am awake, it seems to be a healthy conscious aware time.  My organs seems, still, a bit sore.  But mildly, compared to the past.  And, I am not going under for it.  Sleep, sure, but that isn't for this reason.  When I go under due to pain, I am in a fog when awake, and often neither really sleep nor stay awake... adrift, really.

I'll know in a bit, whether I'll make it to town or not.  I might watch a flick.  Later.

I'm working on it.

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Sleep is pulling me down.  I have been having to sleep after just a few hours up.  It isn't a want so much as having no choice.  The sleep has been good, if nothing else.  No dreams this last time.  What dreams I have been having haven't been too terrible.  Some have been blessings.  I can sleep no longer than I can stay awake, however.  I feel like a cat!

I have been doing bits and pieces as to work.  As soon as I woke this morning, I hit the dishes.  They are soaking in hot water.  All they need is to be dried.  If I get to them fast enough, or keep the rinse fresh, that will be true for a day or two.  A bite to eat, here and there, might be helping.  Grains are quite good, eggs are quite good, but having both offers a better chance at eating something.  Either, alone, can get a bit too boring.  Oh, and I need to set up some hot cereal.  That really is nice, at least as cool as mornings have been. 

From what I have seen with soaked (fermented) cereals, is that leaving them in the soak past the one day (seems to be good for from seven to thirty six hours), it doesn't work out well.  It just doesn't do to leave all or a portion in soak for two days.  I may attempt to soak enough for two meals, cook it all, and see about a warming of the second half the next day.  Just experimenting.  Oh, you can eat it, as far as I can tell, after forty eight hours, it just isn't... as good.  Eating this sort of food, you do realize you are eating very good food.  It isn't too harsh, like whole wheat bread can be... or too heavy.  It isn't gnarly, biting, or such.  It also doesn't feel empty, like many grains type foods do.  Chinese, and often Mexican, food leave me hungry after a short bit...  White rice, I suspect, is the culprit.  Oddly, pasta doesn't do that to me.  Anyway, it is interesting experimenting with foods.

I am hoping to get to the dishes, then start a load of laundry, and finally, perhaps, get to town.  I could use a bit more milk and cream.  I think there was something else...  Hopefully I'll figure it out before I find myself in town.  A bite to eat, first, an egg or two and a cup of heated grain mush with butter.  Later.

Oh... I did go ahead and order thirty pounds of bottom round (I think, sliced, and in five pound lots).  I need to pick that up.  Anyway... Later.

A bit of work, then down my new odd sleep.

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I did get eggs cooked, cooled, peeled, and put away.  I have the dishes ready for a final clean.  I did get the laundry, at least from the bathroom, to the washing area.  I kept up on food, eating several small meals.  And, checked my blood sugar three times while awake this last time.  It was staying right at 214.  While high, it's a good deal lower than 286 or whatever, and much better than the 350 it was running.  Honestly, I don't think anything I have done, which isn't different from what I have been doing, has anything to do with the blood sugar.  It rises and lowers quite on it's own.  This day too high, that day way too high.  My input just isn't a part of it.  And, I drank a good deal of kefir.  I figure, the day it seemed to spike my blood sugar?  Anything I ate would have.  My system was simply primed to do that, just looking for a food input, any food input, to trigger.

I believe I am feeling a bit better.  Again, that has nothing to do with what I have been doing.  Perhaps eating a bit better, taking medicine, drinking enough fluid, attempting to control sleep, and such, all adds up to a bit of a bonus to recovery.  Yeah, I buy that.  It simply doesn't stop the falls and it doesn't change the illness.  It just makes a fall shorter, and recover a bit better.  Whatever is wrong seems to happen of it's own accord.

I hope to get the dishes done, laundry started, a shave, and then more work on the kitchen.  It's slowly, sort of, improving.  As long as I don't have a relapse, I hope to be able to finish climbing out of the hole this week.  High temps might drive me back in.  Hmm... which means I ought to get my console and bluray running.  It's cooler out playing that than sitting on this machine.  Plus, I ordered a new game or two to tinker with... as incentive to get that going.
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Dreams.  The first was... I won't share.  Mine.  I so rarely get such types.  This was the first I have seen full length, with such depth.  As good and right as it could be, in it's own way.  Some creatures cannot share some things with some people, even most people.  No, you can't understand.  And... I shouldn't try to help you.  God, I think, knows.  There are rules, laws, and such.  Some of these are not for all, not exactly the same.  A horse, a mushroom, and a dire wolf all eat different food, none is the worse save when another adds their perspective... at least on certain levels.  The next was just an oddity.  A play on reality, but a fun one.

I was college aged.  I hadn't joined the Navy, but had gone on to college.  I had found a place, off-campus.  It wasn't the best, but most weren't.  It was a single lodging, which seemed good.  And there were advantages.  Quiet time for study was easily had, no interruptions, I could come and go as I pleased, and having a woman over wasn't a chore.

I was still playing roll-playing games.  But the games had become a bit different.  Sure, D&D, or AD&D as it had become by then, but other games too.  One of them involved using micro-miniguns to pop caps as part of the rest of the imaginative typical roll-playing parts.  Most guys are so uncoordinated.  I don't even count women as being graceful, to be honest, and most men are better than women but seem still to be wearing their shoes on the wrong foot more often than not.  Oh, sure, you can train a woman to do something with great grace, and sometimes that will translate into life, but I wouldn't expect it.  Further, those are extreme exceptions.  I don't count men by their Einsteins, Rembrandts, or Bachs... so it is with men, so to with women.

Anyway...  I so impressed them that they invited me to play, then, after playing a few times, to move in.  They had an excellent pad.  And my portion of it was quite nice, if I accepted.  Oh, and one of the roommates who played went around nude quite often.  I... never did quite catch her name.  When asked if that was a problem, I said just as long as she doesn't flirt or start acting reading for sex.  I told them that there are men who swim with great white sharks.  Neither do I recommend it, or believe in their safety, but... who am I to judge.  And, actually, that was good enough for even her.

I hadn't decided whether to move in when the dream ended.  I was pretty sure it would happen.  I had heard, because of my playing skills, they wanted me on their team in competitions, and could afford to give me a superior deal.  And they were cool if I brought a woman in.  Plus, I was pretty sure I'd be nailing the naked preferring snagglepuss who roamed the demesne.  It wasn't so much in my willfulness or need, it was in her eyes.

