Awake.

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Getting to it?  Maybe, a bit of a start, shortly?

Blood sugar first thing.  Finally, it is... improving as it should.  It is 99 fasting.  Good enough.  I'll take that any day of the week, fasting or later in the day.

Just a bit more out there.

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A few hours ago, that is.  I got back out there, and did just a bit more cleaning up with the scoop.  It really did go a lot more smoothly this second time.  Nice.  The sidewalks, and a place along the driveway, were just clearer better.  The ice that remained was more easily removed.  Only parts of the driveway wouldn't clear all that well.  Better, not as well as the sidewalks.

It was down to thirty two when I got out that last time.  Not... bad.  But it was going from thawed to freezing, and it was showing.  Colder.  The electric vest made that an easy thing though.  But I was getting tired.  Between the infection and the antibiotics, I'm tired.  Still, got to a few things.

Some starts.

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Not much physical?  Mostly.  I did get out to check the walks, and drive.  It's 40 F out there!  With eight to twelve inches of snow.  The sky cleared off.  Bright and shiny, like a cold white beach.  So very bright.  I cleared the path, scooped off a few places where it iced over... and has thawed.  There were some places which just wouldn't lift.

I did what I could.  In spite of being forty, it... sure feels colder.  I wore out pretty quickly.  But, at least I took off some of the ice.  And cleared more furter out, so it won't be as likely to drain back in to some areas, then freeze over again.  I may get back out there again this evening.  If we get something, any time soon, it will be rain.  But, it will go cold and freezing shortly after, or as it grows dark.  This is the part of winter that is most frightening.  Thankfully I don't liver where flooding is more likely.  But, when discussing biblical stages of flooding, no one is safe.

A really good morning.

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Everything, around the edges of my brain, is a bit fluffy.  Antibiotics, but too, it's doing it's thing.  And well.  A little price to pay is worth it.  The pain in my leg is lessening?  A bit.  It's still there, very sharp from time to time.  But, less.  Less severe, less frequent, for shorter spells.  Not... necessarily a good sign, but it is a change.  And, one can hope.

Up twenty before eight, or so.  Can't be sure when I went down.  I am all but certain it was after 19:30.  And, probably, well after.  Into 20:00? 21:00?  If I was up to 22:00, I didn't make it later.  I just... can't be sure.  If I had to guess I would say between 19:30 and 20:30, but I just don't know.  And, yeah, I was looking.  Down here, up there when I went down.  Just... short term memory is fritzed, either from antibiotics, the infection, both, maybe more.  Winter just turned... winter.

Yeah, okay.

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The antibiotics are rough.  I feel like I have been drinking.  I haven't had a drink for... a year, two... three?  It's... been a goodly long time.  Every six months to year and a half, I had been buying some beer.  It was coming due when Budweiser pissed on their shoes.  No, I... never drank B. light.  Or any light beer.  But, it didn't matter.  Further, if that is the way corporations are going, they are going there without me.

I've dumped McDonalds, even Wendy's (though as much for cost as else with the latter).  All the rest.  As much because they are going woke as anything else.  I do wonder if corporations are trying to chase off better people, to bring in the ones they want to eliminate.  Sure, there are blacks and browns on the boards, but Uncle Tom's have been betraying their own forever.

It's warmed up!

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From four to eight, F.  Bleh.  Snowing.  At a pace of about an inch an hour, or more?  We are supposed to get hit hard.  Today.  A day off.  Then hit hard again through the next week.  Daily, for the next most of the next week.  As well, it's supposed to go from a frigid hard snow, to a slushy rain snow mix.  Ugh.  That is the worst of things, especially in mountain and higher elevations.

It looks like, again, we will get as we got last year.  To be honest, we were getting it.  But in the form of rain.  December was rather warm.  So it wasn't accumulating, showing as snow depth.  But we were getting it.  I thought so, but... it's... more difficult to be certain when it is in the form of rain.

Up, reasonably.

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Sleep wasn't all that good.  Pain, now and again, would wake me.  Harshly.  And, really, I never went without hurting through the night, small or large, asleep or awake.  But I did get some rest in there.  I took it, it wasn't given, offered, or generally just available.

Down about a quarter after twenty two hundred, up a quarter to six.  I looked outside, to see if we got more snow.  While we hadn't, we are.  It is coming down in almost a wave.  Heavy, thick, fast.  And it is still cold out there, right at four if my morning eyes saw clearly.

Hmm?

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Blood sugar has been slightly elevated all day.  Stress?  Maybe, from the pain.  But, yes.  Annoying.  Still, just around 126, give or take a few points.  Annoying.

A different game, to play.  Can't focus enough to play the other one.  This one, again, having to learn everything from scratch.  Survival, of sorts.  But, instead of space ships to ride?  Dinosaurs.  Something... different anyway.

Ugh.

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It's a rough day.  I need... something.  Coffee?  Food was good.  couldn't eat much.  Well spiced, good enough.  But... couldn't eat much.  A bit of a fever, for real?  If so, a slight one.  But... maybe.  Pain, cold, fever, sort of a minor bad way in every direction.  Well, no body aches, if the ankle wound is still pretty rough.  Worse from time to time, better about half the time.

Yeah, I think I'll make coffee.  Then, probably, a mug of bone broth, heated, and spiced to high heaven.  With cream in there.  Well, and butter, if that usually, at least for me, generally goes without saying.

Nausea.

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All morning.  Didn't want to drink, or eat, anything.  Not just nausea, a bit feverish?  Or... like that.  Not quite with a fever, just how that feels when I've had one.  Especially with nausea.  Can't throw up, don't have anything in there.

Still, going to try to eat something.  Drink?  No coffee.  That's just too heavy.  I'll take aspirin, with caffeine, for my fix.  Extra spice, the hot stuff, that makes life easier, somehow.  Not sure why, but it just does.  And, later, probably some bone broth, also with hot spices, and extra extra.  It... settles my stomach, strangely.

Finally got some sleep.

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Still hurts like hell, but... I think I got down sometime between four and six.  Was so tired, though, tracking the exact time wasn't possible.  And, it still hurt, waking me through sleep.  Though, finally waking at between ten and ten thirty?  Sometime in there.

Blood sugar wasn't as bad as I had worried, at 115 fasting.  Between the pain stress, lack of good sleep, and veggies last night, I had some worries that it would be higher.  Very surprised it isn't as high as it has been the last few days.  I'll take it, gladly, if I hope it improves back to where it was for... a goodly? or short? while?

Parent.

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Child.

Wretching.

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Nearly.  Woke in such pain I almost threw up.  Had to get out of bed.  Wrap up for warmth and some comfort, or attempt at it.

Torture.  I won't let a doctor touch that leg ever again.  Not without anesthetizing it.  I wonder if they found out I am a double breed.  Perhaps that is a group that is still allowed to be hated?  Even a dog would be given something for the pain.  Well, that or they read here and are serious groid lovers.  I could see that too.  I wonder how they would feel about them if they had been raised by a hateful alcoholic abusive one of them?  Yea, they know nothing.  When it comes for them, we'll see how long they stay liberal.

Oh... that leg.  Wow.  Imagine you have a wound, and someone takes a steel brush and a drill to it.  Right.  Look with the eyes, keep the hands in the back pockets.  If I wanted torture, I'd become a pow.  No, no I think not.

Another thing to consider... of concern.

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Even if my cheat was more into the keto territory, I worried that maybe the carrots had increased blood sugar.  Here, as I get ready for bed, and took the last antibiotic for the day, I decided to check that.

Always something, right?  Still, even if it was up, it wouldn't be as bad as if I had stopped for a burrito, or beef roast sandwich, or had half a dozen donuts and a half gallon of milk.  Right.  Right?  As it turns out, this time, that is right.  At 109 it's... a bit higher than the last read.  But, for having eaten an extra meal in the day, besides the veggie tray, it's not bad.

OMG that hurt.

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I did get in to see the doctor.  Pretty quick, all told.  There was someone else there, a family.  Non-English speaking.  But, that was it.  I was a bit surprised.  I suppose people have completely backed out of seeing doctors.  Often, like even me, stalling these things.  Just... don't trust doctors anymore.

After today, I'm more certain I don't trust doctors.

Whew.

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I just had this feeling that blood sugar wouldn't drop.  That I'd be here, with egg on my face.  But, no.  It went down.  It is 107.  A twenty nine point drop, which is about what I have been seeing.  Though why, some days and not others, it is in the 130s?  That I can't quite understand.  Still, it's... good enough.  For now.  Will work on lowering even that little bit.

