Good sleep.

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More, soon.  I woke to put the whitening trays together and in.  Set the alarm.  Then called the dentist.  They will offer four more tubes, with the initial order.  So that is good.  And it is $10 a tube after that, which is fine.  A bit relieved.  I had thought tubes were double that.  And, as fast as I am going through them I was having some concerns.  This I can do.  And, probably, yearly going forward, I will order a four or eight pack of tubes for a retouch.

Mother said good morning.  I made sure she knew I wasn't getting up.  Then asked if she slept more warmly.  And well, yes, she added.  All good.  When she goes, the furnace goes down.  At least while I sleep.  Down a lot, ~63-65, until it gets to the deeper harder freeze.  Then I want a bit more cushion in case electricity goes out.  Which it can, for hours to a day or two?  The longer time a time or three since I moved in.  The shorter losses a few times a year.  No problems, living in mountains, highlands, ag country, rural, desert, with mild to rare catastrophic wind, I think they do fairly well.

Some quiet for a while.

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.

Help arrived.  The ps5 account was sorted.  And I was able to update my phone.  That was sorely needed too.  Then I began installing old games I had thought, potentially, lost.  As well, I was shown how to do a minor mechanical repair.  Then performed the task under supervision.

Since money, again, wasn't requested, a minor gift.  Perhaps he thought it a silly thing.  And, in modern times with far easier methods, it is.  Still, I hope he found some satisfaction with it.  If ever needed, little else will quite do.

Hell of a dream.

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.

It's been a long while since I remember having one anything like it.  It wasn't as bad as it has been, but this one seemed... less intense.  Still a bit tight, but...

I, and several others, were sent out to scout.  We had heard that a small group of a potentially special unit had moved in, or were on the move.  Small unit movement, at least in our sector, were the exception, rare exception.

Quite a day.

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.

Stormy out there.  Mostly heavily overcast, if with occasional spots of sunshine.  And cooler, only getting into the mid 50s.  Still, to me, it seemed pleasant.

Some things mother needed.  Money orders for her apartment, getting started on a change of address, some shopping, a doctor appointment, and then business with her apartment manager.  I had to go in and call that last off after nearing three hours.  I was failing.

A cool rainy fall evening.

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It only made it into the low to mid sixties, rather than reaching the forecast mid seventies.  The El Nina is making forecasting, beyond the nearly unlikely of normal times, much more unlikely.  One could say that is from the number of storms created in the Pacific Ocean.  But those are a direct result of it.  If... what they say is true.  At this point, I... am forced to be seriously skeptical of anything they suggest.

Not just weathermen, but doctors, lawyers, "scientists", clergy, if newsmen don't even have a place at the table.  Everything they say is most likely a lie of exclusion(s), inclusion(s) (both false to varying degrees), and facial and secondary direction.  Just... honest simple assessments.  Snakes, just of varying degrees of self serving poison.

An... annoying day.

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Further, it is far from over.  Okay.  Suffering various realities, privations, exhaustion, and else thoroughly negative is a grace, or can lead to one, several often.  If one can find humility and learn to dance with it as if dancing with a favored woman from better times.

I was up in time for the tech.  But needed a shower.  Just in case he arrived exactly on time, I showed mother the whereabouts and a few details scribbled for his attention.  Thankfully, as he arrived on time, with bells and whistles, metaphorically.

A bit late.

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Had to fight to wake up.  Not too terribly late, perhaps an half hour longer than planned.  I tried to, was, awake beyond putting the plates in, and a bit before.  No, I think I need to, for now, get up, do the plates, and be back to bed and to sleep immediately.  Setting the alarm for three and an half hours.  That gives me some wiggle room.

Didn't go right to sleep after finishing.  Well, and the bad air between mother and myself.  I needed to... come down.  About ready to sleep now, finally.  All good.

Do notice.

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I keep watching things change... while... nothing changes.

Hmm?  You ask.  Major game studios, producers, distributors, and such, keep laying off swathes of their employees, or shuttering small, medium, and large studios.  What you don't see is them changing their products.

No.

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.

Mother wanted me to go to town.  Simply put, after several runs recently, my current condition, something scheduled tomorrow, no.  So... she wanted me to work on this, do that, drive here and there, and else?  No.  No!

That woman is annoying, and exceedingly pushy when her neurosis collides with her will to dominate.  NO!  Absolutely not.  Friday, at the earliest, if she will pay for gas.  I'm going broke helping her, not even receiving a thank you.  That is done.

Just looking about for a moment.

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Sleeping warmly.  Oddly without overheating.  I do wake every six to ten hours.  I am dreaming if not recalling them as I wake, or wake when in any shape to write.  Then they are gone by the time I can.  All good.

Not pushing to be awake.  Mostly.  I have set my alarms in an attempt to wake by noon, then wake again at 16:00.  To put the whitening plates in, go back to sleep, then wake to remove them.  Not sure how well I can follow even that regimen.  Though I have, for a few weeks to month or two, been able to follow a simpler schedule.

Up and down.

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Mainly attempting to begin managing teeth whitening.  Up at noon, to brush my teeth , then put the plates in after adding the whitening agent.  Then back to bed for four hours.  Up to take those out and brush.

Mom was awake, and still here?  She was supposed to be moving today.  I had thought.  A digital paperwork error they couldn't get fixed today.  So she couldn't take residency, or even begin moving in.  So everything has to be rescheduled.

Got her set up.

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I bought her stand-up recliner Friday?  Gave her her first month and deposit, yesterday.  Some of which she used to buy a new twin bed frame and box spring, suggesting that the bigger one she has is too large.  Too large for her?  The space as she sees things?

I have given her many things, some new some old but functional, plus foods and supplies.  She has been buying things on her own, an iron and ironing board yesterday, for example.  Will have to see about minor needs and wants as she gets in.  But, for now, she is fairly set.  I need to make sure she has a clothes basket.  That's the one thing I am not sure I have yet given to her.  I have... a number of those.  No real loss, but very necessary for Mary Poppins type.

Not as cold as suggested.

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Trash finally was put out.  Mid 30s, 36?  Or close.  But it didn't feel all that cool, cold.  Hmm, I should check to see if neighbors, who have their bin out, also have recycling out.  I'm never sure.  Especially when sleeping so much as of late.  it is rather full, I forgot to put it out the last time it was due as well.

A bit of rice, warmed, with cinnamon and allspice, keto sweeteners, and a dash of whole cream.  I set up coffee, but just.,. am not in the mood for it.  I would like to have something else.  A keto tortilla quesadilla?  With carolina reaper pepper flecks..  Sure.

Then back to bed for a bit.  Always moving so slowly.  I do what I can, when and how I can, and just have to suffer the indignity of moving slowly.  It's been a lifelong issue.  I do wonder if I had organ troubles before the Navy.  Just not as bad until the shingles on the sub?

I can't know.  I can suspect, from some problems I have always had.  On to recycling.  I think I will just move it out.  If it isn't taken, okay.  Next time.  But, just in case, I will simply move it to the curb.  Then have some seriously spicy, warm, food.  Later.

I finally figured out warmth.

