Okay, learning.

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It was around 16:30~17:30 when I needed to hit the air, for real.  Before then it had been on a higher temp, and on energy saver, from earlier midafternoon.  It stayed around 72 in the main, but this front room is up to 79/81 near the machine?  It doesn't feel like it.  And, is pleasant, after too much time in the cool?  Odd, but I'll take it.

Upstairs is 79.  I just started the ac up there.  Hoping to be to bed in an hour or two.  Should be cool enough by then.  And, anyway, will turn off the ac and open the windows...  Some of them.  Should be just fine.

As well, outside it just hit 66.  So I have opened everything up and turned off the ac.  Even while the pork roast and chicken finishes.  That should work out just fine.  Life is pleasant.  I am getting better.

To bed, earlier?

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Ah, but I want to cook food.  Hungry?  No, but... need food.  Should eat.  Pork roast, and chicken, to see me through several days.  Drumsticks.  I'll need to brine the chicken.  That... really helps, with chicken being questionable these days.  Brining really helps.  No, I have been using fresh chicken.  Right from the store, never thawed (by me) until I go to use it.  

I suppose I could get the pork roast baking, first off.  Then, put the chicken in with it, after it has brined, then been dried and spiced.  The place will smell divine!  And, I could shower after the finishing the chicken, and getting it in.  Should work well enough.

I wrote a post, and meant to send it out, but that just didn't happen.  The gist of it, was that I was having to practice with when, and how much, to use the ac.  The ac hasn't been on, upstairs, at all.  I'll turn it on a few hours before bedtime.  Then maybe shut if off when I go up... if it is cool enough outside.

Why does it hurt so much?

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Torso, mostly.  Breathing is good.  Heart is a bit tired/sore.  But the torso, inner parts, are sore, as if I got bucked off a horse and fell wrong.  Yes, I know that that feels like.  Rough riding broke horses for a few years, I learned.  Or a fistfight, against several guys.  Win, lose, or draw, it'll hurt.  But, yes, that is the problem today.

May take a few days to get better, or week.  From whatever ails me.

It is 85 outside.  But a nice day, now that the house is staying better.  I only have three fans going, and the front door still open just a crack.  The upstairs is all shut off.  All the windows downstairs too.  And, it is 72/73 down here.  Nice, really.  I figure, before long, I'll have to turn the ac on.  So be it.

I reset the kefir.  Since I hadn't been changing it frequently, the grains needed washed.  And washed they were.  R.O. water, three or four times.  Then, three or four rinses of a cup or two of milk.   Finally, when I was satisfied with their look and feel, and the jars were clean and ready, I set them up.  With it always being pretty much over 70, it should ferment more quickly... in a day, two at worst.

I need to get back on kefir.  The heat was murdering me.  I couldn't focus.  It wasn't just kefir which stopped being consumed, and attended.  I haven't eaten a real meal in a... while.  I didn't even see the heat getting to me until... the ac went in?  It was probably a week where I wasn't aware of much.  Brutal.

A good day, though.  Still suffering, but my eyes aren't as dilated, fluid is draining naturally, my heart, lungs, and other organs aren't being crushed under the oppressive heat.  Still surprised, some days, that I am still alive.  No problems.  It is what it is, and I'll take it.  Enjoying even the pain, as I may.  Have uses for it.

Coffee, medicine, a shower?  Then checking on laundry?  Gaming?

Hmm, gaming.  The new controller is... problematic.  It takes a lot more pressure to push the buttons, pull the triggers, and look/move around.  If they keep up with they, they may end up with a lawsuit... a bunch of people with messed up tendons.  There was a time when secretaries were suing for this.  I think they figured out how to make that not happen.  Which... makes me suspect they are damaging people on purpose.  They know what they are doing.

Beside spying on us, for our government, through games and else, Japan has become as much a stooge for the American government, and against it's own base, as to be a danger.  Yes, we know, Sony.  You most likely will pay.  Won't have to do much, just change our government to one which won't help you against China.  Be careful which side you choose to be on.  It could cost you dearly.

Up at eight thirty?

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I think so.  Have been trying to crawl out since six.  Just... couldn't.  Even now was difficult.  It was 72/73 upstairs, 68/69 down stairs, and 66 outside.  Nothing on but two fans.  Everything remains open, so as to keep fresh air coming in, until it warms up.  As soon as I see that it has hit 70, outside, I close it up.  It warms so fast, though.  Often it is already to the mid 70s or low 80s these days.  An hour is a long time in deeper summer.

Not sure what it got down to last night, but I would guess at least to the high 50s.  Maybe the low 50s?  Can't trust the weather stations, they are usually wrong my from five to fifteen degrees.  Being summer, expect them to lie high.  I am yet to see them lie low.  I suppose when the government wants two plus two to equal three, they will go low?

I did pull meat out to thaw.  And, with ac, wouldn't mind baking some food.  chicken, a pork roast, and... something else.  No steaks this time, or burger.  But I do need more burger.  Then next time I see it on sale, I'll order a bunch.  It is such good, easy, food.  Now, with a griddle, an actual burger, triple patty, is easy.  Though, that also makes cooking a mess of beef crumble to store for the week an breeze, too.  I love that thing.  And so much easier to clean, keep clean, keep oiled, and work with.  Nice.  And, it cooks much faster than the stove.

So very much better.

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Almost forgetting to take medicine.  I think the heat was becoming a compounding portion of the health problem.  Still, want to take medicine for a while.  A few weeks.  If needed, longer.  If not... let it go until or unless it becomes a problem again.  I will run out.  But... such is life.

A few more days and I am hoping to begin doing some real work.  Enjoying life, again, for the first time in a while.  So surprised how that hard of a life sneaks up on me.  I think I'm fine, only to realize I am choking on life.  Brutality.  This helps explain, to me, why people in warmer climates are so dangerous.  And those without a means to controlling the climate in which they live.  It's not all of it, but it is a portion of it.

Why am I not dangerous?  I'm nearly dead.  Not much to put out, in that way.  Though, if something crawled into my abode, and I'm in that kind of shape, who... knows what might happen.  But, I don't, can't, go looking for it.  And, besides, after finding God, things aren't the same.  Yes, it... does make a difference.

Still a bit bruised, around the ribs and torso.  Don't really get that.  I think from gaining, then losing, then gaining, water... I ran into some internal issues.  Most likely.  Still, better.  A few more days and I may be back to normal.  For... whatever that means.

It's bedtime.  Time to sleep.  Should rest well.  Should.  I'll find out.

Recovering.

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It may take a few days... maybe a week?  But, I think, if I can control temps to this sort of level, I will be able to get back on my feet.  Too cold, too hot, I can't function.  Though, getting used to the variations of sun available, and the length of it during the day, will always be an added trick.  The real thing is the temperature.

And, that will have something to do with affordability.  We'll see how this works out.  It is 90 outside, and staying very pleasant indoors.  So far.  You have no idea what it was like, in my condition, to deal with that heat.  I truly am surprised it didn't kill me.

Still a bit rough, but improving.  It will take time.  I pretty much got crushed by the heat.  Though the health issues, for whatever other reasons, were doubling down on that.  Or, really, the other way around.  I was ill before the heat hit.  That just made it much worse.

Oh my word.

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It has warmed up, outside, hard and fast, today.  Just at noon and it is 87 out there.  Inside, so far, it is 72/75 and 77 near the computer.  But, it's... beautiful.  I honestly didn't think the ac would help that much.  I suspected a whole house unit would be required to cool the place off.  Though, with an ac upstairs and down, running, maybe that is the equivalent?

I... don't care.  All I know is I can see normally, I don't hurt in very strange ways, I'm not dehydrating to toxic levels, my headaches are simpler... more due to the extra light that is finally hitting.  Sure, days are getting shorter.  But they aren't cloudy half or more of the day, half or more of the sky, most days.

To be honest, the warmth in the front room is a bit of a break from the cool of the main of the house.  I... am quite happy.  Now, though, to work it so that the house gets opened as soon as it cools, for fresh air.  And to save on electric.  A nap in the afternoon, to help with that?  Maybe.  Anything to save money, and get that fresh air.

Brutal.

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Between the heat of the last few days, health issues, and the efforts of yesterday, today is harsh.

When I went to bed, it was still blistering hot, outdoors.  So I left everything running and just crawled into bed.  I had hoped to get a shower taken, but that wasn't possible.  I all but crawled upstairs.

This morning, it was 70/72 upstairs, 72/74 downstairs, 55 outdoors.  So, I shut the ac down, downstairs, opened windows, and have cooler air flowing through.  I figure by 10:00 I'll have to shut everything down.  Perhaps, at some point in the afternoon, I'll turn the ac back on.  Before it gets too hot down here.  Upstairs, the ac is still going.  I just don't have the energy to get up and turn that off, open those windows, only to undo that later.

It's in, and going.

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I... couldn't have done it.  I was barely able to help, in minor ways.  But I did a bit.  My eyes are so dilated.  Even with it all shut down, and closed off, dark, it feels like I am standing out in the bright sun.  When I was outside, it was so bright to my eyes that I couldn't look at a white truck.  Or couldn't see it correctly.  It looked like a blur.

It'll take a while to cool the house even a bit.  It had gotten into the 80s before the thing was in.  Well, 82 up front, 76 in the main, 72 upstairs with the ac on up there.

I am about to pass out.  Though, still, I may take another shower before going on up to bed.  Absolutely bushed, overheated, and messed up.  Ah, best get evening medicine in.  It is helping.  A lot.  It's just that I fell much further than I thought.

I got to some of it!

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Not all of it.  I can't move the plywood by myself.  But, I got tools in place, sawhorses out and set up, the ac over there, the 2x4s ready, and as mentioned, earlier I moved the bedding and boxes.  Actually, for me, that was a good little chunk of work.  I am surprised I got it done.