Hungry?  Yes, but with nausea too.  Still, I'm going to have a bit more burger crumble and gravy.  I'd like to cook something else, but I'm just not up to it.  I think I can keep the burger crumble and gravy going, and it is... satisfying enough.  The gravy, as mentioned, is using the burger juices, cream, cream cheese, sour cream, salt, and bone broth.  It really is delicious.

Experimenting.

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With blood sugar in the 130's, and foods/drinks bringing it down, I wanted to see if I could isolate what was bringing it down, specifically.

So, I went with what I suspected wasn't changing anything first.  Two days of experiments, and?  And, what I thought doesn't bring it down, didn't.  Is what I suspect going to bring it down?  I'll find out shortly.  Two data points aren't surety, but with past experience and a general sense, it'll be enough.

Up at three.

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And, yes, I vacuumed.  The upstairs.  I wanted to do the steps, but the collector is full, and I need to figure out how to empty it without making a mess!  Stupid thing.

Sassy was fed first thing, in part because I forgot her last feeding last night.  And... she was hungry!  Her belly was growling this morning.  Wow.  Okay.

She... knows.

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Lots of pops.  Here are a few.  Had to laugh.

So wanted to stay up a little later.

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Still, it's nearing 16:00.  It'll be past that by the time I finish this, get upstairs and ready for bed, then tuck in.  But not by much.  I wanted to make it an hour or two later.  It just isn't going to happen.

Did have another coffee.  Weaker, mostly just for warmth.  It did warm me, but that sure passes quickly.  I... have just gotten used to the fact that, for most of the year, I will be cool to cold.  Such a... different thing.  I finally understand not just that old oriental woman, but most of my women.  They were always such cold little things.  I'm a massive thing, I shouldn't be cold.

Didn't hear them.

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Then again, they aren't here to talk.  Just... clear the driveway.  It's a gift, talking is extra.  I... try to remember, and stay inside.  So as not to bother, or lengthen the process.  I... get it.  I just forget, sometimes.  Still, thankful.

Some burger crumble, heated.  It had some gravy in it.  Added a bit of sour cream, and some cheese.  Keeping extras to a minimum in hopes of countering the slight right in blood sugar.  Then, have had a few sips of water, as well as a dose of bone broth.  Both the broth and burger got treated with hot stuff.  But I'm just not tasting it, mostly.

I checked blood sugar, expecting the same, or a bit higher.  Was pleasantly surprised to see it at 100.  Okay.  Frustrated, with it's odd ups and downs.  But, really?  A 133, even fasting?  Is pretty good.  I just... my problem is I don't know what little thing is causing the ups.  I don't need to worry about the downs.  I just... want to try to do my part to keep it down.  Maybe, just maybe, those little bumps up?  Have nothing to do with what I am doing.  It just... happens?  Either until I completely get over being diabetic, or until something else improves?  Or, just maybe, it will always have little bumps in it.  Even that high.  I guess I'll find out over time.

Still pretty chilly.

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Even so, I finished the shoveling.  I had most of the snow out of that area, but, being so deep, it really needed a second attempt to clear.  Which it go.  And, I then scooped a path to the front walk, and cleared that.  The wind has died to an occasional breeze, a stoppage, then a short sustained gust.  But... it's still cold.

Just getting to coffee now.  Tasty, and warm.  Though I do worry if they are adding sugar or flavorings to the coffee.  I'll have to call in to the company and check.  Not sure they will be honest though.  It seems like the government is worried people will stop eating and drinking bad things, so have started pushing companies into adding ingredients, without having to identify them?  Seriously, I think they are poisoning food any way they think they can.  Sugar isn't just an addiction, it's a poison.  At least, as much as alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, and such are.

Snow indeed.

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Hard to tell, exactly, how much was gotten.  Wind.  It's still windy, but has stopped snowing.  Definitely wasn't shnowing!  Nine inches?  I don't think so.  More like six inches?  Though, as mentioned, where it stacks depends on wind, how much, which direction, and such.  No way to really tell, where I was working.  Though, usually, the deepest part is more likely to be what fell.  Which... is more like six inches?  Or so.

And, none of it melted off.  It is fluff, top to bottom.  No ice underneath, no sludge.  Just powder.  But it is heavy.  Ugh.  I cleared five to seven feet from the garage out.  Had to come in.  My hands were absolutely freezing!  Checked the temperature, because of such serious cold.  It is 20.  Ah, but the wind.  Yea.  And, at least when I was coming in, it was a solid wall, and probably fifteen to twenty knots?  So, okay.  At first I thought I'd lost my Iowa earned winter balls!  But, no.  With that sort of wind, especially since the air it is moving is even colder than standing?  Yea.  It's... cold enough for me to have been a bit whiny.  Still, I'll be back out shortly.  Want to finish cleaning that area, then scoop to the front path, and open the sidewalk from the drive to the front door.  Hopefully that will... help anyone who ends up clearing the rest of the drive.  Or I am stuck.  No way can I clear the rest of the drive.

Better, worse, good, bad, so be it.

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To bed just before 16:00.  Or, I headed up then.  Undressing, setting up things to charge, dressing for bed, tucking in... it all takes a while.  Still, probably to sleep before 16:00, by between five and twenty minutes.  I just... can't remember.  Not sure I looked though, either.  Some nights I forget.

Dreams, of girlfriends I had before... I had girlfriends?  Something like that.  A girl named Lisa, in the third grade.  Michelle, but she was... just a wanted friend, I think both ways.  We never were friends.  Her parents were teachers.  I was different, aggressively against the system even then, and not willing to abide the "chosen ones".  Not a bully myself, but I could, and did, absolutely crush the bully boys, even standing up to their much older brothers and coming out ahead.  Not in combat, but combat is only half of the thing.  As... I taught them.  When your peers are against you, even the ones you typically bully, the gig is up.

Strange.

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I just had yogurt.  Say... a cup?  Plain, no additives on their or my end.  Or... so the label suggests.  Not my absolute favorite, but... it's... something I can tolerate.  And, with food being difficult to get in, I'll take what I can get.  Still, I pushed my blood sugar check.  Fifteen minutes after eating isn't a good time, but... I wanted it done.

It is 104?  Never mind.  I don't understand how that works, lately.  But I'll take it.  Nothing but water, and the last of my coffee, for the day.  Still, given the givens, I was able to eat a bit more, better, today.  I'll keep trying.

One can only hope.

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I finally broke down and ordered the ironing things... on a card.  Not much room on the card.  But, that... is that.  It is supposed to be here within a week, we'll see.  I'll see if I can find my irons, and get those going.  Unused, so they should be in good shape.  I did test them, just didn't use them much.

Further, I have spray bottles specifically for ironing.  The irons have tanks, and can be used that way.  But hard water is hard on those.  Even "gooder" water will eventually rust them out.  So, I went with spritzers, of the non-gay or effeminate kind.  :p  Well, as much as ironing can be manly.  And... it can be.  Ask any Jarhead.  Mostly.

Dinner, and a hot drink, was served.

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Bone broth.  Sure enjoy that.  I don't think I'll do coffee again, until cream arrives.  Sour cream... will do.  In an extreme pinch.  But... ugh.  Goes well in the broth, from time to time.  Even then, I wouldn't want it every time.  Oh, but the variations of bone broth serving is wonderful.  Start with butter, and extra salt.  Then add nothing, or cheese, sour cream, whole raw whipping cream, hot spice, even burger, or shredded beef, pork, chicken, and probably leftover fish?  Almost anything, or just about nothing.  Need the salt though.

The burger, with butter, cream cheese, sour cream, and some bone broth was the real winner.  Delicious.  I added my hot stuff, but didn't get much of a... heat profile.  So, I added more.  Nope.  I'm just not feeling it today.  I didn't even just add the hottest one.  I added carolina reaper, habanero, cayenne, regular pepper flakes, and black pepper!  Or white?  If I think white is hotter?  Anyway... almost no heat.  Very odd.

Oh, ouch.

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It's cold out there, boys and girls.  I am dressed for a blizzard.  Clear as a bell, cold as a Scandinavian belle.  Nice.  It's 4 (F, -16 C) out there.  Sort of surprised me.  Then again, now I understand why I still feel cool, with electric heated pants on, as well as layers and else.  That sort of cold seeps in.  If you don't live in winter places, or don't have the money to heat a place as you would like, you just don't understand.

The cold gets into what I call the corners of the house.  You can't escape it.  Oh, I... have my furnace set to 74.  It doesn't matter.  Though, this front room isn't heated, so...  It gets some, from the rest of the house.  But not that much.  And, when it is very cold out, it's... rather cool in here.

