Yes, good.

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I checked my accounts.  Good.  Not... rich?  Right, but not broke.  Until I paid bills.  However, that I was able to pay bills before payday?  That's... good.  I didn't pay the thirty or so from Home Depot, the remnant of the charge that was mostly refunded.  But that isn't due.  And, I wanted to pay other things.

As well, I reviewed what was in my cart, for amazon.  I have been cutting, and cutting, and cutting.  A few things, but a lot less.  I still have $200 in the cart, but won't be spending that much.  Cutting.  A pair of shoes every other month.  Plus a few things as needed.  Probably just $130 this month?  $115, unless something comes up.  Would like cheese.  Can pay through amazon.  But... may skip until next month.  Yea.  I'll... try to hold on to cash, and pay off bills.  

Late.

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Now, truth be told, while it seems I am just awake at 15:00, that isn't the real truth.  I woke up at ten.  Came down stairs.  And was about to start my day when... I realized something.  I have been pushing to the breaking point.  Sure, I can get up at ten.  But I am miserable.  I have been miserable for the last week.  Month?

Not the worst of my misery.  But I have been pushing to sleep less, to be up at certain hours, and... other things.  Which has been absolutely cripling me.  How can I get anything done if I dont' sleep until rested.  If I push, and shove, and... do that day after day, week after week.  Months on end.

The roast was bad.

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It was done rightly.  A nice medium to medium rare, after the ends were cut.  But the flavor?  There simply was no flavor.  Without adding a serious gravy, and butter, maybe cream, there was just nothing there to eat.  No more inexpensive roasts.  Just not worth it.  Good, if thinly sliced, for jerky.  Nothing else.

I did carve the rest of the chicken, and put the meat away.  I may store the carcass, so as to help the next time I make broth.  Or not.  I'll... see.

Not bad.

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Just some of the chicken, so far.  Might have some of the roast in a bit.  The skin got a bit papery, but the meat was good.  I had some of the breast meat and one of the hindquarters.  The breast will tell you all you need to know.  This was moist, done, if as always a touch bland.

I'll finish carving the bird, and put it up for the next few days.  Probably just eat it cold.  The microwave, thankfully, died.  And the oven doesn't reheat chicken well.  With the roast, I can slice thin bits off, and griddle them.  I just can't see warming chicken on a griddle though.

I am also restarting a fresh game on Cyberpunk.  I know the story, well into the game.  What I don't know is what works best, how things work anymore, and just how to do things even if those haven't changed.  I just don't remember what I am doing, or how to do it.  IF I can get into, and keep at it, I'll return to the saved game, at some point.  But there is a reasonable chance that I just can't dig in.

You... shouldn't make an exceedingly complex game, then change a bunch to make it mostly work.  Then change... how everything was arranged as to leveling?  Skill trees?  Everything?  How deep the changes are, I guess, will be sorted shortly.  But, so far, it's looking like... almost everything has changed.  Ugh.

Hmm... a bit of the roast, carving the rest of the chicken, putting the meats up, then?  Probably back to bed.  Can barely stand.  It's hitting 16:00.  So, for good or ill, I did stay up well through the day in spite of wanting to be in bed since, pretty much, I woke up.  Did I ever really wake up though?  I'd say no.

Ugh.  Or, perhaps I could stay up just a bit longer, tinker with the game.  I attempted to find information online, regarding my 'toon, in the new paradigm.  But there wasn't anything useful.  Just a lot of mouth breathing foreigners who can't speak English well, and don't really know much about the game... new or old.  Just... sellers.  They obviously can't play, just push the game onto their fellow countrymen.  Sound higher-q, but only for from wherever they are actually from.  Pushers.  Poor ones, in every meaning of the word poor.  But, aimed at poorer people, I guess.  Trash.

I'm not thinking many real people are playing that game.  And... for reasons.  Still, what other people do, or don't do, is of no concern of mine.  Bleh.  Grumpy, tired, a bit stretched, and... with other things on my mind. Later.  Or goodnight.

Trying to get to gaming.

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Cyberpunk 2077?  Aye.  But the recent update... changed... everything?  I won't be going in on their woke dlc.  They keep shooting themselves in the foot, and I keep letting them.  I just won't play their game, when they do it.  Or more than they already have.  Cool.  I don't care.  I need their dlc less than they need my money.  Further, bad fruit will poison the well.  Won't buy future games from them.

Though, for now?  I'll have too see if I can find a "recipe", for my 'toon.  I prefer to shoot and hack.  More hack, with shooting as a secondary, cover skill, and such.  Sniping, more than just shooting, if at all possible.  Sometimes it is what it is, you just have to do things on the fly.  Though, if you... have the skills, even in moments with no time, you... strangely... find time, sometimes, to still snipe.

What to do!?!

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I have been sitting here, trying to wake.  Looking over other bloggers' output.  Looking through y.t., which seems to have worse than died.  All they are offering is stuff not worth even considering.  Considering beginning a new game, just to do... something... anything.  But I just don't have it in me.

The options are slim.  Sit here, in an insomniac state.  Go back to bed for a while.  Or start a new or old game.  Just deciding is excruciating, in some odd way.

Awake already.

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Very early, considering bedtime.  Then again, not sure I'll stay up.  I think, from this morning, I understand groundhogs and their propensity to dive back into their hole after an initial look.  Though basing spring on that is a whole other human folly.  You... get what you pay for, I suppose.

I've been doing better, about holding pee until morning.  But last night was the first night of not going at all, until downstairs.  Still, I measured it.  A liter, just about exactly.  I do that so the stool doesn't get dirty as quickly.  Hey, it works.  Just rinse the liter and a bit thing out when you shower, or from time to time.

Late, but... okay.

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I was so close to finishing the game, or so I thought.  And, I was.  If it took longer than anticipated.  I didn't realize how much was needed to finish the game.  In terms of supplies.  Now, I had all the supplies needed.  Just not all in one place.  My two bases were very distant, and as mentioned there was no solid fast travel options.

Further, I couldn't know what was going to be needed.  And had limited inventory when traveling.  So... so it took a... very much longer time than... anticipated.

Kidneys.

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I was nervous to try those.  Looked up various suggestions about how to cook and serve them.  Then, had to look around quite a lot to find them.  Strange thing?  Found them the last place I looked, and would have looked.  My very own, daily driver, usual grocery store.

While doing a different order, I asked about kidneys, and I think some other things.  Liver?  For certain.  Maybe other things.  Now, they didn't have "other", but they did have kidneys and liver.  They have it in a special place.  With cow tongue and heart.  I would do heart and tongue, but those are so very expensive now!  When they were cheap cuts (too), I used to buy those.  No more.  Ugh.

Up a bit before noon.

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Not ideal, in either direction.  It doesn't feel like enough sleep, and yet it is so late in the day that it's cut half the day gone before it started.  Stuck with it, for now.  If it will move along shortly?  Unless my schedule is stuck here for a while.  I never know.  And all my efforts often come to naught.

She's not happy.

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I told her I was planning on selling and moving on.  She wasn't happy with just the thought, less so now.  Why though?  I can't take care of this place.  It should be in the hands of someone who can tend it.  But, that's... not what concerns her.

She does realize she could never live with me?  Right?  She does realize I can't afford an American wife, not a keeper.  Right?  And while, practically, too old to find a keeper wife, in another country that may not be the same.  And, in another country, I could afford a wife, and children.  Not here.

Sam is buried.

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It didn't hurt as much as I thought.  I was... glad to see her where she rightly belongs.  Two mice with her, from traps and one Sassy killed but wouldn't eat.  Sam sure would have.  Had to dig a bit more, and get extra dirt, but... she is home.  I'll miss not being able to see her.  Strange as that is.  But it was, is, is past, time.

Then I got help with getting my phone sorted out.  I'll have to do some work with it.  But, for now, it will do.  I have numbers and such stored.  It was factory reset, then updated, then restored.  Any time they want to reset it, I'll factory strip and restore it.  Can't trust the c ck suckers.  They wonder why they are hated?  Eventually, they will get taken down for these things.  Here, soon, earth, hell.  It's... not an option.

Ugh.

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Just a bit rough.  Up late.  The web crawling keeps crawling along.  Churning up old memories, old music.  I keep looking, seeing.  They couldn't be reading, and aren't really tabulating.  It's just... churning.  Clicking, then moving on.  Okay.  Probably.  Who ever knows, these days.  It's on an android though?  Very strange.

The internet stopped working last night, for me.  Which... got me to bed, finally.  I think around two, perhaps up to half after.  But I slept solid when I got there.

Some... thoughts.

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Musical... thoughts.

Cold.

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I was having a heck of a time today, and yesterday.  I thought it was around 70 in here, but no.  It's 66, 46 outside.  Raining.  But, snow on the peaks already?  Wow.  Winter is... coming.  Life will hit you fast, and this is so very fast, and hard.  So I turned the furnace on.  Wow.

Still going.

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At over 21,000 views, the crawler crawls on.  Probably viewed every post still available.  And, who knows, maybe through echoes... posts that are no more.  The internet, sort of, if you know how, is forever.  Yes, I... stayed up later than wanted, watching what was unearthed in the process.  Beautiful, dark, strange?  Aye.  So be it.

Sleep, though, was excellent.  I have figured out, for now, the perfect arrangement for the house.  Closed downstairs, one window open upstairs but the rest closed, and one fan on medium low or low depending one my mood, needs, wants at any given moment.  That has worked for the last month or so.  No fans anywhere else.  Well, a fan in this front room, on very rare occasions.    But, by and large, for the most part, and other phrases and terms along those lines.  

