A good morning.

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If my morning didn't start until 15:00 or so.  Not sure when I went to bed, sometime between three and six?  Or... so.  A cooler day, again.  Strange, but I'll take it.  Just getting to 78 in the front room, the hottest part of the house.  So I am not using ac, and won't be.  I'm cool at this temp, almost cold.  Not... an unhealthy sort of cold.  Just... some... strangely comfortable sort of cool.

A shower shortly.  I took medicine.  And am having a fatted coffee.  No sweeteners.  Blood sugar is still elevated, that without having sweeteners of any sort for a full day now.  Though, now I am becoming suspicious of the bitters.  I am still using the alcohol based bitters.  I do believe that may well be the problem.

Foods, ideas, such.

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This first one I found really interesting.  Now, for anyone carrying forty extra pounds, or more?  Simple keto might be a start, but it isn't fast enough or powerful enough.  It's a... proof of concept.  If you can make it on keto, soon or late you will realize your addiction to carbohydrates is too profound for you to beat.  Which... is why you have forty or more extra pounds.

This woman and her mother went on this journey for different reasons.  I would guess weight loss was just a benefit to the daughter, who understood what carbs have to do with cancer.  Who went on the journey with her mother, to be a part of her life in this different situation.  But... there is something in the diet, even to keto, for all of us.  And for some of us, the more the reason to go carnivore.

Some potent mojo?

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Well?  Yes.  Actually.  This is something I am considering doing.  I just had to... figure some things out.  I am not sure if what was done is available to me, through my medical.  But... I can ask, find out.  If not, see if there is some way I could afford it.   What, you ask?  Toxicity.

I have been watching what these folks present on y.t., from time to time, for years now.  I use some of what they suggest, and plan on more.  Water glassing, I think is how she terms it?  But, recently read they were having problems, with toxins?  Strange, but... okay.  I have been tracking that story, in particular, and for... specific reasons.

Never sure who asks.

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I do know the question.

Already 15:00?

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Cooler, today.  Just to 78 upstairs, 76 in this front room, and 74 in the main of the house.  Believe it or else, these temps have me feeling on the cool side?  Aye.  Wonderfully cool.  My food seems to be... sitting well with temperature tolerance.  Oh, there for a day or two, as it hit it's recent highs, my brass dongles were sweating.  No doubt.  I really thought about putting the ac in where needed, and on.  And, maybe that will yet happen before long.  But not today.

Why resist?  Well... because it is expensive.  And, I'd like to outlast heat as long as possible.  Oh, it'll get hot enough for it, soon.  The longer I can live without it, the better.  I resist the furnace, in the winter, too.  Though, with the winter, freezing pipes are enough of a threat to limit my resistance.

Sort of rough.

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Trying to figure out sleep, cooling, food, and else.  I have upped the amount of cream I use a day, adjusting the amount of cream I use in coffee.  As well, having a second coffee.  The idea was two cups, but that is... a bit much.  So aiming closer to 3/4 of a cup per coffee.  Though I may begin trying it with tea.  I love fatted coffee, but two a day gets old quickly.  I'll try it with both actual teas, herbal/florals, and mixes of those.

Next I need to begin adding more food.  Eggs will be the easiest.  I really like runny yolks, but without anything to sop it up, I'm going to begin cooking the yolk to mostly solid.  While that isn't my favorite, it really isn't too awful.  I also have two cartons aging.  To be boiled.  I have found that, with eggs, aging them a few weeks makes peeling vastly easier.  I pretty much destroyed the last batch, when I tried to rush them through, right fresh.  Not this time.

Wound care.

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Being Friday, if I had meant to do it yesterday, I took off the main, better, dressing.  For now I just have gauze, regular ointment, a larger bordered dressing, and that covered by a shower dressing cover.  Well, and short compression socks on.  The idea is to get a shower in before long, then replace this temporary gig with the better wound dressing, adding the collagen matting and solution.

I can see the improvement.  It's a combination of things.  The matting and solution is being completely absorbed by my body.  When I first put it in, it's like a really thick.... dense I should say... gauze type material.  Wetted with the solution to give it a headstart.  When I change the dressing, now, there is nothing left.  My body is using that to create new flesh?  There isn't even anything to wash out!  It's just all gone.

Up, if a bit late.

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Warm.  Not sure outside?  Ouch, 89, and it's just 13:09.  It's... going to be a warm one.  Though it will start drying out.

I didn't wake up until about noon.  My mother called.  The phone I sent her?  Is far inferior to the phone she had before she switched over.  She bought an, probably, apple 13?  Before she had to give up her money, and couldn't afford the plan she was on.  And the .gov plan couldn't use her phone.

Okay?

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Doc called.  Said everything is... looking better.  Well, other than the one thing.  They only do surgery for that if it gets (some measure) to a "5"?  I'm "4.8"!  :)  Besides, I wouldn't go for surgery.  They... have to know that about me by now?  They... will learn, if it comes to that.  I've... lived... too long?  I won't poke the bear the more, if I won't just quit, either.

Do people get it?  I... really shouldn't be here.  Not... even, or just, for my sins.  My body should have failed so very long ago.

There is a hole in me.

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Losing ninety pounds, more like 80 now, but even so...  Losing that much weight that fast?  My midsection looks... funky.  Compression, I have heard.  I am trying... things.  With varying levels of success.  Being 6'5" puts me out on the edges of things.  Even being down to ~235 puts me on another edge of things.  Combined?

I am trying wrestling onesies.  Just to... keep it all together, tight, compressed.  When I go up for a nap, I'll try it on.  As well, I bought a jock strap with cup.  Compression is good, but crushing some units is no fun.  Live and learn.  Lived I have.  Learned I have.  I just wish I didn't have to learn so slowly, painfully.

Up, going, at it.

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A shower first thing.  Not much sleep, but I am awake, in the morning.  The alarms were set for five and seven.  I really pushed for a five wakeup, or within the snooze zone of that first alarm.  Not a chance.  Even at the seven alarm, it took four snoozes before I was finally out of bed.  Though, given the givens, that really was pretty good.

Coffee going down.  Oh, almost forgot the cod liver oil.  It's... not as bad as it sounds.  I do have the lemon flavored one.  Which can help you get over that initial bump.  At this point I could probably do without.  And, if not the next order, sometime soon I plan to go plain, just to remove one more "thing" from my foods/supplements.  Medicine went in right away.  All good.

So very strange.

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As I sit, read, listen, and sort life... thinking this or that, about those and these things, I decided to check the thermometer.