It is 90, and staying right at that, today.  I got to 90 by noon?  Something like that.  And has been steady since.  Brutal.  For me.  But probably a bit cool, here, for this time of the year.  Well, not cool, just... not nearly as hot as it can get.  Though that heat is a rarity too.

I can't complain.  And, to be honest, while the cool seemed to be keeping me down, it made life a lot more comfortable.  There may not be a temperature, or weather pattern setup, that will help me function.  Those... days may simply be over.  There isn't an easy way out.

Well... some things.

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Not sure if help is arriving.  Last I heard, it was probable.  To that end, I got in to the bedroom and opened up access to the window.  Boxes, box springs, and a mattress were in the way.  I moved the matress and box springs to the master, moving the boxes just well out of the way.

If I am certain help will be arriving, I will get the wood, ac, parts, and some tools, in there.  Just... to be ready.  And, if at all possible, and I am sure he is actually coming, on the way, I may try to work on getting the old window out.  Not sure how well I can do it, not sure what I am doing.  But, probably, can't mess up too badly?

If, that is, I can.  Just doing that bit of work about broke my balls.  Getting the wood moved, and the ac?  Yes, that... may be it.  If I can do that, but I will try.  Still, I'd like to see if I can remove some parts, take out screws or bolts, maybe remove the structure.  But without doing damage.  Ugh.

It is 90 out there.  My eyes are dilated, inside.  Stepping out and I am blind for a five minutes.  It isn't the heat, mostly.  It is 74, indoors, in the main.  It is 77 up front.  The ac is on upstairs, probably around 70~72 up there.  Breathing is difficult.  Still trying to catch my breath from moving those things.  It isn't the weight, it's that almost any effort is exceedingly taxing.  I... do what I can, as I may.

Oh, with the wood, and tools, I'll get the wood working benches out there, sawhorses?  Right?  Right, I think so.  Those are very handy.

I sent a text, asking if he was hungry, but more a round about way of asking if the gig is still on.  Though, if he is hungry, I'll gladly feed him.

On to gaming, in an attempt to catch my breath.  The Lord knows, some cooling would be very good.  Ugh.

Starting with a new way.

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This day, I woke a bit... early, and late.  Given when I went to bed, a bit before two, waking at 8:30 is an early rise.  And, yet, I would like to have been up earlier.  Tried, while surfacing, earlier.  Just didn't have it.  Heck, getting up when I did was a struggle.  Was worried about the house heating though.

Good thing, too.  It was already 76 out there.  Not sure what it got down to, if the last time I checked... between 22:30 and midnight(?), it was 64?  Something like that.  Yep, summer is here, for as long as it will last.  Though, the monsoon season is already teasing around the edges.  Waterworks still come through, sometimes leaving a bit of rain, often not... yet.  And, we yet have snow up in the mountains.  If, too, it was snowing up there not two weeks ago, three?, still.

Having some trouble, already.  My eyes aren't dilating well.  More like as if I just didn't wind sprints but couldn't catch my breath.  Not out of breath, as IF out of breath and unable to catch it.  That's the bad side.  There is a good side.

Finally cooled a bit.

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Not until late, 20:00?  More like 21:00?  Before it hit 68.  It stayed to 80 until those times?  Way too hot.  I opened things up, but it's not doing much for cooling, so far.  The upstairs should be cool.  Left the ac running.  Trying to figure something out.  This was not the way, what I did today.

Though... there might not be a way.  I did text for help.  It might be arriving.  If so, perhaps I can keep it cooler in here going forward.  It was to 77, in the main, 84 in this front room.  Yes, but I was experimenting.  That does work, to a degree, right until it fails absolutely around noon to 14:00?  Yea.

Retaining water.  I don't know, perhaps it is the heat?  Something is off.  Not as bad as it was, but not as good as it was getting.  Stupid, annoying, yea.

Hotter.

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Feels cooler, though.  Upstairs is staying around 72, the main area is 74, and this front room is up to 82.  If it is at least as hot, outside, as yesterday.  And, two days running, plus really a week in the 80s.  So, yes, it adds up.

While slicing cheese, I dropped the knife I was using.  At first I didn't think I got it.  Then I could see I clipped it.  My flipflop began filling, but I wasn't ready to do anything about it.  Had to finish my meal, and catch my breath.  Got through that, got my breath back, rested a bit, then got to it.

Always worrying, when feet, legs, ankles are swollen, and something gets cut.  Doesn't heal well.  And, if on my way down, from swelling, it's still not there.  Upstairs, to my first aid kit.  Yes, that thing really pays for itself.  Triple anti-biotic packs, and this time a bigger patch bandage.  A few down, for over the next few days.  Every other day, every day, something.  What I can do.

Then, into the shower.  Clean, clean, wash, scrub, foot to hair to balls.  Loverly.  It didn't look too bad.  Not deep.  Just a quarter inch deep, at most.  But the blade cut here, then skipped half and inch and cut there, and repeated.  Odd darned thing.  But, just little cuts.  The bandage I got was right sized.  A bit of the salvle, then the bandage.  Hope it works well.  Yes, I'll check it tomorrow.  Which means replace.  But, if it looks good, I'll skip days after that.  Showering when checking.  Makes it all smoother.

On back to gaming.  Oh, I should check laundry.  The last load in the dryer should be dry, I'll check.  Maybe run it a bit just to be sure anyway.  A 30 minute fluff, you know.

Sunday?  Yep.  I... keep thinking it became Monday, then Wednesday, then Friday?  It's... like my days are skipping right... in a single day.  I try to focus on which day it is.  Trying.  But... life is difficult, at the moment.  The heat isn't helping.  Could be worse, could be better.  Hot, in a week.  But that was expected.

I am going to text, see about a favor.  I can't do it.  I'm broken.  Maybe forever, certainly for now.  Help!  Mostly.  We'll see.

Sunday?

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I am lost, people.  While I am doing better, health wise, if only compared to recent depths, I am completely lost.  I haven't known, or otherwise been able, to track what day it is for a while.  Oh, for a bit, I figure it out, remember.  But even before the day is done, I... forget.  Lose track.  As if, for the most part, it matters.

It is 85 outside, 74 indoors, downstairs.  I am trying something different.  Keeping everything closed, but the front door.  Though with a sheet blocking the front and back areas, and a fan going, on high, toward the door, in the front room.  Currently it is 74 front and back.  Yesterday, about this time, it was 74 in the back area, 77 up front, give or take.  Trying different things.  Though, the upstairs still has the ac going.

Still haven't taken the shower.  Hoping to get whiskers at least trimmed, with the electric trimmer, too.  A shave?  If so, later.  I can't stand for very long.  Will need the shower bench today, in order to finish without getting wobbly.

Ouch.

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Five liters out, last night, at least.  How much during the day yesterday?  Close to that amount.  I don't generally measure during the day.  The pee jugs, however, tell me in the morning.  And, down 10.x, I think 10.4, pounds.  The skin on my feet up through my thighs, hurts from the slough caused by decompression.  But the swelling pain is relieved.  Though is replaced by other things, besides the skin trying to slough.

I have to be careful, when that much fluid is evacuated at once.  My skin tears, cuts, rips, very easily.  And, when it does, it takes weeks to heal.  Requiring special care.

All of this, however, is good news.  It is on the path to recovery.  The heart medicine is helping the heart do it's job, while not spitting blood into the lungs (or as much... that is a process... takes time).  But, while not pumping it into the lungs, the body seems to dump fluid everywhere else.

Hot.

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Too hot.  It got to 88, then dropped to 78~79 as a storm sort of did, or is, blowing through.  I lost track of some things, and it got extra warm?  Though I am not sure doing things differently will make a difference.  We'll see.  I'll try to do it rightly tomorrow.

With it currently as warm inside as out, I just opened things up.  Going on to bed before too long.  Want it to cool as much as possible while I sleep.  With the ac and fans going, upstairs should be 73 at the highest?  Perhaps as low as 70?  I'll know shortly.

I did get the shower taken.  Didn't shave, let alone trim.  Oh well.  Can barely stand.  I did get the laundry a second hit.  Should be done when I wake.  Probably done now, can't do much about it.

Warming quickly.

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Though, between sunup and 8:30, it dropped to 58?  Strange.  Here at 10:30 it is up to 75 though.  Burning some daylight, to be certain.

Cheese, and coffee.  Well, and salami too.  But, with salami?  Slice it thin, very, very thin.  Then eating it isn't as much of a problem.  Mostly.  But, yes.  That, if you really want some, is the way to go.  Thin, and little.  Don't... bulk up on that.

Oh, and I will be starting waterpills.  While that wasn't the problem before, strangely enough.  Sure, blood in the lungs, but not in the legs, ankles, feet.  Until now.  It looks like I am getting fluid out of the lungs, mostly, slowly, usually.  But, now it is dropping into my lower extremities, and to a degree into my torso cavity.  So?  So, the waterpill.  Treating one thing at a time, as needed.

Odd sleeping cycles.

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They are off.  Changing this day from that.  Length to timing, nothing is constant.  Down half to midnight, up at five, this day, for now.  I may need a nap later.  It is warmer, too.  It was 75 most of the night, up there... with windows open and fans going.  Down here it is 71, nearing 72, front and back.

It had dropped to 58 at about bedtime.  But, this morning, is right at 60.  Weather patterns, in the summer, will do that.  Haven't seen that in a long time, and it's not typical even in typical years, or even summers.  It is what it is.

I have laundry to continue, today.  A shower to take.  A trim before, maybe a shave after.  Perhaps that will help with cooling.  Sometimes it does, sometimes having a beard is more comfortable.  An odd world.  Is that subjective or objective?  Couldn't be, both?  Unless one can be affected by the other, or external factors?  Doesn't seem reasonable, but many things that are true don't.

A strangely better day.

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Still not great.  I think the heat helped?  In a weird way.  Until it really didn't.  While it only got to, say, 82 or 83?  It stayed warme all day.  A storm blew through, it didn't matter.  I think it dropped to 78, then when right back up to 80, maybe even 82 again.  Maybe it hit 86 at some point.  It was weird.  As if heat was wrestling with cool.  Heat won, mostly.