That didn't go over well.

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I called my brother a few days ago.  He didn't answer, usually doesn't.  Either he gets back to me or he doesn't.

He called tonight, but with business on his mind.  He said our mother was going to go, or was in the hospital.  But, he wasn't sure what was going on.  Wanted me to call the nursing home.  No problem.

A face from the past.

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A woman.  No, not a lover, or even love interest.  Familial, of sorts.  But... judgmental, I think.  Most of her life she thought little of me.  As a general rule, but then when I became ill, she let her dislike rule.  And, if only behind my back, she ripped and shredded.  I knew.  I... see, have eyes, ears, reliable ones... I don't listen to idle gossip.  But... catching things others miss, and pick up some clues just by my nature.

I've got to stop doing that.

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Following behind whatever is pecking through my post.  To see what is dug up, reviewing it.  As mentioned, I have posted well over 14k posts, half way to the next thousand or so.  I didn't read.  But, I was looking at old vids, entertaining what they meant then, and now.  As I sit and wait, for death or a second breath of some sort.  Can't seem to do more at the moment.

But, I am ending up staying awake very late into the night, until two or so.  Ugh.  And, yes, they might have clicked/viewed every post I posted.  Couldn't have read them, there is that.  And, yet, there were... responses, themes, at times.  Sometimes based on what I had posted, sometimes just as if sorted by ideas before, and plugged in to search for certain themes of the moment, or for a few hours.

Food, and more.

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A steak was set up.  The grill/smoker was set to go as well.  Checking on the grill, then getting the pork in.  But, tracking the steak, getting the griddle warmed, then cooking that.  Two different timers, trying to keep things right.  Worked out, so far.  A steak is a good meal.  this one cost around... $5.50~$6.50.  An inch cut, but new york strip, so not wide and no bone, at $9.99 a pound.

I keep thinking of the economy of eating meats only.  Even steak, usually, since I often only eat a single steak, at most, a day.  Or add half to three quarts a pound of burger?  At most, I'm looking at $14 a day, for food, rounding up.  Not... including coffee and kefir.  I usually spend $100~$125 per month on dairy (depending on various things, if mostly how many weeks are in the month, or Saturdays really).  At four, it's usually around a hundred, at five one and a quarter.

Near a record.

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At, currently, 14,020 views, and counting(?), since the 13th, someone has clicked on nearly every post I have.  Though, not every post.  Some were watched twice, or more.  Some were watched four to six times.  But at different times, over time, usually.  So, they must be going back to some of them?  It's got to be a web crawler, of some sort.  Just one with favorites?  Strange.  Well, and there is the usual thirty to fifty a day?  Maybe more, with the Mona Lisa type post.  That... garnered some attention.  More than almost any post I have posted in some time.

I was awake late, seeing... looking... watching.  Patterns did emerge.  I was surprised.  Whoever it was, is, behind it... is looking for at at things.  And responded to my post, as did y.t.  Against it's will, y.t.  But people can do that.  Much as cattle, in a fence.  If they get... startled, frightened, curious, or else, the fence won't hold.  So it is with y.t. and it's attempts to gatekeep.

Nudes, of the woman I loved.

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Awake, not dead?

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Oh, no... problem.  Just, some mornings I am surprised.  When I wake, and push through to stand.  Making it down to do a few things, while doing things, in preparation for doing what I can do through the day.  I partly spoke a prayer, I think, asking for help getting to dishes, and a shower.

Sassy was right there, but just asking for food.  Not first thing, today, but by eight or nine.  I thought about kefir, but... not until eight or nine.  Coffee, though, I'll have.  Without sweetener.  With potatoes used up, I can get back to keto.  And, next month, I won't be having my usual veggie cheats.  Just... stick to the grindstone for a while.  Carnivore, no sweeteners, just meet, heavy cream, and kefir.

Two meals today.

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And kefir.  It's a warmer day.  Up to at least 78, if I think that was about it.  It's 72 in the cooler part of the house, 75 up here in front... at least near the computer.  Hmm, may take the jacket off now that I am thinking on it.  Getting warm.  The warmest it has been in... a week?  Which is why I was already calling it fall.

Wearing warmer clothing, and a jacket.  Enjoying the warmth, an unusual thing for me.  I wasn't quite ready for winter, or even a hard fall.  Hoping we have some warmth over time, just a bit more.

Eugenia is still alive?

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Oh, a woman I... ran into.  And, lost track of since.  I was too busy dying myself to... follow another.  Not that I didn't care, or do?  But... I do.  I hadn't heard from, of, her in some time.  Still, a friend of sorts, once?  Or so I believed.  It sounds like the time is drawing nigh?

A good sleep, wake.

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Down a bit late, 23:09 was the last time I saw, on the way up.  Always have to fuss...  Undress, put on sleeping clothes, set up the bed, get tucked in... or what passes for that, then on to sleep.  Sometimes that is fast, sometimes it's a dogs day and takes an hour.  It was quicker, last night.

Sleep was good.  I closed the windows, opening them this morning.  Just too cool to have them open at night these days.  No fans going, either.  Might turn one on tonight, but with windows closed.  On low.  Just... fresh air thing, I like that, sometimes even in dead winter.

Someone has been going through posts.  A lot of them.  I've been enjoying seeing some of the older ones.  Brings back memories.  Sad to see music gone, but... I'm surprised any music remains, to be honest.  Between this and that, legalities, illegalities, censorship, and such?

The powers that be want to burn the whole place down, but want to profit from it too.  You can't have your cake and eat it too.  And no one is buying the new stuff.  Even if they get rid of the old.  It just... doesn't matter.  Have to start making our own, like we did back when.  Keeps the gatekeepers and "influencer" out, doing it on our own.  Hmm... something to think about.  You want music?  Get the family together, around the piano, or guitar, fiddle, or flute, or better all.  A few for vocals.  Don't have to be great.  The pleasure is as much in the doing, and being a part of, as in the product.  Plus, you'll always know what will be sung.  Some new stuff, to try, now and again.  But, really, stick with the old songs, Christian songs, pleasant, good, right music.  What if I told you, when you get to heaven you will be singing.  As I have it, that will pretty much be how you communicate.  Even in purgatory.  Hell?  I would guess so, it's just that no one else will hear you?  I can't say that, for sure.  Thankfully, I don't think I saw hell.  Unless it was just darkness?  Dunno.

Well, thinking out loud, I guess.

I made coffee the pour through method.  I recently bought that, but haven't had fresh coffee to try it with.  Today was the day.  It's... okay.  I add, of course, cream.  But no sweetener this time.  Trying to pull back.  Though, why.  While I finish off potatoes from the first of the month.  Those should already be gone, but I... wasn't eating fast, much, often.  So they didn't get used up.  I like, early in the month, to eat some carbs.  Avoid actual sugars, and seed oils, but... carby foods, first of the month, to create a reset.  Don't want ketosis to get too deep.  Worry, about that, just a touch.  And, it's a treat.  

So, it doesn't matter if I add sweetener until those last two potatoes are gone.  Today and tomorrow, it is hoped.  Still, wanted to try it in the raw.  It's good.  Not as good as french press, but takes a lot more coffee grinds to get any real flavor.  So... I'll usually stick to the press, save this for days I don't want to fuss.

It seemed warm, when I stepped out to check.  But it is just at 50, here at 8:31.  I didn't check the low... or did I?  Was it 40, when I woke?  Actually, I think so.  I was just... not very awake, so... memory almost slipped.  While 40, and 50, aren't cold?  When the days only get to the low to mid 70s as a high, it is beginning to feel cold.  Long sleeved shirts and heavy pj bottoms, with socks and else, isn't enough.  I'll have to start wearing long johns with pants or pj's.  And, possibly, an undershirt and/or jacket on top.  And I will keep the furnace up, when... that is needed.  The world has changed.  I have changed.  I think I keep losing weight.

I am sure, when I become statically thinner, find some base weight, then get used to it, I'll handle the cool, cold, better again.  Until then, as I keep changing, losing my "padding", insulation, I... will be subject to cold spells.  On the good side, a shower, hot food, the furnace, a blanket, or other things, can really help.  Can't do much about the heat, even ac's are limited.  But, I have gotten to the point where heat is less of an issue, up to a point.  I would never have believed, from twenty to even two years ago.  Eating right makes a difference.

On to... my life.  Some gaming.  A second cup of coffee, if either french press or just dehydrated?  An easy cup, going with the latter.  Nice to have options though.  Oh... 6,649 visits this month!  Though, who ever really knows.

Almost bedtime.

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A steak, for supper.  Half of one.  The other half is for tomorrow, I guess.  Thought I was hungry.  Was hungry.  But, not... that hungry?  Hunger just isn't what it used to be.  All good.  I don't mind that.  Thought about having burgers, too.  But started with food too late.  If I eat earlier in the day, sometimes a second meal can be had.

Dang, now I am hungry.  Just not hungry enough to make anything, or... do anything about it.  Sardines?  But not right before bed.  The... smell...  It's the smell.  I'll dream on an empty stomach.  But... comfortably.  Curious if that takes my dreams into dangerous territory.

Actually, fighting demons, or some of my other kin, isn't bothersome.  War isn't either.  It's... loving and losing, the hardest of ways.  Losing loved ones.  Those sorts of things.  Or, evil I can't do anything about, and those who can don't.  That can be rough.  Even fighting with one of my past women is... more... a pleasant memory.  Even if it was a heck of a row in the day.  Though, to be honest, I enjoy those things even in the moment most of the time.  Which makes it so I really can't lose.  Way to thick skinned for most women to get me.  Even when they get me, it... just tickles.

