Up, for a bit.

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Sleep was heavy today.  I had hoped for more.  I had hoped to check on the appointments earlier in the day.  That wasn't done until nearly 15:00.  Only one appointment checked, if I found out later that I couldn't have checked the orher.  The business isn't open on Mondays.

Sleep, mostly.  Waking, reading, vids, from time to time.  The idea of getting up was there, the ability to do so was not.  As I have said, once I familiarized myself with the fundamental limits of my illnesses, I have... become comfortable in them.  I can, sometimes, push beyond the limits.  For short, sometimes long, stretches.

Better late than never.

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I called one of my two upcoming appointments.  I had feared a conflict.  Thankfully I was incorrect.  I now know, with certainty, the day and date of one.  I still need the other.  I just can't wake, to get out of bed, to check the other.  I don't have their number easily available either.  Ugh.

Exhausted.  In spite of sleeping so much.  I feel more like a butterfly on a cork board, pinned with a needle, after having been nearly put out in a killing jar first.  Neither did the job, but neither can I do much to resist.  Perhaps hope I was a rarity in the collection?

Food, coffee, a shower.

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Trimmed, shaved, brushed my teeth, and generally cleaned up.  Remembered meds.  Got in more water.  Have the various water jugs filled, the carafe and reservoir as well.  Reset my bed, if it needs more.  What was done tonight is what I could do.

I checked the trash and recycling, when about to take them to the curb.  They were strangely nearly empty.  So I didn't bother with them.

Fried eggs and canned corned beef hash.

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Not the healthiest.  Satisfying.  It's been a while since I ate a fuller meal, so... okay.   I need to get the trash and recycling to the curb.  Perhaps get a shower taken.  Brush my teeth, but a half hour after I finish the last of my meal, the fatted coffee.  Nearly done.

I tried the trick, with the reverse osmosis machine.  But saw that it was nearly finished, so manually ended the process.  Which was higher of a precipitate number that I prefer, if not beyond the pale.  And, sometimes, it lowers a bit during the process.  I saw it drop one point, as a fact, right before I switched it off.  Still... was slightly annoyed and it was nearly finished.  Still, would have liked to have seen if it would click off on it's own, before the count got into bad territory.

Still sleeping.

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I did wake for a short bit early in the morning.  A fatted coffee and something to eat.  Nothing fancy, not much, just something as opposed to nothing.  Not even honestly hungry, more a sense that eating might be a good thing.  As well, more water.

Only awake for the time it took to prepare the food, make the coffee, clear up a bit after, and run a few batches of water through the reverse osmosis machine.  I did figure a way to prevent overflow, if after purchasing trays to catch that.

Very warm.

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Up to a high of 81 today.  One degree below that, as I write.  While that seems warm, as cool as night, thus the ground, gets and somewhat stays at night, down to at least 47 last night (though I have seen 41, not sure about last night, if not yesterday night), the environment remains cooler than what 81 would usually indicate.

Mom went... somewhere... earlier today.  While gone, I was able to stumble down, brush my teeth, take a shower, and put on fresh pj's.  More needed than I had thought.  Not always the case, rarely actually.  This was one of those times.  The Lord knows I am terribly grateful for the technologies which allow for showers.  And those times when I can employ them.

Finally, food.

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Mother has seen me go without food for days, weeks.  And, yet, she still doesn't believe.  I must assume this is why she can't be Christian.  She watches, as time passes, while I sleep for days.  Waking for rare needs, mostly water.  Again, she refuses to believe what she senses.  I can't make the blind see.  I can, sometimes, show them.  But they have to want to see, hear, know.

Scrambled eggs, a fatted coffee, and more water.  Plenty, and then some.  How long has it been?  A week, two?  I can never be certain while resting and dreaming so deeply.  I doubt if she knows, with certainty.  Days pass for her in a haze, only slightly less foggy than mine in my travels.

More sleep.

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Lots of sleep.  I never woke last night, or got up anyway.  I had another can or two of water.  Which makes sleeping a bit easier.  My throat isn't constantly feeling like it will seal off from being dry and the fluids in there gumming up.  That is a horrible sensation to have to fight through for days, and nights.

My adopted brother did reply.  I had let him know they were in my prayers.  Suggesting they stay dry as possible, offering good wishes and prayers.  He was waiting to see how it would end before replying.  It seems, from the sounds of things, that his neighborhood only received a lessor amount of rain, with none of the other bad weather events.

Events.

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I see the woman's execution was foiled.  Female executioners?  As satanic as modern women tend to be, I can't be certain if the failure was merely from incompetence or sabotage.  Wouldn't need to be literal satanists, might well be wearing the cloaks of variations of churchianity.  It's a matter of the belief that what they believe is superior to all else.

With the criminal justice system basically developed around average IQ men, I doubt if we will ever know.  I wonder if they have done blood work on her, to see if she was given a countertoxin prior to the toxin.  Or, even whether she had been given the actual poison.  probably too late to tell, by this point.

If they are serious, they need to get her back into some reasonable shape and put her into the gas chamber.  Though... make sure of the executioners.  No women, or other dei's.  Or just admit justice, for some, is no longer available.  Not my problem, in one sense.

Though, if they are going to end justice, they should at least release the last of the remains of the victim, part of her skull taken as a trophy, to the victim's mother.  So at least she can close that part of her daughter's murder.  I... don't count on it.  Too many are actively or passively on the murderer's side.

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Oh, quite a storm down south.  Possibly heading north.  Definitely east, possibly so big as to go a bit west, or... morph onto, up to, us... for a small bit?  Though, who knows.  It really might simply break out into some sort of weather system not seen before.  Well, it already is one.  And it is becoming much more... amazing.  Never can tell with rare events.

I'll just rest.  If the house gets blown away, I'll either go with it or wake without it.  If my real worry is to wake with five to ten feet of snow, no electricity or water, or even a good way out.  And, while generally unlikely this year, it is possible in spots, and in years to come, with what is happening this year.

---------

I was going to get up for a bit but mother was still awake.  I am not socializing with her.  Have business to tend, but not when I just woke up.  Had hoped to make a bite.  Instead I just grabbed a twelve pack of carbonated water.  Two down the tube.  I'll go on back to sleep, when I can.

Maybe in a few hours I can have a light meal.  Scrambled eggs?  Something.  if she would go to bed.  Later.

Lots of sleep.

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Waking, from time to time.  Reading various sites on the web.  Watching vids, the rare non-dei ones that remain, purging the obvious dei and ai trash.  Then, back to sleep.  It looks like new music is dead, or mostly AI?

I am trying to keep fluids going in, and out.  Not worried about food.  Though, once every day or two I try to get food in.  Nothing fancy, not much, just small satisfying morsels of simple construction.

Oh, right.

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A bit more about prepping.  Something I have probably suggested before?  It isn't for end time events, in a biblical sense.  It isn't for a civil war.  It is for my apocalypse.  My apocalypse has already happened.

My body has failed.  It doesn't work as it should.  Not just organs, but my ability to wake, any particular day, week, month, or sometimes nearly year.  I can't cook, clean, hunt, shop, process food always, or even eat it when available.

A different consideration.

