I... think of them.

.

.

They have been on my mind, and more, since... I was... quite young.

Inside.

Midnightish?

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.

Well, it was.  I was sure it was just a bit after midnight when I awoke, and started getting going.  I am sure of it, from five to fifteen after.  But, as I sit writing, the clock down here read 1:18?  I... did go to the morning bathroom, and checked the thermometer outside (51/52 F, rheumy morning eyes can't see well), then fed Sassy.  Oh, and I set the water heating, for coffee.  Then filled the french press so all I have to do is pour when ready.

But... those... shouldn't take close to an hour.  Hmm.  The alarm clock, upstairs, has a button which will change the time zone.  If I am pretty sure I didn't bump it.  Hmm...  Upstairs is 75/78 (warmer near my sleeping pad).  Down here it is 72 in the main, 73 in this front room.  I had the door closed, and fan off.  Still, rather... interesting.  It did get to the mid 70s, for sure.  I think 76 was the highest I saw, but that doesn't mean it was the high.  Still, for this late in this month, it is a cooler temp.  I'll take it.  Farmers need some heat though, and will get it.

More steak.

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It has been so long since I have had a sirloin steak, I didn't know what to expect.  To be honest, I thought I'd be eating a dry, plain, simple steak.  And, to a degree yes... and no.  I am rather pleased with this steak.

For flavor?  Sure, it doesn't have the fat of a ribeye.  But, living on such high fat lately, it's... actually pleasant to have a lower fat meat.  Just for the novelty.  But the flavor of the beef, just the beef, was quite good.

Wow, so cool this morning.

.

.

It's just to 61/62 out there, at closing on nine my local time.  Indoors, it is 71 front and back, and down to 75 upstairs.  That, upstairs, is the lowest I have seen it in... a week?  Two?  Maybe three?  No, not even sure about two weeks.  But... beyond a week.  It was just staying right at 78 to more like 82 up there.  Though I did change the direction of my ceiling fan.  I'm just not sure if it was that, or the extreme drop in temperature last night.  I just... don't know.  Will find out.  Though I think the ceiling fan reversal was the right call.

It's nice to have it be cooler.  But, I'll tell you, again, as when it dropped to 30, my fingers and even fingernails, hurt from the cool.  It isn't the temperature.  I can handle, and enjoy, 71.  But, when it goes from the low 90s to 46?  In a day?  The fast change gets to me.  Another mug of fatted coffee will help, until it warms.  I am sure it'll get up to the 70s or even 80s today?  Or... maybe not.  It is impressively cool, seems to be sticking, even later into the morning.

A cooler morning.

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.

It is 46 outside, at the moment.  Haze and some sparse clouds around?  Or... I thought that is what I saw.  Could all be gone in a flash, or might coalesce into a storm.  Unusual, but this, as all years, has it's idiosyncrasies?  It was down to 77/78 upstairs.  Not all that much cooler, but lower than the 82 it has been running the last few nights?  80?  In there.  The downstairs is running from 68 up front here, to 71 in the main.  Much cooler, a strangely cool cave this day.  But I'll gladly take it.

----------

Coffee was made.  The leftover steak was heated, in the microwave against my nature.  But it was quick, and easy.  Just a touch warm, though, not truly heated.  I am liking fat and protein on the cooler side.  Easier to digest, along with being less done.  Life is good.

Hard and yet, not.

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.

The day, that is.  I am weary.  Never did get a nap.  Did make it to town.  Picked up the order.  Remembered, as well, to pay a bill.  All good.

While in town, I was speaking with a young man.  Sometimes conversations just happen.  Asked how his day was going, after receiving a salutation.  "Hot" was his reply.  I asked if he meant that he was was suffering from it, or just noting the warmth.

A woman on my mind.

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No, not one I was ever with.  One I had a crush on, as a freshman.  I could remember her face, and body.  My older brother, one of them, interested the woman.  Girl, really, but?  No, back then, a senior in high school wasn't really considered a girl.  For some legal things, and... some other things.  But... certainly not in all ways, as many are considered today?

Though, age has something to do with it.  Yes.

Nap time?

.

.

I don't think so.  Too late.  Time just ran on, and on, and on.  It's not all that late, just nearing ten.  Still cool, if a bit humid... at least for around here, and compared to normal.  Humidity is at 54%, according to the closest device.  The upstairs will be different.  It is usually more humid up there?  I thought so.

Mother called, but then didn't call through.  She was trying to call someone else.  At least she did answer when I called back.  I try not to keep her on the line too long, in those, or any, cases.  This time it was her who kept talking.  I don't mind, I just don't want to be a bother.  If... you know what I mean.

Hmm, maybe not.

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.

I decided to cook a batch of eggs.  And, decided to use the duck fat.

It just isn't what I once thought it was.  Though, perhaps, it goes rancid much faster than thought?  No.  It wasn't rancid.  I would have smelled that.  So, what was the problem?  Does duck fat just not go well with eggs?  The eggs are good.  That I know.

No nap, yet.

.

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I had some things on my mind.  Went looking.  Ran into one of my carnivore humor people.  And... he is still at it.  Oh, he... is working.  On things, his diet, and such.  I suppose.  But he... I don't know.  I do laugh.  With him?  At him?  Depends on when, what, he is suggesting.

Peels of thunder.

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.

Pretty close, but not seeing it.  Not frequent, yet.  So, maybe when I look up, it's already done?  Further than it seems?  A touch of a sprinkle, very intermittent, as I cooked my steak.  But... a pleasant weather system.  I do hope it rains a bit.  Though, at this time of year, surprised we even got spit on by the clouds.  Not completely unheard of, just not... all that common.

The steak cooked well.  Almost let it cook too long, but caught it.  Actually caught it, this time, with plenty of time.  Still mostly rare.  It's an inch and a half thick.  So, still, quite a steak.  And it was, is, delicious.  I could only finish about half of it.  The rest is wrapped in cling wrap and refrigerated.

Not at all sure.

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.

When did I go to sleep?  I just can't be sure.  I don't think anything is linked to it.  The last post was just before eleven, if those times are correct?  Hmm, I think the actual post times, now, are correct?  Maybe.  Probably.  I'll... no need to check later.  I can tell by the time-stamp on this post that it is going by real time, or at least suggesting that on this side.  It is right around 1:00 here, and is showing as "published" at 1:01.  (It time-stamps when I begin the post.)

So, yes, my last post was a bit before eleven.  But did I go right to bed?  Or was I awake until... wait... a call...  Aha.  I called the grocery store, so they wouldn't fuss about the steaks, so I can pick them up later this week.  That was at 15:42 or so.  I did that right as I was crashing.  Almost forgot.

Strange.

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Yesterday, while out, I got hungry.  And, so, ate.  A burrito and two enchiladas, at where I had been eating frequently while mending.  Now, I have never had an enchilada (or two, they are sold in pairs) there before.  Just burritos.  But I often would have two of those, which is similar in size.  So, I didn't think anything of it.  Besides, while on carnivore, I still am allowing some "bad" foods, from time to time.  