Besides, I know women are fighting, half the time or more, for sex.  The lead in, or post-processing thing.  It makes it more interesting for them.  Trying to jump ahead doesn't work, though.  They want a full head of steam going into the tunnel.  :p

No work today, but I keep thinking on it.  I'll... get there.  So cool!  It was 68 by 19:00 tonight, 70 by 18:00.  I think the warmest I saw it was 74?  Crazy.  Couldn't have gotten too much warmer.  And I am cold!  Wearing official clothing, and I am cold?  Went through a few frigid moments.  Hot coffee helped, a small bit.  Not not really, too.  I'm wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, to boot.  Shoes and socks, yes.  My fingers and toes actually hurt, a bit, for the cool.

It's... coming.  Fast.  Hard.  That ain't fall in the air, that is winter.

I called my mother today.  She is having troubles.  Pulled her rib, or such.  I... know what she is talking about.  Rolled wrong, or lifted at the wrong angle, or... something.  Probably didn't realize it at the time, thought she had it.  So, if you would, a small prayer would be appreciated.  Her name is spelled m-o-m.  :p  But you could call her Geri.  :)  Look, like me or not, she is eighty, in a nursing home, and doing her best.  Don't do it, or not do it, for me.  Actually, you are doing it for yourself.  But... that's a whole other thing.

I'll get medicine tonight.  Got it this morning.  As well, got the fresh coffee.  I have to admit, it's... not as good as I remember.  The french press was ready.  An easy go.  I've tried regular coffee strength, and a triple shot of the stuff.  I couldn't tell the difference.  I had one of each type, back to back, to compare.  And, I'm telling you, there isn't much difference between freeze dried (if I mix several brands to even each of their weaknesses and bolster their strengths) and fresh ground.  I was... a bit appalled.  Then again, price difference?  There isn't much.  I wonder if the beans in the store are... dated, just not purchased often, not rotated through as it should be?  But it seems fresh?  Dunno.

One of the people I spoke with, yesterday, sort of impressed me.  I don't think she likes me, but that doesn't bother me much.  I... don't expect it, or need that.  She told me how long she has been married, though, in our talks.  I don't think I pleased her with my response.  But it's true, she has been married, give or take, longer than I have been alive.  

They were in their twenties.  Her husband is a bit older, and is now 80.  Doesn't have strength, for some things.  But can still drive the equipment.  Though she believes he'd rather not.  Has to?  No sons, or not enough, to take over?  Not sure.  Didn't want to push.  She usually talks to me, when I go to those things.  But I still think she doesn't like me.  That's... most of my relationships, even with women I have lived with.  Ha!  I don't know, but I have to laugh.  Women DON'T like me.  Hell, my mother doesn't even like me.  But, that... isn't what I need from women.  Kin to kissing, it's not about friendship.  Or even civility.  Just... had to laugh, thinking back.

Still, I... would not have guessed her age.  She has me by twenty years, give or take a few, and doesn't really look it.  Feeling, probably.  Always... tired... as we age.  That just becomes more and more profound.  Speaking with my mother, I could sense it with her.  Life is hard.  She is... becoming very tired.  I think she is more tired than even I.  The rubric has been crossed.  Age is harsh.  In this case, harsher than even seriously poor health.

Anyway, it's about bedtime.  Sleep well.  See you tomorrow.  God willing.

I made it out last night.

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Dinner invitation accepted.  As well, I saw a few new and old faces, spoke with them.  One was just a young man when I moved here.  They were just having a baby.  The baby... is now 7 1/2?  9 1/2?  Yes, time... flies.  Beautiful girl.  Everything a man would want from a daughter.  I make the wife nervous, but then my size really... is...  I am quite large.  And a stranger.  

I just try to be... very... gentle around such small fearful feminine types.  Actually, I generally try to present as sound and humble around most folk.  If we need to zoom, we can do that, but from the basis of peacefulness as the first option.  I can take even a few sucker punches, even now, without a sweat.

That went smoothly.

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Mostly.  I was able to sleep on my favored side, and with less of a problem than on the good side the night before.  More fluid is helping.  I did do medicines, yesterday, save a full dose of the water pill.  For a bit, I'll just take one.  Feel the need to take something, as the extra fluid was showing up in my feet.  Gah!  Try as one might, eh?

I will be trying to cut sweeteners again.  That gets out of hand, from time to time.  And, before I know it, it's become a problem again.  Creatures of habit, and stress makes self-control... difficult to nigh on impossible.  For me to be sure.  On the good side, blood sugar dropped forty points from yesterday, and is back under 200.  Fine, 187.  I haven't been writing it because it's been right at or more... if the highest, yesterday, was 227.  Weekly average is back up to 189.  Bleh.

Can't quite sleep.

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Just too many things today.  I made some mistakes, but who keeps a receipt email that long?  Usually I do, but... when they started saying it was on the way, just delayed?  I relaxed.  Tossed the receipt.  Didn't know I wouldn't be able to access it anywhere after that.  Used to be I could go online, to their site, and find it.

Strangely, later, after the mess, I was able to access it.  I wonder if their web site goes down for some, or no known, reason, from time to time?  I couldn't access my order, to check whether I was being dealt with fairly.  Had to go by what they were pricing it at today.  Who would have guessed that doubled in price?  Though, I can see why the rest of the order "got lost".

What a nightmare!

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Okay, the $121 rebate was... in the end... fair.  Okay.  But, I didn't have the original invoice, and couldn't connect online.  Their e-store wasn't allowing me to check my account.  So, I did the next best thing, looked up the product and calculated the price.

By THAT, I would have spent $290.  As it turns out, they just recently jacked the price up, must have nearly doubled the price.  Which... also explains why I didn't get the rest of the packages.  They sold them back, at the higher price.  Amazon does that sometimes.  If the price goes up, for some strange demand?  They'll pull shipments on the way.  It's just how they do it.

Retards.

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Calling in to Home Depot's online sales service is like speaking with dumb and dumber, on drugs.  Can't count, don't understand, nothing.  The email I received said everything was delivered.  They are saying it was supposed to say eight of the ten packages were received (but only four were).  As well, they are saying everything that actually arrived, arrived in one package, but it was two packages.

The woman I am speaking with... can't count.  Doesn't seem able to add.  I'm... not sure what she can do.  I have been put on hold twice.  While she?  Looks things up?  Talks to someone who can add, subtract, think, do?  Why is she there.  Ah, it's obvious why she is there.  I'll tell you, after this, I won't do this sort of work with Home Depot.  They are incapable of delivering goods.  Probably more shrink, from the inside.

Feeling better.

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Not the best, better.  Better than earlier, far better than yesterday.  Still pretty rough.  All good.

It is just hitting 60 outside, at 9:39 local time.  Definitely cool.  Fall, what else can I say.  It's looking to be trying to arrive early.  All good.  I'm enjoying the moderate weather.  Even here, near the computer, it is just now 69 F.  What a flirty number.

A spooky sleep?

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Yes.  I thought things were going well.  I went up got into bed, and... it hurt.  All along the centerline of my torso.  Remember when I suggested my neck hurt, as if an artery was having trouble, or as if an infection was in there?  Well, that became the centerline of my torso.  Something really hurt in there.  Laying on the right side was impossible.  The left side I could mostly tolerate.  Didn't try my back, seemed worse when rolling over.  Can't sleep on my belly.  So... The left it was.

I had some trouble getting to sleep.  I was half expecting something really bad to happen.  Death, or some event leading to it.  Over time, between fear fading, and sleep overtaking me, I went on to sleep.  Slept rather well.  Dreamed, of talking to people.  Lots and lots of people.  People I am pretty sure are dead, some from long ago and I just don't know, and people who are living for almost certain, and live nearby.  I caught myself talking out loud, a time or two.  Had to chuckle.

Better.

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A lot better.  I wasn't sure things would improve.  I was hoping for some improvement, but... the type of hope that doesn't... mean much.  The type of hope for the hopeless events.  I figured, if things improved, it would take... a while.  Sometimes even that sort of hope helps out?  Well, that, and attending what I suspected was wrong.

I have only been able to have two extra bottles of water today.  It's what I could do.  And while things have greatly improved, I am still in a bit of a fragile state.  Bending over, say to put Sassy's food down?  Still feels like my heart is going to fall out of a pocket, or some such.  And, a deep breath still reminds me, that deep down in, it still hurts.

Someone is... digging.

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Pointing, thinking, saying.  Okay.  But, yes, I noticed.  You... definitely got my attention.  I am never sure if you mock, ridicule, approve, hate, or... some mix.

I... don't care.  I do enjoy the... memories.  Have to suspect you... dream evil, for my life.  Real or not, I suspect you... believe.  Approve?  I... see you.

Really rough.

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Too rough.  I won't take my heart medicine today.  Whatever it is, I overdid some things.  I'll... back off, a day, two?  As needed.  Something is terribly wrong.  Not... a health issue, directly.  External factors.  Extra fluid going in.  I won't drink excessively, just... a bit extra.  An extra, say, three twenty ounce bottles through the day?  I think I had gotten down to drinking a quart of kefir through the day, and two of coffee.  Usually I drink three to six bottles (or the equivalent, as I drink r.o. water too) a day.  But, lately, I haven't been doing that.  Just... not thirsty.