It stayed mostly cooler in the main.  This front room got to 78 and pretty much stayed there, if not until later in the day.  I stayed up, hoping it would cool.  It didn't cool off, really, until 21:30?  22:30?  Somewhere in there.  And it didn't cool much.  It only was down to 68 by then.  Yeah.  I turned the ac on upstairs a few hours ago.  Hopefully it will be better.  It was 78 upstairs.  I forgot to shut the windows at the right time.

But, yes, feeling slightly better.  And I do think it is the warmth.  Though, that is going to swamp me quickly.  I can barely stand, even now.  But breathing is better.  It isn't belabored all the time, just sometimes.  And, not even every time I exert some effort, if most of those times.  Better is just that.  A comparative improvement.

I am hoping it cools a bit tonight.  It is bedtime.  Being more careful with medicine.  Can od on that stuff.  Not that that has killed me, but it is rather unpleasant.  Oh well.  On to bed, I do believe.

Breathing is difficult.

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It has been worse, but it has been a whole lot better.  Just getting up to go to the bathroom, or feed Sassy, or check the temp, will end with me tuckered out, breathing heavy, hoping I don't pass out.  Though, really, I haven't come close to that... in the last day or two.  But, for a few days, yea.  I really... wondered if I was going to die trying to get air in.  Though, it is still... troubling.

I had to bring in water.  Perrier went crazy, price-wise.  So I had to find something else.  I like it, I think better.  Even it has gone up a lot.  Can't drink it as often as I'd like, but... it's something.  Look, it's cheaper than food, for as much filling as it offers.  And, at my weight, as long as I get some regular food, and vitamins plus minerals, I can go without food to some degree.  Anyway, but that stuff is heavy.  In.  I need to get it down to the basement, too.  Ugh.

Cheese, earlier.  With coffee.  Skipping salami.  Just having cheese every other to every third day, salami once a week.  This isn't my favorite salami.  The kinds I knew and liked simply weren't available.  Next I'll have kefir.  Oh, and perhaps the last of the roast, or nearly.

Sleep is off, but not bad?

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At least I can sleep, when it is needed, for as long or short as needed.  I am, at this point, far less worried about keeping to days and nights as I am about getting sleep when I am so tired it hurts.  Managing the temp in the house is the key.

It has been hitting the 80s lately, daily.  Which... is at a minimum good.  We probably need it warmer.  It is an ag area.  Things need to grow, mature.  What is grown here really needs heat.  Though, being a farmer, rancher, or else, is a serious gamble.  Enough?  Heat, water, dry patches, and else, at the right times, is... well... hopefully the averages make up for the aggregate?

I have been able to keep the house at about 70, in the nights, then it slowly peaks into the mid 70s.  Ac use, for an hour or four, in the afternoon to evening, upstairs, is enough.  As long as I open the house downstairs while it is cool outside.  It is exactly 70 in both places upstairs, and both areas downstairs, as I woke at 4:30.  Oh, and 49 outside, though it may yet cool more out there.  Pleasant.  Now that I am used to the 70s, it's nice.  I can wear compression socks/hose without much issue, and pj bottoms over, without overheating.  I can even handle the warmth of the day, usually.  Sometimes, often, enjoy it.

Delusional?

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I do enjoy the accusation.  True?  Perhaps.  But, I see what I see, and write about it.  I write it as I see it.  I... don't worry about that.  There is no human on this planet, or other things if some of us are different, who get it all right.  I don't think we get it mostly right?

The brighter you are, the more patterns which emerge.  Brighter folk tend to get the lower level pattern recognition down, but when they... try to... really dig in?  They go so far off the beaten trail.  This I know.  What I am seeing are simple patterns.  Who, if anyone, is creating them?  That I won't say.  If I... privately..suspect, speculate.  I prefer, honestly, to doubt.  I try my very best to ignore.  But, sometimes the patterns beat me over the head until I surrender... at least to the notions.

I laugh at those who doubt.  Not... necessarily because they are wrong.  Most pattern recognition isn't, at the minimum, a bit wrong.  Much of it is terribly wrong.  Well, in that I see patterns everywhere.  No, it... isn't that they might be wrong, though that is still possible.  It is that right or wrong, their doubts are less secure than my certainties, and exist for the wrong reasons.

Someone keeps suggesting something.

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Sometimes a song will show.  Time, and time, and time again.  Almost every time I look.  And, sometimes, I try to ignore it.  I do ignore.  I have been ignoring it.  I don't always understand, if... there may be... a path or two toward understanding.  Ignore?  Ignore again?  Gah!  The pain, of ignoring what won't be ignored!

First, it was every other day.  Then twice a day.  Then five times a day.  Then most every time I look.  And, finally, it has been there every time I look.  So, fine, I'll play it.  She wants to be heard.  My psychic ears are bleeding.  I'll... play it.

Awake?

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I woke at about 1:30?  Give or take.  It was 70, upstairs, in both places I measure.  With the ac going and both fans on.  I... must have been really tired, I usually turn one of the fans off while going to bed.  Downstairs it was 72/74, warmer up front.  So I openeded things up, and turned on, or up, fans.

I truly planned to just open things up, write a short post, and go on to bed.  But between a bm brewing now, and just not quite being able to get right back to bed, that won't happen.  a bit of gaming, I suppose.  As I try to find my way back to a time when... place... where I can sleep again.

Life is going a bit more smoothly.  Breathing is still a bit of a difficult thing.  In part because I keep blocking up... phlegm buildup.  In part because fluid is still backing up into my lungs.  There are other... problems.  But, my lungs are, slowly, two steps forward one back, getting better.

Not bad.

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Doing a bit better today, again.  Still coming up breathless from doing the slightest things... like taking a jog over to the door, and going out to check the temp.  It is 82 outside, 75 up front, and 71/73 in the main of the house.  Cooler, probably.  The thermostats are near the main south facing stone wall.  That gets warmer, but it's not as warm as that indicates.  I can feel it, walking back there.  Not sure what the temp is upstairs.  Too worn to check.

Just keeping up on Sassy.  I'll change her water when I get my breath back.  Well, get that back, then reset the r.o. system.  I had fallen a bit behind.  As well, I'll grab a jar, or a couple cups really, of kefir.  I'll probably switch that out, today, before going to bed.

I do realize why blood sugar is higher.  In order to drink coffee, I have needed sweetener.  I haven't gotten the good stuff, from the store.  So, am consuming freezer dried.  That'll work, for a bit.  But it is a lot worse than the good stuff.  If you haven't had them back to back, it is easier to drink freeze dried.  But i just had the fresh stuff, ground myself, recently.  I have to sweeten the freeze dried, or not drink it.  And, sometimes, I just need some coffee.

Four hours later.

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Just checked.  Outside it is still only 67.  Still, that's a twenty degree rise in temp, rising more like in three rather than all four hours?  Probably.  Mostly sunny out there, just some... haze.  Still a pretty day.  Snow still on some of the peaks.  Crazy, I'll tell you.

Still running out of breath doing little things.  Just going to check the temp nearly ran me down.  On the good side?  I can got check the temp, or do little things, when I want, and at speed.  Go, go, go!  That's how I prefer, or try, or do live... when I can.  I want it done, now, yesterday even.  Unfortunately, right now, just checking the temp is as much as I can do.

Gaming.  Getting a bit into it.  A very slow hard start.  Then I did well for a while.  Now I can't seem to do much, or fast.  Part of it is due to poor health.  Part of it is that the game seems to have ebbs and flows.  It seems to let one through, with moderate effort.  Then, all of a sudden, it shuts down all progress.

Up at 5:30.

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It got down to 70/72 upstairs, but that felt cool, almost cold.  I needed to add two extra blankets to my main.  With one fan going on slow speed and the windows open?  Okay.  Downstairs, the house got to 66/68... warmer in this front room.  Outdoors is 46?  Strange though, for it to have cooled that much.  Windows open a bit, one fan going, also on slow speed.  It's strange that it would, could, get that cool.

Sleep was pretty good, before and after.  Though the cooler sleeping is always the better sleeping.  I tended Sassy, food and litter so far, first thing.  I'll change her water a bit later.  Kefir, in a bit.  I have leftover vinegar tonic.  I... don't think that goes bad.  What to eat today?  Leftover chuck roast will do.  I may dice it, and add it to canned soup?  That wouldn't be too bad.

There is something I want to try with soup, if I can't immediately remember what that is.  If I remember, I may try it, then I'll let you know.  Canned soup isn't great, but with lungs still making catching and keeping my breath a bit of a trick, it will do.  Which... is why I have such things.  Oh, and, probably, later... or earlier... I'll have corned beef hash and eggs.  Now that I can crisp the hash properly, that has become a once again beloved meal.  Not great for keto, but... I'm hitting keto pretty well.  Oddly, blood sugar is staying up into the low two hundreds.  Not sure why?  I guess it just is what it is.

A pretty enough day.  Clouds on the horizon.  It has been clouding up, raining even from time to time.  Storms are still coming through, if not raining as much.  Still, amazed that it is bothering to rain.

Coffee, morning pills, and gaming.  Later.

Better still.

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I was seeing how the morning... night really... would go.  The house, downstairs, has gotten down to 70/70.  Very nice.  It is 1:30, so time to go on to bed.  I am hoping it is cooler upstairs, too.  Odd, the ac will only get it down to 73, but... the outside, on reasonable nights, with a fan going, might get it cooler.  Though, without the ac to start, it won't.  Fair enough.  Without ac to chill the place down a bit, it will only get down to the upper 70s.

I found an open bottle of losartan, and brought it down while heading down when waking.  As well, I split a pill, taking half.  Along with half of a carvedilol.  I have been taking a bit more carvedilol than really planned, but... okay.  A bit extra, to start out, I don't mind.  But, the goal is to get medicine sets set up so as to not be... guessing, or overdoing.  Though I may do more, scheduled, for the first week or so.  Then get it set for the lessor amounts.  Titrating to get a better blood level of the stuff a bit quicker.

