To the office.

.

.

I thought it was an early appointment.  Better to get it wrong that way than the other way.  So, back home for a bit.  I just couldn't hang out in town for four or five hours.

Back, on time.  So tired though.

It's still rough.

.

.

Mostly just from being tired?  I think so.  Sleepy, and more.  No energy, nothing really going.  Which is fine.  I thought the warmth would help a bit.  Truth is, I went too long too cold.  It will take several days of warming, sleeping more, and probably getting back on the feed bag.

Which means, today or tomorrow, I need to get more chicken.  That stuff really helps.  More if of the smaller drumsticks, less if of the bigger ones.  And, another gallon of milk, plus water.  I went through the milk too fast, without having anything else to drink.  Definitely more water.

Ribs are a little pained.  But, as I may have mentioned?  I have lost between eight and ten inches around my chest since Thanksgiving.  While that is good, wonderful really?  It also means my shape has changed exceptionally dramatically.  And it hurts.  Pretty much all the time, save when sleeping.

I'll keep at it.  Keep trying to push through.  Sleeping when possible, taking meds, eating, resting.  I've got a lot of changes, from healing to weight loss, going on.  Weight was 235 this morning.  Since I was taking a shower, I thought I'd check.  I would say everything over 225 is water, and maybe more.  I haven't been able to wear compression socks or else for longer than a few hours, and just that once recently.  Until I can put compression back on, I'm sort of stuck at this weight.

I may ask the doctor for stronger lidocaine when next we talk.  I just... can't... well... I can't even keep up with the bandaging, at this rate.  That is without compression.  And, I need compression.  Ugh.  We'll see.  I don't want anything more, just topical.  I have over the counter, and that is as strong as I will allow otherwise.  I think there was a sideways offer for more.  Which I turned down flatly.  Won't touch anything stronger than over the counter stuff.

I keep thinking it will warm up.  It did warm up.  Then... not so much.  It just isn't going to warm up, again, for a while.  Which is fine... now that I have the furnace back to it, the house closed up.  Anyway, later or goodnight.

Ah!?!

.

.

I sorted some of the problem.  I have left the house open, furnace off, for some time.  I hadn't been checking the temps.  But, tonight, while changing the batteries in my furnace interface, I noticed.  At 61 F, it... is cold.  Too cold.  Not comfortable.  Great for sleeping, painful to be awake in.

So I shut up the downstairs, turned up the furnace, and am starting to just now feel better.  This front room, near the computer, was 64... due to all the heat given off.  It is now 67.  While not hot, it is definitely better.

Oh, yes, much better.  That was the problem, or a part of it.  When trying to heal, always keep the place a bit warmer.  If it goes cold, beside the normal problems, healing can come to a screeching halt... unless it is really hot out, then the cool can help.  Though, even then, when healing, I have generally found that being too warm is better than being even a bit cold.

Good, good.

About to get some coffee.  Something to eat?  No, the chicken, I think, is too old.  I don't have else.  I don't want to eat.  Not hungry?  Nausea?  Several strikes against eating.  Even coffee is pushing it, but it's the warmth I want from that.

Hopefully a better day, now that I have sorted that out.  Oh, and a shower should be a lot easier.  Later.

Staying rough.

.

.

In some ways.  My stomach is causing problems.  Upset?  Bloat?  Managing bad blood from wounds?  I... just don't know.  It feels bruised, upset, sore.

The old wound, on my leg, has troubled me off and on through the night.  Sometimes making life just plain difficult.  The other wounds came in next.  I think the old wound is the worst of it, if irregular.  The stomach problems are what has caused the most consistent problems.  The other wounds just ache, or hurt, from time to time.

Sort of a rough day?

.

.

Yes, sort of.  It wasn't as bad as the worst I have had in this last week.  It was never good though.  Always rough, hard, on the edges.  Pain or numbness, never just... a "normal" day.  Hungry, but not really willing to eat.  Thirsty, but not able to drink as I would have liked.  Some aches, the old wound acted up for a bit.  The lessor, nearly healed wounds, still hurt.

On the good side, the roadrash, while still causing serious pain occasionally, other than the knee-cap wound, are doing really well.  Not so much layers of crusts, but more whole skin.  Sure, a bit red still.  But, my hand?  I had initially needed a six by six bandage (with a four by four pack under) and a four by four (with a two by two gauze pack under the sticky stuff).  Now I can cover the whole of what remains of the damage with a four by four.  It actually, looking at it and thinking back, amazes even me.  How did that much skin come back.  There is only about a fifty cent piece equivalent that looks like it might have been damaged.  The rest of the lost skin is back, and even looks normal.

A friend, with... concerns.

.

.

Perhaps I am too old to ride.  In... some ways?  Maybe he is correct.  More regarding concentration.  The... concern... about my suffering, damage?  Not so much.

I have tried to explain that my healing is more akin to that of an exceedingly healthy child.  Large patches of skin have been replaced in weeks.  Bruising which was expected to take a year to heal will be gone in two months.  Twists and kinks, which in the first place should have been breaks, are nearly back to normal.

Not too bad.

.

.

Not perfectly as planned.  The idea was to be to bed right in there around 22:30.  I didn't get to bed until about 00:30.  I set the alarms from six and eight, or really just initiated them.  They were already set.  Hoping to beat the alarms, and I did.  It' just at 5:24 after starting chicken to heating, feeding Sassy, and such.

---------

Good, good.  A bite to eat, some water, coffee, and back to it.  Well, had to refill the water jugs and do a few other things.  And watched a few vids while at it.  The Oatman family massacre...  I remember seeing pictures of the surviving sister, but either forgot, or never quite got to, the story of how she ended up with tattoos.  Now I know... or... know what someone says on the matter.

---------

Probably back to bed.

.

.

I have hurt all through the night.  Not as terribly as the other day.  But about what I had been going through yesterday.  That had seemed tolerable.  And, comparably to the day before, it was.  However, at some point it became too much.  And it remains too much.

I'll take some painpills, then go on back to bed.  Hopefully it will kick back a notch or two.  Ribs, joints, and the minor wound sites, are conspiring to pound me into the sand.  And doing a good job.

A lot better.

.

.

Well, pain hasn't changed.  But it was, and is, tolerable.  Food was good.  Coffee has been pleasant.  Medicine has gone down, if I think I need a final night dose.

The house has remained a bit open.  Last I checked it was down to 48 outside, but is still 65 at least in this front room.  I'll crack another window on the far side of the room as I go to bed upstairs.  Really, nice to have some fresh air.

Mostly good.

.

.

Chicken, milk, and coffee.  Out of water.  I'll have to get more of that, when I can.

The pain from the old wound is either extremely numbed or simply relieved one way or another.  Not even the echoes which had been present.  However, the roadrash areas, the left ankle (I think from overuse as the other mends), the right knee as a joint and because of the torn skin, and the left shoulder... probably from using that to try to rise, and roll while sleeping, are all... giving me a heck of an ache.

What a dark day.

.

.