Still rough.

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Laundry beat me up.  But it wasn't just laundry.  Doing dishes, showering, and else.  Even if only bits per day, on various days, with days off.  The carnivore diet is stull beating me like a red-headed step child.  

I woke at four this morning.  Started waking at three.  Could have gotten up then.  But wanted to try to sleep longer.  And did.  Sassy has been fed.  I'm having coffee.  No cream, out.  Am using sour cream in there.  It's not perfect, but... it'll do for a short bit.

Still awake.

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It is 14:30, or 14:28, depending on which clock is right.  Bah!  Thought I'd check the last device... 14:29!  Never mind.

Ah... walked away for a bit.  An hour?  Time flies while I... lose track of things.

A very good meal.

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More steak.  Why?  It was thawed, and sounded good.  I'm out of steak for a while.  No, more in the freezer.  But I don't want to take more out.  I'd like what I have to last three months, then begin looking for more, say two or three months out, begin looking for a better price.  Buy several types, as I find better prices, over time.  Probably similarly with burger.

The cookie cutters arrived, today.  No cookies will be cut, but big burgers will be made.  And some smaller burgers.  quarter and half pounders, for now.  These may be too large for my wants.  I'm not sure if the guy giving this advice was used to metrics, and totally wiped on size, or what.  But 4 1/2" diameter seems a bit too large.

Good morning.

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I didn't make it to bed until 17:45, give or take a decade of minutes, if I think that is pretty accurate.  But, you know, when you've been up a long day, been pushing work efforts for a week, it's winter, dark or getting there, and... all else?  Short term memory can suck.  Still, I think so.

Then I woke right before two, 1:57, 1:52, 1:xx... a few minutes before.  I just can't be sure.  Actually?  I thinks it was 1:56, when I rolled over.  How long did it take me to actually get up, getting going, and leave?  I think it was nearly immediate, as in within a minute.  But I... can't swear to that, either.

Something is a bit off.

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I finally got that last load dried.  I had to let it go a second time.  Which... really didn't surprise me.  On the good side, the washer is open to air out for a bit, after running ten, twelve?, loads in the last few days.  The dryer is empty, and dry.  I'll take the clothes up when I go up, if I probably won't mess with them for the moment.  In the morning?  Maybe, at least to sort?  Maybe.

As to problems?  Soft stools.  Not diarrhea, thank heavens.  Just and odd, and too frequent, need to go.  And it being diarrhea-like.  And burning a bit?  Bah.  Probably the infection.  Or that could be a part of it.

Well? I must be tired.

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It isn't almost 16:00.  I was looking right at my watch, checking the time, and... somehow I saw what wasn't there.  It is, just now, nearly an hour later, hitting 14:45?  How did that happen?  Dunno.  But, yes, I am a toaster today.  Drinking coffee, but had some earlier.

No, I just think I have been pushing things.  I am tired, infected, sore, sleepy, and more.  All good.  It's okay to be off by a bit, from time to time?  Aye.  But what gets me is that I... couldn't read what my eyes were clearly seeing.  I don't mind some of my problems.  I do mind that sort of problem.  Which, I think, is fairly rare.

No return call so far.

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I had to have coffee.  I was already getting a headache just thinking about no more coffee.  I had enough, here, for another pot or two.  One if it went large.  After returning, I ground some of the new, but had forgotten about the old.  So I used that in one massive pot.  Four, five doses.  Maybe six.  I usually only use two or three.  So... yes.  

Oh, but the new coffee smells delicious.  The last time I was in, there was only one darker roast to choose from.  I... took what I could get.  This time they were ALL dark roast, double french!  Nice.  I took my time, picking through this and that.  Smelling various ones.  Oh... I picked two which should be absolutely wonderful.  The one I have, from last time, is... fine.  It's simple.  Without a lot of "notes".  But it is good coffee.  Still, I am really wanting to get on to taste these new roasts.

A good start.

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I checked.  He was arriving.  So, I got out and shoveled the sidewalk, and a bit before the garage.  One, just because that isn't plowable, the other because it makes plowing easier.  And... I... like to feel like I helped.  And, I did!  Very little, but... a man has his pride.

He cleared the deck, nicely.  And the running boards to either side.  So nice.  I brought him a salted bone broth.  Since he can't have coffee, and I can't even have hot cocoa because it's sweet, that is what I could do.  On the good side, I think he enjoyed it.  Something warm, and healthy, it's what I could offer, so did.

A few things moving forward.

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A bit more laundry through.  A bit more started.  But I think that will be it for laundry today.  One of the things finished, was washing and drying the 'travel' towels.  I wasn't sure who well they would work.  When dry, one was folded back up and put into it's carry case.  The other was set out for use.

Showers.  Oh my word.  Those are some of the most delicious things I know.  Especially now that food just isn't... of interest.  Long, hot, cleaning everywhere, thrice.  Almost napped in there.  As to the towel?  I am sure the other one will work similarly.  And, yes, it worked very well.  Easier to use than the turkish, if there is still something about those.

Nice how it can work!

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It was 16:15 when I crawled in to bed.  I looked as I was turning over.  Already dark?  Dark enough.  And, on to sleep.

I was worried I wouldn't sleep long.  I have been waking around 21:30 lately, seemingly no matter how hard or long into the day I could make it.  But, I think, I was just sleeping eight to nine hours, but wanted more.  There are times when I can sleep longer.  There are times I can't.  I couldn't.

May make it to 16:00?

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Mostly because I have had a load of laundry... being quirky.  It just wouldn't drain fully.  I set it to drain and spin.  That didn't do it.  So ran it on a normal load (it had been on hand wash).  That did it.  I am drying one part that can't take almost any heat.  A fluff run.  Enough to, hopefully, get it to then air dry?  I'll see.

Then, the rest will go in, with some heat.  I'd like to be up until everything is as dry as it gets.  Not sure that will happen.  Still, it's... been good.

A few things.

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I took my glasses upstairs.  I have... a place for those.  Set up, put away... for if, when, needed.  They were okay, in the bubble containers they arrived in.  But... they weren't all together.  Or... could easily have been lost, bit by pair.  And, it would have happened.  So, I... bought a container.  All good.

As well, I have been keeping up on laundry.  What has been done, was taken up.  And separated.  That which can be folded, has been.  Certain types of shirts, underwear... not sock this time, or yet.  Or not many.  I think there were some, they were mostly unpairable, but have been put where they belong.

Doing fairly well.

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I'm not doing a lot?  But, I have pushed four loads of laundry through.  About to push a fifth.  All cottons, darks.  I do mix textures, as I think that helps cleans better.  I suppose if I had even more of each type, regularly?  I might, then, consider separating, say, jeans from tshirt type material.  But I just don't have the volume.  Even in this massive do everything wash day... week that is.

This isn't even everything.  This is just everything that was upstairs, in the bathroom, or already back in the washroom.  I had... a lot of clothes, and bedding, sitting around upstairs.  And I have more, if that is stacked, folded, sorted, and such.  I'll still probably wash that, as the drawers arrive.  If they work.  I'll pull everything up there, and wash, dry, and fold that all over again.

Not... horrible.

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Sort of shot.  Pushing the last few days, getting out today.  The infected leg?  All sort of a problem... problems.  But I won't quite give up.

Dinner.  The leftover burger and mushrooms, with added sour cream, cream, cream cheese, butter, and hot spices.  Good enough.  The remnants of the coffee.  But, that is being saved for later.  Right now, just water.  I... like water.

A few things?

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Experimenting, with life.  How to make life... quicker, easier, reduced, better?

I doubt if there is a way to perfect life.  All one can do is make life a bit simpler, slightly easier, and bit more manageable, and such?  But, there is a trade-off.  Always trade-offs.  You don't get better, faster, cheaper, easier.  Not without a price, and probably a variety of costs.  The question?  Can you, will you, afford those costs, prices, trade-offs?

Awake, finally?

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For the moment.  I fed Sassy first thing, as she was a very good girl and had brought me a mouse!  She gets... priority when she is a super girl cat!  I give her a lot of attention, loves, feels, and food.  I encourage... the behavior.  I love my little killer.  As mentioned, that's... part of the reason I have cats, not a dog.  I love how they do.  It makes us... kindred.

Blood sugar is high.  At 119 fasting.  But... I... had tacos.  So... shut it!  Ugh.  Why?  They were horrible.  But I was so hungry, and out.  And, really?  There isn't good food out there.  I thought about buying a steak, instead.  But then I'd have to cook it, and I was shot.  Oh well.  We'll see the true damage tomorrow, if the read stays high, or gets higher.  Ugh.

