A specific order!

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You can do this.  You can do that.  Just... make sure you aren't shooting yourself in the foot by doing the wrong thing first.

Today?  I had thought to call the VA earlier.  No, I thought.  They suggested it was a holiday.  So times might be extended?  Holiday?  Anyway, so I thought to wait to Monday.  Then I got a call FROM the VA, informing me of my upcoming visits, or one of them... renal I think.  So I decided to call back in, and get that canceled, and see about local primary care.

So very tired.

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The dark?  The cool, and wet?  It's 33 out there, and seems to have been raining.  I didn't hear it, but I've been watching vids, looking for a new game.  Or series.  May have found a few.  Woke, but mostly not... importantly to game play.

I've takne my second antibiotic.  But haven't eaten yet, or had coffee.  Working on that, should have that shortly.  The food, the last of the custard, is plate and eat ready.  The coffee will take just a bit of tinkering to finish prep.  All good.  And, late, either another steak, or burger soup, or both... if I will only eat one.  The steak, of course, for me.  This time.  Burger soup isn't bad, if I can eat that is.  Though, it's the same with steak.  If I am too nauseous, it's a no-go scenario.

Up, before the alarm.

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Trying to improve things.  Other than lungs burning, occasionally, as if I had been hiking for a few hours, uphill?  Everything else seems to be back in order.  I haven't had much fever or chills... in a few days.  Maybe I didn't need that second dose.  But I'm sticking with it.

Medicines and minerals down.  I have one final meal of custard.  I'll get that in a bit, when coffee is ready.  I may, when I can get out and get eggs, make one last batch.  But, otherwise, I think it's time for big boy food.  I'm thinking burger soup.  Maybe filling both of the glass pots?  In one, I may add that "keto" rice.  It's pretty good, adds more texture.  I have sour cream, raw cream, cream cheese for the soups, so can... add some nice and varied fats.  Need to get more cheddar, for a nice addition to a few bowls, from time to time.

I made it?

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Right.  And, I have been trying to point the bow of the ship toward bed.  But it just isn't budging.  Sitting, looking here and there.  Reading, listening, but awake?

I did buy romaine lettuce, shredded, last time I was at the store.  Just... a keto cheat.  Though, really, there isn't much in lettuce, romaine or not.  It's water, but as such, is a good way to add fat to the diet through dressings.  If... the dressing is healthy.

I made my own.  Dressing that is.  Mostly heavy cream, some sour cream, and wine vinegar.  Well, as the main bulk ingredients.  Onion flakes, onion powder, garlic powder, salt, and dill weed for spices.  It wasn't perfect, but often it is better to let these meld overnight.  Still, went well with a few plates of lettuce.  As well, I had a few pork hocks.  Not bad, just not... perfect.  Hoping the dressing will come together by tomorrow.

Blood sugar came down to 130, if up a bit now to 134.  Watching it, since it had elevated.  I don't mind the direction it is going.  Just wish it would lower a little faster.  Eating actually seems to have helped it, mostly.  So... yeah.

Still up.

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I've just taken my third group of medicine.  Including the third antibiotic of four, and "night medicine".  I'm attempting to make it up another three to four hours, to take the final antibiotic.  Doing my best, I suppose.

I had hoped to hit the dishes, but that isn't likely to happen.  Tomorrow morning, I hope, again.  As to what is in the dryer?  I'm to sore around the ribs to mess with that, today.  Again, hopefully tomorrow.

Up... for a while.

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Almost three hours?  Right.  What a thing.  I went to bed midafternoon yesterday?  15:30ish, if I had to say.  Slept until 6:38... give or take.  I... needed sleep.  Still do, but... Sassy needed fed.  I needed food, medicine, and drink.  I drained a lot last night.  Needed that too, but it messed with sleep.  And I slept cool.  Not cold, or bitterly cold, but I never could warm up well either.  Which... in part, is why I stripped the bed this morning.  And, will probably go up and switch the matresses around.  I... need a warm, long, deep, sleep.  Hopefully tonight.  Though I'll be letting Sassy up tonight, so we'll see.  Still, I love the rugrat sleeping with me.  There is something... kind about it.

Breakfast, first thing.  The second to the last dose of custard.  Even too watery, it's still pretty good.  And, I did learn, and am adjusting for next time.  Very very good, even with my error.  Plus a coffee, and a water.  I have been drinking and eating a bit extra lately.  Making up for the weeks, months?, when I couldn't, wouldn't, eat.  Nausea is mostly gone.  But may return?  Don't know.

Reviewing options.

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Trying to sort out which type of wound care, I thought I'd... look out there.

Well, though, that depends on the type of wound?  Right, okay.  My type of wound is dry, small, if more complicated due to there being diabetes involved.  Even with diabetes being... reduced... significantly... the damage may well be done.  At least the ultrasound device should that my veins, or arteries?  Whichever, but whatever they looked at, were good.  So, it's... more a diabetes thing, not allowing repair.

Want to sleep again.

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Can't.  Just... can't.  Did call the VA number, reported the visit.  That should be that?  I don't know, have never worked with this system before.  But it is done.

Sassy is begging for food again?  Not sure what she is up to.  I'll go ahead and feed her again, it's been four hours, or so.

Awake on a cold day.

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Double socks, longjohns, long sleeved tshirt over a short sleeve shirt.  PJ bottoms when I can find them.  I thought I had a pair down here, fresh mostly, from yesterday.  Nope.

Sassy has been yeowling for the fifteen minutes it took to charge my watch.  And... sleep a bit.  I set the alarm for nine, having gone to bed at 23:00 and smallish change.  Wanted to try to wake up, at least to feed Sassy, within some reasonable time.  I woke at 8:30, but drifted to 8:50, then turned off the alarm and was about to get up when I realized my watch hadn't been on the charger.  The watch has some... functions that I like.  But has... drawbacks too.  A price for a feature, or many.

I made it.

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I wasn't sure I was going to make it.  Time was ticking, I had done a lot of work, I had been up more hours than I have in weeks... consecutively.  Or, mostly.  I was so very tired.  Still, a shower, dressed... in clean clothes.  Then off to town.

The visit lasted three or four hours.  I had to get down to my underwear and put one of those hospital gowns on, if they did leave a blanket too.  Blood tests, urinalysis, x-ray, and an ultrasound of my leg.  The wounded one, for some strange reason, was swollen way more than it even usually is, but the other foot wasn't.  Usually, when they swell, they do it at the same size.  Worried about a blood clot.

Audible?

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It seems I had a bunch of accrued credits.  One was going to time out this month.  I think I have all of the Lord of the Rings books.  Was... trying to think of something else.  Ah!  There are certain doctors of the church who have... attracted my attention.  The main one, in my opinion, of course.  But, too, the mystics.  The ones who also see.

It is a terrible thing to see.  Madness?  Maybe.  But, is it madness?  Sometimes?  Maybe.  One... can almost hope?  Some of the things to be seen are... difficult.  Even for one such as me.  So... I... ordered three or four or five, if I am not sure all of the orders went through.  I'll... know which ones I missed, if they are not there.  They are with me, always.  In... an odd way.

Alright, still... tinkering.

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Not fast, not much.  But...  I got most of the dishes finished and put away.  Then turned the socks, twice, before finally giving up and adding some heat for, hopefully, a final spin.  If I can get those done, I'll put the last wash of synthetics in the dryer, and let it go on fluff.  I'll run that two or three times a day, on fluff, since I am not in a hurry, until they are done.

As for the custard?  Wet.  It keeps giving off water.  It... isn't the best.  I would say that about two and a half cups of fluid is best, the majority of that being cream.  Say a cup and two thirds cream?  Right.  The texture is problematic, in this one.  More in that it simply won't set.  All good, live and learn.  Even if by mistake.

And, this custard will do just fine for this next week.  It won't be perfect.  It will be very much good enough.  A bit of r.o. water, with electrolyte powder.  I do have other cans of carbonated water, upstairs.  But... I... hold on to things, as they become scarce.  And this other is working for now.

Blood sugar, last I read, was 120.  Might have mentioned, can't remember.  This time it was 99!  I swear, my food is being tampered with.  It wouldn't take much sugar, in with the other, to cause a problem.  And, yes, it's not just a possibility.  It's... highly likely.  Some don't mind me here, others do.  Not necessarily how it seems, perhaps.  Or maybe exactly how it seems.  I can't be certain about that.  Though... there is cause to believe maybe that way too.

I've already eaten, twice.  And had plenty of fluid, without peeing all that much today.  So a weigh-in wouldn't be... the best.  Besides, with me eating much more lately, as I suggested, I have probably gained weight.  Not sure about bp either.  Still trying to get my life on track, then check these things.  It's been so off course lately, that... well... the numbers would be off.  So?  So... because of all the problems... I... had to do it.  With everything against it, I weigh... 238 even?  Up, like, .8 pounds from my last weigh-in, which was an uptick of .6 pounds over my lowest weight?  Okay.  I... can easily live with that.  Especially since I've been... eating... like... a fish?  :p  That's a bit of a relief.