Between this, that, vix, and else, I am breathing better.  Curious how things turn out over the next week.  Still not sure why my ribs, torso in general, feels so sore.  Painkillers helped with the pain, but it's still stiff, under the covered pain.  On to bed.

Hopefully I can keep this schedule.  It's a bit off, but it means I am awake during the day, mostly.  And up just enough in the night to cool the house down.  Then get some sleep while it is cool.  It's an odd schedule.  But that's fine.

Slightly better.

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Far from even as solidly imperfect as a while back.  But, better than the last two days.  Mostly.  My torso feels like it has been crushed, somehow.  Breathing is still strained, shallow.  Phlegm returns, but is released well enough, when I... realize it is the problem.  I almost always feel short of breath, though.  Just, with the snot shot out, getting some air is... easier.

The ac got the upstairs down to 72/73 near me.  I turned that off while waking at about 22:30.  Opened the windows, turned off one of the thans, the other on.  Then, downstairs to open up and get fresh cooler air in.  It is 73/74, or the opposite?  Okay, the front room is the warmer room.  Outside is around 63.

I lit some fans, opened windows a crack, and am hoping that will help some.  Loud, in here, but it could be worse.  Could be hotter, and loud.

I didn't sleep.

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Tried to push through.  Did push through.  The heart isn't so pained, if I am stretching things beyond what you might imagine.  Even so, I did it.  It is 15:15, as I write.  I am tired.  My neck hurts, lightly.  But all else seems good.

The last I checked outdoors, it was 76?  Not sure, if I suspect it has warmed since.  I just can't go check.  My next job will be to make it up to bed.  Nothing else.  The ac is still running, so it should be cooler up there?  Will find out.

Gaming, from time to time.  Watching vids.  Trying to figure out what to do in the game.  Ugh.  It's... gotten complicated.  Not blocked in by too many things, and there are several ways I could go.  Tried one of several bosses I could do.  Was told it was an easy boss.  It's not.  But, it isn't the next on the recommended list.  I'll go do that one, the recommended one, when I wake again.

So tired.  But I didn't lose day and night, or not yet.  Will see how things work.

Couldn't sleep.

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Just too warm.  Strange, because it really isn't?  It was in the low 70s down here.  Currently, near the computer, it is only 72.  Must be 68 to 70 in the rest of the house.  The ac has been running upstairs.  It should be cooler, though maybe not all that cool.  The upstairs, when the world heats, is doing good to get down to 73.  But that is in high summer.  I don't think it is quite there yet.

It rained again, before I woke.  After?  Not sure.  Had to check.  If for no other reason than to just... get up, on my feet, see if I could do it without too much trouble.  Well, it took my breath away, but I was able to get to it quickly.

The water that was out there is mostly gone.  No new, from the looks of it.  It is 52.  Pleasantly so.  It is 71.8/9 down here.  Even with things open and the fans going.  Summer is definitely back.  However, I am managing the warmth much better... again this year.  Probably better than even last year.  If, too, it hasn't been hot for long.  It'll wear me out quickly, on top of being ill.  Meh, fine.

Rough, better.

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I got some sleep.  Yesterday I tried using a packed sleeping bag as a bit of a... platform.  I was so tired, breathing so poorly, and having so many other problems, that I simply couldn't sort out the world.  It helped, but not even close to optimally.

Tonight i pulled the sleeping bag out and packed it, as a bit of a ramp, and put my pillows on it however they would fill the space better.  And, yes, it helped.  Further, I was able to get to where I could sleep somewhat comfortably.  The only real problem, other than some remaining if more minor breathing problems, was the warmth.

It was 79 up there.  That's... just... too warm.  It was a bit warm even yesterday, but there was nothing I could do about it.  And that wasn't the major problem.  Tonight I was able to get one of the ac units in the window, and get it lit.  But only after baking until I woke.  I won't be able to sleep for a while for it.  But, it should be cooler up there.

Ever so slightly better.

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Have you ever exerted yourself to the point of seeing stars, blacking out?  Right.  I've been on the verge of that for the last two, even three days... the last week nearly.  If the last few days have been the absolute worst.  I first tried making sure I put on compression socks every day, then added waterpills into my menu.

It kept getting worse.  And, sleeping, laying down, reclining, was becoming impossible.  Or... nearing it.  I needed sleep, still do, very badly.  The fear, during the night, is that I might choke on phlem or else, that it might... get me.  Seriously.  It was concerning.

I guess I don't mind dying, but that would be a difficult way.  I have been keeping an eye open, and a sense of things about me.  There are some ways I would rather not die?  Yes, I think that is it.  So, yes, I've been fighting this, and sort of losing.  Just, not losing everything, or yet.

I started taking some of my heart medicine today, and adding in aspirin.  It is either beginning to help, or I was about to get better anyway.  I suspect the former.  As I don't think this will get better on it's own, or... not right now.  Maybe, through time, I can back off medication.  Or... not.  Will have to see.

I am really hoping even the partial dose will allow me to sleep.  Who knows, perhaps it will let me die in my sleep.  I'll see tonight, and really through the next week.  Okay, yes, this is... probably as bad as it has gotten.  Though, it was through something like this, which eventually got them to treat my heart, and stop gaslighting me about this all being depression or other bogus diagnosis'.  Assholes.

Now, that time, I thought it was a "walking pneumonia", or some such.  I had it for six months.  So... yes.  I guess I have had it worse.  But it doesn't feel like it while in it.  This has just been a few days, maybe weeks?  Perhaps a month or two.  That was at least six months, though I... may have ignored it for a while before then as well.

It's staying a bit warmer.  Got to 77 up front, 74 everywhere else (downstairs).  Not sure about upstairs.  Outside?  I thought it had gotten to 88?  Or... was that yesterday?  77 for sure?  I thought so, but can't be absolutely certain.  In any case, a storm passed through.  It rained.  The temp is around 80 out there, currently.  Though not sure the rain is finished.  Very surprised we got any rain though.  Very odd for this time of year.  Usually, when rain stops for a bit, it's gone for good.  And we had it until a week ago, or so.  Strange for it to be back.  Farmers probably aren't happy.  They need some dry weather, hot dry weather, for crops to work out.

Just going out, getting the grill going, and checking the weather, wore me out a bit.  Not as bad as the last few days.  But... troubling.  Hoping it'll get better in the next few days.  Grilling up a steak today.  Hungry.  Or... am I?  Maybe I just know I need food.  Been back on kefir, and vinegar tonics.  Off the salami and cheese.  Ugh.  That was ripping me up.  I am almost... over it.

Well... on to gaming?  Hmm, after dinner anyway.

Monday?

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I've been doing well, tracking days, lately.  Even in my rougher state.  Not yesterday.  The last day I remember was Saturday, and I thought that was yesterday.  Though, my lungs are really messed up, sleep is terribly off, and some other things.  Too much cheese and salami, which has caused lots of pushing, which... leaves my stomach/torso area feeling bruised and broken.

Odd pangs, of pain.  Not just in that area.  Pins and needles, but from extreme pressure, or from heart problems?  I can't say.

I fought, last night, for more sleep.  But staying down is difficult, was.  I did it.  Not without suffering.  And I didn't sleep well.  Still, more sleep.  My body tried to wake me up around 19:30, or so, after going down around 16:00?  I refused, tried to get more sleep, stayed down until 2:00.

Brutal.

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Okay.  Well, this is as bad as it has gotten.  My heart, while I sleep, try to sleep, is struggling greatly.  Lungs are backfilling.  Waterpills just... aren't getting it.  Besides, the compression socks and hose keep that pretty much at bay, save in the torso.  Nothing will probably help that?  Hmm, might... consider a few... options.  Though not sure compressing the torso would work, as I am already struggling to breath.

I do have medication left over.  Old.  But it might work.  Though, as I remember, half of the doses, of the main two drugs, plus back then the waterpills and potent potassium pills, was enough to relieve symptoms.  I can go without the waterpills, for now.  And, thus, I can skip the potassium.  I have some of each on hand, just in case.

So, for now, I will try carvedilol and losartin, at half doses.  I will, then too, only use them until symptoms relent, then run just a bit longer, then back off.  Quit them, until/unless symptoms return.  That should mean these pills will last... a few more years.  It is what it is.  If I had a wife, we could go to real medical.  But, as is, I would be required to go to the V.A.  Which, I can't, because of the mask mandate.

Warm out there.

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A steak, and fried potatoes, for lunch.  Oh, delicious.  I am getting the cooking for meats down.  This one was very easy, being thick cut.  Kefir before, vinegar tonic after.  I haven't been eating or drinking well, right, as I intend.  Too tired, confused, and such.  

It was 86 last I looked, 82 when I first started my meal about wo hours ago.  It's... going up.  I shut the house down, including upstairs.  This evening, if it is still too warm up there by 16:00 to 18:00, I'll put an ac in one of the windows and get it lit.  Just use it for a few hours though.  I don't need it really cool anymore, it seems.  And, though, I was able to sleep in the high 70s, I prefer not to?  Right.

I had hoped to get to some work today.  Any work.  Ain't going to happen.  Barely staying awake.  Though, really, I did turn days and nights around in the last few days, so... it's going to be difficult.  The trick will be to keep days, not have it flip back.  My body prefers to be awake in the cool of the night.

Is a nightowl a biological thing?  A psychology thing?  Or something else?  I do know that the night is more muted, comfortable.  Cats, owls, and other things... their senses are overloaded during the day.  I suspect I have similar problems.  Or, maybe, I simple see, hear, think, and feel better at night.  As a fact, I know I do.  Days are miserable for me.  And, yet, I... try.

Beastly difficult day.