The burritos hadn't bothered blood sugar much.  So, I didn't give it another thought.  When I returned home, sat for a while, and cooled off a bit, I thought I'd check blood sugar.  Ugh!  It had gone from 120 something up to 298?  No, I didn't drink soda, just water.  I was a bit frustrated.

Doubling down?

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.

Doesn't she know my name?  She... must?

Not... sure.  But seems so?

A feminine rapprochement.

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.

It sure looks like it.

I don't... mind?

A bit too hot.

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It was 83, when I woke up, a bit before 23:00 up there.  Or, no, must have been a bit before midnight.  Down here, it was 75 in the main, 78 up front here, and a bit cooler further back.  I opened everything up, almost.  The fed Sassy.  The upstairs was already open.  Until I begin ac, that will just stay open.

Still, it's almost July, not a bad run without ac.  But this has been an unusually cool spring?  Not terribly unusual.  Well, we did have a drop to 30 earlier in the month.  So, unusual in spots, if not terribly on the whole?  More accurate than the lies the "weatherman" presents.  What do they have on all the weathermen?  Or do they just threaten their family?  Most men break.  Kill a pet, frighten a child, have the cops completely ignore the threats and actions... they break.  Same with doctors?  Probably easier to just slip doctors extra money for certain actions.  Though some lost their licenses, or had to fight for them, so learned to shut up.  Owned, all of them.

Ah, a change of plans.

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Rather than buying an electronic water kettle, I am planning on buying an all stainless one.  No plastic, no glass, no electronics.  You have to spend a solid extra extra.  And I will check the thing out thoroughly.  If it's not what it was sold as, I'll send it right back, and keep looking.

I don't want to be throwing a simple think, like a water kettle, away every three years.  For one, I'm out a water heater until the new one arrives.  But, as well, who knows what is in those.  This last one looked like it was metal, stainless.  But was it?  I just don't know.  And, the one I am buying, is... better.  In every way.  If expensive.

Oh, it was hot out there.

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I didn't see any signs, but it had to have been 90, maybe hotter?  Give or take five, from that, definitely.

Two doctors today.  Kidney and wound clinic.  Not sure, doc wanted to consider a biopsy, of the kidney?  Said... something changed, quickly.  Though... I... might... know what that was.  No promises, but... yes.  There... is something I am doing that can make something else seem to be happening... when in reality it just isn't.  I know how this goes.  I... have learned a few things.  Trying to... alter the situation, so that it doesn't do that.  More for the paperwork than the reality.

Much better.

.

.

While life is far from perfect.  I still have exhaustion issues.  Sleep issues to a lessor degree.  And a few other problems now and again?  I realized, even with the accident, and eating poorly for a while, and other than the direct consequences of the accident, I am doing better.

I mean, I used to just hurt, arms, ribs, anywhere.  For no particular reason.  I kept painkillers around, two bottles of two sorts.  Of the highest potency for otc stuff.  And, I'd use them, usually, once a week.  Sometimes twice.  There were many weeks, even days, when I wanted (and sometimes did) use more.

Internet was down.

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Had to use my phone, in an attempt to contact the isp.  They are notoriously difficult to notify.  They hide.  I eventually called their hook-up line, and yeah.  They knew who I was, what the problem was, in spite of it not being a tech line.  Told me they were busy with "things" (give or take) until the morning.  So I went on to bed.

Set the alarms for six and nine?  Or so.  But woke at four so just rolled on out.  It was working, so I hopped on.  A few comments, so I got to those.  One was from far back, so had to be allowed.  All good.

When?

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I went to bed.  Not exactly sure when?  Ten?  In the morning type?  Actually, I think so.  Just waking at 22:00.  It was warm up there, 82 or so.  My guess is it was a bit warmer outdoors.  It is 71 now, so must have been quite warm, outright hot, out there.

With a near day of fasting under my feet, a bm out, and plenty of fluid as the body lets go of that, I thought I'd step on the scale again, this "morning".  244.3?  Down from 246.9, so a loss of 2.6 pounds?  That's cool.  I wonder if I should be fasting, after... just starting back on carnivore, and after starvation mode.  But... I'm... committed, so... oh well.  I'll go to Wednesday or Thursday.  Other than fatted coffees.  If even those will be on the lighter side.

I will not do that again.

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I made my fatted coffee as usual.  But, when finishing it up, I wondered if duck fat would work, as a minor additive.  About a tablespoon of that, in, to melt and such.  Bleh.  No.  Nor any other type of... typical fat.  Lard was never an option.  But I did wonder about tallow.  No, just... no.  I am wondering about butter, now.  I'll try it, in time.  Though not for a while.  I have to get that... notion, taste, bleh, out of my mouth, mind, before trying something questionable again.

It is 77 in this front room.  But I am quite cool.  I am not sure if it is the diet or having lost so much weight that makes me so amenable to the high temps.  At 77 I should be just about dying.  Not feeling a bit frigid.  The fan is going behind me.  But that has never made even an iota of difference in the past.

Awake early.

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I hoped I'd be awake early.  I slept a good long bit earlier last night, then got back to bed before the night was through.  Down, again, around three, up just shy of 6:20.  Nice.  It's down to 78/77 upstairs, 71 down here.  A bit cooler than expected, given that it was at least 92 yesterday, outside?  I'll take it.  Still running without either of the air conditioners.  Crazily.  Not sure how long that will last, but I'll take it.  Especially as comfortable as I am.

----------

Two appointments seem stacked.  I thought I might be able to make it.  I want to call and check.  It might just be too tight?  I don't want to miss either of them, think I would rather forestall one of them.  The easiest one to change would be the wound clinic.  It's getting better, so much better I am dying to see the improvements.  But... I already missed the kidney clinic once.  I... they get fussy with too many misses.  Even when it is rescheduled ahead of time.  Fussy, fussy.  And, I get it.  I do.

I love it when she visits.

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Never sure which one.  Oh... there... are a few.  Some from as far back as high school have found my... little place.  Knocking on the door, complaining about... this and that.  Remembering the good and bad times.  I... don't mind.  I do enjoy, for my part.  They must, or they wouldn't keep visiting?  Women are as tight about the ones who got away as we are?  More so, I think.

What?  Oh, musical pops.  Linear, thematic, a lot of them.  Here are a few.

A pretty good sleep.

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It got to, at least, 92 outside.  I went down at around 14:30, after not sleeping yesterday or last night?  give or take, right?  Anyway.  I couldn't get right to bed.  Too... hot, tired, and bothered, initially.  But not from in here, but carrying the dose of that I got from being out there, and the bit of effort.  Doesn't take much these days, just... I know.  But it sticks with me until I can ease out of it.