I eventually got to bed, probably shortly after that last post.  Very shortly.  The pain was coming and going before going to bed.  And after.  With intensity I just don't understand.  Quiet agony, writhing.  Mostly the old wound, but the knee, elbow for some unknown reason, even the closed and nearly closed roadrash areas.  

Everything hurt, off and on, sometimes in single servings powerful enough to buckle, cripple, me... for short bits.  Sometimes I could sleep for a while.  Sometimes all I could do is silently scream and just hold on.  What was I holding onto?  It was like trying to keep my body cohesive, together, as if squeezing, tightening, muscles and whatnot could help with the pain.

Almost made it?

.

.

Dairy should be here shortly.  But I am absolutely fried.  I pushed as long as I could.  Now I absolutely must sleep, or try.

Hoping the pain doesn't return on the way up, or while tucking in.  For the moment I feel... absolutely numb.  Natural painkillers have kicked in.  Which is part of why I am crashing?  Oh, everything still hurts, down in there.  Like the knee, and the main wound site, but... the pain isn't going all the way to the brain.

Even the ribs aren't sneaking past, the pain, mostly.  Goodnight.

Rough.

.

.

The heaviest of the pain is just now... settling.  Not even gone, not going, just... a little less.  The knee hurts too, twisted.  Don't know if spasms were twisting it, or what.  It's not as bad as the main pain, but is heavy enough to add a strong second dose of minor agony.  I haven't hurt this bad, in several places, in a while.

The new bandaging has given me some breathing room.  To be honest, that is what I'll be using, unless I can get something that soothes those ragged edges while bandaging they way they want it done.

That just wasn't going to happen.

.

.

Beside the pain, rolling and tossing means I kept ending up on my bruise.  Once in a while, now, is fine.  But flipping and flopping like a fish on a line out of water was begging to really damage that?  Or at least make it feel more uncomfortable than it has to point.  No.

As to the pain?  I bandaged the area again.  Leaving everything else, the packing and such, as is.  That... didn't work.  So I pulled that dressing, pulled the packing too, then reset it.  It is finally easing up, but even then just now, an hour later?  Or more?  Or less.  I just can't tell.  But it is getting better.

I've done what I can.

.

.

The pain is ramping up again.  I sent a few texts, to sort things out.  I am becoming ill, on top of the increase in pain.  Exhausted too, somehow.

I had a few pieces of chicken.  Wanted coffee, but it just isn't... going to help.  I have to go to bed.  My chest hurts, now, too.  From shrinking in pain?  Something.  Holding my breath too long?  Hopefully, sleep will be available, and will help.

I just can't stay up any longer.  Good day and goodnight.

Yes, still hurts.

.

.

Instead of being a steady, horrifying, rolling, thundering, pulsing yet static as well, group of pains and little horrors, it's just, mostly, a slow rolling aching with an underlying sense of having been on fire.  It's not a good one.  It certainly was worse, it has definitely been better.  Still silent screaming, or thereabouts, from time to time.  The ache will just cut right through any ability to restrain.  Better, thought hoping for much better, and sooner than later.  I'm taking more painpills.

Strangely, it isn't just the main, old, wound.  But that is the most powerful center for pain.  The wrist hurts a bit, and the knee hurts more, in both places.  Not sure what is up with this today.

More silent screaming.

.

.

Getting the bandages off was easy enough.  Even clearing the big wound of the honey packing went pretty good.  Washing it out a couple of times?  All good.  Putting the stuff back in, for whatever reason, is causing levels of agony I can't well describe.

No, no compression.  Wool socks.  But without wool socks, that wound gets cold, and hurts even worse.  No, have to have to wool socks, but can't do anything else.  I am hoping, within the hour, that the pain will subside.  Currently, it is waves of absolutely horrible pain.

Ah! The wound area cleaner arrived.

.

.

Packets, like alcohol squares.  Only no alcohol.  It really cleans the area, the skin, so that the bandaging sticks, but without being as painful to remove.  I only had enough to use it for the old wound.  And, that... was mostly okay.  The hand and knee wounds aren't as serious.

It still stings to remove the bandaging, and doing it twice a day usually means I need to start the removal process in different areas, day to day.  Still will continue that, but am hoping the removal will be easier.  And, for the old wound site, I may try to use one of these for when lifting off the bandage.  That one in on for days at a time, and really sticks.  Once it gets going, it usually, mostly, comes off okay.  I'm just looking for a little easier way.

Dreams?

.

.

Oh, aye.  Not... all of them will be all that exciting.  Or... not the first one.

While the first dream wasn't exactly on this type, it did involve various general and specific slide rules.  I just liked this vid.  I don't remember all of the dream, but it involved naval navigation, from the view of a submarine, plus general mathematic calculations, and some volume, titration, and other calculations.  Why would I dream of that?  Because... I like these things.

When did I go to bed?

.

.

Long after I intended, that is all I am sure.  Several hours, four, six, hours after planned.  I just couldn't go to bed.  I kept thinking about changing the bandaging.  And... the more I thought of it, the more I got caught in some kind of loop.  I feared even touching it, yet my mind was pushing me to just get to it.  And... in that loop, I got stuck.

Fine.  Now, I never did mess with the main wound.  But I did the little wounds as I was crawling in to bed.  And, this morning as I was getting out.  The smallest one, on the knee, had a dime, half dime maybe, sized scab.  I was sure it was time for that to come off.  In retrospect, probably not so much.  But it's done.

Good, good.

.

.

Wasn't sure if it was Friday, this morning, or Saturday.  Up too many double days in a row, but with a few not?  I mean, most of this week, I awoke on one day, and went to bed on another.  But not all days.  So... being certain isn't a surety.  All good.

No, I didn't get a shower in.  Just... too tired.  And afraid, of redoing the patch.  Just... not yet.  Wow, just from thinking about it (?), I got as if a shock through it.  It doesn't want to be touched.  I don't want to touch it.  But... I will.  Probably when I wake, later in the day.

No, go ahead.

.

.

Tell me what you really think.

A bit of humor to start?  Sort of?  As... close as it gets?  *wink*

Not just a nap.

.

.

Had hoped.  It just...  I woke, several times.  Could not crawl out of bed.  I tried, pushed, pulled.  Just... no.  Even now, I'm not sure I am up.  I did want to feed Sassy.  She has been patient.  I try to do fair by her.

Dreaming of women, again.  But this time, the... proximity alarm would have gone off.  Wow.  Drowning in flowers?  Something like that.  I sucked my thumb later than most.  It... was a nervous tic thing.  I am guessing, this is that's replacement?  Well, not just nervous.  If in pain, when unsure, lots of things.  Sex... just replaced that roll.  And, yes, I'm in pain, still.

A good morning.

.

.

But it's over.  No great pain.  No struggles.  Haven't had a shower yet.  Medicine was taken.  Food was eaten.  Blood sugar is, was 182 fasting.  Not the best, but lower than the mid to lower-mid 200s.  The coffee trick is helping.  But, really, the breading is going to keep blood sugar elevated.  If too, pain will.  I can count on over 200, no matter what else, if I have so much pain I silently scream.  Yesterday, the day before.  Surprised they didn't hit into the 300s.  Or did they?

