A bit of a struggle.

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Waking, this morning, took a bit more time, and some pushing.  I didn't get to sleep at 17:00, as I had thought.  It... just... took longer.  Even so, I was down by 19:00, and lights out meant just that.  If felt much later, but no.  I checked several times.

I attempted to sleep without the electric blanket, but that was a no-go.  I set that up, going, and crashed so hard I don't remember much.  I did take waterpills, and so dropped between four and five liters.  Only had one, three liter, pee jug up there.  Meant to bring others.  Because, when I am this bloated, and hit waterpills, I can easily drop between nine and twelve liters through a night.  Or... that's more my record type numbers.  But... not completely rare, either.  When I go, after forgetting to order, or take, water pills.  I... can spill like a flood.  And, for days in a row.  So, tonight, I will have three three liter pee jugs up there.  And keep them up there for the next week, until the fluid is mostly out.

Bedtime.

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While it is only just now hitting 17:06, by my clock and watch, it is bedtime.  Getting up wasn't a problem.  Showering wasn't too bad.  Running around a bit was good.  It's just business.  Business eats the heart out of me, for whatever reason.  Still, all good.  Win, lose, or draw, I put in my bid, had a friend there just to... track the event, so have made my offer, taken my chance.  Might not be a way through, but I... have made an attempt.

Chocolate covered nuts, ding dongs, and cinnamon buns have gone down.  Something about... betting the bank, risking loss, even if with a good chance of winning, creates a hunger that is intense.  I have a bit left for tomorrow.  Though, I realized I overdid it, so gave some of it away.  That... was difficult, but I knew better than to take it all.  Should have given some more away.  It is what it is.

Will find out.

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To the bank, to see about a home equity loan.  Didn't look promising.   My mortgage lender keeps bumping my autopay off, making it look like I am late, in an attempt to keep me from getting a loan through a legitimate bank.  On the good side, the bank runs my finances, knows this is supposed to be on autopay.  And knows why it fails, if it fails.  Though, that doesn't mean they will necessarily give me the loan.  If they don't want to, they have a way out.

I went to see, as well, my friends' new home.  And, they have a puppy!  It's a bit squirrely, but I'm... a very large animal, and have a cat companion.  Dogs don't necessarily trust cat, or cat people.  Can't blame them.  Still, had to laugh.  He's a handsome doggie though.

Up, at about the right time.

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I started goofing with my other 'toon.  I couldn't remember where I left off, still am not absolutely sure.  As well, hadn't really settled on a good build.  Was doing simple melee, while being set up more for arcane and dex, so... had to level some weapons, and obtain one?  No, I think I had them.  I just needed to level a few.

I didn't think the thing would be playable.  To be honest.  What you see on youtube is rarely legit.  Between using computers, and thus often mods, or other systems or fixes, or even different games which look like the original but are easier?  Or tricks that aren't explained?  Can't be sure, but probably a mix of those things, you can't trust anything on youtube.  Well, and everything that works, From (the developer/devs/whatever) breaks.  They don't want you to get through.

Awake later than planned.

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A shower, brushed teeth, so good.  But... the hair just wouldn't dry as fast as usual?  So, I gamed a bit.  Still not dry, not as fully as I like.  Need to sleep.  More painpills?  Yeah.  That headache is a bugger.  I guess I had one yesterday, but it was very minor.  More an ache, in the background with the rest of the aches.  Today it is a real, standalone, type of thing.

The painpills managed it earlier in the day.  But it came back.  Unusual?  Well, no.  It's just that I haven't had a headache in such a long time that I... forget what my headaches are like.  I have had some last a week.  Migraines not so much, but have had those a few times a week, and lasting for a day or two.  I've become spoiled in my lack of certain pains.

Pork chops and sauerkraut.

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It turned out pretty good.  Fried, then put in the oven to finish.  Adding the sauerkraut when they were nearly done.  Overdone just a tad, but prefer pork to be very done.  It's... a spooky meat, to be absolutely honest.  I won't eat it very often, but... once in a while?  Depending how this works out.

I stopped eating pork when I started on carnivore.  At first, it was bacon I could no longer tolerate.  Then any pork.  Just too rich, or... something.  Bacon?  They put everything in there.  Things they shouldn't.  But, pork, as a general rule, is rich.  Too rich.  Rich in a way lamb isn't, as rich as lamb is.  I had to stop.

Headache.

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It's not even that good, or... bad... of a headache.  The thing is, I haven't had a headache in... months.  Almost since going carnivore.  Yes, there... is something about the carnivore diet that improves every part of life, if it is brutal to acquire the ability to consume the short list of things in it.  Worth it?  Just for the headaches, yes.

Throw in the lack of bloody noses, fewer body cramps (even while not taking minerals, though too if not on waterpills... which I need to get back on).  And a ton of other improvements, including losing a hundred pounds.  Hoping to lose more, but that may not be possible in winter.  My body wants food, and lots of it.  Even if I can stick to the carnivore diet, I... will gain some weight in fall and winter weather.  If for no other reason I can't get warm enough to burn it off.

Cleaning up.

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No, I haven't beaten that boss.  Not sure I want to even try.  At the best, I will die a dozen times.  Haven't even beaten the main game.  Won't, until I beat the hardest boss in the main game.  Which... I can't seem to do.  However, I have gone back and cleared a few bosses who could be beaten easier with an extra hundred levels.  And a few dungeons which I couldn't survive, when I first arrived.

Picking up a few loot items, items to help purchase things that are needed to advance other things, and finding better ways and means of doing things.  One thing, to be sure, is if you are playing online?  Go offline.  That is no guarantee, but it might fix some of the lag.  Or not.  It might not be lag that is getting your 'toon killed.  It may be the game cheating... which it does.  Ignore the reviewers who are so glued to the devs for their freebies, walkthroughs, and cheater games/mods that they are of little use to anyone.

Awake late.

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I did get to bed by 20:00, just about exactly.  But I was so cold!  I used the electric blanket, but it didn't matter.  Nothing seemed to help.  Now, feeling my feet and legs?  They didn't feel cold to the touch, but felt as if they were freezing.  That sort of kept me from sleeping well, last night.  Just couldn't sleep well, or for long.  I turned the electric blanket up.  Didn't matter.  No difference.  Ugh.

Oh, and I dreamed I was shot, last night.  It... wasn't my dream, nightmare.  I know, pretty sure, whose it was.  Surprised.  "I" knew they were rat bastards, wanted to win, would do almost anything.  But this?  This... took me aback.  Then, again?  It wasn't by accident.

Ugh.

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The last boss.  I don't want to fight him.  Pretty sure it will mean many deaths.  I know it will.  There isn't a way to win that is good, easy, or... maybe it isn't even possible.  They cheat until they don't.

Don't believe me?  And, this player is far better than I am.  He is using melee, while I use ranged.  But as fast as this boss moves in, and gets out of range?  Very slim chances for a mage.  As a fact, mages may not be able to beat this boss.  Not on consoles.

Well?

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Nearly through the dlc part of elden ring.  I have completed all bosses, to this point.  I have a group fight, and the last boss... I think... left.

Oh, about that vid?  If you got to the jumping the chasm, to land on the entrance?  I... missed that, the first time.  Made it the second time.  Bleh.  The fall isn't as bad as the fear of the fall?  I just wish they would let us to summersaults, or such, in the air, on the way down.  I'd do it in real life, if tossed out of a helicopter.  Why die crying.  Unless the pain is so intense that I can't but do so, I am going to enjoy my last death.  Make goofy faces at the nurse, or family members.  Tell really corny dad jokes.  Might even try to get a handful of nurse on my way out?  Well wife, if she was my wife.  Yeah.  I haven't been celibate this long only to wrongly throw it away at the end.  But if I have a wife, and she is there, I... wouldn't mind a handful of woman on my way out.  *grins*

Acrophobic much?

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Oh, aye.  The world spins, nausea, sweats, some other things.  Just... looking over the edge a mere two stories down will cause symptoms.  Though, the higher the worse.  Good, then... just do this and shut up.