I am wearing a thick plaid double flannel shirt jacket, with my winter weight pj bottoms, over compression socks and of course unders.  I stopped going commando, though... might begin doin that from time to time?  Who knows.  Anyway. and with summer weight sandals.

Protein.

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I keep thinking about how to get more protein in.  So... I went looking, again.  For general and alternate ideas.  Even if, possibly, adding some carbs?  But... is there a way without adding carbs?  That is the... holy grail of protein, for a carnivore, or even a keto dieter to some lessor degree.  So... a few vids for you.

These first two?  Possibilities.  If some just... no.  You'll... know which are a no.  Carnivore isn't just a diet, food plan, or what is suggested for food.  It is... a way of life.  It is the order God set for men.  Who is where in the pecking order, and why things work certain ways.  It's... a holy writ, as far as I understand things.  Perhaps not codified, but in those days, it wasn't necessary to suggest it.  I think even God had more faith in man's common and uncommon sense than... perhaps He should have.

Up a bit earlier.

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The weather, and temps, are leveling, increasing.  With the fans going, it was 75 upstairs and 72 down here first thing.  I had alarms set at both nine and eleven again.  I struggled through the nine alarm.  Turning it off at about 09:30?  Or so.  I thought I was awake.  I ended up not getting out of bed until... 09:56 or 58?  Something around that time.

Which is fine.  I didn't get to bed until 0:05 (or so).  And, with the heat, and having gotten out, plus some work the last few days, that's pretty good.  Even so, I'm going to attempt pushing the day back into earlier morning.  Maybe getting to bed by 22:30, and setting the alarms for 07:00 and 09:00 tomorrow... hoping to be up between seven and eight?  Or so.  It's possible.

Didn't get to bed.

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Looking over this, reading that, listening to these songs.  Then, decided more food would be good, so heated one of the burritos in the oven.

Oh, but it's time.  Even though I didn't sleep, I almost hurt for sleep.  Exhausted in a way I don't understand.  Still... okay.  I'm not sure I enjoyed the afternoon, evening now.  I've just sort of drifted through it.  But it is about time to sleep.

Oh, I don't know.

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Absolutely crashing.  So very tired.  It's about bedtime.

I did put on cooler clothes.  Which really is comfortable.  Getting the heavier socks and boots off, alone, made life a lot more comfortable.  It reads 78 up here, in the front room.  Strangely, I am comfortable as can be.  Considering it was in the low 70s days ago, as the highs for the year, I am handling the heating up of the world very well.

Almost late.

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Wound clinic appointment today.  Early afternoon.  Almost didn't make it.  I had the first alarm set for nine, the second for eleven.  I didn't get to bed until 05:30.  So... yea, waking was difficult.  I almost... no... I did out sleep the alarm, and the snoozes.  The last one is fifty after the given hour.  I just barely rolled out at three to noon.  Thankfully I didn't miss it.

I had to shower, shave, brush my teeth, and dress.  Couldn't feed Sassy, just no time by the time I realized the problem.  She survived.

Good!

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I couldn't eat it all.  Though I had more "bread", and milk as well.  I ended up drinking about seven cups, of whole raw milk.  Which... added 56 grams of both fat and protein, if too, 84 grams of carbs.  Bleh.  Well, and 1,050 calories.  So... yes.  I made it over some of the lines, if not all the good ones.  Actually?  I didn't make it over any of the good lines, save calories.  I got closer, with fats and proteins, but splurged so far over carbs it isn't funny.

I feel like... a bloated warthog.  Thankfully, not being a prince, it doesn't bother me all that much... other than the general discomfort that goes with it.  :p

Not bad?

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I wasn't moving fast enough to hold the laundry until after a shower.  So, before digging in to start on the dishes, I set a load drying.  Then did the dishes I had prepared last night.

After washing those, a first go anyway, I moved them out so a shower can be had, when possible.  Then I put the clothes which finished the wash cycle into the dryer.  Then set up another load to wash.  There might be enough for a load of whites to finish that production, for now.

More fat, more protein.

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Check.

Start from the start.  That is what I am certain about.  The goal?  Between 1,800 and 2,000 calories between those, at about half of each, though higher fats would be preferred.

What a storm.

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We must be having monsoon season, or a portion of it, early.  The thunder was right over my home.  The rattle of the things went right into me, as if near railroad tracks as a train goes by.  And the lightning was visible as the sound was happening.  There was no delay, not even from above.  Wow.

Went through that for a good several hours.  While offering torrential rains.  It was absolutely amazing to experience.  Though, I must admit, I kept expecting electricity to go off.  Or the internet.  Or both.  Though, if electricity is gone, how would one know if the internet was up?  And, it might need local electricity, even if it technically didn't go down?  Dunno, but possible.

Oh I tried.

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Invited to an event.  A famous young lady was set to give a presentation.  Asked to attend.  But... a bit later in the day, yesterday.  Sometimes that makes a difference, sometimes not.  I was... favoring going.

So, yesterday, I showered.  As well, trimmed whiskers, then shaved as well.  Two very different things.  Brushed my teeth.  Then set the alarms, one for five, one for seven.  As well, I tried to get to bed earlier.  Did... get to bed earlier.

Hmm?

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A late rise.  Up around noon thirty, but moving slow.  It's 13:30 already, and I... feel like I just woke up!  Bah!  I have enough cream to make a final fatted coffee.  But wish to take a shower, and get compression gear on first.  I keep thinking about what I could make.  And, I suppose, there are things I could cook.  But... I don't think so.  Disinterest, nausea, dishes, limits to what is available that I might like.  D.V. suggests pushing through, eating something anyway.  But it would have to be something I would like.  Burritos would do.  But not really interested in more soup, or... else available.  Kippers, or sardines?  Just... a bit oily, tricky, for my system currently.

I have cut drinking.  I'm have three to five cans of water, plus a large coffee, a day.  No, yeah.  I have consumed as much as, say, seven to ten a day.  Which is too much.  I don't mind averaging four.  Especially as I add electrolytes with two of those.  So even that isn't quite as it seems.  The fluid just becomes a transport device.

Too funny.

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Mother called this morning.  Cloudy, here.  Looked like it would rain.  She said it would get better.  I was pretty sure it wouldn't.  She was right.  For a while.  As it stands, it's been storming something fierce for the last two to three hours?  Raining, heavy rain.  Thundering.  But... it... did clear up.  For a while, earlier on.

A call from one of my many doctors.  A change was needed.  He had to clear up his afternoon for hospital visits.  Yes, okay.  Look, I don't have a schedule.  I can afford to be flexible, especially with three weeks out.  I've been taking pretty good care of appointments.

Dinner!