Two pieces of chicken, and two tablespoons of slaw, makes for a perfect meal.  Two to three times a day.  Just enough to kick healing into high gear, satisfy my simple hungers, and keep everything... moving.  I may add a gallon of milk, per week, for the next two weeks.

Dreams.

.

.

Women.  All night.  No, not sex.  Damnit!  But... just missed by >.< that much?  I slept with women all night.  Though, I have to admit, that wasn't bad either.  Such strange creatures.  Playful, painful, loving, angry, needy, disinterested, you never know if what is being presented is real, believed by her to be real, or a ploy.  We... ployed... all night.

Life can be so good, even when... you can't quite get what you are sure you want?

Sleeping awake.

.

.

I tried to push through.  To put something together, for another post.  Midnight?  I must have slept for hours, and hours.  Or... just... been a blink that side of awareness?  Not sure.

Dreaming of women.  Pretty much just... how most guys dream of them.  I even tried to avoid it.  When I suggest I am celibate, that's not... because I can't.  It's because I don't want to... be otherwise.  So, it perturbs me when I dream of their form, feel, scent, and such.  Annoying.  And... yet not.

Looking for tea.

.

.

Things in the basket, will be reviewed later.  Some things were just not right, too expensive, with carbs, or... with other problems.  Some things are a maybe.  Though, really, I'm in no rush.  I get, or used to get, a better tea catalogue.  I'll wait a while for it, and... if one doesn't arrive, go looking for the company.

Not... anything... exactly right.  I found hibiscus, in raw form, give or take.  It wouldn't make a good tea, with my wants, by itself.  But, in a reasonable oolong, or white tea?  It might really do well.  Not sure it would do well with black or green tea, really.  Though, with other aromatic florals and herbals?  Trying to avoid fruits, even flavoring.  That probably means it has sugars in it.

Better.

.

.

Just... on the other side.  Just on a smoother less painful track.  Still slightly fevered, mostly I think a remnant of the pain.  I'd like to take the wool socks off.  But I know, as soon as I do that, the wound will be attacked by the cold, and thrum and ache as if freshly hit, or opened, or such.  While... that is wonderful, for masochists?  I... just don't happen to be a masochist.  Nor sadist, just not to my taste.

I can suffer it, when needed, sometimes.  It... takes a few days, to get to it, to get over the last bit so as to move on to more.  But I... did get it unpacked, then at least covered, until I could finally clean and repack it.  I... was surprised I wimped out so harshly this time.  But the pain was just a bit beyond my ability to... work through.  Or... quickly.  I got through it.

Awake, in fever and pain.

.

.

The electric blanket was still on.  I thought it would help with the pain.  I think I simply aggravated the wound site too much, with immediate compression.  At some point, the thick wool sock on that foot had been taken off.  Though I can't remember if that happened right before waking or even if just shortly after falling asleep.  I do know I fell asleep in an expedited hurry.

I slept well, if not long?  It was after thirteen, but not even close to fourteen hundred, maybe a quarter after.  Up at, give or take seventeen to thirty after.

What a trip.

.

.

Time has just... gone.  Two, three hours?  I... just can't be sure.  The pain is still there.  But I can't feel it.  Wow.  So high.  It wasn't the painpills.  It's some natural agents blunting everything.  Unlike with narcotics, the natural stuff doesn't make me feel... hungover, out of sorts, just... numb... and a little groggy.

I think I'll try to go on to bed.  I had more food earlier, but couldn't eat now if I wanted.  Not nauseous still, or anything like that.  Not sure I'd remember to swallow the food.  Wow.  Nice.  should sleep well.  And dream well.  Women on my mind.  Fifteen years of celibacy, bad enough health I should have been down decades ago, and I still think about women?  Yeah.

God... made some of us... differently.  Goodnight.

Improving?

.

.

I went with it open, save the bandaging, for just a bit.  But the cold was making it ache.  Not... quite as bad, but ache, hurt, a lot.  So, thick wool socks on.  Helping?  Slowly.  Oh my word, that was absolute agony.  Now it's just simple agony?  I'm hoping the painpills do a bit more.

In either case, as soon as I think I can sleep, I'll go on up.  Probably turn the electric blanket on, just to give me a little extra warmth, right off the bat.

Silent screams.

.

.

The shower was easier than I thought.  Even washing the wounds.  No problems.  Binding the knee, cleaning the old wound with saline and sterile gauze, both went well.  Packing the old wound with the honey poultice and adding the packing bandage went really well.  I thought that part would hurt.

Now... putting compression socks back on?  Silent screams.  That was finished ten minutes ago, and it's still as if I poured some gas in, and lit it.  I... will give it more time to settle, next time.  But I did need compression.  My legs are bloating, and I'm adding a good deal of water weight again.  But... I... can let the bandage and honey goo settle a bit first, next time.  Oh my word.

Just couldn't sleep.

.

.

It's almost a quarter to seven.  Still not really quite ready for bed.  Keep hoping I can get that shower in, clean out the wound.  I have the real bandaging off, and got the honey poultice out.  And I have a smaller patch bandage on, for the moment.  But I really need to wash that out and redo that with the good stuff, the right bandaging, and such.  It just... hurts... a lot... to tinker with that.

I didn't nearly pass out messing with it.  Actually, I... really nearly did.  Why?  Not sure.  But it was harder, this time.  Maybe I wimped out, maybe this was different in some way, or... something else?  But... the hope is to get the shower in today, wash that out, and wash the other wounds.  Plus just clean up.  Then pack the wound back up.

More chicken.

.

.

Drumsticks, again.  But from a different deli, town.  These drumsticks are huge!  Must have been the biggest lesbian hens around.  Probably stole the supply from KFC?  Seriously, I have never seen drumsticks this big.

Now, to be honest?  I liked the skinnier ones.  Perhaps because one of the finest spices remained, no matter how much was eaten off the bone... hunger.  Yes, hunger is a spice.

Teacher gave me her imprimatur.

.

.

Eh, musical in form.  But... twice, recently.  I think she liked the output.

Oh?  Fine.  Here.

Sleep was very good.

.

.

I finally slept as I needed.  Longer?  I... just don't remember.  A few texts woke me, in the early afternoon.  But, okay.  I wouldn't have been awaken by them if I wasn't ready.  Something about more chicken.  Oh, that stuff is helping.  I'll tell you, even if it isn't perfect food, more if it is higher in protein, with some good fat... or even bad probably in this case, while healing it is absolutely a good thing.

That bruise has, I would say, gone to a third of what it was a week ago?  Or am I just... imagining it?  I... will find out when I go in.  They measured the thing, the first time they saw it.  And I would guess that was at, or nearly at, peak size.  As well, the 'flat tire' around my waist, from weight loss?  Was full of blood.  It looked like a storm, going over an equator.  Dark, lots of it, probably a six inch band, give or take depending.  All of that is gone.  Even the bruising on top of the bump is pretty much gone, mostly.