Well... on to... waiting for the laundry to finish.  Then some sleep?  Oh, I'll call that number, make sure it's the number I am supposed to call, for after the appointment.  If it isn't, I'll... call around to see if I can find that number.  Later.

Bah!

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Still wasn't done.  But I didn't want to give it another twenty, or anymore really, at full blast.  But an open oven wouldn't work either.  So... I turned the oven off, closed it up, and am giving it twenty minutes.  I'm... pretty sure I can pull it then, then give it fifteen minutes on the counter.  Wow.  Very very strange.

Ah-ha!  I... know.  I was GOING to put two cups of water in, last time.  I only put one in.  And, the time before, I added more fluid then either time.  So... the extra twenty, forty minutes this time, was due to the extra liquids.  Okay.  At least there is a reason, other than a very slightly elevated humidity in the house.  That... wasn't adding up.  This does.

Nice run.

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Almost passed out though.

I went and got slacks, and some other synthetics, out of the dryer, and the woolens into the dryer.  On fluff.  Have to run it a few times, but so be it.  I'll add just a touch of heat if I have to run it three times.  Which... I will.  Then put a load of synthetics into the wash.  The final load, I think.  Well, of synthetics.  I think I might be able to pull a load of coloreds together, tomorrow, or next time I decide to wash.  Small, but... yeah.

I...

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didn't make it back to bed.  I turned the laundry in the dryer to a final spin.  Then... sat thinking for a bit, as I got ready for bed.  And, drank the electrolyte water.  But, while sitting, it came up to a few hours, and so feeding Sassy, since I was still awake, seemed reasonable.  I feed her portions of the 3.5 ounce cans... thirds at a time.  Not sure that is best.  But... every few, two to four hours, she gets a third.  Usually a can and a half to two cans a day.  Unless I am up exceptionally long, or sleep through it for great lengths.  So... her feeding schedule is rather... irregular.  It is as I can do, and the best I can do.

Then, I thought of dishes.  And, set up three small loads again.  In soaking now.  May do them within the hour?  Or two?  Something like that.  Oh, then I remembered to put the woolens in.  And a few smaller cottons, and synthetics might have snuch there way in.  Things I want sooner than later.  But, vastly majority woolens.

Up, just for a bit.

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I went in hard, sore.  With a worse headache from stretching than before.  It remains.  Between the work and staying up later, pushing, to do it?  I've strained something extra.  Which is fine, I guess.  Had to be done.  Didn't get to the ER, but will be ready when I do.

Wanted to feed Sassy.  Have been trying to get up for... a long time.  Just couldn't... sort my way out of sleep long enough or far enough.  Not sure when I went to bed.  Early afternoon.  13:30 to 15:30?  The latter, I think.  It's almost two and I still feel like I was run over by a big truck.  Neck, shoulders, headache, and just so tired!  But... that wasn't just the work.  It's part of why I need to go to the ER.  I'm wrecked.

Not bad.

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Starting to hurt in odd places.  Been awake too long.  Doing too much.  But... okay.  Look, sometimes you just have to suffer in order to attempt to get things done.

I got the stuff in the dryer pulled.  It was dry.  Put the wash into the dryer.  And set up one last load in the wash.  I want to get that stuff in the wash into the dryer, for one run, before taking a nap.  Then I got to the dishes.  One load was rinsing.  The others were soaking.  All was good.  I dried that which was rinsing, and set it out to air dry.  With the freezertop open, that was easy.  Then I washed the soapy dishes.  Clean.  So I set those aside, took a shower, then put them back in for a rinse.

I'll set a timer for an hour, then check the laundry.  That which is drying should be ready for a final warmer spin, to finish, probably.  But the wash may take a while longer.  And, the dishes soaking could be done.  Actually?  I may just go dump the water in the those, one at a time, dry the dishes, and be done with that.  So all I need to do is tend the laundry.

I cleared Sassy's litter boxes and have fed her twice.  She has fresh water from just this morning, so all good otherwise.

A good start.  I just need to brush my teeth before the nap, take the laundry up... whatever is dry, and fold or sort that.  Then take a nap or sleep, as long as needed.  Might not be out until tomorrow?  Maybe.  I... needed to be ready.  I'm getting there, but it is taking so very long.  I'm having that electrolyte water.  The plain water was okay, but as suggested, it wasn't doing the trick.  This is.

So sore though.  From bending, flexing, lifting, pushing, pulling, hauling, while still not in great shape.  Which... is fine.  I'll have some rest time coming up soon.  Ugh.  Later, or goodnight.

So thirsty!

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I was so focused on saving the carbonated water that I kept forgetting about the r.o. water.  And, I kept  trying to work.  Indeed, working.  Small... bits at a time.  For short times.  More than I thought would get done, in and over time.  So, finally, when I surrendered, and got a jar of water?  Very nice.  So very thirsty though!  I'll probably polish off this quart, then have a bit more, though next time with electrolytes.  I NEED some fluids.  But water isn't going to cut the whole of the need.  Can... fix that.

I put the load into the dryer.  Though I had earlier, but no.  Putting my pj's in the wash, with a few other dark cottons, poly/cottons.  Almost started that, but remembered I needed to shower.  Oh, and between this and that, the first load had finished it's first run.  So I started that.  Took my shower.

Well?

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The freezertop has been washed and well.  Should be dry?  Then, trash and recycling gathered and out.  What a chore.  One of the bigger bags got stuck?  I... wrestled it out, after a bit.  Then hauled it, too much in that one.  Lots of cat litter.  Have been feeding Sassy ever few hours, and took care of water and litter again today, earlier.  And put the laundry over into the dryer.

Having been a good boy, I am having custard.  The last of this batch.  And the custard form is soaking.  Oh, and did hit the freezertop one last time.  Should be good for dishes in a bit, or later today.  Yes, the trash and recycling are both to the curb.  Full to the brim, both.  I hope it is recycling day.

Up, for a bit?

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I was awake until... 15:30?  Give or take.  Way late, given the givens.  But, I did get laundry started and the freezertop cleared.  Oh, and took care of everything Sassy needs, if it was all in pretty good condition, other than feeding her.  That can never be... up to snuff, other than to be regular.  Which it has been lately.

Up at about 1:30, so... eight hours, right?  But with an odd headache, one I get when I have pushed being awake too long.  Didn't really want to wake up, but I want to do a few things before tomorrow.

Oh well.

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I am absolutely finished.  I kept staying up, pushing beyond limits, trying to get more work done.  And, I did get a few things done.  But that's it.  I am absolutely at an end.  No, I... didn't reset laundry, take a shower, or clean the freezertop.  I don't think the laundry is done.

Nor will I.  Bedtime.  So very tired.  Goodnight.

Midafternoon.

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Oh, but... finally... a bit going.  I cleared the freezertop.  I haven't washed it yet.  But it is clear.  And, after clearing it, I pulled meat for the fridge top freezer, and put out some to thaw.  Finally.  Burger and some steaks.

I fed Sassy again.  She's been... getting some good eating lately, too.  In part to make up for going without.  Weening her from the extra will be a chore.  I'll worry about that then.  Cleared her litter boxes as well.  Not much in them, and they are still in excellent shape.  While I don't... remember doing well, I have been.  It was only a few days were it got pretty bad.  But it takes a while to even show, so it... was a while.  And changed her water out.

Still awake?

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Not... quite.  I have never truly woken up.  I got enough going to get coffee brewed, and something eaten.  And, since, have had a bit more to eat.  But, that's... it.  I keep trying to push through, to do some work.  And think I will get at least the freezertop cleared.  Maybe cleaned.  And, if so, meat pulled to thaw, and more put in the fridge freezer.

IF I can do that?  Then, on to opening up the bathroom for a shower.  Possibly taking the shower.  As to getting laundry in, then dishes started?  Those are possible.  Even... before going to bed.  Just... I'm not even sure about the first stuff.

Very good.

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Took forever for me to finally wake enough to get going with coffee.  I... got the pot hot enough twice, at least, before the final time.  And, then, got going making coffee the third or fourth, maybe fifth time?  Just couldn't focus, think, remember, wake up.  Which... is fine.  Given my various problems?  Okay, yeah.

Now, I don't hurt.  I'm a bit cool, but not frigid, if heading that way.  Coffee helped, but is already passing.  I had a single serving of custard.  Delicious, again.  But... I'm good on that for the day.  I may have some pickled pork hock, but not a lot.  Then, get back to gaming a bit?  Or a nap, or sleep.  I'm not absolutely sure.

Surprises.

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Only down nine hours.  It was a cold sleep though.  One of those nights that no matter what I did, I could not get or stay warm.  I didn't use the electric blanket.  By the time I realized I was too cold, I was too far into sleep to attempt to make up the bed so that might be effective.  It would have worked, but couldn't crawl out of sleep to implement it.

Still, sleep was mostly good enough anyway.  And I slept well and long enough.  I expected to sleep for... days.  But just didn't need it.  Though I may be back in bed more shortly than otherwise?  Won't be eating, or eating much, today.  A cup of this, three ounces of that, more likely one or the other.