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After a few weeks, month, two?  Of being frigid far too often, I began using various blankets in various layering configurations.  To be honest, it is mixing cotton and wool blankets and in enough numbers, to hold heat.  Showering, to warm, or eating hot soup, tea, coffee, or such first... to go to bed warm that is, is a massive boost.  Wool socks, after getting warm, for part of the night... much better.

Though, eating a bit more often helps.  Once a week makes warming and staying warm a bit of a trick.  If too, I had to acclimate to fall weather.  As well, we keep receiving warming periods, which helps.  It is slowly ticking down.  From the eighties as highs, to the sixties and dark.  Now back to the seventies.  If the lows are slowly but more consistently dropping.  From the sixties to the high to low thirties.  The lows are more steadily declining than the highs.

Roasted chicken.

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I had promised.  It was thawed, cleaned, dried, bagged, and ready.  So this morning I woke and got to it.  I wanted to try something slightly different.  When mom arrived, last year, I bought a cast skillet with a lid.  Almost a dutch oven.  I wanted to try that.

The chicken was seasoned as usual.  Salt and garlic and onion powders on the outside, with chicken seasoning blend on the inside.  Then fried on both sides, flipped a final time, then into the oven.

Laughter.

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Last month, or really at the start of this month, I felt bad.  My monthly views were down.  Down to almost 177,000 views (not... really, but as presented by blogger).  It had been about 355k the month before and 550k for the previous several months.  Trust me, I know better.  But... the readings were there.

Then, I thought about it all.  First, that I know the numbers aren't... what they seem.  Second, just for a second let's say they were.  Even 179k visitors?  Is a lot of visits.  Real, manufactured somehow, or some split of the two.

From the shadows.

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Judging the judgmental from behind the scenes, thinking you aren't noticed?  No dice.  You are seen far more plainly by some of us than I am in my naked pronouncements.  You read, and decry true accusations and condemnations, while offering your own in what you believe the comfort, certainty, and absolute resolution of your little cubby hole, and mind.

No dice, none.  You are easily seen.  Each of you.  Your rectitude, certitude, and cowardice are noted.  At least you have learned to not throw stones.  While you think that the Christian path, it is merely the weak path.  There are times, should one be true, and another false, when throwing stones is the right thing to do.  Whether it is against temple money changers, the fallen righteous, in words castigating the sinful to go and sin no more, or even one's beloved brother for cutting off an ear.  Care must be given in... which type of stone to throw, that having been said.

Woke for a bit.

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I just wanted a fatted coffee and to brush my teeth.  I was hoping to get down, done, and back before Mom woke.  She always wants to talk.  I don't.  I didn't make it.  But I did avoid talking.

As I was returning, she asked me to stay up, to speak with her.  I just told her no.  She should be able to find people to speak with where she is going.  They won't like each other, often, but that... is for cause.  Nor trust each other.  But that is why they are there, often.  A few naive, unlucky, but most are there for cause.

Up, out, and back.

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On the better side, the furniture store I had thought closed is still functioning.  It is one street over.  Though, the empty storefront is pretty much exactly where the real one is, just a street off.  Mom accidentally found it, in the phone book.  What fortuity.

She was going for the least expensive one.  Which is fine.  But I had her try three others.  I figured which one she was going to get, but assured here there was... flexibility in the price.  Up to a point.  But, no.  I could tell by color, price, and general fit, which one she would take.  So, I bought it and set up the delivery to her apartment.

Up and out yesterday.

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Mother had to get her nails done.  I had a few things to do in the meanwhile.  Had hoped to look for a lift chair for her.  But the place we looked last time was closed.  It was a family store, so extra sorry to see that.  They had a lot of stock.

We found one she liked, the last time we were there.  And a recliner that suited my height, and double or more my weight, which I was seriously jonesing.  She was going to call around, to see if she could find a store or two still open more locally.

Very good sleep.

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Down since earlier in the morning.  I didn't have a second fatted coffee.  Or even more water.  Food and the first fatted coffee had quite stuffed me.  Which I rarely enjoy these days.  Though, having been underfed, even unfed, for days at a time, off and on for weeks, a stuffed sensation was... this rare time... welcomed.  Further, that sensation didn't last as long as it typically does, if it was more miserable than usual while it lasted.

Water would be good, now.  So I will have a can.  Loving having water up here.  With it being room temperature, as well, I am far less likely to splurge in overconsumption of even that.  A can every, say, four to eight hours?  Everything, in my life, works better on a balanced frequency, slightly lower volume.  I do my best.

Toast and a fatted coffee.

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Nothing fancy.  Not needed.  Not even wanted.  Just... an attempt at tending flesh, even lightly.  Not being kind to myself, being kind to the animal vehicle hauling me around.  I would do more, but that is what I can do.

Keto bread, not the chemical sort but of sprouted grains.  Does it work?  For blood sugar and taste, yes.  Keto strawberry jam.  It too works.  To be honest, a hunger remains.  I may heat fried burger up, for a taco, perhaps add rice, beans, and cheese to craft a burrito.  Yes.

The owl is back!

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Not sure which type.  Only I know it is the same one, or type, that has been here since I first moved in.  I am beginning to suspect it has a larger range, probably seasonally based to some degree.  As it's food moves, or the temperatures get too high, it moves.  Later to return back to here, or generally nearby.  Probably due to the extended warmth, allowing it's prey to remain at higher elevations, or for it to remain comfortable up there?  A cooler place for mice and bird.

I love the sound.  At first, I had to decide whether to consider the noise as racket or a welcome thing, more so since, as tonight, it woke me from sleep.  I decidedly concluded it as a welcome thing.  Now I look forward to the return of the sound and the bird.  An old friend, or one of it's young?

Sleep is so strange.

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Only Tuesday?  I was sure it was Friday, perhaps already Saturday.  Awake short periods, from time to time.  And longer spans other times.  Yet sleeping most of the time?  So I thought.  But the perception of time makes absolutely no sense.  Toss in dreams, and the perceived length of time asleep?

I do have the perception of time while sleeping.  I consider it as akin to how cats seem to sleep.  Mostly, partly, awake.  Most of the time I sleep.  Oh, there are moments when I am totally out.  Hours at a time.  Deeper sleep.  Though it feels more like I am sleeping with one eye open more of the time.

Up for just a bit.

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The need for a bathroom run.  I ate earlier this morning.  It has been a while since I had to go, several days.  Rice, with butter and soy, a fatted coffee, grapes, and keto toast.  Hard to imagine, after decades of being a cross between a gourmet and gourmand, to now consider a small humble by portion and ingredient meal likened more to a feast.  But so it goes.

Though?  There is some pride in the humility.  Not... a personal pride, even then.  A pride in my teacher, for having such rough stone to work with and yet to find some honest measure of success.  Some pride in being the work, too.  if granting the dues to the Creator and Artisans.

A longer sleep.

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Asked if I wanted a hamburger, the answer was no.  I still need and want sleep more than food.  I have water up here, for now.  I have a few days left?  I may go down later and grab several twelve packs, for a longer sleep.  Well, and clear the pee jugs.