I knew that had a...

.

.

certain... ring to it?  Well, and some others popped.

I had to listen to it first.  Then, not only did it make sense, but all the followers songs and vids.  Right, right, I... get it.

Hungry, but...

.

.

Just can't get to things, not quite yet.  Food is coming, but not until tomorrow.  After frequent days of not eating, while trying to heal, it was getting complicated.  Oh, sure, I can make it.  For days, even weeks.  I did.  Until the brisket, then chicken, I had gone five or six days with nothing.  Well, fatted coffee, one a day.  Can't do too much of that without else.  It's just too much.

Then I remembered.  Brisket!  I had put a third, maybe a quarter, of what was brought, into the freezer.  I had chowed down the rest.  I had to thaw it, then warm it a bit more.  But it worked well.  I am amazed at how well that came out of the freezer.  One, probably pound, piece?  There are two more slices that thick, if I cut it.  Maybe in a bit.  Rich.  A bit... much, at the moment.  But it will cover me through the rest of today, and should I happen to have craving tomorrow.

I was wondering if that was real.

.

.

I ended up being awake very late.  Between the aches, pain, joint problems, and such?  I just couldn't get to sleep.  Or... not bed sleep.  Not even always chair sleep.  But... some... sort of sleep.  It was hard.  Couldn't be awake, couldn't actually sleep.  Some foggy strange place between, where dreams and reality mixed into some strange place.

I'll... review it.  If it looks too... too much, I'll pull it.  Or not.  It was just a dream, I think, if I can't remember what it was about.  Some... woman.  Oh... and some vids popped that... yeah.  Yes indeed.  Things I had forgotten.

What a dream.

.

.

I hadn't realized I had fallen asleep.  Down here, sitting in my chair.  How long was I asleep?  Dreams can be fast, but doesn't the body need to feel secure, in order to dream?  When I woke, I definitely didn't feel secure.  So... maybe not.

A woman.  A question.  I sort of liked her, in... that way.  Not really reciprocated.  No matter.  That is the way it usually is.  Though not always until it is too late, for her?  Odd how that can often work.

I'm not a believer.

.

.

Did our leaders know Pearl Harbor was going to be attacked, and allow it to happen?

For me, that isn't the question.  To me?  I am positive they knew, and allowed, and could have intervened.

My questions?  Were they right?  By warning Pearl Harbor commands, or allowing them to act on the warnings?  They would have let the Japanese know, or begin suspecting, we had cracked their codes.  Or... even more.  That we had moles in their government, possibly their Emperor himself, or those acting on his direct command, given protection.

Before going on to bed...

.

.

I decided to replace the glasses which were damaged in the accident.  I may be able to fix them.  But?  But, they were a lessor pair of glasses.  I wasn't sure, when they were ordered, if they would work.  Having had problems with progressive lenses before.

Now, in that order, I went with a larger size lens (though you can never tell, until they are in hand) and a medium weight lens.  Dropping to the lowest weight lenses added about a hundred dollars.  Which, I don't know about you, but... it's... a lot of money for me.

Maybe on back to bed.

.

.

I had hoped to get a shower in.  But I don't think so.  I am just not ready.  And... pains and aches and such are back.  Why?  I can't say.  It doesn't even make sense.  It is, really, as good a day as I have had in a while.  I have been being careful... when getting up, when feeding Sassy, and doing other things.

I have been keeping efforts to a reasonable minimum.  Only doing a new task once every half hour to hour.  Sitting up, staying covered and warm.  Doing everything I can to make life easier.  It just doesn't matter.

Sleep helped.

.

.

A reset, to how I felt before tinkering with the bandage.  A bite to eat, coffee, water, to restart the day... into midafternoon.  Things still ache.  And most of what hurt before.  But all at a low rumble, and often all can be ignored.  Just noticed when something gets bumped, jostled, or flares up a bit.

A shower, sometime later?  I hope so.  But I'm not in a hurry.  Coffee, through the next hour or two.

I had been feeling better?

.

.

The aches, joints, and things, had all gotten down to a low roar.  I could mostly ignore them.  Good enough to get up, I thought.  I figured if I snuck downstairs, and just... had some coffee, relaxed, read, listened, I'd... find a nice little piece of morning.

Things were going swimmingly.  I took my time getting up.  Noooo need to rush, and bumble, bump, or twist something.  Slow and easy.  Nice.  Ah... I made it up onto my bench perch.  Found my underlayers.  Decided to bandage the knee, looks like I lost that during the night.  Slow and easy.

Good, but tired.

.

.

There are still a few aches, pains, and such.  All rather mild.  The thing is, I am cold, and tired... sleepy.

I fed Sassy.  Wanted to stay awake, to feed her again, but I don't think I'll make it.  I'll sleep, as long as is needed, then feed her when I wake again.

Some things they use...

.

.

Some things docs suggest I use.  Some things not so much.  One thing I have really liked is the stuff they use to clean the skin before putting down bandaging... of several sorts.  No alcohol.  But, apparently it doesn't induce infection, might prevent it?  Dunno.  Just know it works really well.

I went looking, today.  Had to go find one.  They included a few for my wound care.  On the bigger, older, wound.  I just want some more.  Not only does it seem to help the bandage stick, keep infection out, but it makes removing the bandaging a lot easier.

One of those mornings.

.

.

Things hurt, but not too terribly.  Tired?  Groggy?  Foggy of mind?  Yes, that is the bigger difficulty.

I woke at about 11:30.  Sassy jumped on my midsection.  I caught her.  She thought she was in trouble, and could have, should have been?  That's the first time she's been such a little shit in a very long time.

Better.

.

.

Honestly, I think the acetaminophen is what is helping.  I wouldn't have thought, by the instructions and indications, it would do anything.  Having given up on the other otc stuff, I didn't have much choice.  Or... not here at home.

Oh, it's not perfect.  Just better.  And, with some things, a lot better.  The elbow twist and funny bone thing?  The forward, frontal, shoulder joints?  All very much better.  The knee is still rough, both the twist and the wounds.  The ankle is still a bit tight, but not as bad as it has been.  The ribs?  Getting worse as other things get better.  I think pain is triaged.  If something(s) get better, enough better, an old wound or hurt may step back in to claim it's spot.

All of my bandages.

.

.

They all arrived, as with some home necessities.  I have a year, or two, of tp.  But when I see a good price, as I am finishing off a pack, I order.  Same with garbage bags, little or big.  I need more big, but just got a pack last month.  Oh... I check local prices.  What cost me $14 would have cast me $20 locally.  Sometimes it's cheaper, and I will buy locally if so, or if need exceeds savings.  Surprisingly, the blood sugar test strips arrived.  Glad to have those.  Will... start testing, again, Monday or Tuesday.