Teeth cleaning.

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It's been five years.  They required a mask, I couldn't wear one.  So... I went without.  Local, too.  So no long drive.  Good thing I called yesterday.  Was, really, just hoping I hadn't missed it.  Could have, have, not this time.  But, it was an early morning, or for me very late night, appointment.

They are... impressed?  A little redness.  But no real issues beyond that.  Most of you have a little redness even if you go regularly, and care for your teeth.  I haven't been caring for my teeth.  At some point, you just give up.  Not even bleeding.

Someone, else, is awake.

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Old tunes.  Strange they come back.  Life hurts.  But it's... beautiful.  Worth living for, dying for.  Amen.

Had to check.

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So I can get on to a nap.  Blood sugar.  I expected between 120 and 150?  Nope.  It was 96.  Down two points from fasting, an hour after eating?  Okay.  I'll take that any day I can get it.  Did only eat half the steak.  Just... couldn't put the rest in, down.  Wanted to.  Couldn't.  

Oh, heating up the sauce.  It got a bit thick, sitting in the pan.  As suggested, I'll put it in with the burger and mushrooms.  Eventually I'll make that sauce, and have a container of it just for steak and roast, or whatever.  I could see adding that to eggs.  Oh yes.

Wow.  I never thought I'd see 96, especially not right after a meal.  Or even 98 fasting.  I didn't think those things were still possible.  And?  I can eat all I want, if... there is a bit of a trick to that which I only half appreciate.  But I'll take it.  Since I'm not showering, I set a load of shirts, mostly, to go.  Sorted out some of the rest of the laundry.  Not quite all of it, but... half of it?  About that.  I probably have enough in there for... six to eight hefty loads, if I have enough of the right sorts.  I just don't mix cotton darks with synthetics.  Wools get their own, and synthetics can be separated into variations.  Whites?  Pretty much altogether, though... some things shrink, and are on the edge, so are done apart.  Ugh.

I do my best.  As a bachelor?  Well... so it goes.  I'd bet a woman would be much fussier.  I know some of my women absolutely refused to let me do the laundry.  I... couldn't see the difference, but they say they could.  If they really could?  Must... suck to have a vagina.  All I'm saying.  Ignorance, in other words, on some things, is bliss.  Later.

Just posting what I wrote two hours ago?

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Aye.  Blogger up and quit.  No reason, or excuse.  It just died, there for a bit.  Okay.  I wasn't sure if it went through.  I attempted to post it right as it quit.  Looks like the earlier post didn't go through.  Find, it's through now?  Who ever knows.

Steak.  Fried in a pat of butter.  But those are so rich, or... something.  This time I made a minor pan sauce.  Sour cream, cream cheese, fresh cream, a bit of salt, and... I think that was it.  And, yes, it... did make the steak a bit less rich.  More edible.  However!  I still wasn't able to eat more than half.  Okay.  At least I can eat it more easily.  The rest of the sauce is going in with the burger and mushroom mix.  Oh, that'll... be tasty.

A new twist.

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Sure, I know bone broth is good.  And, I know how to make it.  But, when completely toasted, that... just doesn't get done.  I know there are broths, commonly for sale.  The old common brands, most easily available.  But the ones I have tasted, easily available, were horrible.  Chemical flavors, strange things in the ingredients, and not even cheap.

So, I started looking.  I have heard about kettle & fire, for a long time.  But, to be honest, I... have doubted it.  What I am finding is that most "keto" or "carnivore" products, being pushed by... pushers... aren't good, aren't keto, aren't carnivore.  If your health is good, you can handle the junk.  But if you are on the edge of extinction, then no.  And you probably shouldn't, even if you are healthy.  It's all rigged against you.

Still... beside what I was hearing, I did my own digging.  It sure looked like the right stuff.  Suitable for when I can't do it myself.  So, finally, I went looking.  I found it at a price I... would buy it at.  And, so, I ordered several batches.  Amazon is taking a long time to ship.  No, I... get it.  Fuel is still up, and they are still trying to cover for past costs, when they weren't ready.  Really, that's just business.  Still, we... all want it here yesterday!

It arrived, and I put the packs in the fridge.  Had to have water, then brush my teeth, then wait a while.  I had half my coffee, then... wanted to try it.  Now, it has, to my taste, as someone who makes their own?  A blander taste straight up.  Notes and ideas of flavors.  So?  So, that is PERFECT!  That is exactly how my bone broth tastes.  I don't add a lot of salt, as that allows me to use it in a lot of ways.

Now, when I am drinking it, theirs or mine, I add fat... either butter (this time, with theirs) or whole cream, and I add salt.  Sometimes I will add garlic or onion powder.  Things like that.

Awake and... okay?

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So nice to wake up in a clean room.  But the floor sure gets dirty quickly.  I... may have to figure something out that way.  House shoes, just for the upstairs?  I have flipflops, but don't were them upstairs because they are dangerous on the stairs.  For me.  But, a pair of full coverage slip-on shoes might work.  Nothing fancy, just... something to wear while up there.  But not down here, unless/until I clean these floors too.

The CDC keeps calling, asking me to join in some sort of town hall.  No.  I have no interest in talking to a corporate pharma crony, which only wants my approval for it's evil actions.  No.  They don't want my input, I've given that by completely ignoring their (continuing) false vaccine push, and everything else they do.  From that, to their suggestion that diabetics eat sugar, to...  They are, basically, anti-human.  They want us dead, they aren't in the business of health, or wellness.

Wanting to crash.

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Just couldn't?  Something... not allowing it.  So, I was hoping to go long, into the day.  I made it to 14:00, and a lot, half?  three quarters? to the next hour?  Or so.  But... that isn't going to happen either.  At 8:06, I am about to crash.  Just... easing into it.

Hungry, very hungry.  And, yet, not.  I thought of ordering a pizza later.  But?  I realize: a) it wouldn't taste good.  Carby food just doesn't taste good now.  It really doesn't.  b) I would feel terrible after.  Gas, gi issues, lots of things just go wrong after I eat those foods. c), d), e), etc.  As well, I know that if I ate one such meal, I would end up eating two or three, maybe four.  While it doesn't taste good, and isn't good for me?  It is addictive.  For me, it's a lot like a drink.  I simply can't have just one.

Who goes there!?!

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What a... strange response.  I'd... almost think... never mind.

You send them, I tally, and present.

Well...

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So very tired.  I just... I wasn't sure I would get to anything that hadn't already been done.  But I so wanted the trash and recycling out.  Bottles, bottles, everywhere.  While I don't want to drink out of plastic, for now, it's what I can afford, and do.  And, so, I do.  Which means recycling.  Even if I know that is a lie.

I did get them policed, gathered, bagged, and with the rest of recycling, out.  And the last bag of trash, while at it.  Then both barrels to the curb.  Otherwise I was going to sit there, gaming, until I timed out.  I thought I might have timed out, but... no.  I... did get this, and Sassy fed.

Such a mood.

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I don't understand it.  Maybe I pushed a little hard, in too many areas, all at once?  Maybe I enjoy the sweet pains of effort, and... they remind me of other sweet suffering?  I can't say, with certainty.  Only that a collection of songs built up, because they made sense.  To me.  Maybe they will... please the darker parts of your loving heart too.

Hmm?

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I was having problems in the game.  I was playing a portion of the game, which is on a timer.  Days, to play a segment.  Eleven days?  Or so I thought it said, to start.  But it ended up being more like six or seven days?  You had to do things, find these types of creatures, scan various animals, planet types, etc.  And, visit five specific locations.

The problem is, it was nearing timing out.  And I hadn't found the fifth spot.  On and on, in the space game, I ported around.  Following a path?  To nowhere it seemed.  And, really, it was leading me to nowhere.  It seems, if you pass it by accident, or such... just don't see the maker on your travels, it will never lead you back.

Not even officially awake?

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Aye, true that.  But, already to it.  The collection of socks, beside my bed?  That I put in a hamper?  I decided to sort those.  Those I am keeping, I will wash.  Those that are going I am pairing and putting in a box for the go.  A few years ago, I wouldn't have bothered.  Nobody needed.  Now?  Now people are hurting.  And, these socks are barely, or not actually, worn.  Tried various socks.  Most weren't actually sized up.

I got what I am keeping together, in the final basket, and down.  So, for now, everything that needs washed, from upstairs, is in the back room.  Most of what can be folded or paired is already... folded, paired, and put up.  Not ideally, in boxes, for now.  I'll see when I finish laundry, take down those folding tables, and check the system I have up, behind it.