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While planning grain storage, I couldn't ignore Ezekiel bread.  Though, with the understanding that flexibility should be considered.  Especially considering that the recipe was offered for times of famine, not regular times.  It was, essentially, emergency food, specifically in times when wheat became scarce.

So I went looking.  Various legumes were sourced.  Various alternative grains as well.  Rye, spelt, various lentils (there are three main types), and else.  Currently, prices for those are similar or (often) much greater than wheat berries.  Oh, I sourced whole berries, not flours or fractured berries.

A cooler day.

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For the first day in a month or so, the temperature seems possibly not to be above 70, or just, for a high.  Just today, if the forecast is correct.  Then back to mid to high 70s or even the low 80s.  Storms passing through.  To be honest, I am surprised there aren't many such days.  The hurricanes must be being tucked south by various forces.

That can change a lot faster, and more unpredictably than most forecasters will admit.  And, after seeing the forecasts, I have serious doubts about those.  While I suspect certain aspects, some major and minor portions, I think, are very off.  Wetter, I suspect.  And with a few hard hits.  Not dryer, moderately mild, empty.  A busy weather year.  Will see.

A strange fall night.

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Trash had to get to the curb.  I skipped doing it earlier.  Woke early.  Thunder?  Dream?  Couldn't be thunder, could it?  Up, rice pudding, water.  Then out.  Warm, for a fall night.  It read 53.  A warm one.  Sometimes 53 feels cold, tonight it felt warm.  Warmer than what the reading suggests, more like 63.  I'm not absolutely sure why that always works as it does.  Only that it does seem that various temps can feel much warmer or cooler, or as expected.

Humidity and precipitation can play a part.  Usually adding a cooling factor.  So I was surprised, when going out, and it feeling warmer than the reading, while raining.  A gentle rain, and not a lot received, or yet.  Even so, a strange thing to have a warm rain this late into fall.  But a... fine thing.

Definitely a warm fall.

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It got to 79 today.  It stayed up near that for several hours, not just a peak then collapse.  Almost too warm?  Yet, really, not.  I am over the heat exhaustion from through the summer season, after several cooler days and weeks.  With diabetes pretty much managed, bp mostly handled, and else?  Plus with summer heat exhaustion managed?  Eighty is actually a nice temperature, at least for a high, more so at elevation and with low humidity.

The sensation of it being a bit warm is because I am wearing winter pj's and wool socks.  Good for some nights, when my feet get chilled.  I should have changed to summer, or fall and spring house garb.  At least when I awoke.  Oh well.  I'll mildly suffer through the mild extra warmth on my way to settling in to bed before too long.

Friday, morning.

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I had to struggle just a bit this morning to sort that fact.  Those facts.  More easily than yesterday morning.  It happened more quickly and nearly natively.  Still had to stop, think, look at the watch several times, and remember the hours were small, not large.  As well, that it was brighter outside. 

Still, a much quicker, easier, understanding.  I have been sleeping hard, deep, long, for a rather long time.  Days, weeks, going on a month?  Longer yet?  I have tried, unsuccessfully, to fight it.  Sleep can't be set aside, of late.

Morning?

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So much sleep lately.  Some confusion.  I thought it was... yesterday evening.  But, so bright.  Should have known by the clocks and my watch.  I run them on the twenty four hour displays, for this very reason.  Too tired to make sense of things, this time.  But the brightening, of the day finally helped me understand.

Oh, I laughed!  When I finally understood.  If you can't laugh at someone else, there is always yourself.  Laugh with, at?  Both.  I quite enjoy, however and whomever receives, earns, the mirth.  A grace, if you can be just a bit humble.

Such a strange day.

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Sleeping a great deal.  Awake for a few hours.  Hot throughout being up and down.  It only got to 73 F, if it is reading that, up here, currently while reading 66 outside currently.  No windows open, if the ac's are still installed, so with a fan going some of that cool gets in.  Though, too, the downstairs is cooler.  The only reason it is that warm up here is because I am casting off heat like an oven.  Can feel it from feet to head.  My head has a form of heat exhaustion.  I have been hot, in the bean, for days. 

Not a fever.  Just... somehow outputting a lot of heat.  One meal today.  One yesterday.  Small meals, less than six hundred calories.  Fasting a few days before that.  Strange.  As mentioned, fasting usually cools me off.  More so as the world cools.  Certainly not this fall, or so far?  It did for a while there.  Strange.

These days frigid.

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Those days nearly fevered.  Sometimes frozen legs, while the rest of me roasts.  How?  Why?  I can't say.  I have tried adjusting everything from what I eat to how much I eat to when I eat, and on to drinks.  More or less, flat water versus carbonated water versus coffee or tea, hot or cold, with and without fats, keto sweeteners, or nothing added.

I have not found food or drink to be able to play a part.

Electrical backup reconsideration.

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I keep considering how to back up power, for shorter and longer terms, with minimal fuss, expense, and exhibition.  Solar is out there, but there are problems.  Generators, of course.  Each and every has a problem, or dozen.  Plus the expenses no matter.  Cheaper is still eye-wateringly expensive for a typical solo act.

Still, I look, consider.  And things are becoming more affordable.  Easier.  More possible in many ways.

Can't help but to chuckle.

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Headlines on vids.

God protects sigmas.  That is so very funny.  If I am a sigma, which I think I am, I promise God does no such thing.  He does the opposite.  He throws us into a roasting hot pan, over a hotter fire, and sees if we will handle the heat, flip out into the fire, or live either way.  He does this fairly often.  Something about not giving more than one can take and my kind being able to take extensive pain, injury, illness, damage, trauma of all sorts, and else.  No, God doesn't protect us.

Just do the math.

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What are the two systems dragging worst?  Automotive (ignore the fake and gay numbers about it's vibrancy).  Which then collapses into banking, which is already on the wrong end of commercial property values, and leaning hard into residential falling values, with large notes attached.

How did auto go sideways?  Trying to shovel AI slop in the form of all electric, though even hybrids, with the full faith and security of the then US, and mostly all, governments.  They would help shove it through, gloss over issues, and that would be that.

If it didn't hurt so much?

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It would be hilarious.  From gas prices to food prices to insurance costs, there is nothing that isn't rising so fast even the lower tiers of the wealthy aren't buckling.  Further, insurance is not even probably going to be honored and the government won't do a thing about it, as an example of injury on insult.

What about "they want you dead" did you not understand?  Trump?  is that even Trump in there?  Before him, Biden, Zero, Clinton, Bush's?  Worse, or... maybe?  If they really are who they were, how much control did they actually have?

Wrong?

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Mother asked what time I would be going to town.  I told her I wasn't going to town.  If I remembered I actually had hoped to go to town.  Though, in part, I was telling her we would not be going to town?  That and I had forgotten.  I need... want... carbonated water.  While I have finally learned to tolerate, even enjoy, flat water out of the reverse osmosis system, I too quite enjoy carbonated water.  If, even that, finally, I usually prefer it plain.