The bandages are very nice.  I have plenty of 6"x6" island bandages.  But don't need them that big.  Initially, those just fit my double wound sites on my wrist and knee.  Now I just need, say, possibly, 3"x3" or 4"x4", or even maybe a 2"x1" block, for the three wounds that remain.  And I am hoping they stay on better.

Oh, still rough.

.

.

Not as bad as last night, for now.  Not exactly ready to go play soccer or such, either.  Why it hurts so bad lately, I can't say.  Wet, cool, weather has moved in.  Maybe that makes things worse?  My mother said, for her, she knows when it is coming in for the pain she feels from it.  I've not had that problem, but then, I haven't had so many healing processes on mend at once.

I haven't broken a bone, as well, I don't think I have twisted legs are arms all that bad.  Maybe a really light sprain, from time to time.  Limping around, a bit, for months.  Whatever the case, this is miserable.  And hurts in so many places at once.  I can only imagine those folk who get ripped up really badly, tossed around even more, break this and that and the other bone.  This... is quite enough.  I'll admit that.

I'll try again.

.

.

Everything that could hurt, did, has been... all night.  And each in every way possible.  The wounds... hurt as open sores, as bruises, and other things.  The twisted joints hurt as such, as bruises, as swollen places, and every movement has been agony.  Tonight is a special sort of hurt.

If this is some sort of price, I pay it gladly.  If it will help, directly, or through sympathy or empathy, with those in purgatory?  All good.  I... don't mind.  It's just that I haven't been able to sleep for it all.  Painpills have done absolutely nothing.  Which... is fine.

Ignored?

.

.

Not so much.  I sent a text earlier.  Heard nothing back.  It got later, and later, and... I realized my phone was on airplane mode.  So I turned it off.

I'm not sure how these things work, and they seem to change from time to time.  This time, the text self-started, sent itself.  So I ended up chatting, off and on, for several hours.

Bedtime?

.

.

I can hope.  Fevered?  Chilled?  Both?  I... just can't say.  Though it feels like both.

And... everything has hurt everywhere, for most of this afternoon.

Pain.

.

.

Aches, wounds, sore areas, upset internals, nausea, and so much more.  New pains?  Sure, I didn't break anything.  But I really did hurt myself.  The last of the pains are coming out?  Or... hopefully.  Then again, the wrist was what I thought would be the last new thing.  It's... just not.

My shoulders.  The front roll to them?  These started hurting this morning.  I didn't realize what it was at first, only that something new was hurting.  So... I... just rolled with it, until I could label it, understand it.  If you have ever done forward rolls of your shoulder joints?  I did, some sort of weight lifting, trying for specific strengths, long and long ago.  Well, it feels like I was doing the exercise to work those, but way overdid it.

Everything that has hurt, is hurting.  Things that I didn't know would hurt are hurting.  Organs, g.i. upswet as if something wasn't righ that way.  Headache, wounds, bone and joing hurts.

Still, all good.  I don't mind.  I just wish I could sleep.  Hmm... may try.

I didn't make an early meeting, but made a later one.  Even got a shower in.  Which... hurt... then helped.  Then... hurt.

I am healing.  The wound on my wrist is an eighth it's original size.  It is a quarter the size of the other one, that used to be there.  The one that is healed now.  The smaller one on my knee is half that size, which had been similar to the one that healed on my hand.  The knee wound, over the bruise, is... getting slightly better, perhaps two thirds it's original size?

That's a lot of very serious, very solid, healing.  But healing hurts.  So does not healing though too.  :p  Oh my word, people.  Doing my best.  But it sure hurts.  I'll... try to get some sleep, shortly.  I won't be getting to church.

Fever?  I'm not sure.  chills?  Maybe.  Odd how I can get both of those at once.  They want me to call in, if I get those.  I'm just not sure.  If... it seems so, Monday, I'll... see.  It could be sepsis, or just upset from all the juggling of organs?

Still, I thank God for building me well enough to take what the world has thrown at me, so far.  From here on in, it isn't important.  Now that I have found, and kneeled, I do not worry about much else.  Though, if He wishes me to live as a witness?  That will happen too.  I don't mind.  Good day, evening, goodnight.  Or later.  Not sure I can quite sleep yet.

A bit late, a bit sore, but good?

.

.

I had an appointment this morning.  I doubted I would make it, but I wanted to call in.  Was only informed, reminded, too late yesterday afternoon for me to cancel.  I should have had it in my calendar.  But I'm... pushing so hard, in so many directings, that things just go off the rails sometimes.  I... can't keep up on everything.

More done this month than I usually do in five months.  Appointments, wound care here at home, managing this and that, while trying to take care of Sassy, my own food and cleanliness, and... else.  I'm absolutely battered.  I don't mind being battered, but it sure makes me move slower.  Not my preferrence, but... it's not horrible.

Sometimes you just have to give in.

.

.

Not outright quitting, maybe.  But, there are limits.  I needed food.  couldn't cook, let alone clean in order to cook.  So, fast food it was.  My body needed food.  There isn't another way around it.  So... yes, food.  Ugly, bad, food.  But it's... all pretty bad?

While out, I filled the tank.  It's $4.18 for what I use.  And she was low.  Oh well.

A better morning?

.

.

Well, afternoon.  I couldn't wake until 15:30.  Everything was a bit off after yesterday.  Two doctor appointments, wound cleaning, dealing with... other news.  Well, and into town twice, while everything sort of hurt.  Yesterday ate it out of me.  Fair enough.  And, at least I kept up with things.

Plus, it hurt all day through the rest of the day.  Some of it was fluid retention.  Which really makes the old wound hurt.  To be honest, it makes all the wounds... roadrash, old open wound, ankle, knee, wrist, elbow, and some other things, hurt.  Something about having extra fluid just... isn't a nice thing.

I keep hoping for some improvement.

.

.

A bit of an upset stomach.  With cream back on the menu, I'd like to make coffee.  Milk was hard on my system, hit like a speeding truck... in a number of ways.  Was acidic?  Or... just... didn't sit well with my whole digestive processes.  As well, sort of made me carb-drunk.  Almost literally like being inebriated?  Strange, but it sure seemed like it.  There were other things that just went wrong because of drinking milk.  Not again.

Cream just doesn't do that.

I swear.

.

.

Sometimes I almost think they listen.

What it all means?  I... don't know.  I just notice the dots.

Awake already.

.

.

Mostly due to pain, suffering.  I went down around 19:00?  Within an half hour either way of that.  Went down pretty quickly.  Didn't put on new bandages, but did take off the old, save for the old wound that is packed more... professionally.  Just left the new wounds open, mostly because I was too tired to wrestle new bandaging on.

No compression, either.  I just couldn't fight my way into that.  So tired, sore, ill, off, and such.  No, I just...  I even only took the bandaging off because it was mostly off already, and I would be tangling with it all night if I didn't.  I was just hoping I didn't bump one or all three... four almost... all through the night, every time I rolled, turned, or such.

So very tired.

.

.