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Almost no blood spit up, if so a very very light shade of pink.  Which... is good.  If there, and it might have been, it was almost not visible.  But I think I saw some.  Quite a lot of material out, but it came out well.  I thought I got most of it out.  Gurgling, though, with a rattling cough through the night.  It was good to wake, spit that out, and sit up.  Rough.  Better.

But, for it, I could barely breath while dressing and getting down.  Just... I couldn't feed Sassy, or do much else than check the outside temp and open windows while turning on fans.

It was rather warm upstairs!  It was 77 in the main, 78 near me.  Downstairs, closed up, was 71/73 (main/up front).  And outside was about 55?  I checked just now and it is to 53, so cooling a bit more.  I need to get the house as cool as possible, and then close up before it gets too hot out there.  And, I may put an ac in upstairs.  Leaving it open most of the day, then turning the ac on for a few hours before bedtime.  Just... to get it a bit cooler.  It seems I am... acclimated, to a degree.  I was sleeping like a babe.  Other than the lungs filling a bit.

Days and nights...

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Trying to get them twisted back around.  I pushed with every ounce of what I had to offer, and was able to stay up until about 16:00 last evening.  Not sure when I woke.  I was a zombie, getting out of bed, getting downstairs, tinkering.

Just gaming.  Wait, no, I did make some payments, and placed some orders.  Ugh, trying to keep up on things.  Keeping up on business, but not much else.  Hey, I'll take what I can, when I can.  And, yes, keeping up on business and finances really helps.

It's a rough go.  Elsewise.  Lungs, sometimes, still problematic.  Not as bad as it has been lately.  Blood and bubbles, just not as much.  And, not every day, or all the time.  Just... once every few days, and lighter lately.  All good.

Gaming, and hurting.

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Lungs are messed up.  Better, but still... troubling.  The odd thing is, I don't dare use more waterpills.  The problem is the heart, not fluid buildup.  Headache, body aches, sore in the oddest of ways.  Fine.  I'll... make it through, or not.  Haven't been spitting up bloody mucus, on the good side.  It's just backup, from the heart, nothing... too terrible.

A post I meant to put out yesterday morning seems to have gotten lost, so I put it back out.  Yes, a woman seems to be tinkering, or the AI.  I have been enjoying, in any case.  I really like women, or... the idea of them?  The memory of them?  I can just enjoy what was, as I remember it.  No fuss, these days.  I liked fuss, when I could manage it.

Someone sent a vid, suggesting I am delusional.  Fine!  This one should know better.  I have spoken directly to their thoughts, if here.  They know I see.  Is it... jealousy?  Or, a refusal to believe there are... different types of folk, folk who can see?  When people were tricked, by the notion of Santa, or the Easter Bunny, or some even believe Christ isn't real... I think because He doesn't just give them whatever they want?  Or didn't protect them from some of the horrors in this world?  Whatever.  But the thing is, if they feel stilted by humanity, or this or that?  They refuse to believe... anything.  Which is odd, because usually these types believe everything ELSE, save what is true.

Love the things she says.

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Just... had to believe.  And, added one more, just to make sure, but of my own.  Oh, she gets it.  We wanted to be normies so badly.  But that just isn't so.

Something got me to thinking.

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I wrote about a woman I knew, loved, who could see.  She was real.  Could... see, as in as psychics see.  As mentioned, I feel, or... see through feelings... of others.  What I meant by that is, I... sense things, through human emotions.  Everything, or most, of what I "see" comes from humans, on an emotional basis.  Or, through my emotions?  It's... odd.  Not all things I see could be presented from human emontions.  For those things haven't happened?  Some don't involve humans.  But... it's... the idea.  Maybe it is filtered through my emotional senses?  While she would see events, things, people, places plainly.  She might or might not have an emotional response, but that... is different.

We... met... through our various sights.  Initially hiding from each other.  There is bumping uglies, then there is... bumping minds.  Oh, I know there are others out there, who see.  But meeting one?  Or becoming known as one, by anybody?  You learn to hide some... things.  For some of us, many things are to remain hidden.  Seeing is one of them.  Even, or especially, from others who see.

In any case, after initial terror, on both sides, curiosity got to both of us.  In part due to the extreme fear, and resembled responses?  In time we met, more personally, privately, explored our gifts, minds, then bodies.  The pleasures we knew, I would guess, will only be known in heaven.  Though there was the physical, if that was... quite... the lessor of the things.

Trouble breathing.

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Fluid backing up into my lungs.  I've been fighting that for a while.  But shouldn't be?  I am drinking less fluid, and using compression socks, which combined is seeing very little fluid build up in the legs.  I need a break, every three to five days, a day off.  But, when I get back to it, I'm still doing good.

Though, that... may just not be the issue.  It may just be the heart is beginning to pump even less strongly, so it wouldn't matter how much fluid I have.  It is blood backing up into the lungs.  I still have some water pills, which can help.  But not many.  Then again, with the rest of the fluids managed, I don't think I need to take waterpills for that AND for the heart.

A pleasant night.

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It got down at least to 47.  It may have gotten cooler, I just forgot to check.  It was up to 56 by 8:30 or so.  Then again, that was... what... two hours after sunup, three?  I closed most of the windows up at about three.  The upstairs is still open.  I think I'll make sure all windows are closed, then go on up and close the upstairs windows and go on to bed shortly.

Feeling rough.  I have given up on Resident Evil 4 remake.  It isn't even just the difficulty?  But it looks like time gets randomly added, certain items which should be available to buy aren't always available, and the game just cheats.  While playing on the easiest, or second easiest, it will begin to play as if on a very hard setting.

Either the game is bugged, so that hitting the marks are impossible, or will be made so if one gets near, or the game is rigged to not allow getting through.  Those who get through, it is my contention, either got a game which allows it, as a random thing.  Or, with the game "guru's", they are given copies which allow the possibility of getting through the game in a faster time.  So, I moved on.

More, some new.

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Just rolling along.  It could just all be coincedence.  If... there is no such thing.

Watching them roll in, collecting them, collating?  Sharing.

I do miss having a woman around.  Mean as chipmonks, twice as squirrely, with tails and tales.  Something about them.  Mostly, sometimes, usually?  Here.

Love that cheese.

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I have been known to mock the French.  Cheese eating surrender monkeys, I... think was the favored term.  I am... in part... French.  But, in truth, I am as French as I am Spanish, Lakota, and Dine... not dine, but more like "da neh", or "de ney".  Or Sioux and Navajo, in common parlance.  Well, it's in the blood, and that means more than I once would have thought.

Anyway, so... cheese eating surrender monkeys?  Aye.  And... there is some truth to it.  If too, reasons for those truths.

First?  They fought two world wars, losing half their best men in each.  So... not wishing to fight only makes sense.  Seriously, if all you get out of wars you are all but set up to lose is death and misery, destruction and loss?  Yea.

Awake.

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Have been for a while, to be honest.  When did I wake up though?  I just... can't be sure.  Perhaps around 19:30?  I checked outdoors, about then, and it was 60 out.  Already that cool?  It got warm today.  While I was sleeping, I could tell.  Not hot, or terribly hot, but to the high 70s, low to mid 80s, if I had to guess.

That left it at about 75 upstairs.  Strangely?  That was good sleeping weather, for me.  I had the windows open, upstairs, and fans on.  So that helped.  But it just wasn't miserable.  It was... very good sleeping weather.  I think I am tired of the cold?  Very strange, for me to say, but true.

The downstairs, shut up, from the outside and from the upstairs, stayed in the low 70s, or high 60s.  Very peculiar.  Though it does look like a weather system moved in.  No rain, but it could happen at any time.

Not a bad day.

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It wasn't as bad today.  Whatever has been ailing me has light lifted.  Still there, but like after a long swim, a quarter through, on a tough day, getting on a raft for just a bit.  How will it be tomorrow?  The day after?  I will never know until I get there.  I tell you, if you lead a bland, standard, life.  Even if it is very busy, hectic, tiresome, tiring?  Enjoy it.  For, if you ever get to where one day feels like death, the next is good, or weeks, and sometimes things are great?  But you never know?  It's... difficult.

Bad enough that work is outside the possibilities?  Often, usually.  I can... push things, for a while.  Try.  Do.  Then... I fall.  It's how it goes.  Sometimes I can work longer, weeks, even months.  Often though, if I get a good week a month, I am doing better.  It's more like a week out of the last few months.

Finishing a load, in the dryer.  Three pair of pants I will put up.  Shirts to follow.  Shirts are trickier.  They get very badly wrinkled... unless ironed before being put up, then being tucked in very carefully.  I was on submarines.  That is how we did it.  Kept a civy and dress uniform, for going out when we finally pulled into port.  Kept them under our mattres pad.  Or, I did.  Wanted something that didn't smell too bad.  Yes, sumbarines smelled, too.  Home just like home.

A difficult few days.

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Worse than... it has been.  At least I was mostly comfortable.  As in, my heart didin't hurt, I could breath more easily, things like that.  I'll be taking a dose and double of aspirin as I go to sleep.  This isn't the worst pain I have ever suffered, even just in the heart.  But it is a bit more uncomfortable than usual, in that it is a group of things causing problems.

COPD is much worse.  But in a strange way.

I did get something done.  A project on my long to do list.  I botched a portion of it.  But will manage that in time.  Still, for the most part, it is pretty well done.  Shower curtains, and rod.  I wanted to move the rod further away from the tub, so I have more room to stand, without feeling crowded by the shower curtain(s).

Someone is... saying... something?

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Yes, they... sometimes line up too well for comfort.  Could be chance.  But when the notion is pushed, in a dozen ways?  I retain the right to suspicion.

Women.  They do that.  When they try, they are horrible about it.  When they just do it, sometimes, they... are amazing.  This might be her.  Or someone who would like to be like her?  The woman.  THE... Woman.  Well, one of them.

Didn't make it.