I only have three of those, as mother seems to have lost the cap to one.  Without a bathroom up here, it's my only option.  They work well enough.  When she moves, I will take over her room, so will have a bathroom.  Though I will use those, sometimes, even so.  Because sometimes, getting up just isn't possible.

Drats.

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I didn't get the trash out last night.  I... thought it was still Saturday, maybe Sunday.  But, more, even if I knew, I couldn't have gotten to it.  Stuck, in bed.  That must mean I have been sleeping for three days now?  I wasn't up last night, or the night before?  Or so I believe.

Mom called.  I answered.  But there is nothing I can do about it currently.  I have been awake for shorter and longer periods through the days.  Just not able to actually be up and out of bed.  I have water up here, so that is that.

Dark, cool, raining?

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Can't be certain about rain.  Would have to find my glasses, then attempt to scour through the dark in an attempt to see.  Or, get up, go out, to much more accurately gauge facts.  But by sound and sense, I believe precipitation is or was recently likely.

No chance at waking.  Or, getting up.  Well, even finding my glasses for a look feels like a bit much.  I only found my phone because, as my hand was resting off my low to the ground sleeping platform, my hand stumbled upon it.  I merely meant to check the time.  But now write.

Awake for a very short spell.

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Not hungry.  I ate anyway.  I can never tell how long I will sleep.  Especially with the cool and dark possibly becoming the extended future patterns.  Beans and rice, with various spices, herbs, and cheese.  Not much, a smaller bowl.  An apple as well as a fatted coffee, what I could consume of the coffee.

I was asked what I wanted from the dairy.  But I had to see if I could find my withdrawal cash.  As I need to pay.  I couldn't get to that earlier, not until I woke a bit ago.  Even then, getting to that chore took a great deal of effort.  I, thankfully, found it.  Now I can send the order, and offer money.

She wanted help.

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Heard her.  Was able to get up for a short bit.  Wanted to get water for up here as well.  So it was a deal.  She offered breakfast, I... didn't really want or need that.  Shd finished her and what was to be my portion.  A quick few things, then I grabbed a twelve pack of water and back to bed. 

I will browse a bit.  Watch the world from my little second story tower.  Polish off a water.  Then tuck and sleep for a day or three, week, two, more?  Who knows.

A few hours awake.

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That will be it for that.  I did have a bit of rice, fruit, and a fatted coffee.  Not much, but something.  Blood sugar was a bit high.  But, to make it home yesterday... or the day before?  I had to drink regular soda.  I was nearly falling asleep.  Still, at 106, I am not terribly worried.

Surprised mother didn't wake, or call out.  Either sleeping well, herself.  Or just not wishing to bother, or speak, with me.  No, I get it, either way.  I prefer quiet, so all good by me in any case.  Not antisocial, I simply don't need socialization.  And, prefer it less from those I cannot trust.  Love isn't a word, thought, but a truth, based on good faith, right deeds, and such.

Awake, for a moment.

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Just a touch of very temporary lucidity before dropping back into the black.  A call, about whether I wanted pork in my beans.  No.  That can be added later, it can't be removed.  I was already... quietly awake.  Not able to get up, or I would have been.  I... like to be up.  When able.  Sometimes I coast, on the underside, or just the inside, of consciousness.  Sometimes without noticing that until an external factor... makes me become aware of the fact?  Something like that. 

If you have ever seen a cat sleeping in a semi upright position?  Then waved a hand before it, to see it then begin to track the hand while beginning to wake, animate?  Like that.  So it was.  The beans question was as the hand movement.

Rice.

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It turned out well.  The way I do it takes a lot of work, since I use about a gallon and a half of water, twice, plus the rice.  Draining the first portion of water as soon as it hits a boil, which takes between thirty and thirty five minutes.  Higher elevation adds time, and that large volume of grain and water is a bit to heat.

Cheese, butter, and soy sauce was added, to taste.  I don't drown it in soy sauce.  Though if you do, no shade on that.  I do it to taste, as you do.  Just variances of taste.  Oh, I cleaned the pot, putting beans to soak.

Awake for a while?

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Not comfortably.  Though when I try to recall the last time I was comfortable for even a whole week I fail.  Years, if not decades since I felt good for long, four decades since feeling good was... normal?  Oh, sometimes, the pains, strains, wrongness, is minor, or even background noise.  If I busy myself or don't think about it, or can concentrate diligently enough, I can believe I am... good.

I don't mind.  Sometimes pain is all I know.  If I have learned to work through, rest through, or sleep through even that.

Brutal.

.

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I had an appointment today.  Couldn't sleep well last night.  Not out of worry, for causes unknown.  So, when it was time to wake, I had to struggle.  I made it up, through a shower, dressed, and to town in time.  Just, on all accounts.

Mother asked for something.  Plus I wanted some things from the store.  She called and texted about getting milk, so I got that.  Was so terribly, horribly, tired on the drive home.  I did get our lists, to home, everything in, then on to bed.

So tired sleep hasn't arrived.  I thought, perhaps, blogging might relax me, shift something, burden something correctly.  Nope.  So absolutely exhausted, if with no chance to sleep quite yet. 

Later, or good night.  I am desperately hoping for the latter.

Four days in a row.

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Meals, one on each on the last four days.  Probably six or more like seven meals in the last three weeks total, including those.  Half full meals, half rather small meals.  From an egg, potato, and burger scramble to an oyster stew last night.  I went from 217 to 221 in that time.  Though blood sugar went from 106 to about 90 average over that time?  Yes.  Strange, but okay.  Blood sugar had been trending up, but I had only been testing it when trying new, potentially higher carb, foods.  So I decided to do a month steady, daily check, review.  It is steadily coming down, probably averaging about 90, fasting draw.

I had planned to get out yesterday.  While showering my legs nearly gave way.  Showering in the walk-in bath, I had a place to finish while sitting.  Sometimes those... sensations... pass.  Not this time.  So I had to call it off.  Then return to bed.  I was up later, had the stew, tea, and water, before returning to bed.  Couldn't stand, had difficulty breathing, was weak everywhere and completely, all at once.

An interesting dream.

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Not from this morning, from yesterday evening... or last night when that was more the afternoon or earlier evening?  Something like that.

My vehicle was stolen.  So one I name as friend helped by lending a vehicle, a large truck.  Some issues with it, just things I needed to sort, understand.  He cleared me on it's operations.

A second coffee, then gaming.

.

.

Mother asked that I speak with her before I return to bed.  I had intended to do so.  I ended staying up what I thought was too late, so went on to bed.  But the food, or coffee, got to me.  Requiring me to return downstairs.  She called me on the way. 

Just wanted to know if, on my next trip to town, if she could tag along.  Sure, with caveats.  I won't wait hours for her, anywhere.  If she wants to shop?  Sure.  I'll drop her while I do whatever I need to do, expecting her to be done pretty much when I am ready to go.  No negotiating.  Or she'll have to find her own way home, again.  Zero tolerance for some things there days.

Up, for a bit.

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Sleep was heavy today.  I had hoped for more.  I had hoped to check on the appointments earlier in the day.  That wasn't done until nearly 15:00.  Only one appointment checked, if I found out later that I couldn't have checked the orher.  The business isn't open on Mondays.