The wound clean out pretty much took my legs out this morning.  And, I hadn't slept well, or long, last night.  Thankfully the second appointment was just about... talking.  Talking may not always be great?  But it doesn't hurt, like digging tissue out of a wound does.

Oh, I get it.  I still don't like it.  But, I get it.  It does, or will, or may, help heal the thing.  Lord knows, I have tried my way for eight to fourteen months.  Ten to sixteen now?  No progress.  And, if their hardware and software are to be believed, than it has improved... if marginally.  Of course, that is beside four other wounds, in various processes of healing.  With one completely healed.

Mortal Combat

.

.

Fight!

Why do I feel so awful?

.

.

Upset stomach, nausea, a bit of dizziness, just off kilter in a lot of ways.  Couldn't shower before the appointment, got to it since.  Thought that would help.  Not really, not so much.  I bandanged my wounds, the ones left to my care.  Thought that would ease some things.  No, not... so much that either.

But, dressed again, bandaged, medicine in... though did that much earlier.  Don't know what else I can do.  More coffee definitely is not the thing.  Ah... but I have been using milk, instead of cream.  They were out.  Didn't have much choice.  And, yes, I think that is hammering me.  Like an alcoholic, off the bottle for many years, thinking he can drink a few beers.  Nope, no I can't.  Ugh.  I'll see if I can get cream later today?  Soon.  Ugh.

Oh, ouch!

.

.

My next appointment, wound care.  The... improvements... on the roadrash?  Beyond... what they expected.  The... expressions, and looks, from one to the other.  They were... impressed.  Doc cut me loose on those.  Said whatever I am doing?  Keep doing it.  The... thing is... for the most part?  I... wasn't doing anything.  Couldn't even keep the bandages on.

That's the good part.  The old wound, though?  Well, it did improve.  They suggest a five percent improvement.  Which... from the sound of things?  Is... what they were optimistically hoping for?  Odd, but... okay.  So a 100% healing of one of my roadrash wounds probably was... impressive.  And a 54% improvement on another.  One of them only had some improvement, and a fourth had probably a 20% to 30% improvement.  Given the givens, they are doing well.

Rough night.

.

.

Well, part of it.  I woke up around two?  Every single thing that has been turned, twisted, cut, ripped, torn, or otherwise ill treated woke up and cried out, all at once.  I... wanted to cry.  I just... usually... can't.  Last night was no different.  I simply could not cry.  I could only ache, rock myself, and wait for it all to pass.

It did, after some time.  Mostly.  But I ached the rest of the night, sort of by groups.  Milder, but... some thing(s) hurt all through the rest of the night.  All good.  Healing process?  Who knows.

Better?

.

.

For some strange reason, it all got better.  All of it.  Not perfect.  But nothing noticeable hurts, unless I think about it or twist, bump, use something.  Even then, it was so mild that I had to think about it to notice... consciously check to see if there was still pain there.

Of course, that is... probably... about to change.  I have to change the bandages.  On the roadrash bites.  Oh, and I will be taking compression off.  Which... hurts and helps.  I won't be putting compression on for the night, this night.  Every other night?  Something like that, and based on needs/wants.  If the feet are swelling, or swell by the morning, then I will... more often than not.  Hmm, I ougth to see if there are compression bandages, like what the dock had.  Those are... better... for quick, short, usuage.  Socks are much more difficult to get on and off, especially through the night.  And are, or are usually, a lot hotter to wear.  I'd... like to have some of those bandages.  Plus, you can cut them to length.  A roll of those would last... a year?  More.  Maybe.  Especially if they are washable.

Anyway... it's about bedtime.  So... goodnight.

Better and worse.

.

.

Two showers in a row always feels good.  Stripping bandaging off twice in a row, and realizing it will be a twice daily thing?  Never going to feel good.  The wounds hurt.  Not as bad as the first time.  Still, enough.  Both the wounds, as open sores.  And the damage as sorts of bruises.

As well, the elbow, knee, and ankle all feel rough.  The shower was good, but that heat is gone.  It's a cool wetter type of day, at 42 to 44 out there, pretty much through the whole of the day I was aware to notice.  That sounds like it would be nice, but it feels... moistly cool to cold.

Terribly wonderful.

.

.

It's... getting from point A to point B that hurts.  In my current case.  Ripping the bandages off... it hurts.  Getting to the shower can be a grumbling process.

I got on the scale.  Nothing, of course, would be different.  It has been 233 the last two times I have weighed in, since the accident.  Why would that change?  But... it did.  I am 226.4.  While not by much, a pound, that is... still the least I have weighed since... about the time I joined the Navy.  So... that was good.

Bandages ordered.

.

.

Several sizes, to tinker with.  Various forms of padding, for under.  And plenty, with what was already ordered.  Should last for two to three months, at the current rate of wound care, if that... shouldn't continue for that long?  But... that leaves room for extra.  Plus, with the change in how I am paying for things, managing that new way.

As well, I looked over the type of socks that have helped me.  I have tried some number of knee high compression socks.  There is a brand that is the absolute best.  But it costs a fortune.  There is another sort, that is just as good, but doesn't last quite as long.  Two thirds the life at a third the price?  Okay... that is what I use as my daily drivers, when going knee high.  And, there was a brand which was similar.  But... for me... they were just a tad too small.  I... almost cried over that.  So very much cheaper, similar in quality to my daily drivers, a quarter of THEIR price.  Ugh.  Cheap will only go so far.  Sent those on.  Hope that helps.  Real world trials, from someone who spends, but tries... to save a buck when possible.

Want to find out if your brother is awake?

.

.

Especially if he lives half the nation away?

I did.  So... I texted him.  Let him know I'd be there in half an hour or so.  So to be ready.  "What!"  April fools day!  The old boy almost lost his health.  *grins*

Worse, better, odd.

.

.

I was so cold.  I put on four layers of bottoms, three layers on top, plus shoes and a wool beanie.  One of the tops was an electric vest.  And, it was turned on.  It took two hours, but I finally warmed up.  Too hot then.  But too hot, in the winter, or early spring, is an easy fix.  Cold... took some work.

Then I was getting a call.  My phone was two layers in, and a bear to get to.  Wasn't sure... where it was, or how to get to it.  Made it, in time.  My mother called.  I no longer call her.  She... may or may not answer.  Usually not.  If she wants to talk, she can try to call.  I... just... don't call that way.  Nothing personal.  It seems how she wants it.

Very strange.

.

.

My left arm is twisted, hard, from the wrist the elbow.  It is aching, thrumming with pain.  Not sure what I did, when, how.  Was it a from the motorcycle accident.  It wasn't noticeable until now.  Now it hurts like the dickens.

The rest of the pains are still there, but slightly milder.  A bit of nausea, from the pains.  I almost wish I could throw up, I think that would be better.  But nothing is coming.  Just... that feeling, like seasickness.  Fairly strong.  A headache too.  And my whole left leg feels rough.  I had hoped a shower would settle that a bit.  Not the wounds, those still hurt, but differently.  This is like the twist of the arm, if not quite as bad?