Hey, at that age in real life, I was batting... lets just say if my sex life at that time was baseball, I would have been in the hall of fame just after those first three years of healthy adult life.  Not just batting, though there was that.  Stolen bases, home runs, and runs batted in, for starters.  Yeah, I helped a lot of guys get to home base, and married some significant number of them off through my advice.  If a guy wanted to go that way, who was I to wise him up.  I figured she would do that.  *grins*  So... yeah.  Not a brag, just the way it really went until it all broke.
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Does anyone else have this sudden urge to juggle machetes or is it just me?  Yeah, no, it really does seem to work that way. 

h/t 90 Miles From Tyranny

Coffee!  Hmm... might try a touch of whey water mixed with regular water... or just have some kefir first?  Yeah...  Later.

An apple.

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Food, more regularly, might help.  I don't think that will be all of it.  As I suggested, I doubt if I can just fix it all.  I know doctors can't.  Between what they offer and my own tending, some better health, from time to time, might be possible.  That is all.  I really need to get back on eggs.  They really rock, as far as food goes.  They do get a bit dull.  But what they offer, along with the grains and beans, is pretty good.  Assuming I can eat, that is.  I simply haven't been able to eat as easily lately.  Hmm... perhaps smaller batches, too.  Less waste.

Well, I don't know!

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A blood draw shortly after that post.  It read 215.  Who knows why.  That is a lot lower.  I just had a meal, will check in an hour or three, then later again. 

I was going to post a comment.  I wanted a particular biblical reference.  There is a place online that I usually go.  While it was there, and seemed to function, when I tried to get a simple reading for Matthew 14, I think, I couldn't get that system to just put Matthew up.  I've had problems like that before.  Whether it is my ill mind, tech problems on their end, or just that you have to know their system to use it, I decided, finally, to purchase a few bibles. 

I have some that the modern church hands out.  I don't trust them.  Even the catholic versions have been rendered for modern sensibilities regarding the sexes and other such.  Rubbish.  If God meant man and woman, people, etc, that is what it would have said.  Jews, even in their hubris, sin, and failings, knew not to fuck with the Word of God.  If it doesn't, don't put words in God's mouth.  That's bound to bite the living shit out of you.  Certain, older, versions of the Douay-Rheims and some (of the very many) versions of the (old) King James bibles will do.  Anything after 1899 is bunk.  So... I ordered two.  I always lose one, from time to time.  With two around, I have a very good chance of finding one of them.  Then taking it, and putting it back right where I found it.  Until the other shows up.  In a month or two, I might buy a couple of the better King James versions.  I will have to do research on which of those, for sure, is reliable, then find a source.  I have the DRB in e-form.  But my phone will be going away soon, as well as the ereader with it.  Not sure I want to replace it.  An ereader is useless in the back woods of Alaska.

Feeling better.  At about 3:00, the e-thermo read 57, though it may well be a good deal cooler.  Not sure why the difference, but I trust the mechanical thermostat more.  Much more.  Hmm... let me go read that...  Yep.  Outside thermo reads 46~48 F, while the e-thermo is now reading 56.  Sometimes the e-thermo is spot on.  But because it is between an inner and outer window, even open mostly to the outside air as it is set, behind a screen not glass, it just doesn't always work right.  So... really cool.  I am sure, being cooler, that helps.  But maybe things are improving, or just better for a moment.

A cup of coffee, or two, while I figure out my life and try to get going on some work.  I sure would like to get even a few things done this morning.  I may crash, again, before long.  But I think whatever is wrong is waxing.  For a moment or longer only time will tell.  Later.

It's not a worry.

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Remember, I have been disabled for 27 years now.  The last five years have been the best.  And these last two or three better even then the last five.  This is the pinnacle of my depths.  I am eating, I am taking medications, I am taking care of myself generally, I am blogging daily, I don't just disappear down the memory hole.  For most of those years, suffering, pain, was perpetual.  It's just that, most of the time, my body shielded it.  That put me deeply in a mind fog.  As things stand, I can feel, probably, most of the pain.  It is mild enough.  Further, it isn't causing a fog.

Let me ask you this.  Does your employment beat you up some days?  Sometimes for periods of time, where you just... slog through, and that's it?  Well, being ill, at this point IS my profession.  Just think of it that way.  I don't seem to get to die.  So I have learned to do everything I can to do what I have to do... to enhance extra function, to biologically do better, to not suffer as greatly... and lately I have gone without suffering so often, that it seems strange and ominous when I do feel it!  That last, my friends, is a switch.  And a bit of a miracle.  Essentially, after receiving no right medical attention, there is enough left to medicate.  I may not improve hugely, or I may even more than I have.  But just being to this point, for me, is wonderful.

So, while I am fussing and complaining, it really has to be put into perspective.  And, remember, each time I died, and then was brought back... each time I went down a flooded river outside the raft, each time I came close to dying but didn't???  I was in worse shape than I am in now.  Better or worse?  *click*  Better or worse?  *click*  Better or worse?  Only, I don't get to choose so as to make it better, at least initially.  I have since learned how to find out what makes it better and strive for it.  At a turtle's pace, but with an intensity you cannot know if you haven't been a dying man searching for life.

Do no worry about me.  Even this suffering is as like to nirvana as lobster or shrimp or steak is to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich as meal comparisons.   That I am a bit down, and feel a bit of pain, and know where it comes from is... good.  Becoming isolated through my body's pain medication, getting hammered from all sides, losing weeks, months, maybe years?  That, my friends, was harsh.  Heck, to make it to the appointment, I stayed awake 24 hours to push through.  Not sure I should have, I ended up, with the depth of my illness and exhaustion looking like heck.  I don't think my words were too blurred, but I stumbled to answer questions...  What round is it, doc?  :p

Now, I am sleeping often.  Up maybe three to six hours, then down for the same.  Though maybe the weather has something to do with it.  I think... think I say... that it snowed on the mountains to my east.  If so, that means weather is being a bit odd this year.  This is high summer.  I have never seen a snow up there since I have lived here.  Though, I'll admit, I was looking with tired eyes, at a time the sun made it difficult to be sure.  If the weather is being that weird, there is a good chance it is... disturbing my mellow.  Yes, I love the cold.  But when you stick from hot to cold to hot to cold etc, I get a little spun out.  No complaints, mind you.  I'd be toast either way.  I would prefer a weather spin-out to just cooking.  No complaints at all.