A bit better.

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Still, some fever behind the brow, aches and pains but milder, some strange hardness to my gut rather than nausea.  Better.  My foot is still killing me.  I forgot, somehow, while checking all the other symptoms while waking, and put my foot down to walk on it regularly.  Mistake.

Like putting my foot into a bear trap.  The pain was a massive wall of hurt, that shot up my leg and hit my brain, almost causing a scream of agony.  In spite of my attempts to be quiet when in even grave pain, I... almost slipped.  Catching myself at the last instant before a horrific cry burst forth.  Agony, oh how I know thee... bitch.  :p  Hey, I... deserve that grant.  You have no idea.

Bedtime.

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I wanted to be to bed already.  But the hunger kept gnawing at me.  Finally I got to something.  But, now I have to digest it, settle, let it settle.  Good enough.  A few cans of veggies and a lot of butter.  Butter, I have found, and lots of it, is the trick to not having a terrible reaction to the carbs in veggies.  Or... I think that is it.  Losing a hundred pounds makes a difference, though, too.

Oh, and yogurt with berries.  Just... hungry.  Very hungry.  Still hungry?  Yes.  I could eat a ribeye, if it were thawed, and I could stand well enough to somehow cook it.  Bah!  Hungry.  HUNGRY!

I do my best.

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While thinking on things, I decided to call my mother.  I sent her Christmas presents early, hoping one of them would be chosen.  She did like the wrist watch, not the pocket watch.  I was trying for something... she might like.  Difficult to know.  All good though, as long as she liked one of them.  Next, to figure out how to get the one she didn't like sent back.

I have asked a friend to print it for me.  Then will send the shipping label to her.  Why they can't just give me an email?  Well, she could.  Even right there at the home, most likely.  But she doesn't understand these things, so won't do them.  Hmm... if I don't hear from my friend soon, or such, I may call the home directly.  See if they could give me an email address, and maybe specific person to receive it?  Or... next time.

Right.

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The aches, the pains, add in nausea, toss in sniffles, slightly sore throat, potential for diarrhea, and... you got yourself the flu.  So... my plans for this evening have been set aside.  I teased that I have the flu, and I'm not sharing!  Mine!  :p  But, yeah.  Now it makes sense.  I was wondering, there for a bit.  But aches and pains do come and go.

Though, I must admit, with the toe still being pretty stubbed, swollen, and walking difficult... sometimes it is good to just throw in the towel... before something else comes up.

Headache, body ache, problems.

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Just a more difficult morning.  The toe knuckle has swollen more than it was.  And it... was pretty swollen.  I stopped wearing shoes for a few days, because that was... starting to hurt.  Back to it, pain and all, today.  Shortly.  Hey, pain... is sometimes the only way through.  Though, too, it is good to take a break from pain.  Not even I am an absolute pain loving monster.  I... will endure it, as needed, as possible.  But, as well, don't expect me not to complain.  It... will happen.  If not every time, or every day, or every way.

I've been a bit grumpy lately.  Which happens.  I'll try to set the dark mood aside, endure the pains and aches more subtly, and find a better way to live.  Politics is over, for a while.  No reason to chase a tail that has been managed, one way or another.  Either it will get better, it won't, or it will get worse.  Not much I can do about it.  I'll pray, for the leaders, doers, decision makers.  But I... have been, always do.  Nothing changes, no matter which "party" is "in charge".  Bleh.  See, but that is probably as nice as I get about such topics.  Take it or leave it.

Up at five thirty, again.

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I'll keep trying to pull the bedtime back to 19:00 even.  I think I was awake, as it turned out, until 21:00.  A bit after, no more than half after, more like just after?  I can't remember.  I checked my last post, but that wasn't it.  Couldn't remember how late that was.  But it turns out to have not been near bedtime.

A good warm sleep.  Forgot to turn the furnace down, so it was a warm wake too.  The heat doesn't get upstairs, even with the door open.  But it sure stayed nice and toasty down here.

Bumping into ghosts.

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Just strolling down memory lane.  Happy memories, serious, sad, funny.  Then I noticed people gone.  So many.  Oh, I didn't get upset.  I just... am surprised how many are gone.  Aunts and uncles, that sort of makes sense.  Parental aged ones too.  Glad my mother is still around.  Most of those who filled played that part aren't here.

But cousins, my age, younger.  Siblings, or sorts.  Though, only one of those I know about.  If I suspect others are slowing passing.  Friends, associates, enemies.  So very many.  The number of dead is climbing.  Two from this blog, since I have been blogging, who I have heard about?  Friends, I think, certainly for my part.

Hungry.

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Nothing really easy.  Nothing thawed.  There is fasting, if I'm honestly not interested in that.  Though, it looks like, by default of no real good choices, fasting it is.  Annoying, but... okay.  I'm easy.  I may have a fatted coffee, though.  It's a tea day, but... yeah.

I called to cancel my appointment with the wound clinic.  So that is done.  I also called to set up an appointment at my bank.  Too late, but okay.  I was put through to the loan officer's voice mail.  Leaving just name and number, and a brief message.  I suspect there was time to talk, but... end of the day, the interest is lacking.  Setting up an appointment to arrange the details, isn't that complicated, or time consuming.  But... so be it.

Good enough, for now.

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To bed at 21:00, up at five, give or take on each.  I'd like to push that back an hour.  I keep getting stuck on something, and end up staying up a bit later to try and solve something.  Always something else.  Though, if it's a small thing, I always think it will take minutes, not an hour or three.  I need to just go on to bed when... I know I should.  Still, not terrible, just not... as I would have it.

the last three nights, so it has gone.  Or thereabouts.  I'll keep aiming for a twenty hundred downtime, and a four wakeup.  Possible, still, I think.  The sun doesn't hurt or help, at this point.  I just doesn't show up until much later.

Just a bit.

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Some boxes broken down, trash and recycling gathered and taken out.  And dishes, spoons, serving service, and more, taken in to begin soaking.  Both barrels are full, so I checked if tomorrow is both, or just one.  It's both.  So... all good.

The place was starting to get rough, rougher than usual.  By a lot.  And... it is usually rough.  It is very good to have everything out.  I just need to wake in time to get it to the curb.  Nice, very nice.

Oyster stew.

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Nothing fancy, mostly.  I did use a keto half and half, rather than just cream (or cream and water).  Using almond milk as the milk portion.  Far fewer carbs, if it's... not... milk in any way.  I must admit, I was hoping for more.  It isn't anything like milk.  Maybe skim milk?  I mean, like... no fat in it at all.  By taste.  I think this does have fat, and protein, and some carbs.  But it tastes pretty flat and watery?  To me, or this brand, or such.

I was picky about what I bought.  No sugars, no chemicals, no nothing, other than salt (sea I think, whatever some lawyer and/or bureaucrat says that might even mean though too), and water.  Filter water?  Probably not.  Which also may mean fluoridated?  Never really can tell with these bastards.  Yes, I do despise the world we now live in.  Have to watch them ever second, then they just lie to you and the government backs them.

A early Christmas present!

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As I was going to bed, my ankle was itching something awful.  So, I started scratching it.  The swelling, and the scab over the nearing two year old open wound sitting on the border between ankle and lower leg was the lead causes.  As I got to the scab I was being delicate.  Still, some of it started to crumble off.

I was tired.  Hadn't planned on bandaging it.  Didn't want to.  I was tired.  Still, I went ahead and itched and scratched with abandon.  Then went to grab bandaging and... whatever else would be needed.  Odd, it wasn't wet.  So I bothered to take a close look.  Dry under?  No wound!  It has finally healed!  Gone, a two year wound, healed.

I was able to get one of the bosses.

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I kept looking for solutions.  Beating the more difficult bosses usually has some gimmick.  There is at least one that doesn't have a functional gimmick.  Or, not a gimmick I can do.  Consoles have too much lag to dodge well enough to win, against a specific boss, two now.  However, with one of the bosses, I am going to try the trick I used on the other.  Since both bosses are a problem for the same reason, or similar reason?