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I... must be honest.  I didn't want to eat.  Nausea?  But... how could there be nausea?  It has been two days since I ate.  Then I ate ten (liquid, mostly) ounces of a sort of soup.  The rest went bad.  It had burger in it, and keto rice (diced palm heart).  I... just couldn't eat much.  As well, it was a few days before that before I had eaten prior to even that.

Still, I wanted to push through.  I obtained a can of soup from downstairs.  Beef and vegetable.  The beef in it is... very questionable.  Who knows what it really is?  I added hamburger, and a can of navy beans.  Well, plus half the big can of water as well as spices.  Garlic and onion powder, red pepper (hot) flecks, cayenne pepper (100k on the hot level), as well as carolina reaper (which tops out at ~2.2 million Scoville).

A shower.

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Well?  While it was later than hoped, given that I had calls and business to do, that was as reasonable as I could do.  Toss in being so tired, for whatever reason, sleep cycles twisting in the wind, and the worry about bandaging?  It all... adds up.  Though I think I got the shower in before 16:00?  Given that I didn't wake up until after noon?  Good, all good.

I didn't go with the better bandages.  I keep forgetting, the main problem isn't that the wound bed will hurt.  Though there is that.  It is that the sticky part of the bandages make the skin around the wound sore!  And, that area needs some air.  Bit much bigger bandage helps with that.  It has border that are only about two inches, while being a 6"x6" bandage.  So all that interior space gets time off from the sticky part of dressing.  As well, the bigger border bandage is (supposed to be) breathable.  I think it is.

Good, so far.

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My brother found a phone that worked, for my wants.  Mostly.  Not new.  As well, it has what my mother wanted.  Some app that is only on apple phones, so she can talk and see who she is speaking with.  For the granddaughters.  She likes to... see her ducklings, while hearing.  No warranty, I guess.  But it does have a fingerprint reader.  It's... as good as can be done, at the moment.

I went with unlimited, for her too.  Just... so I don't have to worry about her going overtime.  It'll just slow down if she does.  Not my problem, or cost.

Up late?

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Technically.  Awake at noon.  But I didn't go (back to) bed until half past three to a quarter to four.  So... no?  I went to bed a bit before 16:00 yesterday.  Then woke at... well... I have no idea.  I would guess sometime between 17:00 and 22:00?  So, sleep is just off.  It is warm up.  That is throwing things off.  It's just how it goes.  In some ways, I am extremely fragile.  Things will be off until temps stabilize and I learn how to manage temperature controls, then get used to it.  Well, until it begins cooling again.  So it goes for the near dead.

I now need to take a shower.  Then change the bandaging.  I'll do as I did last time?  Or... not?  I may just put on the better bandaging and the packing.  But not put compression on right away.  However, if it hurts too much, again, this time?  Then I'll stick to the plan devised recently.  I just... hate messing with this more, and again, and... else.  I'd like to push through, if possible.

Getting warm out there.

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The last time I checked, it was 82 outside.  That is the warmest temp I have seen.  It may have hit warmer temps, on rare events, but I haven't seen it.  It is 75 up here, in the front room.  In spite of it being that warm, I'm actually cool?  Very strange.

I have failed to call the heart doctor to reschedule the procedure.  I did check my phone, but his number isn't in there.  I went looking for my wallet, as I think I have his card.  As well, I remember his name.  I should be able to look it up if I fail to find the card.  But... I... didn't find my wallet.  Though as much because it wasn't exactly where I looked, then something else crossed my mind and... I... flitted off to... do something else?  Or go to the restroom?

I had to get to it.

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No shower today.  Not needed.  I had taken compression hose off during the night.  Just... to take a break.  Then I kept considering a shower today.  As well, I needed to change the bandage.  I had a large border bandage on.  But I just wasn't moving fast.  Finally got to it at about ten thirty to eleven?

I had hoped taking off the large bandage would allow me to keep the collagen soaked packing in place.  That just didn't work.  So I also had to replace that.  No big issue.  If I worried it would hurt too much, so that I would... have to change it again, and add lidocaine.

Pretty good?

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Not much done.  I did finally check on the burger and steak.  Good, enough?  I cooked the steak, and ate that.  Then I cooked burger.  Later, I added some of the crumbled burger to tomato puree and keto rice (made from palm heart?).  Spiced it a bit.  And had that for a later meal.

It's... not carnivore.  But it is the start back to it.  I have two or three pounds remaining of the burger.  As well, there is another steak in the fridge.

Up later.

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Not until ten.  A bit after.  I didn't get down until... 23:30? 00:30?  Somewhere in there.  Was so exhausted when I went to bed that memory failed.  I do remember, some quarter to half hour, at least, before bed, seeing 23:30 on the clock(s), watch.  And, I thought I say midnight pass, but was being crushed by exhaustion at that point.  Could have been a dream.  When I hit the mattresses I crashed so hard and fast it almost hurt.

Coffee, first thing.  Plus the cod liver oil.  I'll never like that stuff, but I no longer hate it?  It's just... meh... *down*  Getting plenty of omega 3s with it, and some other very good things.  Oh, I forgot the bitters this morning.  I almost forgot them yesterday too.  I pushed them, yesterday, in spite of not needing them?  But, today, after drinking the fatted coffee, without nausea, for some time?  I went to force a dose of it, but thought?  No, why?

Brutal morning.

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Not certain what is causing the problem.  Only, the neck is as stiff as a two by four, and about as flexible as one.  I opened the window, beside the bed, half way through the night.  I had thought it open.  Was getting warm.  Not hot, just... ever so slightly stuffy.  Perhaps that made it too chill, and that is causing some seizing in the neck this morning.

Nowhere else.  My body is somewhat stiff, has been for years.  Not terribly, just not as loose as I would like.  More from not moving around much.  Which has me wondering about finding minor exercises, and stretches, I could do while just sitting.

Reasonably well made.

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Eggs and corned beef hash, on the griddle.  Then I cleaned up before bringing the food in to eat.  I used coconut oil for the grill, to clean it several times.  Using duck fat for actual cooking.  The coconut oil might be a bit... dated.  The duck fat is relatively fresh, and has been refrigerated.

Oh, those eggs, so fresh.  Perfect.  There is nothing so good at the store.  I've spent much more for the "best", but it's just not right.  Soy feed, and probably gmo corn.  I don't care what they suggest, with "organic".  And, free range?  There isn't even a definition for that, legally.  Further?  Even what the industry uses doesn't mean what you think, and is really up to them.  These eggs I receive are golden, might as well be.

Delicious memories.