Well... there you go.  I am going to make a meal, then soak the 9-grain cereal for tomorrow (or... later today).  Do forgive.  As Doom, my world, day, life, is bound to be slightly different.  Odd how having a woman... normalizes.  Well, if she has a normal life.  She sort of replaces my internal clock, somehow.  After the meal, and prep for the later meal, I hope to fiddle in the kitchen, maybe boil eggs for the week, and set up my game console and bluray.  Perhaps gaming will bring me back.  If nothing else, it might help me stay awake longer.  We'll see if I can get to any of that, but it's the goal.  Later.

Something is simply off, wrong.

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It is rare when my illness, whichever one, is painful of itself.  Perhaps organs can grind in hurt, or a migraine will happen, I suspect, as side affects.  Sometimes from an inability to eat or sleep right as much as from any more direct cause.  Currently, however, whatever is wrong seems to lead to a more direct physical suffering.  I cannot tell you, exactly, what it is.  My body's ability to mitigate pain makes the source a disjointed thing.  I can only, shallowly, sense the nature of the source.  Even then it is a bit of a guess.  Something in my body just isn't working, or a small set of things.  Perhaps, in a watch that has several different integrated parts, which interact but aren't totally reliant somehow, where the minute and hour hands still, mostly, work, but the second hand gears are missing some steps, slipping several seconds each minute, so throwing the whole thing just a bit off.  But it adds up quickly.

This isn't the worse pain I have known, not even close.  Only unusual in that it seems to be directly sourced from, if I had to say, diabetes and the organs involved with it.  What surprises me further is that my blood sugar isn't that far out of spec.  Sure, at 250, it's high.  But I have seen it at well over 600 for extended periods, and in this last year I have seen it 100 points higher, and more, without issue.  Why this time?

I did some research.  What I am on with the injections isn't all that high.  Some use much more.  If I can find a doc who will treat just this, I suspect he will increase the dosage a good bit.  At least for a while.  My syringes don't allow for much more, and the vials I get aren't lasting a full month as is, so I don't have much room for change, as is, on my end.  At least I understand, or potentially, that now.  It is difficult dealing with a medical system you can't really trust.  On some things they are super, on other things they absolutely fail.  And they are terrible with the snark, reverse psychology, and other sorts of crap.  If you want to be a feminist, or progressive, don't take it into your profession, okay?

I dreamed again last night.  I couldn't remember anything.  Even as I was dreaming, and making sense of it, the memory was being lost shortly after understanding took place.  Like watching a movie with a very limited short term memory.  Eventually, and actually rather quickly into the dreaming (did it several times), it was like watching a movie in which you couldn't remember more than a few minutes from the past, so sort of got lost in it, hoping there were enough cues to keep you going.  Though it seemed I never got lost.  Perhaps enough memory remained to make the connections, just not drive some part of the mind into fuller understanding?  If that makes sense.  Read when you are too tired, sometimes, if you want to understand.

Oh, right.  Last night I wanted to check the kefir again.  So I consumed some after my last serum reading (284).  I read it again, in an half hour.  This time it dropped to 246.  I simply don't get it.  I am beginning to think the numbers have little or nothing to do with what I eat.  It may have something to do with the regularity of consumption, and just natural function or lack of it... unrelated to food.  And, perhaps, some other things my testing won't show.  I have long suspected that though.  Later. 

Not sure what the problem is, exactly.

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It has something to do with blood sugar though.  I took a fasting, or close to fasting, blood sugar test at around 18:00 yesterday.  It was 248.  I only had coffee until 23:00, took it again, it was at 251.  I realized I hadn't taken my shot, so I did that, then tested at 3:30, it was 264.  I though, perhaps, eating something might help.  So I ate some of the grain and beans, plus a couple of brots right after that, then tested at 5:34... it came in at 285.  Look, I am doing as much as well as I can, it just doesn't seem to matter.  I haven't missed a shot in... a good long time.  Food has been fairly regular and pretty good stuff.  My body simply isn't functioning well.

My blood pressure, a second reading anyway, was only 130/80~90 I thought.  So it's not bp.  Perhaps the whey water, or kefir, is simply wrong for my condition.  But soaking grains... I don't use full strength, just a tablespoon per cup of water.  You can soak those things in vinegar, or even lemon juice, instead of the whey water.  Honestly though, I don't think that will help.  Heat exhaustion?  Even with it being cooler than usual, that is possible.  I wish I had a way to test the medicine they are sending me though.  I am beginning to wonder if it is old, the wrong stuff...  Seriously, I don't trust them.  All of that seems really wrong.

One thing I remember, she wanted to send my scripts to a specific pharmacy.  The np I saw.  I was not interested in that.  I wanted scripts I could take anywhere.  If this is rigged, if the V.A. was pulling her strings, that would explain why she wouldn't even sign out scripts as she had said she would.  It is possible.  Yeah, I think they have that kind of pull.  And, no, doctors can't all or always be trusted.  Just some thoughts.

Strange dream.

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The dream was out of the ordinary for a number of reasons.  The first was that it was quite short.  There were only a few scenes/settings.  Second, even in the few settings there were very few elements and details.  This must be what most of you dream... or remember?  How... claustrophobic.  In the dream I found a song, created by some... special creature.  A minor angel?  A dear creature, I knew.  Wouldn't face me directly, or show itself (seemed feminine, and like a child).  I could sense but not see.  It lead me to a place where I found a very special song.  It was wrapped as if in an album.  And though I took it, the song (in album and physical, sort of, form) remained plus I had a copy.  Then an angel who had gone astray began tracking me.  The little angel departed, but showed me where to go, how to get there, and left the notion of what to do in my mind.

I had to crawl up through a damaged building.  Careful not to make too much noise, or fall through the gaps in the walls and floor.  Up I climbed, to a part of the floor that was against the outer wall.  Most of that floor was gone, so I had to crouch as close to the wall as possible.  Through the hole in the floor I could see the 'song' and the approach to it.  The failing angel approached.  It didn't go all the way to the song.  It tucked itself into the shadows, as if waiting for someone to go to the song.