As well, the boss I beat allowed me a way to increase certain stats.  Which technically will make the game easier.  If I'm not sure I have actually seen an improvement through that.  Honestly, the only thing I have seen is that, with the increase in that state, certain bosses and mini bosses don't automatically one shot you.  From half the map away, in some cases.

Three bosses are unbeatable in the game.

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It looks like the game is at a standstill.  Leveling won't help, at this point.  Two of the bosses are in the way of the dlc, one is keeping me from obtaining the platinum in the main game.  So... pretty much it looks like the game is finished.  I have to say, I can't recommend buying Elden Ring.  Not if you are a completionist.

If you have a computer, and can import mods that make the bosses doable, or even easy, then sure.  But on consoles, the bosses can't be beat.  Not all of them.  It's just the way it goes.  Though, as I have said, they may single out some people who they don't allow to win.  Yes, they are that informed, and that petty.

Ugh.

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I saw that it had frosted, and started to snow.  Turning from a light drizzle to a pretty light snow shower.  Very pretty, with mountains in the background.  I try to take time to look, remember, see, sense... as often as I am able.

I decided to attempt to call my mother.  I was quite surprised when she picked up.  Just wanted to talk, and make sure she is warm, healthy, and such.  She is, was.  I let her know Christmas is on the way.  She knows what, she asked for it.  Two.  Two?  Aye.  If you don't like one, or the other, send it or them back.  If you like them both, keep them both.  It's not about the money, it is about getting her what she wants, and needs.

Then to the bathroom.  I had to struggle, again, this morning.  Perhaps I am eating too much chia?  Some is good, too much might be bad?  And I have been... overconsuming as I come back to it.  Yes, maybe to every third day.  Or even every other day.

Gaming.  Faced a boss I wasn't sure I could beat.  Did, but... after a few tries.  Sorted what worked, what didn't.  Still shouted at the tv, like a banshee.  Howled like a wolf.  And some other such.  Sometimes I have to laugh, afterward.  But... okay.  The bosses, though, are often choke points.  Sometimes you can ignore them, do other things, for a while.  Or even go around them, if that might destroy standard game progression (or not, depends on the path, method, boss).  Annoying.

I wish the game had a reset.  Or a means of shutting off progress if you have to go around, or want to to collect a few things that make your game easier.  Or, just don't allow us to go around.  Annoying.  Not sure what is next, but... something is coming up.

I do have to laugh, when someone presents a "method" to beat a boss.  You aren't methoding the boss, you are running, jumping, shooting... mashing buttons in some mad hope that you will survive longer than the thing(s) trying to kill you.  There is no method to it.  No logic.  That... doesn't go with this sort of game, save on the extreme periphery.  It's... not a real part of the game.

*laughs like a loon*

Anyway... glad to have gotten through the choke point, passed the next (hopefully last, if hope is for the hopeless?) more difficult bm, and having talked to mom.  I'll have to call my brother.  He's probably butthurt about Trump.  Don't talk to me about it.  I didn't vote for either.  One would have caused the reset much more quickly, the other will possibly allow us to linger, a bit longer, in this fantasy world we have been dying in since Regan.  Meh.  If, too, I... have some hope Trump and crew can actually get some things done.  I just don't really count on it.  It would require a lot of people repatriated, some of them already technically citizens.  And a lot of bureaucrats thrown out of jobs, and whole departments shuttered, and repurposed to work for the people, not cronies and foreign countries like China and Israel.  I don't see either of those honestly happening, but... we'll see.

Funny thing?  He laments what Trump "is", I lament that Trump isn't what my brother thinks he is.  *grins*  *laughing*  Oh, yes, true.  

The worst night in a long time.

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Have you ever had to go to the bathroom, number two, really bad.  But it's all up inside, and you can't go?  Right.  Then you got punched in the stomach so hard you think something may have ruptured?  Right.  Now combine those two.

No, I didn't have to go to the bathroom.  Probably just gas buildup, from something.  I wondered if it was the powdered shirataki mushrooms, or anchovies.  Didn't do it the first time, probably?  But I used far less of the mushroom powder the first time.  couldn't taste it.  So dipped in deeply on that, while cutting the anchovy powder.  But, yeah, I think I won't use either of those again.

Not sure.

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My internals, stomach, feels like it was hit by a two by four.  Not a tap, but a serious hit.  I'm not sure if I ate something wrong, or the last four bm's beat me up.  They have been difficult.  As I said, too much cheese, by far.  Along with a lot of salami.  I have had to work to go.  Harshly.  No choice, either.  When it has to go, the pipeline and body say so...

Though, even if it is supposed to go, has to go, should go, that doesn't mean it will be easy.  Some of them have taken two or three concentrated efforts.  Others just one, but a lot of work.

Got it!

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The last soup I made, a few days ago?  End up terrible!  I added way too much powdered anchovy.  Wow (wouch?).  Oh, it was so potent I couldn't handle smelling the stuff.  I almost threw the powder out.  I... just... wanted to give it another chance.  Today was that chance.

Last time I added, say, almost a teaspoon, 2/3rds, 3/4ers of a teaspoon I'd say.  I could smell how potent it was, and fishy.  Wouch.  This time?  Somewhere between an eighth and a sixteenth of a teaspoon.  Everything else was the same.  And?

Too much salt.

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That is a part of the water retention problem.  Between cheese and salami, and other dried meats, eaten to get back more toward carnivore, I over did it with the salt.  Still, it seems, sometimes, to get to where I need to be, there is a price.  Either with time, or other things.  I don't mind, this time.  Though am sure hoping the waterpills arrive.

Swelling has gone down some.  Drinking extra water, while at times a problem, when salt intake was too high extra water can be a boon.  Though, trying to use discretion even with this.  Stew will probably help too.  Even thickened, it is watery enough to help carry salt out.

A bit later, oddly.

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Then again, I was awake until 20:30 or so.  So, waking at 4:30 makes sense.  Being a Friday, and trying to get back to things, I stripped the bed, set the mattresses to air out, flipping the top one.  My schedule, when I can follow it, is to strip and set the mattresses on their sides, with a fan going to air them out, on Fridays.  Flip the top one, once.  Then, on the third Friday, move the top mattress to the bottom, then use that twice, flipped once, then alternate like that.

New bedding weekly, washing blankets quarterly to every six months as I can get to it.  And getting new mattresses every three to five years.  These are only two years old, so have a while.  Thin, cotton filled, more like what you might use in a futon (Japanese or American, really).  The Japanese sleep on futons (floor only), Americans often use them as sofas, or sleep/sofa modular devices.  But, the style of mattresses are similar.  If the Japanese use cotton, wool, and/or other sorts of natural fiber fillers.  Who knows these days.  The economy doesn't always allow proper products, and sloth sets in.  Whatnot?  Whatnot.

Oh, right...

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I forgot to call the VA about medicine.  Looking at the clock, it looked like there might be time.  Called, got through.  They force us to go through the suicide think, part of their psyop to cause vets to commit suicide... not a help.  They know that, designed it to do that.

Anyway, I got through.  The stuff my doctor ordered isn't on order.  They had notes for the rejection of the drug he initially asked for, that they refused.  But not about the medicine they agreed to send.  This is on purpose.  They have turned down every prescription from every doctor that isn't in the VA system.  It isn't about their program, it's a pogrom.

That was pretty good.

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I steamed cabbage, rutabaga, and mushrooms, boiling (what ended up chicken) "breakfast" sausages.  Adding butter to the plate, and a touch of salt.  Oh, I'll tell you, that was something very good.  A meal I would gladly brag about, share too.  And, for a cooler fall/winter day, it is excellent as a warmer.

I wouldn't call it fancy?  I'd call it humble fancy though.  And, that is about where I like to be.  The cabbage was small, but very tasty.  The rutabaga was what I remember, almost on the sweet side, but not really.  Like an apple, only a bit harder, without so much sugar.  Probably like apples were in the beginning?  Maybe.

Right?