I needed flavored varieties for the first few years.  I just don't trust how they flavor things, so kept trying to go plain.  I finally could do plain, all of the time, after a lot of effort and self-training my taste buds.  The only reason I don't is there isn't enough easily available.  if I am luck, they have eight twelve packs.  I prefer... more, on hand.  I'd like double that.  So I mix in flavors.  The other option would be to try three or four different stores.  But that is a major difficulty with my body in such poor shape.

A few bachelor thoughts.

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While I am, at least so long as I live in America or should I end up in Europe, a dedicated bachelor, I enjoy feminine interactions.  So, how to do that?  Primarily by choosing which women to speak with very carefully.

Is she too young?  Out of my potential in a real way (if even then I have to be careful), as I see things?  Showing no interest?  Perfect.  That is the type of woman with whom I will converse.  I used to have older women in the queue too.  But realized that was a major mistake.  Old women have zero understanding that they are not being approached for even short term affairs.   Single serving interactions, which end when I leave, is all that is being offered.  I lived and learned.

A bit of a row.

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Mother wanted a trip to town.  To get her nails done.  Sure, I had to get the tires checked.  Do some other business.  So, okay.  I dropped her off at 9:30.  Should only take forty minutes.  I got over to the shop.

The tires were in terrible shape.  She won't be allowed to drive the vehicle anymore.  Serious problems.  New tires.  She tried to gas light me that it was the shop.  No.  Not a shop I have used three times in fifteen years, branded, three tires.  Plus, they just fixed them.  No questions.

Another death.

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A favored cousin, for my part.  Not sure she liked me.  But I am used to that.  Especially from females, certain ones.  I had hoped to see her before she died.  I was pretty sure that wouldn't happen.  No matter, now.  At least, with this one, while I will pray for her soul, and family, I am more secure with her destination, up front.  Still.  Prayers.

She became familiar with me at one of the worst points in my life.  Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong and I shouldn't have yet been living. All while being gaslit by a medical industry hiding vaccine injuries.

Finally awake again.

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Now, I have stirred, from time to time.  Waking to reset blankets, make my position more comfortable, adjust blankets on my lower body for warmth or upper body to cool, or just because it was time to be awake.  A sound, thought, reason I did or didn't know.  I wake often.  Usually.  Sometimes I can sleep for literal days without remembering having awaken once.  Other times, usually, I can wake a dozen times while only sleeping a few hours.

Tonight, today by your count, was more typical.  A long sleep, but awake many times.  On the good side, with BP meds finally in the mix, I do feel rested.  With kidneys at ~10%-13%?  I am a bit weary most of the time.  Just... better than when they weren't treating, or properly treating, bp, kidneys, or diabetes.  With those pretty much under control, within my (not their harmful) specs, rest and sleep, if greatly more needed, do their part for improving wakefulness while I can be awake.

She asked why.

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Some she from my past.  In my mind.  In a dream state.  I am... pretty sure which "she".   And, really?  She should know why. 

She had reason to become famous friends, in their own ways, for their own parts, with a Mennonite couple, who had been Amish?  Or, some such.  Oh, nothing... notorious.  Some stories are... good stories, if with hard surrounds. Kindness does occur if perfection is rare though too?  But this was a good samaritan thing, in the truer sense.

I... thought so.

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The temp did drop the three degrees I suspected it would.  Then held there, dropping no more.  Satisfied, though, that my observations helped produce a better analysis than their forecast.  Not that it always will, just that it seems to usually do so.  A 49 degree morning is just a bit finer than a 52 degree morning, or this one.  To me. 

Mother made corn on the cob and had stuff for a BLT sandwich.  I did the corn, but ate the last of the rice instead of the BLT.  Rice sounded softer on my oddly virtually wounded body.  It worked.  Though I think the BLT would have been fine.  Meh.  Too full to eat more, somewhat sadly.

Interesting.

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it is 52 outside.  It was 53 at midnight.  Now, that is what was forecast.  But, usually, it gets cooler through the night.  Almost always dropping three to five degrees in the final hours of dark.  So I expected to see an early plunge into the upper to even lower forties.  There is still time.

Time to wake, see if I could put a meal together.  Tired of beams.  Eggs and toast?  Keto bread can work.  Mom brought home something different.  I am reluctant to try new things, especially her choices.  She just goes with cheap, often.  And, failing that, she isn't good at doing carb to (right) fat to fiber assessments.  Like so many hippie types, she believes the print without knowing to look any deeper.  And, really, she doesn't care.

Cooling fast.

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It is down to 53 outside.  A degree cooler than predicted, if that's not a terrible miss.  With a stronger fan going, and windows open, it's 70 up here.  I am still kicking out heat like a cast iron wood burning oven.  Now that the feet and legs are warmed, I am pushing out serious heat.  Otherwise it would be much cooler up here.  And that is with no food for about twenty four hours.  Odd how my body can do that.

Feeling better.  I yet have a few aches in my torso, if much milder.  I did take painkillers.  Just otc sort, if as strong as they make them.

Healing?

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Definitely feel a bit better.  As well, I was able to warm my feet.  However, now my torso and melon are overheated.  A trade I am gladly willing to take.  Freezing calfs on down is in the wretched category.  Overheating is merely a milder misery.  Well, as I account these things. 

Sleep was good.  Will be again.  I woke, thinking I needed a water closet run.  Not so much, just pain from the dream wounds, again.  As mentioned, healing seems to be happening.  Even if there are no actual wouns, or exactly as dreamed, there is something wrong.  A spasm, from a serious flinch, from the dream wounds?  I can't say.

A dream or a fan?

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Or a bit of both?

Three bullets, from a rifle, not a pistol.  Medium to shorter range.  From behind.  In a fairly small cluster, all within two inches anyway, three.  One coming out just a couple inches below and to the right of my belly button, to give you an idea about placement.  The rest lower.

If I was to advise a daughter?

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I think there might yet be hope.  For some of the young.  Boys were, are, and will be boys.  They haven't, aren't, and won't change.  Better, they have learned, to walk than accept an impossible leash... most of them.  Girls are the trouble.

My advice would be to find a man who isn't afraid to work, fight, or fuck.  Figure out how to be in his sphere.  Learn him, what he likes, wants, and where he wants to go, what he wants to do, who and what he wants to be.  then decide if that matches your plans and goals.  Not someday, not hypothetically.  Today, or thereabouts.

So strange.

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Cold?  Yes and no.  Inside, outside, upper body versus legs and feet.  It is forty eight outside.  Supposed to drop to thirty eight through the night.  Seventy up here, tonight, with windows open and one of the fans going.  Just about perfect, to my general tastes.

However, my feet are freezing.  Nothing I have done seems to fix that.  Extra blankets, wrapping them, massaging them, else.  My torso is good.  Warm, comfortable, a little warmer than usual, if that is comfortable.  But, my head is cooking.  Not a fever, just kicking out heat like a chimney.

Still so very tired.

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I was able to get mother to town yesterday.  It about killed me.  Being up during the day bright, out on the hottest day for some time, still needing sleep.  Desperate for sleep, as I have been for months now.  But, I... knew she really needed to get out.  So I pushed out of my temporary grave.

Sleep and rest, rest and sleep.  Down for one or the other most of the time.  Only awake, full up, a few hours here and there, for a few to six, rarely eight hours at a time.  I try for daily up times, but can't always do that.