Sleep, mostly.  Waking, reading, vids, from time to time.  The idea of getting up was there, the ability to do so was not.  As I have said, once I familiarized myself with the fundamental limits of my illnesses, I have... become comfortable in them.  I can, sometimes, push beyond the limits.  For short, sometimes long, stretches.

Better late than never.

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I called one of my two upcoming appointments.  I had feared a conflict.  Thankfully I was incorrect.  I now know, with certainty, the day and date of one.  I still need the other.  I just can't wake, to get out of bed, to check the other.  I don't have their number easily available either.  Ugh.

Exhausted.  In spite of sleeping so much.  I feel more like a butterfly on a cork board, pinned with a needle, after having been nearly put out in a killing jar first.  Neither did the job, but neither can I do much to resist.  Perhaps hope I was a rarity in the collection?

Food, coffee, a shower.

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Trimmed, shaved, brushed my teeth, and generally cleaned up.  Remembered meds.  Got in more water.  Have the various water jugs filled, the carafe and reservoir as well.  Reset my bed, if it needs more.  What was done tonight is what I could do.

I checked the trash and recycling, when about to take them to the curb.  They were strangely nearly empty.  So I didn't bother with them.

Fried eggs and canned corned beef hash.

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Not the healthiest.  Satisfying.  It's been a while since I ate a fuller meal, so... okay.   I need to get the trash and recycling to the curb.  Perhaps get a shower taken.  Brush my teeth, but a half hour after I finish the last of my meal, the fatted coffee.  Nearly done.

I tried the trick, with the reverse osmosis machine.  But saw that it was nearly finished, so manually ended the process.  Which was higher of a precipitate number that I prefer, if not beyond the pale.  And, sometimes, it lowers a bit during the process.  I saw it drop one point, as a fact, right before I switched it off.  Still... was slightly annoyed and it was nearly finished.  Still, would have liked to have seen if it would click off on it's own, before the count got into bad territory.

Still sleeping.

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I did wake for a short bit early in the morning.  A fatted coffee and something to eat.  Nothing fancy, not much, just something as opposed to nothing.  Not even honestly hungry, more a sense that eating might be a good thing.  As well, more water.

Only awake for the time it took to prepare the food, make the coffee, clear up a bit after, and run a few batches of water through the reverse osmosis machine.  I did figure a way to prevent overflow, if after purchasing trays to catch that.

Very warm.

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.

Up to a high of 81 today.  One degree below that, as I write.  While that seems warm, as cool as night, thus the ground, gets and somewhat stays at night, down to at least 47 last night (though I have seen 41, not sure about last night, if not yesterday night), the environment remains cooler than what 81 would usually indicate.

Mom went... somewhere... earlier today.  While gone, I was able to stumble down, brush my teeth, take a shower, and put on fresh pj's.  More needed than I had thought.  Not always the case, rarely actually.  This was one of those times.  The Lord knows I am terribly grateful for the technologies which allow for showers.  And those times when I can employ them.

Finally, food.

.

.

Mother has seen me go without food for days, weeks.  And, yet, she still doesn't believe.  I must assume this is why she can't be Christian.  She watches, as time passes, while I sleep for days.  Waking for rare needs, mostly water.  Again, she refuses to believe what she senses.  I can't make the blind see.  I can, sometimes, show them.  But they have to want to see, hear, know.

Scrambled eggs, a fatted coffee, and more water.  Plenty, and then some.  How long has it been?  A week, two?  I can never be certain while resting and dreaming so deeply.  I doubt if she knows, with certainty.  Days pass for her in a haze, only slightly less foggy than mine in my travels.

More sleep.

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.

Lots of sleep.  I never woke last night, or got up anyway.  I had another can or two of water.  Which makes sleeping a bit easier.  My throat isn't constantly feeling like it will seal off from being dry and the fluids in there gumming up.  That is a horrible sensation to have to fight through for days, and nights.

My adopted brother did reply.  I had let him know they were in my prayers.  Suggesting they stay dry as possible, offering good wishes and prayers.  He was waiting to see how it would end before replying.  It seems, from the sounds of things, that his neighborhood only received a lessor amount of rain, with none of the other bad weather events.

Events.

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.

I see the woman's execution was foiled.  Female executioners?  As satanic as modern women tend to be, I can't be certain if the failure was merely from incompetence or sabotage.  Wouldn't need to be literal satanists, might well be wearing the cloaks of variations of churchianity.  It's a matter of the belief that what they believe is superior to all else.

With the criminal justice system basically developed around average IQ men, I doubt if we will ever know.  I wonder if they have done blood work on her, to see if she was given a countertoxin prior to the toxin.  Or, even whether she had been given the actual poison.  probably too late to tell, by this point.

If they are serious, they need to get her back into some reasonable shape and put her into the gas chamber.  Though... make sure of the executioners.  No women, or other dei's.  Or just admit justice, for some, is no longer available.  Not my problem, in one sense.

Though, if they are going to end justice, they should at least release the last of the remains of the victim, part of her skull taken as a trophy, to the victim's mother.  So at least she can close that part of her daughter's murder.  I... don't count on it.  Too many are actively or passively on the murderer's side.

----------

Oh, quite a storm down south.  Possibly heading north.  Definitely east, possibly so big as to go a bit west, or... morph onto, up to, us... for a small bit?  Though, who knows.  It really might simply break out into some sort of weather system not seen before.  Well, it already is one.  And it is becoming much more... amazing.  Never can tell with rare events.

I'll just rest.  If the house gets blown away, I'll either go with it or wake without it.  If my real worry is to wake with five to ten feet of snow, no electricity or water, or even a good way out.  And, while generally unlikely this year, it is possible in spots, and in years to come, with what is happening this year.

---------

I was going to get up for a bit but mother was still awake.  I am not socializing with her.  Have business to tend, but not when I just woke up.  Had hoped to make a bite.  Instead I just grabbed a twelve pack of carbonated water.  Two down the tube.  I'll go on back to sleep, when I can.

Maybe in a few hours I can have a light meal.  Scrambled eggs?  Something.  if she would go to bed.  Later.

Lots of sleep.

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Waking, from time to time.  Reading various sites on the web.  Watching vids, the rare non-dei ones that remain, purging the obvious dei and ai trash.  Then, back to sleep.  It looks like new music is dead, or mostly AI?

I am trying to keep fluids going in, and out.  Not worried about food.  Though, once every day or two I try to get food in.  Nothing fancy, not much, just small satisfying morsels of simple construction.

Oh, right.

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A bit more about prepping.  Something I have probably suggested before?  It isn't for end time events, in a biblical sense.  It isn't for a civil war.  It is for my apocalypse.  My apocalypse has already happened.

My body has failed.  It doesn't work as it should.  Not just organs, but my ability to wake, any particular day, week, month, or sometimes nearly year.  I can't cook, clean, hunt, shop, process food always, or even eat it when available.

A different consideration.