OUCH.

.

.

At least I wasn't fearing what turned out to be nothing.  Just pulling the bandages hurt.  A lot.  Then showering, and washing the wounds?  Yes, very much that hurt.  Then I got back upstairs, and was looking at the instructions.  Debriding the main, old, wound... with gauze and saline.

I... really didn't want to do that.  The little boy in me said we didn't have to, if we didn't want to.  The man agreed with me, but remembered that the wound has been open going on, or over, a year.  So... we got busy.

I finally...

.

.

Clipped my toenails.  No, it's not much.  No, I am not ready to pull the bandages, shower, debride the wounds, and replace the bandaging.  I know.  I'm... late, more late on some than others.  But... it's a start.

I realized, while clipping the toenails, that I had been even avoiding that.  There is something about working with tools that can rip and tear... even cut a toe off if it could get around it, while having wounds.  Some... transference, fear of more wounds, from the process... tools.  I didn't realize the fear until I pulled the tools out and started to work.

Brisket.

.

.

Slowly smoked all day.  Wow.  That was... is... good.  I haven't eaten all my portion.  No way I could.

And, while he was at it, he smoked the salt.  Has a nice color.  I'll store that, adding it to occasional special dishes.  Though, next time he smokes something long, I may see if he will put some of it back in.  Just... seeing how far it can go.  An experiment.  Not at all unhappy with what is there, just... curious at this point.

Everything is just sort of not doing well.

.

.

Not quite a fever, but a bit of discomfort in that area.  The wounds are all letting me know they are damaged, and want... something.  A few painpills... it's been a while since I've used them.  I... keep thinking about them.  Then I forget.  Which... is fine.  they don't always help.  Okay.

I'm sweating, in a different way, as I get ready for a shower.  And... all else that goes with that.  Stripping the bandages off, washing the wounds, some more raw than others.  Rebandaging.  Drying off.  Compression socks.  It won't be fun.  And... nausea has arrived.  Not sure if it is the anticipation... if I am usually not that way.  If never completely immune.  Or just from the licks and pokes of pains and hurts and aches here and there.  Meh.  Bleh.

Finally up at noon thirty.

.

.

Sassy was fed first thing.  Had to find a specific group of cat food types.  She has had pate for so long.  I purchased a few other options.  Yes, it... probably helps.  She does prefer pate, but I could tell that she was getting... bored... of it?  Something.  With help with boxes, I was able to find the varieties which I had bought but which had gone missing.  Thank you.

Still pretty rough.  A shower soon.  Something I dread.  Why?  Those wounds have to be cleaned.  And the bandages remaining have to come off.  Which is going to be the worst I don't know.  And... maybe they won't be all that bad.  Or... they will, and both of them.  Then I have to bandage them again.  None of that is painless.  And, when bandaged and set, they will all hurt again.  They just do.  But... it... has to be done.  Should have done some of the bandage changes much sooner.  And the main one was due yesterday.  I just... got lost on the way.

Ugh.

.

.

Rough.  Too rough.  Back to bed for a bit.  Sassy got fed.  I'll feed her again.  Set the alarm for a few hours.  Then just crash.  Feed Sassy then.  And, if more sleep is still needed, back into the covers.  It's... so dark, cold, wet.  I just can't push through.

But that isn't always bad.  For an old, mostly dead, guy, this... really isn't bad.  I've definitely had worse.  I'm just sleepy.  But... it's a wonderful day for sleep.  I... can't knock that.

A new month, start.

.

.

Smaller order(s), and going forward.  Including a few things for the house.  A few new pillows, it's time.  A few bandages, of various sizes, in the type they used.  I have some, but would like to find some smaller, more fitting sizes, for the various wound sites.  Things like that.  Under two hundred, a fifty spot under, before taxes or so.

Changing how things are paid.  Their card is paid, won't be used again.  Putting it all on once card, which can be watched.  After the items arrive, the card will be taken off the account.  Whether it is they, or myself, which can't be trusted?  Both, perhaps?  Then watching.  All accounts.  Whether plugged in, when plugged in, when not.

Oh?

.

.

Something brought something to mind.  A... while ago.  Yesterday, earlier today, a week ago?  Whatever.  It sort of came together.  I didn't have an ending to it, until I did.  So... here.

Yeah... If it's not about one thing, it's about another.  Or... for some of us?

Plans, ideas, things...

.

.

Still haven't taken a shower, but the shower is open for it.  Blood sugar has been staying high, in spite of, mostly, not eating.  So, last night, I... made beans and burger.  I needed something I was more sure I could eat, and something easy.  Burger just... doesn't taste good anymore.  But with beans, some sour cream, and cheese?

I'm changing cheese.  If I bother eating cheese, it will be European.  American cheese, 90%, uses a genetically modified rennet.  It is cheaper, not animal based, some sort of sludge.  And... get this... it's made by Pfizer.  So... yeah.  If it isn't bad for you, it is toxic.  Saying, if it isn't unhealthy, then it's made not to be?  Something.  If it's considered safe, it hasn't even been tested.  Something... to think about.  And... labeling?  Good luck with that.

You know you are making good plans?

.

.

Oh, a few things medical.  Leg, knee, ankle, and foot, the bad ones, are doing better.  As I went to check things, in prep for a shower, and then rebandaging, I realized what is helping.  Compression.  They put compression bandaging on the whole leg, similar to what I wear, when I use compression socks and such.

But... I realized, when taking that off, that is why things are better.  So, after showering and bandaging freshly the wounds, I will be... once fully dry, be putting compression socks on.  Though I have lost so much weight.  Yes, I have wrinkles even on my legs, from the hip into the inner thigh... elephant wrinkles.  But, that's... good... or whatever.

Just... stop being fat?

.

.

Right?  Just... stop.

I have lost ninety pounds this year, in eight months really, and as much as... at least? 288-227... ~60 pounds... since Thanksgiving day... actually I started about the week before, and I didn't maintain it for that meal.

So, I know people can lose weight.  A lot of it.  And... relatively quickly.

Very good?

.

.

Toward the end of the month, I'm trying to get my money, bills, past and coming, ordered.  I checked my accounts.  There was enough to cover one final bill on one final expense.  I will check, again, next month.  But will be letting them go.  They are being terrible about allowing me to check my account.  So... I'll let them lend to someone else.  Weaponized financing will eventually eat the lender.  One way or the other.

As well, I wanted to see how much cash I had.  I order dairy, and the front of the month.  And, put money down to make sure I don't burden those who get it for me.  I have usually been getting a hundred, to keep me on track, to go on or near the first Saturday.

A bit better over better.

.

.

Every pain has eased off the throttle just a bit.  Everything that hurt, still hurts.  Just not as much.  From 2500 down to 2200 revs?  Something.  Still screaming, just not deafeningly so.  It wasn't redlining, to start.  But was growling well.  Now it's just... shouting a bit.