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Something I saw the other day.  Actually, I have seen it for a while.  Some things I avoid, if I think they will be too odd even for me?  Or... too familiar?  Both?  *eyebrow raise thingy*

After watching it, even the first time?  Reminded me of my first woman in Charleston.  And the only really tall woman I have ever... been with.  She was 6'1"~2", weighed 150 (I only remember that because she could bench her weight... pretty good for a girl).  But, too, she was a body builder.  Still a cute little thing, to me.

Some were missed.

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Some, two of the four.  Two were never party.  One was, but was left aside for... for reasons.  One had not been claimed.  But that one has let it be known?  There is one she would prefer?  I cannot say with certainty.  Just... have my reasons to believe so.  As such, I will finish the portrait.  They... will know how things go.

I warn.  Bite, bark?  Or so.  And, yet, when requested?  So be it.

Down for quite some time.

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Noon until 18:00?  I think so.  Too cool?  Not really.  Hmm, actually it was closer to 14:00 down.  I remember taking afternoon medicine around 13:30.  Then realizing sleep was needed.  Still, a longer nap than intended.

I am letting Sassy up, often, lately.  She tucks in and sleeps fairly well.  Does she leave and return, at times?  I can't be sure.  I am pretty sure she does at night, but for naps I just haven't ever caught her leaving, or returning.  But that doesn't mean she doesn't.  I sleep solid when napping.

A bit late.

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Up around nine.  Just after.  Though, while I initially got to bed a short time after nineteen hundred, I remembered it was the day to do the bandage, replace it.  Now, I knew that the whole of the day, but dragged my feet on the process.  I had hoped to get a shower taken first.  But that never happened.

Anyway, so as I was going to bed, I did change the bandage.  Then went on to bed, making it in as suggested.  However, I couldn't sleep.  The wound hurt like heck.  I tried to bull through.  No chance, dice, hope of it.  So I got up, pulled that one off, and replaced it with a gauze border.  Keeping the packing in place, adding a few gauze squares on top.

On to bed, I suppose.

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I never did get a shower taken, or much else.  I did close up the house, turn up the furnace, and was warm for a day.  It was so cold yesterday, and earlier.  Wow.  There is a reason I couldn't get to anything.  I'll shut the furnace off tonight.  But be ready to turn it back on, if it is ugly cold tomorrow morning again.

Another coffee as the night ended.  Along with bitters.  That is helping.  Oh... but something about the alcohol based?  That ends ketosis, and keeps it from restarting until alcohol is stopped.  Now, what I am eating is probably not allowing ketosis anyway, so... for the moment... not problem.

Some things being dug up.

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Belief?  Disbelief?  Accusations, stones thrown from the darkness?  Curiosity?  Understanding?  Who ever can be certain, save who is doing some things.  And they aren't saying anything.  Just... digging, pointing, but quietly.  Okay.  I just, again, am curating the wall of sound and thoughts being presented.

Sort of in some order.  Not... necessarily as I found them.  But, being presented with them, I found, or recognized, or believe there is an order to them.  So, have put them in a... sort of... chronological to my living through them order.  With... serious give and take.  Life really is circular.  I find myself coming back to that which hurts, confuses, teaches, or can't quite be understood at a given moment.  But... as best I recall, as these things happened or came to me.

Cold out there boys and girls!

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May 31st?  It's 33 out there, that with the sun having been up... an hour?  Nearing two?  Wow.  No, fine.  It works that way here, sometimes, rarely.  This whole spring has been cool.  Not necessarily a bad thing?  It does mean gardeners have to be on their toes, may need to replant, or lose things.  But... okay.

I only left two windows open down here.  One of them was more a set, but the idea stands.  I did turn the furnace off, as weather has been threatening to explode hotter.  The last day I was able to get out was, to me, brutally hot.  Though, that's, in part, my nature.  If it has been in the upper sixties, then hits seventy five, or more eighty (not sure what it did get to though, but at least the mid seventies, if plus sunny and being in a vehicle (mobile oven) often.  Ugh.

Food!

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It is good to have friends.  And, it just so happened one of them was on the way to my area, if for other reasons, already.  So a little stop was easy enough.  I ordered by phone, in hopes he wouldn't have to wait long.  And, I had cash and a touch more, for gas, time, bother.  Not much.  Just enough that it might be a polite, if small, thank you.

Burritos, big ones.  A number of them.  Two tonight.  I... haven't eaten in a while.  Wasn't hungry so much as needed... something in there.  Like dropping pebbles in a well.  Didn't even hear clattering, or feel a thud.  Could have eaten another, strangely?  But didn't.

Been awake a goodly while.

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Reviewing what has been reviewed, looking through mostly old video pops, the morning routine of fatted coffee, cod liver oil, and bitters, then just drifted doing the other things.  Got lost in the flood of posts and vids flooding my feeds.  Almost a thousand visitors, though probably more as many aren't visible.  Good jobs, kid.  Stay in the shadows.  Wise.

I think I was up around five?  Maybe just a tiny bit after.  It's already early afternoon, and am just remembering to post.

Navy?

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It's... an acronym?  Yes, that's the term.  For?  N.a.v.y.  Oh, you want the words?  Never. again. volunteer. yourself.  Well, I went and blew it.  The meeting was tonight, to begin plotting our enslavement.  Very temporary.  But, okay.  A KoC meal.  I had told a number of folk I would be involved.  Just... in the meal.  But that I would help.  More so if one of the individuals would not be there.

Now, he was supposed to teach me.  But the one chance I knew of for him to do so I was down.  He didn't seem interested though, either.  Didn't even wish to speak with me.  Which... is why I have been staying out of the KoC.  And church, beyond that.

Okay!

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I can't say it works on everything.  I won't say what it's limits are.  What I will say, is that those bitters ordered took care of mild nausea, from a fatted coffee, that had plagued me since shortly after waking and consuming that.  I didn't even use a full doser.

It is an alcohol based one.  Which I did have some fear regarding.  I am not a typical alcoholic?  But, if I get that taste, that feel, that sense?  Maybe not this time, or next, or even ten out?  But, eventually, it will draw me in and cause a thirst like nothing most humans have seen.  As I have mentioned, at one time a case and two or three fifths, of 80 to 120 proof alcohol.  Toss in soda, for sugar and caffeine, and... yeah.

I've... tried to tell people.

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I don't think they believe.  Yet.

No... worries.  I'm not absolutely convinced myself.

A good sleep.

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If I have it right, I was down by around nineteen hundred and some varied change.  Larger or small change I can't say.  I do, think, I remember it being definitely 19:xx when I went down.  But the other numbers are lost in gui calibration issues?  And, I woke at 4:44, but it took a while to pull out, get up, get going.  I don't think I got downstairs until shortly after five.  Within two decades, probably on the lessor side of that.