How did I not crash?

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I... pushed so hard to get the custard in.  And, yes, it took many hours to finally get that done.  And, then ate.  Couldn't go to bed.  My stomach hurt!  Then, when I could probably have gotten to bed?  I... was unstuffed enough to... have more!  So I did.  Then I wanted to wait to let that go down.

My body is processing that food well.  But it still takes time.  Oh, delicious, hot or cold.  Wow.  That's been a joy.  It melts on the tongue, before I can really chew on it.  Or... do much.  It just disappears on the tongue.  Like fine ice chips, only not cold.

Oh my.

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So very worth the wait!  And, another thing?  That bigger cooking vessel?  Doing the whole batch together?  Much, much smoother.  This is like eating... warm ice cream.  The best notion of that idea.  More?  I had a big helping.  I went crazy.  Then I had another!

I haven't eaten that much at one time in... since Thanksgiving dinner?  Right, about that.  Two servings, about a cup and a half per?  Or so.  Oh, absolutely delicious.

If I had to say?

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Only awake because I REALLY wanted custard.  And... it has taken me a long time to... get to the pot and form, get those washed.  Then redo a batch.  And... finally... get it going.  But, those things were done.  And, then, when I could, the batch was mixed.  And, finally, it was put together, and put in.

The beeper just went off.  And, boy was she right.  Longer, in a bigger custard form.  It's been thirty five.  The smaller ones were done at about forty five.  This... is still liquid!  It'll be a while.  Ah!  But I did forget something.  I set it for 350.  Last time I set it for 375?  Give or take, but goodly warmer.  Something to do with the elevation.  How, for me, things work better, is if I turn the heat up some... bit.

Still awake.

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I had meant to make a bigger batch of custard, eat, then go to bed.  But, something went wrong in the process.

I found a bigger container, in which to bake the custard itself.  And, I found a bigger All-Clad sauté pan... 6 or 7 quart?  Big enough for my needs.  I whipped the eggs, cream, and else.  Got it into the baking container.  Then filled the sauté pan with enough water, I thought, to come up to the edge of the baking pan itself.

Awake, again, for a bit.

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A few pork hocks.  But mostly water.  I want coffee, not ready for it.  So... water.  I wish I had something else to drink.  Can't do bone broth, just not up to that either.  Water it is.  I fed Sassy, when I woke a few hours ago.  Will game a bit.  Then feed her again before going on back to bed.

I had to check something.  It told someone something.  But I wasn't sure... I had done what I said.  I kept wondering if I had just dreamed doing it.  Then I would sleep for a bit, and... again... not be sure I did what I said I would do.  So, finally, I got up to make sure I did what I said I would do.

Still awake.

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I'm stumbling from barely awake to hardly awake to awake because of nausea.  So, it's... not like it seems.  I hurt.  My heart hurts.  I am tired.  The coffee didn't... do as was hoped.  It just caused a nearly flushing nausea, with the sweats from it.  Not... feverishness.  Just... that flush feeling.

I have been gaming, to keep my mind occupied.  And, I had packages arrive today.  Perhaps just a dream, that I will ever get to sewing the jeans, taking them in in places, and such?  But... I... live on, perhaps in, dreams.  So I ordered the needles I might need.  From 90/14 to 110/18 sizes, plus one in the middle.  Or... one batch.

If I can get to it, I have everything from standard jean needles, to heavier leather and upholstery needles.  Not a huge number of most of them, but a at least fifteen of each type.  If one really does stand out, as superior, I may order extra.  I have a lot of jeans to work with, on.  Both ones that were fitting me at 280 to 300, and those which were fitting me at 250 to 270.  None of those will fit, rightly, currently.  Oh, and the ones I was wearing when I arrived, and weighed more like 320.  

I'll start with the largest ones.  If I ever get going.  I will use every technique I have seen.  Decide which ones seem to work the best for my size and shape, and according to my eyes.  Then use those in the second tier out.  Then, eventually perhaps, begin working on pants that mostly fit.  Just need a bit of minor shaping, sizing.

Or... not.  And, as with many of my dreams, they will just... gather dust.  But I... have to hope.  I have to buy with hope, goals.

Oh, but I sure hurt.  It's bedtime time.  I'll sleep the weekend, and hope to be up and out by Monday, or Tuesday.  Or... Wednesday?  Ugh.  Goodnight.

Ugh, don't want to go.

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Not... so much that it is medical.  Though I will ensure some limits to their... practice.  But I can do that.  No, it's that I am so tired!  I just want to sleep.  May have to?  But... I did call.  The mask isn't required here anymore.  So, there is that.  And I know about where to find them, after looking them, and their map, up.

Oh, I want to get it.  But I don't know if I can.  So very tired.  I need... a day or three of sleep before I can get in.  Yesterday, the illness, and else, have taken it out of me.  Oh... the for the VA, I just have to call a number.

I was surprised they allowed me to go to the ER, locally.  But, okay.  Ugh.  I... just... can't today?  I'm going to have some coffee, see if that helps.  That's the only thing that might help.  Don't really want it, nausea remains.  And the thought of coffee isn't... terribly inviting.  But... it... might help.  Trying to do as told.  Will... try.

Later or goodnight.

Hmm... calls.

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I am still awake.  But they started it.  Got a call from the VA.  They want blood tests before the next visit.  So... okay.  I then tried to have them connect me with my primary care up there.  But that didn't work.  So I called through again, went through a different system.

They sent me to a nursing management system.  They took way too much time verifying, but... It's done.  Then, set me up with a nurse practitioner?  Or such.  Hopefully to be simply sent medication, so I don't have to go out.  I... have doubts.

I've been up for a while.

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But it's hitting bedtime.  I'm hoping to wake later, to make some calls.  But who knows.  I did have the last custard.  But had to add some sweetener.  Just couldn't eat it without that.  As well, had pickled pork hocks.  Which... it's... just been nice to be eating carnivore food that I have truly liked.

Mostly, though, just water.  No coffee.  Not much else.  And really not all that much of those things.  But I have consumed a goodly amount of water.

Up, sure...

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But... what time did I go to bed?  15:30, at a guess.  I was up slightly after 1:00... five... ten... minutes after.  About that.  An hour and change later, here I sit.  I was looking over some of the posts someone viewed.  How many viewers are there?  One?  Two?  And... a bunch of... hired viewers?  From somewhere?  I wonder how much it costs per "click"?  Or... maybe that can be automated these days?  *grins*

I don't mind the vagaries of life.

The... odd things they.... catch?

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I let out in a conversation, my station as being the son of minister.  Then... this.  And... a collection of others.  It's... almost as if they know something or think they do.  The devil you say?  Aye.  Not... the devil you know.  *wink*

Made it.

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Not barely, but... sort of barely?  What kills me is how long it takes to get there.  Some days it takes two, even closer to three hours.  Some days it takes just a bit over an hour to an hour and a half.  I just can't tell which it will be.  I meant to head out around 4:30 this morning, but didn't get started until 5:30?  Or so.  I... was a bit worried, had an eight appointment.  

But I got there by just at 07:00.  I mean walking in the door at 6:57 type.  Which... was fine.  I decided to go have breakfast... after checking the time.  The open at 7:00, so the long walk would see me just in at the opening.  And there were a few workers there before me.

The newest food trick?

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I have been making soups.  And... leaving them on the cooktop.  Eating from them for days.  I... just... don't like that.  Though, I don't think putting metal pans in the fridge.  Nor do I like plastics, anymore.  I do have glass containers, but not of the right sizes.  Ugh.

So?  So... I bought some glass pots.  So as to cook the soups.  Let cool.  Put in the refrigerator, perhaps with clingwrap over the top as well.  Then, to pull back out in the morning, remove the wrap, let warm.  Then, later in the day, to heat up and redo, over and again.

Brutal?

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.

Perhaps, but more loosely today.  Just... still so very tired.  Most aches are eased, most pains have subsided.  Not even hungry.  I found some test strips, after looking everywhere.  Who knows how old they are, but they seem to work.  Reading 144, which... is really wrong.  But... oh well.  

I have had three cups of food in the last six days, seven?  Eight maybe?  And one fatted coffee, maybe two?  And I have been careful with any sweeteners, both using them how they work best, so as to limit blood sugar impact.  So it doesn't make sense.  But, as I mentioned, oh well.  The way I do coffees usually lowers blood sugar.  I'll make one of those before I crash again.

I wanted so to go to bed.

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But I really wanted something to eat.  Then I remembered.  I have eggs!  And, a carnivore recipe, for custard.  Really simple, if it took longer than... a simple scrample or such.  But... is much easier sounding, on the weak stomach I have.  So... I... got it all together, set up, in, and finished.

Then I ate.  I did make two types.  One just as plain as Jane.  One with a keto sweetener, vanilla extract, and cinnamon.  I could barely get the plain one down.  But the fancier one went down like a dream.  I made four containers of the stuff.  Two remain, for later.  I'll see if I like the plain one better, then.  If not, I may melt cheddar for on top?

Ah. Still awake.