Still sleeping a lot.

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But better, mostly.  After eating, a bit of bloat.  Rice, beans, and cheese.  A few spices, including my hot mix.  A fatted coffee and two cans of plain carbonated water.  Hmm, while the beans and cheese might have added to it, I suspect it was the water.  I drank it a bit fast, after a few days of mostly fasting.

For a short bit, I couldn't tell if the pain was from internals or something else.  After exploring what increased and decreased the pain, I realized it was a bloat stitch in my mainly right side.  Good to know.

Better, mostly.

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My innards are less painful.  I checked blood sugar.  It was 103.  Not absolutely superior, but having had a large portion of beans before bed, better than feared.  Still sleeping a lot.  Still getting over the loss of Sassy.  Stupid cat.  She is at rest, not suffering.  Good things.

I made more rice today.  It won't last.  Though this time I will set some aside.  Not to be mixed with other stuff.  Rice pudding, with raw cream, cinnamon, and allulose, hot or cold, is easy enough for me to eat.  Sometimes not much else sounds good.

When the shadow government is defunded...

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Watching strange things happening.  In the US and abroad.  The death of rap music?  The end of second home condos?  Germans actually getting real elections.  The death of (woke) comics, Hollywood, even academia?

Amazing how much fraud was supporting fake things, here and there.  Not that it has fully stopped.  Trump pulled doge away far before it had even really more than started.  Too many politicians of every stripe depends on the fraud, grift, and else.  Both personally and financially, as well as politically.  It's how they stay in office as much as how they get richer.

Another chuckle worthy notion.

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I saw the proposition posted somewhere.  How long would it take the Punisher to catch Dexter.  First a grin.  Then a chuckle.  And, at least on the inside, for the initiation moments, a mirthful roar.

He... can't find Dexter.  We ARE Dexter.

A difficult day.

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Had planned to get to town today.  But my internals are bad.  Bruised, dented, dinged, or something.  Through with a heavy headache and exhaustion.  Mother is never happy about changes.  I texted her rather than trying to argue with her.  At least I didn't just ghost her.  It's been a while since internals were the issue, or even an issue.  I have to watch my food intake closely, see if the particular carbs I am trying are just too hard on my fragile system.  Beans in particular, or the volume of carbs. 

Nearing ten thirty but there is no way I can get up, showered, and get out.  Way too rough today.

A cold one.

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Not... that kind.  Must admit, beer has been on my mind.  But, after Bud cut it's own throat, I decided big business, and bad business, should just be avoided.  No alcohol, no tobacco, no cars, no women.  There is mother, but I was pretty sure how that was going to end.  If, too, I realized it would be possible to get her ready to be in her own apartment.  If... that was possible.

Yes.  I really did have this sort of planned.  I suspected long term wouldn't work, but too, I knew she wasn't ready to live solo.  She is now, or as well as she can be.  I did what I could do for her.  Before you judge, understand, I didn't want company.  I am busy dying.  Fiddling with someone in my dying place is... uncomfortable.  I gave what I could, for as long as I was able.

Good, bad, hilarious.

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I am very glad I didn't bury Sassy yet.  I took her coffin out last night.  To again say goodbye, see her not hurting and at peace, as well to show Mittens (Marmalade).  Mittens sniffed, and put her paw on her... spent a bit of time with her, then took off.  She did very well.  She knew, but seeing is more sure.

Sleeping a lot.  The bad.  Covering for stress.  Dreaming of better things, times.  But resting very well.  Cooling enough to enjoy rest, sleep.  The sting is deep and painful.  It means I loved, still do.

One of the more difficult tasks.

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I had Sassy put down today.  It's been... an understood necessity for months, nearing a year.  I knew it had to be done.  I scheduled it to give us a final two weeks, after stalling a month on top of that.  She knew.  She was ready.  She all but begged for it.  Neither of us, no matter our delays and preps and all, were ready.

I went with her, stayed with her.  Watched over her as she slept.  Stayed with her in form and spirit as she died.  I cooed as I could, prayed, cried.

Dreaming, living, forever.

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Perhaps you remember when I suggested time, for me, moves slowly?  A day is more like a year, as I sense things.  Mother, and others, suggest, especially as they age, that time moves faster and faster.  I remember a few times in my life when that was true.  Months, a few years.  Mostly, though, for me, time has been an absolute crawl.  To the point, in an odd way, wherein I almost seem to remember what is going to happen better than what did happen?

I... think you would have to have... been, lived, there.

The weather!

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She blows!  From the low hundred, to the sixties, to the nineties, to the seventies, to the nineties, eighties, seventies.  Jumping in days.  Three days ago it was 95 (supposed to be, got to 97 actually).  The day after, it was down o 84.  Yesterday was 74, and today is supposed to be the same.  Temperature variability is taking my legs out from under me.  Was already tired, from heat exhaustion.  These large swings are absolutely destroying me. 

Well, not... painfully.  I just need more, deeper, darker, sleep.  No real choice.  Was having leg cramps for a bit.  But have acclimated, mostly, to the cooler weather.  As well, am down to one part time ac, if also with a fan yet going.  If the fan is on a half not full setting.

On the edge of being very ill.

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Have you ever had nausea on the periphery?  Some other senses of illness too.  As if poisoned, or coming down with something?  Or both.  Nothing full blown, a fully bloomed pathological condition(s), or not fully activated, but like a hazy day versus a clear one, something obviously distinct.  Causes or causes unknown?  Well, that has been the way of things for... quite some time. 

Not quite taking me to me knees, but not quite letting me get to my feet.  I thought, maybe, it was from taking too many painpills, in too short of a timespan.  But, no.  I have taken various sorts of those for the last four days.  And higher doses (not by daily allowance but by single doses).  However, I thought back.  I have been... on the edge of illness for... quite some time.  Painpills don't seem to have improved or deteriorated my condition.  Only made my tender feet a bit more manageable.

Such dreams!

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It seems even my compliments are barbed.

Ah, he noticed.

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I read two blogs daily.  Multiple checks on each.  One is hopium, for a traditional mindset, more traditional.  If it uses a lessor form of beauty, often snark, and sometimes rhetoric that is plainly known and ignored by the opposition and our dear leaders who aren't on our, or the right, side.  Thune isn't missing any points, he is simply compromised, for example.

The other blog is a smart boi.  A fine lad.  He... does the math.  Looks deeply.  Looks for what others missed and... attempts to fill in the blanks, leverage the datas, sort the problems.  And... comes to conclusions... which were obvious.  On the good side, when he realizes the assumptions, givens, and proofs he had been working with, or developing beyond or within, are wrong?  He... admits it.  Very... unscientific of him, to be honest.  But, he isn't a midwit as most scientists really are.

Worse.

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My feet are bad again.  Not the worst they have been, definitely not good.  I am back to wearing croc's while I sleep.  Not the most comfortable sleeping arrangement.  Simply better than the other options.  I may have to move on to wearing laced shoes, at least for as long as is possible through the night.  At some point, those can become too hot, restricting.  By then, though, they have done the job.  Or, if I still feel like support is yet required, I can put the croc's back on.