Medicine in, coffee just about finished.  Takes me a while to finish coffee.  As well, cod liver oil down.  I try to take it with coffee, as I use two to three tablespoons of cream in it.  Fat soluble with fats, just saying.

Bedtime.

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I have lowered the amount of carvedilol I am taking, by a quarter.  Two doses have been lowered, the two for today.  Hoping that will help.  So very tired, even now.  It may take a few days, weeks, to regain my feet?  Then again, regaining my feet isn't exactly all that much.  This may be as good as it gets.  I hope for more.  I can't be sure of any extra.

A lot of visitors today, if anything can be believed.  By count, over 1,800, with over 4,700 yesterday.  Though who really knows.  Sometimes there are bumps.  Sometimes dryer spells.

Oh!?!

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Had to laugh.  Questions, doubts, rebuttals.  I... love this game.

How can you say that, but do this?  *laughing*  No... really.  *laughing*

Stories, accusations, music.

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Nothing new, to old-timers.  But... the number of hits on these themes?  I decided to put a few of them together, along with a new one or two.  Showed during curation.

I... always enjoy new, if they fit, are well done.

Very cool out there.

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Last I checked...  Never mind that?  Well, it was 36 (F).  Which it remains closing in on seven.  The sun has been up for an hour and a half, going on two?  And, for the first day in... I can't even remember?  The sun is shining fully.  No clouds.  Even so, as the end of May nears, it is still 36?  That's a bit... odd.

But... fine.  So be it.  And all that jazz.

The burrito was good.

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Two yesterday, one today, and one remaining.  Why?  Because.  It's been two weeks since I have eaten regularly, at any practical volume.  So I am eating a bit more.  Even this isn't catching up.  It is merely a start to trying to get enough calories in on any given day.

I need to get two dozen, of the three dozen eggs I received, boiled, peeled, and put up.  Four or six of those a day, added to the burrito, with coffee, and kefir, will just about be nearing the calories I need for a day.  Yes, I really need to eat a lot, and I have really not been eating enough.

Such thoughts on a dark wet night.

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A few random pops.  Recent enough?  One of them.  The others seemed to be found or find themselves into the discussion, but here they are.

Mother.  What comes to mind, when I suggest that word?  Multitudes of notions, for me.  One of those has only become a grace of contemplation in the last decade or two.  Something like that.  Even then it has been a struggle.

When did I go on to bed?

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Between noon and a few hours into early afternoon?  Wait, I went in and bought propane.  I don't think I headed in until between ten and noon?  I also picked up burritos.  Each took an half hour to hour to finish?  As much fighting traffic so as to merely get in, and out, of the businesses.  Wow was traffic a snarl.

Oh, and I went to my bank to pull money.  But, mistakenly, used the wrong card.  Went in to sort it out.  Figured it out there.  All good.  But that means a ten minute stop became an half hour thing, between the two involvements.  On the good side, I didn't go in with anger, even if I was angry.  That's... always embarrassing.

Someone is digging.

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Exactly, specifically, and pretty far back.  No, not lucky hits.  They know what they seek.  And they are finding it.  I suppose my conversations, and recent posts, have stirred something in someone(s).  Yes.  I do believe so.  Which, in turns, is stirring something in me.

The... rest, or whole, of the story?  Fine.  Do the digging, I'll do the telling.  Appearances in these aren't the same, but the ideas are.

Sleep cycles are simply not level.

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Like a rollercoaster.  Awake for three to ten, down for four to twelve, up for six, down for eight.  I have been using alarm clocks to sort things, but that just isn't working.  I have five times, on my various clocks, available.  I have been using three of those.  To absolutely no good.  I hear them, but wake up shaky as a baby, with no strength to wake.  And sometimes taking a cycle or two to sort out how to just turn them off, knowing there is no way I will wake up.

Three alarms this afternoon.  In truth, I turned two off, then realized the third had no chance so turned it off.  That was a 16:00 alarm, it was 19:00 when I am finally, barely, crawled out of bed.  An half hour later and I'm almost thinking of going on back to bed?

Cat tracks?

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Never can be certain.  But... when I see foreign things, and old thoughts?

I do suspect.  A suspicious man.

Finally feel mostly rested?

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Sleep has been off.  Too much, but in shorter periods.  I think, I say I think, I am sleeping between four to eight hours at a time, and awake more like four to eight hours at a time as well.  I just can't stay awake long.  A normal day runs between fourteen and eighteen hours.  A normal sleep is between six and eight hours.  Sometimes  Alarms will help me maintain that.  Currently, not so much.  Usually waking before the alarms go off, if sleeping twice as frequently, in parcels, as usual.

The weather, medicine, and not eating, are all playing a roll.  I really need to get propane in, begin cooking.  I do have kefir going.

Well?

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Sorting out the morning.  Still dark, overcast, possibly wet, and cool to cold out there.  And it creeps in.  But... fine.

I changed the bandaging, and it went really well.  No lidocaine needed.  I should have changed it earlier.  By the looks, it seemed minor.  But, when opened, it had filled the bandaging with blood a bit more than it seemed.  Fine.  Live and learn.  I have a better idea of what to look for, so when to change it.

Oh, right.

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I was awake around midnight, until two?  Or so.  But the internet was dead.  Was still tired anyway.  So I just crashed.  I finally woke up around four thirty?  Or so.  It is six, now.  I looked around the internet.  Looking for anything new or interesting.  Nada thing.  Well, some things, just nothing real.

Sure, I am surprised Net has been ordered arrested.  It'll never happen, or be fully functioned.  Unless the US and Europe are going a different way, and Israel is turning a new, or fake new, leaf.  That, if slightly a surprise, looks more like a warning shot, wake up call.  Nothing more.

Up way early.

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To bed sometime between 1:30 and 2:30?  Probably in the latter half more likely?  I'm pretty sure of it.  then awake around 5:30?  Not sure I'll be awake much longer, but it's nearing eight.  And I... will probably still be awake another hour or three?

Cloudy, again?  Sure seems like it.  At least there was some sun yesterday when I got out.  Lately, any time the sun shines you best take it, enjoy it.

Rough.

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I promised to be to an event this evening.  A meal out, in which a portion would go to charity.  But... I had been working all day... morning... later evening.

I believe I was up around 18:30 last night, and drifted and worked through the day.  Finally getting what else I could do done by 11:00?  10:30?  Then down.  I set alarms for 15:00 and 16:30.  I couldn't crawl out until 17:00?  Or so.  Then had to take a shower, dress, and go... with an half hour drive time and the shower and dressing, it was closing in on 18:30 when I arrived?