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I can't be certain, but... the things, which were to arrive today, which I was being told required money in order to be delivered?  Are... arriving today.  No, I didn't add any money.  Either amazon is having a serious financial crunch, is attacking conservatives or those on that side or has employees trying to jack money this way or that, in some sort of nefarious theft from the company, or consumers.  They had better sort that out.

It's a bad place to be when the hammer is coming down.  Fix it.  I honestly hope, beside the rest, that financial weaponizations, and tech company commie crap, will also being addressed.  I don't mind some level of censorship, but of the right sort.  If it is truly pro-American, or asks real questions, including doubting the powers that be, let that stand.  If it is anti-American, against the family or (general, honest) Christianity, pro anit-western ideas and ideals?  Let it be forced off and out of common discourse.  

No going back?

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I asked my friend, who visited, to bring a pizza.  So we could eat normal food while conversing.  What kind, from where?  Your choice, in both cases.  Surprise me with anything except pineapple.  I don't think pineapple is a real pizza topping.  It's... nefarious!

A chicken cajun topping?  Okay.  I used to hate chicken, but have really learned to like it.  Same with sirloin, and other such.  Might be returning to enjoying pork?  Will find out.  So, no, that was fine.

Up to 18:30.

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Down until about a quarter to four.  Nice.  I did have to push sleep, and could this time.  With some hope of getting the house in order, and sold at a better price, the mind, stress levels, are diminishing.  Plus, there is the hope of learning home repair and upgrade abilities along the way.  Whether you rent or own, such skills are very handy to have.

Either you learn those skills growing up, slowly over time, from your mom and pop, or pseudo or fully professionally, or you learn them in a hurry at some expense and pain.  The latter is what is left to me, if I have been, in my own gimp way, been learning bits and pieces here and there.

A plan?

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We'll see.  If so, I'll need to see about a loan.  If the plan is in play otherwise, it will depend on a loan.  Next Friday?  That should be when I can apply for a loan.

Well, assuming the plan, as it stands, remains intact.

They are out there!

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I hear the vehicle pull up.  Sometimes I hear radio chatter, sometimes not.  Sometimes I can hear the footsteps.  Sometimes just thumps, as they place, drop, or toss something, move something, or else.

These days I am... less nervous.  Even... no matter who they are.

Up.

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Three thirty.  I think I was awake until 20:30?  19:30?  Some time in there.  I was pushing to be awake, then wasn't sure a visit was going to happen.  Then it did.  But I was on a bit of a push still.  It... takes a while for me to change directions, with intent.  I live an odd little life, do my best, but it's... different.

Waking at 2:20.  Able to sleep another hour, exactly.  Then the eyes opened, and that was that.  Fed Sassy, had a fatted coffee, am now gaming to try to wake a bit.

Can't walk, need something done?

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What can I do?  Well, I can call someone.  A friend?  He tolerates to speak with me.

A text, to schedule a call.  Complicated to ask in a text.

Oh, about chia.

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A good cereal replacement.  Reduces blood sugar a tiny bit.  But?  You... will go.  Even if all else you eat is carnivore?  Yeah, you will do.  Daily.  Maybe twice daily.  This isn't a bad thing, necessarily.

I don't mind not going, more often, so long as I don't gain weight, or have internal problems, or such.  But, too, I dont' mind going more often.  I'm neutral, if all else is equal.  And, strangely, it is.  Now, there are advantages to both.  I am just used to going to the bathroom, having a bowel movement, once a day.  I used to think that was the ideal of health.

Awake.

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Between one and two?  Half after two?  Some time in there.  Down at 18:xx, I think.  I didn't make it to 19:00.  Perhaps the middling in there.  Sleep was good, warm.  That's always a good thing.  Cold sleep is terrible.  I wake up sore most days, but often get beyond it to some small degree.  Or not.  Sometimes I am sore for days or weeks at a time.

The only thing currently continuing to cause problems is the big toe.  But that is improving.  Still can't walk on it well, not fully, directly.  But I can limp a bit better.  All good.  This morning I put warm things on immediately, from the base layer to socks, shoes, and other warm things.  Hoping to take another shower today, but until I am in doing that, I'll... dress warmly.  I don't want to freeze while hoping to take a shower, which never gets taken.  And, this time, I'll dry off much more thoroughly, so as to dry fully and dress again much more quickly.

Not a bad day.

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Very tired.  A bit cold, even dressed very warmly and with the furnace up.  I even had a fatted coffee two chia 'cereal' breakfasts, and a simple tea.  Well, and showered.  Hot as I could get it.  Though, then, I dried off before getting dressed, and sort of ruined my shower warming.  Then again, I hate putting clothes on, espcially socks, when still wet.  Though, too, I just couldn't get too it.  Even realizing the problem.  Too tired.

One more tea, or a fatted coffee.  Perhaps something to eat.  A salad, of some sort.  I had hoped to get to a cabbage meal, but that just didn't happen.  Salad is easy, and I need easy.  That and a fatted coffee would do, I think.

Showers, as I may have mentioned?

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Marvels of modern tech.  Don't believe me?  Ask any king, from even the mid turn of the last century.  A hot shower, or bath, in winter... or summer, spring, or fall, temperature adjusted for the season, on call?  No, it's a marvel.  Do you have any idea how long it took a host of servants to fetch, and warm, enough water to bath?  And showers weren't even a consideration.

And, before the 1900s?  Bathing required a river.  How clean were most of those near cities?  Soap wasn't invented until 1791, in the modern era.  Some suggested it existed in 2800 bc, in Egypt.  If I would bet your left testicle that only the pharoah and those around him had access.  Give or take.  Oh, people had things they used.  Even rubbing down with dirt or sand.  Might not sound all that good, but it got the sweat off.  If one wasn't so absolutely exhausted from slaving over a pyramid or such.

The shoe worked.

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Going to bed late didn't.  To be fair, the ache of the foot, even when greatly reduced, kept me awake longer.  Pain can do that.  I did fear taking off the shoes, that it would bring about a huge wave of possibly nauseating pain.  So I... stalled, a bit, going to bed, thus taking off the shoes.

The feared wave(s) of pain, of possibly various sorts, simply didn't manifest.  There was some minor discomfort, just taking the shoes off.  But that was quite mild and very temporary.  Further, the swelling was much reduced.  Not... normal yet, but improving rather than getting worse, as it had been doing the last two days.  I was having trouble putting my feet in oversized crocs.  That's... how bad it had gotten.

Better.

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Shoving my foot into a shoe, and lacing it tightly, was brutal.  Most of the day it hurt.  It may hurt taking it off.  Though, it seems to have eased the pain, and swelling.  It certainly made mobility easier.  Not... easy... easier.  Still pretty much planted.

Lots of food, calories, today and yesterday.  Some sort of serious hunger.  But it was carnivore food.  I probably have eaten between four and six thousand calories the last few days.  Hunger, but when feeding my body meats and some cheese, I definitely responded well to it.  Finally, feeding my hunger, and with carnivore foods.  Very good response.

It's just past 20:00, five past as I started writing.  It's definitely bedtime.  Good night.

My foot is murder.

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Worse than yesterday, which was worse than the day before.  I still have no idea what actually caused the problem.  Fluid buildup, stubbing it while sleeping somehow, or something else?  I don't know.

Yesterday, the knuckle was walnut sized.  Even so, I could walk on it, with some care to not put too much weight on it, or flex it too much.  A bit of a stilted walk.  Today?  It is bigger, and with less give.  More like a steel ball bearing in there.  I can't walk directly on my food.  Using either my heal, or the outside edge of my foot when making some weird gimped attempt at walking.

To 13:37, so far.

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Not perfect.  Up later, but through finally shopping as needed.  And an appointment, or so I thought.  But, this is the latest I have been awake, in a while, without outside things pushing.  All good.  I am crashing.  Trying to hold on.

Would like to do a boss, or try.  But... not... now.  Maybe not ever.  It is the most difficult boss in the game.  It's a cheat boss.  Most people really can't beat it.  Further, I would guess those who can have a cheat code, or are playing on a modded version of the game.  I don't think those who beat the boss are legit.

Something forgotten.