At that point, the next to final bit from the lesser but true angel came to me... play the song.  I was afraid.  For if I played the song, the dark angel would surely find me.  I was given no encouragement or further instructions.  Still, I realized the little one had already saved me.  And, if death was my fate, then at least I knew what it would be.  Though, somehow, I... just believed.  So I played the 'song'.  No player was needed, just the will to have it sound.  An interesting song.  I heard it in my dream, but cannot remember how it went or the words.  But it really was... hrmm... interesting.  It was a kindness, a great one.

Anyway, I expected the falling angel to turn and come at me.  As it turns out, however, it couldn't seem to hear the song from my copy, only from the original below.  He moved closer to it, staying in the shadows.  He was far more exposed in his new position.  The final part of the dream was to shoot him, once, through the heart.  He was just about directly below me, three stories down, an easy shot.  I said a quick short prayer, and completed the instructions.  He died, but did not bleed.  It was merely a sort of flesh, but which hadn't ever quite been alive, not while he was in it.  His spirit could no longer enter heaven, and without flesh he could not return to earth, so it fell the long dark fall.  Not so far as Satan, but in with most of the Watchers.
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Even knowing (as far as the dream allows) that I am doing the right thing, I don't like such dreams.  While angels are not beloved in the same way as men, they are quite dear to God.  To see an angel fail is almost as harsh as seeing a man surrender his soul.  Seeing a man die is far less, almost irrelevant in some circumstances, a mercy in others.  But to see a man without faith die, to see the horror, to know he is ended badly and alone... these things trouble even my sometimes cold dark heart.  More so when it is by my hand, even if through their choices.  Now, doing God's will, with surety, is a huge easement.  Some work is harder than other work, is all.  Even for one of my nature.

Busted, broken, burned.

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Yeah?  Yeah.  But I have had worse.  I simply cannot get going.  Medicines are being taken, food is eaten, sleep is a bit quirky but as well controlled as I am able and reasonable, just not as regular as would be preferred.  I am suspicious of the kefir.  Though I may have been exceeding the speed limit on that.  It really is good.  I have slowed it to a small glass every third day, and for use in cereal.  Well, and creating whey water, for another type of soaking.  When I get back, or more, on my feet, I hope to do a bit of glycemic indexing with the various new foods.  I checked once soured kefir, but not twice.  It is supposed to further break down lactose in the second run.  As well, I would like to see how well the grains work with a soak.  I won't compare them with a non-soak, just test as is.  I am curious about the grains I soak then cook for the week, and eggs.  I just want to test the foods I am eating, various volumes, and such.  Something is off, and I think it is off because of over-consumption of kefir (at least first-soured kefir).

It may just be that I am having a bad hair month or two.  It will happen.  Even when it cools, as today which is just in the mid 70's F, or more when it never gets above 70, that, to me, is warm.  I am, for whatever reason, hot today.  The ac wasn't helping me stay asleep.  Summer, blood sugar, general health issues, or specific ones?  I simply don't know.  But there is a problem.  I am down.  I am doing very... exceptionally... well given my current state.  But I am not going to gain even an inch on my intentions until I am freed from whatever is wrong.  I think I can actually handle the heat, if all else is well.  It just isn't.

This trouble does tend to make me a bit more ginger and grumpy.  So, if I seem to snap just take a step back and try later or go away if you can't handle it.  Not intentional, necessarily.  Just not always able to fully cope if I think I'm being snapped at... zipper head!  :p  I could only get a nap in.  Simply, somehow, too hot... even with the ac and a fan to double that down.  And yet I am tired.  I want, my body wants as well, to be sleeping.  Too hot, and yet I know it isn't too hot, it is me.  Bleh.  Later.

Now that was good.

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I had the last of the ribeyes in the package.  As well, I ate six ears of corn.  Yes, a larger meal.  A rare treat. 

No work.  I just can't get to anything.  Well, other than cooking and I did finish storing the beans and grain.  That is quite good, prepared this new way.  But the beans simply don't ever seem to get as done.  Next time, instead of vinegar, I would like to try soaking those with some whey water.  The weather is being odd.  The low yesterday was down to... 48 F, by my outside thermometer.  Today, so far, it has only dropped to 60 F.  It might drop just a bit more, or not.  The jumps in weather throw me off a bit.  Not only was it 48 yesterday, but out in it I could see my breath, somehow.  Now, I was easily comfortable standing out there in painter jean type shorts, no socks, and a t-shirt.  While the weather is battering me, a bit.  I would rather have, for simply comfort, temps jumping around then a solid high temp summer.  This year is quite nice.

I'm about to take a nap, or go to bed for the day.  There is some business I would like to figure out, but... I just can't get to it.  Youtube seems to be acting up tonight.  Sometimes it does that, rarely, as if they are doing maintenance but don't want to advertise... or my service is doing the same, or limiting my access.  Or the government flop has started causing brownouts, as with the rest of government.  Hard to say, these days, just which group is causing the problem, if it is a problem, or such.  With the government we have, we are finally "catching up" with the incompetence the rest of the world knows and loves.  Got to get rid of this government.  Don't ever believe we need to cut back and shut down in order to conserve.  Test after test shows that allowing the free markets to solve the problems does solve the issues.  Trying to let the government fix anything increases the problems until catastrophic failure has to happen.  The government, any government, can't do it.  Not well.

Yeah, a bit of sleep sounds really good.  Later or good night.

Some thoughts.

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First, about the nurse practitioner.  I have a feeling, to some minor degree, she has viewed my blog.  Oh, a spoof.  Perhaps entertaining.  A rush!  A few questions in, I saw her begin to squirm.  Perhaps the bravado, if not brought in full force to the interview even so, wasn't as much bravado.  Or, as a thought of last resort, what was sitting beside her was insane... confused.  The thing is, most people have a pretty good sense of that.  Some will cling to that idea if all else fails and they aren't willing to take one more step, and go further from the Shire then they had ever been.

More.  My blog terrifies people.  Have no doubt.  It seems odd to me.  Much as, say, a butcher would think nothing of a carcass, skinned and halved, setting on his counter.  For some, it is horrifying.  As I have mentioned, many times in the past, if this is simply kept as entertainment, that is fine.  But if there was some notion that there was some truth under there, or worse a lot of truth, or worst... more  truth than what most people have... then the horror can engulf a mind.  Yes, most creatures are delicate in many ways, and have avoided certain truths.  I have exposed some of them, or so I say.  If more by simply singing the songs I "know".  Through other voices, actors, directors, and such, I have discusses how I understand things.  And, if true, and to those who shield their eyes, crushingly dark.