And I am paying a serious price for it.  Between lower consumption and taking the pills.  Oh, but I'm not even taking new pills?  I can't find them in the package.  So using stuff from... 2021 or 2022?  I hope they are that fresh.  Ugh.

Dehydrated.

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Taking medicines as I should, even a little lightly.  In my opinion.  But that was the doctor's call and I didn't want to fight on that particular point.  So, two per day.  Which, often, isn't enough.  However, with the weather hitting 70~73 inside, pretty much always, I have been drinking less.  A lot less.

It's 45 out there, give or take.

I wasn't adding the things up.  Didn't notice, until a few days ago.  Minor complaints.  Wasn't sure the cause.  Mild enough it could be anything.  A sore throat, along the length of the neck.  Some internal discomfort.  The heart being a bit odd, rough.  Was cramping, but taking the minerals helped with that.

Looking for the stupid phone!

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I looked upstairs, in my pants... the cargo pocket on my right side is usually where it would be.  Then, down by my bed.  I looked through bed.  I toss it there, when going to bed.  Then, usually, hook it to the charger there and then.  Nope.  Bathroom?  Sometimes, when I am in there, if I have it in hand, and don't have pockets, I set it in the top drawer.  Nope!

My health watch has a way to connect with it.  So I tried that.  No, said it wasn't connected?  Should have been.  Was yesterday?  Annoying.  I was about to text my friend, ask him to check the truck tonight.  Then I started thinking back.  What was I wearing last night?

Up, but bodily grumpy?

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Up for an hour, ten, and change.  Neck, shoulders, back all sort of rusty... grumpy as I put it in the title.  Not really painful, just... catching, one on the others, and difficult to move quickly.  I'll work through it through the day.  It's all good.  Pretty tired still, too.  I think I was down right before midnight.  Still, I suppose that was a short sleep.  And, yesterday was long and heavy.  All good.

It was 42 out, first thing.  The sun wasn't over the mountains yet?  Not even close.  Yes, it's that time of year.  Sneaks up on a guy, from time to time.  Still, I love these things.  It had almost warmed a degree.  Wasn't sure if it would drop or rise yet.  I'm not sure it's a fifty fifty thing, but probably closer to that than anything else that would be easily written.

Sassy was fed, first thing.  He litter cleared.  She rarely has a stinking poo, but this morning was one of them.  We all have our days.  Gaming, next.  I'd like to get another shower through the day.  Then do the dishes.  Perhaps start some laundry?  Not much else.  Just too tired, sleepy, and exhausted.  Some days I can pull things out without costs, some days I can't.  Still, good to push things from time to time.

On to some gaming, I think.  To try to get the brain working.  Medicine is in, down.  And mineral extras today.  I think I missed medicine last night, for good or ill.  It happens.  On with the day.

Caught up with the young man.

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Married, now.  Living out on their own.  Working two to three jobs at a time.  One more than full time, the others when he has time, or on certain odd schedules... Four jobs, actually.  He hasn't slowed down a bit.  Wife doesn't always like it, but... it... is... good for them.

I told him things when he was young, about women.  I am all but certain he thought I was a sex maniac, or fiend.  Now that he has married?  He laughs, and... learned.  It's... not all that bad.  He was thirteen, and would have figured women out soon enough anyway.  I... may have taught him a thing or three.  *grins*  Though he is learning some things on his own.  I just... like hearing the stories of life.  Sounds like married life is... what it is, for good and ill.  I am pleased he is... there.

Noon thirty.

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Not much else, yet.  But about to hit things.  Sassy was fed, the grill has been started... for eggs and hashed browns.  I'll finish up the flatware, then remove those and shower.  The shower after breakfast.

I did get kefir switched over.  Fresh jars, for the refrigerator.  After the rest of the dishes, the next time I change that out, I'll redo the fermenting jars too.  I have been keeping up on it well enough that those fermenting jars have lasted well, without getting too funky.  As well, I pulled some of the excess grains, and froze them.  I'd like to have three batches frozen, then switch a jar or two out every few months.  But do it while I am using the old, so that I don't have to drink kefir from that.  Then, just switch in the new, for whichever of the old smells the most funky.

Okay? Well, sure!

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Trash and recycling, after browsing the web in rest mode after the first shot at things.  Cat litter cleared, Sassy fed, kefir consumed.  Good, a night shot.  Coffee made, but I need to go get that.  Not bad.  I wasn't sure anything would be done.  And before seven, got it by six thirty.  Worried, mostly, about the trash and recycling getting out in time.  But out it is, and in time.

Yes, coffee, and medicine.  Soaking my kefir jar.  I don't wash that every time, as with my coffee jar.  But I do like to soak the kefir, in the hottest water the hottest water heater setting will allow.  That... cleans out any organic, especially when just left to soak, maybe rinsed and done again if needed.  Coffee cup?

Awake, and getting to things?

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Well, I started quickly.  I cleared and dishes, setting them aside for now.  I'll rinse them after a shower.  Washing the freezertop as I was doing that, and putting flatware in, to be soaked, then washed a first round as I go to take a shower.  I was making plans as I woke.  Dishes, a shower, brushing teeth, and trash to go out.  For chores, Sassy will get fed shortly, her litter reset, fresh water set out.

I give her a bowl that has five cups in it.  She only, ever, at most, drinks one to two cups.  Then, what is left, must be too tainted for her.  Backwash, and whatnot.  Just the way of it.  But, since I started changing water daily, she is keeping herself much cleaner.  I don't fully understand all things cats, but I will work with her.

Pretty much nothing?

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Mostly.  I did feed Sassy, changed her water, cleared and reset her litter boxes.  I just haven't been able to do much more.

It has been thundering, much of the day?  Or... something.  Then, it started rumbling extra loud.  Then rain?  It was eighty, last time I checked, an hour or so ago?  Give or take.  Not tracking things well today, which is fine.  It's one of those days.  Anyway, I got out and checked.  Yes, it's raining.  And wow is that rain cold!  Plus, it was down to 64!  That was quite a drop!  All good.

Not much.

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It's 76 out there, at almost 11:30.  Not cold, by any means, just... cooler.  Cooler by the day, with little spikes from time to time.

Looking out there, it feels more like living in the old West than living in modern times.  Not a bad thing, mind you.  Almost get the sense of little house on the prairie, or the notes of a retired mountain man, finishing his days in some valley he used to hunt beaver, deer, elk, bear, and else.  I do like it here.  Even if I don't belong to those worlds.

Up!

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Can't be sure when I went to bed.  I think it was around 16:00.  With the last post being around 15:30, or so, it's possible.  I was cooked, from this and that, when going to bed.  It was a longer day yesterday.  More going on that I have done in weeks, even months seemingly, combined.

A success.  All good.  I didn't get it all, but I got a good lot of things.  Dishes, first thing this morning.  Well, trimming my whiskers before even that.  And a shower after, then setting up the dishes to a rinse.  Oh, from the meal yesterday, I need to clean the freezertop off again.  Bleh.  But, fine.

So-so.

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The ribs were rather good.  Done, very done.  But very good, or definitely good enough.  The roast?  Meh.  I'll see if it makes better seconds.  As well, I carved from the end, so of course that will be more done.

But it wasn't just the food, this time.  It was getting the smoker back into action.  And it is.  Cleaned, cleared, fired, with the cast iron grill seasoned, clean, nice.  Pretty good for an old smoker.  I think it is older than Sassy!  :p  And the griddle is clean.  So, yeah.  Life is pretty good, even if the food was just so so.

Moving right along.

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I did get the smoker going.  Took a shower, then reset dishes.  Washing the freezer top a quick final time.  Odd how that can get dirty so quickly, even just a bit.  As well, I just checked on the smoker.  Cold as room temp.  No good.  So, I gave it another go.  Looks like it's working.  The ash tray had become full, that first burn off and seasoning effort earlier topped it off.  Had to empty that.  Now it's working.

I'll check it in fifteen.  If it's going well, then, I'll let it run for forty five minutes before checking it again.  Nothing fancy.  Then every half hour, if it's anywhere close to temp.  If both are just at a hundred, I'll give it a full hour longer.  May put potatoes in there.  Gotta scrub them first.

Smoother than anticipated.

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Aside from the grill/smoker taking a bit longer, everything else is moving along at a good clip.  I did hit the cast grill with more coconut oil.  She's looking pretty.  Black, not... grungy, grey, mottled.  Clean metal, and dark, smooth.  I can't wait to get her working on the meats.

As well, I did do the dishes.  Hit them all, and set them aside.  And, cleaned two pee jugs out.  I should do those as soon as I bring them down.  It's taking a week to fill them up, since I started medicines.  And that is bringing them down before they are completely full.  Bleh.  And ugly task, but it allows for better sleep.  Having to get up, or even go over when I slept downstairs, several times a night, really chewed into my sleep.  This?  Just takes a bit, and I'm right back to sleep.

A good boy.

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I guess, these days, they call it a good boi?  Or... is that the negative?  I never can tell, and I'm not sure they know.  If, too, it means what... they say it means, when they say it means what they say it means?  With a hundred genders, and only two sexes, I guess it's the same as with only so much gold, but so many dollars?  Ha!  And... the value for the worth matches as well.  Check.

Never mind.  I did get to the grill.  Took a bit to light it up.  But that isn't uncommon.  Got it going, and well.  Sometimes that will ash the grill and grates and else.  But I would have had to let it run hot, and for longer than I was interested in doing so.  So, I got the brushes and scrapers and got to it.  Nice.  I cleared it off, then let it run a bit longer, hot.