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A food type I had initially started eating, on keto, if for reasons that really weren't true.  Chia seed.  Add hot water, or in my case now hot tea... or, really, add the seeds to the water or tea, possibly coffee if that seems sacrilege to me?  Or so.

I had, initially, been consuming it, in part, to obtain more omega 3s.  But... that isn't what chia is about.  It has the precursors to omega 3s, but very little actual omega 3, and very small portions of those precursors turn into omega 3s.  So, I backed away from it.

Freezing.

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I am dressed warmly.  Very warmly.  Still, okay.  So I turned the heat up a bit.  Still freezing.  So I turned it up some more.  Nope, still freezing.  It isn't the house, it's me.  I'll make coffee.  Have been doing tea every other day.  Coffee, a fatted one, today.  I love the fatted coffee days, I must admit.  But... it's... not for every day, for now.

I have meat I could cook, salad makings in the crisper, fresh.  Lots of things.  Other snack type meals.  But, for now, just coffee.  Though, soon, cabbage and beef, with a root vegetable.  Hmm, yeah.  I do love the meals I have learned to make.  And they do help me warm, a bit, for a while.

Rough.

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Down around 18:15, give or take a dime.  Up at midnight thirty.  Sassy fed first thing, well... second thing.  The whole race horse business must needs attending immediately.

Everything that was sore when I woke yesterday is doubly so today.  My toe is screaming.  Is it stubbed, or is it water buildup pushing the joint between the big toe and the foot out of place?  Walking here and there, yesterday, exacerbated the issue, whatever it might be.

An appointment, not?

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The heart doctor.  But... the VA payment stopped... a few months ago?  So, no.  But, it did get me going, got me showered, dressed, and to town.  So I finally did some shopping.  Sirloin, lettuce, root veggies, cabbage, sauerkraut.  And, at costco, I found some things to put carnivore back into the limelight.

I found cheese and salami, with zero carbs... or two or three for one of them.  As well, I found breakfast sausages and brats that were well within my range of allowances.  So, did well.  Made a pretty good haul.

Ever lose something?

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Ever lose everything?  Wallet, keys, a particular (just type, but still) shirt, my ass and elbow too, I think.  Plus, my bum toe is giving me fits while trying to hurry, scurry, search.  On the good side, after an hour, I found everything needed.  It's been a while since I have thought about getting out.

No, not necessarily going anywhere.  But, when I can, I... wanted things in order.  Wow.  It has been a long time since I have gone out and about.  I just... things got scattered between then and now.  Found, sorted, ready.  Probably.

So cold?

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Ah, the furnace.  So, I turned it up, a bit.  Still?  So very cold.  I turned it up more.  And it... is still cold.  I checked several thermometers, here and there.  No, the furnace is working.  I am just cold.  It's one of those things.  It's a health issue.

I had soup earlier.  Though I don't think that will work.  I added anchovy powder.  Too much.  A bit of that might be okay.  Too much is too much.  I can't consume the rest of that.  Rough.  Umami is good, to a point.  Will be working on miso soup, shortly.  That, too, is a bit tight with umami.  Will have to work on acquiring the taste, as well as finding ways to mitigate the bite of it.  At least until I can attain a taste for it.  It's rather fierce.

Down at 13:00.

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Up at one.  Okay.  A bit longer of a sleep.  And I stubbed my toe in there somehow?  I don't think that is the first time ever, but it isn't unique.  Though it has been some number of years since I did that last.  Though, I have been collecting fluid.  My feet to lower legs are very swollen.  I am back to trying to expel it.  It may just be from pushing fluid out of places that is causing pain.  Or... I kicked in a dream, if so one I don't remember.  They say your body is paralyzed while dreaming.  For the most part that is true, but I have caught myself functioning from a dream.  So that isn't... absolutely true.

I need to find a new calendar app.  The one I have absolutely sucks.  It has failed to alert me of any appointment.  I changed some things.  It still fails.  My old calendar would bug me and bug me and bug me, not only at the alarm time, whether a week before or an hour before, until I acknowledged it.  This one doesn't even show an alert.  I think it beeps.  But it isn't very audible, it doesn't repeat, it leaves no alert on the phone, and just goes away.  New calendar.

Noon and almost an hour.

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Okay, a minute short.  I'll get there, via writing this post.  But not much more.  My eyes burn.  My body hurts in very strange ways.  It is definitely bedtime.  Beyond.

Drats!  I have to make the bed up before going to bed.  Double drats.

Soup, again.

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This time, instead of chicken of the sea, I went with real chicken.  Or chicken of the land?  I really don't like canned chicken.  Alone.  But, how many foods are good on their own?  Anyway.  With it being cooler, as winter arrives, having something warm to drink and eat is a good thing, a great thing.

Stewed tomato, with jalapeno and habanero, and a blend of various veggies.  As well, either keto friendly beef and mushroom stock, or regular beef or chicken stock.  I am absolutely amazed at how good this food is.  As the goodies are eaten, to stretch, add more water, and some hot spices.

The stories they tell.

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Sometimes... I almost suspect they do more than listen and regurgitate.

I hope not, in once sense.  Hope so, in another?  Stories, you know how they go.

Past noon.

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Nearing 13:00.  But I am crashing fast and hard.  Don't think I'll make it much longer.  All good.  I honestly, at nine, didn't think I'd last an hour.  Take what you can get.  When it becomes excruciating, fight if you can.  Sleep if that's it.  I think this is it.  Good night.

Congratulations, President Trump.  Do something with this one.  You have the house and senate, too, right?  First thing?  Get every anti-American out of government, every foreigner too.  Fix this.

Something different.

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I didn't want to fry anything.  I'm just not able.  Not able to clean up the place in order to do so.  Not able to stand long enough to cook.  I don't want to cook inside, but will... when I get to it.  So... canned veggies.  Again.

This time I added some of the older canned tuna.  I wasn't sure that would do well.  Afraid it would melt into the stew.  But, no.  I had plenty of reasonable chunks of tuna.  It was better.  The tuna did have a bit of aftertaste.  Tuna does though, but canned sometimes that is more pronounced.  Older cans boost that as well.  Still, it wasn't bad.  Not exactly fantastic, but for getting by, it's getting by a bit better.

I keep expecting the steal.

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Just because some places are calling it, doesn't mean it is done.  I think it was, really, called for Trump last time.  Wish him luck, either way.  Just the best option, if not a great one.  A 70's dem, really.  Not sure why they were so against him.  Don't care.  And, assuming he lives long enough to do... anything?

As to the senate and house, didn't he get both of those too, last time?  And what good did it do him.  He still had to do most things through writs, not legislation.  Which means it was all undone the day he left office.  Republicans aren't on our side either.  They are just less likely to be so forward about it.  They won't get easy pickings if they don't play the game.  And, probably will be left alone by the CIA and FBI, and worse, if they play along.

Not to midnight.

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I could only make it to 21:30, give or take a quarter to half hour?  Or... something.  I was a bit dissatisfied.  I tried my best to go back to sleep.  But, when that just won't work, getting up and going is the only real choice.  I don't know about you, but I can't stay in bed, unless I am absolutely physically exhausted, hurting, too hot, or such.  Even then it is difficult.

While I love sleeping, the bed is a bit like the grave.  Something to be avoided?

Nice.

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14:30, or so.  Still awake.  Trying to get my days back.  Proving difficult.  As fall deepens, winter arrives, I crash.  I turned up the furnace, and am eating.  If it's just peas, corn, and butter?  Okay.  If it's meat?  That's fine.  I need food, in order to fight my way through.  Just the reality of it, for me, and now.

I want to do a bit more in the game, take a shower, and... some other things?  It's... not going to happen.  It is time to sleep.  So tired.  I will turn the furnace down, and turn it back up when I wake up.  Sleep as long as I can, to midnight if the lower end of the aim, though if I snap awake, that is that sometimes.  Especially twice in a row.  I can fight one of those off, not two.

Awake for a while now.

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Just never posted.  Sassy was fed.  Her litter boxes sorted, one fully refreshed.  A fatted coffee made.  Gaming.  And a bite to eat.