Just from my medical situation, she began to wonder.  Just that, and yet what she was seeing before her.  Yes, indeed, I shouldn't look like a mildly wild middle aged man.  I should be hooked up to machines, tended.  If... of course... what I was telling her about my medical diagnosis was correct, true.  Of that I have no doubt.  I guess... after that... I understand why the V.A. was so freaked.  I sometimes wonder if they were just jacking me.  Maybe not.  Just my various diagnosis, just those, to a mind that knows about medicine... it is terrifying.  How do I even begin to tell them that I have been dead thrice and brought back right through it?  That I lasted five minutes in class IV to V whitewater, and helped paddle out?  I probably shouldn't have told her about the draino.  Yeah.

I may not be able to find a doc.  Certainly not if I tell them more than they can handle.  You would have thought medical training would have... bolstered them.  Delicate creatures.  Absolutely certain I will die at any moment.  And, yet, I guarantee, I will outlive most of them... assuming... accidents or cosmic incidents don't interfere.  Or one of the few who could know doesn't decide to break the seal that is my life, in the ways that such is possible.  *wink*
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On another subject, I have been frustrated with shaving.  I just haven't, so far, been able to sharpen my straight razors well enough to shave.  I am still hoping to do so.  I have only gotten to it a few times, sharpening... honing really.  I have had the kitchen clean, but then I need a break, or another project comes up, or I begin cooking up a storm and... the opportunity goes away.  A little help would make some thing happen more often, but I don't have any help, so...  I hit it when I get to it and everything else is lined up.

Not wanting to quit, and hoping to do a bit more in that direction, I decided to order a double edge razor, blades, and some other such.  I have some things already, like a couple of face soap brushes, aftershaves, and such.  That came in yesterday, while I was sleeping, so some time in the early to late afternoon?

I opened the box, looked everything over, arranged and prepped the kit, but the bathroom sink was... nasty.  Rather than just quit there, however, I decided to prep the area.  I cleaned it well, cleaned it twice, then began figuring out where this and that would go.  All set up, I thought to shave sometime soon.  A common arrangement hereabouts.  I checked on the beans.  Gah!  Those are taking forever.  As I was about to head back to the machine, though, I decided to shave.

A little nervous, because of my attempts with a straight razor, I just... wanted to, had to, know.  There is nothing like lathering.  The razor was ready.  It was quick, given that it had all been, pretty much, arranged already.  The blade closed with my face.  A spot of fear.  Then... *scrape*  Hmm, not bad.  *scrape, scrape, scrape, scrape, splash*  Hmm, not bad at all.  Then I just go busy.  I must have angles down,  I shaved this way, that way, then another way but only under my chin and neck area, below the jawline. 

Wonderful.  I haven't had this good, or comfortable, of a shave in... maybe ever?  Seriously.  I hate shaving, or have to this point, because I have found nothing that wasn't brutal.  Those three, four, five, or two, even one, blade disposables...  Neither have they been comfortable to use nor have they offered a close shave.  No matter how many times I go over it.  I have medium whiskers, of medium density, at the worst.  I don't even know what the problem is.  But, now, I have a good way to shave.  Just every other, or every third day, but...  Good.  Amazing.

With this, however, I am hoping to learn to shave better, experiment with angles, and this and that, but all toward learning the straight razor.  Why?  No blade changing... in a lifetime if you buy quality and take care of it.  Well, and... yeah... a bit of bravado.  I have no shame of bravado.  If that is very rarely what it is about.  But along with bravado is the notion that I have the skills to keep a device that sharp, that I have the hand strength and dexterity to shave that way, and that I have all other wherewithal to manage shaving with a straight razor.  It is a mastery, or will be, I hope.  Still, for now, I have a wonderful way to shave.  And, perhaps it will be an occasional way to shave, besides the straight razor, say for travel or such where a straight razor may not work best.  I need to be quite self-sufficient... much more so in any case... when I head North.  A straight razor just needs sharpening and soap, if treated correctly.  Cuts down on pack weight.

Later.

Grumpy and tired.

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I was.  Returning from the failed appointment.  Whether I mentioned it or not, I had stayed awake about 18 to 36 hours.  I couldn't sleep when it might have been good to do so, and then didn't dare as the time approached.  At it seemed hot.  Hot and muggy?  Perhaps I had simply pushed too hard and it just got to me.

After returning home I simply couldn't get to sleep.  As usual I had to cool down.  I found some steaks at a great price, so I had one of those.  I changed the soak for the bean and grains as well.  I wanted too cook those as well, but not knowing how long that would take, I just hoped they didn't go bad.  Eventually, I cannot say when but after cooking and eating the steak (of of them), I headed on to bed.

Nothingness.  Pure, true, quiet, temperate, nothingness.  I slept the sleep of nowhere and no time.  I have no idea how long I slept.  I woke at 23:03 or 04, by my satellite linked clock.  I woke well.  Comfortable, rested, refreshed even.

I set some dishes and pots to another soak, in order to hopefully wash those before long, drain and rinse the various raw foods, and then begin cooking.  A new pot of coffee was set up.  I checked on the beans and grains.  Wonderful, they didn't seem rancid.  Changing the water seems to allow for a much longer soak.  Though, perhaps the vinegar and whey water helps keep bad things at bay?  In any case, they seemed good and ready.  A bit of computing as I woke, a show, and in there, I did get the pots cleaned, the foods drained strained rinsed then cooking.

The beans will take a long time, even having soaked.  The grains only took about a third of the time to cook.  The grains were so good they could honestly be eaten just as was.  Still, I added butter and salted, trying a bowl.  I am... not so much a vegetal eater.  And I am truly picky.  But that was a bowl of grain I would gladly have paid decent money to eat.  Absolutely delicious.  Short brown rice and quinoa, done to perfection, and... smooth, clean, filling.  Even though I just had about three quarter of a cup, and am full, my mouth waters thinking about it.  And I just finished.  I am simply satisfied.  I will cook another steak yet tonight, and maybe have a side of the grains.  The beans too, if they hurry up.  They are taking a very long time to cook.  All good.  I soaked the beans in raw apple cider vinegar... not enough kefir whey.

I have a few notions more, but that will come later.  Later. 

Troubles.