All good.  It will help me keep my days in line, I am hoping.  I just woke here at 23:30, give or take a decade of minutes.  It was 81 upstairs, near my bed, 79 in the main room and up a bit higher.  But I was comfortable.  I'll tell you, eating true carnivore means heat doesn't get me quite as severely as it has for most of my ill adult life.

I made it.

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I got in, to help with a charity breakfast this morning.  I picked up items for the event, then helped a bit, with the production line.  Since I couldn't really handle the heat, and sun, I just stayed in and cleaned most of the areas we used up.  I didn't know what to do with the remaining sausage, and two broken breakfast tacos.  So I left those.  Then I headed out.

One of the knights was asking about weight loss.  I told him my story.  I... don't think he will go with it.  Though, who knows.  I did tell him it was a painful process.  Not sure how much pain he can tolerate.  Brutal.  Truly, wicked awful.  Like any other severe withdrawal, especially from a lifelong addiction one didn't even know one had.

An hour after breakfast?

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Breakfast?  At night?  Look at the term.  Yes.  I broke my sleeping fast an hour ago.  So... breakfast.  It's... not a time, it's an action.  Which I took, an hour ago.

Oh, right.  I decided to test my blood sugar.  I thought I might be out of test strips.  But, no.  I had another pack.  It's all on my own, at this point.  So... okay.  Worth it, to check.  I expected, after a fatted coffee and half a ribeye, to be up just a bit?  And... maybe I was.

A long sleep.

.

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No real memory of when I went to bed.  Three?  Five?  Seven?  I just... I think it was still dark?  Though... maybe not.  I slept well, though my leg wound kept hurting.  I rolled, often, heavily... like an alligator with pray.  Not sure why.  It wasn't all night, but when it happened, pillows went flying, blankets got totally messed up, but strangely the mattresses didn't become unaligned?  Walrus rolling!

----------

I dreamed I met a younger woman.  But she was a bit heavy, for my tastes.  We did talk.  I told her about losing a lot of weight, and that I was only, say, two thirds the way through?  Or so.  She asked how.  I asked if she was just asking, from being polite, or if she really wanted to lose weight.  She said she wanted to lose weight.

A few genuine carnivore foods?

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.

Why, yes.  Yes indeed.  Followed by a few savory notions of another sort.

I always worry.  Are they going to use something that... I can't, won't, use?  So often they add something I can't eat.  Honey?  Sugar?  Or something I can't taste, like some "keto" sweeteners, such as stevia.  It's more like most recipes are dressed as something else.  Or, they make it a plug for multiculturalism.  I can't keep them all out, I miss things, but I try.

Now I know.

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I went down right after that last post.  Thankful for it, as I now know I went to bed at about 17:00.  I had gotten so overheated, out there, running around.  I'm just not used to warmer temps yet.  Toss in walking all over costco, pretty much unsuccessfully, then to the store, and hospital, and picking up dairy, while driving around in that crazy heat?

Well, the heat wasn't crazy.  But, added to walking around so much, being in the auto, and the length of the excursion, it just added up.  I really should consider walking, getting out either after breakfast but before coffee?  Or after whatever meal I eat?  I doubt if it'll be much of a walk, to start.  Around the block?  I do fear being run over.  I just... do.

Done.

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I did get half on one the steaks cooked.  Mostly raw.  Probably a little rawer than I should like.  But it was pretty good anyway.  As well, coffee.  Very good.

I texted out that I got the goods.  Haven't heard back.  Fine.

Now on to bed.  I am amazed I have stayed up this late, and long.  Exhausted to the point of pain.  Goodnight.

A very heavy hot long day.

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Well, for me.  I got out around noon thirty?  Or so.  An half an hour in to town.  Then a long tour of costco, looking for a few very specific things.  I only found one of the items, and even it wasn't exactly what was wanted.  Just... what was available.

Then... somewhere else?  But I... oh, right.  I was supposed to get a blood work, for an upcoming appointment.  Which ended up being a bit of a hassle, as the doctor office hadn't sent the orders over.  In time that was done.

A few things as I start a new day.

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.

First, I went surfing, for butcher shops.  I wasn't sure I had the numbers.  Yep.  But, I am changing the way I put things into my phone.  Listing the main theme, say "Food", then the type of place, such as store, butcher shop, or even restaurant, then adding there actual name.  But, having the theme as the 'last name', and setting it up so the 'last name' shows first.

That way, if I want something from the "Food" section, it's all right there.  And personal numbers are listed by last names, except for the peculiar ones... like "Mom".  :p  Not much needs to be added to that one.  The theme is the woman.  More detail than you probably care to know.  But... I've... well?  Since I haven't died, as life goes on, I am trying to adjust things.  Add convenience, ease, and... order... to my life.

Down around one.

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.

Up around four.  I just couldn't sleep longer.  I waited a few hours before finally having a fatted coffee.  I was hoping I could get back to bed, even for a few hours.  Not a chance.  So, finally, I got coffee water heating, and got going on that.  Then brushed my teeth.

I've been hitting the teeth twice daily, now, for a while.  Sometimes I just can't get to it.  Having a dental appointment coming up in a month or two sort of tickles the impulse.  I hate bad news.  And, yes, my teeth clean up well.  With coffee and/or tea as a one or twice daily, they won't ever be white.  Then again, I think back to the first product I have heard about for whitening teeth.  Urine.  The Romans used (at least just their own, to my knowledge) urine, as a gargle, to whiten their teeth.  Some acid or other in it?  Uric?  Something.

Loose belly.

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.

It... has been troubling me.  I lost weight too fast, due to nausea.  Probably from consuming toxins in my stored bodyfat.  Is that finished?  Can't say.  Until I start losing weight again, I just don't know.  However, I do have products which tend to deal with the problem of nausea very well... the bitters.  Not my favorite consumable, but dang, a moment of "Yuck!", versus hours, days, weeks, of horrid nausea?  Yea, I can take the moments for the weeks otherwise opened.

Still, that leaves the stomach.  I had heard, from a doctor, about microderming?  It... sounded like a... medical thing.  I was sure the V.A. wouldn't front that.  Pretty much nothing not deemed medically necessary?  So... while I kept that in the back of my mind, I wasn't rushing to check into that.  Thought I might bring that up with one of my doctors, do some brain picking.

Hmm?

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.

Not much.  Coffee, onto my second one.  Yogurt and fruit.  Bumped blood sugar a bit more than anticipated.  Sometimes it will, today it did.

Hoping to get to some things yet tonight.  We'll see.

Can't get sorted!

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.

Things to do.  Awake too late, moving too slow.  Will, try to push through.  To bed early?  Or push through into tomorrow.

It did warm, a bit, out there.  When I got out of bed, almost two hours ago (?wow time flies sometimes) it was 82 out there.  Only 70 in the front room.  About that upstairs too.  Cooler in the main, but just never bothered to get a light to see.  Pretty dark, down here, too.  I best turn the fan on.

Oh, sure.

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.

Women have complications.

They do.  Almost feel sorry for them.