I still had bread, of a more keto nature.  So I toasted that, and added a tuna packet, and butter.  Not great, but it was something.

Food!

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The griddle has been idle.  I haven't been cooking or eating as well as I should, certainly not carnivore.  Payday means I can get back on that track, mostly.

Now, first thing, the griddle needed some serious attention.  Between cooking on it heavily, for a while, and little attention.  Then time, weather, and who knows?  It needed cleared and cleaned.  I scraped it, but... no.  So, to it.  I got it going, all the burners on medium, for five to ten.  Then on hot, for five to ten.  Then splashed it with a lot of water.  Scraped.  Another lot of water.  Then scraped again.

Up very late.

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This time on purpose.  Trying to get days and nights back in order.  I've hit some solid walls, bounced, gotten back up, then fallen back down.  Will see if I can sort it out sooner rather than later.  Will... keep trying.

Gaming is brutal.  I beat my first boss in the dlc.  Got it the first shot.  But I did a lot of prep, here and there.  I must have played, say, ten hours... fifteen... before doing any fighting in the dlc.  I had heard it was difficult, even the lowly mobs.  And, while it can be, they hyped the difficulty.  Not that hard.  Bosses... can be difficult.  Some more than others.

I got meats out and thawed or thawing.  Putting them in the fridge as they thaw.  I also found a whole chicken in the drop-in freezer.  Pretty sure I had another one.  Not thawing the chicken, this time.  Next time, though, that I thaw meat, I'll thaw chicken too.  The pot I cook it in is clean, and ready.  Over cabbage, I think.

The snow looks to mostly be gone, but did stick around some time after dawn.

Well, I think it's time to shut up shop, and get on to bed.  I didn't shower.  Hopefully when I wake up.  I kept thinking it was Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. I'd sort it out, then... forget again.  Is it always illegal to kill a mind?

Well, it's bedtime, past it really.  Have a great night, or day, sleeping or doing

Snacking.

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It's been so long since I had peanut butter and crackers...  Became temporarily addicted.  Polished off a jar.  Even with the keto crackers, blood sugar took a hit, up to 144 last I checked, could go higher, a lot higher.  But I am finished with that.  Didn't think I had other foods.  No easy foods, no thawed meat, sure.  But... I really should get salad mixes and simply shredded romaine back in stock.  Just salads opens the way for tuna, sardines, and other very easy meals, with and without protein.

Hungry, again, though.  Wasn't there something easy I realized was available a bit ago?  I just... can't remember.  I could have a fatted coffee, but no.  Today is a tea day, without cream.  Why do I do that?  Just... seeing something.  I think cream was keeping blood sugar slightly elevated.  Not hugely, but more in the 120's.  Not always, though.  Sometimes I think their separator doesn't work as it should.  Or they allow some milk in, in order to stretch it?  Adjustments or limitations in the tech?  Don't know.  Do know that a bit of milk in there will increase blood sugar.  Milk is a sort of sugar, just as fruit, dextrose, and some other things are.

Twelve hours down.

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I remember when I suggested I felt like I had been in a fight, or accident, a few days or weeks ago.  Things have changed.  After being in the motorcycle accident, I realized what fresh pain feels like.  And... that is what I felt, and what I feel today.  As if I had been in a serious fight, or accident.

My arms hurt, as if bruising.  When I go to stand, I have to do it in states, usually just two, but sometimes there is a kink in the muscles, so that it takes three stages.  Being beat by a two by four, thrown from a bike, or falling off a horse, can all do that sort of thing.  And... it feels fresher than I thought.  I just don't... feel the fullness of pain, fully consciously.  Maybe never did?  Maybe used to, but now my body isn't awake, or well enough, or have the proper nerve function, in order to feel the fullness of pain?  I can be certain, only that this feels fresh, now that I have sampled fresh pain recently enough to compare.

Couldn't sleep.

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Still can't sleep.  Want to sleep.  I am hurting for sleep.  But... it just isn't happening.

My neighbor returned home from a trip.  Brought cream early.  They were out of milk, themselves.  So it works.  Sure was grateful.  It's been a while since I have had cream.  Love that stuff, though I may begin cutting back a bit.  Two quarts, though, still?  Add some to soups and stews, but only have a fatted coffee every other day, or two out of three days in a row?

Cool, out there.

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The first time?  The first time, this year, I have seen it well below freezing.  It may have been.  Sleep has been off, ability to check has been hampered... memory, to go check, fog... keeps me from considering, physical frailty... hampering what memory and psychic clarity don't deny.  It is 28 out there.  Rather brisk.  It has been cooling down so slowly, though, that it... seems... right, not frigid.

I had thought it strange, so little traffic.  Then traffic picked up.  It's never quite rush hour, around here, though at closing time, as folk are coming home, they arrive in packets of vehicles as someone like me either drives as if it were Sunday, or someone else like me gets behind the Sunday driver and drives like it was Friday, and he has a date with delight awaiting his return.  It's... good to be me?  :p

I think that was as good as beef burger stew gets.

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A bit thicker?  Check.  Hotter, right off the bat?  Check.  As well, and this is what put it over the top?  I added a teaspoon of fennel seed.  Oh my word, that and tarragon in with the beef itself?  Oh, that was snazzy.  Delicious.  Butter in with it, if I think I forgot that.  A bit of evoo as a base with the xanthan gum as a mixer, and for added calories.  Plus just a dollop of sour cream on top, in the bowl.  Cheddar would make a good topping, several cheeses would.  Didn't want to add too much though, for the basic testing.

Oh, that is absolutely delicious.  I wasn't really hungry?  Mostly.  As much, though too, I didn't... want the stew.  Burger stew has not been my best work.  I have had it two days before today.  And was burned out of it before the first bowl.  Though, a few adds, changes, enhancements, and... better.  But today?  I would eat that any day of any given week.  Though, not all of them.  Limits.

Drifting...

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Care to drift along, too, for a bit?

Uhm... love the... flow.

Caught up?

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On bills?  Mostly.  Utilities are still outstanding.  I'll be... clearing that this month, or as close to it as possible.  Two of my standard bills have been paid.  One needs to be managed, otherwise, and utilities.  Though I may be trying another way, with utilities, since auto pay doesn't work, and I just lose track.  Not leaving the house for months at a time doesn't help.  Or so rarely, timidly, and frailly, when I do go out.  I never have enough energy to hit it all, and food is a priority, for some stupid reason.  :p

I'll lose a lot.  I'll also keep at it.  I'll do my best, pray, and be humbled by my reality.  And... still... thank God for the opportunity.  You learn more from failure than you do from raw success.  Ask me how I know.  I am starting to like the humble attire in these realms, these days.  They killed me, for some time.  But the rags of humility become as the finest linens, silks, wools, and more.

More stew?

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It's what there is.  I forgot to pull meat to thaw, which is fine.  I'll say, after the last update, on spices and adds, even the burger stew wasn't too bad.  At it is warming.  I have been freezing, absolutely chilled, lately.  Stew helps with that.  Stew, hot tea, and coffee piping hot, all... help me feel a bit more alive, for a while in the day.

Can only imagine being truly cold blooded, but this gives me some sort of idea.  As it gets cold, at night, finding a rock to crawl under, that retained some heat, is a little slice of heaven.  For me, those "rocks" are warm food and drink.  Heaven.  Oh, and I have been refrigerating my water.  As it cools, I can probably stop that.  Just drink it at room temp.  Beer, unless German, absolutely forbidden.  Soda?  No way.  But fizzy water 'tis okay.

I thought it would improve.

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From eating some things, and drinking what I do, I expected blood sugar to get in line quickly.  The drop form 123 to 103 was okay.  I had hoped for a little more.  Ah, patience.  It is now 93.  Pickled foods often helps with blood sugar.  A little stout to consume, sometimes.  If you think sardines are difficult, and they are in their way, food processed by vinegar is more so.  But, too, it's healthy.