Oh, that shower was to die for.

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It's been... a while.  Just... first, I couldn't.  Then, I was so busy being busy, I had no time!  Ugh.  But, yes, today.  Today was the day, and a very good one.  Nice.

I had hoped to weigh in before showering.  And, maybe, being able to have a bm before hand, or at least pee.  Nope.  Last time it was 250, I think?  So, I... wasn't sure.  It was 248 before that.  Always... a bit nervous about getting on the scale.  Still, on the thing I got.  The number... I had to look twice, three times.  Scrunch to see, to make sure... 246.2?  That is... the lowest I have weighed since they put me on lithium in the Navy.  Wrong stuff.  They knew it.  Didn't care, weren't going to treat a bum heart in a young guy, and be in debt to his illness for the rest of his life?  Well... that... was the plan.  Anyway... so... okay.

Just a bite.

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Burger, mushrooms, with just a bit of water, then with the cheese and sour cream.  Simple, mostly.  But very good.  Better than most of what I have been eating lately.  Forgot to spice it up, but will the next time I have it.  Very good, really.  Beef stroganoff, without the noodles... or rice... or whatever starch or carb one chooses.

Mostly just gaming, otherwise.  I think it was 23 out there, and it has snowed more.  But just a few inches, three?  Four at most, or what stuck.  Enough to get the plow to come through a few times.  On the main road.  Fair enough.

A good boy?

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A very good boy.  I... didn't... I couldn't do much.  I knew that.  But, I wanted to get the bed made.  So, up I went.  It was more work than anticipated.  But went well.  Done.  Everything back in it's place, bedding wise.  The bed with fresh linen, blankets sorted, and the electric blanket on top.  I only use that occasionally, but it's a nice add even without power on.  Nice.  I'll set up my bedside when I go on up to sleep.  Just a few things to sort, simple.

But, as I was about to head down, wearied by my work, I... thought... I'd at least sort the shirts.  There are four types, five?  Six?  Something.  Long sleeved, and wool or flannel, and regular (cotton).  Short sleeved of t-shirt, polo, linen.  And some sleeveless, tanks and muscle.  I only folded the lighter, t-shirt, polos, and lighter long sleeved items.  Anything button down was set aside, in various groups.

I wanted to do more.

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The bedroom?  It's... on my mind.  Clearing up that bit I did, between yesterday and earlier?  Oh... I... wanted more.  But, first, I took care of some more boxes down here.  Really ripping on the boxes.  Two thirds, if I were to guess.  A... start.  I kept going down here for the same reason I kept going up there.  It... looked better.  And, I thought it could look even better yet.  And it does.

After working here, I went up.  Thought I might not be able to work long.  And, really, couldn't.  But... long enough.  I set the beside stuff off, in a little bin.  But ready to be put back when... it's time.  Then I stripped the bed, moved the mats over to where they can air on both sides, each.  Then flattened the carpet, under the works.

Not a bad gig, for a start.

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What with trash collected, and the last of it out... after resetting both litter boxes to scrub.  Then going through boxes, tearing many down as I went?  I got through... half, a third, of them?  Some not torn down, set aside for they are the right size.  But cleared and opened of debris... packing air bags and paper.  So, they will be ready when... it's time.  Then I grabbed five right sized boxes, a few smaller folds, some torn cardboard end pieces, and a few pallet boxes, for water.  I wanted several things to try.  I have a box cutter, and all the time in the world.

Then, upstairs.  I finished folding underwear, socks, and sorted out assorteds.  Boxing them as I went, with separators only needed in one of the three boxes in use, so far.  Should get another box going.  Some socks I'm just not keeping.  Still, pairing those, to give away.  Most of them are in exceptional condition.  I have been seeking socks that fit size sixteen shoes.  Believe it or else, if the socks are too small?  It... hurts the feet almost as much as if the shoe is too small.  So... yeah.

Ugh.

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Changing cat litter almost did me in?  Well, I did have to reach over and back, to get a package of the stuff out.  And that stuff... weighs a nice little hefty lot.  Bend and reach, but got it.  Then emptying the old.  Much of it gone, but...  And, that required getting the kitchen big garbage bag out of the bigger bin.  Which... had a lot of stuff in it, on it's own.

Then, emptying, filling, and replacing the boxes where they go.  And, finally, getting that trash out.  The shnow has become an actual snow, and we have two inches down, and falling.  I shouldn't have mocked.  Still... it... was funny, to me.

Twenty hundred and up.

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When did I got to bed though?  After ten, but how fart after?  Ten thirty, to be certain.  But did I make it to eleven, noon?  Certainly not one.  So trashed I can't be sure.  More, when I went upstairs, I did finish sorting laundry.  Not... a long time effort, but it probably took between a quarter and half hour.

Oh, but the bed was made, and warm.  I crawled in and it ate me, whole, into the warm darkness of the most blessed of sleeps humans can endure and survive here on earth, in this time.  The only better times were swaddled and being breast, or bottle for some of us, fed.  It was good.

Breathless!

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Literal like.

It took a while to get a start in on... anything else.  But start I did.  I can't remember the order...  But lest just start with laundry down here.  No... laundry upstairs.  Right.  I went through all the last of it.  Sorting.  Underwear folded and what socks could be paired at this point, was done.  Shirts, shorts, and such, were collected and set out sort of right.  In preparation for hanging or folding.  The baskets where then brought down.

Hmm, well?

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I gamed.  Until I thought it about time to get back to work.  I popped up, headed in what I thought the right direction, and... almost lost my legs under me.  Yea, not... quite ready to hit it really hard.  But, after a sip of something, I may get up and hit the laundry upstairs.  Folding, pairing, hanging, whatever.  Maybe even figuring out where things can go.

Boxes, for now?  Socks in one box, unders in another, folded t's in another?  Maybe.  I have tried various methods, but the ideas haven't worked out well.  Hmm, though... there might be a way to make that work out well.  Wire cages, as sort of open drawers... But not very... strong.  Falls apart.  Trick?  Maybe using zip-ties?  I have some.  That might work.

A bit o' work?

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I decided, before coming down, to... do just a few things upstairs.  A few boxes, and some laundry to go.  Sure.  So, I... got into it.  Something must have grabbed me by something, because the next thing you know, the main floor is clear, all laundry and possible laundry... three loads... is down in the wash room, two smaller folding tables are set up with the clean clothes from Christmas past spread out, ready to fold.

Oh, I... won't fold that laundry soon.  Though maybe yet today.  Same with the laundry in the back.  And, found my folding paddle, for shirts.  So, will fold those.  Some of them.  I... thought that would take a month!  Nope.  Not... done.  Not close.  But... thirty percent?  Forty?  In that range.  And... it was busy.

Bah!

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The grill wouldn't light up a second time.  It shouldn't be out of fuel already.  I've only used it... five times since changing it?  But... if someone opens it, that would do it.  If they did that, they would be coming back to close it?  Who knows.  Though, it might be the odd misty weather.  I just don't know.  Still, it was cleaned, and freshly coated with oil.

So, I just pan fried the steak, in a bit of coconut oil.  It worked.  Two hours after eating and blood sugar is 108?  Okay.  I'll take it gladly.  Still, very strange.

Snowing?

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I... can't call it that.  There are flakes.  They are... sort of coming down.  But I wouldn't quite call it snow.  There just isn't enough to get much out.  Ever heard of a shart?  This... is a shnow?  :p

I went to get the griddle heated.  Which I did.  But only to seanson and clean it, a first shot.  In an half hour, I'll do it again.  I had just used each station, and it had gotten a bit crusty.  Not... really rough.  I could have cooked on it, as was.  I just wanted to hit it this time.  I... like to keep it clear and clean.

What day is it?

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I've gotten lost.  Even while trying desparately to keep up.  Things to do, bills to pay, that sort of things.  While I have been keeping up on bills?  I think.  I... have completely lost the when of it. Thursday, going on Friday?  Okay.  But, I almost made it to 23:00 tonight, between a quarter and twenty to, and I poppped like toast from a toaster.

Sassy was fed first thing.  I'll check her litter later.  Her water was refreshed right before bed, so should be good for today and another day.  No packages on the stoop.  Haven't checked email, or else.  Few visitors, today, if nine hundred and more this month so far, and 42k last month?  Never mind, I chuckle, but, okay.

Nearing bedtime.

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Twelve minutes, as I begin this, beyond when I was awake yesterday.  I'd love to push through more.  Will type this anyway.  Check Sassy's litter, changer her water, and feed her again.  But that will be it.  Other than finishing this.