Awake, a bit earlier than hoped.

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A quarter after one.  No real choice.  Some days, when I am awake, that's it.  And, I hate just laying in bed.  Actually, I can't.  If I'm not sleeping, the floor mattresses are just not comfortable.  Painful, actually.  Fair enough.  I would rather have it this way, than to be able to lay about.

Oh, but Doom, you did lay about, for years, decades?  No, no I didn't.  I slept, for years, decades.  I had no more choice then as now.  I couldn't wake, get up.  The health/fitness tracker watch explained it all.  Without medicine, it is as if my body is working out ten times the recommened amount.  It wants 150 minutes of higher intensity body numbers, I was putting out 1500, per week.  More than the weekly recommended per day.

Even on medicine, and doing almost nothing, I am putting out the 150 minutes a week, of high intensity.  So, if I add work to it?  Yeah.  I wasn't sleeping needlessly.  My body is just shot.  Medicine helps, a bit.  But, still, I am doing more high intensity minutes a week than most of you.  And that when doing nothing.  Curious how it will look, this fall (I hoped), as it cools, and as I am (I hoped) able to dig back in to work, efforts, chores.

So, down at... a bit after 18:00, I think.  Up at 1:00, or so.  Not as much sleep as I prefer.  But it will do.  And, I really wanted to sleep until, say, three or four.  Just couldn't do it.  All good.  Blood sugar rose, a bit, at 175 fasting.  But is dropping on average, finally?  Very... strange.

This morning?  I'd like to check the thawed meats.  If good, I'd really like to get the smoker cleaned, burned, and ready.  Then get the things going by sunup.  I need to hit those dishes in there, they keep stacking!  Ugh.  Then get a shower.  As well, start a load of laundry.

I have been doing small things, here and there.  But very small things, very light, very occasional.  As the world cools, I am hoping to catch my breath, begin catching up, and hit things more and more.  Maybe even church before long.  To get my world back, even just a bit, will be nice.  I can dress more warmly, for fall, winter, spring.  But there isn't much I can do with the heat.  And, while I am able to keep my home cooler in the summer, and willing to pay for warmth in the winter, there are limits because of outside realitites, and the "corners" of the house.  

No house has ever been able to escaped those things... save, to a degree, submarines.  The sleeping quarters were 66 to 68, full stop?  Seemed cooler, if... that is one thing I didn't learn, or don't remember.  Cooler.  Good for sleeping.  Needed.  While the engineering section and galley were kept warm, more like a kitchen... with a wood stove.  Warm, to almost hot.  A nuclear plant gives off a lot of energy which can be used to keep the work places infinitely warm.  But, too?  The "corners" were the same as the mains.  Hot, or cool, all around.  Quite an interesting system, really.  Hmm... maybe I should get a nuclear plant!  :p

A bit of gaming, first.  Some coffee, and kefir.  Then, dishes... washed and set aside.  A shower when I can.  The dishes back in for a rinse, or a few another soapy soak.  Then laundry started.  Hopefully, in parts, but all by sunup.  Then to get the grill burned.  I'll get that set up now, actually.  Then game.  Just a bit of coal in there, to burn out.  Then oiling the grill, after "dusting" the burned stuff off.  Smoking works only for bigger cuts, but the open fire grill is good for burgers, from time to time.

Yes, I best get some coals in there, and get them lit.  Just enough to sort it out.  Later.

More burgers.

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It's not fancy, but it is tasty.  I do enjoy the simple, more and more these days.  Five patties today, from two pounds of burger.  How much drains off is hard to tell.  No cheese on these, and just two.  Bigger burgers.  No buns, or ketchup.  And until the mustard seeds arrive, no homemade mustard.  A touch of salt, and it is fine.

As well, it looks like it only got to 83 today, here at my home anyway.  And, by 15:45, it had already dropped a degree.  Cooling that early?  Definitely fall.

Good, good.

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It is just 13:29.  A twelve hour waking cycle, so far.  But I am doing well.  The plan is to try to make it to 16:00~18:00.  Possible.

It is 78 out there, or last time I looked.  It could easily go well to 88, heck 95?  Maybe.  Or it may begin cooling.  Strange weather this year.  Just can't be certain.  It still has that fall feel though.  As if the sun just isn't giving it's all, even for this time of the year.

So very hungry.

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Strange.  I am rarely hungry these days.  Mostly I just get a sense that I should eat, or I want to eat.  I very rarely actually have a physical hunger.  Especially since I have been cutting sweeteners, carbs, and such.  Even keto sweeteners.  Blood sugar remains higher than I like, at 175 fasting, and 165 just now.  Probably too soon after my meal, but... yea.  I'll check in a few hours, not have anything between.

Kefir, a good load of it, earlier.  About three cups.  Then a coffee, but with cream but no sweetener.  Then three burgers, two with a slice of swiss and munster cheese.  One of each for two of the burgers.  No carbs in those cheeses, I check.  So, no carbs, whatsover, today.  And few yesterday.  Two drinks with only three drops of sweetener per.

Crashed, hard.

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Early, around 13:00 to 15:00?  If closer to the earliest number if I had to guess.  In part for the little sleep the night before, but mainly for medicine.  I took my night meds right at about bedtime, and took morning pills right when I awoke.  That was too close together, about four hours.  I felt it immediately.  I had to push to make it as far as I did.  Brutal.

Yes, I need to keep at least eight hours between medications, even if sleep is involved.  Maybe more so?  The body doesn't process as much, while sleeping, if I had to guess.  I didn't dare take nighttime meds, when going down.  I was still reeling from the stuff.  I've had that happen before, but while I test many things, I haven't tested that, by taking more meds on top of it.  I do heed some warnings.  That's one of them.

A good morning.

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Spending money like I have it.  But, really, not all that much.  The smart watch I have, which tracks many things, and vibrates me awake... when I use it?  Well... the problem is, it's an expensive watch.  If I use the vibrating alarm, while that does work, it absolutely smashes the battery.  One thing I figured out, with lithium and most rechargeable types of batteries?  Keep them above half, or higher, and the longevity is... remarkable.

So... I have ordered two different, relatively cheap, vibrating alarm wrist watches.  I'll compare.  If one is absolutely subpar, it'll go back.  But if they both work well, I'll keep them... for variety, possible travel, etc.  Not only will I use them for waking, but one is specifically made to help remind people to take medications.  I... could use that.  Might wear all of them, for the rough days?  Though, usually, that vibrating and soft noise, and light if it does that, helps a lot.  It really does work.  Mostly.

Down late, up early.

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Hoping this sorts out to early.  But may just be run over by my schedule again.  Okay.  Kefir, cheese freshly cubed, walnuts, and pecans.  An odd breakfast, but a good one... some mornings.  What, down around midnight, one?  Up at four.  A bit before four.  Still, going for it.  I'll have coffee in a bit.

Then?  Feed Sassy, clear her litter, change her water.  Fresh water daily, she uses it, so I do it.  She used to not, but something changed.  All good.  On to dishes, hit them, move them aside, take a shower, and then put them back for a final rinse.  As well, wash  the freezer top.  It is still cleared, from when I sorted meat.  And, I may pull more, for the fridge freezer, but I'll have to restack that to do that.  Anyway, but the freezer top has gotten messy, as I use it for my cook prep.  The countertops, even if they were cleared/cleaned, are too low and uncomfortable for my efforts.  The drop-in freezer is just right.

I think that was the high?

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I checked between an hour and two ago.  It was already down to 72?  That's crazy.  Upstairs, without anything going, with windows open, it is 70 in the main.  Very strange.  But, fine.

Medicine was taken.  I think, if I miss a dose, it really throws sleep off.  If I take it, it kneecaps me.  Still, at 18:00, I've done well.  The goal is to get bedtime to 20:00, then keep it there as long as I can.  Not sure I can stop the advancing sleep, or this time.  But, that is the goal.

Just 75 out there.

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At almost thirteen hundred, or... one pm if you must.  It's fall.  It didn't come.  It just arrived?  Dropped out of the sky like a smart bomb that actually works.  It got down to 43~44 last night.  Very pleasant.  But heading to cold in a hurry.  This is October weather, maybe November some years.  Not early September.  And you feel it.  Something is so very different.  The world, politics, economics, social.  Everyone knows something is off, wrong, coming, going.  But no one seems to know what.  And you can't tell them.  They know better than their own instincts.

Arm up?  It isn't unreasonable to go armed.  Be armed.  Have arms.  But I wouldn't put all my effort or coin into that.  Put some food up.  Really.  Is it worth going to the stores if you have to be armed to do so?  And, would that turn out how you like every time?  All it takes is one "no" for that to be a final act.  So, put up food, maybe a few bandages and general medical.  Use it and replace it, from time to time, just like food.  Even if it isn't terribly necessary, currently.  Pretend that there are no doctors, or they are... problematic?  More problematic?  Or unavailable to you, for... whatever reason.  Learn to tend little things, before they become big things.  Learn to endure pain.  Life isn't easy.

Awake a bit before two.

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A few hours have gone by.  Someone was looking at some interesting, to me, musical posts.  A handful of them.  I wonder if that is why the skinwalker video popped, out of the blue?  Oh, I think I was born with that, or something like it, in mind.  But no telling about tastes?  I... decided, strangely, that I... prefer the divine.  The true, the good (real good, not our claims of or to it), the beautiful (not just in a fleshly way, but there are... sometimes... corollaries), and other such.