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Couldn't wake.  I... went to bed early enough.  I was down by eight, I think, a bit after but not much.  Should easily have been awake by fiftenn hundred?  Give or take.  But, no.  I didn't wake until seventeen thirty.  Even then, was moving slowly.  Couldn't... get going.  Can't even make it to the store tonight, though really want to... need coffee, would like to get some pork chops.

Yes, my days and nights aren't just twisted, they are twisting 'in flight'.  This day can be as much as eight hours, even twelve hours, off from yesterday.  I sleep without the ability to choose when.  I fall when I fail, sometimes quickly, though usually longer... twelve to twenty hours uptime, at least there is that, mostly.  Down time?  A few to many hours.  Two to three down, rarely but just yesterday after a long stretch up.  Nine hours down today, give or take.  No control.  The alarms aren't helping.  So be it.

It was 75 when I checked outdoors.  I had the downstairs closed up, and it stayed around 70, less a few degrees.  Upstairs was open, it got to 70, with two fans going and the windows open.  Interesting little life, weather, seasons, this year.  California is admitting that it is out of drought.  Which?  Means more water. The aquafers.  Can't have them saying they are out of drought, only to have them then saying they are, in a year, again.  Bureaucrats can't be trustes, so must be... learned.

Almost.

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I... had an event tonight.  An invitation.  I meant to make it.  I have been planning, actually, since I got word, Wednesday.  I started by doing shirts.  Laundry.  I meant to have two shower taken, but a mistake in the kitchen... iterrupted that plan.  But, as shower this early afternoon, was had.

Brushing my teeth, four or five times since I was invited.  Oh, and pants.  I wanted clean pants.  So, I put those in this afternoon.  Unfortunately, they did not finish in time.  But... that isn't the whole of why I didn't go.  I was still completely shot.  I... got the shower, brushed my teeth twice since waking, Got a shirt out of the laundry and ready, got mostly dressed.  But... I... just... couldn't complete the task, though the pants weren't dry.  So...

From now on, I'll leave one pair of pants, what I am wearing, out.  Same with a few shirts.  I prefer to wear them a day or three?  Depends on the day.  If I break a serious sweat, one day.  If I'm mostly resting, three.  Now, the pants which are washed, and dried?  Will be put into airtight bags.  Same with several shirts.

Down to 71.

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Was, while I was working on the griddle.  Burgers.  Four patties, smash burger style, delicious.  Nothing fancy, but it honest is good enough to eat just as is.  Though, really, I'd like to get cheese slices for on top.  I won't do American, swiss... cheddar, munster, "swiss", and others, sure.  I've never liked, nor trusted, Amercian cheese.  Even as I kid.  Didn't like balogna or hotdogs, but I have... changed that.  To a degree.

Hey!  I love fried balogna.  Hmm... but that was back when I could have bread.  Yea, maybe not.  It just wouldn't be good on it's own.  Though, I could try to figure out keto bread/buns for that, and hotdogs.  The griddle is so very good as cooking some things very well.  Browning, or even better, partly burning the skin.  Well, now that it might be warming up, that is.

It stayed below 70 in there, most of the day.  The computer room might be warming up.  Yep, up to 74.  But... that is doable.  If I suspect warmth might finally be back?  Maybe.

It's 77 outside.

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Or was just a bit ago.  Still below 70 indoors.  But, a warmer day.  Not many clouds in the sky.  And it has been dry for... half a day?

I have been asked to an event.  And, if possible, will go.  I am washing pants.  Will need to wash some shirts and else.  As well, shower, trim or shave... haven't decided that part, brush my teeth a few extra times.  I will try to be ready.  Plus, it will get me going so perhaps I can get back to church.

I am in rough shape.  Not sure what is wrong.  The extended cool, wet, and dark?  I am not sure the heat will help, when it hits?  Once I get used to it, it... is like a springboard, until it breaks me again.

Down late, up later.

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I... can't remember exactly when I went to bed, though it was nearing or just after eleven.  I... wanted to stay up longer.  Maybe did, for a bit?  No later than 13:30?  I... think I fell closer to the previously stated hour.  Trying to push on back through.  But it has been so cold.  And the game is eating me whole.

It was down to 66 or even 64, before I surrended.  Closing the house up, turnin on the furnace, up to 72.  My fingers hurt, my fingernails hurt, for the cold!  I was dressed well, warmly.  It didn't matter.  I was drinking hot coffee and tea.  And, that helped, for moments.  I just couldn't take the cold anymore.

It was 68 in this front room, 69/67 upstairs (which was closed from downstairs).  Of course, it was 72 in the main.  Which... was nice for a good bit of time.  I turned the furnace on around five or six, when it was 40~41 outside?  Crazy, right?

I woke at around 17:30.  Betwen then and 18:00, I checked outside.  It was 58.  But, clear, finally, and dry.  It has been raining for the last day and an half?  Or so.  Cloudy, raining, and cold as could be.  It looks like the mountains got even more snow.  Beautiful.  Terrible.  Unnatural.  But... this, too, I understand.

Dreams.  Women, times, places.  Things which haunt, and frigthen, even me.  It is... not hell which frightens me... but heaven.  Not for... bad reasons, for good.  Have you ever received a dear gift you truly do not deserve?  And known it.  And, protested, to a degree?  But accepted it, graciously?  Then... you have the smallest inkling of my fear.

Good and bad.

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It was 68/69 upstairs, 67/68 downstairs, and 68 but warm feeling and humid, in spite of it raining, outside this morning.  Morning?  Midafternoon that is.  I think it was nearly 14:00 when I crawled out.  15:00?  I... can't even be sure.  It is a rough one.  I didn't get to bed until... at least almost six, perhaps as late as eight.  I... got stuck in the game.

Fighting through some of the roughest areas in the game.  Two, nearly in a row.  On the hardest settings.  These are two of the three or five areas where super duper equipment doesn't help.  Still, I made it through.  Then played a bit longer to get past those areas a goodly bit.  Then saved.  The problem with saving, in this playthrough, is I only get fifteen saves.  So I have to use them very sparingly.  Which... also means if my 'toon dies, I have to start way back... possibly.  Strategic saving is vital.  It... also means, when I get through a really tough area, I should shove on through as far as possible before saving again.

As well, being up so late, I... became dumfoundedly hungry again.  So, I hate.  Potatoes and ribs.  Had to eat.  Famished.  Starving.  I am learning, that if I stretch my day, I will eat, like, want, or choose it consciously, or not.  And it won't always be the best food.  I did have kefir before and with the start of the meal, and a vinegar tonic after.  So there is that.

Didn't post the last... until just now.

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I thought I had.  My internet is extremely spotty.  Clicking the publish tab doesn't mean it publishes.  If it doesn't connect through it will simply not send it.  Doesn't matter, only, maybe, one reader here legitimately?  Two?  Three?  They don't show up, but... I get hints in other ways.

No extra coffee.  The extra water I found isn't... enough.  I doubt it, after rechecking, will get me through to when the filters arrive, then are installed, then water is made.  They are set to arrive Wednesday, but they could arrive quite late.  Often early afternoon, but not always.  So... either I skimp on coffee, a day or two.  Or more likely, assuming I can, I buy a bit of water.  Though... perhaps there is a way to reset the filters.  Just because time or amount of water through, is gauged, doesn't mean the filters are used up.  As a fact, the water is still coming through as quite fresh.  With no more particulate than when I first installed them.  I'll... do some looking, shortly.

I am having a second vinegar tonic.  And enjoying, to be honest.  Kefir isn't ready to reset, so I can't have more.  Used up most of what was available.  It's been so cool that kefir just isn't fermenting fast enough.  It is taking two to three days to finish.  Oh well.

Ran out of filters.

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Or... the machine is saying the filtration process is in need of replacement?  Something.  I need to check on that.  Because these filters shouldn't be close to being done, especially since I have titrated water softening into as close to perfection as possible.  That, and all the fresh water from this spring, which is still coming in through thaw and fresh rain, means the particle number is a quarter of what it usually is.

But, I have ordered filters.  They will... come when they come.  Wednesday, it is suggested.  Will see.  So, I am having to watch how much water I use.  Unfortunately, I pulled the refrigerated water jars, and just used those up.  Or they could act as a backup.  May go back to doing that, just switching them out from time to time.  I would like to fill a few five gallon tanks, but that would take a lot of extra work.  And, those would only last about a year, if chlorinated as well.  In a container that has been cleaned, with chlorine, first, on top of that.

People think you can just store water away in milk jugs, forever.  Man, will there be a lot of sick people when they find out that doesn't work.  Besides, milk jugs degrade, even hidden away.  But, if they don't?  The water in them would be bad, possibly extremely toxic, after even six months.  You can't clean the milk out well enough to prevent growth.  Don't do that, people!  I'm... saying that for your sake, not mine.

I was a bad boy.

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I ate not once, but twice, outside of my intermittent fasting window.  The first meal was rather hefty, a package of gizzards and a small can of mushrooms.  But I wanted to taste the ribs.  I didn't have a lot of it, but I had... half a pound?  Or so.  Very good.  I was worried blood sugar would be very high, again, today.

As well, I didn't, for the cooking time, get to bed until nearly four?  Three?  Can't remember.  I have a solid headache for it.  And other aches, pains.

Ah, but while blood sugar did go up this morning, it wasn't as bad as I had feared.  It is 174 fasting.  I'll... work on that.

I didn't think it possible.

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Sure, fasting blood sugar was very good, at 154, this morning.  But I doubted it could go down much.  I had the remaining steak, from the two pack of thincut steaks.  As well, coffee, a kefir, and a vinegar tonic.  That was it.  Haven't been able to have a bm, so... meh.  Anyway, I decided to check here before bedtime.

It was lower.  It is 137, a seventeen point drop?  Crazy.  All this time, the elevation was the keto sweetener.  I have been doing without it.  It is difficult.  A few drops in the coffee, or kefir, or both, make both so much smoother.  But, no.  I'm going old school.  I am adding cream to my coffee, but even then, only a dollop, a teaspoon, two on rare occasions.  I wish I could find a sweetener that made it taste better, and didn't cause one problem or another.  I have tried just about everything out there.  This was as good as it got.  Yes, I tried the alcohols too.  (Not drinking alcohol, some sort of sweetener.)