Finally.

.

.

Some of it, anyway.  I am running late on things.  Had to do some returns, amazon orders.  Had hoped to get bloodwork done today, too.  Just running too late.  Some other things?  Well, yes.  Laundry, dishes, I did get a shower taken.  I've been showering every to every other day, but always seem behind even that way.  In part because sleep and wake cycles are just plain off.

Having gotten the returns in, I decided to get a steak.  A local steak house.  It's okay.  The beef seems right.  It is cooked using real butter.  Yes, you can tell.  I had just a steak, no sides.  A tea on the side.  Very expensive.  I won't do that often.  A steak of that quality should be about $20, the last I saw.  I wasn't extremely pleased with the cut, but it was good.  I can tell quality.  It is as good as most restaurants offer.  If, as mentioned, I didn't like the cut so much.  Leave the cap fat on, and just offer a bit more to the consumer.  Don't be stingy, and cut the fat to sell that to others, probably for pennies.  I hate it when jerk peanut counters take over companies.  Still, it was good, just... a bit too expensive.

I finally had to surrender.

.

.

I thought it might warm up today.  The windows were left open, thinking it would warm, perhaps a lot.  No, well, not to the point expected.  It is 62 out there, is all, as it is just about to be 16:00?  What month, and day, is this?  June 18th?  Okay, just... recollecting.

I have three things I am supposed to do today.  That's, none of it, is going to happen.  I won't even take a shower.  Absolutely crushed.  I finally realized I need something more.  I turned the furnace on.  I thought it would automatically change to 70, at this time of the day.  Nope.

Awake.

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A bit after noon, and 60 F outside.  It's between 63/64 indoors in most of the house, though 68 in the front room, for now.  It takes a while for the computer, router, and myself to warm this area.  But... wow.  Very strange.  Fed Sassy and brushed my teeth first thing, this time.  I've not been brushing as regularly as I'd like, but I just can't... function.

Hot, cold, medium?  It just doesn't seem to matter.  I keep aiming higher, and failing to fire.  Never quite sorting out whether I would hit the target as I never pull the trigger on things.  Trying.  We'll see.  A shower in a bit.

So very strange.

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Cold.  At 63 indoors, in the main of the house?  That's... beyond cool.  I had to, finally, check the temperature outside.  Oh, maybe an hour ago now?  But things seem stable, at the indoor temps.  The outdoors read 31.  Wow.  Being Jun 18, and to drop below freezing?  That's... different.  I did sort of suggest it.  I just don't always believe.  When I play a certain song, it's... what I mean.  Even when I don't believe, or otherwise say.  Why?  Because it seems so silly to predict cold, right as it is hitting 90.  *grins*  I guess... you never can tell?

-----------

Some things popped, seemed to... be responses?  You decide.  As with the weather, I can't ever be certain, if I can see and say?  Show?

Women.

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.

Truth be told, a woman.  Not sure... if that had something to do with the post before, or... if that was something else.  Of this, this time, I am certain.  Her.  My first real go.  Everything reads as is from her, about her.  Timed back to our time, place.

Why or how?  What does she want?  Is it her haunting me, or me not letting go.  I'll never be certain.  I just know, finally, I don't mind.  Not a horror anymore.  More just... saying hello, I love you.  See you soon, perhaps?  We... won't be together, that way.  But we... it is hoped... will be very good friends.  More?  Maybe.  Marriage doesn't last to heaven.  It isn't like that, give or take.  Even if we wanted it that way.  Christ wasn't absolutely clear.  But... He... was sure certain about the ambiguity.

Such things they say.

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.

It is 72, here in the front room.  With the computer on and me here.  Strange.  As mentioned, it is 66 out in the main of the house, the northern sections.  Well, last I looked.  Very strange.

Strange music, and more, appeared.  Some of it causes laughter, some of it... other things.  Interesting.  Yes, interesting.  Some of it, but the gists.

Hmm?

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.

Awake, finally.  Well, I've been awake for a while now.  Two hours up?  Moving slow, it is a cool day.  The main of the house is down to 66 F.  Strange, but pleasing.  When I awoke, the upstairs was down to 68/69... differing between the floor level near where I sleep and table level on the west side of the room, 69 downstairs in the main, and 70 in the front room.  With the computer going, and me in the front room, it is up to 72, while the rest of the house has cooled greatly.  So... very strange.

I had thought summer heat was here.  Not so much, or not yet.  Certainly not today.  I don't mind at all.  I seem to be... fine... mostly... with... whatever.

Some foods are a no-go.

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.

It isn't just the food.  Sometimes it is the method, or means by which the food is cooked or otherwise prepared.  As an example, chaffles.  If you haven't heard of that, the term is a cross between cheese and waffle.  Using eggs, cheese, and possibly almond or coconut flour.

On it's face, it seems sufficient.  My first problem is that most waffle makers are coated with teflon, or some other coating.  Toxic, interferes with hormones, and other such.  Even if in perfect shape, the coating which is supposed to make them safe (dubious claim) times out, and stops working (IF, I say, IF it ever worked).  Plus, any scrape, cut, tear, will just flood the food with toxins.  Though, probably putting out small amounts (how much poison is too much?  do you ever really know).

A good morning.

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If my morning didn't start until 15:00 or so.  Not sure when I went to bed, sometime between three and six?  Or... so.  A cooler day, again.  Strange, but I'll take it.  Just getting to 78 in the front room, the hottest part of the house.  So I am not using ac, and won't be.  I'm cool at this temp, almost cold.  Not... an unhealthy sort of cold.  Just... some... strangely comfortable sort of cool.

A shower shortly.  I took medicine.  And am having a fatted coffee.  No sweeteners.  Blood sugar is still elevated, that without having sweeteners of any sort for a full day now.  Though, now I am becoming suspicious of the bitters.  I am still using the alcohol based bitters.  I do believe that may well be the problem.

Foods, ideas, such.

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This first one I found really interesting.  Now, for anyone carrying forty extra pounds, or more?  Simple keto might be a start, but it isn't fast enough or powerful enough.  It's a... proof of concept.  If you can make it on keto, soon or late you will realize your addiction to carbohydrates is too profound for you to beat.  Which... is why you have forty or more extra pounds.

This woman and her mother went on this journey for different reasons.  I would guess weight loss was just a benefit to the daughter, who understood what carbs have to do with cancer.  Who went on the journey with her mother, to be a part of her life in this different situation.  But... there is something in the diet, even to keto, for all of us.  And for some of us, the more the reason to go carnivore.

Some potent mojo?

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Well?  Yes.  Actually.  This is something I am considering doing.  I just had to... figure some things out.  I am not sure if what was done is available to me, through my medical.  But... I can ask, find out.  If not, see if there is some way I could afford it.   What, you ask?  Toxicity.

I have been watching what these folks present on y.t., from time to time, for years now.  I use some of what they suggest, and plan on more.  Water glassing, I think is how she terms it?  But, recently read they were having problems, with toxins?  Strange, but... okay.  I have been tracking that story, in particular, and for... specific reasons.