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Went looking for waist reduction, and hemming, videos... for jeans.  Though I'm sure that will work on slacks.  Not sure about cargo pants, but those are sort of born a bit sloppy... up to a point.  Still, if I can obtain the skills, and get the look and such right on a few practice items?  Then move one to newer pants?  We'll see.  May try even the cargo pants.

I won't do the vids today.  Maybe soon.  Just... but I did find and view them.

Coffee.

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I almost skipped.  But, no.  I wanted something something.  Not... to stay awake.  I doubt I'll finish it tonight.  Might not even finish half?  Close, so... maybe.  Just... everything is heavy right now.  Except water.  Water is... good.

While looking around I bumped into some things that have been on my mind.  As I lose weight, clothes... are... changing.  But, do I want to buy all new?  At most, not yet.  If possible, no.  But, I don't want to walk around looking like a bum.  Or... more like a bum than I already do.

Well, another short uptime?

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Not sure when I woke, last time.  But I went down a bit before 14:00.  Now, am up around 22:30.  Won't be up too long.  Just wanted to feed Sassy.  Though, this time, I'll tend her litter boxes.  All fresh, across the board.  I did get her fresh water earlier.  I... fell behind on that, too.  But... we'll... be doing better, now that I am not frozen in chills and fevers and sleeping for days on end.  I had no choice.

Dreamed my house disappeared.  I... woke up in the downstairs bed.  It and a phone, not my original, some odd type, were all that remained.  Clothes, canned foods, all other furnitured... everything... was gone.  No trace there had been a house here.  I didn't, because it was dark, go check to see if there was a hole where the basement had been.

Couldn't get to coffee.

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Just too tired.  And... a bit of a fever came back.  I sat here, hoping... I would be able to get that going.  But, no.  I will brush my teeth then go on to bed.  I may be up before too long, say in three or four hours again, to feed Sassy.  But probably not much more.

Getting queasy again, as well.  Stupid situations.  Still, even as uncomfortable as it is, again, it is far better than it has been.  And, sleep will solve most of this.  Still the 6th?  Ugh.  It seems like a week that I have been down, since last time.  Strange, this time, that the timer seems to be ticking, in the back of my mind, as I sleep.  But on a fast timer.  Hours seems like days.

Yes, I'll feed Sassy, brush my teeth, then go on back to bed.  Good... day and night.

Awake, again.

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Just for a bit.  I wanted to get up and feed Sassy, since I was awake enough, and feeling good enough to get up.  I'll have a fatted coffee, for something... slightly nutritious, or fatty anyway.  It's... been days since I've had anything other than water.  Couldn't even eat much fruit or yogurt.

I'll do a bit of looking, online.  Then, after the coffee, brush my teeth and go on back to bed.  Sleeping as needed, which... will probably be... the next day or two.  At least I am feeling better.  Simply tired, sleepy.  Too much of those latter to escape sleep, for the moment.  But that is far better than it had been.

It's bacK?

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Not... as bad as it was.  But, yes.  It's back.  I tried to eat, but that just didn't work.  I'm finishing off the fruit, for that is slightly edible, and it is something.  But yogurt and fruit just didn't work.  And yogurt alone, as a first shot, didn't work.  And... nothing else could have gone down.  Just... nothing else is able to be eaten.  And, the fruit really... isn't all that good.  Like I said, it is something, and can mostly go down.

Aches, really, are what is back.  And exhaustion.  The painful kind.  I played the game, for a bit.  But was falling, am falling, too hard and too fast to continue.  So, I'll... go on up to bed for a bit.  At this point in life, I need to sleep when I need to sleep.

That water really helped.

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Initially it didn't seem so.  I felt as rotten, initially, as when I forced myself to get up.  Horrible.  Terrible.  Rotten.  So I had to go on back to sleep.

I must admit, when I got up there, and tucked back in, I felt better.  Not great, but sleep was easier to attain.  And more comfortable.  I slept well for a few hours, then began to wake.  I wasn't sure I wanted to wake up though.  So, kept trying to sleep.

Finally, though, I felt good, and comfortable about waking, right at 3:57.  I turned the light on and... thought about it for three minutes.  Finally I realized waking up was a good thing.

There are still some aches.  But not nearly as bad as before.  No fevers, or chills... or at the moment.  That fluid just... did something.  Hoping to get back to some sort of health again, in these next few days.

Not hungry.  I haven't eaten in days, and probably won't for a few more days.  In part due to illness, in part due to going carnivore.  Just... can't eat.  Food doesn't sound good.  Anything.  I'll admit, if fast food sounded good, I might just go that way.  But it doesn't.  Nothing sounds tasty.  I may try some yogurt.  And, if that doesn't work, see if I have some fruit cups around somewhere, and try it with that?

I don't want to eat, but I need to eat, I think.  Food, like water, is sort of... needed.  Or, I suspect.  Oh... but on the scale...  Wasn't sure I should, after drinking so much liquid, and not yet peeing... but... on I went anyway.  At 238.6, it's... still... better.  My last weight was 242 even, on February 2nd, so... yes... all good.

Well, on to... something.  Later.

On back to bed.

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I tried to stay up a while.  Did, really.  But that's done.  I am so absolutely crushed.  I have to go on back to bed.  I will take water, five cans.  I won't drink whole cans at a time, perhaps a third, or quarter of a can when thirsty?  Or less.  Just... a sip, really.  I did drink three cans, while up.  But that is because I slept for three days and... was so very thirsty.  Fevers do that, as do chills actually.

I fed Sassy one more time, and refreshed her water.  I'd like to clean her litter box, but I... just... can't.  I hurt so bad that I just have to go on to bed.  Brutal.  I hurt so very terribly bad, in so many ways, that I can't do much else.  Just getting up to go to bed will be a trick.  This time I am taking three pee jugs up.  That should last me... maybe a week?

Oh ouch.

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I have been sleeping for... days?  It sure seems like it.  The fever, and chills, and aches, are impressive.  Collar bone, my stomach, belly?  Kidneys, legs.  Thighs, hips.  Everywhere, pretty much.  Oh,  True agony.  

It took a long time to finally be able to wake, so as to feed Sassy.  She... isn't going to eat well or much.  It's just how it goes.  I can't.

Absolutely freezing.

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The chills, hard.  Going on back to bed.  Oh, I'll feed Sassy first.

Couldn't get trash or else out.  Just... so... terrible.  Shaking, feverish, chills, it's... as bad as it has been in a... few days?  Damn, but life has been uncomfortable lately.

All good.  On to feed the twerp, then sleep.  I'll... turn the electric blanket on as well.  Odd to have chills and a fever at the same time.  Can barely type.  Later.

Or... goodnight, really.  May sleep for... a few days.

A response.

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Shaving that one a little close?  True, if I had to lay odds.  Someone knows... something about which they speak.  They know my name.

Good sleep.

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I... needed sleep.  Wasn't sure I would get it.  Sassy sure wanted me up.  I fought her, my own inclinations, and all else.  And, made it to 1:30?  Giver or take ten.  Even so, I'm... it's... tough.  A bit of a fever.  Just light, under the skin, on the fringes, edges.  But it's there.  It's been there for weeks, months probably.  Not as noticeable when warmer.  Not always noticed, even in the cold.  A slight, permanent, infection?  Or... of late.  Though, I think I have had something in me for... since I became ill nearly forty years ago.  Something that comes and goes, or is more present or less more like.  Fever is always there, just doesn't show as much this time as that.

Which is why, while they found nothing in the biopsy, the antibiotics still did a lot of work, on various parts of my body.  Did... strange things.  There are terrible things living in me.  I suspect doctors knew, just were hoping those things would take me out, if the heart didn't get me.  Or that these things would make life so miserable that I would commit suicide.  Which... actually I did.  Even that didn't work.

Awake, yet.

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Probably just because I became too numb to remember to go on to bed.  It's nearly noon.  So, okay.  I don't mind procrastination, through incident or accident, working toward my providence on some rare occasions.  All good.

Having some more water.  I couldn't have coffee.  And food is way out.  But... a few sips of lightly flavored, totally unsweetened, sparkling water will work.

Good, but very light.

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Life, for the moment, that is.  I... don't hurt.  Yet.  I will, if I can push it.  If... I don't think I can push it today.  But... soon.  Still, that it doesn't hurt most places, or much?  And, I was able to eat, and really enjoyed the burger soup.  Made more... for tomorrow.   Plus, I have... a plan on how to keep soup ready, and a bit safer.  Just... leaving it on the stove isn't the wisest.  But, putting a steal pan in the fridge isn't the best either.  And, I am trying to get away from plastics.  So... a plan.  We'll see if it works.

A coffee, which was fine.  A bit filling, along with the soup, but... It helps me get a few more calories in.  And, yes, I... now have to fight to do that.  There have been times when I got too much in.  But that is no longer the case.  Which... is fine, mostly.  I just don't want to push that too far.  So, I... do try to get that extra dollop of cream in.

Ah, that might have been it.