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While planning grain storage, I couldn't ignore Ezekiel bread.  Though, with the understanding that flexibility should be considered.  Especially considering that the recipe was offered for times of famine, not regular times.  It was, essentially, emergency food, specifically in times when wheat became scarce.

So I went looking.  Various legumes were sourced.  Various alternative grains as well.  Rye, spelt, various lentils (there are three main types), and else.  Currently, prices for those are similar or (often) much greater than wheat berries.  Oh, I sourced whole berries, not flours or fractured berries.

A cooler day.

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For the first day in a month or so, the temperature seems possibly not to be above 70, or just, for a high.  Just today, if the forecast is correct.  Then back to mid to high 70s or even the low 80s.  Storms passing through.  To be honest, I am surprised there aren't many such days.  The hurricanes must be being tucked south by various forces.

That can change a lot faster, and more unpredictably than most forecasters will admit.  And, after seeing the forecasts, I have serious doubts about those.  While I suspect certain aspects, some major and minor portions, I think, are very off.  Wetter, I suspect.  And with a few hard hits.  Not dryer, moderately mild, empty.  A busy weather year.  Will see.

A strange fall night.

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Trash had to get to the curb.  I skipped doing it earlier.  Woke early.  Thunder?  Dream?  Couldn't be thunder, could it?  Up, rice pudding, water.  Then out.  Warm, for a fall night.  It read 53.  A warm one.  Sometimes 53 feels cold, tonight it felt warm.  Warmer than what the reading suggests, more like 63.  I'm not absolutely sure why that always works as it does.  Only that it does seem that various temps can feel much warmer or cooler, or as expected.

Humidity and precipitation can play a part.  Usually adding a cooling factor.  So I was surprised, when going out, and it feeling warmer than the reading, while raining.  A gentle rain, and not a lot received, or yet.  Even so, a strange thing to have a warm rain this late into fall.  But a... fine thing.

Definitely a warm fall.

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It got to 79 today.  It stayed up near that for several hours, not just a peak then collapse.  Almost too warm?  Yet, really, not.  I am over the heat exhaustion from through the summer season, after several cooler days and weeks.  With diabetes pretty much managed, bp mostly handled, and else?  Plus with summer heat exhaustion managed?  Eighty is actually a nice temperature, at least for a high, more so at elevation and with low humidity.

The sensation of it being a bit warm is because I am wearing winter pj's and wool socks.  Good for some nights, when my feet get chilled.  I should have changed to summer, or fall and spring house garb.  At least when I awoke.  Oh well.  I'll mildly suffer through the mild extra warmth on my way to settling in to bed before too long.

Friday, morning.

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I had to struggle just a bit this morning to sort that fact.  Those facts.  More easily than yesterday morning.  It happened more quickly and nearly natively.  Still had to stop, think, look at the watch several times, and remember the hours were small, not large.  As well, that it was brighter outside. 

Still, a much quicker, easier, understanding.  I have been sleeping hard, deep, long, for a rather long time.  Days, weeks, going on a month?  Longer yet?  I have tried, unsuccessfully, to fight it.  Sleep can't be set aside, of late.

Morning?

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So much sleep lately.  Some confusion.  I thought it was... yesterday evening.  But, so bright.  Should have known by the clocks and my watch.  I run them on the twenty four hour displays, for this very reason.  Too tired to make sense of things, this time.  But the brightening, of the day finally helped me understand.

Oh, I laughed!  When I finally understood.  If you can't laugh at someone else, there is always yourself.  Laugh with, at?  Both.  I quite enjoy, however and whomever receives, earns, the mirth.  A grace, if you can be just a bit humble.

Such a strange day.

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Sleeping a great deal.  Awake for a few hours.  Hot throughout being up and down.  It only got to 73 F, if it is reading that, up here, currently while reading 66 outside currently.  No windows open, if the ac's are still installed, so with a fan going some of that cool gets in.  Though, too, the downstairs is cooler.  The only reason it is that warm up here is because I am casting off heat like an oven.  Can feel it from feet to head.  My head has a form of heat exhaustion.  I have been hot, in the bean, for days. 

Not a fever.  Just... somehow outputting a lot of heat.  One meal today.  One yesterday.  Small meals, less than six hundred calories.  Fasting a few days before that.  Strange.  As mentioned, fasting usually cools me off.  More so as the world cools.  Certainly not this fall, or so far?  It did for a while there.  Strange.

These days frigid.

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Those days nearly fevered.  Sometimes frozen legs, while the rest of me roasts.  How?  Why?  I can't say.  I have tried adjusting everything from what I eat to how much I eat to when I eat, and on to drinks.  More or less, flat water versus carbonated water versus coffee or tea, hot or cold, with and without fats, keto sweeteners, or nothing added.

I have not found food or drink to be able to play a part.

Electrical backup reconsideration.

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I keep considering how to back up power, for shorter and longer terms, with minimal fuss, expense, and exhibition.  Solar is out there, but there are problems.  Generators, of course.  Each and every has a problem, or dozen.  Plus the expenses no matter.  Cheaper is still eye-wateringly expensive for a typical solo act.

Still, I look, consider.  And things are becoming more affordable.  Easier.  More possible in many ways.

Can't help but to chuckle.

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Headlines on vids.

God protects sigmas.  That is so very funny.  If I am a sigma, which I think I am, I promise God does no such thing.  He does the opposite.  He throws us into a roasting hot pan, over a hotter fire, and sees if we will handle the heat, flip out into the fire, or live either way.  He does this fairly often.  Something about not giving more than one can take and my kind being able to take extensive pain, injury, illness, damage, trauma of all sorts, and else.  No, God doesn't protect us.

Just do the math.

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What are the two systems dragging worst?  Automotive (ignore the fake and gay numbers about it's vibrancy).  Which then collapses into banking, which is already on the wrong end of commercial property values, and leaning hard into residential falling values, with large notes attached.

How did auto go sideways?  Trying to shovel AI slop in the form of all electric, though even hybrids, with the full faith and security of the then US, and mostly all, governments.  They would help shove it through, gloss over issues, and that would be that.

If it didn't hurt so much?

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It would be hilarious.  From gas prices to food prices to insurance costs, there is nothing that isn't rising so fast even the lower tiers of the wealthy aren't buckling.  Further, insurance is not even probably going to be honored and the government won't do a thing about it, as an example of injury on insult.

What about "they want you dead" did you not understand?  Trump?  is that even Trump in there?  Before him, Biden, Zero, Clinton, Bush's?  Worse, or... maybe?  If they really are who they were, how much control did they actually have?

Wrong?

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Mother asked what time I would be going to town.  I told her I wasn't going to town.  If I remembered I actually had hoped to go to town.  Though, in part, I was telling her we would not be going to town?  That and I had forgotten.  I need... want... carbonated water.  While I have finally learned to tolerate, even enjoy, flat water out of the reverse osmosis system, I too quite enjoy carbonated water.  If, even that, finally, I usually prefer it plain.

I needed flavored varieties for the first few years.  I just don't trust how they flavor things, so kept trying to go plain.  I finally could do plain, all of the time, after a lot of effort and self-training my taste buds.  The only reason I don't is there isn't enough easily available.  if I am luck, they have eight twelve packs.  I prefer... more, on hand.  I'd like double that.  So I mix in flavors.  The other option would be to try three or four different stores.  But that is a major difficulty with my body in such poor shape.