Hungry.  But I can't figure food out.  That would require dishes, and cooking, and... such.  I had fattened coffee earlier.  That's been food for a few days, which is why I have been cheating when going to town.  A burrito last time, with rice and beans, and of course a tortilla wrap.  I... need food, want food, just can't... quite get to it.

Better.

.

.

And worse?  Strangely, I think so.  A headache, and other aches.  But the type you get when the body is healing.  Too old to heal well, or quickly.  And I did some solid damage to my body.  In a number of different ways.

The healing pain is good, but is more intense.  So, yes, worse.  But that the body is healing is good.  As well, I was able to get up and down the stairs easier today, and last night.  Getting out of bed was easier today, also.  I wouldn't call it a fun thing, but it was just easier.  I was even able to use my currently bum knee to help.  I haven't been able to bear any weight on that until today.

Strange dreams.

.

.

In the first one, Life had returned to hunting, some farming, and trading baubles.  Buts of metal to tufts of good materials.  In the right hands, enough of these could be turned into something.  But, until that point, a patch of wool or cotton, or 'button' of copper, would do as currency.  For the littler things, usually.  An old cast iron engine... now that was some serious "money".

No doctors, no medicine.  A few traveling healers, herbalists.

Some days...

.

.

Some days...

Way long.

.

.

The alarms... they were reset to four and six.  They just couldn't wake me up, even with a string of snoozes.  I almost woke up at eight, just couldn't do it.  My body is exhausted from the healing going on.  Finally, at around ten thirty, with some begging from Sassy, I was able to get up.

Actually, I think she was having a dream.  Her dream woke her, and that woke me.  Along with some of my own dreams.  Groups of young me looking machines, or cyborgs, were attacking.  In groups of twenty.  And I was  eliminating them.  Fairly easily.  In the end, there was a large group of them, a horde of them.

Right?

.

.

Not... today, or tomorrow.  But soon.  I was too tired, when trying to do this.  Something was just off.  Won't try it then.  I have to be able to have my head in the game, fully.  But, I can begin planning, thinking, considering.

Here are a couple of vids.  I probably have watched these, or ones like them.  Just not recently enough.  Was so excited to be going out, that I... left go of my senses.  Hey, it happens.  Could have been worse, if I'm still not sure I can quite label it "lucky".

I wanted to feed Sassy.

.

.

That and I just... hurt.  Wanted to sit up, catch my breath, reset and sort life and things.  Getting up is a task.  And, yet... I'll do it.  Sassy has been very good to me, patient.  She has been resting with me, and not being too fussy.  So I have really tried to make sure she gets enough food, and other care.

She is taking care of me.  Not pushing for me to wake, or rolling and coming and going.  It's good to try to do as much as I can, when I can.  Then, when I can't, she knows I do my best.  What comes around really does go around.  But it shouldn't be quid pro quo, more just... we do our best when we can, as we can.

Lucky?

.

.

I keep hearing that.  And, I keep thinking someone doesn't understand "lucky".  Now, maybe that is me.  I mean, it could have been worse, far worse.  And, yes, sure, I'll recover, probably, in a week or four.  Probably through the worst of it?  Probably.  But... having to go through a couple to six weeks of recovery just doesn't sound lucky to me.

Oh, well, sure.  No gear.  So, given the givens.  But... when does luck talk about givens?  All I am saying is, when I hear doctors, nurses, and others who have been in accidents, say "lucky".  Especially with the looks in their eyes sometimes?  I'm thinking... if I was truly lucky, it would have been faster, and I would have had no wounds.

A tough day.

.

.

I had hoped to get  another shower, this morning, before going in.  I was in such bad shape, that it just wasn't possible.  Worse, I needed to take a bm.  I just... cleaned as well as I could, after.  No way was I going to get a shower.  Everything hurt, and more than usual.  Just... difficult.

 I made it in.  Had to find the number, then call.  Couldn't remember where they were.  At least I was at the right hospital, and early.

Ouch.

.

.

I had hoped a shower would... improve the pains.  No, not at all.  Now, everything that sort of stung, burned, or hurt in other ways, from the accident and with the open wound, are all worse.  Fine.  Even so, I'll shower again this morning.

Ah, and... I found more wounds.  Wounds?  Bruises and minor cuts, on the back of my head.  Yea, I... tumbled.  Those, okay?  Those felt worse on the finding but feel better now.

Later than planned?

.

.

Still, not too bad.  I could have gotten up at four, with that alarm, but I simply wanted more sleep.  At that point I didn't need more.  But, being in the healing process, and that I could sleep more, I went on back to sleep.  I was hoping the six alarm would be cake.  And it was, to shut off.

I snoozed it right out of time.  Waking at seven, though, twenty minutes after the last snooze.  Sort of surprised I did wake that early, given how hard waking was proving to be for nearly the hour up to it.

Been thinking.

.

.

The bike, and myself, front over front.  I rolled... forward... three times.  He said I looked like a kid having a tantrum.  I... was infamous for that, as a toddler.  Or... so I have been told.  It fits.

The bike?  I don't know.  I'll ask more.  Thirty miles an hour?  Hmm.  I had imagined that I would have been flicked, sideways.  He says no.  I'm not sure.  Thirty is pretty slow for a bike and bigger rider to tumble?  The only thing I sort of think I might remember was feeling that the throttle was stuck, and that I wanted to find the breaks... front.  I felt stuck, trapped.

Warmth is good.

.

.

Just a few degrees warmer, but it makes a world of difference.  This, normally, would be nearing hot weather, for me.  When it goes from the mid 50s to the mid 60s, upstairs, I often suffer.  Just that much warmer and I just suffer.  Until I get used to it.  Then get used to the low to mid 70s.

But, with the body doing a lot of healing, the blood just isn't warming the body as it would normally.  Well, and lower blood sugar, lower bp, the works.  Now, blood sugar did get a huger jump, because I couldn't cook for a few days, so was eating fast food.

So cold!

.

.

If I must be cold, I'd rather be cold when awake.  While trying to sleep, the cold can be much more brutal.  It is more difficult to react to it, handle it.  I'll be turning the furnace up shortly.  Did that while checking the out of doors.  Ah... 33, with snow/ice down on fringe areas, and it definitely rained, perhaps snowed lightly.  While it reads 33, it feels more like it is freezing out there.

Now I know... several things.  I turned the furnace to 75.  And, I'll be in the warmer part of the house while gaming.  This front room is colder in the winter, hotter in the summer.

Sleep was pretty good.

.

.

Not too hot, not cold, Turning, often, but without that being a problem.  Dreamed I was recruited, as potential, for a college football team?  But, when I was younger.  I wouldn't do some things, even so, was doing well.  Strange, because I wouldn't have gone out for sports even if I had gone on to college.  And, yes, I was all conference, or would have been if I was college bound.  They changed it to someone else, to help with their career.  I... didn't have much respect for athletics, even then.  Less so now.

The knee hurts a lot, as does the ankle.  But more from bruising than the twisting?  Even so, these are fading into less pain, all together, and by parts.  I'm just old.  That doesn't help.