I went seeking that.  And, God forbid?  I found it.  But... He didn't forbid.  I was caught attempting to steal food off His table.  But, that... is precisely all He asked of us, that we consume Him.  Being caught, doing His will, was... not a problem.  Though, there... is a better way.  And, He wrestled me to it.  He is rather... strong.  If you want Him in your life, in you, there... is a price.  Just your life.  But, that was something I had been trying to throw away, by that time, longer than some college kids had been alive.  So...

Another strange day.

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Beginning this post two minutes before. Sixteen hundred, that is.  Google has the time wrong, perhaps when posted?  But... I don't think so.  Their timing is way off, if I think that has to do with the KGB, US form of it, wanting control over the internet.  Anyway...  Calling it.  ;p  As I was sitting there, I became a bit afraid.  When pushing things, and this time I am pushing... successfully at that... I lose my senses.  I could be ninety, in here, and I wouldn't notice.  Until I tried to sleep it in.  Maybe.  Or sleep would be horrible, even if I didn't notice.

So, I hopped up, and shut it all down.  But wanted to see what temp it was.  70 F?  At 16:00?  Wow.  It got down the 52 this morning, before plunging to 47 (might have gotten cooler still, just the numbers I personally saw).  It went from the high 80's, to 80, to 70, in a matter of days.  Not even a weak, and it crashed.  Interesting times.  Which is why some of the greatest philosophers hope you never live in... interesting times.  Boring times might be dull.  Interesting times are often horribly final, or... worse.  There are worse things than death, I remind.  Though, these are really only the portents of interesting times.  Only if this continues, and on it's current real trajectory, will there be interesting times.  A small or full blown ice-age.  We'll see.

Finally.

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Did I mention I have been... incapacitated, of late?  Well, yes.  Trash needed to go, as did recycling.  Recycling doesn't collect too quickly, and I did get that the last time it was possible?  Or... the time before, actually, so four weeks ago.  Still, didn't have much.  But trash?  I think that has been three weeks.  And was... causing problems.

I had checked with a neighbor.  Who said trash pickup was today.  I think it is supposed to be recycling day, too.  I planned to do it through the night, but realized at nearly eight that I hadn't!  I jumped, got it going.  Got it all out... pretty quickly.  Quickly enough though?

Twenty hundred, and pleasant.

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When I woke.  It was 70/71 upstairs, 71/71 down.  A few fans going, but that was it.  It was 54 when I went to bed right at ten.  It is 52 now.  Not sure if it warmed.  But it did rain in the interim.  Coffee, as I wake, and veggies.  Other than the fried chicken dinner, which is playing havoc with blood sugar anyway, my other "cheat" this month was veggies.  A pack of carrots, celery sticks, broccoli, and cauliflower.  I separate the veggies into their own packs, otherwise they would go bad faster, together.  Then, munch on the varied.  I always cook broccoli, rarely pop a fleurette in for a raw chew.  But the others I eat raw, if sometimes, rarely, cooking the cauliflower.  Celery sticks, carrots, and a few cauliflower fleurettes tonight, with coffee.  I'll have a dose of kefir before long.

Trash and recycling, gathered, out, and to the curb.  Hitting the dishes and a shower.  A load of laundry from start to through, while folding the towels which already went through?  That's... the plan.  Plus gaming.  I have figured out a couple of bottle-necks in the game.  So can run until I have to find another difficult to solve, or find, element or puzzle.

Almost ten.

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Finally going to bed.  Probably.  Goodnight... day...  You know what I mean.

Didn't make it to bed.

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I simply wasn't sleepy.  Not even a little tired.  It ended up raining a fairly good lot, from what I could tell.  Or pretended to do so.  Tomorrow isn't garbage pickup day, so I did get that right.  On the good side, the fellow I asked... also did not know.  Had to ask himself.  Probably asked the mrs.  If they are talking.

Not saying that they aren't.  Just... if you've ever had a woman, you... know there are times when you don't talk to her, or she doesn't talk to you.  Strange sort of punishment.  *grins*  Oh, no!  Not talking to me!  For a whole week?  Especially if sex is still on.  Like doing it with a stranger!  Yipee!  *cough*  I mean, so... hurtful, of her!  I'm single, I can say these things.  Probably won't be burned out of my home.  Probably.

The strangest things.

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.

I lead a simple life, finally.  Simple doesn't always mean plain.

I was... getting a sense, that it would rain.  So I kept checking.  Wasn't really possible, or likely, by the looks of things.  I couldn't shake the feeling.  I've been wrong before.  Not often?  We remember as we like, mind you.  Whether true or not.  Oh, this I know.  Even about myself.

So very strange.

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It isn't just sleep which is stretching.  Fourteen hours down, this last time.  And, yet, nearly twenty four hours up this shift?  Or... will be before I go down.  Medicine.  And the end of summer.  Working in concert.  Then again, because of it, medicine is being missed.

I am neither trying to stay up longer, or sleep longer.  I wake as I do, I sleep as I must.  When I wake, I get up.  No pushing, shoving, trying, or else.  It's just that I have no way to push off, no direction to push toward.  I'm... in a fog.  Harshly.  I am gaming, which helps me... focus.  Just a tiny bit.

More gaming.

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It's what I can do.  Hoping to hit dishes today, get trash and recycling ready, out, and then... not to the curb?  I don't think they will come Monday, holiday?  Right?  I'll... ask around.  Oh, and maybe some laundry?  I've done three loads, all dry, but... just sitting in the wash room.

It's hitting right around 72 out there.  The coolest I saw it overnight was 58.  For some reason my mind was suggesting that was cold.  But... it's not.  I don't know.  When sleep is messed up, the mind sort of... thinks strange things.

Ugh, but, okay.

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Sleep and waking are all over the place.  I can't be absolutely sure when I went to bed, but I think I woke around 19:00?  My app/watch combination is suggesting a 3:17 down, and a 19:44 wake.  Okay.  Maybe.  Sounds about right, come to think about it.  A very long sleep, though why?

I cleared the freezer, to get meat put up yesterday.  Today, not first thing, but other than feeding Sassy and getting her fresh water, the first thing I did, was to clean it off, and reset kefir while I was at it.  Later, I'll pull meat.  Not for thawing, just for putting into the fridge freezer.  Three two pounders of burger, a few steaks, and maybe some chicken.  All I have is whole chickens, these days.  Parts are often questionable.

Out.

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Took two days to finally get in and get my order picked up.  A shower taken, before hand.  Brushed my teeth too.  They are rough.  A dental appointment would be good... whenever that might happen.  But, for now, I'll do what I can.

Steak.  I didn't order more.  A few roasts.  And some general items.  Nothing fancy, but it sure was expensive.  Yea.  But, so be it.  As mentioned, I'll eat these steaks, all of them, down, and burger, before buying again.  Though, if I see a good price on burger, or prime rib, I'll... go there.

A strange morning.

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Top to bottom.  Going to bed so very late, at 20:00... or so.  About killed me.  But, first, I had so many things to do.  Then?  Then I just couldn't, until I could.  A minor bout of insomnia.  Minor is far better than major.  Then waking at three thirty?  Or so?  But... comfortably.  It wasn't a push.  It wasn't uncomfortable.  I didn't wake tired, but have to wake.  It was... a good wake.  It has been a good morning.

Nothing fancy.  Still rather crushed.  Can't do much.  But I can breath, enjoy some coffee, say prayers for the travelers as they pass, their families, co-workers, and such.  It's become a pleasant hobby.  And... none of them ever know.  God does, and listens.  Probably angels too.  A prayer... opens doors.

It had been cool, but by five?  It had jumped to 70.  Here at eight thirty it is just 73.  I worried, with it that warm before daylight, that the sun would crisp the world.  Not so much.  If, too, it looks like there were clouds blocking it's attentions.  It could well end up an exceptionally hot day.  Or... not.  Odd how weather can be invisible, yet have a dramatic affect on the temperature.  A clear sunny day that doesn't get above eighty, or a cloudy frigid day which oddly drops to negative forty.  Clouds usually keeping things warmer, but something... shifted.  Not even wind, just a cold body of air, or warm one, moves in.  Unseasonably?  Invariably.  Odd, this world we live on.  Wouldn't bet on it, anything about it.  But wouldn't bet against it.  Until God says so.  Or... more... lets us say so, when most have gone that way.

Anyway, a very strange morning.  But a good one.  Have you ever breathed well, comfortably, happy in your skin, without pain, or oddities.  Just lived a little joy of a span of time?  I am doing that this morning.  I am grateful for my life, even when in pain.  When not in pain?  I live like a king.  The king of no one, or myself, in a fashion.  Learning from my Teacher how to be truly royalty.  And today is... a good day in that way.  Being king is... not always nice, gentle, friendly.  Ask God, Whose image you are made in.

Later.

Well...

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Still awake.  I made a personal call.  Then awaited a delivery.  Only got forty percent of the order though.  So... went hunting for the rest.  As it turns out, the rest is on the way.  Mostly make sense.  The boxes, for just the four of ten I received, are huge.  Two bags of sixteen pounds of 'cowboy' charcoal per.  And, yes, that's a lot of volume.

Anyway, I did get those in, off the porch.  Not as... heavy as I feared.  Then again, that is only forty percent of the order, and I was only able to carry twenty percent at a time.  These boxes were pushing my ability to grab and maneuver as is.  Two boxes at once was impossible.

Got them.

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I called the eye clinic in SLC.  No truly local options.  They did have the potential for a clinic in Pocatello?  Idaho.  Not all that much closer.  I called them, but they have... a prison outreach handling their calls?  No, just... no.  Still, I have an appointment in SLC, for both an eye checkup and glasses setup.  Actually, I'll probably cancel the eye exam.  I don't want it.