A few bachelor thoughts.

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While I am, at least so long as I live in America or should I end up in Europe, a dedicated bachelor, I enjoy feminine interactions.  So, how to do that?  Primarily by choosing which women to speak with very carefully.

Is she too young?  Out of my potential in a real way (if even then I have to be careful), as I see things?  Showing no interest?  Perfect.  That is the type of woman with whom I will converse.  I used to have older women in the queue too.  But realized that was a major mistake.  Old women have zero understanding that they are not being approached for even short term affairs.   Single serving interactions, which end when I leave, is all that is being offered.  I lived and learned.

A bit of a row.

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Mother wanted a trip to town.  To get her nails done.  Sure, I had to get the tires checked.  Do some other business.  So, okay.  I dropped her off at 9:30.  Should only take forty minutes.  I got over to the shop.

The tires were in terrible shape.  She won't be allowed to drive the vehicle anymore.  Serious problems.  New tires.  She tried to gas light me that it was the shop.  No.  Not a shop I have used three times in fifteen years, branded, three tires.  Plus, they just fixed them.  No questions.

Another death.

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A favored cousin, for my part.  Not sure she liked me.  But I am used to that.  Especially from females, certain ones.  I had hoped to see her before she died.  I was pretty sure that wouldn't happen.  No matter, now.  At least, with this one, while I will pray for her soul, and family, I am more secure with her destination, up front.  Still.  Prayers.

She became familiar with me at one of the worst points in my life.  Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong and I shouldn't have yet been living. All while being gaslit by a medical industry hiding vaccine injuries.

Finally awake again.

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Now, I have stirred, from time to time.  Waking to reset blankets, make my position more comfortable, adjust blankets on my lower body for warmth or upper body to cool, or just because it was time to be awake.  A sound, thought, reason I did or didn't know.  I wake often.  Usually.  Sometimes I can sleep for literal days without remembering having awaken once.  Other times, usually, I can wake a dozen times while only sleeping a few hours.

Tonight, today by your count, was more typical.  A long sleep, but awake many times.  On the good side, with BP meds finally in the mix, I do feel rested.  With kidneys at ~10%-13%?  I am a bit weary most of the time.  Just... better than when they weren't treating, or properly treating, bp, kidneys, or diabetes.  With those pretty much under control, within my (not their harmful) specs, rest and sleep, if greatly more needed, do their part for improving wakefulness while I can be awake.

She asked why.

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Some she from my past.  In my mind.  In a dream state.  I am... pretty sure which "she".   And, really?  She should know why. 

She had reason to become famous friends, in their own ways, for their own parts, with a Mennonite couple, who had been Amish?  Or, some such.  Oh, nothing... notorious.  Some stories are... good stories, if with hard surrounds. Kindness does occur if perfection is rare though too?  But this was a good samaritan thing, in the truer sense.

I... thought so.

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The temp did drop the three degrees I suspected it would.  Then held there, dropping no more.  Satisfied, though, that my observations helped produce a better analysis than their forecast.  Not that it always will, just that it seems to usually do so.  A 49 degree morning is just a bit finer than a 52 degree morning, or this one.  To me. 

Mother made corn on the cob and had stuff for a BLT sandwich.  I did the corn, but ate the last of the rice instead of the BLT.  Rice sounded softer on my oddly virtually wounded body.  It worked.  Though I think the BLT would have been fine.  Meh.  Too full to eat more, somewhat sadly.

Interesting.

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it is 52 outside.  It was 53 at midnight.  Now, that is what was forecast.  But, usually, it gets cooler through the night.  Almost always dropping three to five degrees in the final hours of dark.  So I expected to see an early plunge into the upper to even lower forties.  There is still time.

Time to wake, see if I could put a meal together.  Tired of beams.  Eggs and toast?  Keto bread can work.  Mom brought home something different.  I am reluctant to try new things, especially her choices.  She just goes with cheap, often.  And, failing that, she isn't good at doing carb to (right) fat to fiber assessments.  Like so many hippie types, she believes the print without knowing to look any deeper.  And, really, she doesn't care.

Cooling fast.

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It is down to 53 outside.  A degree cooler than predicted, if that's not a terrible miss.  With a stronger fan going, and windows open, it's 70 up here.  I am still kicking out heat like a cast iron wood burning oven.  Now that the feet and legs are warmed, I am pushing out serious heat.  Otherwise it would be much cooler up here.  And that is with no food for about twenty four hours.  Odd how my body can do that.

Feeling better.  I yet have a few aches in my torso, if much milder.  I did take painkillers.  Just otc sort, if as strong as they make them.

Healing?

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Definitely feel a bit better.  As well, I was able to warm my feet.  However, now my torso and melon are overheated.  A trade I am gladly willing to take.  Freezing calfs on down is in the wretched category.  Overheating is merely a milder misery.  Well, as I account these things. 

Sleep was good.  Will be again.  I woke, thinking I needed a water closet run.  Not so much, just pain from the dream wounds, again.  As mentioned, healing seems to be happening.  Even if there are no actual wouns, or exactly as dreamed, there is something wrong.  A spasm, from a serious flinch, from the dream wounds?  I can't say.

A dream or a fan?

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Or a bit of both?

Three bullets, from a rifle, not a pistol.  Medium to shorter range.  From behind.  In a fairly small cluster, all within two inches anyway, three.  One coming out just a couple inches below and to the right of my belly button, to give you an idea about placement.  The rest lower.

If I was to advise a daughter?

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I think there might yet be hope.  For some of the young.  Boys were, are, and will be boys.  They haven't, aren't, and won't change.  Better, they have learned, to walk than accept an impossible leash... most of them.  Girls are the trouble.

My advice would be to find a man who isn't afraid to work, fight, or fuck.  Figure out how to be in his sphere.  Learn him, what he likes, wants, and where he wants to go, what he wants to do, who and what he wants to be.  then decide if that matches your plans and goals.  Not someday, not hypothetically.  Today, or thereabouts.

So strange.

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Cold?  Yes and no.  Inside, outside, upper body versus legs and feet.  It is forty eight outside.  Supposed to drop to thirty eight through the night.  Seventy up here, tonight, with windows open and one of the fans going.  Just about perfect, to my general tastes.

However, my feet are freezing.  Nothing I have done seems to fix that.  Extra blankets, wrapping them, massaging them, else.  My torso is good.  Warm, comfortable, a little warmer than usual, if that is comfortable.  But, my head is cooking.  Not a fever, just kicking out heat like a chimney.

Still so very tired.

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I was able to get mother to town yesterday.  It about killed me.  Being up during the day bright, out on the hottest day for some time, still needing sleep.  Desperate for sleep, as I have been for months now.  But, I... knew she really needed to get out.  So I pushed out of my temporary grave.

Sleep and rest, rest and sleep.  Down for one or the other most of the time.  Only awake, full up, a few hours here and there, for a few to six, rarely eight hours at a time.  I try for daily up times, but can't always do that.