Misery.  When feet hurt like this, ache all the time, difficult to walk on, life gets rough.  If you ever wonder why a wild animal, or even domestic, or pet, goes crazy on people?  See if the critter was in pain.  Especially intractable, severe, debilitating pain.  Thankfully, I can reason my way through most of that, if I can be rather stubborn or grouchy, especially when asked to push through.  Ah, painkillers.  I took the bottle.  I may have the last dose or two.  That helps, if I rarely use it.  It stops helping quickly, if abused.

Unless she got up here and gobbled the last of them?  They seem to be missing.  *sigh*  She will be gone soon. 

Later.

So much for cooling.

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The last two days have hit 97.  I had to go to town yesterday.  It was brutal as it heated.  It was just hitting 97 when we returned.  I was on fire.  I got in what I remembered, then got up here, with both ac's running to beat the band, and the fan on full blast.  Stripped to as close to the bone as possible.  The laid out as flat, quiet, and bare as I could.

Even so, it took an hour to cool enough to begin sleeping.  Brutal, absolutely crushing for me.  I had acclimated to the heat.  While the high 90s to low 100s are a test, when it cooled off so deeply and quickly, my acclimatization vaporized.  That heat fried me.

Better?

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Worse?  Which way?  When?  Feet are back to suffering, but mildly.  Just tender, not agonizing.  Prayers slipped, on that front, for a bit.  If I suspect those prayers aren't required daily.  And, at some point, not specifically.  Once a series of prayers for protection have been invoked, over a small period of time, possibly just once, from then on, a small inclusion in regular prayer life should suffice.

I think my feet hurt because of natural causes currently.  The cooling, the extra sleep, and a few other things.  I might be able to manage them a bit more actively again.  And maintain extra prayers, both for protection and for healing/health.  But I do live in a roughed up body.  It has survived what kills most, surviving many often lethal experiences.  It... is going to hurt from time to time, here, there, sometimes everywhere.

Trying to sleep.

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Bromancing death.  Something.  Mom keeps bugging me.  I need sleep, rest.  She, as with pets, needs far too much attention.  A wife could be attended, in and out of bed.  Others not so much.  Though, sometimes, I would want alone quiet time, away from even a wife.  Two to three nights of the week, to sleep alone.  Nights?  Nights and/or days. 

She needs validation, conferring, discussion.  I am so far from that.  I would like to try to teach a wife such things.  Mothers can't be taught.  The older they get, often, the more regressive they get in that way.  Becoming more childlike in that needy way.  I can't hate, for it.  I just can't help.  Not my area, gig, such.

A good sleep.

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Cool out there, 66 currently, as far as you can trust weather services.  Up to a high of 82, or so.  Dark?  It is now, as it should be.  Not sure if it was overcast.  I don't remember waking, looking, or just seeing.  But the cool allows, almost requires, sleep.  Until I get used to it.  I always hope for gradual cooling (or heating).  When the environment jacks the temp, either way, quickly... or switches between extremes quickly, I fail.  I can't manage large swings well.

Who can?  But people do.  Like?  Mostly no.  But people still wake, dress, go to work, and else.  I simply sleep.  No choice.  It went from the mid 90s to low 100s to 60, now 80, in days.  Absolutely crashed my already weakened by mom stress system.

Had hoped.

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The plan was to push through the night, staying awake to at least get to the dairy.  Nothing else.  But that... just can't happen.  The dairy, I don't think, would have been legitimately open yet.  But I am crashing so hard just going upstairs is proving difficult.

I could try for later.  If I wake early enough.  Though, if the cows are still partly or fully dry, might not be anything left.  It sucks to be a cripple at times.  I... just want to go.  And... I can't.  Ugh.

I keep looking at new vehicles.

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Oh, not looking for a great deal.  They could cut the price by seventy percent and I wouldn't buy a new vehicle.  Truck, SUV, car (if... they still make cars?), there isn't anything available, that I am aware of, which is worth buying.  From infotainment to data collection to recalls (and recalls that aren't happening but should be) to failures of manufacturers to honor their contractual obligations to service warantees.

No, what I am looking for is a change in the process.  To be honest, it looks like manufacturers were given an offer they couldn't refuse.  Basically, they can still make, and sell, automobiles.  But they have to be of extremely low quality, irreparable, and exceedingly expensive.  Just disposable toys for the rich.

Only to 68 today.

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It didn't even reach 71 out there, only hitting 68.  Which is a twenty five to seven degree reduction from their prediction from the very day before.  As well, it rained for at least four hours.  How much I haven't heard, didn't see.  But if they suggest less than two inches, it's bogus reporting.  Mind you, in a normal year, 365 days, we only receive nine to thirteen inches... if most of it arrives in this time of the year.  Still, that's a lot of rain on a single day.

On another matter, mother didn't eat all of the rice and chicken.  I searched the fridge.  She must have left it out?  I hadn't checked pots or pans.  Not much better, though.  As now I won't eat, possibly bad, food.  *shrug*

Strange weather.

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Talking about the weather?  Well... it went from nearly one hundred, for a bit over a month, then took a breather or two into the mid eighties.  Went back up, and looked to be holding in the mid nineties for the foreseeable future.  Then, out of the blue, the high today is set to be 71?

I initially thought the forecast was a mistake, or even a joke.  Looking out, just out?  It looks like a storm moved in.  A massive one.  And it is raining.  Still, that is a massive change to... everything.  Rarely does the rainy season hit so hard or get so cool so fast.

Remnant II: Better

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Only on the easiest mode, still solo.  I have everything leveled, and have found enough items which, paired with skills and weapon mods, can focus enough survival capacity with dps to make the game, mostly, playable.  At least against bosses in which a grounded, limited by terrain, attack dog can reach.

So... there are limits.  However, I am working on rough drafting a 'toon, with the right classes, gear, weapons, and else, for flying bosses and enemies, and for over, through, or around terrain limits.  I wish the game had several arrangements that could be set up, in a template, then automatically switch all and everything, with a toggle.  Maybe it's in there?  I haven't found presets.  So, for now, I have to write out the lists and reset everything manually.

A bit of shopping.

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With it looking like mom is really heading out, I am beginning to restock.  Not... everything I used to carry.  But a few items I still want on hand, things she burned through, gifted away, sold?  Paper plates, paper towels, and a few such items.  She'll get a starer kit, but no more.  And, much, I am having her buy.  I'll just fill out her kit, a bit, to start.

I am teaching her to buy in bulk.  Much cheaper.  And I will keep a small larder for her here.  NOT to be confused with my goods!  You can buy a case of tp for $33.  With enough for six months to a year (for me).  While a small supply at the store, a sixth that amount, costs half that much... or close.  Paper plates, too.  Far cheaper in larger amounts.  Women have completely forgotten home economics.

I caught it!

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It never shows, in the forecast.  It doesn't remain in the record.  But it might appear in the reading feed.  It did last night.

Scheduled to cook a few degrees an hour, from the high to 60ish in the early dark.  It was doing that, until it didn't.  It spiked from 68 I think I saw it, to 77!  And stayed hot, really, for several hours.  It then started coming back down.

Heat exhaustion.