Then a call to dental.  They have already heard about me.  Good?  Bad?  Which is unusual.  Normally the vet calls, then they send information back and forth... at whatever pace (not fast, usually), then an appointment is set up.  Just because information has already been sent, doesn't mean that the rest will be speedy.  Can hope, but not great worry.  It has been four or five years.  Between covid and just having trouble getting up there...  So... much needed.  At least I don't think I have any dental issues.  Probably.  Save really... dingy teeth.  Coffee will do that, as does drinking vinegar.  Bleh.

A pretty good night.

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I didn't get to anything.  Other than making a meal, that was it.  Blood sugar is 152 just now.  Whatever.  Some kefir is going down.  I really should get back to having kefir just before any meal, then a vinegar tonic right after.  It both makes the meal more filling, and helps with blood sugar.  I swear.

I didn't believe it would.  Which... is half the reason I tried it.  To disprove it.  Well, and there is always some hope.  But it did work.  Should do it now, especially being as close to normalizing that as I have gotten.  Insulin didn't do as good as this.  Oh, it would get it low.  Then I would eat one damned thing and it would be off for a month or two.  Same with this, but I eat wrongly less often.

Good, chilly but good.

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Blood sugar, for no good reason, dropped thirty two points to 131.  Now, I am cutting kefir intake to no more than two cups at a time.  Was pushing closer to three.  And, having it less often.  Same with coffee, and trying to push to remember to only add three drops of sweetener, when I add it.  Trying not to add that all the time.  Keto sweetener, for what that seems to matter sometimes.  Even so, why it dropped tonight, and not yesterday, doing the same things?  Take what you can get.

Eggs and corned beef hash, for supper tonight.  And a handful of walnuts and pecans.  I recently purchased something like cookie cutters, but for frying eggs in.  To give the fried eggs that nice round formed shape.  As long as I know the eggs are good, I like the idea.  Plus, I have my griddle on a slant, so the extra oil will drain away.  Not the easiest thing to cook eggs on.  A spatula and a bit of quick work, if it's at the right temp, works.  But would rather just crack, drop, and forget.  I'm hoping they work.  Washed them, and ready to try them tonight.

It was already down to 49 when I went out.  It's been that temp for about an hour.  May easily drop further yet tonight.  I expect it will.  When I saw it was that cool, I closed things up, made sure the fans were off.  Save upstairs.  I think there is a fan going up there.  I'll turn it off shortly.

Took some time off.

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From everything.  Mostly.  Days and nights are completely messed.  Going to bed at six, waking at 18:30.  Sleeping very long too, which isn't helping.  If trying to push sleep along in order to reset.  Is it the heat?  Medicine?  Or have I bet keeping it too cool?  I just don't know.  All I know is waking, sleeping, doing, all in the drink.

Blood sugar is improving, but in odd give and takes.  Yesterday it was down to 130, fasting.  Today it's up to 163.  I mean, those are better, but not continuously better.  And I ate rightly.  A steak, coffee, and kefir.  Oh, cheese and salami, the last of the most recent batch.  Good, keto, food.  And not too much, not an excess.  So... why the higher read?  Stupid things!

Up, late and strange.

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To bed around seven? eight?  In there.  up at 19:00, give or take a handful, or two.  It was 77/78 up there.  I didn't turn the ac's on, had everything shut up.  It got down to 50 this morning, was 78 outside when I woke, 73/77 downstairs?  Or so.  I couldn't wake up.  Too hot?  Sort of.  Heat, and cold, beyond some point, can kill my ability to wake.  Or, until late.

Oddly, I don't feel terrible for it.  Didn't have my, what used to be regular, fever dreams when sleeping too hot.  Blood sugar, lower.  Thirty to forty pounds off.  Yea.  It changes things.  Well, and back on heart medicine.  One, two, all?  Don't know.  But, sleep was pretty good.  Hmm?  I thought it was an extra long sleep, by my watch/app suggest I was down less than seven hours?  How is that even possible?  My app/watch must... be wrong.  I know I wasn't awake beyond the hour of eight, and I think it was either just after eight or just before it.  And I know I woke at 19:00, give or take fifteen minutes.

Hmm?

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I have seen them... work my feed.  Cause things to show up there.  Seemingly in message form.  And I have seen them turn the feed to shit, groids, and foreign language only.  I have even seen them put vids into my history, vids I didn't, wouldn't, watch.  So, I have been carefully culling vids that don't belong.  Checking the history from time to time.

What I have never seen is having vids, essentially, thumbtacked to the top tier of my history.  Not the first row, but the second.  And, for three, four, maybe five days?  These three have been tagged and kept in place, in my viewing history.  I haven't watched some of these for months.  I ignored.  I kept ignoring.  But... fine.  I'll show them.

Late.

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Late to bed, late waking.  Down sometime after six.  How much later is anyone's guess.  After six could be nine, but is more likely not later than eight?  Something.  Up at 16:30, though, probably.  Mostly.  Give or take an half hour?  Or hour.  Ugh.  Well, Give to the earlier, it is just going on 17:00, and I know I have been up at least an half hour.

Sleep was very good.  I had the ac on.  It was 73, near me.  Didn't check the other thermometer up there this morning.  It only got down to 64, but it was a cooler 64 than the 58 degree night not long ago, at least when the wind was howling through.  Oh, that was quite pleasant.  I did have the windows and all open for a goodly part of the night, but knowing I would be trying to sleep through the furnace of the day I closed everything down before going to bed.

I thought it was still Friday!

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That is what a sliding day will get you.  I didn't get to bed until... four, five?  Some time in there.  Just couldn't sleep.

It got to 58 last night.  Which would have been cool enough to open up.  Though it wasn't until very early that it got that cool.  And, I knew I wouldn't be awake until late.  I just left the ac's on and the place closed up.  Didn't want a brutal, hot, house to try to tame through the day.

Still digging, whoever is digging.

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Looking for the more difficult things?  Sort of.  More.

A mixed bag, again.  Some I really enjoy, others are... painful.  My story?  Sometimes, in ways.  There are... elements.  Perhaps all have gone through dark times, dark things, hard things, wonderful things that are now gone, and else.  These hold... truths.  But who is looking, and why?

Don't know.

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Digging deep, going hard.  Whoever is watching is playing tight.

Okay.  I'm always in the mood.

Mockery?

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I just can't tell.  But it does put me in a mood.  Not... even a bad one.

Can't win?  Maybe.  Can't lose, either.  You think death is losing?  No one survives this gig.  It's... a matter of how, when, and why ones dies.  I've... died for stupid things, right things, wrong things.  I'll die at least one more time.  Maybe they aren't... mocking?  Maybe.

A steak hit the spot.

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Thinking about having another.  It's been a while since I've rightly eaten, pretty much anything, and certainly anything good, or solid.  I mean, kefir is good.  But it isn't solid.  The last thing I ate that was semi-solid was fast food.  Which... really isn't solid.  But steak?  Even burger patties?  Fried eggs?  Yes,  Though, with eggs, something else is... desired.  Bacon, sausage, something something.

Just check blood sugar.  At 145 it's... okay.  Wish it would get better, but it's just clinging to the higher numbers.  The 129, from recently, has me... excited.  It was the lowest number, but... a very good one.  We'll see.

Okay, sorting some things.

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Called to set up dental.  To go to the one in SLC, it would be in October.  And a long drive.  They now have local access.  So, sure!  If I can get my teeth cleaned locally, I can probably make it much more regularly.  A four to six hour trip is... brutal.  Especially for me.  Some days.  Some days it is good.  So, I'm waiting on a list.  I then call one of them, they put in for a clearance, then... we arrange the time?  Something.

Next, I called to speak with my doctor.  His nurse, actually.  About the blood test.  Since I won't be going up to the VA soon, in SLC, I'd just have to get in for this.  But, they now have a clinic here locally.  So, sure.  I won't see their "medical", here.  No.  All female, pretty much.  All highly feminist.  No.  But, for a blood test?  Sure!  Saves me a very long trip.

Awake earlier.

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To bed around three, even so, again.  I can't seem to be to bed earlier, but I am waking earlier.  My normal was pushing to fifteen hundred, it is now thirteen hundred.  Today was an half hour before that.

Warm.  Upstairs was 77/76, cooler nearer me... with the windows open.  Downstairs?  I'm getting a reading of 71/74, not sure which is supposed to be 71, or even sure that is right.  It is blinking on and off.  I'm assuming the batteries are dying, but am not sure where it is.  Doesn't feel that cool, either.  I'll have to see if I can find the remote sensor.  Found one, but it's to a different device.  Ugh.  Stupid things.

Actually found two... the second one is... also for a different device!  Bleh.  May have to replace them all, and put the new remotes in known locations.  Put a screw in the wall, in each room.  And always keep them there.  Stupid things.

Cooler.

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It was just hitting 80 a bit before 18:00.  Must have been warm.  Not really hot, but it was cooling by then.  Last time I checked, it was 68 out there, so I opened up.  It's down to 64.  Or... was an hour ago?  Right... I... lost track.  Anyway, I opened up up and down stairs, and it is cooling indoors.

I also started taking care of some dishes.  Mostly inside.  But one pot had been left, with... something in it.  Something that has turned quite awful.  I added hot water and am leaving it out to... do a bit of something.  Then I'll sort it out, maybe add soap and hot water, and leave it outside again.  After scraping out what of the goop I can.  Ugh.  As well, I set up three dishpans.  All good.