The beef was better a day later.  Not great, better.  Warmed in the nuke.  Not cooked, again, just warmed.  Between that, coffee, and water, blood sugar was down to 133 today.  Not... what I want, but better.  Not fasting, that was... 169.  Bleh.

Strange.

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Staying awake until complete exhaustion.  I made it to 11:30 this morning.  It about killed me, but... I... really pushed.  Shoved.  Made it six more hours from when I really wanted to sleep.  I was sure, this time, today, that I would sleep long.  At 18:11, I popped out of bed like a tic getting a hot needle.  Bah!

A sweet dream.  I dreamed I was sleeping with a woman.  We slept, together, without touching, for a million years.  But, through the time, we got to know each other.  Everything about everything, just through... the mind, proximity.  Eventually, we awoke, and lived.  Man and wife?  Not so much.  As a single being.  I still got top, I don't care.  *grins*  Oh, it was a wonderful dream.

Pretty mushy.

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Perhaps overdone?  The roast.  Not... to my taste.  Though, I think it's either this, done like this, and with noodles or rice.  Or, it's much less done, and eaten like a... chewier steak.  There really isn't much choice.  I think trying to split the difference would be worse.  No, from now on, I will cook these more like steak.  Not quite to the rare stages, more like the medium rare to medium.  They need just a little longer time to render some of the harder fats, and soften some of that stringier meat.

It's... just... not to my taste.  With beef and noodles, or in gravy over mashed potatoes?  Yeah, heck yeah.  If you don't mind dying a bit quicker, or a lot quicker.  My mother made gold with this stuff.  Either this, or chicken.  Wasn't a pork girl, mostly.  If, back then, pork had a pretty strong, almost uniquely gamey, taste.  I liked it, but just once on a rare occasion back then.  Now, it is much milder, usually.  Like lamb, most of it being, or tasting like, mutton.  Just too strong.  But, pork can work, as with beef, cooked long, slow, shredded, put in gravy, and put over a heavy carb... rice, noodles, potatoes, or such.

Just thinking of a special girl.

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Life is difficult.  Then it gets really hard.  Many of us loved, and still do, for my part a cousin.  She was always a sweetheart.  And, that... wasn't always fair.  Still, she did her best, like a champ.

Oh, that roast!

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Sure, I've cooked roasts.  But, I have never done it this way.  Browned, and in a dutch oven.  Closed, for the first hour and an half.  After checking it, then thinking about it, I decided to open it up just a crack.  No, it isn't fork tender.  That'll take a bit longer.  I have the timer set for an hour.  Might taken anouther half hour, hour, after that?  I'll find out.  Just water, browning, the roast, heat, and time.  The smells coming out of there!

Just gaming, for now.  Hoping to get to some work?  So tired, sore, achy.  But... I'll... keep looking for the opportunity.  It'll come.  Or I'll make it.  You can't live right this close to death and just... always get to do work, or even play.  It just... I get to do what I can do, which isn't much.  There is a grace to it.  But there is... a difficulty too.  Dying, for decades.  I really am... talented.

Blood sugar was down to 170, fasting.  Slowly dropping again.  Now, it's 144, with water and coffee.  Not a fast drop.  And, should my mother send the goodies, despite us not talking anymore, that'll throw it.  I'll... try to eat it in a hurry!  :p  Oh, yes.  And, not really.  I need to savor that stuff.  And, sometimes, it is so rich it isn't possible to feast on it.  It... takes time.  And I will take my time.  To some degree.

I did take "morning" pills, when I woke.  And am hoping to remember to get evening pills.  I'll keep trying.

The progressive glasses are really working out.  The eye doc sent eye drops, for my eyes were horribly dry.  But, between going carnivore (mostly) and the progressive lenses?  My dry eyes have cleared up.  I was putting a huge strain on my eyes by trying to use distant lenses for close and even medium distances.  The computer, tv for the console, all day?  No, I'm used to those things.  Well, and I am sleeping better.  So, yeah.  God... takes care of even fools, with the help of some docs, in spite of them and us?  :p  Yes!

I thought about ordering it.  But at $28 a pound?  F' that.  I thought about making it myself, but I can't get to a simple appointment, how am I going to make it?  Ugh.  And, the things I have found in town?  Not... quality.  They are just expensive commercial.  You aren't getting better quality, just more expensive.  And taste?  Most of them might as well just use the storebought premade cookie dough, if... they aren't.  Charging as if they were doing it with good ingredients, from scratch, but aren't.  Ugh.  I... quit.

Well, back on to gaming.  The thing is, my stomach is about eating itself, with the smells wafting from the kitchen, and I have at least an hour, maybe two, to go!  Ugh.  Double ugh!  Suffering.  Hmm... okay.  But there is a payoff, so it's all good.  Later.

A very short sleep.

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Darned it!  I was hoping to sleep long, like to midnight, even three!  Up at about eighteen hundred, half after?  I... just can't remember.  It's 18:55 as I write, but... I don't know if I have been awake for an hour, or half.  Blood sugar is coming back down, at 170.  I... took that at 18:34, so... and right after I woke.  Now I have the answer.  Sometimes tech... helps remember.  Or... acts as memory.

My mother called, three times.  Left messages.  My phone was off, and besides?  We... don't talk anymore.  Her choice.  One way availability just doesn't work for me.  So... like with brother... she has been blocked.  She can leave messages, and did.  So be it.  She let me know that one of my in-law cousins has died.  He was younger, by a decade... two, but in very poor health?  Wait.  I'm in poorer health?  Crazy, who gets to go.  Lucky bastard!

I just couldn't make it.

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An appointment, today.  Fifteen hundred, or three p.m. for most of you.  It took an half hour to get through.  They say they are busy because of the holiday?  Maybe.  But, really?  I think they are having trouble finding employees.  Well, and getting them in.  One place not to work, during a real or fake pandemic and the ongoing surge of all that?  Hospitals.

But, the truth is?  A lot of people have just... stopped working.  Not that they were working hard, before.  But, now?  The absolute misery of work?  When people were broken of that, they... can't go back.  Not for minimum wage.  Not for better pay.  It just wasn't working out.  They realized they could never, ever, get ahead... as things are going these days.  They probably wouldn't even end up with social security.  And, welfare is only for people who shouldn't get anything.  Yeah.

Not even sure when I went to bed.

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After six?  Before seven, eight?  I think before seven.  Can't be certain.  Definitely before eight?  Dark, still, but lightening?  Though, maybe not.  Just can't remember.

I have called my mom every day for the last five days, twice usually.  I had something to talk to her about, several things.  She has blocked my number.  She isn't ill, I would have heard.  So?  So be it.  Be careful with your wishes, I am... better at that.

Hmm, not so good.

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The prepackaged, shaped burgers?  Not so good.  One tastes like... it's been flavored.  The other one is a bit better, but there is just something off about it.  Oh, I'll finish them, or try.  But I'll not go that way in the future.  I have gotten picky, if while food quality has absolutely plummeted.  At least the local stores do better, at least for simple ground beef.  I'll have to see if they carry real burger patties.  One of them even tasted more like sausage?  Must have added... something(s).  Maybe pork fat instead of beef tallow/fat?

Didn't get to anything else.  Fed Sassy, took care of her.  From litter to food.  I had two meals.  If one was leftovers and the other was preformed patties.  Meh.  Oh, but the cheese I got from costco was good.  The havarti was really a nice one.  That can be hit or miss, if mostly it's good.  Only a few, which I suspect they used cheap oils in, were bad of many I have tried.

I am curious about the cheddar.  Not my favored brand, for cheese.  I like some of their other products.  I think I tried their cheddar, but a long time ago.  Do things change?  I'll find out before long.

I had hoped to be able to push through, into the afternoon.  Not going to happen.  Surprised.  The game has been a siren's call, pulling me in.  But... I've hit a wall.  Limits to how far I can push, or even be pulled.  Good to know my addictions don't have complete control.  Though would have been nice to push through.  I'll take night meds before crashing, but am pretty much going down shortly.  I just... can't stay up.

Good moring, day, and goodnight.  

Shots?

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Had to laugh.  First?  Even if it had been shots, it... most likely... wouldn't have been a bad thing?  Most likely, someone shooing off a dog, raccoon, coyote if some rare one came a little close, or such.  Though, if it was a bad thing, it... would be limited to those involved.

But, no.  Fireworks.  Tis the season.  And time.  Not a lot, but it's cold out there, baby.  Just enough to enjoy the notion.  Some things I will miss.

Ah, a new year coming up?

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New?  Different from the last?  Well, it's... up to us.