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It looks like finding a doctor who will simply do a simple thing is going to be difficult.  In a small enough area, everybody is your neighbor.  I suspect the V.A. has a lot of pull, too.  I was, essentially, told that it wasn't going to happen, and charged double what was proposed.  They didn't even bother drawing blood.  Oh, but she knows a specialist.  Don't need one.

I forgot to take in the form.  Thankfully, actually.  Couldn't find it lately.  I thought I'd go on into Log tomorrow, but decided to do it today.  I really do need milk anyway.  I initially thought I would take the form back to the office.  On the way, I realized, with her obvious weak knees about treating, and that she didn't do a blood draw, there was no reason to take the form in.  She had already decided, she just didn't have the guts to say it to my face.  So...

What this means to me is crunch time.  I finally looked up the cost of an industrial garbage bin...  $5.71 per day, $129 per haul plus... something per ton... I think a little less than $30.  A lot has to go.  Not sure it's honestly in the high tons.  Five?  Although I doubt if it would be more than a single load.  Probably.  I am really going to have to pair.  I suppose I will take a hard jab at collecting what I will be tossing, and beginning to part what I want to take and what I will have to take.

Whatever it takes to keep the license just long enough to escape.  There are other possible options, but that gets really tight.  But, for sure, and much faster.  I sometimes think things might work out, then I run into more bullshit.  It's pretty much how the world runs these days.  I want no part of it.

Strange how music can find me.

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Sometimes I go looking, sometimes not.  Sometimes I have to dig, shuffle through the deck, scrape and scrounge.  Sometimes nothing for a while.  Sometimes, though, and usually actually, it is the, or nearly the, first card in the deck.  Sometimes in my favorite color, too.  As follows.

Gah!

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I just can't seem to bring myself around.  Medicine has been going well.  I have been eating, mostly.  A little weakly on the feed, but I can't really push it.  I actually have to work at eating, often, lately.  Summer, I suppose, to a degree.  I can't seem to push through much of anything.  It is a brutish time.  Heat?  Yes, part of time.  The time of the year?  Yes, that could be.  But some other things.  I just don't know, exactly, what. 

I am hoping to do some cleaning tonight.  I hit the kitchen a bit yesterday, or prepped it to be hit.  I won't cook grains, I didn't soak them.  I will need another pot to soak beans.  I suppose, if I do well, I could get those soaking tonight.  I can boil eggs for the week though.  Even if I don't eat them all, having food, for need or want, that I know is good, really eases life.  If I find myself hungry, otherwise, I might eat something that isn't so good.  And, having food on hand, ready, means I can push a bit more down... when I think of it, when I can.  And, yes, it helps. 

It has been, in the hotter times, 80's F and up.  Which, around here, isn't the worst it can be by 20 F.  And yet, if you look around the world, this temp is often a local phenomena.  One they call a heatwave.  Perhaps I am just expecting too much?  Or maybe I am, even so, doing something wrong.  I'll... figure this out.  Yeah, probably expecting too much.  And yet, sometimes, I can handle it quite well.  I seem to break down, quickly, though.  Perhaps that is perfectly normal.  Central air, probably next year.  That might truly help.  And compared to all the fans and the window ac (especially considering another), I'm not sure it would be more electricity intense.

Just woke.  Yesterday I was up all day.  Not so much today.  It was cool, through the night, and 83 is the highest I have seen it (though I just woke within the hour(?)).  I could not wake.  I actually set the alarm for 10:00 this morning.  I reset it once, though I am not sure for when.  I shut it off when it rang that last time.  Waking after 17:00 means... since 10:00 was ten hours of sleep...  Yeah, but I couldn't wake today.  Oh, and I did try.  I literally could not get neurons to fire at enough of a rate to think enough to literally remain conscious.  Just enough to grumble and stumble my way to the bathroom a time or three.  Crazy.

Still, as I said, it doesn't matter when.  It only matters that I work when I can, and as I can.  Tonight, even if I just do a little, it's a start.  Added to yesterday, and probably tomorrow, I will... get there.  Maybe.  Later.

That was a short sleep.

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Can't say why.  I didn't actually go down until midnight.  I struggled with sleep.  Like trying to grab water, it simply wasn't something I could contain.  After hours of seemingly not sleeping, but from time checks getting some sleep, I simply surrendered and actually, officially, woke.  There certainly isn't much to do at just before 4:00 in the morning. 

I went to the kitchen to check on some things.  Coffee, I think, was the idea.  I hadn't replaced bags in the trash cans, so I did that before something ugly got tossed.  Then I thought about the oatmeal I had soaked/fermented.  But the pans needed more cleaning, and yet I had a sink pan full of dishes, and another with cleaned fruit.  Bleh.  Well, to it I got, anyway.  I cleared enough space to clean the pan I would be using.  I have hit it several times.  I tried to boil clean it (once a spectacular failure).  I had hit it hard at least two other times.  I didn't get make it perfect, but good enough.  I did a bowl while I was at it, and enough new to arrive yesterday plastic lids.  The eight I purchased, what with the rotation of kefir, kefir grains, and whey water... were not enough. 

After that was done, I put the cereal on.  This time I hovered over it like a mother hen.  No more burning!  Twice in a row (three times if you count one of the attempt to boil wash that failed) was quite enough!  And, yeah, that worked.  I kept it in, pretty much, constant motion.  Five minutes is really all it takes, and just a medium temp.  But you really have to turn it.  As I was letting that cool, I reset the sink pan of dishes, put the oatmeal into the bowl, and set the now again dirty little pot to a soak.  I let that cool further, and set up another batch of kefir.  Out of milk...  I'll be into town yet this week.  Not completely out, there just isn't enough for another batch of kefir.  I also set the quinoa and rice up in an airtight container.  The one that used to house the beans and rice mix.  A bit more rice than quinoa.  I could probably step that back even a bit more.  Even with soaking I will wash the quinoa, and rice with it now I suppose, really well.  I just don't want to risk a weak of soapy tasting mash.

Since I sweetened the last cereal, I decided to go with butter and cream.  The cream mostly to cool.  Add salt and pepper.  While not gourmet, in one sense, it certainly is better than your average fair.  I keep using a cup of grain and kefir.  I need to cut that back.  A half a cup, and remember I am a big guy and a heave eater, is quite enough for me.  I might even be able to take that down to a third of a cup.  Not only does it fill, it doesn't stuff, and it lasts.  I keep wavering whether to buy more wheat berries and sprout those, just as a cereal.  It seems I am getting used to eating these types of things and they aren't... troubling of gut or mind.  And it was tasty.  It stood out compared to the rest of my diet, at the time, is part of the problem.  Now it would fit right in.  Plus... Fiber!