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The soup I made last night?  I... was thinking it might not have been done right.  Well, and it wasn't.  First, it was far too flat.  Then I oversalted.  And... then, somehow, I made or left it too fat, but the wrong kind of fat.  Burger juice, when it is the main fat, is... too... wrongly fatty.

So I worked it again today.  Adding sour cream and whole cream, water, salt in moderation, and put that on heat.  And?  And that turned out wonderfully.  I love it when it works.  And that worked.  And is so very filling.  Though, I did have two bowls.

Then again, yesterday, I feasted on chicken.  So... right.  That, I was full, on top of the soup not tasting good.  From the problems.  So it was a double thing.  Oh, but simple beef soup?  I'm telling you, you really can't beat it.  If I could figure out how to pull the meat off a chicken, that would work well too.  Hmm... may have to make another whole chicken, roasted.  Eat what I can while it is warm.  Then shred all the rest after it cools.  That might do, it's just... it's a bit of work.  Between the prep, baking, and eating.  Having energy over after.  Though... I could put the remnants in a ziplock bag.  That would do, if I didn't have the energy left to pull the meat that night?  Sure.

Because, chicken soup would be better, IF the chicken is good.  And I have been having great luck with whole chickens, but they cost $15  bird, or more.  Ugh.  That's more than I pay for steak!  And... probably per pound of meat, too.  Double ugh!  Still, soup lasts... a week.  A chicken, for a pot, for the week?  Or even three or four days?  Yes... maybe.

I have been looking at grass finished beef.  But boy do those cost.  Not sure I'd go for a quarter or half, or such.  Just... no.  I don't eat too much of what is offered.  Have little interest in tri-tip roasts, or sirloin, definitely not bottom round roasts.  Just... haven't found a good use for them.  Too lean to eat.  Though sliced, could make jerky.  But... that'd... be far too expensive for jerky.  If I make jerky, I'm looking for beef at half that cost, or less.  I also don't piss in silver vessels, let alone gold.  Just saying.

Still, the ribeyes?  If they actually prove out to taste better, and I get the sense there is a better health factor to grass fed and finished?  Maybe.  Especially since a full placket of ribeye, a box of burger, and couple of chuck roasts would last me three to five months.  So... yes, maybe.  Although?  The prices vary from one ranche to the next.  Some are as much as double the price.  I'm suspicious of the cheaper.  But also suspicious of the more expensive.  If... my suspicions are different per.  :p

Hmm, coffee is even good tonight.  It wasn't yesterday.  But, then again, I was full.  Something about being full, or nearly, or having been recently?  It... changes my whole attitude toward food and even drink.  If I've been full withing twelve to eightteen hours?  I... don't like food anymore.  A good thing.  I don't mind that.  Sometimes I even have to push water.  When I know I need water.  Still, all good.

--------

Walked off and forgot to post.  Its...three hours and change later.

I gamed.  But may be quitting the Arc game.  There are all sorts of troubles with it.  It loses stuff.  Important, big items, that took a very long time to create.  Makes it impossible not to cheat.  The game just... forgets.  Fails.  And, it's so complicated, that... remembering how to make things is nigh on impossible.  Plus, some of what is required is... very difficult to even find, even with some sort of cheat on.  Plus?  Some of the rare items disappear (planned this time) over time.  It's... just... too much.

I like what they thought to do with the game.  But it is asking too much.  More so on consoles.  Which have memory limits/problems and too few of inputs.  I hate spending three days making an item only to have the game just... forget I had it?  Wow.  It kills any incentive to work it.  Then one just uses the cheats to create it, then starts... making other things while at it.  But... that totally kills the game.  My mistake in buying it.

It is an improvement over the previous game.  But, it is broken in ways the old game wasn't, too.  Oh well.  I'll see if the other game has some sort of race going.  Both games, though, try to force you to play online.  Penalize, even cheat against you, if you don't.  Which... is a reason not to play those games.

Either they are fishing for data to steal, or somehow using your system for their uses, at best immorally, probably illegally, to hack other machines or systems.  Or, that's my guess.  No one does anything because all the big players are doing it, or trying to do it.

Well... on to something.  Maybe just back on to bed.  Not sure yet.

Oh well.

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I tried to stay in bed longer.  And, did.  Waking, initially, at a bit after 17:00, just crawling out here at almost 19:00.  I... wanted another hour or two, but that just couldn't happen.  Sassy was fed first thing.  And... water is heating for coffee.

I realized something as I was waking.  I have a waist.  At least when laying down.  I haven't had a waist in almost forty years.  I... now... really do.  When standing or sitting, a bit of the puff comes back,  But it's still becoming a waist, clearly.  When laying down, it is absolutely a waist.  So... different.

Out, I got.

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.

Early enough to get to the bank.  Well, atm thereof.  Money.  Always have to have a bit of money.  Plus, I was hoping to get cash for dairy.  I just... wasn't sure it would happen, or that I could make it, tonight.  I did.

While out, I stopped at the store.  Bought food.  When I go for visits, I like to bring food... especially when I haven't eaten in days, literally.  Fried chicken.  Oh, the breading... not much to do about that.  And, a donuts.  To share around, though, too.  Plus, I was out of lots of things, even carbonated water.  I am avoiding plastics now, but aluminum will do.  Burger, and the yogurt I liked.

But, but, but...

.

.

But I did set the alarm!  Well, I... turned it to the time.  I didn't, however, turn them on?  Freudian slip?  I don't think so.  Just... pushing through days, and nights, illness, and else, things slip.

And, so it was with great surprise, when I woke at... 17:01.  One minute after the first alarm was supposed to sound.  Awake.  Well awake.  I wasn't sure that alarm would work, in that I pushed days and nights.  So I had the 18:00 alarm also set.  But, also, not turned on.  However, it turns out that I woke, at the earlier time, and pretty well.

Finally.

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I found another pot, for cooking burger.  But?  But the burger was already bad.  So no dinner.  Strangely?  Or not?  It... didn't bother me at all.  I'll just put some burger out, when I can clear the freezertop, and let it thaw.  I have ground turkey I will be using with it.  Just to use it up.  It's... all meat.

Still, I got the other pans mostly clean.  And set out.  Then took a shower  Oh... it's... been a while.  Delicious!  Trimmed my whiskers first.  Not a full shave, but as good as the clippers can do.  And, after, brushed my teeth again, doing the whole process.  Still rough.  It's been days, weeks, a month?  It's been a while since I have been able to take any care.

Raining?

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If it's a light sleet/hail?  But I don't think so.  Sounds... wet.  Too wet to be those other types of options.  Or... things are thawing.  Okay.  But I like the sound.

Gaming.  Figuring some things out.  Moving ahead.  It's a lot of work solo.  Couldn't find the "cheat mode".  Did a lot of work without it.  Just found it.  And good thing.  The dino doors I had on my keep, while absolutely massive, were too small for my t-rex.  Oh, no, I got that one fair and square.  It's mother attacked, I killer her, the baby was left.  So I... nurtured it to grand effect.  An... interesting game.

Up.

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I was expecting a bit of a rough start.  I went in and down so hard, being up so very late.  My body was a knot of ache and soreness.  It was wonderful, but terribly so.

I'm waking just a bit tight, but really, pretty good.  I'll get medicine in, first thing.  Blood sugar is 114 fasting?  Meh.  I'm making burger soup later.  It's been two, or three, days since I ate.  I'm not starving.  I've got enough fat to feed a small army, even a small army of me's... for a while.

Wow.

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It's 15:17.  Didn't... really make it.  I have been in and out of sleep for... a while.  Made it to 13:30.  Since then it has been waffling in and out.  But, no more.

Things hurt.  But so numb from exhaustion I can't tell how badly.  Should sleep well.  Fed Sassy a final meal.  Had bone broth, heated, spiced, with cream... if... quite a bit ago?  Anyway... it's all I could do, but what I needed.

Trying to push back into days.  But this was a bit too much, too fast.  I don't think it will help.  Might cause a spinout.  We'll see.  Ribs.  Right.  Why do those hurt?  Ah, trying to sit up while my body is trying to curl to sleep.  The... it causes a kink.  Right.  Well, on to bed.  Goodnight, and good day.

So tired my heart hurts?

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.

I dug into the game.  It's... not just... that.  In the game, velocity can be reduced if too much in-game material is loaded onto the 'toon.  But that isn't all of it.  The thing is, as my 'toon slows in the game, I find myself holding my breath?  Not breathing as fast as I should?  Which, over time, strains my heart.  Weird, I know.  Working on altering that.  Difficult, though, when extremely exhausted.

Well, and I pushed through a very difficult location and kept dying.  Before setting up a new base across the map.  I'm... doing things the hard way, initially.  It's... how I like to do things, to start off.  I have made some things easier, but there are limits on those easements.  And there are much easier ways to play in the game.  But... figuring out how to do those things more safely is... a whole other gig.  Easy is great, until it absolutely fails.

Better.

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Just a few shots of pain in my leg.  But mostly not bad.  Not too tired.  Not hungry.  Not too thirsty.  Figuring out the game, improving things.  I would like to eat, I just... don't want to cook.  Someday, tomorrow?  The day after?  Next week?  I... don't need to eat, these days.  Literally, and figuratively.  Or... various forms of literally?  I don't think "figuratively" matters, counts, or is a part of this.  Now that I think about it.