Oh, we... can't change some things.  We can't force this, or that, on any one.  Elites, each other, or such.  But, we can see what we did that was right, and what was wrong, and change our future course.  I'm... an old guy now.  And, yet, I will still do some accounting, sorting, figuring, and praying.  And, I will go from there.

As mentioned, I cannot force anyone else to do what is right... or wrong.  I have difficulty getting myself to do what is right... or even wrong.  Odd how that works.  But, I can... choose a direction, do my best to stay on track, and go on my way.  And I will.  This year, last, next if I am still here.

That was something.

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Trying to figure out this new in-game challenge.  And, really, it is eating me.  So far.  I have no idea how late I was up.  But I have been pushing things for days, now.  Between the game, getting out, health, and... else.  

I had no idea what day it was today.  I woke several times through the day, but could never quite end up finding a clock, watch, or phone to check... anything.  Sassy visited several times.  But I wasn't worried about her.  I have increased her feed to two cans a day.  She is gaining, but... while I am totally out of control with wakefulness and sleep, I... just... pamper her a bit.  Been this way for a while, if more severely recently.

Absolutely bushed.

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Yesterday, while good, absolutely crushed me.  I did get to be early, at 2:25 or so... give or take ten minutes.  But I am just crawling out of bed, at around 15:00, a few to ten after.  Litter, food, and water, for Sassy, were first things.  Looks like dairy arrived.  Two creams, and yogurt this time.  Sour cream last time.

I can't keep up with kefir, so I'll get some of the farm fresh, raw, actually plain, yogurt.  Easy on the stomach.  That, along with meats, may help with variety and flavors.  I have been thinking about marinating in yogurt, some tough cuts of meat.  I'd really like to try that.  Then roast it... maybe right in the marinade?  Though, not sure I have enough, or enough time, this time.  Too many other meats are already thawed.  And, not even sure which meat to buy?  A knuckle joint, of some type?  Or even just chicken breasts, then dice those?  Dunno.

Hungry.

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Again.  Again again, really.  A steak.  Cooked to perfection, if only half eaten.  Though, that is working out for me really well.  A new microwave makes a difference.  If I really shouldn't.  Still, it's what I've got, and can do, so there it is.  Have a steak fresh and cooked about as raw as it can be, for my tastes (which... is... rather closer than most could do).  But, it is seared very well, tight.

The next meal of that will be warmed in the microwave.  I try to only warm it really well, not cook it.  To the level that is possible.  And, yes, that works really well.  Still, three meals today?  Two of them of very questionable sorts?  But... the first meal was a social thing.  And... it... opened up a whole can of worms.  Hungry?  No.  HUNGRY.  Right.  Even the burrito didn't fill the void.  I could have eaten another?  Yes.  Right then, too.  So the half a steak... was a denial.

Yeah?

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Wow.

Made it out.  Got to dinner.  He was going to pay, I got to it first!  Ha!  I like friends like that, win or lose, you can't lose.

Late, for as desparately early as it is?

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Right.  About that.  I... found a part of the game that... just swallowed me whole.  So far, mostly, this game has been hit or miss, as to retention.  I was beginning to think that the game had no more legs to it.  When a game becomes too painfully boring, it gets set aside.  Then another game is looked for, to purchase or already in my collection.

I thought this was going to happen, but the last two nights, the game kept me going from... when I could wake until way after I thought I'd be in bed.  What was it?  Oh!  It was 8:15 when I went on to bed.

It must be chilly out there.

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Down to 60, in this front room.  The lowest I have seen it on more regular periods is 64.  But, for snaps?  Actually, the coolest snaps have only been down to 64.  In this room.  Then again, maybe it's just settling in to the winter cold, and for sure?  Should have been colder, to be honest.  And wetter.  It's been a very dry winter.  Hmm, okay then.

Blood sugar dropped to 153.  It was 229 fasting.  No sweetener, of any kind.  And, no food for the moment.  Heating a pan, to fry a steak.  Nothing fancy, but it'll work.  Other than that, water.  Carbonated, but unflavored.  That's the highest fasting blood sugar I have had in a long time.  It is also the fastest and biggest drop I have seen in a long time.  Stupid thing!

Awake, late.

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Sleep was so good though.  Sassy tried to wake me at nearing ten.  I gave her some attention, but couldn't wake.  I think she visited again later.  Just couldn't wake.  Then a phone call, about my next appointment.  I asked if I could get that local, they said it wasn't available here so I kept it.  I can't afford gas these days, so... everything that can be local, will be.

The only exception is phone/telli appointments.  If they have that locally, I will cancel that appointment.  That ISN'T an appointment.  If I won't be seeing someone in person, and they can't just send a questionnaire, we can skip that.  They aren't serious about that.  They will hang themselves with teh stupid, I'm not falling for it.

Finally, food.

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It wasn't perfect.  Beans and beef, with cheese, sour cream, salt, and hot spice.  The beans and beef were simply mixed with shredded cheddar, some water, covered gently, and microwaved.  Then spiced rather hotly, or you would think so.  Then sour cream was added.

I was so hungry.  It has been days.  Even if blood sugar is running high, it isn't from calories, fat, protein, or even much of a carb count.  I doubt if I have had even thirty carbs a day, if... that doesn't seem to matter.  Blood sugar is outrageous, again.  Well, over two hundred.  Just, but... and early and late today.  Beans, probably, kept it up tonight.  I'm starting to think my food or drink has been tampered with?  Could be.  This should not be a problem, strictly by diet.  Trying to force me onto diabetes medicine?  I won't do it.

The third day of Christmas.

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Two ways this one is seen.  By tradition in my church, it is seen as the feast of St. John the Evangelist.  It has been suggested that he holds such a close part to the Christ because of his chastity.  Known, among other things, as the virgin apostle.  A thing known pretty much only in my faith.

As well, the third day is considered about the three French hens, which connotates the three greatest virtues.  That of hope, faith, and charity.

Well, so my searches have indicated.  There are a lot of things that have been labeled this or that, about this and that.  But... this should do.

Up very late, so...

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Not awake until nearly 13:00.  I think it was around five when I went down.  The game... it has me chasing shadows, and... just not finding them.  That is, to a degree, it's job.  Then again, it is a main game, with three to five dlc's of various lenght, and me just trying to sort one and the other, and more.  Especially when ill to boot.

More dreams, but I don't remember them.  Soft, a woman definitely in one.  But, if you know anything about women, you know they are only soft sometimes.  They are just as mean as a rattlesnake.  Which, if you are a typical man, and in this way I am, it... doesn't matter.  I don't care, because it doesn't confront me none.  It just doesn't.  Mostly.

I can't remember what all happened in the dreams, just that one of them was about the softer side of women.  Not necessarily sexual.  Women can be nice, kind, loving, gentle... sometimes.  They have the... two extremes.  Men are more middling, unless it comes to defense of family.  Then, at least good men, men can be brutal.  To, for, or with family.  Women?  Mean or kind, almost always just one or the other.  Men don't care unless we have to, then we... take care.

I have been missing medicine.  Getting at least one in, during the day, so trying to take a bit more dose.  It's what I can do.  Not as nauseated as I have been.  If, too, I haven't been eating.  I did have more of the beans and beef, but a small portion.  Even so, it is keeping blood sugar high, 206 fasting, from one bowl of the stuff.  Still, it was edible.  So, I'll finish it off today, and get back to just meat?  Try.  Though I may just stop eating for a while.  Try to allow the gastro-intestinal parts get back to some order.

I will... try to get a shower, and do laundry, and dishes, today.  Will see.  Later.

A wonderful dream?

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I didn't mention it, but last night I dreamed of getting married.  A fine, young, woman.  I mean wonderful.

We did well.  Got the house in order, then the yard.  Got things set up, for domestics, and... in time... children.

Well?

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So tired.  Not sure I will get to much.  Would rather just go back to bed, but want to try to stay up until... later.  It's 15:20, so... I could go to bed.  Would like to make it to 18:00, 18:30...  Longer?  I'll just have to see.

Hungry?  Yes, but my gut is in a knot, so putting food in just doesn't seem... likely.  I have burger and beans.  But not interested.  Fatty food doesn't sound good, carbs don't sound good, veggies don't sound tasty.  Having trouble just taking down fluids, coffee, water, whatnot.  Just... not... able?  The body doesn't want... anything.  It'll get some fluids, like it or not.

Boxing day?