Still sleeping a lot.

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But better, mostly.  After eating, a bit of bloat.  Rice, beans, and cheese.  A few spices, including my hot mix.  A fatted coffee and two cans of plain carbonated water.  Hmm, while the beans and cheese might have added to it, I suspect it was the water.  I drank it a bit fast, after a few days of mostly fasting.

For a short bit, I couldn't tell if the pain was from internals or something else.  After exploring what increased and decreased the pain, I realized it was a bloat stitch in my mainly right side.  Good to know.

Better, mostly.

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My innards are less painful.  I checked blood sugar.  It was 103.  Not absolutely superior, but having had a large portion of beans before bed, better than feared.  Still sleeping a lot.  Still getting over the loss of Sassy.  Stupid cat.  She is at rest, not suffering.  Good things.

I made more rice today.  It won't last.  Though this time I will set some aside.  Not to be mixed with other stuff.  Rice pudding, with raw cream, cinnamon, and allulose, hot or cold, is easy enough for me to eat.  Sometimes not much else sounds good.

When the shadow government is defunded...

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Watching strange things happening.  In the US and abroad.  The death of rap music?  The end of second home condos?  Germans actually getting real elections.  The death of (woke) comics, Hollywood, even academia?

Amazing how much fraud was supporting fake things, here and there.  Not that it has fully stopped.  Trump pulled doge away far before it had even really more than started.  Too many politicians of every stripe depends on the fraud, grift, and else.  Both personally and financially, as well as politically.  It's how they stay in office as much as how they get richer.

Another chuckle worthy notion.

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I saw the proposition posted somewhere.  How long would it take the Punisher to catch Dexter.  First a grin.  Then a chuckle.  And, at least on the inside, for the initiation moments, a mirthful roar.

He... can't find Dexter.  We ARE Dexter.

A difficult day.

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Had planned to get to town today.  But my internals are bad.  Bruised, dented, dinged, or something.  Through with a heavy headache and exhaustion.  Mother is never happy about changes.  I texted her rather than trying to argue with her.  At least I didn't just ghost her.  It's been a while since internals were the issue, or even an issue.  I have to watch my food intake closely, see if the particular carbs I am trying are just too hard on my fragile system.  Beans in particular, or the volume of carbs. 

Nearing ten thirty but there is no way I can get up, showered, and get out.  Way too rough today.

A cold one.

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Not... that kind.  Must admit, beer has been on my mind.  But, after Bud cut it's own throat, I decided big business, and bad business, should just be avoided.  No alcohol, no tobacco, no cars, no women.  There is mother, but I was pretty sure how that was going to end.  If, too, I realized it would be possible to get her ready to be in her own apartment.  If... that was possible.

Yes.  I really did have this sort of planned.  I suspected long term wouldn't work, but too, I knew she wasn't ready to live solo.  She is now, or as well as she can be.  I did what I could do for her.  Before you judge, understand, I didn't want company.  I am busy dying.  Fiddling with someone in my dying place is... uncomfortable.  I gave what I could, for as long as I was able.

Good, bad, hilarious.

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I am very glad I didn't bury Sassy yet.  I took her coffin out last night.  To again say goodbye, see her not hurting and at peace, as well to show Mittens (Marmalade).  Mittens sniffed, and put her paw on her... spent a bit of time with her, then took off.  She did very well.  She knew, but seeing is more sure.

Sleeping a lot.  The bad.  Covering for stress.  Dreaming of better things, times.  But resting very well.  Cooling enough to enjoy rest, sleep.  The sting is deep and painful.  It means I loved, still do.

One of the more difficult tasks.

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I had Sassy put down today.  It's been... an understood necessity for months, nearing a year.  I knew it had to be done.  I scheduled it to give us a final two weeks, after stalling a month on top of that.  She knew.  She was ready.  She all but begged for it.  Neither of us, no matter our delays and preps and all, were ready.

I went with her, stayed with her.  Watched over her as she slept.  Stayed with her in form and spirit as she died.  I cooed as I could, prayed, cried.

Dreaming, living, forever.

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Perhaps you remember when I suggested time, for me, moves slowly?  A day is more like a year, as I sense things.  Mother, and others, suggest, especially as they age, that time moves faster and faster.  I remember a few times in my life when that was true.  Months, a few years.  Mostly, though, for me, time has been an absolute crawl.  To the point, in an odd way, wherein I almost seem to remember what is going to happen better than what did happen?

I... think you would have to have... been, lived, there.

The weather!

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She blows!  From the low hundred, to the sixties, to the nineties, to the seventies, to the nineties, eighties, seventies.  Jumping in days.  Three days ago it was 95 (supposed to be, got to 97 actually).  The day after, it was down o 84.  Yesterday was 74, and today is supposed to be the same.  Temperature variability is taking my legs out from under me.  Was already tired, from heat exhaustion.  These large swings are absolutely destroying me. 

Well, not... painfully.  I just need more, deeper, darker, sleep.  No real choice.  Was having leg cramps for a bit.  But have acclimated, mostly, to the cooler weather.  As well, am down to one part time ac, if also with a fan yet going.  If the fan is on a half not full setting.

On the edge of being very ill.

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Have you ever had nausea on the periphery?  Some other senses of illness too.  As if poisoned, or coming down with something?  Or both.  Nothing full blown, a fully bloomed pathological condition(s), or not fully activated, but like a hazy day versus a clear one, something obviously distinct.  Causes or causes unknown?  Well, that has been the way of things for... quite some time. 

Not quite taking me to me knees, but not quite letting me get to my feet.  I thought, maybe, it was from taking too many painpills, in too short of a timespan.  But, no.  I have taken various sorts of those for the last four days.  And higher doses (not by daily allowance but by single doses).  However, I thought back.  I have been... on the edge of illness for... quite some time.  Painpills don't seem to have improved or deteriorated my condition.  Only made my tender feet a bit more manageable.

Such dreams!

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It seems even my compliments are barbed.

Ah, he noticed.

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I read two blogs daily.  Multiple checks on each.  One is hopium, for a traditional mindset, more traditional.  If it uses a lessor form of beauty, often snark, and sometimes rhetoric that is plainly known and ignored by the opposition and our dear leaders who aren't on our, or the right, side.  Thune isn't missing any points, he is simply compromised, for example.

The other blog is a smart boi.  A fine lad.  He... does the math.  Looks deeply.  Looks for what others missed and... attempts to fill in the blanks, leverage the datas, sort the problems.  And... comes to conclusions... which were obvious.  On the good side, when he realizes the assumptions, givens, and proofs he had been working with, or developing beyond or within, are wrong?  He... admits it.  Very... unscientific of him, to be honest.  But, he isn't a midwit as most scientists really are.

Worse.

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My feet are bad again.  Not the worst they have been, definitely not good.  I am back to wearing croc's while I sleep.  Not the most comfortable sleeping arrangement.  Simply better than the other options.  I may have to move on to wearing laced shoes, at least for as long as is possible through the night.  At some point, those can become too hot, restricting.  By then, though, they have done the job.  Or, if I still feel like support is yet required, I can put the croc's back on.