I don't know if I will need to sleep soon, or will be up all day again.  Maybe I will be able to get by with a nap sometime before too long.  I'd love to tear into the kitchen.  And with things started in that direction, it might be possible.  I'll see.  Later.

Urhm? Oh, well, let's see?

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I had a rough one, but did well.  I needed some rest before my haircut at 14:00.  It was around 9:00 when I laid over the machine for some sleep.  I set the alarm for noon.  When it went off, I... really had to think about thinking about what to do.  I wanted to a) turn over and go back to bed, b) call and cancel, then turn over and go back to bed, c) reset the alarm for 13:00, hoping I could still make it, but getting a bit more sleep.  In that order.  I did not want to go.  So... I reset the alarm, rolled over as if to nap a bit longer, knew I would not wake up when the alarm went off or would go through some sort of snooze hell, therefore I just got up, grabbed some clean clothes, and headed to the shower.

I may have slept through the shower.  No sun.  While that made it cool, the no sun thing... well... it's a double edged sword sort of thing.  Still, I was able to do the deeds and get to town quite on time.  My hairstress did a very good job.  Oh, and she is going on vacation quite soon.  I generally tip well, but tipped a bit better even yet.  Then I asked if she will be having to take her own spending money.  Sure enough, so I added a bit more.  I wanted to do a ten spot, but really only had five, given that I needed the remaining bill for something, and didn't want to bank today.  Not much, but a bit of a thanks and a little nod to "kids being kids".  Now, she is no kid, but going to Hawaii when you are young...  She may never get the opportunity again.  Perfect cut.  I also set up an appointment for a bit before I long travel.  Should be interesting to see the look on the faces of kin.  *grins*  They have never seen me in my more... nature state.  *winks*  Nah, not talking about naked, of course.  Besides, mothers have.  They know wayyyyy too much information.  I guess it is required.

Afterwards, a trip to the store.  Just old fashioned oats, short brown rice, 9-grain mush, and a couple of bags of quinoa.  The latter are small(er), so that just keeps the mix even for longer.  I should have bought more milk.  I'll be in before too long anyway.  And while I will buy flour, I won't buy it until the kitchen is back in functioning order.  If I can find spelt, it will probably be at the health food store.  Sure, no flour I buy will have been ground in the last few days, but it will... hrm... be as good as it gets until I grind my own, regardless of where I live... mostly.

I have set up oatmeal for prep tomorrow.  Soaking it, in equal parts, with kefir.  And, before long, maybe tomorrow, I will change out the mix of beans, rice, and quinoa... dumping what is already mixed because it simply can't be cooked together (or easily enough).  Now I will just mix the rice and quinoa in that, soak that as one mix and the beans as a stand alone.  Not sure how well lentils will do, but won't take a great risk as I did (if sort of accidentally) with the black beans.  Yes, there is a bit of a learning curve.  Minor costs, if it works as I hope.

A few problems, a slow night anyway.

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I ended up burning the pan I was using to warm up the grain mix... for breakfast.  I have been working with that pan, off and on, since.  I am not sure I will be able to save the pan.  I then filled it with hot sudsy and... yeah... burned it again, running it dry.  I tried a third time and... nope, but almost.  Just one of those horrible nights.  I did begin working on the grains and beans.  That, too, was a pretty awful failure.  On the good side, there was no bitterness.  On the bad side?  I soaked everything together.  That simply will not do.  The rice and quinoa cooked much, much, faster.  The black beans not so much.  I will have to cook beans separately, or cook them together but without soaking. 

To major fails just blew the game.  I didn't quit.  I did run out of steam a little more quickly.  Plus, it smells of smoke hereabouts.  I did keep working on the pan, but I don't think that will... we will see.  It is in a fresh soak after my last attack on it.

I do have more grain that was soaked.  I will try it again, only watch much more carefully.  I am telling you... even though I burned the bottom fifth of the stuff, the stuff that was salvageable was delicious.  I have an appointment or two this week.  If I can make it to them, I will definitely get more various grains.  On the list is 9-grain cracked cereal, whole grain rice, old fashioned oatmeal, and actually I need various flours... whole and unbleached white, perhaps spelt if I can find it.  I might work on a starter, and then experiment with loaves of bread and some other things, when I can get the kitchen put into some kind of order.  I thought about whole wheat berries, for sprouting.  And while it makes a decent cereal, it is a bit heavy.  I will hold off on that until I have a wheat grinder.  If sprouting, then grinding softens wheat... and sourdough softens it (makes it more easily digested and nutrient available)... what about mixing those two processes?  I haven't seen where anyone has done it, and I have looked, lightly.  Just curious, to be honest.  Though it makes my mind think about food, and... that's never a bad thing.

It is cloudy today.  Amazing, really.  Yesterday, the lowest I saw it in the morning was 70 (now... that I saw).  Being that it was almost 74 F at 3:00, my guess is this IS the low.  It was a bit warm yesterday.  I'm hoping it stays cool.  But when the sun bakes the world, it takes several days of cloud and rain to lower temps... usually.  I do enjoy having that satellite clock, with an outside/inside thermo (that works).  It's been interesting.  Often, even having a thermo on my back open porch, I still won't go out to get close enough to look.  I am curious.  But... SUN!  At least I don't actually turn to stone, blow up, burn (or... quite as quickly as vampires do in most movies).  Still... I don't like it.

Breakfast of the remaining soaked grain, a shower... maybe some music... then a nap or sleep.  Bleh.  Later or... much later.  If I'm not back in a day?  Wait longer.  Dang kids.

Sudoku.

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I'm just...  The fastest I had done a puzzle was 9 seconds.  After a bit of looking, especially given my age and... state of repair... though even without those, my ability is... interesting.  Of course, as I suggested, there are those who can do faster, perhaps much faster.  I am now among those.  I just did a puzzle in 5 seconds.  Squeezing those last four is going to be a pain.  :p  I really do question whether I could even possibly be human, or... fully human.  Sometimes I think such things as a lark, sometimes I really just don't know.  Suspicious, in both directions and many ways.  Yeah... if you want to check, just hack the phone, as usual.  Mind you, I don't let you, I just can't stop you.  Although, this time, there might be more to the connection than you have known.  Nah, not the coppers... like they care.  Something of a psychic nature, if it will need to develop through time.  Good luck with that.  *wink*

Hmm?  Oh, still waking.  I'll see if I can get to some work before too awful long.  Later.