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Though, really, most of the summer has been good.  Hot.  Even extra hot this year.  But sufferable.  Until recently.  Technically, the temps are slightly cooler than much of the season to date.  Humidity, or dew point as you might prefer, is low.  Maybe not down to seven percent, but that is a fluke on it's own.  In the twenties to thirties, percentages.

I honestly don't think it is heat exhaustion though.  I think it is the type l, and... level or time, of the heat.  While it isn't climbing into the high nineties or low hundreds, it is staying warm day and night.  The night does cool.  It just doesn't have any affect on the house.  And it doesn't cool as much or until later.

Still not great.

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Better.  The constant ache left sometime last evening.  Strangely, I didn't sense it leave.  Was I gaming?  I suspect so, distracted.  There is still a milder soreness in the area, but easily relieved through various positionings.  Only noted when I either think about it or leave it in a wrong position for too long, if the right and wrong placements seem to both be moving targets, sometimes one becoming the other.  Still, I mostly consider to ignore the pain. 

Gaming.  If i am so burned out on gaming, specifically such a complex game.  But it is something, something I can do.  Since I can't do much else, or even sleep more, I game.

Remnant II: Current Status

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I started a new character.  Making sure to start with, and maintaining, a class with summons... or a dog.  The same thing, mostly.  Then I started leveling, first the summoner.  Then tried adding the handler (for the dog).  With both of those, the game was much easier.   At least to the levels I have achieved in the various measures.

However, I have moved on, in the secondary 'toon.  Leveling other classes.  And difficulty increased.  However, with my main character, with all alt classes (at least available to my game update status), I may just go to the dual dog/else summon class and see if that allows better play.

The good with the bad.

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My feet, the knuckles, else, are finally better.  I can mostly walk carefree.  If... I still keep an eye to things, and pray for protection against curses.  Adding that such be returned to sender as the divine actors see fit.  So, there is that.  Now, however, I have regular cramping in the upper ankle area.

That, though, I may have inadvertently caused myself.  I haven't been taking meds.  I feared a fluid buildup, so took a larger dose of waterpills than is the norm.  If I have a buildup, that opens things up and clears the backlog.  If I don't have a buildup, I can dump electrolytes and else, making cramps a high likelihood.  It turns it was the latter.

Hot.

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No hotter, according to the thermometer and my preferred weather source.  It didn't cool much last night, if even that isn't unusual.  What is different is how I feel, subjectively?  Or is there something else to it.  Humidity?  Atmospheric pressure changes?  Blood sugar riding high?  I feel hot.  May just be heat exhaustion.  It can wear me out after a while.

I remembered to get trash and recycling out.  Not sure it is recycling pickup today.  But most neighbors have it out, so I gambled they were likely more correct.  Not all that full, if in part it is the point, process, than else.

I keep dreaming of being murdered.  Not predictive, at this point.  Just... the fuss writ larger.  Rough deaths, but if I must die hard, I prefer extra hard.  As with real life though, rough doesn't mean fast.  Hell, draino took eighteen hours of gut fire to kill me, even then it was pain exhaustion not physical damage, and I didn't stay dead.  So, yeah, if I go, I'll fight to live, even if it hurts like hell.

So tired.  Couldn't sleep.  Still almost can't?  Will try.  Good night. 

Remnant II: part III

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Difficult?  More a game built for coop.  Not a multiplayer thing, in the broader sense.  Made for a group of friends, or larger pool of associates, to team up.  While solo play is allowed, and sometimes doable, it really isn't a solo game.

Once you suffer enough, level certain classes, learn a few tricks to overlevel while that is still possible, it almost seems good.  Then the next major area is rough again.  At some point, unless you are an absolute masochist nerd type?  You will hit limits.

Better, but cautious.

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I was, roughly, led to believe she would be leaving this month.  Over time, it came out that it will be a month, or two.  Maybe sooner, as some may be moving.  And their apartments, if they go, are move-in ready. 

She was going to skip paying rent here, which doesn't even cover her food and extra utilities.  And thought I would still pay her rent and utilities there.  No.  I nipped that right in the bud.  Demanding rent, storage fee (it's for her stuff), and a few things she bought through amazon last month.  Oh, and nothing gets ordered, through amazon for her, without cash (or a check) up front.  Her memory is extremely selective.

Late is the hour.

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It is 14:16, as I write.  So very late.  I have been awake for an half hour, maybe an hour?  Perhaps up to an half hour more.  Can't be sure.  Reviewing tactics on some boss fights.  Reviewing new to me tunes, and some old.  Exploring other vids, eliminating the dei submissions as soon as a poc or deviants appear.  Especially where they absolutely don't belong.

Sometimes you can find something not completely intellectually, culturally, or racially smattered, or whole, shit.  Rare, but it happens.  Just... don't bother combining notions of Spartans with black African.  Or high IQ traits with exceptions (which probably don't even exist in the way suggested).  Your... taint is showing.

Not bad.

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To town, a bit of grocery shopping.  Mother did other shopping.  She bought scent dispersing devices.  One for me.  In spite of having told her a dozen dozen times that I don't use that type, or even want the toxic trash in my home.  If I want to spiffy up, odor wise, I use a soapstone and bee's wax candle essence disperser.  Whether fruit, floral, or ancient traditional essences, such as myrrh, sandalwood, frankincense, and the like. 

I went easy on her.  But had to refuse the offer.

Cold!

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Here at 10:32, it is still only up to 68 today.  I had sensed cold was on the way.  Usually my indicators, when correct, means a few days to weeks from happening.  This was almost an immediate cooling.  Of course, my prognosticators are rarely dated.  Just... not usually an immediate thing.  I was going to post about my signal, didn't get the chance.

In the house, it was 75.  After closing everything up and turning off the fans.  That doesn't sound cold, but I live nearly a mile up, and it had been 80 for the last month, as a low for indoors.  So... yes, cold.  Which is making it impossible for me to wake up!  Ugh.

On back to sleep for a bit.  Is winter early, just fall?  Or a... moment of cool?  Later.

Trying to wake.

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I can't remember when I went to bed.  Before 22:00, I think.  I slept well, warmly, and neither of my feet were hurt (further) during the night.  I did have to remove the socks at some, probably very early, hour.   And, cautiously cool the feet a few times.  I have to be careful with those operations.  To make sure I am not trying to kick or push through wrapped blankets, or that they get so cold so fast that they cramp.

Yes, protection prayers continue as well.  Because I have never been conscious when greater damage occurs, so I honestly don't know the literal cause(s).  My feet have simply become delicate, damaged things.  I take as much care as I am able.  Irreplaceable, and required for simple mobility.

She found a place.

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It sounds like she is in, or thereabouts.  Absolutely currently, they only have one place open, but it needs painted and cleaning.  So, until that is done, she won't be able to move in.  Which is fine.  I am surprised she found a place.  Oh.  She can keep Jasmine.  Oh, but several are scheduling a move out, so something may open sooner.

We had a short but pleasant conversation.  I told her, if she is pleasant on the way out, I would set her up.  Food from my pantry, her bedroom items, toiletries to start her out, that sort of thing.  No problem.