So tired, I can't remember.  But... I did make it.  And I did have a dinner.  Not carnivore, not keto, but... sometimes that is the way it goes.

There was a large group in front of me.  And the orders were slow.  Thankfully, they just let me go on ahead of them.  No, I wasn't fussing or such.  They were merely gracious.

As well, I saw one of my friends, and the KoC chief when I joined, and a new guy.  Well, and a few other folk, here and there.

So tired.  But, from getting up, showering, and shipping out, I had too much energy and such being produced to crash when I got home.  I hate being messed up like that.  That is just how it goes sometimes.  Almost ready to sleep, finally.

A good day, if a bit brutal.  Goodnight.

A... story about a story.

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Two... but... we'll stick with the one, for now.

What she thought?

Someone...

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Someone brought up the notion of... hard, mean, dark, women.  Oh... I had to laugh.  And remember.  Some songs, dedicated to those affairs, presented her in the past.

I remember seven, eight?  Seven for sure, but I think there was another one back there, just... a bit too foggy to remember fully.  Ring-tailed sort of mean, but more lost in time.

A bit more.

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Laundry is flipped.  The dry pulled, the washed drying, and a new load into the washing machine.  Teeth brushed, after a few cans of kippers.  Well, and tea.  I went with green plus herbals/forals.  Wonderful.  Each batch I make is a bit different.  This time with caffeine, regular if green, tea.  I have white, green, and oolong teas, plus... six herbals and florals?  Some things don't work best together.  I... need to keep a list and cross reference things.

A bit of a rest.  I had to go upstairs, to pull a big second batch of laundry.  Then separate cotton from synthetic.  The cotton went in.  It'll take two loads to dry the load that is in, heavier synthetic pants, a heavy "farm/industrial" jacket, and a synthetic winter jacket just... take time.  I am hoping to finish the drying of the two loads going currently, then have the last load of synthetics through, and into the dryer.  Can I get that done before bedtime?  Maybe, but more likely not.

Actually getting to things.

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Laundry was started.  I had planned to do that after a shower.  But... that wasn't moving along.  Pants and jackets, as a first run.  Then, shirts and underwear.  Plus, when they are dried, I'll try to get them folded and put in airtight bags.  My house is rough, this helps.  Same with jackets and maybe some shirts?  Just t-shirts, I mostly wear black t's.  I have one of those folding boards which does really well with getting shirts folded.

As well, I got the freezertop cleared, then washed.  Pulled meat to the other freezer.  Nothing out, to be thawed yet.  If I get propane tanks filled sometime this week I will pull meat out to thaw.  Burger and steaks, but getting low.  Well, I still have, probably a dozen steaks in the drop in freezer, and maybe... ten to twelve packs of burger.  Plus a quarter to half that in the fridge freezer.  Plus a placket of ribs, various roasts, and eight to twelve multi-pound packs of ground pork.  Food for a while.  A pack of burger, or  two, per week.  And usually a steak a week.  So... sure.

Finally awake.

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Down at 10:19.  I looked, several times, and remember this time.  Up at 18:30, give or take, just a few.

I brought pants down, to be washed.  And a few shirts.  But a shower first.  Then laundry started.  And, then, finally, the rest of the freezertop.  I did get started on that, but just failed to complete.  Fine, I'll... get it tonight.

I didn't like how the dream ended.

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Even knowing it was a dream, and being aware in it.  I couldn't change the ending, or stop it.  An... unusual event.  I don't like unusual events.  And some nightmares are far worse than others.  Some... I don't like.

A dark day.

That dream... woman.

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I don't know.  All I know is...

God gave them gifts.  I can't deny the gifts.  I have... denied them, am denying them.  But I don't want to deny them.  It denies myself as well.

A lot of sleep.

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Can't be sure when I went to bed.  Early afternoon?  Between 13:30 and 15:30?  Really, that is just a guess.  I woke up at about 22:30.  Still a bit weary?  Yes.

Coffee first thing.  And... "night" medicines, minerals, vitamins in with that.  Oh, forgot the cod liver oil.  I'll get that.  Still have fatted coffee, so that will work.  Had three eggs while at it.  Might have two more.  Not hungry, just... I'd... like to put a bit in, beside coffee.

Ugh.

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"Morning" meds in, collagen in the coffee, and a cup and a half of kefir down.  Browsing the internet, listening to music, watching videos on some topics.  Ignoring (most of) the propaganda, especially on y.t.  I do enjoy Zero Hedge, if too I ignore the articles and just go see what is kicking around in the comments section.  I can't seem to post there, so I just up and down vote things.  Or... stay away.

Yes, most of my favored bloggers are propagandists.  Some of them look to be state operated, give or take.  I know this.  If not state operated, then they took small tickets, or simply took money for an opinion?  If they aren't state actors outright.  Especially the zionists.  Their one-sidedness is too fierce.  Unless they are Israeli citizens/actors.  As an American, they should know better, by now.

Both sides of some things?

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Having a heck of a time going to sleep and waking up.  I hurt?  Numb from it, mostly.  But I know it is in there.  I just don't know why.  When living in a body which should be dead,  there is going to be pain.  But... not beyond my ability to tolerate.  Mostly, as mentioned, numb.  But I can sense it back in there.

I can't quite figure out... anything... though?  Currently, just trying to take medication, drink when thirsty, add electrolytes, add collagen, and eat... something.  Eggs and fatted coffee, for now.  It's not a lot, but it is something.  The next trick is to get sleep regulated.

Heading to bed.

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Slowly.  I've been heading to bed for... two... three... maybe four hours?  Gah.  Never mind.  I'm... still heading to bed.

I just thought of something I realized when reviewing keto, but more specifically the carnivore viewing section of y.t. videos.  And, just now, I decided to share it.

Medicine, vitamins, minerals, and such.

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I have in what I plan to use.  Some of it is short term.  Some of it is medium term.  And, of course, some of it is possibly for the rest of my life.  D3 plus K, vitamin C I believe isn't some acid that isn't, electrolyte type minerals, cod liver oil, and the standard medicines.

Not sure how I should take them.  Thinking on it.  Currently all (save evening medicines) in the morning... or what passes for my morning.  Of course, that is when I take the waterpills.  So I am considering taking the supplements at night.  Oh, and collagen with coffee.  As well, kefir (which is a cross between food and medicine?)... which I take just whenever.

The scale.

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I thought the only additional reading from the new scale would be bmi.  Sadly (not) mistaken.  Beside weight and bmi, the device measures water hydration, skeletal muscle mass, and bone mass?  That is what the manual suggests.