Water would be nice.  Out of sparkling, but that's okay.

Bah!

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No, it wasn't... anything wrong, yesterday, with Sassy.  It wasn't a dream, either.  It is a new method to try to wake poppa.  So as to be fed earlier.  And... no.  No!  If she keeps it up I will feed her less.  Negative feedback is often the way to go.  Barring that, cut em' off the teet, eh mother?  Don't want to find out?  Don't fuck around.  I don't care who you are, or think you are.  Your... rights, regarding me, are limited to me.  Not some social, economic, familial, churchian, or other real or false constructs, organizations, or thought cycles.  And, when I say NO!  Be assured, right or wrong, you have just pretty much might as well have heard from the lips of God Himself.

NO!  And, should we need to tangle about it?  Okay.  For being mostly dead I am pretty brutal to deal with.  We'll start hard, and then go on to severe, with a side of dirty tricks, and such.  Not... that I need to play dirty to win.  I just like to play dirty to make a few points, and cause extra damage just for fun.  Don't... want to find out?  Then don't f around.

Still awake?

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Well, in a way.  It's bedtime.  I had been bedtime for hours... half a day honestly.  I haven't fallen asleep in my chair, but might as well have?  No clue as to what has been happening.  I was struggling to think about what to do next and... next just happened without me.  I just happen to still be here.

I did decide, sometime in there, that I am definitely hungry.  For... something.  And, as suggested, I realized I couldn't cook.  Probably couldn't have eaten even if I had cooked.  Odd how that can go.  I just couldn't have been bothered to eat, even if food was served, and I am hungry?  Right.  Never mind, that is just the way it goes.

Have you ever been unsure?

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.

Not... really... about anything in particular.  Everybody is unsure, from time to time.  Some of us are always unsure.  I'll... still do.  Uncertainty is a game I enjoy.  I will choose, and take my chances.  Everybody wants to play to win.  But, first, you... won't win.  Second, no amount of second thinking will allow you to win, or win more often, or any such.  It's... not how it works.  

Play, win, lose, enjoy.  If you don't enjoy the trip to your death, and understand you will lose often and miserably?  Oh, I don't mean just put no thought into life, or action.  Only, don't... play as if... you could win, think you must win, or such?  What are the risks?  What are the rewards?  Should you be playing?  If I must play, and the rewards aren't worth the risk?  Well, then, I... just take my chances.  I... lose, often enough.  But have won more, and do so more through facing up, and going on through, than making a scene or such.

Asleep, in the chair, again.

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I tried to bulldoze through.  The bull got lost in the process.  Not... sure what time it was.  But, pretty much, was falling asleep as I was writing the last post.  Slept for an hour, maybe two?  Then... before I fell out of my chair, I nearly crawled up to bed.  Oh, but sleep is so much better in bed... or my floor matts really.  But, for me, now, that is bed.  Thanks, A.  For the... reminder, and thought.  The humility of sleeping on the floor, leaving what others think to themselves, and living a bit better for it, somehow.  A price, but it buys a powerful freedom.  I think of you, nicely, when I crawl in some nights.  Hoping you are still a floor sleeper, alive, as well as possible.  You are still loved.

I awoke to some sort of distress.  Ever done that?  But not knowing what... the cause of the problem is?  I... first... went over my body.  Looking for pain?  Injury?  Checking for illness?  But... it wasn't me?  No, it was... some terrible meowling.  Sassy?  I rarely hear that from her.

Still awake.

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Five minutes until noon thirty?  Yep.  Tried to stay up to make a call.  No call, can't.  Voice won't work.  But, perhaps, some day this week yet.  If I can keep pushing until later.  It... won't be made, later, the call.  But, if I push how late I am awake, there is a chance that at an earlier time, I might be able to call.  Hell of a rigged life I lead, but it's what I've got.  And... it works, after a fashion.

My left eyeball is bugging me.  Not sure... if I am rubbing it because it is scratched, or if I scratched it while rubbing it.  But... I finally gave it a good rinse, then decided not to touch it or else.  As that simply was not helping.  I'm not seeing anything in it.  Though an eyelash could be stuck in there?  Hard to know.  But... no... no more rubbing or else.  I'll just have to suffer it.

A few things in life.

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.

Simple things.  Mostly.

The first?  Glasses.  I had always thought my solid plastic "Clark Kent" glasses would be lighter and more comfortable.  In this latest shakeup, requiring larger glasses so as to use the progressive lenses, I decided to test that.

Sleep.

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.

So much sleep!  I can't escape it.  Even so, for the first time in... I can't even remember?  I fell asleep on my chair down here.  Always afraid I will end up falling.  And, sort of do, which wakes me.  To pure horror.  But I, so far, have caught myself the few times this has happened this decade.  Blah!

It was around 11:00 to noon thirty, when I woke and went on to bed.  Not absolutely sure.  When I fell asleep?  Nine, seven?  Earlier by a good deal.  I tried to stay awake to bring the package in.  Didn't make it.  It was here when I woke though.  So, it's in charging.  And, I washed the grip cover for it.

Oh, right.

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.

I did get more soup warmed and in.  I forgot to add hot spices, but that is fine.  Wanted, not wanted, I am... often happy with what I get, when I get it.  If more or a change is wanted, sometimes it is had.  Sometimes I live with it as it is.  This time, as is was good enough.  I'm telling you, that simple soup is quite good.  The veggies?  Meh.  But... a bit different.

Then I cheated.  Had some applesauce.  No sweetener added.  But, to me, since I don't have sweets?  That was... like sugar.  I'll finish that off.  Then veggie soup.  Then back to carnivore.  I don't mind tossing something different in from time to time.  Think of our ancestors.  Whether the meat got grasses on it, while being killed then processed?  Or just tossing things in, in curiosity, or for variation?  Sometimes vegetable stuffs got in the food.  Sometimes on purpose, sometimes not.

I have to admit?

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Veggies, in with the rest, is not a bad thing once in a while.  Green beans, carrots, and those water cresses... or whatever.  I also added hot spice.  I... really like it hot, from time to time.  You would get ill.  For me, it's... just... nice.  It really isn't that I run it "too hot", or like it "too hot".  I simply can handle a whole lot of heat.  It isn't too much.  It's, for me, just... mildly spicy.

If you could slug Everclear, you'd understand.  Cause I can.  Only, I think hotter spices are healthier.  I haven't had Everclear in a very long time.  The only problem with that stuff wasn't capacity.  It was memory.  It was the only alcohol I drank that I would forget what happened.  I... didn't like that.  Dangerous.

Okay?

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A bit better.  Definitely.  Yes.

That is nowhere nearly functional.  It just means I don't hurt everywhere, all the time.  It means I don't have fever, chills.  It means I am not so nausea inflicted that even thinking of food is disturbing.  It simply means I feel normal.  If I don't do anything?  If I don't think about it?  I'm not sure.  But, for a moment, the first in many, I... don't feel so dreadful that I think I am dying.

Meh.  It will do.

I don't understand.

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Blood sugar is 144 fasting this evening.  I went down some time before four, a quarter, half, or more?  Before four, that's as good as I've got.  Woke around 17:30... pretty close thereabouts, give or take a dozen.  One two/thirds bowl of beef soup yesterday.  And a coffee.  The rest was water.  Stupid blood sugar!

I did wake, and take medicine through the day.  I've been doing better with that.  Got behind on antibiotics.  A bit.  But am catching and keeping up.  If... it looks like this batch isn't enough.  So... yeah.  I'll have to reset.  Call my primary.  With a starter, he might be willing to just do a next batch on his own, like a big boy.  Without having to see me.

Hurt.

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And other things.  Oh, wow.  Not sure why life just took a hard left turn.  Shoulders ache, torso feels terrible.  Plus, so very tired.  I just got to coffee, but it doesn't matter.  I may even have diarrhea.  I'm... going to sort that out before going upstairs.  But, yes.  I think after a bit of...

A quick run, just in case.  Nope.  Just gas, with softserve.  It might be coffee.  Haven't had any in a while.  Well, yesterday.  But a few days before restarting.  There are good things about intermittent coffee consumption, and potentially bad things.

Had to get out.

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Not far, or long.  Packages in, at the post office.  I knew about one.  Expected some others.  It looks like they arrived several days ago, but it just reported it to me.  So... I best get to it.  No, I did get to it.  Items which make ironing easier.  Hams.  Sewing hams.  But, ones supposed to be filled with wood chips, hard wood chips, not fabric.  It makes a difference.  Are they what were advertised?  I'll find out soon enough.

Now, the source for these is from Australia?  Or New Zealand, or such.  Still, I thought buying them from amazon?  Nope.  They... traveled all the way from England.  The two items only cost $6.50 for shipping?  Between their "mail deliver", whatever that is, and ours?  Hmm.  Okay.

Lots of sleep.