Remnant II, part II

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A whole aspect of the game I have not, and didn't before, delve into.  Is that handicapping me?  The problem is, it is exceedingly complex.  And requires backing up the game before beginning.  Or risking losing large amounts of precious and scant resources.  This game is excessively brutal with resources.

I suppose, before even starting in on that, I will need to create a backup system, or two.  I wanted to do that for another game, as well, anyway.  Before doing some experimenting there, too.  So, that is my first task.

I continue to see it.

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I continue to laugh.  Here, there, everywhere.  In China, women are lowering their standards yet remain unable to find a husband.  In the US, women can't find eligible bachelors, or even get laid if you can believe that.  In Europe, the club scene is full of forlorn human female cats, looking for free milk.  Dead, even Japan, Korea, most places. 

I have to admit, the problem, in China, wasn't necessarily their standards.  Raising a family is outrageously expensive.  The real problem is the feminization of politics and the work force.  More employees in the pool?  Lower wages.  Even high earners struggle affording a wife when men get pay cuts and still have to do twice the job, actually doing their jobs, plus the real work women don't and can't actually do.

Up, early?

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I suppose, in one sense.  It was just after seven when I woke, a quarter after as I write.  Trying to, deciding if it is time to, wake up.  On the other hand, I think I went down before 22:00?  So it was a longer sleep.  Or, at least, not an early wake in that sense.  Maybe down closer to 20:00?  Maybe.

Just one ac going up here lately.  I am up during the day.  And it is cool at night.  Today is only supposed to reach 88 out there.  It should be ten degrees cooler in here, maybe lower.  It is currently 51 outside.  I think it was supposed to get down to 46 last night, though the forecasting simply isn't accurate enough for any real certainty.  And they don't always revise according to facts on the ground, even the ones they are reporting.  It would be nice for them to just admit it's a bad guess and quit trying to suggest they know, pretty much anything.

Remnant II

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Okay, a review.  A first review.  Based on both my new start of the game, and memory of previous sessions.  I will rehash this game, as I attempt to sort it.

Complexity.  Did I mention that.  Right.  From figuring out how to make a giant crow move, by triggering something some distance away, to figuring out how to even kill some mini bosses (one can only be killed by shooting the bombs he throws at you... but he only throws those at some distance away, and those can only be shot in direct line of sight with him directly in front of you, among possibly other requirements).

Cool, almost cold.

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The weather site I use is saying it is 85, and that will be the high.  Inside is reading 78.  Fans are going, as usual.  Just one ac going upstairs and one in mom's room.  The high wool socks, plus pj bottoms, the warm winter ones, and a thicker T-shirt on.  No matter.  I am chilly.  I am at least turning the fan down.

Mother wanted to talk.  No.  I just got up.  She said she has called around, couldn't find a place.  We will talk, tomorrow.  She will go, somewhere.  I will begin looking too.  If I have to have the courts help her get somewhere, I'll do that.  She can't stay.  I'm selling as soon as I get a decent bid, for one thing.

It's been a while.

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Too much stress, health is poor, more.  A shower, finally, tonight.  Those are glorious, especially if it has been... a while.  It has been... a while.  What amazes me is how little dirt there is to scrub off.  Do I smell terrible?  I don't smell it, but who does smell themselves, good, bad, even perfumed? When I use aftershave, I can't smell it after, say, half an hour. 

So tired.  But clean.  Good night.

A new old game.

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Trying to hit Remnant II.  Am hitting it.  Not... terribly successfully.  Yes, a Souls-like.  But one which, mostly, in my estimation, doesn't cheat.  The opponents are legitimately overpowered.  But the game doesn't, otherwise, limit success through bogus mechanics.  Mostly.  I think.

Now, it will always have you underpowered.  You can't level out of it, improve your gear on the side, or any real trick, save one.  As you level your 'toon, the environment levels with it.  Gear leveling is also counted.

Again with the attempt at bullying.

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You are taking me in to town tomorrow, right.  Said in a booming aggressive voice.  Again, I told her, she needs to call around.  I won't just drive willy nilly wherever she might please.  Second, she has to pay for gas.  And, finally, she has to ask nicely.  She paid for gas, last month.  And didn't go anywhere.

Uhm, wrong.  She put twenty in the tank, was driven to the various stores often several times a week.  And a fill is eighty bucks, depending on the day.  I filled twice or so.  Two and a half times?  Trust me, I don't go to town that often.  My auto has bill will go way down.  So, no.  I didn't even bother with that, was still quite sore about her cutting her debt by $350 after having been forgiven $250.  So, no, she didn't pay for gas last month.

Up?

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I think so.  Late, though.  It is nearing 11:00.  Okay.  The foot, both of them, feel better this morning.  Though I am pretty sure I will still be limping.  On the left foot.  Ginger treatment, wearing thicker socks, and putting on shoes.  Though I still think... realizing I was under attack, and changing a few things, may have helped.

Would mother have hurt me?  I think it's possible.  But only if she believed she could completely and absolutely not get caught.  If there was even the slightest chance of getting caught, she wouldn't take the risk.  She, about some things, is not brave.  Thankfully for everyone.

Choices.

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She has come to the understanding that staying isn't an option.  Still, she thinks she will bully me into doing what she wants, when she wants, how she wants.  And she is absolutely wrong.  Currently, her intention is to have me drive her all over town.  Looking for a place?  Checking rental assistance?  Places?  Institutions?

No.  Absolutely not.  Drive with her phone.  Narrow possibilities to a few.  THEN ASK NICELY.  Pay gas.  I'm not going to be bullied into anything.  She continues this line, she'll end up negotiating her ouster with a sheriff.  I'm not putting up with even an ounce more from her.

The foot got worse.

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Just the one that was already hurting.  That after being careful with it, tending the possible causes or contributers to the problem.  The reason I think, sometimes, that the cause is a person or force?  Because it only worsens when I am asleep.  The ache never intensifies while I am awake.

Only when I am nicely tucked into bed.  Not while walking on it (them), or standing on it, or being more active.  Now, part of the reason I suggest force, as opposed to person?  Because I have things blocking the path up.  Blocking the stairs.  Not impossible to get through.  But, very difficult to replace in the order I arrange things, from the far side, once having gotten things moved to enter.

What if I don't want to leave?

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It actually started with a different question.  Asked why I don't interact with Jasmine (feed her), first?  It is her dog.  Second, when she goes, Jasmine goes, one way or the other.  Oh, she assured me, she will be taking her.  if so, I feel sorry for the dog.  It will be poorly fed and poorly treated.

Later, she asked the title question.  I just said that isn't optional.  And that we would discuss this on the third or more like fourth.  When we will see if she is paying anything this month.  If not, some immediate changes will occur, including the loss of AC in her room.  And she will be expected to be out by the first.

Better, still not good.

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The foot.  I can walk on it, almost normally.  Just not without pain.  A whince with every step, like socialism's promise of a chicken for every pot.  Only, this promise is kept.  Still, much better.  I can distract from the pain with gaming, even sleep through, the now milder but yet ever present aches.

It's not just the knuckle of the big toe.  That is merely what screams the loudest in agony at the worst of it.  Other bones, even several in the ankle, all hurt too.  As the toe joint settles, and I psychically explore the pain, taking inventory, as I try to sort it, this is what I am finding.