That is the lowest blood sugar read I have had since I was on insulin, and just for a while.  It wouldn't stay low.  Either I would eat something, or go through a phase where I had to eat whatever was on hand, couldn't focus.  And that has been several years back.  Interesting.  I'll keep at it.  Ketavore seems to be working.  Now, when I rarely cheat with a veggie, it isn't like when I cheat with pizza.

And, I have cut my calorie count.  A lot.  Not every day.  But often I only eat a meal, or two, and just small amounts of meat.  I'd like to go on to bed, but I think I will roast ribs, and chicken gizzards, yet tonight.  The ribs may be sliced off, in twos or three, and grilled to heat.  The gizzards?  I may just eat those, perhaps griddling them to a finish.  With mushrooms?  Sure.  It's a bit late, but I am hungry.

A strange new day.

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Up very early.  I let Sassy sleep with me last night for the first time in... I don't know, months?  It won't be a regular thing, but a few times a week?  I didn't get to bed until very late, so was surprised I was able to wake this early, 7:30 or so.

It was 64/67 upstairs, but 64/64 downstairs.  Outside was 50, but had been cooler, probably much cooler, as it was 47 when I went to bed at a quarter after one.  Very strange.  I just haven't see that much of a temperature rise, especially with a thin cloud cover preventing full sun quite yet this morning.  It'll probably make it out, unless more arrive.  But... very odd.

Blood sugar, first thing.  And?  One of the best so far?  So very very different.  It is 154 fasting?  I had two meals yesterday.  But, too, I had kefir... before each meal.  And I had a vinegar tonic after each meal.  The meals were light, two very thincut chops, if with three eggs, the other meal consisting of only one thincut ribeye.  The ribeye, even so, was twice as thick as the chops.  Those were almost just flavor.  And, yes, were bone in, from the rib.  They must have worked that bone saw, all I'm saying.

Good day.

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It was already down to 66, by 18:00?  When I went out to cook a small extra bite.  Two very thin cut chops and three eggs.  Nothing fancy.  Just a dash of salt on the pork chops, and pepper.  Nothing on the eggs, save tobasco.  And a dose of kefir.  All in plenty of time to be within the intermittent fasting window.  Now I'll have a dose of water and vinegar.  Blood sugar had dropped to 154.  I will check after this... just curious if meat will raise blood sugar.

Cleaned the grill a bit after the steak, but really cleaned it up after the chops.  I try to keep up on that, or it could really be a mess in a hurry.  After trying to keep up on pans, this is much easier.  Much, much, easier.  Actually, if I ever get a range hood in, with a fan and vent to the outdoors, and begin cooking in the house again, I'll probably have a lot easier time keeping up on pots and pans, being that I use cast and high carbon steel, or tri-layer stainless.  But that last is very easy care, compared with the others.  Once you learn the tricks of caring for a griddle, you can tend any other sort of pan.  It's the easy way to learn.  Especially cooking on it nearly daily, or two times a day.  And learning how to cook anything and everything cookable on it.

As I was getting ready to cook, the winds picked up.  I was afraid it was going to begin raining.  It didn't, and hasn't.  But still could.  Crazy weather this year.  If I am enjoying it for my part.  The odd thing is, the more comfortable I am, due to weather?  The less I am able to do.  It seems I can only work when miserable.  Crazy, isn't it?

Strange... things.

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Breakfast is going, or the griddle is heating and coffee is brewing, anyway.  A simple steak.  Chops for later, if I want more food.  Two, thin cut, small.  More like tenderloin chops than rib chops?  Probably.  Can never be absolutely certain.

It is just hitting 70 out there, at about 13:00?  Okay.

I was dreaming, recently, a day or two ago, about women being removed from the ministry.  Not even sure why that is a point for me, being Catholic.  I laughed, when I woke.  Knowing the dream must be fiction, for the protestant denominations.  They are what they are, and won't change to the good for anything.  Then... I... read... that it is happening.  Then again, if there was a church which had some potential, it would be that one.  It's... a start.  Strange, to me though.  As I have no connection with that church.  Even back in the day, before Catholicism, it was never quite my gig.  But... there was some small respect for it... distantly.  Until it went woke.

Still going to bed late.

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Thus, waking late.  I technically got to bed at midnight last night, but didn't sleep until one, maybe even two.  Did what I could.  At least I rested a bit, before sleeping.  Working on it, might be losing it.

It got down to at least 46 outside, at about when I went to bed.  So could easily have dropped to 42?  It was 64/67 upstairs this morning.  It is 66/67 downstairs this morning, I think the main is warmer than this front... that is what the different thermometer near my computer is reading.  Odd.  But, with the main of the house connected to a large underground cement and rock mass, it can only cool, or heat, just so much... mostly.  And, it is 61 outside, at a quarter past ten?  Very odd for July 16.  Wow.  But, okay.

Now, as with my mother, I do remember a cooler time when I was younger.  I am pretty sure it just happens.  Cyclically.  It just is what it is, happens as it happens, and we are just along for the ride.  Scientists just wanted to be famous, helpful, useful, but have proven to be the opposite.  Even if they could figure out how to solve it?  By the time they implemented it, it would be going in the opposite direction on it's own, and they would screw it up.  Perhaps they have.

Wasn't able to get the ssd on the ps4.

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Now I can't even get it to boot into safe-mode, with the original hard drive in.  It works, plays games.  But won't let me tinker, at all, beyond.  I have some ideas, but haven't found a way to change what I am thinking might be the problem.  It says I have two accounts on the system, beside my own.  But I can't find them.

They are legit.  One was a guest account, the other was from a friend who signed in to do something or other.  Or play coop back a bit ago?  Something.  But, I can't find them, to even begin attempting to remove them.  I have pulled the update file, for a new hard drive, from online.  And backed up the system, several times, on different drives.  Nothing.  I'll... check into it at some other point in time.

Just... taking it easy today.  Gaming.  I have finished, I think, or nearly, all weapons upgraded (that I have).  And a good deal of wealth stored for advanced games.  Though I will probably run through one more time, as fast as possible.  And, may always come back and play the easy portion, to pick up any trophies or such I otherwise missed.

Failure, again again again.

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Am I getting somewhere?  Maybe.  I won't know until I know.  I have tried three different ways.  All failed.  Then I found something, or looked at something differently.  The requirement was version 10.5.  I... thought ps consoles kept updated?  Apparently not.  So...

This time, I have updated the harddrive, with the main console software.  It is supposed to be to 10.5.  They said I could update online, but that didn't work.  Save to update the already running harddrive, it didn't work with the ssd.  So, right.  I have updated, and am now beginning the long process of backing up the system... again again.

When that is done, I will try to reset the ssd.  But!  While that is working, I will look, again, at the instructions for installing an ssd.  Perhaps there is more too it than what limited instructions are suggesting?  Or... that just... I don't know.  I'll look around just a bit more, see if there is just one more box to check, one or three or ten more things to do.  What a pain.

It was 59, last time I checked outdoors, some hours ago.  It rained a goodly bit, for a while.  Some of it quietly, some of it with rumble, some of it with pitty patting of raindrops.  Odd how it can rain without a sound this time, while next time it sounds like a herd of cats storming around on the roof.  It is right at 64~65 out there.  Sometimes the reading is just too middling to rightly tell.

Ugh, the backups had been taking... eight to twelve minutes.  Since the other update, this one is taking forty minutes to an hour.  Ugh!  I hate that.

Gah!

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First try didn't work.  A lot of time wasted.  Attempted to use an external harddrive for storing the backup.  Nope.  Or, at least, the console couldn't find it.  Albeit, I had used it to store a lot of games, as well.  Okay.  Fine.

So, I fund some flash drives, thumb drives, whatever.  Checked several out.  The problem is, as it was set up, they didn't have enough space for the backup.  So... I removed the shells of the games... the main of them are kept on the ssd.  Then tried.  There was enough space, so I am having it backup to that.  If... it works.

I'll find out after it takes it's pokey time backing up the system.  Then, after I change in the ssd and to a reinstall.  Or... attempt to do one.  It might not work.  This is why people hate working with this crap, at times.  The instructions are clear as mud.  It's more like invocations, some luck, and just chance, whether doing it one way, or another, or the other, will work... or not.  It eats time.  If I want time eaten, it is in playing stupid games, not waiting for a timekiller to become functional.

Old stuff finally being implemented.

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I had... things for the ps4.  For a long time.  Just... couldn't get to installing those things.  An external hard drive, external ssd, and internal ssd.  Well, I finally tinkered and got the external drives working.  Then, had to tear it down to get the cooling problem sorted.  All good.

But, I decided, finally, to install the internal ssd.  Which, hardware-wise, is about a tenth as difficult as a complete tear down.  Actually, only one panel needs to removed (no screws with that part).  Then, one screw to remove the drive sled, then four screw to remove the original (hard)drive.  Then installing the new drive, an ssd, in reverse.

That... isn't what stopped me.  It is backing up that hard drive, then reinstalling that "drive picture" onto the new drive.  Seemed... complicated... programmy.  Not my cup of tea.  Still, seeing what else I did, I decided to hit it today.  So, as I write, the original drive, while still in of course, is being backed up.  Takes... a bit.  But, whatever.  When that is done, all I have to do is shut the machine off, replace the drives, and then start up and put the backup to use by installing on the fresh drive.

Late, is the hour?

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Not as late as it could have, or should have, been?  I didn't get to bed until two.  Up, checking the machine, testing it... pushing it.  The fan never turned on.  Which... could have been a bad thing.  But, if it had been a bad thing, it would have lit up, telling me it was too hot.  It... just didn't get hot.  Will be testing it some more today.