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Or, the second day of Christmas, according to one tradition?  So be it.  On this day, in England, the wealthy were to box up gifts for the poor?  Well, so it seems.  One tradition I was not familiar with.  I've never quite seen England as all that Christian?  It's... the royal based politics, and the rest.  It's... just... either lineage or bureaucracy, neither having much to do with the will of the people at all.  And, those things are harshly inforced, and usually wrong, one, several, or in all ways.  Still, it's... what it is.

Me?  I ought to take care of boxes, but more to get rid of them, then fill them for the poor.  The poor, these days, have more than the rich?  Just... not money?  Strange, but seemingly true.  Sort of like the poor being obese, not skinny like they used to be?  Odd world we live in.

Still, Merry Second Day of Christmas.

For good or ill, up.

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Better.  No major aches, and few of what little events are happening.  Rested, warm.  No major symptoms of any sort, for the moment.  But... I do need to get in.  I have an appointment coming up, I'll call on that day, see if they still want me to go to the emergency room.  If so, I'll... be there early.

It's 18 outside, as I wake at 11:30.  Sassy is fed.  I'll hit her litter box shortly.  Water looks good.  I'd like to get a shower, begin in on laundry to be sure for this coming Sunday, and Saturday at my church.  Gotta try.  Not sure it will happen.  Ugh.  But... I have a few days.  Tuesdays, the 27th?  That... looked wrong.  Humidity is 27%, I... just... saw that first.  Was?  Now it's 26%?  How funny.  Just 27 long enough to confuse me.  I love games the universe plays.  So, Tuesday the 26th.  Five days and a bump, then January 1st, and a new year.  Okay.  Half bump?  Just to midnight, they say.

Well, on with something.  Waking.  Coffee.  Looking around the web.  Then... maybe... a start on things.  Later.  Have a good day.

Putz!

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You heard me right.  Or... Merry Christmas!

Hmm?  Well, today is the first day of the rest... of the twelve days of Christmas.

And?  And, putz!  Oh, I suppose I should explain.  Since... most of you are non-trad.  :p  Oh, don't take it badly?  Or... do.  I'm good.

Putz, in traditions, and a foreign country, referred to visiting friends and family, in order to examine their nativity scenes.  Since I have no such thing, doubt if you do, or that I am invited for such, and couldn't go even if I was?  I'll just put up a link to a store which carries a collection of them.

I like the idea, just... don't... know how to make that work.  Bachelors just... don't... live such a life in which such things are possible.  It just isn't how reality works.  For many of us.  Those things are for when wives, and more families, exist.  Men suffer such things, it's... just the truth.  Still, I... do like the idea.

Here are a number of fine nativity scenes.  Merry Christmas, putz.  *grins*

Not just chills...

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There was a profound fever along with it.  Always strange to be cold and hot at the same time.  Still, it was warming up that I needed.  The fever, and chills, broke four or five hours in.  And remain gone, for now.  Could come back at any time.  A handful of aspirin probably didn't hurt.

Went to bed at, a bit before 22:00?  A bit after?  I thought maybe half before.  Can't be sure.  Waking at 11:30.  A long sleep, but needed.  I did hear the seven alarm, but just shut it off.  There... was nothing doing, as they say.  I didn't wake until five or ten before actually getting out of bed.

Sassy invaded.  If not I probably wouldn't have waken.  She didn't even push, she must know I am ill.  Still, it was time.  I reset her litter, got her a cleaned bowl and fresh water, then fed her.  I try to do right by her.  And she is usually patient with me.  Odd, but when we are good to each other, as good as we can be, we usually get what we want much more surely and quickly?  It's not even a quid pro quo thing.  It's... a silent understanding, and kindness.  She knows I give what and when I can.  And I know what she wants and needs, and do my best.

Christmas day?  Monday...  I... thought it was still Sunday.  I must have been sick, for longer than I knew.  Lost a whole day, right while paying fairly close attention.  I'll call my mother later in the day.  Not sure when dinner is, for them, but often it is midafternoon, or regular dinnertime... supper time that is, really.  So either around 14:00 to 18:00?  Give or take, but by old family traditions, those are the... normal holiday feast times.

She is visiting a cousin and her husband.  Always glad to see her eating with family.  Love it when I hear she, or someone in the family, is cooking.  There is just... something good about eating with family.  It's an event, and everyone is getting older.  But, that is a special part of life.  Ham, I have heard, is on the menu.  I am sure it will be a delight.

I am still sick, so I won't be going out, or cooking.  I am having the last quart of milk.  It has been... helping?  Well, it is handling the hunger.  But killing on the blood sugar side.  Still, for now, comfort will do.  I'll... deal with the blood sugar as I can.  

Still some shakes, from the chills.  That was... excessive.  Haven't had such a serious case of the shaking shivers in... years, maybe a decade, two?  The sudden onset, the severity, but too that it is already gone?  Usually when I get the shivers, it's here for days, up to a week... the last time was four or five days, shivering in bed, feverish too.  Though, in that one, it was the fever that was the worst...  That was two years before covid.  So... just the flu.

I'm honestly surprised some of the side things haven't gotten me.  These are on top of a really bad heart, stage 3 to 4 kidney failure, and some 2 to 3 stage liver failure?  And... those things stretched over decades.  Talk about comorbities!  I've got those, and then some!  :)  Still, okay.  I'll suffer, even gladly.  Okay.

Hmm?  Today?  If I can, I would REALLY like to get to laundry.  I missed this group of church events, and Christmas.  But I would like to make it this coming week.  Which means I need clothes washed, ready.  On a non-superholy week, I can dress down just a bit, if need be.  But I still prefer to dress up to some extent.  I... take the bible seriously.  And, if you are to go, you should dress approprietly to be in the presence of God.  If that isn't your faith, I guess whatever.  But when I walk into a church, it is to be with God.  As Christ suggested, about the wedding, some could not deign to attend.  Others wished to but did not dress correctly.  He did provide, but expected, for some.  He was left, in the end, with those who would, could, and did... including dressing correctly.  Do... not take these things without serious consideration.

I was sort of for God, then ambivalent, then He came to me in a way that left me with two choices.  Abide, or knowingly ignore.  I... take Him very, deadly, seriously.  Jesus didn't come to end, but fulfill, the laws.  Understand.  Some old laws were relinquished, foods, eye for an eye, and some others.  Other laws were only enforced.  To my understanding, to wear right clothes in His presence.  Sure, there is time, but I have had my time.  At this point, that is expected.

So... laundry, today.  Or tomorrow, soon, before next week.  I'd like to get three or four sets of clothes ready.  Amen.  Later.

Ah-ha!?!

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Nausea, alone?  Could be almost anything.  Changing diet could easily, and likely, be the culprit.  But... what about infection?  And, now, severe chills?  The aches and pains I wrote off.  Other symptoms that came and went, like diarhea?  Yes, maybe infection.

Mild enough, mostly.  I have fought it as well as possible, but have been fighting it for months.  While not losing, absolutely, not winning.  And, now, getting worse.  Shaking so severely, with the heater up, and dressed very warmly, I can barely type.  It's a slow process.

I'm going on to bed.  I'll turn the space heater on for a bit, and the electric planket, plus warm pj's.  The aches are back, as is a runny nose.  Nausea, oddly, is gone... for the moment.  Goodnight.

Nausea.

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Nothing I have tried has improved the problem.  I am about to begin looking for ideas.  Milk, for as bad as it is for me, is edible and doesn't make it worse.  I have half a gallon left.  A fatted coffee isn't too bad, but... isn't as good as milk, on the belly.  I so want to eat.

Not sure if the chicken I thawed is still any good.  I am thinking of checking.  If so?

Well, while thinking...

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Bills, bills, bills.  I got a bit behind these last few months... what with the bike, and Christmas.  Well, and... just life, sometimes.  It all gangs up on us, and I found myself just a bit behind.  So, this coming month, spending will be lowered, paying things off will be increased.  I won't completely catch up, but I should... get in better shape.

If I can keep it up, for a few months, I should be in much better shape by, say, March.  Completely caught up?  No.  But much, much closer.  However, I will take care of three bills completely, this first month.  But the bigger one, remaining, will take longer.  The goal is to be completely out by, June?  July?  As well as be saving on the side.

Oh, ouch.

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Achy.  Mostly upper body, bones, joints, such.  Shoulders, neck, upper back, all just... out of sorts.  Not too terribly off, but enough, and in enough areas, to make it a rough day.

Couldn't wake until just a bit before 13:00.  Tried.  Had the alarms set for five and seven.  Then started waking around 9:40 or so.  Just never made it any of those times.  Wanted to get up early.  Was hoping to make it to the invitation. It simply wasn't going to happen, didn't happen.