It goes great with beer, whisky, vodka, even toquilla.  I just don't have any of that, nor will I probably for the rest of my life.  Odd how things change.  It goes well enough with my carbonated water.  The help cleanse one another in an odd way.

Something old, something new, but nothing blue.

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Thankfully.  Women sneak up on guys, if they aren't careful.  Or... are?  I'm never quite sure.  Still, had to laugh.

No, it's food.  I had pickled meats, for a time.  I thought they would hold up well in the basement, which stays in the mid to lower 60's year round.  But, no.  After six months, while they were safe to eat, the meats were mush.  Bleh.  Pork hocks and gizzards... probably turkey, by their size.

I took a chance.

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Added, to the stew/soup a bit more heat.  Just a few sprinkles.  Too much isn't good.  It doesn't make it too hot, it cancels itself out, becomes chemically tasting rather than hot.  It was already spiced, but just not quite enough.  As well, I added a pat of butter, and then sour cream.  Hoping that wouldn't make it too rich, too hot, too... bleh?  Or such.

It did the trick.  That stew not only thickened a bit, not something necessarily intended, but a good thing.  As well, it added flavor, and life, to the now real stew.  Oh, my.  I love it when a plan works.  I'll go ahead and finish it off, I do believe.

13:30, I think.

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That is when I went down.  And hard.  I had to push to get to then, but made it as far as I could, and then som.  Up at around 19:00.  Not enough sleep, but my eyes flew open, and I found myself fully awake.  No recourse.  Okay.

I'll finish the stew tonight.  When I shop next, I will pick up a small chuck roast.  But a real one.  Not a hind, or left, or upper, or whatever else they add to it to get you to buy an inferior non-chuck chuck.  They eye will tell, look closely.  Don't let a low price and a false name sway you.  Or, I won't, again.

Still not my favorite.

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Better.  More passable.  Still not what I want, what I seek.  Still, it was warming.  I have been freezing through this waking day.  Pushed too hard and my body is paying a bit of a price.  I'll... sort things.

As well, I cut the thickener by half, and it is pretty much just soup.  Well, maybe slightly thicker soup.  I would add more, but I won't.  Next time I'll do closer to two thirds of the original amount.  Everything else was the same, save instead of chicken there were meatballs.

I haven't liked that.

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So, I will try this?  I have been making beef soup, with burger.  Larger patties or meatballs, to date.  It just hasn't been tasty, to me.  The soup was passing, the stew was okay.  So... something new.

I took the burger I have, added spices, and finely diced onion.  Mixed it well.  Then, started making meatballs.  Since I have found that burger doesn't do well a second heating, I just made enough for one meal, maybe a few for a second meal, to see if this idea works better.

A bowl here, a bowl there.

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Burned through the stew quickly.  There wasn't that much left.  I was having smaller bowls.  Sure enjoyed it.  That I don't mind eating in quantity.  Plus, this front room is cold.  Hot soup, with solid spice... stew to be honest.  And, yes, stew is more warming that soup, by a lot.  The thicker, the warmer.  Of course, now I really have to get more stews going.  Which means getting beef chuck, and dicing that to medium small.  

I want beef this time.  Peas, corn, green beans, mushrooms, cabbage, and some other things would really go well with it.  Root vegetables are doable, on carnivore too.  but they are a bit more work.  Peeling them is like peeling rocks, dicing them similar.  But I do quite enjoy turnips, rutabaga, fennel bulbs, onion and garlic of course.  Hmm... yes.  I'll look next time I am in.  There are many others too, but just one, diced and added, to canned veggies I'm trying to eat down, and whatever meat I can sort out, will do.  Though, I could see doing stews for the next few weeks.  So easy, even for me.  I might grab several different root veggies.  Check blood sugar with them, see if they will do.

I ended up crashing.

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An hour after that last post, or less, everything began shutting down.  Getting to bed before my body failed became the simple focus of everything I could muster.  Imagine being in a massive building, and the electricity is slowly going out, as fuses/whatnots, break, linearly, and all you can do is run for the doors before being plunged into utter darkness, in a maze you don't/can't know.

A place where even daylight would never reach, for there are no windows.  Opening the doors is a complicated endeavor, if simple.  Just not something that could be done in the dark.  Well, that is what it was like.  My body was failing, quickly.  I ended up crawling into bed, hoping I would make it to the mattresses.

I, uhrm, didn't go to bed?

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I don't know why.  I just never got tired?  Couldn't have slept, so it didn't matter.  I awoke at midnight, yesterday.  I'm... still not tired.

I made a burger, tuna, and vegetable soup much earlier.  With the little left over, just veggies and liquid, I added the chicken carcass and what meat remained, filled in more vegetables, added carolina reaper flecks, the fresh stuff, added a thickening slurry, and let it go for a while.

Good or bad?

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I ended up being awake until... 18:00?  At least, not much longer though.  My eyes hurt, sandpapered, or the imagination brought the notion to mind.  My body hurt, everywhere, in ways I can't explain.  But, I was pleased to have finally pushed through.

I woke at 20:00 sharp.  Wide awake.  Had to stomp that impulse down, and get back to sleep.  Which, luckily, I was able to do.  Finally waking at eight before midnight.  Not optimal, but... as good as I could do.  So, up.

I wanted to see something.

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Tired?  Eyes have been sandpapered from exhaustion.  The body hurts.  The heart is a bit sore.  Kidneys and other internals seem okay.  Feet are swollen by a quarter to half over their normal size, and ankles and lower legs.  Issues, I am saying.  The mind keeps trying to shut down, eyes close, as I nod into oblivion.  At least I am not driving this way.  No choice, at times in the past.

Still, I wanted to see if I could... take bosses, in the game.  I have been stuck at bosses, on both games.  Just in fear, mostly.  I doubted I could take them, so I scouted resting spots, easy loot, and such.  So... I wanted to test my abilities, when completely taxed, done, nodding off, at my worst.

I lost track?

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My body is absolutely freezing, even after turning the furnace up.  I remember my last woman type.  She would say turn it up, when she meant to lower the temp.  It must have been a colloquial thing?  Damned Iowegians.  :p  Wait!  Never mind.  Yes, it's almost 14:00.  As clumsy as my fingers are in writing, it may well be that time by the time I finish.

The chicken was put up.  Since the burger, new package, was thawed, it went into the fridge when I put the chicken into a bath.  I was thinking it was Wednesday.  But, no, Sunday.  Then I was thinking it was Saturday.  Again, no, Sunday.  Then I thought it was Monday.  *sigh*  No, Sunday.  So... no shopping.  I so wanted to shop, and am so very stretched, that my mind was grasping for straws.

More chicken.

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I was afraid it was going to be really dry, when it cooled.  I had some breast left, so tried that cold.  Not bad, to be honest.  Not too dry.  Quite good.  As well, once cool, the garlic I added to it's bath really shined through.  Quite nice.  Every once in a while, I go out on a stupid limb.  And it ends up not being so stupid after all.

Very happy with the chicken.  I best get the last half cut, and bagged.  I may save the carcass, for soup again.  It makes really good soup, or stew... working on thickening without it tasting odd.  A bit of a trick for keto/carnivore.  I'm sure it can be done.  I just have to find the right stuff.  This time I'll be trying unflavored metamucil.  Literally, no joke.  Just not enough to... cause that sort of action, at least by volume of stew?  I'll find out.  Psyllium, ground or full husk/shell/kernel... or such.  Not sure which I have, or which is open.  A tablespoon should be enough.  Maybe two, for a larger pot.

Rather good.

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Overdone.  Glad I was suspicious of the time suggested.  It took half that, or so.  Even then it was overdone a smidge.  Still, rather good.  I forgot to add spices to the stuffing.  And, really didn't taste the garlic brine.  But the bird tasted quite good.  And the sauerkraut stuffing was good too.

Would I want it every time?  Maybe not.  But I wouldn't mind it every other, or every third time.  So, yes, it is on the rotation.  If, though, even at this elevation, at 415 oven temp (in a convection oven, using the convection option), I am guessing about an hour will do.  I ended up doing probably and hour and fifteen, and that was too much.  But just a bit.