Never sure who asks.

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I do know the question.

Already 15:00?

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Cooler, today.  Just to 78 upstairs, 76 in this front room, and 74 in the main of the house.  Believe it or else, these temps have me feeling on the cool side?  Aye.  Wonderfully cool.  My food seems to be... sitting well with temperature tolerance.  Oh, there for a day or two, as it hit it's recent highs, my brass dongles were sweating.  No doubt.  I really thought about putting the ac in where needed, and on.  And, maybe that will yet happen before long.  But not today.

Why resist?  Well... because it is expensive.  And, I'd like to outlast heat as long as possible.  Oh, it'll get hot enough for it, soon.  The longer I can live without it, the better.  I resist the furnace, in the winter, too.  Though, with the winter, freezing pipes are enough of a threat to limit my resistance.

Sort of rough.

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Trying to figure out sleep, cooling, food, and else.  I have upped the amount of cream I use a day, adjusting the amount of cream I use in coffee.  As well, having a second coffee.  The idea was two cups, but that is... a bit much.  So aiming closer to 3/4 of a cup per coffee.  Though I may begin trying it with tea.  I love fatted coffee, but two a day gets old quickly.  I'll try it with both actual teas, herbal/florals, and mixes of those.

Next I need to begin adding more food.  Eggs will be the easiest.  I really like runny yolks, but without anything to sop it up, I'm going to begin cooking the yolk to mostly solid.  While that isn't my favorite, it really isn't too awful.  I also have two cartons aging.  To be boiled.  I have found that, with eggs, aging them a few weeks makes peeling vastly easier.  I pretty much destroyed the last batch, when I tried to rush them through, right fresh.  Not this time.

Wound care.

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Being Friday, if I had meant to do it yesterday, I took off the main, better, dressing.  For now I just have gauze, regular ointment, a larger bordered dressing, and that covered by a shower dressing cover.  Well, and short compression socks on.  The idea is to get a shower in before long, then replace this temporary gig with the better wound dressing, adding the collagen matting and solution.

I can see the improvement.  It's a combination of things.  The matting and solution is being completely absorbed by my body.  When I first put it in, it's like a really thick.... dense I should say... gauze type material.  Wetted with the solution to give it a headstart.  When I change the dressing, now, there is nothing left.  My body is using that to create new flesh?  There isn't even anything to wash out!  It's just all gone.

Up, if a bit late.

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Warm.  Not sure outside?  Ouch, 89, and it's just 13:09.  It's... going to be a warm one.  Though it will start drying out.

I didn't wake up until about noon.  My mother called.  The phone I sent her?  Is far inferior to the phone she had before she switched over.  She bought an, probably, apple 13?  Before she had to give up her money, and couldn't afford the plan she was on.  And the .gov plan couldn't use her phone.

Okay?

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Doc called.  Said everything is... looking better.  Well, other than the one thing.  They only do surgery for that if it gets (some measure) to a "5"?  I'm "4.8"!  :)  Besides, I wouldn't go for surgery.  They... have to know that about me by now?  They... will learn, if it comes to that.  I've... lived... too long?  I won't poke the bear the more, if I won't just quit, either.

Do people get it?  I... really shouldn't be here.  Not... even, or just, for my sins.  My body should have failed so very long ago.

There is a hole in me.

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Losing ninety pounds, more like 80 now, but even so...  Losing that much weight that fast?  My midsection looks... funky.  Compression, I have heard.  I am trying... things.  With varying levels of success.  Being 6'5" puts me out on the edges of things.  Even being down to ~235 puts me on another edge of things.  Combined?

I am trying wrestling onesies.  Just to... keep it all together, tight, compressed.  When I go up for a nap, I'll try it on.  As well, I bought a jock strap with cup.  Compression is good, but crushing some units is no fun.  Live and learn.  Lived I have.  Learned I have.  I just wish I didn't have to learn so slowly, painfully.

Up, going, at it.

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A shower first thing.  Not much sleep, but I am awake, in the morning.  The alarms were set for five and seven.  I really pushed for a five wakeup, or within the snooze zone of that first alarm.  Not a chance.  Even at the seven alarm, it took four snoozes before I was finally out of bed.  Though, given the givens, that really was pretty good.

Coffee going down.  Oh, almost forgot the cod liver oil.  It's... not as bad as it sounds.  I do have the lemon flavored one.  Which can help you get over that initial bump.  At this point I could probably do without.  And, if not the next order, sometime soon I plan to go plain, just to remove one more "thing" from my foods/supplements.  Medicine went in right away.  All good.

So very strange.

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As I sit, read, listen, and sort life... thinking this or that, about those and these things, I decided to check the thermometer.

I am wearing a thick plaid double flannel shirt jacket, with my winter weight pj bottoms, over compression socks and of course unders.  I stopped going commando, though... might begin doin that from time to time?  Who knows.  Anyway. and with summer weight sandals.

Protein.

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I keep thinking about how to get more protein in.  So... I went looking, again.  For general and alternate ideas.  Even if, possibly, adding some carbs?  But... is there a way without adding carbs?  That is the... holy grail of protein, for a carnivore, or even a keto dieter to some lessor degree.  So... a few vids for you.

These first two?  Possibilities.  If some just... no.  You'll... know which are a no.  Carnivore isn't just a diet, food plan, or what is suggested for food.  It is... a way of life.  It is the order God set for men.  Who is where in the pecking order, and why things work certain ways.  It's... a holy writ, as far as I understand things.  Perhaps not codified, but in those days, it wasn't necessary to suggest it.  I think even God had more faith in man's common and uncommon sense than... perhaps He should have.

Up a bit earlier.

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The weather, and temps, are leveling, increasing.  With the fans going, it was 75 upstairs and 72 down here first thing.  I had alarms set at both nine and eleven again.  I struggled through the nine alarm.  Turning it off at about 09:30?  Or so.  I thought I was awake.  I ended up not getting out of bed until... 09:56 or 58?  Something around that time.

Which is fine.  I didn't get to bed until 0:05 (or so).  And, with the heat, and having gotten out, plus some work the last few days, that's pretty good.  Even so, I'm going to attempt pushing the day back into earlier morning.  Maybe getting to bed by 22:30, and setting the alarms for 07:00 and 09:00 tomorrow... hoping to be up between seven and eight?  Or so.  It's possible.

Didn't get to bed.

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Looking over this, reading that, listening to these songs.  Then, decided more food would be good, so heated one of the burritos in the oven.

Oh, but it's time.  Even though I didn't sleep, I almost hurt for sleep.  Exhausted in a way I don't understand.  Still... okay.  I'm not sure I enjoyed the afternoon, evening now.  I've just sort of drifted through it.  But it is about time to sleep.

Oh, I don't know.

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Absolutely crashing.  So very tired.  It's about bedtime.