Awake and better.

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I woke several times through the night.  Checking on the foot.  Seeing if it still hurt, making sure it hadn't become entangled in blankets, as well, checking on the other foot.  Keeping them warm enough, too, without making them too hot.  What a lot of work, if worth it compared to the options.

Doing well, so far.  I haven't gotten literally up, out of bed, onto my feet.  So that will be the actual test.  Socks, thick wool, on and off through the night.  More and fewer blankets, as needed.  Tended, well tended, as possible.

Intense pain.

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I tried to sleep through it.  I did, a bit.  Not well, not for long.  I could feel the deep, hard, throbbing aches even while asleep.  I finally surrendered, hobbled down the stairs, into the kitchen, and found my strongest painpills.  Almost surprised the glutton hadn't consumed them all.  Most of them, but there is a dose or four remaining.  I sure hope they help. 

I have been ginger with rolling in bed, careful to not extend, twist, or kick into the mattress.  I... sometimes sleep hard.  YOU fight with demons, djinn, and else in your dreams, you'll understand.  I don't even always win, or even survive.  But I get extra playtime for giving it more than is humanly possible.  I guess. 

That left foot!

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It hurts, and worse than the right foot ever did, this time around.  Part of it may be excess fluid.  So I am hitting that pretty hard.  Too, it may be that it is cold.  You would think, in the low 80s, I could go without socks.  But, no, it seems.  Shorts and a muscle shirt are fine.  PJ bottoms are too much.  But, yes, socks. Not white gym socks, but knee high wool hunting socks.  So be it. 

As well, I am being careful when sleeping.  I still wonder if someone or something twists that in my deeper sleep.  I had a pile of neatly stacked boxes tumble over the other night, up here.  I am certain that stack was stable.  And, I have heard scurrying, but with light on the area and an immediate search, absolutely nothing was found or seen.  And the sound continued while I searched... visually.  Wasn't willing to put my hand down near the sounds.

Not going to play.

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The Lies of P, without updating it anyway, isn't worth playing.  Now, both of my characters are stuck.  Getting good isn't possible.  Leveling more is... impractical in the amount of time to level even once, with the exp from available opponents.  It would take, my strength build, an hour for a level or two of mindless grinding.  Three or four levels for my dex build.

I have tried the bosses, continuously.  Hitting them five to ten times before going back to attempt more leveling.  I have tried blind blocking, studied blocking, just beating the things and dodging.  No way through.

A cool day?

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Depends on how you see things.  Compared to the relatively hot summer days so far?  Sure.  It is reported to get to 89 as a high, out there, today.  At one time, that was brutal to me.  With the weight and size off, even the mid 90s and low 100s are okay, for a bit.  This temp, if that turns out to be fact, is almost pleasant.

Just gaming today.  As usual.  I haven't made coffee today, and may not.  I also may not eat.  I simply don't need food, not daily.  I like it, some days, most days.  I enjoy it.  Usually.  I simply don't need it.  It is good to go without.  As with feasting, I offer my fasting up to God.  In gratitude for the plenty I have.  I just can't pay another's way, less so the ungrateful.

Lies of P: part two

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I keep trying to sort this game.  Having realized how much better a dex weapon was, and being inextricably stuck with that first 'toon, I started a second, this time dex, build.  It... was doing better.  Until a certain boss.

I wasn't needing to hyper level, if I did some of that.  And, all leveling mats are being used for the better weapon.  I made it through a boss and three mini bosses (often harder than actual bosses, if the fights are shorter (if you can win) and sometimes optional.

Almost.

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My right foot, the knuckle belonging to the big toe, again, began to hurt.  About two weeks ago.  So... I have been very careful with it.  Not putting too much pressure on it, keeping walking to a minimum, babying it.  And it has nearly worked.  The pain is down to a softer ache, rarely registering above the other, mostly currently, and also background, pains.

Further, I was being extra careful to not have the pain get into the other foot.  How can you be cautious when you aren't certain of the cause(s)?  Trust me, I could be, and it was working.  However, just as my right foot big toe knuckle is nearly healed, the left said knuckle has gone full retarded and hurts just as bad as the right had been.  More care going forward.  And, at least, it wasn't both at the same time.  Or so far, or to this point.

She knows.

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Not certain if she fully understands, believes.  Further, she is attempting to own the notion.  Threatening to move out?  Okay.  She suggests she'll be out this month.  No, I wouldn't mind.  I won't buy more groceries, and will eat my food until she is gone.  No more buying as a general rule. 

She told me she is joining the mormon church.  I... thought she had.  Her nicotine and caffeine habits are going to... be a problem.  Not my problem.  I doubt if she will be taking Jasmine.  That or back to the pound.  She can't have the cats, especially after beating the kitten nearly to neurological retardation.  The kitten is doing better, but is terribly afraid at times, and still has twitches.

The lies of P

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Here is an honest review.

A recent game purchase.  On disc.  No updates.  Without updates there is only the regular play mode.  Which... is very difficult?  I have read that, if updated, you can choose from three difficulty levels, the other two easier than the one I am playing.

Sleep can be exquisite.

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Tonight was one of those.  Awake.  But maybe back to sleep?

Having the room 75, even down to 68 if it gets cooler outside, has helped.  Well, and while I haven't spoken with mother, the... decision has been made.  The future beyond that is murky, muddy, messy, and uncertain.  But probably involves emptying, packing, and moving a long way away.

I would like to think there is a woman in that future.  But the truth, as every man knows, is that women are nothing but trouble.  Liars, thieves, in it for themselves.  I'm not convinced I could afford, this way or that, a woman... here or there.

Several folk have suggested...

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that, while kicking back, of an evening, afternoon, morning... when they had a moment and no immediate demands... while reflecting on things... just how much they have been through, suffered, survived.  How well they made it through all these things.  So... I gave it a shot.  Yes, I am different.

Oh, no... I saw what they saw.  How many graves I have literally clambered out from, how many wounds of all sorts and natures I have endured.  How much stress, hatred, and else I have had to contend, defend against, often just suffering through with no means of immediate mitigation.

How strange is THAT!?!

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It is down to 77, downstairs here.  The windows, upstairs and down, are open.  Fans are going hard and heavy, but I am about to give the ones down here a few hours off.  At 77, the coolest it has been in a week, or three, it feels downright chilly!  Sounds crazy, but it is true.  Just dropped to 76... 

And, having slept with the temperature at 73 upstairs, in my zone even, I had finally cooled off, generally.  At this altitude, 73 often feels chilly, especially when wearing summer weight clothing.  Two blankets were needed, if happily.

Very nice.

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With me up here, both AC's running, if on a more moderately warm day, it is 73 up here.  I don't believe it made it to 90?   Perfect sleeping temp.  I did end up using a thin and thick cotton blanket for that perfect sleep.  And sleep was very good, if short.  I even dreamed. 

In one, South American cartel bosses, a few of them, found out I could fly.  If being, mostly, kept secret, even within their organizations, they had tracked me, learned who my family is, and presented me with an offer not designed to be refused.