Awake, early.

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Early comparatively, earlier than expected.  Not... truly early.  Crawled out at 13:30.  Almost got up at nine, but rolled over for a few more minutes, and here I am.

It was 77/75, warmer near me, upstairs, 71/72 downstairs (cooler in the back areas), and 82 outside, probably going higher.  The upstairs was all buttoned up.  I must have forgotten to open up?  Ac was off.  Same with downstairs, no ac.  It got down to, at least, 54 last night.  May have been cooler.  That was at around three, as I was going to bed.

Very nice, surprisingly.

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Even an hour or two ago it had started to cool.  It was down to 77~78.  Down to 76 now.  The highest I saw it was 82.  I'm pretty sure that was about the high.  Very odd that it is cooling already, this early.  It is partly cloudy, but more in the five to ten percent range, at a rough guess, at any given time I have looked out.  Very small islands of fairly solid clouds... more summer fun stuff than storm stuff.  So, that isn't doing it.  May still be cool and cold weather, from the hurricane, drifting in?  Hard to know, with any absolute certainty.  I ignore weathermen.  What little they know is undone by being bought out or blackmailed into lying to us.

I did turn the ac on, upstairs and down, preparing for what I thought would be a terribly hot day.  I think I can shut them off, for now.  Not yet time to open up, one thing at a time.  I'll leave some fans going, but will turn a few of those off too.  Strangely, I am feeling cold.  The downstairs, main, is running at 72.  Right near the computer it is 77?  But it... feels cold!  Let me check blood sugar... 186?  It's nearly a fifty point drop... that might be enough to do it.  Lower blood sugar makes me a cold body, strangely.  Until I get used to it, especially after a major jump.  And, yesterday's consumptions made, probably, a massive jump.  The day after was 224, I would guess, in the middle of yesterday, or nearing the end, during the last soda, I was probably in the 350 to 400 range.  Yes... it does that.

Up, finally.

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Lost in a long dark, or so it seemed.  The storm, or the one that was here, seems to have passed.  I don't think it did so until mid morning or later?  Can't be certain, just a feeling.  It seemed dark.  That is all I can say.  Though, I was wearing my eye-covering hat... cap... whatever.  It just makes sure it is dark enough.  With fans and clocks and this and that all producing light pollution, I... like to shut it all out.

Blood sugar first thing.  But, with having eating a fast food meal yesterday, I wasn't expecting a good read.  At 224 it was better than I had actually hoped.  Yes, one meal out and it will jack my blood sugar hard.  No major issue.  Back to the grind.  I also had two sodas, on top of the one with the meal... biggies.  Otherwise wouldn't have made it home.

Up, before the dark noon?

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I don't get it.  It was cool enough.  At 72 near me, and in the main too?  Strangely.  Downstairs is 71/72.  Outside is 54?  I suppose, two days mostly overcast, several rains, with the hot air between us the the hurricane pushed through, it's... time for some cooling.  Days, weeks, more?  Very possibly.  Though, maybe it will all shift south, or south and north.  Weather... is like a woman, suggests one thing, does another.  And often smells funny.  :p

Oh, crap.  I was going to do a blood test with some of my last strips, until the new ones show up.  I just ate.  Forgot to turn kefir over last night, so I got that done, as well, first thing.  And, poured me off a morning lot.  Love that stuff.  Coffee too.  It's a good morning.

Made it.

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The appointment was today.  It has... been a long time since I was out.  Wasn't sure I would make it, or on time.  I've been awake all day and night... couldn't sleep.  Got a shower in, washed shirts for fresh, pulled a pair of my cargo pants from airtight storage.  With everything planned, it went rather easily.  Though I had to search for my wallet.  Ugh.  Always something.

The goal was to be out by ten, for a 13:30 appointment.  Would have been out just slightly after, save for the wallet hunt.  I ended up leaving at around 10:45, giver or take a dozen minutes, five?  Something.  I made it pretty easily.  Coming back it hit traffic jam after traffic jam.  People are, pretty much, idiots.  Traffic slowed.  I expected to see an accident.  I did... on the other side of A CONCRETE BARRIER.  Talk about being pissed!  What f'ing morons!  Absolutely no reason to slow down, none.  People are idiots!

Never did get to bed.

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Just too warm.  It was in the mid 70s until a few hours ago.  Finally dropping to the low 70s.  I can't believe how warm it remained, even with fans going and windows open, with it being 63 out much of the morning, now down to 61.  Just a weird thing.  High humidity, but that often makes it cooler, when it is cool.

Overcast, again, this morning.  I expected it to rain through the night, but that didn't happen.  Strange how it is working out.

Crazy.

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I wanted to go without eating or even drinking for a while before testing blood sugar.  So, I did.  Waited three hours, or so.  Was amazed.  Blood sugar was 129.  Fantastic, but crazy.  But crazy good.  Amazed.  Just diet.  And, I do cheat, even carbwise, from time to time.  From pizza to regular soda, if rather rarely.  Like... once every other month, or monthly on rare occasions.

What else is crazy is the temps in here.  Staying right in the mid 70s.  It is 66 outside, and there is a hefty breeze going.  Doesn't seem to matter.  I could close it up, turn on ac's, but... I... keep thinking it will cool.  It really should cool off in here.  Then, again, it isn't bothering me.  Very strangely, but this 74/77 to even higher feels like the high 60s?  Very strange.  I have several gauges.  I honestly was beginning to wonder if one was broke.  But... half a dozen?  Yes... I... do that.  More looking for a better device, but they all seem to work pretty well, and in line with one another.

Doing well?

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Just gaming, so far.  Waking up.  On the good side, I am gaming better.  I am doing well, mostly.  The game is a serious puzzle-works sort of thing. EVERYTHING has to be figured out.  And, this time, I am not watching vids, at least beforehand.  I do check if I am well and thoroughly stuck.  Though there are a few areas I can' seem to get through.  But I can't quite figure out how to phrase the query.  I can get around them, but going through the trouble spots would be much shorter.

Up really late.

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Going to have to push things.  Things to do soon.  It was 77/77 upstairs, when I woke, which was part of the problem.  Heat does that.  I really thought it would be another cool day though.  Technically, I think it should have been, should be, one.  Overcast.  With a decent breeze going?  I think there was, or is, a breeze.  The curtains were fluttering, at least upstairs.

It was 72/77 down here.  Odd.  But... no, just odd.  I shut the door between downstairs and up, this time.  Seems to make an odd difference.  It is 78 outside.  I thought it would be in the 60s.  Nope.  That's the problem.  Though... is it cooling, or heating, out there?  I'll find out in an hour or so.

A good day.

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Cooler.  The warmest I saw it outside was 68.  Though I wasn't checking very often.  It did get warm in here, which caused me to check several hours ago.  It had gotten to 76/76, downstairs.  While it didn't feel awful, I... thought it strange.  It seemed cooler, outside, just... by a sense.  So I checked.  It was 66.

Ah, I had closed up the house.  As far earlier, when I checked, it was 68.  I thought it would keep going up.  I... don't think it did.  So I opened the place up.  It's not 74/75.  Strange.  But the air isn't moving.  The upstairs is open, with one or both fans going?  Whatever.  It should cool overnight.

Gaming, is all, so far.  Would like another shower before bed.  And maybe a load of laundry set up.  Not to run tonight... tomorrow.  For upcoming events.  I am going to have to push to get through.  I have things I really need to do, and more if I can get in touch with dental and the eye doctor.  It's... going to be a test.  But... I'm going to try.  I need medicine.  I hate gagging on blood in my lungs.  It's annoying.

Well, on back to gaming.  Oh, I have to remember I have kefir on tap, again.  I do love that stuff.  And, with it, some days I can go without other food.  Just four to six cups of the stuff through the day, in one or two doses.  And it is warm enough, and the grains are back in shape enough, that it is only taking about a day to ferment well enough.  It's okay with the storebought milk, but will be much better with raw milk.

On to gaming, a shower in a bit, and to bed earlier tonight, I think.  Be well, sleep well, goodnight.  

Very strange morning.

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I left everything open.  And, left the door to the downstairs open.  With fans going, I think everywhere.  I woke a bit late this morning, if only from heat?  So, it was a rough wake.  The heat, if it get to the mid 70s, will keep me asleep until it forces me to wake up, it's... an odd thing.  Anyway, so it was 75/77, warmer near me.

I figured it would be blazing hot out, given those temps, this relatively early.  The downstairs was only 72/73 though?  I checked.  Nope, 68 outside.  Why in the world is it so warm up there?  That's just not... how it usually works.  But, okay.  Now, true, usually I don't have the door open, between downstairs and up.  But I would have thought that would have improved air flow, thus cool, even upstairs.  Guess not.

Cool enough.

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Couldn't sleep, or I would have much earlier.  Hitting almost three.  On the good side, it was cool enough to open things up fairly early in the evening, and get fresh air moving through, both upstairs and down.  Very nice.  Plus, ac sort of makes the air... odd.  It'll leave me with a dry cough, if having to live in it for too long.  This year has been so much better, that way, though.  I think these last few days were the first multi-day, in a row, when I had to use the ac 24 hours a day for those two or three days.

And, tonight, it's all open.  It got down to at least 64 F.  Cool enough too cool off the house and add fresh air.  This front room is still 75.  Odd.  Down from 82 though, too.  Clouds are still moving through.  Not sure if it is totally, mostly, or partly cloudy though.  Just couldn't get a good enough sense.