Misery.  When feet hurt like this, ache all the time, difficult to walk on, life gets rough.  If you ever wonder why a wild animal, or even domestic, or pet, goes crazy on people?  See if the critter was in pain.  Especially intractable, severe, debilitating pain.  Thankfully, I can reason my way through most of that, if I can be rather stubborn or grouchy, especially when asked to push through.  Ah, painkillers.  I took the bottle.  I may have the last dose or two.  That helps, if I rarely use it.  It stops helping quickly, if abused.

Unless she got up here and gobbled the last of them?  They seem to be missing.  *sigh*  She will be gone soon. 

Later.

So much for cooling.

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The last two days have hit 97.  I had to go to town yesterday.  It was brutal as it heated.  It was just hitting 97 when we returned.  I was on fire.  I got in what I remembered, then got up here, with both ac's running to beat the band, and the fan on full blast.  Stripped to as close to the bone as possible.  The laid out as flat, quiet, and bare as I could.

Even so, it took an hour to cool enough to begin sleeping.  Brutal, absolutely crushing for me.  I had acclimated to the heat.  While the high 90s to low 100s are a test, when it cooled off so deeply and quickly, my acclimatization vaporized.  That heat fried me.

Better?

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Worse?  Which way?  When?  Feet are back to suffering, but mildly.  Just tender, not agonizing.  Prayers slipped, on that front, for a bit.  If I suspect those prayers aren't required daily.  And, at some point, not specifically.  Once a series of prayers for protection have been invoked, over a small period of time, possibly just once, from then on, a small inclusion in regular prayer life should suffice.

I think my feet hurt because of natural causes currently.  The cooling, the extra sleep, and a few other things.  I might be able to manage them a bit more actively again.  And maintain extra prayers, both for protection and for healing/health.  But I do live in a roughed up body.  It has survived what kills most, surviving many often lethal experiences.  It... is going to hurt from time to time, here, there, sometimes everywhere.

Trying to sleep.

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Bromancing death.  Something.  Mom keeps bugging me.  I need sleep, rest.  She, as with pets, needs far too much attention.  A wife could be attended, in and out of bed.  Others not so much.  Though, sometimes, I would want alone quiet time, away from even a wife.  Two to three nights of the week, to sleep alone.  Nights?  Nights and/or days. 

She needs validation, conferring, discussion.  I am so far from that.  I would like to try to teach a wife such things.  Mothers can't be taught.  The older they get, often, the more regressive they get in that way.  Becoming more childlike in that needy way.  I can't hate, for it.  I just can't help.  Not my area, gig, such.

A good sleep.

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Cool out there, 66 currently, as far as you can trust weather services.  Up to a high of 82, or so.  Dark?  It is now, as it should be.  Not sure if it was overcast.  I don't remember waking, looking, or just seeing.  But the cool allows, almost requires, sleep.  Until I get used to it.  I always hope for gradual cooling (or heating).  When the environment jacks the temp, either way, quickly... or switches between extremes quickly, I fail.  I can't manage large swings well.

Who can?  But people do.  Like?  Mostly no.  But people still wake, dress, go to work, and else.  I simply sleep.  No choice.  It went from the mid 90s to low 100s to 60, now 80, in days.  Absolutely crashed my already weakened by mom stress system.

Had hoped.

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The plan was to push through the night, staying awake to at least get to the dairy.  Nothing else.  But that... just can't happen.  The dairy, I don't think, would have been legitimately open yet.  But I am crashing so hard just going upstairs is proving difficult.

I could try for later.  If I wake early enough.  Though, if the cows are still partly or fully dry, might not be anything left.  It sucks to be a cripple at times.  I... just want to go.  And... I can't.  Ugh.

I keep looking at new vehicles.

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Oh, not looking for a great deal.  They could cut the price by seventy percent and I wouldn't buy a new vehicle.  Truck, SUV, car (if... they still make cars?), there isn't anything available, that I am aware of, which is worth buying.  From infotainment to data collection to recalls (and recalls that aren't happening but should be) to failures of manufacturers to honor their contractual obligations to service warantees.

No, what I am looking for is a change in the process.  To be honest, it looks like manufacturers were given an offer they couldn't refuse.  Basically, they can still make, and sell, automobiles.  But they have to be of extremely low quality, irreparable, and exceedingly expensive.  Just disposable toys for the rich.

Only to 68 today.

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It didn't even reach 71 out there, only hitting 68.  Which is a twenty five to seven degree reduction from their prediction from the very day before.  As well, it rained for at least four hours.  How much I haven't heard, didn't see.  But if they suggest less than two inches, it's bogus reporting.  Mind you, in a normal year, 365 days, we only receive nine to thirteen inches... if most of it arrives in this time of the year.  Still, that's a lot of rain on a single day.

On another matter, mother didn't eat all of the rice and chicken.  I searched the fridge.  She must have left it out?  I hadn't checked pots or pans.  Not much better, though.  As now I won't eat, possibly bad, food.  *shrug*

Strange weather.

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Talking about the weather?  Well... it went from nearly one hundred, for a bit over a month, then took a breather or two into the mid eighties.  Went back up, and looked to be holding in the mid nineties for the foreseeable future.  Then, out of the blue, the high today is set to be 71?

I initially thought the forecast was a mistake, or even a joke.  Looking out, just out?  It looks like a storm moved in.  A massive one.  And it is raining.  Still, that is a massive change to... everything.  Rarely does the rainy season hit so hard or get so cool so fast.

Remnant II: Better

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Only on the easiest mode, still solo.  I have everything leveled, and have found enough items which, paired with skills and weapon mods, can focus enough survival capacity with dps to make the game, mostly, playable.  At least against bosses in which a grounded, limited by terrain, attack dog can reach.

So... there are limits.  However, I am working on rough drafting a 'toon, with the right classes, gear, weapons, and else, for flying bosses and enemies, and for over, through, or around terrain limits.  I wish the game had several arrangements that could be set up, in a template, then automatically switch all and everything, with a toggle.  Maybe it's in there?  I haven't found presets.  So, for now, I have to write out the lists and reset everything manually.

A bit of shopping.

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With it looking like mom is really heading out, I am beginning to restock.  Not... everything I used to carry.  But a few items I still want on hand, things she burned through, gifted away, sold?  Paper plates, paper towels, and a few such items.  She'll get a starer kit, but no more.  And, much, I am having her buy.  I'll just fill out her kit, a bit, to start.

I am teaching her to buy in bulk.  Much cheaper.  And I will keep a small larder for her here.  NOT to be confused with my goods!  You can buy a case of tp for $33.  With enough for six months to a year (for me).  While a small supply at the store, a sixth that amount, costs half that much... or close.  Paper plates, too.  Far cheaper in larger amounts.  Women have completely forgotten home economics.

I caught it!

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It never shows, in the forecast.  It doesn't remain in the record.  But it might appear in the reading feed.  It did last night.

Scheduled to cook a few degrees an hour, from the high to 60ish in the early dark.  It was doing that, until it didn't.  It spiked from 68 I think I saw it, to 77!  And stayed hot, really, for several hours.  It then started coming back down.