I did put on cooler clothes.  Which really is comfortable.  Getting the heavier socks and boots off, alone, made life a lot more comfortable.  It reads 78 up here, in the front room.  Strangely, I am comfortable as can be.  Considering it was in the low 70s days ago, as the highs for the year, I am handling the heating up of the world very well.

Almost late.

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Wound clinic appointment today.  Early afternoon.  Almost didn't make it.  I had the first alarm set for nine, the second for eleven.  I didn't get to bed until 05:30.  So... yea, waking was difficult.  I almost... no... I did out sleep the alarm, and the snoozes.  The last one is fifty after the given hour.  I just barely rolled out at three to noon.  Thankfully I didn't miss it.

I had to shower, shave, brush my teeth, and dress.  Couldn't feed Sassy, just no time by the time I realized the problem.  She survived.

Good!

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I couldn't eat it all.  Though I had more "bread", and milk as well.  I ended up drinking about seven cups, of whole raw milk.  Which... added 56 grams of both fat and protein, if too, 84 grams of carbs.  Bleh.  Well, and 1,050 calories.  So... yes.  I made it over some of the lines, if not all the good ones.  Actually?  I didn't make it over any of the good lines, save calories.  I got closer, with fats and proteins, but splurged so far over carbs it isn't funny.

I feel like... a bloated warthog.  Thankfully, not being a prince, it doesn't bother me all that much... other than the general discomfort that goes with it.  :p

Not bad?

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I wasn't moving fast enough to hold the laundry until after a shower.  So, before digging in to start on the dishes, I set a load drying.  Then did the dishes I had prepared last night.

After washing those, a first go anyway, I moved them out so a shower can be had, when possible.  Then I put the clothes which finished the wash cycle into the dryer.  Then set up another load to wash.  There might be enough for a load of whites to finish that production, for now.

More fat, more protein.

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Check.

Start from the start.  That is what I am certain about.  The goal?  Between 1,800 and 2,000 calories between those, at about half of each, though higher fats would be preferred.

What a storm.

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We must be having monsoon season, or a portion of it, early.  The thunder was right over my home.  The rattle of the things went right into me, as if near railroad tracks as a train goes by.  And the lightning was visible as the sound was happening.  There was no delay, not even from above.  Wow.

Went through that for a good several hours.  While offering torrential rains.  It was absolutely amazing to experience.  Though, I must admit, I kept expecting electricity to go off.  Or the internet.  Or both.  Though, if electricity is gone, how would one know if the internet was up?  And, it might need local electricity, even if it technically didn't go down?  Dunno, but possible.

Oh I tried.

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Invited to an event.  A famous young lady was set to give a presentation.  Asked to attend.  But... a bit later in the day, yesterday.  Sometimes that makes a difference, sometimes not.  I was... favoring going.

So, yesterday, I showered.  As well, trimmed whiskers, then shaved as well.  Two very different things.  Brushed my teeth.  Then set the alarms, one for five, one for seven.  As well, I tried to get to bed earlier.  Did... get to bed earlier.

Hmm?

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A late rise.  Up around noon thirty, but moving slow.  It's 13:30 already, and I... feel like I just woke up!  Bah!  I have enough cream to make a final fatted coffee.  But wish to take a shower, and get compression gear on first.  I keep thinking about what I could make.  And, I suppose, there are things I could cook.  But... I don't think so.  Disinterest, nausea, dishes, limits to what is available that I might like.  D.V. suggests pushing through, eating something anyway.  But it would have to be something I would like.  Burritos would do.  But not really interested in more soup, or... else available.  Kippers, or sardines?  Just... a bit oily, tricky, for my system currently.

I have cut drinking.  I'm have three to five cans of water, plus a large coffee, a day.  No, yeah.  I have consumed as much as, say, seven to ten a day.  Which is too much.  I don't mind averaging four.  Especially as I add electrolytes with two of those.  So even that isn't quite as it seems.  The fluid just becomes a transport device.

Too funny.

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Mother called this morning.  Cloudy, here.  Looked like it would rain.  She said it would get better.  I was pretty sure it wouldn't.  She was right.  For a while.  As it stands, it's been storming something fierce for the last two to three hours?  Raining, heavy rain.  Thundering.  But... it... did clear up.  For a while, earlier on.

A call from one of my many doctors.  A change was needed.  He had to clear up his afternoon for hospital visits.  Yes, okay.  Look, I don't have a schedule.  I can afford to be flexible, especially with three weeks out.  I've been taking pretty good care of appointments.

Dinner!

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I... must be honest.  I didn't want to eat.  Nausea?  But... how could there be nausea?  It has been two days since I ate.  Then I ate ten (liquid, mostly) ounces of a sort of soup.  The rest went bad.  It had burger in it, and keto rice (diced palm heart).  I... just couldn't eat much.  As well, it was a few days before that before I had eaten prior to even that.

Still, I wanted to push through.  I obtained a can of soup from downstairs.  Beef and vegetable.  The beef in it is... very questionable.  Who knows what it really is?  I added hamburger, and a can of navy beans.  Well, plus half the big can of water as well as spices.  Garlic and onion powder, red pepper (hot) flecks, cayenne pepper (100k on the hot level), as well as carolina reaper (which tops out at ~2.2 million Scoville).

A shower.

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Well?  While it was later than hoped, given that I had calls and business to do, that was as reasonable as I could do.  Toss in being so tired, for whatever reason, sleep cycles twisting in the wind, and the worry about bandaging?  It all... adds up.  Though I think I got the shower in before 16:00?  Given that I didn't wake up until after noon?  Good, all good.

I didn't go with the better bandages.  I keep forgetting, the main problem isn't that the wound bed will hurt.  Though there is that.  It is that the sticky part of the bandages make the skin around the wound sore!  And, that area needs some air.  Bit much bigger bandage helps with that.  It has border that are only about two inches, while being a 6"x6" bandage.  So all that interior space gets time off from the sticky part of dressing.  As well, the bigger border bandage is (supposed to be) breathable.  I think it is.

Good, so far.

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My brother found a phone that worked, for my wants.  Mostly.  Not new.  As well, it has what my mother wanted.  Some app that is only on apple phones, so she can talk and see who she is speaking with.  For the granddaughters.  She likes to... see her ducklings, while hearing.  No warranty, I guess.  But it does have a fingerprint reader.  It's... as good as can be done, at the moment.

I went with unlimited, for her too.  Just... so I don't have to worry about her going overtime.  It'll just slow down if she does.  Not my problem, or cost.

Up late?

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Technically.  Awake at noon.  But I didn't go (back to) bed until half past three to a quarter to four.  So... no?  I went to bed a bit before 16:00 yesterday.  Then woke at... well... I have no idea.  I would guess sometime between 17:00 and 22:00?  So, sleep is just off.  It is warm up.  That is throwing things off.  It's just how it goes.  In some ways, I am extremely fragile.  Things will be off until temps stabilize and I learn how to manage temperature controls, then get used to it.  Well, until it begins cooling again.  So it goes for the near dead.