Later than wanted.

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I couldn't get to it.  Finally, I started.  The chicken wasn't fully thawed, yet.  So I gave it a bath.  With salt and garlic, for... pleasantries.  Got to treat even these ladies with some tender loving, innit?  I set the timer, then completely blew that off, for... another fifteen twenty minutes... before I put two and four together, remembering the timer was for the chicken, and coming up with sixes.  :p

Dried it off, well.  Was going to roast it with the giblets too.  But remember I wanted to use sauerkraut.  How will it turn out?  How the hell should I know!  Works well with ducks and turkeys.  Really.  But, it takes some of their gaminess, richness, down a notch.  Chicken has neither.  But... since I can't find clean brats, I thought I'd use it with chicken.  A fine experiment, either way.

The clock, she spins!

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I can't be sure when I went to bed.  Waking, here at 15:00?  15:20?  Something.  I hurt so bad.  I was so cold.  I finally gave up, and jacked the furnace yesterday afternoon, let it run the night.  Finally, I am feeling life in me.  Already had it rather warm for my usual tastes.  Made it warmer!  Much warmer.  The body doesn't hurt as badly, with some warmth in it.  Death seems a few more steps away.  But that cold body thing, that is brutal.  It isn't, completely, about the temp of the world.  It means my health is falling, failing, struggling.  It means I am dying, just a bit.  If you ever reach death, and go beyond, and your remember at all.  You'll know cold.

Cold, like death, isn't terrifying, as it might have once been.  Though, for me, it's always been more like playing tag, and not trying to be "it", than a fear.  A game, like much of life.  War, love, learning, playing... all games, too often.  It was difficult to take them seriously.  If too, after a few brutal bumps, that didn't help.  Enough pain, and any man will break.

When did I go down?

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Around seven?  I received a text from the guy with whom I had been initially planning to go to the meeting.  I can't remember what he wrote, but that it confused me.  I texted back a hello.  He never texted me back from that.  I also found a voice message from... yesterday?  My phone isn't passing through information.  Everyone who calls is considered spam.  I need a new phone company, number, and maybe different phone.  Though I may try to put that one os on it.  But, I want to back up my phone, offline, not on the computer.  Just haven't found a clear way to do it.

Anyway.  I then received an email, from our group chief, suggesting I meet up with him, at the church, at seven on the day we were to go.  I emailed back suggesting that this wasn't really an option, at this point.  Then again, I was thinking it was already Saturday.  Friday, is it?  Crazy, when your sleep and wake blend and twist into a tornado of confusion.

Wanted to be abed earlier.

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I can't seem to... negotiate my sleep, for the moment.  I had pushed through to nearly noon, but am back to sleeping at six.  Stuck there.  I can break free for a few days, but it just doesn't last.  Brutally sleepy, can't sleep.  Can't push through.  Ever been stuck in mud, or snow, with a vehicle?  Perhaps while unable to walk well, so can't really do much about it, but rock the thing back and forth... for a while.  At some point you have to call a tow truck, or farmer if you know one.  Grumpy cusses, sometimes, but would give you their shirt.  Priests, of the land, of sorts.  :p  Not a dig... at priests, or farmers, ranchers, or the like.  Just how I see things.

Anyway...  I am stuck.  I'll keep trying, until I die actually.  Failure is an option, just not for too long it is hoped.  It's not a choice, currently.

Being a scourge has it's benefits.

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The fellow I was planning to go to the meeting with decided he was, indeed going.  But alone.  Perfect.  Doesn't hurt my feelings.  But, saves me on gas, time, and some other things.  They only needed one man there.  If you wish to exclude me?  You have... volunteered yourself.  I don't need to go, now.  I let him know, and wished him a pleasant trip.  *grins*  I mean it, don't do checker moves on a chess player.  All pawns, eh?  Checkmate.  Go away or I shall taunt you a second timea.

Plus, I wasn't able to get the vehicle sorted, and in for detailing.  My schedule is bogusly off kilter.  My health is rough.  So... okay.  Absolutely no skin off my nose.  And, I do hope he enjoys the meeting.  I only volunteered because they had no one else going.  All they need is one.  It would have been brutal, for me, to go.

Waking is murder.

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Still, wake I did.  Not fully awake.  And off in a lot of ways.  But... up.

Dreamed of a woman last night.  We met, met again, and so on.  Eventually we were kissing.  I grabbed great big ol' hank of big girl, pulled her to me while checking her tonsils, lifted her up on a table, or something, and was about to lay rail, when... I remembered.  Even in dreams, now, I am able to remain chaste.  I... backed off.  I didn't apologize, merely told her it... wasn't time.

Yes, it does look like they tinkered.

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With the game.  I am not letting the most recent patch go through.  Who knows what it will really do.  Can't believe their patch release notes, learned that long ago.

Some things which were very difficult are much easier.  Some things that were easy now take more time.  Some things I could beat fairly simply, with a certain pattern, simply doesn't work.  A few things have been made absolutely brutal.  I am sure some things which were difficult, remain so.  I haven't gotten to half the game, again, yet.

Strange, but not bad.

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I did have to add a few packets of salmon.  The fish was good, but the olive oil they were in was... dated.  It worked out well enough.  I added lemon juice, and tried a bowl of just the green beans, canned mushrooms, chicken salad (which had pretty much melted in), and salmon.  It wasn't bad.

Next I added a third of a stick of butter and parmesan cheese.  That actually kicked it up nicely.  Still a bit odd, but it worked.  I polished that off easily.  Still hungry, but less so.  If the tuna steaks thaw yet tonight, I will fry those.  Maybe put them on a bed of shirataki noodles or palm rice.  Even two of those will be... small.  I am really, truly, deeply, hungry.  Meh.

Too hungry.

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I wanted to fast.  A few days, through to Saturday, then have a meal Saturday morning.  It's... not going to happen.  Then again, I wasn't sure it would be possible.  Simply too hungry.  I think I can keep, mostly, to carnivore.  Mostly meat.  No promises, but possible.  Probably, even.

To that end, I have pulled out more burger, another steak, and two tuna steaks.  And, after those, I'll pull out a whole chicken to thaw.  When this hungry, a chicken won't last but two, maybe three, days.  Soups stretch it, but soup also isn't so very filling.  It seems like it, but in my current condition, my body won't be tricked for long.

Wednesday?

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Very good.  I thought I was already Thursday, and have things to do, things to arrange, and else.  Terrifying, really.  But, so very good to realize.  Though that isn't a reason to relax, it's a reason to shove forward, do, if possible, as possible.

Went to get in the shower today.  A snake!  In my bathroom.  Just a smaller one.  First time I have ever seen a snake in my house, or around it.  Crazy.  Killed it, with a mallet.  Not a boot, as someone seems to... think?  :)  You know who you are.  No, I hadn't see the vid, post, until after.  I feel immortal?  Not in an earthly way, but I know we are.  Even those who choose damnation.

Massive meatballs.

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Boiled.  In with veggies.  I'll see if I can get that to work.  Corn, beans, who knows what I'll put in it.  Canned spinach?  Maybe.  Though I'd rather have that as a side, if I go that way.  Spinach doesn't go well, directly, in with meats, in my opinion.  On the side, with salt, butter, and pepper?  Or vinegar and salt, maybe pepper?  Absolutely.

Trying to figure some things out, for my new 'toon, with my old 'toon.  Like drop rates, where to find things... if they still fall from certain mobs, or are still in certain places.  but there are things I can't find yet, as my main 'toon, this time, doesn't have it.  I guess the game data didn't bring my other 'toons from my previous playthroughs.  I'm pretty sure I had two completions toons, and maybe a few starters, between several sessions, separate by months, maybe a year.  I come back, to some games, from time to time.  If... over time, I stop.  No more with Skyrim.  Just burned through too much time on that, and it aged out.  Same with Fallout 4, and some others.  Visuals don't age well.  Polishing them, as with the original Dead Souls or whatnot, didn't... help.  Like polishing a turd, it just doesn't work, no matter what ooh toob told you.