I did get a shower in this morning, finally.  Before taking the shower, I set up the scale, figured out how to get it to use my setup, and then stepped on it.  Not sure how accurate, or not, it was, I always weighed myself on my old scale.  The two had the same weight.  So, yes, that is good enough for me, on that measure.

Had to laugh.

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I suppose you would have had to have been there.  I was!

No, I didn't belong there.  My problem was my heart had stopped working, I wasn't woke, and that was enough reason for them to wrongly diagnose me.  Well, and saving a nickel on someone they suspected was dead meat without possibility of healing.

That's a crazy first.

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I've been looking, both actively and inactively, about what... precisely, exactly, to eat in order to raise the fat percentage of my diet.  I am sure that will work, if I can do it.  As well as I was losing weight, with all the problems I have, I am sure higher fat, and more calories, would help.

I reviewed several videos.  But they were all general.  Just suggesting I do what I am already suggesting, without giving more hints, tips, tricks as to how or what to use to do that.  So, this next video looked promising.

Ah, right.

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I have probably gone over this a dozen times through being on keto, then going into carnivore.  That is, how to target fat, protein, and carbohydrates when those were... a thing.  Not that you ever quite get it down exactly.  But... you get it, then you lose it.  You remember, then you forget.  Back and forth.  Especially if you starve yourself for a while.  Memory absolutely sucks on a starvation diet.

It's like the brain realizes you aren't thinking well, or doing well, so shuts off other pathways for the mind.  Trying to let you know that food is what you need to consider.  Only, if your health is trash otherwise, as well, the limits and directional impulses of your body just... don't... hmm... just... you don't pick up on the clues, hints, psychic directional impulses.

Cracking some numbers.

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Yes, I am eating far too little.  Three hundred calories a day just won't do it.  Even when I have eaten out, those meals while seemingly quite large, were only in the thousand calorie range.  Nice, but even that is too little food to boost metabolism enough to lose weight.

According to some of the more, to me, trusted sites and advisors, I ran a few numbers.  To maintain my weight, the recommendation is 2,400 calories a day, give or take a bit.  I have found, for me, I can get away with less.  However?  The less I eat, the less I do, and can do.  There is a price for caloric deficit.  And, below thirty to forty percent deficit?  I become crippled.

No idea...

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Not sure when I ended up going to bed, or when I woke up?  Sometime within the last hour, so as early as 18:30?  When to bed though?  My last comment, if I'm doing the math right this early in my "morning", is listed as eighteen hours ago, but is four hours off.  Plus or minus though?  I am thinking, probably, making it fourteen hours ago?  But, too, did I go to bed right after, or more a bit later?  I would guess a few hours later.

So... let's say twelve hours ago, and up maybe an hour ago.  Eleven hours of sleep, but down at around 6:30?  Just... a very rough guess, using math as knowable, and doable at the moment, plus a lot of guessing.  But I could go with it.  I feel a bit miserable though, in spite of a good long sleep.  If too, I was awake, probably, into the eighteen to thirty two hour range.  Or, at least, well beyond exhaustion.  Sometimes that isn't as much as it seems.  Ugh.

Had to chuckle.

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I had something, I say something... about something, boy, I say boy... not long ago.  Well, someone is using my notion back at me?  Maybe.

I don't mind.

No, this time it's me.

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Looking back, seeking, finding.  Thinking.  Remembering.

A darkness.  Darknesses I should think.  But not all that is dark is... bad, evil, wrong.  God, roughly, separated light from dark, among many other things.  These He found to be good.  So it is today, as then, if different too.  Find the light, in the darkness.  As well, find shade in the light?  I should think.  Be as you need to be, where you are.

I forget they yet watch.

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They don't speak, these days.  But they do sneak in, take a seat, watch, enjoy, hate.  But, yes, they are there.  Oh, I definitely see.  The musical responses... they... somehow send their responses in the way that I... hear... understand.  Like, love, dislike, even hate.  Moody little beasties.  All good.

From her...

Of course, there are these.

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Someone asked.  I will admit, that last isn't all of them, or all there is to them?

I have seen the light shine from, through, some of them.  Watch a mother, even one who merely plucked her brood from the trash.  Watch mother goose with her flocklings.  Yes, and her man.  And God.  I have seen the light.  Been delighted by it.

New or old viewer?

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Someone... heard something.  And... remembered... or dug back, for something?

They found... what they were looking for?  I think so.

Awake for no good reason.

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Is it medicine that is causing odd sleep patterns?  I did increase the carvedilol, and that is heavy stuff.  I need to get back to carnivore dieting, to lower that medicine.  It's just rough.  Though, too, it's the weather.  This spring has been cool to cold, damp, and dark.  The last few days have been more pleasant, but even they have seen periods where weather closed in, maybe even rain?

Sleep was good.  Hmm, may go back before long.  I was thirsty.  Oh, and I wanted to get coffee, and collagen, in.  Plus water.  I had run out of La Croix.  While out, I picked up a lot.  Can't really mix collagen with it, but can get some fluid down.  And, the various flavors... some mix well with the powdered electrolytes.  Sometimes I use flat water (from the counter top reverse osmosis system), but just as often I'll use the La Croix water of some type or other.

A good turn of events.

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My suv has been rattling.  For a while.  A long while.  I was... finally no longer able to just ignore it.  Beyond that, I got that sense that the suspension was... off, out, weak?  Something.  Or... could be.  It may just have been... a thought caused by the intermittent rattling?  Months.  A year?  A long time.  Been... in the back of my mind.  Trying to ignore, or consider, or... something

So, I got it to a friends.  We raised it, looked underneath.  What a relief.  The rattling is from a heat shield along some of the exhaust pipes.  Three spanner clamps and it's good as new.  As well, both of us kicked around the tires and checked some things.  The suspension is rock, in the good way.

Thinking back.

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Found a song which reminded me of a thought, memory?  A teacher, sixth grade?  Homeclass?  Some such.  A bit of a crush, but more.  Ever been a teachers pet?  But for all the right reasons?  She was the first teacher who saw me as more than just a kid who moved around a lot, or this, or that.

She took me seriously.  As a teacher.  Back when teachers were expected to be, and could be counted on being, moral, ethical, people.  Really, there was a time.

A bit later.

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Then again, to bed later?  I suppose.  Can't remember exactly when I got to bed.  After six? eight?  I just can't be certain.  Earlier than those, though, I think.  Four or five more like?  Maybe.  I now have three alarm clocks.  Bought some to test out, as replacements for when my favored one dies.  Two have two alarm times, one has just a single.

I have now started setting the alarms for a large range of times.  From eight hours after I go to sleep, or the earliest time I want to wake, in two hour intervals, until the latest I time I want to be awake.  Seems strange, but it's... the only way that might work with me, with some higher level of certainty.