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More on the way?  I got up at either 16:00 or 2:00 pm?  Messed up.  I just couldn't figure out the time.  And when I tried to switch it from 24:00 to 12:00 times, I... lost or gained hours.  I was way too tired to stay awake.  So, I fed Sassy, took medicine, and went back to sleep.  Or... that sort of became the plan.  I think I did it.

Two to six hours later I woke up again.  The plan was to take medicine, then go back to sleep.  I did take the medicine.  I did roll back in to sleep.  I just didn't stay asleep.  I think, think now, it was 18:00 when I got up.  As much as an half an hour later, or two hours earlier, but... I think 18:00.  It's 21:18 now.

Blood sugar is 113 today, finally.  A bit lower is nice.  I'll have another coffee.  See if that helps again.  A bit more gaming, until the coffee goes down.  Then back to bed.  Ugh.  So... tired.  Body hurts just a bit.  Oh well.

Beef soup, stew.

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Burger, beef broth, cream cheese, steamed until mixed and done.  No hot spices this time.  It's good, but I don't want it every time.  Besides, if I want a cupa hot stuff, that's doable.  I think I'll have another round.  So far, though, I've only had a bit.  A cup?  Two at most.  Yes, I'll have another round of about that much.

Rough.  In a way.  It's been far worse.  But life has been so much better.  Even so I won't complain.  Life, like a woman, is a pretty, if fickle, odd, thing.  You can't win, but you better be the boss anyway.

I dreamed my friend stopped by.  They were in need.  I noticed he had snow on his boots.  They were cold.  I... wasn't doing well, so didn't remember they... were there, needed in.  Then I remembered, hours later, and went to check on them.

The snow wasn't on his boots.  It was on his feet!  He had to be freezing.  Both of them!  I felt so terrible.  I worried about frostbite, terribly.  I told them, if they ever came by, and I seemed lost, just break in.  They are people who would be allowed such.

I got his feet in water, cool to start, then warmer.  I got them wrapped in blankets, together.  I made soup, with meat and broth, plus hot spices.  I was careful with that, though.  Humans... have limits.  Still, a bit bright in the food, to treat cold, really does help.

Over time, I got them back to health.  Mostly.  No frostbite, thankfully, strangely.  In one way, it was a horrible dream.  That I could forget my people.  But, that I nothing went too terribly wrong, and I could cure them back to a sort of fitness, was good.  Well, they were working on regaining their health.  He is in nearly as bad of shape as I am, lately.  That damage to his leg, and head damage, really did him a number.  Continue to pray for him, if you would.  Me?  If you like.  I am so far beyond... some things, thinking, and prayer.  It's... just a God thing as is.  Don't worry.  Not about me.  I absolutely shouldn't be here.  And, yet, I... can and do enjoy... even the suffering.  Hmm... how about... I pray for you.  Amen.

Yes, a bite more.  Some more gaming.  Then on back to bed.  Good... morning, and goodnight.

Back up.

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The last of the chicken broth beef soup.  Oh, but, that really has been good for the last few days.  Not much of it.  But it was something.  I doubt if there was half a pound of burger over the three or four days.  With maybe a quarter pound of fats... cream cheese, butter, and else.  Mostly bone broth.  Well, and hot spices.  It was wonderful though.

If I could find good chicken, and make chicken soup from the meat, that would be better.  But I can't cook while ill.  And finding good chicken is nearly impossible.  Finding good quality meat of any sort has become a major trick.  Steak, burger, pork.  Yea, sometimes.  But one can't count on it.

Still awake.

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More of the burger soup mix.  It's... not great.  But it isn't causing nausea.  That is as good as it gets, some days.  I'll have a bit more water with electrolytes.  I can tell that is needed when it is really wanted, enjoyed.  Nothing fancy.  But... it helps.

On the good side, I have eaten a bit two days in a row.  Not a lot.  Perhaps a quart of soup, each day.  Most of which was water.  Or... bone broth, some water, some cream, with some solids.  Most of what I ate yesterday went out quickly.  If you remember, I was having trouble getting the pills down the throat.  So had consumed two liters of water before finally eating soup, with some solids.  And another liter of water, plus a quart of a mix of stuff.  All that fluid just flushed the solids through.

Up again.

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I woke up earlier, to feed Sassy.  And... just... to... make some attempt at something.  I did feed Sassy.  Then went on back to bed.  How long ago?  Good question.  Not sure when I went to bed last night.  I am sleeping a lot, that is all I know.  And, I am only staying up for short spats.  

It's... not a "want" thing.  It's... what happens, and I'm just along for the ride.  Just like I want to eat, even though the thought of it causes nausea, so I usually don't.  Even drinking fluids.  I haven't made coffee in days.  I think I drank some leftover coffee yesterday or the day before?  I... can't... stomach the stuff, mostly.

Oops.

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I took the medicine, then was getting ready to go on back to bed.  But... the pills got stuck?  Seemed to be stuck.  I drank water.  And... more water.  And a lot more water.  But those pills would not move!  Or... seemed to be stuck.  I couldn't sleep with pills in my throat.  So?  So I had to think about food.

Oh, I tried to resist.  Wait it out.  Drink more water.  Get it to move, or leave, or dissolve, or whatnot.  It just wouldn't budge.  And that feeling, of having something stuck in the throat?  Brutal.  The thing is, I didn't want to eat.  Food is causing nausea.  It's... horrible.

Didn't get to bed.

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Nor to gaming, or... much else.  I simply kicked around the internet.  Looking at blogs, news, "news", music, and... a few other things.  I had a few eggs, so I thought about making a carnivore version of custard.  But the eggs ended up being a bit too old.  Which... yeah.  That was my serious bad.

Not sure I could have eaten anyway.  But the idea was there.  Whatever I might, eventually, eat, will have to be gentle on the stomach.  Easy to digest.  Not strongly flavored.  I just... can't eat.

Brutal.

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I'm only feeling better because I am feeling nothing?  Sort of.  I haven't eaten in a while.  Won't.  Can't.  But, nausea has... eased?  I'll find out more after I've been awake for a while.  Might just, as suggested, be numb.  Having some water, but not going to have much.  Just... some.  And medicines.

I fed Sassy first thing.  Poor girl.  Though, too, she could use going with less food for a while.  She's not going to starve to death in a hurry either.  Chunk bunny.  Still, I don't mind her having the extra she has.  It's... the negotiated trade-off for having been fixed.  And, for good or ill.

Betterer?

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Slightly.  Still a bit rough.  Did the yogurt help, coffee, vinegar tonic?  Or... just... time.  Feet still deciding whether they are burning in heat, or from cold.  Odd how the burning sensation can be from heat or cold, or for me.

Nausea has eased up.  Mostly.  The ill feeling remains.  A headache, back in the hind part of my mind.  More a soft, regular, ache.  Not a pounding, or throbbing.  Just... simple pain, too.  If I must have a headache, it is how I would have it.

I've been awake a while.  Six hours?  Eight?  Four.  I just... can't be sure.  It is, I think, time to go on back to bed.  I'll get an antibiotic in.  Not sure whether I should take heart medicine or not.  I just... I'm not sure where I am with that.  And, for now, to be honest, it is better to go with too little than too much of that stuff.  I am ill enough that too much could be... dangerous.

I don't suppose I get to die.  But I can hurt, more.  So, yes, I'll skip heart medicine.  I think I have taken it.  But, it's not too much of a difficulty even if not.  Diet is... helping that, a lot.  Blood sugar is high, but that is due to illness.  Stress hormones being adjusted from pain, illness, and whatnot. Still, it's staying below 140, for now.  Mid 130's as highs, low hundreds when lower.

I can't eat.  I'd love to eat, I just... I don't trust that it would stay down.  Even drinking... I'd rather not.  I drank what was left over from yesterday, as well as water, and a vinegar electrolyte tonic.  Nothing fancy, just trying to cut the thirst, and get hydration going.  Even that seems to be pushing it.  Didn't directly cause nausea, but... reminded me that it's there.

Ugh.  So horrible.  Sounds like it's raining, or the snow is thawing?  Drip, drop, pitty-pat.  Tin roof.  But, it... does make a pretty sound... sounds.  I do enjoy it.  Whether rain or hail or thawing snow, I... enjoy the sound.

I hear people who hate this, and hate that.  But me?  I try, and often do, enjoy the sounds.  The train, though to be fair it is a goodly distance?  I like it.  I remember living across the street from it.  Ugh.  Once you got used to it, it was okay.  But that was a little tight.  The drops of rain?  The sounds of vehicles going by?  Accept, enjoy even, now.  I have to imagine that, going around hating everything that one hears or senses, has to be... difficult.  I... don't have a difficult life.  Even when I am nearly sick to death.  While I don't enjoy it, I... don't hate it.  Well, and there is always hope that, this time, God will let me go home.

If not?  Well, I'll get back to it.  There is always next time?  Or never.  I don't mind living, even if I have to fight for it.  Even if I lose, in spite of not losing.  I'm... good.  Good night, again, I think.

When better isn't?

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Oh, so much better.  But that level of better is simply not enough to truly call it better?  And, yet, it really is.