I now need to take a shower.  Then change the bandaging.  I'll do as I did last time?  Or... not?  I may just put on the better bandaging and the packing.  But not put compression on right away.  However, if it hurts too much, again, this time?  Then I'll stick to the plan devised recently.  I just... hate messing with this more, and again, and... else.  I'd like to push through, if possible.

Getting warm out there.

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The last time I checked, it was 82 outside.  That is the warmest temp I have seen.  It may have hit warmer temps, on rare events, but I haven't seen it.  It is 75 up here, in the front room.  In spite of it being that warm, I'm actually cool?  Very strange.

I have failed to call the heart doctor to reschedule the procedure.  I did check my phone, but his number isn't in there.  I went looking for my wallet, as I think I have his card.  As well, I remember his name.  I should be able to look it up if I fail to find the card.  But... I... didn't find my wallet.  Though as much because it wasn't exactly where I looked, then something else crossed my mind and... I... flitted off to... do something else?  Or go to the restroom?

I had to get to it.

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No shower today.  Not needed.  I had taken compression hose off during the night.  Just... to take a break.  Then I kept considering a shower today.  As well, I needed to change the bandage.  I had a large border bandage on.  But I just wasn't moving fast.  Finally got to it at about ten thirty to eleven?

I had hoped taking off the large bandage would allow me to keep the collagen soaked packing in place.  That just didn't work.  So I also had to replace that.  No big issue.  If I worried it would hurt too much, so that I would... have to change it again, and add lidocaine.

Pretty good?

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Not much done.  I did finally check on the burger and steak.  Good, enough?  I cooked the steak, and ate that.  Then I cooked burger.  Later, I added some of the crumbled burger to tomato puree and keto rice (made from palm heart?).  Spiced it a bit.  And had that for a later meal.

It's... not carnivore.  But it is the start back to it.  I have two or three pounds remaining of the burger.  As well, there is another steak in the fridge.

Up later.

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Not until ten.  A bit after.  I didn't get down until... 23:30? 00:30?  Somewhere in there.  Was so exhausted when I went to bed that memory failed.  I do remember, some quarter to half hour, at least, before bed, seeing 23:30 on the clock(s), watch.  And, I thought I say midnight pass, but was being crushed by exhaustion at that point.  Could have been a dream.  When I hit the mattresses I crashed so hard and fast it almost hurt.

Coffee, first thing.  Plus the cod liver oil.  I'll never like that stuff, but I no longer hate it?  It's just... meh... *down*  Getting plenty of omega 3s with it, and some other very good things.  Oh, I forgot the bitters this morning.  I almost forgot them yesterday too.  I pushed them, yesterday, in spite of not needing them?  But, today, after drinking the fatted coffee, without nausea, for some time?  I went to force a dose of it, but thought?  No, why?

Brutal morning.

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Not certain what is causing the problem.  Only, the neck is as stiff as a two by four, and about as flexible as one.  I opened the window, beside the bed, half way through the night.  I had thought it open.  Was getting warm.  Not hot, just... ever so slightly stuffy.  Perhaps that made it too chill, and that is causing some seizing in the neck this morning.

Nowhere else.  My body is somewhat stiff, has been for years.  Not terribly, just not as loose as I would like.  More from not moving around much.  Which has me wondering about finding minor exercises, and stretches, I could do while just sitting.

Reasonably well made.

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Eggs and corned beef hash, on the griddle.  Then I cleaned up before bringing the food in to eat.  I used coconut oil for the grill, to clean it several times.  Using duck fat for actual cooking.  The coconut oil might be a bit... dated.  The duck fat is relatively fresh, and has been refrigerated.

Oh, those eggs, so fresh.  Perfect.  There is nothing so good at the store.  I've spent much more for the "best", but it's just not right.  Soy feed, and probably gmo corn.  I don't care what they suggest, with "organic".  And, free range?  There isn't even a definition for that, legally.  Further?  Even what the industry uses doesn't mean what you think, and is really up to them.  These eggs I receive are golden, might as well be.

Delicious memories.

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Something I saw the other day.  Actually, I have seen it for a while.  Some things I avoid, if I think they will be too odd even for me?  Or... too familiar?  Both?  *eyebrow raise thingy*

After watching it, even the first time?  Reminded me of my first woman in Charleston.  And the only really tall woman I have ever... been with.  She was 6'1"~2", weighed 150 (I only remember that because she could bench her weight... pretty good for a girl).  But, too, she was a body builder.  Still a cute little thing, to me.

Some were missed.

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Some, two of the four.  Two were never party.  One was, but was left aside for... for reasons.  One had not been claimed.  But that one has let it be known?  There is one she would prefer?  I cannot say with certainty.  Just... have my reasons to believe so.  As such, I will finish the portrait.  They... will know how things go.

I warn.  Bite, bark?  Or so.  And, yet, when requested?  So be it.

Down for quite some time.

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Noon until 18:00?  I think so.  Too cool?  Not really.  Hmm, actually it was closer to 14:00 down.  I remember taking afternoon medicine around 13:30.  Then realizing sleep was needed.  Still, a longer nap than intended.

I am letting Sassy up, often, lately.  She tucks in and sleeps fairly well.  Does she leave and return, at times?  I can't be sure.  I am pretty sure she does at night, but for naps I just haven't ever caught her leaving, or returning.  But that doesn't mean she doesn't.  I sleep solid when napping.

A bit late.

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Up around nine.  Just after.  Though, while I initially got to bed a short time after nineteen hundred, I remembered it was the day to do the bandage, replace it.  Now, I knew that the whole of the day, but dragged my feet on the process.  I had hoped to get a shower taken first.  But that never happened.

Anyway, so as I was going to bed, I did change the bandage.  Then went on to bed, making it in as suggested.  However, I couldn't sleep.  The wound hurt like heck.  I tried to bull through.  No chance, dice, hope of it.  So I got up, pulled that one off, and replaced it with a gauze border.  Keeping the packing in place, adding a few gauze squares on top.

On to bed, I suppose.

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I never did get a shower taken, or much else.  I did close up the house, turn up the furnace, and was warm for a day.  It was so cold yesterday, and earlier.  Wow.  There is a reason I couldn't get to anything.  I'll shut the furnace off tonight.  But be ready to turn it back on, if it is ugly cold tomorrow morning again.

Another coffee as the night ended.  Along with bitters.  That is helping.  Oh... but something about the alcohol based?  That ends ketosis, and keeps it from restarting until alcohol is stopped.  Now, what I am eating is probably not allowing ketosis anyway, so... for the moment... not problem.

Some things being dug up.

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Belief?  Disbelief?  Accusations, stones thrown from the darkness?  Curiosity?  Understanding?  Who ever can be certain, save who is doing some things.  And they aren't saying anything.  Just... digging, pointing, but quietly.  Okay.  I just, again, am curating the wall of sound and thoughts being presented.