Okay?

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While browsing, I ran into something... that has made even me stop and think.  Absolutely no promises.  Only that, after seeing the numbers, suggestions, and considering the source, I am going to posit the suggestions offered as a viable possibility.

Hmm?  Well, if you want to eat bread?  Find bread you can, should, or could eat... with less difficulties.  I have to admit, bread is one of my major stumbling blocks.  Oh, I have gotten clean away from it, not even making my own "keto" mug bread or such.  Almosts, whole or ground, and coconut flour, have problems.  There are other things, but then you get into taste and/or texture issues.

Awake, early.

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I think I went down aroud 17:30?  Give or take a half hour?  Woke up at 22:30.  Not because I was fully rested.  Debriding the leg wound doesn't hurt, at first.  The topical does it's job.  But, when that fails, it hurts.  Hmm, I may change appointments back to the morning.  Why?  It gives me all day up, or... more likely.

With a full day before me, the pain will come while I am awake.  It's only, say, a four to six, out of ten.  But it is a solid pain.  It will kick me out of sleep.  At least I did get fiver hours.  That helps.  Some.  I'll get a few painkillers in, and night medicine which I think I forgot too.  And, perhaps, after tinkering, looking, reading, writing, and listening, I might get on to bed.

Hyperbolic wound clinic visit.

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It looks like all of the new wounds are healed.  They want me to massage the hip bruise.  But that is far far smaller than it was even compared to my last visit.  The old wound is, by the software, a bit smaller.  I am hoping, now with the other wounds healed, the body will focus on the old wound.  We'll see.

I did get, and take, the B super complex, or one of them.  As well, I have collagen inbound.  That should help.  Further, tomorrow or the day after I will get propane, and begin cooking.  Going as hard carnivore as possible.  But not to misery again, this time.  I'll push, rub, punch, kick my way.  But I won't disable my very ability to eat.

Well, so much for sleep.

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I had hoped to get more rest.  Or do some work.  Nope.  Looks like the super B complex is in.  I know I have been needing that, especially with longer fasting happening.  If not total fasting, close enough to drain nutrients.  I have been taking D and K, plus minerals and some vitamins.  But I am pretty sure I am missing Bs.

Now, because several doctors have suggested a few things, I started digging into things.  Cod liver oil, for one.  But, for me, that is a no brainer.  There is canned cod liver.  But that is very pricy.  And, there are two doses in the can?  Eat it all, and slightly overdose, or eat have and figure out how to store the rest?  Bleh.  So, yes, the oil, with lemon.

Laughing.

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At... whom?  Myself, you, us, them?  With?  Or at?

Why... yes!

I forgot to post.

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I've been awake for about three and a half hours?  Doing well enough.  Slept well.  Fed Sassy first thing.  Made coffee.  That's about all I have at the moment.  Maybe tea, shortly.

The plan is a shower, then maybe... a few other things?

I did check about some things which were planned, but hadn't happened.  On the good side, those are arranged, or... rearranged?  Life, world, events... happend... if, when, they happen, as they happen.  No guarantees on anything.  Which... is as it should be, I think.

Someone went through a lot of posts and, maybe, music.  I... can't read.  So I look at the music to see what I was on about in any particular post.  I... remember by the music, the feels?  Moving pictures.  Beats stained glass.  Which is the old way they communicated.  Though... I still, sometimes, like stills... photos, stained glass, simpler poetry, statues, and such... when I... can't do more.

Still tired, and yet not.  I may end up back in bed before too long.  But a shower would be nice first.  And I did reset laundry.  Want to get that turned over, and dried, or get that process started, before going to bed.  And, just maybe, finally get to the freezertop?  We'll see.

-------

Went looking for music.  Got lost.  Nothing popped, so I'll skip that.  Oh well.

Well?

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Some tea down.  Nothing else.  Bedtime, again.

I did check blood sugar.  It is 115.  Not sure why it is staying slightly elevated, don't really care.  That isn't a bad number.  Fasting though?  Probably not.  My sleep and wake cycles are too short for that, or this time.  I'll check when I wake again.

At least I got the packages from the post.  That... takes one minor issue off the mind.  Two sit and worry, about a thousand things, while having no means, sometimes, of managing them?  A heavy toll for no real good.  At least, this time, I was able to get out and to it.  Good... morning, day, and goodnight... for a while.

Good, good.

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To the post, this morning.  Hoping that what was in, had been put in one of the boxes.  It had, so I got it.  Plus, medicines were in.  I had... been meaning to get those ordered.  Had failed to do so.  Was out of potassium.  Of course, my old VA doctor changed the amount they sent.  It had been two by 10, he arbitrarily decided to make it one per day?  I'll see if my current doctor can put in for more.  Bleh.  Why?  Because I had been low, and it took taking two to correct it.  It'll... get low again.

Though, the VA is refusing almost all script suggestions by doctors.  They aren't covering... most things being recommended by doctors, here or at the VA.  I don't know if it is just me, or it is everybody.  Since the shots are killing enough of us, they'll just have to do it by refusing medical care or medicine.

When to bed?

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No real clue.  After 17:00, before 21:00?  Hmm, more like between 15:00 and 19:00?  I... just can't know.  Sleep was very good.  Immediate, solid, airtight, until waking just a few before midnight.

Slept wand woke warm, but not hot.  Neither getting too cold or hot through the night, if warming as I woke up.  The house is open, windows cracked anyway.  It was up to nearly 70 yesterday, when I looked.  Can't remember if I looked earlier or later though.  Either later morning or early to middle afternoon.

Happy Mother's Day.

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Oh, yes, I have spoken with my mother.  She... called me, as I was still sleeping.  She probably wanted to talk to me so she could take a nap without being disturbed?  :p  Maybe.  I seem to... only call when she is sleeping, from what I am hearing.  That, as a child, is when I cried, too.  Some things never change.

Remember to pay respects to the woman who raised you, bore you, or whatnot.  Being adopted, I had two women involved with that, three really.  I was... recyclable, it seems.  The final, third, mother, wasn't so enamored with the relationship.  But she... filled the role as best she could.  As all goths, about the only thing I could conjure from parents was disappointment.  So much for magic.  Or maybe that is all magic is worth?  *grins*

Echoes.

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Songs from years and years ago.  Five, ten, more?  I've... been at this a while.

No one understood these, not then.  Well, one of us did.  Three dimensional chess versus checker players.  Oddly?  Checker players can technically still win, just not in the full depth of the true game?  I think so.  Of... course, one of us may simply be insane.  Check mate?