Oh my, that was some very good porridge.

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I don't know if any of you ever had grandmothers (or, in my case, grandmother types) make you porridge as a child?  The old ways.  Back when women knew how to cook, what to cook, and did it well.  I remember some of those foods.  But such a long time had passed since I tasted that sort of food, which often requires a settled home, local and fresh foods, and links from a woman's past to her mother and grandmother, things that also no longer exist.  Yes, I thought those older women were witchy, true.  But boy could they cook. 

This porridge was that!  Now I know!  And, there is nothing devil-making about it.  Simply soaking whole grains overnight in... probably a number of things.  I happened to use kefir.  But you could use milk (if raw, clabbered milk), yogurt, whey water, or even simple water with or without vinegar, lemon (maybe lime) juice, or straight.  I can't wait to try whole oatmeal.  And, when I buy rice I will pick up both the oatmeal and more of that cracked 9-grain mush.  I was worried that there would be a bitterness, or acidity, to the porridge.  Not at all.  I did use sugar, I suppose I will use that up before replacing it.  Though I also have honey, maple syrup, cane sugar (not the processed, but dehydrated from cane juice), and some other things to try with it.

Actually, I would like to begin exploring various sugar alternatives.  If they aren't as hard on my blood serum, and I can tolerate them, I may just switch out.  I just hate to waste.  If I could handle gardening, I am almost sure I could compost the things I may be getting rid of, and anything that might be a bit too old.  Though... expiration dates seems to be, partially, a fiction.  Still, checking per food is a good idea.  You can't always tell by sight or scent.  Yes, I am... really trying to change my eating habits.  It's not a diet, not at all.  I wouldn't call it, purely, one thing or another either.  Old school, if you must call it something... but so old school the term probably didn't exist at the time.  Like Moses or Abraham old school.  :p

Dinner arrived.  Two calls, but I didn't hear them in spite of having my phone right in front of me, just inches away, and with it set to vibrate AND ring, with both settings on max!  The food was delivered to my fridge, through the back door.  I... sensed someone was here, but didn't see a vehicle.  Though timing can be odd?  I was in my shorts, how I am while waking often... the... well... the shorts you aren't supposed to go outside in.  I had my outside wearable shorts right here.  I don't were them while it's hot and I'm waking, but just in case.  Anyway...  My food was delivered about the time I sensed someone was here (but didn't know why, hadn't realized I had been called).  So... I put on shorts and headed out to... see what was up.  Hmm...  Quite odd.  The timing had to have been perfect for me not to see a vehicle or who delivered the food.  A very strange incident.  Perhaps I am temp or perm Nemo, person non grata, or in some sort of dog house.  Oh, I fully understand.  I try to calm nerves, and then... something comes to me and I write.  Incident and accident, and without any meaning if yet with a precision and accuracy that probably can't be produced with intent, I... well...  No worries, I will be gone in a year or two, max.  Just be patient.  Where I am going, women won't do.  Like sourdoughs, they need heat and light and feeding and care.  Maybe not fully up front, but in short order, as they begin to... puff.  No country for a lady, wife, or even a woman.  Besides, I believe they would... be a problem in predator country.  I mean, beside me.  *laughs* 

Anyway...  It is cooling.  I might get some more work done tonight.  Perhaps much more than yesterday, maybe not.  I am definitely hoping to do a lot.  Dishes, laundry, kitchen, cooking grain type mash, boiling eggs for the week, maybe even tinkering with the cover for the kayak.  Time will tell.  Later.

Hot, or hotter.

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It looks as if it will hit 90 F today.  I slept long, just woke.  Or woke finally.  I did change the mash soak twice, so can begin cooking it whenever, though probably after it cools, or at least the sun is no longer so full.  Probably the same with the porridge.  though there isn't all that much porridge, so it can be cooked without too much of a problem with environment heating.  I woke several times through the day.  It was simply too warm.  For me.  It is hotter now, but realizing I was past my need to sleep, the last time I woke I turned on fans outside the bedroom, including the ceiling fan which is in summer mode, and left my bedroom door open.  That maneuver sort of thaws me and cools the rest of the cave for a more moderate living situation.

I wouldn't call it a grand slam.

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However, I believe I got a good lot done.  I set dishes up, then remember fruit.  I purchased that the last time I was in town.  I had not washed it.  Tomatoes, by the way, are a fruit.  Pears, apples, tomatoes, and strawberries.  The strawberries did not make it.  The rest are just fine.  Actually, I think the tomatoes are just about perfect.  So I rinsed those, then let them dry, having a pear and a tomato.  There were two or three other things I got to, including a shower.  Oh, and I remembered I had a nine grain cereal mix.  I set that to soak in kefir overnight.  I'll add a cup of water and cook it tomorrow.

I am hoping to clear and clean enough space to attempt whey water salsa.  That is what the tomatoes are for.  I also bought fresh onions.  I have garlic that is fairly new as well, and lemon juice... though I don't know if I need anything other than whey water.  I'll do a quick check before I begin that.  I did consider avocado, but what was available was pretty much done.  I'll check when I am in town again.  And, while corn chips aren't the healthiest in what the government requires them to be fried in, until I can figure out how to make them myself, they will have to do.  I wish I was to the point of making bread.  Sourdough, plus salami, with salsa, topped with sprouts?  With a pint, or quart, of kefir on the side?  Not bad.  I'm telling you.  I'll get there, sooner or later.

I really did get to more than I thought.  Not exactly what I hoped to do, but an near equivalent, I think.  I am seriously hoping to hit the kitchen, and maybe do enough in there that hitting the living room might not be unreasonable.  The trash has to go out.  More food needs to be cooked or otherwise prepared, salsa could be made.  I will put the Xt'er away.  I just haven't gotten far enough to worry about working on the kayak yet.  Maybe through the week.  I have two appointments coming up.  I almost feel special.  I can use those days to do other things in town, along business lines.

I best get on to bed though, for now.  It still seems a bit warm.  Not temp wise, body wise for some reason.  So I'll watch a show as I cool off.  Good night, though, for all intents and purposes.