As well, I have some minor tinkering yet to do.  But, that... won't be anywhere near as deep into her guts.  Just a slight surface software and hardware refresh, so she moves even more lithely.  Love it when I can make her dance, and feel like a fresh young thing.  Hmm?  Never... mind.  Just waking from... pleasant dreams.  Women can do that to a man, even an old clunker.

It was 68/69 (latter near me) upstairs, 68/68 downstairs, and is 63 outside.  Cloudy, pretty much full overcast, here at around a quarter after eleven.  I left everything open, hoping it wouldn't get too hot, too early.  And, with it being cool, have opened the front door a crack.

I... did it.

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A bit of looking, regarding the overheating of my ps4, resulted in a few probably causes.  Either dust collected deeper into the machine, in the heat exchanger.  Or... perhaps... dried out thermal past, for the main chip.  Well, or both.  Still, taking apart a ps4?  I'm old, foolish, forget.  Even when things seem clear, I... could miss, forget, or just make a mistake.

Still?  I... went ahead and started the tear down.  No, no pictures were taken.  No diagrams drawn.  Nothing.  I just did it.  The wood showed up.  For working on the window.  While it was on the way, I asked about thermal paste.  He thought he might have some.  I... suspected that would be his reply.  I was worried that it wouldn't work, but an opportunity, with no cost, seemed a... worthy chance.

He was going to have his brother bring it by, tomorrow, but decided to bring it by himself yet tonight.  I was quite grateful.  I... got on further into it.

Difficult, again.

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Cloudy this morning, 52 at nine when I woke.  Didn't get to bed until... midnight?  Something like that.  Would love to still be asleep, trying to maintain a day and night schedule with the correct orientation though.  Difficult, with the weather being so... odd.

It rained last night, a lot.  For a while.  And, probably rained through the night... probably in the very early morning as most of the moisture was gone.  It had all evaporated, I think, iirc, before I went to bed.  So everything out there this morning was fresh.  I think it was around 60 by 17:00 last night?  Or so.

Who knows if it will rain again today.  But it sure looks like it could.  I wonder if they are still saying we are in a drought?  Wouldn't surprise me.  Either way, they are planning on getting us back to drought levels.  Working on that day and night.  Bureaucrats have to be broken, or they will kill us all.  At least aristocrats only hurt small disfavored groups and particular individuals.  Bureaucrats hate everybody.  Aristocrats grew bored with even sadism, bureaucrats never stop, never quit, and are never right.

So damaged, lately.  I don't know how to escape this.  My heart doesn't hurt, so much, but it does drag slowly on.  It isn't working very well.  Diabetes seems to be getting worse.  Though... I did try potatoes, twice cooked, lately.  That... doesn't work.  Some theory about cooking it then reheating it creating inedible carbs... starches.  Nope.

I need to get back to just meat, but the problem is that the weather isn't cooperating at all.  Burgers, again, today.  But I need to thaw more meat.  Burger, steaks, chops.  I don't mind roasts, since it is cool enough, often, and usually at night, to roast those in there.

As well, kefir is coming back into play, albeit slowly.  I have nearly two big jugs in the fridge, and three fermenting jars.  But it is taking two to three days to ferment the stuff, instead of eighteen to twenty four hours.  Very cool.  Technically as warm as I was keeping it in the winter, but where the heat settles, and how it arrives, were different?  Something strange about the temps then and now.

The house, at 70, in the winter, seemed cold often.  Now it seems more just cool.  In the winter, the warmth is oddly distributed, and tends to rise.  Now, it is everywhere.  Strange.  Would think fermentation would be quicker, in the summer, but it hasn't been.  Then again, I would kick the furnace up to 72, even 74 sometimes.  So... yeah.

It is just 69, here near the computer, at nearly ten.  Very odd.  But, a cloudy day.  Such a strange summer.

I called my mom a few days ago.  She hung right up.  No worries, sleeping, or on another call.  It's... how women do.  But she got back to me yesterday.  Didn't say why she hung up.  I don't worry about it.  That is... just how women do.  I've known many, in many different ways.  Women are... just... women.  Like em', love em', hate em'.  I just laugh.  And cause them grief, if just by my nature, in return.  Someone said something, through a video.  I have to think it was a woman.  And... yeah.   I think... we both play that game?  *grins*  Heck... *rictus grins*

Rough.

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It could be worse.  I figured out why it seemed so warm the other night.  I had closed the window by where I sleep, and forgotten to open it before bedtime.  Odd how a few degrees can make such a large difference.  I am fragile, when it comes to changes.  Open last night, and temp was down at 69 when I woke, 66 in the main.  If, too, I awoke late, at nine.  So the sun was up, warming my sleeping side of the house already.

I didn't get down until midnight thirty.  Fighting with the machine, to get play time in.  Having to cool it off.  Shouldn't have to.  It's 70 in the main, for most of the day, or less.  Something is wrong with the system.  But it's dev created, company supported.  Asshole grifters.

It was 65 when I woke.  So I'll leave everything open, and even open the front door.  I got a shower in, first thing.  I really needed a shower.  Some days are tough, some weeks are tough.  I've just gone through both.  And, with a worrying new symptom.  My legs were numb this morning.  More on the right side, but the left has it some.  It is rare that I have a limb put to sleep somehow, rarer that I have a pair.  Actually, I don't think I have ever had both legs 'put to sleep', as they say, at the same time.  I'll change up my seating a bit today.

A headache, as well.  But, I'm not coughing up bloody foamy spittle.  And, I think I have voided a lot of the water and blood in me, where it shouldn't have been.  Doing better in some ways.  Sucks to be on the edge of infinity.  I... can't, won't, push off that edge, anymore.  God let me know, in I can't even count all the ways, that this task is for another.  Not even Him, I don't think.  It is... a.., product... death that is... of a system He created, being left no choice via our sin.  It isn't ours to claim, take, make.  Nor is it for other people, really.  Though... mistakes are made on both sides.  

Doctors, it is said, kill more today than any other single cause (more so if you add in bad medicine prescribed).  That's... not how it is supposed to be.  Do have to wonder how much of that is intentional.  These days, I would guess most of it, by the corruption in the system as much as by the hate taught to doctors against white males, or any whites?

Having tried suicide so many times, I can't act innocent.  But, in part, those attempts were because they weren't telling me the truth about my medical condition, or treating it.  So... yea...  I suppose I can lay this on them, fully.  Or close enough.  Not that I wouldn't have tried, if I realized how bad it was.  But, wasn't given the real option.

No rain last night, if the weather for it crept in.  It seems a usual thing, lately, to have a storm come through.  That doesn't mean it will rain, just that... it will cool things off, or maybe.  It got to 80, yesterday, and stayed 80 a longer than (of late) usual.  But, before five, it was down to 70, maybe into the 60s.

Ah, and I did remember to get the trash out last night.  Ugh, but that thing was heavy with all the freezer tossings.  What had been frozen bottles, ice packs, and some very old soup bones lost in there.  Out, a lot of stuff, four full kitchen sized bags, heavy, brutal.  And, having the freezer open, clear, sorted, is a nice side bonus.

I keep forgetting to get charcoal.  But that stuff is so expensive now.  Still, I have pork ribs I want to cook.  I just don't think they would do well on the griddle.  And, sure, the griddle has a grill, but I don't really want to use that as such unless something major happens, and there isn't another choice.

As well, this month or next, I'd like to start pulling the sliced beef and making jerky.  Just... to have on hand.  And, eventually, looking for the propane stove on stilts, to begin canning burger and maybe other meats.  Maybe twenty pints of beef, half that of beef roast and half of boned thighs... I'll do the deboning myself, it's exceptionally expensive to buy it boned.  Just to see if I could handle eating that.  Canned meat looks pretty gross, but done up right it can make for a very good, very quick, rather inexpensive, meal.

Well, assuming I don't die in the next few days or months.  Sheesh, but I really am in tough shape.  I can't get to food, though the weather makes that a gamble, cooking outside and all.  And... being able to eat isn't always possible itself.  Meh.  I'll... keep working on things.  Just one water pill today, and a few painkillers... of the aspirin type.  The painkillers more for the aspirin's abilities to mitigate or even stave off stroke and heart attack.  Yes, I... am just a bit worried.

More soup.

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.

Wanted to eat something else.  Just... didn't have what it took.  Definitely not earlier.  Now, as I am getting legs under me, the weather is closing in.  Wind and clouds, very likely leading to heavy rain?  Maybe, sure looks like it.  The type of rain which could hit at any minute, will come in buckets, and may last all night.  Or... it'll piddle on us like a bird, farting as it flees the scene.  Never can quite tell.

I just don't want to fiddle with the grill in the middle of a hurricane, not the eye, either.  So, soup.  Some of what was left over from yesterday, more new, and hamburger which had been cooked to a crumble.  I wish I had been able to get out yesterday.  Grated cheddar goes good with this.  I couldn't get out today, either.  Though stores aren't open.  If... that wasn't even a part of the problem.

A bit more rested.  I took extra water pills again today, but only three rather than five.  I seem to be... drying out.  I'll be careful, too dry is bad as well.  There goes potassium, which my heart really needs, probably seriously at the moment.  Tricks, traps, technique, favor, and luck?

I have been gaming.  But, am just repeating the game, on easy, until I get everything maxed.  And, will tinker with the items after that, see what I like at maximum levels... for the harder playthrough.  Plus, trying to take care of some of the lesser challenges and such.  I can't get them all.  Currently.  Just too difficult at my skill level.  I have doubts if I will get them all.

But, it is something to do.  I am improving.  The game cheats.  Causes aiming to be horrible, and such.  It's part of the gig.  They don't dare let you shoot like you really can.  They wouldn't have much of a game.  I wish they could wrap a game around actual skill.  But that would exclude the retards.  I'm old and ill, and skilled.  Bleh.  Little good it does in modern games.  Further, I think if the game senses you are good?  It seriously handicaps you, and vise versa.