Sort of in some order.  Not... necessarily as I found them.  But, being presented with them, I found, or recognized, or believe there is an order to them.  So, have put them in a... sort of... chronological to my living through them order.  With... serious give and take.  Life really is circular.  I find myself coming back to that which hurts, confuses, teaches, or can't quite be understood at a given moment.  But... as best I recall, as these things happened or came to me.

Cold out there boys and girls!

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May 31st?  It's 33 out there, that with the sun having been up... an hour?  Nearing two?  Wow.  No, fine.  It works that way here, sometimes, rarely.  This whole spring has been cool.  Not necessarily a bad thing?  It does mean gardeners have to be on their toes, may need to replant, or lose things.  But... okay.

I only left two windows open down here.  One of them was more a set, but the idea stands.  I did turn the furnace off, as weather has been threatening to explode hotter.  The last day I was able to get out was, to me, brutally hot.  Though, that's, in part, my nature.  If it has been in the upper sixties, then hits seventy five, or more eighty (not sure what it did get to though, but at least the mid seventies, if plus sunny and being in a vehicle (mobile oven) often.  Ugh.

Food!

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It is good to have friends.  And, it just so happened one of them was on the way to my area, if for other reasons, already.  So a little stop was easy enough.  I ordered by phone, in hopes he wouldn't have to wait long.  And, I had cash and a touch more, for gas, time, bother.  Not much.  Just enough that it might be a polite, if small, thank you.

Burritos, big ones.  A number of them.  Two tonight.  I... haven't eaten in a while.  Wasn't hungry so much as needed... something in there.  Like dropping pebbles in a well.  Didn't even hear clattering, or feel a thud.  Could have eaten another, strangely?  But didn't.

Been awake a goodly while.

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Reviewing what has been reviewed, looking through mostly old video pops, the morning routine of fatted coffee, cod liver oil, and bitters, then just drifted doing the other things.  Got lost in the flood of posts and vids flooding my feeds.  Almost a thousand visitors, though probably more as many aren't visible.  Good jobs, kid.  Stay in the shadows.  Wise.

I think I was up around five?  Maybe just a tiny bit after.  It's already early afternoon, and am just remembering to post.

Navy?

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It's... an acronym?  Yes, that's the term.  For?  N.a.v.y.  Oh, you want the words?  Never. again. volunteer. yourself.  Well, I went and blew it.  The meeting was tonight, to begin plotting our enslavement.  Very temporary.  But, okay.  A KoC meal.  I had told a number of folk I would be involved.  Just... in the meal.  But that I would help.  More so if one of the individuals would not be there.

Now, he was supposed to teach me.  But the one chance I knew of for him to do so I was down.  He didn't seem interested though, either.  Didn't even wish to speak with me.  Which... is why I have been staying out of the KoC.  And church, beyond that.

Okay!

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I can't say it works on everything.  I won't say what it's limits are.  What I will say, is that those bitters ordered took care of mild nausea, from a fatted coffee, that had plagued me since shortly after waking and consuming that.  I didn't even use a full doser.

It is an alcohol based one.  Which I did have some fear regarding.  I am not a typical alcoholic?  But, if I get that taste, that feel, that sense?  Maybe not this time, or next, or even ten out?  But, eventually, it will draw me in and cause a thirst like nothing most humans have seen.  As I have mentioned, at one time a case and two or three fifths, of 80 to 120 proof alcohol.  Toss in soda, for sugar and caffeine, and... yeah.

I've... tried to tell people.

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I don't think they believe.  Yet.

No... worries.  I'm not absolutely convinced myself.

A good sleep.

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If I have it right, I was down by around nineteen hundred and some varied change.  Larger or small change I can't say.  I do, think, I remember it being definitely 19:xx when I went down.  But the other numbers are lost in gui calibration issues?  And, I woke at 4:44, but it took a while to pull out, get up, get going.  I don't think I got downstairs until shortly after five.  Within two decades, probably on the lessor side of that.

Medicine in, coffee just about finished.  Takes me a while to finish coffee.  As well, cod liver oil down.  I try to take it with coffee, as I use two to three tablespoons of cream in it.  Fat soluble with fats, just saying.

Bedtime.

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I have lowered the amount of carvedilol I am taking, by a quarter.  Two doses have been lowered, the two for today.  Hoping that will help.  So very tired, even now.  It may take a few days, weeks, to regain my feet?  Then again, regaining my feet isn't exactly all that much.  This may be as good as it gets.  I hope for more.  I can't be sure of any extra.

A lot of visitors today, if anything can be believed.  By count, over 1,800, with over 4,700 yesterday.  Though who really knows.  Sometimes there are bumps.  Sometimes dryer spells.

Oh!?!

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Had to laugh.  Questions, doubts, rebuttals.  I... love this game.

How can you say that, but do this?  *laughing*  No... really.  *laughing*

Stories, accusations, music.

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Nothing new, to old-timers.  But... the number of hits on these themes?  I decided to put a few of them together, along with a new one or two.  Showed during curation.

I... always enjoy new, if they fit, are well done.

Very cool out there.

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Last I checked...  Never mind that?  Well, it was 36 (F).  Which it remains closing in on seven.  The sun has been up for an hour and a half, going on two?  And, for the first day in... I can't even remember?  The sun is shining fully.  No clouds.  Even so, as the end of May nears, it is still 36?  That's a bit... odd.

But... fine.  So be it.  And all that jazz.

The burrito was good.

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Two yesterday, one today, and one remaining.  Why?  Because.  It's been two weeks since I have eaten regularly, at any practical volume.  So I am eating a bit more.  Even this isn't catching up.  It is merely a start to trying to get enough calories in on any given day.

I need to get two dozen, of the three dozen eggs I received, boiled, peeled, and put up.  Four or six of those a day, added to the burrito, with coffee, and kefir, will just about be nearing the calories I need for a day.  Yes, I really need to eat a lot, and I have really not been eating enough.

Such thoughts on a dark wet night.

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A few random pops.  Recent enough?  One of them.  The others seemed to be found or find themselves into the discussion, but here they are.

Mother.  What comes to mind, when I suggest that word?  Multitudes of notions, for me.  One of those has only become a grace of contemplation in the last decade or two.  Something like that.  Even then it has been a struggle.

When did I go on to bed?

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Between noon and a few hours into early afternoon?  Wait, I went in and bought propane.  I don't think I headed in until between ten and noon?  I also picked up burritos.  Each took an half hour to hour to finish?  As much fighting traffic so as to merely get in, and out, of the businesses.  Wow was traffic a snarl.

Oh, and I went to my bank to pull money.  But, mistakenly, used the wrong card.  Went in to sort it out.  Figured it out there.  All good.  But that means a ten minute stop became an half hour thing, between the two involvements.  On the good side, I didn't go in with anger, even if I was angry.  That's... always embarrassing.