I hurt so bad after making a call, calling things off, then heading to bed.  Nausea was so terrible.  I wanted to throw up.  I wished for it, all but begged for it.  But it wouldn't happen.  So miserable, in other ways too.  Tired, so tired it hurt.  And yet getting to sleep was a treacherous experiment in living and dying.  A bit of a headache, my body hurt but not in an achy way.  I can't even explain how it hurt.

Ill.

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So very sick.  I had plans for yesterday, then this afternoon.  Not possible.  I am having trouble just taking water in.  Nausea is something awful.  Tired, dizzy, not... going to be up for very long.  I will make some calls, let people know.  And... it won't be better soon.

I'll reset for a check Monday.  If possible, we will make plans then.  But... not promises.  I may sleep until then, or nearly.  I am in very bad shape.  Medicine?  When possible.  I'm... going down, hard, fast, roughly.  I'll take a bucket up, in case I need to vomit.  Feel like it, not sure it will happen.  Would rather have something up there, just in case.  Not sure I could make it down in time.  Messy, if not.  Messy even if so, possibly.  Ugh.

I'll try to wake, from time to time.  To feed Sassy, to take medicine, to get some fluids in.  But... no promises.  I'm in very bad shape.  Later.

Up, but so late.

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I... meant to be up, yesterday, around ten to noon?  I wasn't able to wake until around 18:00?  And, that because people were knocking and calling.  A lot of them, several times.  Didn't make sense to me, until it did.  Or I wouldn't have awaken even then.  Brutal.

Then?  I went back to bed around midnight?  Crazy, but after two days of sleep, mostly, yea.  I could only stay up about six hours.  I thought, for those things, that I would wake up... earlier today.  Nope.  Just waking around noon, and just barely.  Brutal.  Infection?  Antibiotics?  The pain?  I... don't know.  But I am so very tired I can even, now, just barely be awake.

Nothing fancy.

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Burger, with gravy.  Hot spices, a bit of garlic powder, dry chives just for something... green?  It does add just a touch of something.  The gravy was simpler.  But I'd like to add cream cheese, make it just a bit... more.  In a way, it is fancier.  But, really?  It's the minimum needed.

Back to gaming.  Hmm, might have some yogurt.  I do have a bit of the raw greek yogurt?  If so, I might have a touch of that.  It's not my favorite, but will do.

Wow.

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I had planned to be awake... much earlier.  But no.  I had an arrangement this afternoon.  Missed it.  Ugh.  Got some calls and visits.  Answered the last visit.  Explained, a bit.

Was still stressed from the appointment this morning, the one I canceled?  My leg still hurts from that last appointment.  And, yes, I was... stressed.  Which, probably, is why I slept.  Slept pretty much the whole day.  Only awake now for phone calls and knocking... which... eventually woke me up.  Ugh.

Canceled.

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I had to cancel.  While technically awake, and in time.  To get a shower in, dress, and be there on time, would have been... unlikely.  I could have rescheduled.  But, honestly, I don't know when I will be awake and functiong.  More?  After that last appointment?  I'll not go see a doctor for this problem again.  If the infection continues, I may ask to go back in.  But, even that, won't be a wound treament, just for more or different antibiotics.

I simply won't allow torture passing for medical care to happen.  I already feel so much better.  I will take my morning pills and go back to bed.  Took a few calls, but lucked out and got the right one the second time.

Oh well.

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I got to bed shortly before 18:00.  Wasn't sure I would sleep.  Did.  Well.  But for only about three hours.  Right as it was about to click over to 21:00, I awoke.  On the good side, it was just four hours since my last antibiotic.  So, that goes down the hatch, four I think, today.  Irregularly.  My timing is a bit off.  But... close enough?  I guess.

The leg.  It hurts.  Brutal.  It has scabbed over, well.  And, is warm.  In spite of whatever else?  That antibiotic has taken care of... that problem, and probably some others?  If, too, it is thrashing me harshly.  Whatever was wrong?  That fixed some things, and continues to fix some things.  I've probably had some underlying issues for a very long time.

Rough.

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Nausea?  A sort of it.  Have you ever eaten something, only to have your body refuse to digest it?  That... stone in the belly feeling?  The stupid thing?  I haven't eaten anything.  Well, coffee, but that's a liquid.

I have a steak salting.  I am going to give it an hour.  Well, salt and pepper.  Not too much, just enough... for it's size.  Soon, though, I'll fry it, and eat it.

Earlier, yet still late?

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Yes.  But it seems so dark, too, out there.  In here.  Dark.  And cool, almost cold.  No matter the heat setting.  Ugh.

I went to bed before midnight.  Was hoping to wake earlier.  It was 10:30 when I gout up and going.  But really pushed for earlier.  Tomorrow?  I'll set an alarm, and try to be to bed by 20:00, 22:00 at the latest?  Try.  I'm going to fight to get my days, mornings, back fully.  And then keep them.  It will be a fight.

Sometimes...

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Pork, beef, chicken... sometimes it is bad.  Sometimes it is good.  And, once in a rare time, it is excellent.  Is it the cooking, the thawing process?  Was it secured, for good or ill, in the packing process?  I just can't say.  All I know is, when it is good, when it was packed right, thawed correctly, stored correctly, cooked as it should be?  It can be absolutely delicious.

I ended up having the pound of pork, if with bone in.  I fried it, pan fried it.  And it came out absolutely delicious.  It wasn't overdone, dry.  But it was done through and through.  It didn't have that grainy texture pork can sometimes have.  It was juicy, had a nice bite, salted just right, and good in every way.

That leg still sure hurts.

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Why?  Well, I don't care.  I just know that, sometimes, it feels like it's on fire.  I went without socks, even though it was very cold yesterday.  Today, socks.  No bandage either day.  But, it has scabbed over.  But it hurt both days, no matter what I do.  I am still hoping to get a showed today.  Always hope.  And, sometimes, more.  God gifted us with hope, plus faith and charity.  Not... just for worship, but for life too.

Blood sugar is 103.  I had some coffee first, leftover from yesterday.  It... can increase blood sugar.  I suspect it did.  Still, okay.

Okay.

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Blood sugar dropped to 93.  Always glad to see that.  For my good behavior, and just because, I am finally having a couple cups of bone broth.  Chicken arrived today.  I used some of that, with the cup left of open beef bone broth.  Some salt, hot spices, and cream as well.  Very nice.

My stomach hurts.  Literally, to the touch.  As if I was recently punched.  Can antibiotics do that?  Or did I bump into something, run into something, fall on my stomach, but not remember?  It really hurts.  Very strange.  I did only take three pills today, because of overdosing of late.  Reducing dosage won't cause that sort of problem.  But, the medicine itself might?

I was wondering.

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Have I been taking too many antibiotics?  Well?  I had to count.  But, maybe.  Or, if the number they had was correct... if they started with forty, as written on the label?  Then... yes.  I am three pills ahead.  Just... had a sense that I was... off.  I'm three pills ahead.  So I am skipping tonight.  Or... more... I am not taking a fifth today?  Right.  

I'm not sure how I got so off, but... part of it was the pain.  When you are in a lot of pain, hitting the gas just happens.  Then, the medicine itself can throw you.  Or me.  That antibiotic is... rather potent.  Between that, else, and wanting to make sure I take the pills, I just overdid a bit.

Coffee?

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And steak!  Oh... love that.  Could only eat half the steak.  But enjoyed the whole half!?!  Something like that.  The rest will be for later, or tomorrow.  I'd still like to try to eat more.  Either frying the burger, or pork chops.  Half a pound more, if I can eat more.  But sure enjoyed some food.  And coffee.

Looked around the internet a bit.  People doing their things.  I'm not worried, even if there are those who would come after me, or some of us.  It... just doesn't matter.  I just hope, if I get to be a martyr, that I can... be a good one.  I'm not sure I feel the need to be hung upside down on a cross, if it gets to that.  That seems... a bit of a drama queen thing.  Just... break me on that wheel the old fashioned way.  It's good enough.  If, too, I do understand the sentiment.  Not... knocking it, completely.  It just isn't my gig.  Though, too, choices may not be offered, and what is given is what is gotten.  Usually?

A bit of gaming, next.  Then a shower.  Then I'll check to see if the ironing board is in.  Then... on to finding the irons.  If all works, perhaps a start on ironing yet today?  Or... getting it set up anyway?  We'll see.

A bit ill.  From the antibiotics, from the wound, from winter, from health of lack of it, if still having moments of nausea just from the debriding.  But there are a lot of things still pushing nausea.  I am surprised I don't toss my cookies two or three times a day.  Would it feel better?  After consuming draino, and chunking that a few times, and the burning from that up and down?  I... haven't been able to vomit easily since.  I have, a few times.  But... it's rare.  And difficult.  Which is the only reason I haven't been tossing.  Still, my body really wants to, it just can't quite get over that... difficulty.

Still, I am enjoying the coffee and steak.  What of it I could eat.  I'll get the rest put up, probably for tomorrow.  And, hopefully, get some burger (probably) fried up for later.  A strange diet, but it works.  Mostly.  Later.